


Take This Heart

by BookwormBaby2580



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-09
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-07 04:24:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 111
Words: 380,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/426884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookwormBaby2580/pseuds/BookwormBaby2580
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bella's life is a constant choice between bad and worse until she moves to Forks and meets the one man who can ease her burdens. But trust doesn't always come easily, especially when life has taught you that you're safer on your own.</p><p>Banner by IllicitWriter</p><h1>
<a href="http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png"></a>
  <img/></h1>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bad Moon Rising

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning: this story is not all happy fluff. There's plenty of happy fluff in it, but there's also some very disturbing violence. Physical and emotional abuse are a big part of this story, and at times it gets pretty graphic. My heart goes out to anyone who has ever suffered abuse, because I know reminders can be hard to take. You know what your triggers are, and you know whether you can handle reading a fic like this, so this is the only warning I'll give to that effect.
> 
> I will say, however, that more than one person who has a history of abuse has found value in Bella's journey the way it is presented here. I love that, and if you feel like you can handle the graphic scenes, I invite you to come along. "[F]iction is fact, distilled into truth." (Edward Albee) That's why it matters. Shared experiences, whether painful or pleasurable, bind the human race together and make us stronger.
> 
> And finally, a note on the size of the story. Yes, it really is 111 chapters, and almost 430,000 words. That's roughly the equivalent of reading the first three Twilight books, plus most of Bree Tanner. I honestly have no idea how it got that long. Who knew I was even capable of writing so much? So yeah, it's daunting, and there are people who have chosen not to read based on size alone. I understand that. It is broken up into short, manageable chapters, though, which makes it an easier read, and I hope that helps.
> 
> If you've read all this and still decide you want to read this little (ha!) twiddle, I hope you enjoy it! I sure enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, but Carlisle Cullen owns me.

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Isabella Swan.

I sat in my study, staring at the paintings that adorned the walls without really seeing them. My mind was on the police chief's daughter, and on Edward–my son, my friend, and my first real companion in this life. I was worried.

I had heard from the very active local grapevine that Charlie Swan's daughter would be moving in with him. That wasn't surprising; few people in town hadn't heard. I had found myself contemplating whether it would really be a healthy situation for the chief or for his daughter. I knew nothing of her, of course, but I was quite familiar with Charlie. He was a reclusive man, rough in manner and somewhat short-tempered. He was effective in his position on the police force, but he had seen a life of violence both as a child, and now as an adult working in law enforcement. My mind had briefly flitted across contemplations on the cycle of abuse, a thought that seemed almost ironic to me now.

Ironic, because I had worried for the safety of the girl. I should have been worried about the damage she could do to my family.

Isabella Swan. No more than a child, but hazardous, nonetheless.

A few days ago, Edward had come home more distraught than I had seen him in decades, bringing the tale of the new girl in school and her compelling scent. Though I had never experienced it myself, I had often heard tales of the rare but extraordinary chemical reaction that a member of our species occasionally had to a seemingly-random human's scent. Even my own Emmett had experienced the phenomenon twice. Edward had been convinced that if he had to face the girl again, he would not be able to resist killing her.

He had fled, taking Esme with him, and leaving me feeling wrong-footed. It had been a very long time since I had been without his company, and I didn't care for it. I loved my other children more than words could ever express, but no one else would ever know me like Edward did, and no one else would ever understand how it unnerved me to be without the one man who could truly know my mind. Even I, fond as I was of him, hadn't realized how much I had come to depend on his understanding until he was not there to give it.

And Esme. Daughter, partner, friend, and confidant. Esme had been with me nearly as long as Edward. My success with his change had made me brave, and when I came across the exquisitely beautiful Esme, so near death, I decided to try again. I never would have voiced the secret hope I carried within me, that this lovely creature might be a partner to me. For several days, while Edward was away on a short trip, I tenderly schooled the loving, empathetic woman in the peculiar beliefs of our small coven, and I was pleased when she took to them quickly. My hope grew.

And then Edward returned, and my newfound sense of comfort and family slipped away from me.

The moment the two of them saw one another, the world moved for them. Of course I tried not to begrudge my dearest friend and this new, gentle woman the happiness that they had found with one another, but the feeling of belonging I had cherished so much with Edward could never be completely reestablished. It was even harder knowing that he was witness to every moment of my bitterness and anger, feelings that I never would have allowed him to see had I been at liberty to hide them.

We never spoke of my feelings. Edward tried once to apologize for the way things had happened, but I wouldn't hear it. He had done nothing wrong, and given the option he would not have cultivated anything more than a friendship with Esme. Sometimes, for our kind, there simply wasn't a choice.

I was long over the bitterness now, though, and felt only love for Edward and Esme. Given Esme's apparent age, she often posed as my wife in public, which resulted in a friendship nearly as intimate as the one I enjoyed with Edward.

When the two of them left, they removed my strongest supports, and I felt unstable without them.

I was relieved when Edward called me to tell me that they were coming home. Enough that I did not advise them to stay in Alaska with our cousins, though perhaps I should have. As I pondered the situation now, I wondered if my selfishness in the matter would cause problems for us. Esme had suggested that Edward cultivate a friendship with the Swan girl, in the hopes that a fondness for her would strengthen his resolve not to harm her. It was exactly the method I had used to convince each of my children to eschew the natural diet of our kind. I urged them to hang onto their humanity, and think of humans not as prey, but as family, friends, and neighbors.

It was effective, and Esme had high hopes for Edward's self-control.

I hoped my own reservations wouldn't weaken his resolve. If only I could hide them from him, and let him believe I had nothing but confidence in him. If only I could really have such confidence, the way Esme did. My son had never accidentally killed, had never tasted human blood without deliberately choosing to do so. But would dangling such exquisite temptation in front of him, day after day, really be wise?

Was there a way to warn the police chief of the danger to his daughter without endangering my own family?

And so I sat, alone in my study, searching for ways to avert disaster.


	2. Hot 'N Cold

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

There was something very strange about the Cullen family. Particularly Edward. Jessica had shared the gossip with me, of course, but it wasn't just that. They were . . . _something else_.

Logically speaking, if they weren't really all related, how did they all end up with that same unstable eye color? And how did they all somehow inherit albinism? Because I'm sorry, skin that pale just didn't occur very often. I simply wasn't buying the adoption story. They were all related, though exactly _how_ they were connected was something of a mystery.

Unless, of course, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen adopted their children _because_ they shared the same traits. Was there a disorder that all of them had that would give them ghostly-white skin and eyes that shifted from black to gold and back again? Could the doctor have been drawn to his wife because they both shared the disorder? Could they have decided to adopt kids that carried the same malady?

That sounded possible. And who knows? Maybe it was the same disorder that caused Edward Cullen to be so completely _insane_. Maybe it was a disease that affected the brain.

My first day at Forks High School, I thought Edward was going to kill me. I had no idea what I had done to earn such animosity from him, and it was like a kick to the stomach to be hated so fiercely for no apparent reason. He had left me so miserable that I couldn't stop shaking the rest of the day, and if that hadn't been bad enough, after that he simply disappeared. He was gone for days, and now suddenly he was back, acting like nothing had passed between us at all.

When I walked into class today, he simply apologized for not having had the chance to introduce himself previously–as though I might have forgotten what had actually happened–and then started asking one question after another. He seemed . . . wonderful, actually. Friendly and sweet. Nothing like the angry person who had looked daggers at me the last time he had been here.

I frowned as he asked me why I had moved to Forks, making up my mind to let bygones be bygones. We all had bad days, right? Maybe somebody had run over his puppy.

"My mom got remarried," I told him, answering his question.

"And you don't like him?"

"Not particularly, no," I said, more sharply than I had intended to.

Edward raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"No need to apologize. Why don't you like him?"

I sighed. "He messed everything up," I said, trying not to sound too bitter. "Mom and I were doing fine on our own. Better than we ever did with a man around."

His eyebrow raised again. "Not a fan of men, then?"

"Not the ones who marry my mother."

"She has bad taste?"

"You could say that." I was beyond ready to change the subject.

"But you never actually told me what it is you didn't like about him," Edward pointed out. He seemed very amused.

"No I didn't." I hoped my glare made it clear that I didn't intend to. I could forgive him and all, but there were just some things we didn't need to discuss.

"Alright." He let it go. "So how do you like Forks so far?"

I sighed to myself, wishing I could lie convincingly. "It hasn't been too bad yet."

"Are you expecting it to be?"

I drummed my fingers on the table. "Yeah. Kind of."

"Why?"

"Because every time I've been here before, it has been."

"You've lived here before?"

"For a couple of years as a baby and for a month every summer since then."

"Custody arrangement with your parents?" he guessed.

I gave him a nod, pressing my lips into a thin line. "It's the way the modern American family works."

He smiled that sexy, crooked grin of his, and I wondered why the students here didn't warm to him more easily.

Oh right. Because he was crazy.

"What about you?" I asked. "You've only been here a couple of years, right? How do you like Forks?"

"I like it very much," he smiled. "But then, I suppose I don't have high standards. I'm generally happy to be wherever my family is."

His words sent a little stab of pain through my heart. "Must be nice," I mumbled.

"Not close to your family?"

How did he turn this around on me again? "Not really. What do you guys do for fun around here?"

He smiled sheepishly. "I'm embarrassed to say I don't really know. My family and I, we do a lot of hiking, some occasional hunting. But we don't really . . . _hang out_ with the other students much."

Outsiders. That was something I understood at least. "What do you hunt?"

He shrugged, glancing away. "The usual. Deer, elk. The occasional moose."

"Are you any good at it?"

He turned his golden eyes back to me, looking amused. "We're _very_ good at it."

His smile brought one of my own. "If you do say so yourself. . . ."

"Well, yes." He smirked.

I tried to come up with a new question to keep the focus off of me, but he got there first.

"So, did you have a boyfriend in Phoenix?" he asked.

I looked away quickly. This was another subject I didn't want to talk about. "No."

He raised that inquisitive eyebrow again. "Girlfriend?"

"No. What about you, are you seeing anyone?"

"I . . . am, yes," he said hesitantly.

"You seem a little reluctant to admit that."

He dropped his eyes, giving a little self-effacing grin. "I suppose I'm a little bit private about my relationship."

I glanced around the room. "Would I have met her yet?"

"She, uh," he gave me a lopsided smile, "she doesn't go to school here."

"Oh. La Push?"

He shook his head. "No, she's . . . already graduated."

"Ooh, an older woman," I teased. "Very hot."

"Well, yes." He laughed softly, looking bashful. "She's the most beautiful woman I've ever met."

"Oh my gosh, you're adorable," I grinned, making him laugh in response.

"Why, thank you." He fixed me with a speculative look.

"What?" I asked, wondering if I had made him uncomfortable. I didn't want him to think I was coming on to him or anything.

"I find you very difficult to read," he murmured.

I looked down, trying to avoid his scrutiny. "There are more interesting things to read."

"Like that?" he nodded toward my tattered copy of _Pride and Prejudice_.

"Sure," I shrugged. "Just about anything, really."

"You don't think you're interesting?"

How did we end up talking about me again? "Comparatively speaking, not really."

"Are you comparing yourself to late eighteenth century literature? Or to the people around you?"

"Take your pick."

"Well," he said with an irresistible little smile, "I'd rather talk to you than your friend Mike Newton over there. And I'd rather talk to you than read Jane Austen novels. So far, I think you're comparing rather well."

I felt myself blushing. "That's very flattering," I said, trying to sound casual.

"Speaking of Mike Newton," he smiled suggestively, "is there someone you're interested in these days?"

I shook my head quickly.

"Why not?" he asked, leaning toward me.

"No particular reason. I'm just not."

"Small town guys aren't really your type?"

I licked my lips nervously. "Nobody's really my type."

He raised that curious eyebrow of his again. "Never been in love?"

I blushed again and shook my head, staring at my hands.

"Why not?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I've never really . . . related well to people, I guess."

"Well, Bella Swan," he said with a smile, "maybe you've just never met anyone quite special enough."


	3. The Only Exception

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

When I arrived home from work after Edward's first day back at school, he was standing on the front porch looking disturbed. Perhaps it was paranoia, but I immediately started wondering how much damage control would be needed.

Edward raised an eyebrow, a sardonic smile coming to his face. "Don't you have any faith in me?" he asked as I climbed out of my car.

I sighed in relief. "What's wrong?" I asked him, striding up to the porch and leaning my shoulder against the wall near him. He automatically adjusted so he was leaning as well, taking a habitually-human pose in response to my own. I wondered if he was aware that he did it. I tended to strike such poses without giving them any thought at all, and Edward was the only one of my children who would shift his stance to match mine when we were at home.

"I can't hear her," he said, pushing his hands into his pockets.

I furrowed my brow. _For whom are we listening?_ I asked silently, wondering if there was some sort of danger. I could detect no unusual sounds in the woods surrounding the house. Edward didn't seem to be on the alert for anything, but his words made me uneasy.

"Bella Swan. I've spent the day listening for her thoughts. She's silent."

"Did you hear her before you left for Alaska?"

"I was too busy planning ways to kill her to notice," he admitted.

I frowned. "That's inconvenient. Being unable to read her intentions will make it more difficult for you to step carefully in her presence."

"Why, though? Why can't I hear her?"

I puzzled over it for a moment. "Have you ever come across anyone else you couldn't hear?"

"Not to my recollection," he said, and I couldn't help but smile a little and his choice of phrases. His recollection, of course, was perfect. It was simply a human way of phrasing things, and I was pleased he did it so naturally.

"Anyone you've had difficulty reading?"

"No one who wasn't intentionally trying to keep me out," he said with a pointed look.

My smile widened a little. I had been guilty of doing that on occasion, particularly when I had been struggling over my feelings about his mating with Esme. "I assume you can detect no distracting counter-measures from her, then?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. It's as though she has no thoughts at all."

I brushed my thumb over my lip thoughtfully, a fidget I had picked up from a former colleague and added to my repertoire when a patient of mine had told me I tended to go very still when I was concentrating. "Perhaps her mind works differently than the majority of the population," I suggested. "Or perhaps she thinks simultaneously with her speech, so her mental voice is obscured. Does she seem careless or excessively talkative?"

He shook his head. "On the contrary, she seems very careful about what she allows to be spoken aloud. And it's not only conversation. I see no visual thoughts from her either."

"Interesting," I murmured. "Have you noticed any other abnormalities?"

"She's excessively clumsy."

I jerked my head up to meet his gaze. _Clumsy?_ My mind ran quickly over my speculations about the police chief's violent past and the likelihood of him continuing the cycle. _Could she merely be passing off injuries as accidents?_

Edward chuckled softly. "I doubt it, Carlisle. The girl has a talent for finding things to trip over or bump into. After a day of observing her through the minds of our classmates, I wonder if she doesn't have some sort of disconnect between her brain and her limbs. I suspect any injuries she sustains are merely the result of extremely poor muscle memory."

I nodded, putting my suspicions to rest and feeling guilty for having had them in the first place. I liked Charlie Swan. On the occasions that I had worked with him I had appreciated his honesty and thoroughness.

"You don't have to feel bad for thinking that way, Carlisle," Edward said drolly. "You're a doctor. It's part of your job to look for hints like that."

I answered him silently, for the sake of the police chief's privacy. _If my worries came from suspect injuries, you would have a point. As it is, I'm judging the man simply because of abuse that was inflicted upon him when he was a child. It's hardly fair._

Edward nodded, conceding my point, before turning his attention to the cloudy sky. "It's unnerving Carlisle," he said, and I didn't need his mind-reading ability to know he was thinking of the Swan girl's mental silence again. "And peaceful. It's nice, not having to hear her think about how strange I am. If I didn't know better, I would almost think she didn't find our family repellant." He smiled wistfully for a moment, but then frowned at the direction my thoughts took.

"Honestly, Carlisle, when are you going to stop beating yourself up for saving my life? Sure, it's an unconventional way to live, but it's pleasant enough. You didn't 'doom' me to anything."

 _It's a lonely existence,_ I thought, a hint of melancholy slipping through.

He bowed his head in regret. "Not for all of us."

Of course. Those who mated would obviously have the sting of loneliness eased. In more than three hundred years, I had never had the pleasure of finding a match for my soul, so naturally I would feel the isolation from society more deeply than my companions.

"A match for you would be a rare creature indeed," Edward said softly.

I gave him a wan smile. _Thank God for you, Edward. If not for your friendship, I think I'd go mad._

He nodded to acknowledge my thoughts, a small smile on his lips. "I'm hunting again tonight," he said, most likely changing the topic of conversation to ease my discomfort. "You look like you could use a run."

I returned his smile. "Yes, I'm due for a feeding. I'll join you."


	4. Father Figure

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

Charlie was in a bad mood when he got home that night. I hurried to finish the salad I was making and got dinner on the table as quickly as I could. The last thing I needed was a repeat of last night.

Charlie came in and sat at the table, looking over the food. "This looks good, Bells," he grunted.

I gave a little sigh of relief. "Thanks."

We ate silently, for a few minutes, and then he spoke up again. "Look, Bella, about last night," he started, staring at his plate.

I ducked my head, picking at my food.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to get so angry. It was just a rough day."

"No, it's fine," I said quickly.

"No, I–" he broke off. "I wanted to make it up to you. So I . . . got you something." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. "It's not new, but it runs well, and it's solid."

I stared at the keys. "You got me a car?"

"Well, a truck," he said. "I bought it off of Billy Black."

I stared at the keys, opening and closing my mouth like a fish out of water. "I , um . . . thanks."

He sighed softly. "I love you, kiddo," he said. "I missed having you here. I want this to work."

I swallowed back a lump in my throat. "Yeah, me too." I couldn't quite meet his gaze. I knew he meant it, and so did I, but I had heard words like that before.

Of course, he had never bought me a truck before.

I used to hope things would change. Every year, before coming out for my summer visit, I would make up these fantasies about everything being okay between Charlie and me. But after a while even little kids have to grow up and face the truth. Things never changed. There were always bad days, and I always paid the price for them.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you," Charlie said gruffly.

"It's okay," I mumbled, wishing he wouldn't apologize. I never knew how to handle it when he apologized. But maybe things would be different now. Maybe giving me this gift was him telling me he wanted something new.

I hoped it was. I ached for a little bit of peace.

We were silent the rest of the meal and Charlie went into the den to watch TV while I did the dishes. I didn't like dishes. I didn't care about the chore, exactly, it was just that it left my mind too free to wander. My mind wandering was never a good idea these days, because invariably it settled on—

_This is a non-stick pan. Scrub it with a plastic brush._

I tried to focus my energies on getting the pan clean and undamaged, but it just wasn't enough.

_Pretty little thing._

The words rose unbidden to my mind, and I shuddered.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_One._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Two._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Three._

_I scrubbed the last of the dishes vigorously while I counted._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Four._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Five._

_Out of dishes now, I pulled out a towel and started drying them._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Six._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine ten._

_Seven._

_One, two, three, four, five six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Eight._

I heard Charlie say something, but I couldn't answer him. I wasn't finished.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Nine._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Ten._

"Bella!" he snapped, and I spun around and moved to the doorway between the kitchen and the den.

"Yeah?" I said timidly.

"Do you think you could get me a damn beer?"

I nodded quickly and moved back to the refrigerator. I got him a beer and opened it for him before carrying it in to him. He took it with a grunt and turned back to his game.

I hurried back into the kitchen and finished drying the dishes, then fled upstairs to my room. I did my homework, but there wasn't enough of it. There was never enough of it. In Phoenix I had advanced placement classes available, but Forks High School didn't have the budget for it. They were all just standard classes, offering me no challenge. The work was too easy and too quick, and then I was alone with my thoughts again.

_Pretty little thing._

"No," I moaned softly, huddling into a ball on my bed.

_You're a pretty little thing, Bella._

"No, stop," I whispered.

But he didn't stop. I could feel his hands pushing under my shirt, and I could smell the alcohol heavy on his breath.

_Be a good girl._

I jolted off my bed and grabbed my mp3 player, putting my headphones on and turning it up as loud as it would go. I blasted the music, focusing on the rhythms and the lyrics and shutting out that voice.


	5. Collide

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I was reviewing a patient's medical chart the following morning, enjoying the variation in the scents around me that had blown in with the frost the night before, when I heard a distressed voice from the reception area.

"There was an accident at the high school. They're bringing in two injured students . . . Tyler Crowley and Isabella Swan."

I froze.

_Edward._

Had he overestimated his abilities to withstand the girl's scent? Had he lost control for the brief moment that it would take to kill the child and expose us all? Or perhaps we weren't exposed, if it was being reported as an accident. Still, the little girl . . . what a terrible loss. And it seemed the Crowley boy might become a casualty as well. I braced myself for the worst and prepared to care for the children being brought in.

Before I was called to assist, however, Edward came to find me. "I'm alright," he announced for the benefit of the people around us. "Don't let them worry you with rumors." He gave a lopsided smile and grabbed me in a hug, leaning in to place his lips near my ear. He took but a couple of seconds to describe to me the accident that had occurred in the school parking lot, and his intervention that prevented the Swan girl from being killed.

"I'm sorry," he breathed, "but I had to do something. If her blood had been spilled. . . ." He pulled away, and the look of distress on his face told me just how hard he would take it if his control did, indeed, slip.

 _You did well,_  I thought.  _And it's fortunate for us that she has a head injury. It should be quite easy to convince her father and any spectators that she doesn't remember the incident clearly._

He gave me a minuscule nod, and I replaced the chart I had been reading.

"She's sticking to the story," Edward murmured softly, and I listened, picking out the conversation he had his ear trained on. The Swan girl was telling the Crowley boy that Edward had been standing next to her, and had pulled her out of the way of the collision. The boy mentioned that he hadn't seen Edward, but assumed he must have been mistaken. It was a shame the chief's daughter wasn't so easily convinced.

"I expect they'll take her for X-rays soon," I said. "Why don't you try to stay close to her, in case she tires of giving misinformation?"

He nodded and strode away, whistling nonchalantly.

I listened intently as I went about my work, impatient to be called upon to assist Edward's classmates. Both of them were taken for X-rays and then left to wait in the Emergency Room. I could hear the boy's steady stream of apologies, but the Swan girl wasn't answering, and I worried about the head injury. Was it making her unresponsive? I finally stopped waiting for the call and retrieved her X-ray myself.

 _Edward,_ I thought, to catch his attention.  _It looks as though Miss Swan has nothing more than a mild concussion. I'm on my way to discuss it with her now._

I heard Edward ask if the girl was sleeping and exchange pleasantries with the young man, then heard the Swan girl complain that she wasn't being released. Edward was casual and charming, a masterful liar. I moved into the room where she was, still examining the X-ray absently, and glanced up at her.

For a moment so brief only Edward could notice it, I froze. The girl was . . . stunning. She was absolutely everything a woman was intended to be, and in that tiny fraction of a second, I felt my stone heart shift in my chest. I, an unchangeable being, had been fundamentally altered with just one look at the exquisite creature in front of me.

Edward's eyes widened at my thoughts. He was just as shocked as I was.

"So, Miss Swan," I smiled casually, as though the entire world hadn't just changed its course, "how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she said, sounding harassed. I imagine she had probably answered that question more than a dozen times this morning.

"Is it possible?" Edward's whisper was so faint that the two humans with us wouldn't be able to hear it. "Have you ever heard of one of our kind mating with a human?"

I gave an imperceptible shake of my head as I unnecessarily placed Isabella Swan's X-ray on the lightboard. I took a moment to gather my scattered faculties.

"Your X-rays look good," I said, turning back to the girl and moving to her side. It was all I could do not to take her in my arms and breathe in her delicious scent. But I had to be professional. "Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it pretty hard."

"It's fine," she sighed, scowling at Edward.

I was, irrationally, bothered that her attention was on him instead of me, and Edward laughed silently at my petty jealousy. I ignored him and used Isabella's head injury to my full advantage. I laced my fingers through her silky brown hair, starting far from the heat of the actual injury and probing gently along her scalp until I reached the bruised spot that made her wince.

"Tender?" I asked her, basking in the warmth that emanated from her smooth skin.

"Not really."

Her denial saddened me. I wanted her to let me comfort her and ease her pain. I had visions of taking her into my arms while she wept onto my shoulder, working out her fears.

Edward's patronizing chuckle was audible to human ears this time, and Isabella narrowed her eyes at him, assuming it was directed at her.

It was time to end this before I lost control of myself. "Well, your father is in the waiting room," I told her. "You can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all." It was thoroughly improper for a physician to hope that his patient suffered from vertigo and vision loss. Nevertheless, I hoped.

Despite her previous impatience, she seemed less than eager to be discharged now. "Can't I go back to school?" Her heart rate picked up, and there was a tension behind her eyes.

I frowned, wondering vaguely why she would prefer to school to home. Weren't children in the habit of faking illnesses to avoid school? "Maybe you should take it easy today," I advised her.

Her attention, frustratingly, returned to Edward. "Does  _he_  get to go to school?"

He smirked. "Someone has to spread the good news that we survived."

But I doubted that the high school would be very well attended today, judging by the babble of voices just inside the front doors of the hospital. "Actually, most of the school seems to be in the waiting room."

Isabella buried her face in her hands. "Oh no," she moaned.

"Do you want to stay?" I asked, trying not to sound too hopeful. But though my voice may not have betrayed my feelings, my thoughts certainly did.

"And what would you do with her all day?" Edward teased me, his voice once again inaudible to the humans in the room.

It didn't matter. Isabella vehemently rejected my suggestion and hurriedly hopped down from the bed. She staggered, and my hands shot out, catching her before she could fall and pulling her close to me, drawing in more of her intoxicating scent.

"I told you," Edward whispered softly. "The girl is a hazard on two legs. I doubt she's managed to go a day without falling her entire life."

I ignored him as Isabella assured me that she was fine. I steadied her, careful not to grip her arms too tightly. I was used to holding back my strength with humans, of course, but this girl seemed particularly delicate. It didn't help that she was so small and thin, or that her tiny frame was so prone to accidents. I worried for her.

"Take some Tylenol for the pain," I said softly, wishing she would allow me to do more than advise her on over-the-counter medications.

"It doesn't hurt that bad," she mumbled.

After making sure she was steady on her feet, I released her. Clearly she was in a hurry to leave. Of course, she would be unnerved being this close to Edward and me. Her natural instincts would be telling her to flee. That thought left a dull ache in my chest.

I stepped back, giving her space to make her comfortable, and picked up her chart. "It sounds like you were extremely lucky," I said as I signed it. I found it surprisingly difficult to keep myself from moving near her again, closer to her warmth and her scent.

"Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me," she said, shooting a glare at my son.

"Oh, well, yes." I flipped through her chart, not meeting her gaze. To Edward, I added,  _The girl is perceptive. You'll have a difficult time convincing her that nothing supernatural happened today._

It didn't take long at all for her to start demanding answers from him. As soon as I turned my attention to Tyler, Isabella was requesting that Edward step into the hall to speak with her. I listened as they argued quietly outside the door, Edward stubbornly refusing to validate her suspicions.

I didn't envy my son. The girl was difficult to dissuade, and I couldn't help the admiration that was growing in my chest. There was clearly more to delicate little Isabella Swan than one might assume.


	6. Crazy

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

Something was  _up_  with Edward Cullen. Something huge. And I couldn't even think about it because every time I thought the name "Cullen," my mind filled with images of his father.

Good  _l_ _ord_ , Dr. Carlisle Cullen was a beautiful man. If I hadn't been sitting down when he walked into the room, I probably would have fallen over. As it was, I barely kept myself on the bed, and I did  _not_  manage to keep my jaw from falling open.

And,  _oh_  . . . the way he smelled. It was like cedar with just a hint of cloves, and his scent had absolutely overtaken my senses. I couldn't get it out of my head, nor could I forget the way my body seemed to wake up when he touched me with those cool hands of his. I had always heard people complain about being touched by a doctor's cold hands, but I couldn't understand why. There was absolutely nothing better in the world than the stroke of Dr. Cullen's fingertips along my scalp.

Well, except for the way he held me when I lost my balance. That might have been the most perfect moment of my life so far, being drawn in close to his body, surrounded by his delicious scent, gazing up into his flawless face.

Ugh–no! I was supposed to be thinking about Edward!

Edward had quickly become one of my favorite people at Forks High School, after our conversation in Biology. For some reason, he had apparently decided that I was worthy of his attention while paying very little heed to the other students in the school.

And he was gorgeous. Not as flawless as his father, perhaps, with that honey-colored hair that matched his golden eyes so beautifully. . . .

No! Edward!

 _Edward_  Cullen was quite attractive, so it was flattering that he would pay such close attention to me. I still wondered why he did it. He had seemed satisfied, even blissful, when he talked about his girlfriend, so it was unlikely that he was interested in me romantically. Maybe he was simply trying to make up for that first day. But even at the hospital, where I had met Dr. Cullen and had felt his cool fingers threading through my hair–

_Stop it, Bella! Focus!_

While at the hospital, even as Edward had stubbornly refused to answer my questions, he had been warm and friendly to me while completely ignoring the other students.

And that brought me back to the big question. I knew that Edward hadn't been close to me when Tyler's van skidded out of control. I had seen exactly where he was, because I had been considering approaching him to say hello. So that meant he was either incredibly, superhumanly fast, or he had some–once again, superhuman–ability to manipulate space and time.

Yeah. Right.

Next, he had literally blocked the van with his hands, causing damage to the  _van_ , and then held it up long enough to keep it from crushing me. Which meant he was Hulk strong, and oh yeah, made entirely of Adamantium.

I mean, come on. Even Wolverine would end up with a few cuts and bruises if he got hit by a car, right? Something that would, conveniently, heal right away?

But not Edward. Edward Cullen, son of the godlike Dr. Carlisle Cullen with his long, tapered fingers that I just wanted to suck. . . .

Damn it! Edward!

Edward Cullen hadn't gotten a scratch. So what did that mean?

I was drawing a blank. Speed, strength, indestructibility . . . Was Edward Cullen, perhaps, an orphan from the planet Krypton? Was that why his eyes and skin were so unusual? Could the whole family be refugees from the pages of a comic book?

_Ha. Not likely._

But then, what I had seen Edward do wasn't terribly likely either. So. What choice did I have but to believe in the supernatural?

Of course, for Dr. Cullen, I would believe anything. If he whispered in my ear that his whole family had been bitten by radioactive spiders, I'd have purred a response and run my fingers through those gorgeous locks. Mmm, and while I was there I might take the liberty of tasting his skin, flicking out my tongue to caress his earlobe before drawing it into my mouth.

 _Is it sick to fantasize about your classmate's father? It is, right? I mean . . . an older man. . . ._  I had been with older men before, of course. In fact, most of the men I had been with were at least a handful of years older than me. But somehow, it didn't seem so bad when it was Dr. Cullen who was running his fingers through my hair. He was wiser, more experienced, but it was more than that. Of everything, what got me about Dr. Cullen was how perfectly composed he was. He didn't seem like a man to let his emotions get the better of him. He didn't seem like someone who would lose his temper and leave bruises and welts, or like someone who would creep into your room. . . .

_Pretty little thing._

_No!_  I shoved the voice from my mind, refusing to let it taint my thoughts of Dr. Cullen. He was above that. He would never hurt anyone that way.

Right? I mean, there were men out there who didn't hurt their daughters or their step-daughters. Weren't there?

Were there any Brady Bunch families left in the world? Were there fathers like Mike Brady who disciplined with stern words, rather than pummeling fists? Were there girls who didn't plan the clothes they put on each morning around the bruises they had to cover?

They had to exist, and Carlisle Cullen had to be one of them. He just had to be. I couldn't live in a world where that beautiful man hid a monster behind his mask.


	7. I Will Follow You Into the Dark

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Edward was waiting for me on the porch again that night, already in a strikingly human pose. He was sitting on the railing, leaning back against a post with one leg swinging casually. He grinned at me as I drove up.

 _Please tell me you haven't been spreading gossip around to the family?_  I thought, praying he had kept my day's excitement to himself. Edward tended to allow people their privacy, but with an event this significant I didn't know if he would have shared it with everyone else.

He shook his head.

 _No one knows?_  I asked hopefully.

He grinned and pointed upwards. I glanced toward the second floor of the house, not at all surprised to hear Alice singing to herself and dancing around her room. She sounded giddy, and I sighed. Alice was far less discreet than Edward.

 _Has she told anyone?_  I asked as I parked the car and got out.

Edward shook his head, still grinning.

I got out of the car, not surprised that Alice had joined Edward on the porch by the time I closed the car door.

"Carlisle, I'm so happy for you!" she squealed, darting across the short distance between us and throwing herself into my arms.

The rest of the family joined us on the porch, eyeing Alice and me curiously.

"What's she all worked up about?" Emmett asked, absently stroking Rosalie's hair.

I shook my head, suppressing exasperation. "Nothing worth speaking of."

Alice gasped and stepped back. "Nothing worth speaking of? Carlisle, this is huge! Monumental!"

I looked at her sadly. "I'm afraid it's not, Alice. Nothing will change."

Her jaw dropped. "What? How can you say that? This changes  _everything!_ "

"Enough with the code speak," Rosalie said impatiently. "What are you talking about?"

Edward was looking at me expectantly, and I sighed.  _Go ahead._

"Carlisle's found his mate," he grinned.

"Carlisle!" Rosalie closed the distance between us in a flash, hugging me just as enthusiastically as Alice had, and Emmet and Jasper moved forward to clap me on the back and congratulate me. Esme waited until everyone else had stepped back before approaching me and kissing me warmly on the cheek.

"I knew there was someone out there for you," she breathed.

Jasper looked guarded. "I wasn't aware of any others in our area," he said. "Who is it?"

I resigned myself to the necessity of a conversation. "Come," I said to my family, heading into the kitchen. I took my place at the head of the table, and my children gathered around it, waiting eagerly for the tale. Only Edward and Alice seemed to know the details, and Alice was practically bouncing in her eagerness to hear me tell the story.

"It's an unusual circumstance," I told my family when we were all seated. "I was unaware that it was even possible. But it seems that the mating instinct has initialized with a human."

My family all went very still around me–excepting Alice, of course–which was the reaction I had expected. When surprised, we instinctively stilled ourselves to gather sensory data. We listened, inhaled, watched for signs of danger. My children were surprised now, and it took a moment before anyone spoke.

"Who?" Jasper asked.

I folded my hands on the table. "Isabella Swan."

Jasper and Rosalie both hissed their dissatisfaction.

"What?" Emmett asked Rosalie. "What's wrong with her?"

"Edward can't hear her," Jasper said. "We won't know if she was affected the same way Carlisle was. It puts us at a disadvantage."

Ah, Jasper. Always my tactical thinker.

"Forget advantages," Rosalie snapped. "She's a little girl, Carlisle. How could you even consider pursuing her?"

"I'm not," I said softly.

"What?" Alice gasped. "You can't be serious!"

I sat back in my chair. "I am quite serious, Alice. The girl is a child, and she is human. Our society would not allow a man of my apparent age to court a teenage girl, and my conscience will not allow me to place her in the danger she would be in were she to grow too close to our family. As I said, nothing will change."

"Oh yes it will," Alice said. "Something has started that you can't stop, Carlisle."

Edward gazed steadily at Alice for a moment, and frowned at what he saw in her head. "I'm afraid she's right. There are many possible futures, but they all involve Bella in some way or another."

"I will, of course, be involved in the girl's life," I told them, knowing it would be impossible for me to stay away from her. "I intend to befriend her father, and I'll look after her as much as propriety allows. But I will not take her for a mate, and I will not disclose our secrets to her. She deserves a real life, and I'll not be the one to take it from her."

"We can't stay here forever," Emmett pointed out. "What happens when we have to leave?"

That was a thought that had nagged at me all day. There was no pleasant answer, but really, there was no choice. For me, there was only Isabella.

"I will stay," I said softly. "I'll make myself invisible to society, and I will watch over her."

Everyone stilled this time, including Alice.

"No," Esme whispered.

A feeling of despondency radiated from Jasper. "You would leave us?" he asked quietly.

I nodded. "As you would leave for Alice," I told him, then turned my eyes on Esme, "and as you would leave for Edward."

Edward reached out and placed his hand over mine. "Carlisle . . . are you sure you want to do this? It's been three hundred years."

"I haven't forgotten," I told him, warning him silently to keep my loneliness to himself. It wasn't something I cared to have the family speculating on.

"There's no evidence to suggest it could ever happen again," he said.

 _That won't matter._  If I didn't make a decision as to  _how_  I would end my life, I hoped that I could keep Alice in the dark as to my intentions. But Edward would know, and he would understand. Edward could see more than just my words, he could see the impetus behind them. If a man must surrender his privacy, it was a mercy that it could be surrendered so completely.

"It could happen again," Rosalie said defensively.

"There's only one way to find out," I told her, smiling softly.

Alice started to speak, but Edward cleared his throat quietly. "We'll discuss it tonight," he told her. "You're going hunting with me."

"Hunting every night, Edward?" I asked curiously.

"I'll have to," he smiled softly. "I won't gamble with Bella's life now, Carlisle. She's yours."

A fiercely possessive feeling washed over me at his words. Yes, she was mine. Though I could not have her in the ways that I longed to, still, I would care for her. I would watch over her the way no parent, no lover, ever could. Regardless of where her life took her, I would always belong to her and she would always be mine.


	8. Desperately Wanting

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I walked into Biology the next day and set my books down, eyeing Edward challengingly.

"Are you still lying to me?" I asked reproachfully.

"Most likely," he smirked. I didn't miss that he scooted his chair back to the far side of the table as he leaned back and folded his hands in his lap.

Okay. Now, apparently, he didn't want to sit close to me. I guess I was kind of pushing him hard, but it was really irritating me that he wouldn't explain what had happened.

Whatever, I was sick of thinking about it. I was dreaming in comic book format these days, and that really had to stop. Reality wasn't meshing with logic, and my coping mechanism of choice was avoidance.

What I really wanted was for Edward to tell me about his father.

"Then I guess there's no point in asking what happened, is there?"

"People do incredible things when fueled by adrenaline," he said smugly.

"Right. No point." I moved on. "So yesterday, I told you about my family. What's your family like?"

He raised an eyebrow, giving me a speculative look. "Is there anyone in particular you're curious about?"

 _Yes. God, yes. There's this seraphic creature who goes by the name of Dr. Carlisle Cullen. . . ._ "Not particularly. Just your whole family."

"Well, you've seen my siblings," he said. "Emmett and Alice are my adopted brother and sister. The two of them are . . . _enthusiastic_ , I think is the word I'm looking for. They love to have a good time. Emmett's very competitive, always up for a challenge. And Alice is kind of a firecracker. If she wants something from you, she'll overwhelm you with her constant chatter until you finally surrender. She is to be both feared and admired."

I listened, trying not to show my impatience. I was sure his brother and sister were lovely, but I wanted to know about his father.

"Jasper and Rosalie are twins," he said. "They're foster children, and they haven't been with us for as long, but we're still close. Rosalie and Emmett are literally the most disgusting couple in the world. They're bad enough at school, but you should see them at home." He rolled his eyes. "Rosalie loves cars. Auto mechanics is sort of a hobby of hers. And Jasper is fairly reserved, but he's the most loyal friend a person could ask for. He and Alice couldn't be more different, but they complement each other well."

He stopped talking, apparently finished, though he was looking at me expectantly.

"I've never had brothers and sisters," I told him. "It must be nice to have a big family."

He nodded. "It is."

I waited to see if he would bring up his parents. He didn't but a small smile tugged at his mouth. It was as if he knew I wanted to hear more, and he was deliberately withholding it from me.

Fine. If he wanted me to beg, I would beg. "What about your parents? Do you get along with them?"

He nodded.

That was it? A nod?

I wanted to smack that smug little smile of his face.

"What are they like?" I pressed.

"Well, you've met Carlisle, so you know he's a doctor. My mother, Esme, she's an architect," he said. "And she's so sweet, Bella. You'll never meet a more loving, compassionate person in the whole world. She's absolutely the finest woman I know."

That hit me right in the stomach.

Dr. Cullen was married–and to a saint, apparently. If I didn't feel dirty for fantasizing about Edward's father, I sure as hell did for fantasizing about Esme's husband. What kind of a person was I, anyway?

I reached out and picked up my book, hoping to retreat into it, but Edward gave me an odd look.

"No more questions?" he asked.

I shrugged. "You told me a lot."

He looked a little bit frustrated.

"Okay, I have one more question," I said, because I wouldn't sleep well if I didn't take the opportunity to ask.

"Shoot."

"Are your parents . . . fair?"

His eyebrows drew together in confusion. "Are they  _fair_?"

Yeah, it even sounded stupid to my ears. I shrugged. "Never mind."

"No, you mean like, as disciplinarians or something?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, sure, I think they are. They have pretty high expectations, but they're not extreme or anything."

"Okay," I said, trying to make it seem like I didn't care all that much.

"Why do you ask?"

I just shrugged.

"No, come on, tell me. I mean, it's kind of an odd question. What makes you ask it?"

"Nothing, really," I said, scrambling for a believable lie. "It just seems like you'd need somebody really fair to handle a big family like yours."

He didn't seem entirely convinced by my lame excuse, but he relented.

"They do pretty well."

I nodded. Maybe there really was a Mike Brady or two left in the world.

I spent the rest of the day wondering what it would be like to have had a father like Carlisle, but as I angled my truck toward home, it suddenly hit me that this new fantasy was even more messed up than the ones before. Now I was panting over Edward's-father-slash-Esme's-husband-slash- _my_ -father? No, no, no, no, no. This had to stop.

The thing was, I found myself being utterly consumed by him. Suddenly, in my mind, there was only one man in the world. Carlisle Cullen was everything, and everyone else sort of faded into a bland background. So, in a fundamental, albeit somewhat twisted way, it only made sense to imagine him as the man in my life, even when that man was an authority figure.

Except, okay, it was really time to stop thinking like that. I was going to give myself a complex.

I got home and threw some dinner together, then put it in the oven to cook while I did my homework. It was, as always, too easy. Not enough to keep my mind occupied. But these days my mind slid easily to Dr. Cullen, and I was working up a new fantasy about a late appointment in an empty hospital. . . .

The slamming of the front door jolted me out of my thoughts just as Dr. Cullen's cool fingers were exploring under my hospital gown. It was a very good thing my father couldn't read my mind, because I was fairly sure that little mental image would have made him go ballistic.

I jumped up and started setting dinner out on the table as he headed into the kitchen. He sat down and patiently watched me work. He seemed to be in a good mood.

"How was your day?" I asked him.

"It was good," he said. "Quiet."

I nodded, pulling the casserole from the oven and placing it on the table.

"Uh . . . how was yours?" Charlie asked awkwardly.

"It was good." I cast around for something else to say. "We had a pop quiz on  _A Tale of Two Cities_  and I got a hundred percent."

Charlie grunted his approval.

Conversation wasn't really our forte.

"Are you making friends okay?" he asked after an awkward pause.

"Um . . . yeah, I guess. Edward Cullen is really nice."

He frowned. "That's the kid who was driving the van?"

"No, Edward's the one who pulled me out of the way."

He nodded.

We ate quietly for a few minutes before the phone rang. Charlie put down his fork and stood, frowning. "Hello?" he answered gruffly. His eyebrows raised slightly in surprise. "I'm fine, Dr. Cullen, how are you?"

Immediately my senses were on high alert. I wished I could hear the other end of the conversation, wished there was an extension I could pick up and listen in. I wanted to hear the doctor's warm, honeyed voice.

"She's fine," he said shortly after a moment. "No, no dizziness."

Dr. Cullen was asking about me? He called to check on me? My pulse picked up, and my mind drifted back to that fantasy and Dr. Cullen's cool fingers.

Charlie grunted. "No, I'm sorry, I'm afraid we can't."

Can't? Can't what? What was Dr. Cullen asking him to do?

"Yeah, maybe," he grumbled, then said goodbye and hung up.

"What was that?" I asked as he took his place at the table again.

"Dr. Cullen called to make sure you were feeling alright," he said, not looking terribly happy about it.

"What did you say you couldn't do?"

"He asked us over for dinner this Saturday."

My eyes widened. Dinner with the godlike Dr. Carlisle Cullen? And he  _declined?_

"Why did you say no?" I asked him, trying not to sound as horrified as I felt.

"I'm fishing with Harry this weekend."

All the better! I could go alone! Oh,  _g_ _od_ , I wished I could go alone! I wanted to snatch the phone up and call him back to accept his invitation for one.

Which was totally inappropriate, I knew, but what else was new? I was obsessing over the man. I had never had a crush before . . . was this what it was like? Did it feel like the only thing that mattered in the world was  _him?_

I must have been frowning, because Charlie noticed. "You want to come fishing with us?" he asked.

I shook my head quickly. "No, I'll just stay home and get ahead on my homework."

"All right," he grunted.

Stupid Harry.

Stupid fish.


	9. Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

There was a soft knock at my study door, and I raised my eyes from the medical journal I was reading. "Come in, Jasper."

He opened the door and clasped his hands behind his back.

"What can I help you with?"

"I was thinking of going for a run," he said softly. "I wondered if you'd like to come keep me company."

I smiled. It seemed Jasper wanted to have what privacy he could get in a family such as ours. "That sounds delightful," I said, rising from my desk. I followed him down the stairs and out the back door, and we ran for several minutes without stopping, taking us miles from the house and far away from listening ears and minds.

Eventually Jasper slowed and then stopped. He turned his back to a tree, clasping his hands behind his back again and standing with his feet slightly apart and his head up. I sat on a large rock nearby and waited patiently for him to speak.

"You're the hub, Carlisle," he drawled softly. "The rest of us, we all rotate around you."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. I don't know what I expected, but not this. I sat silently and waited for him to continue.

"If you leave . . .  _when_  you leave . . . this family will drift apart."

I frowned. "Jasper, surely the six of you could stay together for a few decades while–"

"We could," he interrupted. "And we would, if we thought you were coming back."

I closed my eyes for a moment. I wasn't ready for this conversation. "Alice?" I asked him.

"No, sir," he said softly. "Whatever games you're playing in that mind of yours have kept her from seeing your plans. But Edward knows your mind, and he's devastated."

"Edward understands."

"Maybe so," he said with a nod. "But he's still going to be hurt more than anybody else."

His words left a hollow ache in my chest. Edward. My dearest friend.

"I know it ain't exactly proper to go around comparing," Jasper said, his voice even softer than before, "but he loves you more than any of the rest of us do." He smiled slightly. "And you and I both know what he means to you."

I couldn't help but laugh quietly, offering a denial that, as he said, the two of us both knew was a lie. "That's ridiculous. What kind of a father choose favorites among his children?"

One corner of his mouth pulled up for a moment, but then he was serious again.

"After the others figure out you're not coming back, they'll start to question this life," he said. "Emmett and Rosalie will leave first. They're used to going off on their own sometimes, and they'll probably tell themselves they'll come back around. Maybe they will, once or twice. But then they'll drift away. Rosie, she's real proud of that record of hers, never tasting human blood, but I wonder how long that will last when there's nobody to be proud for. Compassion ain't one of her strengths, Carlisle. And you know Emmett. He'd live whatever kind of life Rosie led him to."

The ache in my chest sharpened.

"It'd take some time for Edward and Alice to separate," he said, heedless of my pain. "But Edward would want solitude, to silence all those voices in his head, and Alice would want to be near people. So eventually we'd go our separate ways."

I hissed softly from the agony that tore through me at the thought of Edward and Alice not staying together. The two of them were so fond of one another.

"Edward would stick to the lifestyle out of loyalty to you," Jasper said. "Esme probably would too. But they'd end up nomads, or maybe just hermits, always hiding away from the world. And Alice and me . . . well." He lowered his head. "It's a hard choice, Carlisle. I'm not sure I could keep it up for long if I wasn't trying to live up to the Cullen name."

I let out a low moan as he described the destruction of my family. "Jasper, why are you doing this?"

"Seems only fair for a man to know all of the consequences before he makes a choice."

"It's not a choice," I whispered. "I cannot live without Isabella."

"That I understand all too well," he drawled. "But there's a way to have her forever. To really be with her, not just watching from the shadows,  _and_  to keep our family together."

"I can't take her life from her, Jasper."

"You took Edward's life from him."

I shook my head sadly. "It's not the same. He was dying."

"Bella will die," he pointed out. "You loved Edward enough to change him and save him. Esme too. Rose, Emmett . . . you gave them all a chance at a new life." His eyes bore into me. "Would you really refuse Bella the same gift?"

"It's not the same," I whispered again, shrinking away from the thought of destroying the promising future that lay before her.

"I don't know. It sure seems the same from where I'm standing."

I closed my eyes, thinking about his words, and agony rolled through me. Was I wrong in my intent to end my own existence when Bella's life came to an end? Should I return to my family, and live half a life so that they could remain happy and peaceful? Was I simply being selfish?

"I've said my piece," Jasper said softly.

I nodded. "Thank you, son."

He stepped forward and squeezed my shoulder, then strode off into the trees.


	10. River of Dreams

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

"How'd you do that?" Edward smirked, nodding toward the bandage on my hand.

"I broke a plate when I was doing dishes," I told him, closing my locker. It wasn't exactly a lie.

He snickered and turned with me toward the cafeteria. "You're a walking accident, Bella Swan." He was standing a little too far away again, just as he'd been sitting a little too far away all week in Biology. I was seriously starting to wonder if I smelled bad.

I decided to tackle the issue head-on . . . not that I had a great track record with getting answers from him that way. "Edward, do I like, have BO or something?" I asked him.

He laughed out loud. "Excuse me?"

"You just seem like you're trying to stay, you know, safe smelling distance away from me."

He seemed to think that was even funnier. "Really? You think so?"

"Why is that funny? You're giving me a complex here."

He tried hard to keep a straight face, but a smile forced its way through. "I assure you, Bella, you don't smell bad." We joined the short lunch line to collect food that I would eat and he would pick at.

"So why are you always standing at least two feet away?"

"I'm sorry," he said, his eyes sparkling. "I haven't been feeling well, and I'm just a little concerned I'm contagious. I don't mean it as a commentary on your hygiene."

"Good," I said, relieved. "And in this spirit of honest and open communication, I have another question."

He raised an eyebrow expectantly.

I dropped my voice so the people around us wouldn't hear. "How come you didn't get squished by Tyler's van?"

"Adrenaline," he said quickly.

"Still sticking with that story, huh?" I asked him as we reach the counter and collected our food.

"As amusing as your Adamantium theory is, Bella, I'm afraid the truth is just boring old adrenaline."

"Yeah, well, I'm calling bullshit. You're lying to me, and there's no good reason for it."

Edward leveled a solemn gaze at me as we took our accustomed place at the end of an empty table. "I assure you, Bella, there is a very good reason for it."

"What's the reason?"

His piercing golden eyes bored into mine. "It would be very dangerous for anyone to find out the identity of my alter-ego."

I rolled my eyes and threw a tater tot at him. "Okay, then tell me this," I challenged. "Why don't you trust me enough to tell me the truth?"

He frowned. "It's not a matter of trust." He looked like he was about to go on, but a high, trilling voice interrupted us.

"Do you mind if we join you?" his sister Alice asked, moving behind Edward and plopping down at the table next to him. A tray appeared beside mine, and Jasper settled beside me, giving me a warm smile.

And I mean  _warm_. Just looking at his face made me feel fuzzy all over. He was definitely charming, and I found myself smiling stupidly back at him.

"I don't mind at all." I meant it for both of them, but I was still smiling at Jasper.

How was the whole family this beautiful? If they were really Dr. Cullen's kids, I could blame it on an exquisite gene pool, but as it was there didn't seem to be a natural explanation for it.

Unless, once again, Carlisle and Esme Cullen had only been willing to adopt very attractive children.

I pushed the thought away quickly. I didn't want to think of Dr. Cullen as that kind of man. He would never judge someone solely on appearances. He was a modern Mike Brady, only less cliché and incredibly, heart-stoppingly attractive. My pulse picked up just at the thought of him.

Jasper gave me an odd look. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, of course," I said, trying to force down the wave of desire that always seemed to come over me at the mere thought of the breathtaking doctor.

He raised an eyebrow at Edward, and the two of them exchanged a brief look before Jasper reached across the table and took Alice's hand in his.

I cast around for something to talk about. "You're graduating this year, aren't you Jasper?"

He looked back at me with a small smile and gave me a nod.

"Have you decided what you're going to do next year?"

"Not yet," he murmured. "I've been filling out college applications, but acceptance letters won't arrive until the spring."

"Do you have a particular school in mind?"

He shook his head. "Not really. Somewhere with a good History program."

"Is that what you want to major in?" I asked him.

He nodded.

"Jasper's a Civil War buff," Alice said, her eyes teasing him just a little. Apparently they shared some sort of inside joke on the matter.

"What about you, Bella?" Edward asked. "Have you got college aspirations?"

I glanced down at my tray and shook my head. "Getting out of high school is as much as I can handle right now." I tried to sound casual, but inside I was aching. What I wouldn't give to be the kind of person who could go to college. What I wouldn't give to have the kind of parents who started college funds for their kids.

Jasper was watching me with speculative eyes, and every now and then his gaze flicked to Edward's face. I swear the two of them looked like they were having a conversation without ever saying a word.

A conversation about me.

_How rude._

"Sure, but something has to come  _after_  high school," Edward pointed out. "And they say college is where all the hot parties are."

I shrugged. "I guess I'm not much of a party girl."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Good to know you have your priorities straight, Edward." She turned to me and scrunched up her nose. "You know, you should really think about it," she said. "Between scholarships, grants, loans . . . there's always a way to go."

I shrugged and looked back down at my tray. "I still have another year before I have to start applying."

"Carlisle has been giving me SAT practice tests," she said brightly. "Do you want to come over sometime and do them with me?"

My eyes widened. Was she really giving me an excuse to get out of the house on top of offering me the chance to spend some time with the delicious Dr. Cullen? Dr. Carlisle Cullen, with his warm eyes and cool skin. . . . "I would  _love_ , that," I breathed before I even realized what I was saying.

Jasper and Edward exchanged another odd look.

"What?" I finally asked the two of them in exasperation.

"Pardon?" Edward asked, looking innocent.

"Why do you guys keep looking at each other like that?"

"Like what, Bella?" He was still playing dumb. Stupid Edward Cullen and his stupid lies.

"Whatever," I muttered, frustrated. "So does your whole family have eating disorders or what?"

They all turned surprised eyes on me.

I raised an eyebrow and gestured to the bagel Edward was shredding to bits, the soup Alice was stirring idly, and the salad Jasper was poking at.

"None of you are eating, and Edward, I sit with you every day and I've never seen you take a bite of anything."

Edward leaned forward conspiritorially. "Well, Bella," he said in a low voice, "if we eat after eleven a.m. . . . we turn into gremlins."

I rolled my eyes. "You're  _so_  funny."

"It's better than your Adamantium fixation," he snickered.

"Seriously, why don't you guys eat?"

"Can you blame us?" Alice asked. "The food here is terrible. It's like prison food."

"So why buy it?"

Jasper smiled wryly. "Because if we don't, people start to wonder if we all have eating disorders," he said with a wink.

Edward smiled. "Esme's a very good cook. She's sort of gotten us all used to gourmet food, and we really can't stomach what's served here. We eat when we get home."

"It's totally too bad you couldn't come over for dinner tomorrow," Alice said. "You'd see for yourself."

I shrugged apologetically. "Sorry."

"Are you doing something else?" she asked.

I nodded, chewing idly at a limp carrot.

"What are you doing?"

"Um . . . going fishing," I told her, stretching the truth just a little. "With a friend of Charlie's."

Edward raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You fish?"

"Not really," I mumbled.

"So stay home," Alice said brightly. "And then you can still come for dinner."

I wanted it so bad I could taste it. Charlie would be gone all weekend. He wouldn't even need to know. "You guys wouldn't mind?"

"Of course not!" Alice said. "You should come spend the whole day. Carlisle promised me he would spend some time with me tomorrow to work on my practice tests, so we could do that for a while too."

Edward gave me a winning smile. "Please come," he urged.

I shrugged self-consciously. "Okay. It sounds like fun."


	11. I Don't Want to Miss a Thing

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Over the last few days it had become a custom of Edward's to meet me on the front porch of the house when I returned home from work and tell me everything he had learned about Isabella that day. Today he wasn't there, but I could hear soft piano music from the foyer, so I made my way inside and sat on the couch, crossing my legs casually.

He raised his eyes to meet mine and nodded in greeting. "She hurt herself last night," he said with a fond shake of his head. "She said she broke a plate while she was washing dishes. It must have cut her pretty badly, because her whole hand was bandaged."

 _Left or right?_  I was a tad obsessive, I knew, but if I couldn't be near her myself, I would take whatever information I could get.

"Left."

_And is she right-handed?_

He nodded.

_So she is still able to do her schoolwork?_

He nodded again.

_I might have to suggest some good pain killers to Charlie._

"I'm sure no one would ever get more use out of them than Bella," he laughed.

I chuckled.  _What else?_

His smile broadened. "She asked me if I thought she smelled bad."

 _Bad?_  I laughed.  _If she only knew. Why did she ask?_

"I've been too careful, apparently, trying to put space between us. I've been conspicuous about it. I'll have to stop giving her quite such a wide berth so she won't wonder if I'm repulsed by her."

_Will that be a problem for you?_

He shook his head, smiling wryly. "What's a foot or two, really? I can still smell her with every breath from several yards away. There's no difference."

_Is it terribly painful?_

"Agony," he admitted. "But I would bear a thousand times worse to bring you a moment of happiness, Carlisle."

I let him see my gratitude.  _Words cannot express the happiness your reports bring to me._

He smiled to himself as his hands shifted and started playing a new song. "She's still riding me about the thing with Tyler's van," he went on. "I'm sticking with the adrenaline excuse, but she said, and I quote, 'I'm calling bullshit.'"

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"She doesn't curse often," Edward said good-naturedly, "so I think she must be pretty upset with me." His smile dimmed a little. "She asked me why I don't trust her enough to be honest with her."

I sighed sadly, my thoughts slipping to the Volturi.  _It would be nice to be able to tell her the truth. I just cannot gamble with her safety like that._

"I know," Edward said. "I wouldn't expose her to that either, and I'm only speaking as a friend."

_How did you answer her?_

"I told her it wasn't a matter of trust, and then Alice and Jasper distracted her."

_Ah, yes. Did Jasper learn anything?_

His eyebrows drew together a little. "Jasper's gift is . . . hard to interpret sometimes," he hedged.

_Please explain._

"He sat down next to her and introduced himself," he said, "and of course he gave her a little dose of warm feelings so she wouldn't be too nervous being close to him."

I nodded. That was not unusual for Jasper when he wanted to hold a conversation with a someone. It helped overcome the natural aversion that humans had to our kind.

Edward hesitated.

 _Please, son, don't hold things back from me._   _I need to know everything about her._

"She looked at him," Edward said frowning, "and he detected very unmistakable feelings of affection . . . and lust."

I stilled for a moment, closing my eyes against the intensity of the rage and jealousy that flared in me for the briefest moment.

Jasper's voice drifted down from upstairs. "Try not to forget that she's a teenage girl, Carlisle," he said gently. "With the state of her hormones, lust will frequently flare over very minor stimuli, and sometimes for no apparent reason. I feel it all day long, every single day."

Edward nodded his agreement. "She later reacted the same way when Alice was asking her some questions."

I furrowed my brow. "You're right, of course," I said aloud for Jasper's sake. "It is a bit of a puzzle, though."

"Sadly," Edward said, "we still have no idea how she feels about you."

Disappointment pulled at my thoughts.

"We did learn something else that was rather interesting," he continued.

I let him feel my curiosity.

"Jasper worried that he might have overdone it a little with the emotion control," Edward explained, "so he pulled it back. He didn't influence her at all. And . . . she wasn't uncomfortable."

I wondered if he had determined that by reading physical reactions like her heart rate and sweat production.

"That," he answered my unformed question, "and Jasper's reading. He didn't pick up any fear or anxiety."

"Fascinating," I murmured. "I wonder if she has always felt that way, or if it's a recent development because of her interaction with you."  _Or possibly as a result of the initialization of the mating instinct?_  Hope tinged my thoughts, despite my decision not to pursue the girl.

"That's more along the lines of what I was thinking," Edward smiled. "It's a shame we didn't have Jasper reading her all along."

"Tell me Jasper, what sorts of emotions did you pick up from her?"

"Depression," Jasper said from upstairs. "The girl's very unhappy, Carlisle."

Edward nodded. "I've scanned through the minds of her other acquaintances, and none of them seem to realize it. She hides it from them, but she's been slightly more honest with me."

"Why do you suppose that is?"

He smiled wryly. "Possibly because I've annoyed her into it. I've been questioning her incessantly since I got back from Alaska."

"She likes you, Edward," Jasper drawled. "She trusts you."

"What sorts of things has she told you?" I asked Edward.

He finished the piece he was playing and began a new one. "She's unhappy here, but it's better than living in Phoenix with her mother. She seemed happy enough there until her mother's recent marriage to a man named Phil."

"Do you know why she's unhappy here?" Perhaps there was something I could do to help.

He shook his head. "She refuses to say. But she did say that she always disliked visiting here in the summer."

I nodded slowly. "What other emotions did you feel, Jasper?"

"Envy. Particularly when we were talking about college."

"You spoke of college?" I asked, my interest piqued.

Edward nodded as he played. "She asked if Jasper had plans for after graduation. He told her he was applying for schools, and that's when he felt the envy from her."

"She's eager to leave for college, then?"

"She doesn't intend to go to college," Edward said.

I frowned. "Did she say why?"

"No."

"But she wanted it badly enough that her mind could be changed," Jasper suggested.

"Could be money," Edward said. "If she suddenly received a very generous scholarship, she might reconsider."

I nodded slowly. "That can be arranged."

"She asked us if we all had eating disorders," Jasper drawled, amusement in his voice.

I chuckled. "She noticed you weren't eating?"

Edward smiled. "We told her it's because we have a taste for better food."

I laughed out loud. "Well, if we ever get her and her father over, we'll have to see to it that the meal is somewhat sophisticated."

Edward smiled knowingly.

"What is it?" I asked him, returning his smile.

"I'm not allowed to say."

His words pained me. "You wouldn't hold anything back, Edward?"

"Not for long. But I promised I would let Alice tell you."

"Where is she?"

"I believe she's buying you some new clothes."

"Our girl loves clothes, doesn't she?" I chuckled.

"Carlisle, will you do something for me?" Edward asked.

_What's that?_

"Just think of her."

_Of Isabella?_

He nodded.

I smiled softly at his request, and pictured her face in my mind. I remembered the way her eyes flashed when she glared at Edward in the hospital, her natural floral scent beneath the artificial strawberry of the soaps she used, the warmth of her skin against mine when I had kept her from stumbling. That one hospital visit was all I had of her, besides the information Edward brought to me each evening, and I clung to it, reliving it again and again.

After a few silent moments Edward started to play a soft, hauntingly beautiful tune. It was slow and sweet, with a touch of longing, and I closed my eyes, letting myself get carried away by the melody. He played for several minutes while I listened and remembered my short encounter with the girl I loved.

When the music finally died away I opened my eyes. "Edward, that's beautiful," I breathed.

"I thought you might like it."

"Your own work?"

He nodded, smiling. "And yours."

I raised my eyebrows questioningly.

"I composed that piece around your feelings for Bella."

I was overcome with love and gratitude for him, and I displayed it clearly in my mind.  _Please. Play it again._

He complied wordlessly, and I stayed very still, my entire focus on the sound of the music filling the room around me. I let everything else melt away. Jasper drifted downstairs while he played and stood near me, placing a hand on my shoulder. We listened together until Edward finished the piece and let it fade into silence.

"Thank you, Edward," I whispered.

Jasper gave him a lazy smile. "Brother, I think you nailed it," he said approvingly.

He nodded his thanks and stood up. "Alice and Esme are nearly here," he said, clasping his hands in front of him. He stood still and waited patiently, and in a few moments I heard the sound of their tires on the road. I stood as well, anxious to hear whatever news it was that Alice had insisted she be allowed to share with me. We were silent until the door opened, and then Edward strode forward.

"Esme," he breathed, and took her into his arms, kissing her tenderly. He took her shopping bags from her and the two of them headed for the stairs.

"I know, I know," Alice smiled smugly. "You're waiting for your news. But you're just going to have to wait a couple more minutes while I put my things away." She thrust a long white box into my hands. "Here, you can try those on while you wait."

I looked at the box, puzzled. It was certainly not unusual for her to have bought me something, but the fact that she only gave me one box surprised me. Alice wasn't one to hold back when shopping.

And we both knew it would fit perfectly. She didn't need me to try anything on.

"I just want you to see it," she chirped over her shoulder as she and Jasper moved up to their bedroom.

I followed after them and veered into my room, opening the box Alice had given me. Inside was a surprisingly unsophisticated outfit. There was pair of dark blue-gray jeans and a blue, V-neck long-sleeved T-shirt. I wasn't sure why Alice had been so excited about these particular items, but I humored her and slipped into them. I was a little surprised with how small the shirt was. It fit tightly over my shoulders and chest, and probably needed to be a size larger.

"Let's see it," Alice said in a sing-song voice, already finished putting her clothes away.

I opened the door to let her in, and she grinned happily. "It's perfect!"

"It's a little small."

"That's the proper fit, Carlisle," she informed me, shaking her head at my lack of fashion awareness. "We're updating your look. The sweater vests really have to go."

"Plenty of men still wear sweater vests," I said, slightly miffed. I liked them.

" _Old_  men wear sweater vests. You're only thirty years old, remember? You can dress all stuffy at work, but at home you have to dress your age."

"At home it doesn't matter how I dress," I reminded her as she brushed a wrinkle smooth.

"It does when we have company," she sang, heading out of the room.

I drew my eyebrows together curiously. "When are we having company?" I followed her back to her room and leaned against the door frame.

"Tomorrow," she grinned, gathering up the now-empty shopping bags as Jasper looked on fondly. "And you're wearing that."

"Who?" I asked her.

She finally turned to face me, smiling triumphantly. "Bella. I told her you were helping me practice for the SATs this weekend, and she's coming to join us."

"And she's staying for dinner," Jasper said wryly. "So we're all going to have an unpleasant evening."

I smiled delightedly. "I thought she was unavailable."

"She was just going to go fishing with Charlie," Alice said. "She doesn't even like fishing, so we talked her into coming here instead."

I gripped her by the shoulders and kissed her cheek. "Alice, that's wonderful. Thank you."

"You're welcome," she smiled smugly. "For the date  _and_  the clothes."

I glanced down at myself doubtfully. "Are you sure about this? It doesn't look like I'm trying too hard to look young?"

She rolled her eyes. "You're  _thirty_ , Carlisle. Men your age are still hitting clubs and taking home hot girls."

"Not when they're married."

She shrugged. "You still have to look hot for your wife." She ducked past me and took the shopping bags out to be recycled.

Jasper chuckled. "You don't look like you're trying to be younger than you are," he assured me. "You look good."

"Oh my," Esme said, emerging from her bedroom down the hall.

I turned to face her.

"You really do look stunning," she said admiringly. "I think you'll have to trust Alice's judgment on this one."

"Try to stand a little more casually," Edward said from the bedroom, then emerged so we could speak face to face. "This hands-behind-your-back thing, that's perfect for Dr. Cullen at the hospital. But for the at-home Carlisle who helps Alice with her tests, you'll want to loosen your shoulders." He demonstrated, propping his forearm against the wall next to him and crossing one foot over the opposite ankle.

I gave it a try.

"Drop your free shoulder just a little," Edward said. "And let your head fall forward slightly. Bad posture is in these days."

I frowned, but complied.

"Perfect," Esme glowed. "You do look younger this way."

"Give me another," I told Edward. "I can't stand in one position the whole day."

"When you sit, put one foot up. Here." He led me downstairs to the living room and sat on the couch, then braced the bottom of his foot against the edge of the coffee table.

I sat and imitated his stance.

"Don't forget to slouch a little against the back of the couch."

"Why is slouching good?" I asked him as I complied.

"It makes you more approachable. Someone as sophisticated as you can be intimidating, which is not necessarily a bad thing at the hospital or at a public function. But here we want to present you as just another guy."

I nodded. I very much wanted Isabella to think of me as an approachable person.

"Show me another."

Edward stood and hooked one thumb in his pocket, hunching his shoulders slightly and looking down at the floor. I stood and imitated him.

He nodded. "That's good. Now, when she comes to the door, don't go to greet her. She knows me, so I'll let her in, and I want you and Alice to look like you're already working on studying. It's a little too formal for you to leave that to show her in. Just look up and give her a nod and a smile, and invite her to come join you."

"That sounds like terribly poor manners."

"It's familiar," Edward insisted. "If you want her to feel comfortable with you, you need to be familiar."

I nodded.

"Now, at dinner you can class it back up a little," Edward said. "Be your usual debonair self, and it will charm her."

"It's charming at dinner but not for studying?"

He nodded. "Oddly, humans these days seem to like it when their mealtimes have a level of sophistication that their daily lives don't."

"I see." I filed away that information. "What else?"


	12. What Hurts the Most

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I gingerly unwrapped the bandage around my hand, wincing as it throbbed in pain. I got the last of the gauze off and groaned quietly. It was definitely infected. All around the cut was puffy, yellowing skin, and my whole hand was swollen. I had hoped that Charlie hadn't broken it when he stomped on it yesterday, but now I was sure he had. Not only that, but I was worried that the glass shard that had been forced into my palm when he did it had done damage to the tendons.

I needed to see a doctor, I knew that. I could lose the use of my hand permanently if I didn't. But if I went to a doctor, Charlie would know, and anything I did to raise suspicion about him would only make him angry again.

My hand hurt so badly I could hardly stand it.

I grabbed a bottle of alcohol and tried to clean the cut, hoping to remove the infection. Even the slightest touch sent spikes of unbearable pain up my arm, and tears poured down my face as I tried to do what I knew was woefully inadequate damage control.

 _This will pass_ , I told myself over and over again.  _Infections go away. Bones heal._

But they didn't always heal  _right_ , which I knew from experience. I would never quite have the full range of motion back in my right leg since I fell down the stairs after Phil first moved in with Mom and me.

Since he pushed me.

I was fairly sure I had broken something in my hip, and since then I hadn't been quite steady on my feet. Sometimes something just seemed to give out, and I would find myself sprawled on the floor.

That was bad enough, but to face losing the use of my hand. . . .

"Please don't let it be permanent," I prayed, my whispered words seeking acknowledgment from an oblivious God. "Please let me use my hand again."

"Bella?" Charlie's hesitant voice sounded outside the bathroom and I started violently, fervently hoping he hadn't heard me. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I said, forcing my voice to stay steady. "Just getting ready for bed."

"Is your . . . is your hand okay?"

I closed my eyes, more tears slipping down my cheeks. I hated when he tried to make amends–almost as much as I hated when he hurt me. Why couldn't he just leave it in the past? "Yeah, it's fine."

"You took some Tylenol?"

 _Go away, Charlie. I don't want you to care about my hand, just go away._  "Yeah."

"Listen I. . . . Bella, I got you something. When I was in town today, I picked something up for you."

 _I don't want anything. I just want you to leave me alone._ "Um . . . thanks, I'll be out in a minute."

"I'll just leave it on your bed. You can take a look at it whenever you're ready."

"Okay." I had no idea what to say to him. "Thanks."

There was no answer for a moment, but finally I heard a soft, "Okay," and his footsteps shuffled away.

I sobbed silently as I re-wrapped my throbbing hand, taping down the gauze. I hurried to my bedroom and changed awkwardly into my pajamas, then turned to the bed. On my pillow was a small box with a picture of a little blue cell phone on top. I stared at it for a few minutes, before finally moving to the bed and opening the box. I pulled out the phone and opened it, feeling a lump in my throat.

How did Charlie's gifts always make me feel so much better, while simultaneously making me feel so much worse? And what did I do now? Should I let him buy my forgiveness?

Did it even matter if I did?

I pressed the power button, and the phone loaded, up, flashing me a brief pre-programmed message:  **Your daddy loves you.**

Fresh tears welled up in my eyes and dripped down my cheeks. Did my dad love me? God knew I loved him, but could I really believe he felt the same when he took his temper out on me so violently? And did it make sense that I still loved him when he did things like that?

I slipped into bed, clutching my cell phone in my good hand, unable to let it go. He had to love me, he just had to. I needed it.

Maybe I shouldn't have come back. I had thought it would be better here, with Charlie instead of Phil. I knew what Charlie was like, but coming here had still seemed like the better option. At least here I didn't have to lie awake in bed at night, waiting in terror for the sound of the door knob turning, for the tilt of the mattress as his weight settled onto it. I didn't think Charlie could hurt me worse than that.

But he did.

Phil was nothing to me. The pain stopped when the bruises healed . . . mostly. With Charlie, it just kept on festering, deep inside, in that secret place I never talked about where I wondered what I was doing to make me the kind of person men wanted to hurt.


	13. Lean on Me

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

"Carlisle, move or something. You're freaking me out."

I turned to Rosalie, who was standing unmoving next to me, staring out the front window. "I'm sorry?"

"It's not like you to be so  _still_ ," she said. "You're the one who always acts human, even at home. This vampire thing you're doing is a little creepy."

I laughed softly and reached up to scratch a nonexistent itch on my nose. "Pardon me, Rosalie. I didn't mean to unnerve you."

She peeked at me out of the corner of her eye and gave me a little smile. "You're pardoned."

We were silent for a few minutes as we continued to watch the window. It was ridiculous. There was no good reason to do it, but here we were, staring outside at the empty clearing.

"What time is she supposed to get here?" Rosalie finally asked.

"They didn't settle on a time. Alice has decided to call her around ten o'clock to let her know we're ready."

Her eyebrows pulled together in a frown. "Carlisle, we're not going to stay."

I turned to her, raising a curious eyebrow. "You and Emmett?"

She nodded.

"Do you object to her coming here?" I asked, feeling a twinge of disappointment.

"No," she said softly. "I just . . . I don't want to know her. I don't want to have to talk to her and wish I had what she has." She lowered her head, looking ashamed.

I slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her against my shoulder. "I understand, sweetheart. You shouldn't feel obligated."

"Plus, I can't  _stand_  eating human food," she said, her tone scornful. "I mean, I can make sacrifices to a certain extent, but that's just revolting."

I chuckled. "I have a feeling most of us will be secreting much of our food in our napkins."

"Still." She shook her head.

"Do you have plans for the day, then?"

"Nothing special. We might go to the beach in Port Angeles and swim for a while."

Emmett moved up behind us and wrapped his arms around Rosalie, pulling her back against his chest. "We could go to Seattle," he said. "The auto show starts next week, so there should be some pretty sexy cars driving the streets.

Rosalie turned a bright smile on him, her dimples showing. "What a great idea!"

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips, and I felt a pang of longing. It was occasionally a little bit difficult living alone in a household full of mated pairs, but since I had met Isabella, it seemed my loneliness had been amplified. I envied every intimate moment, even these brief ones that seemed so insignificant to my children. What I wouldn't give to stand here looking out the window with my Isabella, arms wrapped around her waist, the scent of her hair surrounding me.

Emmett and Rosalie headed out the door, and I continued to watch the sun rise over the trees. Rosalie was right, I had been uncharacteristically still. I was so focused on the upcoming meeting with Isabella that even my most ingrained habits had been suppressed. I would have to do better if I didn't want to scare the girl away. I couldn't allow her to consume every thought when she was here with me. I blinked, shifted my weight, glanced around the room a little. But I couldn't make myself sit down. What I wanted more than anything in the world would be coming to me today up the driveway in front of me, and I simply couldn't draw myself away from it.

"Looking good, Carlisle," Alice sang as she drifted down the stairs behind me.

"Thank you," I smiled.

She skipped up behind me, bracing her hands on my shoulders and leaping onto my back. I laughed and caught her legs in my hands.

"You're in a good mood."

"Yep." She wrapped her arms around my shoulders, hugging me tightly. "We never get to have people over. I'm excited."

"Rosalie and Emmett are heading to Seattle, if Jasper wants to avoid the house today," I offered.

She giggled happily. "No way, Jasper's staying. He's  _so_  curious."

"Curious?"

"About whether Bella feels the mating thing too. He thinks maybe if she spends some time with you, he'll be able to sort out which feelings she's directing toward you and which are just random teenage hormones."

I shook my head. "There's no privacy in this house."

"That didn't bother you before." She kissed my cheek and hopped down off my back. "So my sister-mom is making lunch today?"

I smiled at her characterization of Esme. "She intends to. Dinner as well. I'm sure you'll all hate me by day's end."

"Oh, we won't hate you," she trilled as she skipped away. "But you'll owe us lots and lots of favors."

I smiled after her and then clasped my hands behind my back and returned to my staring. A breeze rustled the trees outside, sending many of the golden leaves fluttering to the ground. Had I not needed to be conscious of the temperature of the house, I would have opened the window and let in the dry, musky aroma of the dying greenery. I loved the transitory seasons, when all of the scents were in flux.

"All you have to do is step out onto the porch," Edward said drily from his room.

I laughed softly.  _That's alright. I'm enjoying the view from behind the glass. The slightly-warped picture is melding well with my slightly-warped mind._

Edward snickered. "Slightly warped. That's a pretty good description of what love does to you."

"Edward!" Esme feigned shock from where she was reading over a cookbook in the kitchen. "I can't believe you would say such a thing."

"Carlisle's words, not mine," Edward defended himself.

I heard a rustling sound approaching the house from the back, and Alice darted out the door, meeting Jasper on his way in.

"Edward, weren't you going hunting with Jasper this morning?" I asked him.

"I did, I just got back early." He emerged from his room and descended the stairs. "I've been hunting so often I only needed a little yearling, but Jasper's been starving himself to build up his tolerance. He took a little longer."

"Are you finding it terribly difficult, Jasper?" I asked.

"It's pretty rough when I haven't gone out for a couple of weeks," he admitted from outside the house. "But it's getting easier."

_Edward, is it really getting easier for him? I worry that he's simply placating me and not confiding his true feelings._

He strode up to stand beside the window, clasping his hands behind his back to mimic my stance. "You worry too much, old man."

"While that's probably true, I won't apologize for it."

Edward bumped his shoulder against mine affectionately and stared out the window with me. "So are you going to stay here all morning?" he asked.

"I expect I am, yes." I smiled. I knew exactly how ridiculous I was being, which meant Edward did too, and he seemed to be enjoying it thoroughly.

"The view is better from the top of that tree," he said, nodding toward the tallest one a bit closer to the road. "You could see her coming from further away."

_I'm just fine here, thank you._

"Or you could always run out to her place. That way you could watch her all morning. Plus that truck of hers is so slow, you could watch her drive away and still be back here at the window to see her pull up."

_You're very amusing._

"Seriously, why  _are_  you so fascinated by this window? I can read your mind, Carlisle, and even  _I_  don't understand it."

_There's nothing to understand. I'm merely waiting for the day to start._

He laughed, giving up his teasing game. "She likes lilacs."

 _Lilacs? That's almost unfortunate–they bloom so fleetingly._  Hardly realizing what I was doing, I started making plans to plant lilac bushes around the house. Edward and Alice both laughed.

"They'll be so pretty in a few years, Carlisle," Alice said from the back yard.

A few years. That wouldn't do, I would need them blooming as soon as possible. Perhaps I would transplant a mature bush. . . .

"Okay, this Spring, then," Alice giggled.

That was better. I only had a very brief time to give my Isabella as much happiness as possible. She was like my own lilac bloom, with me so fleetingly.

"You know it doesn't have to be that way," Edward said softly.

_It does, Edward. I will not end her life._

He fell silent and stood with me, staring out the window. I expected him to tire of it and drift away before long as the others had, but I should have known better. This was Edward, the man who had stood beside me without uttering a word for a full cycle of the moon, ignoring his own physical needs and desires in order to show me support while I mourned the passing of Ephraim Black. He offered me the same solace now, while I mourned for my future.

"Carlisle, I'm rethinking the spinach ravioli," Esme fretted from the kitchen.

Edward laughed. "Darling, Bella loves Italian food."

"Yes, but it's not special enough," she said, pushing her way into the living room. "You promised her gourmet meals, and pasta is comfort food."

Edward turned toward her. "Esme, sweetheart, you could turn a hot dog into gourmet food. I have full confidence in you."

She laughed and kissed his cheek. "And how would you know, my love?"

"Don't forget, I've read the minds of many of the people you've cooked for. That's practically first-hand knowledge."

Esme was unconvinced. "No. I'm going to have to make something else. I'm going to the market."

Edward shook his head, chuckling silently.

We stood together staring out the window for another half hour before Alice moved up behind us and bumped Edward to the side with her hip so she could take his place beside me.

"It's nine fifty-eight. Can I call her now?"

I smiled and nodded. "I would like it very much if you would."

She clapped excitedly, bouncing on her toes for a moment, then ran to her bedroom and dialed her cell phone. The house fell silent as we all listened in.

"Hello?" Isabella's soft voice was music even over the telephone.

"Hey, Bella, it's Alice."

"Oh, hey." There was a quiver in her voice. Was she crying? "How's it going?"

"Good! Carlisle and I are about ready to start on a practice test. Can you come over now?"

"Yeah, totally. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Oh, I'll come get you," Alice offered. "It's kind of hard to find our house."

"You're just out off the old highway, aren't you?" she asked. So it was true, she had been here enough before to be familiar with the town.

"Yeah, that's right, but the turn-off is hard to find. . . ."

"I'll wait for her at the road," Edward offered.

"Oh! Edward's so sweet. He said he was going to head up to the mailbox anyway, so he'll wait for you at the road and show you where to turn."

"Um, yeah, that should work. Tell him thanks." Her voice still shook lightly. Was it nerves? Did Edward make her nervous?

"I think everyone makes her nervous," he murmured softly to me. "She's shy."

"Perhaps I should be the one. . . ."

"She knows me, Carlisle," he assured me. "She'll be alright. Just don't forget to take your place in the living room, and remember to try out the relaxed stances we went over."

I nodded, feeling the nervous energy rise inside of me as Alice said goodbye to Isabella. It was an unusual sensation, and Edward laughed.

"It's about time you cared enough about something to get nervous." He moved to the coat closet and donned a prop, a waterproof Gore-Tex hiking jacket that would keep the light, drizzling rain off of his skin.

"You're going already?" Alice asked, strolling out of her room. "You'll be able to hear her truck coming before she's halfway here."

"I'll need to have enough rain on my coat to make it look like I walked to the road."

"Good point." Alice moved to the living room and started scattering test preparation books and papers around the furniture.

Jasper came in from the back yard, drops of rain sparkling in his hair, and moved upstairs to change clothes. Blood had spattered on his shirt, and he brought it downstairs and dropped it on the fire Emmett had set blazing in the hearth earlier. A fire was romantic, he had told me with a grin, particularly with the weather turning colder.

It certainly did produce a delightful scent. With the chilling air outside and the fire crackling inside, the whole room was alive with inviting aromas. Isabella's own scent was just the addition it needed to make it complete.

I waited.

Before long I heard the rumble of her tired truck coming down the old highway. As it approached our turn-off it slowed, pulling onto the gravel path, and I listened as the gears shifted into park. A door opened.

"Hey, Bella," Edward's voice said brightly.

"Hey." I could hear the nervous smile in the way she formed the word.

"You'd better memorize this turn. If I know Alice, she'll be trying to drag you around every other day."

She gave no audible response.

"How's your dad doing?" Edward asked amiably.

"He's fine."

Edward laughed playfully. "Bella, you're not nervous about coming to our house, are you?"

I heard her soft exhale. "It's just . . . you said your family doesn't really hang out with people from school."

"Not usually, no. But we wouldn't have asked if we didn't want you to come."

"Why did you? Why ask me when you don't ask anyone else?"

Edward gave a wry laugh. "Good question. I guess because you're interesting. I like talking to you, and Alice thinks the two of you are destined to be the next Thelma and Louise."

There was a pause, and then Bella said hesitantly, "Don't they drive off a cliff at the end of the movie?"

"Yeah, well, maybe  _you_  should do the driving when you and Alice go out."

Alice giggled in the living room.

I caught sight of the truck angling through the trees and I left my post, moving to the living room with Alice. She handed me a clipboard with the instructions I was supposed to read to her and settled onto the couch with a pencil and a testing booklet. I took the stance we had decided on, half sitting on the back of one corner of the couch, hunched slightly over the clipboard that held testing instructions. Jasper was slouched in an arm chair, one ankle thrown across his other knee, his foot bobbing slightly. We were ready.

"Edward, can I ask you something?" Bella said as the truck approached the house.

"You can ask, but I won't promise to answer."

"You're girlfriend is older than you, right?"

"Yes, that's right."

Her voice was hesitant. "How much older?" There was a beat of silence, and she added quickly, "I mean, if that's not too personal."

There was a smile in Edward's voice when he answered. "Old enough that I prefer not to answer that question until my next birthday."

There was another short silence.

"Is it weird?" she asked. "I mean, do people give you strange looks and things?"

"Sometimes," he admitted. "And around our friends we often have to pretend there's nothing between us.

Bella's voice was soft when she spoke again. "That kind of sucks."

"True," Edward said casually. "But she's worth it. Anyway, why do you ask?"

"No good reason. Just curious, I guess." She pulled up to the house. "Where should I park?"

Edward directed her to a spot at the side of the house, and then the two of them came inside.

Instantly her scent hit me, warm and fragrantly floral, and I drew it in greedily. It was her essence, pure and beautiful, and it embodied everything I wanted in the world. I heard Edward taking her coat and hanging it in the closet, and then he ushered her into the living room.

She took my breath away. She wore a soft, gauzy pink blouse and a pair of jeans that fitted to her figure, showing off her slim waist. Her hair curled prettily around her shoulders, and when her warm, brown eyes settled on my face, her sweet mouth pulled into a smile.

Jasper gave a little cough, and I glanced at him quickly to see if he was trying to get my attention. He didn't seem to be. His eyes were glazed over, and he was focused–or trying to be focused–on Isabella. I seemed as though he was having some difficulty.

Alice spoke first. "Hey Bella! Come on in!" She moved some papers off of the couch cushion next to her, and patted it. "Carlisle and I were just about to get started on a practice English test."

She glanced up at me as she settled somewhat stiffly next to Alice, and I smiled. "Good afternoon, Isabella. It's a pleasure to see you again."

Her cheeks colored a lovely pink, and she dropped her eyes. "Thanks, you too, Dr. Cullen," she said softly.

"Please, just Carlisle," I smiled.

Her bandaged hand came up to brush away a lock of hair as she smiled self-consciously, and I caught a familiar, unpleasant scent.

_Her hand is infected._

I glanced up at Edward, and he raised his eyebrows.

"What did you do to her hand?" I asked her.

"Oh." She seemed embarrassed. "I cut it on a broken dish."

"Would you like me to take a look at it?"

She shook her head quickly. "No, it's fine. It was a couple of days ago."

It had to have been, for it to be festering as badly as it was.

_It's bad. I need to tend to it, but I don't want to seem like I'm pushing her too hard._

Edward strode into the room and perched himself on the arm of the couch next to Isabella. "Alice, I think it's cute how you think you're ever going to pass these tests."

She stuck her tongue out at him, and he reached across Isabella and smacked her on the back of the head, very casually bumping the bandaged hand as he drew his own hand back.

Isabella gasped in pain, drawing her hand back sharply.

"Aw, Bella, I'm so sorry," Edward said solicitously. "Does it really hurt that bad?"

She shook her head, biting her lip, but it was enough of an opening that I could legitimately show concern.

"Maybe you'd better let me take just a quick look," I said, gesturing for Edward to move while I sent grateful thoughts his way. He vacated his position and I stood over Isabella, reaching out my hand for hers. Her lovely eyes met mine, and she tentatively held out her bandaged hand, palm up.

Behind me, Jasper stood quickly. "Edward, you want to go throw the football around?" he asked.

Edward nodded, feigning nonchalance, and the two of them disappeared out the back door. I heard them take off into the trees, putting as much distance as they could between themselves and Isabella's injury.

I carefully removed the tape and unwrapped the gauze from her hand. I frowned when I pulled back the last layer and displayed the laceration, surrounded in yellow puss and angry red swelling.

No blood. Alice started breathing again beside me.

I put my hand under Isabella's, holding it gently, and heard the distinct sound of bone rubbing against splintered bone. From the sound of it, there were several breaks.

I frowned deeply. I was going to have to get an X-ray. "Isabella, this is a pretty serious injury. I'm afraid we need to get you to the hospital."

She pulled her hand away quickly. "No, it's getting better," she said, looking away.

"Alice, why don't you go join the boys," I said. "I'm afraid it will be a little while before we can get to the tests."

She stood up, looking unsure. "Okay. Call me when you're ready." She headed out the back door.

"Isabella," I looked at her intently, "your hand is broken. Can you tell me how you hurt it?"

She licked her lips anxiously. "I dropped a plate while I was doing dishes," she said. "When I went to clean it up I slipped on some water and fell on a shard of glass."

She was either very nervous or she was lying.

"Well, I'm sorry, but we'll need to get your hand X-rayed and get that infection cleaned up. Come. I'll drive you to the hospital."

She shook her head quickly. "No . . . I'll have Charlie take me."

"Isn't he away today?"

She looked down, holding her hand gingerly. "When he gets back."

I sat down on the coffee table in front of her. "Isabella, why don't you want to go to the hospital?"

She hesitated, biting at her lip so hard I decided it was probably a good idea that I had sent Alice after the boys. I reached up an caressed her lip with my thumb, easing it out from between her teeth.

"Charlie would get mad if I went without telling him," she finally said.

"Why didn't he take you to the hospital when you first cut it?" I asked gently, my old suspicions about her father settling in again.

"I didn't tell him."

"Would it still upset him if he believes you hurt yourself while you were here?"

She looked up at me, anxiety and hope in her eyes. "Um. Maybe not."

I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Why don't I call him and tell him you were playing football with the boys and fell," I said softly, "and that my insurance will cover the claim?"

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she fought them back and nodded.

"All right." I stood and helped her to her feet, retrieving her coat for her and donning one of my own. I led her to my Mercedes and helped her inside, but Jasper appeared around the back of the house before I could get in myself.

"Carlisle," he called.

I glanced up at his expectant expression, and gestured for Isabella to wait while I went to speak with him.

Jasper put a hand on my shoulder and closed his eyes, and suddenly a feeling of intense desire slammed into me so forcefully that my stomach clenched, and I found myself grunting slightly, merely as a way of releasing some of the tension that grabbed me. Jasper kept it up for a few seconds, then pulled it back, leaving me panting.

He smiled, looking very pleased with himself. "That's what Bella hit me with as soon as she walked into the room and saw you today," he said. "That's not human hormones, Carlisle, that's vampire caliber. In fact, that's  _strong_  for vampires. I think it's safe to say your girl is affected just as much as you are."

His information left me reeling–even more so than the feelings he had passed on to me. He smiled over my shoulder and raised his hand in a wave to Bella, then turned and headed off into the trees again.

I took a deep breath to compose myself, then returned to the car and got in. One look at Isabella, knowing that she felt about me the same way I felt about her, had my thoughts scattered again. I gave her a small smile and tried to collect myself as I directed the car toward the hospital. She was silent on the ride, and I wondered if I should try to engage her in conversation or leave her to her thoughts. It was pleasant, being able to watch her face, to let my eyes trace over her profile as she stared out the window. She glanced at me once, then looked away again when our eyes met. I wanted badly for her to look at me again.

I had never in my life been so consumed by my feelings. The urge to touch her was easily as strong as the desire for blood had been in the early months after my change. I thought it might drive me mad to be this close to her, feeling the warmth drifting off of her skin, smelling her intoxicating scent, and yet being unable to take her in my arms and press her lips to mine.

It was a good thing I had so much practice denying myself.

When we got to the hospital I helped her out of the car and ushered here directly to my office, exchanging pleasantries with a few of my colleagues on the way. I wouldn't be treating her as a normal patient. I guided her to a chair by my desk and pulled over a small work table.

"Wait right here while I gather some supplies," I told her. I left and collected what I needed from the supply closet, then returned to her.

I scrubbed and sanitized the surface of the table, then prepared a needle. "Focus on the clock," I advised her. "The anaesthetic burns going in, but by the time a minute is up, your hand will be completely numb.

She nodded, biting her lip again, and the sight sent my mind wandering down a path that involved my tongue sweeping across her soft, pink mouth. I halted the fantasy it its tracks and pressed the needle into her swollen hand, injecting the anaesthesia to take away her pain.

Once she was no longer hurting, I cleaned her cut as carefully as I could, picking out two slivers of glass that were still embedded in the soft tissue. With that finished, I guided her to an X-ray room and took some pictures. The breaks weren't bad, and wouldn't require surgery to set right.

"Isabella, close your eyes," I said softly.

She complied without question, and I swiftly jerked the bones into place. I got another X-ray to make sure I had it right, and then guided her back to my office. I quickly stitched up the cut and bandaged her hand.

"Unfortunately," I told her, "the state of that cut means I won't be able to put your hand in plaster. I'll need to be able to clean it again tomorrow, so for now we'll use this brace, but please," I looked at her intently, "do not remove this. It's the only thing holding the bones in your hand in place."

She nodded her understanding.

I fitted the removable brace over her hand, tightening it securely, and then offered her a hand to help her up.

We left the hospital, stopping at the pharmacy on the way out to get a prescription for antibiotics filled, and I drove her back home again. As I turned onto the gravel drive, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and answered.

"Should we leave? Is there blood?" Edward asked.

"No, it's fine. Has Esme finished lunch?"

"She's keeping it warm for us," Edward said, and I could hear his grimace.

I laughed softly. "Well, good. We're just pulling into the driveway now."

Edward disconnected, and after a moment I heard the sounds of the piano drifting from the house. I smiled to myself when I recognized  _Obsession_  from  _Jekyll and Hyde_.

_Very funny, Edward._


	14. How Do You Talk to an Angel?

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I was so nervous I couldn't even speak. I had hardly said a word to Carlisle since we had left his house. It was just so overwhelming, being with him in his car, with him smelling better than any man should have a right to smell, close enough to accidentally brush his arm.

I was very careful not to accidentally brush his arm.

My mind was on the hospital, when he was touching my hand and my arm, and guiding me through doorways with his hand on the small of my back. Once he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, his hand resting for a moment on the side of my head, and when he looked at me my imagination conjured up fondness in his eyes.

I felt like I was being rude, sitting there not saying anything. Carlisle was doing me a huge favor. I had dreaded the possibility of losing the use of my hand, and he was saving me from that while feeding a lie to Charlie.

It made me feel warm inside to have him taking care of me. I had never had a man take care of me when he hadn't hurt me first. This wasn't Carlisle's responsibility, but he was stepping in anyway. It made me feel important, valuable.

Not that he cared at all for me. He was a doctor, and doctors had a sense of responsibility about these things. Still, it was awfully pleasant to imagine that the tenderness in his touch was the result of something more than excellent bedside manner.

I was fascinated by his hands. As he carefully cleaned and stitched my cut, I had stared at them, nimble and cool, with long, tapered fingers. I tried not to imagine those gorgeous fingers touching me in other places . . . at least not yet. That was a thought I would save for a more private moment.

He watched me a lot, particularly while driving, which made me nervous. I was afraid that he would find out what had happened with Charlie. I didn't want him to think too hard, and if I had been able to reason clearly I would have tried to distract him with conversation.

But I didn't have the first idea what to say.

Carlisle parked the car and came around to help me out. It was probably good he did, because my hip gave out as I was pushing myself to my feet, and I stumbled against him. His arms shot around me, keeping me from falling, and I once again found myself wrapped in his embrace due to my own clumsiness.

I clung to him maybe a little bit longer than necessary, until he pulled back a little. "Are you alright, Isabella?" he asked gently.

I nodded, blushing. "Yeah, I'm just being my usual klutzy self."

He smiled warmly and tucked my hand in the crook of his arm, escorting me to the house. I could hear the piano playing as we approached the door, and when Carlisle pushed it open I saw that it was Edward playing, with Esme seated on the bench next to him. He gave his mother an adoring smile, and she ruffled his hair affectionately before standing up and moving to kiss Carlisle quickly on the cheek.

A sharp pain shot through me, and I nearly doubled over from it. I held myself in check fairly well, only displaying a minor flinch which no one seemed to notice.

Esme turned to me and smiled. "Bella, it's nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you." She took my hand and pressed it between her own. "I'm Esme."

"It's nice to meet you, too," I mumbled.

Carlisle's hands touched my shoulders, and I jumped a little in surprise. He smiled softly as he helped me off with my coat and hung it in the closet for me.

"I'll get lunch ready," Esme said with a smile.

"Aw, but who will I play for?" Edward complained.

"Play for Bella. You wouldn't mind feeding Edward's enormous ego for a few minutes, would you, dear?"

Edward grinned at me and patted the piano bench next to him, so I stepped self-consciously to his side and settled next to him.

"Do you like piano music?" he asked.

"I like pretty much any music."

Carlisle moved to the side of the piano, leaning casually against it and watching Edward speculatively.

Edward grinned and started playing a piece I had never heard before. It was stunning, haunting and wistful, and it burrowed into my chest, taking hold of my heart. "That's beautiful," I whispered. "What is it?"

Edward was smiling crookedly at Carlisle, who was frowning at him in disapproval. "It's mine," he said. "I haven't named it yet. Maybe  _A Lilac Bloom_." He smirked at Carlisle, and it was clear there was some sort of inside joke between them–one that Edward thought was much funnier than Carlisle did.

"So, Carlisle and I have been having this argument," Edward said casually, changing the subject.

I glanced up at Carlisle, but quickly looked away when I saw his eyes on me. This seemed like a private conversation, and I wasn't sure why Edward was telling me about it.

"See, he's made this decision," he went, ignoring my discomfort, "and I disagree with it."

"Edward," Carlisle said warningly.

He just smiled blandly and continued. "It's not really  _my_  place to say whether his decision is right or wrong." He paused in his playing and fixed his gaze on his father. "But it  _is_  wrong." He resumed his music. "And even though everyone agrees with me–"

"Edward," Carlisle said again, more sharply.

"All right, fine, everyone except Rosalie–who by the way, is even more wrong than you are–anyway, even though most of them agree with me, it's not really  _their_  place to question it either."

"That's right," Carlisle said softly. "It's not."

Edward smiled at me and played for a few moments. I had almost started to hope he was going to drop the subject when he spoke again.

"No, my problem with it is that he acts like there's nobody else who should have a say in the decision."

"Do you . . . want me to give you guys a minute?" I asked hesitantly.

"Oh, no," Edward said, shaking his head. "Carlisle has all kind of unpleasant words he wants to say to me that he would never utter in front of a lady." He grinned at me. "Your presence is saving me from a very severe tongue-lashing. Anyway, as I was saying, he seems to think this is his decision alone."

I felt a sinking in my stomach. If Edward had to use me as a buffer for his father's anger, maybe Carlisle Cullen wasn't the perfect, TV Land father I had hoped he was. It was a lot more disappointing that it should have been, and I swallowed against the sudden thickness in my throat.

"Edward," Carlisle said firmly, "it  _is_  my decision alone."

"No." Edward stared straight into Carlisle's eyes. "There is one other person who is directly affected by it, Carlisle. Affected, we now know, exactly as much as you are."

I ducked my head, wishing they wouldn't talk about this in front of me. I didn't want to be a witness to their family's secrets, particularly if they were anything like  _my_  family's secrets.

"Enough," Carlisle said with an air of finality. He looked intently at Edward, an eyebrow raising as he stared him down.

A slow smile spread across Edward's face. "Yes, sir."

Esme pushed the kitchen door open then and announced that lunch was ready, and Edward stood. "I'll let Alice and Jasper know."

Carlisle moved to my side, offering me his arm once more, and led me to the table in the dining room. He took his place at the head of the table after helping me into a chair next to his. Esme sat on his other side, across from me, and reached out to squeeze his hand. The gesture made me ache inside.

After a moment we were joined by the other three. Edward took a seat next to Esme, and Alice plopped down beside me. "Hey, Bella! How's your hand."

I held up the hand encased in the black brace. "Broken, apparently," I said with a rueful smile. "I'm even clumsier than I thought."

Alice giggled. "Only you, Bella."

Jasper settled into the seat next to her and reached out to capture her hand in his. He leaned forward enough to nod an acknowledgment to me around her, and I gave him a smile.

Esme took the lead and started serving a thick soup from the dish at the center of the table, as Carlisle began passing around a plate of warm bread.

"I hope you like lobster bisque," Esme smiled at me.

I smiled back, torn between wanting to hate her and wanting to  _be_  her, but finding myself just liking her. "I've heard rumors about your amazing cooking."

She smiled sweetly. "The kids are too kind."

"Oh, no, we were terribly rude," Edward corrected her. "We told Bella how your cooking has ruined us to the point that we can't eat anything else."

Esme practically glowed. "I'm sure I should tell you that you need to learn to like all kinds of food, but I'm afraid I enjoy the flattery too much," she laughed, a beautiful, warming sound.

No wonder Carlisle loved her. She was perfect.

Esme filled everyone's bowls, but nobody started eating right away. I waited, wondering if they were a family that said grace together the way I had sometimes seen on television. But eventually Carlisle picked up his spoon and dipped it into the bisque, bringing it to his lips.

God, those lips. . . .

That seemed to signal everyone to begin, and they all started eating. I sipped in a mouthful of the soup and nearly groaned with pleasure.

"Wow, Mrs. Cullen, this is amazing," I breathed.

Once again, she nearly glowed. "Thank you, Bella. But please, call me Esme."

"So Isabella," Carlisle said, "Edward tells me that you like to read. Are you working on something now?"

I felt my cheeks warm a little as everyone turned to look at me. "Uh, yeah,  _Candide_."

Carlisle raised a curious eyebrow. " _Candide_? That's an interesting choice. What made you decide to read that one?"

"I saw it on the reading list for an English class at UW."

The corner of his mouth pulled up. "With what other books?"

"Um," I tried to remember what was on it. " _Indiana, Dubliners, The Prince_  . . . there were a few more."

"Why choose  _Candide_?"

"I'm . . . reading them all. I've finished  _Indiana_  and  _The Prince_."

He smiled delightedly. "You read  _The Prince_? The Machiavelli?"

My cheeks warmed even further. "Yeah. It was kind of boring, actually. Everyone made it out to be this monstrous thing, but," I shrugged again. "I don't know. It was just psychology. Manipulation."

"And how are you liking  _Candide_?"

"It's a surprisingly light-hearted for being so depressing."

Carlisle chuckled. "That it is."

"It gives you hope for a happy ending," I said. "Even when you know there won't be one."

Carlisle looked at me intently. "Have you read it before?"

"No, but I've been told it ends badly."

"It takes a sour view on the world," he confirmed. "And you're right, Voltaire is very skillful at building hope before crushing it."

I nodded.

Alice was watching me, puzzled. "You need to read happier books."

"Yeah, maybe you're right," I laughed self-consciously. "It hasn't really been an optimistic reading list."

Edward was looking at me speculatively. "Have you read anything with a happy ending recently?"

"Uh, yeah.  _A Doll's House_."

Alice gaped at me. "The Ibsen play?"

"Yeah."

"Bella, how is that  _happy_? Nora walks out on her husband and kids at the end."

I shrugged. "I don't know. Who hasn't fantasized about just walking away and leaving everything behind?"

Edward and Jasper exchanged another one of their glances.

"Is that what you fantasize about?" Alice giggled. "Because I have this magazine spread of Jude Law I could show you that would totally change your life."

"Hey!" Jasper said indignantly.

Alice smiled sweetly at him. "Of course he could never compare to you, darling."

He smiled smugly.

Alice changed the subject then, apparently deciding my obsession with depressing literature was less interesting than fashion. She started telling me about a dress she was thinking of wearing to an upcoming school dance, and I listened and responded gamely. I had no doubt she would look stunning–she could wear an old burlap sack and still leave the guys drooling. If they could tear their eyes away from Rosalie, that is.

I wondered vaguely where Rosalie and Emmett were, though it was a little bit of a relief that they weren't here. It wasn't that I didn't like them, because really, how could I know? I had never even talked to them. But the two of them were intimidating. Emmett, of course, was huge and imposing, and Rosalie was so indescribably beautiful that she made me want to cry. Being here was stressful enough with just Carlisle and his frustratingly-perfect wife. If I had had to hang out with Emmett and Rosalie, I would probably have run away and hid in a corner.

When we finished lunch, Carlisle stood and offered me a hand to help me up. "Come, Isabella, Alice. It's time we got to work on those tests."


	15. Someone Else's Star

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

When we finally returned our attention to the SAT practice tests, Edward decided to join us. He settled into one armchair and Alice claimed the other, leaving the couch for Isabella and myself.

Their game wasn't lost on me, and I gave the two of them a warning look before taking a seat. Of course, my own thoughts betrayed me to Edward when I suddenly found myself being very appreciative of my somewhat close proximity to Isabella. I tried to focus on the task at hand, but for me, there was really very little to do. I read the instructions for the test and told the three of them that they would have fifteen minutes to work, then directed them to begin. Once they were working that left me with nothing to do except watch my Isabella.

She was beautiful. She chewed at her lip whenever she came across a question that seemed difficult for her, and several times she glanced up at me. Of course I made sure I didn't scare her by letting her know I was watching her. I braced one foot against the coffee table and propped a medical journal against my leg, which I pretended to read whenever her eyes were on me.

Once the test was finished I helped the three of them grade them, and then we reviewed the questions they got wrong. For Isabella's sake, of course, Edward and Alice both made several mistakes. I led them in a skill-building session, hoping that my efforts might help Isabella when the time came for her to take her tests, and then we moved on to the math section.

We spent all afternoon testing, correcting, skill-building. To their credit, neither of my children showed any sign of impatience, and Isabella seemed very focused. We studied for a long time, though, and when Esme finally interrupted us to join her for dinner, she sighed in relief.

I gave her an apologetic smile. "I hope we haven't worked you too hard."

She ducked her head and smiled. "No, it was really good. Thank you."

I ushered her into the dining room again and pulled out her seat for her, and then took my place at the head of the table as Esme brought out the food. She had prepared steak tartare, and the rare meat smelled significantly better than the soup from earlier. The others would appreciate it, too, because it would be a lot easier to toss bits of it into the trash when Isabella wasn't looking.

The lobster bisque really had been a trial.

Once dinner was served, Edward started in on me again, though at least he was subtler about it this time.

"So Bella, have you chosen who among your many admirers you're going to ask to the dance?"

Esme perked up. "Who are these admirers?"

Isabella blushed deeply. "I don't have admirers," she mumbled.

"I beg to differ," Edward said with a smirk.

"Sorry Bella, but me too," Alice put in. "The guys at school can hardly keep themselves in their seats with you around."

"Which ones?" Esme asked again.

"Tyler Crowley, for one," Edward grinned.

"Tyler Crowley," I murmured. "Isn't he the young man who was driving the car . . . ?"

"The one than nearly crushed Bella?" Edward finished. "Yep."

Isabella narrowed her eyes at Edward, but didn't answer.

"Mike Newton," Alice trilled. "He's a cute one, Bella. I think you should ask him."

"Don't forget Eric Yorkie," Jasper added. "You should give him a chance, he's a nice kid."

Isabella was blushing furiously. "I'm not going to the dance."

"Oh, that's unfortunate," Esme said. "Why not?"

Her heart rate sped up, a dead give-away that she was about to utter a lie. "I'm going to Seattle that day."

I frowned slightly, wondering why she would hide her reasons for avoiding a school dance. But at the same time I was pleased that there wouldn't be someone else taking her, that she wouldn't spend the evening in another man's arms. I knew Edward had started this line of questioning to make me jealous, and it was working.

 _Why is she lying?_  I asked Edward silently.

He answered, too softly for Isabella to hear. "She lies all the time, Carlisle. I get the feeling the girl keeps as many secrets as we do."

"What are you going to Seattle for?" Alice asked brightly.

"I've been needing to get to a good bookstore."

"Why not do that the next day? That way you'll have Saturday free to go to the dance."

"I can't–I have plans with my dad the next day."

She was lying again. Either that, or she was nervous about her plans with her father.

"You know, the entire male population of Forks High School will be devastated when you don't ask someone to go," Edward teased.

She arched an eyebrow at him. "You're one to talk. How many girls have you turned down so far?"

"That's different. I have a girlfriend."

"A girlfriend nobody knows about," Isabella pointed out. "Before you start accusing me of breaking hearts, I should mention the parade of girls who want nothing more than to catch the eye of one Edward Cullen."

I smiled to myself as Isabella turned the tables on Edward. The man needed someone to put him in his place every now and then.

"You two should go together!" Alice declared.

Edward raised an eyebrow at her.

"Oh come on, it would be so fun. Edward, you never come out with us."

"I'm still going to Seattle," Isabella reminded her.

"You and I can go to Seattle next weekend instead," Alice offered. "And we can shop for dresses while we're there!"

Edward shrugged. "It  _is_  a convenient excuse to say no to other people," he smiled. "What do you say?"

"What about your girlfriend? You don't think it would bother her?"

Edward shook his head.

"I don't think she would mind a bit," Esme assured her. "Edward's girlfriend might actually appreciate it if some of Edward's classmates got the idea that he was taken." She winked.

Isabella was starting to look slightly panicked. "I'm really not much of a dancer."

"That's because you haven't danced with me," Edward smiled. "Trust me, Bella, I'll keep you on your feet."

"Please say yes," Alice begged. "We can double, you and Edward, me and Jasper. Please?"

"Okay," she gave in, looking slightly appalled with herself for doing so. "It sounds . . . fun."

Edward laughed. "You're a terrible liar, Bella. But don't worry, we'll make sure you have a good time."

We finished dinner, and Edward and Alice walked Isabella out to her car and said goodbye. I got started on washing the dishes Esme had used, filling the sink and scrubbing them at a habitually human pace as my mind wandered back over the day. Edward joined me after he finished seeing Isabella off, drying the dishes as I washed them and replacing them in the cupboards. He was silent for a few minutes, just letting me remember little details, but eventually he couldn't help himself.

"So I'm taking your girl out," he said, his voice heavy with amusement.

I sighed. Edward occasionally made a game of getting under someone's skin, but lately it had become incessant.

"I figure we'll make a pretty big deal out of it, what with Alice planning it and all," he said. "I mean, Bella will expect dinner, though I might save Alice and Jasper from that particular chore and just take her to Port Angeles alone. We'll find a nice quiet restaurant with low lighting, maybe some candles. . . ."

He was digging at me, and it was getting to me. It bothered me, because I knew exactly what he was doing, but I didn't like thinking about Isabella being with anyone else, even my dearest friend.

"Is renting a limo still something the kids do? Seems sort of cheesy. Maybe I'll just see if I can borrow Rose's M3–if she and Emmett aren't using it."

My movements quickened as my impatience grew.  _Edward, is there some point to all of this?_

Edward laughed out loud. "Oh, this is sweet revenge, Carlisle. How many times have I watched you take my wife to dinner parties and hospital benefits, and let everyone believe that she belonged to you?"

I scrubbed the last pan and handed it to him, turning to lean back against the counter.  _If you don't like the cover story, you have but to say the word._

"No, no, you were right," he said. "Simple stories are the easiest to maintain." He put the pan away and hopped up onto the counter. "But I'm still going to enjoy this."

I glared at him furiously. "So help me, Edward, if you take advantage of that girl in order to play some silly game with me–"

"Whoa, Carlisle, take it easy," he laughed. "You know me better than that."

I started to walk away, but he called me back. "You promised me a conversation."

I spun around. "Of all people, Edward, I would expect  _you_  to understand."

"I understand," he said solemnly.

"Then why do you keep pushing? Why can't you see that I'm acting in her best interest?"

"How do you know what her best interest is?" he demanded. "You barely know the girl, Carlisle, and you're making major life decisions for her."

Anger spiked in me at the insinuation that I didn't know my soul mate, and it was only aggravated by the fact that he was perfectly right. He was the one who spent time with her. Tonight at dinner, it had been Edward who had drawn her out and helped her put aside her anxiety. He was the one who had a connection with her.

He slid down from the counter top. "Come on, Carlisle, I didn't mean it like that," he said penitently.

_It's true, regardless of whether you meant to call attention to it._

"My point is that maybe she deserves a chance to make the choice."

"And how would you orchestrate that? Would you tell her our secrets and leave her in fear the rest of her life when she chooses not to join us? How would you see to it that the Volturi never found out about her, when all it would take is one touch of Aro's hand on any of ours to reveal her?"

"She loves you, Carlisle. She could never say no to you, any more than you could to her."

_All the more reason not to tell her. I won't use the peculiarities of vampire mating against her._

"Love is not a weapon," Edward said solicitously. "It's a gift–the greatest a person could ever receive. Don't deny her that."

I rubbed my forehead, wearied by the arguments that waged war inside my mind. "Please stop pushing this," I said. "At least with Isabella. I don't want her caught up in an argument between us."

Edward shook his head resolutely. "I'm afraid I can't do that. I  _will_  see you happy, old friend. Even if I have to fight you every step of the way."


	16. Dirty Little Secret

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

"I know your secret."

I froze as Edward's cool breath washed over my ear, and the book I was sliding out of my locker tumbled to the floor.

"What?" I asked, my voice shaky.

He laughed softly, still leaning over my shoulder. "Mm-hm," he murmured. "You have a dirty little secret, and I know what it is."

What was he talking about? Did he know about Charlie? Or worse . . . had he somehow found out about Phil?

"That's crazy," I said, trying not to sound terrified and failing miserably. I stooped down to retrieve my book, but it was already in Edward's hand. He tucked it into my bag for me and smirked. "What? I don't have secrets."

"Please," he scoffed. "You have a million secrets. You think I can't tell?"

I closed my locker and pushed past him, heading toward my first period class, but he fell into step beside me.

"I think Forks has gotten to you, Edward. It's so boring here that you've had to resort to making up nonexistent scandals."

"While that does sound fun," he grinned, "I was saved from the necessity of taking such drastic measures by  _your_ secret."

I stopped and turned to face him, frustrated. "Fine," I said, my voice a little more hostile than it probably should have been. "What secret?"

He winked at me. "We'll talk about it at lunch." He turned and strode off down the hall, whistling to himself.

I was a wreck all morning, trying to figure out what Edward knew. How could he possibly have found out about anything? I had never told anyone what went on at either of my parents' houses, but occasionally there were people who seemed to know.

I didn't like it when they figured things out. I didn't like having to lie for the people who hurt me. And I really didn't like having to lie to Edward.

Why he was different from anyone else, I didn't know. Edward was special–and not in the way Jessica Stanley thought he was special. In another life, in a world, where I didn't have to constantly fear the repercussions of getting too close to people, I might even have had feelings for him.

Well . . . maybe in a world where Carlisle Cullen didn't exist. Honestly, I couldn't imagine anyone wanting someone other than Carlisle once they had met him. And I couldn't imagine myself ever getting over him. I was in love with him, completely, irrevocably, and it didn't matter how ridiculous it was or how completely impossible it would be for me to be with him.

But that was nothing new. All my life I had wanted things I couldn't have, so why should love be any different? Maybe there was something wrong with me. Maybe, somewhere in the world, there were people who wished they had it as good as I did. Maybe in poverty-stricken countries, kids thought that if they could just get enough to eat, they wouldn't mind so much if their parents hit them. Maybe there were kids who would appreciate being given an old car or a cell phone, even if it meant they had to take a beating first.

Perhaps I was just ungrateful, never appreciating what I had, always looking for something beyond my grasp. I should have been happy with Mike Newton, Eric Yorkie, Tyler Crowley. There were plenty of other girls who would appreciate their attentions. What was wrong with me that made me ignore them and latch onto someone so completely unattainable? It was laughable, the thought that Carlisle Cullen could ever care about me, even if he wasn't already married to the most perfect woman in the world.

When lunch finally came around, I was jumpy and anxious. I was terrified of the conversation I was about to have with Edward. He met me at my locker, as usual, but his smile fell when he saw my face.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

I pushed the door closed and headed for the cafeteria with him. "Nothing, I'm fine."

"Bad morning?"

I sighed, losing patience. "Aren't they all?"

Edward looked taken aback. "Do you really hate it here that much?"

I glanced up at him, feeling contrite. "No, it's fine." I changed the subject. "What are you pretending to eat today?"

He laughed as we moved to the lunch cart and pointed to his goal. "I was considering that shapeless lump masquerading as pizza."

"Well, it's no steak tartare. . . ."

"No," he said mournfully, "it definitely is not."

We collected our food and found our table, and Edward made a big show of getting settled. He waited for me to take a bite of my chicken sandwich before leaning closer over the tabletop.

"So," he said, "let's talk about this secret of yours."

It was harder to swallow my food than it should have been. "I don't know what you're talking about," I mumbled. "I don't have secrets."

Denial was generally my coping mechanism of choice.

Edward smirked. "I think you do. But don't worry, I have a few of my own. And I figure, if I know yours, it's only fair for you to know mine."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You're going to tell me how you managed to keep us both from becoming parking lot pancakes?"

His eyes sparkled. "I already told you that one."

"You already lied to me about that one," I shot back.

"It's ancient history. I'm only interested in the new and relevant secrets. Like yours."

"Fine," I muttered. "What is it that you think you know?"

He looked at me solemnly, but he couldn't keep the corners of his mouth from turning up. "You're in love with my father."

I nearly choked. " _What?_ " How did he know that? Was he a mind reader?

He smiled broadly. "Don't think I couldn't tell, Bella. You could hardly take your eyes off of him all day on Saturday."

"That's crazy," I mumbled, staring down at my food.

"No it's not," he said defensively. "Carlisle is an admirable man."

I instantly felt my cheeks coloring. "I didn't mean he's not–" I broke off when Edward snickered.

"Please, Bella, you're so obvious. You can't even think about him without getting all flustered."

I glared at him, but it only made him laugh more.

"Do you know how adorable you are when you try to be intimidating? You're like a little kitten trying to be a lion."

"You're  _so_  funny."

"Hey," he said placatingly. "Fair is fair. Since I know that you're hopelessly in love with the very desirable Dr. Carlisle Cullen, I will tell you about  _my_  love life."

I arched an eyebrow at him. "I don't care about your love life."

"Yes you do," he smiled. "Trust me, you do."

"You're going to tell her?" Jasper appeared at my side, setting his tray down on the table.

Edward nodded, smiling like the cat that ate the canary.

"Carlisle's going to be so mad," Alice declared brightly, taking her place across from Jasper.

"You might want to re-think what you're doing here," Jasper warned. "Arguing with him is one thing, but you're about to declare war."

Edward folded his hands in front of him, smiling complacently. "It's a war worth fighting."

"I couldn't agree more," Alice said loyally. She waved her hand at him. "So go on, tell her."

Edward smiled. "So you know my girlfriend?" he asked. "The older woman?"

I nodded.

"It's Esme."

My eyes widened as the shock hit, and the anger soon followed. How could he do that to Carlisle? How could he cheat on him with Esme?

"Esme?" I demanded. "As in, your mother?"

He gave me a small smile. "I know, it's definitely unorthodox. That's why we tend to keep it quiet."

"Unorthodox." The anger was building. "Edward, how could you do that to your father?"

He laughed out loud. "I haven't done anything to Carlisle, Bella. He and Esme aren't married."

I gaped at him. "They're not?"

He shook his head. "No, they're brother and sister. When they put their names on the adoption applications, everyone assumed they were a couple. Pretty soon they realized that was the only reason they were allowed to adopt us all, so ever since then they've just let everyone think they were married."

I was having an unusually hard time understanding the words he was saying. Carlisle  _didn't_  love Esme?  _Edward_  loved Esme?

Oh no. I had sat there right in front of her and agreed to go to the dance with Edward.

Wait.

 _She_  had told me Edward's girlfriend wouldn't mind.

I pushed my food away and put my head down on the table. "You guys make my brain hurt," I muttered.

Alice giggled. "I know. We make  _my_  brain hurt too."

Emmett and Rosalie. Jasper and Alice. Edward and Esme.

I straightened up again, suddenly irritated. "What exactly is wrong with the  _rest_  of the world?" I demanded. "I mean seriously, you all just  _have_  to date family members? The rest of us are so unworthy that you would never even give us a second glance?" I couldn't figure out what was bothering me so much. It wasn't like I didn't already know that Carlisle would never look twice at me.

Jasper put a hand on my shoulder. "Hey now, it's not like that."

My anger dissipated as quickly as it had flared and I put my head down on the table again.

Edward was giving me a puzzled look. "I have to say, Bella, I thought you would take this news a little better."

"Why?" I asked disinterestedly, not looking up.

I could hear the teasing smile in his voice when he spoke. "Because it means Carlisle is single."

I lifted my head up enough to glare at him, but it only made him laugh.

"Edward, quit being a douche," Jasper drawled. He gave me a sympathetic look. "I know our family looks pretty messed up," he said. "But we're not getting together because we like keeping it in the family. We're a family because we want to be together."

I furrowed my brow, sitting up a little. "What?"

Jasper's arm slipped around my shoulders and he hugged me gently. "Carlisle brought Edward into the family for Esme," he said. "He did the same thing when Emmett fell in love with Rose, and when Alice and I got together. Carlisle built the family around love."

"Except he's alone," Alice said softly.

Jasper shot her a warning look and drew his arm back, patting my knee. "So now you know," he said. "That's what makes the Cullen family so strange."

I raised an eyebrow. "Maybe that's  _part_  of what makes the Cullen family so strange." He still hadn't addressed the constantly-shifting eye color, or the pale skin, or the fact that Edward was somehow able to stop large vans from making roadkill out of me.

Alice giggled. "What, you think there's  _more_?"

"Feel like sharing?" I challenged her.

Edward leaned forward again. "Only if you do."

I sat back. "I don't know what you're talking about, Edward. I'm not the one pushing vans off of people."

"Hey," he sniffed. "I never let the van fall on you in the first place."

"Yeah, how'd you manage that again?"

"Adrenaline."

"Uh huh."

"So Bella," Alice said enthusiastically, "we need to plan our trip on Saturday so we have maximum time to shop for dresses."

I frowned. "Is this dance thing really a good idea?"

Edward looked offended. "You're not going to stand me up, are you?"

"Do you actually want to do this?"

"Come on, Bella, help me out," he smiled. "I never get to do stuff like school dances."

I rolled my eyes. "If you wanted to you could go with one of the million other girls who are just dying to ask you."

"But then I'd be leading them on. You know about Esme and me, and  _I_  know that you're interested in someone else." He grinned at me. "So this is perfect."

"I'm not interested in someone else," I protested weakly.

"Whatever, Bella," Alice laughed. "But seriously, we'll need lots of time for dress shopping, so we should leave early. How's five?"

I licked my lips nervously. "Um . . . I didn't exactly tell Charlie about the trip. So we have to wait until he leaves."

"Well, what time does he leave?" she demanded.

"Usually around six."

She sighed. "Fine, six, but we'll have to hurry at the bookstore."

"We could forget Seattle and just go to Port Angeles."

She rolled her eyes. "You can't get Vera Wang in Port Angeles, Bella."

"Oh–no, I'm not getting a designer dress."

"Yes you are," Alice declared. "It'll be my gift to you for getting Edward to come with us."

"Just give in," Jasper advised. "She won't be talked out of it."

"That's right, I won't," Alice said with an air of finality. "So I will be at your house at six o'clock sharp on Saturday morning, and you and I will go out."

Alice dominated the conversation after that, talking about arrangements for the dance. When the bell finally rang, Edward grabbed my hand and held me back as Alice and Jasper moved away. He slipped something into my palm and then winked at me and strode after them.

I glanced down to find a small wallet-sized photo of Carlisle.

My chest clenched, partly with gratitude, and partly with pain. How much of this could I take? How long could I exist like this, completely in love with a man I could never have any hope of being with? I felt a tear slip down my cheek and I brushed it away quickly before anyone could see.

I tucked the photograph into my purse and hurried back to my locker, knowing Edward would probably never know just how much I appreciated his gift.


	17. Chains Around My Heart

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

"Hey Carlisle, let's go for a run."

I looked up at Emmett as he strode toward the back door.

"Come on," he said. "I want to have a talk with you, and I don't need Edward interrupting."

I smiled and rose, and the two of us headed outside into the dark night. We ran for a while, just as I had done with Jasper, but instead of stopping when we were out of range of Edward's extra sense, Emmett just kept running.

"So first of all," he said, "Jasper is full of shit."

"How so?" I asked him, keeping pace with him.

"Me and Rosie aren't going to fall off the wagon. Even if you do go off yourself."

"You know, Emmett, I've always admired the tact with which you address delicate matters."

He snorted. "Sure. But listen, he's right about one thing. If you're gone, we won't stay together."

The thought of my family splitting up once again sent pain coursing through my chest.

"Still," Emmett went on, "that shouldn't be what makes your decision for you. This is about you and Bella, and you need to do what you think is right for you and Bella."

"Thank you, Emmett," I said softly.

"So do you think you're doing right by her?"

His question caught me off-guard. "I believe I'm protecting her."

"That's not what I asked." He leapt onto a tree branch and swung himself up into the top of another tree, then started jumping from one tree to another in that playful way of his. "Do you think you're making her happy?"

In fact, I did not. I was feeling rather fettered by convention. "Under the circumstances, I'm finding it difficult to have much of an impact on her life as of yet."

"That's believable," he said. "It's been almost a week since she came to see you, and she still seems depressed as hell every time I see her."

Concern for Isabella spiked sharply. "When do you see her?"

"Mostly at lunch and after school. I don't get too close because of Rose, you know, but I still hear every word of her conversations with Edward."

I frowned. Edward had become something of a thorn in my side. No matter how much I asked, he simply would not leave the matter alone. "You heard him tell her about Esme?" I asked, dissatisfaction coloring my voice. I was thoroughly irritated with him for revealing their relationship.

He nodded. "Yeah. That was a train wreck." He flipped from a branch and jumped down to land next to me, falling into step beside me again. "Hey Doc, let me ask you something."

I nodded to him.

"Aren't you lonely?"

I sighed softly. "Yes."

"How do you even stand it? I don't like it when Rose is gone for even a few days. How have you gone three hundred years?"

I plucked a dead leaf from a tree as I ran by, crushing it in my hand to release the dry, woodsy scent. "It hasn't always been so bad. It's only since I've met Isabella that I've started to feel it very sharply." I opened my hand and let the crumbled bits of leaf blow away as I ran.

"Well, I mean, don't you think she's feeling it too, then?"

His suggestion made me uncomfortable. My mind wandered back to the visit I had paid her the day after she had come to our house. I needed to check on her cut to make sure the infection was subsiding, and I was pleased to find that she was home alone. She had invited me into the kitchen and we sat at the table while I removed her brace and bandage. The cut was fine, but I cleaned it for good measure . . . and so I could have an excuse to hold her hand in mine, to brush my fingers over her smooth skin. The electricity between us had been palpable, and I found myself scooting close, leaning in more than I really needed to, just to enjoy my proximity to her.

I had worried that I might be making her uncomfortable, but she had responded in kind. I should have known. If she was feeling the way I was, we would both find it equally hard to be apart. She leaned close, and I heard her draw in a low breath through her nose, taking in my scent the way I so greedily took in hers. When I moved back slightly, she lifted her face to look up at me with her warm brown eyes full of longing, and my resolve nearly crumbled.

How could I ache so badly to have those soft, sweet lips brushing over my skin? How could every natural impulse in my body be pushing me to take her, to make her mine? Even remembering it now left me second-guessing myself. And now, with Emmett's question . . . was I really causing her the same pain by holding myself back from her?

But if I gave in to my desires, what would that mean for her? She was seventeen years old; what kind of a relationship could she have with a man like me? Even if legality wasn't an issue, pressure from her family and friends would be. Her father would be appalled if I tried to be with her the way I wanted her, and her friends would be disgusted. Any relationship between us would have to be kept a secret, as though it were somehow shameful. How could I do that to her?

"Shall I take your silence as a yes?" Emmett asked.

"Yes," I conceded. "I imagine she feels lonely as well."

"So I don't get it. Why do you think it's better for her to be lonely and mortal than to be with you?"

"She's a child, Emmett."

"She's exactly the same age Edward was when you changed him."

"Edward was dying. He had no future."

"So are you going to wait until Bella's dying before you change her?" he asked. It wasn't a challenge; he merely sounded curious.

"I'm not going to change her."

He stopped short, and I slowed and stopped a few yards away, turning back to look at him.

"Why not?"

"I'm going to allow her to live a normal life."

He shook his head. "I hate to break it to you, Carlisle, but normal girls don't fall in love with three-hundred-year-old vampires."

He was right, but I couldn't help what had happened. "I won't let it hurt her, Emmett."

He sat down on the ground, crushing leaves and twigs underneath him. "Why don't you like this life? I mean, I get why Rosalie doesn't. She wanted kids, grandkids . . . she lost that. But you? What did you lose, Carlisle?"

My chest clenched with a pain so old it was almost more instinct than memory. "I lost my father," I murmured. "My family, my friends, my community, my God." I looked him directly in the eye. "I lost everything Isabella stands to lose."

Emmett looked hurt. "Three hundred years of life and a new family wasn't enough to compensate for that?"

"I don't know, Emmett," I said sadly. "I try not to think too hard about what might have been, because it doesn't change anything."

"I think it's time you thought about it, Doc. I think it's time for you to decide if you really would have wanted your mortal life, even if it meant you had to give up your soul mate. Because that's what you're asking of Bella."


	18. Bruises

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I woke up on the bathroom floor with my whole body throbbing. I pushed myself up on my right hand, since the left one was still wrapped in the brace, and moved to my knees, twisting my body experimentally.

It didn't feel like anything was broken. I was just stiff and, I was sure, very bruised.

Charlie had surprised me yesterday. He didn't usually hit me with things, other than his hands and, on rare occasions, his belt. When he had brought the kitchen chair down onto my back, I was so stunned I couldn't do anything more than collapse under its weight. But when he did it again, the pain spurred me into action, and I did something I had never done with Charlie before. I ran.

I darted up the stairs and into the bathroom, and I had tried to slam the door closed, but Charlie shoved his booted foot in the way.

It was a mistake to run. It only made him that much angrier. I was sure Charlie had never hit me as hard as he did then. His fists pummeled mercilessly into my stomach, and when I collapsed again, my arms protecting my stomach, he started kicking my chest.

I didn't remember how I got the throbbing bump on the back of my head. I didn't remember losing consciousness. I didn't know why I was still here on the floor in the bathroom.

The door was open a crack, and I pushed it closed and locked it. I fished my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. It was just after two in the morning. In less than four hours, Alice would be here to take me to Seattle.

I stripped off my clothes, reluctant to look at myself but knowing I should probably assess the damage. I turned to face the full-length mirror on the door and shuddered.

My stomach and chest were covered in raised welts and deep purple bruises. I twisted, looking at my back, seeing more of the same. Thankfully, though, there was nothing that couldn't be hidden easily enough with just a T-shirt.

I turned on the shower and stepped gingerly under the hot stream of water, letting it massage away some of the stiffness. I stared at the water puddling at my feet, and tried not to wonder what Charlie had been doing while I lay unconscious on the bathroom floor. I couldn't hold back the image of him walking away from me, retrieving a beer from the refrigerator, and settling in the den to watch television.

Tears that burned hotter than the water from the showerhead coursed down my cheeks. I cried for a long time, and when I was finished my head ached even harder than it had before. I cleaned myself up, my movements slow and stiff. By the time I finished, the water was running cool and it was nearly three o'clock. I wrapped my towel around myself and moved gingerly to my bedroom, taking my clothes with me. Too exhausted to worry about pajamas, I dropped the laundry on the floor and eased into bed.

I only vaguely remembered waking up to my alarm clock, but all I could do was turn it off and bury myself in my blankets. I didn't wake again until my phone's ring tone broke through my dreams and pulled me to consciousness.

I moaned. Who was even calling me? Nobody called me. There was almost no point in my even having a cell phone. I fished through the clothes on the floor until I found my jeans and dug in the pockets for the offending device. I flipped it open and grunted a groggy hello.

"Bella?" Alice's voice asked. "Where are you? I've been knocking on your door for like five minutes."

"How did you even get this number?" I asked her, my words slurring slightly.

"Never mind that, are you coming or what?"

"Um. Yeah, hang on." I knew I wasn't entirely awake, and I was vaguely aware that I was being impolite, but I snapped the phone closed. I stumbled to my dresser and pulled on a pair of pajamas before dragging myself down the stairs to the door. I pulled it open to reveal a way-too-perky Alice who gave me a reproachful look.

"Bella, didn't I tell you we were going to be pressed for time? How come you're not ready?"

"I overslept," I mumbled, running an hand through my hair. "I had a bad night."

She cocked her head and looked at me curiously. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know," I mumbled. "I don't think I should go today."

A look of such disappointment came over her face that I immediately felt guilty for trying to beg off. "But Edward and Esme came too. We were looking forward to it."

I sighed. I couldn't let everyone down. "Look . . . tell them to come in. I'll get changed and be ready to go in a few minutes."

"Thank you!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around me.

I staggered a little, and when she let go I shuffled back up the stairs. I stripped off my pajamas and found some new clothes, examining myself carefully in the mirror to make sure that I didn't have any bruises showing. I brushed my teeth and pulled my hair into a quick braid before heading back downstairs.

"Good morning, sunshine," Edward grinned. He was standing at the bottom of the stairs, leaning against the railing.

I stifled a yawn. "Where are Alice and Esme?"

"Looking at your adorable pictures!" Esme called from the den.

I groaned. I wished Charlie would put those embarrassing things away. Renee had sent him my school pictures each year, and he had put them all up on the walls, showing my awkward growth. But that wasn't the only reason I didn't like them. I had broken bones in two of them, unpleasant reminders of the kind of man my mother was drawn to.

I moved to the den with Edward trailing after, and Esme and Alice looked back at me.

"They really are darling," Esme smiled.

I felt my cheeks coloring. "Thanks."

"Ready?" Alice asked.

"Almost." I moved to the kitchen and quickly swallowed down a Tylenol.

Edward frowned. "Are you alright?"

"Just a little headache."

We headed out to Edward's Volvo, which was parked in front of the house, and Alice and I climbed into the back seat.

"I can't wait to get there," Alice said, wriggling in her seat. "Shopping for formals is one of my favorite things in the world!"

Edward and Esme were very affectionate on the drive. They held hands, and Edward sometimes gazed so long at Esme that I worried we were going to end up wrapped around a telephone pole. Alice, clearly not sharing my concern, constantly pestered him to drive faster. Edward just ignored her and continued to smile at Esme.

By the time we got to Seattle, I no longer thought it was weird for Edward and Esme to be a couple. Seeing them together convinced me that they were perfect for one another. They just made each other so completely  _happy_  that it was impossible to dispute–they were in love.

And I was crazy jealous. I wanted badly to have such an intimate relationship with Carlisle.

When we finally reached Seattle, Alice started asking me about what bookstore I wanted to go to. I waved her off.

"The bookstore was just an excuse. I don't really need to go."

She smiled radiantly. "Really? So we can get right to the dress shopping?"

Esme laughed. "You've just made Alice's day."

Alice ordered Edward to drive to a department store, and darted ahead of us as we hurried inside. She found the formalwear and did a lap around the section, collecting close to fifteen dresses before the rest of us caught up with her.

When she held them out to me, I suddenly realized I had a major problem. I couldn't even try on at half of the dresses she was holding, because the bruises on my back would show.

I eyed the dresses in her arms. "Nothing backless," I said.

"Bella, come on, you would look so good in a backless dress!"

I shook my head stubbornly. "No. I won't wear one."

"Good luck," Edward smirked, and then he and Esme drifted away toward the lingerie section.

"Please, Bella?" Alice was pleading. "At least  _try on_  the Calvin Klein?"

She was really hard to argue with. If it hadn't been for the bruises, I would have pretty much done whatever she wanted. As it was, I shoved my hands in the pockets of my jeans and shook my head.

Alice sighed, sounding harassed. "Alright fine, take these other ones and start trying them on while I go find some more." She started to turn, but then spun around again. "But I want to see every single one of them!"

I smiled, taking the dresses she handed me and heading toward the dressing rooms.

It took hours. Honestly, I had no idea dress shopping could be so difficult. Alice dragged me to six different stores, probably forcing hundreds of dresses on me over the course of the day, and I doubted we would even have stopped for lunch had Esme not insisted. Every one of the dresses was gorgeous, and would have been more than I could ever have imagined, but it took forever before Alice was satisfied that she had seen enough. We returned to the second store we had shopped at to pick up a blue beaded chiffon gown that laced at the bodice and flowed to the floor.

I had to admit, it really was an amazing dress.

I was relieved . . . because I thought we were done. But then we spent another hour and a half looking for shoes and accessories. I tried to protest when Alice paid for it all, but not a single one of my companions paid any attention.

It was dark by the time we got back to Forks, but I wasn't too worried. When Charlie went fishing with Harry, he usually didn't get back until after I was in bed–and sometimes he just stayed with him on the reservation, since they would be out fishing the following day as well. So it was kind of a nasty surprise when Edward pulled up behind the police cruiser in front of my house.

"Oh no," I whispered.

Edward glanced back at me, frowning. "Is your father going to be upset?"

I sighed. "Yeah."

"Why don't I come in and speak with him?" Esme offered.

I shook my head quickly and pushed out of the car. "No, thanks, it's fine." I closed the door and waved to them, then hurried into the house.

I was prepared for Charlie to be angry. I was prepared for him to yell, to hit me, to throw things around the room. I wasn't prepared to see him sitting on the stairs, crying.

His head jerked up when I walked in. "Bella?" he croaked, his voice thick with tears. He stared at me for just a moment, and then he was across the room, pulling me roughly into a tight hug. "Bella, baby, where have you been?" he asked, sobbing into the top of my head. It wasn't the angry demand I had expected. With a start, I realized Charlie had been worried.

I hugged him tighter, ignoring the fact that his arms were digging into my bruises, ignoring the tears that pricked at my own eyes. "I just went shopping with Alice," I told him. "I didn't think you'd be back yet, or I would have left a note." I wondered briefly why he hadn't called, but then I realized I had left my phone upstairs in my room. "I'm sorry, Dad."

"I thought you were gone," he sobbed. "I thought you went away, back to your Mom . . ." He broke down into tears, his weight falling on my shoulders.

"No! No, Dad, I want to be here."

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I love you so much, baby. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to make you leave me."

"I didn't leave," I said a tear slipping out and sliding down my cheek. My dad cared about me. "I just went shopping, that's all."

"I'm so sorry, baby. So sorry."

I was thrown by his reaction. He held me for several minutes, rocking back and forth and whispering that he loved me and he was glad I was back. I didn't understand it, but I soaked it all in, taking as much as he would give me. He loved me. He wanted me to be here with him. As far as I was concerned, that was worth any pain.

When Charlie finally released me I gestured awkwardly toward the kitchen. "I'll heat up some leftovers for dinner."

He nodded, wiping his red-rimmed eyes. "That'd be nice." He pulled me into another quick hug, kissing my forehead, and then let me move away into the kitchen.


	19. If You Could Only See

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

"Carlisle."

I stood up from my desk, closing the book I had been reading at Edward's anxious summons. I stepped out of the room, closing the door behind me, and moved down the stairs, frowning as I saw Edward's concerned expression. "What's wrong?"

Alice shrugged as she carried her shopping bags up the stairs. "Edward, she's fine. He didn't even get mad at her."

Edward still looked agitated. "Something's off," he mumbled. "He's not . . ." He shook his head as though trying to clear it. "He was drinking, but . . . no. That's not it."

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked. "Is it something about Isabella?"

"I can't get a good read on him," Edward said irritably.

"On whom?"

"Charlie. He's . . . I mean, he's  _there_. I can get the general idea of what he's thinking about, but . . . I don't know. It's like he's swallowing his words, making them disappear before I can quite catch them."

I rubbed my thumb over my lips thoughtfully. "Like Isabella?"

"No." He shook his head. "I can't hear Bella at all, she's completely silent. But whatever it is that blocks her from me seems to be blocking Charlie a little too."

"Hm," I said thoughtfully. "Interesting." I watched as Edward's fingers twitched irritably. "Are you really that bothered by it?"

"I'm going to check on her," he said. He turned on his heel and headed out the door, and I followed after him.

"Edward, please. What's wrong?"

It had started to rain out, and the cold drops quickly soaked through our clothes as we ran through the trees, taking a roundabout route to the Swan home to keep under cover of the trees.

"She didn't tell Charlie she was coming with us," he said. "She didn't think he'd be home when she got back, but he was." He was silent for just a moment. "He was upset . . . but I don't think he was angry. He was . . . sad? Remorseful, actually. He was regretting something, but I couldn't get what. And he was afraid she might have run away . . . I think."

"Run away? Are you sure?"

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "No."

"Well, Edward, it's certainly understandable for a parent to worry about his child when he doesn't know where she is."

"Yes, but the  _regret_ , Carlisle. It was so strong. It was like he felt responsible for her leaving."

"What did you hear when she went inside?" I asked. "Was he angry with her?"

"He didn't seem to be. He was just glad that she was home."

"Why are you so concerned about her?"

We slowed as we approached the house. "Because she was scared. I mean,  _really_  scared. She didn't even take her bags, she just took off."

I frowned. "Perhaps someone should have gone in with her."

"Esme offered," Edward said. "But she said no."

I nodded an acknowledgment and turned my attention to the house. It sounded like the two of them were eating in silence. After a moment I heard Charlie's gruff voice.

"I uh . . . I got you something."

Isabella gave no reply, but there was soft rustling of cardboard and paper, and then Charlie spoke again. "I thought maybe you could use it to keep in touch with your mom, you know? Send emails and stuff."

Isabella's voice sounded shaky and unsure. "Wow, Dad, that's really amazing. Thank you."

Was she crying? Her throat was definitely constricted . . . from missing her mother perhaps?

"I'm really sorry, baby," Charlie said softly.

There was a pause, and then she answered, "It's fine. It's nothing. Thanks for the computer, this is really great."

I turned to Edward, shrugging. "She sounds alright."

He nodded. "It doesn't seem like she's afraid anymore."

Neither of us made a move to leave, though. We stood in the rain, listening while they finished dinner. Then Charlie's footsteps moved into the den and the television turned on. Water ran in the kitchen for a while and I frowned, wondering how Isabella was handling clean-up with her broken hand. Surely Charlie should be doing that. . . .

But it only lasted a couple of minutes, and then the water was turned off and her soft steps carried her up to her room. Though her bedroom light didn't turn on, I heard the springs of her bed squeak. She must be going to sleep. I was about to turn away when the soft sound of her sobs drifted out from the house through the pouring rain.

I looked at Edward, and he met my gaze, his eyes showing concern.

"Did something upset her today?" I asked him.

"Nothing other than Alice dragging her all over the city." He hesitated. "She's depressed, Carlisle. She only barely tries to hide that fact. This mood might not be about anything in particular."

I looked back to the house. I wanted to go to her, to take her in my arms and dry her tears. It took incredible restraint to stay where I was, listening to her soft cries. After a little over fifteen minutes, though, her whimpers drifted into silence and her shallow, even breaths told me that she was asleep.

"I'm going to check on her," I murmured. I knew it wasn't right to invade her privacy, to enter her home, her room, without an invitation. But I couldn't walk away until my eyes could tell me that she was unhurt.

Edward nodded, acknowledging my reservations as well as my decision.

I quickly scaled the side of the house and pressed my fingers to the window, sliding it open. It felt as though it hadn't been opened in a long time, and it scraped softly as it pulled. I slowed it down, making sure it was not loud enough to wake Isabella, and edged the stiff window open just enough for me to slip inside. I pulled back the curtains and moved to the side of Isabella's bed.

She was lying in the dark in the center of her single bed, her arms wrapped around a black laptop computer. The scene moved me. Was she really so touched by Charlie's gift that she took it to bed with her? Did the thought of communicating with her mother give her such security?

Did she want to go back to Phoenix?

Edward had suggested that she preferred living here over living with her mother, but I wondered if she had been honest with him when she told him that. Maybe the separation from her mother was more difficult than she had let on.

Standing over her, gazing at her peaceful face, I was overcome with tenderness for the girl. I reached down and stroked the back of one finger gently across her cheek. I needed more, needed to touch my lips to hers, but as badly as I wanted it, I could never do such a thing without her consent. So I simply brushed her cheek again and turned back to the window. I climbed out and eased it closed again, then returned to Edward's side.

"I can't promise you answers, Carlisle," Edward said in response to my thoughts in her bedroom. "I'll ask, but Bella usually refuses to discuss details about her family."

 _There's not reason to believe he's hurting her, is there?_  I asked, silently pleading for reassurance from him.

"There doesn't seem to be," he said, but his voice didn't hold the conviction I had hoped for. He started to turn away, but stopped when I didn't follow him. "Are you coming?"

I shook my head. "I think I'll stay tonight. Just in case."

He turned back to me and took his place by my side, clasping his hands behind his back.

The comfort I felt at his presence was impossible to describe, and I closed my eyes, overwhelmed with gratitude.  _Thank you, Edward._


	20. I'll Never Tell

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

Edward met me in the parking lot before school the next morning and dropped a casual arm around my shoulders as we headed into the school.

"Was Charlie angry?" he asked, looking concerned.

"Uh, no, actually. He was just a little worried."

"I'm sorry. We should have reined Alice in a little and not taken quite so long."

I shrugged. "It's no big deal."

"You left your things in the car," he said. "Alice brought them. I'll get them for you after school."

"Oh, thanks. I'm sorry I rushed off like that."

"It's understandable." He opened the door for me as we reached the building. "But I've been worried about you."

I looked up at him in surprise. "Why?"

He gave me a sheepish smile. "I didn't want you to get grounded before the dance. I'm looking forward to this weekend."

I bit my lip. "Are you sure Esme doesn't mind?"

"I promise. In fact, she wants pictures, so be ready to come over early and stand around smiling a lot."

That was . . . just so motherly. Wasn't this weird for Edward, essentially dating his mom? "You guys are such an odd family."

Edward walked me to my locker and then squeezed my shoulder and headed off for his own. "Our little secret," he called over his shoulder.

I slogged through the day, frustrated by the classes that couldn't hold my attention. Charlie's gift the night before had me thinking of Phoenix, of my mother . . . of Phil.

_Pretty little thing._

I shuddered as I took my seat in Biology and buried my head in my arms.

_Hush, Bella. We don't want to wake Renee._

I clenched my fists and replaced the ugly voice that had been haunting me all day.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_One._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Two._

I continued counting, nodding to Edward as he came in and greeted me. He gave me an odd look when I didn't answer him verbally, but I couldn't stop counting until I was done or the voice would come back.

"Bella, are you okay?"

I nodded, my lips moving slightly with my counting.

Edward sat back in his seat and folded his arms across his chest, giving me a speculative look. When I finally finished, I managed to focus on him enough to color a little in embarrassment.

"Everything alright?" he asked again.

I nodded. "Yeah, of course."

It looked like he wanted to say something else, but he stopped and frowned, looking in Mike Newton's direction. Mike had pushed himself to his feet, and he turned toward us, striding resolutely to our table. "Hey, Bella."

"Hey," I said as he perched himself on the corner of the table.

"So," his eyes shifted self-consciously to stare at the floor. "Jessica asked me to the Spring dance."

"That's great," I said, trying to sound enthusiastic. "You'll have a lot of fun with Jessica."

He didn't seem pleased by my response. "Well . . . I told her I had to think about it."

I frowned. Why did he have to make this so difficult? "Why would you do that?" I asked disapprovingly.

His face reddened, and I felt a stab of pity for him. This couldn't be easy.

"I was wondering if . . . well, if you might be planning to ask me."

I saw Edward's smirk out of the corner of my eye. I couldn't believe he actually had the nerve to mock my discomfort.

"Mike, I think you should tell her yes."

"Did you already ask someone?" he asked, his eyes flicking briefly to Edward's face.

I glanced at Edward too, shifting in my seat. "Yeah," I said, my voice sounding steadier than I expected it to. "Edward and I are going."

Mike's expression turned unfriendly as he looked over at my lab partner. "I thought you didn't go to school events," he said coldly.

Edward gave him a wide smile. "Maybe I was just waiting for the right girl to ask me."

I kicked his chair and turned back to Mike. "Jessica was really hoping to go with you," I told him. "You shouldn't make her wait any longer."

He looked unhappy as he slid off the desk and slunk back to his seat.

Edward scooted his chair close and draped an arm over my shoulders. "Now, aren't you glad you had an excuse to say no?"

I turned in my chair to face him. "You're awfully smug for someone who barely managed to score himself a pity date."

"Ouch!" He clapped a hand over his heart. "That stung, Bella. I thought we were friends."

I gave him a small smile. "Please. I can barely stand you."

He snickered as Mr. Banner called the class to order and started talking about our homework from the day before.

"Alright then, Bella," Edward challenged, lowering his voice so as not to disrupt class. "Who  _can_  you stand? Who are your closest friends?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Are you really asking me that?"

"You don't really hang out with anyone else from school," he said. "So who gets your attention?"

I sighed. "Nobody. I sit alone in my bedroom and read books."

"I don't buy it. What, do you call your friends from Phoenix?"

I turned away and focused on Mr. Banner. "We should pay attention."

"He's reviewing from yesterday," Edward said dismissively. "Come on, tell me. Who's your closest friend?"

I sighed. "It used to be my mom."

"Used to be?"

I folded my arms across my chest. "Yes, used to be. She pissed me off."

"How did she do that?"

"She married Phil," I muttered.

He leaned an elbow on the table and propped his chin on his fist. "You really don't like him, do you?"

"Mr. Cullen?" the teacher asked, looking for an answer to a question I hadn't heard.

"The Kreb's Cycle," Edward answered politely, turning his attention to Mr. Banner for a moment.

How in the world did he do that?

"Why don't you like him?" Edward asked after Mr. Banner had moved on to something else.

"I just don't."

"But is it bad enough that you wouldn't support your mother's relationship? You wouldn't want to see her happy?"

"She was happy with me."

He looked at me, perplexed. "You would deny your mother romance because you're jealous of the time it takes away from you?"

That stung . . . but it wasn't like I could tell him what my real problem was with Phil. "Something like that," I muttered.

He eyed me suspiciously. "I don't believe you."

"Okay."

A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "I'll make you a deal. You tell me why you don't like Phil, and I'll tell you anything you want to know about Carlisle."

Tempting. Oh, so tempting. I shook my head. "Tell me how you stopped the van from crushing me, and I'll tell you why I don't like Phil."

"Adrenaline."

I shrugged. "Fine. I didn't like Phil because he wears socks with his sandals."

Edward sighed. "What kind of answer are you expecting from me, Bella?"

"I'm expecting lies," I said coolly. "I'm hoping for the truth."

"Well, I'm sorry. It's the only answer I can give."

"I won't hold it against you. I didn't have any intention of answering your question either."

He laughed softly and slipped an arm around my shoulders, giving them a squeeze. "I really like you, Bella Swan."

"I can still barely stand you."

Edward spent most of the class period with his arm around my shoulders, a fact that was not lost on my classmates. How word spread as quickly as it did during the last two periods of the day was completely beyond my comprehension, but as I headed to my truck after school, Jessica and a few of her girlfriends caught up with me.

"Oh my god, Bella, are you really going to the dance with Edward Cullen?"

I smiled uncomfortably. "Yeah."

Angela looked at me in awe. "How did you even get up the courage to ask him? I don't think I ever could have done it."

I shrugged, shifting my bag on my shoulder. "I don't know. We're lab partners, you know? We were talking in Biology, and we just kind of decided to go together."

"I can't believe he even pays attention to you," Lauren said. "I mean, no offense, but you're not exactly in his league, you know?"

"Right," I mumbled, extracting myself from the circle. "None taken." I headed toward my truck, but Angela came after me.

"Bella, don't let Lauren bother you. She's just mad because Tyler turned her down when she asked him to the dance."

I gave her a grateful smile. "Thanks." I reached my truck and pulled the door open, expecting her to leave, but she didn't.

"Listen, just be careful," she said, shifting from one foot to another. "I mean, Edward Cullen. . . ."

I tossed my bag on the passenger seat and turned back to her. "What about him?"

"Look, I'm sure he's really nice," she said placatingly. "It's just, there's something about him, you know? He seems a little . . ." she shook her head. "I don't know. But be careful, okay?"

I held up my hand. "I solemnly swear to keep my phone with me at all times, and to call for help if Edward does something I don't like."

She gave me a relieved smile. "Thanks, Bella. And have fun!"


	21. The Right Kind of Wrong

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I turned onto the gravel drive that led to our house, smiling when I heard the sounds of the piano drifting out from the house. Edward was playing a whimsical tune, welcoming me home, and I was eager to hear about his day with Isabella. As I got closer to the house, however, I saw Rosalie standing on the porch, waiting for me.

I parked the car and moved to the porch to stand next to her.

"It's my turn," she said, folding her arms over her chest.

"Pardon?"

"I know my brothers have all dragged you out for a Come-to-Jesus, and it's my turn."

I shook my head. "Rosalie, you don't have to try to convince me of anything. I haven't changed my mind.

"Fine," she said. "I just want to make sure you don't. They've had their say, and I want to have mine."

I sat down on the porch railing. "Please," I said, gesturing for her to go on.

"You're a man, Carlisle. It's impossible for you to understand exactly what it means to a woman to have children. But you've seen how it has hurt me not to have them, and you've seen how it hurts Esme."

I nodded. "You're right, I don't believe I can ever fully understand. I am only a spectator to your pain, but please believe me when I tell you that I take your advice very seriously."

The piano music stopped and Edward joined us on the porch. "Rosalie–"

I held up my hand. "Edward, you have made your case, and I have no doubt that you will make it again many times in the future. Please excuse us while we finish our conversation."

Edward straightened. "How do you even know whether Bella wants kids?"

"Edward, enough," I said sharply. "Please go back inside."

He glared at Rosalie for a moment, then turned and stormed back inside the house. After a moment, the sound of Beethoven's fifth symphony reached our ears.

"Please continue," I told Rosalie, ignoring Edward's nonverbal protest.

"She can't have kids with you," she said. "It's not enough just to promise not to change her; you can't be with her."

"I know. All I ask is the short time I have to interact with her as a friend. When she leaves Forks, I'll no longer be able to converse with her . . . and she'll forget me."

A look of deep sadness came over Rosalie's face. She took my hand, pulling me to my feet, and hugged me tightly. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "But it's the right thing to do."

"I know, sweetheart. I can't tell you what it means to me to have your support in this."

She buried her head in my chest. "I love you. I hate that this happened to you, Carlisle. You should be happy."

"I am happy," I murmured, wondering if I was really telling her the truth. "This is a good life, here with our family, surrounded by people I love."

She didn't answer, but tightened her arms around my waist.

We stayed on the porch for several long minutes, and Edward's piano playing gradually drifted from angry to mournful. Even having been banished from the conversation, he refused to keep his opinions to himself.

But I couldn't blame him. Had our positions been reversed, had Esme been human when he met her, I couldn't say I wouldn't have encouraged him to pursue a relationship with her. And with him being such an intimate witness to the aching loneliness I carried with me, it was only to be expected that he would try to ease it.

"Thank you, Rosalie," I said. "For your perspective, and for your compassion. You are a jewel, and I can't imagine my life without you."

She released me and stepped back. "If there's anything I can do, please tell me."

I nodded. "I will, sweetheart."

She moved away from me and rounded the house, heading out back into the trees. I let her escape into solitude and slipped into the house, taking a seat at the couch near the piano.

_Thank you for allowing Rosalie to express her feelings._

The melody he was playing changed to the song he had written for me. "Her entire argument is based around the idea that Bella wants children–or that she could ever love another man enough to have a contented life with him. And I don't believe it, Carlisle, because the moment I saw Esme, I knew I could never settle for anyone else. It was her or nothing."

"Edward–"

"No!" he snapped, pushing himself to his feet to face me. "Listen to me, Carlisle. Love is not something to take lightly. It is  _everything_ , the absolute ultimate happiness that can be found in this world." Dark fury colored his voice. "Do you think I would  _ever_  have risked our friendship for anything less?"

My chest tightened.  _Risked our friendship?_

"I knew how you felt when Esme and I fell in love," he said. "I knew I was hurting you, and it  _destroyed_  me." He looked at me with agony in his eyes. "What kind of man do you think I am, that I would torture my best friend for something that could be tossed aside if it wasn't  _convenient_?"

"Edward, please. You know I'm not trivializing this."

"You are," he growled, his eyes flashing. "You should be doing everything in your power to hold onto her, to keep her with you forever.  _Anything_  less is unacceptable."

I shook my head sadly. "I won't incur her resentment, Edward. I won't steal her life from her the way Rosalie's was stolen."

"At least give her the opportunity to give it to you."

"It's too dangerous for her. I'm sorry, Edward, but the matter is decided."

He sank down onto the piano bench, hanging his head. "This is wrong," he whispered.

"I know," I said softly. "But there is no right this time, Edward. The best I can hope for is to try to cause the girl the least possible pain."

He was silent for a few minutes, but finally he heaved a sigh and started to play again. "Mike Newton asked her if she was planning on asking him to the dance this weekend," he said, his voice tinged with sadness.

I smiled softly.  _How did she handle it?_

"With surprising finesse," he said. "Another girl had asked him, and she encouraged him to say yes to her. . . ."


	22. Everything I Do

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**Bella Swan's Point of View**

"Hey Dad, can you help me?"

He looked up from his football game. "What is it, sweetie?"

I held up a necklace and my useless braced hand. "I can't get this on by myself."

He smiled, something I didn't see him do often, and I liked the way his eyes crinkled when he did. "Sure, baby." He stood up and came to my side, taking the necklace from me. I pulled my carefully-styled hair off of my neck and he quickly manipulated the clasp for me.

"You look beautiful," he said, turning me to face him.

My whole chest warmed from the compliment, and I felt myself start to blush. "Thanks."

"He'll be here soon?" Charlie asked.

I nodded.

"Is this when I'm supposed to start cleaning my gun?"

I laughed. "I think it is." I paused, biting my lip. "Are you going to be okay tonight? I mean, for dinner and everything?"

"Bella, I took care of myself for a long time. I've memorized the telephone number for the pizza place."

I giggled. "It sounds like you'll manage alright."

He pulled me into a hug. "I don't want you worrying about me tonight. Go have fun." He pulled back and held me by the shoulders, giving me a stern look. "But not too much fun."

"I promise to have just the right amount of fun," I said. "I don't, however, promise to stay out of the emergency room."

He raised his eyebrows.

"We're dancing, Dad," I explained worriedly. "Edward seems to think he can keep me from making a complete mess of things, but . . . this is  _me_  we're talking about."

He chuckled softly. "Just stand on his feet. And keep a good hold on his tie. It'll give him incentive to keep you up if you strangle him when you fall."

I giggled again. "That's not a bad idea."

"I can't believe I'm old enough to be sending my baby girl off to a high school dance," he grumbled.

I was preparing myself for a good, long, nostalgic ramble, but thankfully there was a knock on the door then.

A wicked grin crossed Charlie's face. "My, my, my, who could  _that_  be?"

"Be nice," I ordered.

He ignored me and strode to the door, with me trailing after him in the absolutely hazardous heels Alice had picked out for me. He pulled the door open, revealing Edward standing on the porch looking too beautiful to be allowed in what had to be a designer suit. I caught my breath at the sight of him, and he winked at me.

"You must be Edward," Charlie said, overdoing the part a bit and sizing Edward up.

Edward gave him a charming smile. "I am. It's a pleasure to meet you, Chief Swan."

Charlie took his outstretched hand briefly and stepped out of the doorway to let Edward in.

I looked him over just as obviously as Charlie had. "You know, I was thinking  _I_  was pretty hot until you showed up looking all GQ."

"You're stunning," he smiled. "People will be wondering all night how I ever got a girl like you to go out with me."

"Curfew's midnight," Charlie grunted.

"I promise to have her back on time," Edward said solemnly. "Oh, and I promised my father I would pass along his regards. He said he would like very much to get together with you sometime soon."

Charlie frowned. "Did he? Friendly all of a sudden."

Edward gave a little self-deprecating laugh. "Well, sir, I'm afraid that might be my doing. Bella and I have gotten to be fairly good friends, and I talk about her a lot. I guess Carlisle just wants to make sure I'm . . . hanging out with the right crowd."

He grunted again. "I see. Well sure, have him give me a call sometime."

Edward inclined his head to Charlie and offered me his arm. "Shall we?"

I tucked my good hand in the crook of his elbow. "Let's." I stretched up to kiss Charlie on the cheek. "Bye, Dad."

"Bye, Bells," he said, then added sternly, "Home by curfew."

"I promise," I said over my shoulder as we headed outside.

Edward laughed as he guided me to his car and opened my door for me.

"What's so funny?"

He shook his head and closed the door, rounding the car to get in behind the wheel.

"What?" I asked him.

"Is your father always like that?"

I cringed a little inside. "Not always, no. He's having a good day."

"That's a good day?" Edward teased as he maneuvered the car toward his house.

"Yes. Surprising, since I warned him we would probably finish off the night at the hospital."

Edward looked confused. "Why do you say that?"

I sighed. "I'm just not a dancer, Edward. I'm guaranteed to hurt myself, and if you stay too close, you'll probably go down with me."

He shook his head confidently. "Have a little faith in me, Bella. I won't let you get hurt."

For a moment I almost believed him, but then I laughed at the sheer absurdity of anyone ever being able to keep a promise like that. "I might have more confidence in you if you told me how you managed to keep us from getting smashed by Tyler's van."

"Are you still dwelling on that? I swear, you are the most tenacious girl I have ever met."

"Oh, this is nothing," I promised him. "I'll pester you until the day you die, Edward Cullen. On your ninety-sixth birthday, I'll call you to wish you many happy returns, and I'll demand to know how you kept us alive our junior year of high school. And then you'll have to find your teeth and put them in so you can properly pronounce the word 'adrenaline'."

Edward laughed out loud. "Well, just so long as you understand that my answer will be the same then as it is now."

"Of course," I nodded. "Because I may be tenacious, but you're stubborn as a mule."

Edward grinned and fiddled with the radio, settling on a classical music station. We listened in a companionable silence the rest of the way back to his house. He pulled up in front and parked, coming around to open my door for me.

"You're sure Esme's not going to rip my throat out the moment I walk in?" I asked him.

"Well, I  _was_  sure," he smiled. "But with the way you look tonight, I wouldn't blame her for being jealous."

A chill ran through me and I turned and tried to get back in the car.

Edward laughed, holding my arms and keeping me from retreating. "I'm kidding. Come on, Alice is dying to hear everyone compliment your dress."

"Alice is?" I asked, confused.

"She takes great pride in the clothes she picks out." He guided me to the door and pushed it open, revealing Alice and Esme standing inside. There was a camera flash, and I jumped a little.

"No fair, with the candid shots," I protested. "I'll look like an idiot."

Esme smiled. "You look lovely, Bella."

I fidgeted nervously. "Um, thanks, it's nice to see you again." This was so very awkward.

"Come stand in front of the piano," Esme said, gesturing for us to move.

I let Edward lead me over and pull me close while we both smiled at the camera, but I couldn't help looking surreptitiously around the house. I spotted Jasper in the living room, tying his tie around his neck, but I didn't see Carlisle anywhere.

I blushed involuntarily when Edward caught me looking around and gave me a knowing smile.

"Are Emmett and Rosalie going to the dance?" I asked in a lame attempt to make it look like I was really searching for them.

"They left already," Alice said. She smoothed out a nonexistent wrinkle in her black cocktail dress. "We'll see them there, though."

Edward leaned close and murmured, "Carlisle is on his way home now. He should walk through that door any second."

I looked away, still not quite ready to admit to him that his suspicions about my feelings for Carlisle were absolutely correct.

He was right about when his father would get home, too. We had been posing for more pictures for less than a minute when the front door opened and Carlisle entered.

My eyes scanned him eagerly, taking in the shirt and tie he wore. He must be coming from the hospital.

He smiled warmly when he saw us, setting his brief case on the table next to the door. "You two make quite the couple," he said genially. His eyes met Edward's and something passed between them before Edward grinned.

"Don't we?" he said in what sounded very much like a taunt.

Alice beckoned Jasper over. "Esme, will you get a picture of the four of us?"

"Of course," Esme smiled. Jasper joined us and she adjusted our positions, then stood back and snapped the picture.

"Oh, I want one with Carlisle!" Alice said.

He raised his eyebrows. "Why would you want one with me?"

"Because you're my daddy," she said brightly, tugging him in front of the piano. Esme gamely took a few shots of them.

I should have seen it coming. Alice was meddlesome and manipulative, and if I had remembered that, I would have known that she had only asked for those pictures so that she would seem slightly less obvious when she said, "Okay, Bella, now  _you_  come take some with Carlisle."

Carlisle raised an eyebrow at her, but said nothing. He reached out a hand, beckoning me to join him, and I felt heat rising to my face.

Of course, Carlisle noticed it. He took my hand and drew me to his side, giving me a curious look. "Is it too warm in here?" he asked, his thumb brushing my reddened cheek.

"No, it's fine," I said quickly. I made the mistake of looking into his ochre eyes, and suddenly I couldn't look away. He was gazing down at me, smiling softly, and it was like everything else in the world turned off. The only light was from his smile, his face, his warm, golden eyes.

Then the flash of a camera startled me, reminding me that there were, in fact, other sources of light, and I dropped my eyes, wondering when we had moved so close together.

"Alice, what did I say about the candid shots?" I scolded weakly.

She just grinned. "Okay you two, pose for me."

Carlisle gave me a sympathetic shrug, and we turned to face the camera. He slipped an arm around my waist, pulling me just a little bit closer to his body than I would have expected him to, and I reveled in the feeling. As was typical for him, he felt cold beneath his clothes, and I wondered if I was somehow warmer than most people, or if his body temperature ran a bit cooler.

Like Edward's. Edward always felt cold to me too.

It wasn't unpleasant. In fact, the cool of his body felt wonderful, particularly now with the sudden heat that was rushing through me.

Alice took several shots, then lowered the camera. "Thank you," she sang. "Now Edward and Esme."

We spent another half hour at least, with Alice putting together every possible grouping for pictures. When she finally decided she was finished, she and Jasper went upstairs to collect their things before we headed into Port Angeles for dinner. Esme walked Edward out to the car, so the two of them could have a private moment, and I was left alone with Carlisle.

Great. Why couldn't I think of anything to say to him?

"Please, sit down," he offered, gesturing toward the couch that sat off to the side of the piano. "Jasper and Alice might be a moment."

"Thanks." I took a seat, and I was thrilled when he sat with me.

"How is your father?" he asked politely.

"He's good. Football season keeps him pretty happy."

Carlisle chuckled softly. "I've heard he's quite the sports fan. And what about you? Do you enjoy watching football with him?"

"Not really," I said, feeling self-conscious. Maybe I should just lie and tell him I liked it so we would have something to talk about. I mean, he probably liked football, right? But if I did that, I would end up looking like an idiot when he tried to have a conversation about it and realized I had no idea what I was talking about. "I usually read while he's watching TV."

He smiled. "I was always more of a reader myself. Did you finish  _Candide?_ "

I nodded.

"Have you started anything new?"

"No. I've decided to take a break from unhappy endings."

He smiled brightly. "Fortunately, there's no shortage of books to choose from that end happily. Do you have your eye on any?"

I shook my head.

"Would you like to come upstairs to my library? Perhaps we can pick something out for you."

"No!" Alice declared, hurrying down the stairs. "If you two disappear into the library, we'll never make it to the dance." She grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet.

"My apologies," Carlisle said to her, rising. "Isabella, perhaps another time?"

I nodded, swallowing back my disappointment. "Thank you."

Jasper came down the stairs to join us, and the three of us headed outside to Edward's car.

The nicest restaurant in Port Angeles didn't live up to the Cullens' finicky tastes. Edward, Jasper, and Alice all picked at their food, eating very little. If they hadn't been such good company, it might have been annoying.

After we ate, we headed back to Forks and made our way to the high school. Edward parked the car and came around to help me out while Alice hurried Jasper inside.

"Look at that," he said. "We made it all the way through dinner and back to town without you tripping over anything."

"You're hilarious," I deadpanned as we headed inside.

Once inside the gym, we were almost immediately intercepted by Jessica and a reluctant looking Mike.

"Oh my god, Bella, I can't believe it. You finally convinced Edward Cullen to come to a dance!"

"She threatened me," Edward explained loudly enough to be heard over the music. "She said if I didn't come she would drag me in front of another out-of-control van."

Jessica giggled. Mike glowered.

"I hope you'll save me a dance," Edward told Jessica.

"Definitely!"

Mike's face was starting to change colors.

"And you'll dance with me, won't you Mike?" I asked, hoping that would make him feel a little better. It seemed to, but it also brought out the possessive side in Jessica.

"We'll find you later," she said as Mike nodded to me. She grabbed his arm and pulled him away.

I smacked Edward's shoulder, and then made a mental note not to do that again. I had never thought of him as overly muscular, but he was as hard as a rock under the soft fabric of his suit. "Did you really have to taunt him?"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it," he grinned.

"Oh, Bella, I almost forgot!" I looked up as Jessica turned back to us. "I'm having a Halloween party at my house next Friday night. You should both come."

A slow smile spread across Edward's face. "A Halloween party?" he asked. "How about it, Bella, you want to go?"

"Uh–sure." I turned my attention to Jessica. "I need to check with Charlie, but yeah, I'll probably be there."

Edward slipped an arm around me, leading me deeper into the dimly-lit sea of bodies in the gym. Before I even realized it, we were out on the dance floor and he was guiding me expertly around in a slow dance. "A Halloween party definitely has potential," he said, leaning close to my ear to be heard over the music.

I gave him an odd look. "Whatever you say. It's just another excuse for everybody to get together and either gossip or make out."

"Well, sure, but it's more fun to do those things in costume." He grinned, his teeth flashing as a light from the DJ's booth washed over his face.

"Ugh. Costumes."

"Oh, come on, you don't like a costume party?"

"Sure. All the girls as little as the can legally get away with while the guys all trying to outdo each other for the most ridiculous costume. Fun."

He waved his hand dismissively. "Forget ridiculous, I like to stick with the classics. Like Dracula." He grinned widely, his eyes sparkling. "I think I make a great vampire."

"That has potential," I said thoughtfully. "Then I could throw some fake blood on my neck and be your victim. No fuss."

Edward stiffened, and a tight look crossed his face briefly. "No, come on, I'm sure we can do better than that. What happened to wearing as little as possible?"

"Hey, Bella."

I turned at the sound of a deep voice behind me, surprised to see that Jasper and Emmett had approached us while we were dancing.

"Can I borrow your date for a minute?" Emmett asked. Before I could answer he was grabbing Edward by the arm and dragging him away. Jasper was immediately in front of me, taking Edward's place and guiding me around the floor.

"I hope you don't mind if I cut in," he said with a winning smile.

"Not at all." I looked over his shoulder, watching Emmett haul Edward to the corner of the room. He started lecturing Edward vehemently, jabbing him in the chest with his finger. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," Jasper assured me. It was amazing how much better I felt after just listening to his words.

Edward looked wholly unconcerned. He was smirking as he listened to Emmett's rant.

"What are they arguing about?"

"Edward has been a bad boy," Jasper drawled in my ear.

"Yeah? What did he do?"

Jasper laughed softly, no more than a low rumble in his chest. "He told you things Carlisle doesn't want you to know."

I stiffened a little at Carlisle's name. "Is he very angry?"

"He's livid," Jasper said with a smile. "Which was Edward's intention all along. The boy's been trying to provoke Carlisle for a while now."

"Why?"

"Oh, they're having this little spat," he said dismissively. "Nobody gets inside Carlisle's head like Edward does. They're close, but they drive each other up the wall sometimes."

"What are they fighting over?"

Jasper laughed quietly. "You really are fascinated with my father, aren't you?"

Shoot. I was being too obvious. "I don't know what you're talking about," I muttered. "I'm just worried about Edward."

"Don't be. If worse comes to worst, he can outrun Emmett."

The song we were dancing to came to a close and Jasper tucked my hand into his elbow and led me from the dance floor to where Alice was standing off to the side, watching us.

"Isn't my Jazz the best dancer in the world?" she asked, beaming at him as she tucked herself under his arm. She didn't seem to need an answer, so I didn't give her one. Instead I watched Emmett and Edward. Emmett had Edward by the collar now, and he looked like he was threatening him. Edward smiled and nodded toward the school principal, who was eyeing them from several yards away.

Emmett released him with a glower, and Edward strode casually back to me.

"I'm so sorry for the interruption," he smiled, taking my hand and drawing me back to the floor.

"So first you pick a fight with Carlisle, and then with Emmett?" I asked him.

He laughed lightly. "Oh, I'm not fighting with Emmett. He's just trying to mediate my little dispute with our father."

"That was mediation?"

"Well, yes, in the sense that he's trying to strong-arm me into fighting fair."

Rosalie and Emmett were sauntering gracefully onto the dance floor, and for a moment I was so captivated by the beauty of their movements that all I could do was stare. "She's so beautiful." My whispered words slipped out almost before I realized I was saying them.

"Isn't she?" Edward agreed fondly. "It's too bad she's so callous and self-involved."

I blinked in surprised. " _Wow_. A little upset with her, are you?"

He smiled. "I love my sister, Bella. Really, I do. But I swear, sometimes I just want to light the girl on fire."

My jaw dropped, and I glanced at Rosalie, who was glaring at Edward with narrowed eyes. It looked like the feeling was mutual. "Remind me not to get on your bad side," I said incredulously.

Edward laughed and guided me into a spin, then pulled me close again. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure," I told him. "And I'll be just as honest with you as you as you generally are with me."

"Mm." He pressed his lips together and shook his head. "No, I'm hoping for a little more honesty than that."

"We'll see. What's the question?"

"Do you want to have children someday?"

I blinked up at him in surprise. "That's a really weird question."

"I know," he said with a self-effacing smile.

It wasn't a question I was really prepared to answer. "Do  _you_?" I hedged.

"It's not really in the cards for me."

"That wasn't the question," I pointed out. "The question was, do you  _want_  them?"

He looked at me solemnly for a moment. "Yes," he said with a nod. "I think, if circumstances were different, I might have enjoyed being a father."

"Hm." I looked away. That was the only acceptable answer to his question. If you said you didn't want kids, it made you look selfish and uncaring. Everyone knew that children were the future and blah, blah, blah. . . .

"All right," he smiled. "Your turn."

I sighed. "You don't really want me to be honest about this."

He caught my eye and gave me an intense look. "Yes, Bella, I do."

I shook my head. "Whatever. No. I don't want them."

"Why not?"

 _Because having kids turns you into a monster._  "It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me."

"Why?"

He pulled me close and his lips brushed against my ear as he spoke. "Please, Bella. Please tell me."

How did he do that? How did he make it so hard to say no to him? I felt my muscles tense and I pushed back away from him, halting our dance. "Because I wish my parents hadn't had a kid," I said stiffly.

He stared at me with widened eyes. "Bella," he whispered, his voice horrified.

I couldn't stand for him to look at me that way. "Don't." I turned to stalk away from him, but dramatic exits just weren't my thing. My hip gave out as I turned, and I would have fallen hard if Edward hadn't caught me before I hit the floor.

"Come on," he whispered in my ear, setting me on my feet, but keeping his arm around me as he guided me to the door. We slipped outside and found a bench that wasn't already occupied by an overly-amorous couple, and Edward helped me onto it. He shrugged off his jacket and draped it over my shoulders, then sat beside me.

"Bella, how could you say something like that?" he asked, his voice full of concern.

I looked away. "Look, I told you you didn't want me to be honest about it."

"Hey." He pressed his cold palm to my cheek, turning my face back to his. "You can always be honest with me. I'm just worried about you."

"Don't bother," I said wearily. "There's nothing to worry about."

His eyes searched my face, and I shook my head irritably.

"Stop, Edward, it's nothing."

"It's not nothing. Are things really so bad for you, Bella?"

I shrugged, looking away. "No. Everything's fine."

His hand moved to my shoulder. "You stopped being honest with me," he chided.

"You stopped asking questions I was willing to answer."

He sighed softly. "Do you want to get out of here? Go somewhere a little less . . . loud?"

As soon as he said the words, I  _did_  want to go somewhere. An image of the multi-colored sands of First Beach rose to my mind, and suddenly I wanted to listen to the soothing sound of the surf against the shore. "Can we go out to La Push?"

His eyes tightened for a moment. "Of all the places," he muttered to himself.

"What? What's wrong with La Push?"

"Look," he said carefully. "I'll take you anywhere else. Port Angeles, Seattle . . . I'll take you to L.A. if that's what you feel like doing. Just not the Reservation."

"Why? Please tell me this isn't a race thing."

"No! Not at all."

"Good," I said, not entirely believing him. "Because I have friends out there."

He gave me a wary look. "Do you?"

I nodded, irritated by his attitude. "Yeah, I do. Charlie goes fishing with Harry Clearwater and Billy Black all the time."

Edward's eyebrows shot up in surprised. "Billy Black," he repeated. " _And_  Harry Clearwater?"

"Yeah, and I used to play with Billy's kids every summer."

Edward's eyes took on a faraway look, narrowing in concentration. He stared past me for a few seconds, and then his face broke out in a wide smile. He leaned close, his lips brushing my ear, and very quickly, in a voice barely loud enough even to be called a whisper, he breathed, "Ask Billy Black's son why I can't go to La Push."

He pulled back, his eyes bright with excitement.

"Edward!"

I looked up to see Alice stalking toward us, a look of horror on her face.

Edward turned a triumphant smile on her.

"What are you doing?" she demanded in a whisper when she reached us.

"You know exactly what I'm doing," Edward said, keeping his voice low. "And keep it to yourself, Alice. I don't need  _her_ getting in my way."

"You're taking this too far!"

"Nothing is too far," Edward said determinedly. "Not for him."

"Edward, do you really think he'll forgive you for this?"

He gritted his teeth. "It doesn't matter."

"Doesn't matter?" she gasped. "Edward, he's your  _best friend_."

"Yes he is. And I've already hurt him more than I can stand. At least this time I'm doing it for him and not for me."

"It's too dangerous," Alice said pleadingly.

Edward nodded grimly. "That's the point. He'll have to act."

"You can't force him into this, Edward!"

"Yes I can," he said darkly. He turned back to me. "Ask him," he whispered softly. "And ask why so many people from the reservation won't come to the hospital in Forks."

I had watched their exchange absolutely dumbfounded, and now I just stared at Edward. "You guys make my brain hurt," I finally complained.

Edward's intense face broke out into a grin. "Alice, you and Jasper get a ride home with Emmett and Rose, would you? Bella and I are going out for coffee."

She crossed her arms over her chest and frowned at him. "Fine. But you're on thin ice, Edward. If he finds out what you did. . . ."

"I know," Edward said, rising and offering me his hand. "Wrath of God. Believe me, I've seen it before."

I took his hand and let him pull me away from Alice and to his car. "Who are you pissing off?" I asked him.

"Carlisle."

I stopped, pulling my hand away from him.

He just laughed and grabbed it again. "Don't worry, Bella. It's for his own good."

"Kids decide that for their parents now?" I asked him as he opened my door for me.

"When their parents are as stubborn as Carlisle is," he smiled, "yes."


	23. Linger

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I was surprised to hear the sound of Edward's Volvo turning off of the old highway at only slightly after eleven o'clock that evening. I hadn't expected my children home so early. I was even more surprised to realize that Jasper and Alice weren't in the car.

Edward was bringing my girl back to me.

I moved to the window and looked out, watching the car drive too quickly up the gravel drive. He wasn't being discreet enough, and I frowned in disapproval. My frown deepened when he parked and helped Isabella out of the car, and I saw her wearing his suit coat.

Possessiveness flared inside of me. She belonged to  _me_ , not him. His clothes had no business being anywhere near her.

Edward looked up and met my eyes as they moved toward the door. He smirked tauntingly.

I closed my eyes, rallying patience, and turned toward the door when it opened. "Edward, Isabella," I greeted them cordially. "You're back early."

"I heard a rumor you promised Bella a look at your library," Edward explained. "I figured she'd never forgive me if I didn't give her time to see it."

I moved toward them and slid Edward's coat from Isabella's shoulders. "You shouldn't need that anymore," I told her, keeping my voice polite. She smiled, but as soon as her head was turned I threw the coat at Edward.

He snickered.

"Would you like some coffee?" I asked Isabella.

"Uh, no thanks, we just had some."

"Well then, if you're still interested . . . ?"

She nodded quickly. "Definitely."

I offered her my arm and led her up the stairs, trying not to be distracted by the way she looked. The deep blue of her dress contrasted sharply with her pale skin, and the fitted bodice emphasized the slenderness of her form while showing off the gentle, feminine curves of her figure. She looked sweet and alluring, and utterly breakable.

I forced myself to look away as I guided her up to the top floor. Edward and Esme were the only ones who kept a bedroom up here. The rest of the space was dedicated to my study, a large, warm room in which three of the walls were lined with bookshelves. It was only a tiny part of my collection of favorites, and I occasionally rotated and re-read them.

Isabella caught her breath when we walked inside. Her face lit up as she scanned the long shelves. She released my arm and moved to one wall, walking slowly along it and dragging her fingertips over the spines of the books as she quickly scanned through the titles.

"This is a great collection," she breathed after having only walked half the length of one of the shorter walls.

I smiled indulgently. "See anything you like?"

She bit her lip, looking a little unsure of herself. "Can you recommend something for me?"

"Let's see, we're looking for something light-hearted, yes?"

She nodded, and her smile made my chest tighten with longing. I wanted to make her smile like that every moment of every day.

I ran my thumb over my lips as I considered the titles I had available. "Have you read  _The Scarlet Pimpernel_?"

She shook her head, and I moved to the back wall of the room, behind my desk, plucking it out of its space. "A favorite of mine, a whimsical little romantic adventure story."

She moved to my side and took it, looking it over. "It looks good."

"I hope you enjoy it, Isabella."

She leaned against the corner of the desk, biting her lip again. "Why do you call me Isabella?" she asked anxiously, not quite meeting my gaze.

I felt a stab of pain in my chest. Did she feel I was too friendly with her. "I'm sorry, do you prefer I address you another way?"

She looked down at her feet. "Everybody else calls me Bella."

The pain turned into warmth, and I smiled. "Pardon me. I simply thought it inappropriate for a gentleman to refer to a young lady by a familiar name without an invitation."

She looked up at me in surprise and laughed a little. "I'm inviting you. Please call me Bella."

"Of course."

I heard Edward and Esme head out the door downstairs, graciously leaving me alone with Isabella.

Bella.

"Can I ask you something else?" she asked, uncomfortable again.

"Certainly."

"What are you and Edward fighting about?" Her eyes met mine, and this time it was I who looked away.

"Ah, sweetheart, that's nothing for you to worry about," I murmured.

"Do you guys . . . do you argue often?"

I shook my head. "Rarely. It's a little bit unnerving for me to find myself at odds with him."

"But you're still . . . friends? I mean, Alice says you're friends. . . ."

She looked so unsure of herself that I reached out and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I love Edward more than I could ever express. The two of us will always be friends."

She looked a little relieved.

"Don't let him concern you with our little family squabble," I said lightly, trying to relax her. "There are much more interesting things to focus your attention on."

Her eyes returned to the cover of the book, and she smiled.

"What made you start to enjoy reading so much?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "I don't know. Mom dated a lot when I was younger, and it was easier if I just hung out in my room and avoided her and the guy of the week. Books were a nice escape."

Escape. She had talked about that before, when discussing  _A Doll's House_. At seventeen years old, a girl usually romanticized marriage and family, but Bella seemed to want to avoid them. It made me sad to think of it.

"Do you miss your mother?" I asked, fishing for a little more information.

She hugged the book to her chest and nodded.

"Have you visited her since you moved here?"

Her eyebrows pulled together in distress, and her heartbeat sped up. "I'm supposed to go back for Christmas."

"Don't you want to?"

She nodded quickly and turned to the bookcase. "Yeah, I do."

I frowned. I could see why she had Edward so perplexed. She definitely kept secrets.

She was tracing her fingers along the books again, examining the titles. She tugged another one out, looking at the cover.

I smiled. "Anything by Wodehouse is guaranteed to brighten your day. You should take that one as well."

"Are you sure?"

I laughed, charmed by her concern. "Bella, you should feel welcome to take anything you like. These books are doing no one any good just sitting here on the shelf."

She turned to me with genuine gratitude in her eyes. "Thank you."

I smiled, and it felt only natural to slide an arm around her shoulders. "Of course, sweetheart."

She tucked her small body against my side, and everything in me was pushing me to take things a step further, to lower my mouth to hers and taste the sweet flavor of her lips. It was all the harder to resist knowing that such an action would likely dissolve this tense awkwardness between us.

But I couldn't play with her heart, and there was no way for me to give her the kind of life she deserved, so after a moment I dropped my arm and stepped away.

"How was the dance?" I asked her, pulling out the desk chair for her. She settled uncertainly into it, and I sat on the edge of the desk.

"It was good," she said nervously. "We actually didn't stay very long. Jasper and Alice were having fun, but Edward and I left early and went for pie and coffee."

I laughed. "That sounds like Edward. He's not always up for a big crowd."

She opened her mouth to speak, but then clamped it shut again.

"Please, go ahead," I encouraged.

"Do you guys all have . . . something?"

I raised an eyebrow curiously. "Something?"

"Some kind of condition?"

I blinked in surprised. "A condition?"

Her cheeks reddened, and she ducked her head shyly. "It's just that you all have the same skin and eyes, even though you're not really related."

I laughed, surprised that she was asking, but even more surprised that no one else had ever asked me that before. Perhaps the aversion that humans usually felt to us kept them from looking closely enough to notice our oddities.

"As a matter of fact, we do," I said, scrambling for something believable. "It's a blood disease." I smiled ruefully

"So . . . you adopted kids that had the same thing?"

I nodded, appreciating that she had come up with my story for me. "You're very perceptive. Yes, I thought I had enough insight into the difficulties of the disease that I could give them a healthy home."

"What is it?" she asked curiously. "I mean . . . if it's not too personal."

I smiled warmly at her and quickly invented a name, amusing myself with my own little joke. "It's called Chiropteritis."

She bit her lip. "I've never heard of it."

"I'm not surprised," I told her. "It's very rare."

My cell phone chimed in my pocket and I pulled it out, looking at the text message from Edward.

**Chiroperitis?**

Apparently he hadn't gone far enough away to keep him from listening in. I quickly typed a return.

**Chiroptera = bats**

I heard his loud laugh from what I guessed was maybe a quarter of a mile away, and I chuckled softly to myself.

Bella was looking at me curiously.

"Edward," I explained. "He's quite the comedian."

"Yeah, I've noticed," she said drily.

I laughed out loud. "You know, it's a little bit comforting to know I'm not the only one he harasses."

"He's sweet, though," she said, quick to defend him.

I nodded. "Oh yes. Edward is one of the kindest men I know. I admire him a great deal."

I heard the door open and shut downstairs, loud enough for human ears, and I smiled. "It sounds like the rest of the kids are home."

"I should go," Bella said, rising. She held up the books. "Thank you."

"Of course. You should feel welcome to trade them for others when you've finished."

She gave me a shy smile, and I guided her to the door, letting my fingertips just graze the small of her back. I took her arm as we moved down the stairs, and we reached the bottom just as Edward and Esme came in from the back yard.

Rosalie eyed us from the living room and then escaped into the kitchen. Emmett gave Bella a wink. "You two left early."

"Aw, and we thought we were being so sneaky," Edward put in.

Bella laughed.

"Come on, Bella," Edward said, moving forward to take her hand. "Let's get you home before Charlie sends the force out after me."

He whipped off his jacket and settled it around her shoulders again, and I found myself grinding my teeth. It was ridiculous; I should appreciate him for considering her comfort and helping her stay warm. But for no good reason, it aggravated me to see her pulling Edward's coat around her. He grinned at me and waved. "Later, Carlisle."

"Thanks again," Bella said, then followed him out the door.

Emmett turned to me, glowering. "You're going to have to rein him in, Carlisle. He's dropping hints."

"What kind of hints?"

"He's talking about going as a vampire to a Halloween party next weekend," Emmett growled.

I sighed in aggravation. Was that why Bella had noticed our unusual characteristics? Had Edward mentioned them to her? "What is that boy thinking?" I muttered.

"Carlisle," Alice said anxiously, moving to stand near me, "you should be prepared for her to figure out what we are."

"Have you seen something?"

She nodded. "It's not definite. It could still change. But she has . . . friends. On the Reservation."

I shook my head. "Most of them are completely unaware–"

"Billy Black's kids," she interrupted me.

I fell silent. Of course, Billy Black, the tribe's rightful chief, would pass on the legends to his children. "Would they break the treaty?"

"I don't know," she said. "It's possible. We need to be prepared for her to figure it out without us telling her."

"When?"

"I don't know."

I nodded in acknowledgment. "Thank you, Alice. I'll give it some thought."


	24. The Reason

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

It was well before midnight when Edward walked me to my door. I opened it, and he surprised me by stepping inside with me.

"Bella?" Charlie appeared in the doorway of the den.

"Hi, Dad." I smiled.

He smiled back. "Did you guys have a good time?"

"Better, even, than I had hoped," Edward said. He lifted my fingers briefly to his cold lips and then released them and gave Charlie a wave. "Goodnight Chief Swan. Sweet dreams, Bella."

With that he excused himself and disappeared.

"Thinks he's pretty smooth, doesn't he?" Charlie grunted.

I laughed. "Yeah, that's about right." I followed him back to the den, where he moved to turn off the television. "Aren't you fishing tomorrow?" I asked him.

"Yeah."

"You're up late."

He stuffed his hands in his pocket, clearing his throat uncomfortably. "Well, you know. Just wanted to make sure you got home safe."

I smiled and moved to hug him tightly. "Thanks."

He nodded. "Well. I'm heading to bed."

Edward's request echoed in my ears, and I stopped Charlie before he got up the stairs. "Hey Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I go with you tomorrow?"

He gave me an odd look. "You want to go fishing?"

"I mean to La Push. I want to see Jacob."

"Sure. I'm out the door by six."

"I'll be ready."

It wasn't easy getting up the next morning after my late night, particularly because I had spent some quality time staring at Carlisle's picture before I went to sleep. I had found a little silver frame for it, and though I knew it was pathetic, I had started taking it to bed with me. It was no better than sleeping with a teddy bear–in fact, it was about a million times more twisted. Still, I felt more connected to him with his picture clutched in my hand at night, and it was a connection I desperately longed for.

I was a little cranky when I got up, and I was glad for Charlie's habitual silence. He turned on the radio in the cruiser as we headed out to La Push, and he didn't bother with anything more than a "Good morning," and a "Have a nice day."

I waved as he dropped me off in front of the Blacks' place and drove off toward Harry's, then I moved up the walk and knocked on the door.

Billy pulled it open, and blinked in surprise. "Well, Bella Swan," he said, smiling widely. "What a nice surprise!"

"Hi Billy." I leaned down and gave him a quick hug.

"What are you doing on the Rez?" he asked, wheeling himself back to let me in.

"Just hanging out." I closed the door behind me. "I was hoping to see Jacob today. Is he here?"

"Bella?" Jacob appeared in the hallway from his bedroom rubbing his eyes sleepily. His long hair stuck up wildly around his face.

My cranky mood dissipated after just one look at my friend. "Jacob! I haven't seen you in months!" I bounced over to him and threw my arms around him.

"I heard you moved back to town," he said, wrapping me up in his warm embrace. "How come you're only just now coming to see me?"

"How come you haven't come to see me?"

"Because I don't have a driver's license," he teased me, tickling me playfully. "Or a car, now, since Dad sold The Beast to Charlie."

"The Beast," I laughed. "I like it. It roars like one."

"I'm going into town," Billy called from the doorway.

"Do you need help?" Jacob asked him.

Billy waved him away. "Spend the day with your friend. I'll be out for a while."

Jacob grinned at me. "So what should we do? You want some breakfast?"

"Yes," I said enthusiastically. "And I want something else too."

"What's that?" He led me into the kitchen and started digging through the refrigerator.

"I want you to tell me why some of the people out here won't go to the hospital in Forks."

He stopped and looked back at me over his shoulder. "How did you hear about that?"

"From Edward Cullen. I also want to know why he can't come to La Push."

He rolled his eyes. "It's stupid a hell, Bella. It's just a bunch of superstitious old men stirring up trouble."

"Excellent." I hopped up onto the counter. "I love superstitious old man gossip."

Ten minutes later I was staring at him in disbelief from my perch on the counter as he stirred a pot on the stove.

"Vampires," I said flatly.

"Yep."

"The Cullens."

"Yep."

I stared at him a moment longer, then burst out laughing. "Come on, Jake, really. I need to know the reason."

He laughed as well, shaking his head. "I know it's crazy, but that is honestly why they won't go to the hospital. They're scared Dr. Fang is going to suck them dry."

I giggled and rocked so hard I nearly fell off the counter. "This is the same doctor who works the  _day_  shift at the hospital?"

"I know, right? Why isn't he a big pile of ash?"

"Yes, and I can personally vouch for the fact that his eye teeth are of normal length," I added. "He has a very nice smile."

"Oh, he has a nice smile?" Jacob teased. "Have you got a thing for Dr. Fang, Bella?"

"Shut up," I muttered, unable to entirely suppress my smile.

"Oh my god, you  _do_! Ha! That's great! Bella has a crush on the vampire doctor who sneaks around sucking the blood from all those poor defenseless patients."

"Behave!" I ordered. "It's horrible that anybody could think that about him. He's the nicest guy I've ever met."

"Oh really?" He quirked an eyebrow. "Just how nice has he been to you, Bella? Are you getting a little hot doctor lovin'?"

"Shut up."

"Here, taste this," Jacob said, scooping up a spoonful of chocolate sauce. He held it out to me, keeping his other hand under it to catch any drips.

I licked the sauce from the spoon. "Ohh, that's  _so_ good," I breathed. "Wait . . . I thought you were making breakfast."

"I am. Hot fudge waffles."

I giggled. "That's what you have for breakfast?"

"If you had breakfast with me more often you wouldn't be so bony," he grinned, poking me in the stomach. "Look at you, you look like Twiggy."

" _Twiggy?_ Geez, Jacob, how old are you?"

"Not as old as your vampire," he teased. "He's what, like at least a hundred?"

"You know what? That's actually almost believable with Carlisle," I said, dipping my fingertip into the hot fudge for another taste. "I mean, except for the fact that he's not all wrinkly and saggy. He's all old-fashioned and stuff. It's sexy."

"Old-fashioned how? Like he still uses leeches to bleed people?"

I snickered. "Gross. No, like, he kept calling me Isabella, because he said it wasn't proper for a gentleman to be calling a lady by a nickname without being invited."

"So what you're saying is that you're crushing on a stuffy old windbag."

"You be nice, Jacob Black," I threatened, grabbing the pot off the stove, "or I won't share my chocolate sauce with you."


	25. Free Falling

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I held Esme's hand as we moved slowly through the museum, our eyes wandering idly over the exhibits. The Clallam County Historical Society was holding a fund raiser to restore some of their holdings, and since I was amused by the idea of seeing events of my own lifetime immortalized, I had convinced Esme to come along with me.

Of course, I wasn't at all surprised when the conversation revolved around Bella. Lately it seemed that the girl was all any of us thought about.

"Do you know what the saddest part is?" Esme asked as we scanned an exhibit showing the method of census taking in the early nineteen-hundreds.

"What's that, darling?"

"That she doesn't know you love her. Because of Jasper, you can be relatively certain how Isabella feels about you, but she has no idea how you feel about her." She sighed softly. "Unrequited love can be such misery."

"Esme, sweetheart, you know I can't tell her."

"Oh, I know Carlisle," she said, patting my arm. "Unless you're considering changing your mind?" She gazed up at me hopefully.

I shook my head sadly.

"Then no," she agreed again. "You can't tell her. But I feel for the poor darling. She must be so lonely."

"I wonder if I shouldn't have Edward encourage her to start dating some of the boys at her school," I said softly. The thought of it was like a knife in my chest, but if it eased her unhappiness I would bear it.

"I'm not sure Edward would do it. He's determined to bring the two of you together."

"He won't listen to reason," I grumbled.

Esme laughed musically. "He says the same thing about you."

"This is all wrong, Esme. Edward has been my most trusted companion for nearly a hundred years. He has been my friend, my confidant, and my surest advisor. I could always rely on his counsel."

"Then why don't you trust him now?"

"He's letting himself be blinded this time. He's not thinking of what's best for Bella, he's thinking of what's best for  _me_."

"I'm not so sure," Esme said, her hand rubbing my arm affectionately. "Edward and Bella have become good friends, Carlisle. He wants to see her happy as well." She stopped and pulled me around to face her. "Edward sees that what you want is Bella, and what Bella wants is you. It's very difficult for him to understand why there's any problem at all."

"Esme, I can't–"

She held up a hand, cutting me off. "I don't need to hear the arguments again, Carlisle. I remember them quite clearly. I just don't want you thinking that Edward is disregarding Bella's feelings."

"It's her safety he's disregarding," I said, my voice hard. "That comment of his, telling Bella he makes a great vampire . . . that was reckless."

"It was harmless. The things she noticed herself–our skin and our eyes–that was far more suspicious to her."

"I'm still not convinced he didn't point those things out to her."

Esme sighed. "Carlisle, darling, Edward has been absolutely obnoxious about all this, but he hasn't been lying to you. If he says he didn't point out our common traits, he didn't." She turned and started walking again, pulling me along with her. "Anyway, none of that matters now. Ephraim's heir has come straight out and told he what we are. I imagine it's only a matter of time before she starts to believe him. Regardless of what Edward said, she will know."

I shook my head, letting the worry that had constantly been on my mind show in my face. "How can I protect her now, Esme? What do I do?"

"I think you're worrying too much." She squeezed my hand. "It's not an ideal situation, but there's no reason to believe that any of us will attract the attention of the Volturi during Bella's lifetime. It's likely that they'll never know of her until she's gone."

But that still made my family accomplices to my crime, and I didn't want to think of how the Volturi would take that when they did eventually learn of her. My only hope was that they would pardon my family when they saw that the threat was gone.

That is, assuming they didn't find out about her until after her death. Our death. Once again, with the safety of my family to consider, I was wavering on my decision to die with Bella. I would desire nothing more than to end my life with hers, but when the Volturi learned of Bella's knowledge of us, they might want someone to punish. I could give them that. Perhaps it would be enough to kill me, and they would leave my family be.

But the Volturi were unpredictable, and I had no guarantee that they wouldn't discover my secret in the next few decades. What would I do if they came for Bella before her natural death? Would I change her? I had told myself that I wouldn't interfere if an accident took her–that is, if I couldn't prevent the accident from happening. Or if an illness shortened her life, I had decided I would not step in and change her. But if the Volturi took her, I would be the cause of her death. I couldn't bear that.

Then what? I couldn't allow them to take her blood, of that I was certain. She would never be merely prey for a vampire. If the need arose, would I kill her myself to prevent her from becoming their victim?

Or would I change her?

And if I would change her for the Volturi, why would I not change her for love?

"Carlisle." Esme's voice broke through my contemplations. Her hand raised and smoothed my wrinkled brow. "You need to stop trying to plan for every contingency. It's not possible. Just allow fate to guide you."

"Fate." I was unable to keep the bitterness from my voice. "Fate is the cruel mistress that drove a human child to fall in love with a vampire. What kind of confidence could I have in her?"

"Well if you've lost faith in fate, and if you've lost faith in Edward, where  _are_  you putting your trust these days?"

I sighed. "Rosalie."

"That's a heavy weight to rest on her shoulders, Carlisle. Do you think she's up to the task?"

"Hers is the closest perspective I have to Bella's," I told Esme. "I need her insight. I need her guidance."

Esme nodded. "All right then." She was silent for a moment, and then she sighed. "It's just such a shame that Bella doesn't know how much she's loved."


	26. Outta Your Mind

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

The Cullens weren't at school on Monday. Angela caught me scanning the parking lot for them before school, and she hurried over to walk me into the school building.

"They're probably out camping," she said, not even needing to ask who I was looking for. "Whenever the weather is nice, their parents pull them out of school and do family togetherness stuff."

An image of eight vampires filled my mind, black-cloaked with slicked-back hair, gathered around a campfire singing songs. I had to stifle a giggle. Jacob's story had had me in stitches the entire previous day, and apparently I wasn't finished laughing over it.

"Family togetherness, huh?" I asked. "That's so Brady Bunch." I still hoped, way down deep, that Carlisle was Brady-worthy, despite this ongoing battle he was having with his son. I had certainly never seen him lose his temper . . . not that that really meant anything. I was pretty sure few people had ever seen Charlie lose his temper either.

"I know, right?" Angela said. "I wish my parents would pull me out of school whenever the sun shines."

And just like that I was giggling to myself again. Of course the  _vampires_  wouldn't be able to go to school in the sunshine. All that burning to ash would distract them from their studies.

It was a long day without them, though. Jessica dragged me over to sit with her at lunch and grilled me over my date with Edward. How long had we been seeing each other? Had he kissed me goodnight, and was he good at it? Did I expect her to believe he  _hadn't_  kissed me goodnight? Were we going to her Halloween party  _together_? Were we going to be cute and have matching costumes? And come on, had he  _really_  not kissed me goodnight?

It was tiresome. And Biology wasn't any better, because Mike came over before class and dropped into Edward's seat. "You left before we could dance on Saturday," he said accusingly.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't feeling very well." He didn't seem appeased, so I added, "Maybe this weekend at Jessica's I can make it up to you."

His face brightened. "Yeah, totally."

I seriously hoped Jessica wouldn't murder me in the middle of her party.

The next day was the same. No Cullens, and lots of uncomfortable questions about them. For the first time since I had moved to Forks, I found myself praying that the clouds would come back and rain us out so my friends would have to come back to school.

When they were gone again Wednesday morning, I was ready to cry. I slogged through the morning and yet another gossipy lunch period. I was lingering by my locker before Biology when a pair of cold hands squeezed my shoulders, and I felt a quick, icy kiss on my cheek.

"You're back!" I spun around and hugged Edward tightly around the waist.

"Well, that's quite a greeting," he laughed. "I should go away more often."

"Only if you take me with you." I glowered at him, pulling back. "Do you have any idea how annoying Mike has been about not getting that stupid dance I promised him?"

Edward chortled. "Is that why you haven't made it to Biology yet? Are you avoiding him?"

"Yes."

His shoulders shook with laughter.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I'm glad  _you_  think it's funny. You're on my list, mister."

He laughed harder. "I'm on your list?"

"Yes," I said acidly, "and it's not a  _good_  list either."

"Fine, maybe I won't give you your present then."

"What present?" I started to close my locker, but he held the door open.

"Just a little token," he smiled. "A memento, if you will. Two, actually."

" _Two_  presents?" I asked gleefully, playing along.

He grinned and reached into his backpack, extracting a roll of tape. He ripped off a piece and rolled it up, putting it on the inside of my locker door.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm giving you your present." He put the tape away and slid a photograph out of his bag, sticking it to the tape. It was the two of us, standing in front of his piano in our formalwear.

"Wow, look at us, all pretty," I smiled.

He chuckled. "Just make sure you keep it up, so everybody can see how  _taken_  we both are." He winked at me.

"Oh, so this is you marking your territory?"

He snickered. "Something like that."

"What's my other present?" I asked eagerly. "If it's you pissing on a tree again, I don't want it."

"The next one you have to earn."

I folded my arms sulkily across my chest. "It's not a present if you have to earn it."

He shrugged and pushed my locker closed, starting off down the hall. "Well, if you don't want it. . . ."

"Hey!" I chased after him. "Okay, how do I earn it?"

"First of all, you invite me over after school tonight."

"Uh," I stammered in surprise. "Okay. Wanna come over after school?"

"Why Bella, how kind of you to ask," he said, his face lighting up as though the invitation had been a surprise.

"You're a pain, you know that?"

"Yes, I know," he grinned. "Second. . . ."

"What?"

"You have to admit that you're in love with my father."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "That's crazy talk."

"Fine." He slipped a second photograph out of his bag and waved it as we walked.

My heart skipped a beat. It was a picture of Carlisle and me, the two of us staring into each other's eyes, his hand on my cheek. It must have been the candid shot Alice had taken while I was distracted by the absolute beauty of Carlisle's face. I was suddenly overcome with longing and I reached out for it, but Edward pulled it away.

"Uh-uh. Say it."

I stopped outside of the Biology room and glared at him. "You're worse than a pain. You're a manipulative jerk."

He grinned. "Say it."

I scowled, wondering why it was so much easier to admit this to Jacob. It might have had something to do with the fact that Edward was Carlisle's son, but I figured it was more that Edward might actually take me seriously. "It's  _possible_ ," I said tightly, "that I  _might_  have a . . .  _tiny_  crush . . . on the hottie doctor."

He laughed out loud. "Close enough," he said, handing me the photograph. "But only because you called him 'the hottie doctor.'"

I took the picture from him and stared at it, memorizing every feature on Carlisle's face. It may have been my imagination, or a trick played by his warm, golden eyes, but it almost looked like he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

"Bella?" Edward said, his voice heavy with amusement.

"Huh?" I tore my eyes away from Carlisle and looked at him.

He gestured to the classroom. "We're going to be late."

"Oh. Yeah." I tucked the picture carefully inside  _The Scarlet Pimpernel_  so it wouldn't get ruined, and Edward and I took our seats.

It was very hard to concentrate for the rest of the day. I found myself surreptitiously sneaking peeks of my picture when I was supposed to be working on assignments, and once I was so distracted by it that I didn't even realize Mr. Banner had called on my until Edward nudged my foot with his and whispered the answer to me. It was a good thing the picture was tucked between the pages of a book, because it looked like I was just distracted by my reading, and that was nothing new for me.

It was a relief when the final bell rang and I was free to obsess just as much as my pathetic little heart desired. I headed in a daze to my truck, and stopped short when I saw Edward leaning casually against it.

"Oh. I forgot you were coming over."

"A little distracted, are you?"

I rolled my eyes and moved to unlock the passenger door for him. "You know, I think I have a pretty good idea why you and Carlisle are fighting all the time," I said pointedly.

Edward laughed and got in the truck as I went around and climbed behind the wheel. "Alice meant it when she said we're best friends. Excepting Esme, I've never been closer to anyone than I am to Carlisle."

I pulled the truck out of the lot and angled it toward home. "How come you keep arguing with him then?"

"Because he's  _wrong._ "

"So what? Why not just let him be wrong?"

"Because he's making himself miserable."

I shook my head impatiently. "Edward, I hate to break it to you, but it is literally impossible to keep your parents from making themselves miserable."

He gave me a curious look. "Do your parents make themselves miserable?"

"Mom married  _Phil_ , didn't she?" I muttered.

He raised an eyebrow. "Does Phil make her miserable?"

"Yes," I muttered.

"Does he really?" Edward asked. "Or does he just make  _you_  miserable?"

I glared at him. "How is it possible for one person to be so annoying?"

"I'm right, aren't I?"

"No, you're not," I snapped. "But the fact that you think you know so much about it is pissing me off."

"Okay, tell me this. Did you try to talk your mom out of marrying Phil?"

"Yes."

"I rest my case. I'm trying to talk Carlisle out of making a very big mistake."

"What mistake?" I asked, knowing full well I wasn't going to get an answer.

Edward smiled secretively. "Let's just say he's letting a golden opportunity slip away from him."

That made me nervous. An opportunity? Was Edward trying to persuade Carlisle to take a position at another hospital? Charlie once mentioned that Forks Community Hospital was lucky to have such a talented surgeon, since they couldn't afford to pay him what he was worth. Dread crept into my stomach at the thought of Carlisle disappearing from my life.

"Hey," Edward said softly. "What's that face for?"

I shook my head quickly, forcing my features into a neutral expression. "Nothing." I pulled the truck up in front of my house and climbed out, glad for the distraction.

I let us into the house and led Edward upstairs to my room, dropping my books on my bed. "So how come you wanted to come over, anyway?"

He made himself comfortable in the chair at my desk. "I wanted to talk to you, and I didn't want my family listening in."

"Okay. What are we talking about?"

His eyes focused on his hands as he rubbed them together anxiously. "I heard you paid a visit to your friend Jacob Black."

A giggle burst out and I collapsed on my bed. "That was the funniest thing  _ever!_ I would never have believed it if you had told me yourself. I barely bought it from Jacob."

He raised a reproachful eyebrow. "You're laughing about it?"

"Edward, I'm dying to know." I pulled my legs up and crossing them in front of me. "What in the world did you guys do to convince otherwise-rational, grown men and women that you're  _vampires_?"

"Maybe it's my tendency to cringe away from crosses," he said tersely. "Seriously, Bella, I can't believe you're laughing about this."

"Are you kidding? I've been laughing about this almost nonstop since Jake told me!"

"This isn't funny."

I cleared my throat, growing serious. "You're right, it's not. You guys are being singled out for no good reason, and that's not right. I'm sorry." But I couldn't hold it, and I burst out laughing again. "It's just . . . I mean,  _vampires_?"

Edward leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, pressing his fingertips together. "Is it really less likely than your endlessly-amusing Adamantium speculations?"

"No, but at least I didn't actually  _believe_  you were a mutant. Jacob says the Council is truly, honestly afraid of you guys."

"I don't know that  _afraid_  is the right word," Edward said carefully. " _Wary_ , I think."

"Right. Because you're the  _good_  kind of vampire that only eats chipmunks and bunnies and stuff."

Edward looked insulted. "Give us a little credit, Bella. If you're speculating about our diet, and least imagine us taking down big game."

I broke into gales of laughter again. "That's another thing! You guys are the pickiest eaters in the history of the world. I can't even imagine you drinking blood!"

"Did you ever think maybe that's  _why_  we're picky?"

I tried to suppress my giggles. "You know, you're taking this vampire thing a little seriously."

"Am I?"

I stopped laughing at the look on his face. "Oh wow . . . this really bugs you, doesn't it?"

He shook his head dismissively. "No. The Quileutes value their old legends, and they can think what they want about us. I just think maybe you shouldn't be so quick to dismiss the supernatural."

I fixed him with a steady gaze. "I was thinking along those lines a few weeks ago. You know, when I watched you dent a van with your hands."

He gazed back at me, but said nothing.

"Adrenaline does a lot for a person," I continued. "Energy, strength . . . but as far as I know, it doesn't keep bones from breaking."

A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. "You and I both know I lied to you," he said, his voice low. "If you're smart, you'll think hard about what else I might be lying about. What Carlisle might be lying about."

It made my stomach churn to think of Carlisle lying to me. But then, even in the hospital I had gotten the feeling that he knew what happened with Edward and the van. Carlisle Cullen had been keeping secrets from me as long as I had known him.

"So you guys lie about whatever it is that makes the Quileutes afraid of you?"

He shrugged. "Otherwise-rational, grown men and women, right? Maybe you should take them seriously, Bella."

"You're telling me I should believe that you're a vampire?"

"Not exactly. But let me ask you this–if their crazy legends were true, and I  _was_  a vampire, would you still want to be my friend?"

"I don't know, would you want to drink my blood?"

His eyes darkened as he fixed me with a steady gaze. "Very, very badly."

I raised an eyebrow. "Okay, that was creepy. And if that was the case, I suppose I would have to think twice about being your friend." I winked at him. "I'm very possessive of my blood. I'm not willing to share."

"Suppose I promised to try very hard to keep my teeth to myself?" he asked with a weak smile.

I leaned back against the headboard of my bed. "We're seriously still playing this game?"

He nodded soberly.

"Alright then, yes," I said. "I'm a big believer in treating people fairly. If you promised to stick to big game and leave my jugular alone, then sure, I'd still be your friend."

"And if it was true about Carlisle?" he asked. "Would you still love him?"

"Pf. Love." I rolled my eyes. "I told you, it's just a tiny little theoretical crush."

One corner of his mouth pulled up into a smile. "Good thing we're speaking theoretically, then," he said. "So  _theoretically_ , if Carlisle was a vampire, would you still  _theoretically_  love him?"

I sighed, giving in. "Theoretically? I can't imagine anything in the world, natural or not, that would make me stop loving him."

"Good." He smiled widely. "You need to figure out what he's been lying to you about."

I stared at him for a minute. "You make my brain hurt," I sulked, pulling out my math book. "I'm going to figure out some easy problems now and leave you and your demented family for later."

His face broke into a grin. "Fair enough."

The two of us spent the afternoon doing homework together, and then I gave Edward a ride home shortly before Charlie was due back. The cruiser was parked in front of the house when I got home, and I headed into the kitchen to get dinner on the stove.

Charlie was standing in front of the refrigerator, staring inside, and he glowered when I came in. "Where were you?" he asked shortly.

Oh no. He was in a mood. "I was taking Edward home. He came over after school to study with me."

Charlie slammed the refrigerator shut. "He came here?"

I nodded slowly.

"So you just spent all fucking afternoon screwing around with your boyfriend and ignoring your responsibilities?"

I fell back a step as his temper flared. "We were doing homework."

"I'll bet you were," he spat. "You're just like your mother."

I ducked past him into the kitchen and started getting things ready for dinner.

"Hurry it up," he growled. "I don't want to have to wait all damn night to eat."

"It'll just be a few minutes," I mumbled.

"What? God damn it, Bella, did you learn that from her too? Speak up."

I swallowed hard, trying not to cry. "It'll just be a few minutes," I told him, louder this time.

"So if you'd been home when I got here, it would be finished by now."

"I'm sorry," I murmured, bending over the frying pan on the stove.

"I said speak up!" He grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. I flinched away, waiting for him to start yelling again, but the phone rang and distracted him. He let go of my arm and snatched it up. "Hello," he barked. "No, she's busy. She'll have to call you back later." He said goodbye and hung up, glaring at me. "Call your friend Alice after dinner," he grumbled, then moved to the den to watch TV.

I turned back to dinner, preparing it as quickly as I could with trembling hands, and then made a plate for Charlie and carried it trepidatiously into the den. I set it in front of him, and he grunted in acknowledgment before I hurried back out of the room.

I thought about fixing a plate for myself, but I just didn't have an appetite. I escaped upstairs to my room instead, and collapsed onto my bed, snatching up  _The Scarlet Pimpernel_  and pulling out the photograph Edward had given me. I felt better almost instantly, and after staring at it for a few minutes to calm my nerves, I closed it back in the book and hugged it tightly to my chest. I pictured Carlisle's warm, gentle face in my mind as I let myself drift off to sleep.


	27. Silent Scream

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Edward went straight to the piano when he got home, and he started to play as I stood at the window and watched Bella's truck disappear down the drive.

"It's safe, isn't it? That truck she drives?"

"I'll take a look at it if you want," Emmett offered from his room on the second floor. "But it sounds like it's running well enough."

"Thank you, Emmett. I would like that."

"I'll go later tonight."

I moved to Edward's side and stood behind the piano bench while he played. I liked this new routine of ours.

"She hasn't started taking Jacob's story any more seriously," Edward said calmly. "She spent the entire afternoon drilling me on what we did to make rational adults think we're vampires. She thinks its ridiculous."

"A small mercy."

"Maybe." He scooted over on the bench and Esme drifted in from the yard to sit beside him. "If she doesn't start picking up on things that make her re-think her position, then it should be fine. But I think she will. She already compared the vampire theory to her Wolverine speculations."

I sighed, regretting that her safety had been compromised merely because she had the bad fortune to move to this town.

"There's a very quick, very thorough way to make her safe again," Edward pointed out.

I heard Rosalie hiss from upstairs.

"That's enough, you two," I said firmly. "My decision is  _still_  not up for discussion."

Surprisingly, Edward didn't argue with me. Instead he started reviewing his day with Isabella, telling me about their conversations and the time they had spent together after school. Edward was a constant nuisance, but he still gave me the moments I looked forward to most in the day. He was describing her distraction with our photograph in her Biology class when suddenly he stilled, his eyes slipping out of focus. His brow furrowed. "Alice, what is that?"

There was no answer, but Edward winced. "Alice! What's going on?"

"I don't know," I heard her whisper from her room. "It's like something's changing, a decision that keeps getting made and unmade."

Edward stood up suddenly. "When is this?"

"I think it's now." She emerged from her room with her phone in her hand. "Split-second decisions that happen as soon as I see them." She dialed quickly and pressed the phone to her ear."

"Edward, what is it?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I don't know. Bella's having some sort of argument with her father. Alice is just getting little bits and pieces of things that might happen . . . all we know is that he's yelling at her."

"Hi, this is Alice. Can I speak with Bella?" Alice said into the phone.

"No, she's busy," came Charlie's gruff answer. "She'll have to call you back later."

"Oh. Okay. Please tell her I called."

She hung up the phone.

I headed for the door, with Edward and Alice close behind. We ran through the trees and reached the forest around the Swan house within minutes. Alice's visions seemed to calm down after the phone call, and we stopped just short of the tree line, listening to the activity in the house.

The television was on, and Charlie sat in the den watching while Bella moved around the kitchen. After a moment she moved to his side, and we heard a grunt before she left the room and went upstairs to her room.

That was all for the evening. Bella fell asleep not long after that, and a couple of hours later Charlie went up to bed. There was no more conversation, no more interaction.

"Maybe they're mad at each other still," Alice murmured.

"What were they arguing about?" I asked.

"Me," Edward said uncomfortably. "Charlie didn't like that I spent the afternoon with her."

Alice shook her head. "It wasn't just that. He was being really unreasonable, Carlisle. It was like he was trying to find something to be angry about.

I frowned. "Stressful day, I wonder?"

"You're keeping an eye on her?" Edward asked Alice.

She nodded. "I have been since we took her shopping in Seattle. Charlie seems sweet most of the time, but Bella usually leaves him alone when he's moody."

I turned back to face the house. Bella's bedroom light was still on, though she was breathing deeply.

"Are you going to check on her?" Edward asked.

I nodded. I ran across the lawn and leapt silently up the side of the house. I slid her window open, surprised that it glided smoothly and quietly along the track.

"I oiled it for you," Edward said wryly.

I smiled to myself.  _That was very kind of you._  I slipped inside the bedroom and moved silently to Bella's side, looking her over to make sure she was alright. I couldn't see any hint of injury, but it made me feel warm to see the book I had given her hugged to her chest. I wondered if she always slept with some object, or just on stressful days.

I quietly moved to the light switch and turned it off, then returned to her bed and eased her shoes off of her feet. I wished there was more I could do to make her comfortable, but knew I was overstepping my bounds already. I carefully edged the blankets down and pulled them over her, then returned to the window and slipped outside again.

"She seems fine," Edward said as I ran back to them. "Maybe we're overreacting."

Alice looked uneasy. "Maybe."

"You're staying, aren't you?" Edward asked.

I nodded.

He vaulted himself into a tree and lounged lazily between the trunk and one solid limb. "Okay." He folded his hands and let his eyes slip closed.

"Edward, you don't have to."

"I know."

Alice swung herself up onto a branch near him and started kicking her feet playfully. "Neither do I."

I smiled at them. "I very much appreciate the company," I murmured.


	28. Hopelessly Devoted to You

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I woke up in the middle of the night, groggy and uncomfortable. I was still dressed in my clothes, though I seemed to have kicked my shoes off while I slept. I quickly shed the rest of my clothes and snuggled back down into bed, pulling _The Scarlet Pimpernel_  back to me. I slipped the photograph out and stared at it in the moonlight that filtered through my bedroom window.

"Carlisle." I whispered his name softly, reverently, a prayer to a being no more likely to answer me than the unresponsive God my mother had taught me to pray to as a child. Carlisle was the incarnation of everything I wanted and couldn't have. He was peace, beauty, safety.

He was love.

I turned my head into my pillow, sobbing softly as I pressed the photograph to my chest. I doubted there was anything in the world I wouldn't give for him to look at me that way one more time. I knew it was more imagination than reality, but the idea that he could want me the way he appeared to in that picture was precious enough to me that I was willing to surrender reality to fiction. I would happily lose my mind if I could only spend the rest of my life believing that Carlisle Cullen loved me.

I cried myself to sleep and startled awake a few hours later, frantically checking to see if I had damaged the picture. One corner was bent back, but there was no crease, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I tucked the picture into the book again and curled into a ball, clutching it against me.

I couldn't go back to sleep, though. I had gone to bed early the night before, and it was after four o'clock now. I had slept a long time.

I reluctantly crawled out of bed and got ready for the day. I tried to be quiet about it so I wouldn't disturb Charlie, and shortly after he emerged from his room and came downstairs looking for coffee, I gathered my things.

"I have a study group," I mumbled to him.

He grunted an acknowledgment, and I slipped out the door.

Driving slowly didn't extend the travel time all that much, since I only lived a couple of miles from the high school. I was ridiculously early, so all the doors were still locked, and of course, it was raining. I huddled in the cab of my truck, chilled and depressed, and pulled out the picture of Carlisle and me again. I propped it up on the steering wheel and stared at it.

It was hard to reconcile the man in the picture with the man Jacob's father was so anxious about. The vampire doctor, natural predator of humans, subsisting instead on a diet of animals. Ludicrous. But what I had said to Edward was true–I couldn't think of anything that would make me stop loving the man. If I discovered that Carlisle Cullen was Satan himself, I would follow him happily to hell in hopes that I might occasionally catch a glimpse of him as I burned.

If only he would invite me.

I got so caught up in staring at the picture that I yelped in surprise at the tap on my window. I looked up to see Alice peering at me through the glass.

I laughed self-consciously at my pounding heart, then slipped the picture back inside of my book. I pushed open the door and got out of the truck, glad to see that the rain had stopped. The parking lot had filled with people while I was lost in my own world, and I figured the bell would probably send us all to class in a few minutes.

"You didn't call me back yesterday," Alice said reproachfully.

"Uh, yeah, sorry." I slubg my bag onto my shoulder. "I fell asleep early."

Edward and Jasper sauntered over to us to join the conversation.

"I wanted to tell you that I got our Halloween costumes," Alice said brightly.

"You got costumes?"

"Of course. We're going to a party, we need costumes. And you and I are going to be Thelma and Louise."

I laughed and Alice smiled brightly. "Hooray! I'm so glad you like it! Can you come over and try on your costume tonight?"

"Um," I hesitated. I didn't want another run-in with Charlie over my after-school activities. "I can, but I can't stay long."

"Okay, how come?" Alice asked.

I changed the subject. "What are you two going to be?" I asked Edward and Jasper.

Edward grinned. "Maverick and Goose."

"Hot," I smiled. "The girls can't resist those aviator sunglasses."

Emmett wandered over then, giving me a wink as he kicked Edward out of his way and leaned against the side of the truck. Jasper looked surprised to see him, but Edward and Alice didn't.

"She's getting to you, huh?" Edward asked.

Emmett glared at him. "Yeah, no thanks to you. You and Carlisle have got the whole family wrapped up in this stupid-ass argument of yours." He heaved a heavy sigh. "I don't know about everybody else, but I'm ready for you two to kiss and make up already."

"Help me convince him, then."

"Ha! No way in hell, little brother. When you decided to go head to head with Carlisle Cullen, you set yourself up for failure."

"Please," Edward scoffed. "I can wear him down."

"Whatever you say. But if you ask me, trying to wear down Carlisle's self control is like placing bets against Alice. You'll never catch me doing something that stupid."

"I have the advantage. I'm right."

"You're both a couple of damn mules."

Edward snickered. "Yep. It's a classic symptom of Chiropteritis."

Jasper shot Edward a warning look, but Emmett started laughing right along with him. "That man has no idea what he's done," Emmett hooted. "From now on you're going to be blaming everything you ever do on Chiropteritis."

"Hey," Edward said solemnly, "it's a multifaceted disease." His straight face broke on the final word and he and Emmett were laughing again.

Emmett suddenly straightened and cleared his throat. "That's not funny," he said stiffly. "And seriously, Edward, I haven't gotten laid in like two weeks. You guys need to wrap this shit up so my girl's not so pissy all the time."

Edward smiled calmly. "Rosalie can change her position any time she wants."

"Thanks a lot," Emmett muttered.

The bell sounded, sending us all to class, and I fell into step beside Edward. "Are you going to tell me what you're arguing about yet?"

"Sure," he said casually. "We're arguing about you."

I stopped, frozen by his words, but Edward just kept walking, whistling casually to himself as he disappeared into the school.


	29. Just When I Needed You Most

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I couldn't get the sound of Isabella's sobs out of my head. When I heard her whisper my name, I thought there was no greater happiness in the world. But when it was followed by evidence of such aching sadness, I was shattered.

I was hurting my girl.

Everything in me wanted to correct it, to  _stop_  hurting her, but I couldn't see a path for her that would be pain free. There was nothing I could do to make her happy, and her soft cries haunted me.

I had to see her. Spending the day away from her, too far from her to hear her quiet breathing or the soft thudding of her heart, was agony. I needed to be near her.

The compulsion became unbearable, so I made up an excuse. It had been nearly three weeks since Bella had broken her hand, and it wouldn't hurt to see how it was healing. I decided I would stop by after work to check on her.

I made a quick stop at home and changed into some fresh clothes, not wanting the smell of the hospital to be clinging to me and interfering with Bella's intoxicating scent.

Edward, of course, noticed the change from our usual routine. He drifted up the stairs and hovered outside my bedroom door.

"You may come in," I told him, moving in front of the mirror to tie my tie.

The door swung open, and he leaned against the frame. "Looking good, old man."

I glanced back and him and smiled. "Thank you, Edward."

"It's a pretty flimsy excuse," he said drily. "Do you know how long it's been since doctors made house calls?"

"Yes, I was very disappointed when the practice went out of style."  _And I honestly don't care how flimsy the excuse is. I want to see her._

"Uh huh. You're wearing a tie? Didn't we talk to you about looking more approachable?"

 _Her father will be there._   _And I'm coming by on official business. The tie is appropriate._

"Do you mind if I come along? I might be able to distract Charlie for you for a bit. Give you some time alone with her."

I straightened the knot and turned toward him, giving him a grateful smile. "That would be nice, thank you."

He followed me down the stairs and moved to the living room to kiss Esme goodbye. "I'll be back before long, my love."

"Don't rush," she smiled.

"I'm running," I told Edward. "I need to settle my nerves a little."

He raised an eyebrow. "Won't it look a little odd to show up without a car?"

"If they notice, we'll tell them we parked down the street."

"Whatever you say."

We headed outside and started a slow run, just a bit faster than a human could manage, keeping to the trees so as not to be noticed. I focused on the sounds of squirrels hunting for stores of nuts, and on the brittling of the bark on the trees as the season turned colder. We were inching toward November, and Mother Nature was putting her children to bed.

But the activity around me could only hold my attention for so long, and after a few moments my mind was on Bella again. The sound of her whimpers echoed in my ears.

"How was she today?" I asked. "Was she . . . content? Happy?"

He hesitated. "She tried to be. She's always trying, every day. She puts up a good fight against whatever it is that makes her so sad."

His words tugged at my heart. My girl shouldn't have to work for her happiness. It should be dressed and garnished and presented to her under silver. I worried that I had waited too long to involve myself in her life. If I could get closer to her and her father, perhaps I could find the causes of her sadness and remove as many as possible.

"I think it would be more effective if you gave her something to be happy about."

I gave a resigned sigh. "You know, Edward, I vaguely remember a time when I enjoyed your company."

" 'Am I therefore become your enemy because I tell you the truth?' "

"Don't you quote scripture to me, boy," I grinned warningly. "Even as a human I could have pulpit-pounded you under the table."

"Bring it, Dr. Cullen."

A faint but significant scent drifted by on the breeze, and panic ripped through me.

"Don't breathe!" I yelled at Edward, and tackled him, throwing him to the ground. He stared at me in shock, and I quickly began reciting  _Paradise Lost_  in my mind to cover my thoughts. Even a hint could drive Edward beyond the point of self-restraint.

"Go home," I ordered. "Immediately. And don't draw a breath until you get there."

"Bella?"

"I smell her blood."

Fear flashed across his face, but he gritted his teeth and nodded. I eased off of him warily, falling into a defensive crouch and watching his every move carefully.

Edward immediately rolled to his feet and sprinted back toward the house. When he reached what I deemed a reasonable distance away, I turned my attention back to the disturbing scent and started running for the Swan house. The smell wasn't heavy. She may have fallen and scraped a knee, or given herself a minor cut while cooking. But it was fresh, minutes old at most, and the warm blood was still seeping out of it.

And then I heard the sounds. Charlie yelling, a crash and splintering wood, Bella's pained cry. Fury took hold of my body, and within seconds I was darting onto the porch. The front door was locked, but no flimsy metal mechanism could keep me out of the house. It was all I could do to slow myself to normal human speed after I broke the lock and shoved the door open.

The scent of blood was thick in the air. I couldn't see Bella from where I was, but I could hear Charlie shouting in the kitchen.

"You ungrateful little bitch!" he yelled.

I rushed to the kitchen and saw him standing over Bella as she lay on the floor. A wooden chair lay broken beside her and blood flowed from a gash on her head and a cut on her upper right arm.

"I'll teach you to talk back to me–"

"Charlie!" I yelled, interrupting his tirade.

He spun around and there was fury on his face as he glared at me. "What the hell are you doing in my house?" he demanded, stalking toward me.

I pushed past him and strode to Bella's side. She was pale under the dripping blood, and she stared glassily past me. As I knelt beside her, her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she lost consciousness.

Charlie stomped toward me, and I rose and turned to face him.

"Charlie, you need to leave," I ordered. "Go somewhere and calm down."

He glared at me furiously. "You've got some nerve, telling me to get out of my own house," he growled, drawing back to throw a punch.

It was easy enough to catch his fist, easier still to pluck the handcuffs from his belt and push him to the stairs, locking his hands around the railing. He raged at me as I did so, fighting uselessly against my grip, and a wave of sympathy for him rose up inside of me. How many times had he been beaten or restrained by his own parents? What kind of damage had been done to him, to make him turn on his daughter this way?

"I'm sorry, my friend," I told him. "We'll discuss the situation after I've cared for Bella." I strode to her side and crouched next to her, feeling carefully along her spine for any heat or swelling that might indicate an injury. Finding nothing, I lifted her into my arms. I glanced around and spotted a blanket thrown over the couch in the den, which I quickly retrieved and wrapped around her.

Charlie was still yelling at me, threatening and insulting, but I barely noticed his fury. My thoughts were on Bella, monitoring her breathing, her heart rate, the slowing of the blood that flowed from her cuts. They weren't life-threatening, but both of them would need stitches. I carried her out the door and started running through the trees, working my phone from my pocket as I rushed toward home. I dialed Edward, and he answered immediately.

"I know," he said. "Alice has already got Jasper out of the house. The rest of us are on our way out the door."

"Go far. There's more blood now than there was before."

"It was Charlie?" he asked, though I was sure Alice had already told him.

I sighed softly. "Yes."

"What are you going to do?" By the sound of air rushing by the phone, I guessed that he was out of the house and running.

"I don't know yet. Has everyone left?"

"Esme stayed to sterilize your medical instruments. She'll be gone before you get there."

"Thank you. I'll call you when I'm through."

I ran the rest of the way to the house, holding Bella tightly against me. I rushed her up the stairs to my study, where Esme had left my equipment out for me on a tray near the desk. I pushed a few items back to clear space on the desktop and lay Bella down on it. Her heart rate was starting to pick up slightly, and I knew she would wake before long, so I hurriedly cleaned and anesthetize her cuts.

I stitched the gash on her head first, a two inch cut that ran along her hairline and was already starting to bruise badly. I worked carefully, putting in enough stitches to be sure she wouldn't scar. I was just finishing when she started to wake up.

She moaned and started to raise her hands to her face, but I held them back with my forearm.

"Careful, sweetheart," I murmured softly.

Her eyes met mine and she caught her breath, sitting up quickly. She swayed, and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, steadying her.

"Please try to relax," I said. "We'll be done here in just a few minutes."

"Where's Charlie?" she asked fearfully.

"He's at home."

"He didn't mean to do it," she said quickly, her heart rate spiking. "He just gets upset sometimes."

"Shh, Bella, I understand."

"You won't make me leave him, right? You won't make me go back to Phoenix?"

I eyed the long sleeve of her shirt, bloodied and torn, and decided the shirt was lost. "I don't know, Bella. We'll have to discuss a few things." I grasped her sleeve at the seam of the shoulder and ripped it away, giving me access to her cut.

"Please," she begged, her hand clutching at my shirt. "Please, Carlisle, I don't want to go back."

I met her gaze, and if my hands hadn't been smeared with her blood, I would have pressed them soothingly to her frightened face. I wanted to hold her, to kiss away the fear and make her feel safe again.

"All right, Bella," I murmured. "Whatever else happens, I'll see to it that you don't have to return to Phoenix."

Her grip eased on my shirt, and she dropped her eyes.

"Now, let me get this arm of yours stitched up. I'll be quick about it, I promise."

She was silent for a moment while I worked, and I glanced at her curiously, wondering what was going through her mind. She looked frightened.

"Bella, may I ask you a question?"

She lifted her eyes to meet mine.

"Has Charlie ever done something like this before?" I was sure I knew the answer already, but in fairness to the man I had to ask.

She looked down and nodded.

"Does it happen often?"

She hesitated. "I don't know what often would be."

That was a fair question. "Is this the first time since you've come to live in Forks?"

Her eyes flicked to the brace on her hand and she looked away, shaking her head.

My chest tightened with guilt. I should have known when I treated her hand. I should have seen that Charlie was hurting her, or should at least have kept a closer watch on her. I could only blame myself for her current injuries. "I see," I whispered. I finished stitching her arm and cleaned her up, bandaging the cut. "There. Have I missed anything? Are you hurt anywhere else?"

She shook her head. "Maybe a couple of bruises," she mumbled.

"Alright then. If I may beg your patience, I just need to clean up a bit."

I gathered my bloody instruments and carried them downstairs, cleaning them and my hands with bleach in the kitchen sink. I soaked a rag in bleach and carried it back upstairs, wiping down the desk.

"Well, I think both of us have managed to ruin our shirts and that blanket," I said lightly.

She cringed, and her cheeks reddened. "I'm sorry."

I laughed it off. "They replaceable, Bella. Come, let's see if we can't find something in Esme's closet for you to wear."

I offered her my hand, and she took it tentatively. I guided her into Edward and Esme's room and opened the closet, rifling through the clothes until I found a black long-sleeved T-shirt that would cover the bandage and not offer the challenge of buttons with her immobile hand. I offered it to her and she smiled a little.

"Go ahead and change," I told her. "I'll be downstairs when you're finished.

My cell phone rang as I exited the bedroom and I pulled it out. "Alice?"

"Just leave the bloody things outside of the back door. Esme is on her way back to get them."

"Thank you, darling." I moved to the office and stripped off my blood-stained shirt, tossing it on the blanket and then adding the soiled swabs and bandages to the pile. "Are the rest of you coming home?"

"Most of us," she said hesitantly. "Rosalie . . ."

"I understand. Is Emmett staying with her?"

"No, he's coming back. He thinks you might need him, with Edward and Jasper both hanging out at home with Bella."

I wrapped up the blanket and carried it outside, leaving it next to the back porch. "He's probably right. Please thank him for me."

"I will. Oh, and Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"The green Ralph Lauren button-down. Leave it untucked, with the top two buttons undone. And if you even  _think_  about that sweater vest again, I'll have Esme burn it with the rest of the trash."

I laughed as I headed back up the stairs and went to my room. "What would I do without you?"

"You'd dress like a nerd."

"Thank you, Alice," I smiled. "I'll see you soon."

I pulled on the shirt as ordered, and then headed back out, meeting Bella in the hallway. She was clutching her ruined shirt, and I held my hand out for it. "I'll take care of that for you."

She surrendered it to me with an uncertain smile, and then took the arm that I offered and let me escort her down the stairs. I guided her to the couch and helped her onto it before carrying her shirt to the back door. I added it to the pile, smiling as I heard Esme running toward us through the trees.

"Thank you, darling," I murmured softly.

"Any time."

I moved back inside and sat with Bella on the couch. "The rest of the family should be back shortly."

She bit her lip. "Do they know?"

I nodded apologetically. "They know."

She leaned her elbows on her knees and hid her eyes behind her hand.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "I know this is difficult for you. But we do need to talk about how we're going to handle the situation with your father."

Bella started crying softly, and the sound ripped at my still heart.

"Sweetheart," I murmured. I moved close to her and wrapped my arms around her. She turned into me, burying her head in my shoulder as her hand clutched at my shirt. I gave her a few minutes to cry, and when I heard my family approaching the house, I silently asked Edward to do the same. They stopped outside, still and waiting, only the sound of their breathing to remind me that they were there.

When Bella finally stopped crying I slipped a handkerchief from my pocket and carefully dried her tears. "It'll be alright," I promised her. "We'll work it out." To Edward, I thought,  _Thank you. You may come in now._

The back door opened, and four of my children filed inside. Most of them held back a little, heading to other rooms, but Edward strode into the living room immediately and flopped down on the couch on Bella's other side.

"You alright, kid?" he asked casually, kicking his feet up on the coffee table.

She nodded and forced a smile. "I'm fine."

"You're still a bad liar."

She rubbed a hand over her eyes, and I wondered if she was tired.

"Would you like some coffee?" I offered.

She looked up gratefully. "That would be nice, thank you."

I rose and headed into the kitchen to prepare a pot. When the door closed behind me, I heard her whisper urgently to Edward.

"Tell me."

He chortled quietly. "No."

" _Tell me_ ," she hissed again.

"Ask him yourself, he's right in there."

"Edward!" Her voice was pleading. "Do you have any idea how awkward this is? You can't just tell me you two are fighting about me and then not explain!"

My temper flared, and I only just barely managed to keep from breaking the mug in my hand.  _You told her we were fighting about her?_

Edward gave a low laugh that I knew was as much a taunt for me as it was for Bella. "I've already overstepped my bounds in telling you that."

 _You're damn right, you have_ , I thought angrily. _You're lucky I don't throw you out of my house right now. And mark my words, Edward, if you say another word about it I won't hesitate to have Emmett haul your ass to Alaska._

"That's not fair," Bella was saying. "How am I ever going to relax around him if I'm always afraid of what I did wrong?"

He sighed, and–mercifully–tried to smooth things over. "You didn't do anything wrong.  _I_  did. Or anyway, Carlisle thinks I did. He . . . doesn't think I treat you with enough respect."

There was a moment of silence, and then Bella answered. "You're lying."

"What?" he said innocently. "Why would you say that?"

"Because I'm not stupid, Edward.  _You're_  the one pressing this fight, not him."

"Fine. I'm telling a partial truth. But seriously, Bella, I can't say anything else. If I air any more of our dirty laundry, Carlisle is going to send me to boarding school in Siberia."

 _Good idea_.

Edward snickered.

"Why are you laughing?" Bella asked resentfully.

"Because you're so  _cute_  when you're mad. Look at you, you're like a feisty little kitten."

"I despise you," she muttered.

"Carlisle does too. In fact, you really don't have anything to worry about. Carlisle likes you a lot better than he likes me these days."

I quickly poured what coffee had brewed into a mug and strode to the living room with the mug and a coffee service, raising an eyebrow at Edward. "I hope my son hasn't been too rude while I was away," I said pointedly.

Bella blushed and shook her head, accepting the coffee from me. "Of course not."

"I can't help it," Edward smirked. "It's the Chiropteritis."

Emmett bellowed with laughter and strode into the room. He ruffled Bella's hair as he passed and dropped into an armchair. "What did I tell you?" he said to her. "Every little thing."

Bella laughed softly, and I gave Emmett a questioning look. He just smiled at me.

"Well, Bella, we have a very serious issue to discuss," I said. "And we should do it quickly, as I'm afraid I left Charlie in a fairly uncomfortable position."

"Serves him right, if you ask me," Emmett muttered.

I shot him a warning look. "I didn't."

He took my reprimand without complaint. "Sorry."

I sat down next to Bella again, placing a hand on her knee. "I think the first thing we should do is speak with the police."

Edward stiffened beside Bella. "No," he whispered.

I ignored him, giving Bella my attention. "It's usually best to have something like this on record, even if you don't plan to–"

"No!" Edward said, jumping to his feet. I glanced up at him, and he was staring at the wall, his eyes unfocused. "Alice, what is that?" he demanded loudly.

I glanced between him and Bella, who was looking at him in confusion.

"Alice!" Edward barked.

She moved quietly into the room, her face a mask of horror. "I don't know," she whispered. "Carlisle, whatever it is you just decided, you need to  _un_ decide."

I wanted to ask why, ask what she was seeing, but with Bella in the room I had to be discreet.

Edward, however, didn't seem to be worried about discretion. "Who is that?" he snapped at Alice.

She glared at him. "You know as much as I do, Edward. I don't know why you're asking  _me_."

" _When_  is it?"

"Edward, I  _don't know_."

I cleared my throat pointedly. "Perhaps you two could take this upstairs?"

Alice turned to me. "I wasn't listening, Carlisle. What were you two just talking about?"

"I was saying we might want to consider speaking with the police."

"Well, don't," she said, her eyes full of fear. "It's a bad idea, Carlisle–very, very bad."

I gave her a long look. "All right." I nodded slowly. "We should be able to handle this ourselves."

The tension drained from her body and she closed her eyes in relief. "That's better," she breathed.

"Alice, we need to know who that was," Edward said darkly.

"Upstairs," I ordered.

Edward seemed to realize suddenly what kind of a show he was putting on for Bella. He turned to her and shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. "Sorry, Bella. I know we're really weird sometimes." He grinned broadly. "It's the Chiropteritis."

Emmett guffawed.

"Upstairs," I said again, pointing toward the staircase.

Emmett pushed himself to his feet. "Come on, kids. Carlisle's head is about ready to explode–best not push him any further." He dropped an arm around each of their shoulders and steered them up the stairs.

Jasper strode by and followed after them, giving Bella a wink as he passed.

"All right," I said, getting back to the matter at hand. "We need to decide what happens with you and Charlie now."

"Nothing has to happen," she said quickly, shaking her head. "It's fine, it's just how he is."

"Bella, your safety is my primary concern. I can't leave you there with your father if he has violent tendencies."

"H-he won't do it again," she stammered, staring at her hands.

I touched a fingertip to her chin, raising her gaze to mine. "You and I both know that's not true."

"He doesn't mean it," she said pleadingly.

"I know, Bella." I leaned back on the couch. "Your father has had a difficult life. Ideally, I would like him to start seeing a therapist."

Esme's voice spoke from outside, and I was surprised I hadn't heard her moving toward the house. "There's an inpatient center in Port Angeles that specializes in childhood trauma cases."

"In fact," I told Bella, passing along the information, "there's a center in Port Angeles where he could go. It would require him to live there for a time, but as his doctor I could help him arrange a leave of absence from work."

Her eyebrows pulled together. "So . . . he would leave. And I would. . . ."

"You would be alone," I nodded, frowning. "I think we should be able to find another place for you to stay, or at least someone to stay with you."

"I don't want to go back to Phoenix," she said quickly, panic rising in her.

"That's fine." I smoothed her hair gently, trying to ease her fears with my touch. "We'll work this out. But tell me, assuming we can find suitable living arrangements for you here, does this sound like an acceptable plan to you?"

She twisted her hands in her lap. "He won't go."

"He'll go," I murmured softly. Between Edward, Jasper, and Alice, I should be able to find a way to convince him. "My family can be very persuasive."

She chewed at her lip for a moment, and then nodded.

"This is all right with you?"

She nodded again.

"All right, then." I stood. "I have a few things to take care of. Feel free to join the others upstairs in Alice's room. It's the first door on the left on the second floor.

She gave me a small smile and followed my directions up the stairs.

I pulled out my phone and stared at it for a moment before dialing a number I hadn't called since I had returned to Forks. I pressed the phone to my ear, pacing to relieve my nervous energy.

"Hello?" a deep voice answered.

"Chief Black," I said cordially, "it's Carlisle Cullen."

"I know who it is," he said stiffly.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I have a small problem involving a mutual friend of ours, and I wonder if you would be willing to meet with me to help me work out a solution."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scripture Edward quotes is Galatians 4:16.


	30. Unwell

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I moved timidly up the stairs, not quite sure I really wanted to walk into a room full of people who knew that Charlie had just left me bloody. I had never had to be honest about this with anyone before, and I didn't quite know how to handle it.

Alice's bedroom door was open, and she and Jasper were lounging against the headboard of her bed, looking at a paper that was propped against Alice's thighs. Emmett was sitting cross-legged on Alice's other side, examining the paper as well, and Edward was sprawled across the foot of the bed, staring at the ceiling. They all looked up when I knocked softly on the door.

"Come on in, Bella," Alice smiled.

Edward sat up and scooted over to give me space to sit. I moved next to him, and he draped a casual arm around my shoulders.

"What are you guys doing?" I asked them.

"We were eavesdropping," Alice said unapologetically. "Therapy, huh?"

"Uh . . . yeah, I guess so."

"I think it will be good for him."

"Better for him than meeting up with the business end of my fist," Emmett grunted.

My stomach clenched at the thought.

"Em, knock it off," Jasper said, shooting him a glare. "You're not helping."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Alice asked, looking up from whatever it is she was staring at.

I shifted uncomfortably, shrugging Edward's arm off of my shoulders and pulling my knees up to my chest. "I don't really want to talk about it."

"Okay," Emmett said. "Hey Bella, do you recognize this guy."

"No!" Edward and Alice both said together, but Emmett had already taken a paper off of Alice's lap and handed it to me.

I just caught a quick glimpse of it before Edward snatched it out of my hand. It was a drawing of a face that I did, in fact, recognize. A face that I had run more than a thousand miles to escape.

_Pretty little thing._

I felt the blood drain from my face. "Where did you get that?" I whispered.

Edward eyed me warily. "You know him?"

"Where did you get it?" I demanded, nearly yelling this time.

"Bella," Edward said soothingly, "we need to know who he is."

"No you don't!" I yelled. I stood up and grabbed the paper away from him, ripping it into as many pieces as I could with my impaired hand and throwing them on the floor. I turned and ran out of the room, rushing down the stairs. Carlisle was holding a phone to his ear, and he gave me a concerned look as I ran past him, but I didn't stop. I bolted for the door, and only realized when I tried to slam it shut behind me that Edward was following me.

"Bella!"

I pushed harder, running down the gravel drive and knowing even as I did it that it was a very bad idea. I was going to end up flat on my face if I kept this up, so when I felt Edward's cold hand close around mine, I let him pull me to a stop.

"Where are you going?" he asked, gently tugging me around to face him.

"He's not supposed to be here!" I yelled, and somehow I was crying.

Edward drew me into his arms, holding me against his chest. "Where is he supposed to be?"

_You're a pretty little thing, aren't you, Bella?_

I could practically hear his whisper and feel his hot breath on my ear. I shuddered and clung to Edward, my good hand clutching at his back.

"Bella?" Edward said worriedly. "Hey come on, talk to me."

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_One._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Two._

"Hey." He snapped a finger in front of my face, and I shook my head irritably.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Three._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Four._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Five._

"Bella, how hard did you hit your head?"

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Five._

"Bella, look at me," Edward said urgently, shaking my shoulders.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Six._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Seven._

"Bella!" He grabbed my chin and turned my face to him, and I was dimly aware of his bronze hair and golden eyes, through the haze in front of my eyes.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight . . ._

"Bella." It was Carlisle's voice this time, smooth and warm, and suddenly everything snapped back into focus.

"Carlisle," I whispered.

"I'm here, sweetheart." He pulled me gently into his arms, and I felt his cool lips press against the top of my head. "Are you alright?"

I blinked away the last of the fog. "I'm fine."

He pulled back and looked into my eyes. "Can you focus right here?" he asked, holding up his index finger.

I dutifully watched it while he moved it back and forth.

"Do you feel dizzy or nauseated?"

"No. Really, I'm fine."

He frowned. "Why don't we go back inside? It's cold out here."

I hadn't noticed until he pointed it out, and I wrapped my arms around myself as he and Edward guided me back inside. Jasper, Alice, and Emmett were standing in the living room, looking at me like I had grown a second head.

"Edward, get her a coat please," Carlisle said. "Jasper, Alice . . . I'll need you to come with us."

"I'll come too," Emmett said.

Carlisle shook his head, giving Emmett an apologetic look. "I'm not sure that would be wise. We're meeting someone there."

"Who?"

Carlisle drew in a deep breath.

"You're kidding," Edward said. "Carlisle, are you sure that's a good idea?"

"He's safe. And he'll be invested in the outcome."

"He's not Ephraim, Carlisle," Edward said.

Emmett crossed his arms over his chest. "I think I should be there, if  _he's_  coming."

"There will already be four of us," Carlisle said calmly. "I want to avoid giving him the wrong impression."

"I think it's exactly the  _right_  impression," Emmett growled. "Edward's right, Carlisle, you have to remember that he's  _not_ Ephraim."

"I have a very good memory," Carlisle said tersely. "Please, stay here with Esme. We'll call you if we need you."

I looked around, wondering where Esme was. I hadn't seen her come in with the others.

"Ready, Bella?" Edward asked, helping me on with a jacket.

"Uh, yeah. Who are we meeting?"

Carlisle ushered me out the door. "Billy Black."


	31. Better Man

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

"Edward." I stopped him as the others climbed into the car and gave him a questioning look.  _What happened?_

He shook his head. "It's private, Carlisle." He started to turn away, and I grabbed his arm.

"Do better than that."

He sighed. "Look, Alice saw something . . . something horrible. Something Bella would definitely  _not_  want to share. She sketched someone who was involved, and Bella freaked when she saw it."

I released his arm.  _We'll talk more about this later._  "The three of you need to stop breathing," I said, too low for Bella to hear. "I didn't take time to clean up the blood before I left."

We got in the car and headed to the Swan place. There were two cars parked across the street when we pulled up. As I turned off my Mercedes, Harry Clearwater emerged from one of the cars and helped Billy Black out, getting him settled in his wheelchair. The two of them crossed the street side by side, stopping a few feet from us.

"Jasper, Alice, stay here for a few minutes, please." I opened the door and stepped out, beckoning for Edward to follow me, and I moved around the car to open Bella's door for her. Billy's eyes narrowed when she took my hand and stepped from the vehicle.

With none of my wariness to hold her back, Bella skipped to Harry and hugged him tightly. "It's been so long since I've seen you!" she gushed.

He hugged her warmly, but never took his eyes off of me. She moved to Billy next, leaning down to kiss his cheek. "Good to see you again, Billy."

Billy smiled at her. "Jacob's in the back seat of Harry's car. Why don't you go say hello?"

She glanced between us, picking up on the tension, and nodded. "Okay." She moved off across the street and pulled open the door, climbing in with Jacob. I winced a little, fully aware of his lineage and potential.

Billy's eyes were boring into me. "Do you really think it's appropriate to bring her here for this?"

"This is a family matter. I thought it only fair that she be here to weigh in on how things are handled."

"And these others?" He eyed Edward, then glanced into the car windows.

"My children have particular talents that I thought would be helpful in making this go smoothly."

Billy's face betrayed no surprise. "Is that so?"

I nodded. "I assumed you were aware. You predecessor kept careful notes on my family's abilities."

"Many of my grandfather's records were lost in a tsunami when I was a child."

His heart rate didn't increase, but I still got the distinct feeling he was misleading me. Was he testing to see if I would reveal my hand? For the sake of building a trusting relationship, I chose to tell him what I believed he already knew. "Well, then, let me introduce you." I gestured to Edward. "My son Edward is telepathic."

Edward nodded to Billy, but said nothing, preserving the air in his lungs.

Billy raised his eyebrow, also saying nothing.

"My daughter Alice is prescient," I said, gesturing toward the car.

Once again, he had no answer.

"My son Jasper is, I suppose, empathic," I said. "He can sense the emotions in the people around him, and to a point, he can influence them."

"And you brought him to control Chief Swan?" Billy asked. "Or us?"

"Charlie is feeling very emotional right now. It's possible he will need help calming down in order to think clearly."

Billy watched me, his face blank.

"If it makes you more comfortable, Jasper can wait outside."

"I think that would be best."

"And do you have any objections to Edward accompanying us inside?"

"I believe I object to the invasion of Charlie's privacy, yes," Billy said flatly.

I took a steadying breath. "I'm wary of empty promises, Chief Black. With Bella's safety at stake, I would like some guarantee that what Charlie tells me is sincere."

Billy looked at me for a long time. Finally he took a deep breath. "We don't have a chief anymore."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "Pardon me, I wasn't aware of that. Do you prefer Mr. Black, then?"

He didn't answer.

"If you'll permit me," I told him, "there is a small matter that needs some attention. Alice?" I turned back to the car.

She slipped out of the car and closed the door, but waited for my go-ahead.

"What is this matter?" Billy asked.

"There are some small amounts of blood inside the house that need to be cleaned up."

Billy raised an eyebrow. "You expect a vampire to safely clean up blood?"

"We have ways of controlling ourselves, Mr. Black. We've been doing it a very long time."

I expected him to argue, but he didn't.

I gave Alice a nod. She ran around the back of the house, where she would enter through the back door. It took her less than a minute to clean away the blood in the kitchen, and she never made a noise loud enough to betray her presence to Charlie. I gave her an approving smile as she returned and climbed back into the car. "Edward, Jasper, the air is clean."

Edward leaned close. "Guilt, remorse, worry," he said. "I'm getting very little from Charlie that Jasper couldn't pick up on his own."

I glanced back toward the house. "I think it's time we settled the matter. Mr. Black, Mr. Clearwater . . . after you."

Billy shook his head and rolled himself backward a little. "Let's see how you and your talented children handle this."

Once again, I was taken by surprise. "You wouldn't care to join us?"

"I'll be here to take him home when you've done what you need to do."

I nodded my acquiescence, fully aware that we would be under the microscope. "Alice, Jasper, I'll let you know if I need you."

Jasper raised an eyebrow, and Edward leaned close to me.

"He wants to know if he should keep control of the situation out here," he murmured. I turned back to him and shook my head, but let him feel my worry over the situation. I hoped that he would take it to mean I only wanted him to step in if it was necessary.

He inclined his head, and his eyes flashed toward Bella.

I gestured to the car where she waited. "If you please?" I said to Billy.

"I'd like Bella to remain out here until I'm sure you have the situation under control."

The car door opened then, though, and Bella slipped out. She waved to Jacob and then hurried across the street, coming to my side. "Can we see him now?" she asked anxiously.

I gave Billy a questioning look. "Would you like to reconsider coming in?"

He shook his head.

"Alright then. Edward, I would like you to keep yourself out of the conversation. Just let me know if there's anything I need to be concerned about."

"Of course."

"Bella, would you like to take the lead, or shall I?"

She bit her lip. "I don't know what to say."

I nodded, smiling at her. "I'll take care of it, then." I offered her my arm, and I heard Billy's sharp intake of breath when she took it. I guided her to the front door with Edward trailing after.

When we walked inside, Charlie was sitting on the stairs, sagging back against the railing. Silent tears streamed down his face.

Bella gasped. "Dad?"

"Bella," he choked, his voice thick with anguish. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."

Bella rushed to his side and fell onto the steps next to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. I moved silently behind her and unlocked the handcuffs, and Charlie wrapped his daughter up in a hug.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, baby girl," Charlie was whispering, his face buried in Bella's hair.

"I know," she said tearfully. The pain in her voice tore at me, and I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and carry her away from this man who made her cry.

I gave them a moment, but stayed close enough that I could protect Bella if Charlie's temper flared again. When they pulled apart, I cleared my throat softly. "Charlie, this is a problem that needs to be addressed."

He turned suspicious eyes on me. "This is family business, Cullen. It's none of your concern."

"I'm afraid it is. You and I both want the same thing. We want to guarantee Bella's safety."

"I'm her father," Charlie snapped. "Her safety is  _my_  responsibility."

He was getting defensive, and I wanted Bella away from him, beyond his reach.

Edward pushed away from the door and moved to the stairs, reaching out for Bella's hand. He pulled her to her feet and away from Charlie, drawing her back to the door and wrapping his arms around her.

I gave him a grateful look.  _Thank you, son._

"I know you mean well, Charlie," I said gently. "But when your temper gets the better of you, it clouds your judgment."

Charlie glared at me, pushing himself to his feet. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" he growled. "You come into my house and take my daughter away from me, and now you're telling me I can't take care of her?"

I waited silently for him to finish venting his anger.

"What the hell gives you the right to tell me how to raise my kid? What the hell gives you the right to accuse me of anything?"

"Carlisle?" Jasper's voice drifted in from outside.

"Not yet," I murmured.

"I want you out!" Charlie yelled. "You  _and_  your boy, get the fuck out!"

I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I can't do that. We need to settle this matter.

He strode forward, getting right in my face. "There's nothing to settle. You two get off my property before I call downtown and have you arrested."

I needed to move him past the accusations and get him to the solution. "There's something I'd like yo to consider," I told him. "A therapy center in Port Angeles that can help you work through some of the issues that cause problems between you and Bella."

"You son of a bitch," he spat. "You think you know me? You think I'm some kind of asshole that hurts his family for kicks?"

"No," I said firmly. "I think you're unwell. I think you need help. And the sooner you get it, the sooner things will get better between you and your daughter."

"There's nothing wrong between us!" he yelled. "And you've got a lot of nerve coming into  _my_  house and judging  _my_ family!"

"Daddy?" Bella said timidly. She pushed herself away from Edward and moved back to her father's side, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Please listen," she whispered in his ear. "I want to stay here, and if you don't listen to him I have to go back to Mom."

Charlie's face crumpled and he squeezed his eyes shut, rocking Bella gently. "I want you to stay too, baby," he choked.

"Charlie, look at her," I said gently. "The bruise on her head, the bandage on her arm. And her hand hasn't yet finished healing from her last injury."

Charlie stiffened and gritted his teeth, but didn't argue.

"This can be corrected. But you have to heal your own wounds first, and you can't do that by yourself."

"Please, Dad," Bella said tearfully, looking into his eyes.

Charlie swallowed hard, staring at her. "What's this place in Port Angeles?"

"It's a live-in treatment facility," I said. "Places like this generally have you stay there for a couple of months before releasing you and seeing you on an outpatient basis."

"A couple of months . . . what am I supposed to do about work?"

"I can help you arrange for medical leave."

His head snapped up. "So you want to go telling everybody I work with that I–"

"That you require a surgical procedure," I interrupted him. "With plenty of recovery time."

He blinked in surprised, but then shook his head. "I can't just not work for two months. I don't have that much in savings, and paying for a hospital. . . ."

"Money is not a concern," I told him. "Just leave that to me."

"To you," he said shortly, his temper rising. "You're going to pay my fucking bills?"

"There are programs that help cover these things, Charlie," I said soothingly. "I have helped get funding for this before; I'm familiar with the system." I was lying through my teeth–of course I was going to assume his financial obligations. But something like that was not easy for a man like Charlie to accept.

He sat back down on the stairs, pulling Bella into his lap. "Two months," he whispered, looking devastated. "The holidays . . . maybe we should wait a little while."

Bella looked at him pleadingly. "We can't wait, Dad."

"She'll be allowed to visit," I told him softly.

He leaned his head against Bella's shoulder and sobbed quietly. "Baby, I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"I love you, Daddy." Tears fell from her own eyes as she huddled against him.

They sat together for a long time, holding each other and crying. When Charlie finally pulled himself together, he cleared his throat and he and Bella rose.

"So how do we do this?" he asked.

"We'll give you a few minutes to pack a suitcase," I told him. "Tonight you'll be staying with a friend at La Push. I'll make arrangements for your medical leave this evening, and we'll get you checked into the center in the morning."

"A friend at La Push?"

"Billy Black and Harry Clearwater are waiting outside."

His face blanched. "You called. . . ."

"They're your closest friends, Charlie. They want to see you get through this."

Charlie swallowed hard and nodded, taking the news surprisingly well. He looked at Bella, another tear sliding down his cheek. "I'm going to miss you so much, baby."

"I'll miss you too," she said. "I'll visit as much as I can."

He nodded, swallowing hard, and then turned and headed up the stairs with a heavy step. Bella started after him, but he gave her a sad look and shook his head. She fell back, looking hurt.

"Give him some time," I murmured to her as he disappeared up the steps. "This is not his proudest moment."

"In fact," Edward said, "let's get out of here. Maybe you can go sit with Jacob for a while."

She bit her lip, but then nodded, and the three of us filed outside. Billy and Harry were back across the street next to Harry's car. I stopped at the Mercedes with Edward, while Bella continued across the street. She climbed into the car with Jacob and wrapped her arms around him, burying her head in his shoulder. She didn't cry, though. She just sat silently.

"Charlie found it more difficult to have to pack knowing Bella was there," Edward murmured, explaining his reason for bringing us out here.

"I see. Is there anything else I should know?"

He shook his head, but very softly he whispered, "Black, Clearwater, and whoever those two are in the second car are, are trying very hard to keep something from me. And you'd better believe that they knew I could read their minds before you told them."

_I figured as much. Can you tell anything about what they're hiding?_

"Every now and then a name slips through," he whispered, his lips barely moving. "Sam."

_That's all?_

"They're very good at this."

Harry and Billy started across the street again, but once again stopped several feet away from us.

"How did it go?" Billy asked.

"He's packing now."

"I'm surprised. I expected him to shoot you."

I smiled softly. "The night's still young. You never know."

"What time will the center be expecting him tomorrow?"

Edward spoke up, answering his questions. "Esme was making the arrangements when we left." He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed. He spoke briefly with Esme before hanging up and putting his phone away. "They can check him in any time between ten in the morning and two in the afternoon."

"If you would be so kind as to have someone drive him to the border," I said, "I'll meet you there and take him in."

"I'll take him," Billy said.

"If you wish. But I'll have some paperwork to transfer to you. If you'll call me before you leave your house, I'll meet you with it."

Billy nodded curtly. "Leave your spawn at home."

Edward snickered.

I turned him and raised an eyebrow.  _Think it's funny being called spawn, do you?_

"If I'm spawn, you're the demon."

I looked to the heavens in a prayer for patience. "You're a century old, Edward. When do you plan to grow up?"

"I spend my day surrounded by the minds of adolescents. They're bound to rub off on me."

Harry and Billy didn't seem amused by our banter. Billy leveled a hard stare at me. "Why are you involving yourself in this affair?" he asked abruptly.

I sighed. I knew he wouldn't take my answer well, but I owed him the truth, if only for Ephraim's sake.

Edward stiffened beside me, and his nearly silent whisper came again. "He's  _not_  Ephraim, Carlisle."

I gave him a reproachful look.

Edward turned to Harry and Billy. "Bella has become a close friend of mine. I don't like to see her hurt."

Billy's eyes turned to Edward and he stared at him for a long time. "What are you keeping from me?"

"What are  _you_  keeping from  _me_?"

"Edward!" I said sharply. "I did not bring you here to try to extract secrets from our friends."

Anger flashed in Billy's eyes, and I decided I had better take it one step farther. "Go home."

Edward gaped at me. "You can't be serious."

I shifted my stance, giving him a stern look.  _Stay within hearing distance, but make this look good. I want their trust._ "You served your purpose here. You're no longer needed."

"But Bella–"

"I'll tell Bella you got tired of waiting and called Esme to meet you and take you home."

He gave me a dark look and stalked off down the street.

I turned back to Billy, who was looking at me mistrustfully. "I'm sorry. Edward can be somewhat defensive at times."

I heard Charlie zip up his suitcase then, and I glanced back. "It sounds like he's nearly ready." I gestured toward my Mercedes. "I'll wait inside while Bella says goodbye."

"Bella can say goodbye tomorrow," Billy said. "She's spending the night with Jacob and me."

I shook my head. "That's not a good idea, Mr. Black. It's best if she is separated from her father right now."

"And staying with a house full of vampires instead? I don't think so."

"She can stay here. I'll be with her."

Billy's eyes were hard. "I can't allow that."

"I'm afraid it's not your choice. The treaty we made with your grandfather restricts your jurisdiction to the Reservation."

"I'm not taking her into my protection as the Quileute Chief. I'm doing it as her friend."

"As am I. I can assure you that I am better able to protect her than you are, and I will not have her taken from this house."

We locked eyes for several seconds, and then Billy gave me a self-assured smile. "Why don't we ask Bella?"

I smiled back, just as confident. I knew she was a close friend of his son's but I doubted that her familiarity with him would be able to compete with the mating instinct. Bella would be just as driven to be in my company as I was to be in hers. "That sounds perfectly fair."

Harry turned and strode back to the car, and I glanced back at the house, wondering why Charlie hadn't come out yet. I listened for movement and heard his heartbeat and labored breathing in Bella's room. There was a rustle of paper, and then a soft scratching sound started. He was writing something.

I felt another pang of sympathy for the man. He was a hard worker and a loyal friend. He deserved better than the life he had ended up with. I could only hope that we were putting him on the right track.

Bella got out of the car and came over to us, with Jacob trailing after her. Their hands were locked together, and I couldn't help the envy that I felt looking at the casual way she interacted with him.

"Bella, Mr. Black has offered to have you stay with him this evening, if you would like," I told her. "Or, if you'd prefer, I can stay with you here."

Alice slipped out of the car and flitted to my side. "I'll stay too!" she chirped.

Jacob grinned. "Slumber party! You get the floor."

"Um." She looked back and forth between Billy and me. "Billy, thank you . . . but I think I'd rather stay home tonight."

"Aw, come on," Jacob complained. "How often do we get to hang out?"

Bella licked her lips nervously, still obviously aware of the tension in the air. "I know. I'll come see you this weekend, though, I promise."

"Yeah?" Jacob brightened. "Sweet. Come early again so I can make you marshmallow pancakes."

"Oh, ugh! Jake, that sounds awful!" She pushed him playfully and he grinned.

"With butterscotch syrup."

She shook her head, laughing. "Saturday morning, I promise."

Jacob grabbed her up in a bear hug. "Okay girl, I'll see you soon." In a whisper he added, "Don't get too naughty with your hottie doctor."

She giggled, and I couldn't help the smile that came to my lips. Apparently the two of them had been talking about me while I was focused on Billy.

Billy's eyes burned into me, and I gave him my attention once again. "We'll be watching," he said quietly.

Charlie finally appeared with his suitcase. He didn't look at anyone except Bella, and he went straight to her, gathering her up into a hug.

"I'm so sorry," he said thickly.

"You'll make it better." The confidence and trust in her voice nearly broke my heart.

"I will, baby. I promise." He kissed her forehead. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

He pulled away, catching her hand and squeezing it hard before he finally released it and turned to Billy. He didn't look him in the eye, just hung his head, and his shoulders sagged as he followed Billy and Harry to the car.

Jacob kissed Bella's cheek quickly before following after them. He gave her a wink, but didn't tease her the way I was sure he wanted to. I appreciated his thoughtfulness. This was a rough time for Charlie, and joking wouldn't help.

Harry helped Billy into his car and then drove away. The second car followed close behind.


	32. Hero

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I folded the note my father had left for me and tucked it into the drawer in my night stand. It was nothing I hadn't heard before. Apologies, promises . . . the usual. And yet, it meant the world to me that he had taken the time to leave it for me.

I was supposed to be upset. I was bruised and cut, and my father was getting checked into some abuse rehab center, or whatever it was, in the morning. On days like this, people were expected to be upset.

The thing was, Carlisle Cullen had stitched me up, and Carlisle Cullen had made sure I wouldn't get hit again for the next couple of months. And Carlisle Cullen was sitting in my kitchen right now, filling out some paperwork Alice had retrieved from the house for him when she took Jasper home. I simply couldn't ignore the bubble of happiness that was rising in my chest.

I wondered if it was some sort of betrayal to my father that I was so happy. He would be upset if he knew, wouldn't he? But I couldn't help it. Seeing Carlisle here, in this house, surrounded by the things that were mine . . . it felt right.

Alice was in the den watching television, and Edward was apparently still out on his walk. I wasn't sure why he had just taken off like that, but Carlisle had said the situation was harder on him than I had realized. I wondered why.

I finally got up the nerve to stop hovering in the doorway and enter the kitchen when my stomach gurgled. I moved into the room and pulled open the refrigerator.

"Have you eaten?" I asked Carlisle.

He looked up and smiled warmly. "Yes, thank you. But please don't let me stop you, I know you must be hungry."

I pulled out some things for a quick salad and threw it together. "So what did you do?" I asked him as I worked.

"I'm sorry?" He raised his eyebrows but didn't look up, his his pen scratching away at the forms.

"To piss Billy off so much," I clarified. "He  _really_  doesn't like you."

He smiled to himself, seeming wholly unconcerned by Billy's animosity. "I don't know that he doesn't like me. He just doesn't trust me."

"He thinks you're a vampire."

He glanced up and smiled, his hand never pausing. "The Quileute people value their legends."

I watched him write for a moment. "Am I bothering you?"

"Not at all, sweetheart."

I was impressed by how easily he was carrying on a conversation as he filled out his forms. "I'm not distracting you or anything?"

"Thankfully, you are. Having you here is a pleasant diversion from a tedious task."

"Thank you," I told him anxiously. "For everything you're doing."

"It's my pleasure."

I took my plate and sat at the table. "So what happened to make the entire Quileute tribe distrust you?"

He shook his head in amusement. "Nothing happened. Some of the Elders just didn't take well to me."

"Why not?"

He flipped a page and continued writing. "It may be the disease. Sometimes people don't warm very easily to my family."

I shook my head, bewildered. "That's hard to believe."

He laughed quietly. "Well thank you, Bella. I'll take that as a high compliment."

"It seems weird, though. Billy's just not like that. And to refuse to come to the hospital here?"

He looked up at me again, his face solemn. "My arrangement with the local hospital may be feeding his superstition, actually."

"Arrangement?"

He smiled as he scribbled neatly across the paper in front of him. "Yes, it's a rather unusual agreement. Not to sound self-congratulatory, but I really am a very good surgeon. Here in Forks, I'm not making a tenth of the salary I could get in New York or Los Angeles."

I gaped at him. "Then why are you here? I mean–not that I don't want you to be . . ." I trailed off lamely, blushing.

Carlisle laughed softly. "I'm here precisely because they can't afford me."

I was confused. "It's like a charity thing?"

"If only I were so selfless. No, I have arranged with the hospital to take compensation for my work in other ways. I was fortunate enough to inherit more money than is sufficient for my needs, so it's not the salary I value. It's leisure time."

"Leisure time?" I picked at my salad, not quite sure I was following him.

"Yes. I like to be able to spend time with my family. When the rain lets up, we enjoy taking advantage of the outdoors. So I have an arrangement with the hospital that I can take off whatever days I would like, and they'll fill my position with someone else."

I chewed thoughtfully at a tomato. "So why work at all? If you don't need the money, and you want free time?"

"I like it. It's fulfilling work, and I like knowing that I'm making a difference for good in the world."

I felt warmth wash over me. Was there anything more beautiful in the world than Carlisle Cullen? How could anybody ever mistrust this man? He was perfect. "But why would that feed the superstition?"

"People are suspicious of what they don't understand," he explained. "Many people don't trust me because I settle for a smaller salary than I could earn elsewhere, and many people don't trust me because the hospital board shows me some deference."

I nodded thoughtfully, but I couldn't imagine Billy being bothered by either one of those things. He was usually a very easy man to get along with.

There was a tap on the front door and it was pushed open. I started to stand, but Edward called out a greeting, and I took my seat again.

"In the kitchen," I called to him.

He appeared in the doorway, and Carlisle glanced up at him. "Nice walk?"

"Very nice. But now I'm freezing."

"There's a heater under the love seat in the den," I told him. "If you stick your feet down in the cushions it's all warm and cozy. It's my favorite place in the whole house."

He smiled his eyes twinkling. "Thanks for the tip." He dropped down into the chair next to me.

"Hungry?"

He shook his head. "I'm good, thanks."

Carlisle looked up at him briefly. "Edward, are you planning on staying tonight?"

He shook his head. "Nah, I promised Esme I'd be home."

"And Alice?" he asked, raising his voice a little.

She appeared in the kitchen doorway. "Whatever Bella wants. I can go or stay."

I shrugged. "You don't have to stay. None of you do. I'm alright by myself."

Carlisle gave me a small smile. "We won't leave you alone, Bella.

"I don't mind," I said, setting my fork down. "I mean, if this is going to be two months. . . ."

Carlisle reached across the table and placed his hand over mine. "Then I'll be here for two months. That is, if you'll have me."

My pulse was suddenly racing, and I found myself having a hard time breathing. The chill of his hand somehow converted to a blazing heat that seared through my body, leaving me dazed and trembling. "Um . . . okay," I mumbled.

He smiled and pulled his hand back, getting back to his paperwork.

I couldn't eat anymore. I stood and dumped the rest of my food in the trash, then moved to the sink to wash my plate.

"I can do that," Alice offered, moving toward me.

"No, it's okay. I'm getting good at washing dishes one-handed."

She ignored me and took my plate from me, washing it quickly. I drifted instead to the trash can and pulled out the full liner, tying it up.

Alice rolled her eyes and took it from me. "Seriously, Bella, relax a little. You've had a long day." She moved away with the trash bag and I sat back down at the table, feeling useless. I heard her open the front door, and after a moment I felt the chill of the cold night air as it rushed into the house.

Carlisle and Edward both looked up suddenly, their eyes locking in an intense stare. Carlisle looked toward the kitchen doorway, then back at Edward.

"Oh, you've got to be  _kidding_  me," Edward said irritably.

"What?" I asked.

Edward glanced at me. "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

He furrowed his brow. "Bella, did you know the guys who came along with Harry and Billy tonight? The ones that just sat in the car?"

"I didn't recognize them. But it was pretty dark, it's possible I've met them before."

His eyes flicked to Carlisle, and they stared at each other for a moment. "Do you know anybody at La Push named Sam?" he asked, his eyes never leaving Carlisle's.

"No. Why?"

He shrugged. "No reason."

I cleared my throat, getting him to look at me. "No reason?" I asked skeptically.

He gave me a crooked smile. "Sorry, like I told you, I'm a little weird sometimes."

"What's going on?"

Carlisle spoke up, his attention on his work again. "It's going to freeze tonight. The roads will be icy in the morning."

If it had been Edward trying to change the subject like that, I'd have called him on it. I didn't quite have the nerve to do the same with Carlisle. But they were hiding something again, and I sighed. Everything was so cryptic with the Cullens, and it bothered me. What was it, exactly, that they thought I couldn't handle hearing about?

Edward stood up, but Carlisle gave him a long look and he dropped back into his chair with a huff.

"It's getting a bit late," he said. "You kids have school tomorrow."

I started. "Um, yeah, I'll change the sheets on Charlie's bed for you."

He glanced at me, surprised. "No need for that, sweetheart, I'll make do with the couch."

"For two months?"

He smiled ruefully.

"It's fine," I said, standing. "You might as well use it, since it's going to be empty."

Edward rose too. "I'll help."

I went upstairs and found some sheets and fresh blankets in the linen closet, then moved to Charlie's room with Edward following behind.

"So Carlisle's in a good mood," he observed, stripping the blankets off of the bed.

I blushed, focusing on pulling off the old sheets.

"And you seem to be, too," he continued, then paused as though he was waiting for an answer.

"Do you have a point?"

"I'm just wondering if you're faking it," he said casually. He grabbed the fitted sheet and threw it open onto the bed.

I helped him tuck it around the mattress. "Why would I be faking it?"

"I don't know, for the same reason you didn't tell me what was going in with your dad? You keep things to yourself, Bella, and I'm worried about you."

I glared at him. Hypocrite. How much was he keeping from me? "Okay, how about this? I'll tell you how I really feel if you tell me what in the world was going on with you and Alice earlier."

He looked away quickly. "What do you mean?"

"At your house, when the two of you started freaking out and doing your little sibling code-speak thing." Yeah, I saw that little smirk. He knew exactly what I was talking about.

"I don't remember anything of the kind," he said, flinging the top sheet over the mattress.

"Uh huh. Well, I'm just fine tonight, thank you." I helped him straighten out the sheet and tuck it in, then grabbed the first blanket and started spreading it out.

"Aw, come on, Bella. I'm just concerned about you. I mean, you've had a pretty miserable day."

I thought about his words. It was true that bad things had happened today. It was also true that it could have been a lot worse. For the first time in my life, someone had interceded on my behalf. I hadn't had to rely on my own endurance to get through the beating, or on my own strength to fix myself up afterward. And I wasn't alone. I had been surrounded by friends all evening, and never once had they shown any indication that they cared about me any less because of what Charlie did. Somehow, I had always expected them to. I had always thought that if people really knew what was happening, they wouldn't want to have anything to do with me.

But Billy and Jacob had invited me to stay with them, and Carlisle had pretty much decided that he was moving in. I could never in a million years have foreseen this kind of reaction.

"I've had worse," I finally told Edward.

He raised an eyebrow as he grabbed the bedspread. "I'm not sure if you meant that to be reassuring, but it wasn't."

I laughed a little. "I just mean . . .  _today_  could have gone worse." We straightened out the covers, and I grabbed the pillows, shaking them out of their shams. Edward moved to help me put on fresh ones.

"Are you okay with the way all of this is working out? With Carlisle staying here and all?"

I couldn't stop the stupid grin, or the heat that rose to my face, so I just turned away quickly. "Yeah, I mean, if it doesn't drive him crazy. Won't he be uncomfortable being away from home so long?"

Edward just shrugged, thankfully passing up the opportunity to tease me about my reactions to his father. "Carlisle has a talent for making himself comfortable pretty much anywhere."

I snorted indelicately. "He didn't seem all that comfortable talking with Billy tonight."

"That's true. The Quileutes unnerve him a little. He was surprised by their animosity toward him, and he hasn't really recovered himself."

"Who's Ephraim?" I asked him.

He straightened, still holding a pillow, and gave me a guarded look. "Why do you ask?"

"I don't know." I took the pillow from him and tossed it onto the bed next to the one I had just placed there. "You and Emmett both made it a point to tell Carlisle that Billy wasn't Ephraim. I'm just curious what the connection is."

Edward sighed and muttered something to himself. "He's an old friend of Carlisle's," he said to me, sitting on the foot of Charlie's bed. "The two of them were polar opposites on almost everything, and most people thought they wouldn't get along well. But they fascinated each other, so they used to have these long talks, and they got to be really close. Carlisle was pretty broken up when he died."

"What does that have to do with Billy?"

He hesitated. "Billy reminds Carlisle a lot of Ephraim. I think he hoped the two of them could have a similar relationship, and he's disappointed that it's not working out that way."

I gave him an odd look. "He didn't seem all that bothered when I was talking to him about it earlier.

Edward stood and dropped an arm around me, leading me out of the room. "Carlisle tends to bury things. He keeps a pretty cool exterior, but there's a lot going on underneath. You have to look for little tells."

"Like what?"

"Oh, no," he grinned. "I'm not giving up Carlisle's secrets that easily. You have to figure him out all on your own."

My jaw dropped, and I squeaked indignantly. "You're not going to help me?"

"Nope," he smirked, starting away.

"Hey!" I hurried after him, following him down the stairs. "Edward, come on," I begged, lowering my voice so Carlisle and Alice wouldn't hear us from the kitchen. "You have to help me out. This is  _hard_!"

He just laughed and moved to the den where Alice had left the overnight bag and briefcase she had brought back for Carlisle. "Hey old man, do you have a pen in your briefcase?" he called out.

I started to offer him one, but he turned quickly and put a finger to my lips.

"Yes, I think I do," Carlisle answered from the kitchen.

Edward grabbed it and set it on the arm of Charlie's recliner, opening it up.

I choked back a gasp. Inside the case, on top of a stack of paperwork, was a photograph in a protective plastic cover. It was a copy of the same picture Edward had given me, the one of Carlisle and me before the dance. I stared at it as Edward plucked a pen out of the briefcase. He found a pad of sticky notes inside and pulled a sheet off, sticking it to the end table. He scrawled a quick note on it, and handed it to me.

_You have to look for little tells._

He replaced the pen and snapped the brief case closed, and since I was still just staring at the note, he grinned and dropped an arm over my shoulders. He guided me back up the stairs and to my room. "It's getting late. You should get some sleep."

"Do you need a ride home?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "Nah. I'll have Alice take me later."

"I can do it now."

He stopped at my bedroom door and tapped my nose affectionately. "You need to sleep. Besides, I've hardly argued with Carlisle at all today. I need to get in some quality bickering before I go."

"Edward," I complained. "Why can't you just be nice?"

"Go to bed, Bella. I promise not to rough up your true love too much."

"Don't make him cranky," I ordered.

"Carlisle doesn't get cranky." He turned and headed off down the hall.

"Don't make  _me_  cranky," I called after him.

He just laughed and disappeared down the stairs.


	33. Can't We Try?

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

"Now?" Edward whispered, only just loud enough for the two of us to hear.

_Sit down._

"She's asleep."

_Only just. I don't want to wake her._

Edward growled in frustration and dropped back into his chair at the kitchen table. "What if he leaves?"

 _Then we won't speak with him,_  I thought calmly.  _It's entirely possible that he'll leave as soon as we attempt it anyway._

Edward clenched his fist on the tabletop. "I can't believe they managed to keep this from me."

_Can you hear him?_

He growled in frustration. "I  _think_  so. But he's letting the wolf instincts take over, so the rational part of his mind is muted. I keep losing him."

_Very clever. I wonder how long he's been running._

I kept Edward waiting another five minutes, and then I rose. He fell into step behind my right shoulder as we strode to the backyard. We stopped at the tree line, scanning the forest with both our eyes and our ears.

How to begin?

I cleared my throat. "It's very thoughtful of you to stay and keep an eye on things," I said, speaking as though he were no more than a few feet in front of me.

An angry growl ripped through the cold night air.

I looked at Edward, and he shrugged.

"I'd like to introduce myself," I said cordially. "Though I'm sure you know us by reputation, I'm afraid I don't know if we've ever actually met."

Edward shook his head. "Nothing. He's hearing us, but he's suppressing any return thoughts."

"I'm Carlisle Cullen, and this is my son, Edward."

Silence.

"I would welcome a conversation. I was great friends with your predecessors."

I waited, but Edward found no answer in the trees.

I sighed. "Perhaps we should clarify the terms of the treaty that Mr. Black so graciously agreed to honor when we moved back."

Another growl sounded through the trees, and Edward touched my shoulder. "I'm quite familiar with the terms of the treaty."

I raised an eyebrow at the message from the wolf. "That's good," I said. "So you know that it states that attacking any of us off of the Reservation, regardless of the reason, is a violation."

Edward frowned. "I'm not here to protect the girl, only to watch you," he translated.

I smiled. "Well then, you're more than welcome here. Young man, may I ask your name?"

There was a long pause and Edward finally said, "Sam Uley."

"Uley? It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I admired Levi a great deal."

A low, rumbling growl answered me.

"I apologize if I have offended you,"

"I am not my great-grandfather," Edward murmured.

"Duly noted, Mr. Uley. Still, I hope his legacy is not lost. He had the energy of ten men, and the compassion of twenty."

A small smile graced Edward's face. "Do you intend to spend the entire evening lecturing me on my tribe's history?"

I chuckled. "Please pardon an old man his reminiscences," I said apologetically. "My years in Forks have been some of the happiest of my life. There's something magical about these woods."

Edward listened for an answer, but got nothing.

"I must say, I'm surprised that you've phased," I said. "When I saw no evidence of transformation from your grandparents or your parents, I thought the tendency had died out."

Once again there was no answer. "I guess he's done," Edward shrugged.

I nodded. "I guess so. Well, Mr. Uley, it has been a pleasure speaking with you. Edward is not staying tonight, but if you need anything just give a howl."

We turned and headed back to the house, but Edward flashed a grin over his shoulder. "Watch out for hunters," he called out.

"Edward, honestly."

"Speaking of hunting," he said, ignoring me completely, "it's been a couple of days for me, and being around Bella so much is kind of wearing me down. I'm going to take off."

I nodded. "Kiss Esme for me."

"I'll kiss her for  _me._ You go find your own girl to kiss." He slapped me on the back and ran off into the trees, giving Sam a wide berth.


	34. Masquerade

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

"Alice, I don't remember Thelma ever wearing shorts this short."

She rolled her eyes as she wrapped a scarf around her head. "You look hot, Bella."

"I look trashy."

She shrugged. "It's Halloween. You can get away with looking trashy."

Maybe. Maybe I should be enjoying this. But I was in a mood.

I turned away from the bathroom mirror and Alice linked her arm through mine. "Come on, we don't want to keep our boys waiting."

"I do," I muttered as we headed down the stairs.

The party had started an hour ago, and Edward and Jasper had been ready at least that long. They were sitting in the den with Carlisle, not at all surprised at Alice's demand that we be fashionably late.

The girl loved to make an entrance.

Carlisle glanced up from the book he was reading and took in our outfits in a quick glance before giving us a warm smile. I was suddenly nervous about the short shorts, the snakeskin cowboy boots, and the denim shirt that tied a the waist and flashed a little bit of midriff. What in the world was I thinking, letting Alice choose the Halloween costumes?

"Are you all ready to go, then?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, and hurry it up," Alice ordered Edward and Jasper, propping one hand on her hip. "There's a very small window before 'fashionably late' becomes 'rude and egocentric'."

Edward and Jasper rose, both chuckling, and we all headed out to Edward's car. I climbed into the front seat beside him, once again feeling weird about dating a guy who was in love with someone else. He glanced over and gave me a reassuring smile as we headed off to the party.

It wasn't hard to spot Jessica's house–it was the only one with six couples making out on the front porch. Loud music thumped inside of the house, and as we pulled up, someone let out a whoop from the back yard, drawing laughter from a crowd.

"Oh good," I muttered. "My personal hell."

Alice frowned at me as we climbed out of the car. "What's got you in such a bad mood?" she asked.

"Nothing, sorry. I just don't do well with crowds."

"Me neither," Jasper said sympathetically. He slid his hand into Alice's, and the two of them headed inside, with Edward and me following close behind.

The place was packed. There were people everywhere, and the ones who weren't dancing or making out were holding plastic cups. The whole place smelled like beer.

Jessica intercepted us right away, dressed in a black body suit and a pair of cat ears. Of course. She said a quick hello to Jasper and Alice as they moved off to do a circuit around the room, and then grabbed Edward's arm and clung to it. "You came!" she said delightedly, and I was suddenly sure she had at least a couple of beers under her belt. "You owe me a dance, Edward Cullen!"

"That I do. Bella, will you excuse me?"

I shrugged, and as Jessica dragged him off to the living room to dance, I suddenly found myself alone in the middle of a huge crowd.

"Great," I mumbled. Suddenly the beer seemed like a great idea.

I made my way to the kitchen and saw a few bowls of chips and snack foods, but no beer.

"Hey Bella!" Tyler Crowley appeared next to me, one arm snaking around my waist. He was wearing a Tarzan costume, and he looked absolutely ridiculous. "You look good. What are you supposed to be?"

"Thelma," I told him, twisting out of his grasp. My eyes scanned the room for some sign of alcohol. "Alice is Louise."

He looked at me blankly. "Who's that?"

"Alice or Louise?"

"What?"

I shook my head. "Never mind. I need to go find . . ." I gestured vaguely and trailed off, moving quickly away from him. As soon as he was out of sight, I started searching again.

If I were a keg, where would I be . . . ?

The back yard. I headed that direction, weaving my way through the costumed crowd, waving half-heartedly as people I barely knew called greetings to me.

My efforts were rewarded when I managed to stumble through a cluster at the back door and escape onto the deck. In one corner there was a table bearing two kegs of beer, and I quickly grabbed a cup from a stack on the table. I downed a full cup as fast as I could, and then quickly filled it again. It tasted terrible, but I didn't care. If I was going to spend any time in a crowd like this, I needed something to loosen me up.

"Hey Bella!" a deep voice called out.

I turned to see Emmett making his way toward me with Rosalie tucked under his arm. He was wearing a cassock and had a large cross around his neck, and Rosalie was looking painfully gorgeous in a tiny little nun costume that left very little to the imagination. I gave them a smile, though most of it was directed at Emmett. He was easy to get along with, but Rosalie was still terrifying.

"Should you be drinking?" Emmett asked.

"No," I answered, taking a gulp.

He frowned. "Maybe you should go easy."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm at a party full of people who barely know me, that I only got invited to because Jessica's hoping to score with Edward, I'm dressed like a redneck hooker, and my father checked into Daybreak Abuse Recovery Center today."

Emmett took the cup from my hand and quickly topped it off, handing it back to me. "Have at it, kid."

Rosalie gave me a friendly smile. Well, either that or I was buzzed already. I had always been kind of a lightweight when it came to alcohol.

"I know just the thing to make you feel better," she said brightly. She grabbed my elbow and started pulling me back into the house.

I eyed my beer, wondering what it was laced with and how long the hallucinations would last.

Rosalie dragged me over to a tall, well-defined guy in a military uniform. He gave her a wide grin, and she introduced us, though I didn't quite catch his name. It might have started with an R.

"Bella's feeling a little down tonight," Rosalie explained to him. "Be a dear and dance with her, won't you?"

"Oh, hell yeah," he grinned.

He took my beer and set it aside on a table, which irritated me a little, and then dragged me to the living room and started dancing to the blaring music. He got a little closer than I was comfortable with, and I considered pushing him away. But it was crowded, and I was buzzed, so I decided I didn't really care. I shifted from foot to foot, knowing that if I did much more than that, I would put myself in the emergency room. When the song finished, he wrapped an arm around my waist.

"One more!" he yelled over the music, and started rubbing up against me again.

I escaped after the second song and hurried back outside for another beer, but before I got out the door, Rosalie was towing another guy over to me–a ninja this time. "Bella, this is Diego," she smiled. "I think you two would make such great friends. Why don't you guys go dance?"

Diego gave me a bright smile. "You want to?"

I shrugged, vaguely wondering where Edward was. "Sure."

We headed back to the living room, and Diego led me to the middle of the writhing crowd. He was sweet, actually; playful and kind of chatty, though I couldn't really hear him over the music. I danced with him for another couple of songs, until Rosalie called to me with yet another guy she had found for me.

Diego winked at me. "I'll see you around!" he called over the music.

The new guy, Kevin the Incredible Hulk, was not as fun. I spent about two minutes trying to keep him from groping me before I turned and strode away, only to be intercepted by Rosalie and Raoul, a guy wearing wingtips and carrying a fake Tommy gun. He didn't put the gun down while we danced, but he still managed to cop a feel or two with his free hand.

That was enough for me. When Rosalie started to introduce me to some guy dressed as Spiderman, I begged off. "I promised Mike Newton I'd dance with him tonight," I told her. "I'm going to go find him."

Her eyes lit up. "Really? Mike Newton?" She started looking around, scanning the crowd for him, and as soon as her head was turned I escaped the loud music and headed back to the yard, grabbing me another beer. I downed it quickly, before Rosalie could corner me again.

I heard a low laugh, and Edward sauntered up to me. "You might want to go easy on that. You don't want to be hung over when you go see Jacob tomorrow."

"I'll deal with that tomorrow." I moved to refill my cup, but Edward grabbed my shoulders and steered me toward the kitchen. He rinsed the cup in the sink and filled it with water, pressing it into my hands.

"Where've you been?" he asked.

"Rosalie cornered me."

His eyes immediately clouded with anger. "What did she do?"

I surveyed the room, keeping a look out for her. "She's trying to make me dance with all these random guys."

He cocked his head, giving me an odd look. "Really?"

I nodded.

"That's . . . kind of weird," he said. He glanced at the untouched cup in my hand. "Drink your water."

I sighed and obeyed. At least it tasted better than the beer. When I finished, he filled my cup with water again and made me drink that as well.

"Okay, I seriously need to pee," I told him, setting my cup down on the counter.

He laughed quietly and took my arm, maneuvering me through the crowd to the bathroom. He was kind enough to kick out the people who were making out inside, and I sighed with relief as I closed the door and shut the party out.

Why had I ever agreed to come? I slumped onto the toilet, considering spending the rest of the night locked away in the bathroom, but I changed my mind when I heard someone outside declare that he needed to throw up. I rushed through my business and vacated the room quickly, leaving it for those more in need than I.

Edward laughed softly as I stumbled my way out of the bathroom. "How much have you had to drink exactly?"

"Um . . . like three beers?"

"Uh huh," he said, sliding an arm around me to hold me up as I walked. "At the next party, your limit is two."

"I'm not drunk," I muttered darkly. "I'm just clumsy."

We emerged into the crowded entry hall, and I heard a familiar voice call my name. I turned my head and saw Mike Newton moving eagerly toward me.

"Hey," he said, smiling brightly as he reached my side. "Rosalie said you were looking for me?"

Fantastic.

"Uh, yeah, I owe you a dance." I tried hard to sound like I wasn't wishing I could be anywhere else in the world.

Mike seemed thrilled, not only that I would remember, but that I would seek him out.

Edward stepped back. "I'm going to find Alice and Jasper. I'll see you later, Bella."

"Abandoner," I muttered under my breath.

"So . . ." Mike gestured toward where everyone was dancing. "You want to?"

"Yeah, definitely." I let him draw me into the living room and I once again fell into my safe side-to-side dancing. Thankfully, the music was too loud to really allow much talking, so I didn't have to think of things to say to fill the awkward silence. He was polite at least, unlike a few of the guys Rosalie had thrown at me tonight, and he kept his hands in respectable places. For a few minutes, we danced together, and then suddenly I found myself on my back.

For once, the accident wasn't my fault. Someone a little too drunk to dance had stumbled into Mike, who had fallen against me, and I careened backward onto the floor. My head hit the rug with a dull thud, and I groaned. That was definitely going to give me a headache. And probably a goose egg.

"Bella?" Mike said worriedly, scrambling off of me. "Are you okay?"

I sighed in surrender. "I think I've had enough for one day," I said petulantly, more to myself than anyone else. "I want to go home."


	35. I Want to Know What Love Is

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

"It doesn't look like you have a concussion," I murmured, shining a pen light into Bella's eyes. I turned it off and set it down next to where Bella sat on the kitchen table. "A couple of Tylenol and some coffee ought to have you feeling better again before long."

As if on cue, the coffee pot sputtered out its last drizzles, and Edward poured some into a mug for Bella. "Here you go," he said, handing her the mug and two Tylenol capsules.

She smiled gratefully and took them from him.

I shot Edward a disapproving look.  _You've got a lot of nerve, bringing her home reeking of beer and . . . other men._

Edward turned away, hiding a smirk. "You can blame Rosalie for the other men," he said, too low for Bella to hear. "She was throwing hormone-soaked boys at her all night."

I gritted my teeth. I should be grateful to Rosalie for trying to give Bella other options that would make her happy, but I wasn't.

I  _really_  wasn't.

_I'll deal with her later._

I moved to the freezer looking for ice, and found a cold compress all ready to go on the top shelf. I was torn between being amused and appalled over the necessity of having one readily available. I took it out and moved back to Bella, pressing it gently to the back of her head.

"This should help reduce the swelling," I told her softly.

She looked up at me, her face close to mine, and smiled. "Thank you."

"I'm heading back to the party," Edward announced. "I kind of left Jasper and Alice stranded."

_You and I are going to have a long talk about this tonight, Edward. You should have been paying closer attention to her._

"Later guys!" he called cheerfully over his shoulder as he disappeared out the door.

I gave Bella a soft smile. "I think I'm starting to see why you don't care for parties."

She laughed a little, her cheeks coloring a delicious pink. "I can't be trusted in crowds."

"How much did you have to drink tonight?" I asked her, concerned about how the alcohol would affect her in the morning.

She looked down biting her lip, and I gave a low laugh. "Bella, I'm not your father. I care very little if you drink, as long as you're being responsible about it."

"I had two or three beers," she admitted.

"Well, that's not so bad." I pulled the ice pack away from her head and moved to the refrigerator to fetch her a bottle of water. "A little hydration should keep you from being too miserable in the morning."

She took the bottle, smiling ruefully, and set it on the counter beside her. "Edward's been pushing water on me too."

"He's a good boy," I said approvingly, lifting the cold compress back to her head.

She tilted her chin up, looking into my eyes with an expression I couldn't read. It was distracting, being so close to her, surrounded by her sweet scent and near enough to feel the heat from her body, but I still felt like I was too far away. I lowered my head a bit, breathing her in, savoring the smell of her sweet blood rushing under her skin.

"Carlisle?" she said softly, the sound of her voice sending tremors through my body.

"Yes?"

"Why do you and Edward fight about me?"

I furrowed my brow, silently cursing Edward. She shouldn't have to be worried about that. "It's not important, Bella."

"It is to me." She bit her lip anxiously.

I sighed. "Edward has . . . unrealistic expectations," I told her.

"Expectations for what?"

I gazed down at her, loath to lie to her, but knowing I could never tell her the truth. How could I tell her of my devotion to her, but then refuse to show it? How much more would it hurt my girl to be denied the love she knew she was entitled to?

But Bella didn't wait long for my answer. She drew in an unsteady breath, and then quickly stretched up and pressed her lips to mine.

I should have stopped her. A better man would have. But the electricity that coursed through me when our lips met overwhelmed me, and instead I let the cold compress slip from my fingers, and I wrapped my arms around her, drawing her to me. A full second passed, then two, and a third, and her lips were still moving against mine, her blood racing in her veins.

And then reality crashed down on me and I pulled away, breaking the kiss, but unable to bring myself to release her from my embrace. I shouldn't be doing this. She was human, barely more than a child, with family who loved her and needed her.

"This is wrong," I breathed, my voice heavy with regret.

Her face fell, and she ducked her head, pressing her forehead against my chest. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Oh, sweetheart, no." I drew away a little and pressed a hand to her cheek, guiding her eyes back to mine. "There's no reason for you to apologize."

A sob shook her shoulders, and a tear dropped from her eye. I groaned and closed my eyes, my dead heart breaking at the sadness in her face. "Sweet Bella, please don't cry. I can't bear to see you unhappy."

Another tear fell, and she ducked away again, shaking her head.

Seeing her hurting like this, on top of all she had had to endure over the last few days, was too much for me. And knowing I was the cause of it was more than I could take. At that moment, there was nothing in the world I wouldn't have done to ease her sadness. I moved my hands to cup her cheeks, turning her face to me again, and for the first time in more than three hundred and fifty years, I surrendered to my physical appetites.

I brought my mouth to hers again, claiming her lips and kissing her hungrily. My hands slipped from her face and I drew her into my arms, pulling her flush against my body, her thighs pressing tightly around my hips. My hand grazed the small of her back, where her shirt didn't quite meet the waistband of her shorts, and she moaned, arching against me.

"Bella!" I gasped. I swept my tongue over her bottom lip, and she parted them, allowing me inside. I explored her mouth, tasting her, savoring her warmth, as my hand slipped under her shirt and pressed against her back.

I had never, in all my existence as vampire or human, felt this alive. Bella's touch woke something inside of me that I hadn't even realize existed, and it spurred me on, demanding that I take more of her. I moved my hand farther up her back, pulling her heaving chest against mine, relishing the warmth of her skin. She moaned again, and the sound vibrated through me, making me ache with desire.

I released her lips, reluctant to lose the taste of her mouth, but finding myself drawn to the rapid pulsing at her throat. I kissed down her neck, smelling the warm fluid that flowed beneath her soft skin, feeling the fluttering of her pulse against my lips. "My Bella," I groaned longingly. "My girl." She let her head fall back, giving me better access, and I drew my tongue up the soft flesh that covered her carotid artery.

"Carlisle, stop!"

Edward's car skidded to a stop in front of the house, and he and Alice leapt out and ran to the house. I drew back from Bella slightly, worried about what Alice might have seen.

"No," Bella whimpered, trying to pull me back to her. But when the front door swung open she jumped in surprise, and her hands released me immediately. I stepped away, turning to meet my children as they rushed into the room.

Edward grabbed my arm and started dragging me back toward the door. "We need to have a talk," he said grimly.

I looked back at Bella, who was looking mortified. "Excuse us for a moment, sweetheart," I murmured.

She looked at me, her eyes pleading with me to stay, and I hesitated. "Edward, Alice, could you give us a moment please?"

The two of them exchanged looks and Alice nodded.

"We're right outside," Edward said, and I thought I heard a hint of warning in his voice. The two of them headed back to the front door and stepped out.

I moved back to Bella and took her hand, pressing it to my lips. "Please don't be concerned, darling. My children may need a lesson in tact, but they mean well."

She swallowed hard. "Will they be upset?" she asked her voice trembling.

I smiled softly. "No. My family has known for a long time how I feel about you."

Her lips parted slightly and she stared at me, stunned.

"Please just give us a few moments," I told her. "I'll be back shortly." I leaned down and pressed another gentle kiss to her lips, mentally rolling my eyes when Edward cleared his throat on the front porch. I brushed a hand over Bella's cheek and then left the kitchen and stepped outside. Alice slipped past me and hurried back in to talk to Bella.

Edward started down the steps, striding away from the house, and I followed him. "Something has to change, Carlisle," he said grimly. He rounded his car and climbed in, looking at me expectantly.

"I'd prefer not to leave."

"Get in the car," he said impatiently. "I'd like at least a  _little_  cover from unfriendly ears." He looked pointedly toward the woods at the back of the house.

I opened the passenger door and slid inside with him. He turned on the car and let it run, masking our voices a little.

"This isn't going to work out," he said under the sound of the engine. "Alice was practically convulsing with the possible ways this could end, and most of them involve Bella's death."

Fury coursed through me and a snarl ripped from my chest. There was no way I would ever let anyone get to Bella. "Who?" I demanded.

Edward licked his lips nervously. "The point is, we have to change it."

I grabbed his throat, shoving him back against the head rest of his seat. "Who?" I yelled. "Is it you?"

He closed his eyes. "It's you, Carlisle."

I jerked my hand back, insulted by the insinuation that I would ever hurt my girl.

"Look," he said anxiously, "you've been alone a long time. You've  _never_  explored your sexuality. And trying things out on a human girl . . . it's hazardous at best."

My jaw dropped in surprise.  _Sexuality?_

He shrugged, cringing back a little. "She seems . . . very receptive. At first."

"At first," I repeated, my heart plummeting into my stomach.

"Right," Edward said reluctantly. "Before, you know, things get a little too rough for her."

I winced squeezing my eyes shut.

"If this keeps going the way it's headed, it will end badly."

I shook my head. I could certainly keep myself in check if Bella's safety was at stake, and I resolved to take every precaution to ensure that I didn't hurt her. "No," I said quietly. "No, it won't."

"Carlisle," Edward started to argue, but then stopped. "Actually," he said, "okay. Yeah, things are looking better."

"I know," I smiled softly. "I would never knowingly do anything to risk her safety."

He frowned. "You're not just going to cut her off now and leave her hanging, are you?"

I frowned.  _If I were a better man. . . ._

"No." He shook his head firmly. "No, Carlisle, it wouldn't make you a better man to hurt her like that. Just," he looked at me imploringly, " _be careful_. It is so easy to lose control, to forget how fragile she is. A moment's weakness could destroy her."

I listened to his warning, nodding silently.  _I'll be cautious._

"All right." He grinned and punched me in the shoulder. "And it's about time, old man. I swear, if you moved any slower you'd be going backwards."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, shaking my head.  _I honestly can't remember why I ever thought you would make a good companion._

He snickered and turned off the car before climbing out. "You know, it wasn't only Alice and me who got an earful tonight," he laughed as I followed. "You two put on a show for our wolf friend out there." He nodded toward the back yard, starting around the house. "I'm going to go see if he's feeling chatty. I'll see you inside."

I nodded and headed back into the house. Alice and Bella had moved to the den, and they were holding hands on the couch. Alice was beaming, and Bella was smiling self-consciously.

"Alice," I murmured. "Thank you for coming by, but it's late. I think it's time for you to be getting home."

She poked out her lip in a pout. "Fine. But Bella, call me tomorrow and tell me  _everything_."

"Goodnight, Alice," she said, her cheeks flushing.

Alice skipped out the door, humming to herself as she went, and I moved to sit next to Bella.

"I expect you're probably getting tired as well," I said, slipping an arm around her.

She nodded, snuggling against my chest, and I tentatively pulled her into my lap. I was worried that I might be getting familiar with her a little too quickly, but when she made no protest I wrapped my arms around her and rocked her gently. I kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair, cherishing every touch, every sigh, every moment I could spend with my girl in my arms, until finally, she drifted off to sleep.


	36. Pure Morning

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I woke up in my bed with a mild headache and serious cotton mouth, but as soon as the memories of the previous night drifted back to me, I found myself smiling.

Carlisle kissed me.

Well, okay,  _I_  kissed  _him_. Where I had gotten the nerve to do that, I would never know. It was insane, and reckless, and twelve different kinds of stupid, and for a while there it looked like I had made the biggest mistake of my life. But then _he_  kissed  _me_ , and it was the most incredible thing I had ever experienced.

My experience with kissing had been less than stellar. My first attempt at it had been with Jacob. One summer when I was twelve, he and I had been screwing around while Charlie and Billy fished, and I told him I wanted to try kissing someone with tongue, just to see what it was like. We were both sort of awkward and naïve, and neither one of us had any idea what we were doing. But we tried it, and we tried it again, and by the third time we had both decided that it wasn't all that great.

The second had been . . .  _him_. My stomach lurched just thinking about it.

After that, kissing became a tool, a means to an end. There was nothing to enjoy really–at least not for me. Kissing just moved you on to the next step. I thought that was all it would ever be to me, right up until Carlisle's lips had touched mine. At that moment it was like the whole world shifted into color. Everything that had been dull and gray was suddenly bright, vibrant . . . beautiful. As long as I lived, I would never stop craving the feeling of his body pressed against me that way, or his cold hand on my back.

I gave a happy little sigh and rolled onto my side, checking my alarm clock. It was just after seven, and I knew Jacob would be waiting impatiently for me to get up and go over there. Stupid early risers, anyway.

I rolled out of bed and shucked the costume that I had never managed to change out of the night before. I found a pair of jeans and a brown turtleneck and changed quickly, then ran a brush through my hair and went downstairs in search of something to drink.

Carlisle must have heard me coming, and he anticipated my needs. When I got to the kitchen, he was already there, holding a glass of juice and two Tylenol. "Good morning," he smiled, handing them to me.

I laughed. "Good morning. Thank you."

"How did you sleep?" he asked.

I swallowed down the pills, appreciating the orange juice for getting rid of the awful taste in my mouth. "Good. Beer puts me right out."

He chuckled softly. "Have a seat and I'll make you some breakfast."

"Um, actually," I said hesitantly, "I'm due at Jacob's. I told him I'd have breakfast with him today."

His eyes tightened slightly. "That's right, you had plans to visit him, didn't you?"

"Um . . . I mean . . . unless you want me to stay here." What was the etiquette here? I basically made out with the father of two of my best friends, who was staying with me while my own father was away. Was I supposed to check with him before I went somewhere? Would he object to me spending time with another guy?

And what were we? Was this a relationship, or was I just a way for him to pass the time? Yet another secret for him to keep in his very full closet of secrets.

He was shaking his head, smiling softly. "No, of course not." He hesitated. "Just call me if you need anything."

"Okay." I chugged the rest of my orange juice and thanked him for it again before heading toward the door.

"Bella," he said, stopping me with my hand on the knob. I turned, and he moved hesitantly toward me. His cold hands sought mine, drawing it away from the door knob and squeezing it gently. His eyes locked with mine in a heated gaze and he held me there for a long moment, the warmth and intensity turning my knees to jelly, and I leaned back against the door for support. Finally he dropped his eyes and brought my fingers gently to his lips.

"Have a good time with your friend."

"Uh huh," I said, a little dazed.

He smiled softly and left me by the door, disappearing up the stairs.

I took a deep breath to steady my nerves, before shakily letting myself out of the house. I kept my truck well under the speed limit on my way to La Push, fully aware that my trembling hands weren't responding quite as quickly as they should be.

When I parked in front of Jacob's house, I saw him pull aside the living room curtains, and then a moment later he was bounding out of the house, still dressed in a pair of flannel pajama pants and a white tank top, his feet bare. He pulled open my door and lifted me down out of the truck, wrapping me up in a hug.

"It's about time you got here!" He released me and grabbed my hand, barely letting me shove the truck's door closed before dragging me into the house. "I'm so hungry I was about to start breakfast without you."

He pulled me to the kitchen and picked up a bowl full of a lumpy beige glop.

"What is that?"

"Batter," he grinned. He turned on an electric griddle and sprayed it with cooking spray.

My eyes widened and I stared at the bowl, horrified. "You didn't  _actually_  put marshmallows in pancake batter, did you?"

"What? I told you I was making marshmallow pancakes."

"I thought that was a joke!"

He gave me a reproachful look. "Bella, you're going to hurt my feelings."

"You're going to hurt my digestive tract," I countered, eyeing the bowl in his hands. "You're not seriously planning on eating that?"

"Why not? I eat it all the time."

"Does Billy know you eat like this? Where is he? I'm telling on you."

Jacob shrugged. "Sam Uley showed up a few minutes ago and dragged him off to some council meeting."

"He's gone?"

"Yep." He started scooping out portions of batter and pouring them onto the griddle. "It's just you and me, totally unsupervised." He shot me a mischievous grin.

"Good. Because I want to tell you something, and I don't want your dad to hear."

He raised an eyebrow, grinning. "Really? Is it juicy? What'd you do, knock over a convenience store?"

"Psh. Please. Would I be spending my weekend with  _you_  if I had the cash to make a run to Vegas?"

Jacob laughed, spooning out the last of the pancake batter, and put the bowl down. "Okay, so spill. What's the secret?"

I gnawed anxiously at my lip. "I kissed Carlisle."

Jacob dropped his spatula. He just stared at me, not bothering to pick it up again, and I shifted uncomfortably. "Are you kidding me?"

I shook my head, biting the insides of my cheeks.

" _Are you kidding me?_ "

I leaned down and picked up the spatula, unable to maintain eye contact anymore. I took it to the sink and washed it, then dried it with a dish towel and turned back to face Jake.

"Okay, tell me," he said, taking the spatula from me and setting it on the side of the griddle.

"I kind of had a little bit to drink at this Halloween party, and then he checked me for a concussion because, you know, I'm  _me_." I shrugged. "And he was just so close, and so perfect . . . and I kissed him."

Jacob raised an eyebrow. "And then he told you to knock it the hell off," he said flatly. "Right? I mean, that  _is_  what happened, isn't it?"

I hunched my shoulders. "Kind of."

Jacob drew in a deep breath and turned to check his pancakes. "What does 'kind of' mean?"

"He . . . stopped me and said that it was wrong."

"And . . . that's the end of the story?" Jacob asked, and from his voice I could tell that he knew it wasn't.

"Well, then I sort of started crying, and then he kissed me."

He shot me a disapproving look. "You guilted him into kissing you?"

"What? No! I didn't . . ." Crap. I chewed at a thumb nail. "You think he only kissed me because he felt guilty?"

"Bella!" Jacob cried. "Are you kidding me? I mean, it's one thing to have a cute little crush, but it's another thing entirely for you two to be  _kissing!_ "

"Jake," I said, my eyes pleading for his understanding. "It's  _not_  just a crush. I'm in love with him."

He shook his head, checking the pancakes again. "No, you're not."

"Since when are you such an expert on how  _I_  feel?"

"Look, I get it, okay?" he said. "This thing with your dad, it really sucks. And then Carlisle steps in and saves the day like some superhero, so it's only natural for you to get attached to him."

I shook my head. "It's not like that, Jacob. I've felt this way . . . as long as I've known him."

He gave me a skeptical look. "That's funny, because the last time I saw you, it was just a little crush."

"No. I lied. I downplayed it, because I wasn't really ready to deal with it. I still might not be. The way I feel is just too much, all the time. I need him."

"Bella," he said sympathetically, "we're talking about a  _married_  man. With  _kids._ "

I chewed at my thumb nail again. "That's actually not entirely true. Everybody thinks Esme is his wife, but she's really not." I looked up at him quickly. "But don't tell anybody that."

"They're not married?" he asked, turning the pancakes on the griddle.

I shook my head. "She's his sister."

His expression was dubious. "And you think that's not just some line he used to get you into bed?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You know, you're  _this_  close to losing your place as my best friend."

"Please," he scoffed, rubbing a hand suggestively over his chest. "Like you could ever replace this."

"Alice has better fashion sense than you," I pointed out. "And Edward has a nicer car."

His jaw dropped. "Oh, you did  _not_  just insult the Rabbit." He pointed the spatula at me warningly. "You'd better watch it, little girl. I know where you live."

I folded my arms and humphed disinterestedly. "Maybe you do. But these days I'm hanging out with a crowd of vampires, remember?"

He laughed out loud. "Damn," he said, snapping his fingers. "I need to conjure the spirits of my dead ancestors and get myself a pack of wolves to take them out for me."

I giggled. "Day-walking vampires versus ghost wolves. You bring the popcorn, I'll get the sodas."

Jacob laughed and started setting the table with plates, butter, and–as promised–butterscotch syrup. I helped him get silverware on, and by the time we were done the pancakes were ready. He scooped them onto our plates, grinning.

I eyed my stack suspiciously. "I'm not sure this is a good idea," I told him.

"Aw, come on." He squirted syrup onto them and letting it drip down the sides. "Don't you trust me?"

"I haven't trusted you since you cut off my ponytail with your dad's pruning shears."

"Hey, we were like six years old. How long are you going to hold a grudge?"

"It depends on how bad these pancakes are." I cut into my stack with my fork and speared a bite, looking at it warily. "It's awfully gooey."

"It's melted marshmallow," he said around a mouthful of his own pancakes. "It's good."

I took a deep breath and then stuffed the sticky mass into my mouth.

I nearly gagged. I chewed a couple of times, my face screwed up in disgust at the overpowering sweetness, and then forced myself to swallow it down.

"Oh," I gasped. "Oh, no . . . oh." I shook my head, wishing it would clear that horrible taste out of my mouth. "There are no words!"

Jacob was laughing uproariously over my reaction, slapping his knee in delight. "You should see your face!" he cried gleefully.

"Tell me this is a practical joke," I choked.

"Aw, don't be like that, it's good!" He cut off another bite and shoveled it into his mouth.

"That's just . . . it's  _wrong_ , Jacob. I's a crime against nature!"

He snickered and grabbed my plate, pulling it to him as he swallowed down his latest bite. "Fine. I'll eat yours, and you can just have cereal."

"Cereal!" I cried, jumping up. That would get the vile taste out of my mouth. I fled to the pantry and found a box of Cheerios, quickly pouring myself a bowl. I grabbed some of the dry bits and popped them into my mouth, clearing away the lingering sweetness on my tongue.

"Would you quit being so melodramatic?" he teased.

I laughed and added some milk to my bowl, returning to sit with him. "Jacob Black, you're a terrible cook."

"You just have an unsophisticated palate."

"Those are sophisticated?" I challenged, nodding toward his pancakes.

"Hell yeah!" He took another bite. "Okay, Bella, I have a question," he said, shifting the subject abruptly.

"What?"

"When you and Dr. Fang were getting your grope on . . . how could you stand the smell?"

"What?" I asked, tilting my head curiously. Carlisle smelled incredible; his cedar-and-cloves scent was one of the most enticing things about him. "Why do you think he smells bad?"

"Um, because I've been in close proximity to him, maybe? Whatever cologne that guy wears is awful. It's so sweet it burns." He rubbed at his nose over the memory.

"You're crazy," I told him, shaking my head. "I  _love_  how he smells."

He shook his head. "You know what the worst thing about this whole thing is?"

"What?"

"You were at a party . . . where there was  _drinking_." He raised an eyebrow at me. "And you didn't invite  _me_."

I snorted. "You would have hated it. It was lame."

"That's because I wasn't there." He winked at me.

I rolled my eyes. "You have a hard time fitting that head of yours through doorways, don't you, Jacob?"

He shrugged. "So you really made out with the vampire doctor?"

I smiled at the memory of his mouth moving insistently over mine, and his cool hand pressing against my skin. "Yeah." I brushed my fingertips absently over my bottom lip–the lip that his tongue hand brushed across, asking for entrance.

"Oh my god."

I broke out of my reverie, glancing up at Jacob. He was staring at me, stunned.

"You really do have it bad, don't you?"

I bit my lip and nodded solemnly. "Yeah, Jake, I do."

He shook his head dismissively. "Whatever. Can you say  _jail bait_?"

I picked a Cheerio out of my bowl and threw it at him, scowling. "That's it. Edward is my new best friend."


	37. Run

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Edward and Esme showed up at the house a couple of hours after Bella left. I came downstairs to greet them, and Esme wrapped me up in a hard embrace.

"Esme, darling," I murmured, holding her tightly. I pulled back and put a hand to her cheek. "I haven't had a chance to thank you for all you've done to help Bella."

"It was my pleasure," she smiled. "If you need anything at all, you just tell me."

Edward nodded toward the back yard. "Sam's gone," he noted.

"Yes, I heard him leave shortly after Bella did. I hope he takes the time to get some rest."

"He's fascinating, Carlisle," Edward said, moving to the kitchen and holding a chair out for Esme at the table. "He's dropped his guard a little, and I've gotten a look at his mind. He's not as different from Levi as he thinks he is."

"Really? What makes you say that?"

"For one, he has excellent control of his temper. There was a . . . a mishap, I suppose, and he hurt someone he cared about. It seems to have galvanized his self-control."

I nodded slowly. "Levi was always the coolest head of the pack."

Edward laughed drily. "I can't count the number of times he kept Ephraim from ripping your limbs off."

"I  _miss_  that man," I murmured nostalgically. "Ephraim Black was like no one I have ever known."

"Jacob seems to have a lot of Ephraim in him. Anyway, I thought so while we were here speaking with Charlie. Bella's lucky to have a friend as good-hearted as he is."

I frowned. I was a little uncomfortable discussing Jacob Black just now, knowing that Bella was spending the day with him instead of me. "Tell me more about Sam."

"He imprinted."

I raised an eyebrow. "Really? Already?"

"Her name is Emily Young. As a matter of fact, she's the reason he keeps himself so carefully under control."

"No," I breathed sadly. "He hurt his mate?"

Edward nodded solemnly. "It's been really hard on him. He's the only wolf this generation, at least so far, so there are no steadying influences around him. Our old boy Quil noticed the signs and tried to help him through it, but Sam was pretty shaken."

"Interesting."

"I asked him to show me what it was like when he met Emily. It's . . . jarring. These wolf boys, they get it all at once."

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

He drummed his fingers on the tabletop, trying to figure out how to phrase things. "For most vampires, it seems that we feel that initial jolt fairly strongly, but then over the next few months the bond builds and the relationship matures into one very similar to what the wolves get when they imprint." He furrowed his brow. "Sometimes the connection is slow in coming, like it was with Rose an Emmett, and sometimes it's very powerful and very sudden, like with Alice and Jasper. But I've never seen a Vampire mind where the entire mating process was completed in just the first moments of meeting." He shook his head in bewilderment. "Sam saw Emily, and he was hit so hard I'm surprised the boy managed to stay on his feet. The way he feels about her–it will never change. It will never deepen because it's already fathomless. It will never mature because it's already as old as time. It was complete as soon as it began."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "He willingly showed this to you?"

Edward nodded. "He was bothered by you and Bella. I was trying to explain the way we typically mate, as vampires, and I worried that he wouldn't understand the utter inevitability of it. He wanted me to see that he did."

Esme slipped her hand into Edward's looking worried. "Is he still uncomfortable with the relationship between Carlisle and Bella?"

"A little. But he understands what it's like not to have a choice in the matter. He was in love with another girl when he met Emily."

I nodded soberly. "I see."

"I'm making progress with him, Carlisle. He's wary of us, but the treaty is important to him. He's frustrated with some of the Elders, because it almost seems as though they're hoping we'll break it."

"They don't want us here," I murmured.

"No. They don't."

"Then why would Chief Black have agreed to honor the treaty in the first place?"

"Part of it was our old friend Quil," Edward said. "It made him nostalgic to see us back. As the eldest member of the council, his approval carried a lot of weight with the others."

"But Black is still the Chief, even if not in name."

"Maybe he felt like he didn't have a choice," Esme suggested. "There were no wolves then, unless Quil decided to run again. Maybe he hoped that if he honored the treaty, we would stay away from his tribe."

"But why change their minds now? One wolf–or two, if Quil were to phase . . . that's hardly protection against the seven of us. And if they start trying to expose us, who's to say that everyone won't laugh at them the way Bella did?"

"A little suspicion is all it takes for humans," Esme said sadly. "They frighten easily."

"That's true," Edward nodded. "And it's hard to say whether any of the other boys will phase. I've been looking at birth records from the Reservation, and there will be plenty who carry the gene. Ephraim has a fair number of descendants, as does Levi. Quil has a few–in fact his grandson will probably be old enough to start watching in a couple of years. And Sam's father, Joshua . . . apparently he didn't value fidelity. There could be more out there that we're not prepared for."

"Are there any that are of age now?"

"There are a few, assuming we can still expect them to change somewhere around their eighteenth year."

I rubbed a hand over my jaw. "I wonder which two it will be? If it will be one from each family, or if it might concentrate where the lines have mingled?"

Edward shrugged. "I don't know. But for now, Sam is something of an ally where the tribe is concerned. He wants the treaty to hold. And I think we can count on support from Quil too. It's Black and Clearwater that we need to keep an eye on."

Esme was watching me carefully. "Carlisle, how long has it been since you've hunted?"

"About a week. I'm not due yet."

"It may not be a bad idea for you to start going with Edward every night. Or perhaps every other night. I know the blood doesn't get to you like it does to the rest of us, but it may be a bit more of a challenge if you're physically involved with Bella."

I frowned, not entirely comfortable with the thought of leaving Bella in the house with a wolf just outside.

"The others can look after her for a couple of hours here and there," Edward said. "Even Rosalie would help, if you asked her to."

"How is Rosalie?"

Edward shook his head sadly. "She's . . . very angry with you. She thinks you've changed your mind about changing Bella."

I sighed softly. Poor Rosalie. I hated to see her so unhappy, particularly when she had stood by me when the rest of the family had been against me.

" _Have_  you changed your mind about changing Bella?" Edward pressed.

I shook my head. "No. It may be wrong of me to insinuate myself into her life the way I have, but it's temporary. I'll see to it that she has the opportunity to attend college, and when she leaves Forks, that will be the end."

"And if she doesn't leave?"

"If I give her every opportunity, she'll leave."

Edward shook his head. "You're getting senile in your old age, Carlisle. That girl's not going to willingly go anywhere without you."

"Then I'll let her believe that I have left her," I said softly, my chest aching at the prospect of hurting my girl.

Edward and Esme exchanged looks. "All right," Edward said. "If that's what you think is best."

"You're not going to argue with me?"

He shook his head. "Not this time. I'm glad you're giving her a little happiness before that time comes."

I looked at him skeptically. "But you'll argue with me when it's time to leave her?"

"Oh, most definitely."

Esme laughed musically. "Take the reprieve, Carlisle. He doesn't offer many."

"Come on, old man," he said, clapping me on the arm. "Let's go on a quick hunt while Bella's otherwise occupied.

I consented, and the three of us hit the trees behind the Swan house, searching for game. We had to go several miles to find anything suitable, but after a few hours of leisurely hunting, we were sated and ready to return. I jogged back alongside Esme while Edward searched for Sam's trail and curiously followed his path through the trees. "He's organized," he said. "He's found our regular path here, and he seems to return to it regularly."

"That's surprising for a young wolf with no guidance."

"He's got Quil helping him out," Edward reminded as he ran past. He took a breath to say something else, and then skidded to a stop. "He's back."

Esme and I stopped too, and I took a tentative sniff at the air. Of course, Sam's trail was all over the woods, but I could definitely smell the odor of his body approaching us.

"Just a quick hunt, Sam," Edward said, as if in answer to a question. "We're on our way back now."

"Has Bella returned?" I asked Edward.

He shrugged. "Sam has been meeting with the council. He hasn't had his eye on her."

I heard the sounds of Sam's approach. He wasn't taking care to avoid us, and in fact, it sounded like he was heading straight for us. As he neared us, his steps slowed to a walk, and after a moment he appeared through the trees, padding slowly toward us.

"Good lord," I breathed, staring at him. "He's huge."

Edward and Esme both nodded, gaping at him.

"Sam, you're at least twice the size Levi was," I told him.

There was a low rumble in his throat that could have been a threat or a simple assent.

"Well, it's nice to finally meet you face to face. Edward speaks highly of you."

Edward smiled. "He says he's found our chats enlightening."

"As have we. May I congratulate you, Sam, on finding your mate?"

He snorted softly.

"Thank you," Edward said, translating for Sam. "I'm afraid I can't sincerely offer you the same congratulations."

"I understand your reservations, of course. I have them myself."

Edward snorted with laughter. "You'll pardon me if I clean up your language a little?" he said to the wolf. "There's a lady present, after all." He laughed and turned to me. "He says he didn't think you and Bella sounded very reserved."

My phone rang in my pocket, and I slipped it out. "Excuse me." I opened it up, seeing Bella's name on the display. "Good afternoon, Bella."

"Carlisle?" she said anxiously. "I'm sorry to bother you."

"Sweetheart, you could never bother me. What can I do for you?"

She cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Um . . . Billy's being kind of weird. He wants me to stay here while Charlie's away. Like, he  _really_  wants me to."

I felt my stomach clench, and it was suddenly harder to draw breath. "Is that what you want?"

"No," she said in a small voice. "In fact, I was about to go home . . . but he took my keys."

Wild fury erupted inside of me, and it was only with great effort that I kept myself from crushing the phone in my hand. I was aware of Sam dropping into a defensive crouch, just as Edward's hand clamped down on my shoulder.

"Easy, Carlisle," he murmured.

"He took your keys?" I asked, and it was all I could do to keep from snarling in anger.

"Yeah. I hate to ask, but I really don't want to stay here when he's like this. Could you give me a ride home?"

"No!" Edward hissed urgently. "Carlisle,  _don't_. If you're provoked into breaking the treaty, all hell will break loose."

Sam suddenly wheeled and bolted away toward the Reservation. Of course, with trouble brewing, he would fall back and protect his territory.

" _Talk_  to him," Edward said urgently. "Don't let this get out of hand."

"Bella," I said softly, "may I speak with Mr. Black, please?"

"Um . . . yeah. Hang on." I heard her walking through the house, and then her tentative voice. "Billy? It's Carlisle. He wants to talk to you."

After a moment, his voice came on the line. "Hello, Carlisle," he said calmly.

I forced myself to keep my voice low, but my words were clipped. "May I ask why you have decided to hold Bella against her will?"

"You know perfectly well why. You may have Sam fooled, Cullen, but regardless of your excuses, you're still taking advantage of a little girl. I won't stand for it."

"You may use any means you like to persuade her to stay with you," I said, struggling to hold back the anger that coursed through my body. "You may use any  _words_  at your disposal to convince her not to return to me. But the moment you take away her will, you make an enemy of me."

"We were enemies long ago."

A snarl ripped from my throat. "I would advise you  _not_  to try to keep her from me," I growled. "I'll destroy both you and your wolf if I have to. I will tear through every member of your tribe if that's what it takes to get to her!"

"Where's your legendary pacifism,  _Stregone Benefici_?" he asked. "Where is the unshakable self-control that my grandfather spoke of?"

"You  _will not_  keep her from me, Black!" I roared. "If you think my deference to your grandfather will protect you, you're sadly mistaken."

"Would you really risk exposing your secret over a little girl?"

"This is your last warning," I growled, striding through the trees toward the Swan house. "Give her back her keys and send her home, or every building on your land will be burned to ash by sundown."

"It seems the great Carlisle Cullen isn't above destroying innocents after all," he said smugly.

I broke through the trees into the back yard and headed straight for the Mercedes parked out front. "I hope it was worth it to you to prove your point, Billy Black. If it's war you want, it's war you'll get." I snapped my phone closed, crushing it to pieces it in my rage.

Edward was at my side instantly, his hand on my shoulder. "Carlisle, please, let me speak to Sam about this before you go charging in there and razing the place."

"I'm finished with words." I got into the car, forcing myself to move carefully enough not to rip it apart in my anger, and fired the engine. Edward leapt inside as I peeled onto the road. I stomped on the gas pedal, seething in fury as I sped toward the reservation.

"Carlisle,  _please_ ," Edward begged. "She's not in any danger. Black would never hurt his best friend's daughter; there's no urgency to this situation. Please, just let me work out a peaceful resolution with Sam."

"Sam chose his side," I snapped. "Do you really think his visit to us was anything more than an intimidation tactic? He wanted us to see his size so we would think twice about challenging him."

"Listen to me!" Edward yelled. "I'll help you get her back, but I won't help you hurt innocent people and I won't help you destroy what you built with Ephraim. This treaty is too valuable, both to us and to his tribe."

I had had enough of his talk. Without thinking about what I was doing, I reached across Edward and opened the door, shoving him out of the car. I heard him swear loudly as he collided with the pavement, and I slammed the door closed, leaving him behind.

"God damn it, Carlisle!" he yelled after me. He started running, but he couldn't keep pace with my car, and he was soon far behind me, a speck in the rearview mirror.

I was a little over a mile from the border of the Reservation when I saw the giant black wolf running toward me, straight down the middle of the road. I tightened my grip on the steering wheel and clenched my teeth, aiming straight for him. He veered off of his course as he approached me and ran to the side of the road, taking a defensive crouch there.

I slammed on the brakes. Now was as good a time as any to deal with him. I leapt out of the car, ready for his lunge, but he surprised me by phasing into his human form.

"She's on her way," he called to me, his chest heaving and his black eyes intense. "She was maybe three miles beyond the border when I left her."

I growled at him in warning.

"Just wait," he gasped. "Please. She's coming."

"Don't play games with me, boy."

He shook his head, leaning on his knees and gasping for breath. "I swear." He tugged the lace at his ankle and loosened it, pulling off the pair of shorts that were bound around his leg and pulling them on. Apparently he didn't have plans to phase again immediately–or he wanted me to think he didn't.

Edward caught up with us and he stopped beside me, hovering at my shoulder. It looked like he had landed on his back on the pavement, and his shirt was shredded. He stripped it off, glaring at me, and threw it off to the side of the road.

I stood, tense and wary, waiting for Sam's promise to be fulfilled. Before a minute had passed, an old white Lincoln appeared, speeding toward us. I picked out the white hair and wrinkled face of an old friend behind the wheel.

Quil Ateara.

I straightened, eyeing Bella as she sat in the passenger seat. She looked anxious, and a little confused. Quil slowed the car and pulled it off to the side of the road. I ran to the passenger door and opened it, helping Bella out of the car.

"Are you all right?" I asked her urgently, taking her by the shoulders and looking her over quickly. I couldn't smell blood or see any sign of injury.

"I'm fine," she sad, looking confused. "What's going on?"

Relieved, I pulled her against me, careful not to hurt her in my enthusiasm. I held her as tightly as I dared and gently pressed kisses to the top of her head.

Quil folded his arms across his chest, his aged eyes looking at me disapprovingly.

"Bella, sweetheart, why don't you go get in the car," I told her.

She looked around at each of us, our tense stances making it clear to her that things were not friendly among us. "Okay," she said softly. She moved to the car and slipped into the back seat, watching us anxiously.

I turned to Quil. "Thank you, old friend," I said softly.

His sharp eyes bore into mine. "Don't ever threaten my people again."


	38. Scar Tissue

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

"I don't understand what just happened," I told Carlisle. I was curled up in his lap, cradled in his arms with my head nestled in the crook of his neck. We had been this way for about ten minutes, but this was the first time I had found the nerve to bring up the events of the day.

"Billy is carrying his superstition a bit too far," he murmured softly.

"So far that he would try to force me to stay there, though? That's really not like him, Carlisle."

He hesitated. "It's possible that I have underestimated his dislike for my family. It seems he's very worried for you."

I nodded, tucking closer against him to better smell the scent of his skin. I didn't know what Jacob was talking about. Carlisle Cullen smelled amazing.

"Bella, will you tell me what happened after you called me?"

"I tried to get Billy to give me my keys, but he wouldn't listen to me. Then after a few minutes that guy Sam came running into the house. He started yelling at Billy about a treaty, and he told me to go outside and get in the car so Old Quil could take me home."

" _Old_  Quil?" he asked, a smile in his voice. "You know him, then?"

"He sometimes lends my Dad his boat when he goes out fishing with Billy." I pulled back a little, looking at him. "Do you know him?"

"Yes, Quil and I have been acquaintances for quite some time."

"Is he superstitious too?"

He laughed softly. "I believe he is. But he's always been quite cordial to my family and me, regardless."

"He looked like he was mad at you today," I told him, giving him a skeptical look.

"Yes, he was. He doesn't like tension between my family and the tribe."

I laid my head back down on his shoulder, drawing in a deep breath to savor his scent again. "I'm glad to be back."

He started running his fingers slowly through my hair, making my skin prickle with goose bumps. "I've very glad to have you back."

I was still a little bit lost with Carlisle. I wanted to ask him what we had, what he was looking for from me, but I was afraid that if I did, he would rethink things and decide we shouldn't have anything at all. I was taking whatever I could get from him before he changed his mind.

I rubbed my hand idly over his chest, admiring the way his shirt showed off his shoulders. I loved his shoulders. I slid my fingertips up his chest and over to his upper back, feeling the definition in his muscles through the fabric. He was perfect, solid and strong, and my breathing picked up slightly as I imagined what he looked like beneath his clothes.

"I have a question," I said abruptly.

"What's that."

I lifted my head and leaned back a little to look at him. "How come Edward and that Sam guy weren't wearing shirts today?"  _And why couldn't you have joined them and taken yours off?_

"I believe Edward spilled coffee on his in the car. As for Sam, I'm afraid I don't know."

"It seems kind of cold for Sam to be running around in just cut-offs. He wasn't even wearing shoes."

"I can't imagine he was very comfortable," Carlisle agreed. He leaned forward with a smile and pressed a kiss to my lips.

I moved my hand to the back of his head, threading my fingers through his hair. I parted my lips, practically begging him to deepen the kiss, and he did. His arms tightened around me as his tongue swirled in my mouth, and I moaned softly in response. His breath hitched, and his kiss became more insistent.

I shifted on his lap so I was kneeling over him, straddling his thighs. I pressed my body against him as his hands started slowly roaming over my back. His lips broke away from mine and kissed along my jawline to my neck. He moved one hand to pull away the collar of my turtleneck, and then his mouth was on my throat, kissing and licking hungrily. His other hand slipped up under the back of my shirt, and I shivered from pleasure and from the chill of his cold skin.

He pulled his hand back. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," he murmured against my skin.

I grabbed his wrist, preventing him from pulling away further. "No, don't stop," I begged.

I felt his breath wash over my neck as he laughed softly. He pulled back to look at me, smiling ruefully. "My cold hands don't bother you?"

"I like them." My mind reflexively brought up a memory of Phil's hot, sweaty hands grasping at my chest, and I shuddered.

Carlisle frowned at my response, pulling both of his hands away from me and resting them at his sides. "Forgive me if I misunderstand, Bella, but it doesn't seem like you do."

"No, I do," I said quickly. I kissed him again, my hand moving to grip the back of his head, holding him to me. I needed him to make me feel right again, to make me forget the memories that haunted me no matter how far away I ran.

_You like that, don't you pretty girl? Tell me you like it._

"I like it," I mumbled against Carlisle's mouth, struggling to hold back the panic that threatened to rise up inside of me. He wasn't here. He was far away in Phoenix. He didn't belong here.

Carlisle's hands moved to my shoulders, and he pushed me gently back from him. He took my wrists in his hands, being very careful with the one that was still in a brace. He pulled them in front of him and held them to his chest.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing's wrong." I tried to kiss him again, needing the distraction, but he wouldn't let me get close enough. I groaned in frustration as he maneuvered me off of his lap and onto the couch beside him.

His hands moved to cup my cheeks, and he stared intently into my eyes. "What's going on in that head of yours, sweetheart?"

I closed my eyes, irrationally afraid that he would see behind them and know what was going through my mind. I couldn't stand the thought of him finding out about Phil, about the things he did to me.

"Talk to me, Bella," Carlisle murmured.

I shook my head in his hands, opening my eyes but unable to meet his gaze. "There's nothing, Carlisle, nothing's wrong."

"Did something happen at La Push today?" he asked, and oddly, I thought he sounded nervous.

"Everything's fine."

He sighed and pulled his hands away. "Perhaps things are moving a bit too quickly."

My eyes snapped to his. "What? No!" I clamped my hand instinctively around his wrist, afraid he was reconsidering things already.

He gently unwrapped my fingers from his arm, and he brought my hand to his lips, kissing my palm. "Bella," he whispered, "help me know what to do here. If I touch you, it causes you distress; if I stop it causes you more. Please tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm not," I said quickly. "I'm not thinking. I just want to feel you."

His eyes darkened with desire over my words, and I took advantage of his momentary weakness, mashing my lips against his again. He dropped my hand and his arms came around me, clutching me to him. I pushed my luck and shifted my weight back, drawing him on top of me as I lay back on the couch. He came without resisting, a moan escaping his throat, and once again he was tugging down my collar and devouring my neck.

_Tell me what you like, Bella. Say it._

I let out a whimper and clutched at the back of Carlisle's shirt, trying to pull him impossibly closer, needing him to overwhelm me, to block out the sound of that voice.

But instead he pulled away again, pushing himself off of me. "Bella, sweetheart," he breathed pleadingly, his golden eyes begging me for answers. "Tell me what's wrong."

I tried to pull him back down onto me, but he sat up, bringing me with him.

"I think maybe it's time to stop," he said softly.

The rejection hit hard, knocking the wind out of me. I twisted away, feeling my eyes well up with tears and not wanting him to see it.

"Bella," he breathed sadly, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me back against his chest. "Please don't be upset. I'm just worried about hurting you."

"You're not," I said, trying to keep the tightness out of my voice and failing miserably.

"Why are you crying, sweet girl?"

It was too much for me. I just wanted him to touch me, to make everything go away, and he wouldn't do it. I pushed his arms away and bolted up the stairs, running to my room and slamming the door shut behind me. I threw myself down onto the bed, sobbing into my pillow as the memories of Phil crashed down on me. I could feel his weight on top of me, pressing me down into the bed. I could feel his hand fisting around my hair and pulling it hard.

_Tell me what you want me to do to you, Bella._

"Stop," I whispered into my pillow. "Please just leave me alone."

_That's not the right answer._

I felt the sting of the slap as if he were in the room with me now, and I sobbed harder. "Stop," I whispered desperately. "Go away, please go away. You're not supposed to be here."

But he wasn't going away. The memories wouldn't be forced back. I wrapped my pillow around my head and sobbed, hating Phil for what he was doing to me, hating myself for letting him do it.


	39. Words

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Every word my girl whispered ripped through my chest, leaving me in agony. She didn't want me–that much was abundantly clear. She was upstairs begging me to leave her alone, and I couldn't understand why she would act like she wanted me to be with her when she didn't.

I could smell her fear, even now. Perhaps her natural instincts were finally catching up with her, warning her of the danger I posed to her.

I shouldn't have brought her back here. I should have left her with Black. I had thought I was giving her what she wanted, but clearly she was unhappy with me here.

I was about to call Edward to come stay with her when I heard Alice's car pull up in front of the house. I stood as she rushed inside, finding me in the den.

"I got home as soon as I could," she said. "What were you thinking, threatening the Quileutes like that?"

I sighed softly. "It's time I left. Will you stay with her, Alice?"

Her jaw dropped. "You're leaving her?"

"She wants me to go. She's been saying it for the last ten minutes."

Alice's eyebrows puckered together sorrowfully. "Don't stay away too long. Please?"

"I've made a mess of things. I should never have interfered in her life.

She put a hand on her hip. "Now you're just being melodramatic," she said. "Look, go take a break for a while. I'll stay here with her and see if I can make her feel better."

I nodded wearily and left, steering my Mercedes toward home.

Rosalie stepped out onto the porch, as I pulled up to the house, her arms crossed over her chest.

I sighed. "Please, Rose. Can it wait?"

"No," she snapped. "It can't wait. You lied to me, Carlisle."

I shook my head sadly, exiting my car and moving to stand with her on the porch. "I never lied to you. I didn't plan any of this. I guess I've just allowed myself to get swept up in things."

"Well, that must be very nice for you," she said sarcastically. "But what happens to her when you've had your fun?"

I winced. "Rosalie, please. I have no desire to hurt the girl."

"Well you're sure not trying very hard to avoid it. And challenging the Quileutes over her? It's bad enough to toy with her feelings, but now you're putting the whole family at risk."

"Rosalie, back off," Jasper muttered from inside. "In fact, you two get in here and we'll have a family conversation about this."

"Alice isn't here to contribute," I pointed out.

Jasper gave a low laugh. "Since when has physical absence ever prevented my Alice from getting involved in anything?"

A smile pulled at my lips. "Well, that's true. I suppose if she has something to add, she can always call."

Rosalie pursed her lips, but followed me inside and sat with me at the table. The rest of the family filtered in, taking their accustomed places.

"So Carlisle," Edward said, folding his hands on the tabletop. "Push anyone out of a moving vehicle lately?" He and Esme exchanged a look, laughing together.

"Not anyone who didn't deserve it."

"How come you're in a mood?" Jasper interrupted, getting right to the point.

I rubbed a hand over my forehead. "I'm afraid I may be mishandling things with Bella."

"What a shock," Rosalie sniped. "You shouldn't be anywhere near her, Carlisle."

"Baby." Emmett rubbed her knee soothingly. "You know he had to help her out with her dad."

"Yeah, and then he should have come home and left her alone."

"Perhaps I should have," I said softly. "Perhaps it would be best if she went to La Push to stay with her friends there."

Edward was watching me closely. "Why, Carlisle? What happened?"

I quickly reviewed the afternoon I had spent with her in my mind for him while I spoke. "I'm getting mixed signals from her. She told me she wanted to be with me, and kept pressing for more physical contact, but I could smell the fear on her. When I tried to get her to talk to me about it, she ran away."

Edward was tapping his fingers on the tabletop, looking uncomfortable. "She said, 'You're not supposed to be here,'" he murmured, picking her words out of my thoughts.

I nodded. "That's right. It seems she doesn't want me around.

He shook his head. "I'm not so sure. Doesn't that remind you of something?"

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"The drawing that Alice made. When you brought her back here. She told me  _he_  wasn't supposed to be here."

"I'm not sure what you're getting at."

He sighed defeatedly. "The vision Alice had that night . . ." He hesitated, looking at me. "Carlisle, listen, we don't need you losing your head twice in one day, all right? Keep it together."

I frowned. "What is it, Edward?"

"Alice saw Bella being molested by someone."

I clenched my fist, hot fury rising inside of me. Before I could react, though, a wave of calm rushed through me, counteracting the anger.

Rosalie drew in a sharp breath.

Edward shot her a disapproving look. "Yeah, Rose, it's like that. So before you start running your mouth about Carlisle mishandling things, maybe you should think about what he's saving her from."

She glared at him. "He still shouldn't be taking her human life from her."

Edward clenched his teeth. "You know, Rosalie Hale, I've had about as much as I can stand from you."

"Edward," I said sharply.

"No, Carlisle, this has been a long time coming." He pushed himself to his feet and glared at her. "She's always going on and on about how perfect her human life was, how much better she would have had it if not for that one night," he spat. "But it seems to have slipped her mind that she was about to marry a rapist!"

Rosalie stared at him, stunned.

"What kind of a life do you think you would have had with him?" Edward demanded. "Do you really think he would have treated you better as his wife than he did as his fiancee? Do you think he wouldn't have passed you around to his friends and beaten you senseless  _after_  you said your vows?"

Emmett stood slowly. "Edward, that's enough."

"No, it's not quite enough," Edward snapped. "Because Rosalie, with the amount of time you spend mourning your lost abusive marriage, yearning for the children who would have been terrorized by your husband, one would almost think that you had forgotten that you happen to be married to one of the most pure-hearted men I've ever had the pleasure to know." He looked at her in disgust. "Carlisle  _saved_  you that day, Rosalie. He didn't just save your life, he saved you _from_  your life. And now here's Bella, who I suspect has lived  _your_  worst nightmare over and over again, and she needs him to do the same thing. She needs someone to take her out of the misery she's been living in, and all you can do is criticize Carlisle because you know that somewhere deep inside, he wants to do just that."

His words cut at me, nearly as deeply as Bella's had earlier. "Edward," I choked, "I'll thank you to take your seat."

Edward dropped angrily into his chair, still glaring across the table at Rosalie.

She stared at him for a moment, the hurt plain on her face, before leaping up and running from the room. Emmett followed after her, tossing a furious look at Edward over his shoulder. "You and I are going to have words later, boy."

I ignored Emmett. "Why?" I asked him. "Why do you think Bella has been assaulted by this man before?"

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Because it didn't look like the first time. Plus she refuses to tell me anything about why she left Phoenix, except that her mom married a man she didn't like. She won't tell me why she didn't like him or anything else about him, and she refused to say a word about that picture." He shook his head sadly. "I've been trying to figure out why she would come here, knowing what her father was like, if she had a choice in the matter."

_Unless she was treated worse in Phoenix._

"Right," Edward said, answering my thoughts. "Doesn't it make sense that she would run away from that? Even if it meant living with an abusive father?"

"But if you're right, why would she think he's here?"

"I don't think she does. It's like that picture, I guess. Maybe there are reminders of him."

I closed my eyes, moving a hand up to rub them. "I remind her of her stepfather."

"Not necessarily," Jasper said gently.

Edward looked remorseful. "Look, Carlisle, it's just a guess. I could be totally wrong–it might not be her stepfather at all. But I don't think I'm wrong that it happened before."

 _Do I want to know why?_  I asked him silently.

"Not really."

"All right," I sighed, "so, what do I do about this?"

Esme reached over and covered my hand with hers. "You get her into therapy."

"Yeah," Edward said hesitantly. "Except I'm not sure you're the guy to suggest it. Why don't you let Alice and me handle that?"

"Why don't you think I should?"

He sat back in his chair. "Because it'll piss her off."

"You do that as a matter of course, don't you?" I said dryly.

"Well," he admitted with a small smile, "not to this degree. But yes."

I stood up. "I suppose I should go back."

Edward nodded and stood too. "And I should go claim a well-deserved beating from Emmett."

"Try to come back whole," Esme said, rising with him and kissing his cheek. "I would be very disappointed if you were missing pieces when you returned."


	40. Puttin' On the Ritz

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

The knock on my door startled me, and I wiped my eyes quickly. Of course, Carlisle would come after me. He would never let me sit alone crying for long.

"Come in," I called, sitting up.

But it was Alice who popped her head in the door. "Hey, Bella!"

I tried to fight back my disappointment. He hadn't come after me.

Alice frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said, wiping quickly at my eyes again. "What are you up to?" It was a lame attempt at conversation, but it must have worked because her face lit up. "I just got back from Seattle! I bought you  _tons_  of stuff, do you want to see?"

Oh no. "You bought  _me_  stuff?"

"Well, of course I bought  _me_  stuff too," she said, crossing the room and grabbing my hand. "But I couldn't only shop for myself. How boring is that?" She started dragging me out of my bedroom and down the stairs, and I let myself be carried along with her, a little bewildered.

"I bought Carlisle a few things too," she said, chattering away. "I swear, that man dresses like he's three hundred years old sometimes." She laughed brightly at her joke as we headed out the front door.

"Where is he?" I asked when I saw that his car was missing.

"He had to run home for a little while, but don't worry, he'll be back." She opened her car door and started loading her arms with one giant shopping bag after another, and I followed suit, carrying as many as I could in my good hand. We took them upstairs and dumped them on my bed before heading back down for another load.

I had to admit that, despite Carlisle's absence, I was already feeling better. Alice was endlessly cheerful, and her chatter was helping to crowd out the ugliness in my head.

"Now." She stared contemplatively at the bed full of shopping bags, her hands on her hips. "Where to start . . . of course! Neiman-Marcus!" She snatched up a bag and started pulling out blouses. "Now, I know that the rules of feminism say you're supposed to wear what you like, and if your man doesn't like it, tough luck," she said. "But I'm not a feminist." She looked up from her bag and smiled brightly. "So I got you all kinds of stuff that I know Carlisle will like, and hopefully you'll like it too."

I stared at the things she was pulling out. I had never owned anything like them before–partly because they were too impractical. A silk blouse wouldn't hold up to a beating the way a cotton T-shirt would.

But now. . . .

"Here, try this on," Alice said, thrusting a pearl-colored off-the-shoulder blouse into my hands.

"Um–okay." Was it even possible to argue with Alice? I shrugged out of my turtleneck and slipped the soft, delicate fabric over my head, adjusting it so it would lay properly.

Alice beamed at me. "It's perfect. You look  _so amazing_  in that."

I turned toward the mirror, checking it out. And yeah, it was gorgeous. It was definitely not my usual, but if Carlisle would appreciate it. . . .

"Wow," I breathed.

Alice squealed and clapped her hands. "I'm so glad you like it!" She grabbed another one for me to try on, taking the first and hanging it in my closet for me. "Carlisle loves feminine touches," she rambled as she did so. "Lots of soft materials, silk and lace, you know. He absolutely loathed our Halloween costumes because they weren't  _pretty_  enough."

I laughed. "Next time we go to a costume party,  _I_  get to decide what we wear."

We spent the next hour or so like that, Alice pushing clothes at me to try on, occasionally modeling a new favorite of her own for me. But when we got to the last three or four bags, she turned to me, biting her lip anxiously.

"Now, don't freak out, okay?"

Oh dear. This couldn't be good. "Why?"

"I know you're going to think this is a bit much, but . . . well . . . Bella, you  _need_  it. And I knew you'd never go to Zovo with me, so I got you some things I thought you would like."

"Zovo?"

She snatched up one of the bags, which displayed the word  _Zovo_  on the front in fancy script.

"It's a store?"

Alice reached into the bag and pulled out a dark blue chemise with white lace around the hem.

My eyes widened. "Alice!" I squeaked. "What am I supposed to do with that?"

She rolled her eyes. "You're supposed to wear it. You know, like, to bed."

"Why would I need to wear something like that to bed?"

"You're so short-sighted, Bella," she admonished. "Besides, if you're wearing ratty old sweats, your going to  _feel_  like ratty old sweats. If you're wearing satin and lace, you're going to feel like satin and lace."

I just stared at the delicate bit of lingerie in her hands.

She gave an exasperated sigh and sat down on the edge of my bed. "Okay, picture this. You wake up in the middle of the night, to discover that you're oh-so thirsty. So you get out of bed and go downstairs to get a glass of water. But Carlisle happens to be having trouble sleeping, like he does so often, and he hears you go downstairs. Being the worrier that he is, he goes down as well, to see if everything is okay. When the two of you meet in the kitchen, do you want to be wearing ratty sweats and a holey T-shirt, or this?" She held up the chemise, raising her eyebrows.

"Oh," I breathed, my chest feeling a little tight. "Yeah, I want this."

Alice's face broke into a bright smile. "Fantastic! Let me show you what else I got!" She started unloading the bag, laying stuff out on the bed. I was glad to see she didn't get anything too elaborate or . . . well, freaky. They were mostly chemises and slips, with a few shorts sets, and they were all beautiful.

"I'm almost afraid to sleep in these," I said.

"Don't be." She giggled, peeking through the curtains at my window. "Be excited to sleep in them. You'll look great."

"What are you looking at?"

"Carlisle's car," she said, almost too casually. "I wonder how long he's been back."

"He's back?"

Right at that moment, there was a tap on the bedroom door.

I glanced down at myself quickly, feeling a little rumpled from the constant changing of clothes. I was still wearing the last items Alice had given me to try on–a red scoop-necked top that dipped low in the front and a pair of Seven jeans. I ran my fingers through my hair quickly, making sure it wasn't mussed from pulling shirts on and off. "Come in," I called.

Carlisle opened the bedroom door, and it was only then that I realized Alice and I hadn't put away anything that she had bought from Zovo. I felt myself blush crimson, and she giggled.

"Hi Carlisle," she said, skipping up to him and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Alice," he nodded to her. "Would you mind giving us a minute?"

"Of course not. I was just about to run downstairs and get the things I bought for you." She gave me a wink over her shoulder and disappeared down the hall.

I hurriedly gathered up the lingerie that was spread out on the bed and stuffed it unceremoniously into the shopping bags. I felt suddenly awkward, and not only because Carlisle had just gotten an eyeful of my new intimate apparel. I had probably come off a little crazy earlier, and I couldn't make myself turn and meet his eyes.

I felt his cool hands on my shoulders, stilling my movements and massaging lightly. "Bella," he murmured. His warm, smooth voice was gentle and coaxing, and his cool lips pressed softly against my skin, just behind my ear. His hands moved down my arms to my hips, and he carefully turned my body toward him.

I let him draw me close to him, my hands moving to his waist and absently clutching at one of the belt loops on his jeans. I was nervous, and I needed something to hold onto.

His warm, ochre eyes gazed into mine, and I was surprised by how calming it was. I started to relax a little.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said softly. "I shouldn't have pushed you to talk to me when you didn't want to."

I ducked my head and pressed my forehead against his chest. "It's my fault. I know I was kind of weird. It's just . . . been a strange week."

He held me close, stroking my hair lightly. "It has definitely been that I must say, you seem to be handling things quite well."

"I don't feel like I am. Everything feels backward and out of control."

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I'm sure it doesn't help having my family here constantly, invading your space."

"No," I straightened quickly, looking into his eyes. "I really like having you guys here."

"All right. But if ever you need some space, please just let us know."

I clutched him closer, not wanting to think about him leaving again. I knew I was being ridiculously clingy, but I couldn't seem to help it. The pull to be with him was so strong that I could hardly stand even the thought of separation. I wondered if he could possibly feel the same way, or if I was really just an amusement for him the way I had been for so many before. What would happen once Charlie came back and Carlisle went back to his own house? Would he still want me?

He moved one hand to my back and started rubbing it gently, his cold hand leaving tracks of heat in its wake. My heart rate picked up a little at his touch, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, clutching at his back, and lifted my chin, hoping he would kiss me.

He didn't disappoint. He leaned down, and I sighed as his lips met mine and his tongue slipped eagerly into my mouth. I returned his kiss with enthusiasm, running my good hand appreciatively over his sculpted back.

He was significantly taller than me, and it was slightly awkward with him having to bend down so far to kiss me, so after a moment I took a step back toward my bed, breaking the kiss but drawing him with me. I sat on the edge, and though he seemed a little bit unsure of himself, he sat with me.

I immediately gravitated toward him again, my lips instinctively finding his. I wrapped one arm around his neck and the other moving to caress his hard chest through his shirt. His hands went immediately to my sides, pushing up the hem of my blouse and slipping underneath, rubbing up and down my ribs and stomach. I moaned with pleasure over his touch and threw a leg over his lap, shifting so that I was straddling him again.

"Bella," he murmured, breaking the kiss and trailing open-mouthed kisses down my neck to my chest. "You're so beautiful." He drew one hand out from under my shirt, letting it slide down my body to my hip, and then around to my backside. I gasped in pleasure, and he pulled me hard against him. I could feel his breath coming quickly, his hands grasping at me needfully, so it shouldn't have surprised me when I felt the evidence of his arousal hard between us when our bodies pressed together.

"Carlisle!" I choked, electricity shooting through me. The intensity of my need for him was almost painful. I needed more, needed to feel all of his body touching mine, consuming me. His lips were moving along my collar now, kissing the exposed tops of my breasts. His tongue dipped into my cleavage, making me gasp. My hand fisted almost involuntarily in his hair, and before I realized what was happening, he had twisted his us around and was pushing me back onto the bed, crawling over me and settling between my legs.

His erection pressed against my center, and I bit my lip to keep from crying out the way I wanted to. I rocked my hips into him and he groaned, catching me with one hand and stopping my movements, but still keeping me pressed against him.

I craved the friction. I nearly growled in frustration, wishing he would let go and let me move against him the way I wanted to. I suddenly noticed that his whole body was rigid, his muscles taught and stiff as he held himself over me, and his face was screwed up in concentration, as though he were trying to rally his self-control.

It may have been irrational, but a little bubble of pride swelled in my chest. I had made the delicious Dr. Carlisle Cullen have to struggle for his self control. But it wasn't enough. I wanted to see him lose control, to snap and take me in whatever way he pleased. "Don't stop," I whispered.

He relaxed, falling on top of me again, and his lips found mine. His kiss wasn't as urgent this time, though, and his hand moved lazily up my body, stroking my arm and side lightly. He was holding back, reducing the intensity, and I wanted to scream in frustration.

"I'm sorry," he whispered against my lips. "I'm afraid I'm pushing things a bit too quickly."

"I don't mind."

I moaned with longing as he pushed off of me, sitting on the edge of the bed. I felt empty without his weight on top of me. But he reached out a hand, and when I took it he drew me up next to him, wrapping his arm around my waist.

"I imagine Alice is waiting very impatiently to show me the results of her shopping trip," he said, a little reluctantly.

I sighed. "Yeah, and I guess I should probably start dinner."

Carlisle smiled and stood, lacing his fingers through mine and drawing me up with him. He leaned down for a brief kiss, playfully rubbing his nose against mine. "We'll have to pick this up later."

My heart skipped a beat at the thought, and from the grin on his face, I wondered if he had heard it. "Come on, Angel. We need to get out of here before I get distracted."

"Fine," I muttered reluctantly.

He pulled me toward the door, but threw a glance back at the Zovo bags still sitting to one side of my bed. He smiled playfully. "Alice has very good taste."

My cheeks flamed, and I buried my face against his arm as he led me downstairs, laughing as we went.


	41. Watercolours in the Rain

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I was making breakfast for Bella the next morning when I heard my boys drive up in Emmett's Jeep. I sprinkled cheese over the vegetables I had just chopped into her omelet and folded it over, pulling it off the burner and putting the lid on.

"Sounds like you'll have company for breakfast," I murmured when she looked toward the front yard.

She smiled and moved to open the door before they knocked. I heard her greet them and Emmett gave a low whistle.

"Damn, Bella, you look hot."

"Emmett, watch your language," I called out to him, but I had to smile. She did look good today. She was wearing some of the things Alice had bought her, a pair of khaki slacks and a black halter top that showed off her creamy skin and drew attention to her graceful neck and delicate collarbones.

"Sorry, Carlisle," Emmett said sheepishly.

"Boys," I greeted as they all filed into the kitchen. "Have you eaten?"

"Yep, we're good," Edward said, hopping up onto the counter next to the stove.

Emmett and Jasper took chairs next to Bella at the table as I scooped her omelet onto a plate and set it in front of her.

She smiled up at me. "Thank you."

"It's my pleasure, darling." I leaned down for a quick kiss.

"Way to go,  _Dad_ ," Emmett grinned.

I rolled my eyes, straightening up. "Where are the girls today?"

Jasper shrugged. "Apparently, it's a secret. They wouldn't tell us, and Edward won't say, no matter how much we threaten him."

"I could never break their trust," he said righteously.

Emmett raised an eyebrow. "Esme threatened to withhold sex."

I laughed drily. "Anyone who ever called women the weaker sex has never met our girls."

"Wait," Bella said to Edward around a bite of omelet. "If it's a secret, why'd they tell you?"

He grinned. "They can't keep secrets from me. I'm too charming."

"Charming," Emmett scoffed. "Whatever, mama's boy."

Bella giggled, and the sound brought a smile to my face. I would definitely have to make it a point to see that she did that more often.

Edward snorted. "Meathead," he shot back at Emmett.

"You love me," Emmett said smugly. "You called me pure-hearted."

"You misheard me. I said 'air-headed', not pure-hearted.'"

"Well, I'm glad to see you two have settled your dispute," I told them, moving to wash the dishes I had used making breakfast.

Bella raised an eyebrow at Edward. "You're fighting with Emmett again?"

He shrugged. "Carlisle and I called a cease-fire. I had to take up with  _somebody_."

"Yeah, well, don't take up with Rose again," Emmett said, pointing a warning finger at him. "The way things stand, she _might_  forgive you sometime before we graduate."

" _And_  Rosalie?" Bella asked in surprise.

Edward just grinned. "What can I say? I'm on a roll." He pointed at her and winked. "You're next."

"You're grounded," I told him flatly, and Bella giggled again.

"So Bella," Emmett said, smiling widely, "have you gotten Carlisle into bed yet?"

"Emmett, really," I said disapprovingly, glancing at Bella to see if he had offended her. Her face was turning the loveliest shade of pink, and it was all I could do to keep from dropping what I was doing to cup those beautiful cheeks in my hands and feel the warmth of her blood beneath her soft skin.

"Aw, come on, Carlisle.  _You_  won't tell us this stuff. How else am I supposed to find out?"

"You're not. Bella, are you ready to go?"

She stuffed the last bite of her omelet in her mouth and nodded, rising quickly.

"Where are you going?" Emmett asked, looking disappointed. It was clear he wanted to press the issue with Bella some more, and I was glad we had an excuse to put a stop to it.

"To see my dad," Bella said. "Sundays are family visit days."

Edward poked out his lip. "But who will keep us entertained?"

"I'm going to grab my jacket," she told me, ignoring his question.

I nodded and watched her go up the stairs, then turned to Edward, speaking softly. "Sam hasn't been back all night. Have you heard from him?"

He laughed. "Look, I like the guy, but we're not exactly drinking buddies, you know?"

"I'm just concerned about what's happening at La Push. I'm hoping things settle down, but they have a way of escalating."

"Things were escalated when Sam was watching you," Jasper pointed out. "Maybe this is them calming down."

Edward smirked. "When you threatened to burn the entire Reservation to the ground, they may have realized it's maybe not the best idea to provoke a vampire."

I listened for Bella, but she was still fishing her coat out of her closet upstairs. "Perhaps. Still, I'd like to touch bases with him eventually, if for nothing else, to get Bella's truck home."

"They still haven't sent it back?"

I shook my head. "If I don't hear from them today, I'll call Quil."

Bella's step moved out of her room and down the stairs, and I went to meet her, offering her my arm. "Ready to go?" I asked her.

She smiled up at me and nodded, tucking her braced hand into my elbow. I guided her to my car and helped her inside, then moved around and got in with her. She bit her lip as I steered the car toward the highway.

"Are you anxious?" I asked her.

She glanced at me and nodded. "I'm not really sure what to say to him."

"I recommend you keep it light. If he wants to apologize again, or talk about his therapy, you should certainly let him. But when he's finished, change the subject to something he'll appreciate."

She sighed. "I should have been watching sports this weekend so I could tell him about that."

"Would you like to stop and pick up a newspaper? He could at least see the scores that way."

She gave me a grateful smile. "Yeah, that would be good."

I reached over and rubbed her knee affectionately, trying hard not to let it become any more intimate than that. This was not exactly the right moment to be feeling up my girl. I smiled softly as I remembered the previous night. Alice had said she was going home, but she stayed close for me, lingering in the woods near the house, watching me to make sure my control didn't slip. It was comforting to know she was there, even if it was slightly awkward having an audience.

The fact was, this was new to me. I had seen and heard everything there was to see and hear, but I had never participated in the act of sex. The closest I had gotten was more than three hundred years ago when, still human, I had begun to fancy a girl in my father's congregation. I began walking her home from church and calling on her occasionally, but my father disapproved of the girl. Ever eager to please him, I stopped courting her.

With her, there had never been anything more intimate than a few stolen, secretive kisses. They were sweet and chaste, and nothing like the needy, passionate kisses that I shared with Bella.

My girl consumed me . . . and she intimidated me. The previous evening, Bella and I had sat together on the couch in the den. Once Alice left, it didn't take long for things to become heated between us. When Bella very boldly pushed me onto my back and stretched herself out on top of me, it suddenly occurred to me that she likely had more sexual experience than I did. I had no way of knowing if any of her previous experiences had been consensual, but either way, Bella had more first-hand knowledge of the subject than I.

It was rare for me to feel like a novice at anything. I had been an old man for a ridiculously long time, and it had been my good fortune to experience a variety of life's offerings. But this time all I had was book learning–theoretical knowledge–and I worried about living up to Bella's expectations.

So it was more than just the fear of hurting her that eventually stilled my hands on her body the previous night. It was fear of disappointing her. I felt ridiculous even thinking those thoughts, and had Edward been nearby I was sure he would have laughed himself silly. But while my body was urging me to move forward, to strip my girl of her clothes and explore every inch of her, my mind was worrying that she would find me inept and uninteresting.

My train of thought wasn't helping me control my current actions. As I had been remembering the way Bella's body moved on top of mine, I had absently dragged my fingers up her thigh. Bella tipped her head back against the seat and let out a soft sigh.

I patted her leg gently and withdrew my hand. "I'm sorry, this isn't really the most appropriate time for that, is it?"

She reached out and snagged my hand, pulling it back to her. "Who cares about appropriate?" she smiled, her eyes sparkling mischievously.

"Your father, for one. I'm afraid he wouldn't be too pleased with this situation."

Her smile fell and she bit her lip. "Yeah . . . I guess . . . not many people would be."

A deep feeling of regret tightened my chest. "I'm sorry, Bella," I said softly. "I've put you in a very uncomfortable position."

Her fingers tightened reflexively around my hand. "No you haven't. It's not uncomfortable. I just–"

She stopped abruptly.

"What is it?"

She bit her lip, turning to stare out the window. The ever-present clouds opened and large drops of rain began spattering on the windshield. I turned on the wipers, and the tap of the raindrops with the swish of the wipers accentuated her silence.

"Bella," I murmured, "what's bothering you?"

She took a steadying breath. "I don't know what to expect. From you . . . from this."

I brought her fingers to my lips, the ache in my chest intensifying. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, that I would never leave her. I wanted her to know that she would never spend another day without my care and devotion as long as she lived. But I couldn't. Because one day in the very near future, I would have to let her believe that I was leaving her. I would have to free her to live her own life without my interference.

"I don't know either," I said softly. "The situation is . . . unpredictable."

She ducked her head, chewing at her lip.

I pressed my lips to her fingers again. "But you should know that I care very deeply for you, and as long as our circumstances allow . . . and as long as you want me . . . I'm yours."

She looked up at me, and there was surprise in her eyes. Why she should be so startled over my devotion, I didn't know, but it only made it that much harder to keep my feelings to myself.

"I've never cared for anyone as much as I do for you," I murmured. It was a compromise. I hadn't promised her something I couldn't deliver, but I needed her to know that she was loved, even if I couldn't say the words.

She clung to my hand, pulling it into her lap again, and we fell silent. I could see her mind working behind her eyes, but she didn't tell me what she was thinking, and I didn't dare ask. I was already too eager to whisper words of love in her ear, too anxious to hear them in return.

We spent the rest of the drive in silence. We made a quick stop at a convenience store so Bella could pick up a newspaper, then continued on to the Daybreak inpatient facility. I parked out front and Bella stared through the rain at the building, her hand clutching mine tightly.

"I'll come in with you," I told her.

She nodded.

I got out of the car and opened her door for her, helping her out, then tucked her braced hand in the crook of my elbow and hurried her inside before she could get too wet. I took her coat and helped her get checked in at the reception desk, and then the receptionist stood and showed her a door to a common area with several couches and chairs scattered around.

"I'll send someone to let your father know you're here," she said with a bracing smile.

Bella reluctantly released my arm and moved toward the door, looking back at me anxiously.

"I'll be here when you're ready to go," I told her.

She shot me a grateful look and stepped through the door. I let it swing closed and took a seat in the lobby, listening as she took several calming breaths and found a seat on and empty couch. After a moment Charlie's step sounded in the room, and I heard her jump up and run to him.

"Dad!" she squealed happily.

"Hey, baby," he said gruffly, his voice muffled. It sounded like he was hugging her, and I smiled.

The two of them sat and conversation began awkwardly. Bella offered him the newspaper and told him one or two vague details about the Halloween party she had gone to. Charlie told her briefly what his daily program was like. After that they fell into an uncomfortable silence.

"Bella," Charlie said after a moment, and I heard the rustling of paper. "There's something I wanted to talk to you about."

I sat forward, leaning my elbows on my knees.

"What is that?" Bella asked, her voice wary.

"It's . . . a petition for emancipation."

I lowered my head, putting a hand over my eyes. Bella wasn't going to take this well.

"I talked to a friend of mine," Charlie continued. "A judge here in Port Angeles. I told him . . . that I had to be away, and you didn't want to go back to Phoenix . . . Anyway he said he'd sign it if . . ." he trailed off, sounding uncomfortable again.

Bella didn't answer right away. I couldn't hear movement from her, but her heart was racing and her breathing was shallow. "You don't want me to live with you?" she finally asked in a small voice.

"No, baby, I do," Charlie said. "I do, it's just . . . if something happens, this would mean you couldn't be forced to stay with me or your mother. It just protects you, in case I . . ." I heard him swallow hard.

Bella sniffled. "I don't have to move out?"

"Not unless you want to."

She hesitated. "Do you want me to?"

I heard nothing for a moment, then Charlie whispered softly. "No baby, I don't. But I want you to be safe, and Billy said he and Jake could try to arrange things so that you could stay with them. I know it's cramped, but . . . they'd take care of you."

Bella started sobbing. "I don't want to live with Billy. I want to stay with you, Daddy."

"Me too. I want you to stay too. I just want you to have someplace to go in case I can't get better from this."

"You have to!"

"I'm trying, baby," he said, his voice tight. "I promise, I'll do everything I can. There's nothing in the world I won't do to keep you safe."

They said nothing for a long time, and all I could hear was Bella's muffled crying and Charlie's soft, comforting murmurs. Finally Bella quieted and sniffled gently. "What do I have to do?" she asked stiffly.

"Just sign here. In a couple of weeks we'll have a hearing in front of the judge, but it's just a formality."

I heard the scratch of pen on paper, then rustling again. Bella's footsteps moved toward the door, and I heard Charlie say softly, "I love you, Bella."

She didn't answer him. The door opened and she emerged, her face pinched with pain. I rose and she ran to me, throwing her arms around me and sobbing into my chest.

I looked up, past the door that was slowly swinging closed behind Bella and locked eyes with Charlie. His tortured expression turned to one of surprise when he saw me, then wariness. The door drifted closed and latched, leaving me alone with Bella, and Charlie alone with his suspicions.


	42. Fools Rush In

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I didn't talk to Carlisle all the way home, and he didn't press me. I was grateful for that. I didn't want to hear him tell me that my father was just trying to protect me. I didn't want to hear his approval of my father's decision to give me up.

I tried to understand. I tried to accept his explanation, to believe that he was really doing it to protect me. But I just felt hollow inside.

When we got home, I pushed out of the car and trudged toward the house, leaving Carlisle to trail after me. I shed my wet coat and muddy shoes in the entryway, and moved heavily up the stairs.

Carlisle followed me and caught my hand as I was about to go into my room. I didn't stop, but I curled my fingers around his and drew him into my room with me, letting him know he was welcome. I moved to my bed and released his hand, throwing myself down onto the mattress. He sat next to me, and I twisted around, laying my head in his lap.

"I'm sorry it didn't go well," he said softly, his fingers stroking through my hair.

I took a deep breath, gathering my nerve. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to talk to him. I just didn't want him to say everything was okay, because it wasn't.  _I_  wasn't. "He's petitioning the state for my emancipation."

He drew in a slow breath and let it out. "I see," he said softly.

I suddenly felt defensive of Charlie. I didn't want Carlisle thinking he didn't care about me. "He's doing it for me," I said quickly. "So that I don't have to stay with him if he doesn't get better."

"I understand. That must have been a very difficult decision for him. For both of you."

Gratitude flooded through me, and I crawled into his lap, burying my head in the crook of his neck. I didn't have the words to tell him what it meant to me that he wasn't judging Charlie for what he was doing, or that he wasn't trying to tell me why it was a good thing. I couldn't tell him what it meant to me that he was here with me, holding me, calming me with his soft whispers and the fingers that gently ran through my hair.

I couldn't tell him that I was in love with him.

Instead I just clung to him, hoping he would somehow understand.

After a few minutes I felt the vibration of his phone in his pocket, and I shifted so he could fish it out. He flipped it open and read a text message.

"Edward and Alice want to come over," he said. "Would you like me to tell them no?"

I shook my head and sat up, scooting off of him and sitting against the headboard of the bed. "No, that's fine. It would be nice to have a distraction."

"All right." He typed in a text message and then moved next to me and wrapped his arms around me again. He drew me close to him, and his lips grazed lightly over my bare shoulders.

I shivered and let out a little moan of pleasure, thinking I should send Alice a thank-you note for the new clothes.

My moan seemed to encourage him, and he left a trail of open-mouthed kisses up one shoulder to the strap of my halter top, then grazed over it and continued his path up my neck.

A really big thank-you note.

His chilled hands moved up to rub my bared upper back, coaxing goose bumps from my skin. I caught his wandering lips with mine and kissed him deeply, rubbing my hand up and down his chest over the blue ribbed sweater he was wearing. It fit to his body, showing just enough of the definition beneath to make me want to drool, as did the jeans Alice had bought for him.

Could you get gold-plated thank you notes?

I pulled back a little, leaning back against the headboard. If we kept this up, I wouldn't be in any kind of shape to greet guests. "I changed my mind," I said. "Edward and Alice can't come over. I want you all to myself."

I felt his chest shake with silent laughter. "We'll have plenty of time for that. It's good for you to spend time with your friends, though." His fingers slipped under my hair and lightly stroked the back of my neck.

"So how come you and Edward have stopped fighting?" I asked him.

He smiled and leaned in, nuzzling my neck. "I suppose because he feels he's getting his way. Edward has been trying to convince me to pursue a relationship with you."

I tried not to wince at the pain in my chest. "You didn't want to?"

"Ah, Bella," he breathed sadly. He pressed his lips to my throat, and I could feel my artery pulsing against them. "Believe me, I wanted to. It's just very complicated."

"Because of the age difference?"

He nodded, pulling back to look at me. "That's a large part of it."

"Edward and Esme do it."

"That's true. But they have to hide it."

"Only for another year or so, though, right?"

Carlisle frowned. "Legality and social acceptability are two very different things, Bella. Even after Edward comes of age, they'll be hiding their relationship."

"Edward says it's worth it."

He nodded. "Yes, I believe it is. The two of them are very happy together."

I bit my lip. "But you don't think . . . you and I. . . ."

He sighed softly. "Unfortunately, Bella, age is not the only thing between us. There are things that I cannot discuss with you, but suffice it to say, becoming very involved with me could take away a lot of options for you."

Something clicked into place in my head. "Is that why Edward asked me if I wanted kids?"

He closed his eyes, seeming annoyed. "He really is rather intrusive, isn't he?"

"You can't have kids?" I pressed.

He looked at me solemnly and shook his head. "I can't."

"Is it . . . because of the disease?"

He smile to himself and nodded. "Yes. It's one of many symptoms."

A knock at the door interrupted the conversation and I sighed. "I don't want to move."

Carlisle laughed and pulled out his phone. "Then don't." He sent a quick text to Edward telling him the key was under the eaves, and to just come up. Then he put his phone away and pulled me between his legs, wrapping his solid arms around me and pulling me back against his hard chest.

After a moment there was a knock on the bedroom door and Edward's voice called through. "We're coming in, I hope you two are decent."

I laughed. "Would it stop you if we weren't?"

The door pushed open and he stood in the doorway grinning. "Nope."

Alice ducked past him and twirled into the room, tossing herself down on the foot of the bed. "So what's up?"

"Nothing much. Just hanging out."

Edward dropped down in the chair at my desk. "How's Charlie?"

I debated for a moment about whether to tell them about the emancipation, but my emotions were still a little raw. I decided against it. "He seems like he's settling in okay."

Alice and Edward both flinched and looked at each other.

I glanced back and forth between them. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Edward smiled. "We're just weird, remember?"

"I'll say," I muttered.

He grinned. "There's no need to be rude about it. We can't help it. It's the Chiropteritis."

"You're  _so_  funny."

Edward just smirked.

"So what are we doing this afternoon?" Alice asked.

"Nothing at all," I said firmly.

She sat up and crossed her arms over her chest. "Don't tell me you're just going to sit around all afternoon?"

"That's exactly what I'm going to do. I've had enough stress for one day, thank you very much."

"We should plan a party," Alice said, ignoring me. "I mean, your dad's gone for a while. Isn't that what you're supposed to do when your parents are away?"

"Absolutely not. I can barely stand going to other people's parties. I'm _not_  having one of my own."

Alice sulked. "Bella, you're spoiling all my fun."

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Alice, may I remind you that  _your_  father isn't away?" he said pointedly.

"It's not  _my_  father's house," she said, smiling sweetly.

I snuggled further into Carlisle's arms. "No parties. Ever. I refuse."

"What about the holidays?" Alice insisted. "Thanksgiving is coming up."

"No it's not. There's no Thanksgiving this year."

Carlisle laughed softly. "That's too bad," he murmured in my ear. "I was considering taking advantage of the long weekend and taking you away somewhere."

My heart rate picked up, and I twisted around to look at him. "Really?"

He smiled softly. "If you're amenable."

"Okay, Thanksgiving is back on," I said, turning back to Alice. "But clearly I'll be too busy to have a party."

"What about Christmas?"

I pulled Carlisle's arms tighter around me, staring intently at his hands. "I have to go to my mom's for Christmas."

Alice and Edward exchanged an anxious glance.

"That'll be nice, won't it?" Edward asked carefully. "I mean, you said you missed her."

I just shrugged. I did miss her, but I definitely didn't miss Phil. In fact, I couldn't seem to get rid of Phil. His voice followed me around wherever I went.

A knock sounded downstairs again and I furrowed my brow, wondering who it was. I crawled off the bed and moved to the door, and Carlisle followed, sticking close to me. Edward and Alice trailed behind us. I went downstairs and pulled open the door to see Jacob standing on the porch, grinning widely.

"Jacob!" I squealed delightedly.

He grabbed me up in a bear hug, lifting me off my feet. "Hey girl. We brought back your truck." He released me and held my keys up, jingling them. I reached for them, but he snatched them away. "Who's your best friend?" he taunted.

"Edward and Alice," I grinned, making a grab for my keys.

He pulled them behind his back. "Who?"

"Jacob, give!" I said playfully, trying to wrestle them from him.

He tickled me, forcing me to let go of his arm. "Who's your best friend?"

"Fine!" I giggled. "You can be my best friend, just give me my truck back."

He laughed and tossed the keys to me.

"Come on in," I said, stepping back.

He shook his head. "Nah, I can't. Sam's waiting."

I glanced over his shoulder, to where the mysterious Sam was leaning against his car, his arms crossed over his chest. At least he was fully dressed this time. "He can come in too," I said. I waved to him and beckoned him in. "You have to tell me what's going on with your dad."

Jacob glanced back at Sam as though asking permission, and Sam just shrugged and headed to the door. He looked wary, though, as if he expected me to jump out at him with a knife.

"Bella, this is Sam Uley," Jacob said, introducing us.

"It's nice to meet you properly," I smiled at him, shaking his hand. I drew the two of them inside, closing the door against the cold November weather. "I don't know if you know the Cullens. This is Carlisle, Alice, and Edward."

"Sam," Edward stepped forward with a friendly smile, gripping his hand. "Good to see you again."

Jacob's attention was on Carlisle, and he sized him up quickly. "Hey Dr. Fang," he smirked.

Carlisle's attention snapped to Jacob, and his eyes widened.

"Hey," Sam said sharply. "Not funny, Jake."

But a low laugh broke from Carlisle's chest as he gave Jacob an odd look. "That smile," he said softly. He held out his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Jacob Black."

Jacob seemed almost surprised about Carlisle's positive reaction. The twerp. I knew he was trying to provoke him. But he took Carlisle's hand and shook it, that devil-may-care grin still on his face.

"Come on in and sit down," I told them, gesturing toward the den.

Jacob dropped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me away from Carlisle as we walked. He drew me directly to the love seat that I liked and dropped down on it, bringing me down with him. I stuffed my feet down in the cushions where the heat from the vent was trapped, and Jacob kicked off his own shoes and twisted around to do the same.

Sam sat between Edward and Alice on the couch, looking a little uncomfortable, and Carlisle took a seat in Charlie's recliner.

"So it turns out," Jacob grinned at me, "that my dad freaked out yesterday because he somehow found out about you playing kissy-face with your vampire doctor." I saw him glance at Carlisle, checking to see if he was getting a rise out of him, but Carlisle simply looked amused.

"Word travels fast," he smiled, his eyes flicking to Sam.

"Great," I grumbled. "So now the whole Council of Elders has decided to get involved in my business?"

"Whoa, chill out, Bella," Jacob grinned. "Old Quil came by yesterday and ripped Dad a new one for messing with you. He's taking your side."

"There are no sides," Sam said shortly. "His behavior was inappropriate."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Sam's playing mediator these days," he explained.

"Well, I certainly appreciate your intervention yesterday, Sam," Carlisle said.

Sam just gave him a nod.

"How's Emily?" Edward asked Sam, and I was sure he was trying to help him relax a little.

It worked. He smiled. "She's good. Busy with wedding plans."

"You're getting married?" I asked. "Congratulations."

"Thank you." His smile grew a little.

"When's the date?" Edward asked.

"Not until next September."

Carlisle smiled. "What is it they used to say about September brides?"

"Discreet, affable, and well-liked," Alice supplied.

Sam laughed softly. "That's my Emily."

Jacob shifted uncomfortably, apparently not entirely at ease with the topic of conversation. I nudged his foot with mine. "What's wrong with you?"

He shrugged. "Nothing. So what are you doing all day?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Bella doesn't want to do  _anything._ "

"You were hoping I'd come by, huh?" Jacob teased me. "You were sitting around waiting for me like a little puppy dog." He grabbed my hand. "Come on, let's make some lunch." He dragged me into the kitchen and started looking through the cupboards.

"What are you planning on making?" I asked him warily.

"I don't care. I just wanted to talk to you alone." He closed the cupboards and turned to me. "So are they like, living here now?"

I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back against the counter. "Carlisle kind of is."

He moved to stand next to me, crossing his arms and imitating my stance. "So it's just the two of you, hanging out here alone?"

"Other people come over."

"But at night," he said. "It's just you and him."

I nodded.

"Bella, are you sure you know what you're doing?"

I sighed. "No. I don't have any idea what I'm doing. I just know I can't stand to be without him."

He dropped his arms and slung one around my shoulder. "Look, Bella, you know you're my girl, right? That's never going to change, no matter what. But this Cullen guy? I don't like it."

"What's wrong with him?"

"He just kind of showed up out of the blue, conveniently got your father out of the way, and then moved in and started doing whatever the hell it is you two are doing here when there's nobody with you–and by the color of your face, I'd say you're not playing Pinochle."

I rolled my eyes. "Who even plays Pinochle anymore?"

"That's not the point. Seriously, Bella, if you'd met this guy in a chat room, you'd be on  _To Catch a Predator_  right now."

"Well, I didn't," I snapped, getting defensive over his attack on Carlisle. "I met him at the hospital, where he treated me for a concussion. And the next time I saw him, he fixed my broken hand. The time after that, he gave me stitches and got Charlie into therapy. Every time I turn around he's helping me with something."

He raised his eyebrows. "So is that it? You're giving him what he wants because you feel like you owe him?"

"No! It's not like that."

"Hey," he put him his hands defensively. "Bella, we're friends. You and me, right? We took a blood oath." He waved his pointer finger in front of me.

"Oh my god, I forgot about that," I giggled. One summer Jacob had declared me his best friend, and while our fathers were otherwise occupied, we found one of Billy's fishing hooks and pricked our fingers, rubbing them together to seal our friendship. Mine, of course, got infected, and Charlie had to take me to a doctor for it.

Jacob looked wounded. "You  _forgot_  our oath to always be there for each other?"

"Maybe I repressed it." I winked at him.

He suddenly looked remorseful. "Look, Bella . . . ." He shook his head sadly. "I really let you down. I should have known about Charlie . . . sometimes I even sort of wondered. But I didn't do anything, and I'm really sorry."

I suddenly wanted to cry, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, hiding my eyes while I fought back the tears that were trying to form. "It's not your fault. You can't be expected to know what I don't tell you."

He moved his hand to my head, holding me against his chest. "Why didn't you?"

"I don't know. It's not the kind of thing you tell people."

"I'm not just people," he said, sounding hurt. "I meant it when I took that oath, you know." He snorted out a laugh. "Even if it did send you to the emergency room."

"That's my luck for you. We both use the same dirty hook to cut our fingers, but  _I'm_  the only one who gets an infection."

"It's because you don't eat enough," he declared, pulling away. "Your immune system is weak. So have a seat there at the table, and I'll make you a jam and jelly bean sandwich."

There was a laugh from the doorway and I looked up, surprised to see Carlisle leaning against the door frame. "Why don't I just order us some pizza?"

Jacob gave him a mock glare. "Go back in the den. We're not done talking about you behind your back yet."

"I'll do you one better and go pick up the pizza. That way the two of you can have all the privacy you need."

"You don't have to do that," I told him, my cheeks burning wildly.

He stepped over to me and kissed my forehead, his cool lips a welcome sensation on my hot skin. "I don't mind at all, sweetheart. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Get meat-lovers," Jacob told him.

He nodded. "Bella, any requests?"

"Anything's fine," I shrugged, praying he would bring back something with vegetables. I couldn't quite bring myself to ask him, though.

"Bella likes vegetarian," Jacob put in for me.

I blushed even darker, but Carlisle just smiled. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"I'll come with you," Alice volunteered, skipping in from the living room.

Carlisle put an arm around her and the two of them headed to the door.

Jacob leaned close to my ear. "The two of them seem pretty cozy," he said suggestively. "Think he's boning her too?"

"Jake!" I smacked his shoulder.

"What, you're not up for a little competition?"

"Don't be mean."

"You're so cute," he said, ruffling my hair in a conciliatory gesture. "But okay, you have to tell me, have you two done anything more than just kiss?"

I bit my lip, thinking about the time I had spent grinding against him on the couch the night before. "Maybe a little more," I mumbled.

"Have you had sex with him?" he asked, raising a disapproving eyebrow.

"No. Not yet."

His eyes widened. "Are you planning on it?"

I tugged absently at a lock of his long hair. "I don't know. I'd like to."

"Bella," he said, shaking his head. "I mean, you realize that's illegal, right?"

"Are you going to turn me in to my dad?" I challenged.

He rolled his eyes. "How many times do I have to remind you that we're friends? You and me, Bella, and I love you like crazy. I just want you to be careful with this. He's a lot older than you, and this is a little creepy."

"If you don't like it, then–"

He put a hand over my mouth. "Bella," he said firmly. "I could give two shits about him. But I care a lot about you, and I care enough to be honest with you. This is a weird situation, and I don't like it. You're going to get hurt."

I ducked my head, staring at the faded linoleum of the kitchen floor. "I know."

He paused. "You know?"

I nodded.

"So why are you doing this?"

I looked up into his concerned face, silently pleading with him to understand. "Because there's nothing else I can do. I love him."


	43. Killing Me Softly

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

"It's driving you crazy, isn't it?" Edward murmured in my ear, leaning over my shoulder.

I watched Bella sitting on the love seat with Jacob, laughing and throwing little bits of her bread stick at him as he tried to catch them in his mouth.

Edward, of course, knew exactly how it affected me. It was pointless for me to lie.

I did it anyway.

"She's happy," I said quietly. "Why would that bother me?"

"Because an hour ago, that guy she's so happy with was telling her you're a bad idea."

"He's being protective. I appreciate it."

Oddly, despite my discomfort, I could hardly look away from Jacob Black. He had fascinated me from the moment he had so carelessly referred to my vampire status. I watched him playing with Bella while echoes of the past surrounded me.

Edward rounded the chair and sat on the arm next to me. "He doesn't look  _that_  much like him."

"He does when he smiles," I said, smiling myself. "And his temperament is so similar. Do you remember the way Ephraim always refused to take anything seriously?"

Edward laughed and shook his head. "Just don't forget he's not the same person. I know you loved the man, but he hasn't been reincarnated in his great-grandson."

"No." I shook my head regretfully, "but I might have another chance at building a relationship with the Quileutes. Billy isn't interested, but perhaps Jacob will be."

"Don't forget Sam," Edward said, gesturing toward him.

I glanced at where he was sitting on the couch, talking with Alice. He looked a bit more relaxed now, and in fact, he had been helping us keep our secret by grabbing our pizza off of our plates when Jacob and Bella weren't looking and taking bites to make it look like we were eating. He seemed amused by the charade, and it was a good thing he had such a hearty appetite.

I nodded. "He's a natural leader. I wonder if he'll be the one to head up the next pack."

"You don't think Jacob will phase?"

"It's hard to say. He's only, what? Fifteen? Sixteen, maybe? The pack may be filled by the time he comes of age."

"I don't know, look at the size of him. He could be ready now."

"You may not be wrong about that. And he's certainly a good candidate, with his lineage."

"Sam, what do you think of that?" Edward asked softly.

Sam laughed dryly. "It'd sure take some pressure off of me. I did  _not_  sign up for this."

I watched Jacob snatch Bella's bread stick away from her and poke it into her mouth, stopping her from speaking mid-sentence. She made a face at him and bit off a mouthful of bread, oblivious to the quiet conversation going on around her.

"She said she loves you," Edward said softly, watching the two of them. "Just after you and Alice left."

I turned and looked up at him, an odd lightness in my chest. "Did she?"

He nodded, never taking his eyes off of the playful pair. "Right after she said she knew you would hurt her."

The lightness quickly collapsed in on me, becoming a crushing pain. Everything in me wanted to deny it . . . but I couldn't. I  _was_  going to hurt her. Worse, I was planning it in advance, knowingly causing my girl heartache.

"You think it's hard sitting here listening to Jacob make her laugh?" Edward asked. "Just wait until you leave her. Until she meets some other guy and takes him home, and you're standing outside her bedroom window listening to him elicit an entirely different kind of sound from your girl."

I gritted my teeth.  _Edward, stop._

"You should have seen the vision in Alice's head earlier," he went on, ignoring my protest. "Bella drifting from one man to another, never able to connect with anyone because she knows that if she lets herself care about someone, he'll just abandon her. Like her father." He clapped a hand on my shoulder. "Like you."

I felt like a hole had been ripped in my chest. I leaned forward and rubbed my hand over my forehead, squeezing my eyes shut against the picture he painted for me. It couldn't be true. There had to be a way to change it.

"There's a very simple way," Edward murmured. "Don't leave her."

"Carlisle, are you alright?" The laughter was gone from Bella's voice. She sounded concerned.

I lifted my head, smiling softly. "I'm fine, sweetheart. A little headache, nothing to worry about."

Jacob glowered at me. " _Sweetheart_ ," he growled scornfully. "Don't you think this is a little twisted,  _Carlisle?_ "

"Jacob!" Bella stared at him, stunned by the sudden shift in his mood.

I frowned. "I'm sorry that it bothers you, Jacob."

He stood up from the couch, his hands balling into fists. "You're sorry that it  _bothers_  me? Is that what you're going to tell her dad? Is that what you've told the fathers of who knows how many other girls you've taken advantage of?"

"Jacob, stop it!" Bella yelled, standing up and grabbing his arm. She froze and stared at his arm, her anger draining away. "You . . . you feel like you have a fever. Are you okay?"

I caught Sam's eye for a brief moment, before all of us were on our feet.

"Jacob, we're leaving," he said quickly, grabbing the boy by the elbow.

"Will you be okay getting him home?" Edward asked. "If you're in the car. . . ."

"Alice, will they get there okay?" I asked.

She shook her head quickly. "I can't see, Carlisle, I don't know. There's a blind spot around them."

Sam ignored us and dragged Jacob to the front door.

"Hey, knock it off!" Jacob said, yanking his arm out of Sam's grasp. "I'm not leaving."

"Jacob, you have to go," I said, trying to be firm but soothing. "You're ill. You don't want to pass what you have on to Bella."

"I don't care," Bella said, trying to push her way to her friend.

I wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her back, trying to keep her a safe distance from him. "Bella, you have to let him go. He needs to be at home."

"What is this?" she asked. "What's everybody so worked up about? It's just a fever."

Sam grabbed Jacob's arm again and dragged him out the door. "Don't make me tell you again, Jacob." He yanked open the passenger door in his car and shoved Jacob in, rounding the car quickly and jumping in himself.

Edward stared after them apprehensively for a moment. "I'm going," he said. "I'm just going to follow him to the border, in case he needs help." He jumped in his car and followed Sam and Jacob.

Bella was clinging to me. "Carlisle, please," she said anxiously, looking to me for an explanation.

I pushed the door closed and wrapped my arms around her. "I'm sorry, Bella. There's been a nasty virus going around the Reservation. It's important that he gets home and gets some rest."

"Will he be okay?"

"He will be eventually, but he'll likely be under the weather for a while."

Alice looked anxiously toward the door. "I'm going to go home."

"Let the family know," I told her.

She disappeared out the door, leaving me alone with Bella.

I guided Bella back to the den and helped her down onto the love seat. I put aside the dishes she and Jacob had left and sat with her, holding her close.

"What is it?" she asked. "What are they getting?"

"It seems to be a variation of the flu, but it's highly contagious, and the symptoms linger for a long time."

"What about Sam? Will he get it?"

"I don't think so," I said, worrying a little about Sam. If he was caught in a car with Jacob when he phased, he could suffer serious injuries. "Sam has had it."

She nodded slowly and stood, moving to collect the dishes scattered around the room. I helped her and followed her into the kitchen, filling the sink with water to wash them.

"I wouldn't worry," I told her softly. "Jacob will be fairly miserable for a while, but he's strong. He'll get through it alright."

She nodded and we worked in silence for a while, cleaning up from lunch. After a few minutes my phone rang and I pulled it out.

"Is everything okay?" I asked as I flipped it open.

"They got to the border without incident," Edward answered.

"Good," I said softly. Sam must be keeping Jacob calm.

"Listen, Carlisle . . . you should tell Bella about what we are."

"She's been told, Edward."

"Not by you. And you're going to have to reconcile yourself to the fact that she's going to start believing it. Right now she and Jacob both think it's a big joke, but if he starts believing . . . he'll convince her."

"We'll see what happens."

"Carlisle . . ." He sounded aggravated. "This should come from you. It should be  _you_  holding her hand when she finds out the Quileute legends are true. Not him."

I sighed softly. "I'll think about it."

I disconnected and tucked my phone back in my pocket. "Jacob should be home soon," I told Bella.

She glanced at me. "Why did Edward follow them?"

"He's just worried. He's grown rather fond of Sam over the last few days, and he wanted to be there for him in case he needed help."

"That was nice of him."

I smiled softly. It was. More than she could imagine. It had surprised me a little when he went after Sam. The initial phasing tended to be violent, and though I knew Sam could probably have handled things himself, it might have helped him to have an extra pair of very fast hands to help deal with the fall-out. It put Edward directly in the line of fire, though. If Jacob phased and smelled a vampire nearby, his instincts would likely drive him to attack.

I was glad Edward was no longer with them.

We finished cleaning in the kitchen, and Bella wandered back into he living room and sank down on the love seat. She twisted around and stuffed her feet back into the cushions, laying her head against the seat back.

I lingered in the doorway, leaning against the frame. "So much for a stress-free afternoon."

She laughed a little. "I guess that was too much to ask."

I moved to her and leaned down to give her a soft kiss. "I'm going to work on some insurance pre-authorizations for a while. Why don't you relax a little?"

She gave me a smile and took a book off of a stack on the end table next to her. I moved away to give her some space, retrieving my brief case and fishing out some forms that needed my attention. I could get them done very quickly, of course, but I wanted to give Bella a break. My intention was to work on them in the kitchen, but I found it so difficult being away from my girl that I moved back to the den instead and sat beside her, filling out the forms in silence while she read.

I didn't have much work, and even moving at human speed, I was done in about fifteen minutes. I tucked my paperwork away and glanced at the book Bella was reading.

"Longfellow?"

She nodded, smiling. "I like his cadences. They're relaxing."

I nodded slowly. "That they are." I looked into her warm eyes and softly recited a passage from a poem that had recently become a favorite of mine.

"Dreams of the summer night!  
Tell her, her lover keeps  
Watch! while in slumbers light  
She sleeps!  
My lady sleeps!  
Sleeps!"

Bella flushed and looked away. "It sounds even better when you say it."

I smiled and reached for her book. "May I?"

She surrendered it, tugging her feet out of the cushions and wrapping her arms around her knees. I found the poem she was on and started to read aloud, and after a while she relaxed and lay back against the arm of the couch. I pulled her feet into my lap, rubbing them gently while I read to her from the book.

Bella's breath slowly evened out, and her heartbeat was just beginning to slow when her cell phone rang in her pocket. It startled her out of her light doze, and she laughed sheepishly as she sat up. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep," she said, tugging her phone from her pocket.

"No need to apologize."

She answered her phone, and Jacob's voice drifted through.

"Hey, Bella," he said lightly. "Sorry to bail on you like that."

"No, it's fine, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. My temperature was back down before I even got home. Dad says he can't even tell I was sick."

"Weird," Bella said. "Well, get lots of rest anyway. Whatever it is, it could still come back, and I don't want you to up and die on me."

Jacob laughed lazily. "I won't die, Bella. I swore an oath, remember? I'll always be there for you."

"I'm always there for you too," she reminded him. "So if you get deathly ill, give me a call and I'll come bring you soup."

"I'll let you know. Anyway, Dad's bugging me to get off the phone, so I need to go."

"Okay. I love you, Jake."

"Love you too, girl."

Bella disconnected and tucked her phone away.

"Everything alright?" I asked her absently. I was having a hard time grasping the idea that Jacob hadn't phased. Of course, it was possible that he  _had_ , and he was just telling Bella that he was fine so she wouldn't worry. He seemed at ease, though, and that wasn't what I would have expected from a young man who had just been thrust into the world of the supernatural.

"Jacob's feeling a lot better," Bella told me, settling back on the love seat again.

"That's good to hear."

She nodded. "Yeah."

I smiled as she closed her eyes, a contented expression on her face. "Would you like me to read more?"

"If you don't mind."

"Not at all, sweetheart." I turned back to the book and once again began reading her the smooth, sweet words of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem Carlisle quotes is called Serenade, from Longfellow's play The Spanish Student.


	44. Broken Wings

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

"Can I ask you a question?"

I didn't look up from where I sat on my bed, typing an English paper on my laptop. "You can  _ask_ ," I said, my tone making it clear I wasn't promising to answer.

Edward twisted around in my desk chair so that he was facing me. "Did you ever know Charlie's parents?"

I shrugged. "Not very well."

"They lived here in Forks, though, didn't they?"

"Yeah. But Charlie didn't have much to do with them after he left home."

"And your mom's parents?"

"Her parents died when she was a kid. She was raised in foster homes."

He was silent for a moment, and I ventured a glance at him. He looked thoughtful. "What about Phil's?"

I quickly looked back at my computer screen and concentrated very hard on the words I wasn't typing. I didn't want to talk about Phil.

"Bella?"

"I answered three, that's all you get."

Edward tapped his pencil on the book he had open on the desk in front of him. "You're right, your turn. Ask me a question."

"How did you keep the van from killing me?" I asked automatically.

He laughed out loud. "Bella, I've never met anyone as relentless as you in my life."

"Tell me," I insisted.

"Adrenaline."

"Tell me for real."

He snickered. "Okay. It's the Chiropteritis."

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, if you're going to keep that up I'm going to have to look up the symptoms for myself." I opened a web browser on my computer and typed "Chiropteritis" into the search engine.

It returned no results.

"How do you spell it?" I asked him.

Edward grinned smugly as he spelled it out for me. I typed it in again, though I was pretty sure I had it right the first time, and searched again.

Nothing.

"'Your search did not match any documents,'" I said, reading from the screen.

"Go figure. I guess it doesn't exist."

I gaped at him. "How can it not exist?"

He shrugged. "Apparently, Carlisle hasn't been entirely honest with you."

My eyes widened. "He  _lied_  about you guys having a disease?"

"To be fair, you made it very easy for him."

I winced. How did I do that? What was I doing to make it so easy for Carlisle to lie to me? I stared at him, not understanding at all. "Huh?"

Edward smirked to himself. "Maybe you'd have more luck if you Googled the root word," he suggested. "Chiroptera."

I shot him a dirty look that he didn't see and typed it into the search engine. A Wikipedia entry came up first, and I read over the summary.  _Bats are flying mammals in the order Chiroptera . . . ._

"Bats?" I asked archly. "Funny."

Edward's shoulders shook with silent laughter. "Hey, it's not  _my_  joke. It's Carlisle's."

I stared at him, unable to wrap my mind around the idea that Carlisle had really made up this disease. "Why would he lie about that?"

Edward finally looked up at me. "Maybe he has something to hide, Bella."

"Does this have something to do with why Billy thinks he's a vampire?"

His eyes danced with amusement. "I'd say the two are related, yes."

I sighed irritably. "You know I'm really getting annoyed with these games. Why won't you just tell me?"

"Because Carlisle would banish me to a boarding school in Siberia."

I ducked my head, twisting my hands in my lap. I was trying not to let it show, but the fact was, it hurt that Carlisle would deliberately mislead me.

"Hey," Edward said gently. "For what it's worth, he's keeping secrets because he feels like he's protecting you. They're not very nice secrets."

"Whatever. I have a paper to write." I tried to shove aside my anxiety so I could get back to typing out a rough draft.

Edward let me work for a few minutes, but after a while he cleared his throat softly. "Bella . . . do you remember that drawing Emmett showed you the other day?"

I clenched my teeth, staring at the screen. I remembered it all too well. "Where did you get it?" I asked, my voice clipped.

"Was that Phil?"

"Where did you get it?" I demanded again.

"Look, just tell me yes or no, and I'll tell you how we got it."

I couldn't look at him. I ground my teeth together, hating the thought of answering him, but needing to know how they happened to be in possession of a picture of Phil. "Yes."

He stood and moved to my bed, sitting down on the side. "I'm really sorry—"

"Where did you get it?" I interrupted him. I didn't want his sympathy.

He sighed softly. "Do you believe in extra-sensory perception?"

"No."

He reached out and took my hand, holding it until I gave in and looked up at him. "Time to start believing," he said solemnly.

I pulled my hand away.

"Alice sees things," he said gently. "Before they happen. When Carlisle was talking about filing a police report about Charlie, Alice saw a flash of you . . . with Phil."

I felt like all of the air had been sucked out of the room. He couldn't know about that. He  _couldn't_. Alice couldn't, and Carlisle. . . . I shuddered and pushed my computer aside, pulling my knees up to my chest and leaning my head on my knees. "Go away," I told him, my words muffled.

"Bella, I'm really sorry—"

"Go away!" I yelled, hugging my knees tightly. I couldn't stand for him to be near me, to be looking at me, when he knew.

"I can't."

"Get out, Edward! I don't want you here!"

He didn't answer, but he didn't leave either. He just sat silently while I tried to make myself invisible. I was humiliated, and I was terrified, and tears welled up in my eyes as my emotions overwhelmed me.

"Go away," I begged, my voice thick.

"I can't just leave, Bella. I'm not going to be the guy who walks out on you when you're hurting."

"Leave me alone!" I yelled furiously, the tears spilling down my cheeks. I felt disgusting, like I was contaminating everything near me. I didn't want anyone to know, and I hated that Edward could see it.

I felt the mattress shift as Edward stood, and I hoped that he was leaving. But after a moment I heard him sit down in the chair at the desk again.

"Please go away, Edward," I sobbed into my knees. "Please."

"I think you need to talk to somebody about this."

Just the thought of trying to form words to describe what had happened made my stomach turn. "I can't," I choked. "Please don't ask me to."

"I don't mean me, though I'm always here if you want me to be. But maybe you should get some therapy like your dad."

Terror ripped through me. "Get out!" I yelled at him. "Get out of my house! It's none of your business!"

"I know," he murmured. "And I know this is hard. But Bella, I promise, if you start seeing someone for this, I won't bring it up again. We can go on pretending Phil doesn't exist."

I was fully aware of Edward's tenacity, and the opportunity to make sure he didn't mention it again was tempting. But even the thought of having to talk to someone, to open my mouth and say the words, filled me with dread. "There's nothing to talk about."

"Bella," he said imploringly, "please. Don't let this give you the same regrets your father has."

I stiffened, fury overtaking the fear. I raised my head and gave him a murderous glare. "Don't you dare talk about my father," I hissed. "You have no right to judge—you don't know anything about him!"

"I know. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to judge him. Just think about it, please. Charlie is finally getting some help working through his past, and I think you deserve that same chance."

I swallowed hard. It was true. Charlie was in therapy because I asked him to go. How could I expect that of him and then refuse to do it myself? "You think I should go away like him?" I asked, my voice breaking.

"No. I don't think that's necessary. If you would just see someone for an hour or two a week, I think that would probably be enough."

The thought was intimidating, but it was better than imagining separating from Carlisle and locking myself away for two months. "I don't know how," I mumbled.

"I'll make the arrangements for you."

I twisted my hands together. "Does Carlisle know?"

He hesitated. "Yeah, Bella, he knows."

I shuddered and ducked my head against my knees.

"It doesn't change anything. Carlisle is absolutely devoted to you."

"I don't want to talk about it with him," I said, my voice shaking.

He cleared his throat softly. "That's between the two of you. I can't speak for Carlisle."

I looked up at him. "If I do this . . . you won't talk about it anymore"

"Not unless you want to."

"I don't," I said forcefully.

He nodded. "I won't bring it up again."

I hugged my knees and stared off into space, hearing Phil's voice echoing in my head and trying not to scream. "I'll go."


	45. Honey and the Moon

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Esme slipped her hand into mine as we strolled slowly through the trees surrounding Bella's house. "How have things been going the last couple of weeks?" she asked me.

I glanced at the house, considering her question. "We seem to have settled into a comfortable routine. Alice has been good enough to come keep Bella company after school most days. Then when I get home, the two of us have dinner and spend a lot of time reading, talking, just being together."

Esme shook her head. "It's an impressive sacrifice you're making for her, Carlisle, eating dinner with her every night." She shuddered.

"Well, she's very kind to make it for me."

"Edward says she agreed to go to therapy."

"Yes, she had her first appointment yesterday."

"How did it go?"

I sighed softly. "It's hard to say. She wouldn't let me drive her, and she was very quiet last night. But she seemed to bounce back alright by this morning."

"And how are  _you_  doing?" she asked, squeezing my hand.

I smiled. "I spend every evening with the love of my life. It's difficult to imagine a more pleasant existence."

"It's not  _that_  difficult, darling. Tell me, how do things stand between you, sexually?"

I gave a low laugh. "Well, there's a certain amount of frustration there, that's for sure. Still, it seems ungrateful to complain when my girl is so anxious to let me be close to her."

"Edward says he hasn't seen even a hint that your control has wavered. Either you're very impressive, or you're not having enough fun." She poked my side playfully.

"I'm just looking out for her. My Bella takes delicate handling."

"Is she as frustrated as you are?" Esme asked, her eyes dancing.

I smiled sheepishly. "Yes, I believe she is. If I really had such commendable self control, I would keep my hands to myself and spare her those feelings."

Esme shook her head. "You say that as though you believe she craves physical contact less than you do."

"Esme, it's hard to imagine anyone craving it quite as much as I do. Is it always like this?"

I heard Edward laugh in the distance, and Esme smiled. "Yes," she breathed. "It always is."

I looked toward the sound of laughter. Tonight was the first time Sam had been back to check on things since he had visited us with Jacob more than two weeks ago. Edward had been missing his company, so when I heard him creeping quietly through the trees, I called Edward to let him know. My son had hurried over, bringing Esme with him so he could introduce her, and then he and Sam had settled onto the forest floor to chat. They sat about ten feet apart with the breeze blowing between them, making things a bit more comfortable by carrying their respective scents away.

From Edward's side of the conversation, I gleaned that Sam was asking him about Ephraim's pack. Edward was answering eagerly, sharing stories about some of the times we had shared.

I changed course and moved toward them, waiting for them to pause and acknowledge me before addressing Sam. "How's Jacob?" I asked him.

"He's fine," Edward said, speaking for Sam. "And he still hasn't phased. I guess it was a false alarm."

"Do you think Billy would object if he came by again in the next day or two? Bella might appreciate having someone to lighten the mood a little."

"Billy doesn't want him coming here alone," Edward said. "I'm sure you understand."

I nodded to Sam. "Of course I do. You're always welcome to come along—in human form or wolf."

"I'll talk to him," Edward said. "I think he would probably like to come." Edward cocked his head curiously, speaking for himself now. "Carlisle, has Bella been in a poor mood?"

I smiled sadly. "She has a hearing in Port Angeles tomorrow afternoon, for her emancipation. I expect it will be hard on her."

Sam pushed himself to his feet.

"Yeah, it was good to see you too, Sam," Edward said. To Esme and me he said, "Sam has some things to take care of. He just wanted to check in."

"Always a pleasure," I told him with a nod.

Esme moved forward and pressed her hand to the side of Sam's face. "It was delightful to meet you," she smiled.

Sam nudged her hand with his nose, then nodded to Edward and headed west through the trees.

I heard Bella stir and moan in her sleep, and I turned back toward the house.

"Is she always so restless at night?" Esme asked.

I gazed in the direction of her window. "Not quite like this. I expect she's nervous about tomorrow."

"You should go to her," she said. "Help her relax."

"No, Esme, I don't think that would be a good idea. I don't want her to worry that I'll be coming in uninvited while she sleeps."

Edward nodded soberly. "I think that's wise, considering."

"You're probably right," Esme agreed.

Bella stirred again, and then woke. The mattress springs creaked as she shifted, and she sighed softly. After a moment I heard the sound of her feet touching the floor, and she padded softly to her bedroom door.

"I'm going to check on her," I murmured, heading toward the house.

"Don't forget to change into pajamas," Edward reminded me.

I chuckled and darted across the back yard and up the side of the house into Charlie's room. I stripped off my clothes and pulled on a pair of blue cotton pajama pants and a white tank top that Alice had supplied for me. I opened the bedroom door, and heard the water turn on in the kitchen. I moved downstairs to the kitchen doorway, seeing Bella standing at the sink with her back to me, a glass of water pressed to her lips.

She looked beautiful. She was wearing a pale pink slip that dipped low in the back, showing just a glimpse of skin beneath her long brown curls. Just the weekend before I had taken out her stitches and approved the removal of the brace from her hand, so she was now moving with less inhibition. It was good to see her looking healthy and uninjured.

Her back arched as she drained her glass, and I admired her slight form in the moonlight that filtered in from the kitchen window. She lowered her glass and set it beside the sink, hunching her shoulders and pressing her palms flat against the edge of the counter. She drew in a slow breath and let it out, and moved one small foot up to scratch the back of her calf with her toes.

She was exquisite. Everything about her beckoned to me, calling me forward, urging me to go to her and claim her for my own.

"Bella," I murmured.

She jumped and spun around, startled by my voice. "Carlisle," she breathed, putting a hand to her chest, drawing attention to the lace that edged the bodice of her slip. "I didn't hear you come in."

"I'm sorry sweetheart," I said softly, as my eyes roamed over her. "I didn't mean to sneak up on you." I ached to touch her, to feel the warmth of her skin beneath the silky fabric that clung so enticingly to her body.

Bella blushed at my scrutiny, ducking her head and tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Is everything alright?" I asked her.

She nodded, still looking at the floor. "Yeah. I'm just having a hard time sleeping."

"Nervous about tomorrow?"

She folded her arms over her stomach and nodded. "It's stupid, I know."

I smiled tenderly. "You're too hard on yourself. I don't know of many people who wouldn't be nervous." I pushed away from the door frame and crossed the floor slowly, moving close and settling my hands on her hips. I slowly rubbed her curves through the satin of her pajamas. I leaned down to whisper in her ear, drawing in her delicious scent as I did so. "You're beautiful, Isabella Swan."

Her breath hitched, and her hands moved up between us, resting against my chest.

I pressed soft kisses down the line of her throat, relishing the heat of the blood that raced just below her creamy skin. Her body radiated warmth, and my hands rubbed slow circles on her hips.

She moaned softly, and the sound sent tremors through me. Her small, warm hands pushed up the hem of my shirt and ran slowly across my stomach. I tensed my muscles, relishing the gentle caress.

There were a million things I wanted to say to her, a million promises I wanted to make, but I couldn't. There was so much that had to be held back. Instead I just whispered her name, memorizing the way it felt on my lips. "Bella."

I moved one hand from her hip, sliding it slowly up her stomach, letting it settle over one perfect, round breast. She drew in a sharp breath, her hands gripping my sides. I felt her nipple pebble against my palm through her thin nightdress, and my own body reacted in kind, hardening eagerly. Bella felt it, and she pressed herself against me, making me groan with longing. I ached for her. Every part of me cried out for more. I wanted to touch all of her, to take her right here and claim her in the most primal of ways. I rubbed my thumb over her nipple, teasing it gently while my other hand slipped to her backside and pulled her harder against me.

Bella stretched up on her toes, her lips searching for mine, and I met her kiss hungrily, my tongue plunging into her mouth. I ran my hand down her thigh and hitched it over my hip, opening her up to me and pressing my hardness against her delicious heat. She gasped desperately, her fingers digging at my back as she clutched me against her.

"Carlisle," she panted against my mouth. "I need you."

I groaned, wrapped up in the most exquisite agony. My head filled with thoughts of taking her body, of plunging inside of her, surrounding myself with her wet warmth. It would be so easy to do. One or two quick tugs and her slip would be in tatters on the floor. My own clothes could be disposed of just as easily. After that, all it would take would be a quick thrust, and I would be buried inside of her. My fingers twitched over the fabric of her gown, my body driving me to follow through, to fulfill her desires as well as my own.

But then my sense of reason stepped in. My mind conjured up a picture of my girl, broken and lifeless in my arms while I took my pleasure from her, and I shuddered in disgust. How could I even entertain the thought? How could I gamble with something so dear?

I released Bella's thigh and moved both of my hands to her hips again. She let out a whimper when I tried to draw back and clutched me closer.

"Please," she gasped. "Please don't stop, Carlisle. I need you . . . so badly."

Her eyes pleaded with me, and I felt my resolve buckling. How could I deny her? How could I refuse my girl the release she craved when such heavy burdens rested on her shoulders?

My mind settled on a solution, a compromise of sorts. If I held very tightly to my control, I could bring her to climax without having to follow her there myself. As long as I kept myself in check, I could give her what she needed.

_Edward, please don't let me hurt her._

I slipped one hand down her hip and slid it under the hem of her slip. I wrapped my hand around the curve of her thigh and dragged it slowly higher, up over her soft, rounded hips, until my fingers encountered the small, silky strip of cloth beneath her shift. I traced my fingers along the line of the very tiny pair of panties that matched her slip.

I groaned softly. This was  _not_  going to be easy.

I pushed my other hand under her slip as well, hooking my fingers under the waistband of her panties and pushing them down over her hips, letting them fall to the floor. Bella gasped, and her arms wrapped around my neck. I leaned down for another warm, delicious kiss, lifting her off her feet and moving her to the kitchen table. I set her down on the edge, nipping at her bottom lip.

"Carlisle," she moaned desperately. She spread her legs and pulled me between them, pressing her wet, exposed center against me and rocking her hips enticingly.

My composure nearly crumbled. She was just so  _warm_ , so tempting, and the smell of her arousal clouded my mind and crowded out my carefully-constructed restraints.

Edward cleared his throat softly outside, snapping me back to reality. I couldn't afford to let my desire for her overwhelm me. No matter how sweet her soft cries were, I couldn't give myself over to her the way I wanted to.

I moved back slightly, grunting softly at the effort it took to move  _away_  from the warmth that beckoned me. Bella's hand grasped at my shoulder, trying to keep me from retreating from her, and I didn't let my girl feel the loss of contact for long. I slid my hand between us, my fingers prodding gently at her warm, wet folds.

Bella cried out in pleasure, throwing her head back and exposing her throat, her hand still clutching my shoulder. I leaned in, breathing in the warm, rich aroma of her blood and skin as my fingers played at her entrance, sliding back and forth along her wet lips, teasing her clit.

"Please," she begged, "please, I need you."

I let my nose graze up her throat, taking in her scent. "You have to tell me if I hurt you," I murmured against her jaw.

She nodded quickly.

I slowly slid a finger inside of her, and her thighs clamped reflexively around me. I pumped gently in and out of her, feeling the tight, wet walls of her sex. I pressed kisses along her jaw line, and eased a second finger inside of her.

Bella moaned in pleasure and bucked her hips. The heel of my hand pressed against her clitoris and she cried out loudly. I applied pressure, watching closely for any sign that I was causing her any pain.

Her hand wrapped around the back of my neck, and she leaned back on the other one, thrusting her hips hard against me. I moved my free hand up her body, over her stomach and up to her heaving chest. Bella arched her back, pushing her soft breast into my palm. I rubbed it gently, loving the give of the soft, warm flesh under my hands.

"Oh, Bella," I moaned. "So good."

I was battling with myself again, holding myself back from removing my fingers and pushing her down on the tabletop. From crawling on top of her and drilling hard into her. I focused on the careful motion of my hand, plunging my fingers in and out of her, urging her ever closer to her peak. I could smell her need heightening, and I fought through the haze that her scent created in my brain.

 _Keep it together_ , I ordered myself.  _She's too precious to lose to carelessness_.

Bella was calling out louder now, and the urgency in her voice told me that she was close. She thrust faster, and I increased my pace, matching her movements as I pushed my fingers in and out of her.

"That's it, sweet girl," I whispered gruffly. "Come for me. Show me how good it feels to have my fingers inside of you."

Bella moaned in response, rocking her hips quickly a few more times, before her muscles seized, her body going taut, and she cried out in ecstacy. She arched against my hand erratically, her body's instincts taking over as the orgasm seized control of her. Her head was thrown back, her heart racing, and I let my eyes sweep over her exquisite form, sheathed in lace and satin, caught up in intense pleasure. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

I had to make her mine. Somehow, I had to possess this beautiful creature. Damn the gossip, damn the Volturi, damn her father if he tried to take her from me. Isabella Swan would belong to me, no matter the cost.

I slowed my movements, bringing her slowly back down from her orgasm, letting her ease back into her senses. She collapsed onto the tabletop, panting, her beautiful chest rising and falling with her gasping breaths.

"Carlisle," she breathed, somehow filling the word with passion and gratitude. She let out a contented sigh, then pushed herself up and pressed her palm to my stomach, sliding it slowly downward.

I caught her hand before she reached her destination, drawing it to my mouth. I kissed her palm, her fingertips, then pressed my lips to the warm, fluttering veins at her wrist. The floral scent of her blood, combined with the alluring tartness of her arousal and the salty sheen of sweat on her skin, had me aching to relieve my own arousal.

"You should get some sleep," I murmured, kissing her wrist again.

She looked at me in confusion, her eyes flicking to the obvious evidence of my unsatisfied state.

I just shook my head. "You have a big day tomorrow," I murmured, stepping away for just a moment to pluck a dish towel from the counter to clean my fingers.

"Carlisle, I want to—"

I cut her off with a gentle kiss. "I'm sorry, Bella. I can't."

She pulled back, looking confused and a little bit sad. I brushed my fingertips over the furrows in her forehead, smoothing them out. I drew the back of my fingers down over her cheek, down her neck, where her pulse still throbbed heavily.

"Let's get you to bed," I murmured. I lifted her into my arms, cradling her against my chest, and carried her up the stairs. She pressed her face into my neck, sighing contentedly, and it warmed me to know that I had given her this peace, however temporary.

I moved into her bedroom and lowered her down onto her bed. I pulled the blankets over her and pressed a kiss to her sweet lips.

"Sleep well, my angel," I whispered.

She stroked her fingertips across my cheek. "Good night, Carlisle."

I kissed her once more and moved out of the room, closing the door behind me.

I headed back down the stairs to the kitchen, knowing full well that Edward was waiting for me there, sitting casually on the counter top.

"Cute panties," he smirked, nodding toward the scrap of pink satin that I had left on the floor.

I raised a warning eyebrow, but didn't respond to his taunt. "Esme went home?"

"Yeah, she figured you'd want some privacy."

"Thank you for staying."

He shrugged casually. "I'm here for you, old man. But next time I'm bringing a cigarette." He grinned at me and hopped off the counter. "I'm taking off. The smell in here is absolutely killing me."

I shot him a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, I didn't consider how it would affect you."

He shrugged and clapped me on the back, heading for the front door. "Don't worry about it. I'm out of here. You go take care of business." He threw a snarky grin over his shoulder and disappeared outside.

I sighed deeply, leaning down to pick up the delicate pair of panties from the floor. I collected the towel as well, dropping them both in the laundry, then returned to the kitchen and scrubbed the table. Bella's scent still hung heavily in the air, and I still ached for her. When cleaning the tabletop did very little to reduce the scent—or my arousal—I gave in and moved upstairs to take Edward's advice.


	46. Drift Away

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I slept late the next morning. I wasn't going to school because of the hearing in Port Angeles, so when my alarm clock went off I just turned it off. I rolled onto my side, clutching the goodbye letter my father had left me to my chest, and let myself drift back to sleep.

I didn't wake again until almost ten o'clock, and when I did, I could smell coffee brewing. It brought a smile to my face. I hadn't had the nerve to ask Carlisle to take a day off so he could come with me to the hearing, but it seemed that he had done it anyway.

My smile fell when I pushed myself out of bed and moved to my closet. I didn't have the first idea what to wear. I scanned through the items hanging in my closet, most of which were gifts from Alice, and chewed at my lip. My phone vibrated on my night stand, and I moved to answer it.

"The grey high-waisted pencil skirt," Alice's voice said. "With a plain white blouse and the black Manolos that are still in the box in the back left corner of your closet."

I blinked, stunned. "How did you know . . . ?"

She giggled. "Bella, Edward told you that I see things, didn't he?"

"Oh . . .  _oh!_ " He had told me that, but I was so wrapped up in other things that I had hardly processed the information. "Alice! You see  _everything?_ "

"Well, no," she said. "I see a lot, and since all that stuff happened with your dad I've been watching you pretty closely."

"You've been. . . ." I paled. The scene in the kitchen the previous evening had been exactly the way she had described it when she was trying to convince me to accept the lingerie she had bought. "Alice, did you see . . . last night?"

" _You're welcome_ ," she giggled.

"Oh my god." I rubbed a hand over my face, completely embarrassed to have had an audience for that.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Alice said, not sounding very contrite. "But you get used to the lack of privacy. We all have."

I tried to shake off the embarrassment. "Right, so grey skirt, white blouse, black shoes."

"Exactly," she said. "And wear that silver bracelet you have. Carlisle would like that."

A shiver danced down my spine. I didn't bother asking how she knew about the bracelet. "I don't want to wear it."

"Oh," she said, sounding surprised. "Okay. Well, I need to get back to class. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Okay, thanks Alice." I hung up the phone and quickly grabbed the clothes Alice had recommended. I took them to the bathroom with me and got showered and changed before heading downstairs to join Carlisle.

He was sitting at the kitchen table when I walked in, and memories of the night before hit me hard. He looked up at me and smiled warmly, and my cheeks burned.

"Good morning, Bella," he murmured. He rose and moved across the kitchen, taking me in his arms and kissing me deeply.

I forgot to be self-conscious. I moved my hands to his face, caressing his smooth, cool jaw with my thumbs, running my hands down his neck to his chest. "Good morning," I breathed when he pulled back.

"Coffee?"

I nodded, giving him a grateful smile.

"What can I make you for breakfast?" he asked as he poured me a steaming mug.

I rubbed a hand over my churning stomach and grimaced. "I don't think I can eat this morning."

He looked at me for a moment as though considering whether to press the issue, but he ended up letting it go. "Alright then. But you'll have to let me take you out for a late lunch after the hearing."

I nodded gratefully. I knew if I tried to force food down now, it would come right back up. I took the coffee mug from him and moved to sit at the table. "What are you reading?" I asked, gesturing to the periodical that was open on the table.

Carlisle moved back to stand next to his chair. "It's an essay on whether William Shakespeare was really the author of his plays."

I sipped my coffee. "I didn't realize that was under dispute. Why wouldn't he be?"

He smiled softly. "The more rational arguments claim he was too low-born or uneducated to have created such sophisticated works."

"Oh," I said, considering it. "Huh."

Carlisle flipped the magazine closed. "I remain unconvinced." He offered me his hand. "Come, let's find something peaceful to read until we have to go."

I took his hand, bringing my coffee with me as he led me into the den. He sifted through my stack of books until he found a collection of Oscar Wilde poetry. He held it up with a questioning look, and I smiled. He settled on the love seat and pulled me down with him. Most evenings lately had found me here, curled up in his lap with my feet stuffed down in the cushions, while we read to each other or . . . well, did other things. I wasn't dressed quite so casually today, though, so I settled next to him, leaning against his chest.

Carlisle usually just started reading wherever my bookmark was, but this time he flipped to the table of contents and searched through it, looking for a specific poem. He found it and turned to the correct page, and his honeyed voice began to murmur the words.

"As often-times the too resplendent sun  
Hurries the pallid and reluctant moon  
Back to her sombre cave, ere she hath won  
A single ballad from the nightingale,  
So doth thy Beauty make my lips to fail,  
And all my sweetest singing out of tune.

And as at dawn across the level mead  
On wings impetuous some wind will come,  
And with its too harsh kisses break the reed  
Which was its only instrument of song . . ."

He paused for a moment, his fingers stroking gently at my hair, and I looked up at him. His warm, golden eyes were on me as he breathed the next words. "So too my stormy passions work me wrong, and for excess of Love my Love is dumb."

My breath hitched in my throat, my eyes trapped in his smoldering gaze. He brushed a hand over my cheek, and his eyes stayed on me as he continued to recite the rest of the poem.

"But surely unto Thee mine eyes did show  
Why I am silent, and my lute unstrung;  
Else it were better we should part, and go,  
Thou to some lips of sweeter melody,  
And I to nurse the barren memory  
Of unkissed kisses, and songs never sung."

Carlisle's lips met mine, and the poetry book was forgotten. His arms wrapped around me, and I got lost in him. All of my senses were wrapped up in him, and time slipped away from me as his hands and lips consumed me. It could have been minutes or hours that he held me, his hands roaming needfully over my body. I prayed that he would pick up where we left off last night, that he would push things a step farther and I would be able to feel him inside of me. But he kept his wandering hands very carefully on the outside of my clothes, conscientious even of wrinkling them, and when he finally drew back from me, I was breathless and aching for more.

"We should get going," Carlisle said softly.

I blinked in surprise and checked the clock. It was already almost noon, and the hearing was scheduled for one o'clock. I stood up and straightened my clothes and hair, checking to make sure I still looked presentable. Carlisle stood as well, readjusting his tie, and then held out his hand to me. I took it and he led me to the coat closet to retrieve a jacket.

I started to grab my coat, but my eyes fell on an old denim jacket of Charlie's and on a whim I grabbed that one instead. It wasn't very warm, but it was Charlie's, and I was feeling the need to be connected to him. Carlisle helped me put it on and kissed my forehead before pulling me outside with him.

He continued to distract me on the ride to Port Angeles, asking me about Jacob, of all things. I had to give him credit for his efforts. He seemed genuinely interested in the conversation, and he laughed along with me as I shared stories of some of the ridiculous things Jacob and I had done when we were kids.

But all too soon we were pulling up in front of the courthouse, and reality crashed down on me. The sick feeling returned to my stomach, and I was suddenly very glad I hadn't eaten breakfast. I stared through the window at the red brick building, feeling the blood drain from my face.

Carlisle reached out and took my hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly. "It's just paperwork," he said gently. "Merely a safety precaution."

"Right." I steeled my nerves and released his hand, unbuckling my seatbelt. Carlisle got out of the car and came around, opening the door for me and offering me his hand. I took a deep breath and then let him help me out of the car. He tucked my hand in his elbow and guided me up the front steps to the main doors of the courthouse.

We had to go through metal detectors just inside the front doors, which didn't help my nerves at all. We got through without incident, but just the necessity was a reminder of the sorts of things that took place in this building. From the flopping of my stomach, a person might have thought I was on trial today.

Carlisle put a soothing hand on my shoulder and led me down a hall to the room where I was to put an end to the legal relationship with my father. He pulled open one of a set of double doors and I stepped into a small, cramped courtroom.

My knees nearly buckled, looking at the short benches on either side of me, and the railing that divided this space from the judge's bench. Charlie was already here, sitting at a table with a man in a white shirt and tie who I didn't recognize.

Carlisle ushered me forward, and without him there I probably wouldn't have made it. He strode to the table, and Charlie rose, giving Carlisle an unfriendly nod.

"Charlie," Carlisle said deferentially. "It's a pleasure to see you again." He extended a hand to him and Charlie took it briefly, though he seemed somewhat reluctant.

Charlie gesture to the other man. "Judge Walker, this is Dr. Cullen," he said, making the introductions. "And of course, my daughter, Bella."

I put my trembling hand in his, unable to frame any kind of verbal greeting. Carlisle shook his hand as well, then helped me off with my jacket. He draped it over his arm and pulled out a chair for me, then excused himself and moved to the back of the room, taking a seat on a bench by the door. He flipped open his magazine and started to read, tuning the rest of us out.

Judge Walker smiled at me. "Well, Bella, we'll keep this fairly brief. I understand you and Charlie here are interested in emancipation."

I nodded hesitantly.

"Do you have any objections?"

I swallowed hard and shook my head.

He gave me an understanding smile. "How about questions?"

I did have those. I took a deep breath, trying to keep my voice from shaking. "Will my mom know?"

He nodded. "Since there's a custody agreement in place, she will be notified of the change of status once the emancipation is finalized."

"She can't stop it, can she? I mean, she wouldn't make me go back home?"

Charlie shifted uncomfortably next to me.

The judge shook his head. "If she were paying child support, the court would take her opinion into consideration, but as she's a non-supportive adult she cannot block the proceedings."

I nodded, relieved. "How long does it take?"

"Sixty days, though I'll be backdating that from the date Charlie filed the request. So it should be complete . . ." he consulted with the paperwork in front of him, "December thirty-first." He looked up at me and smiled. "You'll be starting the new year as a legal adult."

My stomach did a little flip, and I crossed my arms over it, nodding.

"Now, generally a minor being emancipated has to demonstrate autonomy," the judge said. "But under the circumstances, since there is a plan in place for your living arrangements should you decide to leave your father's house, we've waived the requirement for you to have a job." He leveled a gaze at me. "However, I would recommend that you find one. Once outside of a parent's care, it is very difficult to get by without income."

I nodded, wondering what plan was in place. Was Dad intending for me to live with Billy still?

"You'll still be legally obligated to attend school, at least until you turn eighteen," he went on. "And until December thirty-first, you'll be required to abide by the terms of the current custody agreement."

I nodded, staring down at my hands. That meant there was no way I could get out of going back home for Christmas.

The judge sat back in his chair. "Do either of you have any more questions?"

I shook my head, glancing furtively at Charlie. He did the same, and the judge pushed a paper toward us. "All right then, if you'll both just sign here."

Charlie took a pen and scrawled his signature at the bottom of the paper and then passed it to me. My hand shook as I signed as well, and I pushed the paper back.

"That's it, then," Judge Walker said, rising. "You'll receive a notice shortly after the new year that everything has been completed.

Charlie rose and shook the judge's hand. "Thank you for doing this."

"Of course. Charlie, you take care of yourself. I want to see you come through this with your head up."

He nodded and the two of them said goodbye. The judge strode out a door at the side of the room, leaving us alone.

Charlie turned back to me, sitting on the edge of the table. "Are you doing okay?" he asked me.

"I'm all right."

"It's not too tough on you, being home alone?"

I bit my lip. I hadn't told him that Carlisle had basically moved in, and I didn't intend to. He already seemed stiff and unfriendly with Carlisle, and I knew it wouldn't get any better if he knew about our relationship. "It's fine. I miss you, though."

He nodded toward Carlisle, who was still sitting at the back of the room reading his magazine. He seemed oblivious to the fact that we were finished with the meeting. "You, uh . . . you spend a lot of time with him?"

I shrugged, unable to meet his gaze. "He comes over a lot to make sure everything is okay."

"You know, you can always go to Billy's. I know you and Jacob are close . . . might be good for you two to spend some time together."

"I've seen Jacob a couple of times."

He perked up. "Yeah? You two are . . . doing all right?"

I nodded.

"You know, Bells, I always thought maybe you and Jake . . . since you were so close growing up and all. . . ." He shifted uneasily.

I didn't meet his gaze. "Well, you know, Edward and me," I reminded him.

"Right. Edward. You two are still . . . ." He trailed off.

I nodded. "He's a really nice guy, Dad."

"Good," he nodded. "That's good."

We fell into an awkward silence.

"Well," he finally said, "I should get back. I had to get special permission to come out for this."

"Okay." I stood up and gave him a quick hug. I started to pull away, but he tightened his arms around me and held me close. "Baby, just . . . just don't let anybody take advantage of you," he said in my ear. "I know I put you in a tough spot, but I want you to be safe."

"I'm fine, Dad. Really. You don't have to worry about me."

He released me and stood back. "Okay. Will I see you on Sunday?"

"I wouldn't miss it," I promised him, forcing a smile.

"Good." He nodded awkwardly. "I'll see you then." He turned and walked back through the double doors, nodding stiffly to Carlisle as he passed him.

Carlisle flipped his magazine closed and stood up. "Ready to go?"

I nodded, moving slowly back to him.

He held Charlie's jacket out for me and helped me into it, keeping his hand on my shoulder as he directed me back out of the courthouse.


	47. Clouds

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Bella was quiet all through lunch and on the car ride home. I tried not to press her, but I was worried. She seemed oddly disconnected. So I was pleased when we pulled up in front of her house and I saw two familiar cars parked out front—Alice's and Sam's. I could hear Alice and Jacob talking to one another in the den, but Sam wasn't with him. I listened for him, and heard his breathing and the thump of his heart in the trees behind the house. It was clear he was in wolf form, and I wondered if he was concerned about something.

Bella didn't seem to notice the cars. She stared blankly at the dash of my Mercedes as I turned it off and moved around the car to help her out. I drew her into the house, and she blinked in surprise when we entered and she heard the voices in the den.

"Bella?" Jacob appeared in the doorway and smiled broadly. "Hey girl! Hope you don't mind us barging in. It was too cold outside to wait for you."

"Jacob?" The blankness faded from her face, and she smiled and moved to him, hugging him tightly.

I closed my eyes. "Thank you, Sam," I whispered. It seemed seeing Jacob was just what she needed.

"Hey Dr. Fang," Jacob grinned, giving me a wave.

I smiled. He was so like Ephraim. "Good afternoon, Jacob. Isn't it a little early for you to be out of school?"

"Yep," he said casually, turning back to the den with Bella. He grinned at me over his shoulder. "I'm ditching."

I chuckled softly and hung up my coat. I started to follow the two of them into the den, but Alice emerged and came to my side. "I need to talk to you for a minute," she said softly, her eyes grave.

"All right. Do you mind if Sam is privy to the conversation, or do we need to take this elsewhere?"

"Actually, I think he should hear this too. Maybe he can help."

I ushered her into the kitchen and we sat at the table.

"I'm worried about Charlie," she said. "I keep getting these little flickers . . . just glimpses . . . like he hasn't really made up his mind." She frowned and stared out the kitchen window at the trees behind the house. "He's getting ready for something. He set up Bella's emancipation, and today he made plans to call and talk to a lawyer about his will."

"His will?" I frowned. "Is Charlie sick?"

"I don't think that's it. I think he's considering . . . killing himself."

I went still, her words echoing in my head. "No," I whispered. It would destroy Bella. My head buzzed with the information, and I started thinking about time. How long did we have to change his mind? If he was planning ahead to make sure that Bella would be all right, I doubted that he would make a move before her emancipation was complete. That meant we had until the end of December to convince him that he needed to stay alive.

"December thirty-first," I said, letting Alice and Sam in on my thoughts. "That's when Bella is no longer under his care."

"So we have almost a month and a half," Alice said solemnly, picking up on the direction of my thoughts.

I nodded. "Perhaps Billy and Harry could help. Sam, would you mind passing along the information?"

Sam gave an answering bark from his place in the woods, and I took it as an assent.

"When is Charlie slated to get out of Daybreak?" Alice asked.

"Just a few days prior to that. His in-patient therapy is complete on the twenty-eighth of December."

"And Bella's supposed to be out of town still, right?"

I frowned. "I'm not completely sure. She hasn't spoken much about her plans for Christmas."

A pucker appeared between Alice's eyebrows. "Maybe the therapy will help him," she said, though it was clear she didn't hold out a lot of hope for that.

"It may."

I heard Jacob and Bella heading toward the kitchen, and Alice pushed herself out of her chair. "I'm going to run home and see if the others have any suggestions," she said quickly, hurrying away before the two entered the room.

"Hey Doc," Jacob said, smacking my shoulder as he came in. "Sorry about last time. I sort of lost my temper, you know?" He smiled winningly. "No offense, and all."

"None taken. I'm glad to see you're feeling better."

He shrugged. "I don't really get sick, at least not for long." He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of beer, and his smile told me he was challenging me.

I raised an eyebrow. "That may not be the wisest choice, Mr. Black. If you ever want your father to allow you over here again, you'll consider finding something else to drink."

Bella rolled her eyes at Jacob.

He smirked and put the beer back, taking a soda instead. "Big fan of these age laws, are you?" he asked me.

"Not really. I think they're fairly ridiculous, most of the time. However, I imagine your father would feel differently."

"How do you know?"

I smiled. So like Ephraim. "Far be it from me to speak for him. By all means, take the beer. The consequences are yours alone."

"How about we just don't tell him?" he grinned, cracking open his soda can and sitting down at the table next to me. He grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her onto his knee. The two of them looked very comfortable together, and it reminded me of Charlie's words earlier, how he had hoped that Bella and Jacob might have a relationship. I felt a twinge of jealousy over that thought now.

"We wouldn't need to tell him," I pointed out. "Your father has keen senses; he would smell it."

"Give it up, Jacob," Bella laughed. "You know Billy would freak out."

But Jacob wasn't ready to let it drop. "So your philosophy," he pressed, "is that it's okay to overlook certain laws as long as you don't get caught?"

"My philosophy is that certain laws are rather ridiculous, and as you're not intending to binge drink or drive while intoxicated, I can't see a good reason for denying you a beer," I smiled. "But I am not your father, and this is not my home. My opinion matters very little in this particular circumstance."

"So you think laws that protect kids are ridiculous?"

I smiled at his audacity. "I think laws that protect people from something they don't need protection from are ridiculous. Look at Europe. Most European nations have no restrictions on what age is proper for a person to consume alcohol privately, and I am unaware of any significant alcohol-related health issues that are experienced there. In fact, alcohol dependency is much more common here in the United States, where restrictive laws are standard."

"And what about other age-related laws?"

I folded my hands in my lap, smiling. I wasn't going to make this any easier for him than he was making it for me. "Such as?"

"Well, for instance, driving," he said. Apparently he was still working up to his real question. "Do you think I should be allowed to drive before I turn sixteen?"

"You're tall enough to see over the steering wheel. You're dextrous enough to handle a vehicle. You're responsible enough to care for a father with ailing health, and in fact his condition makes it all the more important for you to take on the task of driving. I see no reason why you should be restricted by a law."

He seemed pleased by my answer.

"You're not a child, Jacob. By fifteen I was apprenticed to learn a trade. My mother was married at that age."

Bella's jaw dropped. "Your mother was married at  _fifteen_?"

I nodded. "And Jacob, your great-grandfather was chief of his tribe at Bella's age."

He blinked in surprise. "How do you know that?"

"I find Quileute history fascinating."

Jacob and Bella exchanged stunned looks.

"Times change," I said, "but I don't believe that people really do. You're no less capable than your ancestor was, Jacob, and Bella has borne the burden of adulthood since she was very young. You won't find me treating either of you like children."

Bella poked Jacob's chest teasingly. "I guess he showed you," she grinned.

Jacob narrowed his eyes at me, but he couldn't keep the smile off of his face. "You just watch your step. I've got my eye on you."

I laughed out loud. "You and everyone else, Mr. Black. I'm afraid your entire tribe has me under the microscope."

Bella pushed off of his lap and moved to mine, leaning in for a kiss. "Sorry about my obnoxious best friend."

I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, and brushed her cheek affectionately. "Apologies are unnecessary. I respect a man who speaks his mind."

She laughed, propping her feet up on Jacob's lap and bridging the gap between us. "Then you and Jacob should get along pretty well."

Jacob smirked and raised his soda can to me before taking a drink.

Bella stroked her fingers through my hair, and I sighed softly, relishing the warmth of her caress.

"So Jacob, how did you get here?" Bella asked. "Did you steal a car or what?"

"Sam drove me. But he didn't want to wait around. He said he was going for a run."

Bella shivered. "I don't know how he can stand the cold."

Jacob just laughed, tickling her foot playfully. "We're not all from the Valley of the Sun, girl. I don't even notice the cold anymore."

"Well, it was nice of him to bring you. He seems like a good guy."

Jacob snorted derisively. "Yeah, he's a real prince."

"What?" Bella asked curiously. "What's that all about?"

He rolled his eyes. "You remember Leah Clearwater?"

"Yeah."

"Well, a year ago, she and Sam were together. The two of them were having some problems but they were working it out. Then Leah's cousin comes for a visit, and just like that, Sam drops Leah and all of a sudden he's engaged to her cousin."

Bella frowned. "Ouch."

I squeezed her knee, clearing my throat softly. "It's not terribly polite to speculate about Sam's relationships," I murmured.

Bella furrowed her brow. "How's Leah doing?"

Jacob shrugged. "Not so hot. She's pretty torn up about it."

"We should take her out," she said. "Go to a movie or something with her."

"That sounds fun," Jacob said, his fingers massaging her feet. "You want to go this weekend?"

"Yeah." She turned to me. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Of course not, sweetheart. I hope you have a good time."

"You could come if you wanted to."

Jacob glowered at me, and I just laughed and shook my head. "I'll bow out for this one," I told her, pressing a kiss behind her ear. "Have fun with your friends. But next weekend, I'm keeping you all to myself."

She ducked her head, coloring a little. "Are we still going somewhere?"

"If that's alright with you. I keep a cabin on the water in Vancouver. I thought we'd leave Wednesday night."

She chewed anxiously at her lip. "Do you mind if we're back by Sunday morning?"

"Not at all." I gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "I figured you wouldn't want to miss the visit with your father."

She smiled gratefully at me.

There was a knock at the front door, and Bella extracted her feet from Jacob's hands and moved to answer it. I heard her greet Sam, and after a moment the two of them appeared in the kitchen.

"Hey, Jake," Sam said, "we have to get home."

"We just got here."

He shrugged. "Sorry. I've got things I need to take care of."

"You can go," Bella said. "I'll run him home later."

Sam shook his head. "Sorry, no can do. We need to go."

Jacob scowled at him. "Don't be pushy, Sam. I'll be home later."

Sam sighed wearily. "Jacob, get in the car. I don't have time for this."

"No!" Jacob said, jerking out of his seat. "You may think you're hot shit because you're on the Council, but you're still just a self-absorbed prick."

"Jacob," Bella said softly, moving to his side. She tried to take his arm, but he shook free of her grasp and shoved her back. She stumbled and fell to the floor, giving him a shocked look.

I leapt to my feet. "Jacob, control yourself," I said sharply, moving to help Bella up.

He rounded on me, fury simmering in his eyes. "Oh,  _I'm_  the one who needs to control myself?" he yelled. Heat rolled off of him, and I saw him start to quiver.

"Shit," Sam hissed. He grabbed hold of Jacob's arm and I latched onto the other, dragging him toward the front door and out into the cool air.

"Jacob, get it together," Sam ordered. "Control the anger, don't let it control you."

"Get your fucking hands off of me!" He jerked free of Sam's grasp but he couldn't break my grip, and I got him to the car and pushed him inside.

"Jacob, you're a danger to Bella in this state," I told him urgently. "You need to go home and calm down."

Bella was watching us anxiously from the doorway. Jacob's eyes met hers, and he stopped fighting me. "Did I hurt her?" he asked sorrowfully.

"I don't believe so, but I don't want it going any farther. Go home."

He gave in, and I closed the car door. Sam was already inside, and he sped away, heading back toward La Push.

I moved back to Bella, drawing her back into the house.

"What's going on with him?" she asked.

I shook my head sadly, knowing my only excuse was worn awfully thin. "He's still exhibiting symptoms of the flu."

She stopped in the doorway to the den, not following me in. I glanced back at her to see her looking at me sadly. "Are you lying to me again?"

Her words were like a knife in my heart, and I winced against the pain that stabbed through me. I knew I couldn't deny it, but I couldn't tell her the truth either.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I said softly.

She looked at me for a moment, her eyes pleading with me for honesty, but I was incapable of giving her what she needed. As badly as I wanted her to know everything, it simply wasn't safe for her. I stood silently, unable to ease the hurt and confusion on her face. After a moment she turned away from me and left, her footsteps carrying her up to her bedroom, the door closing after her.


	48. Shattered

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bell Swan's Point of View**

Edward dropped his books on the table and took his seat next to me in Biology. "So how long are you going to keep him in the doghouse?"

I didn't even bother asking him how he knew I was mad at Carlisle. He always knew things that were none of his business. "How long is he going to keep lying to me?"

"I'd say, just about as long as you keep letting him."

I stopped in the middle of reaching for my book, not knowing if I should be offended by that comment. "Excuse me?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Seriously, Bella, I expected better from you."

"What do you mean?"

He sighed in exasperation. "How long have you known that the Chiropteritis story was bogus?"

I turned away from him, crossing my arms over my chest. "A couple of weeks."

"Uh huh. And in that time, have you seen Carlisle at all?"

"You know I have."

"You have," he agreed. "Every  _single_  day, Bella. So what, may I ask, have you two been talking about?"

I was feeling incredibly stupid . . . but how was I supposed to bring that up with him?  _So Carlisle, I Googled your phony little disease, and it turns out you're a liar. You want to tell me what that's about?_

I just shrugged.

"Why haven't you asked him about it?"

"I . . . just can't."

"Yes you can." He raised an eyebrow in challenge. "Bella, you call me on my crap all the time. You're perfectly capable of it."

I looked away. "You're different."

"How?"

I glowered at him. "I don't like you very much."

He laughed delightedly, his eyes sparkling. "See? You put me in my place, and you're adorable while you're doing it. Why can't you do that with Carlisle?"

Thankfully, the bell rang, and Mr. Banner started class. I turned my attention pointedly to the front of the room.

Edward leaned close, whispering in my ear. "I'll let you think about it, but this conversation is not over."

Over the rest of the afternoon, I tried very hard  _not_  to think about it. I buried myself in my Biology work, ignoring the looks that Edward shot me during class. When the Biology was done, I pulled out my other homework and started on that.

Edward, surprisingly, let me get away with it. I might have thought he had let it go, but as we were leaving the classroom he dropped an arm over my shoulder. "We're not done," he said in a sing-song voice, then kissed my cheek quickly and headed off to his next class.

Gym was a mess . . . so no change there. I couldn't focus on what I was doing and I fell three times, but everyone was so used to it that they just ignored me. Coach Clapp didn't even bother telling me to walk it off anymore. It was embarrassing, though, and it made me forget about Edward's interrogation until I was heading to my truck after school. Alice usually waited for me these days, and came to hang out with me after school, but today it was Edward leaning against the door of my truck.

I bit my lip anxiously. I unlocked the door for him and let him in, then climbed behind the wheel.

"So?" he said. "Do you have an answer yet?"

"To what?"

"Carlisle lied to you, Bella. And you know he did."

"You lie to me all the time."

"Yeah," he nodded. "That's my point. I lie to you, and you call me to the carpet for it. Why don't you do the same thing with Carlisle?"

I looked away, starting my truck and focusing on pulling out of the parking lot.

"Bella?"

"You know, you've got a lot of nerve," I snapped at him. "You pushed and pushed until the two of us started . . . I don't know, whatever it is we're doing—and now you're trying to drive a wedge between us? What kind of a person does that?"

He drew back, looking hurt. "Bella . . . ." He stared at me. "I'm not trying to drive a wedge between you."

"Then what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to figure out where your backbone disappears to when you're with my father."

I flinched, stung by his words. "I'm sorry I can't be like you, Edward," I snapped.

"I'm not asking you to be like me, I'm asking you to be like  _you_. You're not the kind of person who just lets someone railroad you like that."

"Says the guy who's constantly trying to."

"Exactly.  _Trying_. Bella, you don't let  _me_ , so why do you let  _him_?"

"I don't let you?" I demanded. "Maybe you don't quite remember how you never tell me the truth about  _anything_."

He paused. "Don't I?"

I flicked a glance at him, then stared out at the road again.

"I told you about Alice, didn't I? About what she sees? And I told you how Carlisle felt about you. And I told you to ask Jacob why we couldn't go to the Reservation. If I couldn't give you a straight answer, Bella, I at least tried to get you to it."

"You're congratulating yourself for making me ask Jacob about some ridiculous superstition of his father's?"

Edward shifted uncomfortably in his seat, staring out the window. "Right," he muttered. "Superstition."

My intuition was flickering, tugging annoyingly at my consciousness. Why did Edward take the Quileute legends so seriously, when he obviously knew they were unfounded? They were unfounded, weren't they? I mean, of course they were . . . so why was he looking so solemn?

I pulled my truck up in front of my house and climbed out, slamming my door after me.

"Bella, I'm still waiting for an answer," Edward said, trailing after me.

"What are you expecting, Edward?" I fumbled with the door lock and shoved into the house. I tossed my keys on the table by the door and stormed up the stairs, Edward following close behind me. "You want me to say I'm a complete idiot when it comes to him?" I yelled. "You want me to tell you that every minute I'm with him feels like borrowed time?" I spun around to face him. "You want me to tell you that I know he's completely crazy to want to be with me, and as soon as this . . .  _whatever_  this is . . . gets at all hard, I know he's going to bail?"

There were tears in my eyes when I finished, and I spun away from him, stomping into my bedroom. I threw my backpack on the bed and sprawled out next to it, burying my face in my pillow.

I heard Edward's light step on the floor as he moved slowly into the room, and I felt the mattress shift as he sat down next to me. I swallowed hard, unable to keep the hot tears from seeping from my eyes, but determined to hold back the sobs. I forced myself to breathe deeply into my pillow, struggling to compose myself.

I felt Edward's cool hand on my back, rubbing soothing circles. "Is that what you think is happening here? That Carlisle is just messing around with you?"

I couldn't answer him. If I spoke, I would break down. I couldn't break down. I couldn't show just how desperate I was to have Carlisle love me, not even to Edward. Not even when he already knew. If I never admitted it, maybe it wouldn't destroy me when Carlisle left.

"Hey. Bella, look at me." He tried to nudge me onto my side, but I refused to move. "Listen, you have to understand something about Carlisle. He doesn't just play with people. In fact, he has never, in his entire life, had a relationship with a woman."

The lump in my throat eased slightly.

"He's had plenty of offers. I've seen the most incredible women throw themselves at him, trying to get him to look their way. But he doesn't pay them the slightest bit of attention." He stroked my hair affectionately. "The first time he has ever even really looked at a woman was when he met you that day at the hospital."

I wanted to slap him for making up something so ridiculous. I turned on my side and glared at him. "Knock it off, Edward."

He frowned. "What?"

"I'm tired of you lying to me. Don't make this out to be something it's not."

"Something it's not?" He hesitated. "Bella . . . do you not feel the same way about him?"

I turned back into my pillow, burying my face again.

He was silent for a moment before speaking again. "No," he said. "No way. Look at this, you've framed both of the pictures I've given you of him, and you keep them here by your bed. You  _slept_  with the book he lent you." His voice was pained and uncertain. "I'm not buying it, Bella. You love him, I know you do."

I wrapped my arms tighter around my pillow.

"Isabella Swan,  _please_  tell me you're not just playing games with my father."

I shook my head. As hard as it was to admit my feelings, I couldn't stand for him to believe something so utterly sacrilegious. "I love him," I choked, my words muffled by my pillow.

He sighed, sounding relieved. "That's what I thought," he breathed. "So, what, do you not realize that Carlisle loves you?"

I wanted to. His words from the previous morning kept slipping through my mind.  _For excess of Love my Love is dumb._  I wanted him to mean them. I wanted those words to be more than just a poem he had picked out of the first book he came across. I wanted to believe that he hadn't told me that he needed me the way I needed him, because he needed me too much.

 _Ridiculous_.

"Please talk to me."

I rolled onto my side, tears streaming onto my pillow. "I'm scared, Edward," I choked out. "I love him. I couldn't stand it if he left me."

Edward brushed a tear from my cheek with his thumb. "So let me get this straight. You won't take Carlisle to task because you're afraid that if you make your relationship at all challenging for him, he'll end it?"

I sat up, pulling my legs up to my chest, and nodded.

"That's stupid."

I looked away, wiping furiously at my tears. "Thanks a lot, Edward," I muttered. "You're a real pal."

"Listen," he said, "Carlisle is close to everyone in my family. He loves them like crazy, and so do I. But he's not as close to any of them as he his to me, and none of them drive him half as crazy as I do."

I gnawed at my lip.

"You remember that friend of his I told you about, Ephraim?"

I nodded.

"Ephraim was even worse than I am. He  _never_  let up. He was constantly challenging Carlisle over one thing or another, and Carlisle  _loved_  it. I've never seen him hurt so bad over losing someone, and Carlisle has lost a  _lot_  of friends in his lifetime."

My heart tightened in my chest for the loss he had suffered. Even when I was supposed to be mad at him, I was still completely wrapped up in him.

"And your friend Jacob? I mean, he doesn't exactly avoid the tough issues, you know? And Carlisle thinks he's all that and a bag of chips."

"What's your point, Edward?" I asked impatiently, tired of being lectured.

"My point is that challenging Carlisle doesn't push him away. It draws him in." He reached out and tugged gently at a lock of my hair. "He's already fascinated with you, Bella. You want to seal the deal? Quit letting him lie to you. Push him until he doesn't have any choice but to tell you the truth."

I stared at him, trying to believe he was right. "I have homework," I blurted out.

"No you don't. You finished it in Biology when you were trying to avoid talking to me."

I glowered at him. "I didn't finish all of it."

"All right." He laughed. "We'll pretend to do some homework while you mull over what you're going to say to Carlisle."

"Thank you." I didn't bother to admit that he was almost exactly right. I kicked off my sneakers and tugged off my socks, tossing them in the hamper. I could only stall for so long, though, and eventually it would be pretty obvious that I didn't have much to do. I pulled out my Trigonometry book and did the whole three problems I hadn't finished, and then I just sat there staring at the book, trying to figure out how to handle this situation.

Honestly, having it out with Carlisle seemed a lot better than sitting around waiting for him to come to me. I had spent the entire previous night in my bedroom, clutching our photograph to my chest, wishing he would somehow make it better. And this morning, I had spent all of breakfast avoiding his eyes, unable to return his pleasantries. I couldn't keep going like this. I needed to address the problem.

Stupid Edward. I hated it when he was right.

I pulled out a sheet of notebook paper and started making a list of questions. Why did he invent Chiropteritis? What was it, really, that caused the golden eyes and pale skin? Why didn't the Quileutes like him? Why didn't he want me to know? What was going on with Jacob that he wouldn't tell me about?

Edward read over my shoulder as I wrote one question after another. Carlisle and I were going to have to have a very long talk.

When I finished, Edward nodded approvingly. "Add one more question," he said.

"Okay." I looked at him, waiting for him to tell me what it was.

He reached over and plucked my pen from my hand, and in handwriting that perfectly mimicked my own, he wrote, "What happened to Rosalie?"

I looked up at him. "Something happened to her?"

He nodded. "I wish Rosalie would take the time to get to know you. But she's scared you'll make her remember things she would rather forget."

I felt a twinge of rejection. "Why?"

He shrugged, not meeting my gaze. "It's not fair for me to be the one to answer your questions."

"Why not?"

He hesitated. "That's a story for another day. For now, focus on setting things right with Carlisle."

"You're being evasive," I said accusingly.

He smiled sadly. "I know. It's easier for me to share my family's secrets than it is for me to share my own."

I considered forcing the issue, but after a moment I decided he was right. I had enough on my plate with trying to talk to Carlisle. I sighed. "I guess I should start dinner," I said. "Do you want to stay, or is my cooking too repulsive for your oh-so-refined tastes?"

He chuckled softly. "I'm sure it's fine. I'll help you."

I stuffed my list of questions in my back pocket and the two of us headed downstairs. I started chopping broccoli for a vegetarian lasagne, but Edward stepped in and took the knife from me. "I'll chop. I'm not sure you can be trusted with a knife."

"You're very funny," I said dryly, moving to put some lasagne noodles on the stove to boil.

We worked together for a little while, Edward stubbornly insisting on doing any work that required a sharp object. He wouldn't even let me grate cheese. But he worked fast, so I didn't protest too much. His company was kind of a nice change of pace from Alice's. I loved the girl, but she had never met a silence she couldn't fill. Edward was content to just be quiet sometimes.

My stomach did a little lurch when I heard Carlisle's car pull up in front of the house. When the key turned in the lock, my knees buckled, and I barely kept myself upright.

Edward moved up behind me, rubbing my shoulders soothingly. "Just relax, Bella. It'll be fine."

I nodded and turned to the cupboard, drawing out some plates and starting to set the table. My hands shook so badly I could hardly hold onto them.

Carlisle entered the kitchen, loosening his tie. "Edward, Bella," he said, nodding to each of us."

"What's up, old man?" Edward asked, hopping up onto the counter.

"I'm surprised to see you here," Carlisle told him, eyeing him warily.

He shrugged. "I had some meddling to do."

Carlisle raised a warning eyebrow at him, but said nothing.

Edward started to say something, but then stopped his brow furrowing. He cocked his head to the side, and a curious smile came across his face. "Well, what do you know?" he said softly.

"What is it?" Carlisle asked him.

"Sam has a friend he'd like to introduce to us."

"Really?" Carlisle asked, looking surprised and intrigued. "Who is it?"

Edward concentrated for a moment. "What's the lineage?" he asked.

Carlisle waited, seemingly uninterested in answering Edward's unusual question. But after a moment, Edward seemed to answer it himself. "Billy's cousin's son, Jared."

"From the Black line then?"

Edward nodded, smiling. "Fantastic. I wonder about Jacob . . . and whether the Ateara line is still active."

Carlisle glanced up at me. "Speaking of Jacob, I spoke to his father this morning, and he's feeling much better. Once again, his symptoms disappeared as soon as he got home. His father has decided to keep him home this weekend, however, so your plans with Leah will have to be postponed."

"Okay," I said, a little disappointed. I had been looking forward to going out.

Edward cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows pointedly at me, reminding me that I was supposed to be asking Carlisle questions. I turned quickly back to the cupboard, pulling out glasses to put on the table. My hands shook wildly, though, and one of them slipped to the floor and shattered. I stumbled back, startled, and my foot fell onto a jagged piece of glass.

I winced in pain, squatting down to pull the bit of glass from my heel, when I heard Carlisle yell Edward's name, followed by a feral growl. I looked up, stunned, to see Edward leaping toward me, his teeth bared in a terrifying snarl.

Carlisle was between us in an instant, and Edward collided with him in a sound altogether  _wrong_. The crash of stone against stone rang through the kitchen, closely followed by the shattering of glass as I dropped the other two cups, and then the splintering of wood as Carlisle threw Edward across the room and he crashed into the wall. It collapsed against the force, leaving a gaping hole.

Edward came at me again, and for a moment everything was just a blur of motion while Carlisle tried to hold him back.

I was too shocked to make any sense of what was happening. I looked from Carlisle and Edward to the trickle of blood that trailed from my foot where the shard was still embedded in my skin. I pulled it out and stared at the red-stained glass.

_Vampires._

Terror crashed over me, and I dropped the shard. I wanted to run away, but there was broken glass all over the floor. Would I make it worse if I bled more?

Suddenly I was yanked off of my feet, wrapped in a pair of cold arms, and with a speed that turned my stomach, I was rushed out the back door into the falling night.

"Sam, help me!"

It was Carlisle's voice that yelled the words, Carlisle's arms that held me against him. I looked into his face, tight with tension, and could only think one word.

_Vampire._

I might have screamed, had everything not suddenly gotten exponentially worse. I saw movement out of my peripheral vision, and looked just in time to see two enormous animals come running in from the woods. At first I thought they were bears, a huge black one, and the second a deep brown, but as they leapt at us, it occurred to me that they were canine. Wolves. Giant ones.

I winced, waiting for impact, but only felt a rush of air as the wolves soared overhead and crashed to the ground behind us. I looked at them, trying to keep my eyes on them as Carlisle spun around to face them. The brown beast had Edward pinned to the ground, and he writhed in agony beneath them, his fingers clawing at his throat.

"Sam," he croaked desperately. "Help me. Please."

The black wolf sunk his teeth into Edward's arm, and he cried out in pain. The brown did the same with his other arm, and the two animals started loping toward the trees again, awkwardly pulling him along with them. Edward didn't even try to struggle against them. He just scratched at his throat, still squirming in pain.

"Edward," I whispered, not knowing whether I was more afraid  _of_  him or  _for_  him.

Carlisle stood calmly, watching them go, his face twisted in a look of devastation.

"Carlisle!" I gasped. "Edward. . . ."

"I won't let him hurt you," Carlisle murmured, still staring into the trees.

I wriggled from his arms and stumbled away from him, staring at the man who had just watched his son be dragged away by animals and had done nothing to stop them. He turned his sad, golden eyes on me.

"Bella," he murmured placatingly.

_Vampire._

I ran. Having seen the display of speed from them only moments ago, it probably should have occurred to me that running was pointless, but I did it anyway. I darted back into the house, running on my toes so my sore heel wouldn't slow me down, and snatched my keys up off the table by the door. I fled the house, escaping to my truck, and fired the engine. Carlisle appeared in the doorway of the house as I shifted into gear and pulled away as fast as my aged truck would allow. He looked sad, and his expression tore at my heart.

I tried to shove the pain away. I couldn't think about that. I couldn't think about anything. This had to be some kind of nightmare I was caught in—the world wasn't really like this.

I didn't realize until I was halfway to La Push that I was running to Jacob. He needed to know what his father knew. He needed to believe that the legends had at least some grain of truth. Because whether the Cullens walked in the sunlight or not, whether they shrank from crosses and garlic or not, they were animals of the most terrifying kind.

And blood made them crazy.

_Edward._

He was my friend. I had cared about him, and he had been so fun and so supportive. Was he dead now? Was it quick? Or was he lying somewhere in agony, the life slowly draining out of him?

Was Carlisle still ignoring his son?

I shook my head, trying to make my thoughts go away. Edward had tried to kill me, but I still hurt for him, still found myself sobbing over the thought of never seeing him again. And Carlisle . . . I couldn't understand that kind of coldness and cruelty. But he had protected me, and even if he hadn't, I knew I could never make myself stop loving him.

There may have been something fundamentally wrong with the world, but there was something just as wrong with me.

I was relieved when I finally reached the Blacks' house. Jacob would make the confusion go away. Jacob could always make me forget.

I stumbled out of the car, wincing as I moved across the rocky ground in front of the house. I hurried up the path and knocked on the door, and after a moment it was pulled open.

I had expected to see Jacob, or possibly Billy, but it was Old Quil who opened the door. His smile turned quickly to a concerned frown.

"Bella? Are you alright?"

"I need to see Jacob," I said shakily, wiping impatiently at the tears that were clouding my eyes.

Quil glanced uneasily back into the house. "Now's not the best time, I'm afraid. Jacob has been a bit under the weather."

I knew it was rude, but I had to see him, sick or not. I pushed past Quil and darted into the small house.

Jacob was in the kitchen with Billy, no doubt cooking up some crazy sugary concoction. He raised his head when I came in and put down whatever he was doing, coming to me.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked, enfolding me in a hug.

His skin was burning hot, and I clung to him, welcoming the relief from the cold.

"You're freezing," Jacob observed.

Was that why he felt so warm to me?

"How come you're not wearing a jacket? Or . . . shoes?"

"Jacob," I hiccupped. "Edward . . . and Carlisle. . . ."

"What?" he asked, concern in his voice. "What did they do?"

"Bella," Billy said sharply, wheeling himself in from the kitchen. "Now is not a good time."

"Dad, what's wrong with you? She's upset."

"You're sick, Jacob," Old Quil said.

"I feel fine."

I pulled back and looked him over carefully. "Are you okay?"

He waved away my concern, looking annoyed. "I'm sort of feverish and shaky, is all. Nothing bad."

Billy wheeled up next to us, giving me a stern look. "I'm sorry, Bella, you need to go. Jacob can't have visitors right now."

I looked at Billy, hurt by his words. He had never asked me to leave before. He had never made me feel the least bit unwelcome.

"Stop it!" Jacob yelled at him. "She's my friend, and she can be here if she wants!" He was so furious that I could feel him shaking.

"Bella, Billy, get back," Old Quil ordered loudly.

Billy complied immediately, rolling back into the kitchen, but I clung to Jacob. I needed him. His trembling intensified, though, and I wondered if Jacob's illness was more serious than he was letting on.

Suddenly a hand clamped around my arm, and with a strength that belied his age, Old Quil yanked me away from Jacob and dragged me swiftly out the front door.

"Stop!" Jacob yelled. He stomped furiously after us into the cold night air.

I turned to look back at him, to tell him to go in and go to bed, but as my eyes fell on him, he suddenly stopped. I watched his face clench in pain, watched his shoulders hunch, and he seemed to grow. No, he  _was_  growing. Quickly. There was a sound of tearing fabric, a shimmer of heat-laden air, and where Jacob had been a moment before was now a huge, red-brown wolf, even larger than the ones I had seen before.

Or maybe I was just closer.

Old Quil released my arm and jumped between me and the growling wolf. "Jacob," he said evenly, "you need to control your anger before it controls you."

I gaped at the monster.  _Jacob?_

The wolf suddenly winced and cowered away from us, whimpering softly.

"No," I whispered. I stumbled back and turned, running away again. I rushed to my truck and climbed in, turning it on and once again pulling away as fast as I could. I turned the truck back toward Forks, but I knew I couldn't go home. Carlisle might still be waiting, and Edward . . . Edward wouldn't be. I bypassed the town and headed toward the only other place I could think of. I needed Charlie. He may have left me hurting before, but he was safer than . . . than everything else.

I shook my head, wishing I could just stop  _thinking._  I turned on the radio and cranked up the volume, trying to make the music drown out my thoughts. Music was safe. The radio was safe. I would go to Charlie; he was safe.

By the time I got to Port Angeles, I still hadn't woken up from my nightmare. I found Daybreak easily, but nearly cried when I saw that the main offices were darkened. The polite receptionist I saw every Sunday wasn't sitting at the desk behind the glass double doors.

I choked back a sob as I scrambled out of my truck and ran to the doors. I tried to open them, knowing they would be locked, but yanking at them anyway. "No!" I screamed. "Daddy!" I released the door handles and pounded on the glass. "Daddy, help me!" I cried. I slammed my fists into the unyielding glass, willing it to shatter and let me in, shuddering at the memory of a small blood-stained shard falling to the kitchen floor.

A few minutes of banging and yelling left me exhausted and hoarse. I sagged against the door, sobbing convulsively, and sank to the ground. I huddled against the cold, smooth glass, reminded overpoweringly of the way it felt to tuck myself against Carlisle's chest. I shuddered at the thought, but I couldn't bring myself to move. I pressed my cheek to the glass, shivering violently, wishing I could make everything go away. I wanted nothing more than to turn back the clock to this afternoon, when Edward was helping me make dinner, before everything went so very, very wrong.

"Daddy," I whispered, desperate for him to hear me. "I need you."


	49. We Used To Be Friends

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Watching Bella run from me may well have been the most painful experience of my life. Knowing that she was better off for it only hurt that much worse.

I followed her as long as I could, keeping to the trees and staying out of sight, just making sure she was all right. When she crossed into Quileute territory, however, I knew it was time to let her go and see if Sam needed help with Edward.

I turned back, sprinting to the woods behind Bella's house. I followed Sam's scent several miles back into the trees, to where the air blew clear and the smell of Bella's blood no longer drifted on the breeze.

I heard the wolves before I saw them. One of them paced anxiously around the forest floor, but as I approached, the other tore off through the trees, heading west toward La Push. After another moment I arrived at a small clearing. The brown wolf crouched, ready to spring, but I ignored him. Edward sat slumped against a tree opposite me, his hands gripping his messy hair. I strode over to him, stopping a couple of feet away.

Edward. He caused this. He made Bella afraid of me.

His head came up, his eyes tortured. "Carlisle," he choked. "I'm so sorry."

I stared coldly down at him. I could summon no sympathy for the man, not after watching him try to kill my girl.

"Please," he whispered. "I love her, you know I do. I've hunted every night, I barely breathe when I'm with her, I've done everything I could to keep her safe."

His pleading couldn't penetrate the coldness that had settled in my chest. "You spent the afternoon with her?" I asked tightly.

He nodded hesitantly.

"Alone?"

His face crumpled. "Carlisle. . . ."

"You were alone?" I demanded again.

He swallowed hard. "Yes."

"Had she dropped that glass five minutes earlier, she would be dead," I said icily.

He gripped his hair hard, burying his face in his knees. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice shuddering. "I'm so sorry."

I stared at him a few moments longer. Edward—my son, my friend, and my first real companion in this life.

"I want you out," I said softly.

He raised his head, devastation on his face. "What?"

"Pack your things tonight. I want you gone by sunrise."

"No, please," he begged. "I won't go near her again, I swear. I'll stop coming here, I'll quit school." His eyes begged for leniency. "Please, don't make me leave."

"There's no place for you here," I said flatly. "I want you out of Forks."

"No." It wasn't Edward who answered, but Jasper. He was running toward the clearing, and I looked back over my shoulder, awaiting his arrival. "You're not making any decisions like this, Carlisle." He appeared through the trees and stopped by my side, watching the wolf warily from the corner of his eye. "You need to cool off and get your head figured out first."

"Jasper," I nodded curtly to him. "I expected Alice."

"Yeah, well, I'm calling her as soon as I figure out where things stand with you. Seems Sam messes with her all-seeing eye." He turned to the wolf and nodded. "I assume that's you?"

It was all I could do to pull myself together enough to show common courtesy and introduce them. "Jasper, this is Jared," I said softly. "And Jared, I'm Carlisle, and of course you've met Edward." I gestured to him, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. "I'm sorry we had to meet under such unpleasant circumstances."

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "There are two?"

I nodded.

Jasper looked down at Edward, who was still hunched against the tree. "Edward, go home. You and Esme take the night and go somewhere to settle your nerves."

He shook his head. "I need to talk to Bella."

"No!" I snapped. "You'll not go anywhere near her."

"She's gone to La Push," Jasper added. "You can't see her anyway."

"I'm so sorry, Carlisle," Edward whispered, agony in his voice.

I closed my eyes, wishing I could shut out the image of Bella's face just before she ran from me. I would never forget her fear. I would never forgive myself for knowingly allowing her to be with Edward when I knew what she was to him.

I would ache for her the rest of my life.

Jasper's phone rang, and he pulled it from his pocket. "Alice?"

Her voice was frantic. "Bella just disappeared! I don't know what happened, one minute I was watching her with Jacob and the next she was gone."

"Sam went back to La Push," I said softly.

"Yeah, darlin', there's a second wolf now," Jasper said, scratching the back of his head uneasily. "So there's one with us, helping us keep an eye on Edward, I guess, and there's one back in La Push now. So maybe that's why you can't see Bella; he must be close to her."

"Oh, thank god," Alice breathed. "What's happening with Edward?"

Jasper sighed. "Guilt," he said. "Plus Carlisle's head is a mess, and our new wolf friend over here pretty much just wants to kill us all. So I'm thinking it's about time to wrap this up."

"Jasper?" Alice said, her voice anxious again. "She's leaving La Push, and she's  _really_  upset. She's . . . not going home. She's going to Port Angeles to try to see Charlie."

"How's that working out?"

Alice sighed. "She's going to freeze to death if somebody doesn't go get her."

Jasper grunted. "Well, make some decisions and figure out who she'll react to the best."

"Okay, hang on."

Jasper gave me a look. "Get ready for this, Carlisle. If Alice pulls your name out of the hat, you're going after her. And you're going to have to come up with something to say."

I shook my head sadly. "I won't force my company on her."

"You will if Alice tells you to," Jasper said firmly. "I'm not hearing any arguments."

I didn't matter. I had no doubt she wouldn't want to see me.

Alice sighed in frustration. "I can't see how it's going to go with Carlisle, whether because he's too stubborn to go or because Bella doesn't know how she'll react to him, I don't know. But it's not looking all that good for the rest of us either."

Jasper frowned. "What about Jacob?"

"No," I said sharply. "He's too close to phasing. It puts her at risk to be near him."

"I have a couple of ideas I want to try out," Alice said. "I'll think of something, I promise."

"Alright," Jasper said. "We'll wait on your order. I'll get things wrapped up here and be home in a few minutes." He hung up the phone and sighed. "Come on, Edward, let's get going."

Edward stared into space, shaking his head. "I almost killed her, Jasper."

"I know," he said, and I could hear the sympathy in his voice.

"Jasper," I said sharply. " _Don't_  make this easier for him."

He shot me a displeased glance. "I'm not, Carlisle. But you need to back the hell off. You didn't work Emmett over this hard when he slipped up with his singers, and you've never been this rough on me when I've lost control."

I started to snap at him, but he held up a hand. "I know, I get it. She's your girl, and nobody messes with your girl. But she's fine because you did your job. You looked after her."

Jasper looked back at Edward and nudged him with his shoe. "On your feet, boy. You're going home to Esme."

Edward started to stand, but Jared growled hostilely, and he sank back onto the ground.

Jasper raised his eyebrow at the wolf. "Problem?"

Edward sighed. "He doesn't think you'll be able to keep control of me."

Jasper fixed the wolf with a lazy stare. "While I certainly understand your concern, I should remind you that your territory is the Reservation. We don't go there for exactly this reason—sometimes there are accidents. But you boys are out of you jurisdiction here, regardless of the situation."

Edward rubbed a hand over his forehead. "He's pointing out that we didn't have a problem accepting their help earlier."

"And if there was any danger, we would ask for it again," Jasper said, unmoved. "We'll bring Bella home, and Edward will take Esme out of town for a day or two until things settle down. And of course, since we understand that Bella is important to your chief's boy, we don't mind if you want to stick close and keep an eye on things."

"He says he doesn't answer to you," Edward muttered.

"Maybe not," Jasper drawled, "but we all answer to the treaty. This is open territory, and we'll decide how to handle ourselves on this side of the line."

The wolf growled in discontent, but backed up a couple of steps.

Jasper looked down at Edward and kicked him sharply. "Get your ass off the ground. I'm not going to ask you again."

Edward hauled himself to his feet, and Jasper put a hand on his shoulder in a gesture of solidarity.

"Carlisle, coming or staying?"

I rubbed a tired hand over my eyes. "I'll stay near her house. I want to make sure she's all right."

Jasper nodded and he and Edward headed off through the trees.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Jared, I can't thank you enough for your intervention tonight."

He responded with a low growl.

"I apologize if Jasper rubbed you the wrong way. I know he can be somewhat abrupt. He lived a long time in a very militant coven."

Jared began pacing around the clearing again, and I sighed and straightened. "I'm moving closer to the house to wait for her. You're welcome to join me if you'd like." I didn't wait for an answer, but started through the trees, moving at a relatively slow jog. After a few moments I heard him start after me, keeping pace with me but not bothering to catch up.

Within a few minutes I was close enough to the house to hear the sounds of Rosalie cleaning up inside. I stopped, staring toward the break in the trees and clasping my hands behind my back.

"Thank you, Rosalie," I said softly.

She hurriedly finished scrubbing the blood from the floor and then headed out to join me. She grabbed me up in a hard hug, holding me tightly for several minutes, and I leaned my forehead on her shoulder, grateful for her support.

After a while she stepped back, but she laced her fingers through mine and held my hand tightly. "I'll come back and fix the wall tomorrow while she's at school."

I nodded. "I appreciate that."

"She'll be alright," she said, rubbing her hand up and down my arm. "Alice will take care of her."

I nodded, feeling ill. It shouldn't be Alice taking care of her, it should be me. I should be the one going after her and bringing her home.

But she was afraid of me.

"I know," I said softly.

She took a deep breath. "Carlisle . . . were we wrong? Was  _I_  wrong?"

I pulled her closer to me, slipping an arm around her waist. "I don't know. I suppose it was a bit optimistic to assume I could interact with her so closely and still keep the secret."

She nodded, staring through the trees. "So now," she said tentatively, "she's in danger from us, from the wolves, from the Volturi, from her father, and from her step-father."

I closed my eyes against the grim picture she painted. "Yes. I think that roughly sums it up."

She was silent for a long time. It was nearly an hour later that she finally spoke again. "This changes things, Carlisle. I think . . . you have to listen to Edward now. I think you have to let her choose."

I rubbed her shoulder affectionately. "I may not have the opportunity. I'm not sure she'll speak to me again." I stared sadly at the house. "This may be the end of my allotted time with Bella."

My chest ached at the thought. I had always known my time interacting with her would be brief. I had hoped I would have a little longer with her . . . but then, I would always hope it could have been longer. My craving for her would never be satisfied.

"I hope it's not," Rosalie said softly. "I don't want you to be alone anymore."


	50. The Sound of Settling

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I didn't know how long I stayed on the ground, curled up against the glass door, but I knew I was in pain. The cold stung my fingers and toes and left me shivering violently. But the ache in my chest still outweighed the pain caused by the cold, and I couldn't make myself leave.

Not that there was anywhere to go.

I didn't notice the white Suburban that pulled into the parking lot until the driver was out of the car and striding toward me. I looked up, praying it was someone with keys to the building who could let me in to see Charlie, and if my jaw hadn't been clenched with cold it would have dropped.

"Bella?" Mike Newton approached me, crouching down in front of me. "Are you okay?"

I couldn't answer him. I was too cold . . . and I was definitely not okay.

Mike shrugged out of his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders, having to physically pull me away from the door to do it. The coat was warm from his body heat, and I doubted that I had ever felt anything so wonderful.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked.

I tugged his coat around me, trying to trap in the warmth. I couldn't even think about why he was here, I just wanted to stop shivering so badly.

"Come on, Bella, you're going to get sick." He held out his hand to me. I looked at it, but if I were to reach out and put my hand in his, it would push the coat open and let in the icy air. I didn't move.

Mike gave me an odd look, but then stood and bent down, hoisting me into his arms. I huddled against his chest, absorbing the heat that radiated from him. He carried me back to his Suburban, helping me get settled into the passenger seat before rounding the car and climbing in behind the wheel. He fired the engine and cranked the heater up as high as it would go.

"Are you hurt?" he asked. "Do you need to go to a hospital?"

I shook my head, hoping that the motion wouldn't be mistaken for a particularly violent shiver.

Mike reached over to me and turned me toward him, pulling my feet into his lap. He rubbed them between his hands, warming them with friction and with his body heat.

It felt wonderful.

The car's climate control did it's job well, and we were soon surrounded in blessed clouds of warmth. It was several minutes, though, before it penetrated deeply enough that I was able to stop shivering. Mike sat silently until my trembling stopped, not asking me any more questions until the shaking subsided. When I had finally recovered from the cold, he released my feet and I pulled my knees up to my chest.

"What happened?" he asked gently.

I shook my head, looking away. "Bad day." My voice was still a little raw from screaming to be let into the building.

His eyes roamed over me, looking for some clues to what I wasn't telling him. "I'll take you home," he said, finding nothing.

"No!" I shook my head quickly. "I can't go home."

"Why not?"

I shrank back against the door, tugging his coat around me. I didn't want to think about why.

"Where's your dad?" Mike asked me when I didn't answer him.

I glanced at the building we were parked in front of and then away again.

"Oh," Mike said, but it took a moment for him to realize exactly what that meant. " _Oh_."

I huddled against the car door, hoping he wouldn't ask me any more questions about Charlie.

"Well, we can't stay here. What about . . . Edward?" He said the name reluctantly.

 _Edward._  A spasm of pain rocked through my chest, mingled with fear and dread.

"He's gone," I choked.

Mike eyed me carefully, but decided not to pursue that line of questioning. "Okay. Well, listen, why don't you come back to my house tonight? I'm sure I can convince my parents to let you stay for the night, and then we'll figure out what to do about all this in the morning."

Relief washed through me and tears stung my eyes. I wouldn't have to go home, or go to La Push. Mike was shouldering the burden tonight. I pushed myself away from the door I was huddled against and leaned across the space between us, hugging him tightly. His arms came around me and he pulled my head down on his shoulder, stroking my hair lightly.

"It's okay, Bella," he said as tears started to roll down my cheeks again. "I'm here for you."

"Thank you," I whispered, drawing back.

Mike caught my hand and gave it a squeeze before pulling on his seatbelt and starting the drive back home. He called his parents on the way, explaining that I needed a place to stay tonight, and wheedling them until they relented and allowed it. He didn't mention Daybreak, and I appreciated it.

I didn't pay much attention to where Mike was headed as he pulled into the Forks city limits, at least until he turned onto my street and pulled the Suburban up in front of my house.

I froze, staring at the darkened structure.

"Mike," I said, fighting down the panic, "I can't—"

"I just thought we'd get you some things," he said. "You know, a change of clothes, a toothbrush . . . some shoes."

I shuddered. I didn't want to go into the house.

"We'll be quick," he promised. "In and out."

Would Carlisle be waiting inside? His car wasn't parked out front anymore . . . maybe he had gone home. Alice would know I had come back here though. Would she be waiting?

Mike got out of the car, and I reluctantly followed him. He grabbed my hand as we headed to the door, but released it once we got inside.

Paranoia gripped me, and I moved through the downstairs rooms, turning on the lights and scanning them for anyone who might be waiting. Mike watched me, puzzled, but didn't say anything until we got to the kitchen.

"Holy shit," he said, looking at the damaged wall. "What happened there, Bella?"

_Edward tried to kill me._

I turned away quickly and headed anxiously upstairs, searching all of those rooms as well. I was particularly nervous checking Charlie's room, but the door stood open and the lights were out, leaving no evidence that anyone was inside. A look inside confirmed it.

Carlisle wasn't here.

I tried to shake off the empty feeling inside of me as I moved to my room and pulled out a duffel bag. I hurriedly stuffed some clothes inside it, then tugged on a pair of sneakers and grabbed a few necessities from the bathroom. As soon as I had everything together, I rushed back downstairs with Mike following behind me. I pushed out the door, not bothering to lock it, and climbed back into Mike's truck.

He got in with me, and I was grateful that he didn't linger. He just started the engine and pulled away from the house, heading toward his own.

His parents were in the living room watching television when we got there. They both stood as we entered and introduced themselves to me.

"I hope you don't mind the couch," Mrs. Newton said apologetically.

I shook my head. "It's fine. I really appreciate this."

"Um, we're going to . . . go do some homework," Mike said, gesturing toward a hallway leading off the entry area. He took my arm and guided me away from his parents to a room down the hall. "This is my room," he said, gesturing awkwardly. "Go ahead and make yourself comfortable. I just need to grab something."

He moved off to a bathroom at the end of the hall and I stepped into his room, shrugging my duffel bag off of my shoulder and dropping it on the floor by his bed. I glanced around at the sports posters on the wall and the collection of trophies on a shelf over his bed. I occurred to me that he and Charlie would probably get along well. I could imagine the two of them watching a game together, arguing rules and talking statistics.

Mike reappeared with a first aid kit in his hands and moved to the bed, sitting down on the edge and gesturing for me to sit with him. When I did, he pulled my foot up onto his lap and started taking off my shoe.

"What are you doing?" I asked, tensing a little.

"There's a cut on your foot. You don't want it to get infected."

I let him remove my shoe and sock and swab away the dried blood and dirt around the puncture in my heel. It didn't hurt much anymore, but he was right, it probably needed to be cleaned. He treated it with antibiotic cream and put a band-aid over it before closing up the first aid kit and tossing it aside.

"So . . ." he said uncomfortably, "how'd you end up in Port Angeles without shoes? Or a coat?"

I pulled my foot back, crossing my arms over my stomach. "I don't really want to talk about it."

He reached out and took my hand, rubbing it soothingly. "Did Cullen do something?"

My first impulse was to deny it, to protect the Cullen family, to keep their secret. It didn't make any sense . . . but then, it didn't really make sense to talk to Mike about them either. And anyway, I wasn't sure I was ready to accept that all of this was real. I just shook my head.

Mike scooted closer to me, releasing my hand to wrap his arm around my waist, his other hand coming up to brush my hair back from my face. "Bella," he said hesitantly. "I like you. You know that, right?"

I ducked my head.

"I know I'm not Edward Cullen," he said, sounding pained. "I'm not as good looking as he is, I don't have money like he does, and I'm not as . . . mysterious, or whatever." His warm fingers stroked my cheek gently. "But I'd be good to you. I wouldn't hurt you, and I wouldn't take you for granted." He tilted my chin up and leaned in, his warm breath washing over my face. "I could make you happy."

For just a moment I let myself contemplate life with Mike, or someone else like him. It would be a safe, complacent existence. A small house, a couple of kids, ball games with Charlie and Sunday brunch with his parents. I could fit there. It was a better life than the one I had known so far.

His lips met mine, his coaxing kiss warm and soft. Too warm, and too soft. There was no thrill in the way his mouth felt against mine, no thrum of need in my body that could only be answered by him. It wasn't right. He wasn't Carlisle.

Maybe Mike  _could_  give me a certain amount of happiness, but he would never make me whole. Without Carlisle, an essential piece of me would always be missing. It didn't make sense, and I knew that. Carlisle was a vampire—or something equally as disturbing. Why he hadn't already killed me, I didn't know. But I was in love with him, stupid as it may be, and the hole he left in my heart couldn't be filled by all of Mike Newton's good intentions.

When I didn't pull away, Mike deepened the kiss. His tongue slipped between my lips, tasting mine, exploring my mouth eagerly.

I owed him this, despite my feelings. He had come to my rescue tonight, and had given me a place to go when I couldn't go home. I could repay his kindness. After all, he wouldn't be the first guy I had been with so that I wouldn't have to go home for the night.

But the gentle way he caressed my hair reminded me that he  _would_  be the first one who cared. It wasn't fair to him to let him think I felt the same way.

I pulled back, breaking the kiss and ducking my head. "Mike," I said hesitantly. "I can't . . . I mean, I don't . . . feel that way."

His face pinched and he started to pull away, but I grabbed his arms to stop him. "You can still . . . I mean, if you want. . . ." I didn't quite know how to tell him what I meant, so snaked my arms around his neck and drew him back to me, kissing him again.

He pulled away, looking bewildered. "Bella, I'm confused. Do you like me or not?"

I curled my hands into fists behind his neck. I didn't like talking about this; it was easier just to do it. "I really appreciate you letting me stay here," I told him, nuzzling his neck so I wouldn't have to look him in the eye. "If you want . . . I'll show you." I slid one hand slowly down his chest and stomach and let it settle over the semi-hard bulge in his pants.

Mike grabbed my wrist and jerked it away, pushing me back and holding my hand between us. He looked shocked and angry, and I couldn't meet his gaze.

"Bella! What the hell kind of asshole do you think I am?"

I bit my lip and shrank back from him.

"Is that the kind of shit Cullen expects from you?" he demanded.

I winced. Vampire or not, Edward had been my friend, and I shuddered at the memory of him being dragged into the trees by two monstrous wolves.

Mike was muttering under his breath in disgust, and I couldn't stand to hear him talk that way about Edward. "It's not like that," I said quickly. "I just . . . wanted to thank you."

He released my wrists. "Well, look, I appreciate the offer," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "I mean," he laughed nervously, "I  _really_  appreciate the offer. But I didn't go looking for you tonight so I could guilt you into a gratitude fuck."

His words surprised me. He had been looking for me? "Why did you?" I asked tentatively.

He shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. "Alice said you needed help."

My eyes widened in surprise. "Alice?"

"She said she was worried about you and she thought you might have gone to Daybreak, but that she couldn't get her car started to go look for you. She asked me if I would go."

There was a knock on the bedroom door, and Mike's mother poked her head in. "We're heading to bed," she said. "Bella, we made up the couch for you, so you can sleep whenever you're ready."

"Thank you," I said softly.

"Don't stay up too late," she told us, stepping out and closing the door behind her.

Mike smiled awkwardly. "Well, um. You can get changed in the bathroom if you want. It's just down the hall here." He stood and moved out to the hallway, pointing it out to me.

I followed him to the door. "Thanks," I said. But he really deserved more than that. "I mean . . . thank you. For everything. And I'm really sorry about . . . you know." I gestured toward where we had just been sitting on the bed, hoping he would understand what I meant.

He wrapped me up in a warm hug, and I once again felt the disparity between his embrace and Carlisle's. "Don't worry about it," he said. "Go ahead and get changed, and I'll help you get settled."

I gave him a smile and then slipped into the bathroom, hurriedly changing into a pair of blue satin shorts with a matching top. I brushed my teeth quickly and then re-emerged from the bathroom.

Mike's eyes widened a little when they fell on me, and he blinked rapidly, looking away.

"Um," he cleared his throat. "I'll just . . . this way," he said lamely. He led me back to the living room, where his mother had thrown some sheets over the couch. There was a pillow and a folded blanket on one end, and Mike spread the blanket out for me.

I gave him a grateful smile, and he blushed a little.

"Well listen, if you need anything, you know where I am," he said, gesturing awkwardly down the hall.

"Thank you."

He nodded, moving backwards. "Goodnight, Bella." He turned and headed back down the hall, and after a moment I heard his bedroom door close.

I moved to the couch and scooted under the blanket, lying back on the pillow. It wasn't the least comfortable I had ever been, but I couldn't sleep. Talking to Mike had grounded me a little, and now, alone with my thoughts, I was starting to realize what it was that made the ache inside so painful.

I missed Carlisle.

As irrational as it was, I loved him. I couldn't stop. Regardless of what he was, or whether he was dangerous, he was everything to me. Without him, nothing felt right. I had gotten used to ending the day in his arms, to the gentle caress of his hand on my back and the brush of his cool lips over mine before I went to bed. Now, without those things that centered me and calmed my nerves, I didn't know how to relax enough to sleep.

I turned my face into the pillow, and I would have cried if I had any tears left in me. Instead I just whispered his name, aching for him, longing for his soothing embrace.


	51. Agony

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I crouched on the rooftop, torn between hope and despair. After everything that had happened today, my girl had fallen asleep with my name on her lips.

I had been in turmoil since she had arrived home with the Newton boy. I knew his scent and his voice—the previous year I had set a broken finger for him after a football injury. But more recently I had picked up traces of his scent on Bella, mingled with the smell of beer, when she had come home from her costume party.

I didn't know how to feel about this development. On the one hand, he was familiar and comforting to her. On the other hand. . . .

I didn't want him near her.

Not that I had any right to a say in the matter. I had badly mishandled the situation with Bella, and I doubted she would want to have anything to do with me after what had happened.

In retrospect, I realized that I couldn't blame Edward entirely for the situation. It was irresponsible of him to be alone with her, and I wasn't quite ready to forgive his loss of control, but if I was being honest with myself, I had to admit that much of the fault lay with me. Edward had been telling me to be honest with Bella, to let her make her own choices. I had rejected his counsel.

And I hadn't been respectful enough of Bella. I had said that I wouldn't treat her like a child, but in my desire to protect her and shield her from further heartache, I had done just that. I had made her decisions for her and withheld information that she deserved to have. Had she understood Edward's attraction to her blood, she may never have allowed herself to be alone with him.

I should have trusted her.

Instead, I found myself darting from shadow to shadow, following a white Suburban through the streets of Forks to the Newton home. This house was not as conveniently located along the tree line as Bella's was, so I had to be slightly more creative to keep concealed. I scaled the side of the house to the top, letting the slant of the roof hide me from the view from the road, and ducking behind a chimney to stay out of sight of the rear neighbors.

Once there, I had the dubious privilege of hearing Mike Newton make a play for my girl.

Her response had stunned me. Despite rejecting his affections, she had offered herself to him out of gratitude for a safe place to stay. It had been painful to hear, but the real torture was in wondering how often she had made that same offer to a man before. It seemed as though she didn't see it for the travesty that it was.

I didn't know what I would have done had the Newton boy taken her up on her offer. It was one thing to say I wouldn't interfere, to promise not to treat her like a child, but it was quite another thing to sit back while she made a decision to allow someone to take advantage of her. Particularly because she was only in this position because of me.

Thankfully, the boy had been respectful enough to decline. He had my gratitude, though my good will was sorely tested once he was alone, and I could hear him grunting softly and panting Bella's name.

There had been very little to redeem my evening until I had heard Bella's muffled whisper. I didn't know what it meant. She may have been motivated by sorrow, by anger, by betrayal. But it was also possible that love and longing inspired her to speak my name. And if nothing else, she was thinking of me.

It was agony to sit silently while she tossed and turned on the couch. I wanted to go to her, to stroke her hair and murmur comforting words in her ear, to soothe away the stress of the day. When she finally fell deeply enough into sleep that I could be confident I wouldn't wake her, I eased down from the top of the house and picked the lock on the front door, creeping into the living room.

My girl lay huddled on the couch, her pillow clutched tightly against her chest, her head propped up on the arm of the couch. Even in sleep, a frown puckered her perfect lips.

I crouched beside her, running my fingers gently through her hair. "I'll never leave you, Bella," I whispered, giving voice to the words I had longed to tell her when she was awake. "You'll always have someone to look after you."

I pressed a kiss to her ear and adjusted the blanket over her shoulders before slipping back out the door. I returned to my perch on the roof and pulled out my phone to call the hospital and get someone to cover my shift for the following day.

It rang before I could dial, showing Alice's name on the display.

"Don't call," she said before I could answer. "I'm working on figuring out where we stand with Bella, but I'm not sure you should be the one to talk to her."

"Why not?" I asked, though I didn't necessarily disagree with her.

"Because her feelings for you are complicated. I want to ease her into it, take on one issue at a time."

"All right."

"Go to work tomorrow," Alice said. "Try to let it distract you. And hopefully, by the time you're done, we'll have some idea how Bella feels about us."

"Edward is staying away?"

Alice sighed in exasperation. "Yes, he's staying away. And I'm not particularly happy about how you treated him."

"Enough," I said, softly but firmly.

I knew she wanted to argue further. Edward would have. But Alice just huffed. "Fine. Emmett and Rosalie are bringing Bella's truck home. They'll take over for you and keep an eye on her while you're working tomorrow."

"Thank you, Alice. I appreciate you coordinating the family."

She sighed wearily. "You're welcome. But you owe me a favor, and when I call it in, it's going to involve you and Edward talking things out."

She hung up before I could respond, and I had a pretty good idea that she knew exactly what I had to say about Edward.


	52. Mad World

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

The next morning with Mike's family was awkward. Mike had worked hard to convince his parents that I couldn't go home the previous evening, and they were obviously curious as to why. Their pleasantries hinted at deeper questions, and I spent the morning trying to dodge the truth.

On top of that, I was exhausted. I had hardly gotten any rest the night before. Even after I managed to stop tossing and fall asleep, my dreams were plagued with images of vampires and giant wolves.

Mike picked up on my discomfort and very obligingly rushed through his morning routine. It was early when he gathered up his things, and only then did it occur to me that I didn't have my school books. I didn't want to go back home to get them. I would just have to get through the school day without them.

I followed Mike out the front door of his house, and stopped short on the porch. My truck was parked at the curb.

Mike saw it and raised his eyebrows. "Who brought your truck back?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I don't know . . . maybe Alice?" The thing was,  _I_  had my keys. Had she hot-wired my car?

He looked at it for a moment and then shrugged. "That was nice of her."

Mike walked me to the drivers door and gave me a hand up into the cab. Taped to the steering wheel was a folded note, and I quickly opened it up and read it.

_Bella,_

_Rosie and I are ditching school today. Want to hang out with us?_

_Call me._

_Emmett_

I stared at the words and at the telephone number scrawled across the bottom. Ditching school suddenly sounded like the best idea in the world . . . but did I want to spend the day with a pair of vampires?

Did I want to spend the rest of my life trying to avoid them?

"Is everything okay?" Mike asked, still standing by my door.

"Uh, yeah." I waved the note. "It  _was_  Alice."

"Okay . . . well, I guess I'll see you at school."

I hesitated, and then nodded. "Yeah. I'll see you there."

I wouldn't, though. I needed to address this, needed to figure out what was happening between me and this family of vampires. I was terrified. I knew it was possible that they would pretty much just want to kill me, and I felt a little stupid walking up to them and offering them my neck. But then, I had seen the speed with which Carlisle and Edward moved, and I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be alive right now if they really bore me any ill will.

I pulled out my phone, but I couldn't make myself call. I took the coward's way out and sent a text message instead.

_Sure, we can hang out. I'm on my way home._

I waited until Mike was in his car and pulling away, then started my truck and headed toward home.

I had left all the lights on the night before, and I could see them still glowing in the windows. They didn't make the house any less terrifying. I sat in my truck, staring at the home I had feared since I was a small child, and a sense of fatalism settled over me.

If this was it, then this was it. At least if they killed me, I wouldn't have to go home for Christmas.

I was still sitting in my truck when Emmett's Jeep pulled up behind me. I tensed in fear, my muscles clenching so tightly that I could hardly move. My resolve faltered, and for a moment I considered taking off. But then I remembered the speed that I had seen from Carlisle and Edward, and I knew it was pointless to try to run in a truck that refused to drive more than sixty miles an hour.

If I couldn't run, I would face them with dignity. That was important, right? Heroes in the movies always seemed to think staring down death with dignity was important. Right now it just seemed stupid. In the end, dignified or not, you were still dead. But I went with it—who was I to argue with Hollywood? I climbed out of my truck, and immediately my hip gave out and I collapsed to the ground.

So much for dignity.

Emmett jumped out of his jeep and jogged over to me, offering me a hand. "Are you okay?" he asked.

I blushed, looking away as I took his hand and let him pull me to my feet. He wrapped an arm around me and steered me toward the house. "I know you're freaked out right now," he said, friendly and casual. "Let's go in and talk about it for a while, okay?"

I nodded, glancing at Rosalie. She was wearing a pair of old destroyed jeans and a paint-stained T-shirt, and she was pulling a tool box and a bucket of supplies out of the back of Emmett's Jeep. She looked up at me and gave me a smile as she hurried to catch up with us, looking too beautiful for words even in her old ratty clothes. "I have a wall to fix while you guys chat," she explained.

This was not what I had expected. "Um . . . thanks."

She gave me a sweet smile.

Emmett fished the key out from under the eaves and let us into the house. Rosalie headed immediately for the kitchen, but Emmett followed me as I moved through the house, helping me turn off light switches.

"Are you afraid of the dark, Bella?" he teased good-naturedly.

"Not so much the dark. Just what's hiding in it."

He dropped an arm around me as I turned off the last of the lights upstairs and guided me back down to the den.

"Listen, Edward said to tell you he's really sorry."

I drew in a sharp breath. "Edward?"

He nodded soberly. "He would have liked to apologize in person, but he's sort of in some deep shit with Carlisle right now. We thought it was best if he and Esme left town for a couple of days."

"He's alright?" I gasped, so relieved that I had to fight back tears.

Emmett gave me a puzzled look. "Sure, why wouldn't he be?"

"Um . . . there were wolves. . . ."

Emmett sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. "Damn, we have a lot to talk about," he said. "Okay." He dropped his hands, a resolute look on his face. "Ready to get schooled, kid?"

It was my turn to be puzzled. "What?"

He smiled widely. "Vampires 101." He dropped onto the couch and pulled me down with him. "Lesson number one. Blood."

I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.

"It's hard to talk vampires without talking blood," Emmett said. "It's a big part of our lives. We crave it, we live off of it, and sometimes we have a hell of a hard time resisting it." He sat back. "Now, obviously, most vampires hunt people. But our family . . . we're sort of the red-headed step-child of the vampire world. We like people for company more than we like them for dinner, so we hunt animals instead. It doesn't taste very good, but it's enough to get by."

I gaped at him. "You . . . drink animal blood?"

"Yep. But it's nowhere near as appealing as human blood, so sometimes it can be tricky." He leveled a gaze at me. "You know how Jasper sort of hangs back and avoids crowds? It's because he's new to this particular diet. He has the hardest time resisting."

"Why?" I blurted out. "I mean, why do you hunt animals?"

He smiled. "Lesson number two:  _Stregoni Benefici_." He leaned back, stretching his arms over the back of the couch. "Unlike the rest of us, Carlisle was a believer in the supernatural before he became a vampire. In fact, he was trying to eradicate the vampire menace when he was bitten." Emmett snorted. "Don't do that, by the way. Hunting vampires is just fucking dumb."

"Got it. I'm the prey, not the predator."

He laughed out loud, slapping his knee appreciatively. "I like you, Bella Swan."

My return smile was involuntary, but sincere.

"So anyway," he continued, "Carlisle got bitten, but he didn't want to be a killer. He figured out that animal blood kept him alive, and he's been a curiosity of the vampire world ever since. He made some friends in high places, and they all think he's crazy, but he intrigues them."

"So what's  _Stregoni Benefici?_ " I asked him.

"That's Carlisle. There's a legend about him, though it's not very accurate. It describes him as a good vampire, and an enemy to all those who hunt humans. That's not true. Carlisle isn't an enemy to anyone . . . even our  _natural_  enemies."

"Natural enemies?" I could feel a knot forming in my stomach. Natural enemies to vampires didn't sound terribly safe.

"Lesson number three," Emmett grinned. "The Quileutes."

I stared at him. "The Quileutes are your natural enemies?"

"Well," he smiled, "not  _all_  of them."

He leaned back and tucked his hands behind his head. "Let's see, I think it was about seventy years ago when we first came to Forks."

My jaw dropped. " _Seventy_  years ago?"

"Mm-hm."

"So you're . . . over seventy years old."

"Ninety-three," he said with a broad grin.

That information set my head spinning. Emmett had been alive for a  _long_  time. "And Carlisle . . . ?" I asked hesitantly, not completely sure I wanted to know. The age difference hadn't bothered me before, but would it now?

"He's not exactly sure," Emmett said casually, "but we figure he's somewhere around three-hundred and sixty."

I waited for my body to react in some way. Surely I should be turned off by the gap between us, right? He was a  _very_ old man. But three hundred and sixty years just seemed like too much to really wrap my head around. When you reckoned the age difference in centuries, did it really even matter anymore?

But I was suddenly curious. "Edward and Esme," I murmured thoughtfully.

"They're actually really close in age. Esme was born in 1895, and Edward was born in 1901. But Edward was changed three years before Esme, so they look like they're about a decade apart."

"Right. So . . . you guys moved to Forks seventy years ago?"

Emmett nodded. "We figured it would be a good place for us, but after we moved in, Carlisle ran into some of the Elders from the tribe. He was pretty surprised to find out that they knew immediately what we were, and they didn't want us around. See, the Quileutes had these legends about us, and about how their old chief joined his spirit with a wolf, and used their combined strength to fight off our kind. Ever since then, descendants of that chief have had the latent ability to become shape-shifters."

"Shape-shifters?" I asked dubiously.

"They turn into wolves. If there are vampires around, the latent ability becomes an active one."

"Jacob," I whispered. My head was spinning again, but I had definitely seen Jacob transform into a wolf.

"Yeah, he's a prime candidate," Emmett said. "He's got Black genes  _and_  Ateara genes."

"Huh?"

Emmett laughed. "I'm getting ahead of myself. So when we moved in before, three of the Rez boys phased—their wolf gene activated. You know one of them, actually, Quil Ateara."

I gaped at him. "Old Quil?"

"He wasn't so old back then," Emmett laughed. "Neither were the other two, Levi Uley and Ephraim Black."

I caught my breath. "Ephraim? The friend Edward told me about?"

"That's the one. He was probably Carlisle's closest friend, outside of the family. Despite the fact that they were basically hard-wired to be enemies, the two of them really hit it off. When the boys phased, the village Elders hoped they would drive us off, but Ephraim didn't want us to go. His lineage made him the Alpha wolf, and his position as Alpha made him the chief of the tribe, so there wasn't a lot anybody could do to challenge him. But to appease the rest of the tribe, he made a treaty with us."

"A treaty?" I asked, remembering Sam mentioning that before.

"Yep. Basically, we keep our teeth to ourselves and stay off of their land, and they don't try to kill us and don't expose our secret."

"Why do they want you to stay off of their land?"

He sighed. "Because accidents happen. When we catch the scent of blood, it's incredibly hard to resist it. As you've seen all too clearly, sometimes we just lose it."

I shivered at the memory of Edward lunging toward me with his teeth bared.

"Lesson four," he said seriously. "Singers."

I gave him a curious look. "Singers?"

He nodded soberly. "On very rare occasions, we come across someone who smells so tempting that they're all but impossible to resist. Carlisle's friends in Italy call them singers, in reference to mythological sirens." He rubbed his forehead, looking stressed. "The rest of the vampire world feels very lucky if they ever come across a human whose blood sings for them. For us . . ." He shook his head as though trying to clear it, "it's a tragedy."

"Have you ever . . . ?"

He looked at me with sorrow in his eyes and nodded. "Twice. It's like the animal inside takes over completely, and all you can think about is getting to that blood as fast as possible."

"What did you do?"

He gave me a long, solemn look. "I killed them, Bella."

I shuddered, shrinking away from him a little. He didn't miss the movement, and he lowered his head sadly.

The activity in the kitchen stopped and Rosalie drifted into the room.

"He's not telling you that to make you afraid," she said gently. "But you need to understand the realities of the situation, especially if you're going to continue being friends with Edward."

I gave her a quizzical look. "What's does that have to do with Edward?"

Emmett reached out and squeezed my knee gently. "You're his singer. It's agony for him to be around you. He wants to kill you  _all the time_."

I was, irrationally, hurt. The appropriate reaction probably should have been fear, or maybe disgust, but I was injured. I had thought Edward and I were friends—and close ones, at that—but the whole time he just wanted to kill me?

Rosalie sat down on the arm of the couch. "He's been really careful. He likes you a lot, and he wants to keep you safe, so he's been hunting every night, making sure he's never thirsty. And the way Carlisle feels about you strengthened his resolve a lot. But yesterday when he smelled your blood . . . it was just too much."

"He feels like shit," Emmett said frankly. "In fact, I understand he was basically begging Sam and what's-his-name, that other wolf, to get him the hell out of there."

"Wait. Sam? Like Sam Uley?"

"That's right. Levi Uley's great-grandson phased when we came back. He and Edward have kind of hit it off."

"The other one is another descendant of Ephraim's," Rosalie put in.

Emmett nodded. "And your friend Jacob comes from a mix of the Blacks and the Atearas, so we wouldn't be too surprised to see him phase in the next couple of years."

I stared into space, remembering how terrifying it was to watch my best friend change into a wolf. "He already has," I said, my voice sounding hollow.

"No kidding?" Emmett said thoughtfully. "Well, there you go. That should round out the pack."

"That makes Jacob the chief of the tribe," Rosalie pointed out.

My jaw dropped. "No way."

She shrugged. "I guess they don't really do the whole chief thing anymore, but it at least makes him senior member of the Council of Elders."

"He's fifteen!" I squeaked.

"Ephraim was seventeen, and he was a damn fine chief," Emmett said. "Carlisle says Jacob's a lot like him."

I shook my head, bewildered. My best friend Jacob, who ate marshmallow pancakes and jelly bean sandwiches, was chief of the Quileute tribe? I wondered if it would change things between us. I didn't want to lose my best friend.

"Alright, so it's testing time," Emmett said. "What have you learned?"

"That there's a reason Edward wouldn't let me use a knife when I was cooking with him?"

Emmett snickered and Rosalie put a hand to her mouth, stifling a laugh.

I sighed and sat back against the couch. "I learned that you guys are dangerous," I said sadly.

"Good. You passed. I think you're ready to graduate onto Vampires 102."

"Vampires 102?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. This is where you learn how to live with vampires, and the first lesson is: don't cut yourself."

A giggle broke free from my throat, and Emmett laughed with me.

"I'm serious," he said through his grin. "No cutting, no falling and skinning your knee, no bloody noses. And since you can't always prevent those things, it's time for lesson number two. Carlisle."

"What about him?"

"Stick close to him. Carlisle is different from the rest of us. He spends so much time around blood at the hospital that he's desensitized to it. It barely affects him anymore. So if you do get hurt, the one vampire who won't lose his shit is Carlisle. Do whatever you can to put him between you and the danger."

I remembered Carlisle stepping between Edward and me, blocking his path, then grabbing me and trying to get me away from him. Emmett was right. There was never a moment when he hadn't been in control of himself.

And I had run away from him.

I dropped my head into my hands. "Is he furious with me?"

Emmett and Rosalie both laughed as though I had made a terrific joke. "With you?" Rosalie said incredulously. "Bella, I don't even think he's  _capable_  of being mad at you."

"He's about ready to take Edward's head off, though," Emmett said. "I've known Carlisle for over ninety years, and I've never seen him this pissed about anything. Especially not at Edward."

I chewed at my lip. "I don't want them to fight anymore. I've already caused enough trouble between them."

Rosalie gave me a compassionate look. "If anybody can convince him to forgive Edward, it's you. But don't be too hard on him. Just think how you would feel if Edward had nearly killed Carlisle."

My stomach gave an unpleasant lurch. I couldn't stand the thought of losing him. Life without Carlisle would be too miserable to bear.

She reached over Emmett and squeezed my hand. "I'm going to get back to work," she said. "Just listen to my husband. This is important information he's giving you."

Emmett pulled her down for a quick kiss and then turned back to me as she moved to the kitchen again.

"Okay, lesson three," he said. "'The enemy of my enemy is my friend.' If you want to stay safe when you're hanging out with vampires, you keep the Quileute boys around." He gave me a stern look. "Now, this one you have to be careful with. The wolves are pretty edgy when they first phase. Their emotions are heightened, and they haven't really learned to deal with it. Sam Uley is probably pretty safe, but these two new kids aren't. Give them some time to get themselves under control before you spend any time alone with them."

"How long?" I asked. "I mean . . . I want to see Jacob."

"You can still see him, just make sure you've got somebody with you. Sam is fine, or one of us. We can protect you from the wolves just as effectively as the wolves can protect you from us."

I sighed sullenly. "Protection used to mean condoms," I muttered.

Emmett fixed me with a steady look. "If that's what you want, Bella, you just have to say the word. If you don't want anything to do with vampires and shape-shifters, then . . . well, we'll leave you alone."

"No!" I gasped, shuddering at the thought of Carlisle leaving me.

He grinned. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Who would want a normal, boring life when you could hang out with us?" He winked at me. "Okay, lesson four. Keeping the secret."

I gave him a surprised look. "I wouldn't tell anyone."

"I know, kid. But it's not always quite as easy as that. There are tells."

"What do you mean?"

"Well," he said, "we chose Forks for a reason. Despite the fairly significant threat from the Quileute wolves, this is a really convenient place to live because of the cloud cover."

I stared at him. "Wait. You don't  _really_  burn up in the sunlight?"

He snickered. "No, we don't burn up. But we can't let humans see us in direct sunlight."

"Why not?"

He looked at me for a moment. "You know what? I'm going to let Carlisle show you that. I mean . . . assuming you're still interested in hanging with Carlisle?"

I nodded fervently.

"Good. Ask him to show you. You'll love it."

"Okay," I said, puzzled. I wondered what I could possibly love about seeing someone in the sun, as opposed to the shade.

"Also," Emmett said, "the skin, the eyes. Actually it's surprising how few people say anything about that. They usually just don't look closely enough."

That confused me. "They don't?"

He shook his head. "People . . . well, it's odd. They're attracted to us, but at the same time they have sort of an instinctive aversion to us. They won't really look at us long enough to notice details."

" _I_  noticed," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with you."

My jaw fell open, and I squeaked indignantly. "What do you mean, there's something wrong with me?"

"You know, with not having the survival instincts to stay away from us, and the thing with Edward not being able to read you and all." He winked at me.

"Wait, what? What about Edward?"

He gave me an odd look. "Oh. I thought he told you. About him and Alice and Jasper?"

I gave him a guarded look. "He told me Alice sees the future. Is that what you mean?"

"And did he tell you how Jasper can manipulate people's emotions?"

I shook my head, my eyes widening. "You mean he can make people feel things?"

Emmett nodded. "And he always knows what you're feeling too."

"Are you kidding me?"

He shook his head, smirking. "And I guess Edward didn't tell you about his own annoying little gift?"

"What is it?" I asked nervously.

"The little son of a bitch is a mind-reader," he said, rolling his eyes. "There's no fucking privacy with him around."

I clapped a hand over my mouth, horrified by the thought of him knowing what was inside of my head.

"Relax," Emmett laughed lazily. "He can't read you."

Relief instantly washed through me, followed closely by curiosity. "Why not?"

Emmett shrugged. "Might be hereditary. Charlie's thoughts are kind of hard for him to get a handle on, apparently. And it may be that your habit of building walls and keeping people out has enhanced that little trait of yours."

"Thank g _od_ ," I breathed.

He laughed. "Believe me, I'm jealous. Most of the time, we all wish Edward would get the hell out of our heads. Except Carlisle—he usually doesn't mind so much."

"Why doesn't he mind?"

"I don't know," he said disinterestedly. "He says it deepens the relationship and blah, blah . . . whatever. Maybe he's just so perfect that he never thinks anything that would embarrass him."

"He is pretty perfect," I breathed, more to myself than to Emmett.

Emmett nudge my foot with his. "Hey. Don't start getting all sad. He's still the same guy."

"He's not mad at me?" I asked.

He laughed. "Nah, Bella, he's not mad at you. He's worried that you're afraid of him."

I wondered if I was. I searched myself, looking for a spark of fear. It was there when I thought about Edward, or Emmett, or any of the rest of the family. But it wasn't there when I thought about Carlisle. I didn't know if it was Emmett's assurance that he never lost control, or that I had irrationally quashed any fear because I loved him so much, but the only fear I could find regarding him was fear that I wouldn't be enough for him.

"I'm not," I said softly.

"Good." Emmett smiled. "Then I think you passed Vampires 102 as well."

"Wait. My test for 101 was to be afraid, but my test for 102 is to  _not_  be afraid?"

"Yep."

I leaned my head back against the couch. "You guys make my brain hurt."

Emmett just laughed.

"I'm hungry," I said abruptly. "Do you want some breakfast?"

He smirked, looking me up and down. "Are you offering?"

I suddenly realized what I said. "Oh! You guys don't . . . wait . . ." I knew they avoided eating at school, but Carlisle had dinner with me every night. "Do you guys eat?"

Emmett shook his head. "Human food is disgusting. Plus, we can't digest it. If we eat we have to choke it back up. It sucks."

"But . . . Carlisle. . . ."

"Carlisle loves you a hell of a lot," Emmett said. "I don't think I'd be willing to eat that crap every night for  _anyone_."

"Excuse me?" Rosalie called from the kitchen.

"Except for you, baby!" Emmett called over his shoulder, winking at me.

I giggled.

"If you want company for breakfast, we could always call wolf-boy in here," Emmett said, gesturing toward the back yard.

"Who?"

"The Rez boys have been keeping an eye on you. And it's a good thing, too. Carlisle's got mad skills, but trying to take on a mind-reader by yourself is just asking for a beat-down. If he hadn't had help from the wolves yesterday, it's hard to say what might have happened."

"There's somebody out there watching right now?" I asked incredulously.

He bobbed his head casually. "Yep. Carlisle or Edward could probably tell you which one, but I don't know them very well yet."

"It could be Jacob?"

"Could be. Let's go find out." He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet, dragging me toward the back door. He released my hand once we were outside, and he started whistling. "Here, Fido!" he yelled into the trees. He made kissing sounds with his lips. "Come here, puppy! I've got a Milkbone for you!"

I heard a growl in response, and then some soft rustling in the trees. After a moment, a teenager with deep russet skin, wearing only a pair of cut-offs, emerged from the trees. He looked vaguely familiar, and I figured I must have seen him around La Push while I was growing up.

He moved toward us, shooting Emmett a glare and flipping him off. Emmett just snickered.

"Hey, Bella," the boy smiled at me, ignoring Emmett's laughter. "I'm Jared."

"Hey." I had no idea what to say to him. Thanks for stopping Edward from killing me? Actually, that was probably alright. "Thanks for stopping Edward from killing me." I gave him a rueful smile.

"My pleasure," he grinned. "So about breakfast. . . ."

I stared at him. "You heard that?"

He laughed. "We have really good hearing. Like your blood suckers." He gestured to Emmett.

I spun to look at him. "You guys do too?"

He nodded. "Excellent hearing, sight, smell . . . everything."

My face turned red, wondering what things I might have said, assuming Carlisle had been in the other room and unable to hear me.

Emmett snickered. "Sorry, Bella. The crowds you run with are sorta freaky."

I put a hand over my eyes. "Whatever," I said, trying not to think about it. "Jared, you want to come in and have breakfast with me?"

"I'd love to," he said with a smile.


	53. Working My Way Back to You

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Work was miserable. It was a slow day in the emergency room, and many of my colleagues were taking advantage of the reprieve to catch up on paperwork. I had very little to do, and what I had I was doing with painstaking care, trying to draw it out.

Bella was on my mind every second. I knew Alice was working on bringing us back together, but it felt wrong to sit back and wait for her to fix things. Bella was  _my_  girl, and though my family was clearly invested in the relationship, it wasn't theirs to manage.

Sitting back and taking things as they came hadn't turned out well for me. I was tired of being inert, tired of letting the others maneuver things while I did nothing. I was inexperienced, but I was still a man, and I knew how to treat my girl properly.

There was a tap on my office door, and the hospital administrator, Dr. Gerandy, pushed it open and poked his head inside. "Carlisle," he smiled.

I glanced up and nodded to him, finishing a page before setting it aside. "Doctor, how are you?"

"I'm in awe, Carlisle," he smiled broadly. "I understand you were chosen by the American College of Surgeons for the Masterson Innovation Award!"

I gave him a benign smile before pulling another page in front of me. "Is that so?"

"This is a very prestigious award! Surely you're not going to decline this one as well?"

"There are others who work much harder than I do. They should be recognized for their efforts."

"Carlisle," he admonished, "these things might not mean much to you now, but you never know where your life will take you. Having an honor like this on your résumé will give you a certain amount of security for the future."

"I have security," I said, filling out the form in front of me.

I could tell the man was getting frustrated with me. He had taken it upon himself, as a man of experience, to take me under his wing and teach me the ways of the medical world. I wasn't usually bothered by his unnecessary mentoring, but the last couple of days had sapped my patience. I was trying hard not to let my polite facade slip away.

"Carlisle,  _please_  accept this award. Is it really so bad to spend one night being fed good food and wine, and showered with well-deserved praise?"

"Yes," I smiled softly. "That sounds like my idea of a nightmare." That, along with the photographs that would be taken and the record of my name in medical histories, made it a bad idea. Besides, it offended my sensibilities to accept an award for my work when I had advantages my colleagues did not.

Dr. Gerandy moved into my office, closing the door behind him. He took a seat across from my desk, and his face took on a pleading look. "Carlisle, please. Your modesty is admirable, but I wish you would consider accepting these honors when they're offered to you."

"I have no need of them."

"Maybe you don't, but this hospital does."

I paused, looking up at him. "Pardon me?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "Hospitals with decorated doctors get considered for grants," he said. "This is a small community, with limited resources. Our equipment is old, our facility is badly in need of upgrades . . . and we might have the opportunity for more funding if someone on our staff had a résumé boasting of the awards that you've been turning down."

I sat back in my chair, considering his position. "I see."

"Please," he implored. "Go to Chicago and put up with one night of fawning, for the good of this community."

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I could always change my name, but I couldn't allow pictures of me to be published. "I won't decline the award if you'll go to Chicago and accept it on my behalf," I told him.

He smiled warmly. "Thank you, Carlisle. It means a lot to us here."

I gave him a quick smile and turned back to my paperwork. "I believe I'll need a couple of weeks off around Christmas," I told him, beginning a new form. "I'm not quite sure of the schedule yet, but I'll try to pin it down for you as soon as possible."

He nodded, though I knew it pained him to give me the time. It was a lot to ask around the holidays, but after all, this was our standing agreement. And there was nothing that would keep me from looking after Bella when she went to visit her mother.

"Let me know when you know your schedule," he said, doing a good job of keeping his frustration out of his voice. He let himself out of my office and left me alone with my paperwork and my thoughts.

Bella. She was always foremost in my mind, but today she was taking over my thoughts completely. I couldn't stand the emotional separation from her, and her murmured offer to the Newton boy the night before rang in my mind. Edward had been exactly right about the effect it would have on me to hear her with another man.

Edward had been right about a lot of things.

I was interrupted from that line of thinking by a page to the emergency room. I tended to a child with a broken leg, and then to a woman with a concussion, and was back in my office with my paperwork by the time my shift finally ended.

I headed back to Bella's house, stopping by a florist on the way and picking up a bouquet of red tiger roses. I smiled as I pulled up in front of the house, seeing no cars other than Bella's truck in front. I hoped that meant my children were giving me this evening alone with her. I appreciated their help, but it was time for me to step up and be the man Bella deserved.

I moved to the door and knocked tentatively, not feeling comfortable entering her house without an invitation. I didn't know what she thought of me just now, and I didn't want to make her feel unsafe in any way.

Bella opened the door after a moment, and her eyes fell on me, looking confused and anxious. "Carlisle," she said softly.

I stepped forward and held the flowers out to her. "I have much to answer for," I murmured. "Will you permit me the opportunity?"

She took the flowers, looking slightly disappointed, and her eyes searched my face. I was frozen, waiting for her response. I needed her to tell me that she would hear me out, that she could see the possibility that someday she would forgive me for the lies I had told her. Every moment of her silence was torture. My entire life hung on her decision.

"I missed you," she suddenly blurted out.

Warmth flooded through me, and I took another step toward her, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. "I missed you too, sweetheart."

Her hand found mine, lacing our fingers together, and she drew me inside with her. I moved with her to the kitchen, where she busied herself putting the flowers in a vase. I got the distinct feeling she was avoiding looking at me, so I waited until there were no distractions. When the flowers were trimmed and arranged in their vase, she set it on the kitchen table and turned to me, her eyes on the floor. She twisted her hands anxiously in front of her.

"I'm sorry I left," she said.

"Ah, my Bella." I moved forward and caressed her cheek gently. "You had every right. If I had been honest with you from the start, the entire situation might have been avoided. At the very least, it would have been less unsettling for you."

She raised her eyes to meet mine. "Emmett came over today. He told me about . . . about your family, and the wolves."

I reached out and took her hands in mine. "Edward has been telling me for a long time that I should share that information with you." I rubbed circles on the back of her hand with my thumb. "I should have listened."

"Why didn't you?"

I sighed and pulled out a chair for her, taking one next to her when she sat. "I was concerned for your safety, and for your quality of life. Did Emmett tell you about the Volturi?"

She shook her head her brow furrowing. "What is that?"

"The Volturi are old friends of mine. They're a very powerful Italian coven, and they have taken it upon themselves to enforce the one real universal law that all vampires must follow. It is imperative to us to keep the secret, to prevent people from discovering that we exist."

She bit her lip. "So, since I know. . . ."

I nodded. "That's right. The Volturi would not be pleased, and I'm afraid they're not a very forgiving group."

Her hands trembled slightly in her lap. "Will they find out?"

"I doubt they will any time soon, but it's always a concern." I reached out and took her hands in mine. "I don't want you to worry about the Volturi, angel. Just trust that I will protect you."

Bella seemed to calm, but she stared down at our hands, not meeting my gaze.

Her reticence left a hollow ache in my chest. This was where my lies had brought us. I slipped out of my chair and knelt in front of her, pressing her fingers firmly in my own. "Bella, I'm so sorry I wasn't honest with you. Can you ever forgive me?"

She raised her eyes to mine and slipped her hands from my grasp, moving them to stroke through my hair. She leaned in and kissed me, so gently and so sweetly that the ache in my chest was crowded out by all-consuming love. I pushed myself to my feet, never breaking the kiss as I drew her up with me. I wrapped her in my arms and held her against me, needing to feel her small, delicate body pressed to mine.

It was bliss, but it was short-lived. Because as I moved my mouth down her neck to taste the sweet flavor of her skin, a horrible thought crossed my mind. She had offered herself to the Newton boy in gratitude for the safety he gave her. When I removed her from her father's care, I had essentially given her the same thing, a temporary safe haven. Could my girl be acting out of obligation to repay some imagined debt?

I froze, my hands stilling on her body. I remembered all too clearly the fear she had experienced when I touched her a few weeks ago, the confusion I had felt when she wanted to push forward physically despite her obvious trepidation. Could she have been forcing herself because she believed I expected it of her?

Unlike her friend Mike Newton, I had not been gentleman enough to decline her attentions these last weeks.

Bella noticed my stillness and pulled back a little, her eyes searching my face. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

I wanted to tell her not to apologize, that I could spend forever kissing her and touching her. But I was sickened by the thought that I was taking advantage of her in her vulnerable state. I slipped a hand up to her cheek, caressing gently, trying to smooth away the anxiety that shone in her features.

This was wrong. I needed to win my girl's heart, not her obligation.

"Bella, may I take you out this evening?" I asked softly.

She looked surprised. "Out?"

I smiled. "The Port Angeles Symphony is performing a tribute to Dvorak. I understand you have a taste for good music, and I thought you might like to go with me."

A smile lit up her face. "Really? You want to take  _me?_ "

"There's no one in the world I'd rather be with."

She blushed and looked down, smiling happily. "I'll, um . . ." she started moving toward the stairs. "I'll just go get changed."

"I'll make you something for dinner," I said.

She faltered for a moment, looking back at me, before hurrying up the stairs.


	54. Play Me

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

My phone rang before I could dial Alice's number. That was starting to seem less creepy now. I answered it as I stared at my closet, completely lost.

"Don't worry," she chirped happily, "I'm on my way over to show you what to wear."

I sighed in relief. "Alice, you're the best."

"Get started with the black Aubade bra and panties with the garter belt, and I'll be right there."

"Thanks." I hung up the phone and dug out the complicated bits of lace that were supposed to be my foundation garments for the evening. I pulled them on, and was just sliding the second black stocking up my leg when there was a tap at the door.

"It's me!" Alice announced from the other side.

I called for her to come in, and she breezed through the door, nudging it closed behind her with her foot.

"Perfect," she said approvingly, looking over what I was wearing so far.

It was a little odd, having her critique my underwear, and it occurred to me that she had probably seen a lot more than that in her visions.

Oh, god, I did  _not_  want to think about that. I shoved the thought out of my mind and followed her to the closet.

"This," she said, pulling out a simple black cocktail dress. She held it up in front of me, and I breathed out a little sigh.

"It's just right."

"Of course it is. It's Chanel. She practically  _invented_  this look."

I took the dress and put it on, and Alice helped me zip it up in back. Then she led me to the bathroom and helped me twist my hair up into a pretty up-do with a few curling tendrils falling free. She pouted until I gave in and allowed her to apply some mascara and eye shadow, and then stood back, looking at me critically.

"Jewelry," she said. "You know that silver bracelet of yours would look really—"

"No," I said, cutting her off.

She gave me a curious look. "Don't you think it's pretty?"

"It's pretty," I mumbled, turning away and heading back to my room.

She followed me. "Why don't you like it?"

"I just don't." I dug through my closet for a pair of shoes to wear until I found the pair of Manolos I had worn to the courthouse. I held them up to Alice, and she nodded her approval.

"Just keep a good grip on Carlisle's arm so you don't fall," she teased me, moving to my jewelry box. She found a conservative pair of earrings with a matching necklace and held them out to me. "Are these okay?"

"Yeah, they're fine," I said, taking them from her and putting them on.

"So what's with the bracelet?" Alice asked. "You're not allergic to silver are you? Because that would be hilarious, what with you hanging out with vampires and werewolves."

Guilt crept up inside me and I turned away quickly, moving to the bed so I could put on my shoes. "I'm not allergic to it. I just don't like it."

"So why do you have it?"

I shrugged, not meeting her eyes. "It was a gift."

She was silent for a minute, and when I chanced a glance at her she was looking at me speculatively. "All right. Well, you look great. You and Carlisle have a good time tonight!"

"Thanks," I smiled, relieved that she had dropped the subject.

Alice breezed out of my room, and after a quick look in the mirror, I followed her out. She was already gone by the time I got downstairs, so I moved into the kitchen where I could hear Carlisle setting out dishes on the table.

He looked up at me and smiled, his eyes moving over me. "Bella, you are absolutely the most illecebrous woman I've ever seen."

I laughed, blushing a little. "I really hope that's a compliment."

He gave a low chuckle. "I'm afraid I'm betraying my age. You look lovely." He moved to my side and took my hand, guiding me to the table, where he had already dished up a plate of food for me.

It smelled incredible. "How can you cook like this when you don't like to eat?" I asked him.

He chuckled and sat with me at the table, folding his hands in front of him. "It's a useful skill to have. And we don't really forget things, so being out of practice means very little."

I blinked in surprise. "You don't forget things?"

He shook his head, smiling. "Our human memories can be tough to recall. But since I changed, I have never forgotten a moment of my life. It's always there, waiting to be summoned if I need it."

"Wow," I murmured. "That would sure make Trig tests easier."

He laughed again, his eyes sparkling. "Yes, my children tend to get good grades."

We chatted idly while I ate, and when I was nearly finished Carlisle left to get changed. He was back again in less than a minute, looking incredible in a black suit with a deep blue tie.

I took my plate to the sink and then turned back to Carlisle. He held out a hand to me, and when I placed my hand in his palm he guided it to his elbow. He led me to the door, helping me on with my coat, and then escorted me to the car. When he had settled beside me and started toward Port Angeles, I decided to take on the heavier subjects.

"Carlisle," I said hesitantly, "where's Edward?"

His face hardened a little. "You don't need to worry about Edward. He's no longer here in Forks."

"Is he coming back?"

He moved his hand to my knee, squeezing it gently. "Bella, I won't allow him to hurt you. Please don't be afraid."

His words surprised me. "I-I'm not," I stuttered. "I mean . . . I know you wouldn't let him do anything. I just want to talk to him."

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You want to talk to Edward?"

I nodded. "I mean, Emmett said he feels bad. I just want to talk it out with him so we can put it behind us."

"Bella, I'm not sure that's the safest course of action."

I bit at my lip. "Why not? I get that I shouldn't be alone with him, but I can't just avoid him forever."

"You can. We have some friends in Alaska. I can ask him to go stay with them."

My jaw dropped. "You'd make him leave? Carlisle, he's your best friend."

He fixed me with a sober look, all but ignoring the road as he drove. "It's not worth gambling with your safety. I won't allow him to stay here if it endangers you in any way."

I slipped my hand in his. "He's my friend, too. I want him to come back."

He set his jaw. "I think that's unwise."

"Maybe. But I wouldn't feel right about him having to leave because of me. It was just an accident."

"An accident that is likely enough to happen again," he pointed out.

"I know. And if it happens again, you'll be with me. Or Alice, or Esme . . . somebody. And it won't be any worse than it was yesterday."

Carlisle gave me a stern look. "It would be foolish to underestimate him, Bella. His special abilities give him an advantage over most everyone in a fight."

"But he stopped. He was asking Sam to get him away, wasn't he?"

He hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Yes."

I prodded just a bit more. "I'd miss him if he didn't come back."

He was quiet for a long moment, but finally he nodded. "All right then. I'll call him tonight."

"Unless Alice has already done it," I smiled.

He laughed softly. "You're getting a handle on how things often go in our family."

I rubbed my hand over the back of his, clinging tightly to him. I hadn't liked being away from him, and it was a relief to have him close again.

He lightened the subject for the remainder of the drive, telling me a little bit about Dvorak's history, and I leaned back and closed my eyes, letting his honeyed voice wash over me as he spoke. The car filled with his perfect scent, and I breathed him in, wishing I knew what it would take to keep him forever.

When we got to the theater, he escorted me inside and led me up a set of stairs to a long hallway. He moved past several doorways hung with heavy curtains, and he stopped at one, pulling back the velvet draperies and ushering me through.

Beyond the curtain was a small private box that held four ornate chairs. He drew two of them to the back corner of the box, but he didn't take a seat. Instead he moved to the railing and looked down over the slowly filling theater below. He slipped an arm around me when I joined him, rubbing my arm lightly.

"I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised that you have a private box here," I said.

"I like it for symphonies and choirs. Musical performances with no visual aspect." He looked down at me and smiled. "The view isn't ideal for plays and operas."

"Do you come a lot?"

"Yes, I'm quite a fan of the arts. Edward and Esme usually accompany me, and Jasper occasionally comes along."

I cocked my head. "Jasper doesn't seem the type."

He smiled, looking out over the theater. "He enjoys the emotional climate. He likes to see the similarities and differences in how various people are moved by the music."

We watched as the theater slowly filled with people, and then as the musicians took their places on the stage. Once they began tuning their instruments, Carlisle took my hand and pulled me back to the chairs he had positioned earlier.

We couldn't see much of anything from where we were. A few of the patrons in boxes across the way from us were visible, as long as they were sitting close to the railing, but for the most part we were cut off from the rest of the theater-goers.

It occurred to me exactly why he had placed us in this position when his arm slid around my waist and his cool lips pressed against my neck. He placed a few careful kisses along my throat as the first concerto began to play.

By the time the first movement ended, I had crawled into his lap, my arms wrapped around his neck. I was nipping his earlobe as he ran his hands gently over my back.

"Isabella," he breathed softly in my ear, "I need to tell you something very important."

"Mmm," I murmured absently, my lips moving behind his ear. His scent was strong here, and I breathed deeply, my tongue darting out to taste his skin.

I felt him shudder, and his arms tightened around me. "Are you listening to me?" he asked, a smile in his voice.

"Mm-hm." I followed the smooth line of his jaw, kissing and licking, loving the flavor of his skin. He didn't taste salty the way I would have expected, and it made me mildly curious as to whether vampires could sweat. It was a question I would ask . . . one of these days . . . when my mouth wasn't otherwise occupied.

"Good," he said, sounding a little breathless. "Because it's very important."

I licked my way down his neck. "I already know you're a blood-sucking monster," I teased. "How much bigger does it get?"

Carlisle pushed me back gently so he could look at me. "As much as I hate to stop you, it does get bigger than that."

I withdrew and folded my hands in my lap. "All right, I'll be a very good girl. What's your big revelation?"

His fathomless golden eyes stared into mine, and he cupped one hand under my chin. "Isabella Swan," he breathed, "I love you."

I froze.

"I've never felt for anyone the way I do for you," he continued, his words filling the chasm in my heart that I thought would always be empty. "For more than three hundred years I've lived half a life, learning and experiencing only a fraction of what this world has to offer because I didn't have you to share it with."

I just stared at him, warmed by his confession, but afraid of it. Afraid of what it meant. Exactly four people had told me they loved me: Charlie, Renee, Phil, and Jacob. Charlie had hit me. And Renee had, both literally and figuratively, looked the other way while Phil did much worse than hit me.

Did loving someone give you the right to hurt them? And if so, why did I crave it so badly? Why did it make me so happy to hear Carlisle say it?

His hand moved to stroke my cheek. "You are so precious to me, Bella. No matter what the future holds, I want you to know that I'll always be with you. I'll always keep you safe."

Fear and wonder battled for dominance inside of me. I didn't know how to handle his declaration. I didn't know what it meant for Carlisle to be in love with me. But I ached for it. Somehow, I was better for it. Having his love made me  _more_ than I had been before.

I couldn't speak.

A pained look crossed Carlisle's face when I didn't answer him, and I knew I needed to give him some sort of a response. I moved my hands to his shoulders, clinging to him and kissing him, pouring as much emotion into it as I could.

"No." He pulled away. "Bella, no." He removed my hands from his shoulders, taking them in his and pulling them up between us. "Don't just give me what you think I want. You're better than that."

He shifted me off of his lap and onto the chair beside him, putting a bit more distance between us. Though his body was colder than the air in the room, I shivered at the loss of contact. I didn't understand why he was pushing me away, or what he was asking of me.

"If you don't feel the same way, I understand," he said, a deep sadness in his eyes. "But I can't take advantage of you, Bella. I love you too much to hurt you like that."

"You're not," I blurted out, finally finding my voice. I tried to lean in to kiss him again but he put his hands on my shoulders, gently holding me back.

"Bella, please. I need you to hear me. I'm not looking for a tawdry fling, and I'm not trying to make you feel obligated to me in any way." He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, then rested his cool hand on my neck. "I'll look after you because I love you, not because I'm asking you for anything in return."

I furrowed my brow, confused. "I don't understand. You love me but you don't want me?"

He shook his head sadly and leaned his forehead against mine. "Bella," he whispered. "My girl. I want you more than I could ever say." His fingers stroked my neck lightly. "But I'm not willing to exploit you to get what I want."

I moved my hands under his suit jacket, rubbing his chest through his shirt. "I don't understand why you think I don't want you," I said, blushing a little at my own words.

He gave me a sad smile. "I suppose I had my heart set on something more than just a mutually beneficial arrangement."

I drew back from him, suddenly very intimidated by what he wanted from me. My instincts told me to protect myself, to keep my vulnerabilities hidden. That was how a girl like me survived. It was bad enough that I had let myself care about him enough that he could hurt me. To let him  _know_  that he had the power to hurt me . . . that was asking a lot.

"Carlisle, I—" I choked on the words.

"It's all right, sweetheart," he whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I expect nothing from you."

"No, please." I moved my fingers up, touching them to his lips. He was pulling away from me, and I couldn't stand it. This was  _Carlisle_. I knew it was reckless to confess my feelings, but if I wanted to keep him, I had to do it.

"Carlisle, you're everything to me," I choked. "I need you."

"I'll always be with you," he murmured softly, his voice carrying a hint of melancholy. "You'll never be without protection again, I promise."

I stretched up to kiss him, but once again he put his hands on my shoulders and gently moved me back into my chair. "No Bella. I can't take your body without your heart."

My hands curled to fists, and I nearly growled in frustration at my inability to say the words that needed to be said. I wished he could just see it. For the first time, I wanted someone to be able to look inside my mind and know what I was feeling and what I was thinking.

"I almost died," I blurted out. "Tyler and his van nearly killed me. I hit my head, I got a concussion, I was humiliated in front of the whole school, and Edward was lying to me."

Carlisle was looking at me, confused.

"It was still the best day of my life, because I met you."

His confusion turned to surprise.

"It happened so fast for me," I told him. "I still don't understand it, and it still feels like too much to take." I took a deep breath, forcing out the words I needed him to hear. "I love you so much that sometimes I think I'll break."

His lips parted slightly as he drew in a shaky breath, a spark of hope in his eyes. "You're not just . . . telling me what I want to hear?"

I shook my head, swallowing hard. Now that I had said it, it was even more terrifying. He had power over me. He had always had power over me, of course, but now he knew it. He knew he could hurt me any way he wanted, and I would let him.

What had ever made me think this was a good idea? How in the world had I been so careless? I knew better than to show my hand like that.

But Carlisle didn't hurt me. At least, not yet. He wrapped his arms around me, drawing me back onto his lap, and his lips met mine in a fervent kiss. One hand plunged into my hair, drawing me impossibly closer, and his tongue tangled with mine almost desperately. Below us, the symphony played, the swelling music a perfect accompaniment to the rising passion in our secluded little box.

Carlisle pulled his hand from my hair, dragging it down my neck and my chest, lingering for just a moment over one breast before sliding it down my stomach and over my hip. He swept down my body until he reached the nylon stocking that covered my thigh, then slipped his hand under the hem of my dress. He began slowly inching it upward again, massaging as he went. I moved my lips from his to trail down his neck to the collar of his shirt, frustrated that I couldn't get any farther.

He let out a strangled moan as his hand reached the top of the stocking and his fingers grazed over bare skin. I felt him harden instantly against my hip. "Bella, you could drive a man mad wearing this," he choked , letting his hand run over the stretch of skin above my stockings. He moaned again when his fingertips grazed the lace of my panties, and he pushed up the skirt of my dress, his eyes exploring what his hands had discovered.

I glanced self-consciously across the dim theater at the other patrons in their boxes. They were looking at the stage or at their companions, but even if their eyes turned this way I doubted they could have seen us in our shadowy corner.

Carlisle's fingers traced the ribbons that held up my stockings, bringing my attention back to him. He slowly raised his eyes from my exposed leg and hip, dragging them up my body before settling on my face. The heat in them burned into me, and my breath caught in my throat.

"You may make history tonight as the first person ever to give a vampire a heart attack," he whispered.

I gave him a teasing grin and leaned in to nip at his bottom lip. "Does that mean you like it?"

He rocked his hips slightly, rubbing the solid bulge in his pants against my hip. "I think my preference for your clothing choice is evident," he murmured, running his nose lightly up my neck.

I tilted my head back to give him better access, goose bumps blossoming on my skin as his tongue swept up my throat in a long, sensual lick. "Should I be nervous that you seem to have such a fondness for that particular spot?"

He laughed softly, a low, provocative sound. "You don't need to worry about me thirsting for your blood, Bella," he assured me. "But I'm afraid I would go mad from hunger if you denied me the occasional taste of your ambrosial skin."

I shivered at the desire in his voice, all too aware of the slickness between my thighs. Carlisle's lips latched onto my throat, sucking gently just over the pulse point. Once again, I searched myself for fear and found none. I had no doubt that Carlisle wouldn't physically hurt me. It was only damage to my heart that I worried about.

He rocked his hips against me again, pressing his erection into my side, and I suddenly ached to feel it somewhere much more interesting. I pushed myself off Carlisle's lap and shifted so I was straddling him. The skirt of my dress rode up my thighs, and Carlisle sucked in a sharp breath as I settled onto his lap again, pressing my center against his rigid body.

"Bella," he gasped. His hands shoved up under the hem of my dress, grabbing my backside and jerking me hard against him. I hummed in longing at the pressure between my legs, rocking into him, aching to have him inside me, filling me.

I moaned quietly as Carlisle ground his hips against me, his fingers digging into my flesh as he clutched me to him. His thrusts matched the rhythm of the music being played by the oblivious orchestra below, and I moved with him, undulating against his body. One hand clutched at the hair on the back of his head as I met his urgent thrusts. I could feel the need coiling inside of me, crying out for more, building toward release.

One of Carlisle's hands released me and moved around my hip, sliding between us. I groaned in frustration as the steady motion of his hips ceased, but it quickly turned to pleasure when his fingers pressed against my mound, prodding eagerly. After a moment of delicious rubbing, his hand pushed back the lace of my panties and his fingers slipped underneath.

He glided his hand over my slick folds, and I buried my face in his shoulder to muffle the excited noises escaping from my throat. I shifted my position, trying to guide his fingers inside of me, but he just smiled and continued teasing me, pressing all around my entrance but never venturing further.

"Not fair," I panted against his shoulder.

"I agree," he murmured in my ear, his warm voice husky with desire. "Wearing something like this is utterly unfair, Bella. How am I supposed to treat you respectably when I know what you have on under that innocent-looking dress?"

"You're not," I gasped into his shoulder, trying again to maneuver myself onto his fingers. "Respectability is overrated."

"There was a time I might have disagreed with you . . . but having you here with me now, so warm and wet . . . Bella, I can't resist you."

Two cold fingers plunged into me, and I bit down on the heavy suit jacket that covered Carlisle's shoulders, choking back a scream. He pumped in and out of me insistently while his thumb worked my clit, driving me relentlessly toward my peak.

I needed more of him. I yanked at his tie to loosen it, then jerked open the buttons of his shirt, shoving aside his lapels and attacking his neck and shoulders with my mouth. I sucked at his cold, hard skin, relishing his taste, frustrated that I couldn't touch more of him. I let one hand move down his sculpted chest to slip between us, cupping over his solid erection and rubbing it through his pants.

He let out a strangled cry that might have been the beginnings of my name, before he bit it back. His hips rocked against my hand as his fingers worked my core. Again and again, his thrusts penetrated my body, his erratic breaths and my desperate whimpers mingling with the lilting sounds from the instruments below us, until finally, with a particularly hard thrust, he pushed me over the edge.

I tumbled into orgasm, biting my lip to keep from screaming out in the middle of the performance. Carlisle kept up his rhythmic movements, seeing me through wave after wave of intense pleasure. I clenched my teeth against the moans that threatened to escape my throat, not wanting to draw every usher in the building to our box, until I finally collapsed against him, exhausted but euphoric.

Carlisle drew his hand back and brought it to his mouth. He moaned longingly as he sucked my juices from his fingers. "You taste so sweet," he choked. "More." He gasped out the word, and before I really knew what was happening, he had spun me off of his lap into the chair beside him and had fallen to his knees in front of me. He pushed my legs apart and shoved my skirt up around my hips, burying his face between my thighs. He jerked my panties to the side and his tongue lapped eagerly at my wet folds, his lips sucking the slick fluid from my skin.

He moaned in pleasure, and the vibration sent shock waves through me. I caught my breath as his tongue continued to work the sensitive skin, and soon I was aching with need again. I plunged my hands into his hair, holding his head as I rolled my hips back and forth. The cool caress of his tongue sped up, flicking against my clit, and I once again found myself struggling not to cry out in ecstacy. My second release came quickly, and I clamped my thighs around Carlisle's head as he eagerly lapped up the cream between my legs, his tongue carrying me through another current of pulsing bliss.

I was sagging back in the chair when he was finally satisfied and his tongue stilled. He pushed himself off of the floor and into the chair next to me, a tight smile playing around his lips. He was breathing hard, and he ran a hand through his hair, frustration evident in every movement.

But I could take care of that.

I slid to the floor, kneeling in front of him, but when I reached for the buckle of his belt, his hands covered mine, stilling them. I looked up at him curiously, and he shook his head.

Of course, he wouldn't want me to feel obligated, but part of the beauty of sex was the mutual giving and receiving. And I very much wanted to give him something as incredible as he had given me.

"I want to," I told him.

"I'm sorry, Bella." He drew me up off of the floor and into his lap again. "I can't."

I was confused. I wondered briefly if vampires were somehow unable to have sex . . . but that couldn't be it, because I had heard his family casually refer to their own sex lives. "Why not?"

He pulled me against his chest, one hand guiding my head down onto his shoulder. I was close enough to him to feel all too well that he wasn't satisfied, and I wanted to fix that for him.

"It's not always easy to see at first just how much stronger we are than humans," he murmured. "All day every day, we have to hold back, to be very careful not to shatter everything and everyone around us. It becomes habit quickly enough, but if I were ever to lose control of myself . . ." He trailed off, shaking his head.

I pulled back to look at him, stunned. He was worried about hurting me during sex? I understood what he was saying, but it was all a little bit surreal. No one had  _ever_  worried about hurting me. In fact, it sometimes seemed that my pain was as much the goal as orgasm.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again, stroking my hair gently.

"Um, okay," I said, shaking off the shock. "But I mean . . . you're really good at that. You never hurt me."

"That's because I haven't allowed myself to lose control."

I gave him a teasing smile, running my hand down his chest. "So . . .  _keep_  not allowing yourself to lose control."

He grabbed my hand, preventing it from reaching its destination.

"That's rather difficult," he said, swallowing hard. "With a woman as desirable as you, Bella, all I want to do is lose control."

I moved my hand away from his and slid it inside his jacket, rubbing his chest. "I trust you."

"I don't," he sighed. "It's extremely dangerous, sweetheart. A single moment of inattention could cost you your life."

I peppered the skin behind the open collar of his shirt with kisses. "You're not even willing to try?"

His fingers laced through my hair, stroking gently. "I've already pushed things much farther than I should have."

"But you're not satisfied." I nipped at his collarbone.

He gave a low growl in his throat, his hand coming up to hold the back of my head. "No, Bella. Satisfaction for me would require loss of control."

"Not all control," I argued my voice muffled by his skin as I placed open-mouthed kisses along his shoulder. "If I could keep from screaming just now, I think you could keep from doing whatever it is you're afraid you would do."

He stopped me, cupping his hands over my cheeks and pulling me back so he could look me in the eye. "I'm afraid of crushing you, Bella. Of holding you too tightly in that moment when all I can think of is being closer to you."

The concern in his eye was touching, but I wasn't quite ready to quit pressing my argument. "So keep your hands behind your back," I grinned, grabbing his wrists and pushing his hands behind his chair, bringing my body flush with his.

He groaned, burying his head in my hair.

I started to move to my knees again, but as soon as I let go of his hands, he wrapped his arms around my waist and trapped me against him.

"Perhaps this isn't the most appropriate venue to test my self-control."

I smiled, feeling triumphant. "Does that mean you're willing to test it somewhere else?"

"I'll consider it."

I grinned and gave him a quick kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Good. Now would you please quit distracting me? I'm trying to listen to listen to the concert."

His body shook as he laughed quietly, shaking his head. "My apologies, sweet girl. I've been terribly rude."

I straightened my dress to keep it from wrinkling too badly, and then buttoned up his shirt and tightened his tie. Once our clothes were put back in place I snuggled against his chest, laying my head on his shoulder and listening quietly to the beautiful sound of Dvorak's masterpieces—and the even more beautiful sound of Carlisle's quiet breathing.


	55. Forgiven

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I drove slowly home from the theater, partly because Bella was unnerved by excessive speeds, and partly because the highway was busy that night. There were a lot of young men and women taking advantage of their weekend, and I didn't want them ending up in my emergency room because they followed my poor example.

Besides, I was in no hurry. I had my girl next to me, her hand in mine, and Dvorak's symphonies running through my head. It was hard to top this.

Something had changed between Bella and me tonight. The tension between us that had been ever-present seemed to have drained away, and she smiled more than I was used to seeing.

That smile on her face right now . . . that was for me. I should have told her how I felt a long time ago—of course, there were a lot of things I should have done a long time ago. There was no question that I had created a lot of problems with my efforts to protect Bella from my secret, and I was still a little stunned by how quickly she had forgiven me.

And not only me, but Edward as well. I was uncomfortable with the idea of her being near him again, and I had tried to tell myself that it was only concern for her safety that motivated me. Of course I knew I was fibbing to myself, and Edward would know as well. Bella's quick forgiveness of a man she barely knew put me to shame. Edward had been my closest friend for nearly a century, but I couldn't find it in my heart to offer him absolution.

I met Bella's gaze, and she smiled at me. I raised her hand to my lips, kissing her fingers softly. "You're quiet," I pointed out. "What are you thinking?"

She bit her lip, still smiling, and glanced away self-consciously. "I'm thinking that Jasper might be surprised about the feelings that  _New World Symphony_  inspires in me from now on."

I laughed heartily. "In me as well," I agreed.

"What were you thinking about?"

I sighed softly, letting the melancholy back in. "I was thinking about Edward."

Her hand tightened around mine, but I wasn't sure she realized it. "Are you still mad at him?"

"I am."

She gave me a curious look. "Why are you better at resisting blood than the others?"

"It's hard to say. Esme thinks it may be a gift, like Alice's visions or Edward's telepathy."

"Do  _you_  think that?"

"I don't think it's unlikely," I admitted. "But my own theory is that it's a psychological aversion."

She fiddled absently with my fingers, waiting for me to go on.

"The first months after becoming a vampire are the worst," I explained to her. "The bloodlust is all-consuming." I stared out of the window, conjuring up some of my ugliest memories. "Those were dark days for me, Bella. I had lost my family, my friends, my God. I had become a demon. I wanted nothing more than to die, but no matter how I tried, I couldn't manage to kill myself. I was more miserable than I had ever been in my life."

Bella shuddered next to me, clinging to my hand.

I gave her an affectionate smile, pushing the memories back again. "After a few months I discovered a way to live comfortably enough without having to become a killer. But for me, thirst for human blood will forever be tied to those hellish days." I laughed softly. "Much the way  _New World Symphony_  will forever be tied to you."

A shy smile graced her lovely features. "I'll have to put that one on my mp3 player," she said, her cheeks coloring slightly.

I chuckled as I pulled the car up in front of her house.

"They're back," I heard Edward say from behind the house, followed by the rustling of a heavy step that I couldn't place.

"Edward is here," I told Bella softly. "And . . ." I cut the engine, opening the car door to hear better.

"It's Jacob," Edward's voice answered hesitantly.

"Ah," I smiled, nodding in understanding. I hadn't heard Jacob moving as a wolf yet. "And Jacob."

"How do you know?"

"I can her them, out back in the woods. We often talk with the wolves there. This has become sort of a neutral space for us."

"They're  _outside_?" she asked. "That's crazy, it's freezing! Jacob knows where the key is, and I thought Edward did too—they could have gone in."

"The cold won't bother either of them," I assured her. "In fact, it's a bit easier for us to speak to one another in the open air. We . . . don't care much for the smell."

She blinked in surprise as I got out of the car and moved quickly around to help her out. "The wolves smell bad?" she asked.

I nodded. "To us, anyway. But Edward says we smell even worse to them. He says our scent actually burns their noses."

She giggled. "You smell pretty good to me."

"That's good to know," I laughed.

Bella headed toward the back of the house and I followed her closely as she strode heedlessly into danger. A brand new wolf and a vampire who craved her blood above all else . . . I shook my head in consternation. The girl couldn't seem to avoid danger.

"Not above all else, Carlisle," Edward said sadly as we rounded the house. He was standing at the tree line, his expression pained.

Bella didn't hesitate. She strode across the yard, pulling her had from mine when I tried to hold her back. She walked straight up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly.

"I thought you were dead," she said, her voice sounding husky.

Edward's eyes widened in surprise. "You did?"

She nodded, pulling back and swiping at her eyes with the sleeve of her father's coat. I took a handkerchief from my pocket and moved up behind her, pressing it into her hands and pulling her back a few steps from Edward.

"Why?" Edward asked, puzzled.

She made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "Because I saw these two huge wolves drag you away, and I ran away before anyone had a chance to explain what was happening."

"Finally! I was beginning to think you were completely lacking any sense of self-preservation."

"I must be, if I'm standing there talking to  _you_ ," she teased, stepping closer to him and poking him lightly in the stomach.

Edward's expression turned sorrowful. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I feel awful. I can't believe I attacked you like that."

She sighed. "To be fair, you tried to warn me several times."

He nodded solemnly. "I did. But I like you, Bella, so much. I hate that I'm  _this_  guy, the guy you have to be afraid of."

Bella gave him a playful smile, looking up at him through her lashes. "Thanks for not killing me that first day in Biology. That would have been a really lousy way to be welcomed to town."

Edward laughed out loud. "You're very welcome. And I promise to continue not killing you."

"Such a gentleman."

I was in awe of her. My girl had nearly died at Edward's hand, but here she was, teasing him and making  _him_  feel better.

"Where's Jacob?"

Edward glanced back into the trees. "He's not allowed to get close to you," he said, shifting uncomfortably.

"What? That's ridiculous." Bella's eyes searched the dim woods. "Jacob?"

Edward sighed. "Sam ordered him to stay at least twenty feet back at all times. Fifty if there's nobody else here to look after you."

She gaped at him. "Sam  _ordered_  him? Who does he think he is?"

I quirked an eyebrow at Edward. "My thoughts exactly," I said. "Why is Sam Uley giving orders to Jacob Black?"

Jacob stepped out of the trees several yards away. He was in human form, wearing a pair of cut-offs, and he crossed his arms defensively over his chest as he spoke. "Because  _he's_  the Alpha," he said, shooting a warning look at Edward.

Bella's face lit up and she moved toward him, but he backed away.

"Bella, don't," he pleaded. "It's not safe for you to get too close."

"Jacob, come on," Bella said, looking hurt. "You're just going to let Sam tell you what to do?"

"It's not his choice, love" I told her, moving behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist. "The boys in the pack are physically unable to disobey a direct order from the Alpha."

She gaped at Jacob.

He shifted uncomfortably. "It's a good idea to be careful," he told her, his eyes begging her to understand. "I could have killed you and Old Quil."

"But you  _didn't._ You've been my best friend for like a million years. I trust you."

"Bella, darling," I murmured, moving my lips close to her ear, "a newly-phased wolf is a slave to his instincts, much like a newly-turned vampire. It takes a little while to regain control."

Bella huffed, crossing her arms over mine. "Great now  _all_  my friends want to kill me?"

A wry smile crossed Jacob's face. "Can you blame us? You're a real pain in the ass."

Bella made a rather unladylike gesture, and Jacob snickered.

"You look hot, by the way," he said, flopping down in the grass. "If I'd have known you could clean up so nice, I'd have let you be my arm candy."

She snorted. "Please. From what I hear, you smell bad."

"So does your sick-ass pedophile boyfriend," he smirked.

"Maybe," she teased. "But he's prettier than you." She leaned toward him a little. "Speaking of which . . . did you cut your hair off?"

"Yep." He jumped to his feet and turned around slowly, his arms held out. "You like the new look?"

"I liked the  _old_  look," she pouted.

He shrugged and flopped down again. "This is just easier. Long hair translates to shaggy fur—you remember how I looked yesterday?"

Bella stared intently at him for a minute and nodded. "It's hard to make myself believe that was  _you_."

"Believe it, sister. But crap is always getting caught in shaggy fur. That's why Sam, Jared, and I have all cut our hair."

Bella kicked off her shoes, absently rubbing one foot up and down her leg to massage it. "Can I . . . ?" she bit her lip. "I mean, can I see you? As a wolf?"

Jacob smiled brightly. "You want to? This doesn't freak you out?"

Bella glanced back at me, giving me an adorable smile. "I let a vampire lick my neck. There are scarier things in my life."

I laughed to myself and pressed a soft kiss behind her ear.

Jacob jumped up, his hands moving to the button of his shorts, and I cleared my throat sharply.

He paused. "What's the matter, Doc? Feeling threatened?"

"A little modesty, if you please?" I said, nodding toward the trees.

He snickered. "Bella, turn around so your boyfriend doesn't get his panties in a twist when I take my clothes off."

Bella turned quickly, resting her head against my chest. "Why are you taking your clothes off?"

"They don't really fit when I change," he laughed. He stripped off his shorts, then screwed up his face in concentration. In a burst of heat his body expanded, and he fell forward. By the time his hands hit the ground they were paws.

"Very impressive, Jacob," I said admiringly, looking over the enormous russet wolf. "I haven't seen that kind of control in someone so young before."

He panted happily and gave a quick bark to get Bella's attention. She peeked back at him and drew in a surprised breath. "Jacob, you're beautiful!"

He turned a couple of quick circles, showing off for her.

Bella's hands went to her mouth. "Oh, you're just so  _cute_! You make me want to rub your tummy and throw sticks for you to fetch!"

Jacob's head whipped around and he growled low in his throat.

Bella giggled. "So do I have to walk you every day? And take you to obedience school?"

There was another burst of heat, and I turned Bella around quickly, pulling her against me again.

"Cute?" Jacob spat, climbing to his feet and tugging on his shorts. "I'm not  _cute_. And I'm not fetching sticks."

I released Bella when he was dressed again, and she turned back to him, her eyes sparkling.

"Maybe you don't fetch, but you're definitely adorable."

"I'm  _intimidating_ ," Jacob corrected her. " _Menacing_ , even."

"You're  _fluffy!_ "

Jacob sulked. "I'm never speaking to you again."

"Well, while you're not speaking to me," Bella said, "get Sam to lift his stupid twenty foot rule. I want to hang out with you this weekend."

Jacob looked pained. "Just give me a little time, Bella. Let me get a better handle on myself, okay?"

She folded her arms across her chest unhappily, and a shiver shook her body.

"Bella, you're going to freeze out here without your shoes on," I frowned. "Why don't we go inside?"

She shook her head, setting her jaw stubbornly. "Not until you talk to Edward. You haven't said a word to him."

I looked at my son, who was standing silently to the side, his eyes downcast. I called up the memory of him launching himself at Bella, and he winced. "It can wait," I said softly.

"So can I." She suppressed another shiver. "I'll stay out here with you until you guys get things worked out."

I sighed, admitting defeat. My girl knew how to play her hand, that much was clear. "Go in and get warm," I told her, "and we'll talk."

Bella looked between the two of us indecisively.

"Don't worry, Bella," Jacob said. "I won't be far away. I'll keep them from killing each other."

She gave him a smile. "Thanks. Let me know if you need anything."

"I could go for a squeaky toy," he grinned. "Maybe a bone to gnaw on."

Bella giggled and turned to me, stretching up for a kiss before pulling her father's coat tighter around her and heading into the house.

"You two behave yourselves," Jacob said, striding off into the trees.

I turned to face Edward, clasping my hands behind my back. There were only a few feet between us, but we might as well have been separated by the Grand Canyon.

I called to mind his attack of Bella again, remembering it over and over, before pulling up the image of Bella's terrified eyes, and then her turning and running from me.

Edward doubled over in pain. "Stop," he gasped. "Please."

I let those memories slide away, but let him hear Bella with Mike Newton, kissing him, offering him her gratitude.

"I'm sorry," Edward choked. "I'm so sorry, Carlisle. I never wanted to hurt her."

 _Well, you did._  I hit him with the image of her terrified face again.

"What can I do?" he pleaded. "How can I make this right?"

"I don't know. How would you have made it right if you had killed her? After you drained her and took away her life  _and_ mine, what would you have done to redeem yourself?"

He fell to his knees in agony, his hands gripping his hair. "I love you, Carlisle," he cried in a strangled voice. "All I wanted was to make things right with you, to make up for what I did. I know I was careless, but I was trying to bring the two of you together."

"As I recall, I asked you to leave it alone," I said coldly.

"I can't. I owe you this."

I frowned impatiently. "What are you talking about?"

He looked up at me, his face tortured. "You were alone for so long," he said, an aching sadness in his voice. "Then you found Esme, and you had a chance at happiness . . . and I took it from you." He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "I don't deserve her, and I don't deserve your friendship." He looked up at me with haunted eyes. "You've given me the perfect life, Carlisle. The only thing I've ever lacked is the chance to redeem myself for what I did to you."

I stared down at him, my emotions churning inside of me. I wanted to hate him, but I desperately wanted to  _stop_  hating him. It disgusted me to look at him, but I ached to have my friend again. I needed him. And the more I watched him, breaking under his remorse, the more I realized how much he meant to me. It hurt me to see him in pain.

But the thought of life without Bella hurt me far more. I imagined what it would have been like had I failed to protect her that day, and Edward shuddered.

"How long are you going to torture me with that?" he asked, his voice and eyes begging for mercy.

"Exactly as long as I find myself tortured by it," I said icily. "She nearly died, Edward."  _I nearly lost her._

He gritted his teeth. "It's not the first time," he said, agony in his voice. "And she's not safe now. I could hurt her, and if not me, Charlie, or that bastard step-father of hers, or one of the wolves, or even another careless boy with his car. You can't protect her like this forever, Carlisle. Eventually you'll have to let her protect herself."

"It's not your decision," I snapped at him.

"It's not yours either." He glared at me, and I was forced to acknowledge that, even as I punished him, he was trying to secure my future with my girl.

With any other man, I could have hidden the love and gratitude that I was trying to hold back. I could have denied that I was holding onto a grudge when I wanted nothing more than to let it go. But it was impossible to hide from Edward, and his absolute familiarity with my mind weakened me.

"I'm sorry," he choked. "I don't mean to manipulate you like that. I would turn it off if I could."

I sighed wearily. "I wouldn't. I'm a better man for having known you, Edward."

He swallowed hard, staring at the ground. "I wish I could hear her," he said. "I wish I could know the mind so beautiful that it's worthy of you."

I gave a humorless laugh. "I wish I could too. She's a puzzle to me." I ran a hand through my hair, staring down at Edward. It was foolishness to think I could ever really live without him. He was my rock.

He was silent for a few minutes, letting the turmoil in my mind settle slowly into silence. When I was at peace again, he looked up at me and smiled widely.

"How was your date?"

I smiled and called up the memory of my confession to her tonight, watching the play of emotions on his face. He winced when I showed him her silence and her initial reaction, when I had believed she might not reciprocate my feelings. But then he smiled proudly as I showed him her eventual response.

"'Atta girl," he murmured. He focused his eyes on me. "I didn't realize you had decided to tell her how you felt."

"I hadn't. It was my intention to take a step back, actually. It turns out that's much easier said than done."

"Couldn't keep your hands to yourself?" he laughed.

I showed him the memories of the beginning of the concert, how tempting she had been, how my resolve to hold myself back had crumbled to dust at her eager touch.

"I'll take that as a no."

"The girl is absolutely irresistible," I said, shaking my head ruefully. I quickly showed him highlights from our time together that evening, and his jaw dropped.

"In the  _theater_ , Carlisle?" he said, shocked. "Good lord, you're as bad as Emmett and Rose."

"Emmett and Rose would have disrupted the performance," I said indignantly. "I have manners, Edward."

"That's true. So you had a good night?"

I nodded.

He grew serious. "Did you have a productive one?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"There are still things you need to discuss with her. Her father's stability, her plan for Christmas . . . her future." He leveled his gaze at me. "We need to have a family meeting."

I sighed heavily. "You're right." I glanced at the house, listening to the sounds of my girl getting ready for bed. I could hear the rustling of chiffon, and I smiled. God bless Alice and her fashion fetish. "Tomorrow," I murmured. "When she wakes up, I'll bring her home."

"I'll make sure everyone is there."

I held out my hand to him and he took it, pulling himself to his feet and grabbing me up in a tight embrace.

"You deserve her, Carlisle," he said. "Forever."

"Thank you, Edward."

He pulled back and nodded toward the house. "You should go finish what you started in the loge."

I closed my eyes, shaking my head. "I'm not ready for that, Edward."

"I think you are. Just . . . watch what you're doing with your hands. That's what gets you into trouble."

I nodded, grateful for the advice. "Not tonight."

He squeezed my shoulder before stepping back and moving into the trees. "I'll see you in the morning, old man."

"In the morning."


	56. Bridge Over Troubled Water

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I woke up with Carlisle's handkerchief clutched loosely in one hand, feeling oddly light. Today had possibilities. The first thing, of course, would be breakfast with Carlisle. I had hardly ever eaten breakfast before, but since he had come to stay, he cooked for me every morning. I knew if I lay here for another few moments, I would soon smell coffee brewing. Somehow, he always knew when I was awake, and he had fresh coffee ready for me when I got downstairs.

I wondered if Jacob had changed his mind about coming over yet. It was ridiculous for him to be so careful. Jacob Black was the one person in the world I had always been able to trust, and wolf or not, I knew perfectly well that I had nothing to fear from him. Kudos to Sam for erring on the side of caution and all, but Jacob had been my safe harbor for years.

I would love it if he could come over, but if he couldn't, maybe I could get Alice to hang out with me. I was in the mood for some fun, and her unfailing cheerfulness would be welcome today.

Yes, today definitely had possibilities.

I brought Carlisle's handkerchief to my face, breathing deeply. His smell set my head spinning, and I wondered how anyone could ever dislike it. The wolves must all be out of their minds.

After a few minutes the smell of coffee mingled with the scent of the handkerchief, and I decided it was time to get out of bed. I debated returning the bit of linen to its rightful owner, but decided I had enjoyed sleeping with it far too much. I would give it back when Carlisle's scent no longer clung to it.

I laid it carefully on my night stand next to the photographs of Carlisle and stripped out of my pajamas. I hampered them and pulled on a pair of jeans and a pink cashmere sweater, checking out the look in the mirror. Alice had a thing for cashmere, and I couldn't blame her. It clung in all the right places, and it was  _so_  soft.

Satisfied that I looked alright, I headed down the stairs and into the kitchen. Carlisle was just flipping a waffle onto a plate, and he gave me a smile as he set it on the table for me.

"Good morning, love."

I moved to him and pressed my lips to his briefly before sitting at the table. "Good morning."

"Did you sleep well?" he asked, settling into the chair next to mine.

"Really well. How about you?"

He smiled wryly. "Actually, we don't sleep."

I froze, my hand halfway to the syrup bottle. "You don't . . . sleep."

He shook his head, an amused smile on his lips, and moved the syrup bottle into my hand.

I took a second to wrap my mind around that, pouring syrup over my waffle. "What do you do here all night?"

"Every other night or so I have Esme or Emmett come stay for a few hours while Edward and I run up into the hills and hunt."

I gave him a curious look. "Why just you and Edward? Don't you all need to hunt?"

"Once every week or two. But Edward and I have been being extra cautious, because of the amount of time we've been spending with you."

"Is it hard for you to be around me?"

He smiled warmly. "Not at all, darling. But I have worried about my control slipping during our more intimate moments."

I mulled that over in my mind. He was more tempted when we were making out. Interesting. "So when you said I don't have to worry about you craving my blood. . . ."

"I was being absolutely honest. It's a largely unnecessary precaution for me, and one I really only keep up because it is so very necessary for Edward. He goes out nearly every night, and he appreciates the company when I go with him."

I grinned at him. "Promise you don't want to eat me?"

"You have my word," he laughed

I gave a satisfied nod and took a bite of my waffle.

"Bella," he said, folding his hands on the table, "do you have plans for this morning?"

I shrugged, swallowing. "Not yet, though I was thinking about going out to La Push and smacking Sam Uley around a little."

He winced. "Sweetheart, please promise me you'll step carefully with the wolves. Their tempers are unpredictable."

"The intended smacking-around was purely figurative."

"Ah," he said with a smile. "I see. Well, if it's not too much to ask, I wonder if you would mind putting off your metaphorical assault on Sam Uley until later this afternoon?"

"Sure. Why?" I popped another bite of waffle into my mouth.

"There are some things I need to discuss with you, and I'd like to have the rest of the family weigh in as well. We need to have a family meeting." He looked a little hesitant, and alarm bells sounded in my head.

"Um . . . okay. Is this more weird creatures-of-the-night stuff?"

He smiled sadly, his eyes dropping to his hands. "No, not really. It will be a bit more personal . . . for you."

I put my fork down, suddenly not hungry. "Personal."

"We need to talk about your family," he said apologetically.

"I don't want to." I pushed my chair back from the table and stood up.

"Bella, please. It's necessary, for your safety as well as Charlie's."

My eyes widened. "What about Charlie's safety? What does he have to do with any of this?"

He stood and drew me into his arms, and I let him tuck me against his chest. "Please come," he said softly. "I know it's hard to talk about, but you have to understand that my family knows much of what has happened without you ever having to tell them. Between Alice's gifts and Edward's there are few secrets among us."

I wrapped my arms around his waist, seeking comfort in the hardness of his body. He felt strong, dependable . . . safe. "Isn't that enough?" I asked him. "Do I have to talk about it?"

His hand moved to stroke my hair. "There are certain situations that require action. We need to talk about what is to be done."

I buried my face in his solid chest. "You guys just do whatever you think you should. I trust you."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm afraid these are things we need your help with. Please come with me."

How was I supposed to argue with that? He was so sweet and genuine . . . and after all, I didn't really want him making my decisions for me. I wanted to be a part of things, so I needed to grow up and take responsibility.

"Okay," I said softly.

He gave me a quick squeeze and released me. "Thank you. We'll go as soon as you're finished with breakfast.

"I'm finished," I said, looking at the waffle with distaste. "I can't eat anymore."

"All right. I'll wait while you get ready."

I ran back upstairs and pulled on some shoes, then met him at the door, tugging Charlie's denim jacket on. He wrapped an arm around me as we headed to the car, and as always, he opened the door for me and offered me his hand to help me inside.

The drive to his house was quick and silent. I didn't want to talk any more about this than I had to, and he seemed content to wait until his family was there to discuss things. My anxiety grew as we approached the house, and I clasped my hands together to keep them from shaking.

Carlisle parked and guided me into the house, where Edward was sitting at the piano, fiddling with some little melodies. Esme sat beside him, laughing and tickling him playfully.

They stopped their play and looked up as we came in.

"Hey guys," Edward said. "Jasper and Alice are out hunting. They'll be back in just a few minutes."

"Bella!" Emmett's booming voice rang out from somewhere upstairs, and within seconds he had darted down the stairs and grabbed me up in a bear hug, lifting me off the ground.

Carlisle cleared his throat pointedly. "Emmett, if you break my girl I'll make you sorry."

I giggled as Emmett set me back on my feet.

Carlisle helped me take off my jacket and hung it in the closet before Emmett dragged him away for something or other. I wandered to the piano and leaned against it, listening to Edward tease Esme while he absently played bits of melodies. He shot me a mischievous grin and started playing the familiar opening notes of  _New World Symphony._

I immediately felt my cheeks flame. "He told you about that?" I hissed.

Edward laughed out loud. "He didn't have to tell me, Bella. All he had to do was think about it . . . and you wouldn't _believe_  how much he thought about it last night."

"Edward, leave her alone!" Carlisle called from the living room.

Edward snickered.

"You can hear when you're here and he's at my house? How does that work?"

He shook his head. "I can't really hear from more than a few miles away, but he and I stepped out for a hunting trip early this morning." He winked at me. "You're wearing him down, kid."

I clapped my hands over my burning cheeks, moaning softly.

Carlisle reappeared from the living room, smacking Edward on the back of the head with a loud crack on his way to my side. "It's none of your business," he said with a smile.

Edward continued playing the piece, grinning at Carlisle. "Since when do I ever mind my own business?"

Carlisle took my hand and led me toward the large dining room. "It's a virtue you should cultivate," he said sternly over his shoulder.

Their banter warmed me. It was good to see the two of them back to normal again. I squeezed Carlisle's hand happily as he led me to the table and helped me into a chair just to the left of the head of the table. He took his place at the head, and before he had even gotten comfortable in his chair, Edward and Esme had darted into the room. Edward sat across from me, throwing me a grin over the table, and Esme settled next to him.

I had thought we were waiting for Alice and Jasper, but within a few seconds they had appeared and taken seats at the foot of the table, and almost as soon as they did, Emmett and Rosalie rushed in and sat by me.

Rosalie gave me a sweet smile. "Hey, Bella."

She was so pretty it was scary, and a little tremor ran through me. "Hi," I said back, trying not to sound as nervous as I felt.

"Thank you all for being here," Carlisle began formally, looking around at the family. "I know it's unnecessary for me to point out that the things we have to discuss will be somewhat upsetting for Isabella, and should be handled with sensitivity." His eyes lingered on Emmett and Jasper.

"What?" Emmett asked, sounding perplexed. "I'm sensitive."

Rosalie snorted, but kissed his cheek affectionately.

Carlisle gave him a small smile, then turned his eyes to the foot of the table. "Alice, darling, would you tell Bella about your visions of Charlie?"

She shifted uncomfortably, not meeting my eye.

"What is it?" I asked her. "What about Charlie?"

She rubbed her hands together under the tabletop. "After he got your emancipation started, he called his lawyer and made sure his will was up to date."

A feeling of dread crept into my stomach as I stared at her. I knew my expression was blank, but I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to acknowledge what she was implying.

"He took Renee off and made you sole beneficiary," she said tentatively.

A shudder ripped through me, and I could have sworn the room started to tilt.

A wave of calm washed over me, strong at first, but then easing off until I was on my own again, and only mildly panicky. "What does that mean?" I asked, knowing full well what it meant.

"Bella," Carlisle said softly, "could he be ill? Have you noticed symptoms of anything?"

I shook my head numbly. Charlie was exactly the way he always was.

"He promised me." The whispered words escaped from my lips before I even thought about them, and a sob followed them out. "He wouldn't do that! He promised me!"

I didn't realize I was standing until Carlisle was standing with me, drawing me against him.

"He said he'd never make me go live with them again!" I yelled. "He wouldn't leave me! He promised!"

Another wave of calm crowded out the fury, but I tried to fight it back.

"Jasper, stop it," I said tiredly.

The calm disappeared instantly, leaving me reeling.

"Sorry, Bella."

I sank back into my seat and buried my head in my hands. "He can't," I said, tears falling from my eyes. "He can't do that."

"He needs your help, sweetheart," Carlisle said gently. "He needs you to remind him that his life is worthwhile."

The weight of the responsibility settled onto my shoulders, and I felt like it would crush me. "I don't know how."

"We'll help you," Esme said gently. "That's what family is for."

I dropped my hands to my lap. "What do I do?"

"It might be a good idea to make some plans with him for when he comes home," Rosalie suggested. "He seems to be going out of his way to take care of you. If he knows you're looking forward to something in particular, he might decide to stick around for it."

I nodded, feeling numb. I wanted to pull his coat around me, only I wasn't wearing it. I felt oddly unfocused. I was still shaking, but I wasn't sure if I was cold.

I really needed Charlie's coat.

I pushed myself out of my chair and started walking toward the closet by the front door.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked, rising to follow me. "Sweetheart, where are you going?"

I gestured lamely in the vague direction of the closet.

Carlisle stepped in front of me, taking me by the shoulders and leaning down so his eyes were directly in my line of sight. "Bella, please stay," he said, gazing intently into my eyes.

"I need it," I mumbled, stepping out of his grip. I was glad he let me. I pushed past him and moved to the closet, nearly tripping over my feet on the way there. Carlisle hovered just behind me, and watched as I pulled my coat from the hanger and wrapped it around me.

It felt better. Having his coat around me seemed to help me focus a little. Charlie. I needed to help Charlie.

"Where are you going?" Carlisle asked again, his voice gentle.

I looked up at him, surprised. "Nowhere."

He reached out for my hand, concern shining in his eyes. "Will you come back to the table?"

I nodded and let him lead me back to the rest of the family. We took our chairs again, and I wrapped the coat tight around me.

"Bella, you should know he hasn't actually made a decision yet," Jasper said in a low, soothing voice. "And when he comes home, I can stay close and help him through the worst of it."

I nodded quickly. "I'd really appreciate that. And I'll make plans with him too," I said, turning to look at Rosalie.

She gave me a sad smile. "We're here to help. Just let us know if you need us to arrange anything special, to give him something to look forward to."

"I'll talk to him tomorrow, see what he'd like to do."

Carlisle nodded his approval. "Good. We'll keep working on that. Alice, Edward, Jasper . . . if any of you pick up something new, please keep Bella informed."

They all murmured their assent.

"Next order of business," Carlisle said, regarding me carefully. "Christmas."

I shuddered and tried to pull the coat tighter around me. It was impossible—I was already pulling at it as hard as I could.

"I understand your custody agreement requires a visit to your mother."

I nodded, pulling my knees up to my chest. I wasn't supposed to have to talk about this. Edward said if I went to therapy I wouldn't have to say any more about it.

"We need to arrange to have someone accompany you," Carlisle said softly.

My eyes snapped to his, surprised by his suggestion. A little bubble of hope formed inside me, but soon burst. "You can't. It's sunny."

Alice nodded her agreement, her face showing disappointment. "That's true, the weather won't be any help. But Bella, we can still be with you at night."

The hope bubble was back. Night was when I needed them.

"We need to get your travel plans made," Alice said. "That way I can see things a little more clearly."

I bit my lip. "Mom is supposed to get the plane tickets."

"Would you mind calling her?" Edward asked. "It helps to have a framework for Alice to work off of."

I glanced around the table, at the beautiful, pale faces all looking at me expectantly. "Right now?"

"It will help us move forward," Carlisle said gently.

"Okay . . . um," I tugged my phone out of my pocket. "Should I put it on speaker?"

Several people chuckled, and Carlisle smiled. "We can hear it fine, sweetheart."

I was too anxious about the call to laugh at myself for forgetting that. I stared down at my phone, vaguely noticing that my knuckles were white from clutching it so hard.

It was just Renee. I could talk to Renee. I missed her, and I wanted to see her again.

I flipped open my phone and dialed her cell phone number, my hand shaking as I pressed it to my ear.

"Hello?"

 _Shit._  That wasn't Renee.

I took a shaky breath. "Um. Hi Phil, is Mom there?"

"Bella?" His voice lit up. "Damn, I've missed you, little girl."

"I need to talk to Mom," I said again, knowing it probably wouldn't do much good.

"Aw, come on now, Bella." His voice took on a hard edge. "Tell me you miss me."

I swallowed hard, wishing I hadn't had to make this call in front of the entire Cullen family. "I miss you."

"Good girl," Phil purred into the phone. "You're always such a good girl, Bella. I miss that."

"Can I talk to Mom?"

"Don't be in such a rush to get rid of me," he said playfully. "I can give you what you need."

I clenched my teeth, feeling nauseated. "I need Mom."

Phil clucked his tongue disapprovingly. "You're misbehaving, little girl. You know what happens when you misbehave."

I shuddered. "Please?" I begged. "I really want Mom."

"Bella," he said warningly. "Don't make me angry."

I leaned on the tabletop, squeezing my eyes closed. I really wished I didn't have to do this now.

"Why don't you tell me what you want?"

I might as well just tell him and get it over with. He was never going to let me talk to Renee. "I need to get plane tickets to come home for Christmas."

"Ahh," he breathed. "Christmas. Are you excited?"

I hated that I had to do this with an audience. I put a hand over my eyes, as though somehow it would keep them from witnessing this conversation. "I thought maybe we could get the tickets now, before the seats all sell out."

"I asked you a question," Phil said in a low voice. "I asked you if you're excited, Bella."

I swallowed hard, shaking all the way through. "Yes," I whispered.

"I'm excited too. I've missed having you here. I've missed our little late-night visits. Have you missed them, Bella?"

Tears were welling up in my eyes, but I didn't want to let them fall. "Can we just make plans?"

"Oh, I have plans. So many things I want to do with you. You're such a pretty little thing, Bella."

My stomach twisted sharply, and I was glad I hadn't eaten more than a couple of bites at breakfast. I was struggling to hold back the panic when a soft touch on my shoulder startled me and my eyes snapped open.

I didn't know how I hadn't noticed the activity around me. Either the Cullen family had been very quiet or I had been very involved in my conversation. Carlisle, Emmett, and Edward were all clustered several feet back from the table. Emmett was holding Carlisle's hands behind his back, refusing to let go of him despite his struggling. Carlisle and Edward were having what looked like a very heated argument, though they were speaking too low and fast for me to catch any of it.

In the far corner of the room, Rosalie was clinging to Esme, burying her head in the woman's neck while Esme rubbed her back comfortingly. Alice still sat at the foot of the table, rocking back and forth and hugging herself, her eyes vacant.

Jasper was the one who had touched my shoulder. "Let me help," he murmured.

The reactions from the rest of the family weren't calming me any, and I desperately needed a little bit of composure. I nodded, and instantly the edge was gone. He didn't take away all of my fear, but he made it manageable, and he gave me confidence.

I needed to get to the details and get this conversation done as quickly as possible.

"My last day of school is December seventeenth," I blurted out.

"Wonderful," Phil said silkily. "That means I can have you here that night."

My stomach twisted again. I really should have told him it wasn't until later, particularly because I didn't want to miss my visit with Charlie that week. "Um . . . I actually have something I have to do that weekend. But I can come Monday the twentieth."

"No," Phil said, "I want you here as long as possible."

"Plane tickets are a lot cheaper on Mondays than on Fridays."

There was a brief pause. "Well, aren't you thoughtful? Such a responsible girl, saving money like that. Such a  _good_  girl. You're my good girl, Bella."

I shuddered, and Jasper gave me a little more of his welcome peacefulness.

"And then I need to be back on the first of January," I told him. The first I would be free. I would no longer be required to abide by any custody agreement. "Look, if you want to give me Mom's credit card number I can make the reservations myself."

"Oh, no need, baby. I'm sitting at my computer right now, looking up flights. Don't you worry about a thing."

Alice's head came up. "He's only booking one way. He's going to try to make you stay."

My eyes widened in panic, and Jasper gave me a little extra dose of tranquility.

"It doesn't matter, Bella," Carlisle told me soothingly. "You'll come home with me."

I nodded, letting him know I'd heard him.

Phil started asking me about my address and other details as he booked my flight for me, lacing his questions with innuendo and veiled threats. By the time he finally hung up, making me promise him that I'd be good, I was shaking all over. As soon as I hung up the phone, Jasper flooded me with serenity.

"Just relax for a few minutes," he said softly, rubbing the tension from my shoulders.

I accepted his gift, letting my heart rate slow and return to normal. The others all wandered back to their seats, taking their places around the table again. Jasper pulled back his influence, and though I missed it, I didn't panic again. He gave my shoulders a friendly squeeze and then moved back to his place next to Alice.

"I'd like to get to Phoenix before Bella does," Carlisle said softly. He looked around the table, studying the faces of his family. "Rosalie, Emmett, Edward . . . I'd like the three of you to come with me. And Alice, while we're away I want you to keep your phone on you at all times."

Edward was staring at him intently, his eyes narrowed. "Carlisle," he said, his voice guarded.

Carlisle raised a warning eyebrow. "Only if it's necessary."

"No," Edward said, shaking his head. "That's just . . . not right."

Carlisle glared at him, and Edward suddenly winced. He squeezed his eyes closed, flinching several times over whatever Carlisle was thinking.

"Stop!" he choked. "I get it, just stop."

Esme slipped her hand into Edward's. "I'd like to come along."

Edward shook his head quickly. "No, darling, I don't think that's a good idea. It's best if you're not there for . . .  _that_."

"For what?" I asked anxiously.

Carlisle turned back to me, his expression softening. "I'll take whatever measures are necessary to keep you safe."

Rosalie smiled darkly. "I'd be happy to help."

"That's why you're going," Edward muttered.

"Why do you need me?" Emmett asked curiously. "I mean, I'm there for you, but what do you need me for?"

"Intimidation," Carlisle said. "It may be enough."

Emmett smirked, and I couldn't help the smile that tugged at my mouth. I definitely liked the visual of Emmett staring Phil down.

"We're leaving the Saturday before Christmas, then?" Edward asked.

Carlisle nodded. "Alice, do you foresee any problems?"

She shook her head. "You should be able to catch up with him Sunday night in a bar near Maryvale Baseball Park. It's called Batters Up."

"Perfect," Carlisle said. "Esme, will you see Bella to the airport?"

"Of course," she said, giving me a smile.

"Jasper, Alice, while we're gone I want you keeping close to Charlie—particularly once he is released from Daybreak."

"Yes, sir," Jasper drawled.

Carlisle reached out and took my hand. "Bella, do you have any other concerns?"

My head was spinning. I couldn't quite wrap my mind around the idea that I wasn't going home alone. The entire Cullen family was rallying around me—including Rosalie, who seemed to be warming up to me lately, though she still sort of terrified me. "I don't think so," I said.

"Good." He folded his hands on the table. "That's it for the really unpleasant things, I think. But now we need to discuss your long-term plans, Bella."

I was confused. "My long-term plans?"

Edward caught my eye, giving me a triumphant smile. "You know. Graduation, college, eternity among the undead. The usual considerations."

Carlisle shot him an irritated look, but otherwise ignored him. "You have the option of joining us in this life, if that's what you want," he told me gently. "I want you to take your time and consider your decision carefully, but it's something you should think about."

I stared at him incredulously. "You mean I could be. . . ."

I suppose I shouldn't have really been taken by surprise. All of them had once been human and had turned. Why I had never considered the possibility of becoming a vampire myself, I wasn't sure. Maybe it was because I had been too wrapped up in the immediacy of the changes taking place in my life. Maybe it was because I saw them all as something exceptional and mystic, and somehow separate from me. Whatever it was, Carlisle's invitation floored me.

Emmett smirked and finished my thought. "You could be a bloodsucking fiend like the rest of us, yes."

"Oh," I breathed, feeling small.

"Pros," Edward said. "Your coordination would improve significantly." He grinned at me.

Rosalie rolled her eyes, but added to his thought. "Your family couldn't hurt you anymore."

"It puts you on more equal footing with Carlisle," Alice smiled.

"Carlisle wouldn't be able to hurt you so easily," Edward said pointedly.

My cheeks flamed at that one.

"You would no longer be in violation of the Volturi's law," Jasper said. "And let me tell you, life is an awful lot easier when you're on the right side of the law."

"It gives you forever," Esme put in. "Forever with Carlisle, and with the family."

Carlisle brought my hand to his lips and smiled. "You can read much,  _much_  faster. And therefore, more." His eyes sparkled as he pressed a kiss to each one of my knuckles.

"Cons," Jasper spoke up. "The diet sucks."

There were several long-suffering laughs and groans from around the table. Clearly, they all agreed.

"We can never stay in any one place for long," Carlisle added. "Ten years is about the maximum."

"You watch a lot of people die," Edward said solemnly. "People you've grown to care very deeply for. And usually, because you've moved on by the time they go, you can't pay your proper respects at their funerals."

"You can't have children," Rosalie said sadly, staring down at her hands. "Or grandchildren."

"You can't walk in the sun when there are people around," Esme said. "And a lot of times you have to miss out on things that you'd like to do, because the weather isn't right."

"You can't be honest with people," Alice said soberly. "It's hard to have good friends when you have to lie to them all the time."

"Plus, the change hurts like hell," Emmett said lightly.

His comment was met with more groans.

"That's true," Carlisle murmured. "It is absolutely the worst pain imaginable, and it lasts for days."

"Plus, we'd have to leave here and not come back," Edward said. "It's a violation of the treaty for us to bite a human."

Carlisle cleared his throat softly. "There are ways around that."

Edward stared intently at him and raised an eyebrow. "You've been giving this some thought, haven't you?"

"What?" Emmett asked. "What are you planning?"

Carlisle drew in a breath. "I could take her to Aro. He's bound by no such treaty."

"No need to involve them," Jasper said lazily from beside Emmett. "Peter can do it."

Esme shook her head. "I don't think the wolves would see it as fidelity to the treaty if we asked someone else to violate it for us."

Carlisle put up his hand, stopping the conversation, and turned to me. "These are all things to consider," he said. "But Bella, take your time. There's no reason to rush, and every reason to wait. For now, Charlie needs you. Focus on him, but think about your options."

I nodded, feeling completely overwhelmed.

"Right, think hard," Emmet said, "but then choose to join the family. I'm dying to wrastle with a newborn."

Jasper snorted. "You'd lose."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Emmett scoffed. "Look at the size of her! She'll still be a toothpick, even if she  _does_  change."

"Just makes it that much funnier to watch her kick the crap out of you."

"I've got a hundred on Bella," Edward grinned.

Rosalie smiled. "I'll take that bet. My man hasn't met a vampire he couldn't whoop yet."

Carlisle cleared his throat pointedly. "Perhaps the gambling can wait until after a decision has actually been made?"

I squeezed his hand blushing wildly.

He looked around at the family. "While we're here, does anyone else have something they need to discuss?"

"Yes," Alice spoke up. "Bella, your truck is going to break down on Tuesday. You need a new car."

"No!" I yelped, before I could stop myself. "I mean, I'll just take it to a mechanic. What's wrong with it?"

She raised an eyebrow. "It's  _old_."

"I don't care," I mumbled. "I love it. Charlie gave it to me."

"Forget it," Emmett said. "Rosie and me'll replace the engine tonight."

My jaw dropped, and I wanted to thank him, but the discussion was already moving on.

"Emmett and I are going up to Alaska to see the girls over Thanksgiving weekend," Rosalie said.

"Alice and I are meeting Peter and Charlotte in Montana," Jasper added.

Edward smiled suggestively at Esme. "Sounds like we'll have the house all to ourselves."

Oh right. Because Carlisle and I were going to Vancouver. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach at the thought. A long weekend with just him and me and Alice's artful lingerie selections.

I smiled to myself. Next weekend would be incredible.  _Today_  had been incredible. It had been difficult, certainly, particularly the call to Phil, but I had never in my life had so much  _support_. It was unreal, being able to rely on people to help me with the burdens that were too heavy to bear. It almost made me feel . . .

_Safe._


	57. Past the Point of No Return

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

"Bella, are you ready to go?"

She was sitting at the table, staring at her untouched omelet. She nodded blankly, but made no move to get up.

I moved to her side, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Sweetheart? Edward and Jasper are here. We can go whenever you're ready."

She nodded again, but continued to stare at her cold breakfast.

I sat down in the chair next to her and took her hand in mine. It unnerved me to see her so unresponsive. "Are you worried about seeing your father?"

She chewed at her lip, her brow furrowed. "It's my fault," she said. "I made him leave, I made him feel this way."

"No. Charlie's current mental state is a product of a painful childhood, a lonely life, and guilt over mistreating the person he loves most in the world. But you can make it better." I brushed the back of my fingers over her cheek. "You're not the cause, Bella, you're the solution."

The front door opened and Edward and Jasper strode into the kitchen. Jasper moved to Bella side and held out a pair of tickets to her. "Compliments of Emmett and Rose."

Bella took them, looking them over. "Qwest Field?"

"Seattle is hosting a playoff game this year," Jasper explained. "Emmett thought this might be something your dad would look forward to."

Understanding dawned in Bella's eyes, and for the first time that morning she looked hopeful. "Oh! So this is an important, um . . . football game?"

Edward snickered. "Bella, you're so cute."

Jasper just nodded, a small smile on his lips. "Yeah. He'll be excited."

"Thank you," Bella breathed, giving him a grateful look.

"Thank Rosalie," Edward said. "She had to flirt with like fifteen different guys to score those tickets."

Bella giggled. "Those poor guys probably have no idea what hit them."

"Ready to go?" I asked again.

Bella nodded and stood, taking her plate and dumping her breakfast in the trash. She found Charlie's coat and shrugged into it, and the four of us headed out to the car.

The boys did a good job of distracting Bella on the way to Port Angeles, and I was glad to have them. They were coming along to get a handle on Charlie's mental state, but they were helping Bella relax, and I appreciated that just as much. It was a heavy burden we were laying on her shoulders, and one I would have preferred to protect her from.

I had thought I understood love. Before I lost my heart to Bella, I believed I had a pretty good idea what it was like to care for someone so deeply. Once a man found his mate, he cherished her and protected her. It was unnerving for me to realize that, if I really wanted to show my love for Bella, I had to  _stop_  trying to protect her.

Perhaps my flawed assumptions came from more than three hundred years of patriarchy. I could blame my upbringing for my desire to ignore Bella's strengths and keep her sheltered safely away from any hint of danger or unhappiness. Or perhaps it was just fear that drove me. I had never before had so much to lose, and my girl was so  _very_  fragile.

Whatever it was, I had to overcome my instincts to rush her far away from any danger. Her entire life was dangerous. She was accustomed to it. Perhaps that was why she found it so easy to forgive Edward and myself. Perhaps that was why she seemed completely unfazed by the threat Jacob Black posed to her.

My girl had been dealing with danger a long time, and though she was deeply unnerved by the difficulties she faced now, I was convinced that it was best to let her face them. She was strong enough. She had been proving that her entire life.

Still, it was difficult. I wanted to be her white knight, but had to settle for being her squire.

We arrived at Daybreak, and I got Bella checked in with the receptionist. I moved to help her take off her coat, but Jasper stopped me.

"Let her keep it," he said. "Maybe it'll show Charlie she misses him."

Edward nodded. "And Bella, tell him that. Tell him things haven't been the same without him and you're anxious for him to come home."

She nodded her understanding. "Okay," she said, taking a deep breath. She moved to the door and pulled it open, disappearing into the common room.

The boys and I settled into some chairs in the foyer and both of them immediately sought out Charlie's signature.

"He's anxious to see her," Jasper said.

Edward nodded, concentrating deeply. "I think he's been checking his watch.  _Time_  is very much on his mind." He paused. "He doesn't like his roommate."

The boys continued picking out bits of information as we waited for the receptionist to retrieve him and bring him to the common room. When he finally reached the room, Bella squealed happily and ran to him.

Jasper gave an approving nod. "That was good for him. He really likes that she's happy to see him."

"I've missed you so much," Bella was saying. "I can't wait for you to come home. It's too lonely without you."

Their quiet steps on the carpeted floor led them to a couch, and I heard the creak of springs as they sat.

"Bells, you can always go out to Billy and Jacob's if you're lonely."

"I know, but it's not the same as having  _you_  there."

Jasper's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Guilt. Interesting."

Charlie cleared his throat uncomfortably. "What about . . . the Cullens? Do they, you know . . . come over?"

"Yeah," she said. "Edward and Alice do all the time, or I go over to their house."

"And Dr. Cullen?"

Bella hesitated for just a moment. "Yeah, I see him quite a bit. He always goes through the mail and pays bills and things, plus he makes sure there's food in the house."

"He's feeling very suspicious," Jasper murmured. "And a little jealous."

"He's remembering her hugging you," Edward put in.

Charlie sounded uncomfortable again. "Does he . . . treat you okay? I mean, he's not asking you to do anything you don't want to do?"

Bella laughed. "Of course not. He's a perfect gentleman—and so is  _Edward_ , so you don't need to worry about that."

Edward nodded his approval. "Good girl."

I raised an eyebrow at him, and he smirked.

"He'll be a hell of a lot more comfortable imagining  _me_  screwing around with her instead of  _you_."

"He's still suspicious, though," Jasper said.

"Oh, and speaking of the Cullens," Bella said brightly, "they gave us these."

There was a stunned silence, and then Charlie said, "Are you kidding me?"

Bella giggled. "Nope. I guess Emmett and Rosalie have some connections or something. Anyway, I thought it would be fun to go together after you come home."

"More guilt," Jasper said. "But he wants it."

Edward said nothing, but his face was screwed up in concentration.

"Yeah, Bells," Charlie said eagerly. "Definitely. But you don't even like football."

"I like  _you._ I think it'll be fun to go to something like this together."

Jasper ran a hand through his hair, his eyebrows raised. "Wow. There's no doubt that he loves her."

"Also," Bella continued, "I thought it might be kind of fun for us to do something together maybe once a month. Start a tradition or something?"

"He's surprised," Jasper said. "And touched."

"Yeah, Baby. If you want to, we can do that."

"Can we go to the Space Needle? I've never seen it."

"Anything you want," Charlie said indulgently. "But Bella, just tell me now . . . am I going to have any clothes left when I get home? Or have you commandeered my entire wardrobe."

Bella giggled. "No, I just stole your coat. But now that you mention it, you do have some pretty comfortable flannel shirts. . . ."

"Hey," Charlie said sharply. "Get your own flannel shirts."

Bella laughed again. "Like Alice would ever let me get away with that. Dad, she's totally crazy."

Bella started telling Charlie about a shopping trip with Alice, and I cocked an eyebrow at Jasper. "Does this kind of thing interest Charlie?"

He shrugged. "He sure doesn't seem bored. In fact, he's feeling relieved and a little bit flattered. Whether that's because Bella's wearing his jacket or because she's taking the time to talk to him, I don't know."

"Edward? Are you getting anything?"

"He's thinking about her mother," Edward said. "I can't quite put my finger on  _what_  he's thinking, but Renee's face keeps showing up."

We spent more than three hours sitting and analyzing their relationship before an attendant came to remind Charlie of a therapy session he had coming up.

I heard the unmistakable sound of the two of them embracing.

"I miss you so much, Dad," Bella said, her voice muffled. "I can't wait for you to come home. It doesn't feel right without you there."

Her words stung a little, though I knew she was doing exactly what she needed to do. But the fact was, when Charlie came back, I would lose a lot of the time I had with my girl. No more quiet evenings holding her and reading together, no more nights sitting in the bedroom across the hall, listening to her mumble to herself in her sleep.

"Listen," Charlie said hesitantly. "About Dr. Cullen . . ." There was a pause, and then he continued. "I want you to be careful around him. And if he treats you at all inappropriately, I want you to tell Billy. Okay?"

"Okay. But there's nothing to worry about, Dad. He's really great."

"I just don't like how he looks at you, kiddo. I think you need to keep your distance a little so he doesn't get the wrong idea."

"He's not getting the wrong idea. I promise, everything's fine."

They hugged again, and then the door swung open and Bella emerged. I looked up and gave her a smile, then locked eyes with Charlie.

"Cullen," he said, his voice low and dangerous.

I stood and moved to the door, giving Bella's shoulder an affectionate squeeze as I passed her. "Why don't you and the boys go wait in the car?" I told her.

She glanced between her father and me, looking anxious.

"It's all right," I murmured. "I'll be right out."

She gave her father one last wary look before letting Edward take her hand and guide her outside.

I moved into the common room and took a seat on the couch next to Charlie. He remained standing, glaring down at me with his arms folded across his chest.

"You seem awfully invested in my daughter," he said accusingly.

I smiled mildly. "Yes, I suppose I am."

"How does your  _wife_  feel about that?"

"I assure you, my family has no problem with the time I spend helping Isabella," I told him calmly. "As a matter of fact, they often join me. They treat her like she's part of the family."

"Well she's  _not_  part of your family. She's  _my_  little girl."

"Of course. It was not my intention to downplay your familial ties. However, you're not in a position to care for her right now, and I'm not willing to leave her without a support system."

"Let's get one thing straight, Cullen," he spat. "I came here for  _her_. If I imagine for a moment that you're taking advantage of my baby girl, I'll check myself out of this shit hole and put a bullet in your brain."

"Admirable sentiments," I murmured. "Tell me, is that how you intend to handle the situation with her step-father?"

He looked away quickly, his belligerent mask cracking.

"I did the best I could," he said, his voice pained.

"What did you do, Charlie?"

He sank onto the couch, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "She called me, crying. Said they were getting married, and she was afraid. Wanted to come live with me. With  _me_." He shook his head, burying his face in his hands. "I know exactly what kind of a father I am. I knew something was wrong. I called the Phoenix police department, but Bella wouldn't tell them anything. I went to eight different lawyers before I found one who was even willing to  _try_  to get the custody agreement changed." His voice hitched. "I thought I could be better for her."

I let him hurt for a few moments before I sat forward, propping my elbows on my knees. "You've taken the crucial steps," I told him. "Her life has improved significantly since she came here."

He shook his head dejectedly. "She has to go back for Christmas. I should have thought of the emancipation sooner."

"She won't go alone."

He looked at me, his eyes guarded. "What are you talking about?"

I gave him a tight smile. "You just worry about getting a handle on yourself so you can be the father she needs when you get out of here. Leave her step-father to me."

He gave me a long, hard look. "If you do anything to mess up the custody agreement. . . ."

"No need to worry about that. Besides, it will be obsolete by the time Isabella returns home."

He gave me a dark look. "Don't think this gives you permission to take that asshole's place."

I shook my head solemnly. "I would never hurt her."

An orderly reminded Charlie once again that he was due for an appointment.

"Forgive me," I said. "I've held you up for too long." We stood and I held my hand out to him. He just looked at it, then turned and stalked away.

I sighed softly. "Well, it's progress."

I headed out to the car where Bella waited with my boys. She was curled up in the front seat, her arms wrapped around her knees.

"Gutsy," Edward said when I got behind the wheel.

"Stupid," Jasper muttered.

I glanced at Bella, expecting her to ask what they were talking about, but she just hugged her knees and stared out the window.

"Are you alright, sweetheart?" I asked her gently.

She nodded. "Tired."

"Of course." I reached out and caressed her cheek gently. "You did well today."

She bit her lip, but didn't answer.

The drive home was a quiet one. Jasper and Edward talked softly in the back seat, but never spoke loudly enough to disturb Bella's thoughts. Every now and then she reached out and touched my hand briefly, but she didn't speak. She looked drained.

We were nearing her house when Edward drew in a sharp breath. "Carlisle, Sam needs you," he said urgently.

"Where?"

"Out by La Push, just this side of the line. A friend of his is hurt."

I quickly pulled the car over. "Jasper, take Bella home and call Alice to stay with you."

Jasper darted out of the car and quickly helped Bella out. When they were clear, I whipped back onto the road and sped toward the reservation.

"What happened?"

"Motorcycle accident," Edward said. "He skidded on loose gravel. He's bleeding heavily."

"How long ago?"

"Minutes. Jacob's at Bella's house. I heard it through his thoughts when Sam phased and asked for help."

"Has he called emergency?"

Edward shook his head. "No, but Jacob was heading inside to do that."

"Good. If the boy is losing blood, he may need to be taken to the hospital to replenish it."

We sped toward the accident, with Edward scanning ahead, searching for the thoughts of Sam and his friend.

"There," he said. "Just around the next bend."

I slowed and rounded the corner, skidding to a stop near the wreckage of a motorcycle. Sam was a few yards away, kneeling over an unconscious form on the ground. I shifted into park and retrieved my medical bag from the trunk.

Sam's head snapped up in panic. "Get back, there's blood!"

I darted to his side with my bag, Edward following close behind. "It doesn't bother me," I told him, taking stock of the young man's injuries. His shirt was shredded and there were several deep scratches across his chest, embedded with gravel.

I worked quickly, picking out the rocks and cleaning the cuts. It was sort of exhilarating, actually, to be able to work as fast as I was able. It was something I rarely experienced, since I usually worked in an operating room, surrounded by other medical personnel.

Edward knelt next to me, preparing a needle and thread, and Sam glared at him. "Edward, you're not like him. You can't tolerate blood like he does."

"Relax," he said. "You Quileutes don't exactly smell appetizing. There's too much wolf in you."

I took the needle from Edward and started stitching up the tears in the young man's skin, listening to the racing of his heart. It was too fast. His pulse should be slowing, not speeding up, and it was making him bleed more heavily. "Edward, set his leg and make a splint."

Edward ripped his jeans at the knee, tearing them away and righting the broken bone with a quick yank. The boy let out a yell, and Sam winced.

"You're going to be okay, Paul," he murmured.

Edward grimaced. "His temperature is rising, Carlisle. Fast."

I frowned. It should be dropping as he lost blood.

"Oh,  _shit_ ," Edward hissed. "Look."

He pointed to the ragged edge of one laceration, and it showed distinct signs of healing over.

My head snapped up to meet Sam's eyes. "He's a wolf?"

Sam stared at me. "What? No."

"He's about to be," Edward said grimly.

"He can't be," I murmured. "There are already three."

"Carlisle, you and I need to get the hell out of here," Edward said urgently.

I shook my head. "Sam can handle him if he phases. I'm just concerned about what it will do to his injuries. He has at least two broken ribs."

Edward and Sam exchanged glances. "No, you don't understand, we're  _making_  him phase."

I continued stitching him up as quickly as I could go. "What are you talking about?"

"Sam and I were talking about this," Edward said. "Remember how many times Jacob nearly phased when he was spending time with us? We think it had something to do with his proximity to us.  _We_  activated the gene."

"Damn it. I can't just walk away, he'll bleed out."

"There's an ambulance on the way."

"When it gets here I'll step aside,"I said flatly, tying off my thread. "Edward, prep a new needle."

"He shouldn't phase while he's hurt like this. It could leave him permanently disfigured."

"If he bleeds out it will leave him dead."

Edward tugged his phone out of his pocket and dialed. "Jasper, get the hell out here."

"Good idea," I nodded. "Get him splinted." I finished stitching up the worst cuts on his chest and ran my hand along the back of his neck, searching for any indication of a break. Finding none, I pushed my hand under his back and continued down his spine. Edward finished with the splint just after I verified there were no spinal column breaks, and I rolled him quickly onto his stomach.

His back was raw and bloody, but the cuts weren't as deep as the ones on his chest. I once again picked out the gravel, with Edward's help, and I was cleaning his injuries when he started to shake.

Fortunately, Jasper was only a few seconds away.

"Calm him down!" I yelled when I heard him approaching.

Instantly serenity washed through me, and the trembling boy stilled. Jasper ran up behind us, inspecting the scene.

He grimaced. "Lord Almighty, he smells terrible."

"Thank you, Jasper," I murmured.

"What's going on?" he asked. "Which one of you needed calming down?"

"He's trying to phase," Edward muttered, nodding toward the prostrate form on the ground.

Jasper frowned. "I thought you said a pack was three wolves."

"We might have inadvertently changed the rules," Edward muttered.

"Just keep him calm," I said. "I don't want him phasing and causing himself further injury."

I heard the sirens approaching from far away and found myself in a new dilemma. Did I send Jasper with the boy to keep him calm, or did I get the three of us as far away from him as possible?

"I think Sam is the one who should answer that," Edward murmured. "Sam, do you want us to get away from him and hope he calms down, or do you want Jasper to stay close and keep influencing him?"

Sam stared down at the boy, deliberating. "It could already be triggered. If he phased in the ambulance or the hospital. . . ."

I glanced up at him and nodded. "But if we stay away from him it might be reversible. He might never actually change. His pulse rate is dropping."

"Temperature?" Sam asked.

"Still rising," Edward told him.

Sam looked up at Jasper. "You said he smells bad? How does he compare to others of the tribe?"

Jasper shrugged, but Edward and I exchanged glances. We were a bit more familiar with the ones who never phased than Jasper was. "He's worse," Edward murmured. "Almost as bad as you."

"Stay with him," Sam said. "We can't have him phasing in public."

"How bad is it going to piss off his family when they find out he's at Forks Community Hospital?" Jasper asked lazily.

"Sam looked uncomfortable. "Pretty bad. I'll do what I can to smooth things over."

"You may want to tell them that you knew I wasn't working today," I said. "It might help them if they don't believe I had anything to do with his care."

Sam frowned, but didn't answer.

The ambulance pulled up, and I moved the others back and filled the paramedics in on Paul's condition. He needed blood and an MRI, and I made sure to let them know what I had already done. Sam climbed into the back of the ambulance with his friend and I asked the driver to let Jasper ride along with him in front.

"Keep me informed," I told him as he climbed into the truck's cab.

He nodded.

I crossed my arms over my chest as I watched the ambulance drive away, heedless of the blood I was smearing on my shirt.

_A fourth wolf._

"Yeah," Edward muttered, moving up behind my right shoulder. "What the hell?"

"You and Sam think it's because of us?"

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "We were speculating about it. We didn't really decide we were right, but. . . ."

"Right."

We stared after the ambulance for a long time, while I wondered over and over again about what was coming next. Would there be more wolves? How would the Elders feel about this? Would they be pleased that they would have more protection, or disturbed that another of their children had been affected?

Would they ask us to leave?

"That would open a whole new can of worms," Edward commented. "Because you wouldn't go without  _her_ , but she might not be willing to leave her father."

I nodded.  _Which would put me at odds with Ephraim's children._

"Great."

I shook my head.  _I don't want a stand-off, Edward. Your friendship with Sam is more important than ever, and Bella's connection to Jacob may be advantageous as well._

Edward looked at me thoughtfully, but didn't say anything.

"What are you thinking, son?"

He shook his head. "Too many scattered thoughts. Let's see what the tribe thinks about this before we start speculating too much."

"That's probably wise. We're getting ahead of ourselves."

He clapped a hand on my shoulder. "Clean yourself up, and let's go talk to Jacob."

I found some alcohol swabs in my bag and hurriedly wiped the blood from my hands. I gathered my supplies and threw them back in the trunk, making a mental note to restock my bag later, and then Edward and I drove back to the Swan house.

Alice was sitting in the den flipping through a magazine when we walked in, and I could hear Bella's deep breathing upstairs, letting me know she was asleep.

"Where's Jasper?" Alice asked.

"He went to the hospital with Sam's friend," I told her.

She glanced toward the front door. "Do you need me?"

I shook my head.

"Okay." She stood and headed out. "I'm going to go stay with him."

Edward strode to the back door and opened it, leaning outside. "Hey Fluffy, we need to talk," he called into the trees. He snickered at the silent response as Jacob bounded into sight, stopping just behind the tree line.

"Phase back," Edward told him. "I don't want to play interpreter."

Jacob turned and darted back into the woods as Edward and I strode out the back door and into the trees. By the time we met up with him several yards into the trees, he was in human form.

"What's up, leech?" he asked Edward.

Edward grinned. "Congratulations, you're getting a brand new baby brother."

"Oh yeah? Billy's pregnant again, is he?"

"Jacob, do you know this friend of Sam's?" I asked. "The one who was injured?"

"Yeah, Paul. Sam's cousin. He's kind of a pain in the ass."

I glanced at Edward, who was looking at me. "Cousin?"

Jacob shrugged. "Yeah, and he's probably like my fifth cousin or something. We're all a bunch of inbred freaks out on the Rez."

"Well, however he's related, he's trying to phase," Edward said. "Jasper's staying with him to keep him calm so he doesn't go all wolfy in the middle of the hospital."

Jacob frowned. "Is he going to be alright?"

"We got him sewn up quickly, though he does have a head injury that concerns me," I told him.

"He was healing fast, though," Edward said. "I think it's a pretty sure thing. Your boy's ready to join the pack."

"The legends say there's always three," Jacob said with a frown.

Edward shrugged. "So they do."

I hesitated. "Jacob, how do the Elders feel about you boys phasing?"

"Are you kidding me?" he grinned. "They're  _thrilled_."

Edward and I exchanged hopeful glances.

"Is that because they're glad to have some defense against us, or do they see your phasing as a source of pride?"

"What difference does it make?"

"What about you boys?" I asked him. "How do you feel about it?"

He took his cue from me and gave the question its due consideration. "Sam took it kind of hard. It made him feel pretty isolated for a while, plus this thing with Leah and all. People thought he was a real asshole for that—even me—and he couldn't set them straight or explain it to Leah. But it's getting better for him now that he's not the only one."

"And you and Jared?"

He grinned. "We  _love_  it. Are you kidding me? This is awesome!"

"How will your father react when he finds out there's a new wolf?"

"A lot like you two. The first thing he'll ask about is the lineage."

"Will he be pleased, Jacob?" I asked him. "Or will he be bothered that more of you are being affected by this?"

He frowned, looking at me. "You're really bugged by this, huh?"

"I am if it offends your people."

"Huh." He shrugged. "Well, I wouldn't worry about it. They've been lecturing me about having pride in our  _glorious heritage_  since I phased. I don't think they'll be upset."

His words lifted a weight from my shoulders. "Good. I don't want this to turn into a point of conflict."

"Yeah," Jacob smirked, "we already have Bella for that."

I sighed softly. That was more true than he knew. I wondered how Jacob, as a member of the pack and as Bella's best friend, would feel about me changing her.

But now wasn't the time to address it. Not when tensions could already go so much higher over another one of the Quileute boys being affected.

"Perhaps you should let the Council know what's happening. I'm sure they'll want to hear about it as soon as possible.

He shook his head. "I'll run it by Sam first."

Edward quirked an eyebrow at him. "Yeah, what's that all about? Why is it that Ephraim Black's heir isn't calling the shots?"

Jacob fixed him with a baleful stare. "Because I haven't earned it. Sam has."

"Birthright isn't earned," I told him.

"That's what makes it stupid. Sam is more responsible, more considerate, and more level-headed than I am. He's the man for the job, not me."

Edward shrugged. "Whatever. I guess it doesn't matter much to us who's in charge."

"No," I agreed, "but do make the others aware of this new development as soon as possible, Jacob. If there's a fourth, who's to say there couldn't be a fifth?"

He nodded. "Sam will probably say the same thing."

"Let us know how they take it?" Edward requested. "We don't want things to get unpleasant."

He shrugged. "Sure, whatever. I think you're worrying over nothing, though."

"I hope you're right," I said softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following has absolutely nothing to do with this story. This is a personal rant, and you should feel free to skip it.
> 
> *Sets soapbox on the ground and steps onto it*
> 
> Ahem.
> 
> So a recent rash of suicides in the United States has prompted a set of public service announcements featuring everyone from Adam Lambert to Cindy McCain, all with the same hopeful theme:
> 
> "It gets better."
> 
> Public figures are banding together to try to bring hope to gay kids, promising them that eventually, the bullying stops. I love to watch those messages . . . but I cringe when I come here to FanFic land and see one reminder after another that, hey . . . it's not better.
> 
> I'm frustrated by the number of times I've come across phrases like "That's so gay," or "Don't be such a fag," in stories that I've read recently. There's one fic that I really enjoy, but I can't bring myself to recommend to anyone because there's a whole section about a prank played on a boy to make people think he's gay - implying, of course, that homosexuality is something to be ashamed of. And the reviews for that story? The author was congratulated again and again on such a hilarious prank.
> 
> It made me feel sick.
> 
> You readers and writers out there know how powerful words can be. Slurs and epithets don't make our characters cool or interesting, and they definitely don't make us better writers. Slurs and epithets breed hate. I beg you, my fellow writers, not to allow bigotry into your stories. People who identify as LGBTQ are not punchlines, and treating them as such has very serious consequences. Kids kill themselves. I understand that people have moral reservations about homosexuality, but surely we can all rally behind an anti-suicide banner, can't we?
> 
> It only gets better if we make it better. I hope I can count on my friends to foster a respectful environment here, and I encourage you all to speak out when you see someone creating an atmosphere of hate. We all know how much reviews mean to a writer, so when you see that kind of ugliness, please drop a quick review to let the writer know - respectfully! - that you're disappointed in their choice to harbor intolerance.
> 
> Let's live up to the promise. Let's make it better.
> 
> *Steps down off soapbox*
> 
> Thanks for letting me blow off some steam.


	58. Landslide

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I sat hunched in a faux-leather wingback chair, my lower back pressed against one arm and my feet pulled up and braced against the other. I had already been there for about five minutes, but the woman behind the large oak desk still hadn't said anything other than a typical greeting and an invitation to come in and sit down.

Dr. Rhodes.

She was a tall, thin woman who obviously put a lot of money into her sharp blue suit and her perfectly-styled red hair. I might have liked her better if she wore jeans and a turtleneck.

Well, no, probably not. Not as long as she kept looking at me like that. She looked like she was waiting for me to say something, but this was  _her_  office and  _her_  session. If she wanted me to talk, the least she could do was ask a question.

It was another couple of minutes before she spoke.

"How was your week?"

_Vampires, werewolves, screwing around at the theater, suicidal father, phone call with Phil._

"Fine."

"Can you tell me something that happened this week?"

Good question. Was there anything on that list that I was  _allowed_  to talk about? "I saw my dad on Sunday."

"May I ask you some questions about your dad?"

I shrugged. She had asked dozens of questions last week, but I never answered any—at least not  _real_  answers. I sort of evaded the questions.

"Last week you said you 'kind of' live with your father," she said, referring to a note pad on her desk. "Can you explain what that means?"

I took a deep breath. "I live at his house. And he lives there too, except he had to go away for a couple of months."

"Where did he go?"

I shrugged and turned my face into the back of the chair. If I told her that, I'd have to tell her  _why_  he was there.

"But he visited you on Sunday?"

I nodded. Close enough.

"For how long?"

I turned to look out the window, but I couldn't. It was dark outside, and the light from the office turned the window to a mirror, doubling everything I didn't want to look at. "A few hours."

"Why did he have to leave?"

I stared at the window. Two book cases, two stretches of ugly green carpet, two imposing oak desks, and two therapists trying to figure out the snarls in my head.

"Isabella, you can trust me."

I snorted. "Trust is something you earn."

She put down her pen and folded her hands on the desktop. "All right. How can I earn your trust?"

I shrugged. I really didn't know the answer to that question. How  _did_  a person earn trust?

"Can you tell me the name of one person you trust?"

"Jacob," I said without hesitation.

"Who is Jacob?"

That seemed like a safe enough question. "He's my best friend."

"How long have you known him?" she asked, picking up her pen again.

"Forever. I spend pretty much every summer with him."

"Why do you trust Jacob?"

I shrugged.

"Has he done something in particular to earn your trust?"

I didn't know. He was just always there. "He hasn't done anything to show me I can't trust him."

"Have I done something to show you that you can't trust me?"

I shook my head and then leaned my forehead against the back of the chair again.

"Do you live alone now?" she asked, getting back to her interrogation.

"Kind of."

"Will you explain what that means?"

"Nobody else lives there, but I'm never alone."

She made a note on her pad. "Who stays with you to keep you from being alone?"

I knew I probably couldn't tell her that it was just Carlisle. "Friends."

"Friends from your high school?"

I sighed. "There's a family. The kids go to school with me, and at least one of them stays with me at night."

"At least one of the kids?"

I shook my head. "Sometimes, but sometimes the adults too." Okay, so they were all really old. Whatever, that was too complicated, and I couldn't talk about it anyway.

"Last week you mentioned the Cullens. Is that the family?"

I nodded.

"How long have you known the Cullens?"

"Since I moved here. A few months."

"And do you trust them?"

I shrugged, staring at the mirror-window. I didn't completely trust most of them not to go a little nuts and start sucking my blood, no. And I didn't trust Carlisle not to leave me. Especially when Charlie came home.

"So you don't trust them, but you let them stay with you?"

I didn't answer. I resented that she was making me sound unreasonable.

She tried again. "What about your mother? Where is she?"

"Phoenix."

"Why aren't you staying with her while your father is away?"

"Because I don't want to," I said acidly.

She made a note on her pad. "Why not?"

"She doesn't care about me," I muttered sullenly.

"How do you know?"

_Because she chose him._

I didn't answer, but she didn't let the question go. "How do you know, Isabella? Did she do something to you?"

"Yes." I hadn't intended to whisper, but that was all that came out.

"What did she do?"

That was none of her business. I turned my head into the back of the chair again.

"How did you get that scar on your forehead?"

My fingers automatically moved to trace the newly-healed cut just beneath my hairline. Carlisle said the stitches were close enough that the scar would fade within a few months, but for now it was still there.

I didn't answer that question either.

"Did your mother give you that scar?"

I shook my head.

"Isabella, what did your mother do to make you want to stay away from her?"

"She married Phil," I snapped.

"Are you angry because she remarried, or do you dislike Phil for a specific reason?" She was writing on her notepad again as she talked.

"I have reasons," I muttered. I had plenty of them.

"Will you tell me one reason?"

I glared at her. It was none of her business. "He wears socks with his sandals."

She didn't bat an eye. "Can you tell me a real reason?"

I fought back a smile. She earned just a little bit of my grudging respect for throwing my attitude back at me like that. "He drank a lot," I admitted.

"Was he physically abusive when he drank?"

I snorted. "He didn't have to drink for that."

Crap. I probably shouldn't have said that.

She made another note.

"Did he give you that scar?"

I turned and leaned my head against the chair again.

"Why don't you want to tell me how you got hurt?"

"Because it's none of your business."

"Of course it's not," she said lightly. "You don't tell me things because they're my business, you tell me things so you can heal."

"I don't need to heal."

She put down her pen and folded her hands again. "I see. Then why are you here?"

I had no problem revealing the answer to that question. "So Edward will shut up and leave me alone."

"Who's Edward?"

"Edward Cullen."

"He's one of the friends who stays with you?"

I nodded.

"Why do you want him to leave you alone?"

I sighed. I guess I shouldn't have answered that question after all. "He was asking me questions about things I didn't want to talk about, and he said if I went to therapy he wouldn't ask me anymore."

She picked up her pen again. "What was he asking you about?"

I hugged my knees. "None of your business."

"I know," she said simply. "What was he asking you about."

I sighed. "Phil."

I saw her window reflection smile a little as she made another note. "Will you tell me about the first time you met Phil?"

Yeah, I'd tell her. Let's see how she liked hearing exactly how ugly my life was. "I came home from school and found him fucking my Mom on the living room couch."

She put down her pen and looked up at me in surprise. "That must have . . . . How did you feel about that?"

"Kind of sick," I muttered, remembering her vacant expression. I still had no idea what she was on, but she was high as a kite.

"How old were you?"

"Thirteen."

"Did your mom say anything to you about it?"

"Yeah, she said 'hi, sweetie, how was your day?' Only it came out sort of funny, because Phil was still  _fucking_  her."

Her eyes widened. "They didn't stop when you walked in?"

I shook my head.

"How did you respond?"

That was enough. I shrugged and turned my face to the chair again.

"Isabella," she insisted, "will you tell me what happened next?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's none of your–" Crap. She had already taken that excuse away from me. "If I didn't want to talk about it with Edward, what makes you think I want to talk about it with you?"

"Usually the things we don't want to talk about are the things we  _need_  to talk about," she answered calmly. "Will you tell me what happened next?"

I clenched my fists, my fingernails digging into my hands. "I tried to go to my room."

"Tried? Did something stop you?"

"Yes."

"What?"

I clenched my teeth. I didn't want to talk about this. If people knew about this, they would have weapons they could use against me. It weakened me. I knew all too well that it wasn't smart to let yourself appear weak.

"Isabella, what happened?"

I bit at the inside of my cheeks, feeling my eyes well up. I hated him, and I hated myself for crying because of him. He was nothing, he didn't matter to me at all, but he still got into my head, and he still made me cry.

"I  _hate_  him," I said through my teeth, one hot tear escaping and sliding down my cheek.

She waited, pen poised above her notepad. "What happened?" she asked again.

I swallowed hard, more tears falling. "He made me stay. He told me to sit down and watch, and I might learn a few things."

She started writing on her notepad and I buried my face in my knees, my jeans soaking up the tears as I cried. There was a box of tissues on the table next to the chair, but was too hard to turn around and grab them.

"Isabella," she said gently, "were you, at that time or any other, sexually abused by Phil?"

I nodded against my knees, but I wasn't sure she could see it through my shaky sobs. She didn't ask again, though, so I assumed she must have figured it out.

She was silent again for several more minutes, just like she had been at the beginning of the session. Eventually I managed to settle down a little bit, and even managed to turn and grab a tissue from the table. When I had finished wiping my eyes, she spoke again.

"Isabella, have you been sexually involved with anyone besides your step-father?"

I nodded.

"Have you had many partners?"

"What's many?"

Her reflection looked thoughtful. "Would you say you've had more than ten?"

"Yes."

She raised an eyebrow at my quick response. "More than twenty?"

I nodded.

"More than thirty?"

I shrugged. "Probably."

"Why so many?"

"I don't know. At first it was like . . . better them than Phil."

She cocked her head to the side. "You thought if you slept with them, Phil would stop?"

"I stayed the night with them so I didn't have to go home, and if I wasn't home, Phil couldn't do anything."

"You did this a lot?" she asked.

"What's a lot?"

"How often did you avoid going home?"

"Weekends and holidays," I said, flatly, refusing to acknowledge the churning in my stomach. "That's when he drank the most. Other nights, it was hit or miss, but when he was drinking he always came to my room at night."

She made a note on her pad. "You said 'at first.' Did things change after a while? Was sex more to you than just a way to get out of the house?"

I shrugged. "It felt good. I didn't have to think about things for a while."

She nodded, writing another note. "Was your mother aware of what was happening with these other men?"

"I don't know. She never said anything when I didn't come home."

She tapped her pen against the pad. "Did she know about what was happening with Phil?"

I clenched my teeth, glaring at the window.

"Isabella?"

"It's none of your business."

She sighed. "Isabella?" she said insistently.

"Yes, she knew!" I yelled, tears suddenly streaking down my face again. "And she married him anyway! She had a million boyfriends who didn't do anything more than hit me, but she had to marry the one guy who—" My voice caught in my throat and I couldn't continue. I hugged my legs, pressing my forehead firmly into my knees.

She was quiet again for a long time while I cried, once again waiting for me to settle down. This time I felt like I never would. What my mother had done was the ultimate betrayal. I had thought all I had to do was wait for her to get tired of Phil and break up with him. I had tried to be supportive of her through it. Every time he hit her, every time he made her cry, I tried to stick by her the way I always had before. But when she told me she was making it permanent . . . I couldn't do it anymore. I could barely even stand to speak to her after that. I hated her more than I hated Phil, because she chose him over me.

But I missed her.

That brought on a whole new wave of tears, and Dr. Rhodes just waited while I cried it out.

When I finally quieted she picked up her pen again. "Are you sexually active now?"

I wasn't quite sure how to answer that. "Not exactly."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Will you explain?"

"Um . . . I'm kind of . . . with someone. But we haven't gotten there yet."

"How do you feel about your boyfriend?"

I smiled, feeling good for the first time since I had gotten in my truck to come to this session. "He's . . . perfect. He's smart and well-read, and he's patient."

"Isabella," she said softly. "How do you  _feel_  about him?"

"I . . . I love him," I said, my voice breaking a little on the words.

"Have you ever loved any of the other men you were with?"

I shook my head.

"So this is new for you?"

"Yeah," I said, my voice sounding odd to me.

She smiled. "What's his name?"

I bit my lip. Some things I really couldn't tell her. "Edward."

Her smile fell. "Edward Cullen?"

I nodded.

She looked back over her notes. "Bella, when I asked you who Edward was, why didn't you tell me he was your boyfriend?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just didn't."

She looked at me speculatively. "Does his family know that you're together?"

I nodded.

"Does your family know?"

"I told Charlie. I don't know if he would remember."

"And Charlie is . . . ?"

"My dad," I said.

"Hm," she said thoughtfully. "You call him by his name?"

I hugged my knees. "Not at home."

"Do you feel connected to Charlie?"

I tugged his coat tighter around me. "Yes," I said, sounding defensive.

She raised a skeptical eyebrow. "I see. But you don't know if he'll remember who your boyfriend is?"

I shrugged sullenly.

"Can you tell me what makes you feel connected to him?"

"My truck. He bought it for me. And my computer and my phone."

She raised an eyebrow and scribbled some notes on her pad. "I see."

"I love Charlie," I said, sounding defensive again.

"I'm glad to hear that," she said with a patient smile. "Let's talk for a minute about the women in your life."

I huddled down farther in my chair. "I don't want to talk about my mom."

"That's fine, we've already talked a little about her. What other women do you see frequently?"

I chewed at my lip. "Alice and Esme. And I guess Rosalie."

"Who's Alice?"

I licked my lips. "Alice Cullen. Edward's sister."

"How old is Alice?"

A smile tugged at my lips.  _A lot older than she looks._  "Seventeen."

She frowned. "Let's focus on adults and role models."

"Okay. Esme."

"And who's Esme?"

"Edward's mom," I said, staring at the window.

She made a note on her paper. "What's she like?"

"She's nice. I don't really see her all that much."

"And who's Rosalie?"

"Edward's sister. I don't see her much either."

"What other adult women are in your life?"

I thought hard, not coming up with anyone.

"Does your father have a girlfriend?"

I shook my head

"What about school teachers?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Any that are particularly special or important to you?"

I twisted my hands together. "Not really."

She looked back over her notes. "What about your friend Jacob's mom?"

"She died. A long time ago."

She frowned. "No one at church or in your community?"

"No."

"Hm." She tapped her pen against her notepad. "Only two female role models, one of whom you're angry with and the other one you don't see much of. Isabella, do you have many girlfriends at school?"

"Alice," I said. "Angela, I guess, but I don't really talk to her very much."

"Rosalie?"

I bit my lip. "Maybe. She kind of scares me."

"And what boys would you say you're friends with?"

"Edward, if he counts," I answered. "Jasper, Emmett, Jacob, Jared. Sam, kind of, I guess. Mike, definitely."

"And what male role models do you have in your life?"

"Carlisle. He's Edward's dad. Charlie. Jacob's dad Billy, and Harry. Plus I really like a lot of the guys Charlie works with."

She raised an eyebrow. "You seem to be more comfortable with men than with women. Do you know why that is?"

I pulled my coat tighter around me. "It's not like I planned it that way. I like who I like."

"Do you think you might push women away because of your feelings about your mother?"

I ground my teeth. "You said I didn't have to talk about her."

"We don't have to talk about her specifically," Dr. Rhodes said. "But you mentioned women who are relatively absent in your life, and women who scare you. I want you to think about the possibility that you're projecting your resentment of your mother onto other women, and therefore preventing them from getting close to you."

"I don't care!" I yelled. "I hate her! She ruined everything!"

Dr. Rhodes made a note. "What did she ruin?"

"We were fine," I said, trying to hold back tears. "When she didn't have a boyfriend and it was just her and me, everything was fine. But she messed it up!"

She tapped her pen against her pad. "You blame her for messing it up and not Phil?"

"She didn't have to go out with him! She could have stopped seeing him. She didn't have to ask him to move in, and she didn't have to  _marry_  him! She wanted  _him_  as her family and not me!"

A bell dinged next to her, and I didn't wait for her to tell me we were finished. I scrambled to my feet and ran from the room, not stopping until I had slammed my truck door behind me and shoved the lock down.

I sagged against my steering wheel, sobbing uncontrollably. I didn't want to stay here where  _she_  could see me, but I couldn't drive like this. I was trembling wildly, and I couldn't even see through my tears.

There was a tap on the window, and I stiffened. "Leave me alone!" I yelled. I was finished with therapy today, I didn't want to talk anymore.

The tap came again, and I snapped my head around to glare at her . . . but it was Jasper standing next to the truck, looking a little pained.

I wiped at my eyes with my sleeve, a useless gesture since more tears fell and wetted my cheeks again.

"Unlock the door," Jasper said, just loud enough to be heard through the glass. "Alice sent me to drive you home."

Jasper could fix this—he would make me feel okay again. I tugged up the stiff lock on the door and scooted over when he pulled it open. He climbed up beside me and slammed the door closed, holding out a hand for my keys.

I surrendered them, waiting for him to fix me.

He wordlessly started the truck and headed out onto the road.

I was still raw and aching inside, still crying so hard I had a hard time breathing, but Jasper didn't help. I clutched at my chest, willing the pain to go away.

"Jasper, make it stop," I begged.

He looked at me, his face pinched in pain, and shook his head. "It's supposed to hurt, Bella. You can't heal unless it hurts."

"Please!" I begged tearfully, stunned that he was refusing to help me. "It hurts too much! Please, make it stop!"

He looked away, shaking his head sadly. "I don't want to set you back. You can handle it, Bella."

"I can't. It hurts, Jasper."

He swallowed hard. "Yeah," he whispered. "I know."

I felt like the pain would break me in half. "Help me. Please!"

He gritted his teeth. "Look, just . . . just for a few minutes, all right?"

I nodded eagerly, desperate for whatever he would give me.

It wasn't much. He eased the ache a little bit, but he didn't take it away and he didn't make me feel calm. He backed it off enough that my sobbing settled to quiet crying, tears streaming silently down my cheeks. By the time he pulled his influence away, I was feeling too exhausted to cry anymore.

I lay across the bench seat, pillowing my head in his lap, and let my stinging eyes close. "Jasper, help me," I whispered.

He placed a hand on my head, stroking my hair softly. "I'm trying, Bella. Just try to relax."

"You could do it. You could help me relax."

"I could," he said, "but it wouldn't help you learn to face this on your own. You have to let it hurt."

"I don't want to."

Jasper didn't answer. He continued gently stroking my hair, and very slowly, the tension started to ease. It took far too long, but eventually I drifted into a miserable sleep.


	59. Heaven

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

"Bella, sweetheart, we're here." I stroked her shoulder gently, drawing her out of a light doze. Her eyes fluttered open, and she lifted her head from the makeshift pillow of her father's coat, glancing out the car window at the small cabin.

She smiled, and I could have sworn my long-dead heart nearly started beating again. Even Helen of Troy couldn't outshine my girl when she smiled like that.

Bella's eyes swept over the pine veneer of the cabin, the wraparound porch that hung out over the lapping waters of Killarney Lake. "It's beautiful," she murmured, the enchanting smile still on her lips.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her. "I'm so glad you like it."

Her eyes took on a puzzled look. "This is a lake. I thought . . . I mean, you said Vancouver so I figured it would be an inlet or a bay."

I looked around at the property where we would be celebrating the holiday. "Yes, I suppose I misrepresented it a little. From Vancouver we took a ferry to Bowen Island and drove inland a ways. This is actually a freshwater lake."

Bella pushed the car door open, climbing out and walking slowly toward the shore. I let her take in the view while I pulled our suitcases from the trunk and took them into the house. I left them in the bedroom and returned to her. She still held her coat in her hands, and I took it from her and helped her on with it.

She flashed me another lovely smile before staring back out at the lake. The waning moon reflected in the rippling surface of the water, which in turn reflected in my girl's deep brown eyes.

I stepped behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, moving my lips close to her ear and whispering softly.

"She walks in beauty, like the night  
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,  
And all that's best of dark and bright  
Meets in her aspect and her eyes;  
Thus mellow'd to that tender light  
Which Heaven to gaudy day denies."

Bella shivered and turned her head back to me, lifting her lips for a kiss. I eagerly obliged, letting my tongue find hers, tasting her sweet flavor. She hummed softly and I ran my hands lightly over her stomach and hips, holding her close to me.

"Come inside with me, darling. I don't want you to freeze." I reluctantly removed my hands from her body, stepping back and lacing my fingers with hers.

She looked between me and the lake, indecision in her eyes. "It's too beautiful. I don't want to go inside."

I laughed softly, tugging gently as I backed toward the house. "There  _are_  windows in the cabin, my love."

She smiled sheepishly, her eyes dropping. I wondered if she had any idea how lovely she was when her cheeks flushed rose and her teeth tugged at her bottom lip. I wondered if she knew how completely she possessed my heart.

My girl shivered again and let me draw her inside. I watched her as she looked around the darkened living room at the large stone fireplace and the rustic furniture, framed of driftwood and knotted pine and stretched with soft, brown leather. A small smile graced her lips.

I guided her to the couch in front of the large picture window that looked out over the lake. I pulled back the curtains so she could see the view she had been enjoying so much and helped her down onto the couch.

"I'm afraid it's not much warmer in here yet," I murmured, leaning down for a gentle kiss. "I'll get a fire started."

Bella watched me move toward the fireplace before she said hesitantly, "I need a human moment."

"Of course, sweetheart. I put our suitcases in the bedroom, through that door. The bathroom is just beyond."

She disappeared through the bedroom door, and I listened idly to the rush of water, the tug of the brush through her hair, all the sounds that went along with having my Bella near me. I gently coaxed the low flames in the grate into a sizeable fire, and by the time Bella returned I was adding two large logs to keep it burning for a while.

She settled onto the couch again, twisting around to stare out the window, and I moved to sit with her. "Do you like it here?" I asked, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

She turned her beautiful smile on me. "I love it."

I loved  _her_. In three and a half centuries I had heard countless confessions of love, had read endless poetry that strove to describe or declare love, and though I could remember every word of every verse, there was nothing in the fathomless depths of my memory that ever captured the bliss of what it was to be so fully and eagerly enslaved by my girl.

I reached for her and drew her into my lap, capturing her lips in a long, slow kiss. My hands roamed gently over her back and shoulders as my tongue danced with hers. I lost myself in her taste, her scent, surrounded by her warmth.

Too soon, far too soon, she broke the kiss and leaned her forehead against mine. "Thank you, Carlisle," she breathed. "I've been needing this."

I rubbed my nose gently over hers. "This last week has been hard on you, hasn't it?"

She nodded, tightening her arms around my neck. "But it helps so much being here, just you and me."

Her lips began brushing along my neck, the warmth and wetness of her mouth sending shockwaves of desire through me.

"Oh, Bella . . . do you know what you do to me?"

"I know what you do to me," she said against my throat. I felt the vibrations of her voice all through my body, and my jeans suddenly began to feel uncomfortably tight.

Bella shifted on my lap, throwing a leg over mine and straddling me. She wriggled close, pressing her core against my very eager erection, and I let out a growl of desire. "Bella," I murmured, rubbing against her. I couldn't stop myself; I needed her; her body was the only thing that could sate the desperate hunger inside of me.

"I want you, Carlisle," she whispered hesitantly. "Have you . . . thought about it?"

I forced myself to still my movements, and I nudged her back so I could look into her eyes. "I have. And I'm willing to try. But Bella, you  _must_  tell me immediately if I do anything to hurt you–even if it's just a little."

"I promise," she said, a smile lighting up her face.

I laughed self-consciously. "This is a little intimidating for me. I've never been with a woman before."

Her smile fell and she shifted back, sitting on my knees and staring down at her hands.

"What's wrong, love?" I asked her, confused by her reaction.

"I've . . . been with men before."

"Yes, darling, I assumed you must have been." I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers, but she pulled away.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I mean . . . a lot."

"All right," I said, not quite sure whether "a lot" referred to the number of men or the number of times. Not that it mattered. "I understand, Bella."

She bit her lip. "Do you? Because . . . my therapist . . . she was surprised by how many."

Clearly this was something that bothered her. I pressed a hand to her cheek, stroking my thumb gently over her lips. "Is it something you'd like to talk about?"

She looked worried. "Do  _you_  want to talk about it?"

I smiled, tapping the tip of her nose. "If it would amuse you to see me get ragingly jealous, then by all means, we should discuss it."

She ducked her head. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I get it if it bothers you."

"Bella. My sweet girl. Do you honestly think there's anything in the world that could make me love you any less?"

She peered up at me through her lashes, biting her lip.

"I've spent hundreds of years waiting for you," I told her. "Always alone, yearning for that connection that makes a man whole. But the moment I saw you, I stopped searching for the woman who would complete me and began striving only to become the man who would complete you."

She raised her head, her eyes looking reserved but hopeful, her sweet lips parted slightly.

"I can't resent your past. It's not my place. But I am asking you to give me your future." I slowly caressed her hair. "I want everything, Isabella Swan. Every sigh, every kiss, every caress . . . I want them all to belong to me."

She moved forward again, pressing her body against me as she kissed me. "They already do," she murmured against my lips.

Love and desire coursed through me, building on one another, enhancing one another. I had never imagined that the two emotions could come together so powerfully, and I pulled my girl against me, trying to communicate to her with my kiss and my touch just how completely she had taken possession of me.

I found myself suddenly resentful of her clothes. The were coming between us, mocking my need for her, and I wanted nothing more than to be rid of them. I pushed her coat off of her shoulders and let it fall to the floor, and she shivered lightly before wrapping her arms around me again.

I stopped. "It's not warm enough in here yet, is it?" I asked, pulling back from her lips.

"It's fine," she said quickly, her tongue tracing along my jaw.

I shook my head, needing her to be comfortable. "No, it's too cold, sweetheart. I need you to be warm, especially if you're going to be close to me. All I'll do is steal your body heat."

"Mm-mm." She took my earlobe in her mouth, sucking gently, her hands holding my head.

I gently shifted her back onto the couch, my body protesting at the loss of warmth, and I had to smile at myself. Since when did I crave warmth so desperately? But thoughts of that disappeared when Bella lay back on the cushions and pulled me with her, and I found myself stretched out on top of her.

I let out a low moan, somewhere between protest and surrender, and buried my face in her neck. I breathed in her scent and felt her artery pulsing against my lips. My body took control, refusing to let me leave with my girl so warm and inviting beneath me, her scent surrounding me, clouding my brain. I found myself maneuvering between her legs and rocking against her again. My hand crept under her blouse, exploring the silkiness of her skin and the rough lace of her bra.

Another shiver snapped me out of my desire induced haze, and I very reluctantly pushed myself off of her. "Wait here," I murmured, hovering over her.

"No." She shook her head and tried to pull me back down on top of her. I resisted . . . until her lips sought mine, her tongue brushing the tip of mine, and then somehow I was pressing her back into the couch cushions again, feeling the sensuous movement of her body beneath me.

I groaned softly. "Bella, darling, you must be a particularly frightening kind of demon to be capable of so thoroughly corrupting a vampire."

She giggled beneath me, and I quickly pushed myself off of the couch, breaking away from her. "Wait here," I ordered her with a smile.

I tried to clear my head as I moved toward the bedroom. If I expected to keep my girl safe, I couldn't allow my body to take control of me like that . . . no matter how indescribably good it felt to just let go and move with her. I had to keep myself in control.

I opened a cedar chest at the foot of the bed and pulled out a thick patchwork quilt, then grabbed a couple of pillows from the bed. I carried them back to the living room, giving Bella a smile. She had kicked off her shoes and socks and was hugging herself on the couch. It really was too cold in here.

I dropped the pillows on the floor and moved in front of the fireplace, spreading the quilt out in front of it, then grabbed the pillows and threw them onto the blanket.

Bella smiled delightedly. "That's a  _very_  good idea," she said, hopping to her feet and moving to my side.

"I thought you'd like it." I took her hand and sat down on the blanket, drawing her down with me. I guided her onto her back, tucking a pillow under her head, and stretched out next to her. I let one hand trail from her shoulder, down her chest, moving slowly over the swell of her breast, and then dipping low again as it drifted down over her stomach. Her breath hitched when I stopped at the button of her pants and popped it open. I slowly drew the zipper down and hooked my fingers around her waistband. She shifted to allow me to draw her pants down over her hips, and I slowly guided them off of her body, setting them aside. I let my eyes run up and down her smooth, slender legs, and my hands followed. Slowly they moved from her ankles, up over her calves. I stopped at the warm pulse point behind her knees, exploring the sensations of the varying temperatures of her skin. I traced my hands up higher, inching up her smooth, firm thighs and over her hips. I nudged her legs apart and knelt between her ankles, leaning down and letting my tongue find the pulsing artery at the crevice of her thigh.

Bella gasped at the sensation as I ran my tongue over the warm crease. Her fingers threaded through my hair and she moaned as I kissed and licked, savoring her taste. "Carlisle," she panted. "It feels so good."

I smiled, humming in pleasure against her skin, eliciting a moan from her. I pulled back and let my hands creep up over her hips, pausing when I felt an irregularity beneath my left palm. I leaned down and kissed it, prodding her hip with my tongue. It was . . . wrong. Broken, I surmised, and never set properly.

"What happened?" I murmured softly, feeling the distorted bone beneath her skin.

She shook her head quickly. "I don't want to talk about it now. Later."

I smiled softly, only too glad to continue my investigation of her body. I slowly drew my hands from her hips, sliding them up to the hem of her blouse. I let my fingertips dip just under it, playfully brushing at her skin, before moving to the buttons. I worked them loose, one by one, moving up her body, letting the back of my fingers brush against her soft, warm skin as I moved. After the last button, I slipped an arm under her back, beneath her shirt, and lifted her from the floor, pulling her blouse from her body.

I eased her back onto the blanket and gazed down at her. She was stunning, stretched out below me in only a lacy, pearl gray bra and very tiny matching panties. Her skin glowed invitingly in the light from the fire, looking warm and delicious. I let a hand explore her, trailing over the gentle curves and swells of her body as she gazed back at me. Her hands moved to my waist and she gripped the hem of my shirt, gathering it in her hands and pulling it over my head. I let her whip it off of me and toss it aside before moving back to my study of her slight form.

In all of my long life I had never seen a body that so enthralled me. Every line, every hollow, demanded my rapt attention. I stroked my fingertip over a small scar on her ribs, then dipped my head and traced it with my tongue. There was no part of her that wasn't perfect, no flaw that was really a flaw. Bella was truly the most magnificent creature ever placed on this earth.

And she was mine.

I ached for her. My erection strained against the confines of my jeans, and if I got any harder I was sure I would tear right through them. This is what my girl did to me. I had never been the man who gave in to his physical cravings, but Bella made me weak. She made me selfish. I wanted her for my own, and I wanted to demand things from her that I had never taken from another woman.

I raised my eyes to her face, pleased to see desire smoldering in her eyes. She reached for the button of my jeans and pulled it open, shoving them down over my hips along with my boxers. I shed them quickly, bringing my hands back to her body, back where they belonged.

Bella's eyes were riveted on my cock, and one hand reached out, wrapping around my hard member, warm and soft on my own cold flesh. I hissed at the sensation, throwing my head back, feeling tremors race through my body. "Yes, Bella, yes!" I blurted out, overcome by her touch. I struggled to retain control of myself, forcing myself to remain fully aware. I couldn't lose my head, not for a moment, no matter how transcendent it felt to have Bella's hand wrapped around my shaft, stroking slowly up and down.

Good lord, it was the most amazing thing I had ever felt.

I wanted to slow down, though, to take my time with her. I moved out from between her legs, kneeling by her side, and nudged her onto her stomach. She complied with a questioning look, and I just smiled at her. "I'm not finished exploring you yet," I murmured.

She smiled and pressed her head into the pillow, but not before I could see the soft blush rise to her cheeks.

I let my fingers trace down her spine, and she shivered slightly.

I frowned. That wasn't good. I pulled my hands back and held them out to the fire, letting them absorb the heat.

Bella turned her head, peeking at me from where she had her face buried in the pillow. "Why did you stop?"

"I'm just trying to warm up a bit for you."

"I like your cold hands."

I chuckled quietly. "Don't worry, I think you'll like this too." I held my hands to the flames, monitoring the temperature until it reached around one-hundred twenty degrees, then pulled them back. I rubbed them gently against her shoulders, and she moaned.

"Is it too warm?" I asked her.

"No, it's perfect. God, that feels so good."

I rubbed my hands over her muscles, carefully massaging her delicate body, letting the heat seep through her. When my hands cooled, I held them to the fire again, rewarming them and returning my hands to her body. I worked slowly, inching down and dipping into the small of her back.

I loved this spot, where her narrow waist met her hips, and I gave it extra attention, leaning in to press a cold kiss to her heated skin. Bella gasped, and a shudder ripped through her.

I couldn't help but smile. It was  _me_  that made her react like that.  _My_  touch left her quivering.

I heated my hands again and continued down her body, rubbing circles over her firm buttocks, letting my fingers relax the muscles before moving down to her thighs.

She was perfect, and she was mine.

I slid my hands back up her legs and over her hips, and gently tugged her panties down, drawing them down her slender legs and over her pretty little feet. I leaned over her and kissed my way back up her calves, up her thighs, over her round bottom, and up her spine. I replaced my lips with my hands when I reached her bra, unhooking it and sliding the straps down off of her shoulders.

Bella rolled onto her back and let me tug the bra from her body, and then she was naked before me. I tossed her bra aside and moved my hands over the soft mounds of her breasts, feeling her nipples pebble beneath my palms.

"You're incomparable, Bella," I murmured, massaging my way back down her body to her hips.

Bella pushed herself up off of the floor and wrapped her arms around my neck, her hungry eyes gazing into mine. "I need you," she whispered, scooting around and trapping me between her thighs. I could smell her arousal, and my cock twitched an answer. "Don't make me wait anymore."

My body throbbed in response to her request. I wrapped my arms around her, one hand gripping her waist and the other moving up to plunge into her silky hair. I cupped her head in my hand and gently lowered her back down onto the floor.

"Promise me you'll tell me if I hurt you."

"I promise," she whispered, her body trembling in my arms.

I positioned myself at her entrance, reigning in my desires, carefully monitoring every movement. Bella whimpered in anticipation, scattering my thoughts, and once again I had to rally my control. I wanted her so badly I could barely hold back. She was wrapped in my arms, her warm core pressed against the head of my cock, and I moaned with longing.

"I love you, Bella Swan," I panted in her ear, then slowly pressed forward, sheathing myself in her warmth.

Bella cried out and I stilled my movements, afraid that I had already hurt her. But she gripped my arms and arched beneath me, urging me deeper.

I relaxed and allowed myself to enjoy the feeling of being inside of her. I had never felt anything so incredible. Her warmth surrounded me, seeping into me, and her walls clamped firmly around my cock.

My entire body trembled as I pushed in and out of her. She rocked her hips, meeting my thrusts, her arms slipping under mine to wrap around my chest. She clung to my back, her nails clawing uselessly at my hard skin.

This was what heaven felt like.

Over the course of my unnaturally long life, I had used the word "heavenly" to describe many things, but I never believed any of them could really compare to the heaven that I had been forever banned from the moment the venom-coated teeth tore into my flesh. But this . . . it would be impossible for anything to be better than this. No paradise could surpass the pleasure of having my girl wrapped in my arms while I plunged inside of her, driving her and myself toward exquisite release.

I let my lips linger on her throat, let my tongue slip out and caress her skin, feeling her pulse flutter against it. I kissed the fragile skin, and slid my hand out from under her back, running it down to her thigh and hitching it over my hip. Bella let out a cry of pleasure at the change of angle.

I ached for more than this slow, gentle thrusting. My body was screaming for me to loosen my hold and take her hard, and I drew my hand from her thigh, balling it into a fist. I would not hurt her. She was my life, my entire world. I could give her this.

But I needed just a little more.

I kissed my way down her neck and chest, stopping just over her heart. It beat wildly beneath her ribs, and the warm, wet thud that betrayed her excitement was more of a draw for me than the blood that raced through her veins. My girl was aroused because of me.  _I_  made her heart pound that way. The slickness between her legs—that was mine. I aroused desire in her, and I would be the one to fulfill her need.

"Can I go harder, Bella?" I asked against her skin.

"Please," she begged. "Harder, Carlisle, please."

I groaned and increased my force and my tempo, watching her for any sign of pain. She clung tighter to me, crying out in pleasure as I drilled into her. "So good," she gasped. "God . . . so good!"

I could see her control slipping, could feel it in the frantic rocking of her hips and the pressure of her fingers on my back. I gritted my teeth, forcing myself to hold steady as the desire in me spiraled. I wanted so badly to let go.

"I'm going to come, Carlisle," she gasped, her muscles going rigid. "God, I'm . . . Carlisle!" Her hips jerked upwards, her movements becoming erratic, and she cried out in ecstacy as her nails scraped ineffectually down my back.

For me. All for me. My girl was screaming and writhing against me in pleasure because of what I did to her.

I rode her through her orgasm, feeling like I could snap at any second. My hand started to tighten in her hair, and I jerked it away, afraid of what I could do without thinking. I wanted to crush her against me, to dig my fingers into her back the way she was doing to me, and I shuddered, my body warring against my will.

_I will not hurt her._

When she finally stilled I pulled out of her and rolled onto my back, partly relieved, mostly frustrated. God, I wanted her so badly, but I had barely hung onto my control. That was it, my limit.

Bella rolled onto her side, breathing heavily, giving me a confused look. She replaced it with a small smile and scooted on top of me.

"No!" I gasped, rolling her gently back to the floor. "No, Bella, I can't."

She tried to hold me to her, but I carefully pulled her hands from me and pressed them gently to her chest . . . her bare, lovely chest, with sweet pink nipples that just begged to be sucked. Good lord, I wanted her so badly.

Bella frowned, scooting onto her side and propping herself up on her elbow. "Carlisle, I don't like this. I don't like leaving you unsatisfied every time we're together."

"It's all right," I said with a quick shake of my head, sagging back onto my back. I needed to relax, and by body wasn't cooperating. It was reacting to her proximity, her warmth, and it was begging for her touch. "That's as far as I can safely go."

She sat up and threw a leg over me, straddling my hips, and I groaned as the heat from her core settled around my unsated cock. "You didn't hurt me."

"Bella, no," I said, my conviction undercut by my desperate desire for her body. "You don't understand how difficult this is. I want to hold you so tightly that I'll crush you—I nearly tore your hair out."

She grabbed my wrists and smiled down at me. "It sounds like your hands are having a hard time behaving themselves," she smiled. She pushed them up above my head, pinning them to he floor. The position moved her breasts right over my face and I gave in to temptation and sucked one small pink nipple into my mouth.

God, she tasted incredible. And not just her skin. The memory of kneeling between her legs at the theater hit me hard, and I remembered all too clearly the flavor of her slick juices on my tongue, sweeter than any blood had ever tasted. My hips bucked involuntarily at the memory, and Bella smiled.

"Can you keep your hands right here?" she asked me with a provocative smile.

I nodded. How could I ever argue with her? She owned me completely.

"Good," she murmured. She pushed herself up again and reached between us, taking my hard member into her hand and pumping it slowly. She shifted and pressed my head to her slit, sliding it teasingly around her wet lips before lowering herself down onto me.

We both moaned in pleasure, and she started rolling her hips against me. She was slow and gentle at first, but soon she was moving faster, riding me harder, and once again the ache for release was building inside of me.

I wanted more . . . so much more. I wanted to grab her hips, to slam her into me, and I clenched my fists hard, forcing my hands to stay where she had put them.

"Bella," I moaned. "My Bella, you're so warm . . . it feels so good to be buried deep inside your sweet little body."

She cried out and braced her hands against my chest, her head thrown back in ecstacy. I bucked into her, praying I wasn't hurting her. It felt so good that I thought it might kill me to stop now. I hadn't even realized how close she was to her second release until her fingers clawed at my chest and she choked out my name, her body shuddering as waves of pleasure rocked through her.

Watching her come on top of me pushed me over the edge, and I clasped my hands together, clawing at my own skin to keep myself from hurting Bella. Pleasure more intense than anything I had ever felt crashed over me, and I let out a growl, thrusting hard into my girl as she brought me to release.

It was all I could do to keep my hands where she had place them, and if she hadn't made me put them there, I was sure I would have killed her. The pleasure consumed me, taking control of my movements, tightening every muscle. When it finally released me, I sagged back, feeling more satisfied than I could ever remember.

"Good god, Bella," I breathed.

She gave a pleased little giggle and lay across my chest, pressing her sweating body against my cold one. "Mmm, you feel good," she purred.

I laughed softly. "Why, thank you. And may I return the sentiments?"

She giggled again.

I decided I could trust myself to keep control of my body now, and I brought my arms down and wrapped them around her. I held her against me, stroking her hair, cherishing her. "You're my entire world, Bella. I'll never love anything as much as I love you."

She snuggled against my chest, her face turned toward the fire, and I watched the flickering glow dance over her skin. I was enjoying the slow wind-down, and I wasn't expecting the question that she asked me.

"What happens when Charlie comes home?"

I sighed deeply. "I don't know. We'll definitely see less of each other."

She gave a little shiver and huddled closer to me.

"I'll have you over as much as Charlie will allow," I told her. "And I could change my work schedule to the night shifts, so I can spend afternoons with you before he gets home."

She pressed her hands to my chest, pushing off of me a little and giving me a surprised look. "You would change your work schedule to be with me?"

I gently caressed her cheek. "You're everything to me, Bella. I would leave the hospital if that's what it took to be with you. I would give up everything and everyone in my life for you."

She bit her lip and shifted off of me, and I groaned slightly as I slid out of her.

"I don't want you to give anything up."

I smiled softly. "I wouldn't worry about it, my love. We'll make it work, whatever it takes."

"Really?" she asked with a hopeful smile.

I nodded, sitting up and spreading my legs, pulling her between them and pressing her back against my chest. I leaned down and kissed her shoulder, letting the fire warm her from the front while my body chilled her from the back. "I'll never leave you, Bella. I can't. From the moment I first saw you, I knew I couldn't go on living my life without you." I moved my lips to her neck, kissing gently along her warm throat. "Even if you decided you didn't want to be with me, I would have to stay nearby, looking after you, making sure you were safe and happy."

She shivered and hummed contentedly. "I'll always want to be with you."

I hugged her as tightly as I dared, not wanting to hurt her, but wanting her to understand just what her words meant to me. "I'm so glad to hear you say that, my love."

She leaned her head back on my shoulder and turned to press a kiss to my neck. "So how was your first time?" she asked me teasingly.

I let out a shaky breath. "Beyond my wildest expectations."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The stanza quoted is from She Walks in Beauty, by Lord Byron.


	60. Every Rose Has Its Thorn

#  [](http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j382/BookwormBaby2580/?action=view&current=BannerbyIllicitWriterTakeThisHeart.png)

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I woke to cool kisses trailing along the back of one bare shoulder, and I smiled sleepily to myself. I was curled in a ball beneath a very  _warm_  electric blanket, and Carlisle's cold touch was a welcome relief from the heat.

I hummed contentedly, reluctantly opening my eyes and glancing out the window into the dark night beyond. "Lips that cold could only belong to one person," I murmured, smiling to myself. I gave a happy little sigh. "Edward."

Carlisle's lips stilled against my skin. "What?" he said flatly.

I pressed my lips together, trying to hold back a laugh. "Oh, sorry. I mean Emmett."

He pulled back a little, clearing his throat.

"Jasper?" I asked, feigning confusion.

"You think you're very funny, don't you?" His hands crept beneath my blanket to the bare skin on my sides, and he suddenly started tickling me mercilessly.

I squealed and laughed, trying to squirm away from him and realizing very quickly that I was unlikely to escape a vampire if he wasn't interested in letting me go.

"Uncle!" I gasped between peals of laughter. "I surrender!"

Carlisle stopped tickling me and wrapped his arms around me, rolling on top of me. I pressed a kiss to his lips, smiling to myself, and ran my hand down his bare back from his shoulder to the waistband of his jeans. I definitely liked having him on top of me without a shirt. "Looking to get lucky, Dr. Cullen?"

"Tempting," he chuckled. "But maybe later."

That surprised me. Why else would he be waking me up at this hour? I glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table, seeing that it was just after six in the morning. "You know, you've been living with me for weeks. Have I done  _anything_ during that time to give you the impression that I'm a morning person?"

His lips zeroed in on my neck. "If you'd like to go back to sleep, I'll let you," he said between the kisses he pressed to my throat. "But it's going to be a clear day. I thought you might like to watch the sunrise with me."

"Hmm . . ." I murmured thoughtfully. "Romantic sunrise with the sexiest man I've ever met . . . or a warm, cozy bed and nice dreams." I pretended to deliberate, but I could tell it was something he wanted, and that was definitely worth getting out of bed for.

"I'll make you coffee," he promised, trying to tempt me out of bed. "And I'll let you take the electric blanket out."

"I don't know. Will you make out with me until the sun comes up."

He smiled, pulling back to look at me. "Twist my arm . . . that's enough."

I giggled, and he pushed off of me and got to his feet. "I'll start your coffee."

I gave him a smile as he left the room and then crawled out from under the blankets. I shivered in the chill of the morning and moved quickly to my suitcase, finding a short silk nightgown and slipping it on. I couldn't find the matching black panties, so I just left them off. I took a couple of minutes in the bathroom to make myself presentable, then grabbed the warm electric blanket and pulled it off of the bed. I unplugged it and wrapped it around me, moving to the main room of the cabin.

The kitchen wasn't much more than a square of tiled floor tucked in one corner of the house. Fitting, I thought. The Cullens obviously wouldn't be too concerned about amenities in the kitchen. It made me realize just how thoughtful it was for Carlisle to be making me breakfast every day, looking after the human needs that he hadn't had himself in centuries.

He was scraping pomegranate seeds from the rind when I moved to stand beside him, letting them fall into a bowl of water. He glanced up at me and gave me a smile. "How did you sleep."

"Briefly," I teased him, stretching up to kiss his cheek. "What did you do all night?"

"I missed you. All night long."

I bit my lip, feeling myself flush lightly. "You should have come in with me for a little while," I said, my eyes sliding away from his loving gaze. I watched him skim the bits of the pomegranate rind from the surface of the water, and then drain the seeds in a strainer.

"You wouldn't mind that?"

I traced my fingers along his lower back, enjoying the hard smoothness of his skin. "Why would I mind?"

He shrugged, tipping the pomegranate seeds into a bowl of yogurt and stirring them in. "I thought you might be a bit sensitive to people coming into your bedroom," he said gently.

"Most people, yes," I said, watching him sprinkle granola over the yogurt from a plastic container. "But you're invited any time you want."

He paused, his eyes on me, and I let myself meet his gaze. "Thank you, Bella. It means a lot to me that you trust me that much."

I smiled and ducked my head.

Carlisle found a spoon in a drawer and put it in my bowl, handing it to me. "Breakfast."

I took it from him and he poured me a mug of coffee. He led me over to the fireplace and knelt in front of it, quickly building a fire while I ate my breakfast. Once finished with that, he took the electric blanket I had let fall to the floor and carried it outside to the porch. I watched him through the window as he laid it over a swing on the porch and stretched the cord to an outside outlet.

Warmth settled over me at his careful preparations. He was taking care of me in a way no one else ever had. I didn't need it, and I hadn't asked for it, but it still felt nice. I ate quickly, wanting to be with him, and I was finishing up when he came back inside.

"Are you ready?" he asked, taking my bowl from me and placing it in the sink.

"I'm ready." I slipped my hand in his and let him lead me out onto the porch. It was freezing, but he quickly wrapped the electric blanket around me and got me settled onto the bench next to him. I curled up against his side and gazed at the glimmer of light that was starting to show over the horizon.

"Can you not feel the cold at all?" I asked.

"I feel it. I can tell how warm or cold it is, it just doesn't bother me. Variation in temperature is a bit like . . . well, like a variation in colors. They're clearly different, but there's nothing uncomfortable about any of them."

I smiled to myself at his analogy. "But people tend to like some colors better than others. Is there a temperature that feels better to you?"

He considered my question for a moment. "Yes, I suppose I do like to feel warmth. Sitting by the fire, lying in the sun . . . sitting near you and feeling your heat."

I opened the blanket and threw one side over him, snuggling close to his chest.

He laughed softly. "You're going to freeze, Bella."

"It's a good way to die, freezing to death here with you."

He kissed the top of my head, wrapping an arm around me. "If it's all the same to you, I'd prefer to keep you alive."

I rested my head against his chest, running a hand over the cold, bare skin. Time like this with Carlisle was difficult for me, when he was being sweet and attentive, and there were no distractions. It should have been pleasant, but more often than not, I simply got overwhelmed by the way I felt. Everything was just too big, too much for me to handle. I loved him so much I felt like I was drowning in it. I hadn't been prepared to fall in love with anyone. I had been completely blindsided by it, and it was all just so strong, so  _much_. I didn't know what to do with it.

Last night had been a helpful vent for some of my feelings, and I was anxious for a little more of the same. I pressed my lips to his hard skin, tracing kisses along his collarbone, and he sighed softly in response. His hand found my knee under the blanket, and he ran it slowly up my thigh and under the hem of my nightgown.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured.

I wanted to answer him, to tell him something that would let him know how much he meant to me, but words failed me. I felt like I couldn't even feel it all properly, so how could I possibly express it?

Carlisle's hand moved to my hip, rubbing lightly at the damaged bone underneath. "Do you feel like telling me what happened?" he asked softly.

I sighed. I didn't. I wouldn't ever feel like talking about it. But it felt hypocritical to withhold information after all we had been through. "I got mad when Mom asked Phil to move in with us. He showed up with a truck and he and Mom started carrying boxes in. I refused to help. I didn't want him."

I fell silent, wondering what he thought of the whole situation with Phil. He didn't seem to judge me for it, but how could he not? I judged  _myself_  for it. What kind of a person was I, to just let all of that happen?

Carlisle just stroked my hip lightly, saying nothing.

"He got mad at me for not helping. He grabbed my arm and dragged me to the stairs, and then he pushed me."

He pressed his cold palm over the uneven bones, and when I glanced at him I saw that he had closed his eyes, looking tense. "Were you able to walk?" he asked.

I shrugged. "As well as I can now, I guess. But it hurt."

"Does it still hurt you?"

I swalowed hard. "Sometimes."

"I can correct this for you, Bella." He opened his eyes and met my gaze. "It would require a fairly invasive surgery, and you wouldn't be able to walk for several weeks, but it can be done."

I shrugged, trying not to show him how disappointing it was not to be able to take him up on his offer. I could never let myself be physically vulnerable for so long. It wasn't safe. "It's okay. I'm used to it."

He fell silent and I let my head rest against his chest as we wordlessly watched the sun paint the sky with bright pinks and oranges. It was beautiful, and I wasn't sure it would be possible to have a more perfect morning.

So why couldn't I just enjoy it?

I was irrationally afraid that loving Carlisle would kill me, and not only because it was one more thing that left me vulnerable. I felt like I could be crushed under the sheer weight of my feelings for him. "I love you too much," I whispered softly.

His hand pressed to my cheek, caressing gently. "Too much for what, angel?"

I didn't know how to explain it. I just shook my head and buried my face in his chest. He didn't press it, and once again we were quiet, watching the sun rise.

Carlisle drew in a deep breath, smiling softly as he let it out. "This is something I wish I could share with you," he murmured softly. "The way everything smells . . . it's so complex, so fascinating."

I laughed. "You like smells?"

He nodded. "The human sense of smell is very underdeveloped. There's so much going on around us that you can learn with just one breath. And it's beautiful, the way scent is in constant flux."

"I had no idea how much I was missing out on."

He smiled happily. "The world is a beautiful place, Bella. It never stops surprising me."

I chewed absently at my lip, considering the implications of what he was saying. I knew he probably hadn't meant his comment as a reminder of the glaring difference between the two of us, but that's what it was. He was something beautiful and mythical, strong and hard, remarkable and oh-so-beautiful.

And I wasn't.

I leaned back against the back of the swing and stared out at the painted horizon. "Do you want me to change?" I asked him.

He looked down at me, his brow furrowed. "Change?"

"I mean . . . become like you."

He smiled sadly. "Bella, sweetheart, I'm afraid that's a choice I can't make for you."

"I know. But would you want me to?"

His hand stroked my hair idly. "I'm conflicted. One the one hand, I want you to have every beautiful experience that life offers you, without interference from the difficulty that comes with living the way my family does." He sighed. "On the other hand, I'm a very selfish man, and I don't like to think of ever having to lose you."

A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. "Yeah, the mortality thing is a real bummer."

He laughed softly. "So it seems. Though I've seen more than one person choose mortality over the lure of life everlasting."

I gave him a curious look. "Were there other people you were considering changing?"

"Not to become like me, no." He stared out across the lake. "I was actually thinking of the wolves. Ephraim Black and Levi Uley. Quil Ateara too, though he took a little longer to make the choice."

I was puzzled. "They're immortal?"

"They can be. As long as they're phasing regularly, they don't age. If they choose to give it up, eventually they start to progress again."

"And they chose to do that?"

He nodded. "They felt that a natural life with their families was preferable to a life like mine—an eternity of brief encounters, hiding my true self from everyone I call a friend. They may have been right."

I slipped a hand to his thigh, needing to feel somehow connected to him. "The difference, I guess, is that they couldn't take their families with them."

He nodded, giving me an appreciative look. "That is a very significant difference, yes. My life has improved markedly since my children have joined me."

I fiddled with the edge of the blanket. It was nice to imagine joining them, to fantasize about forever with Carlisle. But there was an annoying voice in the back of my mind reminding me that forever was nothing more than a fairy tale. Love simply didn't last that long. People fell in and out of love. They got married and promised their lives to one another, then changed their minds and got divorced. They swore that they would never hurt you again because they loved you so much, but a week later there were more bruises, more apologies, more promises that wouldn't last. They said they would always be there for you, and then they sat back and watched while someone else tortured you. Love was nothing more than a string of broken promises.

So why couldn't I shake the desperate need I had to make those promises to Carlisle?

I pressed a kiss to his chest and leaned back against the back of the swing again, staring out at the lightening sky. Ever so slowly, the pink of the horizon paled, and after a few minutes the bright edge of the sun peeked over the wooded hills, casting its rays over the lake. A bright flash of light in my peripheral vision caught my attention, and I turned toward Carlisle.

I gasped.

The sun had just fallen over the top of his forehead, and the skin caught the light and scattered it back, as though it were encrusted with a thousand tiny diamonds. He gave me a small smile, and I gazed at him, enraptured. The light slowly edged down over his face, past his eyes, sliding down over his nose, and then to his perfect lips, catching and reflecting, glittering brightly.

"So beautiful," I whispered, amazed at the sight. I couldn't help myself, I had to touch him. I reached out and caressed the hard, smooth skin of his cheek, exploring the flesh that refracted the light so impossibly. It was stunning.

I couldn't possibly love him any  _more_ , but seeing him like this made it all come down on me at once, and I felt like I was going to come apart. I cupped my hands over his cheeks and pressed my lips urgently to his, desperate for an outlet. I felt my hands trembling against his skin, and realized that it wasn't only my hands. I was shaking all over, and I couldn't stop. I was so overwhelmed that even kissing him wasn't enough of a vent. I slid my hands around, one clutching at the back of his neck, the other threading through is honey-blond hair.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I kissed him, unable to bear the sight of his flawless beauty for another moment. His arms came around me and I threw one leg over his, straddling his thighs and letting the blanket fall back onto the bench. He drew me closer, breathing out a soft moan of desire, and I responded by nipping his bottom lip.

"Ah, Bella," he whispered. One hand slipped up under the hem of my slip again, exploring my curves. "You have no idea what you do to me."

This was something I understood—the way his fingertips pressed into my skin and his lips sucked needfully at my neck. He wanted my body, and that was something I knew how to give him. It was with relief that I spread my knees, wriggling closer and pressing myself against him.

The sunlight was creeping lower, and his neck and shoulders glittered. I pressed my lips to his collarbone, trying not to block the light as I did so. He was so beautiful, so perfect, and I tried to tell him what he meant to me with every kiss I left on his remarkable body.

It wasn't enough. It was never enough.

Carlisle's hands move up my back, pushing my slip up over my hips. He removed his hands for just long enough to grab the hem and whip the garment up over my head, then tossed it onto the deck and held me close again. His hands caressed my back as his mouth played hungrily over my neck.

I slipped a hand between us and sought out his cock, hard and ready for me. I rubbed it through the coarse fabric of his jeans, and he hissed in pleasure, his hips jerking forward slightly.

"Oh, sweet girl," he moaned. "I've waited so long for you."

I had been with a lot of men, but I had never felt anything even remotely similar to what it was like to be with Carlisle. With the other guys, I had never really been  _me_. To them I was just a random hook-up, a collection of body parts to be groped, a variety of warm places to stick a cock. It was easy. With most of them, I could let go of myself and just feel.

Carlisle never let me disappear, though. He never let me drift away and leave only my body. He kept bringing me back with words like those—he had waited for me. And the hand that slid over my back was doing more than just groping. The love and tenderness in his caress made me  _want_  to be present. I was getting invested in him, coming to depend on him more deeply with every adoring brush of his hand, and though I knew I was setting myself up for a fall, I couldn't seem to help myself.

I would break when he left me.

Tennyson's familiar words rang in my head, promising me that it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, but I doubted. I would have gotten along well enough if I had never met Carlisle. Life wasn't good, but there were good moments. I knew I would never recover once he was gone, though, and when it came down to it, that was the reason I hadn't already asked him to change me. If I was still human when he got tired of me, at least I could die. According to Carlisle, that wasn't so easily accomplished once your heart stilled and your skin turned to granite.

Or diamonds. Gorgeous, glittering diamonds. He was so beautiful, so perfect, and at least for now, he wanted me. It was stupid to waste what time I had with him worrying about the future, and I shoved my dismal thoughts aside. Right now it was just Carlisle and me, touching one another, appreciating one another, about to make love on the porch of a remote lakeside cabin.

I pushed recklessly onward, kissing him with more than just my lips, pouring my whole soul into the movement of my mouth. "I need you," I gasped, rubbing my hand eagerly over his solid member.

He moaned, but moved his hand to stop mine. "It's too cold out here for you," he breathed. He stood, lifting me into his arms, and carried me back inside. The fire in the fireplace had warmed the small house up nicely, and it was something of a relief to feel the warmth as Carlisle strode to the bedroom, cradling me against his chest. He laid me gently down onto the bed and crawled onto it after me, shedding his clothes swiftly as he moved. Sun streamed in through the window, glittering off his body and reflecting light around the room as he knelt between my knees.

He ran his hands up my legs, slowing as he neared the juncture of my thighs. He gently stroked my folds, running his hand over the sensitive area, and dipped a finger inside of me.

I caught my breath. My body remembered his touch and ached for more.

He brought his finger to his lips and his eyes slipped closed as he tasted my flavor. He moaned softly, easing himself down onto his stomach and lowering his mouth to me. I shivered as his tongue flicked out, tasting me tentatively. "Bella," he breathed, his cool breath washing over me. "Do you have any idea how sweet you taste?"

I gasped as his tongue began stroking me, and I moved my hands to his head, gripping his hair loosely. Waves of pleasure washed through me as his tongue moved sensuously around my core. I dug my heels into the mattress and arched against his mouth, desperately seeking more of his cool, wet caresses. His hands moved to my hips, guiding me in perfect rhythm, and I found myself crying out wordlessly, overcome by the blissful sensations.

Almost before I knew it was happening, the orgasm crashed over me. I moaned in ecstacy, my entire body throbbing from his skilled manipulations, and then before I had fully come down from that he was crawling on top of me and thrusting deep inside.

"Carlisle!" I choked, clinging to his solid back as he entered me. His insistent thrusts had me winding up for another orgasm before I had tome to recover from the first one, his perfect, hard body driving me relentlessly toward a second release. His mouth was on my neck, my ear, my shoulders, tasting me everywhere as I bucked against him.

He was holding his hands carefully away from me, leaning on his elbows over me with his fists clenched on either side of my shoulders. Once again, he was taking care of me, holding himself back though everything about his body language screamed that he longed to let go. I closed my eyes and let the feelings overwhelm me—the warmth from being so meticulously cared for, the thrill of having him moving rhythmically inside of me, and always, the love for him that controlled me so completely and was somehow easier to bear when I could express it physically. The combination overwhelmed me and pushed me over the edge once again.

I cried out in pleasure, clutching his body to me as I hooked one leg over his hip and rocked against his solid frame. A low, feral growl rumbled from his chest and his hard body tightened even more as he came inside of me. His lips met mine in a hard kiss, his tongue thrusting into my mouth as we both slowly made our way down from the peak.

I sagged back onto the bed, and Carlisle rolled off of me. He slipped an arm under my back and pulled me against him, and I pillowed my head on his chest. My heart was beating wildly, and it unnerved me a little to know that I wouldn't hear the same from him, even with my ear pressed to his chest.

It was just one more reminder of the vast inequality between us, and I wondered yet again why he had ever given me a second glance.

I wrapped an arm around his stomach, clinging to him, trying to keep him from leaving when he discovered how unworthy I was of him.

"Are you alright?" Carlisle asked gently. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

I shook my head against his chest. "I'm fine."

His hand stroked gently over my back. "So beautiful," he murmured.

I laughed softly, running my hand over his abs. They were still refracting the light from the sun that streamed in through the window, and I couldn't get over how incredible he looked. "I'm not the one who sparkles in the sunlight."

He gave a contented sigh. "Speaking of things that sparkle. . . ."

I rolled onto my back, giving him a questioning look.

He smiled fondly at me, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. "I got you something." He sat up and moved to his suitcase, fishing out a flat, square box stamped with the logo of a jewelry store in Port Angeles.

I sat up, pulling my knees to my chest and trying to ignore the sense of foreboding that nagged at me. Carlisle moved back to the bed and sat next to me, handing me the box.

I looked at it warily. "What's this for?"

"I just wanted you to have it."

I felt like a lead weight was settling in the pit of my stomach. "Why?"

He laughed and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close and kissing my forehead. "Because I love you, Bella."

I knew better. I knew all too well that people gave gifts for three reasons. Christmas was still a month away, and my birthday was long past, so this clearly wasn't intended for either of those.

He pressed a kiss to my ear. "You'll find out what it is a lot faster if you open it."

I swallowed hard and pushed it back into his hands. "I don't want it." If I accepted it, I would have acknowledge that he was no different from everyone else.

Carlisle looked thrown. "All right." He looked at the box in his hands, perplexed. "Bella . . ." He rubbed his forehead, puzzled. "Perhaps I don't keep up with social customs the way I should, but I was under the impression that the giving of gifts to someone you care about was . . . well, still somewhat acceptable."

I hugged my knees to my chest. "Yeah."

He set the box aside and reached out to me, pulling me into his lap. "My love, have I done something to upset you?"

"Have you?" I asked, folding my arms over my chest and hunching my shoulders.

He stroked my hair gently. "I'm not sure what's happening here, Bella. Can you help me understand what you're thinking?"

"Why did you get me a gift?" I asked, trying not to cry. I didn't want to look vulnerable now. I didn't want him to see the power he had over me.

"Because I thought you would like it." He was watching me closely. "Why does that frighten you, Bella?"

"I'm not frightened."

"Sweetheart," he whispered, his fingers tracing soothingly through my hair, "I can smell it. You're afraid of something."

I clenched my teeth, cursing his heightened senses. His ability to read my biological responses stripped away my defenses.

"Talk to me, sweet girl," he whispered.

"Why did you get it for me?"

He seemed at a loss for an explanation. "I told you, Bella, I thought you would like it."

I bit at my lip in frustration. "I don't mean why did you get me  _that_  gift. Why did you get me anything at all?"

He hesitated. "It . . . was really just a whim, I suppose. I saw it and I thought of you. My reasoning was no more complex than that."

"Everybody has a reason."

Carlisle sighed softly and reached for the box. He eased off the lid and showed me what was inside. Lying on the soft cotton padding, was a white gold pendant—a stylized swan, encrusted with diamonds. "It's just a trinket, Bella," he said softly. "It made me smile, because it reminded me of you." He pressed a kiss to my shoulder. "I don't know what significance you attach to jewelry, but all I meant to say by it is that I was thinking of you."

I wanted to believe him . . . but I didn't. There was bad news coming. Or something worse.

Not that it mattered, I admitted wearily to myself. Carlisle was everything to me. Whatever he had done, or would do, would be forgiven with or without gifts or flowers, or whatever else he bought to make me forget about it. I didn't have a choice. Loving him this much left me powerless.

"You're still afraid, sweetheart," he whispered. "Can you tell me why?"

A shudder ripped through me. It was hard for me to speak about this openly, but he had me cornered. "I don't want you to hurt me," I said, my voice shaking.

Once again he looked perplexed. He started to say something, then stopped. He thought for a moment and then took a breath. "We should probably clarify exactly what it is that we're addressing. Is it physical injury you're worried about, or emotional pain?"

I tightened my arms around myself, hunching down further. "Either."

He nodded slowly. "All right. Well, they're two very different conversations, Bella, but it seems that we'll need have them both." He rubbed a hand over the tense muscles on my back, and sighed. "Come on, I have an idea that might help you relax a little while we talk." He scooted off of the bed and set me on my feet, taking my hand and leading me to the bathroom. He turned on the shower, adjusting the temperature carefully while I watched him quizzically. He gave me a smile and took my hand again, pulling me with him under the steamy spray.

He was right about one thing; the warm water washing over me did release some of the tension. He grabbed a bar of soap and moved behind me, running it slowly and methodically over my shoulders, further relaxing my muscles.

"Now, sweetheart," he murmured, pressing a kiss to my neck, "I want you to know that I would never intentionally cause you harm. However, I fear that I have carelessly put you in harm's way during our recent activities." He brushed my wet hair over my shoulder and slowly rubbed the bar of soap up and down my back, following it with his other hand, massaging me gently. "If I've hurt you, I need you to tell me." His voice was low and urgent, full of concern.

I shook my head. "You haven't."

He kissed my neck again, his body pressing close to mine. "Can you tell me why you're worried that I'll hurt you, Bella?"

I swallowed hard, forcing myself to say the words, no matter how very wrong and very awkward it seemed. "That's just what people do."

His arms slipped around my waist, and he held me close. "No, Bella," he whispered. "Your experiences with your father and step-father are not standard."

I shook my head. "It's not just them. Every guy my mom ever brought home—" My voice caught in my throat, and I couldn't finish the thought.

Carlisle seemed to understand, though. He started running the soap gently over my stomach and breasts, still holding me close to him. "That's more of a reflection on your mother than on the general population of men, I'm afraid."

I bit my lip. "That doesn't make any sense. If it was so easy to find someone who wouldn't hurt her, why would she keep bringing home guys who did?"

He set the soap aside and his hands slid over my body as I stood under the stream of water, rinsing away the residual suds. "It is a bit difficult to understand the psychology of it, but it's common. Women who were abused as children often seek out men who treat them the same way. Familiarity is comfortable."

Was that true? Could it really be that  _most_  people didn't live like I did? It certainly seemed to fit with the way Carlisle treated me. He rarely lost hold on his temper, and even when he did, I had never seen him become violent. His anger was expressed through words—though according to Jacob, those words were strong enough to bring Edward to his knees.

But he had never hit him, and that was significant. I just wished I could really believe that he was that way all the time.

I shook my head. "I guess it will take a while for me to get used to."

"That's fair," he said softly, his hands roaming over my hips. "And Bella, darling, it was never my intention to hurt you emotionally either. Can you tell me what I've done to upset you?"

I felt the tension start to return to my muscles. Carlisle must have felt it too, because his strong hands moved back to my shoulders and started rubbing them.

"I don't know. That's what I'm waiting for you to tell me."

His hands stilled on my back, and he turned me to face him, his wet hand coming up to brush my cheek. "I'm not hiding anything from you. Not anymore, and I never intend to again." He kissed my forehead. "I know I don't deserve your trust now, but I  _will_  earn it back."

My throat tightened. "If you're not going to hurt me, and you're not hiding anything from me, why would you give me a gift?"

"I just wanted to see you happy," he murmured, droplets of water sliding down his earnest face.

"Yeah?" I gave him a hard smile. "And what's in it for you?"

I expected him to deny that he got anything from it other than pleasure over my happiness. It was the socially correct thing to say. But to my surprise, he hesitated, his eyes closing for a moment. When they opened again, they were holding a deep sadness. "Perhaps you're right," he whispered. "Perhaps it was selfishly motivated." His arms slipped around me, holding me against his body, which had warmed significantly under the heat of the water. "Bella, I'm desperate to be the man who makes you smile. It may be somewhat boorish of me to try to buy your affection. My only defense is that I want it so  _very_  badly."

I gaped at him. Did he really not know how obsessed I was with him? Was that possible?

He didn't meet my eyes. "Jasper tells me that you love me just as much as I love you," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I know I should probably trust him, but I can't see it, Bella. When you're with me, you're always so guarded."

I stared at his chest shifting uncomfortably. "I'm sorry," I mumbled. "That's just . . . how I am."

He shook his head sadly. "Not with everyone, darling. There is one person who makes your eyes light up they way I never have."

I furrowed my brow, looking up at him curiously.

"Jacob Black."

I blinked in surprise, shaking my head quickly. "It's not like that with Jacob."

He smiled sadly. "Believe me, love, I've tried to tell myself that time and time again. And it's not that I don't trust you . . . but I'm afraid you tend to bring out my insecurities."

"Carlisle, I—" I didn't quite know what to say. "Jacob is safe." It wasn't a good explanation, but it was all I had.

He held me close, pressing my cheek to his chest. "Is there anything I can do to make you feel safe with me?"

"I do. I do feel safe with you. And," I only hesitated over the words for a moment, "I love you." I had already said it, after all . . . it couldn't hurt me that much more to say it again. "I love Jacob too, but I can't . . ." I took a deep breath. "I can't be without you."

I was suddenly anxious to put some space between us. I pushed away from him and slipped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and drying off quickly. Carlisle turned off the water and watched me, frowning slightly. I wrapped the towel around myself and headed into the bedroom, tugging on the first clothes I found in my suitcase.

Carlisle joined me after a moment, getting dressed as well. I sat down on the edge of the bed and he settled next to me. "You know, it's a little disorienting to watch you walk away from me right after you tell me you can't be without me."

I didn't answer. I was sure he thought I was completely crazy, and maybe he was right. Maybe I needed to check myself into Daybreak with Charlie.

I picked up the box that contained the swan necklace and examined it.

Carlisle pressed a hand to the small of my back. "It's just a little thing, Bella. No strings, no expectations. I just wanted to make you smile." He lifted the necklace from the box and unclasped it, leaning close as he fixed it around my neck. He let his lips brush over my ear briefly before pulling back and giving me a small smile.

"I love it," I said softly.

"But you're not smiling."

I bit my lip anxiously. "I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"Of losing you," I said, my words only coming out as a whisper.

He brushed my hair out of my face and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Then let me put your fears to rest. I'll never leave you, Bella. I belong to you."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply, pouring every ounce of passion I had into it.

But I didn't believe him.


	61. Pride

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I felt a little twinge of regret as I steered the car into Forks city limits. It was good to be home, but it was hard to leave my vacation behind.

The last few days had been, without a doubt, the most self-indulgent period of my life. I had spent the break with Bella, reading by the fire, hiking in the woods, talking for hours about our histories, our opinions, our world views. And every few hours we found ourselves wrapped in a passionate embrace, our clothes crumpled on the floor. My girl had been hesitant about a lot of things in our relationship, but sex was definitely not one of them.

She didn't take off her necklace when we made love, and that made me smile. In fact, she had only taken it off to sleep and shower, and as soon as she was finished with either activity, she put the necklace on again before anything else.

I was still a little unsure as to why it had bothered her so much for me to give it to her, particularly since she seemed fairly eager to wear it now. It could be that she liked it better than she had thought she would, but I was fairly certain I knew my Bella better than that. She had thought the fact that I had given her a gift meant that I would hurt her. I wondered what experience, what ghost from her past, had given her that idea.

Regardless of how she had developed that notion, it was going to have to change—I had to be able to give my girl little tokens of my affection on occasion. If I went about it the right way, she would get used to the idea that presents didn't mean pain.

"You're quiet," Bella said, nudging my hand with her foot. She had kicked off her shoes and propped her feet in my lap about an hour ago, and I had been rubbing them absently with one hand, steering with the other.

I smiled softly. "I suppose. I'm a bit sad to see our trip come to a close."

"I'm sorry I made us come home early," she said, biting her lip anxiously.

I tickled her toes playfully, making her squirm and giggle. "There's no need to be sorry. Your appointment with your father is a priority."

She fiddled absently with the pendant at her throat, her expression turning serious. "He doesn't like you very much."

"No, he doesn't," I said, shaking my head. "He's a private man, and I interfered in his affairs. That alone is enough to incur his displeasure."

She chewed anxiously at her lip. "I think he might have guessed about . . . about you and me."

I looked at her, trying to read her reaction. Her pulse rate picked up slightly, but I didn't smell fear. "I think you're right," I told her.

"He'll try to collect evidence," she said, staring out the window.

I nodded slowly. "That's understandable."

"Will my emancipation make any difference? Will that make it so my age doesn't matter?"

"I'm afraid not. That's one freedom that will not be granted to you with your new autonomy."

She sighed in resignation. "Oh well. It's just one more secret, I guess."

"I wish I could give you the kind of life that didn't require secrets," I said softly.

She shrugged dismissively. "I don't mind. At least this one is a  _good_  secret."

I glanced at her and she smiled at me. I loved to see her smile.

I just wished it would reach her eyes.

I steered the car through town and pulled up in front of her house, surprised to see an old white Lincoln parked out front and Edward lounging on the porch railing, his foot swinging idly.

"Is that Old Quil?" Bella asked curiously.

As if in answer, my old friend got out from behind the wheel of his car, and a boy who looked much like Quil had in his younger days slid out of the passenger seat.

I tensed. I hadn't seen or spoken to Quil Ateara since he had brought Bella back from La Push, and I wasn't exactly sure where things stood between us. My first instinct was to tell Bella to go inside and leave me to deal with the old wolf, but I fought it down. She was a capable woman, and if I expected her to make a decision about living this life with me, she should be exposed to the things we dealt with.

"Stay close," I murmured, unable to fully fight back my protective instincts. I got out of the car and quickly rounded it to open her door for her, wanting to keep her near me. I glanced at Edward curiously as I closed the door and tucked Bella under my arm, but he just gave me a contemplative frown.

"Quil." I smiled at my old friend, stepping closer as he and the young man moved to greet us. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

His benign smile was hiding something. "Carlisle, Bella, it's nice to see you again." He offered his hand to each of us in turn and gestured to the young man. "May I introduce my grandson?"

Images of Paul and Jacob flashed into my mind, and I took a step back. Bella, though, merely took the young man's hand, giving him a smile. "Right, I'm pretty sure we've met. Quil, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah, we used to hang out sometimes with Jacob and Embry."

"It's nice to see you again. It's been . . . well, years, I guess."

He nodded and extended his hand to me. "Dr. Cullen, I've heard a lot about you too."

I eyed his hand warily. I didn't want to be the cause of another of the Quileute boys phasing unexpectedly, and contact with him seemed unwise. My eyes flicked to my old friend.

"Shake the boy's hand, Carlisle," he said quietly.

I cleared my throat uncomfortably. "Forgive my poor manners," I said to the boy, tucking a hand in my pocket.

Old Quil's eyes darkened, but the young man just looked confused. He stuffed his own hands in his coat pockets, hunching his shoulders and shivering a little.

"It's freezing out here," Bella said. "Let's go inside and be all uncomfortable and tense where it's warm."

Edward snickered at her blatant description and grabbed the key from under the eaves, opening the door for everyone. We filed in, Edward and I keeping as respectable a distance as we could from the adolescent boy.

Bella immediately kicked off her shoes, then moved to the thermostat and turned up the heat. "Come on, Quil, I'll show you the warm spot," she said, steering him away from his grandfather and me as we moved to the kitchen.

Edward followed us, and the three of us took a seat at the table.

Anger simmered behind Quil's dark eyes. "I want you to spend time with him, Carlisle. I want my grandson to join the pack."

Edward stepped in, shaking his head. "We're not really sure it works that way, Quil. We've only speculated."

"I'm offering him as a test of your theory."

"Does your grandson know the consequences of being in close proximity to my family?" I asked.

He took a deep breath, his shoulders pulling back. "He does not."

I shook my head. "You need to take him home, Quil. It's unwise to play games with the supernatural."

The anger drained away from his eyes and they took on a pleading look. "Carlisle, please. I don't want my line to go dormant. I want my boy in the pack."

"Jacob shares your blood," I reminded him.

"Jacob is Ephraim's heir, and we both know it. I want my grandson to phase."

"If he's meant to, he'll phase. I'll not interfere."

"I will," Edward said.

Both of us turned to look at him, and he leaned back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest.

"But I want something in return." He spoke to Quil, but his eyes were on me, challenging me.

"What is it?" Quil asked warily.

"We'll help you grow your pack," Edward said, "if you'll allow us to grow our family."

Quil stiffened, his hands tightening into fists, and I glared at Edward.

"What exactly do you think you're doing?" I demanded.

"Clearing the way," Edward said, nodding toward the den where Bella and Quil were sitting together on the love seat, chatting idly.

Quil cleared his throat, and when he spoke he sounded like he was trying to keep tight control on his anger. "You're intending to bite the girl?"

"No," I said firmly. "As of now, she has not chosen it."

"She'll choose it, Carlisle," Edward said, rolling his eyes. "She's not going to want to leave you. Quil, you know all too well how impossible it is to leave your mate—you know she'll have to change."

"She doesn't have to," I said quietly. "I'll stay with her for the duration of her human life, if that's what she prefers."

Edward shook his head impatiently and turned his eyes on Quil. "That's the deal. We want permission to change Bella  _if_ she decides that's what she wants. If you give us that, I'll spend every spare moment with Junior in there to see if we can't get that gene to activate."

Quil gave him a long, sober look. "I have no authority to alter the treaty."

"Bullshit. You helped  _write_  the treaty, and you're on the Council. If anyone can alter it, it's you."

He shook his head slowly. "I cannot act without input from Sam and the rest of the Elders."

"Get them to sign off on it, and we've got a deal."

Quil raised an eyebrow at me. "Carlisle, you're the head of your family. Do you agree to the terms?"

I shook my head. "I cannot, in good conscience, change a young man's future unless he is fully aware of the possible consequences."

Quil looked at me for a long time. "All right. I'll tell him."

"Good, then," Edward smiled. "Any other objections, Carlisle?"

I sighed defeatedly. Edward was, in fact, removing a troubling obstacle. I wanted very badly to seize the opportunity, but I could already hear Jasper protesting the larger pack. "I can't speak for my family. I . . . I want this. I want Bella, if she'll have me. But I must speak with the rest of my family to see how they feel about the proposal before I can agree."

Quil rose, a determined look on his face. "You speak with your family, and I'll consult with the Council. I'll be in touch." With that, he strode to the doorway into the den. "Quil, it's time to go."

His grandson gave him a bewildered look, but stood and moved to his side. "Nice to see you again, Bella," he said. He gave Edward and me an uncomfortable nod, shoving his hands back into his pockets. "Good to meet you," he mumbled, and followed his grandfather out the door.


	62. Memory

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**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I was starting to understand why Charlie looked completely exhausted every time I saw him lately. Nothing wore me out quite like the hour I spent with Dr. Rhodes each Tuesday night, and I figured if I had to do one session after another, the way Charlie did, I might be thinking about slashing my wrists as well.

Dr. Rhodes was doing that thing she liked to do where she sat there quietly while I mulled over the subject we had been discussing. Only I didn't want to mull it over. I didn't want to think about any of this, and I didn't understand why everyone was so determined to make me. Wasn't it better just to forget it and move on?

Dr. Rhodes seemed to decide I had had enough time, and she changed the subject. "Who gave you the rose?" she asked.

I looked down at the lavender rose that I was clutching in my hand. It was a good thing rose stems were tough, because I wasn't going easy on it. "Edward," I answered. It wasn't true. In this room, I had to keep up appearances, so whenever I talked about Carlisle, it was Edward's name I used.

"Why did he give it to you?"

I hunched my shoulders, my feet braced against the arm of the chair as usual. "You'd have to ask him."

"It's not an anniversary or a special day or anything?"

I shook my head.

"What did he say when he gave it to you?"

I chewed at the inside of my cheek. "He said he knew therapy was hard for me, and he wanted me to know he was thinking about me."

She looked at me speculatively for a moment. "When I asked you why he gave you the rose, you could have told me that."

I just shrugged. I didn't like her.

"But you didn't," she pointed out unnecessarily. "Do you think he was being insincere or dishonest?"

I shrugged again.

"Isabella?" she pressed.

"I don't know," I said coldly. "You'd have to ask him."

She shook her head patiently. "This session isn't about him, Isabella. It's about how  _you_  feel, and about  _your_ perspective. Did  _you_  feel like he was being insincere?"

I gave up, sighing and leaning my head against the back of the chair. "Isn't everybody?"

"Can you tell me why you feel that way?"

"No."

"Isabella," she said sternly.

I really didn't like her. "Gifts are just lies," I grumbled. "They're people trying to make up for the crap they put you through, but they're just going to do it again. When you accept the gift, you're giving them permission." I wasn't really talking about the flower anymore, and I could feel the panic rising in me again. I clutched the pendant at my throat, as though I could stave off whatever torture Carlisle had planned for me if I held it tightly enough.

"Why do you feel that way?" she asked.

"Because that's the way it is."

"Has Edward put you through something unpleasant and then given you gifts to make up for it?"

I nodded miserably.

"What did he do?"

I swallowed hard. "He lied to me."

"What did he lie about?" she asked, making a note on the paper in front of her.

"None of your business."

"Isabella."

I clenched my teeth refusing to answer. I hated how she only ever used my name as a warning.

"Isabella, what did he lie about?"

"I'm not going to tell you," I snapped.

"Why not?"

"Because this isn't about him," I spat, using her words against her. "It's about  _my_  feelings and  _my_  perspective, remember?"

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "All right," she said calmly. "And did he give you a gift to try to make up for lying to you?"

I stared at the rose in my hand. "Yes."

"What did he give you?"

"Flowers," I said softly, remembering the gorgeous bouquet Carlisle had brought me.

"How did that make you feel?"

I shrugged miserably. "I was just glad he wasn't mad at me."

She made a note on her pad. "Why would he be mad at you?"

I sighed wearily, pressing my forehead into my knees. "Because we had a fight." That was as much as she was getting.

She was silent for a moment before she spoke. "Are the two of you physical when you fight? Do you push or strike each other?"

I shook my head against my knees.

She tapped her pen against her notepad. "So you accepted the flowers, then?"

I nodded.

"Why?"

I shrugged. "It didn't matter. I had already forgiven him."

She made another note. "So you feel it's okay to accept the gift after you've forgiven the offense?"

I lifted my head to look at her, chewing at my lip. "I guess. I just wanted things to be okay again."

"Have there been other fights with him? Other gifts?"

I turned to stare at the window, which was once again reflecting the office back to me. I could see Dr. Rhodes's reflection eyeing my reflection. "No."

"What about from other people? Phil, or any of the other men you've been with?"

I snorted derisively at her slightly-distorted image in the window, wondering if she even knew what life was like outside of her neat little office and her tidy Armani suit. "They don't give gifts."

"Have other people given you gifts by way of apology?"

I nodded.

"Who?"

"Charlie, mostly."

"What was Charlie apologizing for?"

I knew if I told her about Charlie hurting me, she would have to report it. "Sometimes we fight."

"Are the two of you physical when you fight?"

I shook my head.

"What gifts has he given you?"

I leaned into my knees again. "There are too many to count."

"Can you name some things he's given you recently?"

"My truck. My laptop. My phone."

She nodded, making another note. "Those are expensive gifts. Do you think he feels that he has a lot to make up for?"

I shrugged, trying not to think of him stomping on my hand, breaking bones and forcing the glass shard into my palm. "You'd have to ask him."

"Do  _you_  think he has a lot to make up for?"

I stared dully at the window. "I don't like it when he tries to make up for things."

"Why not?"

I felt the lump in my throat again, and I swallowed it back. I wasn't going to cry this time. I could get through one stupid hour without bawling my eyes out. "It's just one more broken promise," I muttered. "Nothing ever gets better. I have a truck, but he's—" I stopped myself and corrected. "We're still going to fight."

I felt oddly frustrated, having to bite those words back. I had never had the desire to tell anyone what happened between Charlie and me, but now it felt wrong to hold it in. I wanted the words out there, wanted to clear the air, but I wasn't allowed to speak. I was bound by laws that were supposed to protect me.

What a joke.

A bell dinged on the desk, and I sighed in relief. I had done it. I made it through an entire session without crying.

Dr. Rhodes gave me a plastic smile. "Well, I guess that's all for today. I'll see you next week."

I nodded and pushed out of the chair, clutching my rose shakily as I headed out of the office.

Jasper was sitting in the waiting room, and he stood as I emerged from the office. I fished my keys out of my pocket and pushed them into his hands, glad that I wouldn't have to drive home. I may not have been crying, but that didn't mean I was feeling up to weaving in and out of Christmas season traffic in Port Angeles.

"How did it go?" he asked gently as he escorted me through the chilly night air and helping me into the passenger seat.

"Fine."

He gave me a speculative look, then closed the door and rounded the truck, climbing behind the wheel. He was silent as he steered the truck out of the parking lot and guided it through the congested city streets. Once on the highway, however, he spoke. "You know I've been to college a few times."

I looked at him, surprised by his statement. I remembered discussing colleges with him in the school cafeteria the first time he and Alice had come to talk to me, and I wondered if he was going to try to convince me to continue my education again.

"This last time I sort of pushed my luck," he said. "I went for a long time, and had to claim to be quite a bit older than I look. But I wanted to get my doctorate."

I nodded to let him know I was listening.

"I'm a trained psychiatrist, Bella." He glanced at me, giving me a wry smile. "Seemed appropriate."

I couldn't help but smile back. He certainly would have an advantage when it came to untangling emotional issues.

"I know you can't always be completely honest with your doctor," he continued slowly, staring out the window. "I just want you to know that if you have something you want to talk about that you can't say to her, you can say it to me."

I gave him a nervous smile. "Thanks."

He nodded.

We were silent for most of the remainder of the drive. At first I expected him to start asking questions like Dr. Rhodes did, but he seemed content to ride in silence. His offer, apparently, came with no expectations. I appreciated that. I liked Jasper, but he was intimidating, and I wasn't really ready to start spilling my guts to him.

I did have something I felt like I needed to say, but not to Jasper. I needed to talk to Carlisle. Talking with Dr. Rhodes had made me realize that other people didn't think the way I did about gifts, and I needed him to understand why I had reacted the way I had. I was still clutching the rose, and I raised it to my nose, breathing in the floral scent, trying to wrap my mind around the concept of gifts without expectations or ulterior motives.

The closer we got to home, the more nervous I got about the conversation. My pulse was racing when we turned onto my street.

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "Something wrong?"

I shook my head quickly.

"Try again," he drawled, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "What are you so anxious about?"

I sighed irritably. "You're annoying. You and your whole family."

"Maybe. But you're fixing to freak out over there, so I figure maybe it'll help you out if you talk about whatever's on your mind."

"It's the talking that's freaking me out," I muttered. "Is Carlisle at my house?"

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "Isn't he always?"

I drew in a steadying breath, letting it out slowly. "I think he's the one I need to talk to."

Jasper smiled his approval. "All right, then. You just let me know if you need any help." He pulled up in front of the house and parked the truck. He got out and came around, offering me a hand down from the cab. "I'm a phone call away," he said.

I gave him a smile and he turned and jogged toward the trees.

I stared at the house for a moment, thinking about Carlisle, sitting inside waiting for me. Despite my confusion, my mood swings, the struggle I had expressing myself to him, he was still there. He still loved me. He deserved to understand the twisted things in my head, but I was hopeless when it came to putting words together. I wished he could read my mind the way Edward could read his, so I could just remember things and he would understand.

Why couldn't he just know?

I closed my eyes, steeling my resolve. I would have to show him as best I could. I pushed through the front door, but I couldn't take off my shoes or Charlie's coat. Somehow it made me too vulnerable. I could hear Carlisle in the den, paper rustling as he quickly read through a book. I was sure he had heard me telling Jasper I needed to speak with him, but he wasn't pushing. He was letting me come to him.

God, I loved him.

I headed up the stairs and moved to my bed, dropping the rose he had given me on my pillow. I turned and opened my closet door, stretching up to grab several boxes from the high shelf. I opened the first one and started pulling out items: Barbie's Dream Limousine, a mermaid figurine I had seen in a souvenir shop and fallen in love with when I was six, a pair of roller blades, and a book of fairy tales. I gathered them all up and carried them downstairs, dumping them on the coffee table.

Carlisle gave me an inquisitive look from his place on the love seat, but said nothing.

I headed back up to my room, searching through a new box. From this one I pulled out several more books, ticket stubs to a concert in Seattle, an old camera, and a compass and canteen I had taken on hikes with Jacob when we were kids. My arms full, I hauled them down the stairs, piling them on the coffee table as well.

I made a few more trips, pulling things out of boxes, loading them downstairs, until I had created quite a large pile in front of Carlisle. The last items I grabbed were my laptop, my cell phone, my keys, and the silver bracelet from my jewelry box. I carried them downstairs and set them on the coffee table—all except for the bracelet. That I kept clutched in my hand.

Staring at the mountain of items I had collected—not even half of what I  _could_  have brought down—made me ache inside. I turned to Carlisle, and he put aside his book and beckoned to me. I crawled into his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face in his shoulder.

"What is this?" he asked softly.

I found myself once again swallowing back tears. "Gifts. Things Charlie bought me to make up for what he did."

His hand moved to my head, stroking my hair softly. "I see," he whispered.

"I'm sorry," I choked, losing my battle with the tears. "I'm sorry I got upset about the necklace."

He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, holding me close. "I understand."

I shook my head. He didn't understand yet. I moved one arm from around his neck, taking his hand and pushing my closed fist into his palm. It was all I could do to make myself open my fingers and let the little silver bracelet fall out. I huddled against his chest, clutching his shirt, as he examined the small Celtic knots that adorned the silver links of the bracelet.

He was silent, and I knew he was waiting for an explanation, but I couldn't give it. I didn't know why, but I needed him to ask for it. I couldn't speak until he did.

"Is this from Charlie as well?" he finally asked.

I shook my head.

He was silent again for a moment. "Will you explain its significance?"

"Mom gave it to me," I said, my words muffled against his neck. "She took me out to lunch and a movie, and then she gave it to me and told me she was marrying Phil."

He closed his hand loosely around the bracelet. "I see," he said again. His arm curled around me again, holding me close. "So when I gave you the necklace, you expected bad news."

I nodded.

He kissed my head again, several times, his cool breath filtering through my hair. "Thank you. For helping me understand."

"I love it," I said, around my tears. I tightened my grip around his neck. "But I'm still afraid."

Carlisle rubbed my back soothingly. "There's no need to be afraid. I can't promise you a life free of pain, but I can promise you that I'll never treat you the way your parents did. And I can promise you that I'll always love you."

I sighed into his neck, wanting so badly to believe him. It was wonderful to imagine staying with him forever, never worrying about when he would get tired of me and leave me. Just for now, I put aside my fears of the future and let myself pretend that everything would be okay. "I love you," I whispered.

"I love you too, Bella."


	63. All I Ask of You

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

"I don't like keeping this from her," I said as I darted through the trees with Edward. I plucked a pine needle from a branch as I passed and broke it open, releasing the pungent scent.

"You have to go with the lesser of two evils. If you don't want her feeling pressured about changing, you don't invite her to a meeting about arranging the treaty so she can."

"This feels like the greater evil, Edward. I've hurt her with lies before."

"Then tell her about it," he said impatiently. "You're the one who's worried about pressuring her, not me."

I sighed to myself. I would have to tell Bella about what we were doing here today. If I ever wanted to earn her trust back, I had to be very strict about my no-secrets policy. Really, I should have discussed this with her already. "Am I ever going to get better at this?" I asked Edward.

"I hope so. You're starting to get annoying."

We stopped running when we reached the clearing, and we strode to the empty space left by my family members.

The clearing was packed. Everyone stood or sat in a loose circle, but there were gaps between the Cullen side and the Quileute side. Edward eyed them warily as we took our places beside our family. He reached for his wife's hand and pulled her close to him, kissing her affectionately.

I looked around the circle. My family was all present, standing in pairs, and I took my place at the end of the line. Opposite us were the Quileute representatives. The newest member of the pack, Paul, sat on the forest floor, with Sam and Jared flanking him. He didn't look happy, but the other two seemed perfectly at ease. The three of them wore only their cut-off jeans, as did Jacob, who was just to the right of them, hovering near his father. I assumed Billy Black and his wheelchair had made it this deep into the rough forest terrain only with the help of the boys. Harry Clearwater stood on Billy's other side, and next to him Quil Ateara rested in a folding camp chair.

The seven of them comprised the leadership of the Quileute Nation. They watched my lead warily, and I thought I would start things off cordially by deferring to their authority.

"Forgive me," I said, scanning their solemn faces. "I'm not sure who your chairperson is these days."

Sam stood, claiming the position, though he shot a reproachful look at Jacob before stepping forward.

I addressed him as the tribe's rightful chief. "I beg your patience for my tardiness. I got held up in surgery."

He nodded casually from across the circle. "We understand. You have a very demanding job."

Emmett separated himself from Rosalie and darted a few yards away to where a large boulder rested among the trees. He hefted it and carried it back to the circle, dropping it behind Harry. "Make yourself comfortable," he said, before taking his place again.

Harry watched him suspiciously, but took a seat on the rock. "Thank you," he said stiffly.

Jared smirked at Emmett. "Way to suck up, leech."

"Shut up, fleabag," Emmett grinned back.

"Are we ready, then?" Sam asked, ignoring their banter. When he was met with nods all around, he turned his eyes on me. "As everyone knows, a proposal has been made. Old Quil wants his grandson to spend time with the Cullens to see if he'll phase. Carlisle wants permission to make Isabella Swan a vampire. We're here to see if we can reach an agreement on the matter." He scanned the faces in the crowd. "Let's see where we stand right now. All in favor of allowing both changes to take place?"

I showed my vote, letting my eyes sweep my family's line first. Edward and Esme both raised their hands, as did Alice. Emmett and Jasper both stood with their thumbs hooked in their pockets, both eying me apologetically, but Rosalie hesitantly put her hand in the air.

I gave her a grateful smile. Her vote meant a lot to me, considering where we had started.

The Quileutes were less convinced. Of the seven of them, only two raised their hands—Sam and Quil.

"Seven," Sam said. "A majority for the coven, but not for the tribe." He looked around at us. "I'd like to hear your arguments. Carlisle, will you start?"

I nodded solemnly. "I love her," I said, raising my voice loud enough for Harry and Billy to hear. "There has never been anyone else for me, and there never will be. Isabella Swan is my life, and if she wants it, I'd like to give her immortality with me."

Billy raised his head, his dark eyes boring into mine. "You're not the only one who has a claim on her, Cullen. I've known the girl since she was a day old. I love her, my son loves her, her father loves her. How much would you force her to give up?"

"I'll not force her, Billy. If Bella joins my family, it will be by her choice."

Sam watched to make sure I was finished, then turned to the old wolf. "Quil?"

He stood slowly. "My grandson is the carrier of my legacy," he said, his tenor voice smooth and strong. "Because of unusual and unpredictable circumstances, he may have lost his rightful place in the pack. I want him to have the honor and privilege of running with the wolves."

Sam looked around for a response, and when there was none Quil took his seat again.

Sam turned to Edward and nodded for him to speak.

"I think Quil's grandson deserves a chance to join the pack if he wants it. I think Bella deserves a chance to join our family if she wants it. Both of them are capable of making their own decisions, and I think we should allow them to."

Sam scanned the group, then nodded to Harry. Harry shook his head and gestured for Billy to speak.

"The great Chief Taha Aki gave our people the means to defend against the monsters who would take human life," Billy said. "It is our duty to protect those we love against such a loss. I cannot condone surrendering a life, even if it means strengthening the pack."

"Life isn't a heartbeat," Rosalie said softly. "Life is learning, growing as a person, finding love and sharing it. We would never take that away from Bella."

Sam paused for any further comments, and when none came, he looked to Esme.

"I agree with Edward," she said. "Carlisle has always placed a high premium on free will. We should not take that from either Bella or young Quil."

Sam's eyes fell on Jacob next, and he ground his teeth. "I don't know," he said. "I'd love to have Quil in the pack, but . . . Bella . . ." He shook his head. "I get that you love her, Doc, but making her a vampire?" He shifted from one foot to another. "I'd have to talk to her about it."

"And if she told you she wanted it?" Sam asked.

He sighed. "Then . . . I guess I'd say okay. But I'd want to make sure she knew what she was getting herself into."

"I feel the same way," I murmured.

"We haven't sugarcoated the lifestyle," Edward said. "She'll know what she's choosing."

"Her father should have a say as well," Billy said coolly.

I shook my head. "I'm afraid that's not possible. There is a very powerful coven that enforces a law of secrecy among us. Any human who discovers what we are stands in violation of the law and risks death."

"Bella knows what you are," Billy pointed out.

I nodded. "Yes. She was put in danger the moment Jacob told her about your legends."

Jacob flinched.

Silence fell as everyone considered the ramifications. I had reminded them all of Jacob's breach of the treaty, and I wondered how nervous I had made them.

"Jasper?" Sam prompted.

"I'm against a larger pack," he said flatly, his hands clasped behind his back. "No offense to you boys. It's just not good policy to hand advantages to your enemies."

"The Quileutes have never been enemies of this family," I told Jasper. "You weren't with us before, I know, but our previous relationship with the tribe was quite amicable."

Quil nodded his concurrence.

"They're a threat, Carlisle, simple as that."

Jasper's tone was neutral, but his words sparked Paul's temper. " _You're_  the threat," he snapped.

"Enough!" Sam ordered, and Paul fell silent. "Jared?"

Jared shrugged. "I say we do it. G.I. Jasper's right, we'd get a hell of a lot out of the trade, and Bella's not even one of the tribe. It's not our job to protect her."

"She's my best friend," Jacob snapped.

"So? Old Ephraim was pretty buddy-buddy with Carlisle here. You guys can still be friends if she gets fanged."

Jacob slugged Jared in the arm, but offered no more protest.

Sam nodded to Alice.

"Bella's already like a sister to me," Alice said. "She would never be more loved by anyone than she would be by this family—especially Carlisle. He would take such good care of her. And I know Jasper worries about logistics and strategy, but if Carlisle trusts you guys, I trust you too. I say yes."

Sam turned to Paul, who shrugged.

"What's one more vampire?" he snorted. "We could take these bloodsuckers right here, right now."

Sam looked around the circle, and when no one responded to Paul's taunt, he moved on. "Emmett?"

"I stand behind Carlisle a hundred percent," Emmett said. "If he wants Bella, I'll do everything I can to see that he gets her. But we don't have to cater to you guys to turn her, all we have to do is leave." He folded his arms over his massive chest. "Her dad's an asshole, so yeah, Black, we don't mind asking her to give him up. And if you and your boy are standing in the way of her happiness, that doesn't seem like such a big loss either. I don't really have all that big of a problem with a new wolf, I just think you're all being a bunch of gossipy old biddies, sticking your furry noses in where they don't belong, and I'm not all that inclined to strike a bargain with you right now."

There was silence, broken a moment later by Jared snickering. "Gossipy old biddies? Are you serious?"

Emmett's face broke into a grin. "Bite me."

"Don't tempt me," Jared quipped back. "Seriously, though, Emmett, don't you want to hang around for a while? We could have some fun."

"That's true. You pups are pretty good in a wrestling match."

"Then shut your damn mouth and let us work out some kind of a deal so you guys can stick around," Jared laughed, rolling his eyes.

Emmett smirked, but fell silent.

"I think it's a reasonable deal," Sam said, taking his turn to state his opinion. "That is, of course, if we're convinced Bella isn't being coerced."

Some of the other Quileutes nodded.

Sam glanced around, and then looked to the end of our line. "Rosalie?"

She licked her lips. "I argued against this for a long time," she said, "but I was wrong. Bella deserves a better life, and we can give it to her. She deserves to be with the man she loves, and we can give her that too." She looked at Quil. "You've always been a good friend of ours, and if you want us to help your grandson phase, I think that's the least we can do for you."

Quil gave her a smile. "Thank you, dear."

Sam turned to Harry then. "Harry, is there anything you'd like to add?"

He rose, stepping forward. "Let's see where things stand now. There may be a few who have changed their minds."

Sam shrugged. "Alright. All in favor of allowing both changes?"

I raised my hand, looking down the line of my family. Emmett agreed this time, but Jasper still held back, looking displeased. Among the Quileutes, Jared and Jacob joined Sam and Quil in agreeing to the deal. We had a clear majority, now, but I wanted a unanimous decision.

Sam nodded and stepped back, letting Harry take the spotlight.

Harry addressed me. "You want to raise your number to eight."

I nodded.

"We want to raise  _our_  number to eight," he said. "I think you could convince the rest of the Council if you would allow us to even our numbers." His smile was confident, and just shy of triumphant. Whether he felt he had prevented us from changing Bella, or assured the tribe a larger pack, I wasn't sure. Perhaps either scenario would have been a triumph for him.

"No," Jasper said flatly.

But to me it seemed reasonable. The Quileutes felt that they were at a disadvantage, and if we removed that, perhaps their defenses would lower a bit. Perhaps we could be better friends.

Edward rolled his eyes at his brother. "It's not like they're going to sneak up on us in our sleep."

"What's the matter?" Paul taunted Jasper, climbing to his feet. "Afraid of a fair fight?"

"There will be no fight," I said sharply. "I will not dishonor Ephraim's memory by entertaining notions of violence against his children." I turned my eyes on Jasper. "If we cannot maintain an amicable relationship with the tribe, then we will leave here."

"And what if Bella doesn't want to leave?" Jasper challenged.

"Whoa," Jacob broke in. "What do you mean  _if_  she doesn't want to leave? Of course she doesn't want to leave, you can't take her away from here."

I sighed tiredly. "We're getting ahead of ourselves. As of now, the treaty remains strong. We will only leave if that changes."

"Then it's not going to change," Jacob said vehemently, looking around at the other Quileutes, his eyes lingering on his father. "She's family, and we don't turn our backs on family."

His loyalty to my girl warmed me as much as it rankled. If Ephraim could see me now, he would be rolling with laughter on heaven's golden streets over my jealousy of his great-grandson. But I was slightly mollified by the thought that my competition at least had a certain nobility of spirit—much like Ephraim himself.

Sam nodded. "I also would like to see the treaty remain strong. But I'm intrigued by Harry's suggestion." He turned back to me. "Carlisle, you pointed out our disadvantage to your family when you threatened to burn the Reservation. You understand why we would want to even the numbers a little?"

"I do."

Edward shook his head, laughing. "I never thought I'd see the day when anyone had to worry about  _you_  losing your temper, old man."

"Yeah, well, they're going to have to keep worrying," Jasper said stoically. "We're not helping them create four more wolves."

"Jasper," Esme said softly, "you would do it for Alice."

Jasper turned slowly too look at her, his teeth clenched. He nodded reluctantly.

"You know better than anyone how much Carlisle cares for Bella," she coaxed. "Could you really deny him his future with her?"

Jasper closed his eyes for a moment, his face a mask of unhappiness. When he opened them again, there was determination there. "We can leave."

"She won't want to leave!" Jacob cut in, alarm in his voice. "Her dad's here, her friends are here."

I nodded my agreement. "I believe he's right. However, if the rest of you would like to relocate, I understand."

"And leave you here to face down a pack of oversized dogs who will want nothing more than to kill you when you break their treaty? It's not going to happen, Carlisle. We stand together, you know that."

Emmett put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "This is a fair proposal, Jasper. Sure, we have to give a lot, but . . . is it too much to ask in trade for Carlisle's happiness?"

Everyone was quiet for a moment while Jasper considered the choice. "No," he finally said. "It's not."

I scanned the faces of my family, trying to get a read on their feelings. Edward and Esme would say yes. Jasper and Emmett, apparently, would too. Alice and Rosalie? I thought they would.

I turned my attention to the Quileutes. Billy and Harry looked satisfied. The wolves were shifting and whispering excitedly. Quil's eyes were hopeful.

"I want to make it clear," Sam said, "that this is not a move toward violence between us. But I like the idea of being better able to protect our land."

I locked eyes with Sam, and the two of us stared at each other for a moment.

"Let's see where we stand," he said.

"Wait," Jacob cut in. "Let's be clear about the terms. Bella has to  _choose_  this."

Billy nodded soberly. "Yes, and before she does, she must come before the Council of Elders and convince us that she is making this decision of her own free will."

"I think that's fair," I said. "And I'll be speaking with the potential wolves as well, to make sure they understand what they're choosing by spending time with my family."

Billy nodded his acceptance of my terms.

"Eight vampires, eight wolves," Sam said.

Edward stepped forward. "But the agreement stands, even if no more of the boys phase."

"And it stands even if Bella decides she doesn't want to become a vampire," Quil added.

Sam looked around the circle. "Our terms are set. All in favor?"

All of the Quileute hands immediately raised. Most of my family's did too, though Jasper held back. He met my gaze, and reluctantly lifted his hand into the air.

"Thank you," I whispered softly.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking unhappy. "You're going to have to hold your temper in check a little better," he growled. "If you threaten them again, you know they won't hesitate to fight back."

"It won't be an issue," Sam said firmly. "The Quileutes will not try to keep his mate from him again." He gave Billy a sharp look. "We accept the relationship, and leave it to the two of them to decide how best to proceed."

"Speak for yourself," Jacob muttered.

Sam turned on Jacob, giving him a dark look. "Do you want to lead this Council?"

He crossed his arms over his chest, giving him a sullen look. "No."

"Then work out your issues privately. It is the opinion of the Quileute leadership that Carlisle poses no threat to Bella."

Jacob looked away, grinding his teeth, but didn't pursue the matter.

"Sam, will you lift Jacob's restriction so he can speak with Bella as he pleases?" I asked.

Sam looked at me, then back at Jacob, and nodded. "Watch your temper, boy. You're emotionally involved in this, and you don't need to live with any regrets because you lost control when you were with her."

"Yes, sir," Jacob murmured.

"We're agreed?" Sam asked, looking for confirmation from the circle.

There were no objections.

I moved forward, holding out my hand to Sam. He gripped it, meeting my gaze.

"Thank you, Sam," I said solemnly.

"Thank you, Carlisle."


	64. Eternal Flame

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**Bella Swan's Point of View**

"Where were you guys?" I asked Edward as I climbed out of my truck. He and his family hadn't shown up for school that day, but he was sitting on the front steps now, waiting for me to get home.

"Had a little meeting with the pack," he said. "Carlisle will tell you about it later." He crossed his legs casually as I moved toward him and fished under the eaves for the key. "So have you been thinking about Carlisle's offer?"

"What offer?" I asked, unlocking the door.

"The offer to turn you. How many offers has the man made to you?"

I grinned at him. "There's been an indecent proposal or two."

"From what I've picked out of his head,  _you're_  the one who's been making those."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you have any idea how annoying you are?" I pushed the door open, but he made no move to follow me. "Are you coming in?"

He shook his head. "I'm not allowed until Jacob gets here."

"Carlisle's still got you on a leash, huh?"

He shrugged. "He's smart to be careful."

I closed the door and tossed my backpack on the porch, dropping down next to him. "Is it easier outside?"

He nodded. "Especially if I stay upwind. The breeze helps carry your scent away."

"Have you ever had a reaction like this to anyone else?"

"Nope. You're it. So I'd really appreciate it if you'd take Carlisle up on his offer."

I grimaced.

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you thinking you don't want to?"

"I don't know," I said, looking away. "I mean, it sounds great  _now_. But what happens later, when Carlisle gets tired of . . . whatever this is . . . and moves on?"

Edward didn't answer, and I flicked a surreptitious glance at him. He was gaping at me.

"Did you really just say that?" he demanded.

That irritated me, and I glared at him. "Want me to say it again?"

"Are you serious?" he asked, appalled. "You really think Carlisle is going to get tired of you?"

I rolled my eyes. "He's a man, Edward. If there's one thing I understand, it's men."

He arched his eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "You understand men?"

"You can always count on two things with men. They love sex, and they disappear when things start to get hard."

Edward stiffened. "Maybe that's true with a lot of people, but Carlisle is better than that. You've got to stop thinking about him like he's just some guy."

"Why? That's what he is."

He clenched his teeth, drawing in a slow breath. "Carlisle Cullen is absolutely the finest man I have ever met," he said curtly. "And I've met  _a lot_  of people, Bella."

"A superior slug is still a slug."

He widened his eyes. "Where is this hostility coming from? Are you mad at him for something?"

I sighed, the fight draining out of me. The fact was, I was getting angry over something he hadn't even done yet. I was getting a jump on hating him for leaving me. "No," I mumbled.

Edward leaned back against the handrail, frowning. "Why are you so sure he's going to leave you?"

"Because I'm not dumb enough to believe in fairy tales."

"What does this have to do with fairy tales?"

"Do you really expect me to believe that we'll just live happily ever after?" I demanded.

He gave me a puzzled look. "Why not?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm going inside," I said, pushing myself to my feet.

"No." He grabbed my hand, holding me back. He stood and pulled me back to him, placing his hands on my shoulders. "Please don't walk away, Bella. I want to talk to you about this."

"Why?" I snapped impatiently.

"Because you're  _wrong_ ," he said. "He  _loves_  you."

"Yeah, so what? My mom loved Charlie . . . and every one of the parade of creeps that came after him."

He frowned. "You're not  _really_  using your parents as role models, are you?"

"Why shouldn't I? They're just like everyone else. The rising divorce rate shows all too clearly that people don't stay together, and the ones who do only stay because they feel like they have to."

Fire sparked in his eyes. "Look, Bella, I don't have much experience with human relationships, but I can tell you this: vampires don't walk out on their mates."

I rolled my eyes, looking away, but Edward shook my shoulders lightly, bringing my attention back to him. "I've been with Esme for eighty-nine years," he said. "I love her more than anything else in the world. And yeah, sometimes it's hard, but I've never once considered leaving her, and I can be pretty sure that she's never considered leaving me."

"Congratulations. You're perfect."

He shook his head. "Bella, it's not just me. Emmett and Rose don't think about it, Jasper and Alice don't think about it. Vampires mate for good."

God, I wanted to believe him. It was such a nice story. "Or maybe you just have an entire family of over-achievers."

Edward released my shoulders, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "Look, you know who the Volturi are, right?"

I nodded, wondering what he was getting at.

"Two of the leaders, Aro and Caius . . . they've both been with their wives for more than three thousand years. And trust me when I say they're still completely devoted to them." He shook his head. "The third leader, Marcus, lost his wife over two millennia ago, and he's never been the same. He never looks at another woman, and he barely notices what's going on around him. He's just . . . broken." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "This thing with you and Carlisle is permanent, Bella. At least, it is for him."

I swallowed hard, thinking about three thousand years. It would be miserable to imagine three thousand years with anyone else, but with Carlisle. . . .

Maybe there was a God. Maybe that was heaven—or at least compensation for the years I had spent in hell.

"Do you—" My throat closed, and I swallowed again, trying to clear it. "Do you know of any vampires who . . . left?"

He shook his head solemnly. "Not one. Not when they were truly mated."

I frowned at his stipulation. "What do you mean? Truly mated?"

He shrugged. "Vampires can screw around just as much as humans do when they're unattached, Bella. There's still attraction, affection, relationships between some who just enjoy one another's company."

I chewed at my lip. "You don't think that's what this is for Carlisle?"

He smiled softly. "You forget that I can see his mind, Bella. I don't have to guess at it." He squeezed my shoulders again. "I know for a fact that Carlisle is completely devoted to you."

I frowned, trying to process it, and Edward ruffled my hair playfully. "I wish you'd get that through your cute little head. This insecurity thing is getting downright boring."

I gave him a useless little shove, turning back toward the house. "It's too cold out here. Come in whenever Jacob shows up to babysit."

Jacob didn't keep us waiting long. I had just curled up on the love seat in the den and started my homework when there was a heavy banging at the back door. Jacob didn't wait for me to answer before pushing it open and calling my name.

I squealed and leapt up, tossing my textbook to the floor, and ran to the back door. I flung myself at Jacob and hugged him tightly. "You finally got Sam to lift his stupid rule?"

"Carlisle, did, actually," Edward said from behind me.

I released Jacob, but grabbed his hand and pulled him into the den. We flopped down on the love seat together, and Edward kicked back in a recliner. "How come Carlisle got involved?"

"Good question," Jacob said, propping his feet up in my lap. He was wearing shoes and a T-shirt with his cut-offs today, which sort of surprised me. "I figured he didn't like me."

Edward gave a low laugh. "You remind him of Ephraim. He can't help but like you."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Are you going to start in on the Legendary Friendship crap?"

"Is that what they teach you boys out on the Reservation?" Edward asked with a smile.

Jacob shrugged. "Old Quil does, anyway. He seems to think Ephraim and Carlisle were pretty tight."

"Tight." Edward smiled nostalgically. "That's a pretty good description, actually. The two of them used to go to the diner in town and have these long debates over whatever it was that they were thinking of that day, while Ephraim sat there and ate all of the food off of both their plates. They'd stay there for hours. Carlisle would just keep ordering more food, and Ephraim would pack it away."

Jacob grinned, rubbing his stomach. "We wolves burn up a lot of calories, phasing back and forth."

"Ephraim was  _always_  eating. A lot of times he'd go out hunting with us, and end up sharing the prey. Whatever we drained, he'd eat."

"He hunted with you guys?" Jacob asked curiously.

"All the time. And sometimes he and Carlisle would just take off for days, even weeks at a time. They'd decide on a whim that they wanted to see some place they'd read about, and they'd start running." Edward shook his head ruefully. "The first time they did that, it scared us. Carlisle sometimes went off on his own, but he'd usually talk about it for a little while first, so we'd know he was planning it. When he and Ephraim disappeared, the family started to wonder if the two of them had finally just killed each other."

Jacob raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Killed each other? I thought they were friends."

Edward nodded, grinning. "Yeah, they were friends, but they argued  _all the time_. They were constantly challenging each other." He laughed fondly. "I chewed Carlisle out pretty good for disappearing, and after that Ephraim would send Quil and Levi around to keep us posted on where they were and what they were doing."

"Didn't Carlisle have a job?"

"Yeah, he had a private practice that he ran out of an office in town. But he wasn't the only doctor in the area, so he didn't feel too badly about closing up shop on occasion."

"People didn't think that was weird?" Jacob snorted.

I tugged at the laces on his shoes, untying them. "People think  _you're_  weird, but that doesn't seem to bother you."

Jacob grinned at me, watching my tie his shoelaces together. "That's because I'm so pretty that they love me anyway."

Edward smiled patiently. "The practice of medicine was a lot less structured back then," he explained to Jacob. "Besides, the people in town cut Carlisle some slack because they saw him as sort of a missionary-slash-philanthropist."

Jacob gave him a surprised look. "Missionary?"

He grinned. "You've got to remember that racism was something of an institution in the early nineteen hundreds. It wasn't uncommon for white Americans to see any hint of color in the skin as an indication of . . . reduced mental capacity."

Jacob arched an eyebrow. "They thought we were stupid."

Edward nodded. "That was the generally-accepted theory, yes. Heathens too, though a lot of the Quileutes in those days had already converted to the United Society of Believers in Christ's Second Appearing."

I looked up at him in surprise. "What in the world is that?"

"Shakers, for short," Jacob grinned. "It used to be the biggest religion on the Rez."

Edward nodded. "The religion took a hit after Ephraim and the boys phased. Shakers believe in adoption, rather than procreation, but with the wolves running around, the tribe started remembering why they treasured their ancestral bloodlines. There was kind of a revival of the traditional rituals, which made the white population a little nervous. Word leaked out that the Quileutes were returning to their 'heathen' ways, and on top of that, there was talk in Washington about self-government for Native American tribes. When the Indian Reorganization Act passed, a lot of folks around here figured their neighbors to the west would revert back to their former savage habits." Edward flicked a glance at Jacob, who was glaring at him. "No offense of course. The tribes around here have never been anything resembling savage, but there was no convincing the local whites of that."

"What did that have to do with Carlisle?" I asked.

"Everybody thought Carlisle was trying to reclaim Ephraim. They saw them together all the time, locked in these serious discussions, Carlisle constantly buying the kid food. That's a classic missionary move, by the way, providing food to investigators of your religion. So to a lot of the people around here, it looked like Carlisle was doing some good old-fashioned Christian preaching. They figured he chose Ephraim because he was young and impressionable, and as Chief of the Quileutes he had influence over the tribe."

"White man's hero," Jacob said sarcastically.

Edward nodded solemnly. "You have no idea. And Ephraim was the red man's—not just the Quileutes, but the Makah, the Hoh, the Chinook . . . they all loved him. He was a charismatic kid and a fair-minded leader, and he was an outspoken advocate for tribal self-government. Between the two of them, they were idolized wherever they went."

"I don't know about idolized, but we were rather popular."

I jumped and turned, catching sight of Carlisle leaning casually in the doorway to the den. "You're early," I grinned, shoving Jacob's feet to the floor and skipping to Carlisle's side.

He wrapped me in his arms and favored me with a deep, passionate kiss. I couldn't help feeling that it was as much for Jacob's benefit as it was for mine, and I swallowed back a laugh.

Jacob stood as well and shuffled across the floor to us, his shoelaces still tied together. "Hey Dr. Fang," he said, holding out his hand in what looked to be a very blatant effort to interrupt our kiss.

Carlisle just took his hand and shook it, never releasing my lips.

I couldn't help but giggle, and Carlisle nipped at my bottom lip, laughing softly as well.

Jacob let out a long-suffering sigh. "Bella, do you have to get your grope on right in front of me?"

"Oh, please," I laughed, taking Carlisle's hand and pulling him back to my place on the love seat, settling onto his lap. "This from the guy who dragged me out to the movies last summer and spent the  _entire_  two hours making out with his girlfriend."

"Hey! I waited until after the previews started." He hopped back to the love seat and dropped down onto it. "And anyway, that was different."

"How?"

He pursed his lips, scrambling for a response. "It was dark," he finally said. "And you had a movie to distract you."

Carlisle smiled wryly. "Well, if it makes you feel better, we'll draw the curtains and turn on the television."

I laughed and kissed him again, curling up against his chest.

"Darling, do you spend all your afternoons listening to Edward tell tall tales about me?" he asked me teasingly.

I smiled. "Some. I'm trying to dig up all your secrets."

Carlisle gave Edward a questioning look, and Edward grinned. "You know, it never came up," he said, answering an unspoken question. "Though Jacob's been wondering if you were planning on telling her."

"What?" I asked, glancing between Carlisle and Jacob.

Carlisle shifted me back a little on his lap. "Bella, I have something I want to talk to you about, but I don't want you to feel in any way pressured by it. We're just . . . creating options."

"Okay," I said slowly, giving him a wary look.

"There has been some discussion," he said hesitantly, "among my family and among the Quileute leadership, as to whether you would want to become a vampire."

I drew in a slow breath. I didn't really know how I felt about that yet, and I wasn't comfortable with other people talking about it.

"No pressure, my love," he reminded me.

I nodded, trying to force myself to loosen up.

"The treaty we made with Ephraim prohibits us from biting a human. To turn you would be to stand in violation of it."

"What does that mean?" I asked nervously, glancing at Jacob.

"It's hard to say. The decision as to how to proceed would be left to Sam, and I've been loath to place quite such a heavy burden on his shoulders. Besides," he smiled sadly, "I don't wish to dishonor my old friend by causing problems for his posterity. I hold the Quileute Nation in high regard."

I chewed at my lip, wondering if the whole thing was a bad idea.

Carlisle raised his hand and ran his thumb over my lip, pulling it from between my teeth. "Don't fret, darling," he breathed. "We've worked it out."

"How?"

He glanced at Edward. "Edward and Sam have developed a theory. It has always been the presence of vampires that caused the Quileute boys to phase. Due to recent events, they have started to believe that close and frequent contact will encourage the gene to activate."

"Like with Jacob?" I asked, remembering how he had become feverish and short-tempered after spending the day with us.

Carlisle nodded. "And possibly Paul as well." He brushed a hand over my cheek. "Last Saturday, when Quil brought his grandson by, I was reluctant to shake the boy's hand for fear that it would spark the same reaction in him."

Jacob smirked. "But that was the whole point in bringing him by. Old Quil  _wants_  him to phase."

"Edward saw an opportunity, and suggested that we could make a deal. We would do what we could to help young Quil phase, if the tribe would allow us to turn you." He pressed a hand to my cheek. " _If_  that's what you choose, of course. The decision is yours alone."

"So they went for it?" I asked, speaking to Carlisle, but looking at Jacob.

"Essentially," Carlisle said hesitantly. "We had a meeting earlier today to discuss the details. Jacob and Jasper both have strong reservations about it, but we did come to an agreement."

Jacob smiled ruefully. "You're not cheap, girl. They had to promise us four wolves to get us to sell your soul." He winked at me.

" _Four?_ "

Carlisle smiled softly. "They wanted to even our numbers."

"Besides," Edward spoke up, "Sam is feeling like he's spreading the boys a little thin right now. Two of them are still in high school, and he's got them running patrols around La Push as well as keeping an eye on you here at the house. And they still have to find time for sleep. They could really use the help."

I looked back at Jacob in surprise, and he yawned and stretched dramatically. "Yep, we could." He shifted down on the couch so his head was pillowed on the arm, throwing his legs up on my lap again. "So since the blood doctor is here to keep Edward from going for your throat, I'm just going to take a little nap."

"Do you want to used Charlie's bed?"

"Nope," he said, his eyes already slipping closed. "I'm good right here."

Edward looked amused. "You're not actually expecting that to work, are you?"

"What?" I asked.

A smiled tugged at one corner of Edward's mouth. "Jacob figures if he stays in the room, Carlisle's sense of propriety will keep him from making out with you."

Carlisle chuckled. "I've lived most of the last ninety years in such a way that even my thoughts are no longer private," he told Jacob. "My sense of propriety might be a bit skewed."

"Bella's isn't," Jacob smiled lazily.

"Yeah, but I'd start making out with him just to piss you off."

He smiled, still not opening his eyes. "I love you, Bella."

Edward rose from his chair, a wide grin on his face. "I've just remembered, I left something in the oven."

"Do a lot of baking, do you?" I asked dryly.

He just smiled and leaned down to kiss my forehead. "I'll see you in school tomorrow." He straightened. "Carlisle, hunting tonight?"

He nodded.

"I'll be back around one or two, then." He gave us a wave and strode out.

Jacob was already snoring softly, and I cuddled against Carlisle's chest. I had been missing him. It had been several days since we returned from our trip, and our near-constant lovemaking had come to a grinding halt. He had barely touched me since we got back, and I got the impression that his sense of propriety wasn't quite as skewed as he claimed it was.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" I asked.

He smiled softly. "If you'd like. Though I'd wager Jacob is a light sleeper these days." There was caution in his voice, but it was for me, not for him. As though he thought  _I_  would be uncomfortable with what Jacob overheard.

I grinned, slipping out from under Jacob's heavy legs and grabbing Carlisle's hand. "He can't follow us. I tied his shoelaces together."

"Well, that gives us about eight seconds while he picks out the knot." He climbed to his feet and scooped me up in his arms. "I hope you don't mind if it's a little rushed." He darted up the stairs, moving through the house at a speed that left my head spinning, and I giggled when he tossed me gently onto my bed.

I reached up and grabbed his tie, tugging him down onto the mattress with me. He crawled on top of me, one hand sliding under my head and cradling it while his tongue swept over my bottom lip.

I shivered. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too. I'm tempted to leave everyone and everything behind and run off with you to the cabin for a few years." He kissed me deeply, his tongue tangling with mine, and I moaned. I still had his tie in one fist, and I held him down on top of me while I arched against him. His free hand caressed down the side of my body until it reached my thigh, and he hitched my leg up over his hip.

God, I loved it when he did that.

He ground his solid erection against my center, making me cry out in pleasure, and I met his movements with my own. He growled deep in his chest, and his lips broke free from mine long enough for him to work my shirt off and pull it over my head. Then he was kissing my neck, one hand moving my hips against his while the other explored my breast. He tugged back the cup of my bra, and his mouth trailed down my chest and drew my nipple in, sucking hungrily.

"Oh, god, Carlisle," I breathed. "I love when you touch me like that." I had slipped my hands between us, going for the button of his pants, when he stilled and pulled back, his eyes closing in frustration. He took a deep breath and opened them again, picking up my discarded shirt and handing it to me.

"What's wrong?" I asked, but my question was answered by Jacob's pounding steps running up the stairs

"Bella!" he shouted angrily.

We sat up and I tugged my shirt on, getting it in place just before Jacob started pounding on the bedroom door. "Bella!" he yelled again.

I sighed. "Come in, Jacob."

He burst into the room, his face twisted in fury. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he yelled at Carlisle.

Carlisle raised a warning eyebrow, glancing at me pointedly. "A little respect, please, Jacob."

Jacob glared at him. "Excuse me?  _You're_  telling  _me_  to respect her? Because the way I remember it, it wasn't  _me_  up here with my hands all over her!"

"Jacob, stop it!" I snapped. "He wasn't doing anything I didn't want him to do."

He spoke through his teeth, his eyes sparking. "Look, Bella, I know he's been handing you all kinds of pretty lines about how you're his  _mate_ ," he spat the word disgustedly, "but that doesn't mean you have to just give him whatever he asks for. He has no right to push you into doing something you don't want to do."

I crossed my arms over my chest, raising an eyebrow at him. "And what, exactly, makes you think I don't want to do it?"

"Bella, this is crazy," Jacob growled. "You shouldn't be doing that shit with  _him_." He gestured dismissively to Carlisle.

I narrowed my eyes at him, offended by his attitude. "I don't remember asking your opinion."

"I'm just trying to look out for you, Bella."

I pushed off the bed and stood in front of him, forcing him to fall back a step. "Who asked you to? I didn't invite you here. I didn't ask you to hang around listening in on everything I do. If you don't like what you hear when you come over, maybe you should just leave!"

"Bella," Carlisle said softly. He rose, touching my elbow gently.

I turned on him. "What?" I demanded.

He looked pained. "Sweetheart," he whispered, pulling me into his arms. "Jacob is your best friend. I know it's difficult, but he deserves the chance to talk to you about this. Please don't ask him to leave."

I blinked at him in surprise. "Are you kidding me?"

"He has a valid concern, love. Ignoring it won't make him feel any better."

My jaw dropped. " _A valid concern?_ Are you saying you don't think this is right?"

"Of course not," he murmured softly, pressing a kiss to my forehead while Jacob crossed his arms impatiently. "But from an outside perspective, it looks a bit indecorous."

Jacob snorted, and I glared at him.

"I'm going to go," Carlisle said softly.

"What?" My head snapped back around, and I looked at him in alarm.

"I'll be back. But you and Jacob should talk this out, and I need to have a conversation with Jasper. I think it's best if we both give some time to our friends this afternoon."

"You'll come back tonight?"

He nodded. "I promise." He started to step away, but I pulled him back to me and kissed him deeply. He returned the kiss warmly, holding me against him, and I ignored Jacob completely when he cleared his throat.

Carlisle let me be the one to end the kiss, and then stepped back, smiling softly. "I love you, Bella. I'll see you this evening." He turned with a nod to Jacob, and strode out.

I punched Jacob in the arm, and then winced at the pain that shot through my hand. It wasn't fair. Edward and Jacob, the two people in my life who were most deserving of a punch on the shoulder, were impervious to it.

Jacob raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to tell me what you think you're doing with him?"

"Are you unfamiliar with the mechanics?" I snapped.

His face looked pained. "Bella, you weren't honestly going to have sex with him?"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"You mean besides the fact that it's a felony?"

"Yes," I said belligerently. "Besides the fact that it's a felony. I don't care about some stupid law that never actually protected anyone who needed it."

"Okay, besides that, he's a  _vampire_ , Bella."

I turned away from him in disgust. "And you're a werewolf, and I'm pretty sure if I dig deeply enough I'm going to find out that Charlie is a zombie and Renee is the Tooth Fairy."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it."

"No, I don't!" I shouted, whirling back around. "I don't know what your problem is with him, Jacob. He's never done anything to hurt me or anyone else around here—in fact, from what I hear, he saved Paul's life. Why are you suddenly so eager to buy into Billy's prejudices?"

"It's not about that."

"Then what is it about?"

His frown etched deep lines in his face. "He's too strong. If you guys had sex, he would lose control and hurt you. And I think it's pretty fucking sick of him even to suggest that when he knows that one wrong move from him could leave you dead."

I rolled my eyes. "He didn't."

Jacob glowered darkly at me.

"He didn't suggest it,  _I_  did. And he didn't hurt me."

Jacob's face blanched. "He  _didn't_  hurt you?" he asked incredulously. "Bella, you slept with him?"

I gave him a hard smile. "Several times. You want details? Because he's pretty amazing in bed."

Jacob stared at me, horrified. "Why did you let him do that to you?" he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

I sighed and dropped down onto the side of my bed, scooting up to lean against the headboard. "Why do you think it's such a bad thing?"

Jacob looked nervous when he sat on my bed, facing me. "Let me ask you this. He and his family can't stay here very long. What are you going to do when it's time for them to leave?"

I shrugged, staring at my hands. "I don't know. Die?"

Jacob's jaw dropped. " _What?_ "

I crossed my arms protectively over my chest. "I can't live without him, Jacob. If he leaves, I won't really have a choice."

"Bella," he said, stunned, "it wouldn't even occur to you to go with them?"

"Sure, if they wanted me. But why would they?"

"According to Dr. Fang, he's in love with you."

I snorted disdainfully, though after the things Edward had told me, I wasn't sure that the idea was as ludicrous as I had previously thought. "Right. Like I haven't heard that before."

"From who?"

"Take your pick. Every guy who's ever wanted to get laid has said sweet things and made promises he had no intention of keeping."

He stared at me, his eyes wide. "I thought you said you'd never had a boyfriend."

"Screwing around with some guy you met at a truck stop doesn't make him your boyfriend."

Jacob gaped at me. "Bella, are you being serious? Or are you just saying this stuff to piss me off?"

I felt horrible. This conversation was going all wrong. "Carlisle makes things better," I said, trying to get it back on track. "I can't just go back to my old life now. If he wants me, I'll go with him. If he doesn't . . . I don't know."

"What about Charlie?" he asked. "What about me?"

I stared miserably at my hands. "I'll come back and visit," I promised, not knowing if that would even be possible.

"Bella," he said hesitantly, "are you going to . . . be one of them?"

Was I? Was I going to make the choice to leave my family behind and join the Cullens? Was I going to take a chance on Carlisle, pin all of my hopes on him and risk an eternity of misery if he got tired of me?

Suddenly I was crying, and I crawled into my best friend's lap. "I don't know. I don't know what to do."

Jacob's warm arms wrapped around me. "Bella, how come you left your mom's house?"

"Phil," I sniffled against his shoulder.

"Did he hurt you?"

I nodded.

"Worse than Charlie?"

I nodded again.

"Why didn't you tell Renee?"

I clenched my teeth, hating her all over again.

"Bella," he urged, "you and your mom were always close, right? You used to say she was more like a girlfriend than a mom."

"She knew," I muttered.

He pushed me back by my shoulders so he could look at me. For several seconds, he just stared at me. "You need better girlfriends," he finally said.

I shook my head and buried my face against his neck again. "No I don't, I just need you."

He sighed. "All right, fine, so we've established that your life sucks," he said, then added with a smirk, "except for me."

I nodded, smiling a little. "And now Carlisle and the Cullens."

"Right. But Bella, don't you think you might be feeling this way about Carlisle just because he's the only guy who's ever helped you out at all?"

I shook my head. "I know it's not just that, Jacob. I loved him as soon as I saw him—and I didn't want to. I don't like doctors."

"He's just so much older than you, Bella. It's creepy."

I sighed. "Is it really so bad for me to fall for the  _nice_  guy? I mean, look at my mom. She hooked up with one jerk after another, and Carlisle says that happens all the time with people who grew up like she did—like  _I_  did."

He tugged gently at a lock of my hair. "She had a thing for predators too, huh?" he asked with a smile in his voice.

"At least my predator tries not to hurt people," I said softly.

He let out a sigh. "Yeah," he said reluctantly. "As vampires go, he's a pretty decent one. But why a vampire, Bella? Let me hook you up with a wolf instead. Jared's a really good guy."

I rolled my eyes and shoved his shoulder playfully. "I'm not really a dog person."

He laughed a little, but grew serious again. "Sex is a bad idea," he said bluntly.

I shrugged self-consciously. "It makes me feel better. He does so much for me, and I don't have anything to give back. But I can give him that."

"So you're doing it out of guilt?"

I shook my head sadly. "I love him. Can't you just let me love him?"

He smoothed away the lines on my forehead with his fingers. "Tell you what? I'll try to be more open-minded about your relationship if you promise me that you won't go off yourself if things don't work out with him."

I wrinkled my nose. "Fine. But that means there's not really much reason to—" I stopped, the enormity of my words hitting me.

"To what?" Jacob asked warily.

"To stay human."

He looked at me thoughtfully. "There are still reasons. Like Charlie and Renee—I'm not sure you'd be able to see them if you changed. But there might be more reasons to just go ahead and do it."

"Like what?" I asked, surprised.

"Like Edward, and that Jasper guy. The two of them only have so much control."

I frowned. "They're being more careful."

"Not careful enough. And if you're going to be having sex with Carlisle . . . that's risky. It might be better if you weren't so easy to kill."

"So I should let Carlisle bite me for self-defense?" I asked with a smile.

He grinned. "Yeah, I guess. And . . ." he sighed heavily, "if you're really that far gone on the leech, maybe you should, you know, be the same species. It's less gross."

He snickered as I smacked his shoulder. "You're a pain, Jacob Black."

"You're a twerp, Bella Swan. But I love you, even if you are in a gross, interspecies relationship with a felon."

"You don't have much room to talk, you know," I reminded him. "Unless you plan to give up girls, you're going to be doing some creepy bestiality stuff yourself."

"Yeah, but there's a difference."

"Oh really? And what's that?"

"I'm pretty," he grinned.

I rolled my eyes, pushing his face away. "Yeah, you're pretty. You're also annoying."

Jacob shoved me playfully off of his lap and jumped to his feet. "Come, on, I'm starving. I haven't eaten for almost an _hour_."

I laughed and grabbed the hand he held out to me, letting him lead me out the bedroom door. "I'll make us some dinner," I told him.

"Nope. You just relax and let me cook tonight. You need to try my new specialty, after all—chocolate-chip spaghetti with caramel sauce and whipped cream."

I shuddered. "Jacob, that's disgusting."


	65. Found Out About You

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Jenks was already seated at a table in the all-night diner when Jasper and I ducked inside, coming out of the icy rain. We made the necessary gestures, shaking water from our coats, running our hands through our hair to straighten it, all the little things humans did when cold water irritated them.

A hostess came to greet us, but I waved her away. "We're meeting a friend," I said, nodding to Jenks.

She gave us a smile and moved away, going about her late-night cleaning tasks.

Jasper and I moved to the booth where Jenks was waiting and sat across from him. We had met with him several times over the last few weeks, and with just over a week to go before Bella was scheduled to leave for Phoenix, I was hoping this would be the meeting that would answer all of our questions.

Jenks smiled nervously as we approached. "Gentlemen. I hope you didn't have too much trouble finding the place."

"No trouble," Jasper said shortly. "You have it?"

Jenks reached into the briefcase on the seat next to him and pulled out a file folder. He slid it across the table, and I flipped it open. I quickly read through the page on top, making it look to Jenks as though I was just scanning it.

"There's a lot here," I murmured, handing the first page to Jasper and reading the second.

He read through it as well. "Bullying, torturing neighborhood animals . . . three accusations of rape."

Jenks nodded nervously. "The file was extensive. That's partly why it took so long to get."

A waitress appeared at the table, smiling sweetly, and offered to take our orders. We all gave them, then turned back to the papers as she walked away.

"This is good work, Jenks," Jasper said grudgingly. My son managed his unscrupulous contact with a careful balance of intimidation and praise—and of course, a lot of money. He slipped a bundle of hundreds out of his coat pocket and passed it across the table to Jenks's eager hand.

"Thank you, sir. I do my best."

Jasper ignored him, reading over my shoulder. "Look at this. The frequency increases as he approaches his birthday, almost one arrest a month, and then nothing. No criminal record whatsoever after he turns eighteen."

"It's like he was trying to take advantage of his minority," I murmured. "But could he really have just  _stopped_  such rampant criminal activity?"

"Doubtful. Especially with what we know about how he treated Bella. I think it's more likely that he's just been very careful not to get caught.

"Jenks, you checked on previous residences?" I asked.

"Yes, sir." He reached forward timidly and sifted through the papers in the file until he came up with the one he was looking for. "All under his own name, with no co-resident listed, until . . ." he pointed out a line, "here, when he moved in with Renee Higgenbotham."

"What made her different?" I mused to myself.

"Bella did," Jasper said. "I'd bet my bottom dollar. He found himself not one easy victim, but two."

I curled my hand into a fist to keep myself from involuntarily breaking something.

Jasper shook his head. "We can't use this. It would take too long to hunt down witnesses and build any kind of case. If you want to take care of him, you'll have to do it vigilante-style."

The little trill of pleasure that raced through me at his words was slightly disturbing. There was an undeniable part of me that very much wanted to hurt Phil Dwyer.

Our food arrived while Jasper and I were reviewing the documents. Jenks was fidgeting anxiously, and he seemed glad to have something to do with his hands and his mouth while we inspected his work.

Jasper and I ignored our meals.

Once finished with Phil's juvenile criminal record, we scanned through all of the other tidbits of information Jenks had scraped together.

"Suns are interested in him," Jasper grunted, pointing out a paragraph he was reading.

"Double-A. That's a step up for him."

"Could be a bargaining chip. Bribe them to take him or pass him by, depending on whether he behaves himself."

I nodded. That solution felt oddly unsatisfying, but I didn't discount it.

"Hell, if you're going to go that way, you could offer him a place in the majors," Jasper continued. "Emmett could get with his guy in Seattle."

"It's a possibility."

Jasper set down his papers, raising an eyebrow at me. "Are you going to have a problem with your temper? Do you want me to come along and do this for you?"

I shook my head grimly. "What happens, happens, Jasper."

I knew he understood exactly what I meant by that. I would not regret any action I took that would prevent my girl from getting hurt again. I wasn't one to condone murder, but if that's what it took, that's what I would do.

Jasper gathered up the papers and tucked them back into the folder, giving Jenks a nod. "Pleasure doing business with you," he said curtly as the two of us slid out of the booth.

"Of course, any time," he said, scrambling to his feet as well.

I tossed a fifty dollar bill on the table to cover the meal and nodded to Jenks as we left the restaurant.


	66. Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

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**Bella Swan's Point of View**

The ever-present rain turned to snow as the calendar marched toward Christmas. It was something I never got to experience in Phoenix, and it was something Carlisle loved. The first night that it snowed, he excused himself from the table, where he usually sat with me while I ate, and moved out to the back yard. He was still there when I had finished my dinner and washed my dishes, so I donned my parka and boots and followed him out.

I had to laugh at the sight. He stood with his thumbs hooked in his pockets and his back straight, his face tilted toward the sky. With no natural heat to melt it, the snow had accumulated on his head and shoulders, and there were even a few flakes on his nose.

Carlisle turned and looked at me when I laughed. "Do I amuse you?" he asked with a small smile.

I shuffled through the half-inch or so of snow, careful not to slip, and took his hand. It was freezing, the way a stone would be if it was left out in the cold. "I thought you liked being warm."

He turned his eyes back to the sky, obscured now by falling snowflakes. "I may favor red," he smiled, "but I still take significant pleasure from blue." He slipped his arm around me. "Besides . . . it smells wonderful."

I pressed a kiss to his chest, his shirt stiff from the cold. "Carlisle, I think you've been alone too long. You've gone a little crazy, standing outside sniffing the snow."

He laughed genially. "You may be right."

I looked up into the sky with him. "What does it smell like?"

His expression was wistful. "It's crisp and clean. It doesn't have the heaviness that rain has, but the musk of water is still there. And the sound that comes with it—the whispered click of one ice crystal settling onto others, multiplied a million times, all around . . . it's very calming."

"At times like this I wish I was like you," I admitted, shivering a little in the cold. "So I could smell it and hear it."

He looked down at me with sadness in his eyes. "Ironically, at times like this I wish I could be like  _you_ , so I could pull you into my arms and warm you with the heat from my body."

"Come inside. I'll warm you up."

He smiled at me, but there was an apology in his eyes. "I should really go to the hospital. The first snow of the season makes for a difficult night. I'm sure they would appreciate my help."

I sighed. "I liked that idea you had where we go hole up in the cabin for a few years. Then I wouldn't have to share you with the hospital."

He stroked my hair gently, the falling snow starting to dampen my curls. "If you'd like me to stay, I will."

I gave a long-suffering sigh. "No, I guess that would be pretty selfish of me. Will I see you again tonight?"

"I doubt it. Perhaps if things get slow I'll slip home for a little while, but I imagine I'll just work straight through until my shift tomorrow."

I nodded grudgingly. "Come wake me if you get home and I'm sleeping."

He made no move to leave.

"Are you changing your mind?" I asked him with a smile.

He took a deep breath. "Bella, I'm worried."

That surprised me. "About what?"

"Your trip to Phoenix. Why don't you let me hire someone to go with you?"

"Hire someone? What do you mean?"

He met my gaze, and there was anxiety in his eyes. "A bodyguard. To be with you during the day, when I can't be."

I laughed. "Are you kidding?"

He shook his head solemnly. "I don't want to leave you unprotected."

I stretched up to kiss him, lacing my fingers through his frozen hair. "I can handle what Phil does it the daytime," I told him, nuzzling his cold cheek. I pulled back looking at him solicitously. "But at night. . . ."

"I'll be with you as soon as the sun goes down," he assured me.

Warmth spread through my chest, and I nodded. "Good. That's all I need."

"All right," he relented. He brushed the snow off of himself, then put his arm around me and guided me back to the house. He took a few minutes to change clothes, then kissed me goodbye and left.

Almost as soon as the front door closed, the back one opened. "Hey, Bella!" Jacob's cheerful voice rang out.

I headed to the back door, and laughed when I saw him. "Seriously, Jacob, you couldn't put on clothes before coming in?"

He grinned, standing there in all his unabashed glory. "What? You've seen me naked before. Besides, I had to carry something else on my leg today, and I didn't have a place for my shorts. He held up a long cardboard tube.

I rolled my eyes. "Right, because you don't have three other limbs." I gestured toward the stairs. "Go borrow something of Charlie's, would you please?"

Jacob snickered and bounded up the stairs. "Come on," he called over his shoulder. "We have a project to do."

"I'll come up when you're not naked," I yelled up the stairs.

He laughed again, and after a moment he hollered down the stairs. "Okay, Bella, it's safe! I put the anaconda back in his cage!"

I couldn't help but laugh as I hurried up the steps. Jacob was standing outside my bedroom, dressed in a pair of Charlie's sweat pants, smiling broadly.

"What are we doing?" I asked him.

"We're going to help you make your decision."

I frowned in confusion as I followed him into my bedroom. "What decision?"

"Your decision on whether to get fanged." He opened my closet door and uncapped the cardboard tube. He dumped out a set of dry-erase markers, a glue stick, and a few small papers, and then reached in the tube and pulled out something I didn't recognize.

"What is that?"

"Dry-erase contact paper," he said with a self-satisfied smile. He unrolled the contact paper and peeled away the back, carefully papering the inside of my closet door with it.

"Why are you putting contact paper on my closet door?"

"Because it's easier to hide than a white board. See?" He finished smoothing the contact paper and closed the door. "It's like it's not even there." He grinned.

"Why would I want to hide it?"

"Because you won't want Charlie to see our pros and cons list." He opened the door again and snatched up a red marker, drawing a line down the center of the door. Then he grabbed the two pieces of paper and rubbed glue on the back of them. He stuck them up at the top of the door, on either side of the line, and stood back to let me see.

I giggled. On the left side was a picture of me, a shot he had taken the previous summer at First Beach when I was as tan as ever my pale skin would get. On the right side was the same photo, only it was photo-shopped so my skin was unnaturally pale. Jacob had added a fairly obvious pair of fangs and had reddened my eyes.

"Human Bella and Vampire Bella," he said proudly.

I moved to him and hugged him, still laughing at the pictures. "Jacob, I love you."

"I know." He moved back to the closet door, keeping an arm around me, and made a "pros" section and a "cons" section underneath each picture. "Alright." He looked over at the door, and then under the pros on the vampire side, he scribbled,  _Stay hot forever._

I giggled and grabbed a pen. Under the cons on the human side, I jotted,  _Vampire friends might accidentally kill me._

"Good," Jacob said approvingly. Under the cons on the vampire side, he wrote,  _Can't see family or friends for a year or two._

I raised my eyebrows. "A year or two?"

"I've been talking to Edward. That's how long it takes to get your appetite under control after you turn."

"But I can still see you, right? Carlisle says you don't smell good."

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "You can't get rid of me, Bella. You're stuck being my best friend, bloodsucker or not."

I grinned at him and added a couple more. Under human cons, I wrote,  _Have to keep going to therapy with Dr. Rhodes_ , and under vampire cons I put,  _No more therapy with Dr. Rhodes._

Jacob looked at that curiously. "No more therapy is a con?"

I stepped back and nodded, looking at the door. "You know I need it."

"That's true."

I elbowed him in the ribs.

We spent the next half hour or so adding things to the list, and I couldn't help noticing that there weren't a lot of pros to staying human. There were cons to becoming a vampire, but it was unnerving that there wasn't really much holding me to my human life. I had no college plans, no career plans, and I knew I wouldn't go back to visit Renee willingly unless she left Phil. I could stay with Charlie for a little while, assuming his therapy was effective enough that he could keep his temper in check, but how much longer would that last? Another year and a half of high school, and I would be expected to start moving on.

Jacob finally capped his pen and looked over the door with satisfaction. "I think it's a good start," he declared. "Now let's go to the diner—I'm starving."

"I just ate."

"So what?" He grabbed my hand and tugged me out of the room. "You know I'm going to eat your food anyway."

I let him drag me out to a second dinner, where he downed two plates of food and two pieces of pie, all the time complaining about the lack of sugar in the food. Even the pecan pie wasn't sweet enough for him, and he convinced a waitress to bring him some maple syrup to pour over it.

I arched an eyebrow, watching him eat it. "How do you even still have all your teeth?"

He grinned around a mouthful of sticky caramel filling. "I'm a good flosser."

We headed home once his appetite was temporarily sated, and he popped in an old, low-budget movie. We hung out together and made fun of the poor acting in the movie until I decided it was time to go to bed.

Jacob had gone to the kitchen again, digging up something to eat, and I peeked in to say goodnight. "I'm heading to bed," I told him, trying not to think too hard about the instant potatoes and the bag of powdered sugar sitting on the counter.

"Okay." He wrapped me up in a warm hug. "I'll head out back once I finish eating my—"

"No!" I put a hand up. "I don't want to know what you're eating. It might give me nightmares."

He smirked. "I'm going to revolutionize the culinary industry one day," he yelled after me as I turned and headed for the stairs.

I shook my head, laughing to myself, and moved to my room.

I got ready for bed quickly and crawled under the covers, smiling to myself. Jacob may have been a pain sometimes, but he was keeping his promise. I gazed at my open closet door, evidence that Jacob was trying to be supportive of my relationship with Carlisle. He hadn't uttered a word of criticism about him the entire night, and he had made good points on each side of the argument. He was being exactly what I needed him to be—my best friend.

I woke up once during the night, to the caress of a pair of cool, gentle lips against my throat. I sighed contentedly as Carlisle slipped into bed behind me, pulling me close to him.

"Are you all done at the hospital?" I mumbled sleepily.

"No, darling. I'm taking a short break, but I'll have to go back in an hour or so."

"Stay with me until then?"

"I was hoping you'd want me to."

I laced my fingers through his, holding him to me, and drifted back to sleep.

I didn't wake when Carlisle left, but when my alarm went off the next morning he was gone. I crawled out of bed and was searching through my closet for something to wear when the writing on the closet door caught my eye. Something had been added to the "pros" list on both the human and vampire sides of the door. Under the human side, in neat, elegant script was written,  _Carlisle will love you for the rest of your life._  Under the vampire side it read,  _Carlisle will love you forever._


	67. Keep On Loving You

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

December seventeenth came far too quickly. The month had flown rapidly by, and now, as I drove home from the hospital, my stomach was twisting with dread.

Tomorrow I would be leaving my girl. The separation would be difficult, short as it promised to be. Less than forty-eight hours would pass before I could find her again and creep in through her bedroom window to hold her, yet it still pained me to think of the miles that would separate us until then.

But beyond the misery of separation was the knowledge that I was letting her walk unprotected into the care of a sadist—a horror of a man who had shown himself more than eager to hurt her.

What was I doing? How could I consider letting her go there alone?

I would talk to her again, I decided, and see if I could convince her to change her mind about letting me send someone with her. Perhaps Jacob could go along, if he didn't object to being away from his father for the holiday. With him close by, I wouldn't worry so much about her during the hours I couldn't watch over her.

The house was silent when I pulled up, though I could make out the distinct thrum of Bella's heart from her bedroom, accompanied by the thud of another, larger heart off in the trees.

"Good evening, Paul," I murmured as I exited the car and moved toward the house.

There was no answer. Sam or Jared would usually give me a bark in response, but Paul was less eager to call me friend.

I moved quietly up the stairs to Bella's bedroom, and found her standing at her closet door, holding a roll of clear tape. As I watched curiously, she ripped off two pieces and gently pressed them over the items I had added to her list, careful to keep the tape smooth and unwrinkled.

"What are you doing?" I asked her, moving up behind her and slipping my arms around her waist.

She turned to me with a self-conscious flush. "I just . . . didn't want it to get erased."

I gazed tenderly down at her. Was my sweet girl really so desperate for such little tokens of affection? "My Bella," I breathed. "Words on a door may be wiped away, but nothing could ever erase my promise." I took her hand and pressed it to my chest. "Those words have been etched in something far harder than stone, more enduring than the mountains, more constant than the sun and the moon. My heart is eternally yours."

She ducked her head, the lovely pink blush deepening. "It's just nice to have a reminder," she whispered.

I released her hand and pulled her close. "Let me give you one. Let me give you a gift to remind you that I'll always love you."

She dropped her eyes, shaking her head. "You give me too much." She reached out a hand and ran her fingers over the tape she had used to cover my words. "This is all I want."

I pressed my lips to her neck, fascinated as always by the whisper of the rushing blood beneath her delicate skin. "Am I allowed to give you a Christmas present, at least?"

I felt the movement of her cheek and heard the soft exhale of breath as she smiled. "If you have to. But only because I'm giving you one."

I brushed my tongue over her smooth, warm throat. "All I ask of you is your heart."

"I already gave you that," she teased, her fingers playing through my hair.

It never stopped surprising me how the lightest brush of her hand sent desire coursing through me. "It that case," I breathed, running a hand down her hip, "perhaps I could ask for a few minutes with this delectable body."

"Mmmm, I'll give you that any time you want." Her hands moved to my throat to strip off my tie.

I clenched my fingers around the silky top she wore, relishing the feeling of the soft weave, lightly warmed by the heat from her body. The warmth served to arouse me even more, and I tugged the blouse gently over her head, then let my hands wander down her back again.

"Bella, my love, you leave me weak. I can't resist you."

Her fingers manipulated the buttons on my shirt, plucking them open and shoving my shirt off of my shoulders. "Jacob's not outside, is he?" she asked.

I shook my head, unhooking her bra and sliding it down her arms. "No, it's Paul today." I knelt in front of her, capturing a nipple in my mouth.

She moaned loudly, burying her fingers in my hair. "Good," she panted. "I'm not sure I could take it if he interrupted again."

I released her nipple, favoring the other with the same attentions, while I lowered the zipper on her pants and pushed them, off of her, taking her soft, silky panties with them. I stood, catching her naked body up in my arms and carrying her to her bed. I lay her back on the pillow, then shed the rest of my clothes and crawled over her. I ghosted a hand over her breast, feeling the taut nipple under my palm. I squeezed it gently, quivering as a whimper escaped my girl's throat.

Her delicate hands gripped my arms tightly. "I need you, Carlisle," she gasped.

I smiled at the desire in her voice and trailed my fingers down her stomach to the apex of her thighs, cupping her warm sex and rubbing my palm against her clitoris. She gasped and arched against me, and I slipped two fingers inside of her.

"Yes!" she gasped. "God, it feels so good!"

"I want to feel you come, Bella," I whispered, moving my lips close to her ear. I pumped my fingers in and out of her, coating them in her warm, slick juices. "I want to hear you cry out for me, and feel your body clenching around my fingers." I continued to rub the heel of my hand firmly against her clit as I moved in and out of her.

"Carlisle!" she gasped, and I felt my own body throbbing at the sound of my name on her lips. I could spend my entire life catering to her every whim if only for the pleasure of hearing her voice, laden with need, form the sounds of my name.

She pressed her thighs together around my hand, her hips rocking into me and meeting my thrusts. I quickened my pace, and she matched it, with little cries of pleasure escaping her lips.

"Tell me you love me," I panted.

Her eyes met mine for a moment, but I pushed my fingers deeper and she moan, letting her eyelids slip closed. "I love you," she said fervently.

A moan escaped from my own lips at her words, and once again, I increased the pace of my thrusts, plunging into her quickly now. I could smell the thick, heady scent of her arousal and hear her frantic pulse. She was close, I knew, and a few more seconds of firm, steady motion would push her over the brink. I watched her face, her soft pink lips parted, her eyelashes fluttering against her flushed cheeks, her eyebrows pulled together with the intensity of her need.

For me. All for me.

A loud, breathy cry slipped from her throat as she came, her body arching against my hand. I kept up my pace, letting her rock against my unyielding palm and take her pleasure from me. Her hands gripped the blanket beneath her as she pumped her hips desperately against me.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the orgasm released her and she collapsed back onto the bed. I let my eyes roam over her, taking in her pink skin, her heaving chest, and the delicious nectar glistening between her thighs.

I drew my fingers out of her, wet with her heavenly juices, more possessed by the lust inside of me than I had ever allowed myself to be before. I had to be careful, I knew, but . . . god almighty, she was a beautiful girl. Surrendering to my baser desires, I slicked my fingers over her nipple, seasoning it with her own heavenly flavor. I lowered my lips to the soft flesh, sucking and licking, moaning at the exquisite combination. I did the same with her second nipple, desire coiling tightly inside of me.

Bella grabbed my hand and surprised me by pulling my fingers to her lips and sucking them into her mouth. I stared at her, overcome by the sight of her licking herself from my hand. I moaned and withdrew my hand, jealously attacking her mouth with my own, my tongue plundering her lips and mouth, searching for traces of the sweet, tangy flavor.

I wasn't aware of my hand beneath her lower back, crushing her against me, until she whimpered in pain and broke away from my kiss. "Too hard!" she gasped.

I jerked my hands away from her and shoved off of the bed, stumbling back. "Bella!" I breathed, panic rising inside of me. How could I let my control slip like that? How badly had I hurt her. "I'm so sorry," I choked.

She shook her head and smiled sheepishly, sitting up on the bed while one hand moved to rub her back. "It's not that bad."

God, I wanted to look at it, but I also ached to grab her and drag her against me again, and I didn't trust myself to get too near to her and not hurt her.

"It's really not," she insisted, biting at her lip. "I didn't mean to make you—I mean," she dropped her eyes. "You said to tell you right away, even if it wasn't bad. . . ."

I swallowed hard, needing to see what I had done to her, but afraid to look. "May I?" I asked hesitantly, gesturing to her back.

She nodded and turned, letting me see.

There was very little to look at. I could see a few small, reddened circles on her skin where my fingers had pressed too hard. I moved forward, crouching beside the bed and letting my fingertips trail over her back, feeling the variations in the heat and texture.

"It'll bruise," I said softly.

God, I wanted her. Why couldn't I tame the beast inside me that crowed in triumph over the marks I had left on her body, and roared for me to shove her down onto the bed and take her like an animal?

Bella turned back to me, her expression anxious. "It's nothing," she whispered. "If you were human I wouldn't have said anything. I just didn't want it to get worse."

"Thank you," I murmured. "For stopping me." I  _should_  stop. That should be the end of our play for tonight. But her soft, round breasts beckoned to me, and the monster inside wanted very badly to accept their invitation. Her nipples were already red and slightly swollen from the firm sucking I had given them, and the sight made me want to do it again.

A soft smile returned to Bella's lips, and she shifted to face me on the bed, spreading her supple thighs and opening her sex to me. The scent was nearly my undoing, and I groaned softly.

"No more, Bella," I choked, pushing myself to my feet. "I don't trust my control."

Bella's smile turned mischievous. "Then I guess you won't be allowed to used your hands again," she grinned. She slipped off the bed and snatched up my tie from where she had dropped it to the floor, then turned back to me. She sidled up to me, pressing her warm body against mine, and pushed me down onto the bed.

And I let her. Her scent, her touch, and that lovely smile enslaved me, and I was helpless before her.

Bella urged me back onto the pillows and crawled over me straddling my stomach. She took my hands and raised them over my head, tying them loosely to the post of her bed with the silk necktie. It was a useless gesture, and we both knew it, but the animal in me was intrigued by the feeling.

Bella's lips found mine, but they didn't linger. After a brief flick of her tongue against mine, she moved lower, trailing warm kisses down my neck, down my chest, as she crawled backward. Her lips caressed my chest and stomach, and I growled low in my throat, my mind racing forward to where she was headed. When her soft, sweet mouth closed over my swollen member I let out a roar, battling with my instincts, forcing myself not to thrust deep into her oh-so-fragile throat.

Bella's warmth surrounded me, and the roar turned quickly into a moan as her tongue played over my head. I had never felt anything like it in my unnaturally long life, and my whole body shook with the war raging inside of me. I wanted to take so much more from her than she was able to give.

It became clear very quickly that I was losing the battle with my inner beast. I wasn't ready for these new sensations, and I needed to get myself under control before I experimented any farther if I wanted her to come out of it alive. I ripped my arms from her makeshift restraints and grabbed her by the shoulders, flipping her over onto the mattress and collapsing on top of her. I took a couple of seconds to rally my restraint, then nudged her knees apart and sought familiar territory.

This I knew I could handle.

I knelt between her legs, taking in the view of her delicate pink lips. I gazed at her as I pierced her with my granite member, watching her soft, warm flesh stretch and give to accept it. Her body was beautiful, flawless . . . and she belonged to me.

She was moaning softly as I slowly impaled her, and I leaned forward, settling on her body, letting my chest press against her supple breasts. I held my hands carefully away from her, the small bruises on her back a warning of what could happen.

I wanted to bury my head in her neck and let the scent of her blood surround me, but in the state I was in I decided I didn't need one more temptation. Instead I kissed her as I started to move, rocking into her small body. Her soft noises of pleasure vibrated against my lips and spurred me on as I plunged repeatedly into her.

It was still a struggle, but one I knew I could win. I craved more, but I knew this would be enough. I set a steady rhythm, thrusting hard into her, but not hard enough to hurt her. Bella's hands clutched at my shoulders and she arched her back. I could feel everything, every pulse of blood through her veins, every shiver of desire. I could even feel her swollen clit rubbing against my shaft as I buried it in her wet core. She ground against me, and soon she was crying out in pleasure again, her body shuddering as her orgasm swept over her. I rode her through it, holding my own back until I was sure she was satisfied.

When her body went limp, I took my prize, growling as I allowed myself my release. My muscles went taut as I pumped deep into her, spilling inside of her warm body.

My girl was trembling beneath me when I was finally able to relax again, and I wrapped my arms around her and rolled off of her, holding her close.

"I love you," she whispered. "I love you so much, Carlisle."

I clutched her against my chest. "Do you know how I treasure your love?"

She hummed in response, snuggling against me. "Don't go tomorrow. Stay with me until I go."

"It's tempting," I said with a soft smile. "I'm finding it difficult to imagine leaving you. But it will take me a bit longer to get there than you will, so I do need to go tomorrow."

"Then I'll come with you. Forget the plane ticket."

"You can if you want to, but you'd miss your meeting with your father on Sunday."

She sighed. "Yeah, I guess I shouldn't do that."

I stroked her back gently. "Bella, I have to admit I'm still very uncomfortable letting you be alone with your mother and step-father during daylight hours. Could we, perhaps, have Jacob go along with you?"

"No!" she gasped, pushing back a little to look at me. "No, I don't want him there."

"He's not as easily injured as he once was. I doubt he would be in any kind of danger."

She ducked her head against my chest, shaking it stubbornly. "I don't want him there," he said again. "I don't want him to see."

"Then please consider letting me hire an escort for you. I want you to be safe, Bella."

She shook her head again. "I can't handle having anyone else there. Phil and Mom are all I can take."

"You should have an ally," I said softly. "In a perfect world, that would be your mother, but she has habitually failed you. Let me provide someone else. Let me take care of you."

"I don't need it. I only need you to keep him away at night."

"Please. For the sake of my peace of mind, Bella. I need to know you're safe."

"Carlisle, I can't stand it," she said, her voice begging for my understanding. "It's almost too much for me to even have you and your family there. I can't just let other people  _see_  it."

My heart ached at her words. "There's nothing I can do to change your mind?"

She shook her head. "No," she said, her voice suddenly light, "but I've been considering jumping out of that window to see if I could injure myself badly enough that I can't make the trip. Then you wouldn't need to worry about keeping me safe."

I squeezed my eyes shut, laughing softly. "I think that defeats the purpose."

"Maybe. But I'd rather do that and stay here with you than have to spend two weeks with Phil."

"Please promise me you won't hurt yourself," I said seriously.

She sighed. "Fine. I promise I won't hurt myself."

"I'll take it as a personal affront if you're not completely healthy when I see you on Monday."

A smile took over her face. "Well then, Doctor," she said, pushing me onto my back and rolling on top of me. "I think you'd better give me a physical."


	68. Little Goodbyes

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**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I woke in Carlisle's arms the next morning, his hard body pressed against my back. I wriggled out of the blanket he had wrapped around me so I could feel his cold skin on mine. I was disappointed when my back came into contact with more fabric.

"You're dressed," I pouted. When I had fallen asleep the night before, both of us had been blissfully naked.

Carlisle laughed softly. "I'm sorry, my love. I have to leave before too long."

I twisted around in his arms until I was facing him, and gave him a coy smile. "I bet you'd have more fun if you stayed here with me."

"I have absolutely no doubt of that. But I need to run home for a few things. Are you getting up?"

I sighed and pushed myself up into a sitting position, feeling gloriously sore from our enthusiastic goodbyes the night before. "Yeah, I guess I'd better."

Carlisle crawled out of bed and pulled me after him. "All right, I'll head home while you're in the shower. Jasper and Alice are downstairs making breakfast."

I cocked my head, puzzled. "Jasper and Alice? Why?"

Carlisle shrugged. "Apparently, Jasper's making a point. That's all I could glean from them."

"I'm not complaining. It smells incredible." I stretched up on my toes and kissed him goodbye, then headed to the bathroom and hurried through my morning routine. Clean and refreshed, I wrapped a towel around myself and moved back to my room, heading to the closet to find some clothes.

Two changes on my pros and cons lists caught my eye. The first was that Carlisle's additions had been written over in black permanent marker. I smiled at that, gently touching the neat script. It somehow made me feel a bit more secure.

The second change was on the cons list. I had written a no-more-therapy con on the vampire side, but it had been erased. It its place, in straight, precise penmanship, all in capital letters, it read,  _THERAPY WITH JASPER_.

That brought another smile to my lips. I turned to the closet and found some clothes, quickly pulling them on and hurrying downstairs to see what my volunteer psychiatrist was up to.

Carlisle hadn't had it quite right when he said that Jasper and Alice were making breakfast. Jasper was cooking, while Alice stood with her arms folded across her chest, watching him impatiently. And he wasn't exactly making breakfast—unless he was expecting a couple hundred guests to be joining us. Every surface in the kitchen was covered with dishes of gorgeous entrees, their tantalizing aromas joining together and filling the room. There was so much food that I doubted the entire wolf pack could finish all the things he had laid out.

He looked up from a pot he was stirring on the stove and nodded to me. "Morning, Bella."

"Good morning. What in the world are you doing?"

"He's making a point," Alice said dryly, rolling her eyes.

"I'm making a point," Jasper confirmed.

"Okay. What point?"

He shifted the pot off of the stove and gestured for me to have a seat at the table. "I noticed your little list upstairs in your bedroom," he said, scooping something white and lumpy out of the pot and into a bowl. "It seems to me that you're missing a key element. Here, breakfast is ready." He set the bowl in front of me and handed me a spoon.

I looked skeptically at the bowl, and then around the room at the other things he had made. There was a plate of bacon, a tray of cinnamon rolls, a pan of muffins, a gorgeous quiche, a saucer with eggs benedict, a platter of apple turnovers . . . literally dozens of mouth-watering dishes.

I looked back at my bowl. "What is it?"

"Grits," he smiled. "Just like Mama used to make." He folded his arms across his chest and waited for me to start eating.

I looked around the kitchen again. "What's all that?"

"Eat your breakfast, and I'll tell you."

I didn't want to offend him, so I scooped up a spoonful of the grits and put them in my mouth. I chewed the sticky, bland, thoroughly unappetizing food, and forced myself to swallow it down.

Jasper reached over and picked up a plate with a flakey chocolate roll, filled with cream and dotted with dark red cherries.

"This is a black forest roll," he said. "It's got whipped cream folded with meringue inside, all light and fluffy, perfect with the chocolate shavings around the outside."

My mouth was watering like crazy. "Wow."

He set it on the table in front of him and plucked another dish from the counter. This one I didn't recognize.

"This is a pan-seared portobello mushroom with shaved salmon and a poached egg. And don't forget the hollandaise sauce and caviar." He smiled and set it down. "Eat your grits."

He was just taunting me now, and I raised an eyebrow. "Jasper, what exactly is your point?"

He moved to another counter and brought back the pan of cinnamon rolls, and I nearly choked. Cinnamon rolls, my absolute weakness—and they were still warm. He put one on a plate and dropped a pat of butter on top, setting it in front of me.

I smiled and reached for it, watching the butter start to melt, but Jasper smacked my hand lightly.

"Uh-uh. Not yours."

I frowned at him. "Okay . . . ."

"You can look at it if you want to," he smiled, settling into the chair next to me. "Smell it, study it, talk to it, make friends with it. You can even fall in love with it if you're so inclined. But you can't eat it."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "This is your point? The diet?"

His answering smile was tight. "You want to join us, Bella? Well, this is what it's like. Every day for the rest of eternity, you'll be surrounded by things you love, things you can hardly stand not to eat." He pointed to the bowl of grits. "And you get that. If you're lucky. Sometimes you have to settle for something far less appetizing."

I sighed. "Okay, I get it. Can I have the cinnamon roll now?"

He smiled in amusement and shook his head. "Eat your grits."

"Oh, come on," I pouted. "You made your point. Drinking animals sucks. You're not just going to let all of this go to waste, are you?"

He nodded soberly. "It's a shame, isn't it? It's all just going to get old and go bad. What's the point in even making friends with it if you just have to throw it out?"

"Ha ha, so funny." I reached for the cinnamon roll, but he slapped my hand again.

"Uh-uh," he said again. "That's not for you.  _That's_  your breakfast."

I glared at the bowl of grits he was pointing at. "Are you done beating the dead horse yet?"

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Trust me, horses are worse than grits."

I gazed longingly at the golden butter dripping down the side of the cinnamon roll. "Just one little taste?"

Jasper stood slowly, his movements graceful and leonine. He drew himself up to his full height and stepped over to me, pushing my chair back from the table and up against the wall. He held the back on either side of my head and leaned down, bringing his face very close to mine. "Tell you what," he breathed darkly. "You can have a taste of that, if I can have a taste of you."

There wasn't a doubt in my mind that it was a trade he would make if I'd let him. And I didn't imagine I would make it out of that little scenario alive.

"I'll—" My throat was so dry that my voice only came out in a whisper. I swallowed and tried again. "I'll just eat the grits," I said, my voice trembling just as much as the rest of me.

Jasper leaned closer, his nose trailing up my throat as he inhaled deeply. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

Alice huffed irritably. "That's enough, Jasper. Point made. Pack this stuff up so we can take it to a homeless shelter or something."

Jasper straightened slowly and turned away with a regretful sigh. "Fine," he muttered. He and Alice started zipping around the kitchen, tucking away all of the food while I hurriedly choked down my grits. They were out the door and gone to deliver the food by the time I was done eating.

Jasper's little object lesson worked. I thought about it while I washed the many dishes he had used for his cooking. I imagined forever being surrounded by amazing food, and only ever being allowed to eat grits. It would be miserable. Was that really what his life was like?

Carlisle returned as I was rinsing the last of the dishes, bringing the rest of his family with him. Edward came straight to the kitchen and grabbed a towel to help me dry the dishes I had set to drain.

"You ready for this, girl?"

I shrugged. "Do I have a choice?"

"Yep," he said casually, putting away a frying pan. "You can ask Carlisle to kill them for you. He'd do it all neat and quiet-like. Nobody would ever suspect."

I shuddered and grabbed a new dish, shaking my head.

Edward grinned. "You're a pretty tough kid, you know that?"

"There's no other way to survive my family."

"Yeah, I guess not," he said sadly.

"Don't pity me, Edward. It's annoying."

He bobbed his head in agreement. "Okay. So how's the night life in Phoenix?"

I snorted. "I'm not sure you and I would have the same idea of good night life."

"Why not?" he asked curiously, grabbing a glass to dry.

I raised an eyebrow, leaning against the counter. "Because I tended to gravitate toward the spots where I could find a guy who didn't mind me staying the night. Dive bars, mostly. The guys you meet at the nicer clubs don't generally like sharing their beds once they've gotten off."

He looked stunned. "How does that work? Did you have, like, regulars?"

I nodded, grabbing a plate to dry. "Some. There was a guy who lived at a motel a couple of miles from my house that I used to go looking for if I couldn't find anybody else."

"He  _lived_  at the motel? Did he work there or something?"

"No, he just couldn't pass a background check to get into an apartment."

"Why not?"

I stopped and gave him a look. "Because he liked to have sex with underage girls."

"Ah." He frowned.

Carlisle stepped into the kitchen then. "We'll make a point of avoiding that particular motel," he said softly, his eyes troubled.

I set down my towel and watched him warily, wondering if that was going to be the thing that made him decide I wasn't worth it.

"I don't want to go back," I said, hoping he would understand. It wasn't just Phil I was dreading returning to. Every part of the city was haunted with one ghost or another. I didn't want to be reminded of the things I'd had to do there, the humiliations I'd had to submit to if I wanted to avoid more pain.

Almost before I realized, it, I was crying. Carlisle moved forward and pulled me into his arms, murmuring comfortingly in my ear.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, wiping irritably at the tears. I swallowed back the sobs, forcing myself to stop crying. I didn't want to spend these last few minutes before Carlisle left bawling my eyes out.

"It's alright to be worried about it, Bella," Carlisle said softly. "There's still time to get someone to go with you."

His eyes were hopeful, and I had to look away. "No, it's fine. I'm just going to miss you."

He kissed me gently, his hand caressing my cheek. "I'm going to miss you too, my love. I promise I'll see you just as soon as I can."

Emmett leaned in the room. "Carlisle, Edward we need to get on the road."

Carlisle nodded, and everyone headed out the front door. Edward gave Esme a deep kiss goodbye, then climbed into the front seat of the car while Emmett and Rosalie slid into the back.

Carlisle brushed my hair back from my face, and the look in his eyes told me he was just as reluctant to part as I was. He leaned down and kissed me gently.

"The kiss, dear maid! thy lip has left  
Shall never part from mine,  
Till happier hours restore the gift  
Untainted back to thine."

I smiled softly at the poetry. "I love you," I told him, frustrated at the inadequacy of the words.

"I love you too, darling. Be safe." He pressed a kiss to my forehead, then stepped away, moving to get behind the wheel of the car.

Esme moved to my side, putting and arm around my shoulders and squeezing them gently. She didn't offer empty words of comfort, which I appreciated. We watched the black Mercedes drive away, and it felt like they were taking the sun with them. I sat down on the porch and buried my head in my knees, willing myself not to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem quoted is Byron's On Parting.


	69. Smooth Criminal

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

"There he is," Edward said, pointing out the man climbing out of a small Mazda Miata convertible.

I eyed him distastefully through the dimming light of the post-sunset evening. It was harder than I thought, being this close to him and not snapping his ugly neck.

"Let's go," Rosalie said with a grim smile. She climbed out of the car and Edward and I followed. We strode after him into the bar, leaving Emmett behind briefly. No need to announce that we were together just yet. The three of us found a table near the door and ordered drinks.

Phil Dwyer had taken a stool at the bar. It wasn't long before his eyes found Rosalie, though he didn't do anything more than give her a few surreptitious looks. Rose wasn't his type. She was too confident. Phil would admire her, but a man as careful as he was would choose his victims from a less self-assured crowd.

Emmett pushed through the door after a few minutes and moved to the bar, ordering a beer. The bartender traded the bottle for cash, and Emmett took the stool next to Phil, scooting it a little closer.

"Shitty day," he declared, pretending to take a sip of the beer.

Phil grunted, clearly not anxious to get pulled into a conversation with an overly-friendly stranger.

"I feel like a damn fuck-up," Emmett pressed. "One mistake after another. You ever make mistakes?"

Phil shrugged reluctantly. "Don't we all?"

Emmett barked out a laugh. "No shit," he said, clanking his bottle against Phil's and pretending to drink again. "Of course, some mistakes are worse than others."

Phil took a pull from his bottle.

"Like yours," Emmett said, revealing his hand. "With that wife of yours and her daughter. I mean, shit." He shook his head. "That is one  _serious_  fuck-up."

Phil's heart rate doubled, but he didn't show his anxiety. "You've clearly mistaken me for someone else." he said, flatly. He started to stand up, but Emmett dropped a heavy hand on his shoulder and pushed him back into his seat.

"We're not done talking," he said amiably. He dug into his back pocket and pulled out a business card, tossing it onto the counter in front of Phil. "Now me, I figure the best course of action is to rip your thumbs off with a pair of pliers." He kept his voice friendly and pleasant, as though they were merely discussing the weather. "But this friend of mine doesn't love that idea. He's an optimist, you know? Thinks everybody is essentially good, and maybe you just need a little help now and then?" He tapped the card. "It was his idea to give you this."

Phil was glaring furiously at Emmett now. He tried to stand again, just to have Emmett shove him back down onto the stool.

"He's got this real sweet deal worked out with this treatment center," Emmett went on. "It's all paid for, your expenses handled. So here's the deal. You check yourself in tomorrow night and get the help you need, and I don't think you and I ever have to see each other again."

I had a feeling Phil would have taken a swing at Emmett if he weren't so clearly outmatched. As it was, he ground his teeth and glared at him. "I don't know who you think you are," he spat, "but everything is fine with my wife and my daughter, and I don't  _need_  help."

Emmett shook his head sadly. "You're making a mistake, Dwyer. This is your way out."

"Out of what?" he snorted. He was sweating now, and the smell of his fear was easily detected through the alcohol-perfumed air.

"This friend of mine, the optimist? He's not happy with what's going on. He'll put a stop to it, one way or another, and this is the least painful way."

I looked at Edward, and he shook his head slightly. "He's rattled, but he's not planning on making any changes." He frowned. "He's wondering if Bella or Renee told someone, and he's thinking of . . . reminding them to keep quiet."

"This is ridiculous," Phil muttered to Emmett, reclaiming my attention.

"I hear you, man. Like I said, I was all for going straight to the pliers. But my friend insisted on giving you a chance to redeem yourself, so here we are." He nodded toward the card. "So, what do you think? Do we have a deal?"

"You want to make a deal?" Phil sneered. "How about you walk out of here right now, and I don't call the police?"

Emmett snickered. "The police. Good one." He shook his head in amusement. "You're a funny guy, you know that? It'd be a real shame if we had to kill you."

Phil tried to get up again, and Emmett once again shove him back into his seat.

"You're going to want to take this deal," he said calmly. "It's a good place. Peaceful, educational, good food—got an excellent review in  _Psychology Today_. My friend even worked it out so you can get out on work release during the day. It doesn't get much cushier than that."

Edward shot me an impatient look. "End this. It's not going anywhere."

I shook my head. "We had to give Charlie some time to come to terms with it too."

"He's not like Charlie," Edward argued. "Charlie loses his temper and lashes out on impulse, but Dwyer is a whole different kind of animal. He plans these things out, and he enjoys them. He's not the kind to feel remorse."

At the counter, Emmett sighed. "Look, Dwyer, the old man's getting impatient. Say yes, take the card, and let the good people at the treatment center teach you how to get your shit together."

"My  _shit_ ," Phil spat, "is just fine."

Edward quirked an eyebrow at me, and I sighed, trying to ignore the part of me deep inside that was secretly pleased. I stood slowly and straightened my jacket, then moved to the bar beside Phil.

"Mr. Dwyer," I smiled, holding out my hand to him. "I hear the Florida Suns are sending a scout out to see you pitch tomorrow."

He looked me up and down warily, and reluctantly took my hand after deciding I didn't look too threatening. "Yeah," he grunted.

"Congratulations," I told him, and then started to apply pressure to his hand. "Double-A. That must be exciting for you." I slowly tightened my grip.

"Ow! Son of a bitch!" Phil tried to pull his hand back, but I didn't release it. I just continued closing my hand around his.

Phil growled in pain, slipping off of the barstool and to his knees when it became too much. When the first bone snapped I stopped tightening, but didn't release his hand.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he demanded, his voice panicked.

The bartender moved toward the phone, but Emmett caught his eye and shook his head warningly. He picked up a rag instead and turned his back on us, suddenly very anxious to clean the surfaces behind the bar.

I leaned down to speak in Phil's ear. "I want you to leave Isabella Swan alone," I said quietly. "Do you understand me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Phil said, panting in pain.

I squeezed harder and felt two more bones snap. "I'm not playing games with you, Dwyer." I tightened my grip again and heard several tiny pops as bones cracked in his hand.

Phil let out a yell, and two women at the back of the bar quickly got up and left.

"Listen very closely," I told him. "If you ever touch that girl again you'll get a lot worse than a broken hand and a career set-back. Are we clear?" I tightened my grip again, breaking two more bones.

"Yes!" he yelled, his eyes squeezed shut against the pain. "Yes, I get it, fuck!"

"Good." I released his hand, and strode out of the bar, followed closely by my family.


	70. A Long December

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**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I had been staring at the security checkpoint for ten minutes. Everyone from my flight had long since strode past the bored-looking TSA agents and continued on to the baggage carousels. I imagined most of them probably had their luggage by now. My suitcase would still be on the carousel, turning in an endless circle, and Mom would probably be worrying.

I should go. I should start walking and go out there to meet her. But I couldn't. I was frozen.

On this side of the checkpoint, there was still a barrier between me and Phoenix. I was still out of reach. But once I passed beyond the long lines of impatient people, there was no protection. It was just him and me.

"You okay, honey?"

I glanced up at the stocky blonde woman who was watching a line of bags run through a scanner on a conveyer belt. Her eyes flicked back and forth between me and the screen in front of her.

"You need some help finding your gate?" she asked me.

"Uh, no. I just flew in."

She gave me a smile. "Baggage claim is right around that corner up there," she said, pointing.

"Thanks."

"You got somebody coming to meet you?" she asked, sounding a little concerned.

"Uh, yeah. My mom."

"Okay, honey. If you need any help, you just let me know."

I figured it was time to quit stalling if airport security was starting to worry about me. I took a deep breath, tightening my grip around the handle of my carry-on bag, and strode purposefully to the corner and out into the arrivals area.

I made it about three steps in before I froze again.  _He_  was here. He was supposed to have practice today. Mom was supposed to be here alone. Why was he here?

I briefly considered running back to the checkpoint and hiding behind the stocky blonde. Of course, she'd probably figure I was part of some terrorist plot and have me arrested, but how bad would that be, really? A day or two in jail meant a day or two I didn't have to be at home.

Mom spotted me then, though, and I lost my chance to run.

"Bella!" her bright voice rang out. She ran over to me, grabbing me up in a hug. "Oh, I've missed you so much, baby," she said, kissing the top of my head.

Two emotions raged inside of me. I was furious with her. Nobody had ever betrayed me the way she had, and I wanted nothing to do with her. But on the other hand, I had missed her like crazy. Before Phil, she had been the most important person in my life.

The jumble of dissonant feelings was trying hard to come out in tears, and I swallowed them back. I didn't want to cry in front of  _him_.

Mom started to let go, but I clung to her. When she moved away, it would be his turn. After another few seconds, though, Mom pried herself out of my grip, laughing about how she had missed me too, and Phil stepped in.

"It's good to see you, baby girl," he smiled, pulling me against him. He pushed his face into my neck, kissing lightly, as one hand stroked down my hip. "It hasn't been the same here without you."

I wanted to shove him away, but it was easier not to fight him. Fighting just ended in pain.

"Are you happy to see me?" he asked against my neck.

I swallowed down a lump in my throat. "Yes," I whispered.

He broke away and dropped an arm over my shoulder, holding me close as he drew me to the baggage carousel. I couldn't help but notice the cast on his right hand, and I felt sick. A broken hand meant he couldn't pitch. If he couldn't pitch, he wouldn't be going to practice. He would be at home with me, all day, every day.

I shuddered.

"Are you cold, baby girl?" he asked me, rubbing my arm with his good hand.

"I'm fine," I mumbled. I saw my suitcase come around and started to reach for it, but he held me back.

"Renee, get the bag," he ordered. He turned and started steering me out of the terminal, not waiting for Mom.

I turned back to look at her as Phil dragged me out to the parking garage. She hurriedly grabbed my suitcase and rushed to catch up with us, fumbling with the heavy load. She gave me a smile, though, and blew me a kiss.

Phil guided us to Mom's car and opened the trunk so Mom could heft the suitcase inside. I put my carry-on in as well and closed the trunk. We started to get into the car, but Phil's voice interrupted us.

"Renee, get in the back."

She faltered, her hand on the front door handle. "In the back?"

Phil leered at me. "Bella's going to ride up front with me."

Mom looked hurt. "What?"

Phil strode around the car and grabbed her by her hair, dragging her to the back door and shoving me out of the way. "I said get in the back!" he growled. He opened the door and pushed her inside, slamming it behind her. He rounded on me, his eyes dangerous, and I slipped hurriedly past him and crawled into the front seat.

Phil moved back to the driver's side and slid in, giving me a smile. "That's my good girl," he said, reaching out to stroke my hair. "Come here, Bella. Show me how much you missed me." He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to him, kissing me over the gear shift. His good hand groped at the front of my shirt as his thick tongue assaulted my mouth.

My stomach lurched painfully.

He released me and grinned as he started the car and steered out of the parking lot. "It's not the same without you around, Bella. Your mom's okay and all, but she's not you."

I didn't look back. I didn't want to see Mom hanging her head in shame in the back seat.

"You should come home," Phil was saying. "You belong here with me, not with your dad. He's just a nothing cop in a nothing town full of nobodies."

I gritted my teeth, refusing to rise to his bait.

"I'll bet you don't even have a boyfriend there, do you?"

I curled my hands into fists. There was no way I was going to tell him about Carlisle. Some things were just too sacred to be given to him to destroy.

"I asked you a question," he snapped.

I gritted my teeth and shook my head, still staring out the window.

"I didn't think so. You're getting older, Bella. Put on a few pounds, too. You're not as pretty as you used to be." He rubbed my thigh with his broken hand. "Nobody's going to want you, baby. Think about all the girls out there, prettier than you, smarter than you. Why would anybody settle for you?"

I pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging them tightly. I wanted to throw up, but I had already done that twice this morning before I even made it to the plane. There was nothing left.

"You're going to end up just like your Mom," Phil rambled. He shook his head in disapproval. "I mean, look at her."

I just stared out the window.

"I said look at her!" Phil yelled.

I turned reluctantly and looked at Mom. She was hunched in the back seat too, her arms wrapped around her knees, her posture an exact copy of mine.

"You see that? She's a waste. A washed-up old hag who used to be a hot little number, back in her day. Oh yeah, I know, Bella. I know she slept her way through half of Phoenix, and I know you've got a pretty good start on the other half. But you're both used up and ugly now. I'm doing you a favor by taking care of you."

I turned back to the window. Phil kept talking, and his hand kept rubbing my leg, but I stopped listening. Instead, I started reciting poems from my Longfellow book in my head, trying to relax myself. It worked reasonably well until we got home.

I grabbed my bags out of the trunk before Phil could tell Mom to do it and headed inside. I had intended to go straight up to my room and try to hide for a while, but Phil had other plans. He stopped me at the foot of the stairs and took my bags from me, setting them on the floor and steering me into the living room.

"Why don't you go on in the kitchen and get me the bottle of tequila and a couple of shot glasses," he smiled, flopping down on the couch next to Mom.

Dread pulled at my stomach, but I tried to tell myself it wasn't a big deal. In fact, it was good. If Mom and Phil were going to get drunk that would give me a couple of hours to myself. More, if they decided to get high too. And this time I wouldn't have to deal with the fall-out because Carlisle wouldn't let him get close to me tonight. At five twenty-four, the sun would go down and he would come for me. He promised.

I glanced at the clock. It was just after two now. I could make it for three more hours.

I moved dutifully to the kitchen and found Phil's bottle of Two Fingers and a couple of glasses. I carried them back to the coffee table and started to move toward the stairs, but he cleared his throat.

I turned back to him, and he nodded toward the bottle. "Pour it, Bella."

I didn't like the look in his eyes. I moved slowly back to the coffee table and uncapped the bottle, filling the two glasses. Renee reached for one, and Phil's hand shot out and slapped her hard across the face.

"That's not for you," he said darkly.

I shoved the cap back on the bottle, my hands shaking, and started to back away again.

"Come here, Bella," Phil said, rubbing circles in the space on the couch next to him.

I stumbled backward. "I need to put my things in my room."

His expression turned hard. "You can do that later. Right now, I want you to  _come here_."

I moved anxiously toward the couch. I glanced at Mom, but she was looking away, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. I sat next to Phil, and he wrapped an arm around me and stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers. "You're getting older, baby," he murmured. "Daddy's little girl is almost all grown up."

I shuddered as his hand moved down my throat to my chest.

"That comes with privileges." He reached out and took a shot glass from the table, holding it out to me.

I shook my head. "I don't want any."

"I didn't fucking  _ask_  you if you wanted any. Drink it."

I took the small glass from him and drank from it, barely managing to get half of it down, grimacing at the foul taste and the burn it left in my throat.

Phil laughed. "Come on, baby girl, drink it all." He threw back his own shot and set it back on the table while I choked down the rest of the tequila in my glass.

Phil took the glass from me and set it on the coffee table beside his, filling them both up. He handed me mine again. "Try again, baby. You're going to do this right."

I took the glass, wincing, and brought it to my lips. I drank it, forcing myself to keep going until the last of the liquid was drained from the cup. I hoped he would be satisfied and wouldn't push any more on me.

As soon as I finished, he took the shot glass from me and handed me the second one. "Drink up, Bella," he said with a dark smile.

I looked at the new glass in distaste. How many of these would I have to drink before he would be happy? I took it from him and forced it down, handing him back the glass.

He filled both of them again, handing me one, and clinked his glass against mine. "Bottoms up, baby." He threw back his shot and I choked mine down as well, coughing at the raw feeling it left in my throat.

The room was starting to spin.

"Now," Phil said, taking my chin in his hand, "let's have a little talk." He squeezed hard, and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was angry about something. "I thought you were my good little girl, Bella. But you've been bad, haven't you?"

I shook my head, trying to figure out what he was talking about, but my brain felt sluggish and muddled. I looked to Mom for a hint, but she was looking away, rocking back and forth on the couch while tears streamed down her cheeks.

Phil poured two more shots and handed one to me. It was all I could do to force it down. He watched me while I drank it, then took the glass back.

"Don't lie to me, Bella," he said sternly. "I don't like it when you lie to me."

"I haven't done anything," I whispered. I was shaking all over, but whether that was from fear or the tequila, I didn't know.

Phil picked up the full glass and held it out to me.

"Phil," Mom spoke up timidly through her tears. "Maybe she's had enough."

Phil spun quickly, rising to his feet, and threw the shot glass at her face. It glanced off of her cheekbone, showering her in tequila, and clattered to the floor.

"And maybe I've hand enough of your shit, Renee!" Phil yelled. "Get upstairs and wait in the bedroom."

Mom pushed off the couch and gave me an apologetic look as she moved up the stairs. "I love you," she whispered.

Phil turned back to me, picking up my shot glass and filling it again. "Drink it," he demanded coldly, pushing it into my hands and sitting next to me again.

I wanted to throw up, but I forced it back. I didn't know what Phil was mad about, but it wouldn't help to piss him off even more. I held my breath and choked down the foul liquid.

He took the glass from me and set it on the table. "Good," he said, his voice calm again. "Now, be a good girl and tell me what you did."

"I-I didn't do anything."

I usually saw his hand raise, so I generally had a chance to brace myself before he hit me, but somehow I missed it this time. His backhanded slap sent me tumbling off of the couch, and I only narrowly missed cracking my head against the corner of the coffee table.

Phil leaned down, grabbing my throat and dragging me to my knees. "Don't lie to me, you little whore," he hissed. "You've been opening that pretty little mouth of yours, and telling people things that are none of their business. Haven't you?"

I shuddered under his furious glare. "No."

He let go of me and slapped me again, but I managed to keep from falling over this time.

Phil stood and started removing his belt. "Take off your shirt," he ordered.

"I didn't tell anyone!" I stammered, panic rising in my chest.

He looped his belt around his broken hand and gripped it as well as the cast allowed. "Ten for misbehaving," he said coldly. "And ten for lying about it. And if you keep lying, we'll keep adding them on."

I gritted my teeth to hold back the tears and tugged off my T-shirt.

Phil leered at me. "That too," he said, his eyes on my bra.

I shed the offending garment and Phil nodded to the coffee table. Not that he had to. This was a familiar scene. I pushed back the tequila bottle and the shot glass and lay across the cold tabletop, gripping the sides tightly.

Phil leaned down, his hands gently brushing my hair off my back, then running softly over my skin. "If you were always a good girl, Bella, then I could always touch you just like this. But when you're bad I have to hurt you." He straightened. "Now I want to hear you tell me that you won't tell people things that aren't their business." He brought the belt down hard across my back.

I gritted my teeth, trying not to cry out. "I won't tell people things that aren't their business."

The leather cracked against my skin again, and a whimper escaped my throat. "I won't tell people things that aren't their business."

"Louder," he growled, and brought the belt down on me again.

"I won't tell people things that aren't their business," I said, obediently raising my voice.

I was crying by the sixth lash. These past several weeks with Carlisle had clearly made me soft. I used to be able to make it to fourteen or fifteen before the tears came.

After the tenth, Phil knelt behind me and ran his hands over the welts he had raised on my back. "Now you're going to go back to your little friends and tell them that you were lying, aren't you?" he asked me.

I nodded quickly.

"You're going to tell them that you were just trying to get attention, right?"

I nodded again.

"Tell me what you're going to do."

"I'm going to tell my friends I lied to get attention."

"Good girl," he said, his hands skating over my stinging back. He stood again, pushing off of my bruises and making me cry out, and he moaned in satisfaction. "So beautiful," he murmured. "Now I want to hear you tell me you won't tell any more lies."

I felt the sting as his belt whipped across my back again. "I won't tell any more lies," I whimpered.

Nine lashes later I was sobbing brokenly, gripping the edges of the table so tightly my fingers ached. Phil knelt behind me again, pressing soft kisses to my back. He pulled back on my shoulders, wordlessly telling me to sit up, and I released my grip on the coffee table and straightened. He wrapped his arms around me, his hands moving to caress my breasts, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

"I didn't even make you bleed," he murmured in my ear. "I think you should thank me for going easy on you."

"Thank you for going easy on me."

"There's my good girl," he breathed, squeezing my breasts tightly. "I've missed you, baby." He shifted his position, pressing his hips against my backside so I could feel his arousal. "Can you feel how much I've missed you?"

Panic shot through me. He wasn't supposed to do this. Not yet. It wasn't anywhere near five twenty-four yet. "I need to put my suitcases away," I blurted out, desperate for any excuse to get away from him.

He paused and then moved back, climbing to his feet. "All right. You took your punishment like a good girl, so I'll help you."

My stomach twisted with dread. I had intended to get away from him, not invite him to my bedroom.

Phil moved toward my bags, and I quickly gathered up my clothes. I tugged my shirt on and stuffed my bra in my pocket, knowing I'd never be able to get it on over the welts on my back. I grabbed my suitcase and moved as quickly up the stairs as I could on my unsteady feet, thinking that if I was fast enough I could be in and back out of my room before Phil got inside. He kept up with me, though, and when I dropped my bag just inside the doorway and turned around, he blocked my path.

My head was spinning from the alcohol, and I stumbled away from him, nearly losing my balance. Phil dropped the bag he was carrying and reached out to grab my arm, despite the fact that I had already regained my balance.

"Careful, little girl," he smiled, pulling my back against his chest. "I'd hate to see you get hurt."

I had to hold my breath to keep from throwing up.

Phil started moving forward, pushing me unsteadily into my bedroom. The effects of the tequila were really starting to set in, and I felt like the floor was tilting under me. Phil's wet tongue snaked into my ear, and his hands pawed at me. I struggled to make my brain work, to come up with some way to stop this.

"Isn't Mom waiting for you?" I mumbled to him. I was throwing her under the bus, I knew, but  _she_  was the one who chose this. I resented being the one that had to pay for her decisions.

"She can wait longer." He pushed me against my dresser and splayed a hand on my sore back, bending me over it. He ground his cock against me from behind, his hands braced on the dresser on either side of me. "You know, that sweet little cunt of yours is a lot tighter than your mom's," he whispered, still rubbing against me. "Don't get me wrong, she's nice to have around." His good hand slid up my shirt, groping at my breasts again. "That woman could suck a watermelon through a garden hose. But there's nothing like riding a good, tight pussy." He released my breasts and reached between my legs, gripping hard.

"I stopped taking birth control," I blurted out. It wasn't true, but maybe if he thought it was he would stop.

Phil's hand released my crotch and he grabbed my hair, jerking my head back painfully. "And why the fuck did you think that would be okay?" he hissed in my ear.

"Ch-Charlie made me," I lied again.

Phil released my hair and started stroking it softly. "That's okay, princess. Maybe you and I will just try something new, huh?" He gathered up my hair, winding it around his hand, and jerked my head back. "How about I just fuck that tight little ass of yours instead?"

I fisted my hands as he rubbed his erection against me.

"Is that what you want, Bella?" he asked, his hot breath washing over my ear.

I couldn't answer him. I knew he wanted me to tell him yes, and I knew he wouldn't be satisfied until he heard it, but fear left me frozen.

He yanked hard on my hair. "I asked you a question!"

"Yes," I gasped in pain.

"Yes what?"

"I want you to fuck my ass," I choked.

"Your what?" he growled angrily, yanking on my hair again.

I swallowed hard. "My tight little ass."

"Say it right."

I took a shaky breath, my whole body trembling. "I want you to fuck my tight little ass."

His hand released my hair and he started rubbing my back, sending sharp, stabbing pains through the welts he had left. "That's because you're a dirty whore, Bella," he breathed in my ear. "Only a filthy little cum-slut like you wants to get her ass reamed by a big, hard cock."

I stared at the cast on his broken hand, trying not to listen to his taunts. I tried counting to distract myself, but my head was so cottony that I couldn't seem to keep myself on track. Instead I sent myself back to Forks, back to Carlisle. I reviewed the first time I had seen him, and then the first time I had gone to his house, when he had taken me to his office in the hospital to fix my broken hand.

Something clicked into place for me. Phil had a broken hand, just like mine. He wasn't anything special. I spent my days with vampires and wolves, people whose strength I could never hope to match, but Phil wasn't one of them. He was only human, exactly as breakable as I was. There was nothing that made him better than me, nothing that forced me to submit to him the way I always had.

Phil's hand moved to the button of my jeans, and I panicked. He couldn't do this, not again. Carlisle was the only one I wanted, and it felt like betraying him to let Phil touch me like this. The panic and the tequila confused my thoughts and impaired my judgment, and before I had thought it through, I was grabbing the heavy metal lamp off of my dresser and slamming it down on his broken hand, feeling the cast crack under its weight.

Phil roared in pain and stumbled back, clutching his hand to his chest. I spun around, my hands gripping the edge of the dresser to keep me from falling as the room tilted wildly.

"You little bitch!" He rushed at me and grabbed my hair, dragging me away from the dresser and slamming my head into the wall.

I reeled and fell to my knees. I tried to back away as Phil advanced on me, clutching the belt that was still looped around his wrist, but my body seemed reluctant to obey my commands. He easily caught up with me and shoved the belt over my head, jerking it tight around my neck. He kicked me hard in the stomach, and I gagged against the belt.

"You want to fucking play games, Bella?" he yelled furiously. He stormed out the bedroom door, half dragging me along the floor after him as I scrambled to get my hands and knees under me. He tugged me into the bathroom and turned on the water in the bathtub, grabbing my hair and shoving my head under the tap.

I struggled against his hand, the desperation for air surprisingly potent. Phil straddled my shoulders as I tried to push off the side of the bathtub and shoved his knee into my back, pinning me to the unforgiving ceramic ledge. He pushed my head down and out of the stream of water, letting me breath.

"I think you've forgotten how to behave, little girl," he growled. "It sounds like you need to be taught a lesson." He jerked my head under the cold cascade of water again, and I struggled feebly beneath him.

I heard him yelling while the water poured over my face, but I couldn't focus on what he was saying. The only thing that mattered was that I didn't have air, and I needed it.

He pushed my head down again, letting me breathe for a moment. I gasped in the precious oxygen, coughing when I sucked a stream of water droplets into my lungs.

I heard footsteps, and then the pressure on my back disappeared and Phil released my hair. I pushed away from the tub and turned, exhausted but needing to keep an eye on what he was doing. Mom was standing in the doorway, handing Phil a roll of duct tape, and he leaned down and kissed her, murmuring a few soft words to her.

Mom looked at me fearfully. "What are you going to do?"

"Just do it, Renee!" he yelled angrily.

Mom turned and scurried away.

Phil turned, glaring down at me. "Get in the bathtub."

I hauled myself off of the floor and climbed into the tub. The cold puddle of water in the bottom seeped through my clothes. Phil sat on the toilet, holding the roll of tape between his knees, and tore off a long strip.

"Hands together," he ordered.

I stared at him, shaking, water dripping down my face. If I let him tie my hands, I would be totally at his mercy. I couldn't do it.

Phil's temper flared and he slapped me, then grabbed a nipple through the wet fabric of my shirt and twisted it hard. I screamed in pain and acquiesced, holding my hands together in front of me.

Phil grabbed them and taped them together, then pushed them against the grab bar above the soap dish and taped them in place. He ripped off another strip and jerked my knees up in front of me. He wrapped the tape around my ankles and then dragged them up and taped them to the running faucet. The position was awkward and uncomfortable, and I had to struggle to hold myself in a sitting position.

He moved to the faucet and pulled the lever to switch the water to the shower. Freezing water cascaded over me, and I gasped involuntarily. Phil calmly leaned down and plugged the drain.

"You seem to have forgotten the way things work around here," he said menacingly. "Maybe your daddy lets you do whatever the fuck you want at his house, but around here, you do what I tell you." He sat back down on the toilet. "Now let's practice. Tell me you're sorry."

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice quivering in the cold.

"Now tell me you're a worthless little cunt."

I swallowed hard, hot tears mingling with the icy water that poured down my face. "I'm a worthless little cunt."

"Say it again."

My teeth chattered. "I'm a worthless little cunt."

"And you're not good for anything but a good hard fuck."

The freezing water poured over me, sucking away my body heat and pooling in the bottom of the tub. "I'm not good for anything but a good hard fuck."

"You're an ugly little slut, and nobody will ever want you."

I squeezed my eyes shut. Carlisle did. He wanted me. "I'm an ugly little slut, and nobody will ever want me." God, I hoped he would still want me. I hunched close to my hands, letting my thumb brush over the pendant at my throat and taking comfort from it.

Phil didn't miss the movement. "What the fuck is that?"

My eyes snapped open in horror. "No," I whispered as he reached for the necklace through the pouring water. He yanked it off, breaking the clasp, and I panicked. "No! Give it back!" I struggled ineffectually against my bindings, desperate to retrieve Carlisle's gift.

Phil slapped me hard, the water on my skin making it sting that much more. "Who's been giving you jewelry, Bella?" he demanded, his voice dangerous.

I clenched my teeth, glaring at him.

He grabbed the belt that hung uselessly around my neck and jerked it up, lifting me off the floor of the bathtub by my throat. "Who gave it to you?" he yelled. He dropped me back to the floor, cold water sloshing around me.

"Ch-Charlie," I lied. There was nothing in the world that would make me tell him about Carlisle. I wouldn't sit here and listen to someone as disgusting as Phil tear him down.

"Well, how do you like that? Who knew Charlie was stupid enough to buy a diamond necklace for an ugly little whore like you?" He tucked it into his pocket.

"G-give it back!" I yelled, shivers ripping through me.

He smiled slyly. "I'll tell you what. If I don't have any more problems with you while you're here, I'll give it back to you before you go home."

I sobbed silently, tears pouring down my cheeks. I couldn't be without it that long. "I need it," I choked.

He smiled triumphantly. "Then be a good little girl, and you'll get it back." He dried his arm on a towel hanging on the wall. "Are you going to be a good little girl, Bella?"

I nodded, feeling completely broken.

"Say it."

"I'm going to be a good little girl."

"You're going to do everything I tell you to do?"

I nodded.

"Say it, Bella!"

"I'm going to do everything you tell me to."

He smiled darkly. "Everything, Bella?"

"Everything," I repeated, shivering violently.

"Ask me to turn on the air conditioner."

I looked up at him in horror. I didn't think I could stand the cold much longer, and he wanted to make it colder?

He clucked his tongue. "You're not being a good girl, Bella. You don't want me to get rid of your little necklace, do you?"

I clenched my teeth to keep them from chattering. "W-will you t-turn on the air c-conditioner?"

He smiled widely. "Of course I will, baby girl. Anything for you." He turned and strode out of the bathroom, and after a moment the vent kicked on, filling the room with chilled air.

He was laughing when he re-entered the room. "How's that, princess? Comfortable?" He raised a challenging eyebrow, waiting for an answer.

"Y-yes," I stuttered.

He sat back down on the toilet. "Good. Now tell me you want my big cock in your dirty little cunt."

"I want y-your big c-cock in my d-dirty little cunt," I said, letting my head fall against my hands.

"Tell me you want me to bite those pretty pink nipples until they bleed."

He kept on like that for several minutes, making me repeat his vulgar phrases, as the water crept higher in the bathtub. It was nearly full when Mom appeared in the doorway again, holding two ten-pound bags of ice.

Phil smiled and stood. "Open them," he directed her.

Mom shot me an apologetic look and ripped open the first bag. Phil hoisted it up and carried it over to me, pouring it over my head, making sure most of the cubes accumulated between my chest and my knees. I cried out from the sting of the freezing ice, and Phil smiled in satisfaction. "Maybe this will teach you your place." He took the second bag and poured it over me as well.

The ice pushed the bathtub over its capacity, and a wave of water sloshed onto the floor. Phil reached over and turned off the shower. He stooped and grabbed the belt that was still around my neck, pulling it over my head and doubling it over in his hand. I jumped as he brought the wet leather down in a stinging slap across my cheek.

"Now, your mom and I are going to go to the hospital," Phil said, leaning close, "because some trashy little bitch smashed my cast. You just stay here and be a good little girl, and if I'm in a good mood when I come back, maybe I'll let you suck my cock." He gave me a parting slap with the belt, then turned back to the door. He turned off the light and ushered Mom out, closing the door behind him and leaving the room completely dark.

I had no idea how long I stayed there, shivering in the tub of ice water, the cold air conditioner blowing on my wet hair and clothes where they weren't submerged. The icy water stung my skin and made me ache all the way through my body. Even my violent shivering seemed to do nothing to warm me.

There was no window and no clock, no way to know how fast time was passing. Had it been minutes? Hours? I had no idea. As time stretched on, I started to worry that Carlisle would come for me and then leave again when he was unable to find me. Had he been here already? Would he think I didn't want him if I wasn't waiting for him?

Would he even bother coming for me? Maybe Phil was right. Maybe he didn't really want me. Maybe he had already decided that I wasn't worth this much trouble, and had gone back to Washington.

Doubts plagued me as I waited, desperate to know how much time was passing, aching for a little bit of warmth. I found myself wondering how long it took for a person to freeze to death. Maybe the excruciating pain wouldn't last much longer. Maybe this would be the last torture I would ever have to suffer from Phil.

Maybe I would never see Carlisle again.

My arms ached from holding my head and shoulders up out of the water, and eventually my muscles gave out. I slumped into the icy bath, barely having the strength to keep my face above the surface. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should just let myself drown and stop this torture.

Carlisle would be so hurt.

I cried until there was nothing left in me, and still I lay in the cold and the dark. Hours had to have passed. Days, maybe. No, it couldn't be days, the ice would have melted. How long would it take this much ice to melt in an air conditioned room? Maybe it could be days. Or maybe it was just minutes, and the agony of the cold water made them seem longer. I had no reference, no way to tell how long I had been here, and no guesses as to how long Phil would make me pay for my lapse in judgment.

I nearly cried when the door finally opened again. I winced when the light came on, blinking against the sudden brightness. I heard Phil's step and forced my eyes open, tugging myself into my awkward sitting position again with my sore arms.

"How are you doing, baby?" he asked tenderly, his hand stroking my cheek as he knelt beside the bathtub.

"C-cold," I answered shakily.

"Yeah? It looks like it. Your lips are blue."

I just nodded, not wanting to make him angry again.

His fingers continued to caress my cheek. "Are you sorry, Bella?"

I nodded, shaking violently. "I-I'm s-s-sorry."

"Have you learned your lesson?"

"Y-y-yes, I've l-learned m-my lesson."

"Good," he breathed. "Do you want me to let you out?"

"Y-es."

He smiled gently. "Well, that's too fucking bad," he murmured. He clapped a hand over my face and shoved me back in the bathtub, burying my head in the water.

I barely had any strength to struggle against him, desperate as I was for oxygen. I wondered briefly if he would just kill me now, but I dismissed the thought quickly. Phil would never kill me, at least not intentionally. He enjoyed hurting me too much.

He let me up after a moment, and I pulled myself weakly out of the water, panting heavily.

He was grinning darkly. "You look so good like this, Bella. All wet and cold, with those pretty little tits showing through your shirt." His eyes roamed hungrily over me. "I bet it'd feel real nice to pull you out of there and fuck your cold little body."

My strength was failing me again, and I couldn't hold myself up. I slipped back in the freezing water, but held my ears above the surface so I could hear him. I didn't want to miss any instructions he might give and make him angrier.

"Yeah, it'd feel real nice. But I can't right now, baby. Your mom's been a good girl today, so I'm taking her out to a movie and then to a nice dinner." He patted my cheek and stood. "I'll be back for you later." He turned off the light and stepped out of the door, closing it firmly behind him.

I wouldn't survive it. If he left me here that much longer, I was sure I would die. I would never see Carlisle again. I'd never see Charlie, Jacob, Edward . . . I wondered if they would ever even know I was dead. Maybe Mom wouldn't tell them. Maybe they would just think I ran away.

I closed my eyes, the aching in my chest even more painful than the stinging cold on my skin. I conjured up an image of Carlisle's beautiful face in my mind. "Goodbye," I whispered softly. "I love you."


	71. Fix You

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I spent the entire day standing at the motel room window, peering out a crack in the curtains. The moment the last sliver of sun disappeared beneath the city skyline, I was out the door and in the car.

Edward slid in as I was starting the ignition, grinning at me. "So what's your plan?"

I frowned at him. "What plan?"

He shrugged as I steered the car out of the motel parking lot. "You've been telling Bella this whole time that you're going to keep Phil away from her at night. How exactly are you intending to do that?"

"Perhaps he'll take my warning seriously, Edward."

He snorted. "Yeah, and when he doesn't?"

I gave him a cold smile. "I expect he may take a nasty spill down the stairs tonight. I don't think he'll be in any condition to be sneaking into my girl's bedroom with all of his limbs broken."

Edward nodded approvingly. "I like it. It has a certain . . . poetic justice."

I chuckled, feeling better now that I was on my way to see my girl. I had never been more frustrated to be a prisoner of the sun.

"Feeling a bit melodramatic, are we?"

I cut my eyes at him. "I've pushed you out of this car once. Don't think I won't do it again."

He snickered, but left me in peace with my thoughts.

It was a short drive to Bella's house. I had intentionally booked reservations at a motel only a few miles away, and many of the subdivision streets were empty, allowing me to decrease the travel time. It wasn't long before we pulled the car up in front of the house across the street and climbed out.

"Only one person home," Edward observed. He frowned. "Is that Bella?"

I listened to the heartbeat. It sounded like hers, but it was slow, and the breaths that accompanied it were coming in ragged gasps. "Sleeping?"

"Having a nightmare, maybe," Edward said distractedly. His eyes were scanning the neighborhood. "Now."

The two of us darted across the street and hopped the high wooden fence into the back yard. We moved to the back of the stucco house and I looked up at the window that belonged to Bella's bedroom. "Can anyone see into the yard?"

"The neighbors can from the second floor, but right now nobody's looking."

I scaled the side of the house to the window, with Edward right behind me, and found it locked. I hesitated. Was it a message? Was my girl trying to tell me not to come in?

Edward grunted impatiently and pushed past me, deftly breaking the lock and opening the window. "Quit looking for messages that aren't there."

We crawled through the window, immediately surrounded by two distinctly familiar scents. A deep growl rumbled in my throat. "He was in here."

Edward nodded, looking around warily. He moved to the dresser where the scent was the strongest and sniffed. He didn't have to point out the residual musk of Phil's arousal, or the sharp tang of Bella's fear.

I eyed the lamp that lay on the floor, then moved up beside Edward and examined the flakes of plaster on the dresser's top.

Bella's breathing hitched, and I frowned. "She's shivering," I said, heading for the door.

"No wonder. It's fifty-eight degrees in here. Why is it so cold?"

I stepped out of the bedroom door, following Bella's scent and the sound of her slow heartbeat to the bathroom. The door was closed, and no light seeped underneath.

I tapped lightly on the door.

Bella's heart stuttered, but there was no answer.

"Bella?" I asked gently. "May I come in?"

I heard the lapping of water against ceramic, but once again there was no answer. I glanced at Edward.  _Bathing?_

"I'll wait out here. Go in and see if she's alright."

The door wasn't locked. The knob turned easily and I pushed the door open, peering into the darkened room.

"Bella!" I raced to her side, my eyes quickly taking in the ice bath, her bound hands and feet, and her glazed eyes. I slid an arm under her shoulders to lift her out of the water and ripped the tape free from the grab bar. I didn't have time to pull it gently from her wrists, but I was careful not to break the skin and expose any blood.

_Edward, find the thermostat and turn up the heat as high as it will go._

I ripped through the tape that wrapped around Bella's jeans and sneakers and moved her to the wet floor. I slid a hand under her shirt sleeve, checking her body temperature under her arm.

_Eighty-six degrees. She's hypothermic._

Edward reappeared in the doorway looking tense.

 _Drain the bathtub and get the ice out as fast as you can_ , I directed. I started ripping off Bella's freezing clothes, tossing them aside.

Edward did as I asked, upending the trash can and using it to shovel buckets full of ice and water into the sink as the bathtub slowly drained.

Once Bella's clothes were off, I took stock of the damage. There were bruises on her face and deep welts cris-crossing her back, along with white, waxy patches on her ears and fingertips. I could smell alcohol on her too, which wouldn't help with restoring her circulation. I lifted her into my arms and wrapped her in towels from the rack to try and stave off the chill.

"It's drained," Edward said.

I moved to the bathtub, clutching Bella's stiff form against me, and turned on the water, adjusting the temperature until it was running at roughly one-hundred and five degrees. _See if you can find a humidifier or a space heater,_  I told Edward as I stoppered the drain. _And cayenne pepper._

He was out the door before I had even finished my instructions. I laid Bella's towel-wrapped form in the bathtub, propping her against the back. I stood and found another towel from the closet and wetted it. I wrung it out and wrapped it around her face and ears, leaving her eyes uncovered. They were still glazed, and as I watched they rolled back into her head and her eyelids slipped closed.

Edward returned with his arms full. He pressed a small bottle of cayenne pepper into my hand, then kicked the door closed and turned on the light. He started setting up the heater and the humidifier he had found while I tended to my girl.

I opened the bottle of cayenne pepper and dumped a little mound of red powder into my palm. I caught some water from the tap and dripped it into the pepper, mixing it with my fingers to form a paste. I pulled back the towel around Bella's face and applied the mixture to the shell of her ears, careful to cover anything that looked like it may have been damaged by the cold. Once I finished, I tucked the towel back around her face and rinsed my hand in the bath water.

And then there was nothing left to do but wait. I swished the water over her and let it soak into the towels, continuously wetting and re-wetting them until the water level rose up over her body. I changed the towel over her face often, never allowing the slowly-warming air in the room to cool it too much.

But mostly I just waited, calm on the outside while inside I burned. I was angry at myself for having allowed this, for not having insisted that Bella let someone come along with her to protect her. But there was someone that I was much, much angrier with, and my thoughts were edged with the sting of betrayal.

Edward stood stiffly in the far corner of the room. I hadn't paid him much attention until now, but I noticed that he wasn't breathing.

 _You can leave if you need to,_  I told him. I understood. The entire room smelled like her, and it was only getting stronger as she warmed up.

Edward just shook his head.

"I don't need  _you_  putting her in danger too."

"She's in no danger," he said flatly. "But  _you're_  a hair's breadth away from losing your damn mind."

I held back the snarl that was rising in my throat. "She should have told me."

"Maybe. But I know Alice, and I know that on the extremely rare occasions she keeps her mouth shut, there's a hell of a good reason for it."

I leapt to my feet, rounding on him. "What kind of reason could she have for letting Bella suffer this kind of torture?"

Edward looked at me for a long time, his arms folded across his chest. "I don't know," he finally admitted. "Maybe she just missed it. Humans are hard for her to see sometimes."

"Bella was here for hours!" I hissed, struggling to keep from yelling. "She could have frozen to death!"

"So call her." He raised a hand to stop me when I started to speak. "If you don't want to do it here with Bella, step out of the room. I'll go too, so you don't have to worry about me losing control."

I didn't want her to wake up alone.

"You'll hear her if she starts to wake."

_I can't leave her._

Edward sighed tiredly. "I know. So let it go for a while. Put it on a shelf and deal with Alice after you've moved past this compulsive need to monitor Bella's every breath."

I let out a hard laugh, venting a little frustration. "You know, you could have just said that from the start."

One corner of Edward's mouth tugged upward. "I could have, but I wanted you to hear yourself. If you're going to sit there throwing a mental tantrum, you earn the privilege of listening to me lecture you."

I sighed and turned back to Bella, kneeling beside her again. I tested the water temperature and added a little more hot water when I found that it had cooled a few degrees.  _And what do you feel I should be thinking about instead?_

"First of all, you should be directing your anger at the right person."

I shook my head sadly. "The responsibility falls on my shoulders."

"Or, you know,  _Dwyer's._ Good lord, Carlisle. It's like you're going to extremes to avoid placing blame on the man when you  _should_  be deciding what to do about him."

"There's nothing to decide," I said calmly. "I'm going to kill him."

"No you're not."

I couldn't keep back the snarl that time, and I was immediately on my feet, crouched to spring at Edward at the first sign that he would try to get in my way.

Edward just rolled his eyes. "Retract your claws and listen to me a minute."

_He's an animal! He deserves—_

"This isn't about what he deserves. If your God is as respectable a deity as you claim he is, then yes, Phil Dwyer will burn in hell. But for Bella's sake, you can't speed him to it."

Another growl rumbled in my chest.  _How will allowing him to continue breathing help Bella?_

"It won't. But stopping his breath will hurt her. Remember what you taught us all as newborns, Carlisle: Think beyond the momentary satisfaction. Consider the consequences."

I straightened slowly, wanting to hear what he was thinking.

"If you kill him, there will be an investigation that Bella will get dragged into—" he threw up a hand to keep me from interrupting, "and even if you make it look like a little mishap with the rooftop holiday decorating, Bella will still feel like she has to stay here to comfort her mother and help with funeral plans. The girl has enough on her plate already; don't pile on."

"You would have me do nothing?"

"Of course I wouldn't have you do nothing.  _You're_  the pacifist, not me."

 _Not this time_.

"Right," he nodded. "This time, I think you should go with your original contingency plan . . . only make it a hell of a lot more painful."

I frowned. "I thought you didn't like that plan."

"I didn't. But then he soaked Bella in an ice bath, and I changed my mind."

I looked back at Bella, finally warm enough not to shiver, but with injuries that would leave her in pain for weeks. "More painful," I murmured, sadistic thoughts forming in my mind.

Edward clapped a hand on my shoulder. "I like where your head's at."

I rubbed a hand through my hair. "I don't. But for him, I'll gladly make an exception." I turned back to Bella and reached under the towel to check her temperature again.  _She's ready, but let's wait a little while longer to let her stabilize._

"We're taking her back to the motel?"

I nodded.

"And when her parents come home and find her missing?"

_They'll find me here instead._

Bella stirred then, claiming my attention. My conversation with Edward was all but forgotten as I knelt beside her, pulling the towel away from her face. I dipped it in the water and gently brushed it over her ears, rinsing away the pepper paste while I waited for her to wake.

Edward slipped quietly out of the room behind me, offering Bella the illusion of privacy.

After a few moments she drew in a deep breath and her eyes fluttered open. She looked around for a moment, her confusion showing on her face, but her gaze settled on me and before long her expression relaxed. "Carlisle," she croaked, her voice raw and ragged. "You came." She tried to sit up, wincing from the stiffness in her joints.

"Of course I came, darling. Didn't I promise you I would?"

Tears sparkled in her eyes. "He took it, Carlisle." Her fingers scraped stiffly at the hollow of her throat.

"What did he take?"

"My necklace," she said, the tears dripping from her eyes. "I didn't want to take it off, but he took it."

"Shh, angel, it's alright." I lifted her gently out of the water and grabbed a fresh towel, wrapping her in it. "I'll give you a thousand necklaces, if that's what you want. I'll give you a new one every day for the rest of our lives."

She was shaking her head as I set her gently on her feet and started to pat her skin dry. "He takes everything," she sobbed, the tears flowing freely now. "He can't have that. He can't have  _you_."

I pressed a hand to her cheek. "Do you want me to get it back for you?"

She placed her hand over mine, her eyes slipping closed, and nodded. "If . . . I mean . . . you don't have to." Her lip quivered.

"I'll get it," I whispered. "I'll do anything for you, Bella."

She clung to my shirt, burying her face in my chest. "He's coming back. He'll be so mad when he finds out you helped me."

I stroked her tangled hair soothingly. "It won't matter, my love. You won't be here." I pulled back to keep her from getting too cold and finished drying her off. "Come, darling. We'll get you dressed and take you back to my motel room."

"What about Mom and Phil?" she asked anxiously, letting me lead her from the bathroom into her bedroom.

"Don't you worry. Once I've gotten you comfortable at the motel, I'll be coming back here to settle things."

"You're leaving me?"

"Briefly," I told her, helping her maneuver her stiff limbs into her clothes. "I'll be with you again as soon as I've dealt with this situation."

"Carlisle." She swallowed hard, tears in her eyes. "I don't care. Whatever you're going to do, I don't care. But . . . don't hurt my mom. Please."

I cupped her cheek with my hand and leaned down to press a kiss to her lips. "All right. I promise, I won't hurt your mother."

She wrapped her arms around my neck, clinging to me. "I don't want to stay here anymore. I hate it here."

I lifted her into my arms and carried her down the stairs. "I'll get you out. I'll take you away from all of this, Bella. Just let yourself depend on me, and I'll take care of you."


	72. Learn to be Still

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**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I was freezing. Carlisle had cranked up the heater, but his car wasn't warmed up and it blew cool air most of the ride back to his motel room. I huddled in the front seat with my arms wrapped around my knees, my head a jumbled mess of thoughts that wouldn't fall in line. But the thought that kept resurfacing, that nagged at me and made my stomach twist sickeningly, was my worry about when I would have to go back.

Because I  _would_  have to go back. Due to the messed-up legal tangle I was caught in, I still belonged to my parents. I hadn't wanted to come here, Carlisle hadn't wanted me to come here, Charlie hadn't wanted me to come here. But I had to, and the reason I had to come, regardless of what any of us wanted, was the same reason I would have to go back. Until January first, I was still a minor, and the custody agreement stipulated that I would spend my Christmas vacation with my mother.

I hoped whatever it was that Carlisle was planning for Phil would keep him from hurting me, but I doubted that was possible. Somehow he always seemed to find a way.

We pulled up in front of the motel room, and Carlisle ushered me inside.

"Hey, Bella," Emmett said in surprise, looking up from the television. "I didn't expect to see you here. What'd you do, bribe the old man to spring you?"

I gave him a weak smile. "I wouldn't call it a bribe so much as a proposition."

Emmett snickered.

Carlisle guided me to the bed and helped me onto it, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders. "Bella, I want you to stay inside tonight, all right? But every fifteen minutes or so, try to get up and walk around the room a bit to help your circulation."

I nodded my understanding.

"Another shower might be all right a little bit later if you're still cold, but don't let it get too hot, and don't blow-dry your hair. Some of your nerve-endings have been damaged and you could burn yourself without realizing it."

"Okay," I answered, my voice sounding rough.

"And be very careful with your fingertips," he added. "Rubbing them could damage the tissue further."

I frowned and raised my hands, looking at the waxy white tips of my fingers. My eyes widened.

"They're frost-bitten. After a day or two they'll most likely blister and turn black. Your ears too. It will heal in a few weeks, but you'll want to use extra caution until then."

He turned to Edward. "I want you to pick up some ginger tea and honey and give it to her throughout the night. Serve it warm, about a hundred and ten degrees, and make sure she gets a high-carbohydrate dinner."

Edward was on his phone immediately, ordering out for pizza and breadsticks.

Rosalie came to sit by me, looking concerned. "What happened?"

Carlisle met my eyes, and I saw the same question reflected in them. "We'll talk about it later," he told Rosalie, his eyes still on me. "For now, you and I have some things to take care of."

She looked up at him. "Tonight?"

"Now," he answered, his voice emotionless.

"Okay." She squeezed my shoulder gently. "We'll handle this for you."

Carlisle's phone rang then, and he pulled it out of his pocket. His face hardened the moment he saw the name on the display.

Edward blew out an exasperated breath. "It's time to address it, Carlisle."

"Who is it?" I asked anxiously.

"Alice," Edward answered.

I was confused. "Why don't you want to talk to her?"

Carlisle was glaring at the phone in dissatisfaction. "Because she didn't tell us what was happening to you, Bella. She didn't give us a chance to stop it before it got so severe."

I had to admit, that hurt a little. Alice must have known the torture I was going through. My mind immediately rushed to defend my friend, offering excuses. Maybe she underestimated how painful it was, since she had no memory of her life before the cold had lost its effect on her. Or maybe my mother would have gotten hurt if they had come before Phil returned from the hospital and checked on me.

My excuses rang hollow, though. The fact was, I had just endured the worst pain of my life, and she had left me there without so much as a phone call to anyone to tell them what was happening.

Carlisle started to tuck the phone away again, but I put my hand on his to stop him. "Can I talk to her?"

He handed the phone to me, and I answered it.

"Alice?" I said, trying to hold back the tears.

"Bella, I'm so sorry!" she gasped through the phone. "I tried! I tried to come up with something, some way that they could get there and it wouldn't turn out bad, but I couldn't! He wouldn't listen to me!"

I didn't know what to say. I just held the phone to my ear while her trembling voice begged my forgiveness.

"If I had called Carlisle and told him what was happening, he wouldn't have waited until sundown to go to you," she explained. "He would have been seen, Bella. And not just seen, caught on camera by a news reporter. The tape would have been shown on the news, sold to alien-hunters, posted on YouTube, played all over the world. The Volturi would have been here within a month, and they would have killed you—you and Carlisle, and Emmett and Rose." Her rambling grew panicked. "But not Edward. They wanted Edward and me to join, and Jasper and Esme too. It was that or die, Bella, and he just did it. Without even thinking, Jasper signed our lives over to them." She broke down into sobs. "I'm sorry," she said again, her voice pleading. "Please forgive me, Bella. I couldn't let that happen, and I knew you were hurting but I couldn't let that happen."

I stared, my eyes focused on nothing, as the picture Alice painted played out before me. They would have killed Carlisle. If he had come to help me earlier, he would have died.

"I'd have done the same thing," I told her softly.

Alice let out a relieved sob and started apologizing all over again.

Carlisle reached for the phone and I surrendered it to him. He pressed it to his ear, drawing in a deep breath before he spoke. "I understand," he said flatly. "We'll discuss it later." He snapped the phone closed and tucked it back in his pocket. "Rosalie?"

She stood, giving me one more quick smile, and moved to the door.

Carlisle leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to my lips. "I'll be back. Stay warm and safe, and let Emmett and Edward know if you need anything."

"Come back soon," I told him, my chest aching as he backed away. "I love you."

A soft smile graced his lips. "I'm yours forever, Bella." He turned and strode outside with Rosalie, pulling the door closed behind him.

Edward was on the phone again, calling a cab to take him out to a grocery store, and Emmett dropped down beside me on the bed.

"So what's the story, kid?" he asked. "What happened over there?"

I sighed and scooted up on the mattress, wrapping the blanket tighter around me and lying on a pillow. "I don't want to talk about it."

Edward's cell phone rang, and he answered it. "Got it," he said after a minute. He handed me the phone and turned to Emmett. "Come on, Jasper's kicking us out of the room."

"Are you kidding me? Carlisle would lose his shit if I left her here alone."

"Relax, we're just going outside," he said, dragging Emmett out with him.

I watched them, puzzled, and put the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, Bella," Jasper's voice answered, soft and sympathetic. "How are you feeling?"

"Cold," I confessed. "Sore."

"Yeah, Alice told me what happened. Do you think we could take a few minutes to talk about it?"

I sighed tiredly. "I can't, Jasper. It's too hard."

"I know," he said, his voice sad. "But the things that are too hard to talk about, Bella . . . those are the things that  _need_  to be talked about."

"That doesn't make any sense."

His voice was gentle. "It does. Framing words and speaking them out loud gives you power. It helps you take back control."

"I don't want to," I whispered, dreading the thought of reliving the moments in the bathroom.

"Why don't you get comfortable? Maybe get in bed, under the blankets, and warm up a bit."

I sighed and toed off my shoes, crawling under the covers on the bed, keeping the spare blanket wrapped around me. "Okay."

"All right, now let's talk a little bit about the things your step-father made you say today. Do you remember any of them?"

"Yeah."

"Can you tell me one?"

My throat tightened painfully. "Can't you ask Alice?"

"Alice already told me, Bella. Nothing you say will be a surprise to me, but we need to talk about it."

I felt tears stinging my eyes as I sifted through the things I had had to say, searching for the one that would hurt the least to say out loud to Jasper. "He made me say I wouldn't tell people things that aren't their business."

"And what did he mean by that? What things didn't he want you talking about?"

"The . . . the things he does to me."

" _Did_ , Bella," he corrected gently. "Things he  _did_  to you. It's over now."

I swallowed hard, not wanting to argue with him.

"Who does it help if you don't tell anyone what he did?"

My hands shook. "Him."

"Exactly. Does it help  _you_  to keep his secrets?"

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "Yes."

"How?" he asked gently.

"If I tell people he'll—" I stopped. If I told people, he would probably end up getting arrested. What could he do to me then? But the police . . . "The police would—" But that didn't seem to make much difference either. So they would know. So what? I didn't care what they thought. They would probably make me tell them about the things he had been doing to Mom and me, which would be miserable, but nothing like what I had just been through. How bad would it be, really, if I told his secrets?

Except I really didn't want to. "Jasper, please don't make me tell anyone else," I finally gasped.

"I won't. I just want you to see it's not going to hurt you. If you want to talk to me, or Carlisle, or anyone else, just to get it all off your chest, it's okay."

I swallowed hard. "Okay."

"What else did he make you say?"

I was shaking violently now. "Th-that I wouldn't lie anymore."

"Good," he murmured. "I'm going to tell you something you won't here very often, so listen up."

I huddled under the blankets, anxious about what he wanted to say.

"You have the right to lie to whoever you want, whenever you want. Understand? Now, that doesn't mean it's always a good idea. There are consequences to lying, and there are consequences to telling the truth. The only person who gets to weigh those consequences and make the decision is you."

I hugged myself tightly. "Okay," I whispered.

"What else did he make you say?"

I took a deep breath, thinking of the disgusting things I had had to repeat for Phil. "Do I have to say it like he did?" I asked squeezing my eyes shut.

"No. You choose the words. That's how you get power over all of this."

That helped, and I took a gulp of air. "He made me tell him I wanted to have—" I faltered, and Jasper waited patiently. "That I wanted to have anal sex with him."

"Did you want to?"

"No!" I gasped, stung. "I didn't, I swear."

"Bella, relax," he said soothingly. "I didn't reckon you did. That's not why I'm asking these questions, okay?"

I found myself nodding again. "Okay."

"So if you didn't want to, why did you say it?"

"B-because he told me to."

"Why did you do what he told you to?"

A tear slipped down my cheek. "I had to, Jasper," I said, my voice pleading for him to understand.

"Bella," he breathed, his voice low and velvety. "Just relax. I'm not criticizing you or judging you. I'm asking these questions for a reason, and I know they're hard, but they're important." He paused a moment. "Can you hang in there with me for just a little longer?"

I sniffled, my hand rubbing at my chest, trying to ease the hollow ache. "Yes."

"All right then. Why did you have to do what Phil told you to do?"

I swallowed hard. "Because he would hurt me if I didn't."

"So you'd rather say something you didn't mean than get hurt?"

I buried my head in the pillow, sobbing miserably. "I'm sorry," I cried.

"Well, you can be sorry, Bella, if that's how you really feel. But personally, I don't think  _I_ would be."

My breath hitched, and I tried to choke back the sobs.

"I think that's a perfectly rational way of dealing with the situation. I've done it myself, more times than I care to think about."

"You have?" I asked him tentatively.

"I have. It's not wrong to want to avoid pain."

I bit the inside of my cheek, thinking about what he was saying.

"What else did you have to say today?"

"I had to tell him I wanted him to . . . to bite my . . ." I swallowed again. "To bite my nipples until they bled."

"Good, Bella," he said encouragingly. "And did you want him to?"

"No."

"Why did you say it?"

I took a deep breath. "To protect myself."

" _Very_  good, Bella," he said proudly. "Self-preservation is a basic instinct. It's the most natural thing in the world—for humans, vampires, animals . . . even a lot of plants."

"Plants?" I asked, surprised.

"Well, sure, darlin'," he drawled, his smile coming through in his voice. "Bark on a tree, thorns on a rose . . . it's all about protection."

I took a minute to let that sink in. Jasper was comparing the things I had said to appease Phil to thorns on a rose. It made me feel better, like what I had done wasn't so horrible. "You don't think . . ." My throat tightened, and I had to try again. "You don't think what I said was . . . I mean, Carlisle . . . would he be mad at me?"

"I don't think he would be, no. He doesn't like to see you hurt. I think he would be okay with whatever you had to do to prevent it."

I wiped away some stray tears as Jasper continued.

"You did more to protect yourself than just say some things you didn't mean, though, didn't you?" he asked. "Tell me what else you did, Bella."

I shuddered. "I hurt him."

"Tell me about it."

"He had a broken hand. I slammed a lamp down on it."

Jasper chuckled softly. "I understand you hit him hard enough to break the cast."

I bit my lip, smiling, surprised by how good his appreciation felt.

"Bella, I want you to know I'm real proud of you for what you did, standing up to him like that. Even if it didn't work out so well for you, that took courage and strength, and I'm impressed."

"It was bad, though," I said, my voice shaking. "He was really mad."

"You knew he would be mad, though, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"So why did you do it?"

I sighed. "I don't know. I wasn't thinking. He was touching me, and I only want Carlisle to touch me. I panicked."

"You were thinking about Carlisle?"

I chewed at my lip. "Yeah."

"And he made you feel stronger?"

"Yeah."

"That's something to remember. Carlisle is a source of strength for you. When you need that strength, you think of him."

I hugged myself beneath the blankets, drawing on that strength now. Carlisle. He had come for me. He loved me.

"We have a couple more tough things to talk about," Jasper said. "Will you tell me what Phil did when you hurt him?"

Just thinking about it had me trembling wildly again. "He took me to the bathroom," I said, "and he . . . he tied me up in the tub." I didn't need to get more specific than that. He already knew.

"Then what?"

"He turned on the shower. It was so cold I could hardly breathe."

"And then?"

"He filled the tub . . . and he put ice in."

"Where did he get the ice?"

Tears were trickling out of my eyes again. I didn't want to say what he wanted me to say.

"I know it's hard," he soothed. "I need you to tell me where he got it."

"He . . ." I shook my head, trying to shake off the horror of my words. "He made Mom get it for him."

"How did that make you feel?"

I sniffled again. "The same way I felt when she told me she was marrying him."

"Can you give it a name?"

I was nodding again. "Betrayed."

"Why?"

"She picked him instead of me," I said. "She cares more about him than me."

He thought for a moment. "Bella, you're pretty close to Edward, aren't you? You'd say you're good friends?"

"Yeah," I said hesitantly.

"Would it bother you if I told you that he cares more about Esme than he does about you?"

I frowned. "No."

"But it bothers you to think that Renee cares more about Phil than about you?"

I choked back a sob. "It's different."

"Yes," he agreed. "It is different. Why, Bella?"

"She's my mom," I sniffed. "She's my family. She's supposed to take care of me."

"Good," Jasper said approvingly. "We're back to those basic instincts again. Just as natural as self-preservation, Bella, is the instinct to protect your child. It's normal for you to expect your mother to provide you with a certain amount of security."

I couldn't answer. I buried my face in my pillow again and cried.

"She let you down a lot there, didn't she?"

I was nodding. Of course he couldn't see, but I couldn't speak. He waited for a few moments, letting me cry a bit, before he spoke again.

"Tell me what you're feeling," he said gently.

"I hate her!" I yelled.

"Why?"

"She let him hurt me," I said bitterly, "and then she married him so he would never stop."

"You're angry with her?"

I swiped irritably at the tears. "Yes."

"And hurt?"

"Yes."

"Bella, what would have happened if your mother had refused to get the ice Phil asked for?"

I chewed at my lip again tears falling freely. "He'd have hurt her."

"So she was protecting herself, just like you were?"

I gritted my teeth, unwilling to give her any excuses. "It's different."

"How is it different?"

" _She_  let him in!" I yelled. " _She_  went out with him,  _she_  asked him to move in, and  _she_ married him! She knew what he was like, and she chose to be with him anyway. It's her own fault if she gets hurt."

There was a satisfied sigh from the other side of the phone. "Very good, Bella," Jasper breathed. "Very good." He took a deep breath. "Now, I don't want you to think I'm excusing Phil's actions at all, but your mother invited much of her own pain upon herself, and in the process, she forced it on you as well. It's okay to be angry about that. It's okay to be hurt."

I was feeling absolutely raw, and my cheeks were chapped from the tears. "Aren't you supposed to be making it so I'm not angry anymore?" I asked, making a lame attempt at a joke.

He laughed softly. "No, Bella . . . I'm just supposed to be helping you understand it."

I took a ragged breath, feeling exhausted.

"You're a tough kid," he told me. "I'm proud of you. That was a hard conversation, and you never once hung up on me."

I laughed through my tears. "I wish I'd thought of that."

He chuckled softly, but he grew serious quickly. "Your dad's been worrying about you," he told me.

I sat up, surprised. "You're with my dad?"

"Yeah. I've been hanging out behind Daybreak most of the day. He's been making himself sick with worry, so I'm helping him out a little."

"Thank you," I told him, hoping he could hear in my voice how much I appreciated it.

"It ain't nothing. I just want you to know how much he cares about you."

I wiped at my eyes with my sleeve. "That's nice to know."

"I'm going to let you get some rest. Alice says your pizza is just about there, so you can eat and relax a little."

"Jasper?" I said tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"I like therapy with you."

He laughed softly. "I'm here any time you need it. You don't even need an appointment."

I smiled and bit my lip. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Bella. Now rest up a bit. When you wake up in the morning, ten to one odds, Carlisle will be with you."


	73. Danse Macabre

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the most graphic thing I've ever written. If you're not interested in reading it, you may skip it, and just trust me that Phil got what was coming to him. (And really, you should think about it. Several people have stopped reading the story over this chapter.) You won't miss anything, as far as the plot goes. No revelations, not really any character development that's relevant to the rest of the story.
> 
> But if you're just dying to see Phil get the shit kicked out of him, here you go.

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

The house was black and silent. Rosalie and I had made sure of that. When we arrived, we had moved from room to room, removing every lightbulb, unplugging every electronic device, eliminating the minutest sources of light. Even the refrigerator's bulb had been removed. We could have just cut the power to the house, but I wanted the air conditioner running. It was sixty degrees in here right now, nearly the same temperature it had been when I entered earlier to find Bella, and I wanted it that way. I didn't want Dwyer to know that anything was amiss.

The vision of Bella, bound and shivering in the icy bath, haunted my memory. The moment my eyes had fallen on her small, fragile body submerged in the freezing water, the beast inside of me had roared to life. While Bella's health was at risk, it was necessary to hold back my more primal self, but with her warm and safe now, I was more than willing to give the animal free reign.

The image of my girl half dead in the bathtub was accompanied now by Alice's description of what had happened to her. I hadn't been ready to discuss it, but Rosalie had called her on the way to the house and demanded to know what Phil had done. Alice had given her a very detailed explanation, and it had only served to increase my horror over the situation.

Because I was fully aware now that every welt on Bella's back bore my name. I had insisted that Phil be given a warning, a chance to get help for whatever sickness drove him. My wish to appeal to his humanity had earned my girl a brutal beating. There was nothing I could ever do to atone for that.

But I intended to give it back to him a hundredfold.

Rosalie and I finished covering the last window with foil, and she turned to me in the murky darkness that would blind human eyes. "I'll take their cell phones when they come in," she said, "so they can't use them as flashlights."

I moved to my medical bag, open on the kitchen counter, and pulled out a needle. "Give this to Renee as soon as Dwyer leaves her alone."

Rosalie took the needle, glaring at it. "A sedative? Why, you want to do this one at a time?"

"We're only here for Dwyer."

" _What?_ Carlisle, did you hear what she did? What kind of a mother just lets that happen to her daughter? And she  _helped!_ "

"I promised Bella," I told her. "Her mother will have no part of it. Just sedate her and take her to her bed."

She frowned in dissatisfaction but didn't argue further.

I strode to the stairs and ascended them, entering the dark bathroom and taking a seat on the closed toilet lid. I was sure Dwyer would come here to check on Bella fairly soon after he came home, and I wanted to be here when he did.

Her scent still hung heavy in the small room.

I could hear Rosalie's patient breathing from downstairs as she stood in the kitchen, waiting to play her part. I could hear cars passing on the street beyond and people talking in the nearby houses, but none of it mattered to me. The only sound I wanted to hear right now was the engine of a Mazda Miata, and the step of my prey on the stairs.

Before long, I got my wish. The car I was listening for came into hearing range, and I could tell that the occupants inside were talking. As it moved a bit closer, I started to be able to make out their words over the rumble of the engine.

"Maybe we could send Bella somewhere else tonight?" Renee's voice sounded hopeful. "I'm sure she has some friends that she could go stay with, and then it could be just you and me, all alone."

"Yeah, that's just what I want," Dwyer spat. "Another night alone with your ugly, used-up body. Like I haven't had enough of that lately."

"You know I can make you feel good," Renee said petulantly. "And when Bella's around, she's the only one you pay attention to."

There was silence for a moment, and then Dwyer spoke again. "You feel like I've been neglecting you?" he asked softly, almost solicitously.

There was no audible response.

"Maybe we'll all get together tonight for some quality time, then. What do you say?"

Renee sounded hopeful again. "You mean, not just you and her? You want me there too?"

"Doesn't that sound nice? Some time together, with me and  _both_  of my girls?"

Renee nearly choked in her excitement. "Does that mean you're done punishing her?"

"I think so." He steered the car into the garage and parked it. "I have a feeling she's ready to do anything I tell her to by now."

The two of them got out of the car and entered the kitchen through the garage door. I heard the rustling as Rosalie deftly picked Phil's cell phone from his pocket, then plucked Renee's from her purse.

Renee was flipping the light switch. "Is the power out?" she asked, perplexed.

"Can't be. The neighbors have their lights on. The air conditioner must have tripped the breaker."

"I can't see," Renee complained.

"And you're not going to see until you get down to the basement and get the power back on," Phil growled impatiently. "Go, Renee! Fuck, how long does it take?"

"Will you help me?"

"No. I'm going upstairs to check on Bella."

Phil's hands dragged along the wall as he followed it to the stairs, and I heard the hollow clump of his feet on the steps. I also heard Renee's sharp intake of breath and soft sigh as Rosalie assisted her into unconsciousness.

"Rosalie, be a darling and put on a pot of boiling water when you're through with Renee, would you?" I asked softly.

I heard her hard laugh. "Got it."

The bathroom door opened, and Phil's hand moved to the light switch, testing to see if he could get it to turn on. When he couldn't, he squinted in the direction of the bathtub.

"Bella?" he said softly. "How are you feeling, baby girl?"

When there was no answer, he moved out of the doorway and felt his way along the wall. "Did you fall asleep, princess? This could be kind of hot, you know. A cold, unconscious girl. It'd be like fucking a corpse, Bella." His toe hit the side of the tub and he stopped, stooping slowly, feeling his way down the wall. "Maybe I'd like that. Maybe if you can't be a good girl, I'll kill you just so I can fuck you without hearing your whining."

I watched him feel blindly around in the dark for a moment, trying to find Bella's body, before I spoke.

"Hello, Mr. Dwyer."

He jumped and straightened quickly. "Who the fuck are you?" he demanded, turning toward my voice.

"You've forgotten me already? I'm hurt. After all, it was only last night that I warned you not to touch my girl again."

A slow smile spread across his face as he struggled to see me in the inky darkness. "Oh, your girl? Is that what this is about? You think you're in love with the little whore, so you've come to work out your jealousy on the man who had her first?" He laughed. "Or do you just want to know what it was like? Do you want me to tell you about how she begged me not to hurt her? How she screamed when I ripped her pussy open?"

His words only added fuel to the inferno raging inside of me.

"Of course, it's a little different now," he continued arrogantly. "Now she begs me to give it to her. You should have heard her today. 'Please, Daddy, please fuck my tight little ass.'" He laughed again. "Sorry to disappoint you, friend, but she was never your girl. She's just a little whore, and I'm putting her to proper use."

I waited until he was done with his taunting, and then spoke again. "I understand you like water games." I folded my hands. "It has a certain finesse, using ice water. It's a long, painful torture with consequences that will be felt long after you're finished. I can see why a man like you would like to draw it out."

He smirked in the darkness.

"Me, I prefer quicker results. I don't want to have to wait hours until the blood vessels constrict and hypothermia sets in. I like the pain to be immediate and intense."

Phil's smile faltered. "Terrific. Now get the hell out of my house."

"Oh, no," I said, my voice low. "No, I'll be here for a while yet. See, just because I like instant pain doesn't mean I don't like to take my time." I stood and grabbed him by the throat, lifting him a few inches off the ground.

His hands began clawing at mine, trying to tear it away from his neck as he sputtered for breath.

"Come," I said calmly. "Let's go downstairs. The sooner we begin, the sooner this will all be over."

I strode out of the bathroom and down the stairs at a human pace and moved Phil into the kitchen, where the only light came from a glowing red electric burner beneath a large pot. I tossed him roughly onto the kitchen table, and he groaned and coughed in pain.

"You son of a bitch," he rasped hoarsely, scrambling off of the tabletop.

I sighed, and grabbed his neck again, slamming him back down on the wood surface and pinning him there on his back. "Rosalie, sweetheart, I saw some nails in the garage earlier. Would you be a dear and retrieve a few for me?"

Phil started looking around frantically, searching the blackness for Rosalie.

She was gone and back in a moment, skipping to my side and holding out her prize. "I brought you the biggest, rustiest ones I could find," she said sweetly.

I smiled. "That's my girl. Would you like to secure Mr. Dwyer's hands so he doesn't feel obligated to get up again?"

She smiled darkly. "I'd love to." She moved to the head of the table and pried Phil's left hand from my wrist, stretching it close to one corner. She twirled a nail happily in her fingers, then pressed the point to his palm and pushed it through the tendons and muscles, burying it in the wood.

I released Phil's throat, and he screamed in agony. "What the fuck are you doing?" he roared. "You sick little bitch!"

I clucked my tongue disapprovingly. "Mr. Dwyer, I think you should watch your language. There's a lady present."

Rosalie pressed his right hand to the table and brought her fist down on his cast, cracking it.

"Fuck!" he screamed.

I sighed disapprovingly. "Such poor manners. I'm afraid I can't stand for that."

Rosalie smiled as she picked off the cast and held his hand down. She shoved a second nail through his flesh and into the wood tabletop, making Phil scream more obscenities.

"Rose, there's a roll of duct tape upstairs on the bathroom counter. Would you bring it down, please?"

"Of course." She smiled and darted away.

I wandered to the kitchen sink, glancing around to find something suitable for my purposes. I plucked a copper mesh scrubbing pad off the back of the sink, pleased to see that it hadn't been cleaned well after its last use. It stunk of rancid grease and old food particles, and I smiled. I carried it back to the table as Rosalie zipped back down the stairs.

"Now open your mouth," I told Phil simply.

He gritted his teeth. "I don't know what the hell you think you're doing," he hissed, "but—" his own scream of pain cut him off, as Rosalie leaned an elbow on his broken, punctured hand. I quickly stuffed the copper scrubber into his mouth, making him gag, and Rosalie pressed a strip of tape over it to hold it inside.

"Much better," I said pleasantly. I strode back to the kitchen counter, and Phil kicked out at me as I passed.

"Do something about that, would you, Rose?" I said as I moved to my hospital bag. I looked over my shoulder, enjoying Phil's muffled screams as Rosalie pressed his feet to chairs at the foot of the table and shoved nails through them as well. She kicked the chairs apart, ignoring his agonized screams, getting him ready for what I had planned.

I turned back to them. "Forgive my poor manners, I haven't even given the two of you a proper introduction. Phillip Dwyer, may I present my daughter Rosalie? She's charming, isn't she? It's too bad you can't see her, she's looking lovely this evening." I chuckled fondly. "Of course, she always looks lovely. There are few beauties in this world that could rival my Rosalie."

Phil was still crying out in muffled misery.

I returned to my bag briefly, pulling out the materials I would need, and moved to the table to lay them out next to Phil. "Rosalie has very strong opinions," I told him. "She likes cars and children, and she  _doesn't_  like rapists. Isn't that right, darling?"

"That's right," she smiled, sitting on the table next to Phil's head and stroking her fingers through his hair. "I  _kill_  rapists."

I clucked my tongue again. "Not tonight, Rosalie. Perhaps in a year or two I'll let you come back and kill him, but tonight he lives." I laughed to myself. "Well, probably. That's assuming I'm not careless enough to let him bleed to death."

Rosalie laughed delightedly. "Are you trying to make me thirsty, Carlisle? It won't work. No matter how you tempt me, I'll still have a cleaner record than you."

"Cleaner?" I teased her good-naturedly. "You killed seven men—and two of them were innocent."

"You've tasted the blood of five people," she countered. "That is, if Ephraim counts as a person. And you're planning on a sixth. Human blood has  _never_  touched my lips."

Phil made a choking sound, horrified by our conversation.

"Ah, well, we'd better get to it, I guess. The water is nearly ready anyway." I turned my attention on Phil. "Now, I suspected I might need to do this, so I came prepared with the proper anaesthetics. However," I paused, "you've made me rather angry with you, Mr. Dwyer, so I don't think we'll be needing them after all." I smiled. "It simplifies things, really. I don't have to check with you about any allergies you might have, so that's one less thing we have to do here today."

Phil was moaning and mumbling behind his gag, but I ignored him.

"The first thing I need is a sterile work space. I usually have a nurse to sterilize the table and prep the patient, but well . . . we're working with fewer resources here."

Rosalie stood and moved to the pot on the kitchen stove. "Are you sure this is going to be hot enough for sterilization?"

I smiled. "Boiling water usually does the trick. But for the sake of thoroughness, you can pour some salt in if you'd like, and raise the boiling temperature."

She smiled back, flashing her teeth, and went through the cupboards until she found a carton of salt. She poured a generous amount into the water, and replace the salt in the cupboard.

"It sounds like we'll have to wait a bit longer for the water to boil," I said to Phil. "But that's all right. I have a little business to attend to now, while you're still relatively in control of your faculties." I sat on the edge of the table next to him. "I understand you took a piece of property from Bella that she would like to have back. I reached out and ripped the tape from his mouth, and he yelped in pain, pushing the copper scrubber out of his mouth with his tongue.

"Where is it?" I demanded.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't take anything from her."

"The item in question is a diamond swan necklace. It has some sentimental value, you see. It was a gift to her from me."

"I don't have it," he insisted.

"Hm." I moved to the kitchen and found a metal meat tenderizer, then strolled back over to Phil. "You know, Mr. Dwyer, it's a very bad idea to lie to me." I brought the tenderizer down hard on his knee, splintering the patella, and he screamed in agony.

"I pawned it!" he yelled. "I fucking pawned it, alright?"

"Language, Mr. Dwyer. Tell me where."

"At a place on Second Street called Scottsdale Pawn," he panted.

I took out my cell phone, the light from the screen illuminating the room a little, and Phil's eyes met mine. There wasn't nearly enough pain behind them.

I dialed the phone and Edward answered after a moment. "How is she?" I asked him.

"She was talking to Jasper when I left. Sounds like he's giving her a session with Dr. Whitlock."

"Good," I said approvingly.

"How's  _he?_ "

"Oh, we're only just beginning. Listen, I need a favor. I'd like you to find a shop called Scottsdale Pawn on Second Street."

"Hang on." He pulled the phone away and I heard him asking someone if they were familiar with the store.

"Yeah, you want to go there instead?" a man's voice answered.

"Just a quick detour," Edward answered him, then came back to me. "What am I doing there?"

"You're retrieving Bella's necklace."

"Hm." He seemed uncomfortable. "You know those places can't turn around and sell something they just got, right? They have to hold them for a while."

"I don't care how you do it," I said, knowing he was looking for my permission to evade the law to get the necklace. "Bella wants it, and she'll have it."

"You got it, old man."

"Let me know when you have it in your possession."

"Will do."

We hung up and I slipped my phone back into my pocket. "Now it's time to get ready for your surgery." I quickly ripped off his shirt, jerking the shredded material away from him and tossing it in the trash can.

"What surgery?" he demanded. "What the fuck are you doing, you pervert?"

I shook my head. "I've warned you about your language. I guess we'll have to put the tape back on." I shoved the mesh scrubber back in his protesting mouth and secured it with duct tape again. Then I quickly disposed of his jeans and underwear, leaving him naked but for the sneakers and socks currently nailed to the chairs.

"Mr. Dwyer, did you ever have a dog?" I asked conversationally.

His eyes searched for me in the darkness, but he gave no response.

"I owned a dog once. It was a mean little mongrel, always fighting with other dogs, constantly biting anyone who came near." I shook my head sadly. "Something had to be done. I couldn't allow him to continue to hurt people. I could have put him down, I suppose, but I didn't quite have the stomach for it. I see myself as something as a pacifist, you understand. I'm not fond of violence . . .  _most_  of the time."

His eyes still strained to see me in the darkness, soft groans of pain escaping through his nose.

"A neighbor of mine told me there was a simple solution," I continued. "Do you know what that is?" I leaned over him. "Do you know what dog owners do when their pets become too aggressive?"

"The water's ready," Rosalie interrupted me happily.

I smiled. "Excellent. Let's get our space sterilized, shall we?" I moved to the stove and picked up the pot, carrying it back to the table. "This might sting a little," I smiled, and started pouring the water over Dwyer, making him scream in anguish. I started with his groin, making sure it got plenty of attention, then moved up his body to his face, leaving angry red burns and blistering skin in the wake of the splattering water. Phil's cries were muffled well by the gag, and though he arched his back and struggled madly, Rosalie's rusted nails effectively pinned him in place on the table.

I sloshed the burning liquid over his arms and legs, making sure to cover him as completely as possible with burns, before emptying the remaining contents over his groin again.

I handed the pot to Rosalie. "Put some more on to boil, would you? And hand me the salt when you're done with it."

Phil whimpered at my words, his blind eyes pleading for mercy.

"You see, this has a much quicker effect than cold water," I told him. "And I'd be willing to bet that your blisters take far longer to heal than Bella's will." I paced around the table, my eyes on him. "Did you know," I said conversationally, inspecting the raw, bleeding burns, "that Bella was completely unresponsive when I found her today?"

Rosalie handed me the salt carton, and I poured a large mound into my hand. "The human body can suffer a lot of pain before falling unconscious." I started sprinkling salt over Phil's body, and he screamed again, his muscles quivering in his distress. "Before we're done here, you'll know exactly how much pain can be endured before you reach that point. How much pain  _she_  had to endure before she reached that point."

Rosalie giggled and moved to the table to watch me. "This is fun."

There was a large part of me that disagreed with her, that wondered what Ephraim would think of this scene. But that part wasn't in control right now. Right now I was ruled by the animal, and the animal craved pain.

"So how are you going to do it?" Rosalie asked, eyeing the limp, blistered organ that so offended me.

"One piece at a time," I said softly, finishing with the salt. I picked up a scalpel from the table and reached between Phil's legs, lifting his scrotum into my hand. I pierced the delicate flesh with the blade and his screams became violent as I cut through it, severing his testicles and releasing a torrent of warm, fragrant blood.

Rosalie clapped delightedly, unperturbed by the scent. "Can I keep them?"

"I don't think so," I told her regretfully. "I think it's a better idea to burn them, don't you?"

"Even better!" she squealed. She hurried to the kitchen to find a large metal bowl, then rustled around in the drawers until she came up with a book of matches. "Perfect!" She brought them back and held the bowl out to me so I could drop in the bloody mass of flesh.

"Thank you," I told her. "And make sure our friend can see them burn. They belong to him, after all. It's only fair."

Rosalie spit venom into the bowl to provide an accelerant, then lit a match and dropped it in. The flesh flamed instantly, and she moved to Phil's side, grabbing his hair and lifting his head off of the table so he could watch his flesh burn. Large chunks of the hair ripped out of his scalded scalp, and his screams now were both for horror and pain.

I picked up a packet of QuikClot from the table and sprinkled some of the wheat-colored powder over the cut I had made, letting it stop the bleeding. It would not be loss of blood that drove Phil to unconsciousness tonight.

"Would you like to tell me again how much you enjoyed raping an innocent child?" I asked him.

His strenuous cries entertained Rosalie, and she smiled brightly. "I don't think he likes this, Carlisle. I think he would have preferred to have his balls boiled instead of fire-roasted."

"Maybe next time."

She laughed gaily. "I feel like a newborn again."

"How's your control?"

"I'm fine," she smiled, watching the fire burn down in the bowl. "This is so much more satisfying than drinking from him could ever be."

"All right then, let's continue." I picked up the scalpel with a blood-soaked hand, getting ready to make the next cut.

"Wait," Rosalie said over Phil's frantic protests. "I think you're using the wrong tool."

I raised an eyebrow at her as she moved to the kitchen and plucked a serrated steak knife out of a block on the counter. "How about this?"

I gave it a dubious look. "It's not very sharp."

She grinned, her teeth showing white in the dark room. "What a pity."

I took the knife from her with a chuckle and turned back to Phil, watching his body convulse in his desperation to escape this torment. I shifted positions, my shoes squeaking on the wet floor, and took his penis in my hand. Slowly, carefully, I sawed into it, just under the head, with the serrated knife, ignoring his agonized howl. It was much more difficult to penetrate the skin with the steak knife than it had been with the scalpel, and I smiled approvingly at Rosalie's choice. When it was almost cut through, I yanked hard, ripping through the remaining flesh, and Phil's scream morphed into a shrill screech.

I tossed the piece I had cut off into the bowl, and Rosalie set it ablaze.

"Can I do a piece?" she asked eagerly.

I smiled indulgently. "Of course, dear." I held the knife out to her and she took it, getting blood on her slender fingers.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I moved to the sink to scrub my hands. I cleaned them up, then pulled out my phone and read the text message from Edward telling me he had obtained Bella's necklace.

"Ah, good. Bella's property has been retrieved." I moved back to the table, listening to Phil's raw screams. He was quickly growing hoarse. "I wonder, Mr. Dwyer, what else you've taken from my girl." I sat on the edge of the table near his head. "I mean, of course, besides her virginity, her childhood, her family, and her self-respect."

His screaming rose in pitch again as Rosalie ripped through his skin and triumphantly threw another chunk of his flesh into the flaming bowl.

"Take off the rest of it, would you Rose?" I asked her, folding my hands.

"It would be my pleasure."

I ignored Phil's writhing body, the tears that poured down the sides of his face and the mucus that ran from his nose. My thoughts were on my Bella, on the welts on her back and the bruises on her face; on the blisters on her ears and fingertips; on her empty, glazed eyes and her stiff body, exhausted and frozen in the ice-filled bath.

"Rest assured, I will take just as much from you as you took from her." I reached out and spread open his eyelids with my fingers, then pressed my thumb lightly to his iris.

He jerked his head frantically, trying to pull away, but I pinned his head down easily with my fingers and pushed my thumb into his eye, crushing the eyeball and forcing blood and pus down the side of his face as he screamed.

I pulled back my freshly-stained hand, waiting for him to quiet before I continued. "I considered destroying both of your eyes. It appeals to me, the thought of taking away your sight. But I don't think I'd like to put anyone in a position where they would have to take care of you, or wait on you. So your other eye you keep. But your ear . . . ." I shoved my finger into his ear, ripping through cartilage and pulverizing the eardrum. "Really, you don't need more than one to get by." I smiled as he convulsed in pain.

I stood and retrieved the QuikClot again, sprinkling it over the open wounds. "Let's see, what else can you do without?" I asked speculatively. "You don't really need ten fingers, do you?" I moved to his broken hand and held it to the table, then twisted his pinky until the bones cracked and his flesh tore away. I threw the finger into the flaming bowl, just as Rosalie tossed in the last piece of his penis.

His screams were weakening. He was approaching his pain threshold.

"Rosalie, sweetheart, would you thread me a needle?" I asked her.

She started on the task, and I picked up a small plastic tube off of the table. The tube would be necessary for keeping Phil's urethra open without the support of his natural anatomy. He moaned in agony as I shoved it roughly into place, then I took the needle and thread from Rosalie and started sewing up the tears in his flesh. When I finished, I stitched up his hand where I had torn away his finger as well. His cries grew weaker with every prick of the needle.

Rosalie looked over his damaged, bloody body. "We made a mess."

"We did indeed. Would you like to clean up a little bit with the water on the stove?"

Rosalie skipped happily to the stove and brought back the pan of steaming water, humming to herself as she poured it over Phil. His moans were barely louder than her own moderate humming. He was close.

I moved to the back door and stepped out, scooping up a handful of dirt from the unkept yard. I strode back inside and scattered the dirt over Phil's body as Rosalie returned the pot to the kitchen. I started kneading the dirt into his ravaged flesh, and Rosalie moved to help me.

"What's this for?"

I smiled. "Later. It will be all but impossible to clean out the dirt embedded in his wounds, which means painful infections are practically guaranteed.

"Carlisle, why couldn't you have helped me when I plotted my own revenge? This is so much more creative than what I did."

"Oh, I don't know. You had Royce living in terror for quite a long time. That was his torture."

"True, but Phil's got that too, doesn't he? I mean, you  _are_  going to let me come back and kill him in a year or two?"

"Most likely," I smiled, appreciating her reminder to him that he needed to live in fear. Of course, he might not have been coherent enough to understand it. His screams were only dull moans now, and his good eye had rolled into the back of his head.

"Oh, he's very close," I smiled. "He'll pass out with just a little more encouragement." I pressed the heel of my hand to his hip and shoved it into the tabletop, shattering bones.

It didn't quite do the job. He was still moaning and whimpering.

Rosalie smiled and slammed her fist down on his elbow. The bones snapped, and he gagged weakly.

"A bit more," I smiled. I let my eyes wander around the house, searching for something suitable, and my eyes fell on a baseball bat standing in the corner. "Perfect." I strode over to the bat and picked it up, carrying it back to the table. Rosalie caught on and helped me lubricate the thick cup of the bat with blood, smiling darkly, and I used my fingers to stretch open his anus while I shoved it inside.

With one last tortured scream and one more weak arch of his body, Phil's good eye fell closed and he slumped back onto the table, unconscious.

The animal was satisfied. I locked it back in his cage and moved to the sink, scrubbing my hands. Rosalie joined me, and we cleaned off our skin as well as we could. Our clothes were blood-spattered and would have to be burned, but we could do that later.

I slipped off my stained shoes and moved upstairs to collect Bella's suitcases, carrying them out to the car while Rosalie surveyed the kitchen and collected any identifying evidence. Once we were ready to go, I moved to her side and held out my hand. "Phil's cell phone?"

She retrieved it from where she had left it on an end table and handed it to me.

I dialed 911 and set it back down on the end table, then took Rosalie's hand and the two of us strode out the door.


	74. Cuddly Toy

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I woke to the shifting of the mattress under me and I snapped awake, jerking into a sitting position, ready to bolt. Relief flooded through me when my eyes fell on Carlisle, and I threw off the heavy covers and fell into his waiting arms.

"Carlisle," I whispered, clinging to his hard body. I was still a little cold, and it wasn't helping to be pressed against him like this, but I couldn't let him go.

"I brought you some tea," he murmured softly, nodding toward a mug that sat on an end table next to the bed. The alarm clock next to it said it was just after midnight. "Edward said you went to bed before you had any."

I nodded, shivering a little.

Carlisle gently unwrapped my arms from around his neck and shifted me back onto the bed. "Would you drink some now, please?"

I nodded and accepted the mug, taking a sip. "It's sweet," I commented, surprised by the flavor.

Carlisle just nodded. "Yes, you need the sugars. And the ginger in the tea will help your circulation." He reached out and stroked a lock of my hair gently. "Bella, I have to ask you something not entirely pleasant."

I stilled at his words, and I found myself remembering the first time Phil had come into my room, how sweet and hesitant he had seemed.  _Don't worry, Bella, I won't hurt you. I just want to look at you._

I shuddered.

"Please don't be frightened, my love," Carlisle whispered. "I just wondered if you would let me take a few photographs of your injuries."

Another shiver ripped through me. "Why?"

Carlisle nudged the mug in my hands, and I took another sip of the warm liquid.

"Blackmail," he sand frankly. "Your step-father is a difficult man to discourage, but he has gone to great lengths to keep himself out of prison. I believe the most effective way of keeping him under control is to threaten to go to the police."

I didn't understand. "Keep him under control?"

"We're leaving," he said gently. "I'm taking you home, and I don't want him reporting a custody violation."

My pulse picked up at his words. "We're leaving? I don't have to go back?"

He pressed his palm to my cheek. "No, you never have to go back."

I set my tea aside and crawled into his lap, burrowing my face into his cool neck as the tears started to come.

"Bella," he murmured regretfully. "I shouldn't hold you now, darling. I can't keep you warm."

"I don't care."

He stroked my hair gently, giving in. "For just a few minutes," he breathed, though it sounded more like he was talking to himself than to me.

I was cold. My body wanted to shiver, but I refused to allow it. I knew Carlisle would push me away the moment he thought I was too chilled, and right now I needed him more than I needed warmth. I breathed deeply, drawing in the scent of cedar spiced with cloves, and let myself cry.

After a few minutes, though, the cold was too much, and I couldn't hold back the trembling. Carlisle moved my reluctant body off of his lap and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders.

"Would you mind if I took those pictures?" he asked gently.

I shook my head.

He drew his cell phone out of his pocket and snapped a couple of photos of the bruises on my face, then closer ones of my ears. He did a few of my hands, which were starting to blister and blacken at the fingertips, and I tried not to cringe at the sight. When he was finished with those, he helped me take my sweatshirt off and had me lie on my stomach on the bed. He tucked the blankets around me to give me as much cover as possible while still leaving bare the discolored stripes on my back, and took a few more pictures.

"That should do," he said softly. "Do you want to change into something more comfortable for bed?" He nodded toward the door, where my suitcases sat waiting for me.

A blissful smile rose to my lips. I really didn't have to go back. I crawled out of bed and opened my suitcase, pulling out a pair of ratty sweats and a holey T-shirt. I hadn't worn these since Alice had gifted me with her  _Zovo_  selections, but I hadn't even considered bringing lingerie with me here. Those were for Carlisle only.

I changed quickly and then crawled back onto the bed. Carlisle handed me my tea again, and I drank it down. He took the mug from me and nudged me back onto the pillows, pulling the blankets over me.

"Sleep now," he said. "I'll be back."

"You're leaving again?" I asked, sitting up. Anxiety twisted my stomach.

"Briefly. I just need a few minutes with Edward and then, if you'd like, I'll come back."

"I want you to," I nodded, relieved.

"All right." He wrapped an arm around me and eased me back down again. "I'll return shortly." He pressed a gentle kiss to my lips, then stood and moved to the door. "I love you, darling," he breathed, then disappeared into the dark night beyond.

I must have fallen asleep fairly quickly, because I didn't remember him coming back. When I woke to the light filtering through the curtains, though, there was a solid weight on the mattress behind my back.

I pushed off the heavy layers of blankets and twisted around, throwing an arm over Carlisle's cool body. "Good morning," I mumbled.

"Good afternoon," he said with a soft smile.

"Afternoon?" I blinked in surprise.

He nodded, pressing a kiss to my neck.

I sat up and ran a hand through my hopelessly tangled hair. "How did I sleep so long?"

"It might have something to do with the sedative I gave you," he smiled, rolling onto his back.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Did you drug my tea?"

"Guilty," he admitted with a laugh. "Emmett said you were having a hard time settling down last night, and you needed your rest."

I crawled on top of him, kissing my way up his chest through the cotton of his dress shirt. "All you had to do was come to bed with me. I always sleep better with you."

"I may have done that too." He played idly with my hair. "You didn't eat very much last night."

I kissed his neck, trying to distract him. Edward had had an entire large pizza delivered the night before, and I had eaten a half a slice and a single bread stick to placate him. I didn't want any of it, but I knew it would bother Carlisle to think I wasn't eating.

I shrugged. "I wasn't really hungry."

"I guess that's understandable. You had a hard day."

I had, and the reminder of it, as disturbing as it was, was also a reminder that Carlisle had come for me. I was so grateful to him that I could barely contain it. Once again, he had protected me, rescued me from things I thought I could never be free of. I had to do something for him, had to give him something in return. I moved my lips to his and started tugging open the buttons of his shirt.

Carlisle moaned softly, hardening beneath me. "Are you warm enough?" he asked, breaking the kiss.

"I'm too warm. I'm  _hot_ , Carlisle." I trailed wet kisses down his cold, hard neck, pushing his shirt open and letting my hands trace the contours of his chest. "Do you want to help me cool down a little?"

"Bella, sweetheart." He placed his hands over mine to still them. "Now may not be the best time for that."

"Why not?" I asked, nipping lightly at his ear. "I know you want me." I rubbed against his erection to emphasize my point, eliciting a low growl from him.

"You're physical condition is a bit delicate just now," he said, sounding a little breathless. "I'm afraid I'll hurt you."

A chill crept up my spine, and I worried that Carlisle wouldn't let me try to repay him. I couldn't lose him. I had to try harder. I slipped a hand between us and rubbed the hard bulge in his pants. "I can take a little pain."

It was an offer that had rarely failed me. If a guy was reluctant to take me home with him, I generally just had to give him permission to get a little bit rough. It almost always got me what I needed.

But Carlisle's reaction was just the opposite of what I had expected. Before I could blink, he had rolled me off of him onto my back and was on his feet, standing beside the bed.

"Bella," he breathed, his expression appalled. "You don't really think I would  _want_  to hurt you? Do you?"

Panic flared inside of me. I needed to do damage control, and fast. "No, Carlisle, I know you'd never hurt me," I blurted out, practically tripping over my words.

"Except I have, darling," he reminded me. "And I can't risk too much pressure or friction on your back right now. You're trying to heal."

"Carlisle, I love you," I said, trying to hold back tears. I knew those words were important to him, and I used them shamelessly now to try and bring him back to me. "I just want to . . . I want to show you how much I appreciate what you've done for me."

He sat on the bed again, some of the tension easing from his body. "You don't need sex to show me how you feel, Bella." He stroked one hand down my cheek.

"Don't you like it?" I asked nervously. What else could I possibly give him?

He smiled sadly. "Of course I like it." His thumb traced gently over my lips. "Every time you allow me to touch you, I feel honored, Bella, and your desire for me is something I'll always hold sacred." He wrapped his arms around me and drew me into his lap.

"So what's the problem?" I whispered, moving my lips over his. I traced his mouth with my tongue and heard him catch his breath.

He put his hands on my shoulders, steadying himself. "I'm worried that you and I see sex differently."

I sat back, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

He gave me a self-deprecating smile. "I suppose I've always had a somewhat romanticized view of sex. I believe it to be the purest expression of love. And though I'm in no way deluded into thinking that everyone shares my views, that is how I try to act when you and I are intimate." His hand cupped my cheek. "I love you, Bella. And I want you to feel it in every touch."

I bit my lip anxiously.

"I would be willing to bet," Carlisle went on carefully, "that sex has been something entirely different in your life." He raised his eyebrows questioningly, and I nodded.

"It's been a weapon," he said. "And a tool, and a bargaining chip. Is that right?"

I nodded again.

He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "You don't have to offer me your body in trade for anything, Bella."

"It's all I have," I blurted out in a panic. "I'm not good for anything but a fuck."

As soon as the words fell from my lips my hand flew to my mouth, as though I could somehow push them back in. Those weren't my words.

Carlisle had gone very still, and he stared at me, his face blank.

I knew should tell him that I was sorry, and that I didn't mean it. I knew he didn't like hearing what I had just said. And I really  _was_  sorry that I had said it. I just somehow couldn't bring myself to say out loud that I didn't mean it. The words wouldn't take shape in my mouth.

And Carlisle just stared at me, his eyes searching my face. "Bella, I don't know what to say to that," he finally whispered. "That's the worst thing I've ever heard."

I ducked my head, not even bothering to fight back the tears. This was the end. I was going to lose him. He would walk out the door and leave me here with Mom and Phil, and I would never see him again.

That thought terrified me, and fear broke the barrier in my mouth. "I didn't mean it!" I gasped, clinging to his shirt. "I don't know why I said it, it was stupid. I'm sorry!" Tears were falling freely and my fists left wrinkles in the fabric of his shirt as I continued blurting out apologies, waiting for him to leave me, fighting to keep him near.

And then there must have been a miracle, because he didn't push me away in disgust. His arms pulled me closer, wrapping around me, and he was murmuring soothingly in my ear as I tried again and again to negate what I had said.

"Sh, Bella, please. You don't have to apologize."

"Don't leave me," I begged, sobbing into his shoulder. "Please don't leave me. I'll do anything."

"I'll never leave you. You are my life, darling, my treasure. The men in your life have been fools and barbarians, and their lies have controlled you for far too long."

He pulled back, just enough to look into my face, and even that distance from him terrified me.

"Please look at me," he whispered.

How could I do it? How could I ever look into his beautiful, golden eyes with ones as unworthy as mine?

"Please."

I couldn't say no to him. I raised my gaze to meet his, confused by the gentleness that I saw there.

"I love your eyes," he said softly. "They're so warm, so expressive. I love the way you get lost in your books and your poetry. I love the way you challenge people." He moved a hand over my shoulder and down my side to my hip, just touching gently. "I love the way every curve of your body fits my hands so perfectly." He kissed me gently. "I love your scent." He brushed his nose lightly against mine. "I love your loyalty to you friends, and the way you laugh when you're with Jacob." His hands were in my hair now, his fingers buried in the mess of tangles. "I wish I could be the one to make you laugh like that." He kissed me again. "I love your strength," he whispered. "I love the way you feel against my body when I make love to you." Another kiss. "I love the way you always sit in the same place on the couch in the den, and stick your feet down in the cushions to feel the heat from the vent."

I was staring at him in shock, but with every kiss and every murmured expression, hope grew a little stronger inside of me. He kept saying "love" . . . like he meant it. Like he really did love me.

"I love the way you always sleep with things at night," he said, and laughed softly. "Not even soft things, like a normal girl. Photographs and books." He shook his head in amusement. "I love the way your hair shines in the sunlight, and the way your skin glows in the moonlight. I love how deeply you care for your parents, despite their flaws. I love your hands and the way they touch me." His hands moved down my neck and one of them slid down my arm and took my hand in his. He brought it to his lips and kissed my palm gently.

"I'm going to make you believe it," he said softly. "Someday, Bella, you'll accept what I'm saying as the truth, and better yet, you'll believe that you deserve it. If it takes a century, so be it. But I swear that someday I'll make you see how truly magical you are."

His words left me reeling. "You're not going to leave me?" I asked quietly, needing to hear it one more time.

"I will never leave you, no matter what happens. I'm yours forever, Isabella Swan."

I sniffled softly. "It doesn't make sense," I told him, my eyes dropping to stare at his chest.

"Not a bit of sense," he agreed with a smile. "I can't imagine how a woman as fascinating as you hasn't become completely bored with me by now."

I blushed at his joke and tucked myself against his chest. It was such a nice fantasy, imagining Carlisle loving me forever, and he sounded so convincing. Maybe I could believe it just for a little while. Just for now, here in this room where nobody else could see, I would give myself a little indulgence and believe that Carlisle would stay with me.

"Are we going home today?" I asked him.

"I expect so. We need to go by the hospital for a few minutes to speak with your mother, but barring any problems we should be able to leave after that."

"What?" I asked, my stomach turning over. "Mom's in the hospital?"

He smiled softly and shook his head. "No darling. Phil is in the hospital. Your mother is simply there with him."

I wrapped my arms around my chest, hugging myself. "I don't want to see him."

"You don't have to. He's not a pretty sight, anyway. It might be best to avoid him."

I bit my lip. "What . . . what did you do?"

"Do you really want to know?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head quickly. "No." I reluctantly pushed away from him, climbing to my feet. "I'm going to take a shower."

He rose as well, leaning down to kiss me. "I'll order you some lunch."

I moved to the bathroom, but stopped and turned back before I closed the door.

"He made me say that," I told him, not quite able to meet his eye. "All the time."

Carlisle looked at me solemnly. "I understand."

"I love you."

He gave me a warm smile. "Then perhaps God hasn't turned His back on me after all."


	75. You Give Love a Bad Name

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Edward met us at the front doors of the hospital, leaning down to give Bella a quick kiss an the cheek. "How are you feeling?" he asked her.

"Fine." Her smile was forced, and I knew it was difficult for her to be here.

"Emmett just left," Edward told me, holding up a manilla folder. "You want to forge it or make him sign?"

"He can sign," I said as Edward led us to the elevators.

"What is it?" Bella asked.

"Divorce papers," Edward answered. "Emmett met with a lawyer this morning to get them drawn up." He smiled. "They're weighted heavily in favor of your mother."

Bella stopped, staring at him. "Did she say she wanted a divorce?"

"No," I told her, "but if we make it easy for her, she might just go for it."

I took her hand and pulled her onto the elevator. Edward hit the button for the seventh floor, and the doors closed.

"He won't sign," Bella said.

"Fear and pain make excellent motivators," I responded calmly.

She clung to my hand, worrying her bottom lip as the elevator lifted us to the hospital's burn unit. When the doors slid open again, we stepped out of the elevators near a nurse's station. Edward handed me the folder with the divorce papers and dropped an arm around Bella's shoulders. "Come sit with me for a bit," he told her, pulling her away from me."

I gave her a reassuring smile and moved to the counter. A middle-aged woman looked up at me and gave me a welcoming smile. "What can I help you with?"

"I'm Dr. Cullen," I told her, showing her my credentials. "I'm consulting on the Dwyer case. Would you mind pulling his chart for me?"

She grimaced, opening a drawer and pulling out a folder. "It's a bad one. He's been paranoid and jumpy all day, and he keeps saying someone is trying to kill him."

I frowned thoughtfully, flipping open his file and glancing through it. I added notes about paranoia to it. That could work in my favor.

"They say he was attacked in his home?" I asked her.

She leaned closer, lowering her voice. "They found him nailed to the table."

I raised an eyebrow, feigning surprise. "Nailed?"

"Right through his hands and feet," she said, cringing.

I frowned. "Has he spoken to a mental health professional?"

She shook her head. "Not yet. Somebody should be by to see him before the end of the day." She gave me a significant look. "You know, usually in these castration cases it's the wife or girlfriend," she said. "But the wife was asleep in her bed, so they think he must have pissed off a mistress."

"Do they know who she is?"

She shrugged. "Apparently there are a few to choose from. Police have been interviewing them all day."

I flipped the file closed. "This is a disturbing case," I told her, handing it back to her.

She nodded. "He's in room seven-fifteen," she said, gesturing to the door.

"Thank you."

I turned away and moved to the door she had indicated, tapping lightly and pushing it open. Renee was sitting in a chair by the bed where Phil lay, heavily bandaged, with very little visible skin.

"Good morning Mrs. Dwyer," I said genially. "I'm Dr. Cullen. How are you today?"

Phil jumped violently at the sound of my voice, trying to twist in his bandages to see me better.

"He's in pain," Renee complained. "Can't you give him something stronger?"

I gave her a soft smile. "I'm afraid that's not why I'm here."

"Get out," Phil croaked, his voice raw and cracked. "Get away from me!"

I looked him over speculatively. "My, you did have a rough night last night, didn't you?"

"You son of a bitch," he said, his raw voice trembling. "You did this, you son of a bitch."

"I understand your doctors don't believe you'll be able to walk again," I said conversationally. "That's a shame. It sounds like you'll be looking for a new career."

"Renee, call the police," he said, his voice sounding panicked.

"Oh, yes, speaking of the police . . ." I pulled a second chair up beside the bed and sat down. "Please, Mrs. Dwyer, have a seat." I opened the folder and took out the photographs Edward had printed for me, handing them to Renee. She looked at them, and her eyes widened.

"Bella," she gasped, tears coming to her eyes.

"This is the aftermath of yesterday's abuse," I said. "Abuse that your husband perpetrated, and that you failed to report. A felony and a misdemeanor, respectively." She finished with the pictures and I stood, holding them in front of Phil and showing them to him, one by one. "What I have here is evidence, along with a written statement about what happened yesterday. And conveniently enough, I just happen to have the Phoenix police on speed dial."

I sat down again, tucking the pictures back in the folder and crossing one leg over the other. "Let's talk about what happens next."

Renee looked at me fearfully. "You're going to go to the police?"

"That depends on you. I'm taking Bella back to Washington tonight. If I see any custody violations filed against her father for it, then yes, I'll go to the police. If Mr. Dwyer ever tries to contact Bella again, yes, I'll go to the police. Essentially, if either of you ever does anything to put me in a bad mood, I will turn the evidence over the authorities."

Renee shuddered, and Phil squeezed his eyes shut.

"Now, Renee," I said, softening a little. "I would like to invite you to come with us."

Her mouth fell open a little in surprise.

I pulled the divorce papers out of the folder and handed them to her. "This will dissolve your marriage. All assets will, of course, belong to you, and there's a non-contact clause as well. There's no reason you should ever have to see Mr. Dwyer again."

"I'm not getting a  _divorce!_ " she said loudly.

I cleared my throat pointedly. "A little discretion, if you please." I nodded toward the papers in her hand. "I strongly recommend that you take me up on my offer."

I was about to continue, but there was a soft knock on the door, and Bella peeked into the room, her face anxious.

"Bella!" Renee leapt up from her chair and rushed to enfold Bella in a hug. Bella hugged her back, but stared over her shoulder at Phil's bandaged body, lying on the bed. After a moment she tore her eyes away.

"Mom, please do it," she said. "Please just divorce him so things can go back to normal again."

I cringed at those words. I didn't want to see my girl regressing to an old norm. I wanted to change everything and give her happiness.

"Bella, don't be ridiculous," Renee said. "Phil is the best thing that ever happened to us."

Bella pushed away from her mother, furious tears forming in her eyes. "Not he's  _not!_ " she said through her teeth. "He  _hurts_  us, Mom. That's a  _bad_  thing, why don't you get that?"

"He takes care of us," Renee said earnestly.

Bella's eyes met mine for a moment, and she shook her head. "No he doesn't. I know what it's like to have someone take care of you, and it's not anything like what  _he_  does."

"Bella, that's enough," her mother said sharply. "You know you brought your punishment on yourself. If you would just be good and do as you're told, he wouldn't have to discipline you."

She clenched her hands into fists, her whole body shaking. "That's not discipline. And I shouldn't have to do the things he tells me to do."

Hope swelled inside of me when I heard those words from her. I needed her to believe them, and I hadn't been sure that she did. After her comments earlier that day, I had started to wonder exactly where her head was. I didn't ever want her believing the sickening things her step-father had tried to beat into her.

"Bella."

It was Phil who spoke, and I automatically shot out a hand and smacked him across the face. "You haven't been given permission to address her," I said sharply. "Do it again and you'll find yourself with a very unfortunate spinal cord injury."

Phil fell silent again.

Renee's eyes were on me now, staring at me in fear. "Who are you?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"I'm the man who put your husband in this hospital bed," I told her in a low voice. "I'm the man who will put him here again, if he continues to hurt people. And I'm the man who will see to it that he never lays another finger on Bella."

Bella reached out and took her mother's hand, reclaiming her attention. "Mom, please," she whispered, her eyes sad and begging. "Just sign those papers and get rid of him. I miss you."

"He's my husband, Bella."

"But I'm your  _daughter_ ," she said, tears sparkling in the corners of her eyes.

Renee looked torn. "He needs me."

" _I_  need you." A tear escaped, making a track down her cheek.

Renee bit her lip as she looked back and forth between her husband and her daughter. "I can't leave him like this, Bella."

Bella let out a little sob, but set her jaw determinedly. "You have to choose, Mom. Him or me. If you stay with him now, I'm leaving, and I'm never coming back."

Renee's expression turned stern. "Bella, don't have a tantrum."

Bella flexed her hands and fisted them again, swallowing hard. "I'm not," she said around her tears. "I can't stand it anymore. I won't be near him, and I won't wait around for you to realize that you made a mistake." She swallowed again. "If you don't sign those papers, you won't ever see me again."

Renee pursed her lips. "Bella, you're being ridiculous."

Bella crossed her arms over her chest. "No. I'm protecting myself."

Renee looked at the papers in her hands for a moment, then tore them in half. "I won't be bullied into throwing away my marriage by my daughter and some sociopath," she said bitterly.

Bella broke down, sobbing and hugging herself. "Please," she begged one more time.

Renee dropped the torn papers on the floor and propped her hands defiantly on her hips.

Bella straightened, setting her jaw again, and moved forward to hug Renee. "I love you, Mom," she choked, clinging hard to her for a moment. But then she pushed away. "Don't ever call me again." She turned and fled out the door, leaving Renee staring after her in shock.

I was so proud of my girl I thought my chest might crack from the swelling. She had taken control of her life today, despite great personal sacrifice. "Well," I said, unable to hide my satisfaction, "it appears our business here is finished. I'll leave the two of you with a warning. You are being monitored closely. If you do anything to upset Bella or displease me, I'll be only too happy to pay a visit to the authorities. Are we clear?"

Renee turned a hateful glare on me. "You took my daughter away from me," she said coldly.

I arched an eyebrow. "Renee, you have subjected your daughter to a string of abusive relationships, never intervening on her behalf, and even assisting with the abuse. I hardly think you have anyone to blame but yourself." I stepped around her to the door. "Good day."

I stepped out into the hallway, where Bella was clinging to Edward, sobbing against his chest, while the middle-aged nurse hovered, offering her coffee or water. I moved to them and pressed my fingers to the nurse's shoulder, thanking her for her concern. "I'll take care of her," I told her gently.

She gave me a sympathetic smile and moved back to her seat, while I took Bella's elbow and guided her to the elevators. Once inside, I scooped her up into my arms and held her against me. I didn't try to soothe her or silence her tears, I just pressed my lips to her hair and let her cry her sorrow into my shoulder.

When the elevator released us, I carried her to the car, sliding into the back seat with her while Edward climbed behind the wheel.

"I'll need you to stay until the first of the year," I told my son as he drove us back to the motel. "Keep close to the hospital, and monitor their intentions."

He nodded. "I'll call Esme to come join me, unless you need her there."

"That's fine." I held Bella close to me, stroking her hair. "I'm so proud of you, my angel."

"Why?" she sniffled. "I'm a horrible person."

"No sweetheart. I know it was a difficult thing to do, but protecting yourself most certainly does  _not_  make you a horrible person."

"I meant it," she choked, burying her face in my chest. "I'm never coming back."

I tightened my arms around her, trying to communicate by touch how much I loved her. "You're so strong," I whispered. "So courageous. I adore you, Bella Swan."

"Don't leave me," she begged, clinging to my shirt.

"Never. And I'll never give you cause to leave me. I'll cherish you, my love, for as long as I draw breath."

Her body trembled under the weight of her pain. "Can we go home now?"

"Yes," I told her. "Let's go get checked out of the motel. If we leave now, we should be home by Christmas Eve."


	76. A Reason to Believe

Banner by IllicitWriter

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**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I spent the next two days in the back seat of a car with Carlisle, and though he claimed much of my attention, I also spent a lot of the ride home watching Emmett and Rosalie. The two of them were inspiring. They touched constantly, whether just holding hands or something more intimate. They argued playfully about whose turn it was to drive, or who was a better driver, or who was a better lover. They teased and tickled, and sometimes just made out while they effortlessly steered the car way too fast down the freeway.

But it was more than just the teasing and kissing. I was noticing in particular how they looked at each other. They didn't just look, they adored each other with their eyes. That never seemed to change. Whether their eyes were dark with lust or narrowed in playful anger they never lost that adoring look.

I had never seen that look between Renee and Phil, but it occurred to me that I  _had_  seen it before. Edward and Esme looked at one another that way, and I had even seen that same look pass between Jasper and Alice. So maybe it was a vampire thing, to love someone like that.

Maybe if I was a vampire, I could be loved like that.

I turned to Carlisle to ask how far we were from home, but what I saw in his eyes stopped my mouth. It was that same look. As he raised his eyebrows expectantly, silently waiting for me to speak, I saw in him what I had just been watching in Emmett and Rosalie.

Had he always looked at me like that? Was there always that light in his eyes when we were together? I had thought of him as an exceptionally warm person, but maybe he wasn't like that with everyone. Maybe it was me that put that warmth in his face.

Could it really be me? Or was I stupid to imagine that I could ever inspire something like that? God, sometimes I could be so ridiculous.

"What's on your mind?" Carlisle asked me with a small smile.

I shook my head dismissively, feeling a blush rise to my cheeks. "Nothing."

"Would you like to stop for a bit?" Carlisle had been careful to make sure we were taking frequent food and bathroom breaks. I had worried, at first, that it would annoy Emmett and Rosalie, since they seemed intent on getting home as fast as possible. But it soon became apparent that it wasn't home that was the goal—it was just the speed. The two of them were constantly competing with each other over who could drive the longest stretch in the shortest time. But as it turned out, they liked rest stops too. Apparently there was a map at home with push pins marking all of the places that they had had sex. After this trip, they would be adding a few new pins along Highway 5.

I shook my head, answering Carlisle's question. "No, I'm alright." I scooted down on the seat, lying on my back and resting my head on his hard leg.

"Are you going to sleep some more?" he asked, his hand moving to the base of my throat, stroking his fingertips lightly along my skin.

"I don't think so. If I sleep any more now, I'll never be able to sleep tonight when we get home."

"Aw, don't worry shorty," Emmett grinned from the driver's seat. "I'm sure the old man would be willing to help tire you out." He snickered and Rosalie giggled.

"Be quiet or I'm going to make you two let  _me_  drive," I threatened him.

"No!" Emmett gasped, as though that suggestion were the worst thing he could think of. "We wouldn't get home until after New Year's!"

"Keep it up. I'll have us all on the road till Groundhog Day."

Emmett pretended to choke. "You wouldn't dare make me miss Groundhog Day!"

"You don't want to mess with me," I warned sternly. "I drive so slow I could make a vampire cry."

He snickered appreciatively at my joke.

Carlisle was smiling down at me, his fingertips tracing their way slowly down my chest, tickling the exposed skin above my collar. It was a shame I was only wearing a T-shirt, and not something that would allow his fingers more space to play. Alice had decided that it was her responsibility to keep my closet stocked with softer, more feminine apparel that Carlisle would appreciate, so I had gotten used to nicer clothes. However, they tended to be a little bit provocative, and I hadn't thought twice before leaving them in the closet and filling my suitcase with my oldest, ugliest T-shirts and sweatshirts. I hadn't wanted to look the least bit attractive to Phil . . . not that it ever really mattered.

I shoved my thoughts of him aside before they could take hold and reached above my head to snag the hand that Carlisle wasn't dragging softly over my skin. He was my strength, and Jasper had said that was okay. I looked into his eyes again and saw that same love shining through, and it turned me to jelly. If Carlisle could look at me that way now, after seeing the bruises on my back and hearing about the things Phil did to me; now, while my ears were black and blistering and pale bruises colored my face; now, while I was still weak and human . . . then it was hard to imagine what it would take to drive him away.

That didn't mean I didn't still worry about it. I was terrified of losing him. But right now it felt a little bit less likely that he would leave me than it had a few days ago.

For the rest of the drive, I checked frequently to see if that look was still there. Every time he looked at me, I saw it again. Every time he touched me it was with gentle reverence. I found myself comparing him to every other man I could remember being with. None of them had ever touched me as gently as Carlisle did. In fact, except for foreplay and sex, other men didn't touch me very much at all.

How had I not seen this difference before? How had I not realized how much better he was? Edward had tried to tell me several times that Carlisle was superior to other men—and Edward would know, I guess. I would have to make it a point to show a little more faith in him from now on.

And in Carlisle. Which meant I had to seriously start thinking about being with him forever. Real forever, not just mortal forever. The idea terrified me. If there was no end to time, what did you work toward? How could you ever look at the person you loved and say, "We made it. You and I really had a permanent bond." It took death to give you those bragging rights in a human relationship. What could give it to a vampire?

But then, maybe it wasn't about bragging rights, or even about being sure that you had made it. Maybe it was about three thousand years together, lived one day at a time. Day after day of going about the business of living—business that looked very different through the Cullens' golden eyes. They didn't come home from work and make dinner, do the dishes, play with the kids, and then go to bed. It made me wonder what exactly they  _did_  do? From the time they got home from their daily activities one evening until the time they left the house again the following morning, what went on?

There was the occasional hunting trip, I knew, and judging by Carlisle's library I was sure he did a lot of reading. From what I had seen of Emmett and Rosalie, they might also have devoted a lot of time to sex. Edward had his music, and Alice clearly did a fair amount of shopping.

And there were so many books. . . .

The more I thought about it, the nicer it sounded: day after day of quiet evenings, curled in Carlisle's lap, reading to one another much the way we did now. Only, well, probably faster. I smiled as I imagined the sheer number of books I could read. That might be worth the change right there. If, sometime in the future, Carlisle lost his interest in me, could I still be happy in a life with an endless supply of books and nothing but time to read them?

Maybe I couldn't be happy . . . but maybe I wouldn't be completely miserable. Maybe this vampire life could work for me.

And what if we really could have forever? What if time stretched out endlessly before us, an eternity of evenings curled up together with a book, of nights wrapped in each other's arms?

I was still thinking about that when we finally pulled up in front of my house, where Jasper and Alice were sitting on the porch waiting for us. Alice skipped down the steps and across the yard, grabbing me up in a hug as I climbed out of the car.

"I've missed you so much!" she squealed.

I hugged her back enthusiastically. "I've only been gone for like four days."

"It was four days too long!" She reached into the pocket of her very stylish coat and drew out a parcel wrapped in tissue paper. "Here, I got you something you're going to need."

I took it from her and folded back the tissue, finding a pair of gray kidskin gloves. I ran my blistered fingertips gently over them, appreciating the elegant softness. "They're beautiful," I told her.

She smiled, fiddling with my hair. "Now if we just make sure to keep your hair combed over your ears, no one will know anything about the frostbite."

I looked into her eyes, touched by her thoughtfulness. "Thank you. This means a lot to me."

"You're welcome!" She fluffed my hair and then hooked her arm in mine, bouncing toward the steps.

Jasper still waited at the top of the stairs and he gave me a nod, his eyes holding mine. "You handled your mom well," he said.

I smiled at him. "You're going to make me have another session with you, though, aren't you Dr. Whitlock."

"If you want. Though I think this is one your regular therapist can handle, if you prefer."

I climbed the steps and gave him a quick one-armed hug as I dug out my keys and let the six of us into the house. "How's Charlie?"

"Still missing you. Still worrying about you."

Carlisle came in behind me, carrying my suitcase. "If you don't mind me disappearing for a little while, I'd like to run to Port Angeles to speak with him," he told me, dropping a kiss on the top of my head as he strode toward the stairs. He darted up to my room and returned empty-handed again without breaking stride in the conversation. "I want to let him know you're back, so he can stop worrying."

"Can I go with you?"

He frowned. "I doubt they'll allow him visitors, Bella. I'm not even sure they'll let me speak with him, though I'm hoping they'll relax their rules for his physician.

Disappointment pricked at me, and Carlisle moved to my side, wrapping an arm around me. "I'll check with them about holiday visits," he said. "They might allow you to see him on Christmas."

I thanked him with a warm kiss, which elicited a whistle from Emmett. I laughed, pulling away, and Carlisle tapped the end of my nose affectionately.

"I love you, darling. I'll be back before long." He headed outside again, followed by Emmett and Rosalie, and I waved as they drove away.

I turned up the thermostat and headed to my favorite spot in the den, kicking off my shoes and stuffing my feet in the cushions. Alice plopped down next to me immediately, and watched as I put my gloves on.

"These feel pretty good," I smiled. "Let's see how good I am at this." I pulled my phone out of my pocket and clumsily dialed Jacob's number. It was awkward and a little bit frustrating, but with a little practice I would probably do alright with the gloves.

"Hello?" Jacob answered the phone, sounding bored.

"What are you wearing?"

"Bella?" he asked, perking up immediately. "How's Phoenix?"

"Psh. Phoenix is so over, Jacob. Get with the program."

"What? What do you mean, over?"

"I mean I'm back," I smiled. "So you can stop crying into your marshmallow pancakes."

"Weren't you supposed to spend Christmas with your mom?"

"Yep," I said. "Plans changed."

"So can I come over?"

I hesitated. I wanted to see him, but I didn't really want  _him_  to see  _me_. I still had bruises that I didn't want to explain.

"What?" he asked, his smirk coming through in his voice. "Too busy playing Hide the Undead Salami?"

"Gross, Jacob!"

"Bella," Jasper said softly. He pointed to the phone and held up a finger.

"Hang on a sec," I said. I covered the mouthpiece of the phone and raised my eyebrows at Jasper.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

I couldn't help the smile that pulled at my mouth. "Not really. You think I'm a cinnamon roll."

He chuckled. "Do you trust me as a psychiatrist?"

I bit my lip and nodded.

"Have him come over. I want you to tell him about what happened."

A chill washed over me, and I stuffed my feet deeper in the couch. "I can't," I said, shaking my head.

"Of course you can. The question isn't whether you can, it's whether you're willing."

"Jasper," I protested, my throat dry.

"I know." He nodded understandingly. "It's hard. But he's been your friend for a long time, right?"

I nodded.

"And you trust him?"

I blew out a breath. "Yes."

"So . . . will you do it?"

I felt a stinging in my fingertips and immediately stopped digging them into the couch cushion. Jasper was watching me, waiting for my answer, and I sighed irritably.

"Jacob?" I said, putting the phone back to my ear.

"What's this all about?" he asked curiously.

"Come over. I have to talk to you about something."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I'll tell you when you get here."

"Cool," he said casually. "Be there in a few minutes."

I hung up the phone and tossed it on the end table, avoiding Jasper's eyes.

"Good, Bella," he said encouragingly. "An important part of recovery is being willing to take the difficult steps."

I pursed my lips. "Are you always this demanding with your cinnamon rolls?"

He grinned darkly. "Would you rather see how I treat my grits?"

I widened my eyes in feigned fear and pantomimed zipping my lips.

"Bella, can I decorate your house for Christmas?" Alice asked.

I blinked in surprise. "Um, sure? I think Charlie has some things in the attic you can use."

"And miss a chance to go shopping for new stuff?"

"Tomorrow's Christmas Eve," I reminded her. "The stores are going to be packed, and you don't exactly have a lot of time."

"Have a little faith in me, Bella. I've gotten very good at this. Now, do you like a glittery, tinsel look, or more natural stuff, like pine boughs and holly?"

"Definitely natural."

She clapped her hands excitedly. "Carlisle will like that. He loves the smells."

She spent the next few minutes asking my opinion on various different ideas, and then all of a sudden she jumped up.

"Okay, I'm going shopping. I'll see you guys in a couple of hours!" Without a backward glance, she darted out the front door.

I raised my eyebrows at Jasper, and he smiled. "She was a little eager to get going," he said indulgently. "We're lucky she even managed to wait until Jacob got here."

A banging rang out on the back door, and Jacob opened it and poked his head in. He saw us sitting there and grinned, striding over to us wearing his usual cut-offs. "How are you, Major?" he asked Jasper, flopping down on the couch next to me.

"Still dead. You?"

"Still a dog." He dropped an arm around me. "What's going on?"

"We're having an impromptu therapy session. Thought you might like to join us."

Jacob raised an eyebrow. "Since when are you a therapist?"

"Since nineteen eighty-six."

He shrugged. "All right then. So." He fixed his gaze on me. "Is this where you tell me how you got those bruises all over your face?"

I tugged his arm tighter around my shoulders. "Yes."

He put a finger to my chin and tilted my head a little, getting a better look at my cheek, then frowned and pulled my hair away from my ear. He winced at the sight of the blackened blisters.

"It's not as bad as it looks."

He nodded toward the gloves on my hands. "What's that all about?"

I sighed and tugged them off, showing him my frostbitten fingers.

"Son of a bitch, Bella," he said, appalled. "Your mom and your step-dad did this shit?"

I nodded.

"Tell him about it," Jasper urged softly.

Jacob waited expectantly. I looked back and forth between him and Jasper, so overwhelmed with the details that I didn't know what to say. "I don't know where to start."

"May I make a suggestion?" Jasper asked.

I nodded quickly.

"Start with the first thing that made you feel uncomfortable."

Jacob's eyebrows raised, but he waited patiently.

"Um . . . I guess that would be at the airport."

It was a slow process, finding words to explain everything and forcing them out. It took plenty of encouragement from Jasper, and lots of patience from Jacob, but eventually I managed to tell him about Phil's suggestive touching, the tequila and the beating in the living room, his assault on me in my bedroom, and the icy punishment in the bathroom. Jacob scowled darkly and occasionally asked a few questions, but for the most part he just listened quietly.

When I finished, he gave me a piercing stare. "So did your leech kill him? Are you trying to tell me that the treaty's broken?"

I took the hand that was still resting on my shoulder, lacing my fingers through his. "Carlisle didn't kill him. He's in the hospital, but he's not dead."

"You want me to finish the job?" he asked, his voice hard.

Jasper shook his head. "Bella doesn't need revenge, she needs closure. We're having this discussion so she can come to terms with what happened and put it behind her."

I squeezed Jacob's hand tightly. "I can't just forget, Jasper," I said, not quite able to meet his eyes. "It's not that easy."

"Of course it's not. Putting it behind you doesn't mean you'll forget. It just means that you'll think of it less and less as time goes by."

That sounded good. I wanted to think of it less.

Jasper leaned back in his chair. "Bella, now that you have a little distance from it all, can you look back at it and tell me what hurt the most?"

My hand moved to my mouth, rubbing it gently. The words were what I hated the most. I wondered if that counted, or if he was talking about physical hurt.

"The only wrong answer is a false answer," Jasper said softly, waiting.

"The worst part was what he made me say," I had skipped that part in my story, and Jacob looked at me warily.

I took a deep breath. "Phil likes to hear me say things. He tells me what to say and makes me repeat it."

Jasper cleared his throat softly. "You're speaking in the present tense, Bella. That part of your life is over. Put it in the past tense."

I nodded.

"We talked about a couple of things that he made you say already," Jasper reminded me. "Can you tell me another one?"

I gave him a pained look and flicked my eyes at Jacob. I didn't want to do this in front of him.

"Jacob is your best friend, isn't he?" Jasper asked gently.

I nodded.

"And you told Dr. Rhodes you trust him. Is that true?"

I nodded again.

"Do you trust him enough to believe that he'll still be your friend after he hears about what happened?"

Jacob started to speak, but Jasper put a finger up, silencing him.

I met Jacob's intense gaze and nodded, though I could feel myself shaking all over.

"Good. I think your trust is well placed. Now I'd like to see you give him a chance to live up to your expectations."

God, what if he didn't? I couldn't stand to lose Jacob. I couldn't stand it if Phil took him away from me. He took everything . . . even my mom. What if he took Jacob too?

"I can't," I whispered.

"Hey, come here." Jacob wrapped me up in a gentle hug. "I had no idea how bad it was," he murmured in my ear. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I wish I had known. I wish I could have helped you."

I shuddered.

"Why is that hard for you to hear?" Jasper asked, his voice gentle and coaxing.

"I don't—I don't know how to respond. I don't know what to say."

"Do you appreciate the sentiment? That he would have helped you if he had been able?"

I nodded.

"Then just thank him."

That sounded kind of perfect, actually. I nodded. "Thanks, Jake."

He squeezed my shoulders. "So what kind of shit did that asshole make you say?"

I took a deep breath, glancing at Jasper. "I don't have to say it like he did?"

He shook his head. "This isn't about humiliating you further, Bella. It's about you taking control of the situation. Your terms, your words."

I appreciated his distinction, and I nodded. I gulped in a breath and turned to Jacob. "He does this all the time."

"Past tense, Bella," Jasper reminded me gently.

"He  _used_  to do this all the time," I corrected. "He would make me tell him that I liked what he was doing or that I wanted him to do other things."

Jacob frowned, but Jasper gave me an encouraging smile. "Good," he murmured. "Can you be more specific?"

I chewed anxiously at my lip. "He would make me tell him that I wanted to have sex with him, or sometimes—" My words caught in my throat and I swallowed hard and tried again, "he would make me beg him to do things that hurt me, like pulling my hair or hitting me."

Jacob looked sick, and I waited for him to pull away from me. He did exactly the opposite, though. He tightened his arms around me, holding me against his heated chest. His gesture of acceptance pushed me over the edge, and I suddenly found myself crying into his bare shoulder.

"I hated it," I sobbed. "I hated saying it. It was almost as bad as having to do it."

Jacob rocked me slightly in his arms, saying nothing but thankfully keeping me close to him. As long as he was doing that, I knew he wasn't rejecting me.

Jasper gave me a minute to get the worst of it out, but when I calmed he started speaking again.

"You're right, Bella. Having to say it is nearly as bad as having to do it. Possibly worse. Because forcing someone to say things out loud is a very effective brainwashing technique."

My residual sobs faded a little at his words.

"Can you look at me for a minute?" he asked.

Jacob loosened his grip, and I twisted a little so I could see him.

Jasper met my gaze solemnly. "When you say that kind of thing enough times, you start to believe it. It starts to affect other parts of your life too. When he forced you to say you weren't good enough for certain things, you started to believe it, didn't you?"

I ducked my head, staring at my hands.

"Bella, tell me what happened before you went to the hospital to see your mom?"

"You went to the hospital?" Jake asked.

Jasper put up his hand, cutting him off. "You can talk about that later if you want. First, Bella, what happened before?"

I glowered at him. I didn't want to talk about it. It was bad enough the first time. "I took a shower."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You know what I want to hear about."

I sighed irritably. "It's none of your business, you know."

He laughed, a low, lazy sound. "I know. Tell me anyway."

I closed my eyes, not wanting to look at him while I talked. "I was with Carlisle. I wanted to have sex, and he . . . didn't, I guess."

"Let's stop there for a minute. Generally speaking, if a woman wants to have sex, and a man doesn't, how should a couple handle that?"

Honestly, I didn't have the first idea how to handle it. The only other time I could think of that a guy  _hadn't_  wanted to have sex with me was with Mike Newton. And if I was being honest, I knew he did want to, and he was just letting me off the hook.

Jasper frowned thoughtfully when I didn't answer. "All right, let me put it this way, Bella. Do you think Carlisle had the right to say no?"

I nodded, a wave of guilt washing over me. He  _should_  have been able to say no, but I pushed him. I was so desperate to make him want to stay with me that I had ignored his choice.

"Bella," Jasper said gently, "I'm not asking to make you feel guilty. It's not always as cut and dried as yes and no."

Jacob was watching me intently, concern evident in his eyes. "What happened, Bella? Did he hurt you?"

Jasper held up his hand again to stop Jacob's questions. "We'll get there, one step at a time. Now, Bella, what if the situation had been reversed? What if Carlisle wanted to have sex and you didn't? Would you feel like you have the right to say no?"

"Yes," I answered automatically. Except I didn't believe it. I knew that was what I was supposed to say, but I also knew that if Carlisle wanted to be with me, there was no way I could tell him no.

Of course, I should have realized I couldn't lie to someone who could read my emotions. Jasper leaned forward in his chair, pressing his palms together. "This only works if you're honest with me," he said softly.

I glared at him. "That's not fair."

He just smiled at me.

"No," I said irritably. "I wouldn't feel like I could tell him no."

"What?" Jacob demanded. "Bella, is he making you do stuff you don't want to do?"

"Jacob," Jasper chided gently. "There are strong emotions on the table here. It's important not to let them get in the way of the discussion."

"I don't fucking care if I'm getting in the way of a discussion!" Jacob yelled, jumping to his feet. "If that bloodsucker is hurting her, I'm going to kick his ass!"

Jasper sat back, folding his hands in his lap, and fixed Jacob with a steady gaze. "Bella," he asked, not looking away from Jacob, "do you mind if we address your friend's concerns before we continue?"

"No," I said anxiously, looking back and forth between the two of them.

"Jacob, you're worried that Bella has been manipulated into participating in a sexual relationship that she doesn't really want to be in, is that correct?"

He glared at Jasper, but nodded and sat down. "Yeah."

Jasper turned his attention back to me. "Bella, have you felt at any point in your relationship that it has moved faster than you would have preferred?"

I shook my head.

"And have there been times when you would have preferred not to have sex with Carlisle?"

"No," I said softly.

"Are you lying?" Jacob demanded with a growl.

His accusation hurt, and I scooted away from him, pulling my knees up to my chest.

"It's very difficult for people to be dishonest with me without my knowledge," Jasper told Jacob gently.

"And who's to say  _you're_  not lying, too?" Jacob snapped.

"Jacob, please. This isn't the time or the place for hostility. Bella is trusting you with a lot of very difficult emotions. If you aren't worthy of her trust, I'll have to ask you to leave."

Jacob narrowed his eyes at Jasper. "I'm worthy of her trust."

"Good. Then accept the answers she gives you."

Jacob shot a dirty look at Jasper, then dragged me close to him again and wrapped his arm around me. "You promise you're not letting the leech do shit just because you think you have to?"

"I promise," I told him, meeting his concerned gaze. "He's very sweet, Jacob."

"If he's very sweet, why are we sitting here talking about some incident with him?"

"Let's take this one step at a time," Jasper said again, reclaiming my attention. "Bella, you know that Jacob and I would both prefer to hear that you felt like you could say no to Carlisle. You've seen Jacob get very protective over you when he felt like you were being exploited. If it's alright with you, I'd like to make that one of our goals, to get you to the point where you feel it's all right  _not_  to have sex with Carlisle, even if he wants to." He raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Is that alright with you?"

I nodded.

"Good. I have some homework for you."

I frowned at him. "Since when are you allowed to give me homework?"

He grinned. "Since you agreed to work toward a goal."

"You're not fair," I muttered.

He just smiled. "Your homework is to tell Carlisle no at some point this week. Use any excuse you want—blame it on me, if you want. But just say no to sex or some sexual activity, and watch how he reacts."

My stomach twisted with dread. "I can't."

"Are you  _willing_?" he urged gently.

I shook my head. "No."

"Bella!" Jacob protested.

"Jacob, you can't force it," Jasper said gently. "I know it's hard for you to understand since you've never felt the way she does, but what I'm asking of Bella is incredibly difficult for her."

Jacob started to protest again, but Jasper cut him off with a simple statement. "She has the right to refuse."

Jacob snapped his mouth shut and sat back, pulling me a little closer.

Jasper gave him an approving smile and turned his attention back on me. "That's all right. If it's too much to take on now, we'll save it for later. For now, why don't you tell me a little more about what happened when Carlisle didn't want to have sex?"

I took a deep breath. "It scared me," I admitted. "I thought he didn't want me anymore. That all the stuff he had to put up with from me was just too much. And he wouldn't let me give him anything back. . . ."

Jasper nodded, urging me along. "What happened?"

My hand moved involuntarily to my mouth, my fingertips pressing over my lips. "I said something awful," I mumbled against my fingers.

"What did you say?"

"Phil made me say it all the time," I blurted out, trying desperately to explain. "I don't know why I said it, except he made me say it before and it's all I could think of."

"What did you say?" Jasper prodded.

I rubbed my lips with my blistered fingers, building up the nerve. I watched Jacob out of the corner of my eye as I spoke. "I told him all I was good for was a fuck."

"Bella!" Jacob gasped.

"Jacob," Jasper said sharply. "That's not helping."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, burying my head against Jacob's chest. "I didn't mean it, I swear I didn't. I don't like talking like that, I don't like to sound like  _him_. It just came out."

"You're allowed to say things you don't mean," Jasper said soothingly. "It's not illegal or immoral, and while it tends to make conversation more difficult, it is certainly not among the worst things a person can do."

"You're okay with this?" Jacob asked incredulously.

"Not particularly, no," Jasper answered him honestly. "But this isn't about me. Bella feels bad for having said what she said, and the simple fact is, it wasn't her fault."

"What do you mean?"

"Bella's step-father has been making her say things like that for years. Right, Bella?"

I nodded, staring at my hands.

"He's been cultivating a habit. It's only natural that Bella would impulsively repeat his words at some point or another."

"But you know it's not true, right?" Jacob asked me.

"Yeah, of course," I said, still staring at my hands. I was going for casual, but it sounded weak even to my own ears.

"Look, you're my best friend," Jacob said. "You know that, right?"

I nodded, meeting his gaze this time.

"And you and I don't have sex."

I nodded again.

"So obviously there's more to you than just that," he said, giving me a self-satisfied smile.

I had to smile in return. He was just so pleased with himself.

"You feel like trying a little bit of reprogramming?" Jasper asked me.

I furrowed my brow. "What do you mean?"

"If I ask you to repeat something I say, will you do it?"

I regarded him carefully, fear bubbling inside my chest. "Do I have to?"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I want you to, but you always have the right to tell me no."

I took a deep breath. "What do you want me to say?"

He smiled ruefully. "It's going to sound cheesy. Are you ready for this?"

I nodded.

"I am loved."

I raised an eyebrow. "You're right, that's cheesy."

He shrugged, clearly not bothered by my criticism.

"You really want me to say that?"

He nodded, an amused smile playing across his lips.

"I don't get it," I said, stalling. The fact was, I didn't know if I could do it.

He just shrugged again. "Will you say it?"

"Why?"

"It's not easy, is it? Not any easier than some of the things your step-father made you say."

"I can say it," I snapped.

"All right," he said apologetically. "Go ahead."

I took a deep breath, and swallowed hard. "I'm loved," I said quickly.

"Good." He nodded approvingly. "Now say, 'Jacob loves me.'"

My eyes widened and I looked at Jacob quickly. Was he kidding me? He expected me just to say that, right here in front of him? I would sound ridiculous. And what if—oh, god, what if Jacob  _didn't_  love me, and I sat there and said he did? I would look like a complete idiot.

Jacob was watching me expectantly. "Come on, Bella, just say it."

I chewed at my lip. Now I couldn't  _not_  say it. "Jacob loves me," I mumbled. The words felt wrong in my mouth.

Jasper smiled, looking pleased. "Now say, 'Carlisle loves me.'"

I froze. That I couldn't do. It was one thing to say it about my best friend, but with Carlisle there was just too much on the line. I couldn't presume to make a declaration like that for him.

"I can't."

"Why won't you?" Jasper asked, gently correcting me with his phrasing.

"Because it's not for me to say. I can't decide how he feels."

"Has he told you he loves you?"

I nodded.

"Do you believe him?"

I just stared at him. I couldn't say no. That would basically be accusing Carlisle of lying, and I didn't really think he was lying. But I couldn't say yes, either, because . . . well, because that was ridiculous. How could a man like him possibly love me? I  _wanted_  him to, I really did. I just didn't know how he could.

Jasper smiled sadly. "Goal number two," he said softly. "I want you to learn to trust your relationships. Is that okay with you?"

I nodded. It wasn't entirely okay with me, honestly, because it simply wasn't smart to trust people the way he wanted me to. But how could I say no to a request like that?

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "Bella, therapy only works if we're in it together. I want this for you, but if you don't want it for yourself, we're wasting our time."

His words irritated me, and I lashed out at him. "I don't want to trust relationships," I snapped. "I don't want to be the idiot who didn't see it coming when he walks out on me."

Jasper was silent for a moment, his face expressionless. "All right," he finally said, nodding. "We'll just stick with our first goal for now. Okay?"

I tucked myself closer to Jacob's warm chest. "Okay."

He gave me a small smile. "I'm done for now. Is there anything you want to talk about?"

I shook my head.

He pushed himself to his feet. "I'm going to see if I can snag me a fox or two before Alice gets back. Holler if you need me." He moved to my side and gave my shoulder a quick squeeze before striding out the back door.

Jacob looked thoughtfully after him. "You know, as therapists go, he doesn't seem too bad."

I shook my head, feeling bad for snapping at him. "No, he's pretty great, actually." I slid out from under his arm and stood, gesturing toward the stairs. "I need a minute."

"Cool," he said, kicking his feet out in front of him and tucking his hands behind his head.

I was glad he didn't argue. Jacob was so easy to be with sometimes. I escaped up the stairs and closed myself in my bedroom, flopping down on my bed and taking several long, calming breaths. I was surprised by how much Jasper had gotten me to say out loud in front of Jacob—surprised, and a little bit pleased. He was right. It was sort of empowering, framing the incidents with my own words and speaking them out loud. They didn't seem quite as  _big_  after I had done that. If I could talk about them, I could deal with them.

My gaze fell on my open closet door, where my pros and cons were listed. Under the vampire cons, Jasper's straight, careful lettering still promised me therapy. It had made me smile the first time I had seen it, but now it bothered me. It was in the wrong place. I pushed myself off of the bed and grabbed a marker from my desk on the way to the door. I wiped way Jasper's writing with my finger and rewrote it up higher on the door, under vampire pros.

I hoped he would see it.


	77. Vindicated

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I pushed through the glass doors of the Daybreak lobby and strode to the desk, giving the receptionist a smile. "Hi, I"m Carlisle Cullen, Charlie Swan's family physician. I have a matter of some importance I need to discuss with him."

"We hold visiting hours on Sundays," she said, returning my smile. "You can speak with him then."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, I'm afraid it can't wait. His daughter has been in an accident, and I must speak with him regarding her medical care."

She frowned, giving me a skeptical look. "You're his doctor?"

I smiled to myself as I produced my hospital identification card for her. It wasn't unusual for people to doubt me due to my apparent age, though I certainly got less of it when I dressed the part. With the clothes Alice had been buying for me lately, I looked decidedly twenty-three, and I couldn't blame the receptionist for her skepticism.

She inspected my I.D. and handed it back, satisfied. "I'll just page his doctor to see if we can allow a visit."

"Thank you." I waited until she had made her call, then leaned casually on the counter. "What's your policy on holiday visits?" I asked her.

"Most of our patients are allowed to go home from nine in the morning to nine in the evening on Christmas day." She flipped open a file folder and ran her finger down a list of names, searching for Charlie's. "But it looks like Mr. Swan opted out," she said. "He expressed a preference to stay."

I nodded. "We may need to change that. We expected his daughter to be away for the holiday, but under the circumstances, she'll be staying."

"Should I go ahead and put him down, then?"

"I'll speak with him about it and let you know."

A young man wearing smartly-pressed clothes and carrying a clipboard emerged from a door behind the desk. The receptionist smiled at him, rising. "Dr. Benson, this is Dr. Cullen, Charlie Swan's doctor. There's a family emergency, and he'd like a word with Charlie."

The doctor looked me over cautiously. "Charlie's doing very well but we try to limit outside stressors during our patients' time here. Maybe you could give me a message for him?"

"I wish I could, doctor. I'm bound by HIPAA regulations—I'm sure you understand."

He frowned. "There's not another family member you could speak with? The mother, maybe?"

"I'm afraid not," I said, making myself sound regretful. "Her mother is currently hospitalized. I really must see Charlie."

Dr. Benson nodded reluctantly. "Have a seat in the visitors' lounge. I'll have him meet you, but please, try to be tactful."

"Of course."

He disappeared through the door again, and I moved to the lounge where Bella met with her father each week. I took a chair in a corner and folded my hands, waiting patiently for Charlie.

It didn't take long. He appeared after a few minutes, striding quickly ahead of a harassed-looking Dr. Benson, his face twisted in panic.

"What's wrong?" he demanded, his voice cracking with anxiety. "Where's Bella? Did something happen in Phoenix?"

"She's safe, Charlie," I assured him, rising. "Please." I gestured to a chair near mine and nodded an acknowledgment to Dr. Benson, who turned away and left us alone.

"What the hell happened?" Charlie yelled, refusing the chair I offered.

I drew the photographs I had taken from my pocket and handed them to him. "I went with her to Arizona so I could check in on her," I told him. "I found her like this after less than six hours with her step-father."

Charlie scanned through the pictures, a look of horror on his face. "My baby girl," he choked. He sank down into the chair, his eyes taking in the injuries that Bella had suffered.

"I brought her home," I said softly.

His head snapped up. "No! She has to stay there! If Renee reports that she didn't follow the custody agreement, it will stop her emancipation request. She'll be sent back to live there until she's eighteen."

"There won't be a report. Dwyer met with a nasty accident. He'll be in the hospital for quite some time."

Charlie regarded me carefully, accurately reading my message between the lines. "And Renee?"

"She seems interested in keeping herself and her husband out of prison."

Anxiety still colored his features. "She could change her mind."

"Edward is still there," I assured him. "If she changes her mind, he'll change it back for her."

He looked back at the pictures, his face pale. "How did she get frostbite in Phoenix?"

"Her mother and step-father left her in a bathtub full of ice water while they went to a movie."

His hand clenched into a fist, but he took a deep breath and loosened his fingers after a moment. Clearly his therapy was helping him. He took a few more slow breaths, then gave me an unfriendly look.

"You went with her?"

I nodded.

"How does your  _wife_  feel about that?"

"My  _sister_  is very fond of Bella," I said quietly. "She was anxious to guarantee your daughter's safety, as was the rest of my family."

He looked down at the pictures again, clearly uncomfortable with the things we weren't quite discussing. "What kind of accident did that ass-hole have?"

"It's a terrible thing," I said emotionlessly. "Bones shattered, third degree burns all over his body, very ugly. He lost an eye and the hearing in one ear. The police believe it was a very angry ex-lover who did it."

"Why is that?" Charlie asked.

I smiled tightly. "It usually is, with these castration cases."

He met my gaze again and grunted in acknowledgment.

"Bella lost her mother this week, Charlie," I told him softly. "Renee chose her husband over her daughter, and Bella has made the decision to cut Renee out of her life."

Charlie's eyes widened.

"She needs you now more than ever. You're all the family she has left. Whatever plans you have for the future had better include you being there for Bella, being involved in her life."

He stared at his hands for a moment, then nodded slowly.

"May I assume you'll be going home for Christmas?"

He swallowed hard. "Does she want me there?"

"Very much so. She misses you."

He rubbed his palms anxiously over his knees and nodded.

"Good," I said. I rose and held out my hand to him. "Let's go get it arranged with the receptionist."

He looked at my hand for a moment, then reached out and grasped it, letting me pull him to his feet.


	78. Say It With Love

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

When Alice returned from her shopping trip, I was sitting on the couch between Jasper and Jacob while they tried to explain to me what was happening on the television screen.

"He just threw it and there was nobody there to catch it," I pointed out.

"That's because he didn't want to get sacked," Jacob explained.

"What does that mean?"

"Tackled," Jasper clarified. "When a quarterback takes the ball, he moves back to give him room to throw it. If he gets tackled before he can throw it or run forward, it's a loss of yards. That's called sacking the quarterback."

"Okay. But last time a guy threw a ball to nobody, you said it was intentional grounding."

"He was in the pocket," Jacob said patiently.

"What pocket?"

Alice breezed into the room then, laden with shopping bags, and I jumped up and threw my arms around her. "Alice, I love you!" I declared. "Save me from the boys!"

She dropped her bags and returned my hug. "Boys, how dare you torture Bella with sports!"

Jasper laughed and stood up. He moved behind me and wrapped his arm around my waist, lifting me off of my feet and setting me to the side. "Sorry kid, my turn." He pulled Alice into his arms and kissed her deeply, while I watched, fascinated. Once again, I found myself audience to the same adoration that I had seen between the other couples in the Cullen family.

Jasper broke the kiss, but stayed close, rubbing his nose against hers. "How'd you do?" he asked with a devoted smile.

"Great! I found so much stuff!"

"Do you want to show me?"

"Yes!" She darted out of the room, quickly making three trips to the car and back, filling the room with shopping bags in a matter of seconds.

Jasper sat on the love seat with a patient smile on his face while Alice unloaded one bag after another. She proudly displayed each item to him and let him compliment her on her good taste before skipping off to place it around the house.

I sat next to Jacob and watched them, completely enthralled. Jasper wasn't really the type to be interested in interior decorating, but that didn't stop him from looking admiringly at everything Alice showed him, indulging her enthusiasm.

"They remind me of my parents," Jacob murmured, wrapping an arm around me.

"Your parents were like that?"

He nodded. "All the time. Made me want to puke." He snickered as Alice strode by, smacking him on the back of the head on the way to hang a cluster of mistletoe in the doorway.

"We need to move the furniture around in here to make room for the tree," she announced, turning to Jasper and batting her eyes.

He rose, smiling in amusement. "Well, little lady," he said, falling into a more pronounced Southern accent, "I think I just might be able to help you with that." He effortlessly began shifting the furniture around where Alice directed, and Jacob and I jumped off of the couch to get out of the way. He stood in front of the TV with me, one arm draped casually around me while we watched Jasper work.

I was so caught up in the activity around me that it startled me when I looked up and saw Carlisle standing in the doorway. His eyes were on me, his expression unreadable.

A smile spread across my face and I stepped out from under Jacob's arm. I clasped my hands behind my back, strolling casually toward him. "Carlisle," I smiled innocently. "Did you know you're standing under the mistletoe?"

He raised his eyebrows and looked up at the little bunch of greenery hanging over his head. "Would you look at that," he said, giving me a smile. "Well, Bella, I believe that tradition demands that you kiss me now."

"Psh. Tradition," I scoffed. "Always so demanding." I smiled slyly. "What would happen, after all, if I just ignored tradition?"

He clucked his tongue disapprovingly. "You can't do that, Bella. The consequences would be dire."

"Dire? I'm not sure I believe that. What will happen if I don't kiss you now?"

"Hm." He rubbed a thumb over his lips thoughtfully. "Seven years' bad luck?"

"That's for breaking a mirror." I smiled and stopped about a foot away from him.

He gazed at me, his eyes sparkling. Apparently Carlisle liked it when I played a little hard to get. "Perhaps the consequence is merely the lost opportunity," he murmured, his eyes holding my gaze. "It's hard to imagine a punishment quite as severe as missing a chance to taste your sweet lips."

"Now  _you_ guys are making me want to puke," Jacob interrupted.

Carlisle gave a low growl and grabbed me around the waist, jerking me against him and leaning possessively over me. I grinned up at him and wrapped my arms around his neck, tilting my head back in an invitation to kiss me.

He didn't hesitate. He smashed his lips against mine, kissing me hard, nearly lifting me off my feet with the force of his embrace. I parted my lips and let the tip of my tongue brush his, eliciting another growl. His tongue plunged into my mouth, and I found myself being pushed against the door frame, pinned between the hard wood and his solid body. His lips broke away from mine, but left a searing trail down my throat, just over my artery. His lips latched onto the base of my throat and he sucked firmly.

I felt heat rise to my cheeks when I realized he was intentionally leaving his mark on my skin. I wasn't sure what fired the possessive side of him, but it was turning me on like crazy.

Alice cleared her throat impatiently. "Do you think the two of you could move this out of the doorway? We have a Christmas tree we'd like to bring in."

Carlisle pulled away, giving me a smile that made my heart skip a beat. "I'm very sorry, Alice. I couldn't break tradition, you understand." He took my hand and guided me to the couch, pulling me into his lap as he sat.

"Get a room," Jacob teased, rolling his eyes.

"Hey," I snapped. "In case you've forgotten, this is  _my_  house. If you don't like what you see, you know where the door is."

Jacob just laughed and dropped down onto the couch next to us.

"How's Charlie?" I asked Carlisle, snuggling against his chest.

"He's very happy to have you back home. And he's eager to see you on Christmas."

"I can visit him?" I asked happily.

"He can visit you. You can pick him up any time after nine o'clock on Christmas morning."

I hugged him, squealing happily, but then froze when it occurred to me that I probably couldn't be with Carlisle on Christmas. I pulled back, looking at him anxiously. "Will I see you?"

"Actually, I thought I'd work a double shift and let a couple of the other doctors spend the day with their families. But if you'd like I can stop by and see you in the morning, before I go in."

I nodded quickly. "Yeah, I want to see you."

"All right." He kissed me gently.

"Oh, Bella, speaking of which," Jacob said, kicking his feet up on the coffee table, "Dad said to invite you over for Christmas Eve dinner, and not to take no for an answer."

I felt Carlisle tense, his expression turning dark.

"Oh, unclench," Jacob said, rolling his eyes. "She'll be fine. The whole council is going to be there, and you know Sam won't let Billy mess with her."

I really wanted to say yes, but I didn't know how Carlisle would feel about that. "Will it bother you if I go?"

"Yes," he admitted frankly. "But it's irrational, and it shouldn't hold you back. I can deal with my insecurities for one evening."

"I won't go," I told him, feeling a little disappointed.

He shook his head. "Please, Bella, I don't want to keep you from seeing your friends." He kissed my forehead. "Tell you what? Why don't I call you to check in every now and then, to make sure everything is alright? That should help me put aside my anxieties."

I smiled, glad he was trying to find a way to make it work. "That sounds great. And I promise I'll call if there are any problems."

"Wonderful." He turned to Jacob. "By the way, have you all decided who you want to join the pack?"

"We have two names," Jacob said. "Quil, obviously, and Seth Clearwater. The Council is still debating about the other two."

Carlisle raised an eyebrow. "Seth is a bit young, isn't he?"

"He's only a year younger than me. But Leah's freaking out. She doesn't like the idea of him hanging out with a bunch of vampires while he tries to phase, and she's insisting on coming with him."

"She should!" I said. "We can have that movie night we never got around to. Quil can come too."

Jacob grinned. "Leah, Seth, Quil, you, and a vampire coven. Sounds like a party."

Alice gasped as she strode through the door followed by Jasper, the two of them carefully maneuvering a tree with them. "We  _should_  have a party! A New Year's Eve party, and we could invite the whole pack!"

Carlisle smiled. "That does sound nice. Bella, do you think Charlie would mind you coming over that evening?"

"I doubt it. He always works New Years Eve."

"Excellent!" Alice chirped as she and Jasper set up the tree.

"Can we invite Embry?" Jacob asked. "He knows everything, but he's Makah, so he can't phase."

Carlisle looked puzzled. "Your friend is welcome, as long as he understands the danger. How does he know?"

Jacob smirked. "Paul lost his temper and phased in front of him."

"Was he injured?"

"Nah," Jacob shrugged. "I was there. I tackled Paul before he could do anything. Ruined my last pair of shoes when I phased, though."

I felt Carlisle's chilled hand slide up the back of my shirt and caress my lower back, and I looked at him. He was gazing at me with that loving look in his eyes again, and it warmed me straight to my core. I bit my lip and leaned close to his ear, threading my fingers through his hair.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" I asked him.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Do you guys have to do that while I'm here?"

"No. Go home."

He stuck his tongue out at me, but stood up and stretched. "I'm on sentry duty tonight, but I'd better go get wolfy so Sam doesn't freak out.

"Okay." I stood up and gave him a quick hug. "If you need anything . . . get it yourself."

Jacob kissed my forehead and said goodbye to everyone, then disappeared out the back door.

Carlisle took my hand and led me out of the room, snagging the mistletoe Alice had hung in the doorway on the way. I gave him a curious look, and he grinned at me, a mischievous gleam in his eye. "I have plans for this," he told me with a wink, and pulled me upstairs.


	79. I Love You More

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# 

 

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I lay in bed with my girl sleeping restlessly in my arms, and I tried to live again for a moment in my past. I tried to remember what it was like to cherish my human life, to recall how it felt to discover the horror of what I had become, and to relive the self-loathing that drove me to the many attempts to end my life.

I had long since accepted my lot, though I couldn't say I had ever truly come to an understanding with God. Still, I no longer hated myself or my kind. But I was cursed with a perfect memory, and the clarity with which I could recall my tortured past was deeply disturbing.

I lived in the hatred, wallowed in it, let it consume me once again, and I tried—desperately, I tried—to understand my girl.

But I couldn't do it. As bad as the anguish was, I couldn't deny that, given the choice, I would cheerfully relive every moment of my early life, over and over again, if it meant I could have Bella with me in the end. There was no hell terrifying enough that I would ever consider  _not_  risking it to be with her for as long as this unusual life allowed.

So why didn't she want to change? Why didn't Bella want to be with me forever?

I had no illusions about my life. It was difficult. It was painful. It was isolated and often excruciatingly lonely. But my girl was such unmatched compensation that it wouldn't have taken a second's thought before I embraced it all for the pleasure of her company. I tried to tell myself that I had had time to get used to my circumstances. I tried to remind myself of the despair I'd felt in those early days. But I knew, even as I relived the misery, that I would bear it all with a smile and a song for Bella.

The only thing I could conclude was that she didn't love me the same way.

Deep inside of myself, I found an echo of my once all-consuming desire for death.

If Bella didn't love me, this undead life could never satisfy her. She wouldn't stay with me. Perhaps she would linger for as long as she believed I was her only link to safety and security, but eventually she would move on.

I trailed my fingers lightly down her bare arm. She shivered in her sleep, and I tucked her blankets tighter around her naked body. After the intimacy we had just shared, it was difficult to imagine that she didn't feel as deeply for me as I did for her. We had never been so connected, so perfectly in-step with one another. Her body had moved effortlessly with mine, and fit around me as though she were made to be wrapped in my embrace. For once, the animal in me had been silent, and the tender caresses we shared had satisfied me right through to my soul.

Until she had fallen asleep, and my eyes had drifted to the writing on her closet door.

She was still changing and adding to her list, still trying to persuade herself to choose one path or another. Why wasn't it clear to her? Why did she resist me?

A part of me—an irrational, jealous part—blamed Jacob Black. It still pained me to see the happiness that lit up her eyes whenever she saw him. She was at ease with him, and showed him a casual affection that she withheld from me. Perhaps it was love for him that kept her from surrendering herself to me.

I slipped out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans, then moved to the window, maneuvering myself through it and closing it behind me. I crawled up the side of the house to the roof and stood on the peak, turning my eyes to the sky.

"I suppose you think you're funny," I murmured to the heavens, my words seeking audience with a cruel God. "Is this my hell, then? My punishment for seeking to protect my father's congregation from the fate I met in the sewers? You give me what I've longed for, all these interminable years, and then hold her just beyond my reach?" I didn't bother to fight the rising flood of bitterness inside of me. "What tricks am I to do for you, then? What hoops shall I jump through to be rewarded with her touch, only to have her yanked away from me again?" I glared into the heavy clouds above me. "Would you see me locked in competition for her heart with the progeny, the very  _echo_  of my old friend? Would you see me pine for her until she takes her last breath, and then watch as I end my carnal existence and send my soul to the devil's realm?" I bared my teeth at the dark clouds, a snarl ripping from my throat. "And what am I being punished for, I ask you? For living a peaceful life? For making an enemy of no one? What sin have I committed to bring your wrath down upon me?"

The heavens, as usual, remained closed and silent. My conscience, however, did not. My religious training was too deeply ingrained to allow me to speak so disrespectfully to God for long.

"Please," I breathed penitently. "Just let me have this one thing. Show me that the years I've spent working toward redemption have been worthwhile. Let me have her now, and I'll spend the whole of my existence striving to be worthy of her."

I dropped my head and slumped my shoulders tiredly. "Am I a gamble?" I asked. "Have you made a wager with Satan over me, the way you did with Job? Was his torture too short-lived for your tastes?"

The only sound was Bella stirring slightly in her sleep. She rolled over, whimpering softly into her pillow.

"And what has she done?" I demanded of God. "What sin earned her two abusive parents and a life of pain and degradation? What horror did she perpetrate that justifies the violence that has followed her for her entire life? Is this one of your mysteries? Allowing a child to be brutalized time and time again, and then haunting her with dreams to keep her from ever escaping the pain?" I paced the ridge of the roof, anger overtaking the deep weariness inside of me. "Are you the sort of God who feeds on the misery of his creations? Is it a demon I've been praying to all these years?"

My rant was nowhere near its conclusion, but it was interrupted by Jacob's approach. I felt the disturbance in the still night air as heat waves rippled through it, then heard the rustle of denim as Jacob pulled on his shorts. A moment later he strode out of the woods and climbed a tree near the house, effortlessly swinging from a high branch onto the roof. He landed lightly and moved to my side, flopping down on the coarse shingles.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked quizzically.

I sighed and sank down next to him. "Praying," I said, a hint of irony coloring my tone.

He snorted. "To who?"

I turned my eyes back to the sky. "Honestly, Jacob, I'm not sure anymore."

"So why do it?"

I gave him a long look. "Perhaps I'm looking for guidance. Though if I'm being honest, it's more likely that I'm looking to place blame."

"For what?" he asked, blatantly ignoring any social rules that protected the privacy of prayer.

Bella let out a frightened sob in her sleep.

"For that," I said, telling him a partial truth. "And everything that led up to it."

"Is this God of yours listening to your prayers?"

"I have received no indication of such," I said, staring at the heedless clouds.

"Do you ever?"

I shook my head.

"So why do you keep praying?"

"That's a very good question." I had to think about my answer. "Because I can't make the world right, and I'm not comfortable imagining that no one can."

He leaned back on his hands. "Is it more disturbing to imagine that no one can, or that someone can, and  _won't?_ "

I sighed softly. "That's another very good question."

Jacob smirked. "You know, Dr. Fang, I think I'm starting to get why Grandpa Ephraim liked you."

"Really?"

"Yep. But I hope you're ready to step aside, because the next epic vampire-werewolf friendship isn't going to include you."

An amused smile tugged at my mouth. "Edward and Sam, you think?"

"Aw, hell no," Jacob grinned, shaking his head. "It'll be Bella and me. Which means you're going to have to deal with it when she and I decide to take off for a few days whenever we hear about a place we'd like to go."

His words silenced me, and I found myself staring into the clouds again.

"Hey," Jacob kicked my foot. "I'm not making a play for your girl, Doc. You don't have to get all freaked out every time she and I spend any time together."

I smiled sadly, lowering my head. "I apologize for that. I certainly don't mean to make any unfair implications."

"Whatever," he said casually, dismissing my concerns.

I ran a hand through my hair. "You think she'll decide to change?" I asked him softly.

"Yeah, I think she will. And it freaks me the hell out."

"Why?"

"Because you'll leave," he said. "Right? I mean, you can't exactly bite her and send her back to school all red-eyed and blood-thirsty. And even if you waited a year, people would notice the change."

I nodded. "Generally, I would think it would be best to leave. But Bella just lost her mother. I don't think it would be healthy to take her from her father right now."

"Or from me," Jacob added.

"I wonder sometimes," I murmured, watching the sky, "if you might not be good for her."

"I  _am_  good for her. Ask that kid of yours, Major Freud. She needs a guy in her life who loves her without wanting to sleep with her."

"She cares about you a great deal, Jacob." I said the words, wanting badly to hear him deny them, to tell me that it was  _me_  Bella loved.

"I know," He kicked his legs out in front of him and crossed his ankles. "That's because she knows I won't hurt her."

I met his eyes then, curiosity burning as sharply as the jealousy. "How did you convince her of that?"

He shrugged. "A decade and a half of roaming the woods together every summer and never doing anything worse than making fun of how stupid she looks on Charlie's old home videos." He lay back on the inclined roof, tucking his hands under his head. "But then, she wasn't always this bad. She used to be willing to get out of the house and talk to people sometimes. For the last few years she's been refusing to hang out with me if I was going to see Quil and Embry."

I frowned. "Will the New Years party be too much for her?"

"That's up to her, isn't it? But it seems like she's getting a little more comfortable with people since we've all been hanging around." He laughed softly. "Who'd have thought that running with a crowd of monsters would make her brave?"

I fell silent while I thought about the things he said. "You really think she'll change?" I asked after a long moment.

"Wouldn't you?"

"I'd have done it already," I said sadly.

"She's careful," he replied, unconcerned. "But she'll get there. And when she does, just remember how it felt when you lost Ephraim, and think twice before moving her off to god-knows-where."

I nodded soberly. "We'll have to leave before long, Jacob."

"I know. And when you do, I'll visit her. But I want to be there for her through the rough parts. I owe her that."

I nodded slowly. "That's reasonable."

He fixed me with a serious look. "Thanks for talking her into coming over for dinner tomorrow. I owe you one."

I raised an eyebrow thoughtfully. "Do you?"

He smirked. "Maybe a  _small_  one. Why, what have you got in mind?"

"I could use a little help with Charlie. He is, understandably, not thrilled about the idea of me having a relationship with his daughter."

Jacob snorted. "Sorry, Fangs. You're on your own with that one."

I sighed, and Jacob just smirked.

"That's what you get for sleeping with a teenager."

"Well. That's probably true."

"So do you always do your praying on the roof?"

"It seemed more appropriate to pray from the roof than from Bella's bed."

"You're probably right about that." He sat up, rubbing his stomach. "I'm hungry. Are you hunting tonight?"

"Yes, Edward should be here shortly. Care to join us?"

"Sure, I'll give it a try. If Ephraim could eat raw meat, why can't I?"

"Speaking of Ephraim," I said pointedly. "Why aren't you leading the pack, Jacob?"

He looked away. "Why should I? Sam was first. He's older, has a cooler head. He deserves it."

"Leadership is in your blood. You carry the instincts that have been passed down to you from a long line of spirit warriors and shape-shifters that have safely guided your tribe through countless difficulties. Sam Uley is a good man, but he doesn't have the edge your heritage gives you."

"I don't want it," he said shortly. "I can't do what he does. I can't . . . order people around like that."

I nodded, understanding his perspective.

"You know, that's something I kind of like about you," he said, his eyes on the sky. "It seems like you go out of your way to give people a choice in things."

I frowned. "I didn't have a lot of free will during my human years."

"What, did you spend your life in prison or something?"

"My father was . . . a strict man," I said carefully. "And a cruel one."

"So you can empathize with Bella a little, huh?"

I nodded, but was distracted by the quickening of Bella's heart rate and her gasp as she jolted awake. I turned toward her window, waiting to see if she would go to sleep again.

"Carlisle?" she whispered anxiously. "Are you here?"

I pushed myself to my feet and hurried over the eaves and down the side of the house, sliding her window open. She looked up at the sound and smiled in relief.

I slipped inside and pushed the window closed, then moved to her bedside and crawled in, lying next to her. She wrapped her arms around me and clung to me, burying her face in my neck and taking deep breaths.

"What's wrong, my love?" I asked her.

She shivered. "Nightmares."

I rubbed a hand lightly over the bruised skin of her back, trying to calm her nerves. "Of him?"

"Do you think he's hurting my mom?"

I pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "I doubt it, Bella. What I did to him, besides leaving him physically unable to cause her any pain for few weeks, will greatly decrease his aggressive impulses. It won't make him a kind man by any stretch of the imagination, but physiologically, he simply won't have the same drive to dominate others the way he did before."

Her arms tightened around me. "Thank you," she whispered. She was silent for a moment, but then she pulled back a little, lying on her pillow and looking into my face. "Where were you?"

"On the roof, actually. I was talking with Jacob."

"Why were you talking to him on the roof?"

I laughed softly. "It just sort of happened."

"How come you never talk with me on the roof?" she teased.

"Because," I smiled, brushing my fingers over her cheek, "I'm afraid you'll trip and fall off."

Her hand found mine and she curled her fingers around it. "You'd catch me," she said with a soft smile.

Her words stunned me, and I gazed into her eyes. There was trust there, a perfect confidence in my ability to keep her safe, and it left me staggered. "Yes, Bella," I whispered. "I would."

She turned her face into my hand, kissing my palm, then pulled my arm down over her waist. "I'm glad you're here," she murmured, letting her eyes drift closed.

"I'll be here whenever you want me," I breathed, moving a little nearer to her. Her faith in me was a soothing balm to my aching soul, and I held her close, letting her heal my pain as she fell back into an uneasy sleep.


	80. Friend is a Four Letter Word

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I woke to the caress of something velvety soft against my cheek, and I let my eyes flutter open. Carlisle was sitting on the bed beside me, dressed for the hospital in a white Oxford shirt and a red tie. He had a pink day lily in his hand, and he was dragging the smooth petals gently over my face.

"Are you leaving?" I complained sleepily.

"Yes. I picked up an extra shift at the hospital so I'd have something to distract me from worrying about you while you're at La Push." He tucked the flower behind my ear. "Dress warmly tonight, love. The temperature will be pleasant this afternoon, but Alice says the evening will bring snow."

I sat up and plucked the mistletoe from the headboard where Carlisle had hung it the night before. I held it over my head and smiled, and he leaned in for a passionate kiss.

"I love you, Bella Swan," he breathed when we finally broke apart.

"I laughed softly. "That makes you crazy, you know. You could probably be committed for it."

He grinned and brushed his nose against mine. "Are you going to lock me up?"

"It's too bad you have to work. Otherwise I could wrap you up in a straight jacket and have my dirty way with you."

His eyes sparkled playfully. "I think I definitely want a rain check on that."

I stretched up for another quick kiss, letting the blankets fall to my waist and giving him a look at my bare torso before he pushed off of the bed with a regretful groan.

"You're going to be the death of me," he said, moving toward the door.

"Have a nice day at work," I smiled coyly, dragging my fingers lightly over my breasts.

He groaned softly. "Enjoy your dinner with your friends," he said. "And Bella?"

"Hm?" I asked innocently.

"Try not to stand under any mistletoe? It would be a shame if I had to tear the limbs off any of the boys."

I grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. He caught it, of course, but then he surprised me by darting back into the room and diving onto the bed, pushing me back on the mattress and pinning me down with the weight of his body. He kissed me deeply, his hand straying to my breast, massaging it gently as his tongue plundered my mouth. When he finally pulled away, I was surprised to see a hint of fear in his eyes.

"Come back to me," he whispered, his voice pleading. "Enjoy your friends, but when the night winds down . . . return to me, Bella. I can't live without you."

"Promise to do a little more of this when I come back?"

He nipped lightly at my lip. "I promise."

"Then I'll be here."

He kissed me one more time, then sighed and pushed off of me again. "I really have to go now. I'll see you tomorrow morning." He strode out the door without waiting for a response, and I smiled after him, biting my lip.

He wanted me. It felt . . . unbelievable.

I climbed out of bed, rubbing my blistered, blackened fingertips lightly together as I strode to my closet. I wondered vaguely who my babysitters for the day would be as I dressed in a pair of jeans and a tight black tank top. I pulled the flower out of my hair and quickly twisted it into two braids, making sure my hair covered the damaged skin of my ears, then slipped on my gloves.

I headed downstairs, twisting the lily in my fingers, and headed straight for the kitchen. Carlisle kept the refrigerator well-stocked, since I occasionally invited whatever werewolf was watching the house in for breakfast, and I had my pick of meals available.

"Hey, Bella!" Alice said cheerfully, appearing from the doorway in the den.

"Hey. You drew the short straw, huh?"

She gave me a puzzled look, but then decided to ignore my comment. "So what are you going to wear tonight?"

I shrugged and moved to the back door, opening it and leaning out. "Who's here?" I called into the trees.

After a moment large wolf with dark silver fur appeared just back from the tree line.

"Hey, Paul," I said, giving him a wave. "You want breakfast?"

He gave a bark in response and wheeled around, darting back into the trees. After a moment he was back again in human form, striding toward the house in a pair of basketball shorts.

I left the door open for him and moved to the refrigerator, pulling out a couple of dozen eggs and a large bowl to start breakfast burritos. "I was thinking about a green T-shirt underneath my black V-neck sweater," I said, answering Alice's question.

"Good choice. And wear boots. It'll be slushy."

Paul stepped in and closed the door behind him. "Morning, Bella," he said with a nod. "Morning, mosquito."

Alice just rolled her eyes.

"Want some help?" Paul asked me.

I looked up at him in surprise. "Sure, you can crack those eggs into a bowl."

He nodded distractedly and started breaking egg shells while I pulled out some peppers to dice.

Paul was quiet while we prepared breakfast, which was a little unusual for him. I could always count on him to be exchanging insults with the vampires, usually with more hostility than I cared for, but today it seemed like he was hardly with us. Alice supplied most of the chatter while Paul and I cooked.

"Are you okay?" I finally asked him as we sat down at the table with our plates of food.

He nodded absently.

I took a bite of my burrito, while Paul started wolfing down the half a dozen that he had piled on his plate. "Seriously, what's going on?" I asked him.

He chewed thoughtfully. "Can I ask you a question?"

I nodded.

His eyes flicked between Alice and me. "You're both . . . I mean, you've got, like, mates or whatever. Right?"

Alice nodded, and I shrugged.

"I guess that's what you'd call it."

"Does it ever get . . ." he hesitated, " _less_  strong?"

Alice frowned. "I wouldn't say it ever lessens, no, but you do get used to how it feels."

"Why?" I asked him. "Did you imprint?"

He shrugged, taking another big bite of his food. He chewed and swallowed, then nodded. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, I think I did. I only saw her for a second, but . . . I can't stop thinking about her."

"Paul, that's great!" I said excitedly. "Who is it?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "Rachel."

My eyes widened. "Rachel?" I repeated. "As in, Rachel Black?"

He nodded, not looking at me.

"Holy crap!" I dropped my burrito. "What does Jacob think?"

"He doesn't know yet."

"Let's have the story," Alice declared imperiously.

He swallowed a mouthful of food. "I was running patrols around La Push late last night. Rachel's visiting for Christmas, and I was out behind Billy's place when she drove up." He shook his head. "I only just caught a glimpse of her, but I can't get her out of my head. I just stayed there all night, staring at the house, hoping I'd get to see her again."

"Why didn't you go say hello? Why are you even here instead of with her?"

He took another bite. "Sam's orders," he muttered around the food. "Can't disobey the Alpha."

"So he doesn't know yet?" Alice asked.

He shook his head. "Jared knows, because he was phased when it happened, but Sam and Jacob don't."

"When do you get a break from wolf duty?" I asked him.

"Not until tonight. He said I have to make sure you get to La Push safely before I go home."

"Wait," I said, "did he say you weren't done until tonight, or until I get out to La Push?"

He thought for a moment. "Until you get to La Push for Christmas Eve dinner."

I stood and tossed the uneaten half of my burrito in the trash. "Give me five minutes."

He looked up at me hopefully. "Really? You want to go now?"

"Sure. I can always help cook. And you'll have an excuse to go in and see her, since you can just tell them you were making sure I got there okay."

His face lit up and he leapt out of his chair, wrapping me up in a bone-crushing hug. "Thanks, Bella!"

"Ow!" I winced. "My back! Go easy, Paul."

He released me immediately, stepping back and looking worried. "Oh, god, I'm so sorry!"

I laughed, stretching my back gingerly. "It's okay. I'm just going to finish getting dressed and I'll be right back." I hurried back up the stairs and pulled on a few more layers so I would be prepared for the cold weather. I tucked the flower Carlisle had given me in my hair, then headed back down and met Paul at the front door. I said goodbye to Alice, then jumped into my truck with Paul and the two of us drove out to the Reservation.

Paul was practically bouncing in his seat by the time we pulled up in front of Jacob's house. "Is this what it's like for you and the Alpha vamp?" he asked me.

I laughed. "It's maybe not quite as bad. Edward says with vampires it's pretty strong, but it doesn't all come on quite as sudden as it does with you guys."

He grinned as I parked the truck, darting out of the cab before I had even cut the engine. He jumped impatiently in place until I climbed out and joined him, then bounded up to the front door and pounded on it.

The door was pulled open and Rachel stood there, calling back over her shoulder into the house. She was smiling and laughing, but when she turned and her eyes met Paul, she froze. The two of them just stood there are stared at one another.

For a long time.

I didn't want to interrupt them, but after a full minute of both of them staring, neither one moving, I was starting to get cold. "Hey, Rachel!" I said brightly. "It's been a long time."

"Uh huh," she mumbled.

"Nice to see you," I tried again.

She just stared at Paul.

I sighed impatiently. "Paul, Rachel's going to get cold standing there with the door open."

That snapped him out of his trance. "Oh, Rachel, I'm so sorry." He ushered her back into the house, shutting the door behind them.

I stared at the door and burst out laughing. "Are you kidding me?" I asked no one in particular. I moved to the door and opened it, letting myself in.

Paul and Rachel were still staring at each other, only now Billy had joined them. He was watching them from his wheelchair, looking perplexed. He glanced at me when I walked in and gave me a smile. "Good morning, Bella. I didn't know you were coming so early."

"I hope you don't mind. I thought I could help with the cooking."

"It appears we might need you," he said, looking back at Rachel. "As it turns out, Rachel may be busy."

Jacob appeared from the kitchen with a big grin on his face. "Bella!" He moved over to me and wrapped me up in a gentle hug, more mindful of the bruises on my back than Paul had been. "What's up, girl?"

I nodded toward Paul and Rachel, and he looked at them. For a moment he looked puzzled, but then he suddenly realized what was happening.

"Oh, god  _damn_  it, Rachel!" he yelled. "With  _Paul?_  Couldn't you at least go for Jared?"

The two of them ignored him completely, entirely wrapped up in one another. Paul reached out and took Rachel's hand, holding it gently in his own.

"Mother  _fucker!_ " Jacob growled. "Now that asshole's going to be here all the time!"

"Jacob, watch your mouth," Billy admonished.

Jacob grumbled under his breath.

"Bella, I owe you an apology," Billy said, changing the subject. "I was very rude last time you were here. I hope you understand, I was just worried about you."

I moved to his side and leaned down to kiss his cheek. "Thanks, Billy. I appreciate it, and I hope you don't worry too much. The Cullens have been really great."

"You can always come here, you know. If you ever need anything, or if you just want to get some space from them."

"Thanks," I said again, smiling my gratitude.

"Enough sappy stuff," Jacob said impatiently. "Get your ass in the kitchen and help me stuff some turkeys, Bella."

"Cool." I followed him into the kitchen and saw four large turkeys and six giant hams sitting out on the counter. "Holy crow, Jacob! Who's coming to dinner?"

"The whole council," he grinned. "Which means  _all_  the wolves. We need a lot of food."

"Where are you going to cook them all?" I asked, eyeing the small oven.

He grinned and jerked a thumb toward the back door. I peeked out the window and saw a long table set up near the house with several electric roasters lined up on it. They were all plugged into two power strips that lead to an outlet on the side of the house.

I laughed. "Very clever."

Jacob smiled smugly. "My idea."

I found the biggest frying pan available, putting it on a burner and unwrapping several sticks of butter to melt for the stuffing. Jacob chattered brightly while we prepared the turkeys and hams for baking, keeping me up to date on all of the latest news from the Reservation.

"Oh, and Rebecca called," he said as we started carrying the food outside to the roaster pans. "She's pregnant."

"Are you kidding?"

He grinned, shaking his head. "Nope. She's two months along. I'm gonna be an uncle."

"God," I breathed. "She's only a year older than me. I can't believe she's married  _and_ pregnant."

"I know, right? But then, you're not really that far away, at least from getting married, right?"

I widened my eyes at him. "What are you talking about?"

He shrugged, arranging a turkey in the first roaster pan. "I don't know. I mean, you're thinking Dr. Fang is your one and only, aren't you? And he obviously feels the same way about you. Don't you think you'll get married?"

"Jacob, I'm seventeen," I said, putting the lid over my turkey and turning on the roaster.

"Yeah, but you'll be emancipated in like a week. That means you can marry whoever you want." He smirked. "And if you married your bloodsucker it would be legal for him to fuck you."

We headed back into the house for the other two turkeys. "Really? I hadn't thought about that."

"Well, start thinking about it. I mean, not that I'm trying to push you into it or anything, but isn't that the next step when you love somebody?"

I shrugged, glad to be distracted by lifting the heavy turkey and carrying it out. "I'm not sure I'm really the marriage type. I mean . . . it's not like it changes anything. People still leave."

"True. But how many vampires do you know of that have gotten divorced?"

"I'm not a vampire," I reminded him.

He put a lid on his roaster and turned a curious look on me. "Aren't you going to be?"

I took a deep breath. "I don't know."

"Okay, better question. Do you want to be?"

I bit my lip and nodded. "Hypothetically, yes."

"Why only hypothetically?" he asked, heading back inside for the hams.

I trailed after him. "Well . . . I mean, it sounds like a pretty good deal, you know, getting to be with the person you love forever."

"But . . . ?"

"But what if it doesn't work out like that? What if he gets bored with me?"

Jacob rolled his eyes as we each grabbed a ham. "Bella, are you really going to live your life like this? Never doing anything interesting because you're afraid it won't work out the way you want it to?"

His question irritated me. "What am I supposed to do if he leaves?" I demanded, following him back outside.

He laughed. "You come back here, of course. You take a few weeks to lick your wounds and feel sorry for yourself, and then you and I go out and paint the town red."

I stared at him, trying to understand his perspective.

He sighed. "Bella, you sound like those people who use the rising divorce rate as an excuse not to get married. It's stupid. If you want to get married, go for it, and think of divorce as a safety net in case it turns out your guy is a loser." He fixed me with a steady gaze. "But don't miss out on the good stuff because you're afraid. If it doesn't work out, so fucking what? You get back out there and try again, and even if you fail every goddamn time, at least you get to have some fun in the process."

I shook my head, bewildered. "That sounds . . . kind of smart."

He smirked. "Damn straight, baby."

"So you think I should marry him  _and_  become a vampire?"

He shrugged. "I think you should do whatever the hell you want to do. Embrace the risk, Bella. That's where the thrill is."

I nodded, and the two of us finished loading the food out to the roaster pans and got them cooking. Back inside again, Jacob dumped the dishes we had used into the sink, and then started pulling more ingredients out of the pantry.

"What are we making now?" I asked.

"Rolls. Butterhorns—which are  _so_  good, by the way, with chocolate syrup."

I giggled. "Jacob, you're terrible. Why do you eat like that?"

He cocked his head to the side, giving me a curious look. "You know exactly why I eat like that. Don't you?"

"I haven't a clue." I pulled a bread-kneading board out and placing it on the kitchen table.

"It's because of you."

My jaw dropped. "You're blaming  _me_  for your high-sugar diet?"

"Of course," he grinned, digging a recipe out of the box and setting it on the counter. "It's your fault."

" _How_  is it my fault?"

He leaned against the counter, his face going serious. "You remember a few years ago when Mom died? How I kind of locked myself up in my room and wouldn't come out?"

I nodded. I remembered all too well. It was horrible watching Jacob go through that much pain.

"Remember how I wouldn't eat?" he prompted.

I nodded again. Billy had been really worried about him, but he was dealing with his own grief and that of his daughters, and he wasn't able to come up with anything to say to Jacob to coax him to eat more than a few bites of anything.

"Well, if you'll remember, one morning you showed up and dragged me out of bed to the kitchen table, and you made me a bowl of corn flakes. And when I didn't eat it, you told me your mom said ice cream made everything better, so you poured me a new bowl of corn flakes, only instead of milk, you put a scoop of vanilla ice cream in it." He smiled. "That's why I eat like I do. It makes me feel better."

I moved to him and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly. "I forgot about that."

"I didn't," he said softly. "And I never will. You were there for me, Bella . . . and I haven't been there for you. But I will be from now on, if you let me."

I pulled back, smiling playfully. "Don't you ever worry about getting diabetes like your dad?"

"Not anymore." He pounded a fist against his chest. "We wolves don't really have a lot of health problems."

"You lucked out," I told him, grabbing the recipe and reading through it. "I'll heat the milk if you want to start dissolving the yeast."

Jacob and I spent the rest of the day cooking and screwing around, while Paul and Rachel curled up together on the couch and talked softly. Billy helped some with the food, but for the most part it was just Jacob and me, hanging out and having fun.

Around four-thirty, other people started showing up. Harry Clearwater and his family were first, and Leah and Seth immediately found Jacob and me in the kitchen. I smiled at Seth, giving him a hug.

"I can't believe you're taller than me," I told him. "I don't think I've seen you since you were in elementary school."

"Did Jacob tell you about the wolf thing?" he asked excitedly. "Dad said they'd let me try. I can't wait—I really hope I can phase. When do you think we can go hang out with your vampires?"

I laughed at his enthusiasm. "Actually, Alice was talking about a New Years Eve party. What do you think?"

"Awesome!" he said excitedly. "Leah, isn't that great? I could be a wolf by New Years!"

"Great," Leah muttered in response.

Seth didn't seem to hear her. He hopped up on the counter next to where Jacob was peeling potatoes and started pelting him with questions.

I moved to Leah's side. "Are you okay?" I asked her.

"Fine," she said shortly.

I raised a reproachful eyebrow and she frowned at me.

"How can you do it?" she demanded. "How can you . . .  _ugh!_  Jacob says you have  _sex_  with that . . .  _thing_."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "I assume you're referring to Carlisle?"

She glared at me. "He's a  _vampire_."

"Yeah. So what?"

"So what's wrong with  _normal_  people?" she burst out. "Why does it always have to be vampires and wolves? Suddenly normal people aren't good enough anymore?" She turned and stormed out the back door, leaving me staring after her.

"What was  _that?_ " I asked, stunned.

Seth sighed. "I think she's sort of feeling ignored. First there was the Sam-and-Emily thing, and now everybody's paying attention to me because I might phase. She's kind of getting overlooked."

"I probably didn't help much by blowing her off the last time we had plans, did I?"

"Yeah, me neither," Jacob said, looking uncomfortable.

Sam arrived then with his fiancee, a small, pretty girl who had a warm smile. Jacob had told me about the incident between her and Sam that had left her face scarred, but it was still sort of a shock to see it. I tried to cover my surprise as Sam introduced us.

Seth nudged Sam with his foot and nodded toward the back door.

Sam sighed. "I'm going to go find Leah," he told Emily softly.

She nodded, looking sympathetic, and Sam disappeared.

"So," Emily said, setting a plastic grocery bag on the counter and pulling out several large yams, "what's it like dating a vampire?" She smiled at me, her eyes sparkling, as she started to wash the yams.

I had to laugh. "Cold," I admitted. "And a little unnerving. A girl could get a complex hanging out with a super-human crowd all the time."

"Tell me about it," she said, rolling her eyes. "The other day I couldn't open a jar of pickles, and these guys nearly laughed me right out of town."

Jacob snickered. "You should have seen it, Bella. She was like,  _wrestling_  with the damn thing. It was so funny!"

Emily just laughed to herself.

"They come in handy sometimes, though," I said.

"That's true." She smiled warmly toward the back door where Sam had disappeared. "I certainly wouldn't change anything."

"What's it like dating a wolf?" I asked her.

"Warm," she laughed. "I have to run the air conditioner at night. And thank your lucky stars you don't have to cook for your man, Bella, because the grocery bill to feed Sam and the boys is huge!"

"We could hunt," Jacob offered. "I went out with Carlisle and Edward last night, and it's not so bad. I mean, dear carcass has got nothing on your blueberry muffins, but we could save a lot of money if you didn't have to buy meat."

Emily's face brightened. "I'll talk to Sam about it."

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I tugged it out, smiling when I saw Carlisle's name on the display. "Hi," I smiled into the phone.

"Hello, love," he murmured. "How is everything?"

"Terrific. I just met Emily. Oh, and you won't believe it. Paul imprinted."

"You're kidding," he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. "I didn't expect to see it happen twice in one generation. Who's the lucky girl?"

"Jacob's sister, Rachel. The two of them have done nothing but stare at each other all day."

He gave a low laugh. "How about Billy, is he behaving himself?"

"Yeah, he's great," I assured him.

"Good. Spread the word about the party on New Years, would you? I thought we'd get started about noon, to give us plenty of time to spend with their potentials. Billy and Harry are welcome, of course, as are Emily and Rachel."

"I'll tell them."

"All right. Call me if you need anything."

I promised I would and said goodbye before hanging up the phone. More people had arrived during our short conversation, and I suddenly felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist, lifting me off of my feet and spinning me around. I giggled and twisted around when I was finally set back on the floor, to see Embry grinning widely at me.

"Hey, girl!" he said brightly. "It's been forever. You got hot."

"You got . . . kind of ugly," I teased him.

He laughed and ruffled my hair. "Whatever. I'm the prettiest guy in this whole place. These Quileutes are homely motherfuckers."

"We're not as ugly as the Makah!" I heard Quil yell from the living room.

Things descended into chaos as more people showed up and crowded into the Blacks' small house. Between the wolves and their families, there really were a lot of people, and I was glad we had made so much food. Most of them brought some as well, adding side dishes to the meal, and before long Billy was instructing boys to set up long tables and chairs in the back yard. And as if things weren't hectic enough, a huge truck pulled up in front of the house while Harry and Sam were carving the turkeys.

Billy wheeled himself to the door and signed for a delivery, and the two men in the truck started loading one huge box after another into the living room. They filled the small space with parcels, all addressed to The Quileute Council. They finished by handing Billy an envelope, addressed the same way, before disappearing back out the door.

Billy ripped open the envelope and pulled out a card that showed a grey wolf lying in a bank of snow, and had the words "Merry Christmas" printed in silver script across the bottom. He flipped it open and read aloud.

"To the wolves of La Push," he read. "We hope this eases your financial burden somewhat. Please don't hesitate to tell us if there's anything more we can do. Yours in brotherhood, the Cullens." He raised his eyes and scanned the many boxes crowding the living room.

"Let's see what they are," Jacob grinned. He grabbed the first box and ripped it open, then upended it and dumped out several pairs of brown hiking boots, bound together by the laces. He grinned. "I guess the old man was paying attention when I told him I just destroyed my last pair of shoes."

Jared joined in, ripping open another box. This one held several pairs of shorts, the boys' preferred wardrobe when they would be phasing back and forth.

Sam appeared in the doorway, watching Jacob and Jared rip open more boxes of shoes and clothes. "Carlisle did this?" he asked me.

I shrugged. "I didn't know anything about it."

Billy was frowning at the boxes, and I moved to his side.

"Does this bother you?" I asked him.

He took a deep breath, his eyes on Jacob and Jared as they ripped open the boxes. "I'm suspicious of their motives. Why would Cold Ones give gifts to their enemies?"

"The Cullens are not our enemies, Billy," Old Quil said, moving up behind him and putting a hand on his shoulder. "We lived in peace with them for a long time. They understood us; they were our friends."

"They're vampires," Billy said stubbornly.

"They have risen above their baser natures," Old Quil replied.

Billy sighed again. "It feels unnatural to trust them."

"What, are you afraid he's trying to give us smallpox?" Jacob snorted. He sniffed a pair of shoes and then clutched his throat, falling to the floor in dramatic convulsions.

Jared snickered at his antics and kicked him out of the way so he could dig around in one of the boxes of shorts.

Harry came in from the kitchen then, carrying a large platter of turkey. "Dinner is served!" he announced.

There were cheers and whoops, and everyone filed outside to the long tables. I pulled on Charlie's coat and joined them, taking a seat between Jacob and Leah. Leah leaned over and put a hand on mine.

"Sorry I snapped at you," she said softly. "I'm kind of cranky these days."

I gave her a grin to let her know all was forgiven. "It's all good. You're coming to the party, right?"

"Oh, I didn't tell anybody yet," Jacob said. "Hey guys, Dr. Fang invited us to a New Years party with his family. He thought it would be a good time to see if Quil and Seth will phase."

I supplied the details, and Billy nodded solemnly. "Bella, you may tell him that all of us will be there."

Emily perked up. "Will Edward be there? I've heard so much about him."

"I'm not sure," I said. "He's in Arizona right now, and I don't know when he'll be back."

She looked disappointed. "Oh well. It will still be exciting to meet the legendary Carlisle Cullen. I've been reading all about him in the Council's archives." She leaned forward. "Do they really all have yellow eyes?"

"Unless they're hungry," I smiled. "Jasper tends to try to starve himself to build up a tolerance, so his eyes are black more often than not."

"Jasper's one of the new ones, right? What's he like?"

"He's an asshole," Jared supplied with a grin.

I shook my head. "No he's not, he's really sweet. But he can be pretty scary too."

"He's been giving Bella therapy," Jacob said with a smirk as he loaded food onto his plate. "Seems pretty good at it, actually."

"You  _need_  therapy," Paul supplied, winking at me. "Hanging out with a bunch of ticks like that."

I rubbed the corner of my eye with my middle finger, flipping him off in a not-so-subtle gesture.

Billy cleared his throat and changed the subject. "So Bella, when is your father coming home?"

"I get to see him on Christmas," I said. "And then he's finished with therapy on the twenty-eighth. I can go pick him up on Tuesday night."

"You won't be seeing as much of the Cullens after that, will you?"

My stomach tightened. He was right, and that scared me. What if Carlisle got bored when I wasn't around? What if he looked elsewhere for entertainment?

"Dad, don't be an asshole," Jacob mumbled.

"That may not be such a bad thing," Billy said, ignoring Jacob. "It might be good for you to get some distance. Some perspective." He gave me a tight smile.

"Yeah," I muttered. "My life has been miserable since I met the Cullens, but I haven't noticed because I'm too  _close_  to the situation."

"That's exactly right, Bella," he said coolly. "Think about it. Within only a few months of meeting them, the Cullens have effectively separated you from your family and made you dependant on them." He folded his hands on the table. "Do you really think they've done that out of love?"

"Dad, you don't know what you're talking about," Jacob said impatiently.

"Don't I? Bella, forgive me, but didn't you used to think of your mother as your best friend? And now the Cullens won't even allow you to be away from them long enough to spend a holiday with her."

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Jacob repeated, louder this time. He glared at his father. "You don't know why she came home."

Fear shot through me. I couldn't stand it if Jacob told everyone here what happened. "I can't do this," I said, pushing myself to my feet.

"No, Bella, don't go." Jacob leapt up from his chair. "Please? Just ignore him."

"Even now, they're controlling you," Billy said calmly. "They're driving a wedge between you and your friends."

"Would you shut the hell up?" Jacob exploded, pulling me into a hug. "Bella wouldn't even have come tonight if Carlisle hadn't encouraged her to. It's not  _him_  driving wedges, it's _you._ "

Billy frowned disapprovingly. "Don't tell me you've been fooled by their lies too, Jacob?"

"Nobody's lying! As a matter of fact, everybody's making an effort to keep things peaceful and friendly except  _you_. Whenever there's a problem between us and the Cullens, it's because of  _you._ "

"Actually, Jacob," Sam said softly, "Billy makes a good point." He turned wary eyes on me. "Bella, why didn't you stay at your Mom's for Christmas?"

I tried to push away from Jacob, but he locked his arms around me. "Please don't leave," he begged. "If you take off now, Carlisle will have a fit any time you want to come back." He tugged one of my braids lightly, trying to force a smile. "Just tell Sam it's none of his damn business and tell Dad to pry his head out of his ass, and then sit and have dinner with us."

His imploring gaze melted my resistance, and I nodded.

Sam sighed impatiently. "Come on, Bella, work with us a little. We've been patrolling around the clock trying to keep you safe."

"Who asked you to do that?" I demanded. "I'm sick of being watched all the time. You guys are babysitting me because of them, and they're babysitting me because of you, but nobody ever thought to wait for an invitation from  _me!_ " I fixed Sam with a glare. "Did it ever occur to you that I might not  _like_  having you guys there all the time? That I might prefer a little privacy?"

Leah stood, glaring at me. "You ungrateful little bitch," she snapped. "Did it ever occur to _you_ that your precious Cullens probably would have sucked you dry by now if it hadn't been for the pack watching them?"

"Leah, stay out of it." Seth's words came out more as a whimper than a command, but Leah listened, shooting a dark look at me as she took her seat again.

"Bella," Sam said in a conciliatory tone, "if you want us to trust the Cullens, give us a reason. Why did you come back early?"

Jacob pulled me against his chest again. "It's none of your damn business."

Jared rolled his eyes. "Bella's step-dad hurt her."

"God damn it, Jared!" Jacob yelled.

"What?" he shot back. "He's going to see it in your head eventually, just like I did." He arched an eyebrow at me. "You're not the only one who doesn't get any privacy, you know."

I buried my head in Jacob's chest. I couldn't stand to look anyone in the eye, especially when Jared started sharing the details of my encounter with Phil. The entire table went silent, and I knew all eyes would be on me. I tried to pull away, to escape to my truck, but Jacob held me against him.

"Don't go," he breathed. "Please. We're your friends, Bella. I know you don't like to talk about this, but don't run away." He kissed the top of my head. "Let us help you."

"I don't need your help," I said, pulling back and giving Jacob an earnest look. "Carlisle took care of it, and Edward is in Phoenix now, making sure nothing bad happens because I left."

Paul cleared his throat. "It was Sam and Jared who took care of Edward for you when he went for your throat," he reminded me gently. He gave me an apologetic look. "I don't mean to argue with you or anything, Bella, but you  _do_  need us. A human in a world full of monsters needs all the help she can get."

Jacob pressed his hands on either side of my face. "Hey," he said softly. "I know you can take care of yourself, but could you just do this for me? Let us keep watching your house so I don't worry about you?" He kissed the tip of my nose and gave me puppy dog eyes. "Please?"

I nodded and pressed my forehead to his chest again as he wrapped me up in a warm hug.

He glared at his father. "Are you proud of yourself, Dad? This was supposed to be fun."

"I'm sorry, Bella," Billy said evenly.

My temper flared and I turned, narrowing my eyes at him. "I am so  _sick_  of people telling me they're sorry," I spat. "All my life people have been hurting me and then apologizing, and expecting me to forgive them. I'm done with it. If you actually want my forgiveness, earn it."

Jacob gave me a squeeze, grinning proudly. "'Atta girl."

Billy didn't look happy. "Alright," he said with a stern look. "How should I earn it?"

"Treat Carlisle with the respect he deserves. When you can do that, I can respect  _you_ again."

Billy raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

Jacob grabbed our plates and nodded toward the door. "Let's go eat inside."

I nodded and followed him into the house, relieved to be leaving the crowd behind. We had just gotten settled at the kitchen table, though, when Jared pushed the door open and leaned inside.

"Can I come in?" he asked anxiously, looking to me for permission.

I shrugged.

"I didn't mean to embarrass you or anything," he said, dropping into a chair next to me. "I just didn't think Billy and Sam would shut up until they knew."

"It's fine," I mumbled, not meeting his eye.

"Hey." He tugged on my sleeve to get me to look at him. "I like the Cullens. I think they're cool."

I nodded.

"Are we still friends?" he asked tentatively.

He was trying hard, I had to give him credit for that. I forced a smile and leaned forward to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Yeah," I said. "We're friends."

"What about Sam? Are you mad at him?"

"No, just Billy. He acted like this last time I came here too, and he apologized to me for it just this morning. I'm irritated that he thinks he can do it again and all will be forgiven if he says he's sorry."

He bobbed his head in agreement. "Yeah, I get that."

There was a loud bang outside, and Sam's voice carried clearly through the thin walls of the house. "God  _damn_  it, Billy, you've got to stop antagonizing her! If she asks us to leave, we won't have a choice. It's not our territory."

Jared gave me a morose look. "That's true, you know. It violates the treaty for us to protect you when you're not on our land, but Carlisle said it was okay for us to keep an eye on you as long as there was no trouble."

I sighed tiredly. "Jacob, let's go back outside."

He looked up, a fork full of food halfway to his mouth. "Why?" he asked around his last mouthful.

"Because I don't want everyone thinking I'm mad at them when it's only Billy that I have a problem with."

He shrugged his shoulders, stuffing the food into his mouth. "Fuck 'em."

I laughed, shaking my head. "I can't do that. Like it or not, what I do affects the relationship between the pack and the Cullens." I stood up, collecting my plate. "I can show a little diplomacy if it helps keep the sparks away from the powder keg."

Jacob smirked and grabbed his plate, and the three of us headed back outside. Everyone fell silent as we took our places again, but Sam caught my eye and nodded to me.

I took a deep breath, forcing myself to say things that didn't come easy for me. "Leah's right, I'm being ungrateful." I glanced around the table, including everyone in my apology. "You guys have sacrificed a lot of time for me, and I appreciate it. Plus it's nice to have someone to have breakfast with sometimes."

Sam murmured a soft "Thank you," and Emily gave me a smile from beside him.

Harry cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Bella, I hope you won't mind too much if the boys keep watching your house. We're a little worried about how things will go when Charlie comes home." He glanced around the table before looking back at me. "We're all pulling for him, but we also want to make sure you're safe."

"Thanks," I said quietly, dropping my eyes to my plate.

"Let's talk about something else," Rachel spoke up. "Emily, how are the wedding plans coming?"

I shot her a grateful look as Emily started talking about florists and caterers.

"I can't believe you're getting married, Sam," Jared broke in.

Sam smiled amiably. "Marriage is a divine institution."

"So are you saying you need to be institutionalized?"

Jacob snickered and draped an arm over my shoulders as he eagerly added scoops of food to his plate. The Quileutes bantered back and forth, and within a few minutes the tension had melted away and everyone was laughing and joking together again.

Everyone except Billy. He sat stoically at the head of the table, eating in silence.

I picked at my food and tried not to notice.

 

 


	81. White Christmas

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

The Christmas Eve snow had made for a busy night in the emergency room, and it wasn't until four o'clock on Christmas morning that things finally quieted down. I took advantage of the temporary lull, tucking a pager into my pocket and telling the staff that I was headed home to try and get a couple hours of sleep. The others wanted to do the same, I knew, but since I was scheduled to work all of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day without any real breaks, they weren't about to challenge me.

I hurried out the door before any new patients could show up and darted to my car, speeding through the icy streets to my girl's house. I parked out front and grabbed the little silver-wrapped box out of the glove compartment before hurrying inside. I moved silently up the stairs and pushed open Bella's bedroom door, stepping inside and closing it behind me.

Her face was serene and peaceful in the dim light of the bedroom, and I hoped that she was experiencing a rare moment of restful sleep. Since we had left her mother in Arizona, she was frequently tormented with nightmares, and it made me hesitant to wake her from the deep sleep she so desperately needed. I sat slowly on the bed next to her, careful not to jostle her awake.

I smiled to myself as my eyes fell on the framed photograph of the two of us, tucked loosely against her chest. I eased it out of her hand and set it on the night stand next to the bed, placing my Christmas gift for her next to it.

I leaned close, breathing in her scent, and frowned. It was clear she had showered before she had gone to bed, but scents from the Quileute wolves still clung to her and it aggravated me. There was no good reason for my displeasure. I knew perfectly well where she had been all evening, and had spoken to her a couple of times to make sure everything was alright. Still, to have their odors tainting her skin . . . it disturbed me.

I felt a growl rise up in me throat, and swallowed it back. There was no reason to be angry. There was no reason for my sudden overwhelming need to claim her, to leave my own scent on her body as a reminder to the pack that she belonged to me and me alone.

I took several deep breaths to rein in my possessive urges before allowing myself to lean down and kiss her gently. I let myself enjoy the velvety feel of her soft, pink lips against my own hard skin. I traced them with the tip of my tongue, savoring her sweet flavor. Desire spiked inside of me as I leaned over her sleeping form, and I deepened my kiss, parting her lips with my tongue and exploring her mouth.

She stirred and started, and I moved a hand to her cheek, caressing it soothingly. She relaxed almost immediately and slipped her arms around my neck, welcoming my kiss and returning it eagerly.

"Oh, my Isabella," I breathed against her lips. I pushed her blankets aside and stretched out on top of her, running my hands up and down over the black satin shorts and camisole top she wore.

"I missed you," she murmured sleepily.

"I missed you too." I kissed her again, responding only too gladly when she nudged me onto my back and rolled on top of me. She sat up, straddling my hips, and smiled down at me, her beautiful brown eyes raking over me.

"You look hot in your doctor clothes," she smiled softly.

I raised an eyebrow. "I look hot?"

She nodded and smiled mischievously. "I bet anybody would look hot in those clothes, though. I bet  _I'd_  look hot in them." She reached out and loosened my tie, then slipped it over my head. I raised an eyebrow a she looped it around her neck and tightened it against the smooth skin of her throat. She shook out her hair, her tangled curls falling on either side of her face and smiled down at me. "What do you think?"

I swallowed hard, staring at the red silk dangling between her breasts, contrasting with the black fabric of her pajamas. It was the most alluring thing I had ever seen.

I shook my head. "It clashes with your pajamas," I told her, my voice sounding a little rough. "We'll have to get rid of them."

I grabbed the hem of her shirt, stripping it off of her, then flipped her onto her back on the mattress. I whipped the shorts off of her as well, then knelt between her knees, my eyes tracing over her smooth, naked body, with my tie doing a very inadequate job of hiding her from my gaze.

Bella grinned playfully up at me. "Is that better?"

"Much, much better." I gripped the tie at her throat and pulled her a couple of inches off the bed, leaning down to claim her lips in a desperate kiss. Bella's hands began fumbling with the buttons on my shirt, and I helped her undo them, stripping it off and tossing it on the floor. I had to release her to remove my shoes and pants, and I did so regretfully, having to fight my own instincts every second that my hands weren't on her, exploring her curves. When I had finally shed my clothes, I crawled over her, gazing at the beautiful body spread before me, waiting for my touch.

The scent of her arousal filled my senses, but it wasn't quite enough to drown out the stray smells that clung to her skin. Other men had touched her tonight. They had hugged her, held her hand, marked her with their essences, and the animal inside me roared in fury. She was  _mine_. Only my body should ever be pressed to hers, only my arms should hold her, and only my hands should caress her soft skin.

"I need you, Bella," I growled, trembling as I lowered myself down onto her.

Her hands slipped around my waist, grasping at my back, and she raised her lips to my ear. "Take me," she breathed.

I thrust hard into her, making her gasp, and I moaned in pleasure as her sweet, wet warmth enveloped me. Her body arched to meet me and I gripped her hip, moving slowly, rhythmically, in and out of her tight pussy. Her soft walls clenched tightly around me, squeezing my cock, ratcheting up my desire for her.

"Bella," I groaned, my lips tracing the curve of her neck. "You feel so good, love . . . so good." My tie was restricting access to the lovely artery in her throat, but there was no way I was going to take it off of her. She'd wear it for the rest of her life if I had my way. My lips sought the slope of her breasts instead, kissing down one soft mound to her puckered nipple. I sucked it into my mouth, tasting her skin as I drove my cock in and out of her trembling body. "You were made for me, Bella," I breathed, releasing her nipple and moving my lips back to her ear. "Only me." I buried a hand in her hair, drawing in the scent from behind her ear.

"Only you," she repeated, clinging to me.

"God, you make me crazy." I claimed her lips, kissing her deeply, needfully. Her tongue tangled with mine and her warm hands moved over my back. She moaned and arched her back, her soft breasts pressing firmly against my chest, and I slipped my hand under her back, trapping her against me. I held her body off of the bed, bracing against the mattress with my other hand as I drove into her relentlessly, riding her delicate body as hard as I dared.

She was gasping in pleasure, her hips rising to meet my thrusts, heels digging into the bed. I could feel her muscles tightening and I knew she was close. I released her mouth and breathed in the delicious scent of her desire. The light sheen of sweat on her skin was dominating the traces of the more masculine scents that had been left on her, and I growled in satisfaction. "Mine," I whispered.

Bella's body bucked in my arms and she cried out as the orgasm took over her body. The tight walls of her pussy spasmed around me, pulsing and throbbing, and it was only pure determination that allowed me to hold back my own release. I rode her through her orgasm, and when her body went limp I lowered her back onto the bed.

"Carlisle," she panted breathlessly. "Incredible."

I smiled, still moving rhythmically inside of her. "I'm not finished with you yet," I breathed in her ear.

A shiver ran through her body and she moaned softly.

I pulled out of her and swiftly flipped her onto her stomach, gripping her hips and pulling her up onto her knees. She whimpered my name as I entered her from behind, and she thrust herself eagerly back against me.

I wrapped an arm around her, my hand gripping the soft swell of her breast, and I pulled her up straight, pressing her back against my chest and leaning forward slightly, keeping her just off balance. The position left her very little leverage for movement, but she wriggled against me, seeking the friction that she craved.

I thrust deep into her, demonstrating the control this position gave me over her body, and she moaned. "More," she begged when I didn't repeat the action.

"Do you want me to make you feel good, Bella?" I breathed in her ear.

"Yes," she said, her voice trembling.

I held her against me with one hand while I trailed the other down her stomach to the apex of her thighs. I slipped my fingers into her wet slit and found the small bundle of nerves that would give her the pleasure that she desired. I rolled it between my fingers and she cried out, her head falling back on my shoulder.

"Do you want me to make you come?" I whispered.

"Yes! Please yes," she begged.

My hips jerked involuntarily at the sound and I pumped in and out of her wet hole, giving her what she needed. I continued to manipulate her clit with my fingers, and within a few minutes she was tensing up, her body preparing for another orgasm.

I pulled my hand away from her clit, denying her the release, and I sucked my coated fingers into my mouth, groaning at the tangy flavor of her juices.

"No, don't stop," she pleaded. "Make me come, Carlisle. I need it."

I pounded into her, anxious for my own release, but not quite ready to relinquish my control over her body. I slipped my fingers between her legs again, gathering more of the slick moisture and making her growl in frustration when I drew them away again. I cut off the sound by pushing my fingers into her mouth, and she whimpered as her warm tongue licked them clean.

"Ah, Bella," I moaned, bucking desperately into her. "You can't imagine what that sound does to me." I massaged her breast with the hand that pinned her body to mine, pinching and pulling gently at her tender nipple.

"Please," she gasped desperately, squirming in my arms. "Please let me come."

I slowly trailed my hand back down her body and brushed my fingers lightly over her sensitive nub. "Is that what you want, darling?" I asked, my lips pressed against her ear.

"Yes!" she gasped. "More, please!"

I flicked her clit lightly, teasing her, and she let out a frustrated cry. "Harder," she panted. "Please, Carlisle, I need it harder."

I complied, surrendering to her pleas and giving her the pressure she craved. I ached to spill my venom inside of her, but I held back a little longer as my hands worked her nipple and her clit, drawing her closer and closer to orgasm.

Within moments she was shaking in my arms as she screamed in pleasure, and I shuddered from the intensity of my need for her. I knew I should let go of her, should get my eager hands safely away from her fragile frame before I took my own release, but letting go of her body now simply felt too wrong. Instead I held my hands and arms rigid, refusing to allow even the slightest movement in them as I plunged in and out of my girl, bringing myself to my own crushing orgasm.

I exploded inside of her, filling her with my essence, marking her with my scent in a far more intimate way than any of her friends had. I thrust into her time and again, staking my claim in the most primal manner as I took my pleasure from her sweet, warm body. She clung to my arms as my movements slowed, her muscles quivering from exertion.

My physical need for her slackened, but my emotional need remained unsated. I loosened my grip on her and lowered her gently to the bed, covering her with my body. "I need you, Bella," I whispered. "I need to know you belong to me."

She shifted underneath me and I rolled off of her, hissing as my sensitive cock slipped out of her warm folds. She twisted around so she was facing me, running her hand up and down my side. "Are you really worried about that?" she asked, sounding surprised.

"I'm sorry." I tugged gently at the tie around her neck. "I'm not sure when I got to be such an insecure old fool."

She snuggled close to me, pressing a kiss to my chest. "I've never loved anyone like this. I don't want anyone else, and I can't imagine that ever changing." She stroked my ankle with her toes. "There's only you."

I closed my eyes and held her against me, feeling warm all the way through my body. "Thank you," I breathed. "I know I'm being ridiculous, but it's good of you to put my mind at ease."

"You're right, it  _is_  good of me. I just gave you what you needed, and I didn't tease you or make you beg for it, the way  _some_  people might have done." She pulled back, smiling at me, her eyes dancing merrily.

I grinned back at her. "That's because you're a very sweet girl. It's unfortunate that you've chosen such a cruel, heartless lover."

She giggled and stole a quick kiss.

"Well," I said, pushing off of the bed, "allow me to try to make up for my cruelty." I stood and moved out of the bedroom to the bathroom, wetting a cloth with warm water and returning to her. I leaned over and kissed her as I gently cleaned her up before wiping up myself. I tossed the cloth in her hamper and settled onto the bed next to her.

She sat up and took my hand, scooting against the headboard of her bed and pulling me with her.

"Merry Christmas," I murmured softly, pulling her close to me.

She smiled. "Well, it was certainly a merry beginning." She reached over and turned on the lamp on the night stand, illuminating the room with a soft, yellow glow. "So can I give you your present now?"

I tugged gently at the tie around her neck. "This is as much of a present as I need," I teased her, pressing a kiss to her lips.

She laughed and shook her head, pushing me away. "No, I have a real one for you." She crawled off the bed and moved to her desk, picking up a fairly large square box wrapped in glossy red paper with white ribbon tied around it.

I looked at it curiously as she handed it to me and crawled back up beside me.

"I hope you like it," she said, suddenly self-conscious. "I mean . . . what do you get for the vampire who has everything?"

I laughed and her cheeks colored a little.

"Anyway, Jacob and I worked hard on it. And Alice seems to think you'll like it, so . . ." she trailed off, biting her lip.

I smiled, untying the ribbon. "You can usually trust Alice when it comes to gift-giving." I tore off the paper and opened the box, freezing when I saw what was inside.

The box contained a large, three-inch binder, filled nearly to overflowing with pages tucked inside of plastic sheet protectors. What stopped me, though, was the picture that was displayed on the clear, glossy cover of the binder. It was an old black and white photograph, enlarged from the original, that had once been printed in a newspaper the last time my family had lived in Forks. I slowly lifted the binder from the box, my eyes scanning the picture.

It was a shot of the old diner in Forks, a business that I had frequented decades ago. Leaning on the rickety railing of the diner's prominent porch were two very familiar figures—myself and Ephraim Black. Both of us held cigarettes between our fingers, and I was speaking and gesturing with mine while Ephraim smiled broadly.

The newspaper that ran the picture had praised me for my efforts to civilize the local tribes, but I remembered that conversation all too well, and it had nothing to do with civilizing anyone. I was telling Ephraim about Sigmund Freud's philosophy on penis envy, and he was, frankly, mocking anyone who believed such absurdity. He had gone on to tell me that if there was anything women envied in men, it was the freedom to get drunk and make fools of themselves in public without social repercussions—a sentiment with which I had to agree.

I traced my finger over the smiling face of my old friend, the memory making me ache inside.

"Jacob and I went through the Quileute archives and copied everything we could find that Ephraim had written," Bella explained hesitantly, pulling me out of my reverie. "Journal entries, treatises . . . and we included all the pictures we could find of him too."

I opened the binder and examined the first page. It was a short speech Ephraim had written for a tribal celebration, encouraging the preservation of Quileute heritage and promoting tribal sovereignty. I scanned the familiar handwriting, remembering the deep tone of Ephraim's voice and the fire that had burned in his eyes when he had read it to me, looking for a critique.

I swallowed back a lump in my throat and wrapped my arms around my girl, drawing her close. "This may be the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me," I whispered. "Thank you, Bella."

She clung to me, pressing a kiss to my shoulder. "I'm glad you like it."

"I love it." I moved a finger to her chin and tilted it up, leaning down and kissing her gently. "And I love you."

She smiled, brushing her nose against mine.

I closed the binder and set it aside for now, reaching past Bella and plucking the small silver box from her night stand. "I'm afraid my gift for you isn't half as thoughtful," I told her, and suddenly I was just as anxious about giving her this gift as she had been about giving me mine. I ran a hand through my hair, hoping she wouldn't take it the wrong way. "I know there hasn't been a lot of security in your life. And I know you've been anxious about this emancipation with your father. I guess I hoped this might give you some peace of mind."

She took the small box I was holding out to her and removed the lid, lifting out the key ring that held two identical silver keys. She gave them a puzzled look, then picked up the photograph that lay in the bottom of the box. Her eyes scanned the two-story Victorian home that I had just spent a small fortune remodeling and modernizing for her.

She looked up at me in confusion.

"It's yours, Bella," I said softly. "I know there have been times you felt like you had nowhere to go. I never want that to happen again."

She stared down at the photograph, looking stunned. She opened her mouth to speak, but then shut it again.

I watched her anxiously, desperate to know what was going through her mind. "Sweetheart." I reached out and touched her knee. "I want you to know I have no expectations regarding it. If you never have need of it, I understand. If you want to spend an occasional night, or if you simply decide to move in . . . I don't care, Bella. It's yours to do with as you please."

Bella crawled into my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck, her body trembling as she hugged me tightly. I felt a tear drop on my shoulder, and I cradled her in my arms, kissing her neck softly.

"Help me understand, love," I whispered against her skin. "Have I upset you?"

She shook her head and her arms tightened around me, but she didn't speak.

I stroked her hair gently, perplexed, but taking comfort in the fact that she at least wasn't pushing me away. I took the box out of her hands and drew away from her long enough to set both of our gifts on the night stand. "Come here," I murmured. I wrapped my arms around her and lay down on the bed, holding her warm body close to me and pulling the blankets around us.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, swiping at the tears on her cheeks.

"There's no need for apologies. But can you tell me what you're thinking?"

She brushed at her eyes again, ducking her head against my chest so I couldn't see her face. "I've never . . ." She stopped, swallowing hard, then took an unsteady breath and spoke again. "I've never had a safe place."

I rubbed a hand soothingly over her back, keeping my touch light so I wouldn't aggravate the deep bruises on her skin. "You do now. As soon as the emancipation clears we'll file the paperwork to get the title transferred to your name."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome." I nudged her onto her back and leaned up on my elbow, gazing down at her lovely face. Her eyes were wet and rimmed with red, but they were still the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. I kissed the tip of her nose and tugged affectionately at the tie. "You're right, you know. You look positively enchanting in my clothes."

"You look pretty good without them," she smiled back, her eyes sparkling.

I laughed and leaned down to kiss her. "I love you, Bella Swan," I murmured. "More than I ever thought possible."

She snuggled against my chest, and for the next few minutes she lay next to me in silence, her fingers trailing lightly over my back. After a while she gave a little contented sigh. "I  _do_ look pretty hot in this tie."

I laughed softly. "I'll have to stop home and replace it before I head back to the hospital."

She pulled back and looked at me, blushing slightly. "You're not going to take this one?"

I shook my head, smiling at her. "It looks much better on you." I sat up and retrieved the binder she had given me from the night stand. "Now forgive me, Bella, but I simply must see what you've put together here." I leaned against the headboard again, and Bella scooted up next to me as I opened the book and slowly started flipping through the pages, letting myself get lost in my memories.


	82. Everything is Borrowed

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I didn't sleep much after Carlisle left, but this time it wasn't due to the miserable nightmares. I was simply too nervous to sleep. In a few hours I would be picking up Charlie and spending the day with him, and I didn't have any idea what to expect. My visits with him had been something to look forward to while he had been away, but I always knew that I would be going to see Good Charlie. Safe Charlie. Once separated from the watchful eye of the Daybreak staff, there was no guarantee that Angry Charlie wouldn't make an appearance.

Honestly, though, that wasn't my biggest fear. Carlisle had promised that there would always be someone close by to step in if Charlie didn't keep his temper in check, and he had demonstrated his ability to protect me enough times that it was easy to trust him. So it wasn't fear for my safety that had me pacing my bedroom before the sun came up, but anxiety over how I was supposed to relate to my father.

Charlie and I weren't good with feelings, or even conversation, and a full twelve hours stretched out in front of us with no school, work, or fishing to distract us. There was always television, of course—thank god he could always find sports in some form or another—but that wouldn't help with the two hours of driving back and forth to Port Angeles.

And I was afraid of failing. I wanted to make Christmas special, and Emmett had helped me come up with a gift for Charlie, but beyond that I didn't really know what to do. In the back of my mind, I held a fear that if he didn't enjoy his visit home today, he would follow through on his plans to kill himself. The thought left me nauseous, and I took a break from my pacing to kneel over the toilet, dry heaving until my stomach muscles ached.

I changed clothes three times and considered making breakfast that I knew I wouldn't eat, just so I would have a distraction. The pacing wasn't helping my quivering stomach, but every time I tried to sit down I got so agitated that I ended up on my feet again before I even realized I had moved my legs to stand.

When it was finally time for me to leave, I moved trepidatiously out to my truck and climbed up into the cab. I pushed the key into the ignition, but I couldn't quite make myself turn it. I leaned my forehead on the steering wheel, trying to decide whether I needed to go kneel over the toilet again for a few minutes, when a warm, calm feeling washed over me. The passenger door opened and the truck shifted as someone climbed into the cab with me.

"Just relax," Jasper drawled. "Alice and I are going to follow you to Port Angeles and back, just to keep an eye on things, all right?"

I nodded, not looking at him. "Okay."

He rubbed the back of my neck gently, slowly pulling back his calming influence, leaving me nervous, but no longer panicked. "You'll do just fine, Bella. You love your dad. That's the most important thing."

I took a deep breath and nodded, starting the engine.

"Good girl." He shot me a wink, and then jumped out of the truck and moved to slide onto the back of a motorcycle that I hadn't even noticed behind the truck. The slight, helmeted figure that could only be Alice waved to me with one gloved hand, and I waved back, forcing a smile.

Driving calmed me a little, and the hour long trip to Port Angeles helped to soothe my nerves. Alice and Jasper parked out of sight while I maneuvered the truck into the Daybreak parking lot. I climbed out, trying not to let myself get worked up into another panic, and headed into the lobby.

It was busier than I had ever seen it. Several people, adults and children alike, stood around in the lobby, waiting for their family members. After a short wait in line I checked in with the receptionist, who dialed Charlie's room and let him know I was waiting. After a couple of minutes he appeared, exiting through the door to the common room where I usually had my meetings with him.

One look at his face told me that he was as anxious as I was, and somehow that made me feel better. I moved to greet him and hugged him tightly.

"I brought you your jacket back," I smiled, shrugging out of the coat I was wearing over my sweatshirt.

Charlie chuckled nervously. "Thanks."

We headed out to my truck and climbed in. I started the engine and steered out onto the road, casting around for something to talk about. This was where it got hard.

"I had dinner with Billy and Jacob last night," I told him.

"Yeah? How are they doing?"

"Good," I said, trying to come up with more to say. I couldn't.

"Good," Charlie repeated, nodding.

Silence settled again.

"How's school?" he asked after a moment.

"Good. All A's on my report card."

"That's great, Bella," he said, sounding genuinely pleased.

Surely there had to be more I could say about school . . . I just couldn't think of anything.

Several minute passed before Charlie spoke again, his voice gruff. "Seen much of Jake lately?"

"Yeah," I said, glad I could give him a positive answer. "I've spent lots of time with him."

"That's good. He's a good kid, Bella."

We were both saying "good" an awful lot this morning.

"Yeah. That's why he's my best friend."

"Best friend," Charlie sniffed. "Right."

After that we both decided that the silence wasn't so bad. We drove the rest of the way home without trying to force any more conversation, and then headed inside.

Charlie looked around the house in surprise. "Wow," he said, still sounding uncomfortable. "It looks really nice in here."

"Um . . . thanks. Alice thought the house needed decorating."

"It looks good."

_Here we go again._

"Are you hungry?" I asked him. "I could make breakfast . . . or brunch, I guess."

"That sounds good, baby."

He came into the kitchen with me and sat at the table, not saying much while I moved around the kitchen, cooking up a batch of blueberry muffins and slicing some fruit. I laid the food out on plates and sat with him, picking at mine but not really eating.

Charlie eyed his plate as he started in on the food. "So . . . how's that boyfriend of yours?"

"He's good," I said evasively.

"Where's he at today?"

He was working at the hospital, but I couldn't exactly say that to Charlie. I wasn't sure if he was still buying the lie about Edward and me, but I wasn't about to tell him that I was in love with Carlisle. I swallowed a bite of my muffin and shrugged. "Spending the day with his family, I guess."

Charlie grunted. He opened his mouth to say something else, so I quickly cut him off. "Jacob's been trying to teach me the rules of football. I thought maybe we could watch a game today."

His moustache twitched as he gave a small smile. "That sounds like fun."

The entire morning pretty much went like that. Every now and then we made an attempt at some stilted conversation, but for the most part we just let the television distract us from actually having to talk. After we watched one game, though, Charlie surprised me by turning off the TV.

He turned toward me, shifting uncomfortably again. "Listen, Bella," he said gruffly. "I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about—"

"I got you a present," I cut him off, standing up abruptly. I moved to the tree and grabbed a small package from underneath, bringing it back to him.

He took it and set it aside. "Bella, sit down. Please?"

I chewed at my lip and sat next to him, my stomach churning uncomfortably. I didn't want another apology from him. I already had enough of them, tucked away in boxes in my closet.

"Baby, I'm really sorry. And I know I can't make up for all the years with just that, but I want you to know I'm really trying to make it better."

I twisted my hands in my lap, unable to meet his gaze.

"I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, and the most important person in my life." He patted my knee awkwardly. "I just . . . wanted you to know that."

I didn't know what to say. My normal response was to say that it was okay, but it wasn't, and I was tired of pretending that it was. I pulled my knees up to my chest, wishing he would just turn the television back on.

He sighed and picked up his gift. "So can I open this?"

I smiled in relief and nodded.

He tore open the paper and opened the box, pulling out a baseball with signatures from the Seattle Mariners scrawled all over it.

"Emmett and Rosalie are friends with Ichiro Suzuki's agent," I explained, anxiously, hoping he would like it. "They got the whole team to sign the ball."

Charlie smiled softly and pulled me into a hug. "I love it, baby. Thank you. I'm . . . I'm sorry I couldn't get you anything."

"I just wanted to see you. That's all I need."

His arms tightened around me, and he kissed the top of my head. "So," he said gruffly, releasing me, "what's happening with you lately."

"Um . . . I've been going to therapy."

His eyebrows lifted in surprised. "Oh yeah? What do you think?"

"It's hard," I said frankly.

He nodded, commiserating. "Yeah. People always asking questions."

"Hard questions."

He nodded, and I was sure he was thinking about his own sessions.

"It's worth it, though," I said, trying to be encouraging.

"Yeah. I've learned a lot these last couple of months."

I shifted so I was leaning against him and hugged his arm. "Me too."

"Do you like your therapist?"

I considered that for a moment. I wasn't at all a fan of Dr. Rhodes, but I liked Jasper a lot. "Sometimes. What about you?"

Charlie laughed dryly. "I've seen a lot of them lately. But there are a few I like. And they want me to keep going back to Daybreak a couple of times a week for sessions."

I nodded.

"Do you . . ." he cleared his throat. "Do you think you might want to come with me sometimes?"

I nodded, feeling my stomach twist in anxiety. "Yeah," I lied. "I'd like that."

He gave a low laugh. "I don't really want to go either," he said ruefully.

"It's good for us."

He grunted his assent.

We were silent again for a few minutes, but it wasn't as oppressive this time. The chasm between us was slightly smaller now.

"So what do you do all day when I'm not here?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Well, Jacob and the Cullens come over a lot. Sometimes they make me watch football and try to teach me the rules, or sometimes they read with me."

"Yeah? What do you read?"

I gestured to the books on the table next to the love seat. "Right now I'm reading  _Lord of the Flies_  and a collection of Edgar Allan Poe poems."

"Do you . . . want to read something now?"

I pulled back and stared at him, blinking in surprise. "You want to read with me?"

He shrugged, looking embarrassed. "You watched football with me. I thought maybe we could do something you like now."

"Okay." I glanced at the collection of Poe poems, quickly deciding they probably weren't the best material to read just now, given my father's state of mind. "I'll be right back." I ran up the stairs and retrieved my Longfellow book, bringing it back down and flipping it open.

We spent the next half hour or so reading the poems to each other, and I was surprised to see that Charlie seemed fairly content. I didn't know if he cared at all for the poetry, but it felt like he was enjoying the time spent together anyway. I tried not to think too hard about it, not quite willing to take on the task of interpreting what all of this meant while we were sitting here together. I would save it for later, for tonight after he was gone, when I could curl up in Carlisle's arms and let the noise of the world fall away. I would pull it out then, when I had the time and space to try and understand.

I made us a light dinner that Charlie ate and I sort of nibbled at. I expected him to turn on the television again when we were done, but he didn't. The two of us still didn't have much to talk about, but it seemed like he was giving it a serious effort. And somehow, the longer we sat there, trying to make conversation, the less uncomfortable it got. That, in turn, made it easier for us to come up with things to talk about.

Charlie was telling me about a Black Flag concert he had once been to, when the alarm on my phone announced that it was time for us to head back to Port Angeles. He sighed and hauled himself to his feet. "I guess we'd better get going."

I nodded sadly. "Yeah. I'm really glad you're coming home soon."

"Me too, baby," he said, pulling me into a hug. "I've missed you so much."

We moved to the door and grabbed our coats. Charlie looked at his, then at the stairs, his brow furrowing. "Just a minute," he mumbled. He headed toward the staircase and moved up the steps, disappearing onto the second floor.

I tugged on my sweatshirt and zipped it up, straightening my hair, waiting for him to come back. I paced for a minute or two, but when he didn't reappear I decided to go up and see what he was doing. I moved up the stairs, heading for his bedroom, but stopped when I saw him  _my_ room.

I froze. Charlie was standing in front of my closet, his coat clutched in his hand, staring at my open closet door. My stomach turned over as I realized he was reading my pros and cons list.

Charlie heard my sharp intake of breath and turned slowly, his eyes flashing angrily. "What the hell is this?" he asked, his voice deadly calm.

"It's nothing," I stuttered. "We should go."

"Bella!" he barked sharply.

I bit my lip, slowly moving into the bedroom. "It's not important," I said, my voice shaking. "Jacob and I were just screwing around. It's a . . . joke."

Yeah, there was no way he was going to believe that.

"Is  _this_  a joke?" he growled furiously. He jabbed the door with his finger, pointing to the words Carlisle had written on the door, promising to love me forever.

I swallowed hard, trembling all over. "It's not what you think."

"Oh really?" he growled grabbing my arm and jerking me toward him, his fingers digging into my muscle. "Because what I think is that Dr. Cullen is messing around with my underage daughter!"

"Charlie, let go of her."

Both of our heads snapped around to see Emmett standing in my bedroom doorway.

"What the hell are you doing in my house?" Charlie yelled.

"You need to relax," Emmett said, his tone staying calm. "I get that you don't want me to interfere, and I'm happy to leave you two alone, as long as you keep your hands off of her."

Charlie's eyes fell on my arm where he was grabbing me, and he jerked his hand back as though he had been burned. He stared at his hand, a look of horror on his face.

"I'll be right outside," Emmett murmured to me, then strode away.

Charlie's eyes darkened again when he left. "What exactly is going on with you and the Cullens?" he demanded.

"Nothing. They just stayed with me sometimes so I wouldn't have to be alone."

"How many of them have been messing around with you?"

I ducked my head against his anger. "They're just my friends," I said weakly.

He slammed his fist into the closet door. "Then why the hell is Cullen telling you that he loves you? This doesn't look like  _friends_  to me, Bella!"

I stumbled back, scrambling to find something to tell him, but I couldn't come up with anything. There on the door, all of my secrets were laid bare. The Cullens were exposed as vampires, the Quileutes were exposed as wolves, and my relationship with Carlisle was displayed in permanent marker.

"I love him," I finally whispered.

He clenched his teeth in fury. "No you don't. He may have made you think that you do, but that's over, Bella. You're not going to see him again."

I stared at him in horror, feeling like I had been punched in the stomach.

"His kids either," he said, his voice hard. "We'll go out to La Push on Monday and see if we can get you enrolled in school on the Reservation. I don't want you going back to Forks with the Cullens."

"No," I begged. "Dad, you can't do this."

"Like hell I can't."

It was then that his words really sank in. Monday. He wasn't supposed to be here on Monday.

"We need to go," I said nervously. "We're going to be late."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"You have to!" I gasped. "You're not finished with the program, you have to go back."

"God  _damn_  it, Bella!" he yelled. "Do you really think I'm going to go sit in some clinic while Carlisle Cullen and god knows how many of his kids are taking advantage of my daughter?"

"They're not," I protested uselessly.

"They're not anymore."

"Dad, please," I said, breaking down into tears. "I love him."

"Oh yeah? Which one, Bella? Because last I heard from you, Edward was your boyfriend—and that's not what it says on this fucking door! What the hell am I supposed to believe?"

He was yelling again, and I shrank back from him.

His expression softened a little. "Look, baby, I know I haven't always been the best dad. But I love you, and I'm trying to do what's best for you."

"Then go back to Port Angeles! I don't want you here. Everything was better when you were gone!"

He flinched as though I had hit him, and his eyes immediately dropped to the floor.

"I'm sorry, baby," he said, his voice thick. "I'm just trying to keep you safe." He moved past me without looking at me and headed back down the stairs.

"No," I whispered, my stomach clenching in fear. Those rash words were absolutely the worst thing I could have said to him. "No, Dad!" I yelled desperately, running after him. I caught up with him as he was heading into the kitchen and threw my arms around him from behind. "I didn't mean it," I said, pleading with him to understand. "I love you, Dad, I didn't mean it."

He turned and hugged me, letting me cry into his chest. "I love you too, Bella. And I know I'm no kind of father, but I want you to be happy."

"Carlisle makes me happy," I told him, looking at him through eyes blurry with tears.

I could see him trying to hold back his temper. "Baby, he's twice your age."

"So what? He's nice to me. Nobody's ever nice to me."

He swallowed hard, his own eyes glistening with tears. "What about Jacob?" he asked, his voice hopeful.

"I don't love Jacob," I told him, my voice hitching.

He hugged me tightly, holding my head against his chest. "Sometimes . . ." he began gently, "Baby, sometimes you have to learn to love what's good for you."

I wanted to tell him that Carlisle was good for me—that Carlisle was the  _only_  thing for me, but my voice wouldn't come.

"Jake's a sweet kid," he went on. "You've known him for a long time, and he's always treated you right, hasn't he? I mean, he never hurt you or anything?"

I shook my head against his chest.

"I know your mom and I haven't been the best examples, but that's what you should be looking for. I don't want you to be like your mom, always ending up with guys like—" He faltered, and when he spoke again his voice broke. "With guys like me."

"Carlisle doesn't do anything wrong."

"He  _does_ , Bella," Charlie said, frustration evident in his voice. "You're young—you don't have the kind of experience he does."

I pulled back, setting my jaw stubbornly. "That just shows how much you don't know. I have a  _lot_  more experience than he does."

Charlie's eyes widened, and a strangled noise issued from his throat.

"You have no idea what it was like," I said, realizing I had a trump card and playing it without reservation. "Watching Phil get drunk, knowing that in a couple of hours he would be showing up in my room, knowing Mom didn't even care. What did you expect me to do, just sit around and wait for it?"

Charlie looked sick. "Baby, what are you saying?" he said, his voice guarded.

"I'm saying that I found places to stay," I snapped, getting angry. "I did whatever I had to do to get away from him, and believe me, Dad, there are some  _imaginative_  guys out there."

He squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm so sorry," he said, sounding completely devastated. "I didn't know, Bella. I should have been there. I'm so sorry."

Guilt washed over me. I never should have told him that, and I tried to get back to my original point. "It doesn't matter. But I'm not exactly inexperienced, Dad, and Carlisle is. He's never been with anyone else."

His temper spiked again. "He has a  _wife_ , Bella!" he shouted in exasperation.

"Esme's his sister."

He growled in frustration. "He's lying to you. He was married until that became inconvenient for him, and then all of a sudden she was his sister."

That was uncomfortably close to the truth.

I leaned my forehead against his chest. "I need him."

Charlie took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice tight. "Really, I am. I know you don't like it, but you can't see him again."

I shoved away from him and folded my arms over my chest, glaring at him. "You can't stop me."

He looked at me sadly. "Bella, what he's doing to you is a felony. If you can't accept my decision, I'll have him arrested."

I gasped. "You can't!"

He gave me a sympathetic look. "I'm willing to let it go if you stop seeing him. But one way or another, it's over."

I stared at him, defeat washing over me. I knew Carlisle wasn't in any danger of prison, but if I defied Charlie, I would force Carlisle and his family to leave Forks. Tears coursed down my cheeks, and I turned and ran up the stairs, collapsing onto my bed and sobbing into my pillow.


	83. Love Says They Will

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

"Carlisle, are you still here?" Dr. Gerandy asked, poking his head through my office door.

I glanced up and gave him a smile, feigning fatigue. "No. I'm leaving right now."

"Listen, I really appreciate you coming in for the holiday," he said. "And Dr. Carter does too. He was glad to be able to spend some time with that new baby."

I gave him a smile, shrugging into my jacket and gathering up my briefcase. "It was my pleasure. But now I'm very much looking forward to a day off. I'm in desperate need of sleep."

He chuckled and patted me on the back as I stepped past him and out of my office. "I've got you scheduled off for New Years Eve and the day after, like you asked."

"Wonderful, thank you," I smiled, glancing at a clock as I passed. It was after eleven, and I was eager to get back to my girl and see how her visit with her father had gone. "You're here a bit late, aren't you, Doctor?"

"I just stopped in to take care of a little paperwork. I'm leaving soon as well."

"All right, then," I said, reaching the front doors. "Merry Christmas."

He returned my wishes and I headed out to my car, cruising through the streets to meet Bella. I frowned as I pulled up in front of her house, hearing the distinct sound of Charlie's heartbeat and breathing. The television was on in the den, but he was in the kitchen, pacing around the room. Bella was upstairs in her room, and I could hear her sniffling.

As soon as I got out of the car, Emmett spoke from the trees behind the house, asking me to join him. I moved swiftly around the house and strode to where he was waiting with Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice.

"What's going on?" I asked them. "Is Bella alright?" Emmett and Rosalie had been charged with waiting outside of the house during Charlie's visit, so I directed my questions at them.

"She's not hurt," Emmett assured me. "But she's upset.

Alice was wringing her hands. "I should have stayed with you," she said to Emmett, looking guilty.

"What happened?" I asked impatiently.

Alice sighed. "They were having a good day. But when they were getting ready to leave, Charlie decided to be really sweet and leave his jacket in Bella's closet for her—you know, since she's been wearing it so much." She bit her lip. "I'm so sorry, Carlisle. I didn't see it until right before he went to her room, and there was no time to get here, or even call."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "He saw her list."

"The cat's out of the bag," Emmett confirmed.

"He hasn't said a word about us being vampires," Rosalie put in. "Or about the wolves. He's focusing entirely on your relationship with Bella, and he told her she can't see you anymore."

I sighed heavily. "I suppose it was inevitable that we would have to deal with this eventually. But why isn't he addressing the other issues?"

"You want my opinion?" Jasper asked, his hands clasped behind his back.

"Please."

"It's too much for him. He's been in an intense therapy program for several weeks, and he's already stretched pretty thin, emotionally speaking. Seeing the stuff Bella wrote on that list, he has the choice of either believing in the kind of thing a practical man like him would never take seriously, or worrying about his daughter's sanity. I think he saw that bit about your relationship, and he funneled all of his concern into that, because that's something he can handle."

Emmett put a hand on my shoulder. "Don't be too hard on him. He's making a real effort to be a good father. He deserves some credit for that."

I nodded and looked back at the house. "I need to see to Bella," I told them. "Stay close."

They all nodded, and I moved to Bella's window, glancing around and waiting for the go-ahead from Alice before climbing the wood siding and sliding the window open.

Bella was lying on her bed, her back to me, but at the sound of the window she jumped and turned to me. I slipped inside and closed the glass behind me, catching her as she threw herself into my arms.

"Carlisle," she gasped, wrapping her arms around me. "Charlie knows. He said I can't see you anymore."

"Shh, darling, just relax," I murmured, moving her back to her bed. I lowered her down onto the mattress and stretched out next to her, kissing her gently. I brushed the worried wrinkles from her forehead, gazing into her fearful eyes. "I promise you, I'll never let anything come between us."

"He said he would have you arrested," she said tearfully.

I smiled comfortingly. "Don't you worry about that, my love. There's not a prison on earth that can hold me."

"Yeah, but you would have to leave," she said, tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes.

"I'll never leave you. Nothing in the world can force us apart. Trust me, we'll work this out."

"How?"

"We'll have a talk with Charlie and see if we can come to an understanding. If we can't, we'll move to plan B."

"What's plan B?"

"Intimidation," I smiled. "But your father is a reasonable man, Bella, and he loves you. I have every hope that a conversation is all we need."

"Okay."

I stood and moved back to the window, sliding it open. "I'll see you in a moment," I told her, giving her an encouraging smile, then slipped back down the side of the house.

Jasper's voice spoke from the trees. "Be confident, Carlisle. Don't let him think you're at all ashamed of your relationship, and don't shy away from holding him responsible for his failings. The Chief will appreciate bluntness."

I murmured an acknowledgment and moved to the front door, knocking gently. I heard Charlie turn off the television and stomp toward the door, and he yanked it open, glaring at me. "Fine time of night to be visiting my daughter," he barked furiously.

"Good evening, Charlie," I returned calmly. "I'm surprised to see you home, considering you were due back at Daybreak more than two hours ago."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "You've got some nerve coming around here in the middle of the night."

Bella appeared at the top of the stairs and hurried down. She pushed past her father, giving him a defiant look, and slid her arms around my waist.

I held her against me, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, as Charlie glared at us, his face turning red. "Shall we sit down and have a conversation?" I suggested. "I believe the three of us have much to discuss."

"The only thing we have to discuss is which cell you'll be occupying at Olympic Corrections," Charlie growled.

I gave him a steady look. "If you're not ready to discuss this now, we can certainly wait until tomorrow morning. Bella can pack an overnight bag and spend the evening with me."

Fury flared in Charlie's eyes, and he reached for the gun belt hanging by the door, He whipped out his Glock and aimed it at my head.

I spun Bella behind me, shielding her with my body. "Charlie, put it away," I ordered, my voice hard.

"I'll put it away when my daughter is in her room and I'm watching you drive off my property."

Before he could blink I plucked his gun out of his hand, removing the clip and clearing the chamber, before replacing it in his grip. "Let me be clear," I said flatly. "The only person you threaten when you draw your gun is Isabella, and I will not tolerate anything that endangers her."

Charlie blinked, only just realizing what I had done. He lowered his weapon, looking stunned, and I pocketed the clip.

"Now, why don't we have a seat," I said genially. "As I said, we have much to discuss."

Charlie stumbled back, and I guided Bella into the house, taking a place on the love seat that she liked so much and pulling her into my lap. Charlie followed us, hovering in the doorway of the den.

"Now, Charlie, I think you have a valid concern and you deserve to have it addressed."

"You listen to me," he growled. "I'm  _sick_  of you and your kids coming into my house and interfering with my family. You're going to stop coming around here, and you're going to stop seeing Bella, or I'll have you arrested for statutory rape."

I sighed. "Charlie, the two of us could spend all night issuing ultimatums, but that won't get us anywhere. Come in and have a seat, and we'll discuss the situation like men."

"I want you out of my house!" he yelled angrily.

I shook my head. "Unless we can come to an agreement tonight, I won't be leaving without Bella. I suggest you begin voicing your concerns, so that we can address them."

"All right," he growled, his voice thick with hostility. "Let's start with this one. What the hell does man your age want with a teenage girl?"

Bella shuddered in my arms, and I stroked her hair soothingly. "I'm in love with her, Charlie."

"Bullshit," he snapped.

I gave him a warning look. "I understand that this is a difficult situation for a father to accept, but don't make the mistake of passing this relationship off as a tawdry fling. I am nothing short of devoted to Isabella, and nothing you do can break that bond." I softened a little. "She's everything to me."

Charlie swallowed hard, fear showing in his eyes. "She's everything to  _me_."

I nodded my understanding. "We need not be adversaries. We both want the same thing: to see Bella safe and happy."

Charlie's eyes fell on Bella. "Baby," he said pleadingly, moving to sit in his recliner across from us, "you have to see that  _this_  isn't safe. A man his age is going to have expectations that you shouldn't have to meet."

"Like what?" Bella demanded.

He gritted his teeth, shooting me a glance, and then set his jaw. "Like sex, baby."

"He didn't expect that," she said defensively. "But I did. He didn't want to at first."

I could see the muscle working in Charlie's jaw, and he took several slow breaths, trying to maintain his temper. "He's a smooth talker," he said flatly. "He probably manipulated you into thinking it was your idea."

Bella looked stung. She swallowed hard, wrapping her arms around herself. "Nice to know you think so highly of me," she said sarcastically, her voice a distinct contrast to the injured look on her face.

He cringed. "I'm sorry, sweetie, but I know how these things go. I just don't want to see you victimized by the first guy who comes along claiming to be a white knight."

"Daddy," she whispered, her glistening eyes begging him to understand, "this is the first time in my life that I  _haven't_  been a victim."

He winced, the truth of her words digging painfully. "I don't want you seeing him, Bella."

I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Charlie. I'm afraid that's not an option. I'm willing to work with you as far as boundaries and curfews, but I will not leave her."

Bella huddled against my chest, her hand fisting around my shirt.

Charlie gave me a dark smile. "Fine, let's set some rules," he said coldly. "Rule number one, you two stop having sex."

Bella stiffened, sitting up. "No," she said, glaring at her father.

"Sweetheart," I murmured placatingly, brushing the back of my fingers over her cheek, "that may not be such a bad idea."

She gasped and turned to me, looking devastated. "No," she begged a tear falling from her eye. "Please don't do that,  _please_."

I brushed away her tear and gently caressed her face, trying to ease her anxiety. "It wouldn't be forever. But right now you're dealing with a lot of very difficult emotions. Removing the complications that come with sex may not be the worst idea."

"I don't want to," she gasped, sounding desperate.

I pressed a kiss to her lips, ignoring the strangled sound coming from Charlie. "Why is it so important to you, darling?"

She opened her mouth, but no words came out. She tried again, stuttering unsurely. "I need it. I just need it."

I sighed softly. "All right. But will you do something for me?"

"Anything," she blurted out, her shoulders slumping in relief.

"Talk to your therapist about why it's so difficult for you to give up sex?"

She bit her lip anxiously, but nodded.

"Thank you." I kissed her forehead and turned back to Charlie, whose face was starting to turn red. "I'm sorry, Charlie. I'm afraid that's a condition we can't accept."

" _WOULD YOU GET YOUR GODDAMN HANDS OFF OF MY DAUGHTER?_ " Charlie exploded.

I gave Bella a wry smile. "Perhaps we should humor him a little," I whispered. I shifted her off of my lap, but took her hand firmly in mine. I didn't want my girl to feel abandoned, and physical contact clearly meant a lot to her.

"Now, Charlie, let's see if we can't come up with something else that will make you a little more comfortable with this situation."

"How about I just arrest you now?" he snapped, pushing himself to his feet.

I shook my head sadly. "Back to ultimatums again."

"If that's what it takes to protect my daughter, that's what I'll do."

"You can't stop me from seeing him," Bella said defiantly. "In a week I'll be emancipated, and your rules won't even matter."

"I can still stop the emancipation."

"But you won't." My soft words were weighted with warning. "Because you and I both know, Charlie, that the worst thing you could do to Bella is send her back to her step-father. Stopping the emancipation means that there will be more mandatory holiday visits. That's unacceptable."

Charlie swallowed hard, staring at the floor.

"Furthermore," I continued, "If you cannot accept this situation, I'll have no choice but to leave town and take Bella with me." I glanced at Bella, hoping my presumptuous words hadn't offended her, and was surprised to see a tentative smile on her lips. "If you want to continue to have a relationship with your daughter, you'll have to afford her certain freedoms."

"Daddy, please?" Bella prodded gently. She released my hand and stood, moving to tuck herself against his side. "I love him. And I know you don't think I know what I'm doing, but I do. I've been with  _a lot_  of guys, and none of them have treated me as well as Carlisle does."

Charlie cringed at her words. "Baby, there are nice guys your own age."

"I love Carlisle."

"He's not good for you."

"Why not?" she challenged. "What's so bad about him? He doesn't hit me, he doesn't insult me, he doesn't threaten me, so what exactly do you have against him?"

"He's too  _old_  for you," Charlie said, gripping her shoulders. He wasn't squeezing hard, but I tensed, ready to step in if it got out of hand.

"What does that mean? Why does age matter?"

Charlie hesitated, having a hard time coming up with something we hadn't already refuted. "It just  _does_ , baby. He's at a different point in his life. The two of you will be looking for different things."

I cleared my throat softly to get Bella's attention. "He makes a reasonable point, darling. I'm not sure you and I have ever had a clear conversation about what we want out of this relationship."

She turned toward me, panic rising in her eyes.

I stood and took her hand, bringing it to my lips. "Though I'm willing to accept whatever you'll give me, Bella, what I  _want_  from you is forever. I never want to live another day without you by my side."

Her hand tightened around mine, and she took a step closer to me, hope replacing the fear in her eyes.

"I think your father is worried that I'll put too much pressure on you, and you'll find yourself trapped in a long-term relationship when you were looking for something far less permanent."

Charlie shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah," he grunted.

"It's a reasonable concern," I said, gazing into Bella's eyes. "And one I have to confess I've had myself. I worry about pressuring you into such a commitment, but I can't deny that I'm always hoping for it."

Bella moved another step closer, looking up at me anxiously. "You really want me forever?" she whispered.

I nodded slowly. "Yes, I really do."

"She's too young to make that kind of a decision," Charlie broke in.

"Perhaps," I said, releasing her hand and turning back to Charlie. "At any rate, it's not a decision that needs to be made now. Bella has plenty of time to decide what's right for her, and as long as she'll have me, I'll continue to show her just how serious I am about the promises I've made to her."

Charlie sighed in defeat an dropped back into his chair. "Fine. If you two are so adamant about this, you can see each other. But you'll do it on my terms. Bella, you're still my daughter."

I pulled Bella back to the love seat and sat down again. "What are your terms?"

"You don't come around when I'm not here," Charlie said. "You can come over from seven to nine on week nights—and I don't want you in her bedroom either. You two can stay downstairs with me."

"Dad!" Bella protested.

I couldn't help but laugh softly. "You know, Bella, it wasn't all that long ago that courtship customs matched almost exactly what your father has just described. It's not an altogether distasteful notion, as it allows your father to be more involved in your relationship." I leaned in close and pressed a kiss to her ear. "I'll come to your room every night," I whispered softly before pulling back. So Charlie could hear, I added, "I think we might at least try it and see how it goes."

"What about weekends?" Bella asked her father. "Can I go to his house?"

Charlie gave a longsuffering sigh. "Every other Saturday," he grumbled.

I nodded. "That seems acceptable, as long as you don't mind me coming here on alternating weekends."

"And on Sundays," Bella spoke up anxiously.

I brushed her cheek fondly with my thumb. "Actually, Bella, it may be preferable for you to spend Sundays with your father. After all, the two of you have already decided to schedule activities together. You'll need some time to do those."

I glanced at Charlie, to see if he approved of the suggestion. He was watching Bella intently, anxiously. "I'd really like that, baby," he said gruffly.

Bella looked at him, then back at me, and nodded. "Okay."

"Anything else?" I asked Charlie.

He gave me a disapproving look. "If I think of anything, I'll let you know."

I nodded. "All right, moving on. Charlie, I'm having a little New Years get-together with some friends from the Reservation, and I would like to invite you and Bella to join us."

He frowned. "I thought you didn't get along with the Quileutes."

"We're working at resolving our differences," I smiled. "As a matter of fact, Edward has become quite good friends with Sam Uley."

Charlie grunted. "We can't make it. We double-up shifts at the station for New Years. I'll be working."

"Please let me go, Dad," Bella begged. "Jacob will be there. And Billy, and Harry and Sue."

He gave her a guarded look. "Are you planning on serving alcohol?" he asked me in a hard voice, his eyes remaining on his daughter.

I smiled and shook my head. "No. Most of the guests will be underage."

"I don't like the idea of Bella being out on the roads that night. Too many drunk drivers."

"She's welcome to stay the night with us. Most of the kids from La Push will be staying, so it will be a full house, but it should be fun."

Charlie mulled it over. "If Billy and Harry both stay, you can stay," he told Bella.

She leapt up with a happy squeal and hugged her father enthusiastically. "Thank you, Daddy!" she said excitedly.

"I'll be dropping by to make sure things aren't getting out of hand," Charlie warned over Bella's shoulder, patting her back awkwardly.

"We'll welcome your visit."

He sighed and stood, squeezing Bella's shoulder. "It's late, baby. Why don't you go on up to bed?"

She turned to me as I stood and wrapped her arms around me. "You're coming back, right?" she whispered softly.

"Of course, darling."

She pulled back and pressed her lips to mine, kissing me deeply before heading up the stairs to her room.

Charlie was on his feet now, too, looking uncomfortable.

"Thank you for taking the time to work things out with us," I told him. I reached into my coat pocket and produced the clip for his gun, handing it back to him.

Charlie took it and stared at it, turning it over and over in his hands. He cleared his throat and started to speak, then stopped. Another throat-clearing, and he tried again. "Look, I don't—" he hesitated, then barreled onward. "There are some things I don't want to know. But . . . are you . . ." He stopped and shoved the clip in his pocket, looking flustered. "Is she going to be like you?"

I clasped my hands behind my back. "If she chooses it," I told him. "She hasn't yet made up her mind, and I see no reason to rush her."

I expected him to argue, so his next words surprised me.

"Will it hurt her?"

I nodded solemnly "Yes. The change is a painful one."

Both of his hands were buried in his pockets now, and his shoulders hunched defensively. "And after?"

"After the change completes—assuming that's what she chooses—she'll be much stronger. It will be quite difficult for anything to hurt her."

He nodded, absorbing my words. "Will she remember me?"

"Yes. She'll need you then just as much as she does now." I hesitated. "For the first year or so, she'll have a very difficult time mastering her instincts. You may not be able to see her in that time. But as she regains control, she'll become more herself again, and it would be a good idea for her to reconnect with the people that she loves."

"I can't have any contact with her?"

"Letters and phone calls should be acceptable. As a matter of fact, I encourage them. Bella will be going through a difficult time, and it will be good to give her reasons to hang on to her humanity."

He turned toward the door. "When?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. As I said, Bella hasn't even made up her mind whether she wants it. If she does, she may decide she would prefer to be older for the change. It will freeze her progression, so she'll appear never to age."

Charlie stilled and looked back at me, grinding his teeth. "How—" he stopped. "Are you . . . older than you look?"

"I'm much, much older than I look."

Charlie stalked to the front door and pulled it open, holding it for me and waiting for me to exit.

"Until Monday," I murmured to him, and stepped outside.


	84. Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

Carlisle stuck to Charlie's rules, excepting his nighttime visits to my bedroom. Each night he would come by exactly at seven and sit in the den with me, reading and talking without seeming a bit bothered by Charlie's surly presence. Precisely at nine he would kiss me goodnight and drive home, only to run immediately back so he would be waiting for me in my bedroom when I went upstairs to bed.

The morning of the New Years party, I was awakened by a series of cool, feather-soft kisses fluttering over my lips. I kept my eyes closed, but wrapped my arms around his cold body, pulling him close. I ran my hand over the smooth cotton of his shirt, feeling the hard contours of his muscles underneath.

I smiled. "What did you bring me to day?"

"Open your eyes and find out," he said, sounding amused.

"Mm-mm." I shook my head stubbornly. "It's nice and dark in here. If I open my eyes there will be all kinds of light."

He chuckled, pulling back an little and propping himself on his elbow next to me. "The better to see what I've brought you."

I pried my eyes open and smiled when I saw the iris bloom he was holding in front of me. Every day this week he had presented me with a different flower when I woke up in the morning. It had made me slightly uncomfortable when I realized it was becoming a pattern, and I had tried to tell him it wasn't necessary, but he refused to hear it. He had simply told me that I would have to get used to it, because it wasn't likely that he would stop any time soon.

I took the flower from him, blushing a little. "How long do you intend to keep doing this?"

"How long do you intend to continue living?" he asked, leaning down to nuzzle my neck.

I giggled sleepily, setting the iris on the night stand. "You don't think you'll get tired of running out for flowers every day after a couple hundred years?"

His lips stilled against my skin, and for a moment he didn't move. After a pause he pulled back, his eyes staring intently into mine, as though searching for something. "There is no chore I wouldn't perform every day if it meant I could have you with me forever, Bella."

The fervor in his eyes was so real and so genuine that it made my heart skip a beat. I wanted to tell him that I would stay with him, that I wanted him forever the way he wanted me.

I just didn't know how.

Before I could put any words together, he was leaning down to kiss me again. I slid a leg over his, shifting closer to him, and shivered a little when I felt his cold hand slide up my thigh and under my chemise.

"I can't wait to get you home," he murmured against my lips. "It's been too long." He rocked his hips against me, making me moan softly.

"This from the guy who was all up with the abstinence plan," I teased, threading my fingers through his hair.

He kissed down the artery on my neck, his hand slipping higher to caress my stomach. "I was willing to go that route, but that doesn't mean I intended to enjoy it." He pulled back and kissed the tip of my nose. "But I'm afraid I need to get to work."

I poked out my bottom lip. "Do you have to?"

"It's only a few hours," he chuckled. "I insisted on having this afternoon off."

I sighed in resignation. "Fine. I guess I'll let you go for a little while."

He rubbed his nose against mine and gave me another quick peck. "That's very thoughtful of you. I'll see you at my house afterward?"

"I'll be there."

He slipped out of bed and exited through the window, disappearing into the trees.

I crawled out of bed as well and made my way through my morning routine. I headed downstairs and made breakfast for Charlie, going heavy on the carbs to keep him going through his double shift. I tucked some energy bars in his coat pocket for him, and I was just finishing his waffle when he joined me in the kitchen.

"Morning," he grunted as he sat at the table.

"Hi." I slid the waffle onto a plate and set it in front of him.

He eyed me carefully. "So you're going to that party with Jacob tonight, right?" he asked, as though I hadn't been talking about it all week.

I couldn't help but smile. "Yes, Jacob and I are both going to Carlisle's party," I corrected.

Charlie grunted. "Tell him hi for me."

"Okay." I passed him a plate of butter and the bottle of syrup.

"You're not eating?" he asked.

"I'm not really hungry."

Charlie shrugged and fell silent, hurrying through his breakfast. When he was done he headed off to the station with a warning to behave myself.

As soon as his car disappeared, a motorcycle pulled up in front of the house and Alice hopped off of the back. She bounded inside, followed by Jasper, who was toting a small bag with "Cinnabon" emblazoned on the side. He gave me a friendly smile as I held the door for him and Alice, and he headed straight to the kitchen.

"Are you ready for the party tonight?" Alice asked excitedly as the two of us took seats at the table.

"More than ready," I said sheepishly. "It's boring around here without you guys coming over all the time."

"Charlie's orders," Jasper said. He transferred the cinnamon roll he had brought to a plate and set it down in front of me. "As long as he's treating you okay, Carlisle says we have to respect his rules."

"Thanks," I said, glancing at the gooey pastry in front of me. Jasper seemed to be waiting for me to eat, so I tore off a small piece and popped it into my mouth.

_God_ , it was good.

Alice chattered away about the party preparations, and I sat back and listened, letting myself get caught up in her enthusiasm.

"We should get over there," I told her. "I'll help you get everything set up."

"Right," Alice scoffed. "You just want to be there so you and Carlisle can disappear off into the bedroom as soon as he gets home."

I grinned. "I guess we'd better get set up for the party before then, huh?" I pushed my chair back and stood up.

Jasper and Alice exchanged a glance.

"Have a seat," Jasper said.

I frowned and sat down again.

"How come you're not eating?" he asked, nodding toward the cinnamon roll.

I glanced at it nervously. "I already ate."

He settled into a chair next to me, crossing his arms over his chest. "Bella, did you know that when you lie, your heart rate speeds up and you release cortisol and norepinephrine?"

I cleared my throat, looking down at my hands. "Yeah, I'd heard something like that."

"I'll be outside," Alice said softly, slipping out of her chair and heading out the back door.

"When was the last time you ate a full meal?" Jasper asked me.

"I eat all the time," I said, belatedly realizing he would recognize that lie as well.

"No," he said, "you sit down and pick at your food all the time. Since you got back from Phoenix, most of your food has ended up in the trash."

I bit at my thumb nail, unable to meet his gaze.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm just not that hungry."

"We're up to three," he said reproachfully. "How come you feel like you can't be straight with me about this? Where is this coming from?"

I looked away. "It's not a big deal."

"Then let's talk about it. Why aren't you eating?"

I tore off another piece of the roll and stuffed it in my mouth. "Happy?" I demanded around the mouthful of bread.

He just raised an eyebrow.

I sighed and swallowed the food. "I've gained some weight since I moved here," I admitted, blushing a little.

"I know. You were starting to look healthy."

I was starting to look fat."

He fixed me with a steady stare. "What makes you think that?"

I avoided his gaze. "The mirror," I said, the words coming out more sharply than I had intended for them to.

"Were you giving much thought to your weight before your trip to Phoenix?"

"No."

"So why are you now?" he asked in that tone he used when he already knew the answer but was trying to get  _me_  to say it.

I shrugged, staring down at my hands. "Phil noticed it."

He gave me a speculative look. "Bella, did Phil ever tell you that you were pretty?"

I nodded.

"Did he ever tell you that you were ugly?"

I nodded again.

"Has it occurred to you that his opinions might not be entirely reliable?"

I shrugged, staring down at my hands. "I guess."

"You understand that he was looking for something to criticize, right? That's how he keeps people from fighting back, Bella. He makes them feel inferior to him."

"It's not like I'm committing some crime here," I said testily. "I'm watching what I eat—it's not that big of a deal."

"It wouldn't be, except for two things. One, you're already underweight, and it's not healthy for you to lose any more. And two, you're still letting him control you."

I chewed at my lip. "Can't you just let it go?"

He shook his head sadly. "No, Bella, I can't. We're all doing our part to eliminate your step-father from your life. Charlie started the emancipation, Carlisle brought you home from Phoenix, Edward has been keeping an eye on things there to make sure they don't screw anything up, and this . . . this is our job, Bella." He reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. "You and I have to get him out of your head."

I shuddered, turning my face into his palm, and swallowed hard. "What if I can't?"

"You can," he said confidently. "I'm not saying you'll ever forget, because you probably won't, but you'll learn to live with the scars."

I winced at his choice of words. Scars. There were things about me that he believed would never get better. And maybe I would learn to live with them, but would Carlisle? Would he want a damaged mate?

Jasper sensed my distress and dropped his hand to take mine. "We've all got scars, Bella. Some of them are just easier to see than others."

I squeezed his fingers tightly. "Everybody? Even Carlisle?"

He nodded. "Last time you were at our place, did you happen to see the cross that hangs at the end of the hallway on the second floor?"

I shook my head. The last time I had been to their house, I had been a little distracted.

"Carlisle's father carved it to hang in his vicarage. After he died, Carlisle went back to the vicarage and took the cross. It's his only memento of his human life."

I listened silently, wondering why he was telling me this.

"It used to make me nervous when Alice and I first joined the family. Not the cross, I mean. The cross is beautiful. But Carlisle would sometimes go and stand in front of it, and just stare at it. He always looked perfectly calm, but I could feel the anger and resentment and confusion roiling underneath the facade, so strong it was almost immobilizing. It took at least a decade to convince me that he wasn't about to snap and destroy the entire house and everything in it."

He focused on me. "Carlisle's father left his mark. His faith left a mark. The vampire that changed him, the Volturi, Edward and Esme, even Ephraim Black. They've all broken him a little." He gave a humorless laugh. "And he still stands and stares at that cross. Edward says he's praying. If that's the case, there are some serious issues between him and his God."

I furrowed my brow. "Edward and Esme hurt him?"

He nodded. "I'm not going to get into that right now. I reckon that's his story to tell, if he wants to."

I let that issue go and turned his words over in my mind. If Carlisle was damaged, like me, maybe he really could love me. Maybe that's why he hadn't run away after all the times I had freaked out. Maybe he understood what it was like when things got to be too much.

Maybe he could understand me, as messed up as I was.

Jasper nodded toward the cinnamon roll. "Now let's take a step at overcoming Dwyer's influence," he said. "I want you to start eating, Bella. I want you to gain back the weight you've been losing these last few days."

I chewed at my lip, staring at the icing dripping down the sides of the bun. "Carlisle. . . ."

"Carlisle will love you no matter how you look. But he's been worrying about your health, and it will ease his mind little if you're not dancing around the edges of an eating disorder."

I picked a piece off of the bun and looked at it indecisively.

Jasper smirked. "Don't make me get Jacob over here to be your personal cook."

I smiled and popped the sweet piece of bread into my mouth.

"Good," Jasper smiled. "That's one small victory over Phil." He stood up. "I'm going to step outside and talk to Sam for a minute. Finish that and we can go."

Jasper left, and I hurriedly ate the breakfast he had brought for me. It was hard, forcing myself not to think of the calories as enemies, but as friends. I needed to gain weight, he said. Carlisle was worried—not critical, the way Phil would have been, but concerned for my health.

I would do anything for Carlisle.

I had finished my breakfast and was washing my plate when the house phone rang, and I moved to answer it. A deep voice greeted me on the other end.

"Hello, this is Judge Walker. Am I speaking with Bella?"

"That's right," I said, my heart rate picking up inexplicably.

"Is your father at home?"

"Um, no, he's working. Do you need his work number?"

"That's all right, I have it. I'll call him there, but I just wanted to let the two of you know that the paperwork has all been signed and filed. You should receive copies in a few days, but as of now, you're officially emancipated."

A lot of thoughts went through my head at that moment. I was afraid that Charlie would want to be rid of me now; I was grateful that Carlisle had given me a place to stay; I was worried about how Mom and Phil would react when they got the news. But mostly, I felt alone.

"Bella?" the judge's voice said tentatively. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," I forced myself to answer. "That's great. Thank you for letting me know."

"You're welcome. I'm going to call your father and tell him too, but you just give me a ring if you have any questions, all right?"

"I will," I promised.

We said goodbye and I hung up the phone, staring at the handset as I set it in the cradle.

Alice bounded into the room and wrapped me up in a hug. "Congratulations!" she gushed, spinning me around.

"Thanks," I said, forcing a weak smile.

"Bella," Jasper said gently, stepping into the doorway, "nothing has changed except your custody agreement. No more visits to Arizona. Everything else in your life is still stable and dependable."

His words were exactly what I needed to hear, and I gave him a grateful smile. "Thanks, Jasper."

Alice grabbed my hand and started tugging me toward the door. "Come on, let's celebrate by getting ready for the party!"

I let her drag me out the door—as though I had any choice—and I grabbed Charlie's jacket from the coat rack as we passed. I tugged it on as I climbed into my truck, and Alice hopped in to ride with me as I followed Jasper's motorcycle back to their house.

When we pulled up in front of the house, Emmett was nailing a long ramp over the steps that led up to the porch.

"What are you doing?" I asked him curiously as I climbed out of the cab.

"Making the place Billy-friendly." He flashed his dimples. "Carlisle says he'll be more comfortable if he doesn't have to have help getting in and out of the house."

"That makes sense."

He finished nailing the ramp down and gestured to it. "Give it a try."

I strode up the ramp onto the porch. "It seems very stable."

He grinned. "Awesome."

Esme appeared in the doorway and moved to me, wrapping me up in her arms. "Bella, it's so nice to see you again. We missed you while we were away."

"I didn't realize you were back," I said, hugging her tentatively.

"Carlisle was a little worried about us leaving before your emancipation was settled, but Jasper insisted on having everyone home tonight."

"Well, no worries. The judge called today. I'm officially sort of an adult."

"Congratulations," she smiled brightly.

I glanced past her into the house. "Is Edward inside? I'd like to say hi."

Her eyes flicked to Jasper and she shook her head, her expression sympathetic. "No, I'm afraid he wasn't quite ready to come home yet."

I glanced back at Jasper, and then looked at Esme again. "Why not? What's going on?"

She hesitated. "The assignment Carlisle gave Edward was a difficult one for him. He had to live inside the mind of your step-father for a very long time." She frowned. "His thoughts are not pleasant, and it was hard on Edward. He wanted to spend some time with Carlisle and absorb his peaceful presence before coming home."

I glanced around again. "It's not peaceful here?"

Jasper cleared his throat softly, still standing next to his motorcycle. " _I'm_  not peaceful," he said. "Edward wasn't ready to be with me yet."

Esme's eyes were apologetic, but Jasper just shrugged off her concern.

"Why not?" I asked. "Doesn't he like you?"

Jasper gave a half smile, laughing softly. "There's no bad blood between my brother and me, don't worry about that. But we've lived different lives." He strolled up the ramp and stood next to me, clasping his hands behind his back, his posture straight and rigid. "My adopted siblings have had a relatively peaceful upbringing, having been changed and educated by a pacifist. Even Alice was guided by visions of Carlisle from fairly early on. But me . . . I wasn't bred the same way. I don't think like they do."

I furrowed my brow. "What do you mean?"

He surveyed the yard around us slowly. "I'm always thinking about things that my brothers and sisters aren't. For instance, right now. If I wanted to make a power play and take over this coven, now would be the time to do it, with Carlisle and Edward away." His voice was grim. "Alice would be the first to try to stop me, so before I made any decisions I'd have to send her out on a shopping trip. Somewhere far, so she couldn't get back right away. Then I'd have to take out Emmett first, catch him by surprise, and I'd have to do it quick. I'd need him incapacitated by the time Rosalie made it down from the bedroom, because I know I couldn't win a fight against both of them. So I neutralize Emmett, then Rosalie, and then I have time to handle Esme here. That leaves you and me, and you're my bargaining chip with Carlisle. If he doesn't want you hurt, he has to do what I tell him to, and if I really want to break him, I make him kill Edward to keep you safe. Just like that, I've maneuvered myself into a position of power, and even though I know Alice wouldn't like it, she'd stick by me, and she'd help me make sure I didn't lose my place."

I was gaping at him, unsettled by his matter-of-fact description of the violence he could perpetrate against his family. My stomach twisted a little, and as he looked at me, calmly gauging my reaction, I fell back a step.

He nodded, having made his point. "I'm always thinking things like that, Bella. It's instinct. And that's why Edward isn't ready to see me yet."

I looked around and Alice, Esme, and Emmett. They seemed unperturbed by Jasper's words, though Esme was still giving him sympathetic looks.

"Hey," Jasper said softly.

I met his gaze again.

"That's not all I think about. I'm also thinking that if the wolves—or a nomad vampire coven—were to attack, it would be from the east, because the wind is blowing from the west and would give their scent away too quickly. If they came at us, I'd have Esme get you inside and lock down the house, because Carlisle's number one priority would be to get you safe. I'd take Alice and Emmett out with me to meet them, since they're the most capable fighters available, and send Rosalie to get Carlisle and Edward." He gave me a small smile. "So, while I'm thinking about how to destroy the family, I'm also thinking about how to protect them. That's how it works when you've lived in a world where you know beyond a doubt that your strongest allies will turn on you as soon as you're no longer useful to them."

I was staring again. "What happened to you?"

He gave a low chuckled. "Come on, kid, let's go inside and I'll tell you all about it."

Ten minutes later I was sitting on the couch next to him, still staring at him with wide eyes, a cup of cocoa that Alice had made for me all but forgotten in my hand. Jasper had told me the story of his unsuspecting draft into a vampire army, of the latent ability that had appeared and made him more valuable to the army's leader, which he was certain had saved his life. He had described the wars, and the unpleasant duty of disposing of the young warriors once their newborn strength had waned.

Then his story had turned more hopeful, as he described a friend who had fled the army to protect his mate, and who had returned to convince Jasper that there was a more peaceful way to live. He told me about his growing dissatisfaction with the pain he caused when he fed on humans, and his predestined meeting with Alice in a little diner in Philadelphia.

"I told you it can be miserable living this way," he said solemnly, "and I meant it. But it's the only way of life that has ever given me peace of mind. See, even while I'm habitually looking for advantages and drawing strategies to protect myself and my family, I know that I don't have to. I'm not under constant attack, not anymore." He smiled softly. "Edward understands that what I'm thinking is all more instinct than intent. He just wants to rest for a while, and my mind isn't always the friendliest place."

Esme rose from her seat and moved to Jasper's side, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "It means a lot to Edward that you understand," she told him. "He admires you, Jasper."

Jasper gave me another smile. "See what I mean? A coven built around affection and admiration, rather than military strength." He shook his head, as though he still couldn't quite believe the concept.

I didn't have any idea how to respond to the information he had just given me. I finally drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I guess you have scars too."

His answering laugh was low and heavy with irony. "Yeah, Bella, I have scars. I'd never expect you to trust me as a therapist if I didn't."

I nodded slowly. "I do."

"Good. Now let's talk about you a little more, shall we?"

The others were suddenly finding other things to do, and though I knew they could all still hear us talking, it helped that they drifted out of the room and left me alone with Jasper.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked him.

"Your parents. How has it been having Charlie back home?"

I sighed. "It kind of seems like he's always mad at me. He doesn't like Carlisle coming over, and most of the time I spend with him is when Carlisle is there. It's really uncomfortable."

"I assume you haven't told him how you feel?"

I shook my head. "We're not really good with feelings."

"I know it's hard, but don't let that be an excuse. Your relationship with your father is worth having a few difficult conversations." He paused, switching directions a little. "Have you been worried at all that he might hurt you again?"

I shrugged noncommittally. "Sometimes. But he hasn't really lost his temper or anything. He's just been sullen."

"Overall, how are you feeling about your relationship with him right now?"

"I'm nervous, but I'm trying to be optimistic. I keep wondering when he'll snap, but I'm hoping he won't. I want things to be better."

"Jury's still out?" he asked.

"Kinda, yeah."

"What about your mom? Have you been thinking about her?"

I nodded slowly. "I miss her. And I'm still mad at her. It feels weird."

"Are you rethinking your decision to cut her out of your life?"

I thought for a moment, then shook my head slowly. "No. She's poison. If she really wants Phil more than me, then I'm better off without her." Guilt twisted my stomach and I bit my lip.

"What, Bella?" Jasper asked gently. "What's making you feel that way?"

I sighed. "I just . . . wish I was strong enough to help her."

He folded his hands in his lap. "Esme says Phil has calmed down quite a bit. He's ornery and insulting, but he doesn't hit her anymore."

"That's good," I mumbled, knowing it wasn't quite enough.

"Bella," he said softly, "if she makes the choice to leave him, she'll have help. But  _she_  has to be the one to decide. She has as much right to allow people to hurt her as you have to prevent people from hurting you. We all have to make our own decisions."

I stared at the wall behind Jasper. "She was my best friend."

He reached out and squeezed my hand. "Unfortunately, it's not the first friendship to be broken up by an undeserving man."

I smiled a little. "Undeserving." Jasper's characterization of Phil made me warm inside. He was putting me above Phil, and it somehow made me feel freer.

Jasper kicked his feet out in front of him, crossing one ankle over the other. "So I hear there's something Carlisle's been wanting you to talk about. And since you didn't do it with Dr. Rhodes on Tuesday, I assume you'd prefer to do it with me?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, knowing what he meant but not really wanting to bring it up. Still, I had promised Carlisle. I sighed. "Yeah. He wants me to talk about why I have a hard time giving up sex."

"Do you enjoy sex, Bella?"

I snorted indelicately. "Who doesn't enjoy sex?"

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You may be surprised. A lot of people who have been abused, or have had to use sex to guarantee their survival, find little or no pleasure in it."

I swallowed hard. That was me he had just described. Why didn't I react that way? What was wrong with me? I drew in a shaky breath. "Is it . . . is it wrong for me to like it?"

"Bella, look at me," he said softly.

I raised my eyes reluctantly to his.

"When it comes to what you're feeling, there is no wrong or right. It is what it is, and you're not being judged against some prescripted morality." His eyes were gentle, like his voice. "If you enjoy sex, it simply means you aren't one of the people who has stopped finding pleasure in it."

I gnawed at my lip. "That doesn't make me a freak?"

"No. In fact, it's one less aversion you'll have to overcome."

His words soothed my anxiety, and I relaxed against the back of the couch.

"Tell me how you feel when you're having sex."

I combed through my thoughts, trying to find words to explain the feelings. "I feel like I have something to give, that I'm good at something. And I feel . . . I don't know . . . responsible?"

He raised his eyebrows, and I shook my head.

"No, that's not the right word. But . . . kind of . . . capable? Because I'm doing what I have to do to get by." I hesitated. "Anyway, that's how I feel with most people. Not with Phil."

"And how did you feel with Phil?"

I stared at my hands, wringing them again. "Sick," I confessed. "Dirty."

"Why do you think it felt different with him?"

"I don't know. Maybe because I didn't choose it?"

He nodded. "That makes all the difference, doesn't it? Even when you've felt like you had few other options, making the choice and initiating the contact yourself allows you to maintain a certain amount of dignity and control."

I brought my thumb to my mouth, chewing at my nail.

"Let's get back to voluntary sex. You feel empowerment, and pride that you could contribute something. What else?"

There  _was_  something else I felt, but I didn't want to talk about it. It felt . . . private. And a little pathetic. It embarrassed me even to think it.

"What is it, Bella?" Jasper coaxed. "What else do you feel?"

I opened my mouth to try and speak, and was surprised by how quickly a lump rose up in my throat, and tears pooled in my eyes. I snapped my mouth closed.

Jasper reached out and took my hand, lacing our fingers together. "There's no right or wrong," he reminded me. "The way you feel is perfectly valid."

I took a deep breath, trying not to be embarrassed by the tear that escaped my eye. "I feel . . . important. Like for a few minutes, somebody cares about me." I rushed on, knowing how ridiculous I sounded. "And I know most of those guys didn't really love me, or even care all that much. Sometimes they couldn't even remember my name. It just felt like . . . like maybe they  _could_  love me."

He brought his free hand up to rub my arm, his cool, hard skin brushing lightly over mine. "That makes sense. An intimate touch, a caress . . . it's something people use to show affection. It's something people crave."

I sighed in relief, grateful that he hadn't thought I was being completely stupid.

"Can I ask you a hard question?"

I gave a bitter laugh. "These questions haven't been hard?"

He smiled wryly. "Can I ask you  _another_  hard question?"

I nodded.

"Do you feel like Carlisle loves you?"

I slid my hand out of his and reached up to play absently with my necklace. There wasn't an answer that seemed at all acceptable to me.

"Bella?" he urged gently when I didn't answer. "Can you explain to me the conflicting emotions you're having?"

I nodded, squeezing the pendant in my hand as I tried to put what I was feeling into words. "I don't want to say yes, because it feels too presumptuous to claim that a man like him could ever love me. But . . ." I took a steadying breath, "I don't want to say no, because that seems disrespectful to him, and to our relationship. And it's pretty much calling him a liar."

He gave me an appreciative look. "That was very well-spoken, Bella."

I bit my lip, staring at my hands.

"Do you believe Carlisle when he tells you he loves you?"

I paused, staring at the floor. "I want to. Sometimes I do, I think."

"Do you mean it when you tell him you love him?"

"Yes, but that's different. It makes sense for me to love him."

He gave a low laugh. "Does it, Bella? Does it make sense for a human to love a vampire? Does it make sense for a mouse to love a cat, or a lamb to love a lion?"

I gave him an ironic smile. "I guess not."

"One thing I've noticed," he said, his expression wondering, "is how often love doesn't make sense." He shook his head. "Look at Alice and me. She loves everyone and gets excited about everything. I'm suspicious of everyone and prefer to keep myself apart from most things. But she makes me whole in a way I never was with Maria."

I bit my lip. "You don't think it's . . . just too unbelievable that he loves me?"

He gave me a wry smile. "Bella, I think if there's ever been a trustworthy heart on this earth, it's Carlisle's. I've felt the love he has for you, and I've felt it grow and deepen as he's spent more time with you. If his heart recognizes something worthy in you, I trust it unequivocally."

I released my pendant and took his hand again, leaning my head against his shoulder. "Can I borrow your confidence?"

He laughed softly. "Sure, kid. Any time you want."


	85. Don't Stop Believing

Banner by IllicitWriter

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I had just pulled off a pair of rubber gloves and started scrubbing my hands when one of the nurses called my name. I looked up and gave her a smile.

"Your son is here," she told me. "I told him he could wait for you in your office."

I frowned, slightly concerned. My children didn't tend to visit me at the hospital if it could be avoided. The air was never free of the heavy scent of blood, and it was difficult for them to bear the scorching thirst it inspired in them. "Which one?" I asked. Jasper had planned to see Bella this morning. Could there be something wrong? If he was braving the tantalizing smell of the hospital, whatever he had to say must be urgent.

"It's Edward. He's such a gentleman, Dr. Cullen. You should be very proud."

I smiled feeling relieved—both that Bella was alright and that Edward was home. "I can't take any credit. It's all Esme's influence."

She laughed brightly. "Shall I tell him you'll be in to see him shortly?"

"Please." I dried my hands and quickly filled in some information on my patient's medical chart as the nurse headed off toward my office.

It always caught me by surprise how heavily Edward's absence weighed on my mind. One would think that I would welcome the interlude of privacy, but privacy was something I rarely craved anymore. Edward was a welcome visitor in my mind, and when he was away I missed his droll responses to my half-formed, unspoken thoughts.

"I missed you too," I heard him say from my office, his voice sounding amused.

I smiled to myself and finished the chart, tucking it away and moving through the halls to meet him. Edward was sitting behind my desk when I walked in, reading over the paperwork that was waiting for my attention.

 _You know, living with you is practically a HIPAA violation in and of itself,_  I thought wryly.  _Do you really have to exacerbate the situation by reading through my files?_

He looked up with a grin and stood, rounding the desk and moving to greet me. He wrapped one hand around the back of my neck and leaned his forehead against mine, drawing in a deep breath.

I mimicked his stance, raising a hand to the back of his neck as well, and I felt the tension in his muscles ease slightly.

"Is everything alright?" I asked him, a flurry of half-formed concerns flying around my head.

He laughed softly. "Everything is fine now. And quit worrying about my breathing. I've spent so much time with Bella these last few months that anyone else's blood is hardly worth my interest anymore."

"You're very tense," I murmured, letting him read my concern for his well-being in my mind.

"Yeah," he said, sounding tired. "I'm so  _fucking_  glad to be home."

I was surprised by his choice of words. Edward wasn't often quite so vulgar, even when only in the presence of men.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I've lived too long in the mind of that troglodyte, Dwyer. I've never been so happy to get away from anyone in my life."

I frowned. Until now, I hadn't considered just how ugly a task I had assigned to him.  _I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't think about what it was I was asking of you. I should have realized how it would affect you to have to constantly monitor his thoughts._

"It's fine," he said dismissively, releasing me and taking a step back. "So tell me everything, what have I been missing?"

I moved to take a seat at my desk, and Edward settled into the chair across the table. I let my mind skim through the events of the week, watching the play of emotions on his face as I caught him up. After I finished, he sat back, tapping his fingers thoughtfully on the arm of his chair.

"A party tonight, huh? And you don't mind Bella being there when the boys might be phasing?"

"There will be many people around to protect her. And there are enough early warning signs that I don't think it will be a problem to get her away from Quil or Seth if they start to manifest."

He shrugged. "Sounds like fun. What time?"

"They should be over early this afternoon." I folded my hands on the desk. "So, Edward, are you going to tell me what brings you here?"

He glanced away, shifting uncomfortably. "I'm avoiding home. Or rather, I'm avoiding Jasper.

I raised an eyebrow.  _Why? Did something happen?_

He shook his head. "No, we're good. It's just . . . I'm tired, Carlisle. I need a restful mind, and Jasper doesn't really qualify."

I chuckled softly. "No, I supposed he doesn't."

He drew in a slow breath and closed his eyes. "You have such peaceful, organized thoughts. You always have. I missed that a lot, those early months when I was away from you."

I was surprised to hear him talk about those months. It wasn't a time in his life that he was proud of, and he generally preferred to forget it.

"I know," he nodded, acknowledging my thoughts. "But living in Dwyer's mind these last few days . . . I couldn't help but dwell on the past a little. He was exactly the kind of predator I used to go looking for. It was so easy to feel justified killing someone like him, and thinking of Bella . . . God, Carlisle, I wanted to do it again."

I let out a soft breath. I really should never have asked him to stay there. I didn't even consider the memories that it would dredge up for him.  _I'm so sorry, Edward._

He waved away my concern impatiently. "I'm not trying to guilt you, old man. I'm just venting a little."

I gestured for him to continue.

" _I_  feel guilty," he admitted. "Not for wanting to kill, but for having stopped. How many girls have I left to lives like Bella's because I was disturbed by the death I caused? No one can do what I can do. No one else can really know the evil intents of a man's heart like I can. Don't I have a responsibility to protect those that need protecting?"

I shook my head gravely. "Not by killing. And I know that I reveal a certain amount of hypocrisy for saying that, since I'd like to kill the man myself. But I simply cannot accept the notion that anything justifies murder."

"You've killed, though. To protect the family."

I nodded. "I have, and I will again, should the need arise. But I never imagined it was a sin of which I could ever be absolved."

He rubbed a hand over his forehead, heaving a sigh. "Maybe not. But he spent so much time reliving the pain he inflicted on Bella . . . enjoying it. I'd have taken any excuse, Carlisle. I was looking for a reason to kill him."

"I admire your strength. I'm not sure I would have show the same restraint."

He slumped down in the chair and let his eyes close, looking for all the world like he was falling asleep. "It's good to be home," he breathed.

My ears picked up the sound of panicked voices in a car approaching the hospital, and I glanced at the door.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I'm afraid I'm needed. I'll come speak with you again when I have a moment."

He smiled lazily, never opening his eyes. "Don't worry about me. I just want to listen for a while."

I was touched that he craved the company of my mind, and I smiled softly as I stood. "All right, then. I'll be back in a couple of hours."

The rest of my shift was fairly busy, and Edward's presence made me more aware of my thoughts than I generally tended to be. I was often praised for keeping a cool head in an emergency, which probably had a lot to do with the fact that I could think and work much more quickly than my colleagues, and likely had a fair amount to do with the sheer enormity of my experience. Every injury, no matter how traumatic, was routine. And every life saved was one more payment on the debt I owed God and mankind.

I loved the work. I made an extra effort to be calm and deliberate for Edward's sake, and I let him see the pleasure I took in each opportunity I had to lessen a patient's pain.

When I finished my abbreviated shift, I made my way back to my office and met Edward there. He hadn't moved an inch since I had left him, and I gave him a fond smile.

 _I know you're not eager to go home,_   _but I'm afraid I am. My Bella is waiting._

"I'm ready," he said, climbing to his feet. "Thank you."

We drove home in silence, and as we approached the house, I searched through the voices for Bella's. I picked out Esme and Alice in the kitchen discussing the food they were making, Emmett and Rosalie in the garage where they had probably started out tinkering with a car, but were now engaged in a more intimate activity . . . and then from the living room I picked out Bella's soft heartbeat and Jasper's voice.

"Bella, I think you should do it," he was saying firmly. "I think it would be good for you."

"I don't."

Jasper sighed. "There's no reason to feel that way. Which you would  _know_  if you would just do it."

"Forget it," she said stubbornly. "I know enough to realize that it's a huge mistake, and I'm not going to do it."

"You're not thinking with your head. You're letting fear make your decisions for you, and while I'll be the first to tell you that fear is useful, sometimes you have to overcome it and let yourself be ruled by your rational side."

"Not this time."

There was a pause, and then Jasper's voice came again, low and soothing. "Do you trust me, Bella?"

"A reluctant vegetarian vampire with PTSD?" she snorted. "What's not to trust?"

I frowned. I hadn't heard the whole conversation, of course, but I was worried that Jasper was pressuring Bella into changing. I knew he didn't like being at a disadvantage to the wolves, but I didn't think he would go as far as trying to push her into something she didn't want.

But did that mean she had made her decision? Had she chosen to stay human?

I tried to ignore the sick feeling inside as I climbed out of the car and headed toward the house.

"That's not what they're talking about," Edward said gently, following after me.

I pushed through the front door and strode to the living room, and Bella's face lit up. She jumped up from the couch where she was seated beside Jasper and ran to me, leaping into my arms and wrapping her legs around my waist. I would have laughed at her enthusiastic greeting, except her lips fastened over mine, kissing me passionately, demandingly. I was more than eager to meet her demands, and I tossed my briefcase aside carelessly, carrying her to the staircase.

"Bella," Jasper said solicitously as we ascended the stairs.

She pulled her lips from mine long enough to mutter, "Shut up, Jasper," and then she was kissing me again.

I paused, pulling back and glancing between the two of them. "Is something wrong?"

"No." Bella turned my face back to hers with one hand as she tugged off my tie with the other. "I want you," she said, her lips on mine again. "I need you."

That was all I needed to get me moving up the stairs again. Bella tossed my tie on the steps behind me and started unbuttoning my shirt as I carried her to the place I had longed to take her since I first set eyes on her in my emergency room months ago. It was certainly not objectionable to me to make love to my girl in her home, but taking her to my bed felt so right. She belonged here, in my home, with me.

Forever.

I opened the door to my bedroom and moved inside, closing it and pushing my girl up against the hard wood. I ground against her through our clothes, and she moaned as she shoved my shirt off of my shoulders. I shook it free from my arms and carried her to the bed that had uselessly dominated the room for so long.

It was time that bed was used.

I laid her back on the overstuffed pillows and crawled over her, hurriedly stripping her shoes from her feet as I moved up her body. She looked so beautiful, so perfect, and somehow her presence in this bed made it belong to me. It was no longer a mere prop in the perpetual lie that was my life. The soft mattress cradled my girl, and the blankets would keep her warm. For the first time, I loved this bed.

I settled onto her, my weight pinning her down and pressing her soft, warm body against my unyielding frame. I kissed her deeply and she arched against me as her fingernails scratched at my back. "Bella," I whispered, my hands moving to the button of her jeans. "I've been thinking of this almost nonstop since I left you this morning."

I started to tug her jeans down but Bella's body stiffened and her lips stilled against mine. I pulled back, concerned.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked her gently.

She shook her head, but her teeth were worrying her lip, and she looked nervous. Her heartbeat, already faster than usual, picked up a bit more.

"What's wrong, darling?"

She gave a little sigh of defeat and squeezed her eyes closed. "I don't want to," she said softly, wincing a little as soon as the words escaped her lips.

For a moment I just looked at her, caught off guard, but then I smelled the fear emanating from her and I quickly shifted off of her, lying next to her on the bed. "You don't want to have sex?" I clarified.

She shook her head, her eyes still closed. "No," she choked. "I don't."

I reached out to caress her cheek soothingly, and she flinched as my fingers grazed her skin. Her eyes flew open and her heart rate skyrocketed, and I quickly pulled my hand back.

"Darling, what's wrong?" I asked her, alarmed by her sudden shift in demeanor.

"Nothing," she said quickly. She rolled away, turning her back to me.

"Bella." I moved close behind her, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. "Sweetheart, please tell me what's making you so afraid."

"I can't," she said, her voice thick with tears.

"Why not?" I ran a hand up and down her arm, trying to soothe her.

"I just can't."

The house was quiet, and I knew everyone was probably listening, but it was Edward's voice that drifted up to me. "Don't screw this up, Carlisle."

"Let them alone," came Jasper's sharp reproof.

I got the distinct feeling that I was being tested on something, and it was a bit unnerving that I didn't know what the test was for. "Bella, please don't shut me out," I said, my voice tinged with desperation. "Talk to me. Help me understand what you're feeling now."

"I can't," she sobbed. "I'm sorry, please don't be mad at me. I just can't."

I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her against my chest, kissing her ear gently as I whispered comforting words. "It's all right, sweetheart. I'm not mad at you."

She only cried harder, and all I could do was watch helplessly as she suffered from some mysterious fear. Clearly my touch wasn't soothing her the way I had intended it to, so I pulled back a little.

"Do you want to go somewhere else?" I asked her gently. "We can go sit with Edward and Jasper, or if you prefer we could get out of the house for a while."

She swallowed back tears, her body shaking. "Where?"

"It doesn't really matter to me. We haven't been out to see your new home yet. We could do that if you'd like."

A fresh wave of fear scented the air, but she deliberated for a few moments, chewing at her lip. "Okay."

I sat up and retrieved her shoes for her before pulling on my shirt. Once we were fully clothed again I took her hand and pulled her off of the bed and into a gentle embrace. I plucked the handkerchief from my pocket and wiped her tears before leaning down to kiss her gently. "I love you, Bella," I said solemnly. I wanted to say more, to tell her again that she could confide in me, but I decided it was a bad idea to push her too hard. Instead I guided her out of the bedroom and down the stairs, snatching up my tie from the stairs as we passed it. I gave Bella a smile and dropped it over her head, letting it lie loosely around her neck. "You know you look far better in my ties than I do," I told her with a wink.

She rewarded me with a shy smile. "As if that were even possible."

I laughed and guided her out to my car. "Do you have your keys?"

She nodded and tugged them out of her pocket, fiddling with them anxiously as I started the car and drove the few short miles to her house.

I didn't like that she wasn't talking to me. Her fear was decreasing slightly, but it was still there, and there was a nearly-tangible wall of ice between us that I didn't know how to bring down.

I pulled up in front of the yellow-painted house, and Bella gazed at it, looking awestruck.

"It's bigger than I thought," she murmured.

I smiled and moved around the car to help her out. The two of us strolled up the front walk to the door, hand-in-hand, but separated by an invisible chasm.

"Rosalie did the landscaping," I told her. "Except for those." I gestured to a row of relatively-mature bushes lining one side of the yard and creating a buffer between the house and the wild forest beyond the cleared space. "I put those in for you."

She recognized them at once, even leafless in their winter hibernation, and her eyes lit up. "Lilacs!" she exclaimed. She abandoned the front door and ran across the grass to inspect the bushes. "They're my favorite!"

Her reaction warmed me. "Yes, Edward told me. A long time ago, actually. Just after I met you at the hospital, I used to sit with him every day and force him to talk to me about you."

She giggled, and that wall of ice seemed to melt a little. "Did he actually tell you anything?"

"Oh yes, everything" I laughed. "to the smallest detail."

She slipped her hand into mine as she fingered a twig on one of the bushes. "He wasn't half as nice to me. I used to try and get him to tell me things about you, and he would dodge my questions, just to watch me squirm."

I gave her a sad smile. "I'm afraid we were all dodging your questions back then. I hope you can forgive us for that. It's quite important for us to keep our secret."

She elbowed me lightly in the ribs. "Chiropteritis," she scoffed.

I chuckled. "That ridiculous little excuse may be unforgivable."

She wandered away from the bushes and back to the front door, using her key to let us in.

"Esme took the liberty of furnishing the house for you," I told her. "Of course, if there's anything you don't like we can replace it. I want you to feel comfortable here."

"It's beautiful."

I pulled her to the panel near the door and showed her how to set and disable the alarm, and then stood back and let her take the lead. I followed her as she wandered through the house, occasionally pointing out a custom feature. Bella nodded in acknowledgment to my words. She made her way slowly through the house, running her fingertips over something she admired every now and then, but she was quiet as she explored her new home.

She smiled a lot, though, and she was thorough. She peeked into closets and pulled back shower curtains, tested the lights and water taps to discover that I had had the utilities turned on already. We ended our tour by climbing up a set of pull-down stairs into a low-ceilinged attic. Bella looked around the space, dimly lit by sunlight streaming in from a small, round window beneath the roof's peak, and she moved toward it. She stood in front of the glass and stared down at the yard below and the trees just across the main road.

"It's fairly private," I told her, moving up behind her and resting my hands on her hips. "You own ten acres of land around the house."

Bella laced her fingers through mine and wrapped my arms around her waist. "I love it," she said softly, but her words were tinged with sadness.

I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her neck, breathing in her delicious scent. "I'm so glad."

She drew in a deep breath, and I felt her muscles tense. "You're really not mad at me?" she asked, and once again the scent of her fear colored the air.

"I'm really not," I murmured, hoping that she was finally going to talk to me. "I am, perhaps, a little concerned."

She took a deep breath. "Jasper told me to say no."

I paused, considering her words. "Jasper told you to say you didn't want to have sex?"

She let go of my hands and turned in my arms, nodding against my chest.

"Does he feel that it would be healthier for you if the two of us didn't participate in a sexual relationship right now?"

She shook her head quickly, her muscles tensing further. "No, he just said I should do it once."

I wasn't quite sure what to make of that. "All right," I said. "I'm glad to see that you're trusting him enough to take his advice, but I'm not really sure I understand the exercise."

Her hands fisted around my shirt at my sides, and she pressed her forehead into my chest. "I didn't want say no because I thought you would get mad. I thought you . . ." She took a deep breath. "I thought you might not want to be with me anymore. But Jasper said it was an irrational fear. He said the only way for me to see that was to test it."

I nuzzled her neck. "Bella, my love, there is nothing in the world that could make me stop loving you." I pulled back and pressed my fingers under her chin, raising her head to look at me. "If I have any say in the matter, you and I are going to be together for a  _very_  long time. It's inevitable that, in that time, there will be instances when one of us would like to be physically intimate, while the other would prefer not to be." I kissed her soft lips, needing her to know how much I adored her. "We really have to learn how to tell each other no without hurting each other."

She ducked her head, biting her lip. "Without hurting  _me_ , you mean," she said critically. "Because nothing bothers you."

I leaned down and traced the shell of her ear with my lips. "When you hurt, I hurt, my love."

She hesitated. "It really doesn't bother you if I don't want to?"

"What would bother me," I said, caressing her cheek gently with my thumb, "is if you felt you had no choice in the matter."

She fell silent, but I was pleased to note that the fear was gone.

"So did I pass your test?" I asked her with a small smile.

I heard her soft laugh, barely more than a rush of breath. "You passed."

"Is there anything I could have improved upon?" I asked her gently.

She shook her head, still not looking at me. "A-plus."

"A- _plus?_ " I teased her with raised eyebrows. "What's the plus for?"

She finally raised her eyes to mine, her cheeks tinging a lovely pink. "For looking so hot while you were saying all the right things."

I laughed out loud, hugging her close to me. "Bella, you are my treasure."

She laughed with me, but after a moment her smile faded and she sighed. "I'm sorry I'm so weird."

I chuckled genially. "With your history, Bella, having hang-ups about sexual relationships is not weird _."_ I glanced around the room. "However, what  _is_  a bit weird is the fact that, with all the work my family and I put into remodeling and furnishing this house, the room you've chosen to spend the most time in is the empty, unfinished attic."

She giggled at my light teasing and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Well, if we're going to christen a new house, the attic is as good a place as any to get started."

My cell phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out, glancing at the text message from Alice.

**Quil will be here with his grandson in eight minutes. You might want to save the christening for later.**

I laughed and showed the message to Bella, who rolled her eyes. "No privacy," she muttered.

"It's surprising how quickly you get used to that." I stepped back and took her hand. "But Alice is right, I really should be there when Quil arrives. He's an old friend and has been an invaluable ally. He deserves a proper greeting."

"Okay," she agreed reluctantly, "but let's come back here soon."

I pressed her fingers to my lips as I guided her back toward the stairs. "As you wish."


	86. Relax

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I was still reeling a little as Carlisle and I drove back to his house. I hadn't expected a blow-up, exactly, since Carlisle wasn't really the type to lose his temper, but I had expected him to be cold and distant after I refused him sex. He would have been justified, really, considering the enthusiasm with which I had initiated it. To tell the truth, I had had no intention of stopping, despite Jasper's insistence that I should. But his words rang in my ears, nagging at me as my hands moved over Carlisle's body.

I was surprised to find that I actually wanted to give Carlisle Jasper's little test. I was scared to death that he wouldn't react the way Jasper hoped he would, but I  _wanted_  him to. I wanted him to have the opportunity to be the man everyone said he was.

So even while I was telling Jasper no, I was thinking . . .  _someday_.

When Carlisle carried me up the stairs and placed me in his luxurious bed, I wasn't even slightly tempted to make today that day. But then I realized that it was the perfect opportunity. Jacob would be here tonight, so if things went badly, I would have a refuge in my best friend. Plus, with Jasper nearby, he might be able to smooth things over between us when the inevitable fight erupted.

So, though I definitely didn't want to stop what his hands were doing to me, I did anyway. And he had definitely been upset, but not in the way I had expected. He was concerned and solicitous, and he did all he could to make  _me_  feel better.

Me. The nut job who was messing with his head.

So I was a little stunned, but in a surprisingly good way. And now Carlisle was holding my hand and making small talk about one of the doctors he worked with, as though he had forgotten about the sex issue entirely. I didn't realize that was even possible for a man, but maybe a vampire who had gone three hundred years without sex prioritized things a little differently than other men.

Alice darted out of the house as soon as we pulled up and yanked my door open excitedly. She grabbed my hand and started dragging me to the kitchen.

"We made a  _ton_  of food for the party, and since you're the only human here,  _you_  have to do the taste-testing."

"Why?" I grinned wryly as she pulled me into the kitchen. "Do you think you made a mistake?"

"No, silly," she said, rolling her eyes at the absurdity of that notion, "but we need someone to make yummy noises and tell us how talented we are."

"If that's what you need, I'm your woman."

Alice wasn't kidding; they had made mountains of food. She pushed one mouthful after another at me, beaming over my compliments, but before we were halfway through she suddenly stopped.

"They're here!" she announced delightedly.

Carlisle moved into the kitchen then and held his hand out to me. "Bella, would you come with me to greet our first guests?"

His formality surprised me a little, but I took his hand and let him tuck it into his elbow. We moved to the closet and he helped me on with my jacket and gloves, then produced a fur-lined band from the closet and slid it over my frostbitten ears.

"You'll be a bit more sensitive to the cold in your ears and fingertips now," he said, brushing a hand over my face. "Let me know if it gets too cold for you."

I was touched by his concern, and I smiled. "I will."

He guided my hand to his elbow again, and we moved out the front door to the porch. I could see an old white Lincoln making its way down the long, gravel drive to the Cullen house. Once the car was parked, Carlisle led me down the ramp Emmett had nailed over the steps and moved to greet Old Quil, who was climbing out from behind the wheel.

Carlisle reached out and grasped his hand. "It's wonderful to have you hear again, old friend," he said sincerely. "Of course you know my Bella."

I blushed at his slightly possessive introduction and removed my hand from his elbow to shake Quil's hand. "It's nice to see you again."

He murmured an acknowledgment to our greetings and beckoned to his grandson, who was coming around the car.

"Quil," Carlisle said warmly, making no move to shake his hand. "I understand you've been told the reason for our little get-together?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, I guess . . . we're trying to activate the wolf gene."

"Is that something you want?"

"It sounds pretty cool," he said with a rueful smile.

Carlisle extended his hand then, taking Quil's in both of his. "Welcome," he smiled. "I'm pleased to finally have a proper introduction. I hope you'll make yourself at home here." He surprised me by pulling Quil to his side and dropping an arm around his shoulders while Old Quil looked on approvingly.

Young Quil was caught a little off guard by it, and he leaned back a little, shooting me a questioning look behind Carlisle's back.

I shrugged.

Carlisle glanced back at the porch, where most of the family was standing, watching the interaction. "Esme, would you show our old friend inside and help him get comfortable?"

Esme moved forward and greeted Old Quil graciously, guiding him into the house.

"If you don't mind terribly," Carlisle said to the young man beside him, "I'd like for you to stay and greet our guests with us for a bit." He nodded toward another car that was approaching down the long drive.

Quil shrugged awkwardly. "That's fine. How come?"

"Because I'm making you my personal responsibility. This means a lot to your grandfather, and he has been a great friend to me."

"Okay." He leaned back too look at me again. "How's it going, Bella?"

I grinned at him. "Puny little human, hanging out with mythical creatures . . . you know how it goes."

"I hear you," he grinned back.

I held Carlisle's arm once more as we waited for the next guests to reach us. "Whose car is that?" I asked Quil, not recognizing the little blue hatchback.

"Paul's. His parents bought it for him because they were so proud of him for making the pack."

I snorted. "Yeah, I'm sure he worked really hard for that."

The car parked behind Quil's, and Jacob leapt out of the back seat, charging toward us. "Bella!" he yelled, and grabbed me up in a hug and spinning me around.

"Hello to you too," I laughed. "In a good mood, are we?"

He dropped me back on my feet, grabbing my arms to steady me when I stumbled. "I just drank twelve cups of coffee. I'm ready to party." He gave my companions a nod. "Hey, bloodsucker. What's up, Quil?"

They both greeted him back.

Paul and Rachel were helping Billy into his chair, and he wheeled himself forward.

"Carlisle," he said cordially.

"Billy," Carlisle returned with a smile, offering his hand.

I was relieved to see Billy take it without hesitation.

"It's a pleasure to have you here," Carlisle said with a welcoming smile. He released Billy's hand to take Paul's and Rachel's in turn.

Billy shifted his attention to me. "Bella, I hear Charlie didn't return to treatment after Christmas. Is that true?"

"Um, yeah," I said awkwardly. "He decided to stay home."

Billy turned accusing eyes on Carlisle. "And you allowed that?"

Carlisle nodded. "It's not ideal, I'll admit. But Charlie was worried about my relationship with Bella, and he thought he should stay close to protect her." He hesitated. "He was trying to be a good father, Billy. He made a commendable choice."

"Weren't you the one who was determined to get him into therapy in the first place?"

"He had nearly two months," Carlisle said softly. "And he is continuing on an outpatient basis."

"Dad," Jacob said warningly.

Billy reined in his temper and forced a smile. "Tell him hello for me, Bella. He and I will have to get together soon."

"I will," I said, grateful that he was letting the matter drop.

Alice hopped over the porch railing and bounced over to us. "Come on, I'll show you inside. We have tons of food and I hear you wolves are always hungry."

Jacob and Paul whooped and darted inside.

"I'm hungry too!" Quil protested after them.

Carlisle laughed. "By all means, go inside. I'll be along in a few minutes."

He spun around and followed Rachel and Billy into the house.

The family was all inside now, talking with the guests, and when the door closed Carlisle and I were left alone. We moved back to the porch, and I leaned against the rail.

"Billy's behaving so far," I observed.

"He is." He moved his hands to my hips and lifted me up on the porch railing, stepping between my legs and nuzzling my neck.

"You know, one of these days you're going to go smelling my blood like that, and you're just going to snap and drain me dry."

He answered with a low laugh. "Impossible." He kissed up my pulsing artery. "It goes against my very nature. Killing you would be like ripping out my own soul."

I slid my arms around his neck and laced my gloved fingers through his hair. "Think Alice would tell us if we have time for a quickie before the next group gets here?"

Carlisle laughed. "Alice's sight is a bit impaired right now. However, that's a question I can answer for you myself. Sam and Emily just turned off of the old highway." He nodded toward the trees that blocked Sam's car from view.

"Stupid Sam," I muttered.

Carlisle's cool lips left a trail of kisses down my neck as he chuckled. "There will be plenty of time for such things later."

"Promise?" I asked, nipping at his ear lobe.

He growled low in his throat. "I promise."

The chill in the air and the touch of his cold hands were getting to me, and I shivered a little.

He pulled my jacket tighter around me. "Do you need to go inside to warm up?"

I shook my head. "I'm good." I heard the car then, and I hopped off the railing and took my place at his side, tucking my hand in his elbow.

Sam's car approached and parked, and we moved down the ramp again. The back doors opened first, and Jared and Embry jumped out.

Hey Dr. Fang, Vampire Girl," Jared greeted us. He was on his way up the porch ramp when we heard what could only be described as a war cry behind us, and Emmett came running out of the house. He tackled Jared, who phased as soon as Emmett barreled into him, and the two of them started wrestling around in the grass.

"Well," Carlisle said simply, "I hope he had the foresight to bring extra clothes."

I laughed and moved to give Embry a hug. "Hey, Embry."

"Hey," he grinned, his eyes straying to Carlisle.

"Embry Call, Carlisle Cullen," I said, making the introductions.

"Of course, Jacob's friend," Carlisle replied, taking his hand. He paused and furrowed his brow, leaning toward him slightly and sniffing curiously. "Are you sure you're not Quileute?"

Embry gave him an odd look. "Mom's Makah."

"And your father?"

He colored slightly. "I'm not really sure who he is."

A small smile pulled at the corners of Carlisle's mouth. "If you ever take the notion to find out, I would advise starting at La Push."

"Apparently, Quileutes smell bad to vampires," I explained to Embry with a wink.

He smirked. "You vampires are no bouquet of roses yourselves."

Carlisle laughed good-naturedly. "Emmett," he called, "show a little hospitality and stop trying to murder our guest."

"In a minute!" Emmett yelled.

Sam laughed at their antics as he and Emily moved toward us. "Jared, I think you're losing," he called. "You might want to practice on a smaller vampire before you take Emmett on again." He turned to Carlisle, grinning. "Good to see you, Carlisle."

"You as well. And this must be your Emily." He took her hand and pressed it briefly to his lips. "We've heard so much about you. It's a pleasure to finally meet the woman who makes Sam so happy."

She smiled sweetly as she said hello.

"Edward made it home," I told her, taking my turn at the greetings.

At my words, Edward appeared in the doorway and came out to meet Sam and Emily. He showed them inside, smiling happily as Sam introduced him to Emily, and Embry followed along.

"Who are we still waiting on?" I asked Carlisle as Jared took off running into the trees with Emmett close on his heels.

"Just Harry and his family. They're on the way." He slipped his hand in mine and leaned down to kiss me.

"Do you always wait outside to greet guests?"

"What few guests we have, yes. I generally feel strongly about giving them a proper welcome." He smiled wryly. "When I'm allowed."

I raised my eyebrows curiously. "When you're allowed?"

"The first time you came over, my children advised me not to behave so formally. They wanted me to seem younger, so as to be more attractive to you."

I giggled in delight. "Are you serious?"

"I'm afraid so," he admitted. "And Alice has completely hijacked my wardrobe since then, and is demanding that I stop dressing like an old man."

I grinned, leaning my forehead against his chest. "You didn't have to change anything for me."

He tilted my chin up and leaned down to brush his nose against mine. "That's very kind of you, Bella. But know that I would. I would do anything you asked of me."

"Kiss me?"

"I can do that," he breathed. His arms moved around my waist, one hand splayed across my back, as he pulled me against him. He lowered his lips to mine, only just brushing them lightly at first. My own lips burned at the gentle touch, igniting desire deep within me. I snaked my arms around his neck and clung to his cold, hard frame. His kiss turned hungry, and his mouth moved over mine insistently. I moaned softly, trying to press impossibly closer to him. He started to draw back, but I clung tighter, only to be startled away from him when the front door burst open and loud footsteps thundered out onto the porch. I looked up to see nearly everyone pouring out the door.

"You be shirts, I'll be skins," Edward called to Sam. "Hey Bella, want to play football with us?"

I laughed out loud. "As what, the ball?"

Carlisle grinned. "That could work." He swept me off of my feet into his arms, and I squealed as I suddenly found myself flying through the air, only to be caught gently against Edward's chest.

"What do you think, Bella?" he smirked. "Should I spike the ball?"

"No!" I gasped. "Isn't that intentional grounding or something?"

Jacob snickered, jogging by. "Only if he's in the pocket!"

"Carlisle, are you playing?" Emmett asked, appearing from the trees and moving to Sam's car to retrieve a duffel bag for Jared so he could replace his clothes.

I saw Carlisle's eyes scan the group and land on Quil, who was tossing the football back and forth with Paul. "Count me in," he said. "I'll be with you shortly." He lifted me out of Edward's arms, setting me on my feet and tucking my hand in his elbow again. He led me to the drive, where Harry was just parking his car, and we moved to meet the Clearwater family as they loaded out. We went through the proper introductions as a very excited Seth peppered us with questions.

"Has Quil phased yet? How long do you think it will take? Does it hurt? Do you think I'm old enough?"

Carlisle laughed and gestured to where the others were picking teams. "The kids are organizing a football game if anyone wants to play."

"Awesome!" Seth yelled, running to join them.

Leah wrinkled her nose and rubbed it irritably with the back of her hand. "Yeah, I'm in."

The teams were picked by then, but when Leah joined them, Paul spoke up. "Seth, switch to skins so Leah can be on shirts."

"I don't want to switch," Seth complained, sticking close to Jacob.

"I'll be skins," Leah said nonchalantly. She stripped off her shirt, leaving her clad only in a sports bra, and strode over to join the bare-chested team.

Harry and Sue exchanged longsuffering glances, and Sue laughed in resignation. "She's always trying to be one of the boys."

"Don't break my kids!" Harry yelled into the crowd.

"No promises!" Sam grinned back.

Carlisle leaned down to give me a quick kiss, then pulled off his own shirt and ran to join his team.

I showed Harry and Sue inside, and we spent a few minutes talking with Billy, who had also opted out of the game for obvious reasons. He spent most of the time watching Rachel out the window, wincing every time one of the other players grabbed her around the waist and lifted her off of her feet in lieu of tackling her. He seemed a bit more worried about her than Harry and Sue were about their kids.

"Relax, Billy," Harry finally chuckled. "Jacob and Paul will take care of her."

Billy turned away from the window with a small smile. "They'll keep the vampires away from her, but who's going to protect her from Seth and Leah?"

Harry chuckled. "She's on her own there."

I chatted with them for a couple of hours, until the football players called half time and broke to eat. They all came stomping in, laughing and joking, and headed straight for the dining room, where Esme had laid out the food on the table. The wolves immediately started chowing down, while the humans snacked along with them.

Carlisle found me in the crowd and pulled me to a corner, slipping his arms around my waist and drawing me against him, my back to his bare chest. He was freezing, and I shivered as I pulled his arms tighter around me.

"Are you doing alright with Billy and Harry?" he murmured against my ear.

I nodded. "Everything's great."

He pressed an icy kiss behind my ear before speaking again. "Everyone is being quite careful with the humans. You can join us if you'd like."

"That's okay," I laughed. "I'd end up in the emergency room, no matter how careful everyone is being."

"Are you sure?" he teased, slipping his chilled hand under my shirt and tickling my stomach lightly. "The skins could use another girl."

"I'd make you lose."

"Yes, but I would enjoy losing so very much."

I giggled. "If you want me in any condition to play with you later, I'm going to have to sit this one out."

Carlisle released me for a moment and darted to the table, returning quickly to my side with a small plate of food. He brought a stuffed mushroom to my lips and I opened my mouth to let him feed it to me. I wondered briefly if Jasper had him worrying about my eating habits, and I ate without complaint to set his mind at ease.

"So who's winning?" I asked.

"We are!" Alice and Rosalie both called out at once.

"Of course you are, you've got all the girls," Edward said. "Leah's carrying the whole team for us."

"It'd be nice if  _you_  helped a little," Paul grumbled.

"Hey," Edward said defensively, "do  _you_ want to try and guard Emmett?"

They continued to laugh and tease each other over the next half hour or so, while the mounds of food steadily disappeared.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to sit out the second half and prepare more food," Esme said, surveying the depleted supplies

"No!" Seth cried. "You'll leave us a man short!"

"I'll sit out as well," Carlisle oferred. "That should even things up."

"Let's go!" Jacob said, jumping up from the table.

Most of the crowd headed out the door again, and Esme moved to the kitchen to start cooking dinner. Carlisle disappeared up the stairs for a moment, and when he returned he was holding an ornate wooden humidor.

"Would anyone care to join me on the porch for a cigar?" he offered.

Harry and Billy both agreed, and we donned jackets and moved outside. Harry and Sue took seats on the porch swing, with Billy parking his wheelchair near them. I hopped up on the porch rail again, and once Carlisle had cut and distributed the cigars, he came to stand next to me.

"How are thing with the Council?" he asked casually. "Edward tells me there's some question of leadership?"

Billy nodded solemnly. "It's one thing for the pack to accept Sam as a leader, but the majority of the Quileute people expect me to head the Council until Jacob is old enough, and then they assume he'll take over the responsibility."

Carlisle nodded. "That is a bit dicey. And from what I understand, Sam doesn't necessarily want the position?"

"It could be worse," Harry observed. "They could be fighting  _for_  power."

"That  _would_  be more disturbing," Carlisle agreed. "And it's a situation not altogether unlikely to arise, if this isn't settled. The first time Jacob disagrees with Sam over a major issue, he could decide it's time to claim his birthright."

Billy and Harry exchanged wary looks. "Do you have suggestions?" Harry asked.

Carlisle shook his head as he drew in a puff from his cigar. "Short of bribing Jacob to take charge, I'm afraid not."

"You think Jacob should be the Alpha, then?" Billy asked.

He rubbed his thumb thoughtfully over his bottom lip. "I do. However, I have to recognize my personal bias. I see much of Ephraim in him."

Billy nodded and stared out at the football game again. "So do I."

"What do you think, Bella?" Carlisle asked me. "You know him well. How would Jacob do as Chief of the Quileutes?"

I considered his question for a moment. "I think he'd be a little impulsive, but with the Council to temper him and advise him on some things, he could do really well. In another few years, I would expect him to be a lot like Sam."

Carlisle gave me a small smile and leaned down to kiss me. I could taste the musty flavor of his cigar on his lips, and I deepened the kiss to get more of it. The taste was stronger on his tongue, and I tangled it with mine, enjoying the taste, the smell, the feel, everything.

He broke away after a moment, moving his lips to my ear. "Keep kissing me like that, and you and I are going to miss most of this party."

"Promises, promises," I teased, rolling my eyes.

I pulled back and spotted Billy eyeing me speculatively. I waited for him to say something unpleasant about us, but he just gave me a small smile and turned his attention to the football game again.

The second "half" of the game went on for three more hours, until Carlisle finally called a halt to it. The skins had made a comeback and had taken a narrow lead, and there was much grumbling about the careful timing of the call to dinner that ended the game.

"Don't look at me," Carlisle said, a little too innocently. "Esme is the one who made dinner."

Everyone gathered in the dining room again. Those of us who were eating found seats at the crowded table, while the Cullens stood around the room, laughing and joking.

I was surprised how easily everyone was getting along. For natural enemies, they seemed to have a lot of common ground.

"Oh!" Jacob jumped up. "I almost forgot! Be right back." He ran out of the room, and was back after a minute bearing a shoe box.

Edward started snickering, but Sam gave Jacob a sharp look. "No, Jake," he said firmly.

Edward dropped a hand on Sam's shoulder. "It's alright," he assured him, his eyes sparkling.

Sam crossed his arms over his chest, shaking his head in disapproval.

Jacob ignored him and approached Carlisle. "We wanted to thank you for the Christmas gift," he said. "So a few of us put together a little present to show you how we feel."

Carlisle raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Thank you, Jacob," he said, accepting the box. He pulled off the lid and looked inside, then squeezed his eyes shut, laughing silently.

"What is it?" Alice asked, sounding frustrated. She was clearly displeased by the wolves' interference in her clairvoyance.

Carlisle displayed the contents of the box one by one, naming them as he showed them off. "A wooden cross . . . a bottle of holy water . . . a rope of garlic . . . and a wooden stake."

Jacob snickered smugly and slapped Carlisle on the arm. "Welcome to the neighborhood, Dr. Fang."

"Jacob, I'm deeply moved," Carlisle said, his eyes shining with amusement. "And this," he said, holding up the cross again, "is going up in my study."

"Seriously, though," Sam said, rising, "your gift was very thoughtful. We tend to go through clothes and shoes pretty fast, so it meant a lot to us."

Esme smiled warmly. "That was a lovely note you sent us, Emily."

Emily smiled in response, and Jacob dropped back down into his seat, grinning over his joke.

Dinner was easy and fun, and afterward everyone broke off into smaller groups. Alice put on some music and Carlisle and I joined Quil and Embry by the fire in the living room, somehow landing in a political discussion. I couldn't help but admire Carlisle. The man was a skilled debater.

He was skilled at everything, though, so that was no big surprise. I loved him so much it literally hurt, and I couldn't let myself dwell on it for long.

At a lull in the conversation, I glanced around the room. I wanted to talk to Jacob about something, and I spotted him lounging on the stairs next to Edward, chatting idly.

Perfect. I sort of felt like Edward should be there too.

"I'm going to see if Edward and Jacob want to go for a walk," I told Carlisle.

He squeezed my hand, pressing my blistered fingertips to his lips. "Stay warm," he murmured.

Edward and Jacob, of course, had both heard what I said. They stood and watched curiously while I bundled up against the cold. When I was all set, they strode out into the yard with me, heading for the trees.

"What's up, Bella?" Jacob asked. "You just felt like freezing your ass off for a while?"

"I felt like a little privacy, actually. I want to talk to you guys about something."

"If it's privacy you're after, we've got a ways to go," Edward said. "Come here." He caught me up in his arms and grinned at Jacob. "See if you can keep up, Fluffy."

Suddenly he was running through the trees, shooting through them so fast that I was terrified we were going to go careening into a tree trunk at any moment. Of course, Edward wouldn't be hurt, but  _I_  would be. I was relieved when he slowed and stopped after a couple of minutes, setting me back on my feet.

Jacob caught up to us, looking chagrined at having been outrun, while I waited for my stomach to settle.

"So spill it," Jacob said. "What's on your mind?"

I was suddenly nervous. "Um." I turned and started walking through the trees. "So I've been thinking."

Jacob and Edward followed after me. Jacob grabbed my hand and Edward followed suit, taking the other.

"Hey," Edward said, rubbing my arm. "We're here for you, Bella. Just say whatever's on your mind."

I clung to their hands, a little concerned about how Jacob was going to take this. But after all, he had been very open-minded lately.

"Um . . ." I said again. "I sort of made my decision."

They both stopped walking and turned to me. Edward's eyes were strained and wary, Jacob's only curious.

"About whether you're going to get fanged?" Jacob asked.

"Yeah." I chewed at my lip. This was a lot harder to say than I thought it would be. "It's just . . . he's not what I thought he was."

Edward dropped my hand and turned away, looking sick.

God, that didn't come out right at all. "No, that's not what I meant." I growled in frustration. How could I explain this?

"I just . . . I've always known that all guys are the same, and that I'm better off without them. Mom and I— _Renee_  and I—we were always happier when it was just us. But then she'd end up bringing some  _guy_  home, and things would get screwed up again."

"Bella," Edward began, his eyes pleading, but I held up a hand.

"Please, Edward, just let me say this."

He acquiesced, his eyebrows drawn together in sorrow.

"Everything always started out great with these guys. That's why M—Renee brought them home. She always thought it would be different, and it never was. So even when Carlisle seemed different, and everybody told me he was different, I knew he wasn't."

Jacob was watching me closely. "I think you're judging him a little harshly, Bella."

"Just wait, please."

He folded his arms across his chest and fell silent.

"I know that it's bothered you guys that I've taken so long to decide this, but I've been waiting for him to show me the proof that he's just like every other guy, so I would know I made the right choice." I twisted my hands in front of me. "But . . . it's not coming. The longer I stay with him, the more I realize that he's  _not_  like every other guy. If today wasn't proof of that . . ." I shook my head, not knowing how to even finish that thought.

Jacob looked confused. "Wait, today? What happened today?"

Edward was looking at me, his wary eyes slightly more hopeful now. He quickly filled Jacob in on the little test Jasper had arranged, and what had happened.

"Hm," Jacob said. "So what's it going to be, Bella?"

"I want to be with him," I said hesitantly. "Forever."

I suddenly found myself caught up in a hug so tight I could barely breath. Edward's cold arms were locked around me, lifting me off my feet, and he kissed my cheek enthusiastically.

"Say it," he said, setting me back on my feet again and holding me out at arm's length. "I have to hear it."

I was a little thrown by his reaction, but I laughed a little. "I've decided to become a vampire."

He hugged me again, spinning me around, before setting me unsteadily on my feet again. My eyes sought Jacob's, anxious about his reaction.

He moved forward and wrapped me in a much warmer, much gentler hug. "I'm really happy for you," he said.

"Really?"

He nodded, smiling affectionately. "Yeah, I mean, why not? We've got Quil and Seth back at the house, choosing to be werewolves. Why shouldn't you be allowed to choose to be a vampire?"

I hugged him tightly, grateful for his support.

"Have you told Carlisle?" Edward asked, then shook his head, answering his own question. "No, there's no way. He wouldn't have been able to stop thinking about it."

"I wasn't quite ready," I admitted. "I had to say it out loud to someone else first."

I could tell Edward was having trouble containing his excitement. "When are you going to tell him?"

"Now, I think. I'm ready now."

"Well let's go," Jacob grinned. He turned his back to me and crouched down, patting his shoulder. "Hope on, girl."

I laughed. "Are you serious?"

"Of course I'm serious. You want to get home, don't you? You're too slow to walk back yourself."

I shrugged and climbed onto his back, and he and Edward took off through the trees at a slightly less disturbing speed than we had used to get here. It was still fast, but it didn't seem like more than I could handle this time. I clung to Jacob's warm body, fighting back the happiness that was too much for me to take. Why did it always have to be like this? With Carlisle there was too much love, too much happiness, too much of everything. It should have been good, but it was painful. I felt like it was suffocating me.

As usual, I tried to distract myself from the overpowering flood of emotion. "So this is what the world looks like to tall people," I observed as we ran.

"Yep. Like it?"

I considered that for a moment. "It's okay. I prefer it from my own point of view, though."

"Why's that?"

"It's closer to the ground. Not as far to fall if I trip over myself."

Jacob snickered.

"You know, when you turn," Edward said, "that hip of yours won't be a problem anymore."

"Really?"

"Really. Everything heals. Breaks, scars . . . even your fingers won't be so s—" he broke off suddenly, skidding to a halt.

Jacob stopped too. "Is that . . . ?"

"Yeah," Edward said, his brow furrowing. "What's going on?"

"What is it?" I asked. "What do you hear?"

They listened for a moment, and Edward's eyes went wide. As one, the two of them broke into a sprint, racing back toward the house as fast as they could go.


	87. Bring Me To Life

Banner by IllicitWriter

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I never thought of myself as a jealous man. In three hundred years, the closest I had come to jealousy was with Edward and Esme—and even then, it was the loss of possible companionship I mourned, more than the loss of Esme herself. It was only in the last few months that I had become so acquainted with this disturbing new emotion. Bella had altered me on a fundamental level, and the changes I experienced in myself after having lived for so long essentially unchanged left me off-balance.

I was unaccustomed to the twinges of anger and insecurity that shot through me every time I remembered Bella asking Edward and Jacob to take her someplace private.

Jasper gave an exasperated sigh, looking up from his conversation with Sam and Harry. "You're being ridiculous, Carlisle."

I nodded. "I know. I can't seem to help it these days."

He snorted. "Worried Edward's going to steal your girl again?"

I shook my head, smiling to myself. "If love were rational, I wouldn't have gone so long without it."

"I hear you. But you're still being ridiculous."

"I'm very glad you think so."

I heard Emmett laugh heartily from the kitchen. "Hey, Carlisle!" he called happily, leading Jared, Paul, Rachel, and Rosalie into the living room. "Did you just hear that question?"

"I'm afraid I wasn't listening. What question?"

"We're playing Would You Rather," he said as he and his companions all found seats around me in the living room. "Paul just asked me if I'd rather eat human food or drink wolf blood."

I groaned involuntarily at the memory. "Human food," I said with a little shudder. "Absolutely no question."

"You drank wolf blood?" Paul asked.

"'Drank' may be too strong of a word. But yes, I tasted it."

"Why?"

"God only knows," I said, smiling nostalgically. "Ephraim and I were curious people . . . and perhaps a bit reckless. I suppose it was only natural that, at some point, we would question whether wolf blood could taste as bad as the smell would indicate."

"You bit Ephraim?" he asked, stunned.

I shook my head. "The legends say vampire venom is lethal to the Quileute wolves, so I couldn't bite him. He merely cut his palm and let the blood pool in it. When the cut had healed over, I sipped the blood from his hand."

"Pretty bad?" Jared grinned.

I shook my head. "Bad doesn't begin to describe it. Human food is bad. Wolf blood is poison."

Paul raised his eyebrows. "Like, actual poison, or are you just being dramatic?"

I laughed. "It was literally painful," I told him. "I had just been hunting a few hours before, and I immediately vomited up all of the blood in my stomach. But even that didn't stop the pain. It was hours before I started to recover from just that one little sip. I started wondering if shape-shifter blood couldn't actually kill a vampire."

Emmett was snickering. "For months, any time Edward shot off his mouth, Carlisle threatened him with wolf blood."

Jared rolled up his sleeve. "Hey Emmett, want a taste?"

Emmett reached over and smacked him lightly on the cheek.

I suppose it was bound to happen. Having the Quileutes in such close proximity to my family was asking for trouble, and it was only a matter of time before a fight broke out. I wouldn't have been at all surprised to see Jared or Paul lunge at Emmett for that slap, or to see Jasper and Jacob let a heated discussion get out of control. What I hadn't expected was for the fight to originate with the humans.

The sound of raised voices drifted into the house from the front porch, and I quickly strode to the door to see if I could help defuse the situation. Embry and Leah were facing off, glaring at each other with their fists clenched.

"Why do you have to be such a bitch?" Embry demanded. "All day, every day, we all have to sit around listening to you snark about how you're better than everybody else."

"Who even invited you here?" Leah snapped back. "You think you're special just because you know tribe secrets? Well I've got news for you." She shoved him roughly. "You're nothing but a wannabe pack groupie."

A growl started in Embry's throat, and I stepped between the two of them, placing a hand on Embry's chest. "Perhaps the two of you—" I stopped suddenly when I realized just how very hot Embry's skin was under his shirt. "No," I breathed, my eyes widening.

A crowd was gathering now, and they were looking at me curiously. "What's wrong, Carlisle?" Jasper asked warily.

"Embry is. . . ." I hesitated. Could it be? He was only half Quileute, after all. He was hardly a likely candidate to join the pack. Still, perhaps my family's proximity was enough to wake even the smallest traces of the wolf. "Embry is preparing to phase."

Leah's eyes went wide with fury. "You son of a bitch!" she yelled, leaping at Embry.

Jasper darted in front of her and caught her around the waist, and I was suddenly hit with a wave of shock coming from him too.

"Let go of my daughter!" Harry yelled furiously at Jasper.

Jasper refused, looking at Leah with guarded eyes. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea, Harry," he said, his voice low and expectant. "I think we're about to have more than one new wolf to deal with."

"That's impossible," Billy spoke up from the doorway. "It's only the sons of the tribe who phase."

Leah was still fighting to get out of Jasper's grasp and he wrapped an arm around her chest, pinning both of her arms to her sides. "Really?" he asked. "Let's ask the resident expert. Quil?"

The old man moved forward, and Leah kicked out furiously, screaming insults and threats. Alice moved forward quickly and grabbed her legs, holding them still. Quil ignored Leah's screams and pressed a hand to her cheek.

"You should move them out into the yard," he said solemnly.

Embry was still glaring at Leah, and I took his elbow and steered him after Leah and Jasper into the rutted grass that had served as a front lawn before the football game had destroyed it. He didn't fight me, but his body temperature did continue to rise.

"Let go of me!" Leah was screaming at Jasper, struggling and kicking in his arms.

"Leah, you're phasing," Jasper told her, his voice calm and hard.

"You're a fucking liar!" she screamed. "You just want an excuse to get your hands all over me, you fucking pervert!"

Embry exploded then too. "What, now even the pack's not good enough for you?" he yelled. "Fucking Leah Clearwater, so much better than everybody else!"

Edward skidded into the yard then, his stunned eyes quickly taking in the situation, and I could hear Jacob just a short distance behind him.

I didn't want Bella close to this.

"Edward, get the humans into the house," I ordered. "Stay with them—and watch Quil and Seth. If they start to phase, I want them out here." I looked at Sam. "Your boys should phase, or be ready to."

He nodded and started stripping off his clothes. "Your family needs to move back," he said. "Embry and Leah will act instinctively once they phase, and I need a couple of seconds to order them not to attack."

Jacob appeared from the trees then, and Edward lifted Bella from off of his back and started ushering humans into the house. My eyes fell on Old Quil, who was watching the situation sharply.

"Old friend," I said solemnly, "unless you're willing to phase again, I think you should go inside."

He scanned the boys who were taking on their wolf form, and then my family, all backing up and forming a wide circle around the two struggling Quileute children.

"We can handle this, Quil. There's no need to halt your aging again unless you want to."

He turned and headed into the house.

Sam was the only one of the wolves who hadn't phased yet. "Carlisle, Jasper, you need to get back," he ordered.

I shook my head. "We can't, Sam. If we let them go, they'll start fighting. We have to keep them apart until they phase, or they could end up killing each other."

Jacob loped forward and stood on his hind legs, pushing Embry to the ground and pinning him there. He looked expectantly up at me, and I nodded. "Yes, that should work."

Sam phased quickly, and then Jared darted toward Leah. Jasper released her and Jared tackled her, pinning her down as well. She shoved at him as Jasper and I backed away, and within seconds a ripping sound filled the air and then Jared was pinning down a writhing, snapping grey wolf.

Just as quickly, she stilled, though her whine made it clear that her restraint wasn't voluntary. Jared backed off and let her up, and Sam moved forward nuzzling her affectionately.

"Carlisle," Edward's soft voice came from inside. "Emily and Rachel don't want to phase."

I rubbed a hand over my face. If Leah could phase, there was no reason to think they wouldn't. "Are they showing signs?"

"Not yet. But once they start, it's too late."

I nodded thoughtfully. "See if Quil will take them home. And have him keep an eye out for any symptoms."

I listened as Edward passed on my request and Old Quil agreed.

We were all watching Embry now, and after a moment he realized it. "What are you staring at?" he snapped. He started struggling against Jacob, now that the spotlight was back on him. It was his turn to growl insults and demand to be released, and a few minutes later, as Old Quil was steering his car down the drive, Embry's anger finally got the better of him. He burst into wolf form, and before Sam could contain him, his teeth sank into Jacob's leg and I heard the snap of bone.

Embry's whimpers of protest against Sam's restraining orders were lost in Jacob's loud howl. He limped backward, and I moved quickly to his side.

"Esme, I need a splint and bandages," I directed her, kneeling in front of Jacob. I lifted his leg, inspecting it, and saw the jagged bone sticking through the skin and fur of his foreleg. I sighed. "Jacob, this is going to be somewhat painful to set. I know it will be difficult, but try not to . . ." I trailed off as my ears picked out the sound of Charlie's cruiser pulling off of the old highway, and I shook my head in exasperation. "Excellent timing," I muttered. "Sam, Charlie is on his way. He has a vague idea of your abilities, but I'm not sure it's really wise to show him proof before he has come to terms with it. Perhaps you should take Leah and Embry into the woods for a while."

The three of them turned and loped toward the trees, while Paul and Jared phased back and tugged their clothes on again.

"Edward, how are Seth and Quil?" I asked.

"They're fine, though Seth's about to have an aneurism over the fact that it wasn't  _him_."

_And Bella?_

"She's  _fine_ , Carlisle. Quite worrying so much, I'm looking out for her."

I turned my attention back to Jacob. "Alright, Jacob, I'm afraid this is going to hurt. Try not to move too much." I quickly jerked the bone into place, and he howled in pain. He tried to back away, but I held his foreleg at the joint, keeping him in place. Esme quickly splinted and bandaged his leg, and once she was finished I released him.

"Don't put any pressure on it," I ordered him. "I'll take a look at it again in a few hours and see how it's healing, but until then keep your weight off of it and don't phase back."

Jacob limped toward the trees, but he didn't go quite fast enough to avoid being seen. Charlie slammed on his brakes and stared wide-eyed after the russet wolf as Jacob made his way back into the woods.

I turned toward Charlie and watched, trying to gauge his reaction.

"Christ," I heard him mutter under his breath.

I couldn't help but smile at his reaction.

He released the brake and drove his car up behind the collection of visiting automobiles, then took a deep breath before cutting the engine and climbing out.

"Charlie," I smiled, moving forward to greet him. "I'm so glad you made it out to see us."

He was still staring after Jacob, the muscle in his jaw working furiously. "What was that?"

"Do you really want to know?"

He started to shake his head, and then stopped. "Yes."

"That was Jacob Black."

His eyes widened even more. " _That_  was Jacob?"

I nodded. "He makes a rather remarkable beast, doesn't he?"

Esme approached and took Charlie's hand, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "It's so nice to see you again," she said, hooking her arm through his. "Won't you come in? Bella is inside with my husband, and I'm sure she would like to say hello."

Charlie frowned deeply, but let her guide him into the house. I followed with the rest of my family, stepping into the large foyer where Esme paused to help Charlie off with his jacket.

Bella moved tentatively in from the living room, followed by Edward, whose eyes fixed on Charlie in concentration. "Hey, Dad," she said tentatively.

"Bella," he grumbled. He looked at her, his expression displeased, and it took me a moment before I realized that he was frowning at the silk tie that still dangled loosely around her neck. She had never taken it off after our visit to her house earlier. "Is everything okay here?"

She nodded. "Um, yeah, you just missed the excitement. Leah and Embry got into kind of a fight, and Sam just dragged them off to lecture them."

I could see the muscle working in his jaw again, and he growled low in his throat. "All right," he said flatly. "I want to know everything."

Billy wheeled himself into the foyer from the living room and gave Charlie a grim smile. "I think it's time you heard some of our legends, Charlie."

"Please," I said, gesturing into the living room. "Make yourself comfortable. "I'll have one of the kids fix you a plate of food, and we'll tell you some fantastic stories."

Alice hurried to get him some food, while Bella moved into the living room with him, taking a seat next to him on the couch.

Charlie sniffed the air and frowned. "Have you been smoking, Bella?"

"Um, no," she said, biting her lip. "Carlisle had a cigar with Billy and Harry, and I was sitting with them."

Charlie grumbled under his breath about secondhand smoke poisoning his daughter, but stopped when Alice reappeared with his plate of food. He took a tentative bite, and then turned his attention to Billy as our slightly-reduced group gathered around to listen. The old man smiled around at his audience and started to tell us all about the great Chief Taha Aki.

It took a little over an hour for Billy to tell the Quileute legends and answer Charlie's questions about us. I made a point of staying close to Quil during that time, knowing that his grandfather would be more anxious than ever to see him phase. I kept one hand on his shoulder and the other holding Bella's hand as Billy described the horror of the Cold Ones.

He definitely wasn't doing me any favors.

That was where he ended his story, leaving me to explain my unusual diet and my friendship with his grandfather. Thankfully, Old Quil had rejoined us by then, and was able to lend some credibility by reminiscing with me for a few minutes about old times.

When we finished, Charlie didn't speak. He looked around at us and I could see the gears turning behind his eyes, but his expression didn't give away what he was thinking. He stood slowly and pulled Bella up with him, kissing the top of her head.

"I need to get back to work," he said, and strode out the front door, not even stopping for his coat.

Bella moved to the window and watched him anxiously as he drove away. "Do you think he'll be okay?" she asked.

I stepped behind her and rubbed her shoulders gently. "Yes, darling, I think he'll be fine. I'm sure he needs some time to process things."

Edward chuckled softly from across the room. "Yeah, the two of you are sort of alike," he told Bella.

She turned and narrowed her eyes at him. "I might have handled learning your secrets a little better if you hadn't been trying to kill me."

"Are you going to hold a grudge forever? Jeez, I try to murder you  _one_  time."

She smiled at him and twisted around in my arms, laying her head on my chest.

"Are you warm enough?" I asked her.

She nodded.

"Are you hungry? Tired? Am I neglecting any of your needs?"

"Mmmm." Her finger traced patterns on my chest. "Maybe one."

I chuckled softly. "A bit eager today, aren't we, angel?"

"Mm-hm," she nodded. "That's what I get for saying no earlier. I think I deserve a spanking."

I patted her bottom affectionately, and she giggled.

"Actually, do you mind if we go somewhere else for a little while?" she asked. "I kind of have something I want to talk to you about."

"Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, it's fine," she said, but her heart rate picked up slightly. "I just . . . could use a little quiet. It's sort of busy here tonight."

"Shall we leave for a while? Find someplace private?"

She shook her head. "Upstairs is fine."

I tried not to think about the fact that she wanted privacy with Edward and Jacob, but not with me. It was obvious that I had failed, though, when Edward started snickering.

"All right, sweetheart," I murmured, ignoring him. I took her arm and guided her up the stairs and into my bedroom.

She moved to the bed and sat on the edge of it, hunching her shoulders nervously. Her heart was beating even faster now, her fear lightly flavoring the air.

"Darling, what's wrong?" I asked, closing the door behind us.

"Nothing's wrong. I know it seems like it is, but this is just a little bit hard for me to talk about. I don't know why."

I moved to her side and sat next to her, stroking my fingertips down the side of her face. "Bella, my love," I whispered, "no matter what you have to say, I'll be here for you. You have my heart forever."

She took a deep breath. "Do you really think that's possible? To love just one person forever?"

I nodded solemnly. "I do."

"Do you really think you'll want  _me_  forever?"

"My angel," I whispered, brushing my lips against her cheek, "I would never have promised you forever if I had even the slightest doubt."

She hesitated. "I have doubts. I have a lot of them. But I don't doubt that  _I_  could love  _you_ forever. I'm pretty sure I could never stop loving you."

Her words warmed me, and I let my eyes slip closed, cherishing her uncharacteristic candor. I heard her take another deep breath, and then in a rush she said, "I want to be a vampire."

My eyes fluttered open, and I froze. "Bella," I whispered softly, my throat feeling tight. "Bella, my sweet girl . . . are you sure?"

She nodded, biting her lip. "If you promise to stay with me," she said, her voice quivering.

I slid to my knees in front of her, taking both of her hands in mine and pressing her damaged fingers to my lips. "I promise you," I murmured fervently. "No matter what the future holds, Bella, I will always be yours. You own me completely, body and soul."

She smiled at me, tears in her eyes. "I want to be yours too. Forever."

Cheers erupted from downstairs, and were joined by howls from the nearby woods. I heard Edward explaining to the humans what was happening, and Old Quil murmured his congratulations to me.

I rose and pulled Bella up with me, catching her up in a tight embrace. "It seems our friends are quite pleased for us," I laughed, brushing my nose against hers.

She tilted her head up, allowing me access to her soft, lovely lips. "Are  _you_  pleased?"

"My Bella," I moaned softly. "My beautiful girl. You've made me happier than I've ever been." I pulled her soft body closer against mine, letting my hands explore her sensuous curves. I leaned down and captured her lips with my own, then urged her mouth open and moved my tongue with hers, trying to communicate all of the passion I held for her in one searing kiss.

It was, of course, impossible. She was simply too delicate. To express everything I felt for her, the kiss would have to be far more forceful than her fragile body could withstand. But now I could look forward to the time when I could really touch her, when I wouldn't have to hold back the love I felt for her.  _When_  she would change, I didn't know. There was much to be decided. But someday, when she took on new strength, I could truly show her just how much she meant to me.

I slid one hand under the back of her shirt and caressed the soft, warm skin of her back. I wondered if I would miss the warmth at all, or if I would be too distracted by the firm flawlessness of the hard, vampiric tissue that would replace it.

I let my lips trail down her neck, licking gently at the fluttering pulse. That was definitely something I would miss. The warm, eager blood that raced through her veins, the way her heartbeat picked up when I caressed down her thigh and hitched her leg up over my hip. . . .

Bella let out a soft moan as I allowed my hands to follow my thoughts, and I smiled to myself, holding her tightly against me. There was something I  _wouldn't_  lose in the change. My girl's voice may sound a bit different, but I would always find ways to make her moan like that.

Her little body squirmed against me, grinding eagerly into my growing erection, and I moved my mouth to her ear, licking lightly at her earlobe. "I want you, Bella," I whispered.

A shiver ran through her, and her hands moved to the top button of my shirt, toying with it but not opening it. "What about everyone else?" she asked shyly as her cheeks colored pink.

I would miss that as well. Her ready blush was so beautiful, and so endearing. I gently nuzzled her cheek, brushing my lips over the lovely heated skin. "They can't have you. I'm not willing to share."

She laughed, her color deepening, and she buried her face in my neck. "I meant, are they still listening?"

"I'm sure a few of them are," I said, unconcerned. I lifted her into my arms, wrapping her legs around my waist, and carried her to the bed.

Emmett whistled from downstairs. "Go, Bella!" he yelled.

Bella was blushing furiously when I laid her back on soft pillows and knelt over her. I laughed and brushed her hair back from her face, then cupped her hot cheeks in my cold hands. "You get used to the lack of privacy, my love," I reminded her.

"Yeah, but . . . in front of  _everybody?_ "

I sucked gently at her neck, feeling the buttery-soft skin beneath my mouth. It wouldn't be long before I didn't have to take such care with my teeth, before I could nibble at her throat, or drag my teeth along her ear, without worrying that they would tear through her diaphanous skin and hurt her.

"If they don't want to hear it, they can find something else to distract them."

Bella moaned again, nearly surrendering to her desire. "What if they  _do_  want to hear it?"

"Then I guess we'd better give them a show." I pulled back and grinned at her playfully. "Perhaps Edward could give the play-by-play while Emmett provides color commentary."

"Very funny," she said sarcastically, pulling me down on top of her by my collar.

"To be honest," I told her, sliding one hand up and down the soft skin of her side, "I don't care what the rest of them are doing." I kissed gently along her jaw line, drawing in her delicious scent. "My girl just told me she wants to stay with me forever. The only thing on my mind just now is showing her exactly how much I appreciate it."

Bella's shoulders relaxed a little, and her fingers finally moved to start unbuttoning my shirt. I growled in satisfaction as she stripped it off of me and tossed it on the floor. She slid one hand between us and cupped my arousal through my pants, rubbing firmly with her palm. I gave another low growl, feeling the ache growing inside of me. I needed her, the desire to have her willing body mounting with each passing second.

Her hands found my belt and she unbuckled it quickly, then unfastened my slacks and pushed them off of my hips with my underwear. I groaned as her warm fingers wrapped around my length. "Bella," I choked, "you have no idea how good that feels."

She smiled slyly. "Just wait." She nudged me onto my back and pulled my clothes the rest of the way off, taking my shoes and socks with them, before moving to straddle my waist.

God, I loved her.

I grabbed the tie that dangled loosely from her neck and pulled her down on top of me, kissing her deeply. I stripped the tie from her neck and sent it to join my pile of clothes on the floor, then pulled up the hem of her blouse. She broke the kiss long enough to let me tug it over her head, and then her mouth was on me again, kissing down my neck, down my chest, and she started crawling backward slowly.

Oh, dear god. I watched, fascinated, as she made her way down my stomach, and then caught my breath in a sharp hiss as I felt her soft, velvet lips press against the head of my cock.

She smiled and her tongue flicked out, teasing the sensitive skin. She paused and gave me a curious look, then closed her lips around the tip of my member, sucking lightly. "You taste . . . sweet," she said, sounding somewhat surprised.

Once again, my inexperience showed. "Is that unusual?"

She nodded, then smiled sheepishly. "Well, maybe not for a vampire." She gave another lick that had me moaning in pleasure. "I like it."

I wasn't completely sure that it was safe for her to take very much fluid into her mouth. Of course, every time I kissed her she tasted my venom, but I would have to be conscientious if I was going to keep her safe. I wasn't willing to experiment with my girl's safety, no matter how good it felt to have her warm mouth closing over me, taking me deeper. . . .

_Dear god._

The girl was a miracle. She had shown me pleasure like I never could have imagined, and still she was guiding me further into discovery, leading me to delights that had always surrounded me, but had never touched my life. Her hands moved to my hips, steadying herself as she pulled me deeper into her mouth, and I moaned loudly as the head of my cock pressed into the back of her throat. She swallowed around me, and it was all I could do to hold back the curse that begged to slip from my lips.

Who would have guessed that a little human girl could so completely shatter my self-control?

Bella pulled back just a little, sucking hard, and started moving her head slowly up an down. "Bella, my angel," I groaned in a haze of carnal indulgence. I buried my hands in her hair, feeling her head move as she eagerly sucked my hard, throbbing organ. Her pace slowly increased, moving from a slow, sensuous rhythm to a quick, needful one.

I kept a tight rein on my own movements, knowing that I could kill her, or at the very least break her jaw, with just one instinctive jerk of my hips. I moved with her slowly and deliberately at first, but as she moved faster I stilled and allowed her to take control completely. Her hand rubbed at my shaft, enveloping it in warmth, as her tongue stroked me, moving over the sensitive nerves just below the head of my cock.

I felt my muscles tensing, the pleasure ramping up and driving me toward release. Lord, how I wanted to come in that sweet mouth—just the thought of it had me panting, aching for release, but with Herculean effort, I held back. I wasn't ready for this to be over, wasn't ready to lose the wet caress of her tongue as it swirled around my sensitive member, tasting the beads of fluid that seeped from me at an ever increasing rate.

But I couldn't hold off for long. What she was doing to me was simply too incredible, and when I felt like I couldn't take another moment I pushed her off of me. It took mere seconds for me to strip away the rest of her clothes and flip her onto her back on the mattress. I fell on top of her, driving into her slick opening as hard as I dared, and after just a few quick thrusts I was coming inside of her soft body.

She moaned eagerly as I took my release, her fingers digging into my back. My movements slowed as satisfaction found me, but Bella's unsated desire was apparent, and I didn't take long to bask in post-coital bliss. I needed to see her surrender to her own pleasure, to watch her come undone as I drove her to climax. I scented the flavor of her arousal in the air, and that was all I needed to make me ache for her again.

I started to move inside of her with renewed vigor. Bella whimpered arching against me, and I wrapped her in a tight embrace. I slid one arm beneath her back as the other hand moved to pillow her head. I kissed down her neck, savoring the scent, letting myself feel the exquisite joy of having her body beneath me: her soft breasts pressed against my chest, her tight stomach and narrow hips flush against mine, her firm thighs wrapped around me, our legs tangled together. It was a paradise I never could have imagined, and I could only hope that my body gave her anything close to the pleasure that hers gave me.

If the sounds she was making were any indication, there was a good chance of it. She moaned and writhed against me, her hands moving needfully over my back. "Harder, Carlisle," she gasped.

Lord, I loved hearing those words from her lips. I found myself once again imagining the day when I wouldn't have to hold back as I increased my force, plunging into her with firm, deliberate movements. Soon I would be able to let go, to take her with a reckless abandon that would leave no room for doubt. She would know how completely she consumed me. Soon.

"Don't stop," she gasped, her fingers clutching at my back. "God, it feels so good."

"That's right, darling," I breathed in her ear, my own fervor mounting again at her words. "Just enjoy it. Let go and let me give you what you need."

She moaned wantonly, pushing her head back against my hand, grinding her hips against mine. I gazed at her, wonderingly, lustfully. I loved seeing her like this, her defenses lowered and her inhibitions scattered. I loved watching her come apart in my arms.

I felt her body tighten, watched her eyes squeeze shut as her impending orgasm closed in on her, and then she was crying out, bucking erratically against me. The pleasure of watching her shed her restraints had me aching with need again, and I gloried in sight of the ecstasy on her face as I moved inside of her. She came for several long seconds, her muscles taut, her fingers clawing into my back, before she finally started to calm, her urgent movements relaxing into a slow, languid undulation of her body.

"Beautiful," I whispered. "So beautiful." I stroked her hair, giving her a moment to rest and catch her breath. I kissed her forehead, her flushed cheeks, her soft, quivering lips. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you," she returned, smiling lazily. "And I love what you do to me."

"Do you?" I asked a smile spreading across my face.

"Definitely."

I moved my lips close to her ear. "Good . . . because I want more."

Her breath caught in her throat, and I slid my hand slowly down her body to her thigh. I caught her leg behind her knee and hitched it up over my elbow, spreading her legs wider and allowing myself to move deeper into her warm core. She moaned, her body jerking against mine as her anticipation grew again.

"When you've changed," I whispered softly in her ear, "when fatigue is no longer a consideration for you, my love," I kissed her ear, "I'll have you for hours at a time . . . days at a time."

She moaned longingly, and I rolled her on top of me, holding her against my chest as I thrust into her, driven by my unflagging desire. I would never have my fill of her. If we lived a hundred thousand years, I would still find myself just as desperate for her sweet, slender body. I set a quick pace and moved my hands to her hips, guiding her against me as I drilled into her, her tight hole wet with my fluids as well as her own. It was only a few short minutes before she was coming again with my name on her lips, her head thrown back and her breasts arched forward. I moved my hands up to them, massaging, rolling her nipples under my fingers, before I, too, found a second release, filling her once more with my venom.

She collapsed on top of me, panting, a light sheen of sweat coating her skin. There, once again, was something I would miss. I so enjoyed the evidence of how her body reacted to me, and once she changed, her skin would never again be dewed with perspiration from the exertion of lovemaking. But then, after all, it would be nice when the exertion didn't sap her strength. I had meant exactly what I said. When I no longer needed to provide for the demands of her human body, I intended to have her over and over again.

Bella hummed in contentment and rolled off of me, cuddling against my side. "You're amazing," she murmured. "But I think I'm going to need some new clothes. I'm pretty sure you ripped my jeans when you took them off."

I laughed softly. "I apologize. I'm sure Alice will have something for you."

"As a matter of fact," Alice said from downstairs, "I have a gorgeous black Versace wool-crepe dress I've been dying to give her."

"And she does."

Bella giggled. "Alice is a lifesaver. It would be very awkward going back downstairs without any pants."

"Awkward for you, maybe. I, for one, would quite enjoy it if you stopped wearing pants altogether."

She cuddled closer, shivering a little.

"Darling, I'm sorry," I said remorsefully, moving away from her and pulling back the blankets on the bed. "Here, wrap up a bit, and I'll go find you an electric blanket."

"I don't need one," she said quickly, grabbing my hand. "Please stay with me."

I pressed a kiss to her lips. "What kind of a man would I be if I didn't look after your needs?" I pulled my hand from hers and moved to the bathroom, wetting a cloth with warm water and returning to her. I cleaned her gently before attending to myself.

"I'm fine," she insisted, but another shiver shook her body, and she smiled ruefully. "But maybe I could go for a cup of coffee?"

"I'll go make some for you." I found my pants in the pile of clothing on the floor and pulled them on. I retrieved my shirt from the floor as well, but Bella protested.

"Do you  _have_  to put on a shirt?" she asked, giving me a coy smile.

I laughed. "It's hardly appropriate to go strolling through a room full of guests half dressed."

"Isn't it also inappropriate to sneak away from a party you're hosting to screw around with your girlfriend?"Besides," she crawled to the edge of the bed and plucked the shirt from my hands, "I think I need it to keep warm." She smiled provocatively as she slipped my shirt around her and buttoned it up.

God in heaven, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Why I was so enraptured by the sight of my girl wearing my clothes, I would never know. I fell to my knees, staring at her small form draped in the too-large shirt that was saturated with my scent. "I surrender," I said, swallowing hard. "I'll do whatever you want."

She giggled. "How about that cup of coffee?"

I shook my head, laughing to myself. "I swear, I'm going to be the first vampire ever to go into cardiac arrest." I rose and gave her one more lingering kiss before moving out the door.

Emmett snickered as I descended the stairs. "You're fetching her coffee?" he teased.

I raised a challenging eyebrow. "My girl is cold."

"She's got you pretty damn whipped, old man."

It was impossible to deny it. "That she does."

He laughed out loud. "Look at you, all smug after two measly little orgasms. You know Rosalie won't even let me up for air before I've given her twice that many."

I rolled my eyes. "Bella is a human girl, Emmett. She requires a bit more delicacy than Rosalie does."

"Really?" Sue smiled breezily as I passed her on the way to the kitchen. "That didn't sound all that delicate to me."

I stopped, staring at her in surprise. Had we been loud enough for the humans to hear?

Harry grinned widely. "Judging by the banging of the headboard, I'm not sure I'd call it delicate either."

I laughed. "I had no idea we were quite so disruptive. I suppose I must have been a bit distracted."

"Sounded like it," Billy said, and I was pleasantly surprised to see him giving me an amused smile.

"Forgive me," I said. "It was . . . certainly not planned." I started for the kitchen again, and Billy followed, wheeling in behind me. I glanced at him to acknowledge him, but waited for him to say whatever was on his mind as I set the coffee brewing.

"It's no secret that I haven't exactly been pleased about your relationship with Bella," he said.

I turned to look at him, leaning back against the counter. "I'm aware of your feelings, yes."

"I've been watching the two of you closely today, and I have to admit she seems happy." He hesitated. "And if you're capable of . . . well, of doing what you just did without hurting her, it's clear that Ephraim didn't exaggerate your self-control."

I nodded once in acknowledgment.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry I doubted you."

I smiled. "That's very kind of you, Billy."

He returned my smile. "I guess if the kids can be such good friends, you and I can be too." He offered me his hand. "I hope we have many years of cooperation ahead of us."

"As do I," I murmured, taking his hand.

"In that spirit, I wonder if I could ask a favor."

I raised my eyebrows curiously.

"Marry the girl," he said. "Set her father's mind at ease a little . . . and do it before you change her." He gave me a sad smile. "Don't deny Charlie the opportunity to walk her down the aisle."

"I'll speak to her about it. I hadn't made any definite plans, but it was certainly my intention to make my vows to her before God."

Billy seemed satisfied. "I don't suppose I could trouble you for a cup of that coffee?"

"Of course." I retrieved two mugs and set them on the table, preparing one with cream and sugar for Bella while Billy prepared his. I poured the coffee when it finished brewing, then gave a nod to Billy and headed back up the stairs.

Bella smiled at me when I came in, running her fingers through her messy hair. She looked exquisite, rumpled from sex and wrapped in my shirt, and I couldn't stay away from her. I sat behind her on the bed, drawing the blankets between us to keep her from getting too cold, and kissed a trail down her neck.

"Would you like to hear some of the post-game commentary?" I asked her as she sipped her drink.

She choked back a swallow of liquid, and her cheeks tinged pink. "They're not talking about us, are they?"

I smiled against her skin. "Harry and Sue thought I might have been a bit rough with you, though Emmett feels my performance left something to be desired."

She laughed, ducking her head. "Wait, how would Harry and Sue know what happened?"

I cleared my throat and reached back to the headboard, pushing it gently until it knocked against the wall a couple of times.

"Oh my god," Bella said, covering her eyes with one hand.

I laughed. "Try not to worry about it, darling. We're hardly the first couple to enjoy one another this way. I'm sure Harry and Sue have done a little headboard-knocking in their time."

"I'm never going to hear the end of this," she groaned.

I pulled back the collar of my shirt and licked the skin on her shoulder. "Look on the bright side. At least your father wasn't here."

She blanched. "We're not that loud when we're at Charlie's house, are we?"

I chuckled quietly. "No, sweetheart. I'm a bit more careful when your father is in the house."

She sighed in relief and gulped at her coffee.

I drew in a deep breath, taking in the scent of her body, mixed with my own scent from the shirt she was wearing. It was, without question, the most erotic fragrance I had ever come across. I had a particular affinity to scents, and this one set the venom pooling in my mouth. "Bella," I murmured, nuzzling her shoulder, "have I mentioned that you are absolutely the most mouth-watering woman I have ever had the good fortune to encounter?"

She bit her lip and set her coffee on the table next to the bed. "Not in the last couple of minutes," she said playfully.

I kissed my way up her neck, pleased when she tilted her head to allow me better access to her lightly-pulsing artery. I sucked gently at the soft skin, relishing her unique flavor. Desire was building inside of me again, and her warm scent, blended with mine, was driving me crazy.

"Are you warm enough?"

"Yes."

"Good," I said, pushing aside the blanket that separated us. I slid my hand between her thighs and found her warm center, running my fingers along her slit and feeling her body instantly begin to warm at my intimate touch. "I'm not sure how much longer I can keep my hands off of you."

I waited for her response, wondering if she would think me too demanding. She twisted around in my arms, wrapping her arms around my neck and moving her lips close to mine. "I'm up for round two," she breathed provocatively, "on one condition."

I ran my tongue along her bottom lip. "What's that, darling?"

She grinned. "I get to be on top." She pushed me onto my back and straddled my thighs, her hands moving to the button on my pants.

God almighty, I was never going to get enough of her.


	88. Now and Forever

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I woke to a brilliant stream of sunlight through the gauzy curtains that hung along the glass wall in Carlisle's bedroom. I was tangled up in the most luxuriously soft sheets I had ever had the pleasure of touching, and I was completely naked.

I lay still and silent for a moment, remembering the previous evening. After tearing ourselves from the bedroom, Carlisle and I had spent the rest of the night surrounded by family and friends. Leah and Embry had managed to get control of themselves and come back in to join us, and Jacob limped in and sat with us as well, though he wasn't allowed to shift to his human form for fear of interfering in the healing of his broken bone.

When the countdown to midnight had started, I was cuddled up on Carlisle's lap, and he was leaning possessively over me, his hands idly stroking and caressing my body. While the others distracted themselves with the count, he tilted my chin up and gazed into my eyes.

"Marry me," he whispered.

Warmth flooded me as I saw the unabashed adoration in his face, and I smiled. "Yes," I answered, without a moment's hesitation.

Our friends announced the arrival of midnight and blew party horns, and Carlisle leaned down and kissed me, ushering in a year that would be unlike anything I had ever experienced. Everything would be different now. Everything would be better.

Beds were found for the older humans shortly after that, and the younger ones were given sleeping bags and air mattresses and directed to find a place on the floor somewhere. Each of the vampire couples left the house then, both to give their Quileute guests some privacy and to spend time with their mates, properly ringing in the new year. Carlisle had guided me to his bed, the only one that had not been offered to the guests. He made love to me again before I drifted off, and then once more in the sleepy hours of early morning when I had woken to the needful caress of his cool, hard lips on my thigh.

It was easily the most wonderful holiday I had ever had, and I intended to revisit my memories often once I turned, so that I would never lose them.

Carlisle must have realized that I was awake, because I felt a velvety-soft touch against my face. I smiled and opened my eyes to see the elegant white calla lily he was brushing over my cheek.

"It's beautiful," I mumbled sleepily.

"It was, until I placed it next to you. Now it looks utterly ordinary."

I blushed at his flattery. "Well, I like it," I said, taking it from him.

"Good. You look at that, and I'll look at you, and both of us will be very happy."

I bit my lip and grinned. "You're cheesy this morning."

"Perhaps. I suppose that's what happens to a man when he suddenly finds himself deliriously happy."

"Do you know what happens to me when I find myself deliriously happy?" I asked, tugging him on top of me.

He buried his face in my neck, breathing deeply. "Though I want very much to find out just how happy you are," he said, kissing the hollow of my throat, "I have to recommend going down to breakfast soon, before our wolf friends eat everything in sight."

I ran my hand over his bare back, pleased to discover that he was every bit as naked as I was. "I don't mind skipping breakfast."

He pulled back, giving me a stern look. " _I_  mind," he said, tapping my nose lightly. "If you starve to death because I wouldn't let you out of bed, Jacob will burn me alive."

I stretched and sat up, letting the blankets fall around my waist. "Fine, I'll go downstairs and have breakfast. As long as Jacob isn't cooking."

Carlisle shook his head, a smile playing on his lips. "No, actually, Jasper is cooking. I understand he's making grits."

I fell back down onto my pillow, grabbing the blankets and throwing them over my head. "You tell Jasper he can go to hell," I said, my voice muffled by the bedcovers.

Carlisle laughed and fished me out from under the blankets, pulling me into his arms. "Come on, darling. If we hurry we'll have some time for a shower before breakfast."

"What if we don't hurry?" I suggested, running my fingers through his hair as he carried me to the bathroom.

"Do you really want Jasper getting after you for your eating habits again?" he teased, setting me on my feet and turning on the water.

I fished some toiletries out of my overnight bag on the counter while Carlisle adjusted the water temperature, then took the hand he offered and stepped over the ledge of the large garden tub into the warm shower stream. Carlisle saw me eyeing the jets on the side of the tub as he joined me under the water, and he chuckled. "Perhaps another time," he told me with an amused smile.

I poked out my lip in a pout, but it quickly turned to a smile when he wrapped his arms around my waist and sucked my lip into his mouth. He steered me into the shower's spray and stroked my hair as he wetted it. He grabbed my shampoo and worked it into my hair, and his sensual strokes over my scalp sent goose bumps spreading across my skin.

I moaned softly.

Carlisle shifted closer to me as he rinsed the suds away, and I could feel him starting to harden. I smiled to myself. This could only work in my favor. When the soap had washed down the drain I slid my hands up his chiseled chest and nudged him under the water.

My turn," I murmured. I stretched up and ran my hands through his soft hair. I loved the feel of the silky locks wetting under the hot water. Carlisle ducked his head so I could reach better, but it was still a stretch for me, so he knelt in front of me, his hands moving to my waist. He ran his chilled fingers over the wet skin of my hips, and another moan escaped my lips.

If he was trying to convince me that we didn't have time for sex, kneeling in front of me and—oh, god, kissing my stomach like that—was not exactly the way to go about it.

I grabbed the shampoo bottle and drizzled some into his hair, lathering it up and scratching his scalp lightly as I scrubbed. He drew in a slow breath through his teeth, and his fingertips pressed into my hips.

I was getting incredibly turned on, and I knew that he would be able to smell my arousal. I also knew that it would drive him crazy. So as I rinsed his hair of the soap, I played my advantage. I raised one leg and braced my foot against the side of the bathtub, opening myself up to him.

A low growl rumbled in his chest.

God, I loved that sound. I loved his hands on my hips and his lips against my skin. I loved the fire in his eyes when he was excited, and even more, I loved the tenderness that replaced the fire when he was sated. I was getting to where I almost wanted to have sex with him less for the orgasm than for the way he held me so lovingly afterward.

That was new to me. Not one of the countless men I had found myself in bed with before Carlisle had ever held me when he was finished with me.

Carlisle leaned down, taking in a slow, deep breath. "I swear, Isabella Swan. You're going to be the death of me."

"I'm not trying to kill you, Carlisle. I'm trying to seduce you."

He growled again, a bit louder this time. "It's working."

Suddenly he was on his feet, pushing me back against the cold ceramic wall of the shower. He kissed me deeply, one hand disappearing from my body for a moment, but returning again holding a bar of soap. He rubbed it over me, moving slowly down my body until he was kneeling in front of me again.

"I believe I told you we hadn't time for that this morning," he said as he washed me, his voice low and predatory.

I shivered as his hands returned to my hips and he turned me around to face the wall. "It's possible I ignored you," I answered, my voice catching as he ran the soap over my legs and washed my back as he had my front. He rose and brushed my hair over my shoulder, standing close to me as he worked the soap over my shoulders.

"So you're deliberately being difficult?" he asked, his lips at my ear.

I pushed myself back, rubbing against him, feeling his now-solid erection pressing into my back. "Yes."

"Shame on you, Isabella," he whispered. "You'll have to be punished." He grabbed me, wrapping his arms around me from behind, and swung me under the spray of the shower. The hot water rinsing away the soap contrasted sharply with his cold body, making it all the more shocking when his icy fingers slid between my legs and pushed inside of me.

I cried out in surprise and pleasure, as he pumped his hand hard and fast inside of me. But then, just as suddenly as it had started, it was over. His hand disappeared and he released me, shutting off the water.

I put a hand to the wall, steadying myself. "What was that?" I gasped.

"Your punishment," he said with a self-satisfied smirk. He swatted my bottom playfully and pushed aside the shower curtain, grabbing towels for us.

"Yeah, but . . ." I blinked at him, taking the towel he offered. "You're not going to finish the job?"

"Now what kind of punishment would that be?" he laughed, his eyes sparkling with amusement. He stepped calmly out of the shower, casually drying himself off despite the discomfort I knew his rock-hard erection had to have been causing him.

At least I wasn't the only one left unsatisfied.

"Stupid legendary self-control," I muttered, stepping out and getting dried off as well.

Carlisle just laughed.

We dressed quickly, and I twisted my wet hair up into a messy knot to get it out of my way. I took the hand Carlisle offered me and he guided me out into the hall.

Rosalie was in the hallway when we came out, heading toward her bedroom, and she winked at me. "Nice going last night," she grinned.

My cheeks flamed, and I ducked my head. "God,  _everybody's_  going to give me crap about that, aren't they?"

"Want some advice?" Without waiting for an answer, she continued. "Own it. You got _Carlisle Cullen_  into bed. How many girls can say that?"

I was still blushing like crazy, but I smiled. She was right. It wasn't like I had anything to be ashamed of. "Thanks," I told her, and I squared my shoulders, letting Carlisle lead me down the stairs.

The dining room was noisy with playful conversation, and Carlisle guided me there, leading me to a seat at the table next to Billy and helping me into my chair. Most of the others were finished eating, or nearly there, and were just sitting around talking now. Jacob must have been deemed healthy sometime during the night, because he was in human form again, teasing Seth about something. When I entered he looked up and started clapping, and the rest of the wolves joined in, whistling and hooting.

I couldn't keep back the blush, but I tried to channel Rosalie's confidence when I grinned. "I'm glad you all appreciated the entertainment."

"Bella," Jasper smiled as he entered the room, carrying a pot in one hand. "I saved some grits especially for you." He smirked at me as he made his way to my side.

"Gee, thanks," I say dryly.

He spooned a large helping onto the plate in front of me, and I stared at it in surprise. It looked . . .  _good_. It smelled good, too. "What is this?" I asked him, perplexed.

"Grits."

"What did you give me before?"

"Before I gave you plain grits. Boiled in water, no flavor."

"I thought you said it was just like your Mama used to make."

He smiled wryly. "Mama, God rest her soul, was a terrible cook. We had a house girl to do that for us . . . and this is how  _she_  made grits. These are cooked in cream, with bacon and cheese added, and plenty of butter. Give them a try."

I grabbed a spoon and took a bite. This was about a million times better than the mush he had given me before, and I moaned my appreciation. "Wow, that's  _so_  good."

He ruffled my hair and added another spoonful to my plate. "I couldn't let you spend the rest of eternity thinking Southern cooking was bad." He winked at me and then turned his attention to Carlisle, murmuring something in his ear.

Carlisle glanced at Old Quil, frowning, and I looked over at him too. His face was hard, his eyes tight, and he sat stiffly in his seat, not joining in the conversation.

"Quil, would you mind standing up a moment?" Carlisle asked.

Old Quil looked up, but it was his grandson Carlisle was addressing. The young man glanced around uncertainly and rose to his feet.

"Nice and straight," Carlisle told him.

He drew himself up to his full height, squaring his slumped shoulders.

"Interesting," Carlisle said thoughtfully. "You're a good half inch taller than you were when you arrived yesterday."

Young Quil raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Seth, would you mind?" Carlisle asked, gesturing for him to rise.

Seth stood, looking hopeful.

"You may be a bit broader in the chest," he mused.

" _All right!_ " Seth cheered.

"I think we need to do a bit more work with the boys," Carlisle said, directing his comments to Harry and Old Quil. "I have a free day tomorrow if you'd like to return."

"Dad, can we?" Seth asked eagerly. " _Please?_ "

Harry nodded. "We'll be back."

"As will we," Old Quil added, looking measurably happier.

The guys messed around for another couple of hours, until Sam decided that they had left La Push unprotected long enough. They all said reluctant goodbyes, while Carlisle once again took up his position on the porch, formally bidding his guests farewell as they left. I stood with him, receiving hugs and laughing off the last of the gleeful teasing tossed our way, until all of the Quileutes had gone.

Once the house was quiet again, Carlisle tucked his hands in his pockets. "Well," he said casually, "I believe we need to have a family meeting. If you please." He ushered me into the house and moved to the now-clean dining room table, where the rest of the family was gathering. They all took what seemed to be their designated places around the table—Carlisle at the head, Edward and Esme on his right, Rosalie and Emmett to his left, and Jasper and Alice on the end. Rosalie had left an empty chair between herself and Carlisle, and she leaned toward me conspiritorially as I took it.

"Good job this morning," she smiled.

I grinned back at her.

Carlisle folded his hands on the table. "Do any of you have thoughts on the party?"

"It was  _fun_ ," Emmett put in, and Rosalie nodded her concurrence.

"It was surprisingly amicable," Esme added.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked. "Any concerns?"

He shook his head. "None. Their thoughts were positive."

"Feelings too," Jasper spoke up. "Most are still a little guarded—on both sides—but I'd say it was a successful experiment."

Alice squealed and clapped her hands. "Does that mean we can do it again?"

"It's a possibility," Carlisle said.

"Yes!"

"Now," Carlisle said, his smile broadening as a hint of pride sparkled in his eyes. "As you know, Isabella has decided that she would like to become a vampire, and," he turned his glowing smile on me, "has consented to be my wife."

There were murmured congratulations all around, and Carlisle reached out and took my hand. He gazed at me fondly, stroking my fingers with his thumb.

"I can't tell you how happy you've made me," he breathed. He squeezed my hand and turned back to the family. "What we need to discuss now is timing. The final decision will be Bella's, but I would like to hear your thoughts."

"If you want to be able to have any kind of public relationship, it will have to wait a few years," Edward pointed out.

"True," Jasper drawled, "but she fits with us now. If she waits, we'll have a three-parent family, and people will get curious. They'll ask more questions."

"It's simple enough to claim Esme is Carlisle's sister," Rosalie said.

"It is," Carlisle said, "but three parents, none of whom are biological? It's a bit odd."

"She could wait longer," Alice suggested. "Maybe age until she's in her forties so she could pose as a natural parent."

"No!" I spoke up quickly. "I don't want to be older than everybody else."

Carlisle nodded. "All right. Any other thoughts?"

Edward cleared his throat softly. "It's been really nice being able to claim Bella as my girlfriend," he said, his eyes on me. "When people think I'm single, I'm always having to turn down propositions or invitations—some from very sweet girls who I hate to disappoint." He gave me a sad smile. "I haven't gotten so much of that lately. If you decide to stay younger, and if you're willing to continue the charade, it would make things a little easier for me."

"But if she changes now," Rosalie said, "she wouldn't be able to go back to school here. Even after the bloodlust subsides, she'll look too different. The humans will notice."

I grinned. "I could always tell them I developed Chiropteritis."

The others laughed, and Carlisle shook his head, rubbing his forehead with his fingers. "You know, I thought I was fairly clever, inventing a blood disease for us."

I laughed, but quickly grew serious again, considering the choice before me. If I changed now, I wouldn't see my human friends again, and I would spend the rest of my life re-doing the last couple years of high school, just like most of the Cullens. If I waited, I could avoid high school and claim Carlisle publicly, but people would ask questions about the family.

Either option was acceptable—either way, I would have Carlisle. So what was the priority? Having a public relationship with Carlisle or making it easier to keep the secret?

I looked to Edward and Esme. They understood what it was like to have to keep their relationship hidden. "What would you do?"

They looked at each other for a long moment. Finally Edward smiled sheepishly. "Fine, I'm a worrier," he admitted to Esme.

She turned to me, her eyes bright. "If it were me, Edward would want me to change right away, in case I got in an accident and died before I had the chance."

Jasper drummed his fingers on the table. "With Edward and me around, that's probably something to consider seriously."

Edward nodded solemnly. "You smell too good, Bella. If you came to live with Carlisle while still human, Esme and I would have to leave. Get a house nearby or something. I just couldn't stand it, all day, every day."

"Us too," Alice said.

I bit my lip, and she added quickly. "But that's just temporary. We'd all be together again once you changed."

"Yeah, but if I wait until I'm Carlisle's age, that's five or six years. That's a long time to be separated."

Carlisle chuckled. "My love, the longer you live, the shorter the years grow."

Rosalie cleared her throat softly. "Bella, I'd be the last person to push you to give up your human life before you're ready, but you should think about Charlie." Her eyes were sympathetic. "He's hurt you before, and he's trying to change, but there's a good chance he's going to hurt you again."

Carlisle nodded. "The kinds of problems he has don't go away after two months of therapy."

"Again," Jasper said, "these are short-term concerns. And we'll all be there watching, us and your wolf friends, as long as you need us."

That was probably what made my decision for me. The idea of making the pack and the Cullens babysit me for the next several years was just too much. But I needed to know if Carlisle would be okay with it. I was going to marry him, after all. Weren't we supposed to make the big decisions together?

"What do you think I should do?" I asked him.

"I am perfectly happy with whatever you decide. However, I do have to admit to a certain amount of paranoia. Edward's concern seems valid to me." He reached out and took my hand. "I waited more than three hundred years for you, Bella. I wouldn't want to lose you due to mere carelessness."

Edward was nodding. "So  _many_  things can hurt you. All humans are fragile, but you spend your time with vampires, werewolves, and abusive family members. Your life is one hazard after another."

I bit my lip, turning my eyes on Carlisle. "So you wouldn't mind if I wanted to change soon?"

He pulled me out of my chair and drew me into his lap. "It would make me very happy."

I bit my lip and smiled. "Even though that means I'll be stuck the way I am forever?"

"Bella, my love, you are the most perfect creature I've ever encountered. How could I possibly be displeased to have you remain perfect forever?"

I blushed and ducked, my head. "I want to do it soon. I don't want to wait."

Alice squealed excitedly, but Carlisle put up a hand, and she silenced herself, pantomiming zipping her lips.

"There is one more thing I'd like you to consider," he said.

I looked at him, biting my lip anxiously.

"I think it would be best if we marry before you change."

My eyes widened. "Before?"

He nodded. "We can put it of until afterward if that's what you really want, but I think it would mean a lot to Charlie to be able give away his human daughter."

"This could work," Alice said thoughtfully. "We could plan the wedding for early June, right after the school year finishes." She smiled brightly. "The lilacs will still be in bloom."

I swallowed hard. I knew I wanted to be with Carlisle forever, but was I really going to be married before my senior year of high school?

Emmett was nodding. "That's good, actually. We can change you after the wedding and those first few months when you have to stay locked up, you can do home study and get your diploma."

"That would make it so you wouldn't have to return for school senior year," Esme agreed. "Unless you'd like to. All of this can wait until next year if you want to graduate with your friends."

I barely heard her. I was going to be someone's wife. Images of my mother flashed in my head, memories of her with Phil, and very old, fuzzy memories of her with Charlie.

I wanted to throw up.

I was vaguely aware of Jasper's voice saying my name, asking me what was wrong. I couldn't answer. My mind was swirling with thoughts of bruises, of broken bones, of screaming and begging coming from behind my mother's bedroom door. I could hear her voice, and the hard smack of fists hitting flesh, and it was too much for me. It threatened to drown me.

I couldn't think of it, couldn't let it drag me down, and so I used an old trick I hadn't had to call on in a while.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_One._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Two._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Three._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Four._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Five._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Six._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Seven._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Eight._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Nine._

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten._

_Ten._

My trick worked, and my mind calmed. I snapped back into focus, and noticed first that Carlisle was murmuring in my ear, low and comforting, his hand gently rubbing my back.

And then I realized that there was an argument going on around me.

"Come on, Jasper, do  _something_ ," Emmett was grumbling.

"No," he answered coolly. "She can handle it. Give her a chance."

I raised my head and looked at Jasper, who was standing next to me now, his hand on Carlisle's shoulder. He raised a querying eyebrow, his stance calm and relaxed. "Coping mechanism?"

"What?"

He smiled. "The counting."

I stared at him, surprised. "Was I doing that out loud?"

"You were whispering," he chuckled. He took the chair I had sat in previously and moved it so he could sit facing us, bringing him down to my eye level. "You want to tell me what's freaking you out?"

God, I felt stupid. "I'm fine," I said quickly, rubbing a hand over my face.

"Yeah, you are. You're good at coping. But what was it that bothered you?"

I glanced around the table at all of the eyes that were watching me warily. They had to think I was a serious freak.

"There's no need to feel self-conscious," Jasper assured me. "We've all got scars, kid. Remember?"

I took a deep breath. "Marriage."

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "You don't want to get married?"

"No, I do," I said quickly, turning to Carlisle. "I meant it, I do want to marry you."

He stroked my back gently, but his expression was studiously blank.

"Bella, will you do something for me?" Jasper asked.

I turned back to him, still feeling the weight of everyone's stares. "Okay."

He seemed surprised by my ready acquiescence, and he smiled. "Thank you for trusting me," he said. "And hang in there. This may be rough, but I'll get you through it, okay?"

I nodded. I knew he would. The difference between Jasper and Dr. Rhodes was that I always felt better when I was done with Jasper. I didn't know if that was because of the shorter sessions, or because I liked him, or just because he was better at this. It might have been all three.

"I want you to imagine being married."

That wasn't hard to do. Just replace Mom with me in my memories, and there it was.  _I_ would be the one with the bruises. It would be  _me_  screaming behind the bedroom door.

My heart was racing again, and my hands clenched around Carlisle's shirt. I was about to start counting again when Jasper spoke.

"Now picture yourself married to Carlisle."

That stopped me for a moment. I tried to replace Phil with Carlisle the way I had replaced Renee with myself, but it wouldn't go. He didn't fit the role. "I can't," I whispered.

"Carlisle, don't jump to conclusions," Jasper ordered. Then, more gently, he said, "Bella, can you tell me why you can't?"

"He doesn't fit," I said, feeling empty. "He's not like that."

"He's not like what?"

I swallowed hard. "Like a husband. Like Phil, or Charlie."

"Exactly," Jasper said approvingly. "Bella, when you think of marriage, what is it that you're thinking of?"

"My mom," I admitted, my head down.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and folding his hands in front of him. "That makes sense. It's normal for people to create expectations based on what they learn from their parents."

I glanced up at him from under my lashes, feeling grateful. Jasper was always telling me that I was normal, or that what I was feeling made sense. I needed that.

Of course, he usually followed that up by telling me that my experiences weren't typical, and there was nothing to worry about. And, to be fair, so far he had been right.

"But that's not the way it is now, right?" I asked with a forced smile, staring at my hands.

He chuckled softly. "You're a quick learner, Bella." He unclasped his hands and sat back. "Let's see if we can't help you visualize what it will be like to be married to Carlisle. Is that all right with you?"

I nodded, sneaking a peek at Carlisle. His face was still blank and emotionless, but his posture and movements were tense.

"Let's start with what we know. You've lived with Carlisle for a couple of months already, right?"

I nodded.

"What was that like?"

I looked at Carlisle again, holding his gaze this time. "It was really nice."

"Can you be more specific?" Jasper prompted. "What did you do?"

"Um . . . he made me breakfast in the mornings. He'd go to work and I'd go to school." I thought for moment, remembering long, pleasant evenings with Carlisle. "We had dinner together at night, and we'd sit and talk or read together . . . or hang out with you guys. And then we'd go to bed."

"That's really good, Bella," Jasper praised. "Now let's think about how much of that will change. Obviously once you're married and you become a vampire, you won't eat breakfast together in the mornings."

I shook my head.

"But he'll still go to work, and you'll still go to school a good portion of the time."

I nodded.

"You'll come home, spend time with us until Carlisle shows up . . . right?"

I nodded.

"Do you think you'll keep reading together?"

I chewed at my lip. "I hope so."

A small smile broke through Carlisle's blank mask. "I hope so too," he murmured.

"He'll probably take you out a bit more, when you're ready," Jasper said. "Symphonies, operas, plays—Carlisle likes those things. Do you think you might enjoy doing that with him?"

I nodded again.

"And you won't sleep," he pointed out. He grinned. "But that doesn't mean you won't spend plenty of time in the bedroom."

"Hunting trips," Edward added before I could even blush. "Hospital benefits, charity functions. Carlisle is always dragging us out to things like that."

"He likes to go for long walks," Rosalie added. "Especially when the seasons are changing."

Jasper was smiling at his family, and he turned back to me. "What do you think? Does that sound like the kind of thing you signed on for when you told Carlisle you'd marry him?"

I laid my head on Carlisle's shoulder and snaked an arm around his neck. "Yeah."

"Good," Jasper said confidently. "Do you think it would be alright if you went ahead and got married after the school year ends?"

"Yeah," I whispered again.

He smiled. "I'm glad to hear that. Now let's talk about how we're going to prevent panic in the next few months." He leaned forward on his knees again. "Every time you start to get worried about being married, just remind yourself that you're going to be married to  _Carlisle_. Got that?"

I took a deep breath. "Got it."

"You won't be just anybody's wife, Bella. You'll be  _Carlisle's_  wife."

I nodded.

"Does that help?"

"It helps a lot," I told him gratefully. "Thank you."

"Any time, kid." He stood. "Carlisle, you good?"

"Yes, Jasper. Thank you for your help." I could feel the shift in his body as he relaxed, and his lips pressed against the top of my head. "My apologies, Bella. I hadn't considered your expectations about marriage."

"Sorry I'm so crazy," I muttered. "I should be able to figure this out without Jasper holding my hand."

"You'll get there," Jasper said confidently.

"So shall we plan for a wedding in June?" Carlisle asked gently.

And just like that, I was panicking again. I didn't know the first thing about planning a wedding. Most girls would do this with their mothers, wouldn't they? But I didn't have a mother. Not anymore.

I did have an Alice, though, and that was something most girls didn't get. I looked up at her, a pleading look on my face. "Alice, you'll help me, won't you?"

She leapt out of her chair and ran around the table, throwing her arms around me. "Of course I will!"

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "She started planning it a long time ago."

My jaw dropped open. "You saw this coming?"

"Not exactly. But I wanted to be prepared. These things take time, Bella."

Oh dear. This wedding could get out of hand very quickly with Alice in charge of things. "Nothing too elaborate,  _please_ ," I begged.

"It'll be whatever you want it to be. But before we get started I have to know . . . will you want any human friends there, besides the Quileutes who know about us?"

That was easy to answer. I wasn't that close to many humans, and the few I called friends thought I was with Edward, not Carlisle. "Just Charlie," I told her.

"In that case, I recommend June tenth. It's the day after school lets out for the summer, which is a little bit tight, but it will be warm and sunny all day."

My heart skipped. The thought of marrying Carlisle in the sunlight, his diamond skin glittering under a cloudless sky, made me feel light and warm. "That sounds perfect," I breathed.

"Great! That means I need my small, summer, no-humans book. I'll be right back!" She darted up the stairs.

"Summer, no humans?"

Esme and Rosalie both laughed. "She's been putting together books for every kind of weather and every possible contingency," Esme explained fondly. "She's very thorough."

Alice ran back into the room with a huge binder.

"I thought you said it was small," I said, gaping at the giant book.

"No, silly the  _wedding_  is small. But even small,  _non_ -elaborate weddings need lots of planning. Now," she flipped open the folder, "let's talk about locations."

Emmett pushed away from the table. "I'm going for a hunt. You're on your own for this shit, Bella."

"You weren't invited anyway," Alice said haughtily, but she blew Jasper a kiss as he and Edward rose to join Emmett. They all said quick goodbyes and disappeared out the door.

I looked around at who was left. Rosalie and Esme moved closer to the book to look at what Alice had been planning, and Carlisle held me close, looking over my shoulder.

"Are you ready for this?" he asked softly in my ear. "Or should we put it off?"

I shook my head, finding his hands at my waist and threading my fingers through his. _Married to Carlisle_ , I reminded myself as I took a deep breath. "No, I don't want to put it off. I want this. I'm ready."


	89. Hope and Pray

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

_Charlie Swan._

Insofar as it was possible to label a man as good or bad, Charlie was a good man. He was a fair officer of the peace, watchful and clever, and though he was deeply disturbed, I had no doubt that he tried to do right by his daughter.

And she loved him.

That, unfortunately, presented a problem. Charlie was the only family my girl had left. She depended on him, fretted over his welfare, and if she lost him now, she would be devastated. Which was why I hesitated to do what it was that I wanted to do, and why I had no choice but to do it.

I would have to choose my words very carefully.

I heard Edward's step outside in the hallway, and he tapped at my study door.

_Enter._

He stepped through the door and closed it behind him, moving to sit in a chair across the desk from me. "You're going to do it, then?"

"Unless you have another idea."

"I don't. But it's a gamble, and it may be unnecessary, considering how often they get out this way. Charlie could be dead before the next time."

I shook my head, laughing softly. "It's bad policy to try to keep secrets from a mind-reader, Edward. You should know that better than anyone."

"I know you think highly of them, Carlisle, but I worry that your trust is misplaced."

"I know my old friends. I know their failings. But they are good men, and if they are given their due respect, I believe they will be quite willing to work with us."

"And if they send someone to kill him?"

I lowered my eyes. "All I can do is try."

He put up his hands in surrender. "All right. But you're right, Carlisle. You need to be very careful with your words."

I smiled patiently.  _My friends are benevolent men. They will grant me this small request._

He settled himself back in his seat, making it clear he would be staying while I worked. "I hope so."

I smiled at my son, feeling a strong sense of pride in him. I never could have imagined, when it first entered my mind to change him, that I would come to care for him so deeply. I hadn't realized that a vampire heart was capable of such affection, and for a long time I assumed I would never love anyone more than I loved Edward.

My Bella had certainly caught me by surprise.

I slid open a desk drawer and pulled out a piece of monogrammed stationery and a pen. I settled them in front of me, but I didn't start writing just yet. The letter had to be composed first, the words carefully arranged. It must be perfect.

First, to whom should I address it? Should it be to the brothers, or to Aro alone? I believed I had an ally in Marcus, who knew all too well the value of love and the pain that came with losing it. But Marcus was a weak ally, not likely to take up for my cause, and I had a feeling that Caius would have no patience for rule infractions, no matter how harmless.

Just to Aro, then. A friendly petition, from one comrade to another. It should be formal enough to flatter him, but friendly enough to put him in mind of our many years together. I would pattern it after an address to royalty . . . a Marquess. I slid an envelope from the desk—monogrammed, to match the letter paper—and wrote carefully.

**The Most Honorable Aro of the Brotherhood of the Volturi**

I filled in the address, as well as my own return address, and then set it aside. "Most Honorable" was easy enough to use, but addressing Aro as "Lord" the way one would a Marquess was not entirely proper. Aro had adopted no formal title with which to be addressed, so I decided the salutation would be the proper place to take a friendlier tone. _My Dear Old Friend?_  It had a nice ring, but should I bring him closer? Call him brother?

No. That would seem as though I were trying to elevate my position to that of his own, a member of the Brotherhood. I should probably drop "old" as well, so as not to make him feel as though I saw him as a relic of the past. Aro was ever-wary of any challenges to his power, and I did not want him to feel as though my growing family threatened his place in vampire society.

But I wanted to acknowledge our time together, the long philosophical debates we had had over what he saw as my unnatural tendency toward pacifism. I remembered those days fondly, and it was my belief that he did as well.

I smiled and touched my pen to the paper.

**To My Dear Friend and Confidant:**

Next, I could go with some simple pleasantries, an appropriate beginning for any letter. It would be an acceptable place to put him more fully in mind of our history. I thought out my words and wrote:

**I hope this letter finds you well, and that you and your brothers have much to brighten and beautify your world. I think on you often, and I greatly miss the time we spent together, discussing the arts or debating our vastly different philosophies. It was one of the most edifying periods of my life, and I remember with fondness the days I spent with your**

I considered for a moment before selecting the proper adjective.

**enlightened coven.**

That should do for the greetings. The next section was a bit harder. I needed to get to the point, but I needed to do it in a way that both explained the significance of my situation and downplayed the gravity of it. I tried to think how Aro would take my news, and I smiled as I thought of the jovial laughter I would hear were I to carry the message to him myself. That was just fine. The man was of sunny disposition and loved to laugh. I would give a nod to that part of his character now.

**My friend, I send in this letter news which I expect will bring you significant entertainment. Amused as you have always been by my affinity to humans, I can only imagine how you and your brothers will delight to learn that I have fallen in love with one.**

**She is a lovely creature, Aro. She is young, even by human standards, but sweet and so very beautiful. The moment I laid eyes on her, I was brought to my proverbial knees, and I have had neither the ability nor the inclination to rise again. I believe I finally understand the bond you tried to explain to me so many years ago. I am nothing without my Isabella.**

I considered stopping there with my description of Bella, but in the interest of real friendship, I wanted to continue. I wanted to share with Aro just how strange and exciting my life had become since my girl came to me. I wanted him to laugh, to share in my joy, and to appreciate the improbability of my situation.

**She is my treasure, and I hope you'll forgive me for prattling on about her. I can't seem to help myself. She is elusive, and has known much of pain, which occasionally prompts her to hold her heart away from me. But she is clever enough to do rhetorical battle with my headstrong companion, Edward, and has courage enough to commune with my family despite the ever-present threat to her life. And the threat is quite present, I assure you. The girl's scent is intoxicating to the most restrained of us, and with Jasper, who still struggles occasionally with our peculiar lifestyle, her safety is somewhat tenuous. But it will further amuse you, I'm sure, to learn that my girl's blood sings for Edward.**

I glanced up at my son, who was sitting still and silent, his eyes closed as he listened to the letter in my mind. He was smiling slightly, and as I wrote his name, his smile widened.

I turned back to my letter, pleased that he would be audience to what I next intended to write.

**I must here express my intense pride in my son. It has been monumentally difficult for him to resist the temptation of Isabella's blood, and I suspect he may have given in by now if not for his loyalty to me. I've never seen such restraint exercised, and I stand in awe of his strength. Faced with my own Singer, I'm not sure I could do the same. And Edward has gone beyond mere self-control and has become friends with the girl. The two of them are quite close, despite the unusual circumstances.**

**Can you imagine it? A vampire sitting side-by-side with his Singer, teasing her and being teased in return? The two of them are as unlikely a pair as ever the world has seen, and yet a friendship has blossomed. This is what I love about the world, Aro. There is always something to surprise me.**

At this point I knew I should set Aro's mind at ease regarding Bella. I had purposely withheld the fact that she would be changing, in the hope that he would start getting used to the idea of a human knowing about us. It might be a vain hope, but after all there were humans in Volterra, a fact that I intended to use to my advantage.

**I could not be more pleased to announce that my Bella has consented to be my wife. We will be married according to human customs, and shortly afterward she will go through the change and take on immortality. She will be the first human I have ever changed who would not have immediately died without my intervention, and I had deep reservations about it at first. I can practically hear you laughing already, Aro, but you know very well that I found my own change quite horrifying, and I have been loath to expose my mate to a similar experience. She has thought the matter through carefully, however, and has decided that this life is what she wants. I expect that will make all the difference when she wakes and finds herself so fundamentally altered.**

It was time to come to the point, and once again I found myself choosing my words carefully. I could not state this as the purpose of my letter, because that would negate any friendliness I had offered before. A favor, then. I would ask a favor. No, a  _personal_ favor.

**And now, Aro, I'm afraid I must ask a personal favor from you, such as only you can offer. You see, as my Bella is such a young human, she still has ties to her human family. She has eliminated all but her relationship with her father, whom she holds quite dear. As I have courted my girl, I have come to know her father, and have won, if not his approval, at least a grudging acceptance from him. However, during his close association with my family,**

I paused, and briefly considered including something about the wolves at La Push, but decided against it. There was no need to cause alarm in Volterra where none was warranted. I didn't want war between my friends. I resumed my letter.

**he has discovered our secret.**

**My girl loves him, and I cannot bear to cause her the pain of losing him. And so I come to you for help, and beg you for lenience. Bella's father is a circumspect man, and I do not believe he would pose a threat to us or our anonymity. He is wise enough to know when to hold his tongue, and will be all the more anxious to keep our secret as his daughter's safety will be directly impacted by his discretion. I ask you, as the enforcer of our laws, to grant him clemency.**

**I am, of course, more than willing to guarantee his silence. Should my trust be ill placed and problems arise, I will accept full responsibility,**

Here was where I should remind him of the humans in Volterra.

**the way you and your brothers accept responsibility for the humans in your employ. I ask you to look on him the same way, my friend. To see him as a useful tool, someone I can use to bring comfort and happiness to my girl for the handful of decades he has left to live.**

I considered mentioning Sulpicia as well, but when I tried to compose the paragraph in my head, it merely sounded manipulative. I didn't want to exploit his love for his mate, and I decided I would have to trust him to understand my connection with Bella without having it pointed out to him.

**I know it is an odd request, but then, I know you've come to expect a healthy dose of deviance from me. And I do miss our debates, old friend. Though neither of us was ever persuaded to change our position, it was thrilling to spar with one of the great minds of our race.**

**You may expect a more formal wedding invitation in a few weeks, and though I understand that your responsibilities keep you quite busy in Volterra, it would please me greatly if you were able to attend. I look forward to seeing you again soon, and hope to be able to present to you my long-awaited mate when I do.**

Though I had mostly ignored Marcus and Caius in the letter, it was time that I mentioned them as well, so as not to make it seem as though I wanted them excluded from Aro's decision.

**Please give my best to your brothers, and to Sulpica and Athenodora. They, too, are greatly missed. I hope you are able to consult with Marcus and Caius, and to reach a decision soon. I await your correspondence.**

I considered my closing, and once again decided to follow the pattern of writing to royalty, so as to underscore my subjective position.

**Yours faithfully,**

**Carlisle Cullen**

I quickly read over my letter, making sure the pacing and rhythm felt appropriate. Satisfied, I folded it carefully and tucked it into the envelope.

"I think it's good," Edward said. "And you're right, this may be Charlie's best chance."

"Aro is a fair man. He craves leadership in the way that most charismatic men do, but he is not unreasonable. I have every hope that he will grant my request."

"I hope you're right. I want this to work out for Bella."

I glanced up at the cross I had nailed above the office door—the one that Jacob had given us at the party the previous evening. I smiled softly. "God has declared that faith will be rewarded. I can only hope He will extend such grace to us now."


	90. All I Really Want

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

Charlie had taken seriously Carlisle's suggestion to spend Sundays with me, and we had spent the last four hours in the car, driving to Seattle. He was taking me to see the Space Needle, just as I had requested. He and I weren't the world's best conversationalists, though, so much of the drive had been silent. Usually we weren't uncomfortable with silence, but this one was heavy and stilted, pregnant with unspoken thoughts.

The pressure lifted a little once we were out of the car and heading into the monument. There was the comfort of background noise around us, and we could distract ourselves by admiring the architectural masterpiece as we drew near. Charlie reached out, as though to put an arm around my shoulders, then stopped himself and patted my back awkwardly before dropping his arm and shoving his hands in his pockets.

I hooked my arm through his, linking us together, and from the corner of my eye I saw him shoot me a grateful look.

Things were a little easier once we got inside. We joined a tour group and followed a plump, cheerful woman as she showed us around the observation decks, pointing out features of the building and sharing historical anecdotes. The tour ended with a plug for the Sky City restaurant, which slowly rotated around the central spoke of the needle, and Charlie led me there. We got a table next to the window and sat down, and as soon as the hostess left us, silence descended on us again.

"This place used to be called the Eye of the Needle," Charlie grunted, staring out the window at the city below.

"Ah," I answered, and scrambled for something else to say. "That's a better name than Sky City."

He nodded.

"Have you eaten here before?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

He just shook his head, and opened his menu.

So much for keeping the conversation going.

I stared out the tall, slanted window next to me, chewing at my lip. I knew Charlie was gearing up for something, and I was worried about whatever it was he was having a hard time telling me.

He took his time getting to it, stalling by reading the brunch menu carefully. "The king salmon looks good," he grunted.

"Yeah. Really good." After a moment, I added, "So does the prawn omelet."

He nodded.

The waiter showed up before long and we ordered. Without a menu to keep him busy, Charlie fidgeted. Finally, he cleared his throat and leaned forward. He opened his mouth, then closed it and cleared his throat again.

I waited nervously.

"Bella," he began, and then stopped.

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. My mind automatically started conjuring up ideas of what he was trying to tell me. He wanted me to move out, or—oh god, or that he had updated his will. Did people usually tell their families when they were planning to commit suicide? Could that be what this was about?

Yet again, he cleared his throat. "Dr. Cullen . . . said you were . . ." He shook his head. "He said you could decide if you . . . wanted to . . . you know. Be like him."

Oh. Yeah. I guess I hadn't told Charlie about my decision. "Yeah, he said he'd change me if I wanted it."

He sniffed, staring at the table. "So . . . what all is involved in that?"

"Um." I leaned forward a little, resting on my elbows, mimicking his posture. "He would bite me, basically. He has venom, and it would get into my blood and change me."

I watched as Charlie mouthed the word  _venom_  as he studied the table in front of him. "He said it would hurt."

"That's what they tell me. The worst pain imaginable for about three days, and then when it's over I'm a vampire."

He flinched at the word. "And if you're . . .  _that_  . . . people can't hurt you anymore?"

I shrugged. "I guess other vampires could, if they wanted to. And Jacob and the wolves. But most people couldn't, no."

Charlie crossed his arms and stared out the window. Silence fell between us again, and I looked out the window as well, pretending the miniature city below held my attention.

We didn't speak again until after our food arrived, but having the distraction of a meal in front of us seemed to give Charlie courage. He poked at his food with his fork and cleared his throat again. "I think you should do it."

I stopped, a bite of my omelet halfway to my mouth, and lowered my fork. "You do?"

He nodded, his eyes flicking to my gloved hands for a moment, then focusing on his plate again. "Too many people have hurt you, Bella. They . . .  _we_  . . . can't do that if you're . . . different."

I couldn't quite believe what I was hearing. He really wanted me to change? "It means I can't see you for like a year or two," I cautioned.

"Why not?" he asked, though he didn't look surprised.

"Um . . . the smell of blood. I guess it's too much for somebody who's new. I'd have to stay out of public places for a while."

"What about school?"

"The Cullens think I should be able to finish through home study this summer. We sort of thought about doing it then."

Charlie tugged at the collar of his shirt. "A year or two?"

I nodded. "But I can email you and stuff."

"You'll let me know you're okay?" The worry on his face touched me, and I nodded. "Yeah. I'll write all the time, I promise." Reluctantly I added, "And sometimes I can call, too." I hoped he wouldn't want me to do that too often. We weren't very good at talking.

He just nodded.

I took a deep breath. "I think I'm going to do it."

He swallowed hard. "Good," he choked out. "Good."

I knew I should probably tell him I was planning to get married too, but the look on his face stopped me. He was already overwhelmed. The thought of me being a vampire had shaken him, and I didn't think he was ready for another blow.

"I'm glad you understand," I said softly.

Charlie changed the subject, asking me about school. I wouldn't return from Christmas break until the following day, but I made something up anyway. He was clearly uncomfortable, and I was feeling very grateful to him just then. His recommendation that I become a vampire had been startlingly selfless, and I felt warmth creep into my chest as I told him about the classes I would be taking the following semester.

After finishing our meal, we took an elevator back down to the ground, and Charlie led me into one of the shops. We browsed the Space Needle memorabilia for a while, and Charlie bought me a photo frame with a silhouette of the Space Needle emblazoned on one corner.

"I need a picture of us to put in it," I told him as we exited the shop. I tugged my camera from my purse and convinced him to stand for a picture with me, asking an aging couple visiting the monument if they would mind taking it. I wouldn't have said it out loud, but I was feeling the pressure to compile good memories. I had six months with Charlie to gather as many mementos of pleasant, non-violent moments as I could before everything would change. This was the start of our new weekly tradition to spend time together, and I wanted it to be commemorated.

That evening when I went up to bed, Carlisle was waiting for me. He rested against the headboard of my bed, dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a black polo shirt that contrasted dramatically with his pale skin. He had a book in his hands, but when I walked in he set it aside. I climbed into his lap and wrapped my legs around him, running a hand through the hair on the back of his head and pulling him close for a kiss. He returned my affection, drawing my body closer and exploring my mouth with his tongue. His hands held my back, pinning me against him, and the casual display of his strength set wetness seeping between my thighs.

I broke from his lips, kissing along his sculpted jaw. "I missed you," I breathed against his skin. I pulled at the hem of his shirt and started to drag it upward, but his chilled hands closed over mine, stopping me.

"Bella, sweetheart, perhaps we shouldn't tonight," he murmured. He leaned down, brushing his nose over mine and placing a soft kiss on my lips.

Rejection stabbed at my chest, and though I tried to remind myself that we were supposed to be allowed to tell each other no, it left a desperate ache inside of me. "Please," I begged him, pulling my hands away and running them over his chest. "I need you."

He moved his lips to my ear, kissing gently. "Darling, I love you," he whispered. "But the last couple of days I've been a bit rough with you. I think it would be best if you took some time to rest."

"I'm fine," I insisted, but I knew he would sense the lie. The fact was, sex with Carlisle, as transcendent an experience as it was, was somewhat unforgiving. Having him inside of me was like shoving a solid length of stone into my body, and when he thrust into me, there was no give in his granite frame. It was my body that had to yield beneath his, and though it was a pleasure like I had never known before, the frequent, ardent sex of the last few days had left me a little bit raw.

Carlisle caught my wandering hands and laced his fingers through mine, sliding his arms around my waist so my own arms were drawn behind my back. He kissed me gently beneath my ear, holding me close. "Believe me, angel, I appreciate your enthusiasm," he smiled. "But if I made love to you now, I'm afraid I would be distracted the whole time, worrying that I was hurting you."

I had to swallow back a sudden rush of tears. I needed him. I didn't know how else to redirect the love for him that threatened to swallow me whole. From the moment I first laid eyes on him, I had loved him too much. The intensity of my feelings had threatened to break me then, and they had only grown stronger since. I felt like the only way to cope with the overwhelming passion was to vent it through physical expression, and when he tried to stop me, it left me shuddering under the weight of a wave of emotions too strong for my body to withstand.

"Please," I begged, kissing up the side of his neck. "Don't say no, not this time. Please."

He pulled back a little and looked at me, concern in his eyes. His hands released mine and moved to cup my cheeks. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

I shook my head quickly. "I just need you."

He looked at me for a long moment, his expression clearly worried, but finally he relented. "All right," he breathed softly. "If it's that important to you, love, I won't leave you wanting."

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him urgently, and after a moment's hesitation, he responded in kind. He slid us both down onto the mattress, stretching out beside me and wrapping me in his cold embrace as he began touching me with a fervent abandon that was rare for him. His hands and mouth were everywhere, over my clothes at first, then under them, then tugging impatiently at them, stripping them off of me. After much fumbling, I managed to get his off as well, and I hooked one leg over his hip.

The throbbing ache between my legs demanded satisfaction, and I rocked against him, rubbing my sensitive mound against his solid cock. He groaned in pleasure, and I waited for him to move with me, or to take my hips in his hands and grind me against him the way he often did. I loved the way he moved my body, the way he took control of me and found that perfect rhythm that left me writhing in pleasure.

But this time he was still, his hips not drawing away from me, but not thrusting against me. I pressed my body to his again, moaning at the intimate contact, and his wandering hands slid to my waist, but they only rested there, not taking control of my movements.

My body was begging for more, for stimulation and release, and I wriggled against him, moaning longingly as I tried to feed the desire. The position wasn't working, wasn't giving me enough leverage, so I nudged him onto his back and slid on top of him.

His eyes roamed over me as I straddled him, letting the length of his erection slide between my wet folds. I rubbed my throbbing clit against his hard member and he growled in appreciation, his teeth clenched together in what I could only imagine was restraint.

I didn't want restraint from him. I didn't want him to hold back. But I knew he was worried for me, that he was only reining himself in so he wouldn't hurt me, and the love that was too much for me crashed over me again, threatening to crush me.

I moved against him, harder and faster, more desperate than ever for release. I shifted back and took his cock in my hand, intending to slide down on top of him, but he gently pushed me off of him and guided me down onto my back, hovering over me and giving me a searing kiss.

_Yes. This is what I need._

His lips moved over my chin and down my neck, chilling my skin on the surface, but igniting a flame beneath it that raced straight to my core. His mouth followed, kissing and licking down my body, between my breasts and lower, caressing the flat of my stomach, his tongue dipping once into my navel, and still he moved lower. He settled himself between my thighs, lifting one knee over his shoulder to open me to him, and then his cold tongue was lapping at the juices between my lips.

I bit back a cry of ecstasy, not wanting my dad to hear, and arched against Carlisle. His tongue teased my clit, toying with the sensitive bundle of nerves, and I plunged my fingers into his hair, pulling him closer, demanding more with my hands and with whispered words.

He buried his face between my legs, licking and sucking at my juices, playing with my clit until I would almost come, then backing off and lapping at the slick wetness of my arousal. Again and again he drove me to the brink, leaving me breathless and begging, only to deny me satisfaction while he drank in my juices.

"Carlisle, please," I whimpered. "Please let me come. I can't stand it anymore, I have to have it."

At my words his mouth attacked me more vigorously than before, his insistent tongue driving at my clit until my need spiraled once again to the peak, and then he pushed me over the edge. The orgasm ripped through me, sending one shuddering wave after another coursing through my body. I clenched my teeth against the loud cry that threatened to break free, forcing it back to a ragged gasp as I rocked repeatedly against Carlisle's massaging lips.

He hummed with his own pleasure, licking me clean as I came back down from the heights of euphoria he had driven me to. When my body stilled, he crawled up beside me and nudged me onto my side. He pulled me back against him, wrapping me once more in his chilled embrace as I tried to catch my breath. He whispered words of love in my ear as his hands gently caressed my body.

I didn't miss the solid erection pressing against my back, but when I slid a hand behind me to touch him, he caught it and pulled it in front of me again.

"Not tonight," he breathed.

His denial frustrated me. "I don't want to leave you like that."

"Hush now, darling," he said soothingly. "It's enough for me to hold you and look forward to the thousands of nights we have ahead of us, when I can touch you without fear of hurting you."

"Carlisle, I'm  _fine._ "

"Indulge me, please," he murmured, pressing cool kisses to my shoulder. "Perhaps I love you with a fool's heart, but prudence must occasionally guide my hand."

I chewed at my lip, feeling selfish. It wasn't fair for me to make demands of him the way I had, and then leave him unsatisfied.

He quickly changed the subject. "Tell me about your day," he said, his fingers playing idly over my stomach. "Was Charlie all right?"

"He was great. It was really awkward, but . . ." I smiled to myself. "He told me he thought I should become a vampire."

Carlisle's fingers stilled. "Really?" he asked, sounding intrigued. He shifted back slightly, guiding me onto my back so he could look at me. "Did he say why?"

"He doesn't want people to hurt me." I frowned to myself, confused by the battling emotions inside of me. "I don't understand him."

"What is it you don't understand?" he asked, his fingers moving to play with the curls that fell over my shoulder.

"I don't get how he can be so concerned about other people doing exactly what he did."

He leaned down to kiss my forehead. "I can see how that can be confusing, but I don't think your father ever set out to hurt you, Bella. According to Edward, when he becomes angry he seems to slip out of his conscious mind and begins acting instinctively. Unfortunately, with the life your father has lived, his instincts are somewhat violent."

I ran my fingers over his side, feeling the cold contours of his muscles beneath my blistered fingertips. "So then, how can he be expected to change?" I asked, unable to meet his eyes.

"He has to learn to control his temper, and keep it from taking over. It's possible, and so far he has done quite well."

"That's it? Self-control?"

"It's not always as easy as it sounds," Carlisle said. "In a way, what Charlie is doing now is not unlike what you'll be doing when you first change. Your instincts will push you to drink the blood of humans, and you'll have to struggle for the self-mastery it takes to choose animal blood instead."

His words gave me an odd kind of peace. I was glad I would be sharing some of Charlie's struggle. It made me feel connected to him, and these days that connection was difficult to find.

"You haven't changed your mind, have you?" Carlisle asked gently.

I shook my head. "No, not at all."

"You can, Bella," he said softly. "No one would fault you for it. If  _any_  of the decisions that have been made don't suit you, you have but to say the word."

I looked up into his troubled eyes, insecurity churning my stomach until I felt ill. "Do you want me to reconsider?" I asked, my voice shaking a little.

"I want you to be happy with your choices. I don't want you to feel pressured into becoming like me, or . . . into marrying me."

I looked away, biting my lip. "Are  _you_  reconsidering?"

He pressed a hand to my cheek, guiding my gaze back to his. "Isabella Swan," he murmured, "there is nothing in the world I want more than to have you by my side forever." He leaned down and kissed me gently. "But I know you have a tendency to give people what they ask, regardless of your own feelings, and I want you to understand that I could never be happy with you as my wife unless you want me just as badly as I want you."

"I do." I clung to him, as though gripping him tightly could keep him from leaving me. "I don't care if we're married or not, but I need to be with you."

Carlisle was silent for a moment, his expression pained. "I want you to care, Bella. I want you to understand what it means to me, to stand before our families, and before God, to solemnize my vow to forever love and protect you. It's not merely a token gesture to me, my love, it's a declaration to the heavens that I belong to you, and that I claim you as my own."

I frowned. That seemed to me like an awfully romanticized version of marriage. What did Charlie's promise before God mean to Renee? What did Phil's?

But then Jasper's admonition broke through, reminding me that this wouldn't be my mother's marriage. I would be married to  _Carlisle_.

That mattered. A promise Carlisle made before God would be a promise he kept.

"You're right," I said softly. "It matters, because it's you."

"Do you want it, Bella?" he asked, fear and hope in his voice.

I nodded. "I want it."

"You're not just trying to appease me?"

I shook my head, looking into his eyes. "I love you so much," I whispered. "I wish I knew how to say it."

He leaned close to my ear, and whispered the words of a poem he had recited for me months ago, before I knew any of the secrets he kept, before I could have hoped that Carlisle Cullen really cared so deeply for me. "For excess of Love," he breathed, "my Love is dumb."

I wrapped my arms around him, warmed by his words, relieved that he seemed to understand.


	91. Lucky Today

Banner by IllicitWriter

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Dawn was approaching when I crept into my girl's bedroom window, and I moved immediately to her side, looking over her sleeping form to reassure myself that she was all right, that no harm had come to her in the few minutes that I had been away from her.

Sam and his wolves were beginning to trust me, and when most of the boys had started school again after the Christmas break, Sam had decreased Bella's protection, allowing my family and me to look after her while she was at school, and in the evenings when I would be with her. He had doubled her protection in the afternoons though, sending two wolves to watch her when she got home from school until I arrived. Over the last couple of weeks, Alice had been taking that time to go over wedding plans with Bella, and they were often joined by Edward or Jasper—or both. It gave us all a certain peace of mind to know that she would be taken care of if my boys' control slipped.

But in those brief minutes each night when I left her to change clothes and prepare for the next day, I worried. I always made sure Charlie was still in a deep sleep before I left, but one never knew what would rouse the man, and it only took seconds to inflict irreversible damage on Bella's fragile human body.

I had briefly considered taking her with me when I left. I could wrap her in blankets and slip out the window with her, keeping her close while I did what I must to keep up appearances. Edward had laughed out loud when he picked that thought out of my head, and had declared that I was being ridiculous. Perhaps I was. Still, I worried for my girl when she was alone with her father.

I placed this morning's flower on her bedside table next to the vase that held the blossoms I brought her each day. I smiled to myself as I looked over the items that crowded the table's surface. Bella still kept two small, framed pictures of me on the table, and had recently added a picture of her and Charlie at the Space Needle to the grouping. During the night her swan necklace and her cell phone joined the collection.

Were I to pull open the drawer beneath, I would find more of her treasures. Inside was the letter Charlie had written her before he had left for Daybreak, two of my neckties, a linen handkerchief, and my copy of  _The Scarlet Pimpernel_. And tucked inside the book was a fragment of dry-erase contact paper that once adhered to her closet door, on which I had written a promise to love her forever.

Bella collected tokens, little evidences that she was loved, and it warmed me to know that she kept so many from me.

I picked up the frame that held the photograph Alice had taken of us before Edward had taken my girl to the school dance. I remembered all too well how enchanting she had been that evening, and how for one weak moment I had indulged myself and pressed a hand to her flushed cheek, brushing the soft, delicate skin beneath my thumb.

I had loved her then, there was no doubt about that. But since then my feelings for her had grown and deepened, and I wondered how I ever could have imagined I would be able to live without being allowed to press her sweet lips to mine, to feel the loving caress of her hand on my face, to take her precious body in my arms and enter her, bringing her exquisite pleasure with that most intimate expression of love.

I replaced the photograph on the table and slipped into bed behind her. Today I would present her with a new token of my love, but one I hoped would not often be found on her bedside table. I reached into the pocket of my coat and fingered the little velvet box. Esme and Alice had designed the ring inside of it months ago, and since I'd had no plans to propose to Bella at the time, they did not have the benefit of Alice's sight to see if she would like it. They had done their best to guess what she would prefer based on what they knew about her, and the ring they presented me with was modest and classic, with an understated elegance that suited my Bella perfectly.

I lightly caressed the back of Bella's fingers where they lay on the pillow next to her. It was, perhaps, a bit ridiculous for me to have waited until now to give my girl her ring. I had wanted her to have it immediately, but I couldn't stomach the idea of her taking it off or covering it up. For the last two weeks, she had worn gloves while she was at school, hiding the damage that the frostbite had done to her fingers. But the blackened blisters had slowly faded, leaving only light calluses in their place, and the previous day Bella had left her gloves at home.

It was time she had her ring.

There was just one more thing I had to do before I gave it to her, and it was a task I wasn't looking forward to. Charlie had been all but forced into accepting my relationship with Bella, and when I approached him to formally ask for her hand, it was very possible that he would say no. I didn't know what I would do if he denied my request. There was nothing in heaven or earth that could keep me from my girl, but she loved her father, and I wanted to show him the respect he was due.

I ruminated on the subject as Bella slept, making plans, phrasing my request, while the sun rose behind a curtain of iron-grey clouds. When my girl started to stir, I took the stem of orchids I had brought her and began my favorite morning ritual, coaxing her awake with the delicacy of the petals. I brushed them gently over her cheek, letting her feel the velvety texture, and a smile graced her lovely lips.

"Your florist must like you a lot," she smiled without opening her eyes.

"As a matter of fact, she does." I drew the blossoms from her forehead down the curve of her nose. I would miss this little game once she no longer had need of sleep. "She tells me every day how jealous she is of Esme."

Her smile broadened, her eyes still closed. "It's very convenient for me, how I get the flowers but Esme gets stuck dealing with the jealousy."

I laughed quietly and leaned down to kiss her. "Wake up, darling," I murmured. "Quil is coming again today, so I want to be home before it gets too late."

"I'm awake. I'm getting up right now."

I laughed again when she made no move to rise, or even open her eyes. "Whatever you're doing, I don't think it's working."

She giggled. "Maybe I need motivation. Do you want to sneak into the shower with me?"

I lowered my head to trail kisses down her carotid artery. "That's an appealing offer, but I'm afraid I can't today."

"Why not?" she sulked.

"I need to speak with your father for a few minutes."

Her eyes fluttered open. "What? Why?"

I brushed the orchids over her lips. "Because when a man makes up his mind to marry a woman, it's proper to seek the consent of her family."

She raised an eyebrow. "Proper? And what about our relationship so far has been proper?"

I chuckled. She had a very good point. "That's one more reason to go about this the right way."

"I can think of a very good reason  _not_  to ask him," she said, sitting up.

I placed the orchid stem in the vase by her bed. "What's that?"

"He'll say no."

I stole a kiss. "Then I'll just have to convince him to change his mind."

Bella huffed, realizing I wouldn't be deterred. "Just remember that I warned you," she grumbled.

"I won't forget." I claimed one more kiss before I stood. "I'll be downstairs when you're finished getting ready."

"Fine," she muttered. She slipped out of bed, and I took a moment to admire the way her satin slip draped over her curves as she moved toward the door. She stopped with her hand on the knob and turned back to me. "Carlisle?"

"Yes, darling?" I asked, dragging my eyes away from the sensuous movement of her body to give her my attention.

"Thank you for the orchids," she smiled.

I smiled back, warmed by her appreciation. My girl was getting better at accepting my gifts. "You're very welcome."

She stepped out the door, leaving me feeling like the luckiest man ever to walk the earth.

I crawled out the window and closed it behind me, my fingers finding tiny crevices in the wood siding to grip as I made my way down the side of the house. I took a moment to check my clothes, making sure the jeans and ribbed sweater that Alice had laid out for me were straight, then zipped the jacket around me and moved to the porch. I knocked lightly and listened as Charlie's step moved him from the kitchen to the front door. He pulled it open and frowned at me.

"Bella's not up yet," he scowled.

"That's all right. I wanted to speak with you, actually, if you have a moment."

He grunted and stepped back to let me in. He closed the door behind me and led me to the den, gesturing for me to take a seat on the love seat Bella favored while he settled into his recliner. He didn't speak, but he gave me his attention, and I began, somewhat amused with myself for being nervous.

"Charlie, I've been quite clear about my feelings for Bella. I care very deeply for her, and I always will." Charlie wasn't one to appreciate a flowery introduction, so I got right to the point. "I would like to ask for your consent to marry her."

He glared at me for a long time before finally leaning forward on his knees. "And what exactly does that mean?" he asked, his voice thick with hostility.

"I beg your pardon?"

"This whole damn town thinks you're married to Esme," he growled. "If you marry my daughter, what are people going to say? Are the going to accuse her of being a home-wrecker?"

"I expect few people will know," I told him evenly. "Many of Bella's peers think she is in a relationship with Edward. I don't believe she intends to disabuse them of that notion."

"So you're going to hide her," he snapped. "Treat her like she's something to be ashamed of."

I frowned. "I assure you, Charlie, I feel no shame in my relationship with Bella, and if she wishes to be acknowledged as my wife, she will be. However, the peculiarities of my existence often necessitate a certain degree of secrecy. I'm sure you understand the difficulties involved."

He ground his teeth, but his glare softened slightly. "Have you asked her?"

"I have."

"And if I say no?"

I smiled sadly. "Then I'll ask again tomorrow." I met his gaze. "I love her, Charlie. And she loves you. Your blessing would mean a great deal to her."

He was quiet for a long time, staring at his folded hands as wheels turned in his mind. "She deserves better than you, you know," he grunted after a while.

I nodded. "I know."

Silence fell again, and he continued to contemplate my request. He leaned back in his chair and fixed me with a steady gaze. "You're not going to run off to Las Vegas or anything like that, are you?"

"We'll have a small, private ceremony here in Forks."

He faltered a little, a crack appearing in his cold mask. "You'll let me give her away?"

"I hoped you would."

He sighed heavily. "I guess there's no point in saying no," he muttered. "But I expect you to take care of her."

"You have my word."

Charlie pushed himself to his feet and mumbled some half-formed words about coffee before moving into the kitchen. After a few minutes he joined me again, carrying two mugs of coffee, and he handed me one.

I smiled to myself. Charlie had much to learn about vampires, but I wasn't about to reject his gesture of friendship. I thanked him and sipped the unpleasant liquid, grateful that he hadn't added cream or sugar. As human food went, coffee was fairly easy to tolerate, but adding milkfat and plant extracts made it much more difficult.

Charlie sat and turned on the television, clearly finished talking, and I sat back and waited for Bella. She didn't keep me there long. She had apparently rushed through her shower in her concern over my conversation with her father, and after a few minutes she hurried downstairs with her wet hair twisted into a quick braid.

I smiled at her and stood when she appeared in the doorway of the den, holding out an arm to her. She came to me, letting me guide her down onto my knee, and I drew the ring box from my pocket.

"Bella," I said softly, gazing into her eyes. "Your father has granted me permission to marry you. I would be honored if you would wear my ring." I opened the box to display the contents to her, and her eyes dropped from mine to examine it.

Her heartbeat picked up slightly and she swallowed hard. "It's beautiful," she whispered.

I removed the ring from the box and took her left hand in mine, sliding that most symbolic piece of jewelry into place on her finger. I raised her hand to my lips and kissed her fingers below the ring. "I will love you forever, Isabella Swan," I murmured.

Bella kissed me, freeing her hands from mine and pressing them to the sides of my neck, her thumbs caressing along my jaw. When she pulled back I was surprised to see tears in her eyes. Before I could say anything, though, she had slid off of my lap and collapsed into the chair with her father, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

"Thank you, Daddy," she whispered. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "All right, come on, show your old man the ring," he said impatiently.

Bella smiled, a tear slipping down her cheek as she displayed her hand to her father.

He swallowed back his own emotions as he examined it. "That's real pretty, baby."

"It's perfect," she replied, looking up at me with a tearful smile.

I was a little bit surprised by her reaction. I was giving her a gift after all, and one that symbolized marriage. Neither of those things had elicited very positive responses in her before, and I had been a little worried that giving her an engagement ring would bring back more of her demons. But my thoughts strayed upstairs to her bedroom, to the tokens she had collected that made my love seem more real to her, and I wondered if she saw this ring the same way. Perhaps she simply needed something tangible before she could truly believe my promise to make her mine forever.

I stood, not wanting to interrupt, but knowing I should be on my way so I could meet Quil. "I'm due at home," I told Bella. "You may come along later if you'd like to stay with your father a bit longer.

She wiped at her eyes, shaking her head. "No, I'm ready," she said, pushing out of the chair. "We're watching basketball tomorrow, right, Dad?"

He smiled up at her, trying to mask the deep sadness in his eyes. "Right."

"I'm going to go get my jacket," she told me, heading out of the room and up the stairs.

Charlie looked after her, his smile falling. "I hate that I have to let her go to make her that happy."

I felt for the man. When all was said and done, he loved his daughter. "She'll always be your little girl," I said. "Getting married and becoming a vampire won't affect how much she loves you."

He turned back toward the television, but his eyes were unfocused, watching a scene only he could see.

I left him to his reminiscences, meeting Bella as she came back downstairs wearing her father's coat. I took her arm and guided her outside to the trees.

"You didn't bring your car?"

I shook my head. "Not this time." I lifted her into my arms and dropped a playful kiss on the tip of her nose. "It won't take but a couple of minutes to run home."

She snuggled against my chest, laying her head on my shoulder. "That works."

I smiled to myself when I realized she was examining the ring on her finger, and I started running through the trees toward home, pushing my limit so she wouldn't get too cold in the time that it took to get there.

Alice was waiting for us on the porch when we arrived. "Good timing," she said. "Sam and the Atearas will be here any minute."

"Thank you, Alice." I set Bella on her feet and bent down to kiss my diminutive daughter on the cheek. The three of us went inside and found seats in the living room, and Alice immediately produced her binder.

Bella looked at it warily. "More wedding planning?" she asked unenthusiastically.

"Planning a wedding takes a lot of work, Bella. We need to choose invitations and decide what they'll say so we can have them back from the printer in time."

"Why do we need invitations?" Bella asked her. "We're only inviting a few people, so why not just call them?"

"I'm sorry, darling, but we do need invitations," I murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I promised the Volturi a proper announcement."

"Yeah, speaking of which," Alice said, "how do we address Marcus's invitation? Should it be Marcus and guest? Would Marcus want to bring a date—" She suddenly stiffened, and for a moment I thought she was reacting to a vision. My letter was due to arrive in Volterra any time now, and she was watching for Aro's reaction. But when her eyes slipped closed and a breathy moan escaped her lips, I realized it was something else entirely that had taken hold of her.

I glanced up at the top of the stairs where Jasper was leaning against the railing, a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

"Jasper, stop it," Alice mumbled, her breathing strained and shallow. "We're busy."

"I think you can spare a few minutes," he grinned.

Alice moaned again, louder this time, her back arching involuntarily, and I could smell the scent of her arousal creeping into the air. "That's not fair," she gasped. "How am I supposed to say no to that?"

Jasper snorted, straightening. "You're not." He started slowly descending the stairs. "Let's go for a walk, darlin'."

Alice let her book slide from her fingers and she pushed herself off of the couch. "Sorry, Bella," she said absently. "Later. . . ."

Bella laughed as Jasper and Alice headed out the back door. "Do they always go outside for that?" she asked me.

I chuckled. "Jasper prefers a bit more privacy than he can get around here. Plus they tend to be a bit rough on the furniture. I understand with Jasper's gift, what with him drawing on Alice's arousal and influencing her with his own, things get quite intense."

She grinned, biting her lip. "I'll bet."

I heard the car turn off the old highway onto the gravel drive and turned my attention toward the front of the house. "Ah, there's Quil."

My old friend was bringing his grandson by to spend some more time with us. The day after our New Years party, while Bella was spending the day with her father, Seth and Young Quil both returned to get more exposure to my family. Seth phased within hours, and at the end of the day, Quil had grown another half inch. When he returned the following weekend, he was two inches taller, and still growing. We were encouraged, but the young man's grandfather was getting impatient. He wanted his legacy passed on, and he wouldn't be satisfied until the boy phased.

That was fine with me. I was growing very fond of the young man, and as long as progress was being made, he continued to spend weekends with me. He had a serious mind and a gentle disposition, and I found it a pleasure to be in his company.

I took Bella's hand and the two of us moved to the porch, awaiting our friends. We greeted them warmly and ushered them inside, and I moved to the kitchen to retrieve coffee and a platter of biscotti for our guests.

We spent the better part of the morning in pleasant, amiable conversation, and Sam filled us in on the latest news from the reservation. Jared had imprinted on a young lady he attended school with, and the entire pack was speculating on how and why an imprinting came about. There was a bit of grumbling from them as well about how large the pack had grown, as it was difficult to sort out the jumble of thoughts being thrown into the collective mind. Though they appreciated their greater numbers for running patrols, it wore on them when all of them were phased at once.

"I wonder if it would be possible to divide the pack," I mused.

Old Quil raised an eyebrow. "Divide the pack? What do you mean?"

"To be honest, I'm not exactly sure. In the wild, when a wolf pack becomes too large, stronger males are driven away, and often split off and form a new pack of their own."

Sam looked thoughtful.

"I'm not sure what makes an Alpha wolf among the Quileute tribe," I admitted. "To my knowledge that position has traditionally been passed by lineage, but right now it's you, Sam, not Jacob, who dominates the pack. If Jacob were willing and able to take the lead, would you become subordinate to him? Or would Jacob be able to form a second pack that would ease the burden on you?"

"These are very good questions," Quil said solemnly.

Young Quil grinned. "So like, maybe Jacob could form his own pack with just Embry and me?" he asked eagerly. "That would be awesome!" His smile faltered a little. "That is, if I ever phase."

"You'll get there."

It was Jasper who spoke, striding in the back door with Alice's hand in his. He moved into the living room and looked Quil over critically. "You haven't grown any this week, have you?"

Quil shook his head.

"You may be ready. We just have to wait for nature to do her thing."

Quil shot him a hopeful look.

Jasper watched him, appraising him carefully, and then leaned down and whispered something in Alice's ear. She moved forward and started gathering up the dishes, glancing up at Young Quil.

"Would you mind helping me with these?" she asked him.

He gave her a bright smile and quickly moved to assist her with the clean-up. I started to intervene, bothered that Alice would ask a guest to help her with the chores, but Jasper put a restraining hand on my shoulder. Once they had moved out of the room, Jasper turned to Old Quil.

"You don't ever have any discipline problems with that boy of yours, do you?"

Quil looked surprised, but he shook his head. "No, not with my grandson. His father was a hothead, but Quil's a very temperate young man."

Jasper nodded. "Yeah, he seems like a good kid. Does what he's told, doesn't argue, doesn't get in fights at school. In fact, I bet he's the kind who smooths over other people's arguments, isn't he?"

Quil nodded again, looking slightly guarded. "He has always been something of a peacemaker, yes."

Jasper clapped a hand on my shoulder. "Carlisle, no offense, but I just don't think you're the right man for this job."

"I beg your pardon?"

He smiled at me. "Why don't you let me have a go at getting the boy to phase?"

I was a little confused as to what he was planning, but my old friend looked hopeful, and I didn't want to deny him any opportunities. "All right, Jasper, if you think you can manage it."

"Let's go outside," he said to Sam. "I'm going to need you to subdue him fast if I can do this."

I rose with Sam. "Bella, sweetheart, why don't you stay inside," I murmured, feeling uneasy.

"That'd be best," Jasper agreed.

Bella retrieved Alice's binder from where she had dropped it and opened it. "I'll just be here looking at invitations. I'm sure Alice will keep me company."

I leaned down and kissed her forehead, then followed Sam and Old Quil out the front door.

"Hey, Quil, come outside for a minute," Jasper called, moving out the door as well.

Young Quil appeared after a moment and joined us on the damaged turf that had once been the front lawn. Jasper led him several yards away from the rest of us and turned to him. "So why haven't you phased yet?" he demanded, his stance becoming slightly hostile.

Quil looked surprised and fell back a step. "I—I don't know. I guess I'm not ready yet."

"That's a fucking lame excuse."

"Jasper!" I said sharply, stepping forward to stop him, but Quil put a hand on my arm.

"Let him be, Carlisle."

I glanced at Old Quil and Sam, both of whom were watching Jasper with approval, and I suddenly caught on. Of course. The boys didn't phase until something made them angry, but Quil's naturally peaceful demeanor kept him from losing his temper.

"Carlisle's been giving up every fucking weekend to try and help you," Jasper was growling at the boy, "but it looks like you're just wasting his time."

Quil hung his head. "I'm sorry. We can stop if you want to."

Jasper gave a frustrated growl. His tactic wasn't working.

Edward drifted down from his room and wandered out to stand beside me. "Think it'll work?" he asked me softly.

I shrugged unhappily. "I'd like to say it's worth trying, but I don't like seeing the boy treated like that."

"I'll bet you're a screw-up in everything you do," Jasper continued, shoving Quil's shoulders lightly for emphasis. "I don't know why the hell anybody thinks you'd make a decent wolf. You've got loser written all over you."

Quil looked injured. He glanced at those of us watching, his eyes pleading for an intervention, and I wanted badly to give it to him.

"You got a girlfriend?" Jasper asked. "Or are you too much of a loser for that too?"

Quil's shoulders slumped, and I heard Jasper curse under his breath.

"Try his family," Edward murmured.

Jasper hesitated, but started in again. "Yeah, that's what I thought," he muttered. "I don't know what anybody expected, with your cranky-ass dad and that whore of a mother."

Quil flinched, and Jasper smiled darkly. He had hit his mark.

"Yeah, your mama is a real piece of work, isn't she?"

Quil shifted uncomfortably. "Don't talk about my mom," he mumbled.

"What's the matter, don't you like hearing about what a slut she is? I hear down on the Rez they call her the community bicycle. Only everybody in town's had a ride, and she still ain't satisfied." Jasper smirked, strolling slowly around Quil, sizing him up as he moved. "There's this spot out in the forest she likes to go, just this side of the territory line. You should smell it. The place reeks of sweat and her dirty-ass cunt."

"Stop it," Quil said coldly.

Jasper ignored him. "She says she likes it there because it's secluded and pretty," Jasper smirked. "But I know better. She goes there because it gets my attention. And when she's done playing with her little Quileute boys, I'm always there, ready to give that saggy little pussy the pounding it deserves."

"Stop it!" Quil yelled.

"You should hear the things she says. That woman has got a  _mouth_  on her. She swears like a goddamn sailor when she's getting drilled."

"Shut up!" Quil growled between clenched teeth. "You don't even know my mom."

Edward murmured softly from beside me. "Short and thin, with a pageboy haircut and a tattoo over her heart that says  _Quil_."

"Don't I?" Jasper taunted. "She's a little thing, isn't she? Pageboy haircut? Damn little sentimental tattoo right above her left tit? Tell me, Quil, is that your name or your daddy's? Or is it Grandpa's? I hear he's had that cunt a few times himself."

" _Shut up!_ " Quil yelled, his face reddening. "Don't talk about her like that!"

Jasper leaned in close. "I'll tell you a secret, boy. It wasn't your daddy's name your mama was yelling last night while I was fucking her up against a tree."

That was the final straw for Quil. He lunged at Jasper, and a loud tearing sound filled the air as his body transformed in a ripple of heat and his clothes ripped to shreds.

Jasper was ready for him. He caught the wolf and rolled onto his back, kicking out with his legs and launching the snarling animal several yards over his head. They both spun to face each other and crouched, but before Quil could spring again, Sam had ordered him to stop and he sank to the ground, whimpering in protest.

Jasper straightened, dropping his defenses. "My apologies, Quil," he said with a regretful smile. "I'm very sorry for the things I said. I'm sure your mother is a fine woman, and I would never actually disrespect her."

Quil whined again, and Edward laughed slightly. "He doesn't know her," he told the wolf. "I picked the image out of your head and fed him the details."

Quil growled at him, and Edward laughed. "You're a good kid, Quil. That was the only thing he could think of to get you angry enough to phase."

The wolf leapt to his feet, letting out a little bark and spinning around where he stood. His movements revealed excitement, and I laughed softly. "You did it, Quil. You joined the pack." I clapped a hand on his grandfather's shoulder as the old man beamed with pride.

"Go spend some time with Sam," Old Quil told the new wolf. "I'm sure he has much to tell you."

Sam barked happily and then shot off into the trees, forcing Quil to race after him to catch up.

Jasper strode forward and held out his hand to Old Quil, and the aging man took it, smiling gratefully. "Thank you, Jasper," he said.

"My pleasure. And pass along another apology to your boy. It was shameful, going after his mama like that."

"I'm sure he understands," Quil laughed, "but I'll tell him."

Quil turned to me then, shaking my hand as well. "Carlisle, I thank you for your time and your hospitality. This means a lot to me."

"Of course, old friend. I'm glad we could help."


	92. Hush

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

My mind wandered most of the morning. I tried to focus on school work, but the gleam of the diamond on my finger kept catching my eye, and that very quickly led my thoughts to Carlisle and the future, which inevitably led me back to thoughts of the past and to Charlie.

Over the last couple of weeks, I had learned that Charlie and sports went well together. I had always known he liked sports, obviously, but I hadn't realized how helpful that could be until I had been sitting in Qwest field, watching the Seahawks pull off an unexpected win against the New Orleans Saints. Because that day, Charlie and I had  _finally_  had something to talk about.

It started with a penalty—"delay of game." It seemed to me that there were a million things that delayed game play in football, so I asked Charlie about it. As he explained the play clock to me, I realized that we were having a comfortable conversation for the first time since he had come home from Daybreak.

I had taken full advantage of this new trick. I asked him about everything I didn't understand—and even a couple of things I did understand, just to keep him going. And okay, I didn't always completely follow what he was telling me, but we were talking. It was while he was explaining to me what a flea-flicker was that I decided to start taking an interest in sports.

Honestly, it wasn't really my favorite thing. As a matter of fact, I saw watching sports with Charlie as more of a chore than anything. Understanding the games better didn't really make me like them any better, but I did like being with Charlie, and that was worth it.

"Bella!"

I snapped out of my reverie and turned to focus on Jessica, who was snapping her fingers at me from across the aisle. "What?"

"What did you get for number eight?" she asked.

"Um . . ." I turned my eyes to my homework. "One over x plus four."

She turned back to her book, perplexed. "How?"

I leaned over, trying to show her how to work the problem, but after a few minutes she gave up. "Whatever, I'll just get that one wrong. I'm sure Mr. Varner will review it before the test."

I started to go back to my work again, but she took the opportunity to share the latest gossip. "So did you hear about Tyler and Lauren?" she asked, her eyes gleaming eagerly.

"Um, no, I guess not." I couldn't think of a good excuse to get out of listening, so I resigned myself to hearing it.

"They got caught having  _sex_  under the bleachers!" she whispered delightedly. "Lauren was mortified—obviously—and Tyler pretended he was too, only Eric told me that Tyler set it up so everybody would know he wasn't a virgin."

"That's . . . amazing," I said, my lack of enthusiasm a bit more obvious than I had intended it to be. Thankfully, the bell rang then and ended class. I tried to make my escape, but Jessica stuck with me and kept right on talking as we made our way to our lockers before lunch. "Of course, I told Lauren what Eric said, and she's  _pissed_ ," she rambled.

I half-listened as she went on, repositioning my books and heading toward the cafeteria. Apparently I didn't talk to Jessica enough, because she was feeling obligated to tell me everything that had happened at Forks High School in the last six months. We collected trays of food as she talked, while I searched for an opening to escape her and join the Cullens.

"And of course you heard that Coach Clapp got—" She suddenly stopped and gasped. "Oh. My.  _God_."

I stopped, startled by her sudden change of tone. "What?"

"Bella Swan, is that an  _engagement ring_  on your finger?"

My cheeks flamed and I dropped my eyes. "Uh, yeah."

"Edward proposed?" she squealed loudly.

Edward appeared at my side and dropped an arm around my shoulders, a smug smile on his face. "Yes I did," he replied smoothly.

"When were you going to tell me?" Jessica demanded. "And when is the wedding? Are you going to wait until after we graduate? Who are your bridesmaids going to be? You're going to ask me to be in it, right? I mean, I was only like your first friend here in Forks. . . ."

"Actually," Edward said with an easy smile, "we'll be having a destination wedding. Just family, on a beach in South America. So sorry, but Bella won't be having any bridesmaids."

I could have kissed him just then.

Jessica looked crestfallen. "Oh. Wow, that sounds so romantic," she said, forcing a smile.

"Doesn't it?" Edward gazed down at me. "Excuse us, please." He steered me away from Jessica to the lunch table where his siblings waited, looking amused.

"Edward Cullen, I love you," I declared, dropping into a seat next to Alice.

Rosalie smirked. "Don't tell Carlisle that. You might start a feud."

"I don't care. The destination wedding excuse was pure genius."

"Thank you," Edward said modestly. "I try."

I hoped that would be the end of the wedding talk at Forks High School, but my optimism on the subject was thoroughly unwarranted. This was Forks, where man did not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeded out of the mouths of gossips. By the end of the lunch period it seemed like everyone was leaning close to one another and whispering, shooting furtive glances at Edward and me.

Mike wandered over to say hello before Biology, perching on the edge of my lab table. "So . . . I hear congratulations are in order," he told me uneasily, mostly ignoring Edward.

I blushed like crazy again.

"Actually, your congratulations should be directed to me," Edward said.

Mike looked up, his brow furrowed in confusion. "What?"

"It's proper to offer congratulations to the groom," he corrected, "and best wishes to the bride." Edward smiled widely, clearly enjoying Mike's bemusement. "But no matter, that's just a silly old tradition."

"Right," Mike muttered, turning back to me. "Well,  _best wishes_  then."

"Thanks," I smiled warmly.

"That's . . ." He hesitated. "I mean, that's kind of crazy, huh? The two of you are only juniors, and you're engaged?"

Edward laughed softly and put an arm around me. "When you find The One, Mike, you don't question it."

"Well yeah, but people change a lot in high school . . . and in college. You don't think this is a little . . . I don't know, reckless?"

I thought about his words. He had a point, at least about me. I was awfully young to be getting married. But I also knew I had a lot more experience with men and sex than most girls my age, and I knew I had no doubts about Carlisle. I had never imagined I could find someone so gentle and even-tempered, who would care about me so much. And I definitely never expected to care about anyone else this much.

"Maybe it is reckless," I admitted. "I definitely never saw myself getting married in high school. I never saw myself getting married at all, really." I bit my lip. "But I've never been this happy. If this is a mistake, it's worth making."

Mike looked a little disappointed. "Well, then. I guess . . . best wishes." He patted my shoulder and stood up, moving back to his seat as the bell rang to start class.

That wasn't the last I heard from Mike. He was waiting for me outside of the locker room when I finished changing after gym. His attentiveness had long since stopped annoying me, ever since the night he had given me a place to stay when I couldn't go home. I wished that he didn't feel so strongly about me, but I recognized in him a true friend.

"Hey," he said by way of greeting when he saw me. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Um, sure. Do you want to walk out with me?"

He fell into step beside me as we headed toward the parking lot. "I just wanted to make sure everything is okay. I mean, with Cullen and your dad and all."

"Yeah, things are good," I assured him. "And look . . . I really appreciate you not saying anything about Charlie."

He shrugged. "I get it. That stuff is private, and people in this town talk. A lot."

"He's out now," I told him brightly. "He came home Christmas morning."

"That's great," Mike said with a smile. "Is everything okay, like, between the two of you?"

"Yeah, it's getting a lot better."

"Good," he said. "Good." He paused. "What does he think of you being engaged?"

"He's not thrilled. But he knows Edward's a good guy, and when Edward asked for his blessing, he gave it."

He walked beside me for a minute in silence. After a moment he took a deep breath. "Bella, that night, when . . . you know, when you were in Port Angeles . . ." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Where was Cullen? I mean, you needed help, and he wasn't there for you."

"We had a fight," I lied. Well, it was kind of a lie. "He would have come, but I didn't want to see him."

"I've worried about you a lot since then," he confessed. "I've worried that he doesn't treat you right."

I stopped at the edge of the parking lot and turned to face him. "Mike, I don't think I ever properly thanked you for that night. You were there for me when I really needed a friend. I can't tell you how much that meant to me." I stepped close to him, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him tightly. "I haven't had very many real friends."

He held me close, for maybe a bit too long, but I didn't fight it. "I'm always here for you, Bella," he murmured in my ear. "For anything."

"Hopefully I don't end up playing the damsel in distress too often," I joked as he released me. "But it's good to know there are still a few white knights out there when a girl needs them."

"Aren't white knights supposed to win the heart of the princess?" Mike asked, a deep sadness in his eyes.

I squeezed his hand, almost wishing I could give him what he wanted. "They always do, once they've saved the right princess."

Edward had spotted us talking, and he strode toward us now, eyeing Mike warily. "Everything okay, guys?" he asked.

"Everything's great," I told him. I stretched up to give Mike a peck on the cheek, and then took Edward's hand and pulled him away before he could give Mike a hard time.

"What was that all about?" he asked, sounding defensive.

I laughed. "Are you getting jealous on Carlisle's behalf?"

"I'm looking out for his interests."

"Whatever. Everything's fine. I was giving Mike a long-overdue thank-you for being a good guy."

Edward snorted. "Yeah, he was a real gentleman."

"He  _was_ ," I said, a little irritated by his condescending attitude. "You don't know, Edward. He was really sweet to me."

"Not as sweet as you think," he smirked.

"How would you know? You weren't there."

"I wasn't, but Carlisle was."

"What?" My eyes widened in horror as the implications settled on me. "No! Carlisle heard . . . oh no."

He grinned, dropping an arm over my shoulders. "Every word. You should know by now that he'd never have left you alone when you were in that state."

"Ohhh, how does he not hate me?" I wailed, burying my face in Edward's chest.

I could feel his body shaking with laughter. "Isabella Swan, when are you going to accept that Carlisle is never going to stop loving you?"

"Maybe when I start deserving it," I muttered.

"Bella, he understands. It was a bad night all around." He grinned. "Though Mike certainly made the best of it."

"All right, let's hear it," I snapped impatiently. "What are you hinting at?"

We got to my truck and he gave me a hand up into the cab, leaning in with a conspiratorial grin on his face. "While Carlisle was hanging out outside the house, he was treated to the symphonic sounds of Mike Newton grunting your name while he pleasured himself." He stepped back and closed the door in my face.

My jaw hung open as he strolled around the truck with a smug look on his face, but when he climbed up into the cab next to me, I composed myself. "You know what? I don't care. He was sweet to me when I gave him permission not to be. He's a good guy, and I don't want to hear you making him into a punch line."

He gave me a wry grin. "Yes ma'am. You know, I think I'm starting to see why the cosmos has decided you're a good fit for Carlisle."

"Why?" I asked curiously, scanning the parking lot for Alice. I spotted her next to Emmett's Jeep, making out with Jasper.

"He always sees the best in people, too."

His words took me by surprise. I definitely didn't consider myself the type to see the best in people—or anyway, I hadn't been a few months ago. "Maybe he's rubbing off on me," I mumbled, more to myself than to Edward.

He smirked. "Mike is picturing you naked right now."

"You're not half as funny as you think you are," I said, rolling my eyes.

Edward snickered and rolled down the window. "Mary Alice Cullen!" he yelled across the parking lot. "Stop sucking face with your boyfriend and get over here or we're planning the wedding without you!"

I groaned and dropped my forehead against the steering wheel. "Do you have to shout about the wedding to the whole school?"

He grinned. "You should hear them, Bella. If they're not talking about it, they're thinking about it.  _Everybody_  is wondering if we're really engaged."

"Yeah?" I snapped. "And how many of them are wondering if I'm pregnant?"

His grin widened. "Almost as many."

"Terrific."

Alice finally broke away from Jasper and skipped over to the truck. Edward slid over to let her in, and the three of us headed back to my house. Jacob joined us a few minutes after we arrived, and the four of us lounged around in the den while Alice led me through more wedding details.

"We still need an officiant," she said. "Which will be problematic if you really want to do this in the sunlight." She frowned speculatively. "Does anybody know of any blind ministers?"

"Billy could do it," Jacob volunteered. "Legally, he's the Tribal Chief of the Quileutes. That gives him authority to perform marriages in Washington."

Alice tapped her chin thoughtfully. "He's not a minister. I'm not sure how much that would be a problem for Carlisle."

Edward snorted. "Are you kidding? He's Ephraim Black's grandson, Carlisle will eat it up. Throw a couple of God references into the vows, and he'll be in seventh heaven."

"What do you think, Bella?" Alice asked.

"I like it. I've known Billy forever. I'd love to have him perform the ceremony."

"Come over tomorrow," Jacob told me. "You can ask him."

I nodded. "Okay, I could do that. Call me when you get home from school?"

"You got it."

I expected Alice to protest the loss of wedding planning time, but when I glanced at her she was gazing off into space, her eyes glassy. "Alice are you—"

Edward held up a hand, cutting me off. He was staring at Alice with wide eyes, a horrified look on his face.

"No," Alice whispered. "No."

"What about Aro?" Edward demanded. "Will he put a stop to it?"

"I don't know," Alice said weakly. "He has to decide."

Edward looked up at Jacob and me. "Don't say a word about it," he ordered Alice. "Not to Jasper, and especially not to Carlisle."

"Edward, we have to—"

"Yes," Edward cut in. "We do. But if Carlisle and Jasper know, Aro knows."

Alice looked terrified. She and Edward leapt to their feet, and without a word of goodbye, they took off out the back door.

"What was that?" Jacob asked.

My stomach was fluttering nervously. "I don't know. I guess Alice saw something coming that she didn't like."

"Huh," Jacob said dismissively. "I guess you get a day off from the wedding stuff. Want to go to the diner? I'm starving."

"Um, sure," I said absently. The fluttering in my stomach was quickly turning into a leaden weight. The only part of that whole exchange I had understood was Aro. I knew who he was, and I knew what he could do when he touched someone's hand. What I didn't know was what had scared Alice so badly, and how Aro would be touching Carlisle or Jasper to find out about it.

Was he coming here?

My blood ran cold at the thought, but my mind tried to rationalize. Surely him coming here wouldn't be so bad. After all, Carlisle had talked about inviting him to the wedding like it was nothing. But maybe he just didn't expect him to attend. Why invite him at all, though, if his presence was cause for alarm?

I was in my truck now without having been conscious of grabbing my jacket and exiting the house.

"Is everything okay?" Jacob asked. "You look a little pale."

"I don't know," I told him. I started the truck, trying to focus more on what I was doing, and as we drove to the diner I filled Jacob in on what I knew about Aro. He frowned, mulling it over as we went inside and got a table.

"So it sounds like Alice saw Aro finding out about something he wouldn't like. What would that be?"

"Me," I said frankly. "Humans aren't supposed to know about them."

"Charlie too, then," Jacob pointed out.

The knot in my stomach tightened. "But if that's it, then why would Carlisle invite Aro to visit?"

"Maybe that's not it," he shrugged. "I'm having a burger, what are you having?"

I stared at the menu in distaste. I wasn't sure I could eat anything, sick as I was with worry.

"Bella, look at me," Jacob said, covering my hand with his. "If this Aro guy shows up looking for trouble, he'll find it. We've got eight wolves just itching to bite off a hunk of vampire meat."

His reassurances went a long way toward settling my stomach, and I took a slow, calming breath. "I think I'll have a Cobb salad."

* * *

Edward and Alice were both absent from school the next day, and when Jacob didn't call me to come over that afternoon, I tried calling him and got no answer. I hung up, feeling bewildered, and looked around at the empty house.

For the first time in months, I was alone.

At first I was pleased. I had always treasured my solitude before coming to Forks, and I liked living with Charlie, partly because he left me in peace so much of the time. Or anyway, he used to. These days he wanted to keep a constant eye on me whenever Carlisle was over, so I was actually pretty pleased to have some time to myself.

I soon discovered, however, that I had gotten out of the habit of being alone. I read for a bit, checked my email, did what little bit of homework I had, and then simply stared around the den.

I realized with a start that I was lonely. I hadn't felt lonely since I was a kid. I thought I had grown out of it, honestly, but now I wondered if it was possible that I had just learned to ignore it.

I needed company. I moved to the back door and looked out into the trees, wondering which wolves were keeping watch today. "I'm making cookies if you guys want some," I called out. "Come on in if you're hungry."

I headed inside, listening for the inevitable sounds of feet running toward the house, accompanied by excited whooping. I had never known any of the wolves to turn down food when it was offered. But no one came, and I was utterly confused. Did they really ignore my invitation? Or were they just not there?

I decided not to bake the cookies, since there wouldn't be anyone to eat them, and I distracted myself instead by starting dinner. When that didn't take enough time I went ahead and pulled together a dessert as well. I was actually relieved when the door swung open and Charlie stepped inside.

He glanced around the house curiously. The Cullens and the wolves usually didn't leave until after he got home, so he was used to seeing the place a bit busier when he came in.

"No friends today?" he asked, coming into the kitchen as I set dinner on the table.

I shook my head. "Everybody was busy tonight, apparently."

"Hm." He took his place at the table. "This looks good, Bells."

We stumbled through small talk, and as always, I was relieved when Carlisle arrived. I answered the door when he knocked, opening it to see him frowning into the trees.

"Where are the wolves?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Alice didn't come over either."

His eyes darkened. "You've been alone all afternoon?"

I nodded, taking his hand and drawing him into the house. "It's not a big deal."

His expression told me he disagreed with me, but he didn't argue. "I'll call Sam this evening," was all he said.

We settled onto the couch in the den and I threw my legs over his lap.

"Why didn't Alice come over?" he asked, his fingers stroking idly at a lock of hair that had fallen over my shoulder.

"I don't know. How come she didn't go to school?"

His hand stilled. "She didn't?"

"You didn't know?"

He shook his head warily.

I chewed at my lip, remembering what Edward had said the day before. What Carlisle knew, Aro would know. Whatever Alice was doing, she apparently didn't want Carlisle involved. I shrugged, playing it off. "You know how Alice is. She probably got lured away by a Marc Jacobs sale or something. I bet she'll show up with a pile of new clothes for everyone."

He smiled, but his eyes were troubled.

The next day was the same. Alice and Edward were both no-shows at school, and no wolves answered my call after I got home. Carlisle was irritated this time, and when we were cuddled together in bed that night, he broached the subject carefully.

"Bella, do you know of any problems out at La Push?"

I shook my head, snuggling against his chest. "No, why?"

"I haven't been able to get through to Sam or Jacob," he said. "Yesterday or today."

"They didn't mention anything."

"If you speak to Jacob, will you ask him if everything is all right?"

"Sure."

"And if no one is here with you tomorrow when your father gets home, please call Emmett or Rosalie to stay with you."

"Okay." I was dying to ask him what was up with Alice, but I was afraid to call attention to her absences at school.

He hesitated. "If Emmett and Rose don't come, please call me, Bella. I'd rather leave work early than have you alone here with your father."

"He's been really great," I told him, feeling the need to defend Charlie.

"I know. I have high hopes for him. But relapse is part of recovery, and I'm not willing to let you get hurt again."

I pressed my lips to the cold, bare skin of his chest. "Thank you," I murmured.

"Of course, sweetheart." His chilled fingers lightly stroked my scalp, draining away the tension I had accumulated while worrying over Alice's odd behavior.

* * *

The next morning Edward was waiting by my truck when I headed outside to go to school. He hopped inside with me and I shot him a reproachful look as I started the truck. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"No," he said seriously. "But I'm going to ask you for a favor."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll trade you a favor for full disclosure."

"No deal. Trust me, you don't want to know what I know."

"Fine. What do you want?"

"I want you to convince Carlisle to quit calling the wolves. It's important that he not talk to them for a little while."

"How in the world am I supposed to do that?"

"I don't know, but you've got to come up with something."

"Why don't  _you_  come up with something?"

"Because I can't talk to him either," he said, looking stressed. "If he sees me, he'll know something's wrong, and he  _can't_  know something's wrong."

"And how am  _I_  supposed to convince him not to talk to them without tipping him off that something's wrong?" I asked, exasperated. "And by the way, in case you've forgotten, I don't have the luxury of lying to you super-freaks. My heart rate picks up and I emit hormones, remember?"

"It's the same response you would have to any stressful situation. Just convince Carlisle that you're upset about something else, and he won't know that your reaction is because you're lying to him."

"Oh, is that all it takes?" I snapped irritably. "Piece of cake, then."

"Look, Bella, I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't important," Edward said, and I was caught off-guard by the undercurrent of frustration in his voice. Edward didn't usually lose his cool, and he was creeping that direction now.

"How important?" I knew I was going to have to give in, but I didn't like it one bit.

"Life and death. For several people who you care very much about."

I sighed in defeat. "Fine. I'll come up with something. But while I'm doing my part, you and Alice had better be doing yours."

"We're working on it," he assured me, his expression grim.

"So are you coming to school today?"

"No, we won't be back for a while. Listen, don't talk to Jasper about this, okay? I know he's upset about being kept in the dark, but it's important."

"Because if Jasper knows, Aro knows."

He nodded seriously. "Yes."

"You're asking an awful lot, Edward. Carlisle and Jasper are the two people in the world who most deserve my honesty, and you want me to lie to both of them."

"It's important."

"I'm not arguing with you," I said, resigned. "I'm just telling you I don't like it."

"I'm with you there."

"How much longer is this going to go on?"

He sighed. "I don't know. At least another couple of weeks. After that . . . decisions haven't been made yet."

"I don't supposed Alice can tell us what decisions we  _should_  make?"

He smiled wryly. "She's working on figuring that out. Manipulating the future is sort of complicated."

"So is lying to Carlisle without letting him know I'm lying to him."

"You can do it, Bella. I have full faith in you."

I called him names under my breath as I pulled into the school parking lot, knowing full well that he could hear me and ignoring his amused chuckling. Once we parked he hopped out of the truck and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before loping off into the trees.

His presence didn't go unnoticed. Jasper strode over to me immediately, fixing me with a piercing glare. "What's going on, Bella?"

"I don't know," I mumbled, dropping my eyes. I couldn't meet his gaze, not when it carried so much disapproval.

"Tell me what he said to you."

I shook my head and turned away. "I can't."

He grabbed my wrist, pulling me back. "Bella, I've had enough of this. If you know what Alice has gotten herself involved in, you need to tell me."

"Jasper I can't," I said, trying to meet his eyes and wordlessly pleading with him to let it go. "You know her better than anyone. If she's holding things back, you know there has to be a good reason."

"Damn her reasons," he hissed. "I can't protect her if I can't even find her."

My eyes widened. He didn't know where Alice was? Could it really be such a big deal that she would cut herself off from her husband completely?

"I have to trust her," I told him, deliberately pulling my wrist from his grip.

He grabbed my arm again, holding tighter this time. "This is important."

I pulled against his hand. "You know what else was important? When I was stuck in an ice bath, slowly freezing to death, and Alice didn't say anything because it could have gotten the whole family killed." I yanked my arm back, and he let it go. "She got us through that okay, and I have to believe she'll get us through whatever it is she's seeing now." I turned and stalked away from him, praying all the way to the school building that he wouldn't follow me.

Thankfully, he didn't. One down, one to go.

How was I going to convince Carlisle to stop calling Sam and Jacob? Particularly when he had been relying on them to keep Charlie in line?

I puzzled over it all day and most of the evening. I knew Carlisle noticed my distraction, but he didn't say anything about it until after I bid Charlie goodnight and joined him in my room.

He was at my side as soon as I closed the door, helping me pull off my clothes and placing gentle kisses on my body as he helped me change into my pajamas.

"Darling, what's wrong?" He asked, wrapping a silky top around me and doing up the buttons as he nuzzled my neck.

I chewed at the inside of my cheek, hoping that the story I was going with wasn't completely transparent. "You know how Sam and Jacob haven't been answering their phones?"

"Yes, do you know why?"

I took a steadying breath. "I . . . kind of had a fight with Jacob." I couldn't meet his gaze, and I hoped that ducking my head the way I was would make me look sad instead of guilty.

"What?" he asked gently, his voice full of concern. "What happened?"

I twisted my hands in front of me. "It's not a big deal," I told him, fervently hoping he would let me off the hook.

He pressed a hand to my cheek, gently guiding my gaze to his. "Is there anything I can do?"

God, I was slime. Lower than slime. He was so perfect and sweet, and I was lying to him. And when did lying get to be something that bothered me, anyway? This should be second nature.

I shook my head, dropping my gaze again. "No. I think I just need some space. I told him I didn't want to talk to him or any of the other wolves for a while, and I asked them not to contact us."

Carlisle slipped an arm around me and guided me to the bed. "Are you sure that's what you want to do? Closing off communication doesn't usually solve any problems."

I slid under the blankets as he held them back for me, and then he tucked himself in beside me. "I just want to give it some time," I said, rolling away from him.

"Will you tell me what happened?" he asked gently, sliding up behind me and molding his body around mine.

God. I wanted to tell him the truth, mostly because I was  _scared_  of the truth, and I wanted to seek comfort in his arms.

"I don't want to talk about it." I didn't understand why I felt so guilty for letting him hold me like this while I lied to him. I had concealed the truth from him so many times before . . . what was the big deal now? Shouldn't it be easier when I was trying to protect him?

"Bella," he breathed in his honeyed voice, his lips against my ear and his cool breath washing over my skin. "Please, darling, don't shut me out."

My chest tightened, and I felt tears rise up to my eyes. I let them fall, knowing I was supposed to be convincing him that I was upset anyway. That part, at least, wasn't a lie. "I just want to forget about it."

He kissed my ear gently, his hands stroking my arm slightly. "Sweetheart, I know it's difficult to open up, but it tends to make things easier when you unburden on someone else."

I couldn't take it. I couldn't lie here in his arms and mislead him like this when he was being so perfect . . . so  _Carlisle_. I wasn't worthy of this caliber of kindness. If he would just get mad at me I could handle it, but with him trying to help and comfort me the way he was I could barely keep from turning around and confessing my sins as I huddled against his chest.

"I want you to go," I said softly, my voice breaking.

He stilled. "Bella, I apologize," he said gently. "I shouldn't have pushed you, I'm very sorry."

I was so  _very_  much lower than slime. But I couldn't keep this up with him holding me and being so sweet. "I don't want you to stay tonight," I said again.

He pulled back and sat on the edge of the bed. I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn't turn to look at him.

"All right," he said softly, the hurt in his voice cutting deep into my heart. "I'll go if that's what you want."

I sniffed and nodded.

He stood and moved slowly to the window, sliding it open. I concentrated on not looking at him. "Call me if you need anything," he said softly.

I wanted to jump out of bed and throw myself into his arms, to beg him not to leave, to tell him everything.

_Life and death, Bella. Suck it up._

I just nodded.

"Goodnight, angel," he whispered softly. "I love you."

I heard the window slide shut, and I turned into my pillow and sobbed.


	93. Show Me the Way

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I sat silently next to Bella, my attention focused on her while she stared out at the darkness beyond the car window. This was our new pattern. For more than a week, I had watched her and waited, never demanding that she talk to me, but always hoping that she would. In return, she had been distant and distracted. She hadn't been cold, exactly, but she was definitely withdrawing into herself, behaving much as she had when we had first met. I had become accustomed to our easy intimacy over the last several weeks, and I didn't know what had caused us to lose that closeness.

My first guess was that it had something to do with her fight with Jacob. My girl had been hurt by men so frequently, and had trusted Jacob so implicitly, that any injury from him could set her back significantly. I badly wanted to have words with the boy, but at Bella's request, I refrained. As much as I wished to protect her from any pain or distress in her life, it was still  _her_  life, and she had the right to fight her own battles. I had to have faith that she would work things out in her own time, and come back to me when she did.

That was easier said than done, however. Having her so far away from me was more uncomfortable than I could have imagined, and I hadn't felt quite right since the night she had asked me to leave her room. I had spent that evening secluded in the trees outside, listening with a heavy heart as she cried herself to sleep. I didn't know if she was angry with me, or if I had offended her in some way, and I had stood there for hours, staring at the plumerias I had planned to give her in the morning. I didn't know if the gesture would be welcome now. She had asked me to leave; would she be upset if I returned long enough to leave my token for her? Would she be hurt if I didn't?

In the end, I crept up the side of the house and slid her window open just far enough to reach in and set the blossoms on her desk. I hoped she would see the little stem of flowers, and take it in the spirit with which it was offered. I loved her, and I would always love her. Nothing would ever change that.

She hadn't mentioned it, but the next day the flowers were in the vase beside the bed.

I sighed quietly at the memory of that difficult night, and at the frustration I had felt every day since then. In addition to my concerns about Bella, I was thoroughly nonplused over what was going on with Edward and Alice. I hadn't seen even a hint of their presence for nearly two weeks, and what was more, neither had their partners. They didn't call, nor would they answer their phones. There was no trace of a fresh scent from them in the woods surrounding the house to indicate that they had been by—though honestly, I hadn't really strayed far enough from the house to pick up a trail. With Edward away, I hadn't hunted, and my eyes were nearly black now, reminding me of my need to attend to that little detail soon.

I would ask Esme if she wanted to go with me tomorrow. She and I had grown close over the years, with her so frequently posing as my wife, and I certainly considered her a confidant. She was warm and understanding, and I knew she would be comforting, even if she wasn't exactly who I needed.

The person I really wanted was Edward. I wanted the man who didn't need words, who could run beside me and listen as I silently mulled things over, telling him without words of the worry I felt over recent events. But I didn't have Edward, and that only increased my worry. My son, my dearest friend, had left once again, and I felt just as wrong-footed now as I had when he had fled Bella's scent and gone to Alaska. More so, actually, because this time he had taken Alice instead of Esme.

I couldn't understand it. I never would have assumed that any impropriety was taking place between them, and neither did Esme. But Jasper did. Each evening that Alice didn't return to him intensified his feelings of anger and betrayal, and the overwhelming agony that he felt over having been abandoned by his mate. He had given up attending school, and over the last few days his emotional turmoil had leaked into the atmosphere, making our home a somewhat disconcerting place to be.

He was thinking of leaving us, I knew. He had been deceived and manipulated by Maria throughout much of his life, and Alice's disappearance had re-opened old wounds for him. Esme had talked him into staying for now, and it was only her confidence in Edward and Alice that kept him from setting off on his own.

I glanced at Bella, who was still staring out the window, her face blank. I reached over and laced my fingers through hers, and she acknowledged me with a small smile before turning her attention back outside. She was trying hard to keep things peaceable between us, but I almost preferred her anger to the chasm that separated us now.

The day after she had asked me to leave, she had apologized to me. She told me she loved me, and that she regretted pushing me away. But even though her words were right, her manner was distant. There was no warmth in her voice, and her eyes didn't meet mine. She was cutting herself off from me, denying me access to any heartfelt emotion, and I knew that the problem had not been resolved. When I tried to speak to her about it, she simply apologized again, kissing me deeply enough that I almost believed she meant it.

I looked at her again, admiring the way the deep blue silk of her dress draped around her body. She was so beautiful. I preferred her smile, but even in these more pensive moments she was stunning. Her soft pink lips were drawn into a slight frown, and there was a small crease between her eyebrows that gave away her discontent. I stroked her fingers, wishing that my touch could give her the comfort that she needed.

"Did you enjoy the play?" I asked her softly.

She seemed surprised to hear me speak, and though she turned to me, it was clear her mind was still far away.

"It was nice," she said absently.

Her words confirmed my suspicion that the performance hadn't held her attention any better than I could seem to. There were many words that one could use to describe  _The Glass Menagerie_ , but "nice" wasn't one of them.

"I thought you might like it, since you appreciated  _A Doll's House_ ," I pressed, hoping to draw her into a conversation about things I knew she cared about. "They're quite different, of course, but they share the escapist theme."

She nodded, here eyes on the dash in front of us. "It was interesting."

It was clear that she wasn't at all interested.

To be absolutely honest, I wasn't all that interested in critiquing plays at the moment either. My Bella was upset, and I had a good idea that her distress was somehow connected with Edward and Alice. I hadn't thought that was the case at first, but when I had brought her to the house the previous weekend, Jasper reacted to her with pure hostility. The moment I had ushered her through the door, he shot a cold glare at her. She had simply dropped her gaze, looking apologetic, and I realized that, at the very least, she knew something about what had happened to make them leave. The way she looked away from me and mumbled her responses whenever I mentioned them gave credence to my theory. I couldn't understand why she would hide things from me the way she was—but then, I also couldn't understand what would drive two of my children to disappear without so much as a word to their mates.

Whatever it was, I resented it, both for the stress it was putting on my family and for making my girl close herself off from me.

And the situation with Jasper wasn't helping. He had been a friend to her in her previous times of stress, and I would have preferred to see him act similarly now. But Jasper was hurting, and Bella was denying him information on the thing he cared most about.

I had tried to let them alone to settle the issue themselves, but this evening Jasper had gone too far. He had quizzed Bella on what she knew, receiving only evasive responses or outright lies, and in his frustration he started manipulating her mood, spiking her feelings of guilt and unhappiness and driving her to her knees in tears.

A warning from me was all it took to stop him, and I knew Jasper was probably already feeling guilty for what he had done. He didn't like to use his gift to control people, and generally he kept it to himself unless it was necessary or invited. Occasionally he might tease someone with it, if it seemed harmless enough, but he usually felt that it was too invasive to toy with a person's emotions. He had displayed exactly that reluctance to use his gift when trying to encourage Young Quil to phase. He confided in me later that he would have forced him to become angry if his verbal assault hadn't done the job, but he felt that even the abhorrent things he had said that day were more respectful than using his gift.

Of course, if there was anything that would make him break his rules, it was Alice. He would do anything for her, just as I would do anything for Bella. I had removed her from the house immediately after Jasper's inappropriate actions, suggesting that we attend a play this evening primarily to get her away from him.

I would be having an unpleasant conversation with him later.

For now, though, my thoughts focused on my Bella. I couldn't help but try, once again, to get her to come back to me. "Sweetheart, is there anything you'd like to talk about?" I asked gently.

She offered me another small smile and shook her head, but her heartbeat and her scent betrayed the lie. It made me feel marginally better that at least she would  _prefer_  to talk to me, though something was apparently preventing her from doing so.

"Have you heard from Edward or Alice?" I pressed.

She shook her head, biting anxiously at her lip.

"And you still don't want to call Jacob."

She shook her head again.

I sighed softly. "I don't mean to rush you, darling, but whatever it is that's going on is clearly making you unhappy. Don't you think it would be best to address the problem and move past it?"

She turned her eyes out the window again. "I wish I could."

The sadness in her voice made me ache inside, and I gently squeezed her hand. "Why can't you, love?"

She took a slow breath before answering, choosing her words carefully. "I'm waiting for something."

That was more than she had told me so far, so I pressed harder, hoping to learn a little more. "Do you know how long you'll be waiting?"

She shook her head.

"Perhaps I can help. What is it that you're waiting for?"

She turned to me then, her eyes pleading. "Carlisle, I'm sorry about all this. I really am. I know it's bothering you, and I wish I could make it go away, but I can't."

"Let me help you," I coaxed. "At least let me try. What could it hurt to talk about it for a few minutes?"

She looked away again, her eyes staring out the window. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

I brought her hand to my lips, kissing her warm fingers. "We have to learn to talk to each other."

She jerked her hand away, anger flaring in her eyes. "Why don't you just say what you mean?" she snapped, her voice cold. " _I_  need to learn to talk to  _you_ , right? Because you don't have this problem."

"No, Bella, that's not what I meant."

"Isn't it?" she demanded, whirling to face me. "Because as far as I can tell,  _you've_  never had a hard time talking to anyone."

Her anger shocked me, and I tried to swallow back the hurt. "That's not true."

"Of course it's true," she said bitterly, her eyes filling with tears. "Everything is easy for you, because everything about you is perfect. And I'm  _sorry_  that I can't be like that, Carlisle. I'm sorry that I don't have flawless self-control like yours, I'm sorry that I don't always see the best in everyone like you do, and I'm sorry that sometimes it's not as easy for me to talk about things as it is for you." She wiped impatiently at the tears that slipped down her cheeks.

Her declarations rankled. "That's not fair, Bella. I never demanded perfection from you, and I never claimed it myself."

"Of course you didn't," she muttered. "Arrogance would be a flaw, and you don't have those."

"Bella, stop. If you feel like I've behaved condescendingly we can address that, but we won't get anywhere like this."

She turned back to the window, the tears falling freely now. "You haven't," she said, her voice thick with sorrow.

I was left completely lost by all of this. "Bella, help me," I begged. "I don't understand what's wrong."

She sniffled, keeping her back to me. "I'm sorry," she choked. "You don't deserve this."

"What?" I asked her, trying desperately to understand. "I don't deserve what?"

She wrapped her arms around herself, hugging her body. "Someone who lies to you," she said, her voice quivering. "You're perfect, and I'm just . . . not. I shouldn't be with you."

I braked hard, throwing Bella against the restraint of her seatbelt, and whipped the car onto the shoulder of the highway. In under a second I had shifted my seat back and unbuckled Bella's seatbelt, and I pulled her across the console into my lap.

"No," I whispered against her ear, fighting back panic. "Bella please, don't talk about leaving me. Don't even  _think_  about leaving me. Please." I held her tightly, desperate to keep her close. "I need you." I swallowed hard against tears that would never fall. "I need you."

She buried her head in the crook of my neck, crying softly. "I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I won't leave."

Her sobs tore at my heart, and yet somehow it was better than the remote pleasantness that she had offered me all week. I cherished her openness, even if it was difficult to bear her sorrow. I could get through it, could get through  _anything_ , if my girl was with me.

I held her until her sobs quieted, and then ventured to speak again. "I may, perhaps, have been slightly hypocritical," I admitted to her, hoping that my confession might free her enough that she could make one of her own. "There is something that I've wanted to discuss, but have held back for reasons of my own."

Her hand came up to stroke my neck. "What is it?"

I shook my head. "It's nothing monumental, I'm just worried. I didn't wish to burden you with it. But I realize that it's probably a mistake to expect you to confide in me when I haven't confided in you."

"I can't, Carlisle," she whispered sadly. "I would if I could, but there are reasons I can't tell you what's going on."

I didn't understand how a mere conversation could really be so terrible, but I didn't think it would be wise to push her any more tonight.

"If you want to talk, I'll listen," she offered quietly.

I sighed softly. "I want to, but I don't want to add to the weight you're carrying."

"It's okay. I'd like to hear."

I threaded my fingers through her soft curls, stroking absently with one had while the other slid idly over the delicate silk of her dress where it rode high on her thigh. "It disturbs me to be without Edward," I admitted softly. "Over the last century I've come to rely quite heavily on him. I cherish my family and I loved Ephraim dearly, but I've never been closer to any man than I am to Edward. No one has ever understood me like he does."

She stayed silent, letting me ramble.

"Even Aro, as thoroughly as he knew my mind, couldn't puzzle me out. I'm sure he thought I was the first vampire he had ever come across who was clinically insane."

She laughed softly, bringing a smile to my face.

"I do admire Aro," I mused, thinking fondly of the man. I knew there was little organization to what I was saying, but I needed to say it anyway. Edward would have understood—that was part of what made him so wonderful. He was used to the disorganized, half-formed thoughts that added flavor and depth to the ones that managed to get articulated.

"My years with the Volturi were a bright spot in an otherwise lonely existence. There were things that disturbed me about them, of course, which was why I eventually chose solitude over their companionship, but after I left them I thought often of returning. I missed the company of people I didn't have to lie to."

I sighed softly. "Edward was . . . well, he was the solution. When I turned him, I hoped that I would be able to create not only a brother in vampirism, but a brother in pacifism as well. I hoped that teaching him as a newborn to reject human blood would give him a predisposition toward my lifestyle. I hoped, essentially, that he would follow in my footsteps . . . and for a while, he did."

"For a while?"

I nodded. "Yes. He, and later Esme, both took well to the lifestyle. But after a while Edward grew discontent with my restrictions, and one day he left to pursue what he felt was a more natural course. Esme, of course, went with him." I shuddered slightly, thinking of that long-ago time. "That was difficult for me. I had experienced what it was like to have a real family, people who I loved and respected, and who shared an affection for me in return. When Edward and Esme left, it devastated me. I found myself alone once again, only this time my loneliness was colored with the sting of rejection. I felt inadequate, unworthy of love, of family. It was the darkest time in my life, excepting the first months after my transformation."

Bella's lips moved gently against my neck. "That must have been awful," she whispered.

I nodded solemnly, feeling the agony all over again. "It was. And I suppose I've always feared that it would happen again. Over the last century I have drawn together a rather large family, but I've never been entirely confident that they wouldn't drift away at some point." I sighed. "And now with Edward and Alice gone, with Jasper thinking about leaving as well . . . I'm afraid, Bella. I don't know what to do to keep us together."

She was silent a moment, her fingers twisting in my hair. Finally she took a shaky breath and said softly, "They're not gone."

I pulled back a little, looking into her face. She bit her lip anxiously, not meeting my gaze.

"They're coming back. At least, I think they are. They're . . . taking care of something."

"Of what?" I asked gently, hoping that she would answer me this time.

She shook her head. "I don't know."

I could detect no hint of a lie. Bella may have been better informed than I, but clearly she didn't know everything. Still, they had given her the impression that they would return, and that lightened my spirits significantly.

"That's comforting. Thank you for telling me."

Her only answer was to loosen my tie and unbutton my top button, giving her better access to my neck, where she left a trail of kisses down to my collarbone.

"Shall we go home?" I asked her.

She nodded.

I scooted the seat forward a bit, keeping her in my lap, and shifted the car into gear. She started to scoot back to her seat, but I held her against my chest, unwilling to allow any distance between us. I needed her close to me in whatever way she would permit.

Bella giggled. "Isn't this illegal?"

"I expect it probably is."

"And dangerous?" she laughed.

I shook my head. "My love, I assure you, in the unlikely event of an accident, you would be far safer in my arms than behind a seatbelt."

She hummed softly and laid her head on my shoulder again. "Okay," she murmured.

I smiled to myself. Every now and then, my girl managed to show a little bit of trust in me.

The next day was better. It was Sunday, Bella's day with Charlie, and I missed her fiercely. But I looked forward to a much warmer welcome when I crawled in her window that night, and that made it easier. Jasper allowed himself to be appeased a bit as well, when I convinced him to hunt with me and passed along Bella's comforting words. We were not entirely satisfied with the state of things, but my family settled into a tenuous, anticipatory optimism.

And as it turned out, we didn't have long to wait for new developments. On Monday evening while I was visiting with Bella, Edward's Volvo pulled up in front of the house. My ears perked up immediately, and I listened for any conversation. There was none, but both Edward and Alice were in the car. The two of them stayed silent as the car parked, and it was only Alice who exited and moved to the door, knocking lightly.

"It's Alice," I murmured to Bella, and Charlie smiled slightly as he moved to answer the door. I listened silently as Alice greeted him in a somewhat more subdued manner than I was accustomed to hearing from her.

I sniffed curiously at the air. Alice smelled of soap, but not anything we kept at home. She had bathed recently, but she hadn't done it at the house. In fact, since I couldn't detect any hint of Jasper's scent on her, I guessed that she hadn't gone home at all. I couldn't help but wonder what she and Edward were up to.

Alice moved into the room, her face displaying remorse. "Hi, Carlisle."

I stood, releasing Bella's hand and moving to embrace my daughter. "Alice," I said. "We've missed you so much."

She pulled back, looking anxious, and it was then that I noticed the heavy cream-colored envelope she was turning over and over in her hands. "You have mail," she said timidly.

I took the envelope from her, noting the Italian return address written neatly in my old friend's bold script. I smiled to myself, missing the man once again.

"We need to have a family meeting. And Charlie should come too."

My smile faltered at her serious tone. "Have you seen something?"

"Can we have a meeting?" she pressed.

I nodded. "All right, sweetheart, I'll come home with you." I looked at Charlie. "Would you mind accompanying us? It appears we have something important to discuss."

He eyed me warily, but capitulated when Alice gave him a pleading look. "Fine," he grunted.

Bella hooked her arm through his and shot Alice a questioning look as we headed outside to where Edward waited in his Volvo.

"You'd better tell him," Alice nodded, responding to Bella's question before she could voice it.

"So, Dad," Bella said brightly, "If we're going to hang out with the Cullens, there are a couple of things you should know."

"Like what?" He slid into the back seat and Bella crawled in next to him, placing herself between us.

"Like the fact that Alice is an insufferable know-it-all," she grinned. "And Edward is even worse."

Edward winked at her. "I missed you too, Bella."

Bella started to explain my family's extra talents to her father, and I reached out and gripped Edward's shoulder as he directed the car onto the road.  _Are you back for good?_  I asked him silently.

He hesitated, but nodded.

 _I'm sure you had your reasons for leaving the way you did,_   _but it was very hard on the family. Jasper, in particular, will take some time to put it behind him._

"And you?" Edward asked softly, so as not to interrupt Bella. "Will you forgive me any time soon?"

 _I hold no grudge_ ,  _but I would very much like an explanation._

"I won't be able to give you an acceptable one," he said apologetically. "Not yet."

_What is this meeting about, then?_

"Just wait. You'll see."

"Look, they're doing it right now." Bella's words cut into my thoughts, and I looked at her. "What?"

She laughed, and Charlie's chuckle joined hers. "I was just telling Dad about how you and Edward are always having these silent conversations."

I smiled and kissed the tip of her nose. "So we are."

Edward and Alice remained tight-lipped through the remainder of the drive, though they did occasionally step in to help Charlie understand their gifts. Edward was discussing his inability to hear Bella's mind and his difficulty hearing Charlie's when we pulled up in front of the house.

Jasper was already waiting on the porch, and before the car had even stopped he was wrenching Alice's door open and dragging her out of the car and into his arms. Mixed emotions of fury and relief washed over us all, and I fought to resist the flood of it.

"Jasper, rein yourself in," I said, a little more sharply than I had intended.

The foreign emotions dissipated, and he muttered a reluctant apology before sweeping Alice off of her feet and darting into the trees at the back of the house.

"So much for the family meeting," Bella said dryly.

"They'll be back," Edward assured her, a smile breaking over his face as Esme appeared in the front doorway. He jumped out of the car and rushed to meet her, leaping over the porch railing and catching her up in a warm embrace. He murmured apologies and assurances of his love as he peppered her face and neck with kisses. There was no anger or reproach in Esme's response. She was simply thrilled to have her husband home again.

I ushered Bella and Charlie into the house, bringing in an extra chair to accommodate our guest while Emmett and Rosalie greeted Edward and fired off questions about what was going on. He deflected them, taking a seat at the table, and we all sat down to wait for Jasper and Alice to return. It took a few minutes, but eventually they reappeared. Jasper was still seething a little, but he pulled Alice into his lap as he settled at the foot of the table, hovering possessively over her.

I tapped the envelope I still held against the tabletop. "All right, Alice, since you called the meeting, why don't you get us started?"

She addressed Charlie when she spoke. "Humans aren't supposed to know about us," she told him. "It threatens the secret, and the Volturi don't allow anything that threatens the secret." She continued, briefly explaining the Volturi, and telling him about the letter I had written asking for an exception.

"Carlisle made a good decision," she said. "Aro is intending to allow the exception, but he . . ." she hesitated, "He wants to make sure you're not going to expose us."

Charlie frowned, but said nothing.

"I think you should read the letter," Alice told me.

I slit the envelope open with my thumbnail and pulled out a heavy piece of stationery with the Volturi crest emblazoned on the top. I unfolded it and scanned it quickly, then read it aloud.

**My Dear Carlisle,**

**My brothers and I were quite delighted to receive your letter. It has been far too long since we have had a visit from you, and I don't believe we've corresponded since you wrote to tell me about Jasper and Alice joining your coven. Unless you have suffered a defection, I believe that, with your new mate, your coven now numbers eight. I never would have believed that you would be able to persuade so many to join you in your peculiar ways.**

**Your letter has been the source of much entertainment here in the walls of Volterra. Even Marcus laughed until I thought he would collapse from the effort. Marrying a human! The very idea is absolutely absurd. But it is rather fascinating that you found your soul's match in a human. It could only happen to you, Carlisle, if it truly happened at all. I'm afraid I must confess to a certain amount of skepticism. I'd be fascinated to see if Marcus thinks anything of your bond, or if the centuries feeding on animals has finally addled your brain.**

Charlie snorted. "Kind of rude, isn't he?" he grumbled.

I laughed good-naturedly. "He's just having some fun with me, Charlie. Aro is an old and dear friend."

He folded his arms across his chest, nodding for me to continue.

**Your request to keep a human in your employ, when you have no need of assistance interacting with humans, intrigues me. Of course, I understand all too well the desire to cater to the whims of one's mate. I tried to see things from your perspective, as you used to always encourage me to do, and I must admit that if Sulpicia got it into her head that she wanted to keep a human as a pet, I would allow it.**

**Therefore, I am inclined to grant your request. Of course, it must be understood that it is not only you who will be held accountable for any indiscretions. Should our secret be jeopardized, I'm afraid I must insist that punishment be exacted upon both yourself and your mate. However I am confident that your judgment is sound, and I'm sure that no such disciplinary action will be necessary.**

**I would like to extend an invitation to you to bring this human man to meet me, so that I might familiarize myself with his mind. Much as I trust you,** _**Stregone** _ **, it would help my lay my own anxieties to rest. I'm sure you understand my desire to be thorough where secrecy is concerned. It is, after all, my duty to our kind to protect our anonymity.**

**I do hope you can find the time to visit soon. It has been too long since we have seen one another, and I would so love to meet the little human who has captured the heart of the incomprehensible Carlisle Cullen.**

**Yours in brotherhood,**

**Aro**

I folded the letter and tucked it back into the envelope. "Well. It looks like we'll have to plan a trip to Italy," I said. "Now, Alice, what has you so worried? Will Aro change his mind after meeting Charlie?"

She shook her head. "No. He'll be intrigued by Charlie, but he won't make a fuss. It's what he sees in  _your_  head that will upset him."

"In my head? What will cause him concern?"

She pressed her lips together, fidgeting nervously. "The Quileutes. You haven't been to Volterra since before you met Ephraim. Aro doesn't know about the wolves."

"No, I supposed he doesn't. Is he afraid they'll reveal our secret, despite the treaty?"

She hesitated. "Not . . . exactly."

I was a little frustrated by her hesitance. "Alice, please, explain the problem."

She twisted her hands in her lap, leaning against Jasper for support. "You make Aro nervous," she said. "Well,  _we_  do. Our family. We're a large coven, and we have a lot of useful talents. It worries him that you're surrounding yourself with a lot of the same kinds of gifted vampires that he would like to have in his own coven."

I shook my head. "He has but to touch my hand to see that I have no intention of challenging him."

"Intentions change," she said, finally meeting my eyes. "Everybody has a breaking point."

"I can't imagine anything that would cause me to suddenly turn on the Volturi," I said skeptically.

Edward cleared his throat softly. "There was a time I couldn't imagine that anything could make you threaten to raze La Push, either."

Bella's jaw dropped. " _Raze?_  As in, set on fire?"

A smile tugged at the corner of Edward's mouth. "Remember when Billy took your keys and wouldn't let you come home?" His smile broadened when she nodded. "Carlisle told him if he didn't back off he'd burn the Reservation to the ground. Had Quil and Sam not intervened, he would have done it."

"Oh," Bella said thoughtfully, then as the course of events played out in her mind she murmured, " _Oh._ "

Edward smirked. "Exactly."

"All right, point taken," I interrupted. "It's true that there's very little I wouldn't do to guarantee Bella's safety, and Aro will see that. What does this have to do with the wolves?"

"Carlisle," Alice said, as though it should be obvious, "they're vampire killers. A normal coven would fight with them and probably reduce numbers on both sides, and Aro wouldn't be concerned. But because you're so . . .  _you_  . . . you've formed an alliance with them instead of fighting. So now, instead of eight, we're sixteen."

"We're still no threat to the Volturi," Jasper spoke up, rubbing her arms comfortingly. "They number more than twice that, not that it matters with the talent they've got. The Volturi have dispatched entire newborn armies with only a handful of their guard."

Alice nodded. "I know. And if it was just Aro's decision, he would see that there's nothing to worry about—in fact, he'd probably try to recruit some of the Quileutes. But when Caius learns about the wolves, he'll be furious. You know how he feels about werewolves, and he won't be deterred when you try to explain that they're only shape-shifters. He'll want them eradicated."

Bella paled next to me, and the hand that I held in mine shook. "No," she whispered.

"That's not all," Alice said solemnly. "If they come here, Carlisle, Aro will die. With the blind spots in my visions, I can't even tell if he comes here himself and gets killed fighting the wolves, or if he stays in Italy and someone takes advantage of him being without his usual protection. But whatever it is, he won't live through it. I can't see as clearly what happens to Caius or Marcus, but without Aro, the Volturi won't stand. The remaining brothers will be forced out of power, and the battle to fill the vacuum they leave behind will be fierce. Thousands will die, both vampires and humans."

I tapped my fingers on the envelope, contemplating her words. "This all happens if the Volturi come against the wolves?"

Alice nodded. "Aro can't die, Carlisle. He's too important."

"And it's Caius who pushes for the extermination of the wolves?"

"Not just the wolves. He'll want the whole tribe wiped out."

I brushed my thumb thoughtfully over my lips. "But Aro, left to himself, would be more judicious?"

"Yes. Aro doesn't let himself be swayed by irrational prejudices. He's careful."

I sighed heavily. "So the wisest course of action might be to ask him to lie to his brothers." I shook my head. "I don't know if he'll be willing."

Alice's eyes were fearful. "You have to do whatever you can to convince him to leave the wolves alone," she said. "And . . . maybe even keep his guard close for a while. Like I said, I'm not sure it's actually the Quileutes that are putting him in danger. He usually doesn't come along on these missions, so it could very well be that someone else is plotting against him, and seizes the opportunity."

I wouldn't even have to warn him, of course. A handshake would tell him everything Alice had told me.

"This Aro guy is a mind-reader too?" Charlie asked gruffly.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I should have clarified," I said.

"So, what, he has to be in the same room to hear your thoughts?"

"His gift is a bit different than Edward's. He requires physical contact. He must touch a person's skin to see their thoughts, but when he does, he can see every thought his subject has ever had."

Charlie raised an eyebrow, looking annoyed. "Here's a thought," he grunted. "How about you just don't visit him?"

I hesitated. I didn't want to speak badly of my friend, but Bella's father needed to know how serious this matter was. "Charlie," I said carefully, "please don't mistake the friendly tone of the letter. As politely as it's worded, this is a summons. The Volturi are a powerful coven, and their invitations are not to be declined."

"Then why didn't he just say that?" Charlie snapped. "Why mask it with flowery words?"

"Because Aro is a gentleman. And my friend. Were I less familiar with his expectations, he might have felt the need to use stronger language, but since he is confident that I'll understand his intent, unpleasantness is wholly unnecessary."

Charlie glowered at me. "So you're telling me I have no choice? That I  _have_  to go see this mind-reader?"

I nodded. "I'm sorry, Charlie. And it would be best not to put it off. When is the soonest you can take some time off of work?"

"I can probably get a couple of days early next week."

"Bella," I said, turning to her, "would you mind joining us? I don't believe Aro is terribly insistent upon meeting you, but if you're willing I would be delighted to introduce you to him."

She clutched my hand tightly. "I want to be there."

I smiled warmly at her, before scanning the rest of my family. I didn't relish the idea of taking two humans into Volterra without a little bit of protection. Emmett was strong, and would certainly be an asset if one of the guard lost control, but he had no talent that would warn him of a coming attack. Edward was a force to be reckoned with in every way, but if he greeted Aro he opened not only his own mind, but the entire family's to Aro's inspection. Jasper . . . Jasper was quick, sensitive to mood shifts, and formidable in a fight. If Bella and Charlie found themselves in danger, Jasper would be a valiant defender.

Additionally, he would show the Volturi the respect to which they were accustomed. Emmett could be a bit confrontational and Edward was suspicious of them, but Jasper admired them for their peace-keeping efforts.

"Jasper," I said, meeting his gaze, "would you be willing to accompany us to Italy?"

He stared at me for a long time, and then shifted his gaze to Alice. "Do you see any problems if I say yes?"

She shook her head, but looked anxious. "Aro will ask you to join them."

He watched her, gauging her emotional reaction. "But you don't want that?"

She shook her head. "I like it here."

"And it won't make him angry if I turn down his offer?"

She shook her head, and I smiled.

"Aro is always on the lookout for new talent, and he can be very persuasive, but ultimately he'll respect your decision."

"All right, then," Jasper said with a nod. "I'm with you."

"I'll make your reservations for this weekend," Alice said.

I considered asking Alice and Edward where they had been the last couple of weeks, but it occurred to me that there was a reason they weren't telling me, and that it might have something to do with Aro. I didn't want to do anything to upset the tenuous balance of future events, so I held my peace.

"Is that all, then?" I asked Alice.

She dropped her gaze, twisting her hands in her lap. "I think we should keep our distance from the Quileutes for a little while."

"What?" Bella asked anxiously. "Why?"

Alice gave her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Bella. We can still have them at the wedding if you want, but . . . it's just not a good idea to get too close. We have to protect our family."

Bella looked at me, tears welling up in her eyes, but then nodded. "Okay," she whispered.

My heart ached for my girl. It wasn't fair to ask her to give up her friendship with Jacob, but if that was Alice's advice, I knew it wasn't wise to argue. "Anything else?" I asked, praying that she wouldn't ask any more of Bella.

Alice shook her head.

"Are there any other issues that need to be addressed?" I asked the rest of the family.

When no one spoke up, I stood. "Thank you all for your participation. This meeting is adjourned." I smiled at Bella, bringing her hands to my lips. "We have a trip to start preparing for."


	94. Hazard

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**Bella Swan's Point of View**

Life regained a certain amount of normalcy with Edward and Alice back. They both started showing up at school again, as did Jasper, and our days settled back into the appearance of routine.

Things weren't quite normal, though. For starters there was thick tension between Edward and Jasper. Edward and Alice still hadn't explained where they had been and what they were doing together, and Jasper didn't like that they were being so evasive. Carlisle had explained hesitantly to me one night that the fact that the two of them had come home freshly showered was somewhat damning. They were obviously trying to hide the scent of whatever they had been doing, he told me, and how many activities would create a scent that needed to be hidden?

On top of that, they still frequently disappeared in the afternoons and evenings for hours on end. Usually it was just one at a time, not both of them, but their continued absence kept the family focused on what wasn't being said. And nobody was really willing to say anything new. Not yet.

We were stuck in a holding pattern, much the way I had been with Carlisle, only it was easier now because everyone knew why. We all understood the necessity of holding our tongues, keeping our silence, particularly when those of us who were going to Italy were nearby.

The week dragged. Alice still had me making wedding plans after school most days, and though she was trying to retain her enthusiasm, it was sometimes a bit forced. She was worried about something, and occasionally I would catch her staring off into space, her eyes glassy and her brow furrowed.

"Alice?" I asked her tentatively one afternoon when her attention had drifted away from me yet again.

"Hm?" She snapped back, looking politely interested.

"What are you doing?"

She smiled sweetly, but I could see the stiffness behind it. She was faking a calm facade. "I was just watching for any changes."

"You seemed like you were concentrating really hard."

"The future changes when new decisions are made," she explained. "I was considering giving Carlisle a suggestion to see if it altered what would happen with the Volturi."

"Did it?"

She shrugged casually. "Not very much, no. The end result is the same, so I won't bother." She smiled brightly. "But I do think we need to go shopping for something for you and Charlie to wear to the castle."

"Castle?" I asked. "They live in a castle?"

"Uh huh," she said, wholly unintimidated. "It's really beautiful."

"And we have to dress up when we go?" I wondered nervously how ridiculous I was going to have to look for this little excursion.

"Well, you don't  _have_  to," Alice said. "They would see you either way, especially since they asked you to come. But think of it this way: If you were to go meet the President of the United States, what would you want to be wearing?"

"Point taken. You don't think I have anything in my closet that would be appropriate?"

"Of course you do. But Charlie doesn't, and since we have to go shopping anyway, we might as well pick up something new for you."

I laughed. "Okay, sure. Do you want to go to Port Angeles tonight?"

She started to nod, but then her smile fell. "No," she said, pouting a little, "we won't find anything good in Port Angeles." She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "I could run to Seattle tonight and pick something out for you if you trust my judgment."

"Alice, you've picked out practically everything in my closet. I trust you."

She lit up, her expression happier than I had seen it all week. "I'd better go if I'm going to make it to Nordstrom's before they close. I'll call Rose to come stay with you until Carlisle comes!" She leapt off the couch and disappeared out the door before I could even respond.

My trust in Alice was well-placed; she picked out the perfect dress. When I woke up the next morning there was a canvas garment bag hanging over my closet door, holding a grey Calvin Klein sheath dress that looked like it fell somewhere between businesswear and formalwear. And tucked behind it, in the same bag, was a black Armani suit with a white collarless shirt for Charlie.

I had to smile at that. Charlie would be grateful not to have to wear a tie.

Friday was the longest day yet. We would be leaving that evening, and try as I might, I couldn't focus on my school work. I wasn't the only one who was having a hard time either. Alice and Edward were both antsy and irritable, and when I sat down next to them at lunch, the two of them were glaring at each other across the table. Every now and then Edward would nod or shake his head, and occasionally he would begin a sentence and cut it off a word or two into it, but for the most part their unpleasant conversation stayed silent.

Jasper glared at them, and I thought I understood how he was feeling. It was annoying to be left out of the loop, and he was already carrying a chip on his shoulder over the two of them disappearing for so long.

"Is everything okay?" I asked them, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice.

"Everything's  _fine_ ," Alice said, her eyes still on Edward.

"Sure, right now," Edward growled back. "But you never know when things could change due to an unexpected decision."

"I have a cell phone. I can call any time to help out."

"Someone should know," Edward said through his teeth, and from his tone it sounded like he had said the same words to Alice several times. "There's nothing wrong with telling her."

Alice clenched her fists and glared back. "She can't lie."

"Yes she  _can._ She'll be freaked out the whole time she's there anyway. Nobody will even notice."

Alice's eyes went unfocused for a minute, and then she sighed in defeat. "You're right. But _be careful_."

Edward smirked triumphantly and held out his hand to me. "Feel like taking a walk?"

I glanced down at the limp salad in front of me. There was no way I was going to be able to eat anyway, with the way my stomach was tying itself in knots from my nerves.

"Sure." I took his hand and let him lead me out of the cafeteria. We walked to the trees behind the school, and then Edward slung me onto his back and raced into the woods, not stopping until we were at least a couple of miles from the school. He finally slowed and moved to a large rock, setting me down next to it. We sat on it side by side, and Edward took my hand in his.

"There's something you need to know," he said.

"Okay." I looked at him expectantly. "What?"

"You know all that stuff Alice said at the meeting? About Marcus and Caius insisting on attacking the wolves? About Aro dying, causing a coup in Volterra?"

I nodded.

He took a deep breath. "She lied."

"Are you kidding me?" I demanded, gaping at him. "Why would she do that?"

"The Volturi really will be upset about the wolves. And especially about the fact that we've been helping them increase their numbers. They would definitely have considered sending a party here to kill them, but Alice couldn't see whether they would or not until after the decision had actually been made."

I rubbed my hands on my knees, my anxiety doubling. "I'm not sure I understand."

"She had to say something to make them decide not to come. She spent days trying to figure out exactly what to say to convince them that it wasn't worth it."

"So . . . Aro won't actually die if they fight the wolves?"

"Probably not. She made that up to scare him, and she left it vague so he couldn't try to change it."

"Will it work?" I asked, my voice trembling.

"Yeah. It will work."

"So . . . why are you telling me?"

"Because the future can always change. Little last-minute decisions can throw things off, and if none of you understand what's really going on, it can be hard to get things back on track."

"Yeah, but won't Aro know she was lying now?" I asked, my heart racing. "Won't he see it in my mind?"

Edward smiled, shaking his head. "He won't be able to read your mind any better than I can." His smile broadened. "It'll drive him crazy, but it will also intrigue him. Jasper isn't the only one he'll be inviting to stay in Volterra."

I felt the blood drain out of my head. "He'll want me to stay?"

"Bella, relax," Edward said, squeezing my hand. "You'll be with Carlisle, and Carlisle has a  _lot_ of practice saying no to he Volturi."

I focused on my breathing, in and out, in and out, trying to fight off the panic. Carlisle would be there. Carlisle wouldn't let anything happen to us.

Oh, g _od,_  we were lying to a mind-reader.

"If you or Alice ever see Aro again . . ."

"He'd know we lied to him, yes. And that's not all."

I raised my eyes to his, a red haze blurring my vision. "What else?"

"We drew a line in the sand," Edward said softly.

I shook my head, trying to clear it. "I don't know what that means."

"It means that even though we're trying to avoid a battle, if it comes down to one, Alice and I have chosen to give our loyalty to the Quileutes." He pressed my hand between his. "That's where we've been going. We've been at La Push."

I gasped. "You went on their land?"

"With the pack's permission. We've been mingling with more of the kids of the right age, trying to get them to phase."

" _You're making more wolves?_ "

He nodded soberly. "We're raising an army, just in case they need it."

" _Edward_ ," I breathed. But I didn't know what else to say. I was torn. Raising an army against the Volturi seemed . . . reckless. So very,  _very_  reckless. But how could he leave our friends unprotected when there was something he could do about it? Sam, Emily, Seth . . . Jacob.

"We're hoping it won't come to violence," Edward said soothingly. "But if it does, we want our friends to be able to protect themselves."

"How many?" I asked, my voice only coming out in a whisper.

Edward licked his lips nervously. "Right now there are twenty-eight."

I stared at him in shock. "You've made  _twenty_  new wolves?"

"Yes, but we're not quite satisfied with the numbers. We want them to have at least thirty-five, so they outnumber the Volturi. I'd be happier with seventy, since they're pack fighters, but . . ." he smiled ruefully, "we're running out of young men."

"What about the girls?" I asked. "Like Leah?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "We haven't had much success with the girls. Only two others have phased, both nieces of Sue Clearwater's. Apparently there is a striking number of women in her family, and we're wondering if there is some kind of genetic anomaly that produces more women and allows them access to Taha Aki's legacy. Sue's family is scattered up and down the coast of Washington and Oregon, but she's been calling them and inviting them all to try and join the pack, if they're willing."

"Emily?" I asked tentatively. I knew she was Leah's cousin, but I didn't know how they were connected.

Edward shook his head. "She's Harry's sister's daughter. She was willing to help, and she has been with us since the beginning, but she hasn't showed any signs of a change. I think it's safe to say she's not going to phase." He shook his head in frustration. "Nor is Rachel, unfortunately. I was hoping for another Black or two in the mix. We need more Alphas."

" _More_  Alphas?" I asked, my eyes widening.

"A pack of twenty-eight is just too big," he explained. "They needed to split, and in order to do that, we've been having each wolf try to challenge Sam for leadership. Only two of them have successfully broken from him so far."

"Jacob?"

He nodded. "And Leah."

I raised my eyebrows. "Leah is an Alpha?"

"Does that surprise you?" he asked with a grin. "She's a pretty headstrong girl, after all."

I laughed, pleased for my friend. "Way to show them how it's done, girl," I murmured.

"I wish we had ten more like her," Edward said. "She's fearless."

I chewed my lip thoughtfully. "So there are three separate packs now?"

"So far. Ideally we'd like to create more smaller packs, but yes. Right now there are three packs of nine or ten each."

I rubbed my palms on my knees. "Wow," I whispered. "Wow."

"Yeah. But you've got to keep this to yourself, Bella. If Aro knows we're raising an army that could challenge him, he might be driven to drastic measures."

I nodded solemnly. "I understand."

Edward sat silently for a minute, letting me absorb everything.

"You can never see Aro again," I said. "You or Alice."

He stared off into the trees. "None of us can. After you get back, well . . . we won't be able to keep thirty wolves a secret forever. Eventually everyone will know what we've done."

I hugged myself, rocking back and forth slightly. It seemed like an awful risk to take, but what else could he do? Did I expect him to abandon his friends? With Jacob's safety on the line, I'd have done the same, so I couldn't fault him for it. Still, what if the Volturi summoned one of us again? What would we do?

Edward held out his hand to me. "Are you ready to go back? We don't want to be late."

I nodded and placed my hand in his. "Yeah," I said, my voice cracking. I let him pull me to my feet and swing me onto his back, and he ran me back to the school.

I spent the rest of the day in a daze, my concentration even worse now than it had been that morning. Even after school, when Alice and Rosalie escorted me home to help me pack, I hardly noticed what was going on. They didn't seem to need much help, though, and they chattered away about school and the wedding, not even caring that they didn't have my attention. Alice even packed Charlie's bag for him, so we could leave as soon as soon as he and Carlisle finished work for the day. Our bags were lined up by the door and a pizza had already been ordered for dinner when Charlie arrived home.

He eyed the suitcases as he walked in. "In a hurry, are we? What time is our flight?"

"I chartered you a plane," Alice said as we moved downstairs to meet him. "They'll be ready for you by seven o'clock."

"You  _chartered_  a plane?"

She shrugged. "I was having a hard time finding a commercial flight that wouldn't leave Carlisle and Jasper exposed to the sun at some point. Anyway, a nonstop flight from here to Pisa is much nicer than having to change planes in Seattle and London."

The pizza arrived then—the timing perfect, of course, because Alice had ordered it—and Charlie and I wolfed down a quick dinner as we stood over the sink, too anxious even to sit at the table. I hadn't realized until that moment that Charlie was on edge about this trip too. He tended to keep his feelings to himself, but it made sense that he would be nervous. Aro wanted to sift through his mind to make sure he wasn't a threat. I had been so focused on what was going on with Edward and Alice that I hadn't taken much time to consider what this meant to him.

"Charlie, don't be nervous," Alice reassured him, also picking up on his mood. "Aro is going to like you."

He just grunted, his mouth full of pizza.

"Now, you're going to arrive in Italy early in the afternoon, but you won't get any cloud cover until almost four o'clock," Alice instructed, "so you'll have to wait in the plane or the hangar until then. Once it clouds over you'll have about an hour and a half to pick up your rental car. The car has tinted windows and the hotel in Pisa has underground parking, so you can come and go as you please after that."

Charlie and I both nodded our understanding and kept eating.

Carlisle showed up with the rest of the family before long, and he helped me into his car while Charlie climbed in the back seat beside Jasper. The family all bid us farewell, and then we were off to Italy.

My stomach churned all the way to the airport, threatening to expel the pizza every time I thought about where we were heading. There wasn't much conversation, since Charlie and I were both battling with our nerves and Jasper wasn't in a particularly talkative mood. Carlisle turned on the radio, thankfully, so at least we didn't have to sit there in silence. The classical music he played gave me something to focus on, and I couldn't help but turn a grin on him when  _New World Symphony_  drifted through the speakers.

Carlisle smiled back, a mischievous gleam in his eye, and I laughed.

"Don't make me change the station," Jasper said dryly from the back seat. I glanced back at him and he shot me a wry smile.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said innocently.

Charlie eyed us both, but thankfully didn't ask any questions.

We parked at the airport and made our way to a private hangar that was set apart from the main building. A pair of pilots met us there, greeting us and ushering us up a set of rolling stairs to a small jet.

"Welcome aboard  _The Seabird_ ," one of the pilots said, following us into the cabin while the other started loading our suitcases into a storage compartment at the back of the plane. "She's a Gulfstream 550, the newest plane in our fleet. As you can see, she's got plenty of room for you all."

My eyes traveled over the four squashy white leather armchairs in front of us, all facing each other, and beyond them, a white leather couch and two more chairs.

"At the back of the plane is a kitchen and dining area," the pilot continued. "It's stocked with drinks and snacks, which you're welcome to help yourself to. Once we're at cruising altitude, I'll come back and set up the bar for you."

Carlisle nodded in acknowledgment and guided me to the couch, settling next to me while Charlie and Jasper took the armchairs across from us.

"We ask that you remain seated during take-off and landing," the pilot continued. "If you need to access your bags during the flight you can do so through the door at the back there, once we're at cruising altitude. Just be careful in the kitchen and the baggage storage compartment, as things do tend to shift during the flight." He smiled, folding his hand in front of him. "Do you have any questions?"

"None, thank you," Carlisle smiled.

"Wonderful. Sit back and relax, and if you need anything during the flight, just tap on the cockpit door."

I watched in amazement as he moved back to the front of the plane and disappeared behind the small door. "Chartering a plane is awesome," I declared.

Carlisle laughed. "It is significantly more comfortable than flying commercial," he agreed. "It draws a bit more attention, though, so we don't do it when we can avoid it."

"Too bad," I said, leaning against him. "This is nice."

He ran his fingers idly through my hair. "Darling, if this is the way you would prefer to travel, this is the way we'll do it every time."

"We ought to buy ourselves one of these," Jasper suggested. "It can be tough chartering last-minute flights sometimes."

Carlisle nodded, lifting his briefcase onto his lap. "It's worth considering. We'll discuss it with the family when we get home." He opened his briefcase and slipped a medical journal out.

I noticed the letter from Aro inside, and Charlie did as well. He pointed to it, reaching his hand out. "Mind if I take a look at that?"

Carlisle handed it to him, watching carefully as he closed the briefcase and set it aside. Charlie read through the letter, frowning deeply.

"Condescending son of a bitch," he muttered as he finished it.

"Please don't let his attitude offend you too much," Carlisle said. "Aro's perspective is a bit different than ours. He sees humans as game animals, useful for food and occasionally for domesticating to perform manual labor, but not on the same level as himself."

Charlie shot Carlisle a dark look. "When I walk in there, is he going to try to put me in a cage?"

"Of course not. Aro is a wonderful host. He'll be polite to you if only out of deference to me."

"Like he is in this letter?" Charlie spat, tossing it back to Carlisle.

Carlisle chuckled. "This letter was meant for me, Charlie, not for you, and much of what he said here was merely to poke fun at me. I assure you, he will be a perfect gentleman."

Charlie folded his arms across his chest and stared out the window as we waited for the plane to take off.

The flight was peaceful, for the most part. Charlie took advantage of the bar and had a couple of drinks, and after a while he stretched out on the couch and went to sleep. I couldn't seem to calm down enough to rest, so Carlisle gave me mild sedative and held me in his lap, murmuring comforting words until I started to drift off. I was occasionally aware enough to recognize that he was conversing in low tones with Jasper, but I didn't try to understand their words. I felt safe here, up in the air above all of our problems, though whether that was due to Carlisle's granite arms around me or Jasper's manipulations, I didn't know. And I didn't much care. I had been worried for too long, and I welcomed the peace. I let go of my anxiety and allowed the soft conversation to lull me into a deep sleep.


	95. Insensitive

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

My girl slept fitfully in my arms, but the sedative I had given her helped keep her from waking for several hours. I did my best to keep her comfortable through the night and kept the shades drawn in the cabin as we caught up with the sun hours before we were used to. Our pilots checked on us a couple of times, and when we were about an hour out of Italy, one of them came back and laid out a carefully-prepared breakfast for us in the dining area.

I ran my fingers gently over Bella's cheek, coaxing her out of sleep. "Bella, my angel," I whispered, letting my fingertip glide over her soft lips, "it's time to wake up."

She drew in a deep breath and shook her head. "Mm-mm," she muttered sleepily.

I laughed softly. "You can sleep longer if you'd like, love, but breakfast is waiting and we don't have long until we land.

"We're almost there already?" she asked, her eyes fluttering open.

"That's right."

A petulant frown crossed her face. "Tell them to turn around."

I laughed and lifted her into a sitting position, letting my lips brush briefly over hers. "It won't be as bad as you think. The Volturi make themselves quite intimidating, but at their hearts they are a refined coven. This is barely more than a social call."

"Right," she muttered sleepily. She grimaced, stretching. "I'm stiff."

I rubbed her shoulders gently to ease the kinks. "I'll see to it that you sleep in a bed tonight."

"Good morning, Jasper," she mumbled, nodding to him as he slouched in a chair across the aisle from us, reading a news magazine.

He looked up and smiled at her. "Morning, Bella."

"Is Charlie awake?"

"He's not snoring," I murmured quietly. "So I would assume so."

Bella giggled and pushed herself to her feet. "I'd better get to the bathroom before he does, then."

I rose with her and escorted her to the back of the plane. "Do you need your suitcase?"

She shook her head, snagging her carry-on bag as she walked by the couch where Charlie lay feigning sleep. "I'm good. I've got my toothbrush, that's the important thing."

"I'll pour you some coffee."

She gave me a quick kiss before disappearing into the lavatory.

I moved to the kitchen, preparing Bella's coffee the way she liked it, and I was surprised to hear Charlie speak from where he still lay on the couch.

"Why did you ask permission?" he asked, his low voice free of any hint of sleepiness.

"Pardon?"

"From the Volturi," he said, eyes still closed. "I mean, how would they know if you didn't ask. Do they check up on you every now and then?"

"No." I carried the coffee to the table and set it next to one of the plates. "However, I fully intend to see Aro on occasion over the next centuries, even if it's not often, and I prefer to stay on his good side. He is a very powerful, very dangerous man."

Charlie sat up on the couch. "Asking permission to break the law keeps you on his good side?"

I smiled wryly. "Charlie, imagine Bella wished to stay out after curfew some night. Would you be more upset if she asked you for permission first, or if she simply stayed out late and got caught sneaking in the door?"

He grunted an acknowledgment. I thought that would be the end of it, but he spoke again.

"What was that name he called you.  _Stregone_?"

I laughed out loud. "More teasing, I'm afraid. When I lived in Italy, I somehow managed to become the subject of an oddly-persistent legend."

Charlie raised his eyebrows.

"It's a ridiculous little story. It depicts a, quote,  _good_  vampire who is a friend to humans and an enemy to all  _evil_  vampires." I chuckled. "It's quite amusing. It depicts me as sort of an undead Van Helsing."

"What makes it even funnier," Jasper drawled, moving back to join us, "is that Carlisle makes it a point not to make enemies."

"So how did you get your reputation?" Charlie asked me.

I stared off into the distance, letting the memory wash over me. "A few years after I first relocated to Volterra, I came across a rather precocious young boy in the marketplace in town. He was probably four or five years old the first time I met him, and full of questions. He wanted to know how and why everything worked." I smiled to myself. "Benvenuto was his name. He was the son of a seamstress who came to the square to sell clothes, so he was often present. I took to spending long days at the market, sitting in the shade, watching the boy play and answering his questions." I crossed my arms over my chest, remembering the long, bittersweet days. "The more time I spent with him, the more I felt the loss of my human life, of the potential for family. I realized that I very much wanted a son.

"About that time, the Volturi brought a newborn vampire to the castle to live with them. He was uncouth, confrontational, generally a thorn in our collective side. There were many debates as to whether he shouldn't be sent away from the city, but he was too impulsive to be allowed to live on his own." I shook my head. "Now, you should understand that the Volturi do not allow hunting in the city. Theirs is a peaceful home, and they insist that their visitors give it a wide berth when feeding. Mario, the newborn, wanted to test his limits with the Volturi, and he ventured out one evening with the intention of violating that rule."

I shoved my hands in my pockets, reliving the anger I had felt that night. "I was out myself. Aro wanted robes made for some new members of his guard, and I had requested that the work be given to Benvenuto's mother. I had just been to see her, to take her the fabric Aro preferred, and I believe it was my presence there that made Mario select her as his prey."

The bathroom door opened and Bella emerged. She had clearly been listening, and she moved to my side, wrapping her arms around me. I kissed the top of her head and continued my story.

"I saw what he was doing, challenging me for territory, as it were, and I rose to it. He made his move to attack, and I killed him."

Jasper smiled lazily. "It's hard to imagine you in a fight, Carlisle."

I shrugged. "It wasn't much of a fight. He was careless and witless. He was dead almost before he realized I wasn't going to back down."

"So that's how the legend got started?" Charlie asked. "Somebody saw you protecting humans?"

"Apparently. I never did discover who it was that saw me, and I don't believe the witness knew me well enough to identify my face. But a legend sprung up about a benevolent monster who roamed the streets, protecting the people of Volterra from the creatures of the night."

"Aro didn't freak out about that?" Bella asked.

"I worried that he might," I admitted, "but he didn't seem concerned. People were a bit more inclined to believe in creatures like us in those days, and the legend made people in the city feel a bit safer, so he didn't put a stop to it." I chuckled, remembering his response. "Mostly, he found it terribly amusing. For years he introduced me to visitors as his arch-nemesis."

Jasper spoke up, regarding me carefully. "If this newborn was making such a nuisance of himself, why didn't the Volturi dispose of him before that?"

I hesitated. "He had a gift. He could attract people to him, strengthen bonds between himself and anyone he chose, and he was strong enough that even Chelsea couldn't seem to weaken those bonds."

"He bonded himself to the Volturi?" Jasper guessed.

I nodded. "Primarily the Brotherhood. He believed their allegiance to him would keep them from punishing him for his rule-breaking, and though it bought him a certain amount of leeway, Aro and Caius were both starting to feel that he needed to be put in his place before I killed him."

"Who's Chelsea?" Charlie asked.

"She's a very old member of the guard. She's been with them as long as they've been in power, and she's quite useful to them. Chelsea can manipulate relationships between people, strengthening or weakening them as she sees fit. She uses it to bond the guard into a more cohesive unit."

"I understand she's quite helpful in recruiting," Jasper said dryly, disapproval clearly displayed on his face.

"I have heard rumors of such," I nodded with a small smile. "It wouldn't surprise me. Aro tends to play to his advantages."

Charlie glowered. "This friend of yours sounds better and better all the time."

I laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. "There's much to be said about him, but I ask you to reserve judgment until you've met him. He really is a remarkable man."

Charlie just grunted in response.

I gestured to the table, which was set with four breakfast plates. "You two should eat before we land," I told them. "There may not be an opportunity again for a few hours."

Charlie and Bella sat together at the table, and Jasper and I joined them. Bella picked listlessly at her food, not really eating, until Jasper met her gaze and raised a disapproving eyebrow.

"We're not having problems with this again, are we?" he asked.

She sighed in irritation. "Jasper, my stomach is in knots. How am I supposed to eat?"

He softened. "Do you want some help with that?"

Bella looked down at her plate and nodded. After a moment I felt her relax beside me, her breath coming deep and even.

"Thanks," she breathed, and took a bite of her breakfast.

"Charlie?" Jasper offered. "Do you need any help relaxing?"

"I'm fine," Charlie grumbled, shoveling food into his mouth.

We started our descent into Pisa shortly after Charlie and Bella finished their breakfast, and the four of us sat together in the center of the cabin again. Bella sprawled across the couch, her head in my lap, and she lazily traced patterns on the back of my hand where it rested on her stomach. She was clearly still under Jasper's influence, which was probably good. If her nerves came back right away, she might not be able to keep her food down. Once we landed and had taxied off of the runway into a private hangar, though, she asked him to stop.

"I want to be  _me_  while we're here," she explained. "I don't want to feel impaired."

"I wouldn't mind being impaired," Charlie muttered under his breath, eyeing the refrigerator that held several different varieties of beer and wine. He made no move to take any, though, and I thought it best not to encourage him to do so. I didn't need him behaving carelessly.

The pilot who had ushered us onto the plane at the beginning of the flight stepped out of the cockpit once the plane had stopped. He moved to stand near us, his hands folded in front of him. "I understand your return schedule is somewhat tentative, is that correct?"

"That's right," I nodded.

He smiled pleasantly. "Well, just give us a call when you know your plans. We usually need about an hour and a half to get back and ready the plane, and to file our flight plan."

"I'll let you know. But we may need to wait here a bit. Our car isn't supposed to be ready for a few hours."

The pilot looked surprised. "There's a limo waiting for you beside the hangar," he said, and then chuckled. "They've even erected a canopy between the hangar door and the car. I wonder if they were expecting rain."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise, wondering if Alice had called ahead with our travel plans. "It was kind of them to meet us," I murmured. I rose, drawing Bella up with me, and Charlie and Jasper stood as well. We followed the pilot to the door, waiting while he opened it for us and moved the staircase into place, while the second pilot unloaded our bags and carried them to the limo. As soon as I started down the stairs, two figures breezed through the door at the side of the large hangar and strode toward the plane. I smiled when I recognized Chelsea and Demetri.

"Carlisle!" Chelsea called out in greeting. "You look wonderful! America has been good to you."

I returned her smile as I took Bella's hand and guided her down the steps. "If there is improvement, the credit belongs to my Bella." I dropped her hand once we reached the bottom of the stairs and took both of Chelsea's, accepting the kisses she pressed to each cheek.

Demetri took my hand as soon as Chelsea stepped away. "Wonderful to see you again," he said enthusiastically. And then his eyes fell on Bella, his expression bright and welcoming. "And this, of course, is your fiancée," He took her hand and bowed low, kissing her fingers before straightening again to look her over.

"Bella, this is Demetri and Chelsea," I said, making the introductions. "They're members of the Volturi guard, and old friends of mine."

Demetri turned back to me, giving me a playful smile. "Carlisle, I'm afraid I've done you a disservice."

"Oh? How so?"

"You lived with us here in Volterra for decades," he said. "You saw one lovely woman after another walk through the halls of the castle." He shook his head regretfully. "If I hadn't been so devastatingly and distractingly handsome, you might have had a chance with one or two of them, and now you wouldn't be stuck marrying a human!" He broke out into a loud laugh, and Chelsea's melodious giggle joined his.

"You're very funny," I said dryly. "Tell me, have you had much luck in the mating department yourself?"

"I prefer variety," Demetri shot back, his eyes dancing.

"Carlisle, she's absolutely adorable!" Chelsea declared. "Can I pet her?"

I gave her a stern look. "That's quite enough of that. I would hate to have to remind you of your manners."

"You think you could still hold your own against me? I'd be willing to bet you've gone soft, Carlisle, living among the humans the way you have."

I smiled, showing my teeth. "Perhaps we'll have to find out."

Demetri sighed irritably. "Honestly, you two, I can't take you anywhere." He glanced up at the top of the stairs, where Jasper still stood with Charlie. "Is this your other human then? Come on, let's have a look at him."

"This is Bella's father, Charlie," I said, gesturing to him.

Chelsea watched him curiously as he moved down the stairs. "Really, Carlisle, I don't see what's so special about him that you're going through all this trouble to keep him alive. I say you change your little girl here and feed him to her."

Demetri shot her a warning look. "Behave yourself," he ordered. "They're Aro's guests, human or not, and he expects them to be treated well." He offered his hand to Charlie, smiling politely. "Welcome to Volterra. My name is Demetri, and this harpy is Chelsea."

Chelsea slapped his shoulder, but also took Charlie's hand and leaned in to kiss his cheek. I didn't miss that she inhaled deeply as she did so, and when she pulled away she was smiling.

I let out a low growl, and she smirked at me. "Relax, Carlisle, I wasn't hurting anything."

"Carlisle, introduce us to your other friend," Demetri interrupted, reaching past Charlie to take Jasper's hand. "Is this one of your coven?"

"Yes, one of our newest. Jasper and his mate joined us a few decades ago."

Demetri sized him up as he gripped his hand. "You're the one who trained newborns."

Jasper inclined his head in confirmation.

Demetri stared at him a moment longer. "A mess to clean up, that was."

"Wasn't much fun making it," Jasper drawled in return.

"I'd wager it wasn't," Demetri said with a sudden smile. "Come, we should be on our way. Aro is impatient to see you all."

"Actually, we had intended to stop by a hotel and let Charlie and Bella freshen up after the flight," I told him.

Demetri cocked his head curiously. "All right, we'll take you there. How long, do you suppose?"

"It shouldn't be more than an hour or two for them to get showered and changed."

He smiled ruefully as he led us to the hangar door. "You should know you're keeping the entire coven waiting. Even the wives are making an appearance to meet this pretty little human of yours." He opened the door for us, and we stepped through, sheltered from the sun by the short canopy that stretched between the metal building and the car.

"I had a feeling they might. They'll all want to see for themselves if the rumor is true."

"You can't blame them for being skeptical," Chelsea said as we all loaded into the large limousine. "It is a little strange, after all."

The limo's driver, a young human man, removed the canopy and stashed it in the trunk before sliding into the car. He lowered the window between us and asked, "Where to?"

I told him the name of our hotel, and then turned back to Chelsea to answer her question. "I agree, it's unusual, and it was certainly unexpected. But I couldn't be happier with the way things have worked out. Bella is a lovely young woman, and I'm privileged to have her." I leaned down and kissed the top of her head, rubbing her arm comfortingly. Her heart was racing, and fear emanated from her in clouds, but she was keeping herself remarkably composed.

Chelsea eyed her curiously. "Do either of your humans speak?"

Demetri kicked her. "You might get better results if you spoke to them directly."

She rolled her eyes. "How much am I supposed to cater to them, exactly? We're speaking English, and at a dreadfully slow  _human_  speed, and yet they still can't be bothered to participate in the conversation?"

"I don't know why I allowed you to tag along on this little excursion," Demetri sighed. He turned his attention to Bella and smiled. "How was your flight?"

She took a shaky breath, forcing a return smile. "Very comfortable, thank you."

Demetri shot Chelsea an I-told-you-so look and continued. "Have you been to Italy before?"

"Uh, no, this is my first time out of the U.S."

"And you, Charlie?" he inquired.

"Never been to Europe," he mumbled gruffly.

If Demetri was put off by Charlie's surly demeanor, he didn't show it. "What about you, Jasper? Have you made it to Europe?"

He shook his head. "I've been all over North and South America, but this is the first time I've crossed an ocean."

"Well, this is a treat," Demetri said pleasantly, folding his hands over his knee. "I hope you've planned time to take in some of the sights. The art galleries are quite impressive, and of course you must have a look at our famous architectural failure." He gestured out the window, where we could see the leaning tower off in the distance.

"I'm afraid we haven't time this trip," I told him. "Charlie has work, and Bella still has her studies to keep up with, so we need to get back. But with any luck we'll return for a more leisurely visit before too long."

Demetri addressed Bella when he spoke. "At the very least you'll have to let me show you Marcus's private collection of Solimenas while Aro and Carlisle are reminiscing like old men. The paintings are quite striking, though a bit darker than most of his more public work." He smiled. "You won't see reproductions of these in the museum gift shops."

"I'd like that," Bella said, her voice catching. I wasn't sure if she really meant it, or if she was just appeasing him, but I hoped she would take a few minutes to look at the paintings.

"They really are quite beautiful," I told her with a smile. "And you may recognize a few familiar faces in them. Solimena enjoyed using the Volturi as subjects for his art."

"You have one of his works, don't you?" Demetri asked.

"The jewel of my collection," I smiled. "It holds pride of place in my study."

Demetri continued to make small talk as we made our way to the hotel, making a special effort to include Bella and Charlie in the conversation. Charlie wasn't terribly responsive, and spent much of the time shooting furtive glares at Chelsea, but to my relief she seemed to be taking Demetri's admonitions seriously. She remained silent, for the most part.

We arrived at the hotel, and the driver carried our luggage to our rooms while I checked us in. We met him at the door and Demetri dismissed him, ordering him to wait in the car.

We entered one of the rooms and Chelsea scanned the generic decorating disdainfully. "Honestly, Carlisle, I don't know why you bothered to book a hotel. You know Aro is going to expect you to stay at the castle while you're here."

"With two humans?" I asked in amusement. "I'm afraid we might be better advised keeping our distance."

Demetri rolled his eyes. "We do keep humans at the castle, you know. We can handle the scent . . . even one as sweet as your Bella's."

Bella started, looking surprised. "Do I smell different?" she asked curiously, her voice betraying no trace of fear or resentment.

He laughed. "Little one, you have the sweetest scent I've come across in decades. Surely your coven has mentioned that to you?" He turned his amused eyes on myself, and then on Jasper, who was carrying the suitcases to the closet. "Or has your revolting diet desensitized you to the finer distinctions in human blood?"

"Not even a little bit," Jasper answered casually. He shot a wink at Bella over his shoulder. "You do smell good, kid."

"But it's tolerable," Demetri assured me.

I smiled ruefully. "My concern is for Charlie and Bella. I'm not sure how well  _they'll_  tolerate _you_." I clapped him on the shoulder. "You're something of a chore even for me, and I'm quite well-know for my patience."

Demetri slugged me playfully in the arm. "It's good to have you here, Carlisle. I do wish you were staying longer."

I smiled dismissively and turned to Bella. "Would you still like to shower before we head to Volterra?"

She nodded earnestly. "Definitely."

"Yeah, me too," Charlie muttered. "I'll just . . ." He trailed off, gesturing toward the door that joined the two rooms, then grabbed his suitcase and disappeared through it.

I pulled Bella against me briefly and kissed the top of her head. She gave me a nervous smile, then slid out from under my arm and escaped into the bathroom.

Chelsea flopped down onto the bed, smirking at me as she tucked her hands under her head. "You won't be joining her?"

Demetri was grinning as well, taking a seat beside her on the bed. "How exactly does sex with a human work, anyway? I would think you'd break her."

"It requires a lot of restraint," I smiled.

Demetri looked appalled. "Restraint? In sex? What's the point of it if you have to show restraint?"

Chelsea rolled her eyes. "Why are you even doing this, Carlisle? Are you trying to prove something to Aro?"

I laughed, shaking my head. "I have nothing to prove, to Aro or anyone else. I live according to my conscience, and I've fallen in love with a human. That's simply the state of things."

"Impossible," she said, sitting up. "You're playing some game. No vampire could possibly be attracted to . . .  _that_. Not even you."

"Chelsea, that's enough," Demetri said sharply. "If you can't show our guests due respect I'll send you back to Volterra alone."

"Fine," she said, bouncing to her feet. "Handle the humans alone. I'll call and have another car sent for you." She turned to me and put her hands on either side of my face, kissing my cheeks once again. "It's always a pleasure, Carlisle. Even if you  _have_  completely lost your mind."

"I'll see you in Volterra," I smiled, somewhat relieved that she was leaving. Her attitude wasn't helping settle my Bella's nerves. I hoped that, with Aro closer on hand in the castle, comments like hers would be suppressed.

Chelsea flounced out of the room and Demitri sighed. "I'm sorry, Carlisle, I shouldn't have consented to have her along. She's an absolute bitch when Afton's away."

I nodded in acknowledgment. "I appreciate you trying to rein her in. Bella and Charlie are a bit nervous, and her little insults aren't helping."

Jasper lifted our clothes out of the garment bag, handing me a classic three-piece suit with light pinstripes and keeping an all-black suit and a black dress shirt for himself. "So tell me about the Brotherhood," he said to Demetri. "If Carlisle is to be believed, the three of them sit around discussing world philosophies and commissioning paintings."

"Well, there is that, though if that's  _all_  they did, I'd wager Carlisle would be with us still. No, primarily the brothers concern themselves with peacekeeping, and they're quite ruthless about it. I don't always agree with their methods, but," he shrugged, "it has to be done. Our anonymity must be protected."

"Why?" Jasper challenged as he and I both started changing our clothes. "Suppose humans did discover that there are vampires in the world? They believed it before, why not allow them to believe it now?"

"Human weapons have advanced since their former, more superstitious days. Where once they were helpless against us, now they are not. It's safest for us all if they remain blissfully unaware."

Jasper looked at him for a long time. "Fair enough," he finally replied.

"Don't let my criticisms turn you against the brothers," Demetri said lightly. "I may not always see eye to eye with them, but I admire them. They're fascinating men, clever and resourceful."

Demetri spent some time describing my old friends, answering Jasper's questions and illustrating his points with descriptive anecdotes. I listened with detached interest, while devoting much of my attention to Bella and Charlie. Judging by the slowed beating of their hearts, both of them were relaxing a bit as they cleaned up.

I looked Jasper over approvingly as he finished dressing and sat on the bed across from Demetri. The cut and color of the suit served to make him look more formidable than his normal attire. Alice understood the role I wished for him to play, and had costumed him perfectly for it. I myself looked thoroughly non-threatening as I settled at the foot of the bed, and once again, the image was perfect.

Charlie was the first to finish in the shower, and he returned to the room, dressed in the clothes Alice had chosen for him, just as Bella was turning off her shower. She took her time, drying her hair, using more lotions and beauty products than was her wont, and I got the impression that she was stalling.

Demetri didn't seem to notice. He waited patiently, and I was pleased to see that he and Jasper were getting on fairly well. I had hoped Jasper wouldn't be too defensive with the guard, even while I counted on his ability to remain mistrustful of them.

Bella finally emerged from the bathroom, and I looked up and smiled. "Angel," I breathed softly, admiring the way her dress clung to her slight form, "you look stunning." I stood and moved to stand in front of her, taking her hands in mine and leaning down to kiss her.

She gave me a nervous smile, her eyes darting to Demetri, and then around the room.

"Chelsea left," I told her.

She relaxed visibly.

"I suppose I should check on the car," Demetri said lazily, pulling a cell phone from his pocket. He dialed and held a brief conversation, then smiled and clicked it closed. "The new car will arrive in just a few minutes. I expect you'll want to re-pack your things. Aro will insist that you all stay in Volterra tonight."

Charlie and Bella both looked to me, and I nodded slightly. "I can't say for sure that the invitation will be accepted, but it would be a good idea to have your things ready to be retrieved in case we decide to stay there."

"We'll take them with us," Demetri said confidently. "You'll stay. Aro is quite convincing."

"Even with Afton away?" I joked, raising an eyebrow at him.

Demetri just laughed. "I know you, Carlisle. Aro will challenge you on some philosophy or another, and you won't be able to tear yourself away."

I looked at Bella, not bothering to hide my rueful smile. "Demetri makes a good point. Why don't you get your things packed?"

She and Charlie both took a few minutes to get ready to leave, and when everything was together, Demetri led us back downstairs to where a new limo waited in the parking garage. He took Bella's hand to help her into the car, which made Bella's pulse quicken, but she handled it gracefully and gave him a smile as he settled on one side of her. I slid in on her other side, draping an arm over her shoulders, trying to comfort her. It was a shame, really, that her companions today were vampires. Her poise would convince any human that she was entirely unruffled, but her calm demeanor was belied by the sound of her pounding heart and the scent of fear emanating from her skin.

Charlie, for his part, was growing bolder. He showed less fear, and his eyes were constantly moving, watching and memorizing everything he saw. He spoke little, but I could see determination creeping into his face. Charlie was refusing to be intimidated, even by the most powerful coven of vampires in the world.

The limo driver finished loading our bags into the trunk and slid into the car, and Demetri directed him to Volterra. Conversation was easier without Chelsea's condescending words to cause discomfort, and Bella managed to relax a little. The cloud cover Alice had promised rolled in shortly before we reached Volterra, and Demetri smiled approvingly out the window.

"Well, it looks like we'll be able to use the main entrance instead of the tunnels," he said, sounding pleased. He turned back to us, addressing Bella and Charlie. "You'll prefer that, I'm sure. The main entrance is much more inviting. Running through the tunnels tends to make one feel like a sewer rat."

Bella smiled weakly and Charlie remained silent, but Jasper chuckled warmly at Demetri's joke. "I can imagine," he murmured.

In just a few short minutes the car was pulling up in front of the ancient castle that served as a home to the even more ancient Brotherhood and their guard. The car slowed and stopped, and instantly Bella's heart was racing again. I took her hand in mine and brought it to my lips, trying to reassure her wordlessly that I wouldn't let anything happen to her.

She glanced at me and forced a smile.

"Are you ready?" I asked her.

The beat of her heart stumbled, and then raced on. She took a deep breath and let it out, then squeezed my hand. "Yes," she said. "I'm ready."


	96. The Entertainer

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I swallowed hard as Carlisle helped me out of the car, straightening my dress self-consciously and stepping carefully on the studded Manolo Blahniks that Alice had, for some inexplicable reason, thought were a good idea. As if wandering into a castle full of vampires wasn't enough of a risk to my life, she had to pack me a pair of three-inch heels.

 _One of these days_ , I promised myself,  _I'm going to learn to dress myself so I'm not so completely at Alice's mercy_.

And then I inwardly rolled my eyes that I was even thinking about fashion right now. Because at this moment, I was staring up at a huge stone archway that led into the grounds of an enormous castle, and in there . . . in there. . . .

_Oh, god._

I barely noticed Carlisle helping me on with the kidskin gloves that I had once worn to cover my frostbite blisters. I almost didn't see him pulling on a pair of black leather gloves himself. I was all-but unaware of him tucking my hand in the crook of his arm, or Jasper maneuvering Charlie next to me and taking a place on his opposite side. I only vaguely realized that Demetri had taken the lead and was striding in front of us, pulling open the two huge wooden doors

But I  _did_  notice walking through those doors, and I noticed the enormous lobby inside, the heavy stone accented with marble and plush furnishings. And I noticed the very  _human_ woman sitting behind a reception desk.

Demetri paid her very little attention, other than to issue a brusque order to call ahead and inform Aro that he was on his way back, while he shrugged into a gray cloak that hung behind the counter. The woman rushed to comply, giving him an eager smile that I was sure he never saw.

Carlisle covered my hand with his, pressing it reassuringly as we followed Demetri through a maze of stone corridors. They all looked alike to me, and within minutes I was hopelessly lost. I clung harder to Carlisle's arm, stepping quickly to keep up with him in my ridiculous shoes.

"Remind me to murder Alice when we get home," I muttered under my breath.

Jasper cleared his throat pointedly. "I would prefer it if you didn't plot to kill my mate, thank you."

Carlisle and Demetri both laughed, and I even managed a little giggle myself. Charlie, who apparently hadn't heard me, just looked at us in confusion.

After a couple of minutes of walking, we entered a luxuriously-appointed anteroom with two more enormous wooden doors at one end. Demetri turned around, walking backward as he led us to the doors. "Here we are," he smiled. "Are you ready for this?"

I swallowed hard. Again. I doubted I would ever be ready for this.

Demetri gave me a friendly wink and then turned and pulled the doors open.

Beyond the threshold was a large throne room, all stone and marble, with three elaborately-decorated chairs sitting atop a raised dais at the far end of the room. Each throne was occupied, and I examined the black-robed men carefully, trying to block out the thirty-or-so other faces that watched us from various places around the room.

Each of the three men looked pale even by vampire standards, with filmy eyes and skin that looked so delicate that it was almost powdery. Despite their fragile appearance, however, each of them had a sort of regality about them that left no question as to the kind of power they wielded.

The man in the center throne stood, and it was then that I noticed a small, willowy woman hovering at his elbow. She didn't have that same fragile look, nor did she seem to be in possession of any confidence whatsoever. She seemed timid and scared, and she clung to his robes as he moved.

The man stepped forward smiling delightedly. "Carlisle!" he cried, bringing his hands together in front of him. "What a wonderful treat to have you here." He moved down the stone steps so gracefully that he appeared to be floating, the waifish girl drifting behind him, keeping her hand on his back. She seemed to be avoiding eye contact, her gaze fixed either on the floor or on the man she shadowed.

Carlisle released my hand and strode forward. " _Buongiorno_ , Aro," he said warmly, extending his hand. "It's been far too long."

They grasped hands, and Aro's eyes flicked to their joined grip. His expression hardened slightly, the pleasure draining out of it despite the smile that remained on his face. " _Il mio amico_ ," he said stiffly, "you seek to keep secrets from me?"

My heart thudded in my chest, and I wondered if anyone noticed. Would the Volturi detect this new fear, when I was already on the verge of panic just from being here? How could they miss it? God, Edward never should have told me about Alice's lies. . . .

Carlisle didn't miss a beat, though. "Only temporarily," he told Aro reassuringly. "We have much to discuss, some of which should not necessarily become common knowledge. May we speak privately?"

Aro's smile faltered. "You bring with you your most lethal coven member, and expect a private audience with me before revealing your thoughts?" Aro's voice sounded incredulous. "You surprise me,  _Stregone_."

The girl at his elbow hovered closely, her hand fisting around his black robe.

Carlisle raised an eyebrow at Aro. "So it's true," he murmured, shaking his head. "I had heard you were growing mistrustful of me, but I couldn't quite believe it. Not after having counted myself among your friends for so long."

Aro's smile fell just a bit more. "A man in my position must be cautious. You understand, of course."

Carlisle drew his hand back, his smile amiable even as his eyes bored into Aro's. "I still call you friend, Aro. I hide nothing from you." He tugged at each finger of his glove, slowly and deliberately sliding it off of his hand.

Aro's smile broadened again, but the moment their hands touched it froze on his face. He stared at Carlisle for several long seconds. "Yes," he said softly. "We do have much to discuss, don't we?"

His gaze shifted to the rest of us, and with some effort he released Carlisle's hand. "Please," he said brightly, "introduce us to your companions."

Carlisle inclined his head deferentially. "Aro, Caius, Marcus," he said, gesturing to each one of them, "may I present my mate, Miss Isabella Swan."

My eyes moved to Caius and Marcus when Carlisle indicated them. They both rose. Caius nodded cordially and Marcus gave me a wan smile and bowed slightly. Aro fixed me with a fascinated gaze and moved forward, offering me his hand. I flushed under his scrutiny and placed my hand in his, forgetting about my gloves until he was bowing in front of me, his lips brushing over the soft leather.

"My lady," he murmured. "It is my deepest pleasure to make your acquaintance. If there's anything I may do to make your visit more comfortable, please don't hesitate to ask."

I felt awkward. I had never been treated quite like this before, and I didn't really know how to respond. "Um—thank you."

He straightened, smiling, his eyes trained on me. "She's charming, Carlisle. Such a lovely little thing. She'll make a striking immortal."

"She makes a striking human," Carlisle answered, winking at me and bringing a blush to my cheeks.

"Of course," Aro said indulgently. "Miss Swan . . . would you mind terribly . . . ?" His eyes flicked to our hands, his request clear. He wanted inside my mind.

My heart raced, and I prayed Edward was right about him not being able to read me. I peeled my glove off and reached out to him again. He gripped my hand, pressing it between both of his own almost lovingly, letting his eyes slip closed.

After a moment they fluttered open again. "Fascinating," he whispered after a moment, his eyes taking on a hungry look.

"Are you going to share, Aro?" Caius asked impatiently.

Aro released my hand, turning to the blonde vampire, who had taken his seat once again. "In good time," he said, his smile permanently affixed to his face. "We'll all have to sit down together later and discuss it."

I felt a shiver run through my body. All? Would he still discuss everything he had seen in Carlisle's head in front of Caius and Marcus? Had Alice made a mistake? Would the Volturi still attack the wolves?

Caius sniffed impatiently on his throne, but said nothing.

"This is Bella's father, Charles Swan," Carlisle said, continuing with the introductions.

Charlie immediately tugged off the leather glove he had donned, presumably when I had put mine on, and offered his hand.

Aro took it and held it for a long time, staring intently into Charlie's face. "We'll talk at length," he finally said, and turned his admiring gaze on the next man in line.

"And my son, Jasper," Carlisle concluded, replacing his glove and gesturing for Charlie and I to do the same.

"Jasper," Aro breathed almost reverently. "Your reputation precedes you. You are most welcome in Volterra."

Jasper had already removed his own glove, and he offered his hand. "It's an honor," he replied as Aro's hand closed over his.

Aro's eyes lit up as he scanned Jasper's mind. "My, my," he murmured. "I had heard of your abilities, but I had no idea how useful . . . how powerful . . ." He trailed off, his eyes going unfocused. "The way your gift colors your perception . . ." He suddenly straightened, pulling his hands away. "Would you mind giving my brothers a demonstration of your talents?"

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

"Quite sure," Aro said eagerly.

Jasper's eyes flicked to the side of the room, falling on a surprisingly young, innocent-looking girl with skin like porcelain. She was staring at us, her face expressionless, and a smile pulled at the corner of Jasper's mouth. He nodded toward her, giving Aro a questioning look.

Aro smiled in anticipation. "Go ahead."

The girl's eyes suddenly widened in surprise, and then crumpled in sorrow. A tearless sob escaped her throat and she fell to her knees, burying her face in her hands.

Marcus looked on in mild curiosity, and Caius actually rose from his seat, taking a step toward the girl in alarm.

"Remarkable," Aro murmured. "I've never seen anything like it."

Jasper smiled and the girl suddenly gasped and then stiffened. Her head came up and she hissed at Jasper from her place on the floor.

And then it was Jasper's turn to fall to his knees, a scream of agony ripping from his throat as he collapsed. He fell to his back, writhing in pain on the stone floor, and the young girl climbed triumphantly to her feet.

I stared at Jasper in horror and started toward him, but Carlisle caught me around the waist, holding me back. "He'll be alright," he whispered, his lips against my ear.

"Jane," Aro said reprovingly, clicking his tongue. "Enough."

She relented with a smug smile, and whatever she was doing to hurt Jasper stopped instantly. He leapt to his feet, falling instinctively into a crouch, snarling as his glare met her haughty gaze. And then a smile broke over his face, and he laughed. "Touché," he panted, straightening. "That's very impressive."

The girl returned his smile with a deceptively angelic one of her own.

"You would fit quite well with our coven," Aro said warmly to Jasper. "Both you and your talented mate. I don't suppose you would consider a place among us?"

Jasper chuckled, the offer not altogether unexpected. "I'm very flattered. Alice and I are happy where we are at present, but if we ever decide to move on, I'll certainly give your offer serious consideration."

Aro was clearly disappointed. "Of course, he said, his voice slightly tight. "Of course." He looked speculatively at Carlisle. "Could you be persuaded if the invitation was extended to the entire family?" he pressed. "There's not a pair in your coven that I wouldn't be delighted to number among our ranks."

Jasper laughed softly as Carlisle shook his head. "I can't speak for the others," Carlisle said, "but I, for one, am comfortable in the life I have now. I'm afraid I have to decline."

"Well," Aro said, bringing his hands together once again. "Well." He smiled brightly. "Regardless, we are certainly privileged to host such a noble group of guests." He gestured around the large hall, to the many other figures standing there. I noticed for the first time that they all seemed to be clothed in robes of varying shades of grey or black, with only a few exceptions.

"This is our guard," Aro said. "Anyone cloaked in the Volturi robes. Should you need anything, simply ask one of us. It is our privilege to be of service to you."

I noticed Chelsea in the crowd, robed in black, and I wondered how many others held the same disdain for me that she seemed to.

"Thank you," Carlisle said holding me close. "You are, as always, a generous host."

Aro was looking at the two of us fondly. "How lovely," he murmured. "Marcus, tell me, what do you see between our old friend and his little human?"

"There is no room for doubt," Marcus said in a voice that made me think of wind blowing through dried leaves. "They are truly mated. Their bond is strong."

Carlisle smiled at me and turned me toward him, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. I was very conscious of the eyes on us, and a hiss sprang up around the room. I heard a muttered, "Disgusting," from one corner of the room, while someone behind me scoffed, "Pathetic." I couldn't be sure, but as the words were spoken in English, I could only assume I was meant to hear them. I trembled under the disapproval around us, but Carlisle pulled back slightly, gazing into my eyes and brushing a hand over my cheek.

"You've made me so happy," he murmured, his honey eyes and velvet voice soothing my frayed nerves.

I smiled back at him, feeling the heat flare in my cheeks.

"How touching," Aro smiled, looking on like a proud father. "I do enjoy a good love story."

Caius stood impatiently. "Enough stalling. If we have private matters to discuss, let us move this to the conference room."

"Of course," Aro said amiably. He gave his attention to the girl who still hovered behind him, peeking around at us curiously. "Renata, my dear, you may remain here. There is no danger."

She reluctantly pulled her hand from him and fell back to lurk behind his throne, her glance flicking nervously to the four of us. I noticed that her gaze returned frequently to Charlie, deep curiosity in her eyes. And more surprising was the fact that Charlie was staring back, his own expression displaying interest.

"Won't you follow me?" Aro said, interrupting my thoughts. He beckoned to the four of us, and we fell into step behind him and his brothers. They led us out through the enormous doors of the throne room, through more nondescript hallways, until we reached another room with a long wooden table dominating the center of it and heavy tapestries hanging along the walls. Aro sat at the head with a brother on each side, and I couldn't help but be reminded of the formality with which the Cullens arranged themselves during their own meetings.

Carlisle guided me to one side of the table, pulling out a chair for me before taking a seat between myself and Caius. Jasper settled beside Marcus with Charlie next to him.

Carlisle leaned close to me. "This room has such thick walls that it's all but sound proof," he explained. "It's quite difficult even for a vampire to overhear a conversation held in this room."

"Indeed," Aro confirmed. "Which is why it is to this room that we now retire to discuss these things that should be kept private."

My blood ran cold. Was he really going to talk about the Quileutes? Would Caius react the way Alice had said he would? Or was that a lie too?

"It seems," Aro continued, "that Carlisle has found some rather impressive latent talent in these two humans."

_Huh?_

Carlisle raised his eyebrows, apparently as surprised as I was about the topic.

"I have never encountered a shield strong enough to withstand my gift," Aro said, "but even as a human, Isabella is silent to me. And her father is partially decipherable, but only with difficulty. I can only imagine what strength he would gain as an immortal."

Charlie cleared his throat, clearly caught off guard. "What?"

"You are both, quite clearly, rather talented at keeping people out of your minds," Aro explained. "Your gift is not unlike my little Renata's. She is able to repel a physical attack, but the two of you seem able to shield against mental assault." The hungry look was back in his eyes. "Whether it's a product of genetics or a talent that the two of you have developed to protect yourselves from pain, I don't know. But it is quite extraordinary to find such gifts in humans. I haven't seen such strong latent abilities since Alec and Jane."

Caius cocked his head at Carlisle. "Do you intend to change the man, then?" he queried. "I was under the impression that you wanted him to remain human."

"That was my intention," Carlisle agreed.

Aro clucked his tongue. "Such a waste of talent."

Charlie gaped at Caius, stunned by the turn in the conversation.

Carlisle looked nonplussed. "Honestly, Aro, I hadn't thought much about it. I'm not sure how Charlie would take to immortality."

I looked back and forth between Carlisle and my father, having a hard time processing what was happening. My father? A vampire? Meaning I would never have to lose him? My mind was inundated with images of Charlie: yelling at my mother in a blind rage, slapping her hard across the face; stomping on my hand, forcing a glass shard deep into my palm; red-faced and embarrassed, struggling to apologize across the dinner table; gruff and unsure as he explained the emancipation papers.

And then there was one of Alice, telling me that Charlie was considering killing himself.

Jasper spoke up, his voice heavy with warning. "I'm not sure how well Bella would handle seeing her father as a human drinker," he said bluntly.

I started, my eyes raising to meet my father's. The two of us stared across the table at each other, and I tried to unsnarl my thoughts. Would it be worth it to me to have Charlie alive if others had to die? Would Charlie want to live like the Cullens? Would he even  _want_ to change? Questions swirled around my head, one leading directly into the next so that I hardly knew where to start asking them.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked gently, breaking into the confusion. "What do you think of all this."

I plunged my hands into my hair, shaking my head. "I don't know," I said, my voice trembling. "I don't know. There's too much."

"Bella," Jasper said gently, "let's take this one thing at a time, all right?"

I nodded, instantly comforted by his familiar psychiatrist's voice.

He turned to Charlie. "First of all," he said, "what would you think of this? Letting go of your human life and joining this world?"

Charlie shifted uncomfortably. "I'd give up . . . everything?"

Jasper nodded. "Essentially."

Charlie mulled that over for several seconds while we all waited silently.

Aro cleared his throat. "Charles, may I ask what your profession is?"

I frowned, wondering why he would bother asking. He obviously knew everything that Carlisle did.

"I'm the Chief of Police."

"You're a lawman," Aro smiled. "It seems we have that in common. I suppose you could call my coven the police force of vampires."

Charlie looked at him with interest. "Do vampires have laws?"

"A few," Aro nodded. "Essentially all stemming from one main standard: we must keep our existence a secret."

Charlie grunted his understanding, thinking hard.

A small smile lit Aro's face. "So then, Charlie, could you consider giving up your life of human law enforcement to join a life of vampire law enforcement?"

He took a breath as though to answer, but then his eyes found mine again, and he hesitated. "Bella?" he asked tentatively.

I swallowed hard, shrinking back from the pressure on me. Was I supposed to decide my father's fate right here, right now? And the question still wasn't answered . . . would he kill people to sustain his own life?

Could I accept it if he did?

His face fell at my hesitation. "Baby, if this is too hard on you . . . I mean, if you don't want . . ." His eyes fell, staring at his hands in his lap, and his shoulders hunched protectively. It was clear that I had hurt him, and pain throbbed in my chest.

"I love you, Dad," I whispered, feeling tears gather in my eyes.

He looked up hopefully.

"I'm just thinking about . . . all those people . . ." I couldn't finish my thought. I couldn't talk about him killing people out loud.

Charlie frowned. "Well, what about you?" he asked. "You and the Cullens will just . . . you know, just eat animals, right? Why can't I do that?"

Jasper shifted, facing him more directly. "It's incredibly difficult. It takes tremendous self-control, and you've got to have proper motivation."

Charlie met his gaze, his eyes hard. "Proper motivation," he growled. "Have you ever had a daughter?"

Jasper regarded him carefully, then glanced at Carlisle, waiting on his opinion.

"You certainly have shown remarkable perseverence these last weeks," Carlisle mused.

"And surprising emotional control now," Jasper added softly.

"But what of an afterlife?" Carlisle asked. "Are you a religious man, Charlie?"

Caius sighed impatiently. "Carlisle, is this really the time for your philosophical games?"

"Yes," Carlisle said, unperturbed by Caius's criticism. "This is precisely the time."

Charlie cleared his throat uncomfortably, staring down at his hands again. When he spoke, his voice was so low I could barely hear it. "What kind of afterlife waits for a man like me?"

My chest tightened, and the tears finally fell from my eyes. I couldn't stand to see the regret that emanated from my father, and I squeezed my eyes shut, twisting my hands in my lap. I didn't want to see Charlie as a villain. I didn't want to see him as a man destined for hell. It was too much.

But the images were in my head again. So many pictures of him angry, yelling, hurting me or my mother. So many hours I had spent cowering in fear. So many bruises I'd had to hide.

"Bella?" he asked softly.

I forced myself to look at him, thankful that the tears blurred my vision and kept me from seeing him too sharply.

"I won't do it if you don't want me to."

I swallowed back a lump in my throat. "I want you to."

I couldn't see his expression clearly enough to know what his reaction was. I didn't want to.

"Would you . . . want me to stay with you?" he asked tentatively. "Or would you rather I left you alone?"

I sniffled, and I felt a handkerchief being pressed into my hands. I wiped at my eyes and nose, taking the moment of reprieve to gather my thoughts, to get my shaking voice under control. I swallowed back another sob and forced myself to look at Charlie.

"Whatever you want is okay with me. As long as . . . I can visit you sometimes. If you come here."

The Adam's apple bobbed in Charlie's throat, and he smiled at me, his own eyes glistening. "I'd like that very much," he said gruffly.

Jasper folded his arms across his chest, leaning back in his chair. "You won't be able to live the way we do if you spend your newborn year here," he said flatly. "Surrounded by all this," he gestured around at the castle, "it would be impossible."

Aro raised his eyebrows. "What do you recommend?"

"Let me train him for you," Jasper said. "Give me a year with him to get his thirst under control. I can teach him to watch his back, show him how to handle himself in a fight."

A delighted smile lit up Aro's face. "It would be an honor to count among our numbers a man molded by your influence."

"Charlie?" Carlisle said softly. "You understand you are under no obligation to join the Volturi?"

"This is what I do," he said, his voice low and determined.

Marcus surprised me by speaking up. "This," he said in his whispery voice, "will bind our covens together." He smiled kindly at me. "We will be like family."

Carlisle slipped an arm around me, and I glanced up to see a satisfied smile on his face. "I approve," he murmured to Aro. "I would have no more mistrust between us."

"When will you do it?" Caius asked, clearly growing bored with the conversation.

"After Bella," Carlisle said firmly. "I will not risk an accident."

"And when will that be?"

Jasper tapped his fingers thoughtfully on the tabletop. "The wedding is the beginning of June. Carlisle, are you planning on a honeymoon?"

I hadn't even considered a honeymoon. I glanced at him and smiled when I saw him nodding. "Yes, I intend to take two or three weeks."

Oh, god. Two or three weeks, alone with Carlisle . . . I stopped myself before I could let my thoughts travel down that road. Getting turned on in front of a bunch of vampires didn't exactly appeal to me.

"And then you'll change Bella directly after you return?"

He looked at me. "Is that all right with you?"

I nodded.

"And we'll change Charlie as soon as Bella's transition is done?"

Carlisle hesitated. "Two newborns at once . . ."

"There are seven of us," Jasper said dryly. "I think we can handle it."

"All right. By early July, then. Is that acceptable to you, Charlie?"

He nodded slowly. "I'll have to get my affairs in order."

"I'll help you with it," Carlisle promised. "I'm an expert by now."

"It's settled then," Aro said, smiling broadly. "I must say, I certainly didn't expect this."

"Is that all we needed to discuss privately?" Caius asked.

"That's all," Aro said with a serene smile.

Relief flooded through me. He wasn't going to bring up the wolves.

Caius stood. "It was a pleasure to make your acquaintance," he said, his eyes scanning us, "but if you'll excuse me, I have duties that require my attention." He nodded cordially once again and then strode out of the room.

Marcus stood as well. "I shall also take my leave," he breathed. He moved to Charlie and extended his hand, shaking Charlie's feebly. "I look forward to welcoming you into our coven."

Charlie smiled in response.

Marcus drifted around the table and stopped between my chair and Carlisle's. He placed his fingers under my chin, raising my face, and leaned down to kiss my cheek in a somewhat grandfatherly gesture. He straightened again, patting Carlisle's shoulder and smiling down at him. "Take good care of her, Carlisle."

Carlisle nodded solemnly. "I will."

With that, Marcus glided out of the room, leaving the heavy doors open behind him.

Aro smiled warmly. "I understand it's a common human social custom to take meals together," he said, his eyes moving between mine and Charlie's, seeking confirmation.

I nodded. "Um . . . yeah. I guess that's true."

"Wonderful," he smiled. He turned in his seat and raised his voice slightly, calling through the large doors. "Renata."

In only a couple of seconds the wispy girl who had attended him in the throne room was hurrying through the doors. "Yes, master?"

"Would you have the kitchen staff serve dinner?"

"Right away, master," she said, glancing once at Charlie before disappearing out the door again.

I looked at Charlie, surprised to see him mouthing her name as he stared after her.

Jasper raised an eyebrow at him, but said nothing.

"Isabella," Aro said, claiming my attention, "you must tell me the things I am unable to read in your mind. I'm dying to know . . . what was your first impression of Carlisle?"

I felt heat flooding my cheeks, but for the first time since stepping off of the plane in Pisa, I felt like I was on stable ground. "I thought . . . he couldn't be real." I smiled at the memory. "And then he touched me, and it was like nothing  _else_  was real . . . only him."

Carlisle's fingers threaded through my hair, reminding me of that morning in the hospital when he had so carefully felt for injuries along my scalp. I looked at him and he smiled lovingly down at me.

"I adore you," he whispered softly.

Warmth flooded through me, and I got lost in his gaze, finding my safe harbor in his eyes.

"How lovely," Aro beamed, drawing me out of my brief reverie. "I always wondered if my strange friend would ever find a mate."

"I wondered myself," Carlisle laughed. "Despaired of it, even. But my Isabella was worth waiting for."

"Are you looking forward to your transition?" Aro asked me.

I blushed once again under his attention. "I'm not really looking forward to the pain. And I'm pretty nervous about that first year."

"I have no doubt you'll take to it like a fish to water," Aro smiled. "Any human who mates with a vampire is clearly destined for this life."

I heard footsteps in the hall, and after a moment several people entered, all human, I noticed. Two were carrying silver platters with domed covers, which were placed in front of Charlie and me. Two more rolled in what looked like large boxes atop dollies, draped in white linen, and those were slid into place near Carlisle and Jasper.

Carlisle quirked an eyebrow at Aro, smiling softly.

As one, each of the staff members lifted the domes from our food and pulled away the white linen covers.

What I had taken for boxes, I discovered, were really cages that stood about waist high, each holding a relatively small wild cat. I looked at the large, pointed ears and spotted fur, unable to place exactly what it was.

Jasper smiled lazily. "Those couldn't have been easy for you to track down."

Charlie frowned at the cats. "Why not?"

"The Iberian Lynx is critically endangered," Carlisle said softly. He smiled. "It's also a favorite of mine."

"Only the best for my guests," Aro said benevolently.

I only half-listened to the conversation as I glanced around at the humans in the room. If Aro was providing a meal for Charlie and me, and one for Carlisle and Jasper . . . would he be having one himself? My stomach turned over, and I doubted I would be able to eat much of the veal piccata on the plate in front of me.

Thankfully, at Aro's signal, the kitchen staff all filed out of the room again, closing the door behind them, and Aro merely folded his hands on the table in front of him. " _Buon appetito_ ," he said simply.

Carlisle winked at me and unfastened the latch at the top of the cage. I watched in fascination as his hand shot inside and grabbed the animal by the jaw, deftly snapping its neck with a loud crack. He lifted the now-limp creature to his mouth and sank his teeth into its jugular vein, drawing in long, slow gulps of blood.

I was riveted. I had never seen him hunt before, and hadn't honestly thought that much about what it would be like to see him drink blood.

Jasper's derisive snort drew my attention, and I glanced at him. He was looking disdainfully at his own cat, which was hissing at him, clearly threatened by his presence. "Is this how you hunt?" he asked Aro. "You sit here in the castle and wait for your food to be brought to you on a leash?"

"It saves time," Aro replied simply.

Jasper chuckled, shaking his head. "Not that taking down a human is ever really challenging, I suppose. One thing to be said about the Cullen diet is that it makes hunting a lot more interesting."

Aro looked at him curiously. "Yes, I can imagine. The animals you hunt are much faster, and have better reflexes." He looked thoughtful. "It almost makes it worth the unpleasant taste."

"Well . . . I don't know if I'd go that far," Jasper replied with a wry smile.

Aro laughed delightedly.

Jasper sighed and opened the cage for his own animal, snapping its neck as Carlisle had done and bringing it to his mouth. Charlie, I noticed, was eating too, undisturbed by the sight of the blood drinking, and I hurriedly cut a bite of veal and stuffed it in my mouth. The last thing I wanted to do was appear ungrateful, when Aro had clearly gone to great lengths to accommodate us all.

"Now," Aro said, addressing Carlisle once again, "let's discuss this little wolf problem."

Carlisle lowered the cat from his mouth, blotting his lips clean with a napkin, and set it back into the cage. "There is no problem," he said succinctly. "The wolves are friends."

"Rather dangerous friends, wouldn't you say?"

"They are merely territorial. To maintain amicable relations, we must agree to stay off of their land and avoid harming the humans in the area. That is all they ask."

"But the vision your Alice saw. . . ."

"Is entirely based on a decision to invade their territory," Carlisle said confidently. "They want nothing to do with you, Aro. If forced, they will defend their home, and it seems they will do so quite effectively. So don't force them."

"You're not worried about them turning on you?"

"Ephraim didn't," he pointed out. "And I'm confident that Jacob would avoid any action that would hurt Bella."

"Ah, but Jacob is not the leader."

"Yes he is," Carlisle assured him quietly. "He may be resisting now, but if Sam threatened his best friend, he would take leadership."

"What makes you think he can?"

"It's in his blood. Jacob traces his lineage through a long line of Alpha wolves, straight back to Taha Aki. He was born to lead his pack."

"Then why doesn't he challenge the current Alpha?"

Carlisle smiled softly, his eyes falling on Jasper. "For the same reason Jasper doesn't challenge me for leadership of my coven."

Jasper met his gaze, but said nothing.

Aro was intrigued, and he leaned forward on the table, watching the two of them.

"My other children owe me a certain allegiance, since I sired them," Carlisle continued calmly, his eyes still on Jasper. "But Jasper and Alice do not, and if our family relied on strength or cunning the way the nomadic covens tend to, Jasper would be the obvious leader."

Jasper nodded slowly, never taking his eyes off of Carlisle.

"If Jasper challenged me, he would win."

"Why don't you?" Aro asked Jasper, puzzled.

"Respect," Jasper said simply. "And a lack of motivation. I have no desire to be responsible for a coven."

Carlisle smiled warmly at him, then turned to Aro. "Which is exactly how Jacob feels. But if Sam motivated him by threatening Bella, I have no doubt he would accept his birthright and take over."

I chewed at my lip, wondering how long it would be before Carlisle knew what I knew.

"You're sure, then, that they pose no risk?" Aro asked, leaning back again.

"I'm sure. Their duty is to their tribe, which is really quite small. Simply let them be, and they'll eventually die out."

Aro gave him a stern look. "I expect you to notify me if you see signs of aggression."

"That's reasonable," Carlisle agreed.

"Then that's settled . . . and nothing needs to be said to my brothers about it."

Carlisle nodded his compliance.

I forced down another bite of the veal, realizing just what an artist Alice was. I doubted that there was a force on Earth that could sway Aro from his course once he had set his mind to something, yet here he was, practically ordering us to keep our secrets from the rest of his coven. Alice was a goddess.

The conversation turned lighter after that, with Aro and Carlisle waxing nostalgic, sinking into reminiscences of days gone by. They lingered after our meals were finished, after the kitchen staff had cleared away any trace of them, and finally Carlisle pushed back from the table. He reached into the inside pocket of his suit and pulled out a silver cigar case, holding it up to Aro.

"Care to join me?" he asked with a smile.

Aro laughed out loud. "That, Carlisle, is one human activity I can appreciate. What do you have?"

"Nicaraguan. Cognac dipped." He stood, holding a gloved hand out to me though he continued to look at Aro. "Shall we?"

I took his hand as Aro rose, and the two of them led the rest of us through the maze of corridors to a set of doors that let out into a large courtyard. Flowers bloomed profusely all along the walls and in large planters placed at various intervals. Twilight was fading into darkness, but there was still enough light to see the explosion of vibrant colors on display.

Carlisle moved to a low stone wall that surrounded a particularly large square of flowering bushes and lowered me down onto it before flipping open the cigar case. He handed one of the cigars inside to Aro, and then held the case out to me. "Would you like on, darling?" he asked.

I smiled self-consciously and shook my head. "No thank you."

"Charlie?" he asked, offering him the case.

Charlie surprised me by taking one.

Carlisle held the case out to Jasper, who shook his head. He tucked it away again, producing a cigar cutter and a lighter, and soon the three of them were puffing away, the cigar tips glowing softly in the encroaching night.

"So, Carlisle, tell me about your medical work," Aro said conversationally.

Carlisle grimaced. "They keep trying to give me awards."

"Is that bad?" Charlie asked, confused.

Carlisle sighed. "If my name gets recorded in too many places, I'm going to end up having to change it."

"Maybe you should take my name," I teased him, nudging his calf with my toe. "Carlisle Swan."

His eyes sparkled as he smiled at me. "The idea has merit." He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips.

Aro gave us a puzzled look. "How do you do it, Carlisle? How do you have a sexual relationship with Isabella without hurting her?"

Charlie cleared his throat uncomfortably, staring hard at the ground, and Carlisle laughed. "Aro, in most human cultures it's considered something of a social gaffe to discuss a woman's sex life in the presence of her parents."

"Really?" Aro asked, intrigued. "Why is that?"

I stood up quickly. "So I hear Marcus has an impressive collection of paintings," I said brightly, hoping I wasn't crossing any lines by changing the subject so deliberately.

Aro seemed amused by my behavior. "In fact, he does. I'm sure one of my guard—"

"I'll show her."

It was Demetri who had spoken, appearing in the doorway and striding out into the courtyard. He offered me his hand. "That is, if the lady doesn't mind my company?"

I did mind, actually. I was terrified of going off with him alone, leaving the protection of Carlisle's presence. But everyone was just so polite here, so cordial, and it felt rude to say no. So I placed my hand trepidatiously into his, forcing a smile, and nodded.

"I'd like to see those myself," Jasper said. "Mind if I tag along?"

"Not at all." Demetri tucked my hand in his elbow. "Right this way."

Relief flooded through me as Jasper fell into step beside us. At home he was considered one of the more dangerous of the family, enough that he, like Edward, generally didn't spend time alone with me. But here in Volterra, surrounded by vampires who thought I smelled particularly edible and only held their appetites in check out of respect for Aro and Carlisle, he was definitely the safer option. I felt a million times better having him along

Once again, the trip through the corridors entirely lost me. More of my concentration was on keeping upright in my designer shoes than on what turns we were taking, and I hoped I wouldn't ever have to try to make my way out of this castle without help.

It made me uncomfortable that I was relying so much on other people. I should have been watching, memorizing the paths we had taken. It wasn't like me to leave my safety in someone else's hands . . . at least, it hadn't been until Carlisle. I was losing my edge with him, which was stupid, because running in these crowds, I should be taking more care than ever.

Before long we came to a large room—of course. This castle didn't seem to have small ones. Demetri held the door for Jasper and me, and we slipped inside, staring around. The room had been modernized slightly, sporting drywall that protected the paintings from the unforgiving stone, and track lighting that highlighted each portrait.

I stared around at the paintings, taking in what I saw. I had expected more like the one I had seen in Carlisle's study, large, brightly-colored canvases with cherubic figures in classical poses. What I saw, though, was dark and threatening. There were a lot of blues and purples, accented with silvers, and the figures were more demonic than cherubic. Their faces and bodies were drawn in sharp angles, and yet there was still a transcendence in the pieces, still hints that the subjects were of divine origin.

"Wow," I breathed softly, moving to examine the closest one. It was a fairly small painting, maybe twelve inches tall, and it clearly depicted Aro holding a wine glass. The liquid inside was not the deep, opaque red of blood, but it certainly wasn't hard for my mind to imagine it that way.

Demetri stepped close behind me, his eyes on the painting as well. "Striking, isn't it? Solimena often painted the brothers as angels, but in his more honest moods, he was very adept at showcasing the menacing sides of their natures."

I didn't know quite what to say to that. Was I supposed to agree that Aro had a dark side? Was I supposed to argue. Oh, god, arguing with someone who would just as soon eat me as listen to me . . . And why exactly was he standing so close? My eyes flicked to Jasper, and it eased my nerves a little to see that he was watching us intently.

"It's still . . . beautiful," I finally said, then laughed at my own observation. "I guess it would be, since it's Aro."

Demetri chuckled with me, stepping back a little and strolling slowly with me along the long wall covered in paintings. Occasionally there was a splash of color, one of Solimena's lighter works, but most of them were dark. One of the lighter ones depicted Marcus with his teeth latched onto the throat of a woman, and I paused in front of that one. It was a little disturbing to me, to see the light, happy vibrance of the painting that so clearly put murder on display.

Demetri stopped when I did, standing next to me as he admired the painting. "This one is a favorite of mine," he smiled. He pointed out the vampires looking on, something I hadn't even noticed as my eyes had been drawn immediately to Marcus and his victim. "Isn't it amazing how he captured the frenzy in their eyes?"

I scanned the hungry faces of the onlookers, nodding slowly.

"Come, there's one in particular I think you'll enjoy." He took my elbow and directing me to a side wall. A large gilt frame held a picture there, most of the background swathed in thick grey clouds. In the foreground several people huddled, cowed and fearful, though one young boy looked up in awe at the man standing over them, cloaked in pale grey and hovering protectively. With a start, I realized it was Carlisle who stood guard. In the painting his head was turned to look over his shoulder at several red-eyed predators behind him, his face distorted in a menacing hiss.

Demetri gestured to a small gold plaque at the bottom of the frame that read " _Stregone Benefici_ ".

I smiled. "You're right, I do like this one."

"I thought you might," he said, sounding pleased with himself.

"What was Solimena like?"

He gave me a questioning look. "Why do you ask?"

I shrugged. "Curiosity, I guess. I think it would be interesting to know the man who could paint such a wide range of emotions."

He smiled wryly. "Would it disappoint you to know that he was an absolute grouch?"

I giggled. "Was he really?"

"I couldn't stand the man. He was a chore to be around, but Aro liked him, so we all had to put up with him."

"Are you in any of these?" I asked, my eyes roaming over the wall.

He smiled brightly. "Yes. I'll show you." He offered me his hand and I took it, letting him lead me to the opposite wall. The first painting he showed me was fairly small, only a couple of feet tall, and it showed Demetri and Aro glaring at each other, clearly locked in a battle of wills. Demetri's jaw was set, his eyes determined, as his hand gripped Aro's.

"Do you argue with Aro a lot?"

"Those who argue with Aro a lot don't generally live very long," he replied lightly. "But every now and then I challenge him, yes. A man must pick his battles carefully when he goes toe-to-toe with such an opponent."

I examined the painting for another moment, then looked back at him. "What else are you in?"

He took my hand and guided me to a much larger canvas that depicted the throne room in exquisite detail. The brothers lounged in their chairs, and around the room several others stood, robed in varying shades of grey. Demetri was among them, and I picked out Chelsea's face as well.

I glanced at Demetri, noticing the color of his robe. It was fairly pale gray, lighter than many I had seen.

"Does the color of your robes have significance?"

"Perceptive," he smiled. "Yes, the darker the cloak, the more indispensable we are considered to be to the coven."

I looked back at the picture, smiling a little to myself. "Chelsea outranks you?"

He gave a low laugh. "Chelsea outranks all of the guard. I'm a very good tracker, but without me the Volturi could still find people. It would just take longer. Without Chelsea, however, we would probably all end up trying to kill one another. It's not exactly natural for this many vampires to live in such close quarters."

I nodded my understanding as I took in the details of the painting.

"I hope you'll forgive her for the things she said earlier," he said hesitantly. "It has less to do with you than with the fact that her mate has been away for three weeks. She's like that with everybody when she starts feeling lonely and petulant."

I shrugged. "It's fine."

He wasn't so quick to let the matter go. He took my hand and pressed it between his, in a gesture reminiscent of Aro's. "I really am sorry I brought her along to meet you. She was curious, and I thought seeing Carlisle might cheer her up a bit. I didn't know she would upset you."

I pulled my hand away from his, turning away to look at some of the other paintings. "Neither one of you upset me," I lied.

He trailed after me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Neither of us?" He looked concerned. "Did I do something?"

I shook my head. "Are you in any others?"

"I—" He hesitated. "Miss Swan, if I've offended you I truly didn't mean to. Please, tell me what I've done so I don't make the mistake again."

I looked at him, wishing he would just let it go. It wasn't like I could stand here and criticize him to his face.

Jasper spoke up from where he still leaned in the doorway. "You made a joke about Carlisle being reduced to marrying a human."

Demetri froze, his mouth falling open in shock. "I . . . I did," he said, remorse coloring his features. "I did, I said it without thinking. I'm sorry, Miss Swan, it didn't occur to me that it would be offensive to you."

I believed his sincerity, but I still didn't want to make a big deal out of it. "It's nothing," I told him.

"Demetri, are you really apologizing to the human?" a woman's voice asked.

My head snapped up. I hadn't heard them enter, but hovering near a doorway across the room from Jasper, two women stood close together, wearing matching black robes and haughty expressions. Their faces, like those of Aro and his brothers, looked powdery and fragile.

Demetri clasped his hands behind his back, looking away in embarrassment. "Aro wishes for her stay to be pleasant," he said evasively.

One of the women snorted. "It's ridiculous how he has us all catering to this girl, when really the only thing special about her is that she'd make a rather nice dessert."

The other woman smiled indulgently. "He can't help himself where Carlisle is concerned. If ever a court jester won the heart of his king, it's Carlisle with Aro."

It really sunk in then. The disdain, the flippant comments, the derisive snorts . . . I finally understood the message that had been broadcast to me from the moment I stepped off the plane in Pisa. I was an embarrassment to Carlisle.

Here in Volterra, among people he considered friends, I was nothing more than a joke. And by associating with me, Carlisle was reduced to my level. He, who had once been their equal, was now nothing more than a punch line.

Because of me.

I swallowed hard against the tears that were trying to well up in my eyes. How long would it be before he came to the same conclusion? How long before he realized that being with me was a mistake? In Forks, maybe it didn't look so bad. But here? Here everyone knew how ridiculous it was for a man like Carlisle to want to be with someone like me. It was only a matter of time before Carlisle noticed it himself. Aro was probably making fun of him right now, and eventually, Carlisle would be persuaded to see things the way the rest of them did.

He was better than me. He was beautiful, strong, fast, compassionate, even-tempered . . . and I wasn't. I was the girl who tried not to make too much noise when Phil crept into the bedroom at night, so as not to hurt the feelings of a mother who had created the situation in the first place. I was the girl who slept with anybody who was up for it to keep from going home. I was clumsy and ugly and messed up in the head, and there was no way I would ever measure up to one of  _them_.

Especially not Carlisle.

I turned away from the women, searching for an escape. My eyes met Jasper's but I looked away quickly, not wanting to see the pity there. He moved toward me, laying an arm over my shoulders, but I shook it off. "Don't," I said, heading for the door. "I just—I just need some air."

I darted past him into the corridor, hurrying away, though I had no idea if I was heading in the direction of an exit. I hoped that Jasper and Demetri would just let me go, but of course, Jasper wouldn't leave me alone here. He caught up with me and took my elbow, steering me around a couple of corners until we made our way to a heavy wooden door. He swung it open to reveal a courtyard I hadn't yet seen, slipping outside with me and shutting it behind us.

I pulled my arm out of his grasp and tried to run across the flagstones, hindered by my ridiculous shoes. Despite the freezing night air I yanked them off, tossing them aside and fleeing to the far side of the yard, sinking to my knees behind a large planter box.

And I cried. I knew every vampire in the place could probably hear me, and I was mortified, but I couldn't hold it back anymore. Because I knew coming here was my fatal mistake. This was what it would take to show Carlisle I wasn't good enough. His perfect memory would replay the taunts and jibes over and over again, and by the time we got home, he would be finished with me.

I wondered when he would call the wedding off—and g _od_ , that thought hurt. When had I gotten my heart so set on marriage? Would he end things with me right away, or would he start to slowly distance himself from me? When it was over, would he stay in Forks? Or would he be anxious to get away from me?

I was shivering, but I didn't know if it was due to the cold night or the fear that held me in a vise grip. Not that it mattered. Nothing mattered without Carlisle.

I heard the door bang open and Carlisle's purposeful step echoed around the courtyard.

"What happened?" he demanded, his urgent voice edged with anger.

His voice sounded like heaven even when he was angry.

"Nothing happened," Jasper said firmly, following behind him.

Carlisle reached my side and scooped me up into his arms, cradling me against his chest. "Bella, angel, I'm here," he murmured, nuzzling my cheek.

I turned my head away from him. I couldn't face him, couldn't let him see me crying over him. It was hard enough to know he was going to leave me, but I couldn't stand for him to know just how completely it would break me.

"Jasper, what happened?" Carlisle growled angrily.

" _Nothing_  happened," Jasper snapped back. "It's just stress, let it go."

Charlie appeared in the doorway then, flanked by Aro and Demetri, and he hurried over to me. "Baby, what's the matter?" he asked.

I wriggled out of Carlisle's arms and tucked myself against my father, absently seeking his warmth. He was nearly as cold as Carlisle, having been outside with him while I was looking at the paintings, but I still clung to him, hiding my face. I didn't want anyone to look at me.

When Carlisle left me, would he still turn Charlie? Would my father leave me too?

"What has upset the girl?" Aro asked. I expected Jasper to answer, but there was only silence.

"Jasper?" Carlisle said insistently.

"It's nothing," he said again.

Aro sighed. "Demetri?"

I heard Demetri approach him, and for a moment there was silence.

I heard Aro sigh irritably. "Apparently, I'm going to have to have words with—"

Jasper cleared his throat pointedly, cutting him off.

"With whom?" Carlisle asked flatly. "What happened?"

"Don't worry about it," Jasper said soothingly. "Just focus on Bella and let Aro handle things around here."

I didn't understand why Jasper was being evasive, and I didn't care. I just wanted to hide, to crawl into a hole somewhere where nobody could look at me and see what a fool I was to fall in love with a man so far out of my league. To have believed he could ever really love me back.

"We have some rooms prepared for you," Demetri offered. "Shall I show you to them?"

"Please," Carlisle said, and then I felt his cold hands on my shoulders. "Bella, sweetheart," he murmured, easing my away from Charlie. "Please, come with me. We'll get you settled somewhere you can rest."

I wanted him. I wanted him so badly, even if it did make me a fool. For just a little while longer, I wanted to pretend everything was okay. So I let him pull me against him, and I didn't resist when he lifted me into his arms again. I huddled against his chest, trying to make the tears go away so I could appreciate what time I had left with him for as long as it lasted.

Carlisle whispered soothingly as we strode through the halls, and I got lost in him. I ignored any conversation around me so much that I didn't realize we were alone until Carlisle was laying me gently on a large, soft bed.

I clung to him when he tried to stand up, not wanting to lose a moment of his touch. Not now, when the moments were numbered.

Carlisle carefully loosened my grasp and stood up, quickly shedding his jacket before sliding down onto the bed next to me again. "What can I do, Bella?" he breathed softly, his lips tracing along my jaw. "What can I do to make you feel better."

It was when his lips pressed against the artery in my neck that it occurred to me that I might not have to lose him. If he would just bite me now, before he was made to feel too inferior for being with me, maybe he and the others could be convinced that I was enough for him. I had no delusions that I would ever actually be worthy of him, but maybe he wouldn't realize that. Maybe I would be strong enough and pretty enough that my glaring inadequacies wouldn't seem so obvious.

Three days . . . would it be soon enough? Would he be talked out of being with me while I was writhing in pain?

"Change me now," I choked. "Please."

"What?" He pulled back, looking at me in bewilderment. "Bella, I don't understand. What's going on?"

"I just want you to change me. Please, Carlisle.  _Please_."

"Shh, angel, relax," he breathed, his lips feathering against mine. He kissed me gently, stroking my cheek soothingly. "Why do you want to change now?"

"I want to be—" I stopped abruptly. I wanted to be good enough, but I never would be, and I didn't really want to call attention to that fact. "I want to be like you."

"You will be," he promised, his lips still moving against my neck. "But we have to be wise about this, Bella. You still have school, and if you just disappear, people will look for you."

"I don't care," I said, my voice thick with tears. "I have to change now. It's not working like this."

He flinched back, as though physically stung. "Not working? Bella . . ." His eyes met mine, full of pain and insecurity. "What's not working? Have I hurt you?"

I shook my head quickly. "Please," I said again. "Just do it."

He heaved a reluctant sigh. "We can do it, if that's what you really want. But to be honest, as connected as you are with my family publicly, changing you now would probably mean we would all have to leave Forks. Which means, you wouldn't be able to see Jacob very often.

I hesitated, but shook it off. I loved Jacob, but I couldn't live without Carlisle. "I don't care."

"Darling, think about this," he urged gently. "I want you to change, truly I do, but does it really need to be so rushed?"

"Please," I whispered, knowing I sounded pathetic and unable to help myself. "Please."

He sat up and pulled me into his arms, rocking my gently. "I can deny you nothing. But I would very much appreciate it if you would help me understand why you feel this sudden urgency."

"You shouldn't have to be with me like this," I said, burying my head in his shoulder.

He didn't answer for a moment, and when he did, he sounded utterly bewildered. "What?"

I fisted my hand in the hair at the nape of his neck, seeking comfort in the soft locks. "You deserve better than . . . just a stupid human."

He shook his head, nuzzling my neck gently. "There is nothing better than you.  _You_  are exactly what I want. And yes, I look forward to your change, to a time when I don't have to fear inadvertently hurting you, but until then I will savor all the things about you that are so distinctly human." His lips traced my jawline. "Your delicate skin," he whispered. He worked his way down my neck, licking lightly at my pulse point. "The scent of your blood." One gloved hand moved over my thigh and crept beneath the hem of my dress. "Your warmth." His lips continued to trail down my chest, kissing me through the fabric of my dress. "The steady thrum of your heart . . . and the way it stumbles when you're aroused." He raised his head, gazing into my eyes. "Please don't take those things from me, Bella. Not yet. I'm not quite ready to let them go."

I wiped at my eyes, staring back at him. "They make fun of you," I said. "Because of me."

He laughed out loud. "You're not letting the Volturi get to you, are you?"

Fresh tears threatened, and I ducked against his chest again.

"Angel," he breathed, rocking me again, "I know they make fun of me. They always have. They can't understand me, and they can't think what else to do with me, so they make jokes." His cold lips pressed against my hair.

I swallowed back the lump in my throat. "You don't care?"

I felt his chest move as he laughed silently. "Not in the slightest. I tried for years to earn the acceptance of the Volturi. I gave up. To be accepted by them would mean denying my true self, and that is something I simply cannot do." He pulled his gloves off, and then stripped mine away as well, setting them aside. "I have learned to enjoy the fact that I will forever be a curiosity to my friends."

He shifted me in his arms, so I was sitting upright, looking into his face. "Please do not allow them to make you feel like less than you are," he said sincerely, brushing his fingers over my cheek. "No matter what they say, no matter what they think, you are my world, Isabella Swan. Vampire or human, it matters not at all. You are my mate, the only woman who has ever captured my heart. I love you with a passion that is both natural and defiant of nature, and I will not let the empty words of careless men come between us."

I stared at him, wanting so badly for his words to be true. "It doesn't make sense for you to love me," I whispered, terrified that he would agree with me.

"It doesn't make much sense for you to love me either. I'm a very old man, Bella. And I'm decidedly boring. I can't imagine how you've put up with me so long."

I laughed self-consciously. "You're not boring."

"Oh, but I am. Wrapping myself up in books the way I do . . . I feared I might never find a woman who was more interesting to me than Whitman or Dumas. I didn't think it was possible until I met you."

I smiled and leaned forward for a kiss. "You're really not embarrassed by me?"

"My Bella," he breathed. "I'm so proud to call you my mate that my old friends can hardly stand me for all of my newfound vainglory."

A laugh burst out of my throat at this unexpected description. "Vainglory?"

"Absolutely," he smiled playfully. "They don't seem to understand exactly what an accomplishment it is to have won the heart of one such as you."

"Well, you can see their point. You haven't exactly had to slay any dragons."

"No," he murmured, growing serious again, "but you make me chase you, Bella. You hide from me and when I find you, you dance away, always just beyond my reach. And just when I begin to despair of ever truly possessing you, you let me catch you. And just for a moment, I taste heaven."

I stared at him in shock. Did he really feel that way? Was I so hard on him?

I felt his hand slide up the back of my dress, and slowly, very slowly, he tugged the zipper down. "Right now," he whispered, "this moment . . . I have you. I don't intend to waste it."

"You always have me," I replied, tugging at his tie. I stripped it off, tossing it aside, and started unbuttoning his vest as he pushed my dress off of my shoulders. I had barely gotten the last button undone when Carlisle pushed me back on the bed, his mouth exploring the exposed skin of my chest and neck above my slip. I moaned, raising my hips so he could slid the dress down and off my legs, and he tossed it aside.

I giggled. "Alice is going to kill you for letting a Calvin Klein get wrinkled."

"Those are intentional wrinkles," he smiled, a predatory look in his eye. "I want everyone we see between now and the time we leave Italy to know that your dress lay forgotten on the floor while I thoroughly enjoyed your body."

The desire in his voice sent currents of electricity running through me, settling right between my legs. I moaned and grabbed the loose sides of his vest, tugging him down on top of me. "I love you, Carlisle," I whimpered. "I need you."

As soon as his weight was on me, as soon as the desperate ache for contact with him was satisfied, I pushed his vest down off of his shoulders. "More," I panted, spreading my legs, letting him settle between them. I felt his hard cock though several layers of fabric, and I rocked against him. My hands fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, and I groaned in frustration when I couldn't get to the ones between us to continue removing his clothes.

But it was worse when he pushed himself off of me. He chuckled at my petulant protests, but hurriedly tugged off both his shirt and pants. He still wore an undershirt and boxers—God! Too many clothes!—and I shoved down his underwear while he yanked off the shirt.

He was stunning. Every time I saw him I was amazed anew at the perfect definition of the muscles in his body—the lean, ropy lengths along his arms, his smooth, solid pectoral muscles, and abs that I could barely keep my mouth off of.

I had to have him.

"You're not allowed to wear that many layers," I reproved, pulling him back down on top of me now that he was fully undressed. "It's too hard to get you naked."

"I know the feeling," he growled, yanking my slip up around my hips and maneuvering it over my head.

"God," I gasped. "I need you, Carlisle, I need you  _now._ "

He nipped at my shoulder. "Impatient tonight, aren't we?" he breathed, his voice a low growl in his throat. He pushed off of me again, and before I could protest he had flipped me over onto my stomach and was lowering himself against me, rubbing his erection insistently against my backside.

"Yes!" I gasped, not sure if I was answering his question or letting him know how much I loved what he was doing to me. It didn't matter. I wanted him desperately, and I loved the feeling of being trapped between the mattress and his hard body. I felt his fingers at the hooks of my bra, and then the tension loosened and he was pushing the straps off of my shoulders. He didn't let me up to take it all the way off, instead just running one cold hand over the bare skin of my back, causing little eruptions of goose bumps down my arms.

"You're so beautiful," he breathed, his lips caressing my skin between my shoulder blades, kissing and sucking gently. "I love the way your skin feels."

I pressed back into him, grinding against his cock, and was rewarded with a low growl. "I need to feel you," I gasped. "Please."

His mouth trailed down my back, tracing the ridge of my spine. He slowly crawled down my body, taking away the contact I craved, but tugging my panties down with him and tossing them to the floor with my dress and slip.

God, I loved the sight of Carlisle's hands dropping my clothes on the floor.

He turned me over again and I watched as he drew my bra down my arms and threw it carelessly aside, his eyes roaming hungrily over my body. His hands stroked down my thighs, pressing my knees apart, and he crawled between them, letting his fingers drift upward to their moist juncture.

"Let there be no mistake, Bella," he said, his voice rough with desire, "no vampire woman has ever smelled so absolutely mouth-watering when aroused as you do." And then before I could blink he was on his elbows between my legs, his mouth licking and sucking hungrily at my aching center.

I gasped. "Feels so good—" I choked. " _God_ , Carlisle!"

My words spurred him on, and his tongue sought out my clit, flicking at it and swirling around it, occasionally dipping down to lap up more of the slick juices that coated my lips.

I moaned and arched my hips against his mouth, the desperate need for release building quickly inside of me. Every lick and caress of his tongue drove me closer, pushed me to the very edge of reason, and then suddenly he stopped, pulling away from me, and I moaned in agony.

"Don't stop," I begged. "Please, Carlisle, I need it."

He crawled over me, his eyes burning with need. "I'll make you come, angel," he whispered, sucking my earlobe into his mouth. "In due time."

"Don't tease me," I groaned.

He smiled and captured my lips in a quick kiss. "I can't help myself," he said, his voice low and dark. "You're so beautiful like this, flushed and trembling from my touch." He drew his hand across my shoulder and down to my breast, watching his own fingers intently as they teased and fondled my erect nipple. "So beautiful," he repeated reverently.

I hissed in frustration as my muscles relaxed, reluctantly accepting that orgasm wasn't, after all imminent. And just as I let myself go limp, Carlisle thrust into me. I gasped and pushed against him with my hips, my hands grabbing at his back as he let his weight fall on me.

Carlisle set a slow, sensual pace, his hands and his mouth caressing every inch of skin within reach. "Bella," he whispered. "My Bella." His lips traced along my neck, his tongue caressing the pulsing artery. "Don't ever leave me. I need you, my angel, I can't get enough of you."

I moaned, relishing the feeling of his hard bulk moving in and out, in and out, in long, slow strokes. I wanted it faster, harder, but he refused to allow it, forcing me to let him to take his time. He whispered words of love in my ear as he filled my body, pumping firmly into me, until once again I felt the orgasm start to build. The need was almost lazy, building just a bit higher with each even stroke, edging me closer to the release I craved.

I whimpered as the muscles in my abdomen tightened. I was so close, so deliciously close to orgasm, and I arched against him, seeking that most exquisite satisfaction. But once again he denied me, his hands moving to my hips and pushing them back down onto the mattress, pinning them there so I couldn't move. He stilled as well, not pulling out, just holding himself unmoving inside of me.

I ground my teeth, nearly screaming in frustration. "Not fair!" I complained. "Carlisle, don't tease me!"

He propped himself up on his elbows, looking me over with a self-satisfied smile. "So beautiful," he said. "Your heart racing, your scent so thick and delicious." His mouth returned to my throat, kissing and licking along the artery he was so fond of. "All for me," he breathed. "All mine."

And then he surprised me once again my sliding his hand down my thigh and grabbing it firmly, hitching it up over his hip and holding it there while he began thrusting roughly into me. His other hand slid under my head, his fingers tangling in my curls and holding me while his mouth claimed mine in a searing kiss. His tongue plundered my mouth while he drilled into me, insistent and demanding, driving me ruthlessly toward the orgasm he had been holding away from me. I whimpered into his mouth, wordlessly pleading with him to let me finish this time, to let me come around his hard cock.

His body pinned me to the bed, his hands holding me against him, as his movements became hard and frantic. I was so close I could practically taste it, and I cried out in desire, breaking the kiss. His lips fastened over the artery on my neck and he sucked hungrily, a feral snarl rumbling in his throat.

That sound pushed me over the edge, and the orgasm exploded inside of me, ripping through my body. I hardly realized I was calling out his name until my voice was drowned out by his own loud growl as he found his release. His body went rigid, thrusting against mine while I grasped at him, my fingers scrabbling for purchase against his solid skin. Wave after wave of pleasure crashed over me as all of the tension he had built up released and pulsed through my body.

When I finally sagged back against the bed, I was so exhausted I could hardly move. Carlisle fell on top of me, spent and sated, and though I very much wanted to run my fingers through his golden hair, I was simply too weak to lift my arm.

"Carlisle," I panted. "Carlisle." His name seemed to be the only word my lips would form.

His response completely threw me for a loop. He lay on top of me, his head buried in my shoulder, and suddenly he started laughing.

I blinked in surprised, trying to pull back enough to see his face. I couldn't, but after a moment he laughed harder and rolled onto his back.

"Was . . . was that funny?" I asked him, slightly injured and very confused.

"No," he said me, still chuckling. "No, our friends are evaluating my performance."

My jaw dropped. "They're listening?"

"They were terribly curious," he smiled, wholly unconcerned.

"Oh my god." I suddenly felt exposed, and I tugged back the blankets on the bed, crawling underneath them.

Carlisle rolled onto his side, propping his head on his hand. "Don't be embarrassed." He rubbed soothing circles on my stomach through the bedcovers. "You get used to this sort of thing, living among vampires."

My cheeks were flaming red and I tugged the sheet up to my eyes. "It's sort of intimate for everybody to be listening in."

He smiled fondly, tugging at a lock of my hair. "Intimate, yes. But it's nothing to be ashamed of, my love. It's beautiful, inspiring." Another laugh escaped. "Inspiring enough that Caius and Athenodora are heading to their room now for a little role-playing."

I bit my lip, almost afraid to ask. "Role-playing?"

His eyes danced as he nodded. "Yes, Athenodora will be playing the part of the helpless human tonight."

I couldn't help the laugh that burst from me. "Are you serious?"

He grinned and nodded.

I pulled the sheet down to my chin. "And they just . . . talk about that? Right out loud, for anybody to hear?"

He stroked a finger down my nose, tapping the tip lightly. "Yes. You'd be hard-pressed to find anyone in Volterra who is shy about sexuality."

 _Own it, Bella_. Rosalie's words echoed in my mind, and I took a steadying breath. "Okay. So according to your friends, how did you do?"

Carlisle smiled proudly at my acceptance. "Demetri says it wasn't bad, but if we're not shattering the furniture, he doesn't quite see the point."

I bit my lip, laughing delightedly. "I promise to break some furniture with you after I change."

"I look forward to it," he purred seductively, leaning down for a quick kiss and catching my lip in his mouth. He sucked it playfully before pulling back again.

"Okay, what else?"

He smiled wryly. "Felix says if you're unsatisfied you can visit him in his room, and he'll rectify the situation."

I concentrated, trying to remember him. "Which one is Felix?"

There was a loud knock at the door and Carlisle laughed, shaking his head. "You can meet her later, when she's properly clothed," he said, his eyes shining with mirth.

There was disappointed muttering from the other side of the door, and even my ears could pick up the sound as he stomped away.

"Felix is probably the strongest member of the guard," he said. "He's huge—a bit bigger than Emmett, even—and very powerful. He and Demetri often go on assignment together."

"I see. Well, Felix, that's a very nice offer, but I'm completely satisfied, thank you."

Carlisle laughed again. "He says you should go meet him anyway, and he'll show you what a real vampire can do."

I giggled, addressing Felix again. "I prefer my bones unshattered, if it's all the same to you."

"Jane is offering to teach me to talk dirty," Carlisle grinned.

I stiffened a little and shook my head. "No," I said quickly. "I don't . . . no. It's fine how it is."

He gave me a curious look. "You don't care much for coarse speech, do you, Bella?"

I bit my lip and looked away. "No."

"Why is that? Not that I'm complaining. I'm not fond of it myself."

I pulled a pillow onto my chest, hugging it tightly. "Phil," I said, my voice breaking a little. I cleared my throat. "And . . . well, everybody else. They all talked like that. It's just nice that you don't."

"I see." He stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers. "Well then, Jane, apparently I won't be needing those lessons." He paused a moment, then laughed. "She thinks the two of us rather prudish."

I smiled and twisted around to cuddle up against him, slipping my hand out from under the blankets to stroke my fingers over his chiseled chest. "Do you really love me?" I asked him, feeling pathetic for needing another confirmation, but needing it all the same.

He slid an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. "I am entirely captivated by you." His lips moved over my neck as he spoke, tickling my skin with his cool breath. "I love the way your eyes sparkle when you laugh. I love the highlights in your hair that catch the sunlight, even when it's muted by the clouds. I love your soft, velvety lips, and this little freckle behind your ear." He kissed my freckle before continuing. "I love the way you get just as excited over a book you've read a dozen times as you do over a brand new one. I love the way you work so hard to learn the rules to sports you care nothing about, just to make your father happy. I love that you overlook the many flaws of myself and my family and care for us anyway. I love that you can be persuaded to open your heart, despite all of the ugly things in your life that should probably have left you cold and bitter."

He nudged me gently onto my back and gazed into my eyes. "I love you, Isabella Swan. Wholly, completely, without reservation. I love you."

My hands were trembling by the time he finished his speech. I kicked the blankets away from me and pulled him back down on top of me, kissing him desperately. "I need you," I gasped against his mouth. "Carlisle, I need you again."

"I live to serve your merest whim," he whispered, and his fingers slipped between us, finding the little bundle of nerves between my thighs, getting me ready to take him once more


	97. Solitary Man

Banner by IllicitWriter

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I lay quietly on the bed next to my Bella, running my fingers softly through her hair as she slept. It was early for her to be sleeping, factoring in the time change, but her day had been stressful and a nap certainly wouldn't hurt anything.

I gazed around the dark room as I lay there, the thick stone walls hung with tapestries, brocade curtains falling over the windows. The only pieces of furniture were the bed, a large writing desk with a chair, and a heavy wardrobe against one wall. Our clothes hung there now, no worse for the wear for their time on the floor, and I tried not to be too disappointed that my Bella wouldn't look just a bit rumpled when we emerged. It was ridiculous, this need to display my claim on her, but being among traditional vampires again was bringing out the animal in me.

I brushed my fingertips lightly over the mark I had left on her neck earlier, smiling to myself. That would do for the duration of our stay. That and my scent clinging to her would declare to the others—Felix in particular—that she was mine.

Bella lay on her back next to me, the heavy blankets shoved down to her thighs, giving me a full view of everything I had once denied myself. Even in my lowest hours I had always thought of myself as a man of God. I was above the sins of the flesh, the pleasures that my kind allowed themselves. I would not participate in the murder of humans, would not indulge in gluttony when it came to their rich blood, and I certainly never thought to justify sexual dalliances.

But Bella had changed me. She represented the one thing in my life that I could not deny myself. After conquering my bloodlust, I had thought myself above temptation, beyond the reach of my baser desires. I believed that if I could eschew human blood, there was nothing that I could not resist. Perhaps it was overconfidence that brought about my fall, or perhaps it was simply that Bella was so much more necessary to my survival than anything else ever had been. But try as I might, I could not resist her. She was the one temptation to which I had succumbed, and having done so, surrendered to again and again, entirely unrepentant. It was gravest sin to take her life as I planned to, and highly immoral to take such pleasure in her body, and yet I could not feel remorse enough to offer penance or pray for absolution. I, the master of the flesh, the bastion of self-control, had fallen.

Bella was my one weakness, and yet she was my strength. Without her I had been faithful, but in her I found my faith. All my life I had held myself above reproach, working toward redemption, and now that I had surrendered to my carnal self, I finally felt redeemed.

I had always believed that heaven and hell were separate places, set apart from this world, but now I knew better. They existed not side-by-side, but as one. For the last three and a half centuries I had trodden my way through purgatory, always striving for that salvation which I felt in my heart had been denied me. I still walked the same paths now, my feet still touched the same earth, but with my girl walking beside me, the world had refashioned itself into Paradise.

Bella shifted in her sleep, drawing in a deep breath and letting out a sigh, her mouth forming my name around it. I smiled at the joy I found in such simple evidences of her love. She took me with her into her dreams, and for a moment I wished I could sleep, if only so I could do her the same kindness.

But that was folly. In sleeping, I would miss the inimitable sight of her lying sprawled on the bed, freed of defenses or inhibitions, her intoxicating scent deepened and intensified by her relaxed state. And so instead of wistfulness, I felt gratitude that I was allowed the pleasure of watching her, night after night.

Her head turned and she sighed again, her restlessness heralding the transition to a lighter phase in the sleep cycle. I doubted she would rest much longer, but in a way I wished she would. As long as she slept, I could keep her here, away from whatever it was that had upset her so badly. When she woke, we would be expected to mingle with the Volturi again, and while I very much wanted to catch up with my old friends, I didn't want to cause my girl more distress.

I turned my attention to the castle beyond the walls of the room, listening to what was going on. Caius and Athenodora were still keeping themselves entertained, thoroughly enjoying their new game. Demetri was similarly engaged with a woman I didn't know, a visitor presumably, and a loud crack rang out, telling me that he was enjoying the destruction of more furniture. Charlie was pacing in the room next to ours, occasionally mumbling to himself, though nothing that formed into intelligible words. Felix was walking the halls with Renata, discussing Charlie's intention to join the coven.

That news was causing a bit of a stir, since no one had been told of his latent abilities. Aro wanted to see how they would manifest after the transition before declaring to the others that Charlie was gifted. I wondered if he would tell anyone, even after the change, that Charlie's mind was hidden from him. Aro very much liked the image of omniscience, and I had a feeling he wouldn't care for the world's vampire population to know that there were those who were impervious to his gift.

I searched for Aro's voice, and eventually found it outside in a courtyard.

"Tell me, why did you choose Jane for your demonstration?" he was asking.

It was Jasper who answered. "I was feeling the most hostility from her. I figured I didn't need to make any more enemies around here, and if I had to antagonize someone, it should probably be the one who already didn't like me."

"Very clever."

Jasper chuckled. "That little one bites back, though, doesn't she? That's quite a talent she's got."

Chelsea's laugh joined Aro's.

"We've made good use of it," Aro said. "As we would of your gift, given the opportunity. Are you sure you won't reconsider joining us?"

Jasper hesitated. "It's . . . difficult to say no. But Alice has expressed a clear preference and . . . well, there's just no arguing with Alice."

"It's disappointing to see your extraordinary abilities go unappreciated."

Jasper let out a heavy breath. "Not just unappreciated," he muttered. "Unwanted. There are times when Edward actually avoids me because the way I think isn't to his liking."

Aro clucked his tongue in disapproval. "Such naivete."

Bella stirred then, drawing my attention back to her, and she yawned and rolled against my chest.

I pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Did you sleep well, angel?"

"Mm-hm." She nuzzled my chest. "I dreamed about vampire lynxes."

I laughed quietly. "Now that would be something to see."

"It was very disturbing," she murmured sleepily. "But then you were there, so it was okay."

I caressed her back gently, enjoying the silky texture of her skin. "I'll always be there for you," I assured her.

Her hand moved to stroke lightly over my side, and she was quiet for a few minutes. I started to wonder if she was drifting back into sleep when she spoke again.

"How long did you live here?"

"Almost forty years."

"Do you miss it?"

I thought about that for a moment. "No. I remember my time here with fondness, but I'm much more content with my family than I ever was here."

"Can we visit sometimes?" she asked hesitantly. "When Charlie's here?"

"Of course," I smiled. "And I have a feeling we're going to be visiting Jasper and Alice here as well."

She pulled back, looking stunned. "What?"

I laughed softly. "Aro's working hard on Jasper. He wants him . . . and he can be very persuasive."

She sat up, looking alarmed. "But Alice said she didn't want to."

"Alice will go where Jasper goes."

"I don't want them to leave," she protested, her heart rate picking up. "Can't you ask them to stay?"

I shrugged. "I've always given my children their autonomy, Bella. Alice and Jasper have to do what's best for them, regardless of what any of the rest of us want."

She stared at me, clearly disturbed. "That doesn't bother you? That they might just . . . just  _leave_?"

I shook my head. "No, it doesn't."

Disappointment colored her gaze, and she looked away. "Oh."

"Sweetheart, don't be upset," I said soothingly, sitting up and scooting behind her, pulling her back against my chest. "People come and go in this life. I've had a lot of good years with Jasper and Alice, but if they feel like it's time to move on, I won't begrudge them that."

She hunched her shoulders, wrapping her arms protectively around her. "I thought you guys said you were like family," she said weakly.

"We are, angel."

"So if Edward wanted to leave, it wouldn't bother you?" she asked, the thickness in her throat letting me know that she was trying to hold back tears.

I hesitated, not enjoying that thought. "It's different with Edward. With all of the others, really. I changed them, Bella. That connects us. Jasper and Alice are with us more out of convenience than anything else."

She shivered. "This isn't like you, Carlisle."

My first instinct was to defend my position, but then it occurred to me that what she had said was true. It really wasn't like me. I had always valued my family above all else, and I had never felt less affection toward Jasper or Alice than the others.

Only . . . now I did.

This was wrong.

"Get dressed," I told Bella flatly, moving off of the bed and darting to the closet to pull my own clothes on.

She looked up, surprised and confused. "What?"

"Bella, please, get dressed," I said urgently, moving her clothes to the bed and laying them out next to her. "We'll discuss why later, but right now I have something I need to do, and I don't want to leave you alone."

"What is it?" she asked, quickly pulling on her underwear.

I rushed through my own dressing as she moved at a human pace through hers, and when I was finished I helped her on with her slip and dress, leaving her slightly dazed at the speed. Her shoes had been left outside the door by Demetri, and I pulled her with me into the hallway, helping her keep her balance while she stepped into them.

I listened for Jasper. He was still with Aro and Chelsea outside, but a new voice had joined theirs. It was the shrill voice of a human girl, trembling in fear, pleading for mercy, and fury raised up inside of me. I swung Bella up into my arms as soon as her shoes were on and ran through the corridors of the residence rooms toward the main castle.

The girl screamed, and I heard a strangled growl from Jasper.

"You might as well," Aro was saying to him. "She's going to die anyway. If you don't drink, it would merely be more waste."

I flew through the corridors and finally located the door to the courtyard. I deposited Bella on her feet beside the door and then shoved through it, rushing out into the night. I had just enough time to take in the scene: Aro holding up a sobbing teenaged girl who was bleeding profusely from her neck while Jasper stood well back from him, his jaw clenched and his posture rigid. The bodies of two human men already lay on the flagstones, drained and cold. And Chelsea sat casually on a low stone wall, smugly watching it all.

I lunged at her, slamming her into the ground and shattering the stone beneath her. I used my teeth to tear off one arm, and ripped the other from its socket by sheer strength, tossing both of them into a far corner of the yard.

I growled loudly at her, fully releasing the animal inside of me. "If you ever attack my family again, I will tear you apart and burn you to ash." I clapped a hand around her jaw, ready to tear off her head if she argued with me. "Do you understand?"

She stared up at me, her eyes stunned and fearful. "I understand," she whispered through her teeth.

"I would consider it a personal favor if you would repair the damage you've done," I said icily.

She nodded, though with some difficulty since my hand still held her head against the ground.

I let her up and turned back to Aro and Jasper, my eyes burning with fury. Aro looked sheepish, but Jasper was still struggling, his whole body trembling with the effort it took to resist the slowly-weakening child in Aro's arms. His eyes found mine, and there was a plea for understanding there.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle," he choked, and strode forward. But instead of lowering his lips to the blood that spilled from the girl's throat, he simply took her head between his hands and jerked it hard to the side, snapping her neck. He let her fall to the ground and stumbled away, turning his attention to Chelsea as she struggled to reattach her limbs.

Bella let out a whimper from the doorway, and I rushed to her side, sweeping her into my arms. She was pale and trembling, and her eyes were locked on the motionless bodies on the ground, one of which still slowly oozing thick, fragrant blood. I turned her face into my shoulder to shield her from the macabre scene around us, and I raised my eyes to Aro's.

" _Mea culpa_ ," he said with a careless smile. "You know I had to try."

"Jasper, fetch Charlie," I said shortly. "We're leaving."

Jasper darted inside, leaving me alone with Aro and Chelsea, two people I had counted as friends only minutes ago. As I stared at them, I felt my anger toward Aro softening, my affection toward him mounting, and I growled low in my throat. With Chelsea nearby, I couldn't trust my feelings.

"I'm sorry your visit had to be so short," Aro said pleasantly.

"As am I," I said stiffly.

"I do hope you'll come for a longer holiday when you bring Charlie to join us."

I gave him a long, hard look. "It's surprising to me that you still expect Jasper to do you favors after manipulating him the way you have."

"Jasper is one of  _us_ , Carlisle," he said unapologetically. "He belongs here. You and your coven are merely holding him back."

I could still find very little of the warmth I had once held for Jasper, and I knew that Chelsea wasn't rebuilding the bond that she had damaged. Jasper and I would have to do that ourselves.

"It's his choice to be with us," I snapped. "I don't have to toy with his emotions to convince him to stay."

"I was merely making things easier for him," Aro said airily.

"Mark my words, Aro. You're setting yourself up for a fall. When you build an unwilling army, you must expect mutiny."

He smiled tightly. "You underestimate me. You always have. I have more than enough strength to handle my coven."

"Then I leave you to it," I said coolly. "But I warn you not to play games with me. I leave here today as your friend, but if you target my family again you'll make an enemy of me."

His eyes narrowed. "It seems now, more than ever, we are in need of a bridge between our covens. It would be wise to have Charlie trained and sent to us as soon as possible."

"We'll see." I turned and strode back into the castle, carrying Bella through the corridors toward the main lobby. Demetri appeared at my elbow after a few moments, carrying two suitcases. "There's a car waiting for you. I'll accompany you back to Pisa, if you'll have me."

"Of course," I said softly.

Jasper and Charlie were already in the car when we reached the front doors. I slid in beside them, and Demetri joined us once he had loaded the suitcases into the trunk. He directed the driver to take us back to the airport while I called ahead to the pilots and let them know we were on our way back.

And then silence fell, thick and heavy around us. Charlie looked unsure and expectant, waiting for an explanation, but I felt oddly weary. I didn't want to give it. Jasper slumped in one corner, blending in with the shadows in his dark clothes, his head bowed.

"Bella," I murmured softly, "are you all right?"

She shivered and huddled closer to my chest. "I'm fine," she said, her voice trembling. She shuddered. "That girl. . . ."

Jasper's head came up, agony showing in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Bella. She was dying already. I just took away the pain." He looked back down. "And the fear," he added in a whisper.

Bella sniffled.

Jasper fell to his knees on the floor in front of us. "Bella, please don't be angry with me," he begged. "You're the only one—" He stopped, shaking his head. "I feel so cut off from everyone right now. Everyone except for you and Alice." He grabbed her hand. "Please, Bella, you've got to forgive me."

Bella didn't look at him, but she laced her fingers through his and squeezed his hand. "I'm not mad at you," she said quietly.

I frowned, contemplating Jasper's words. It seemed Chelsea had done more than just separate the two of us. She had distanced him from the entire family . . . or at least, most of them.

"Why not Bella?" I asked Demetri. "Why didn't Chelsea try to break that bond as well?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "She did try, but she couldn't seem to get a handle on their relationship."

Jasper glared up at him. "You knew this was happening?"

"Yes." He cast a furtive glance at me. "Honestly, Carlisle, I thought you'd expect it."

"I expected her to try to bond Jasper and Aro. I didn't expect her to try to destroy my family."

Demetri met my gaze then. "Aro's right, you know. You always have underestimated him. You should have figured out by now that there's no line he won't cross if it strengthens his hand." He gestured to Jasper. "He wants Jasper, and he wants Alice even more. You should have been prepared for this."

I looked at him for a long time, and then finally I nodded. "You're right. I didn't give enough thought to his motives."

"You should also know better than to threaten him," Demetri continued, his voice hard. "And if you promised him Charlie, you'd better deliver. You're on thin ice with him right now, and you don't want to see what happens if it gets much thinner."

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, glancing at Charlie. "That's not my decision to make."

Demetri turned his gaze on Charlie. "Think hard about the consequences of your actions. Your friends need an alliance with the Volturi now more than ever."

Charlie glared at him. "Maybe you all could fill me in on exactly what happened just now?"

Jasper sighed and took his seat again. "Aro used Chelsea's gift to weaken my relationship with the rest of the family. He was trying to make me want to join his guard."

Charlie sniffed distastefully. "She can do that to anybody?"

Demetri turned his eyes on Bella. "Almost."

"Would she do that to me?" Charlie asked. "When I come back?"

Demetri shook his head. "No, the Volturi want you to have a strong relationship with the Cullens. They don't trust Carlisle and his family, and they want some sort of insurance that Carlisle won't try to take over. Besides," he crossed his legs, "she can't touch blood relationships, so she can't separate you and Bella, and she says you're not bonded all that closely with the rest of them."

Charlie's only response was a low grunt.

"Jasper?" Bella said softly.

He didn't respond, and I glanced over at him. He was hunched forward, his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.

"Jasper, are you all right?" she asked.

He sighed and leaned back. "I'm fine," he said tiredly.

Bella watched him for a moment, then laid her head back down on my shoulder.

I was worried about him, but I decided to let him be as well. Over the years, Jasper had gotten comfortable enough to discuss things with the family, but that hadn't always been the case. When he and Alice had first joined us, he was cool and distant, and spoke only when necessary. I very much hoped that Chelsea's interference hadn't set us back that far, but I didn't want to push him. I gave him space.

Most of the drive passed in silence, and when we arrived at the airport the pilots were still readying the plane. One of them attended to our luggage for us and maneuvered the airstairs into place to allow us to board.

I turned to Demetri and took his hand. "It was good to see you again, old friend."

"You as well," Demetri said grimly. "Try not to let this taint your impression of us too much, Carlisle. We have too much history to throw away on Aro's bad judgment."

I raised an eyebrow. "Do you really think it's wise for you to criticize him?"

"He knows how I feel," Demetri answered simply.

I sighed wearily. "It's true that I'm upset with him, but I imagine I'll get over it. He's an old and dear friend, and I'm not one to trivialize friendship."

"Good," Demetri said solemnly. He turned to Bella and took her hand, bowing slightly. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Miss Swan. Best wishes to you on your marriage."

"Thank you," Bella said with a smile, squeezing his hand lightly.

"Charlie," he said, turning his attention on Bella's father, "I very much hope to see you again soon. I think you'll do well here."

Charlie nodded wordlessly.

Demetri clapped a hand on Jasper's back. "Jasper, I'm sorry about all this. I hope Chelsea hasn't done too much damage."

Jasper followed Charlie's lead, nodding but saying nothing.

"Tell Aro we'll be in touch about Charlie," I told Demetri.

"I will." He held up a hand in farewell. "Safe journey, Carlisle."

I helped Bella up the steps and guided her to the couch in the center cabin, where she kicked off the shoes that so offended her. Charlie sat in the chair across from us, but Jasper took a seat in the front cabin, facing away from us.

Silence reigned, heavy and uncertain. Charlie didn't seem bothered by it, simply losing himself in his thoughts, but Bella fidgeted. Her eyes frequently returned to Jasper, and I knew she was worrying about him. After we had been in the air for about an hour, she finally gave in to her anxieties and moved to the forward cabin to sit in the chair across from his.

"Can I ask you a question?" she asked him.

Jasper was hunched over again, leaning on his knees with his hands folded in front of him. He didn't look up at her, but he nodded.

"Why do you live like this?" she asked. "Hunting animals, I mean."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It's depressing," he said, his voice low. "When a person knows they're about to die, they feel a lot of things, none of them good. Fear, dread, remorse, regret. It's bad enough to feel it, but to know I caused it . . . it's hard."

She nodded. "Why else?"

He rubbed his hands together in agitation. "That's it, Bella. I'm not like Carlisle. I'm not a pacifist, and I don't have any moral aversion to killing people. It's all self-serving."

She kicked his foot lightly with her bare toes. "You're a big fat liar, Jasper Whitlock."

He looked up at her in surprise. "Excuse me?"

"I mean, I get it. You're always picking at me for my defense mechanisms, but you have one or two of your own."

"What are you talking about?"

"You pretend you don't care that much, because you're afraid you don't measure up to the rest of the family. Am I right?"

Jasper looked at her for a long time without answering. Finally he said slowly, "What makes you think I'm lying?"

She smiled. "That girl was dying, Jasper. Bleeding right in front of you. You had to feel all the crap that you don't like to feel when someone is dying, whether you drank her blood or not. But you didn't do it."

Jasper looked away from her. "I wanted to."

"Of course you wanted to. It's  _blood_. You're hard-wired to crave blood. Everybody in the room was half-crazy over it."

"Carlisle wasn't."

"See what I mean?" Bella said triumphantly. "You're comparing yourself to Carlisle, and you think you're coming up short."

"I  _am_  coming up short."

"Well, sure, because you're comparing your self control to  _Carlisle's_ ," she said. "If you compared your mind reading ability to Edward's or your prescience to Alice's, you'd come up short there too." She tapped his foot affectionately with her toes. "Quit setting yourself up for failure and do this right. If Emmett had been in that room today, how would he have reacted?"

He nodded, conceding her point. "Fair enough."

Bella pushed out of her seat and moved to sit on the arm of Jasper's chair, draping an arm around his shoulders. Her back was to me now, but it was still easy enough to hear the conversation.

"Is there other stuff bugging you?"

His arm slipped around her waist. "I've just been thinking . . . that I've been taking some things for granted."

"Like what?"

He paused for a moment before he answered. "I keep telling myself that this is a hard way to live. Being surrounded by humans all the time, never able to have what I really want. But I let myself forget how much harder it is being around other vampires, immersed in the hostility, the suspicion, the violence." He rubbed her back lightly. "I forgot how valuable it is to have peaceful, loving emotions around me all the time."

Bella leaned her head against his. "Does that mean you won't be leaving us to go to the Volturi?"

"Yeah, kid," he chuckled. "That's what it means."

They were silent for a few minutes before Jasper spoke again. "We haven't had a session in a while. Why don't you talk to me about what you're thinking about all this? Your dad joining up and all."

Charlie was dozing in his chair, offering them some privacy, but I listened in as Bella told Jasper about what she was feeling. She expressed relief that she wouldn't have to worry about her father's suicidal thoughts anymore, and concern that he would find the life too hard. She had some anxiety about him moving so far away, but at the same time she felt that some distance might be good for them. I smiled as Jasper guided her through a minefield of conflicting emotions, addressing them expertly and pointing out positive aspects where she might have overlooked them.

And I realized that I wouldn't have to start from the beginning with Jasper. I knew it might take some time to rebuild the trust and affection that Chelsea had stripped away, but during the process, Jasper would be able to open up to Bella, and that would give him some relief. He wouldn't just be staying with us for Alice's sake this time. Bella would make him _want_  to be there.

I whispered a prayer of thanks for her beautiful, unusual mind, and whatever it was that kept others from toying with it.

When it sounded like they were finished I rose and moved to the chair across from Jasper. Bella shifted from Jasper's chair to mine, curling up in my lap, and I wrapped my arms around her.

"Thank you, Jasper," I murmured softly.

He nodded and forced a smile.

His hesitance should have hurt. I had memory enough of our old affection that I knew I should be bothered by this distance between us. I wasn't, though, and that spoke volumes about the power of Chelsea's gift.

"My son," I said, deliberately invoking the absent connection, "despite what I may have said before I knew what Chelsea had done, I don't consider you any less my family than my other children."

He sighed heavily. "I know, Carlisle. I understand."

"We've been here before. We built a strong relationship once. We can do it again."

He shook his head in aggravation. "Decades of work," he said, "of time invested, experiences collected between us, and what? It's all wiped out, just like that?"

I nodded soberly.

"It's not right. It's not right that she should be able to do that to a person, and it's not right that Aro should be allowed to shuffle through every single thought a man has ever had." He ran a hand through his hair. "You know, when we got on this plane, I had it in my head that we were going to meet a truly honorable coven. Now?" He shook his head again. "You'd think after a century and a half I would have learned not to put people on pedestals."

I frowned. "Disillusionment is difficult to deal with, Jasper. Aro is flawed, but he's a good man. He's been my friend for a very long time."

"Yeah? By whose choice? Yours?" He arched an eyebrow. "Or Chelsea's?"

I gave him a long look. I wanted to say that it was my choice, that my friendship with Aro was a result of long nights of discussion and debate, and that Chelsea couldn't possibly fabricate the affection that I felt for my old friend. But I had just been given a very powerful, very unsettling demonstration of exactly what Chelsea could do, and now I wasn't sure.

"I don't know," I said softly. And for the first time in my life, I truly feared the Volturi.


	98. Two Princes

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

The plane landed in Port Angeles in the early hours of Sunday morning. Very early hours. It wasn't yet three o'clock in the morning, but since I had slept for several hours on the plane, I didn't know how much more sleep I would get. Despite the quick trip, I realized, jet lag was going to be an issue.

The airport was closed when we got there, manned minimally by personnel from the charter service, and since Carlisle had left his car in long-term parking I hadn't expected to see anyone else there. But as the four of us headed out of the little private hangar at the back of the tarmac, two figures came out to meet us. It was dark enough to obscure their faces, but the size disparity and distinctive haircuts gave them away immediately.

I was suddenly flooded with homesickness, oddly, since I was basically home now, and I took off running toward them. Edward moved forward to intercept me and grabbed me up in and enthusiastic hug, lifting me off of my feet.

"Missed me, did you?" he teased as he spun me around and deposited me back on my feet.

I gave him a playful shove. "No. Why would I miss you? I'm just happy to see Alice."

Edward grinned at me as I turned to give Alice a hug as well.

"Any new ones?" I asked them softly. I knew Carlisle and Jasper could hear me, but I figured they wouldn't know that I was asking about the wolves.

Edward caught my drift, though, and nodded. "One." He grabbed my hand and pulled me with him to meet the family.

Alice and Jasper came together and stopped on the tarmac. Jasper pulled Alice to him and leaned down, pressing his forehead against hers. She brought her hands up to the sides of his head, and the two of them just stood there, eyes closed, saying nothing. They didn't kiss or caress one another, but there was such intimacy in their touch that I turned away quickly to give them their privacy.

Edward embraced Carlisle tightly. "Good to have you home, old man."

Carlisle laughed. "You know, in Volterra I'm practically a baby."

"Around here you're still a senior citizen," he grinned, pulling back and giving him a playful shove. "A crotchety old man at that, if your behavior in Volterra says anything about you."

Carlisle shot him an annoyed look, but Edward didn't see it, as he was already turning back toward the parking lot, dropping a casual arm around my shoulders.

"What brings you out?" Carlisle asked, falling into step beside us while Charlie followed close behind.

Edward glanced uneasily over his shoulder at Alice and Jasper, who were lagging at the rear, moving at an unhurried pace. "We just wanted to give you fair warning," he said, the tension in his movements belying his easy tone. "The wolves are waiting for you at home. They want to talk about your plans for Charlie."

Carlisle nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, it would be best to discuss the circumstances with them. They should probably know about the Volturi anyway."

"Uh," Edward said anxiously, running a hand through his hair, "yeah, actually, we told them about the Volturi already."

Carlisle raised a disapproving eyebrow. "Did you represent them fairly?"

"I . . . I think I did," Edward said, looking away.

"You didn't say a good word about them, did you?" Carlisle asked in exasperation.

"I said they're friends of yours. Your opinion carries weight with Jacob."

"And with Sam?"

Edward shoved his hands in his pockets. "With Sam too."

"All right, then," Carlisle said tiredly. "Did you bring a car?"

"We just ran."

Carlisle pulled his keys out of his pocket and tossed them to Edward. "You drive home, would you?"

Edward grinned. "With pleasure."

We reached the car and Carlisle drew me to the front seat, pulling me into his lap. Charlie slid into the back with Jasper and Alice while Edward climbed behind the wheel.

"Bella, what did you think of Marcus's Solimena collection?" Edward asked as he steered the car out of the parking lot.

I smiled self-consciously. "I thought they were better than his public stuff."

That got Edward started on art, and he chatted happily for the next half hour as he drove us home at a thoroughly unnerving speed. I tried not to look out the window, just trusting him not to drive the car into a tree, and trusting Carlisle to keep me alive if he did.

Trust was easier to come by when Carlisle's arms were wrapped around me.

Before long we were speeding down the long drive to the Cullens' house. Edward slowed a bit as we approached the yard, though his stop was still a little harder than I would have liked it. I was glad to be done with the blinding speeds and sudden turns, and I stepped with some relief from the car to the gravel drive. Everyone loaded out of the car, and I felt Carlisle stiffen beside me. He sniffed the air experimentally and turned a horrified look on his first son.

"Edward, what have you done?"

Jasper growled low in his throat as he stared at the house, pulling Alice close to him.

A chill ran through me. "What's wrong?" I asked anxiously.

I didn't get an answer. Carlisle was still staring at Edward. "How many?" he demanded.

Edward shifted uncomfortably. "Twenty-nine."

Jasper's growl shifted to a roar. " _This_  is what you've been doing?" he yelled, rounding on Alice. "Have you completely lost your mind?"

"We had to," Alice said. "We protect our friends, Jasper."

Jasper grabbed her by the shoulders. "We protect our  _family_  first," he hissed, fury roiling in his eyes.

"They needed us." Her voice trembled under Jasper's wrath. "They have to be able to protect themselves, in case Aro changes his mind."

"And what about us?" Jasper yelled. "What about  _you_ , Alice? Do you have any idea what Aro will do to you when he finds out about this?"

"Then he won't find out."

"You can't keep secrets from a mind-reader! God  _damn_  it, Alice, what the hell were you thinking? You  _never_  set yourself up against the Volturi!  _Never!_ "

I had a feeling Alice would have been crying, if she had been able. "I had to," she choked.

"Jasper, it was necessary," Edward broke in.

In a flash Jasper had released Alice and grabbed Edward by the throat. He lifted him off of his feet and slammed him into the ground with a loud crash, leaving a crater in the soft earth. "You've got some nerve, playing games like this with  _my_  girl," he growled through his teeth.

"Stop!" Alice grabbed Jasper's arm and pulled him away from Edward. "It was my decision. This was the right thing to do."

Jasper allowed himself to be pulled away, but he glared at Edward. "I'll deal with you later."

"I have to tell Aro," Carlisle murmured beside me.

Jasper released Alice and rounded on Carlisle with a snarl. "Like hell you do."

"Jasper, you said it yourself, we can't keep secrets from him. The more we try, the worse it looks."

"I don't give a damn how it looks," he hissed. "I've never challenged you, Carlisle. I've stood behind you and defended you even when I thought you were making mistakes. But my loyalty only lasts as long as Alice's safety isn't in question, and I'm  _not_  going to sit idly by while you sell her out to your old pals in Volterra."

I put a hand on Carlisle's arm. "He's right, Carlisle. You can't tell him."

Jasper started pacing in front of the house, running a hand desperately through his hair. Alice watched him for a moment, and then gasped in horror. "Jasper, no! You can't!"

He stopped and gave her a fierce look. "You didn't give me a choice. It's only a matter of time before this gets back to him. I'm not going to wait around for him to send his guard to wipe out every wolf and vampire on the Olympic Peninsula."

"It's suicide!" she yelled, grabbing his arm. "You can't do this, Jasper!"

He shook his head. "Not alone. I need newborns." He looked at Charlie, then at me, then Carlisle.

"Absolutely not!" Carlisle snapped. "Charlie and Bella are not your foot soldiers. You're not attacking the Volturi, Jasper, so put the idea out of your head."

"Actually," Edward said hesitantly, "he's got the beginnings of a solid strategy."

Carlisle growled a warning at Edward. "I'll hear no more talk of an attack on my friends."

Jasper glared at him. "The Volturi are  _not_  friends. You're either with us or you're with them. You don't get to straddle the fence anymore."

The front door of the house swung open and Jacob stepped onto the porch, dressed in his standard cut-offs. "Why don't you all come on inside and let Charlie and Bella get warm while you argue?" he said.

I gaped at him. Jacob already looked older than his true age, but he had still always been something of a goofy little brother to me. Now, though, there was a ring of authority behind his voice, and his whole demeanor radiated power.

Carlisle sighed softly. "He's right, it's cold out here." He took my elbow and gestured for the others to precede us before guiding me inside.

Jacob stopped me at the door, grabbing me up into a tight, warm hug. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," I said, releasing him and gripping Carlisle's hand again.

Carlisle frowned and pulled me inside with him, letting Jacob close the door. "You knew this was happening," he said softly.

I bit my lip, praying he would understand. "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, Carlisle, but Aro . . . I wanted to tell you."

He pulled me close to him and followed the others into the living room. It was packed with bodies. Apparently  _all_  of the wolves were there, sitting or standing around the room, along with the rest of the Cullens. They were all quiet, listening to our conversation.

Jacob stood in front of everyone, his arms crossed over his chest. "So what's this you're planning, Jasper? Attacking the Volturi?"

Jasper mimicked his stance, arms folded over his chest. "It's us or them. When they find out what you've been up to, they'll send a team to kill Alice and Edward, and anyone who tries to stand in their way."

"So let them," Jacob said. "You think we can't take on a handful of vampires?"

"No," Jasper snapped, "I think you can't. You can't defend against the Volturi. They've got a kid who will leave you completely numb before you even know he's there. Blind, deaf, totally defenseless."

"Then why would you plan to attack them? If you can't even handle a small group of them, what makes you think you can take on the whole coven at once?"

"Surprise. I want the chance to strike first."

"No." It was Carlisle who spoke, joining the two of them at the front of the room. "I will not have my family at war with the Volturi. Jasper, your rash decisions could get every one of us killed."

Jasper faced Carlisle, drawing himself up to his full height. "Don't make me fight you on this, Carlisle."

"They are not the enemy."

"Yes they are! Chelsea has blinded you if you can't see that."

"She's blinded you, too!" Carlisle yelled back. "She's disconnected you from the family so much that you'll disregard their safety for the sake of your personal vendetta."

Jasper let out a feral growl that raised the hair on the back of my neck. "Don't make me fight you," he warned again. "You and I both know how that ends."

Carlisle looked at him for a long time, his face stony. Then he turned his eyes on the rest of the occupants in the room, scanning each face slowly. His gaze fell on me, and he reached out his hand.

"Bella," he said softly.

I moved forward and took his hand, letting him draw me close to him.

"I need guidance," he told me. "Jasper is correct that my judgment is impaired, as is his own." He brought up a hand to caress my face. "You've met Aro. You understand the circumstances. I need you to tell me if I should let Jasper go ahead with his plans."

The weight of what he was asking me nearly made my knees buckle. I was supposed to choose whether his family went to war against the Volturi? How could I? How could I even begin to make a decision like that?

But then, he was right. He clearly didn't see the monster in Aro that I saw, that Jasper saw, that even Demetri saw. He couldn't be objective about this.

I glanced at Edward and Alice, drawing in a deep breath. It wasn't just them that had to stay away from the Volturi now. The whole family knew. None of them could ever shake Aro's hand again.

So I started there. "What are the chances that everyone in the family, Charlie included, can completely avoid contact with the Volturi in the future?"

Carlisle looked around the room again. "Not good."

"And do you think—" I stopped, shaking my head. I reworded my question and asked again. "Can you think of a time when Aro has forgiven someone for raising what he would see as an army against him?"

Carlisle thought for a few moments, his expression sober, and finally shook his head.

"Then," I said hesitantly, "I think . . . I think you have to go with Jasper on this, Carlisle."

"Bella, it's dangerous," he said, his voice pleading.

I swallowed back my own fear. "I know. But I think he's right. We can't wait until Aro decides to send someone after us. If Jasper is going to have a chance at success, he has to control the circumstances."

Jasper moved forward and put a hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. "This is what I do, Carlisle. You have to trust me to set this up right, to maximize impact, minimize loss.  _This is what I do._ "

Carlisle was silent again for a moment, looking at him for a long time. "What action do you intend to take?"

"I'm still working on it," Jasper said. He stepped away, running a hand through his hair again, and starting pacing back and forth along the front of the room.

Everyone waited. Jacob found a seat on the floor next to the couch, and Edward moved to stand next to Esme near the stairs. Charlie and Alice drifted away as well, and Carlisle drew me to the stairs and sat down, pulling me into his lap. And we watched. For several long minutes, we held our silence while Jasper paced and thought through his strategy.

Edward watched him intently, his expression occasionally showing a reaction to the thoughts in Jasper's mind. He would frown and shake his head, or raise an intrigued eyebrow, based on the things Jasper was considering. Edward was the first to speak.

"Carlisle," he said softly, "do you know how Renata's talent works?"

Jasper stopped and focused on Carlisle.

He nodded slowly. "She repels physical attack, but she does it by manipulating the mind. An assailant finds himself confused, running in the wrong direction."

"Does she cause this confusion consciously?"

Carlisle shook his head. "No. It happens whether she's aware of the assault or not."

"And if she's touching others, she can protect them as well?"

He hesitated. "She can expand it beyond touch, but not more than about a ten-foot radius around her. And the larger the space she's trying to cover, the less effective her talent. A very determined person can break through if she's pushing her limits."

Jasper nodded and started pacing again.

Silence fell once more, interrupted only by faint rustling and fidgeting from the wolves, and Jasper's steady footsteps. Finally he stopped once again, turning back to Carlisle. "I need to know you're in this. One hundred percent, no hesitation. I need you for information, and I can't have you holding out on me."

Carlisle looked at me as though asking permission, and I nodded. He turned back to Jasper. "My family above all else, Jasper. I'm behind you."

"Bella?" Jasper asked.

The expectation in his voice surprised me, and the sudden snarl from beside me told me that Carlisle was not at all pleased.

Jasper gritted his teeth. "Carlisle, are you with me or not?" he growled.

"You will not make a soldier out of my mate," Carlisle snapped.

"I  _need_  newborns."

I slipped my hand into Carlisle's. "You have to let me help."

He turned to me, shaking his head. "I don't want this for you, Bella. It's bad enough to draw you into this life, but to make it one of violence? I can't do that to you."

I pulled his arm over my shoulders and leaned into him, getting as close as I could. "My life has always been violent," I reminded him. "And you've protected me, you and all of your family. I can't tell you how much that means to me, and I could never even begin to repay you for it." I stretched up and pressed a kiss gently to his lips. "If there's anything I can do to help now, you have to let me do it, Carlisle."

He shook his head, deep sadness showing in his eyes. "I can't endanger you like that, my love."

I bit my lip. I knew exactly what to say to get him to agree. It was emotional blackmail, and saying it was essentially fighting dirty. Still, I only hesitated a moment before whispering, "Don't hold me back. I don't need another domineering man in my life."

He flinched as though he had been struck and dropped his head into his hand. "You don't have to do this," he choked. "Please reconsider. We can do this without risking your safety."

I felt horrible for trapping him into it, and I clung to him, leaning my forehead against his shoulder. "You have to understand how much I love you. All of you. Edward and Alice were the first friends I've made in years. And Jasper . . . Carlisle, do you know what it means to me to finally be able to talk to someone?" I swallowed back tears that wanted to flood my eyes. "I need you guys. I can't just sit back and do nothing if there's anything I can contribute."

He wrapped both arms around me, holding me tightly.

"I'll do right by you, Carlisle," Jasper said softly. "I'll bring her back to you."

Carlisle's head snapped up, and he glared at Jasper. "You're not taking her to Volterra without me. Whatever it is you're planning, figure me into it."

Jasper gave him a steady look, drawing in a slow breath and letting it out. "Maybe. I'll think on it. Meanwhile you and I need to talk about details." He turned on Jacob, speaking with barely-veiled hostility. "I assume you and your grossly inflated pack won't have a problem if we turn one more person?"

Jacob bristled, but kept his cool. "Charlie, is this something you want?" he asked. "You're not feeling forced into it?"

"I want this," Charlie assured him softly.

Jacob nodded to Jasper. "Okay, then. You won't get opposition from any of us." He stood up. "So . . . let's talk strategy."

Jasper snorted. "You can't be serious."

"Why not?" Jacob asked. "Wasn't that the point of getting so many of us to phase? To fight the Volturi?"

"No," Edward spoke up. "It's only for your protection, in case they decided to come here."

"Here or there, what does it matter? You've got a vampire problem, and we just happen to be specialists in vampire extermination."

Jasper gave him a hard look. "Go home, boy. This is no place for children."

"Hold on," Rosalie said, stepping forward. "Jacob's got a point. If you're planning on taking on a coven as large and as talented as the Volturi, you're going to need help."

"No," Jasper said coldly. "I'm not fighting a war of attrition. We're not out-killing them, we're out-thinking them. The idea is to destroy the hub and let the rest of the wheel fall apart."

"Hell of a hard hub to get to," she said archly, crossing her arms over her chest.

Jasper frowned, slowly scanning the crowd of bronze-skinned visitors. "I'll consider it," he finally said. "But I don't want a would-be newborn army on my hands. I want cool heads and quick thinkers."

"I thought you said you wanted newborns," Paul spoke up.

"I want two," he said shortly. "I wouldn't mind a third. But a newborn army against the Volturi is useless, and I don't need the bullshit."

"How many wolves do you need?" Jacob asked.

Jasper started pacing again. "I don't know. I need to talk logistics with Carlisle."

"In the morning," Carlisle said softly. "Tonight I want to be with Bella."

Jasper sighed in exasperation, but didn't argue. "Fine. Jacob, why don't you all meet us back here at sundown."

"I'll make dinner," Esme volunteered. "Shall we plan to eat around six o'clock?"

Jacob bobbed his head. "Sounds good to me."

"Plan to stay late," Jasper told him.

Carlisle stood, drawing me to my feet as well. "I'll take you home," he murmured. He beckoned for Charlie to follow, and the three of us headed back outside to his car.

The drive home was silent, and when we got to the house, Carlisle didn't bother with pretenses. He took my hand and led me wordlessly up the stairs to my room. He didn't speak as I undressed and pulled on a bathrobe, and he didn't resist when I drew him with me into the bathroom and pulled him under the warm spray of the shower.

Still, he said nothing. He carefully washed my hair and my body, but every touch, every gesture, was laced with melancholy.

When we made it back to the bedroom, Carlisle stripped his clothes off and slid my robe off of my shoulders. He didn't bother with pajamas, simply guiding me to the bed and slipping between the sheets with me. I huddled against his cold body, letting the chill ease the ache in my muscles brought on by stress of the weekend and the discomfort of trying to sleep on the plane.

"Is there anything I can say to change your mind?" he asked softly, finally breaking his silence.

"No," I answered, just as quietly.

"You don't have to do this. We have strong fighters in the family— _experienced_  fighters."

"But no newborns. Jasper says he needs newborns."

"Emmett has nearly as much strength as a newborn."

I shook my head, snuggling closer to him. "It doesn't matter, Carlisle. You've been there for me again and again, you've saved me from every ugly thing in my life. I finally have the chance to give something back."

"No," he said, his hand gripping my hip hard. "Bella, what I did for you didn't come with a price tag. There is no debt to be paid."

"It's not about debt." I pried his hand from my hip and lacing my fingers through his. "It's about being a part of the family. Contributing something."

"It's not necessary—"

"Yes it is. For me it is." I kissed his fingers. "Do you know what it's like, standing in the company of heroes and being completely useless? Do you know how it feels to be the person who always takes and never gives? It makes me sick inside, Carlisle. And maybe it means I still have trust issues or whatever, but one-sided relationships don't seem to me like the kind that last."

Carlisle extracted his hand from mine and cupped my cheek. "You still doubt me," he whispered, his voice aching with sadness. "What can I say that I haven't said? What can I do that I haven't done? How can I prove to you that I am forever yours?"

"Let me be a part of things. Let me  _do_  something."

"You're too precious to me, Bella. I've waited too long for you."

"Don't." I pushed back a few inches, looking up at him. "Don't try to lock me in a glass case. I'm not that girl—I wouldn't even know how to be."

His eyes pleaded with me. "I'm not trying to stifle you, darling, but how can you expect me to simply sit by while your life is in jeopardy?"

"How can you expect  _me_  to? Isn't that what you're doing? Asking me to do nothing when you and the family need me?"

"We don't need you for this," he insisted.

I pressed a hand over his heart. "I think you do. If you and Jasper can come up with some sort of scenario that doesn't require me as a newborn—a scenario that  _Jasper_  is happy with—then I'll go along with it." I stroked his chest gently. "But if you can't, Carlisle, I need you to accept this. If I have to fight you the whole time, it will only make me weaker."

He took my hand and pressed it to his lips, squeezing his eyes shut. "Promise me," he whispered.

"I promise. But it has to be something Jasper is willing to sign off on. He's the expert here."

"We'll find something," he said determinedly.

"You have to promise me too, Carlisle."

He looked solemnly into my eyes. "I  _will_  keep you safe."

"No." I shook my head. "Promise me you'll support me if I have to fight the Volturi."

He licked his lips and stared back at me, and I could see how much it cost him when he spoke. "I promise."

I started to snuggle close to him again, but he slipped out of bed and moved to the chair in the corner where he had left his folded clothes. "Where are you going?" I asked, anxiety building inside of me. I was feeling needy tonight, vulnerable and a little bit pathetic, and I wanted him with me to soothe my nerves.

"I'm going to talk to Jasper," he said, shrugging into his shirt.

"Can . . ." I hesitated, biting my lip. "Can you wait until I fall asleep?"

Carlisle stilled and looked back at me, his fingers on the buttons of his shirt. He nodded solemnly and then undressed again, re-folding his clothes and returning to the bed. He pulled me into his arms and cradled me against his chest, one hand stroking my hair.

His silence unnerved me. One thing I had always been able to count on was Carlisle's reassuring presence, but there were no comforting words tonight.

That made sense, though. Hadn't he asked me to wait? Hadn't he specifically requested that I remain human a while longer, so that he could have time to enjoy the things he would lose once I changed? And I was ignoring him. He so rarely asked me for anything, and now that he was, I was denying him.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked him softly.

"No, darling," he whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

His words didn't reassure me. He was still so distant, his mind clearly on something else.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I know you wanted me to wait."

His arms tightened around me, and I felt him shake his head. "I don't want you to wait. In an ideal situation, we would take our time. But there is a real threat, and honestly, I'll feel better if you're able to defend yourself." He sighed softly. "I just don't like the thought of you beginning your vampire life as a weapon in Jasper's arsenal."

I smiled to myself. "Just think of it as initiation. All the new pledges have to go through a little hazing, right?"

He gave me a weak smile. "It's not something to worry about. We'll come up with a way to accomplish Jasper's goals without endangering you." He hesitated. "But if it's alright with you, I'd still like you to consider changing sooner rather than later, for the sake of caution."

"I'll have to do something about school."

He kissed my forehead again. "Sleep now, my love. We'll worry about the details when you wake."

* * *

Carlisle was gone when I drifted into consciousness the next morning—which was good, as I was feeling groggy and listless, and probably wouldn't have been the best company. It was just before nine o'clock, a bit early, considering how late I had gotten to bed the night before, but I quickly killed the idea of trying to sleep any more. I wanted to know what Carlisle and Jasper had decided.

I sat up, rubbing the sleepiness from my eyes, and spotted a yellow chrysanthemum lying on the bedside table on top of a folded sheet of paper. I picked them both up, bringing the chrysanthemum to my nose and breathing in the fresh, woodsy scent while I unfolded the note.

_Bella,_

_I'll be counting the minutes till I see you again._

_Yours forever,_

_Carlisle_

I smiled to myself and dropped the chrysanthemum in the vase on the table before hurriedly pulling on a pair of khaki slacks and a brown cashmere turtleneck that I was fairly sure hadn't been in my closet when I left for Italy. It was slightly unsettling, never knowing exactly what was going to be in my closet when I opened it in the morning, but I was significantly better dressed these days than I had been before, and I had to appreciate Alice's efforts.

Particularly because Carlisle seemed to have a thing for the kinds of fabrics Alice filled my closet with. He rarely expressed his approval of my new clothing verbally, beyond telling me if he thought I looked nice, but when I wore softer fabrics, his hands generally found purchase somewhere on my body, stroking idly while we talked or read together. With the sweater I was wearing, I could pretty much guarantee that his hand would, at some point, slide under the fold of the collar and stroke my neck through the delicate material.

I found myself smiling again. For someone who was supposedly immune to the call of blood, he sure did give a lot of attention to my throat.

There was a pair of brown suede Christian Louboutin boots on the floor of the closet beneath where the sweater had hung, and it was clear to me that Alice intended for me to wear them together. This was the one place I resisted Alice's suggestions. The heels on those things were more likely than not to injure either myself or someone close to me, and I passed them over for the safer, far less elegant Sketchers that I usually wore to school. I knew she'd probably roll her eyes at me when she saw me, but I shrugged it off. I'd wear her shoes after I turned, when they wouldn't pose quite such a hazard to my health. After all, it looked like it wouldn't be too much longer before that happened.

Laced into my klutz-friendly shoes, I headed downstairs to see what Charlie had in mind for the day. I found him at the kitchen table, staring intently into a mug of coffee. He didn't look up when I entered the room, and only grunted darkly when I offered him a greeting.

A chill crept up the back of my neck. Charlie was in a mood, and I didn't know if there was anybody outside listening today. The usual concerns about Charlie's control had fallen by the wayside in the wake of much more pressing matters.

I tried not to provoke him further. I moved to the counter and poured myself some coffee, biting my lip as though I needed some reminder to keep quiet. Maybe I could text Alice or Edward and ask them to come over. I felt in my pocket for my phone, but realized I had left it upstairs. Stupid. I sipped at my coffee, feigning nonchalance, and then started to wander out of the kitchen back toward the stairs.

"Bella," Charlie said shortly.

I cringed.

"Sit down," he said, nodding to the chair across the table from him.

I sank into the chair and took a drink of my coffee as an excuse not to look at him.

"Is Carlisle still here?" he asked flatly.

I shook my head, and immediately wished I hadn't. Maybe I should have lied and told him Carlisle was waiting for me upstairs. Maybe then he would let me leave.

Charlie tapped his fingers anxiously on the table. He leveled a gaze at me. "You know it kills me to agree with him on anything, right? Especially after that stunt he pulled last night. I mean, showering with him? Really, Bella? You couldn't at least keep it in your bedroom?"

I looked up, stunned. This was definitely not what I was expecting.

He sighed. "But baby, he  _is_  right about this. You shouldn't let Jasper drag you into his fight."

My mouth dropped open a little. "Aren't you going to help?" I gasped.

"Of course  _I_  am," he said, dropping his eyes to his coffee. "I just don't think _you_  should."

Just like that, every instinct for self-preservation evaporated and my temper flared. "Why not? What makes you so much more capable than me?"

Charlie was more patient than I was. "I'm not saying I'm more capable," he said placatingly. "But I'm not real excited about my little girl trying to assassinate a vampire dictator."

I rolled my eyes. "Nice double-standard, Dad."

"Call it what you want, but you should listen to me. To us."

I pursed my lips. "I told Carlisle if he could get Jasper to sign off on a plan that doesn't include me, I'll back out. I'm sure he's spent the last several hours with Jasper trying to come up with one."

Charlie sighed sadly. "You really think this is necessary? Attacking the Volturi?"

"Yeah. I do."

He slumped back in his chair, bringing his mug of coffee to his lips. "It's disappointing," he said, swallowing a sip. "Going there was . . . something to look forward to. It gave me a purpose."

I suddenly felt sick. What exactly had I done here? It was  _my_  decision,  _my_  advice to Carlisle, and it had taken away Charlie's entire future. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, trying to make it stop churning. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

He shook his head, shrugging it off, and took a deep breath. "We'll do what we have to do," he said dismissively. "You said Carlisle and Jasper are working out a plan right now?"

"I'm sure they talked about it last night. Jasper can be kind of single-minded. I can't see him letting this go until he's got it worked out."

"I wouldn't mind hearing what he's thinking about."

That surprised me. "Do you want to go over there?"

He perked up a little. "You think they'd mind?"

"I'm sure they wouldn't, though things might be a little tense over there today."

He nodded, and I was sure he was thinking of last night like I was.

I rose, gulping down a mouthful of hot coffee, and then threw the rest in the sink. "I'll grab my jacket and we can go."

Ten minutes later, Charlie's cruiser was pulling up in front of the Cullen house. Esme opened the door for us as we strode up the walk and greeted us each with a kiss on the cheek.

"How are you holding up?" she asked us sympathetically.

Before I could answer there was a loud bang from somewhere upstairs, and Jasper's voice rang loudly through the house. "God  _damn_  it, Carlisle! When are you going to see sense?"

I didn't hear an answer, but after a moment Jasper was yelling again. "You think the Volturi settle for second best?" he demanded. "If Renata wasn't the most powerful shield there is, she wouldn't be at Aro's side.  _I_  need the best too, so I can counteract her talent."

There was another short silence, and then a moment later a door slammed and footsteps came our way. Esme squeezed my arm reassuringly, and then stepped back and ushered Charlie to the couch as Jasper and Carlisle stormed down the stairs.

Carlisle came straight to me, taking me by the arms. "Bella, tell him no," he said, his voice tinged with desperation. " _Please._  Don't do this."

I looked at Jasper, who was rubbing a hand over his forehead as though he had a headache. "It's your choice," he told me, "but I need you. Without you, this gets a hell of a lot more dangerous."

"He wants to send you against an experienced fighter," Carlisle said, his eyes flashing angrily.

"You'll be stronger than her, and she'll be impaired," Jasper argued.

"So will Bella," Carlisle snapped.

"Not as much. And maybe not at all."

Carlisle growled low in his chest, and I reached up a hand to stroke his hair, pulling him down until his forehead rested against mine. "You promised me," I whispered.

"I can't," he said brokenly, swallowing hard. "I can't stomach it, Bella. Sending you into that situation alone. . . ."

"You'll be with me, won't you?"

"I'll be as impaired as everyone else in the room. I won't be able to protect you."

I was thoroughly confused, but I wasn't about to change my mind. "But I'll be less impaired?"

He nodded, agony reflecting in his eyes.

"Then you need me," I told him. "And I need your support."

His face crumpled and he dropped his head onto my shoulder in defeat. It tore me up to deny him like this, but the alternative was completely unacceptable. I couldn't leave him and his whole family unprotected when there was something I could do about it.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, clinging to him. "I'm so sorry, Carlisle."

"I need a few minutes," he whispered back. He extracted himself from my grip and strode out the back door of the house, darting into the trees that surrounded the property.

I sighed heavily. "Is Alice here?"

She appeared immediately ate the top of the stairs. "I'm here."

"He'll forgive me for this, won't he?" I asked.

She smiled brightly. "He's not mad at you, Bella. He's just trying to figure out how to pretend all this isn't killing him, so he can be supportive for you."

I winced. "I'm asking way too much of him, aren't I?"

"That's not even possible," she laughed, coming down the stairs. "Hey, how do you feel about roses for the wedding instead of lilacs?"

"Um, sure," I said distractedly.

"Good. And plan on putting aside some time a week from Friday. We totally need to have a girls' night."

"Oh." My heart rate automatically shot up, and I couldn't help remembering what Dr. Rhodes had said about my reluctance to get close to women. Maybe she was right. "Sure, yeah, girls' night." I hesitated. "What exactly do we do on a girls' night?" I had the distinct feeling shopping would be involved, though honestly, since I didn't really have bruises to cover these days, that thought didn't seem quite as horrible as it once had.

Alice just smiled mysteriously. "If I tell you, you'll try to get out of it."

That was  _not_  the kind of answer I wanted to hear. "I changed my mind," I blurted out. "I don't want—"

"Too late!" she chirped. "You already agreed! And trust me, you'll thank me for it later." She bounced over to Jasper and slipped her hands up to one shoulder, stretching up on her toes for a kiss.

Jasper wrapped an arm around her and pulled her against his side, his lips meeting hers eagerly. Alice practically climbed up his body, wrapping her legs around his waist and burying her hands in his hair as their kiss grew more passionate. I looked away, wondering if they were so unconcerned about privacy that they would just go at it right here in the living room, but eventually Jasper pulled back, breaking the kiss.

"When are you going to be done?" Alice pouted.

Jasper growled in frustration. "I don't know. I can't get him to focus."

"I can't believe I'm getting cock-blocked by  _Carlisle_ ," she huffed.

Charlie stifled a snicker.

Jasper finally cracked a smile and kissed the tip of Alice's nose. "It can't last forever. If I ain't gettin' any,  _he_  ain't gettin' any."

Alice giggled. "He's coming back to talk to Bella. We totally have time for a quickie."

Jasper sobered and nudged Alice off of him, letting her slide to her feet. He straightened and turned toward the back door, waiting for Carlisle to reappear.

After a moment he did, striding through the door and moving directly to me. He took my hand wordlessly and headed for the stairs, but Jasper cleared his throat.

"We still have work to do."

Carlisle stopped, not turning to look at him. "Pardon me, Jasper," he said stiffly. "Perhaps I should have asked your permission to speak with Bella."

Jasper lost it then, the temper he was straining to hold back breaking free of his control.

"Damn it, Carlisle!" he yelled. "I'm  _sorry_  I challenged you, alright? I'm  _sorry_  I undermined your authority. But there is a real danger here, and I'm trying to protect this family!"

"This family?" Carlisle challenged, spinning to face him. "Or just Alice?"

Jasper ground his teeth. "You know I'll always put Alice first, but what I'm doing here is for all of us."

"Except Bella," he growled, his voice low and dangerous. "You don't seem all that concerned about endangering  _her_  safety."

Jasper's eyes flashed with anger. "You think I'm not doing this for Bella?" He jabbed a finger in my direction, his eyes never leaving Carlisle's face. " _Bella_  walked into Volterra knowing exactly what was going on here, and she lied right to Aro's face. And what's more, every one of us knows it." He crossed his arms over his chest. "Our heads are all on the block, Carlisle, every single one, and if we don't pull this off, we're  _all_  dead, Bella included."

"We can do this without her."

"No we can't!" Jasper threw up his hands in frustration. "We get  _one_  shot at this, a handful of seconds to take them down, and if you think sending in anyone but the best is an option, you might as well kill your girl now. Because I promise you, you'll do it a lot faster and a lot less painfully than Aro will when he starts doling out his punishment."

Carlisle looked ill, though I was sure that nothing short of werewolf blood could literally make him sick. He took a step back from Jasper and turned back toward the stairs, taking my hand again. "I need a moment with Bella."

"Let me know when you're ready to get back to work," Jasper said.

Carlisle nodded and pulled me up the stairs with him. He drew me into his office and shut the door behind us, guiding me to a chair in front of his desk. He pushed aside a large paper with a sketch of what looked like a floor plan and sat on the edge of the desk in front of me. He looked at me for a long time, always seeming like he was on the verge of speaking, and I kept silent and waited.

After a moment he stood and moved behind the desk. He didn't sit, but started pacing back and forth, his hands behind his back. "How can I make you understand?" he asked softly, desperately. "How can I show you what you mean to me?"

I didn't know how to answer him, so I kept quiet and waited. Finally he plucked a book from the shelf behind his desk, and brought it to me, flipping it open and pushing it into my hands. I glanced down at the page and saw a poem I was familiar with. I looked curiously up at Carlisle, but he seemed to be waiting for me to read it, so I looked down at the page again and reviewed the words.

_If you were coming in the Fall,_  
I _'d brush the Summer by_  
 _With half a smile, and half a spurn,  
_ _As Housewives do, a Fly._

_If I could see you in a year,_  
 _I'd wind the months in balls—_  
 _And put them each in separate Drawers,  
_ _For fear the numbers fuse—_

_If only Centuries, delayed,_  
 _I'd count them on my Hand,_  
 _Subtracting, till my fingers dropped  
_ _Into Van Dieman's Land._

_If certain, when this life was out—_  
 _That yours and mine, should be_  
 _I'd toss it yonder, like a Rind,  
_ _And take Eternity—_

_But, now, uncertain of the length_  
 _Of this, that is between,_  
 _It goads me, like the Goblin Bee—  
_ _That will not state—its sting._

I looked up again, confused, to find him staring at me intently.

"I waited for so long," he whispered, "one agonizingly lonely day after another, never knowing if I could find love, never daring to truly believe that there was anyone on this earth for me." He took the book from me and pulled me to my feet. "Three hundred years, Bella. It's an interminable amount of time to wait when you don't even know if you'll ever get what you're waiting for." His arms slipped around me and he leaned close, his lips ghosting over mine. "You are the answer to a prayer I've been repeating for centuries. To lose you, Bella . . . it would be too much to bear."

He kissed me hard, pulling me sharply against him and pouring all of his pain and fear into me. I clung to him, one hand gripping at his hair as though my life depended on it. I wanted to give him this. I wanted to tell him I would do whatever he asked. But Jasper's words rang in my ears, and I knew I couldn't risk Carlisle to keep myself safe. For Carlisle first, and then for the rest of the family, I had to fight.

Carlisle released my lips, but didn't let me go. He held me against his chest, rocking me slightly. "If I can't change your mind," he said, his voice thick, "at least promise me you'll do what Jasper asks and no more. Promise me that when your task is completed you'll move away from the fight and let the rest of us take care of things."

I stilled, turning his request over in my mind. I didn't want to promise that. I didn't want to give the very minimum to my family. But there was only so much I could refuse Carlisle, and I found myself nodding. "Okay," I said. "I promise. I'll do what Jasper needs me to do, and then I'll stop."

He pulled back quickly, his hands moving to the sides of my face, his eyes boring into me. "You will?"

I nodded.

He pulled me against him again, hugging me tightly, whispering fervent words I couldn't quite make out. He held me for a long time, pressing kisses to my hair, my forehead, my cheeks, my lips, letting his gratitude wash over me.

We stayed there so long that my feet were actually starting to ache from standing still. I was debating whether to step out of his embrace when he finally heaved a reluctant sigh. "I really should get back to work," he said. "There's still much I have to go over with Jasper."

I nodded and stepped out of his arms. "I'm going to go see if I can convince Alice to tell me what tortures she has planned for girls' night."

He smiled weakly and gave me one more gentle kiss. "I love you, Bella. More than anything in the world."

My own love for him crashed over me, heavy and suffocating, making me tremble. I swallowed hard, struggling even to stay on my feet. "I love you too," I whispered.

There was a soft knock on the door, and then it opened and Jasper stepped in with Charlie close behind. "Are you ready?" he asked Carlisle, all trace of his earlier animosity gone.

Carlisle nodded. "I'll find you when I'm done, Bella," he said softly.

I squeezed his hand in farewell and headed out the door, leaving them to their strategy meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _If You Were Coming in the Fall_ is by Emily Dickinson.


	99. Bad Religion

Banner by IllicitWriter

# 

 

**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

I lightly stroked the soft cashmere of Bella's sweater, feeling the folds of the collar around my hand and taking comfort in the gentle fluttering of her pulse beneath the material. "Our guests will be here soon," I murmured softly, my lips against Bella's ear. "We should go down to greet them."

"No," she said lazily from where she was tucked between my legs, leaning back against my chest. "They should come up to greet us."

I forced a quiet laugh. "Much as I like them, love, I'm not sure I want a group of boys that smell the way they do parading through my bedroom."

She huffed, feigning irritation. "Jasper can handle the meeting. He doesn't need us there."

I kissed her behind her ear, breathing in her delicious scent. She was right, really, Jasper could explain everything to the wolves without us. But we hadn't exactly presented a united front the previous evening, and I didn't want the family to appear weak in front of the pack. Tonight, when Jasper and I stood together, it would be as much about reaffirming our strength and solidarity as instructing the others on strategy.

But that didn't make the task any more pleasant.

"Come, angel," I murmured, scooting her to the edge of the bed and standing up. "It was very thoughtful of him to plan some time for us to be alone before our company arrives, but now we need to give him our support."

Bella snorted. "Thoughtful? You know what he and Alice used that time for, don't you?"

I smiled sadly. I knew exactly what he and Alice had used it for—what they were still using it for—but I could hear several familiar cars approaching, and they would have to wrap it up before long. "Yes, well, they needed some time to reconnect as well." I took her hand and pulled her to her feet, guiding her out the bedroom door. We headed down the stairs to the living room, which had been entirely rearranged in our absence. The furniture had been pushed back against the walls, and dining room chairs and large bean bags and pillows had been brought in, in an attempt to create comfortable seating for the number of visitors we would have today. At the front of the room was a table and a large bulletin board, and the stacks of drawings I had prepared waited on the corner of the table.

The room was ready, and if the scents drifting in from the kitchen were any indication, Edward and Esme were nearly ready as well. The two of them had spent most of the day in the kitchen, making an astonishing amount of food. Hundreds of humans could easily be fed from the fruits of their labors, and they had actually had to rent a handful of catering trucks for their portable warming and refrigeration functions.

Bella drew in a deep breath, her eyes slipping closed. "Wow," she breathed. "That smells incredible."

"Are you hungry? We can get you something to eat now, if you'd like."

"I can wait, assuming Jacob and friends don't inhale everything in sight as soon as they step through the door."

"No promises," I laughed softly.

We moved to the door and stepped out onto the porch as the caravan from La Push found places to park in front of the house. The crowd surged out of the cars, a mass of enthusiasm and confusion, and made their way toward us. Jacob greeted us first and stood next to us as we welcomed each guest, making introductions when they were necessary. The tribal elders had come along, which pleased me, and I hoped there was enough seating to accommodate them all.

We greeted the last guest and made our way inside, where Edward and Esme were passing around trays piled high with hors d'oeuvres. The Quileutes, already in high spirits, brightened even more at the sight of food.

So far, things were copacetic. I knew Jasper had some anxiety about being in close proximity to so many wolves, and the friendly atmosphere would go a long way toward setting his mind at ease.

Jasper hadn't entered the room yet, so I felt no need to call the meeting to order and put an end to their chatter. I watched silently as Jacob pulled Bella into his lap and snagged a handful of appetizers from a passing tray. He poked one into her mouth and tossed back two of his own. Seth Clearwater joined the two of them, pulling Bella's feet into his lap and tickling them until she was squirming and begging him to stop.

This was a promising start.

I could hear Jasper and Alice lingering upstairs, and I gestured Edward over. "What is he waiting for?" I asked in the barest of whispers, nodding toward their bedroom.

"He's just listening. Gauging the mood, trying to glean what information he can."

"Does he want to know something in particular? Perhaps we could guide a conversation in the right direction."

Edward paused for a moment. "He doesn't seem to be listening for anything specific. He's just being Jasper, always on the lookout for an advantage."

I nodded and he moved away, retrieving another tray of food to pass around.

Jasper waited another few minutes before descending the stairs and moving quietly to the front of the room. He stood for a moment, hands clasped behind his back, scanning the crowd. "If you'll all take your seats," he said calmly.

The reaction was immediate. The noise quieted instantly and the boys all made their way to the crowded seating area. Edward deposited the empty platters in the kitchen and returned, standing in the doorway next to Esme and giving Jasper his attention. But for the occasional rustle of movement, the room was silent.

"Thank you," Jasper said with a tight smile. "Before we get started, I wonder if you might update us on the status of your pack." His eyes moved between Jacob and Sam.

"Packs," Jacob said, leaning casually back on the couch. Bella was sitting beside him now instead of on his lap, but he still had an arm draped over her shoulders and he tugged her closer to him as he spoke. "There are six separate packs now, and as of this morning, thirty-one wolves."

Bella's eyes widened. "You found  _three_  new Alphas?"

He nodded.

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "I assume you're one of them."

"Yep. Me, Sam, Quil, Jesse, Lucas . . ." He trailed off, grinning widely.

"That's five," Jasper said expectantly.

"Yes, well, our sixth Alpha doesn't like it when I speak for her."

Leah snorted. "Damn right, Jacob Black. I can do it myself."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "Impressive," I murmured. "The first female wolf, as well as the first female Alpha."

She smiled smugly as Seth gave her a high five.

"You'll do," Jasper said approvingly. His eyes fell on Quil. "I'll admit I wouldn't have expected it from you, hard as it was to get you to phase."

Jacob laughed. "It's pretty hard to get Quil riled up, but once you do, he's fierce."

Jasper gave a slight nod.

"Do you have any new candidates?" Edward asked Jacob.

He shook his head. "No, I think we need to stop. The last one who phased was twelve years old . . . I just don't think I'm comfortable with putting this on anyone younger than that."

Sam nodded his agreement. "Besides, all the reshuffling of the packs has been hard on us. We need time to settle and get used to each other."

"Thirty-one wolves," Jasper muttered. "Six packs." He stared into space for a moment, then focused on Jacob. "Can you still all hear each other?"

He shook his head. "We can only hear other wolves in our own packs, except for the Alphas. We can talk to each other if we project."

"Hm." Jasper looked at him for a moment. "Okay."

"So what are we up against?" Paul asked Jasper. "Tell us more about this coven."

I stepped forward to do my duty and picked up the stack of papers on the table. "They're a very powerful, very refined coven in Italy. They came to power more than a thousand years ago by ousting two vampires who held the position before them." I took the first drawing from the stack and tacked it up on the bulletin board. "This is Aro. Though all three brothers ostensibly hold equal authority, it is common knowledge that Aro is the real leader. Caius has no talent to speak of, and Marcus's is fairly useless in battle. The Volturi will fall if Aro falls."

"He's the mind reader," Jasper added. "He's the reason we're bothering with this fight at all, which makes him the primary target. But he's not the  _only_  target. There is a core of bonded, talented vampires at the heart of the Volturi that we need to take out in addition to the Brotherhood. If we leave Volterra without having destroyed a single one of our targets, they will hunt us down and kill us."

I nodded, posting drawings of the other two brothers. "Marcus and Caius, the other two heads of the coven. If left alive, the guard may try to rally around them. Best not to let that happen." My gaze lingered on Marcus's picture for a moment, and for a fraction of a second I let myself feel regret that he was included in all of this. My only comfort was the knowledge that his death would be a mercy. He had lived far too long without Didyme.

"When you take out a vampire," Jasper said, picking up the speech, "you also have to take out the mate. Otherwise, you leave a crazed partner bent on revenge." He nodded to me, and I posted the proper pictures. "Sulpicia and Athenodora. Aro's mate, and Caius's."

"What about Marcus's?" Sam asked.

"Dead," I said softly. "Marcus shows very little interest in anything since he lost her."

"He's still connected to the coven, though," Jasper warned. "They're all he has left, and he'll fight to protect them."

I nodded sadly and lifted the next drawing. "This is Chelsea. Vampire covens rarely get as large as the Volturi. They travel individually or in pairs, occasionally threes or fours, but there's generally too much fighting to allow for more than that." I stuck the drawing up on the board. "Chelsea takes care of that for the Volturi. She strengthens their bonds, keeps them from killing each other off. If we kill her, chances are those bonds will disappear and the coven will splinter."

"Chances are?" Jacob asked.

I nodded. "I'm basing that assumption on another vampire I once knew who had a similar ability. As soon as I killed him, the connections he had created disappeared."

"You killed him?" Jacob raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't peg you as much of a fighter, Carlisle."

I met his gaze steadily. "You would be wrong."

"It would be a mistake to underestimate Carlisle," Jasper told him. "You'll find it's not unusual for men of peace to have purchased their lifestyle with significant violence."

"Duly noted."

"This is Afton," I said, posting his picture next to Chelsea's. "He's Chelsea's mate, but also dangerous in his own right." I gazed around the room. "Do  _not_  look him in the eye for more than a second or two. He can plant ideas in your head. I've seen him turn coven members against one another by mere suggestion."

Several of the Quileutes glanced around at one another, shifting uncomfortably in their seats.

"That's creepy," Leah muttered.

I nodded. "It can be unpleasant living around a man with his ability, particularly since he has a penchant for practical jokes." I stifled a nostalgic smile that tried to rise to the surface. The fact was, I liked Afton, but I had to wonder how much of that was Chelsea's doing.

It was unnerving, not being able to trust my own heart.

I shook off my discomfort and held up the next two renderings. "The twins," I said. "Jane and Alec. These two are both unmated but will be fiercely loyal to one another. They are the most effective offensive weapons in the Volturi arsenal. Jane is famous for the debilitating pain she can cause."

"It's all mental, though," Jasper put in softly. "She can't touch Bella."

I turned to him, giving him a curious look. "How do you know?"

"She tried. When you and Bella were otherwise occupied, she thought it would be funny to mess with you a little. It didn't work."

Relief flooded through me. It was the first good news I had heard all day.

"Alec too," Jasper continued. "Tried and failed."

"What does Alec do?" Paul asked.

"He's the one who makes you numb," Jasper said. "He blocks all of your sensory input and leaves you defenseless until the guard gets around to killing you."

"Alec is far more dangerous than Jane," I said, "for one particular reason. Jane can only target one person at a time, but Alec can flood large areas. It was his talent that allowed the Volturi to wipe out entire armies of newborns with virtually no risk to their own guard."

"The kid is poison," Jasper said vehemently. "He'll be one of the first on the hit list, because if he has a chance to fight, we all die."

I held up the final drawing. "And finally, we have Renata, Aro's personal bodyguard."

Jasper's head snapped up and he gave Charlie a sharp look. "Do you have some problem with that?" he growled.

Charlie sighed heavily and shook his head.

Jasper raised a challenging eyebrow.

"She seemed like a nice girl," Charlie said tiredly. "I was looking forward to getting to know her."

Bella cocked her head at him curiously. "Did you talk to her?"

He looked down at his hands. "Not really," he shrugged. "But it doesn't matter anyway. Life with the Volturi is no longer an option, and if she has to go, she has to go."

Jasper regarded him carefully, but seemed satisfied. "Renata will have to be the first one to die," he told the group. "She's a physical shield—she prevents people from attacking herself or Aro. Which means, before we can accomplish our objective, Renata has to be neutralized." He directed his gaze at Bella. "That will be your job. We assume that, as with other mental abilities, you'll be exempt from Renata's influence. It's likely you're the only one who will be able to get past her defenses."

Bella bit her lip anxiously. "So . . . I'm supposed to kill Renata and Aro?"

"No," I said sharply. "Just Renata, Bella. You get her away from Aro and focus on her alone. I don't want you taking on too much."

She nodded her understanding.

"So that's our hit list," Jacob said, "but how do we pull it off? How do you intend to get us all inside this fortress of theirs so that we can pick off the core members?"

Jasper smiled tightly. "Fortunately, the Volturi have already given us an in. They want us to come back, because they want Charlie."

Charlie looked up at him, but said nothing.

"Charlie's your Trojan horse?" Leah asked.

"Essentially. The first step is to smooth things over a bit with Aro. We didn't leave under the best circumstance, but Carlisle is a peacemaker. He's going to write a letter to Aro, letting him know he's disappointed with how things went and telling him that he expects to see more respect from his old friend in the future."

I nodded slowly. We had discussed extensively the wording of the letter, and sadly, I had a feeling it was very close to the letter I might have written had we not been planning a strike. It would be, I knew, perfectly believable. "It's important that Aro believes I'm still invested in our relationship," I said, explaining the letter a bit further. "If I cut off communication from him, he'll be more suspicious."

"Besides," Jasper said, "he's waiting to hear about Charlie. The letter will go on to say that, after much consideration, Charlie has decided to stick with his original decision to join the Volturi. However, our Quileute friends don't want another vampire running around here, so for the sake of honoring the treaty, we're taking him to Italy to change him."

"Now, they're expecting Charlie to remain human until after the wedding we had planned for June," I said. "We're going to let them continue to think that. I'll tell them that we'll come to Italy shortly after the wedding, change Charlie, and spend a few days with him to try to get his thirst under control before taking him to Volterra."

"I promised to train him," Jasper said, taking up the explanation, "so I'll be going along. Carlisle will tell them that, since you guys won't let us train him here, Alice and I will spend a few months with him in Volterra."

"This accomplishes a couple of different purposes," I said, clasping my hands behind my back. "First, it means we're expected. The five of us, myself, Jasper, Alice, Bella, and Charlie, will be welcomed into Aro's company, which means we're the strike team. But secondly, it gathers the coven together. It is customary for the Volturi all to be present, if possible, to greet new coven members. We want to have as many of them in one room as possible."

"Why?" Jacob asked. "Why not divide and conquer?"

Jasper stepped forward. "My talent only extends so far. If I'm going to be able to manipulate them all at once, I need them together."

"Manipulate them?" one of the newer boys, Joshua, asked. "What do you mean? What are you going to do?"

Jasper arched an eyebrow at Joshua, and then at Jacob, clearly displeased. "Is he serious?"

Jacob just shrugged. "He's new."

Jasper turned his eyes on Joshua. "Who's your Alpha?" he asked tersely.

"I am." Lucas raised his hand from where he sat on a bean bag chair next to one of the girls.

Jasper turned on him, his eyes flashing. "Do you want to explain to my why you let your boy walk in here tonight without knowing exactly what I can do?"

Lucas shifted uncomfortably. "Things have been a little bit crazy. I haven't really had much of a chance to talk to him yet."

"You're going to have to do better than that," Jasper snapped. "Your pack is  _your_ responsibility. Their lives are entirely dependant on your leadership. It's your job to see to it that they survive—that's what it means to be an Alpha." He moved forward a few steps so he was looking down on the young man. "Letting him walk into a den of vampires without preparing him for what he was up against was piss poor judgment on your part."

"Why?" Lucas asked, bristling. "Aren't you guys supposed to be safe?"

Jasper's temper flared. "Are we vampires?"

Lucas shrugged. "Yeah."

"And isn't it your job to guard against vampires?"

"Yeah, but the treaty—"

"The treaty is a damn piece of paper!" Jasper yelled. "How much is that going to help you when I lose my temper and rip your boy's throat out?"

Lucas glared at him, climbing slowly to his feet. "I thought we were supposed to be on the same side."

"Let's dispel that notion right now," Jasper growled, raising his voice as he addressed the entire room. "There's no such thing as good and bad. There is no right side and wrong side. There are alliances, but they fall apart at the drop of a hat. Last week, Carlisle was allied with the Volturi. He was a friend of theirs, therefore this entire coven considered ourselves friends of theirs." He turned his attention back to Lucas. "Aro, at least, is smart enough not to trust us entirely. He would never be so  _stupid_  as to send one of his coven into our home without knowing everything about us."

Lucas shifted uncomfortably, staring at his feet.

"Look at me," Jasper snapped. He waited for the boy to raise his eyes before he continued. "When we walk into Volterra, my attention will be primarily focused on two things: checking off the hit list and watching Alice's back." He ticked his list off on his fingers. "I'll also be keeping an eye on Bella, on Carlisle, and on Charlie. Somewhere in the back of my mind, not quite in my focus, I'll be keeping tabs on what's happening outside of the room, tracking my family and whichever Alpha wolves end up coming along with us." He pointed to Joshua. "Your boy over there is so far down on my list of priorities that I probably won't spare a single thought for him." He folded his arms across his chest. "So who's keeping him alive?"

"I am," Lucas said through clenched teeth.

"You're going to have to do a better fucking job than you did tonight. Because if he doesn't come home, it's  _you_  who carries the blame."

Lucas's eyes dropped to the floor again.

"Sit down," Jasper said coldly. "Jacob." His eyes searched out his target in the crowd. "Am I right in assuming that it's you who's responsible for this mess?" He gestured to the gathered group.

"I'm the head Alpha," Jacob confirmed, bracing himself for Jasper's lecture.

"You need to do better than this, too." He pointed to Lucas. "That boy doesn't know the first thing about how to take care of his pack. You kids got so busy cranking out new wolves that you didn't bother to teach them anything. And Sam?" He turned to glare at the older boy. "You're not off the hook either. You have experience here where Jacob doesn't. You should be guiding him through this."

Jasper scanned the room in disgust. "You're all so excited to run out and bag yourselves some vampires, but if you don't get it together, there's going to be Quileute blood staining the floors of the castle."

"Enough," I said sharply.

"No, he's right," Jacob said. "We don't really know much about what we're doing here. Jasper, maybe after we're finished with this little meeting, you and I can talk?"

Jasper nodded curtly.

"All right," Jacob said. "But back to your plan. You get your strike team in the door and have the better part of the coven there with you. What do you do next?"

"I flood the room," Jasper said, his temper ebbing. "There are certain emotions that are painful enough as to be almost completely debilitating, and it will take the Volturi a few seconds to realize that they're under attack and get up the nerve to fight back. But a few seconds is all we need."

"So, wait," Jacob said, "the Volturi will be affected by these emotions, but you guys won't be?"

" _I_  won't be," he corrected. "And Charlie and Bella will be affected to a lesser extent, simply because they'll be newborns."

"Why does that matter?" Leah asked.

Jasper started to pace at the front of the room. "Newborns are controlled by their instincts. Emotions play a part, but they're shouted down by the more primal part of their natures. I have some sway over newborns, but I can't affect them as much as I can affect older vampires."

"So having Alice and Carlisle there is just for show?" Sam asked.

"No." Jasper shook his head. "They'll be doing their part too. We have just under four months to get all of you used to fighting under emotional duress."

"If we can do it, the Volturi can do it," Leah said.

Jasper nodded solemnly. "They can. And like I said, after a few seconds, they will. But after a few seconds the job will be done." He stopped pacing and turned to face the group.

"As soon as I put them on their knees, we strike. Bella will take out Renata and the rest of us will start on the others. Edward."

Edward raised his eyebrows.

"You're in charge of everyone but the strike team. As soon as the five of us head inside, you gather the rest of the family and whatever wolves we take with us, and you secure the exits." He unrolled the sketch I had made of the castle floor plan and pinned it to the bulletin board. "No one leaves without my say-so."

Edward nodded.

"Pay close attention to me," Jasper continued. "As soon as I get things started inside, I want you to send me four wolves—one Alpha and three from his pack."

"Or her pack," Leah said drily.

Jasper looked at her. "Actually, Leah, I'd prefer to have you on the outside. In the throne room, I need someone cool and controlled. My preference would be Sam or Quil. You're capable, I have no doubt, but you're a quick thinker and I'd be willing to bet you're lethal in a fight. If you come with us I need you under less controlled conditions, like rounding up anyone who tries to escape."

She frowned.

"I might be wrong," Jasper told her. "Maybe you've got a cooler head than Quil. Frankly, I doubt it." He started pacing again, dismissing that conversation. "The wolves are supplemental. They'll help us take down anyone on the hit list that we haven't taken care of, and they'll scare the shit of out of the rest of the coven once I let them up." He scanned the room. "Shifters are an unknown entity, and the Volturi don't like being uninformed. You'll intimidate them."

"So the rest of us just sit outside?" Paul snorted.

Jasper shook his head. "No. Once I remove my influence from the Volturi, I'll need you guys sniffing out anyone hiding in the castle and herding them into the throne room. Every one of them needs to see the core of their coven in ashes, and I need them close to me so I can gauge their reactions, and so Edward can get a look at their intentions."

Edward nodded.

"You want us to be sheep dogs?" Leah asked with a snort.

"I want you to be vampire dogs," Jasper corrected. "Think you can handle a few little strays, Leah?"

She leaned forward, rising to his challenge. "You want to see just how effectively I can handle them?"

Jasper smiled darkly. "As a matter of fact, I do. Over the next few months, I'll be watching very closely to see how all of you handle yourselves in a fight."

"How many of you will be joining us?" I asked. The question was directed to all of the Quileutes, but it was to Jacob that I looked for the answer.

"All of us," Jacob said.

"No," Sam said softly. "Jacob, our first duty is to La Push. We protect our people."

"So who stays behind?" Jacob demanded. "You?"

"You. You're the Chief. You and your pack have a responsibility to the tribe."

"Oh,  _hell_  no," Jacob protested. "There's no way I'm missing out on this."

Quil cleared his throat softly. "Actually," he said quietly, "Sam, I think it should be you."

"Why is that?"

Quil shrugged. "Look at your pack. Every one of us that has imprinted is under your leadership. If someone doesn't come back, it would be best if they're not bonded to anyone."

Sam tapped his fingers on his knee. "That's solid reasoning," he said reluctantly.

Jasper sighed. "I don't like losing you, Sam. I won't argue with you, but if you're not coming with me, at the very least I need you teaching the other boys to control themselves the way you do."

Sam gave him a lopsided grin. "Anger management courses?"

Jasper nodded, the corners of his mouth quirking up. "Now," he said, addressing the group, "remember that this is a tentative plan. There are still some unknowns—particularly, how Bella's and Charlie's talents will develop once they change, and how all of you handle yourselves under the influence of my emotional control. It's possible that the process will be adjusted based on what we learn over the next few months."

"What about the other coven members?" Jacob spoke up, gesturing toward the board. "I mean, that's not all of them, obviously. Are there other gifted vampires we should know about?"

Jasper smiled grimly. "Now you're thinking like an Alpha. Carlisle?"

I spent the next few minutes describing each of the other coven members and the gifts that Jasper and I had decided were relatively harmless. The Quileutes paid rapt attention, soaking in the information, and I was pleased to know they were taking this seriously. When I was finished, I deferred to Jasper once again.

"Any questions?" Jasper asked.

"Are you planning on giving us some training?" Lucas asked quietly.

Jasper nodded. "You all need to decide how much time you can give to me. My preference is to work with you every day."

"Most of these kids are in school," Sam reminded him. "Plus patrols and family responsibilities. Every day might be a bit much."

"Maybe just a couple of packs every day, then. That'll be two or three times a week for each of you."

"We can do that," Jacob said. "This is important, we'll make time for it."

"Good. Anybody else have questions?"

No one else spoke up, so he stepped back. "Esme and Edward have prepared dinner for you. Carlisle and I will be around to answer questions if you have any."

Esme moved to the front of the room and took charge, inviting the Quileutes to get themselves some food. I watched them all head into the kitchen, somewhat more subdued than they had been when the arrived, but still with an undercurrent of excitement as they discussed what we had just told them.

I didn't like it. The boys were too eager to kill, and to put themselves in harm's way. I wondered how many of them would have to die to give them a proper respect for life.

Jasper surprised me by stepping up behind me and putting a hand on my shoulder. I looked back at him, still acutely feeling the distance and resentment between us, and waited for him to speak.

"You're doing a good thing," he murmured.

I ground my teeth, biting back the anger that welled up inside. "I'll sell out my friends, Jasper, but I'm not willing to believe that it's anywhere close to a good thing."

He drew back his hand and stepped back. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

I strode away from him and headed up the stairs. It was my intention to go to my office, to shut the door and try to lock myself away from the crowd of people so eager for the destruction of my former coven. But the cross that hung on the wall at the end of the hallway caught my eye, and I moved to stand in front of it instead.

I had spent many hours in front of this ornament, staring at the dark, silky wood, wrestling with God. But it was not to God that my thoughts turned now, it was to my father. My father who saw evil wherever he looked, who found guilt in any who were brought to him under suspicion, regardless of evidence. My father, who took me for a weak and faithless man because I was slow to take up the sword.

 _You'd be proud of me now, Father,_  I thought darkly.  _I'm assisting with the slaughter of those who think differently than I, those I once called friends. I am finally worthy of being called your son._

"Carlisle, stop that." Edward's voice drifted up to me, and I heard his step on the stairs. He moved up beside me, watching me as I gazed at the glossy symbol of my father's demented faith.

I didn't answer him. I couldn't.

"What you're doing isn't about judgment or intolerance. It's about protecting your family."

I clenched my teeth, my eyes never leaving the cross.  _Had you asked my father, he would have said the same thing. He was protecting his congregation from demons and witchcraft._

"This is self-defense, Carlisle."

"It is  _not_  self-defense," I said coldly, turning on him. "I will participate in this travesty, Edward, but I have no interest in trying to justify it. It is betrayal and murder—sin in its blackest form."

"Then why are you going along with it? If you truly believe we're in the wrong, why would you help us?"

I turned my eyes back to the cross and uttered the truest, most blasphemous words I had ever spoken. "Because I serve Bella before God."

Edward didn't answer. I could feel the weight of his stare, but he had no words to respond to me.

I brought my thumb and two fingers together, properly invoking the Trinity, and crossed myself. "O God," I prayed, my voice heavy with bitterness, "who knows us to be set in the midst of so many and great dangers that by reason of the frailty of our nature we cannot always stand upright: grant us such strength and protection, as may support us in all dangers and carry us through all temptations; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."

I turned away from the cross, and from Edward, and moved into my office, closing the door firmly behind me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to All Saints Ministries for providing the text for the Anglican Prayer for Protection.


	100. One More Day

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# 

 

**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I felt like a phony, as one person after another came up to me and gazed at me with sorrowful eyes. They all said basically the same thing . . . "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." And a lot of them hugged me.

I really wanted this to be over.

The last two weeks had been a little bit crazy. Jasper was all for biting Charlie and me the night they held the strategy meeting with the Quileutes, but Carlisle insisted that we keep up appearances. The courts would be checking to make sure I was still attending school, and if the chief of police just up and disappeared, there was bound to be an investigation.

Plans had to be made.

Alice got in touch with a guy in Seattle who she referred to as a "document specialist". He provided her with a fake driver's license with my name, address, and birth date, but that displayed  _her_  picture. She presented it to me proudly one afternoon as I sat in the den doing my homework.

"Great," I said, puzzled. "Now you can . . .  _not_  get into bars."

She giggled brightly. "It's not to get into bars, Bella. It's so I can get you a high school completion certificate."

I looked up at her, my eyes widening. "What?"

"I'm going to Port Angeles tomorrow afternoon to take a high school proficiency exam," she explained. "When I pass it, I'll get a certificate in your name that you can pass on to that judge friend of Charlie's so you don't have to go to school anymore."

"Oh." I took a moment to process that, and then looked back at my homework. "Does that mean I don't have to finish this?"

"Yep. Tomorrow is your last day of school, and if you don't turn in homework, it's no big deal. You'll be a graduate by the end of the week."

" _Excellent._ " I flipped my book closed and tossed it onto the coffee table.

She giggled at my reaction.

"So after that I'm good to go? I can change?"

"Well, almost," she said, dropping down onto the couch next to me. "After that we have to kill off Charlie."

I stared at her. "What?" I asked flatly.

"Relax, silly," she smiled. "Carlisle and Charlie decided that it would be best if the people of Forks think Charlie died, so there are no rumors about why he would resign as police chief or leave town so suddenly."

"So how do we go about doing that? Doesn't he have to be examined by a coroner to be declared dead?"

"A coroner," she smiled, "or a doctor."

I laughed sheepishly. "Carlisle is a really handy guy to have around, isn't he?"

"Yep! Everybody already thinks your dad's health is failing, since Carlisle signed a doctor's order for a two-month medical leave last October. So it probably won't come as that much of a surprise when we spread the news that he passed away."

"Oh," I said, considering the ramifications. "Are we going to have, like, a fake funeral?"

"You're catching on," Alice grinned. "And may I recommend cremation? Caskets are such a pain. You'd have to make arrangements with a funeral home, and they're always so particular about wanting to prepare the body for you. Plus then you're expected to have a formal service, and then a graveside service . . . seriously, it's a lot of hassle. Buy an urn, fill it with ashes from the fireplace, and just hold a nice little memorial open house right here at home."

I laughed a little at the absurdity of it all. "Yeah, actually, that sounds more like Charlie's kind of thing anyway."

"Exactly," Alice said with a decisive nod. "And once you've met with Charlie's lawyer about your inheritance, and then held the funeral, we'll just tell everyone you moved back to Arizona with your mom. Voila! You're free and clear."

"Nice. You guys are good at this."

"You two are easy," she said dismissively. "There's no extended family, so no parents insisting on seeing the body or anything like that."

I grinned. "You could always change him and make him lie still in the coffin for the viewing."

She gave me a skeptical look. "Sure, Bella.  _You_  try convincing a newborn vampire to just lie there while all kinds of delicious-smelling humans file past and poke at him."

I giggled. "That thought is almost enough to make me want to try it."

She snickered, clapping a hand over her mouth. "Oh, god, can you imagine him losing control and jumping out of the casket? That would be a funeral Forks would never forget!"

The two of us dissolved into giggles picturing the scene.

Funny as it was, however, we chose to go with the pretend cremation scenario. Which was how I ended up here on the love seat in the den, dressed in a black sweater and a pair of black slacks I had opted for over a skirt when I couldn't find my razor to shave my legs that morning. I was surrounded by similarly-clad mourners who all felt it was their social duty to express their condolences.

It was actually touching how many people had admired Charlie. The table that the urn rested on had become something of a shrine as people placed little tokens of their affection beside Charlie's alleged ashes.

A uniformed officer approached me, and I looked up at him, forcing my face into a mask of sorrow. These ones were the hardest. Besides Billy and Harry, who knew Charlie wasn't actually dead, the people on the police force were the ones he had been closest to. The large man's eyes were rimmed with red, and he swallowed thickly before speaking to me. "I sure admired your father," he said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "He was a good guy, tough as nails, but he wouldn't hurt a fly if he could help it."

I stared dumbly at him, struck utterly speechless by his words. A million thoughts assaulted me at once. I wondered if this man would still think well of my father if he knew how much I had been hurt. I wondered how many of these people would be here at all if I had ever told anyone what Charlie did to me. I wondered if maybe some things were better kept silent, and then I wondered how much I didn't know about the people I had thought of as friends.

And then there was the much harder question, the one I didn't want to think about. Was my father, as this officer claimed, a good guy? He had clearly done things to make the man in front of me admire him, to make all the people around us mourn his passing and leave memorial tokens next to his urn. Clearly his actions had impacted people for good. They mattered. Did they stop mattering just because he had hurt me?

I wrapped my arms around myself as tears welled up in my eyes. I certainly hadn't expected to cry at this farce of a funeral, but now I was having a hard time holding it back.

The officer, whose name I didn't know, kissed me gently on the forehead and squeezed my shoulder affectionately before moving away. The kiss surprised me, since I couldn't remember ever having met the man. It was odd, I thought, how shared grief made people feel closer together.

And then it was Mike advancing on me, moving through the crowd with a small plate of the food Alice had prepared for the funeral. He sat on the arm of the couch next to me and held the plate out to me. "I brought you something to eat," he said hesitantly.

I looked up at him, giving him a wan smile. The food looked incredible, and I really wanted to try some of it, but I was playing the part of the devastated daughter here, so I figured stuffing my face was probably out. "Thanks," I said softly, and just set the plate in my lap.

Stupid fake grief. I was hungry.

Mike's arm slipped around my shoulders, in an awkwardly sweet gesture. "How are you doing?" he asked.

Hm. If I were in mourning, what would I say to that?

"Fine," I said, nodding quickly. "I'm fine."

Yeah, that sounded pretty good.

His fingers started fiddling idly with my hair. "Are you . . . well, I mean, I don't know how things stand . . . what will you do now?"

"Um . . . I'm going back to live with my mom."

"Back to Arizona?"

I nodded.

"What about you and Cullen? Are you breaking up?"

"No," I said, my hand automatically moving to fiddle with the engagement ring on my hand.

"How's that going to work?" he asked, sounding disappointed. "I mean, with him here, and you there. . . ."

Edward appeared at my side, settling down onto the couch next to me. "We'll visit each other a lot," he said coolly, pushing Mike's arm away as he slid his own around me.

"Oh. That's good." Mike stood, looking awkward again.

I forced myself not to roll my eyes at Edward. "Thank you for the food, Mike. That was very thoughtful."

He smiled at me, warmed by the compliment. "Sure. I'll see you later, Bella."

I nodded, but then it struck me that I probably wouldn't see him later. That was likely the last conversation I would ever have with Mike Newton. The thought made me a little sad.

Edward rubbed my back soothingly. "When is he going to get it through his head that you're taken?" he grumbled.

"He was being nice. He brought me food—which my possessive fake boyfriend didn't bother to do, I might add."

He smirked. "Maybe not, but you're possessive fake boyfriend is going to make sure you eat it." He plucked a mini quiche from the plate and poked it into my mouth before I could protest.

He leaned in close as I chewed my food and shifted my plate to the end table. "Do you want to know what he's thinking?" he asked conspiritorially.

"No," I muttered, swallowing the quiche.

Edward ignored me. "He's fantasizing about you being so distraught over your father's death that you're driven to compulsive fellatio."

I stifled a laugh and tucked my head against his chest to hide the smile that wouldn't be refused. "Stop it," I whispered. "I'm trying to grieve, here."

"Did I mention you don't bother looking for privacy first?" he went on. "You just drop to your knees in front of him, in full view of all of these people. Particularly me."

It was all I could do to keep my laughter silent as it bubbled out of me, and I buried my face in Edward's shoulder, hoping my laughing came off as particularly distraught sobbing. "Quit it!" I hissed. "If you don't like what's in his head, stop looking."

Edward nuzzled my neck lightly, going way beyond what was necessary to play his part. "But then I might have to look into Carlisle's head," he laughed softly in my ear. "And you have no idea the filthy stream of profanity that runs through his mind whenever he sees me touching you like this."

"Then stop doing that," I hissed, shying away from him. I peeked over his shoulder at where Carlisle stood against the wall, his arm wrapped loosely around Esme's waist. His expression was solemn, revealing none of the animosity that Edward had accused him off. As I watched, his eyes darted around the room to make sure no one was watching us, then flashed me a playful smile and a wink before arranging his features into a somber mask again.

I had to duck against Edward's chest again to hide my laughter again.

"Really, it's shocking the sort of things he's saying to me," Edward went on. "Especially because he's usually such a gentleman." His hand slid to my knee, rubbing suggestively.

"Edward Cullen, knock it off!" I whispered, trying to sound angry through my laughter.

"Oh, no," Edward murmured, against my ear, his voice betraying his wide smile. "Do you have any idea how many times I've had to watch Carlisle touching my wife in public? I've owed him this for a long time."

I peeked up at Carlisle, who pulled Esme in front of him and wrapped his arms loosely around her waist, one hand running idly over her stomach. She raised a hand to her mouth, clearing her throat to hide a laugh.

Edward gasped dramatically. "Did you see that, Bella?" He hadn't even looked back, but of course, he could have seen it through Carlisle or Esme, or anyone else who might have been looking their way. "That was a threat," he said seriously. "He's telling me that if I mess with his girl, he'll mess with mine." He hooked his hands under my knees and pulled me into his lap. "Shall we see how far he's willing to go?"

"No!" I hissed. If I had to sit here and watch Carlisle feeling Esme up, I was going to absolutely lose it. "Edward Cullen, I swear to god, if you play this game I'll get Jacob to bite your fingers off." I shot a surreptitious look at Carlisle, who was leaning low over Esme, hiding a smile behind her hair.

I felt Edward's shoulders shake as he laughed, hiding his own smile by pressing his lips to the top of my head. "Esme requests that you don't do that. She says she likes my fingers very much."

A fresh gale of giggles overtook me, and I was having an increasingly hard time keeping silent. I had to get out of there before I ended up laughing out loud and making the whole town think I was either completely crazy or a very bad daughter. I shoved away from Edward and clapped my hands over my face to mask the giggles that wouldn't subside. I pushed through the crowd, peering through my fingers so I wouldn't fall, and ran up the stairs to my room. I shoved the door closed and threw myself onto my bed, smashing my face into my pillow and laughing convulsively.

I heard the door open and close, and I was almost afraid of who had followed me up here. What if Mike had decided to come comfort me—how would I hide my laughter?

Thankfully, it was Edward's soft chuckle that I heard as the door clicked closed, and I pushed myself off of my pillow, trying to glare at him even though I couldn't seem to quit grinning.

"You're such a jerk! I'm supposed to be in mourning!"

"But it looked so good for the camera when you ran out of the room sobbing."

"What? What camera?"

"Emmett's filming this for Charlie," he said, flopping down onto my bed and tucking his hands behind his head. "I mean, how many people get to see their own funeral?"

"He'd better not be all in everybody's face with it. That's not exactly convincing funeral behavior."

He snickered. "No, he set the camera up in the corner behind a bouquet of flowers."

I shifted into a sitting position next to Edward, crossing my legs in front of me. "So did you go to  _your_  funeral?" I asked him.

"Nope." He gazed up at the ceiling. "There was no funeral for me."

"Why not?"

He shrugged. "There was nobody left to hold one. My parents were both dead, and all three of us were infected with a wildly contagious virus, so it's unlikely that there would have been much of one anyway."

"How sad. Did it bother you that there was no one to remember you?"

He smirked. "I was a little distracted just then, actually."

"Oh, right. Rampant bloodlust."

"Yeah, plus I could suddenly read minds," he reminded me. "It was a little unnerving."

"I guess it would be." I glanced at the door and sighed. "I should stop being a bad hostess and get back down there. How can I make my eyes red so it looks like I've been crying?"

Edward laughed and stood, moving to the window and sliding it open. Something came sailing inside and he caught it and closed the window again.

"What's that?"

He smiled mischievously and held up a segment of an onion. "Present from Rose."

"Perfect! Thanks Rosalie!"

"She says to leave your make-up a little smudged." He sat next to me, holding the onion under my nose, and crushed it in his palm.

The effect was nearly instantaneous. The strong smell hit me hard, stinging my eyes and clouding them instantly with tears. After several seconds I could hardly keep my eyes open, and tears were dripping down my cheeks. I grabbed a tissue and dabbed at my face, leaving just a touch of mascara residue around the rims of my eyes.

I pried my burning eyes open to examine the results in the mirror and nodded. "Awesome." I turned to him and glared at him through my sniffles, trying to look severe. "No more making me laugh."

Edward had disposed of the onion out the window and was wiping his hand clean with a tissue. "I'll be a perfect angel," he promised. He wrapped his arm around me and I headed downstairs with him again, affecting a subdued demeanor.

We managed to get through the rest of the funeral without incident, and when Esme closed the door behind the last guest, I sagged back on the couch in relief.

"Thank god that's over. It's a lot of work, mourning the death of someone who's currently at your house playing poker with Jasper."

Carlisle laughed and moved to sit next to me while the others started darting around the room, collecting garbage and straightening up. "We've got some time before your girls' night. Shall we take advantage of it?"

"Yeah, about this girls' night. . . ."

"Complain all you want," Rosalie said, "you're not getting out of it."

I whimpered petulantly. "I'm afraid. Please don't hurt me?"

Alice pursed her lips as she carried a bouquet of flowers past us toward the kitchen. "I promise not to hurt  _very bad_ ," she said carefully.

My jaw dropped. "Did you hear that, Carlisle? They're  _planning_  on hurting me!"

He chuckled. "If you girls injure my Bella, I'll be very put out."

I scowled at him. "You're not going to save me from them?"

"You're on your own this time," he laughed.

"Fine," I grumbled, standing up. "I guess we'd better make the best of this time before the girls start torturing me."

"A half an hour," Alice said sternly as we headed for the stairs. "I need lots of time tonight, Carlisle."

"You have my word." We moved up to my room and he guided me to the bed, lying back on the pillows and pulling me into his arms. I lay on my side next to him, one leg thrown over his, and traced idle patterns on his chest.

"What are you doing tonight while I'm being waterboarded?" I asked him.

"Jasper and I are going hunting. Neither one of us has had anything since the lynx in Volterra."

I looked into his eyes, which had been growing steadily darker over the last couple of weeks. "How are things between you guys?"

"Tense," he sighed. "With anyone else in the family, what Chelsea did wouldn't have been as bad. But Jasper was deeply mistrustful of all of us when he first came here. It took years for him to get comfortable with us, and now that's just . . . gone." He covered my hand with his, squeezing lightly. "It's very difficult for him."

"Not just him."

He shook his head. "No," he smiled sadly. "Not just him. It's frustrating being so distant from him. Logically, I know I should trust him,  _love_  him . . . but I can't feel it." He sighed heavily. "I do feel it for Aro, though. And even though I'm fully cognizant of the fact that my emotions have been manufactured, it doesn't make them any less real."

I chewed at my lip. "Yet, you're in a position where you have to fight beside Jasper, against Aro."

He nodded.

"I'm sorry," I said sadly. "This really sucks."

He pulled me closer to him, pressing my head down on his chest. "I trust your judgment, Bella. You have a clearer vision of the situation than I do, and I'm happy to follow your direction."

"It still sucks."

He laughed softly. "Yes it does."

I scooted on top of him, straddling his waist and leaning low over him, brushing my lips against his. "I could use a little stress release. How about you?"

We didn't talk much after that, preferring to communicate with our hands while our mouths were otherwise occupied. We didn't have a lot of time together, and neither one of us was really in the mood to rush, so we didn't bother trying to have sex. We just spent our thirty allotted minutes leisurely enjoying one another.

All too soon, though, Alice was banging on the bedroom door. "Get lost, Carlisle. It's our turn with Bella."

I reluctantly extracted myself from his arms and made one last attempt to free myself from my obligation. "They're going to cause me pain," I said, feigning distress. "Aren't you supposed to protect me?"

"From Alice?" Carlisle asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement. "I'm not sure that's even possible."

I sighed in resignation as he slid off the bed and moved to open the door. Alice, Rosalie, and Esme all stood there, carrying canvas bags over their shoulders and smiling brightly.

Esme kissed Carlisle's cheek as they filed in, and then gave him a little push out the door. "Have a nice time with Jasper tonight. I promise, we'll take good care of Bella."

"Return her to me in one piece," Carlisle ordered.

The girls looked at each other guiltily. "Sure," Rosalie said, not meeting his gaze. "You bet."

"Carlisle!" I gasped desperately, alarmed by her evasiveness.

"Just trust me," Alice said. "You'll thank us, I promise."

Carlisle gave me a wink and disappeared down the hall.

"Fine," I said, looking suspiciously at the bags they were carrying. "What are you planning to do to me?"

"Now, Bella," Rosalie said placatingly. "Sometimes a girl has to make some sacrifices in the name of beauty."

"Beauty?"

Alice pulled out a container of wax and several cotton strips. "Beauty."

My eyes widened. "You want me to wax my legs?"

"Well, yes," Esme nodded. "And possibly some other things."

I suddenly felt light-headed. " _Other_  things?"

"You know," Alice said, "like maybe your eyebrows. . . ."

"What's wrong with my eyebrows?" I asked, jumping off the bed and rushing to the mirror.

"Nothing's  _wrong_  with them," Rosalie hedged. "By human standards, they're perfectly fine."

"Human standards?"

"Bella, you're planning on starting the change tomorrow," Esme said, "and you have an opportunity that none of us had. You can do some . . . tidying up, beforehand."

I backed toward the bed again. "And by 'tidying up' you mean. . . ."

"Ripping your hair out by the roots," Rosalie said blithely.

"Right," I whispered, sitting back down.

"It's not that bad," Alice said.

"Like hell, it isn't," Rosalie laughed. "What would you know, anyway? Even if you'd ever been waxed in your life you wouldn't remember it."

"It does hurt," Esme said, leveling with me. "But not nearly as badly as it hurts removing hair after you've changed."

"Yeah," Rosalie agreed, "Think, yanking out a rope that's encased in concrete."

I cringed. "But it doesn't grow back, right? Once you're a vampire, no more hair growth?"

"Right," Alice said, "so we need to think about your hairstyle too. You have to decide how you want to wear it for, you know . . . ever."

"She's already got a pretty classic cut," Rosalie said, moving behind me and running her fingers through my hair. "I think we could just trim away some of the dead ends and keep it the way it is. What do you think, Bella?"

"Or would you rather go shorter?" Esme suggested. "It's hard to tell what trends will come along, but occasionally women like to wear shorter cuts."

Alice made a face. "You can do so much  _more_  with long hair, though. I recommend you keep it they way it is." She moved behind me with Rosalie, lifting a lock of my hair and inspecting it. "Minus the split ends, of course."

"Uh, yeah, I'll keep it long," I mumbled. I hadn't even realized I had split ends.

"Great, so we'll trim your hair and even up your nails," Alice said, "and then we'll tweeze your eyebrows, wax your legs, underarms—"

"Yeah, hang on," I protested. "I'm really not sure about the waxing thing. Can't I just shave?"

"Oh, honey," Rosalie said, draping an arm over my shoulders, "you'll never be able to get a close enough shave. Once you've changed, you'll be able to feel the stubble—and then you'll have to dig it out to get rid of it."

I cringed and she smiled ruefully. "I changed the night before my wedding, so I had shaved my underarms and even my legs—which most women weren't really doing back then." She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the bed, sitting next to me. "But I was getting  _married_ , you know? Royce was going to see me  _naked!_  I really didn't want to have hair everywhere. It just sucked, because then it was that much harder to get rid of afterward."

Alice's hand appeared in front of my face, holding two little brown pills. "Take these," she said.

I took them out of her palm and did as I was told, taking the bottle of water she offered to wash them down. "Why am I taking Advil?"

"It makes the waxing less painful. As does this." She dug a blue tube out of her bag and presented it to me.

"No Scream Cream?" I asked, reading the label.

"You're welcome," she smiled, dropping down on the other side of me and linking her arm through mine. "We still have to decide how much pubic hair we're getting rid of."

"Wait, what?" A little shiver of horror ran through me as I realized just how far she was taking this.

"You don't have to remove any," Esme said. "I didn't get rid of all that much, myself. Edward likes some hair, so I just trimmed it and tidied up my bikini line. Here, look." She gathered up the hem of the black dress she had donned for Charlie's psuedo-memorial, and before I even realized what she was doing she was tugging her panties down and showing off her personal hair.

I dropped my eyes, my cheeks flaming, and I scrambled to find something to say. How exactly did you compliment someone on the style of their body hair?

Rosalie laughed at my reaction. "Bella, you really need to get over this bashful thing you've got going on. Here, think of it this way. How many people have you seen naked?"

"Um . . . a lot," I confessed.

"And how many people have seen you naked?"

I shrugged, looking away. Her questions weren't helping dispel the furious blush in my cheeks. "A lot."

"So if you weren't embarrassed then, why would you be now?"

"They weren't women!"

"A shame, really," Esme said with a smile. "Women are so much prettier than men."

"Back to the matter at hand," Alice interrupted. "Do you want to just trim, like Esme, or do you want to get rid of a little more?"

"Um," I chewed at my lip, trying to think long-term but feeling absolutely mortified by the conversation topic.

"I don't like hair, so I got rid of all of it," Alice said. "Here, take a look." She jumped up and yanked up her own skirts, pushing down her underwear to show off her smooth skin.

My face felt like it could literally burst into flames at any moment.

"I went Brazilian," Rosalie said helpfully, and then she, too, was tugging her clothes away.

I glanced at her, then looked away again, but I found myself doing double-take. She had left a little trail of short blond hair leading downward . . . and that made me blush even more.

"Emmett  _loves_  the landing strip," she grinned.

I dropped my head into my hands, leaning my elbows on my knees. "Oh my God, this is so embarrassing," I muttered into my palms.

"Own it, girl," Rosalie said, dropping down on the bed next to me. "You've got a good body, and you've got a seriously sexy man to show it off to. Just think of your hair as a little bit of body bling."

"Totally," Alice agreed. "We're just doing some accessorizing."

"So what do you think?" Esme pulled the chair over from my desk and sat in front of us.

I reluctantly let my hands fall away from my face. "I think . . . what if Carlisle doesn't like my new accessories?" I admitted, biting my lip.

Alice giggled. "Bella, that is  _so_  not a problem. Just decide what you want to do, and I'll let you know what he thinks of it."

"Right," I muttered self-consciously. "How much private stuff do you see, anyway?"

She shrugged. "There's so much to see that I ignore a lot of it if I'm not looking for something in particular, but some things just jump right out at me."

I considered asking her what kinds of things . . . but then I decided I didn't really want to know. "Okay," I said, taking a breath. "What will he like best?"

"You have to decide what you're doing first."

"Oh. Yeah." I bit my lip. "But I can decide and then change my mind to see if he'd like something else?"

"Totally."

I took a deep breath and considered the glimpse I had gotten of Esme's trimmed hair. I could do that. That wouldn't be too embarrassing.

"He approves," Alice said happily. "In fact, if you go with that, there will definitely be some, um, petting of the kitty?"

"Alice! Oh my god!" I buried my face in my hands again.

She giggled. "Okay, pick something else!"

I really did like the idea of no hair at all. Smooth skin was just  _better_  than hair. I decided, with some trepidation, to go completely bare like Alice.

Her jaw dropped. " _Wow_ ," she said. "I mean, just wow. He  _really_  likes that."

"Seriously?" I asked, biting my lip.

Alice grinned. "More licking than petting."

"Alice!" I glared up at her from behind my fingers.

"What about Brazilian?" she encouraged. "Pick that one."

Right. Like Rosalie. I wrapped my arms around myself, decided to go that route, and Alice grimaced.

"You know," she said, "the landing strip isn't really Carlisle's speed."

"He doesn't like it?"

"Not so much."

"You could do something else," Rosalie suggested. "Like a little heart . . . or maybe his initials?"

I sort of liked the idea of getting his initials on me . . . sort of declaring that that particular part of me belonged to him alone. I picked that, and Alice frowned.

"He doesn't dislike it," she said slowly, "but it's more of a distraction for him than anything."

Esme put her hand on my knee. "The most important thing, though, is that  _you're_  happy with what you choose."

"Totally," Rosalie agreed. "Carlisle will love you no matter what. You can tease him with stuff like this if you want, but in the end, it's your body. You've got to be comfortable with it."

I was thinking hard about going completely bare. Carlisle obviously liked it, and I thought that hair was sort of ugly anyway.

Alice smiled brightly. "So, all of it, then?"

I nodded. "Yeah . . . but does it hurt a lot?"

"It's temporary," Esme assured me. "And we'll be fast—that makes it much easier to bear."

"Think long-term," Rosalie advised. "A little bit of pain now gives you an eternity of freedom from nasty bikini hair."

"So that's a yes?"

Esme laughed. "Yes, Bella, I'm afraid it's going to hurt."

"But we have the cream!" Alice reminded me. "That will help."

I sighed. "Fine. Do your worst."

Alice squealed and clapped her hands. "Okay, take off your clothes!"

Her abrupt order had me immediately reconsidering my decision. "What, just . . . just like that?"

"You can leave your bra on," Rosalie conceded. "But we need access, Bella."

Esme withdrew a couple of sheets from her bag. I stood and dutifully started stripping, and she spread one of the sheets out over my bed, presumably to protect the blankets from the wax and hair.

I found myself growing self-conscious as I undressed, as much from being exposed in front of three women as from the fact that I hadn't shaved recently, and had a fair amount of hair on my legs and underarms that needed removing.

"I haven't shaved in a while," I mumbled, tossing my clothes in the hamper.

"I know, I stole your razors," Alice said unapologetically. "The wax needs at least a quarter inch of hair to grip, or it won't work."

I snorted indignantly. "Thanks a lot. You could have just asked me not to shave."

"I would have, but it would have made it much more difficult to get you to agree to this little girls' night." She winked at me and fished in her bag until she found a hair trimmer. "Now lie back on the bed, and we'll get started."

I sighed and did as I was told. The sooner I complied, the sooner this would be over.

Alice quickly trimmed the hair that needed it, and then spread the No Scream Cream under my arms and all over my legs. Thankfully she let me do my own pubic area, but when she ordered me to turn over and started rubbing cream in the crevice of my backside, I nearly panicked.

"Seriously, Bella, do you want to have ass hair for the rest of eternity?" Rosalie asked, cutting off my half-formed protests.

_Ugh. When you put it that way. . . ._

"You guys are nothing if not thorough," I muttered darkly.

Alice just laughed. "Now we need to let that absorb for a few minutes," she said, letting me turn over again. "So we'll get started on the other things."

Rosalie and Esme seemed to take that as a cue to spring into action. Esme spread a folded sheet over me, and then moved to the foot of the bed and started trimming and filing my toenails while Alice started on my fingernails. Rosalie came up with a pair of tweezers and leaned over my face, plucking at the hairs around my eyebrows.

"So are you nervous?" Esme asked as she worked on my toes.

"About the waxing? Very much so."

Alice laughed. "About tomorrow, silly."

I chewed at my lip. "I'm not sure nervous is the right word. More like terrified."

The following day was The Day, the reason for tonight's waxing. Tomorrow I would be starting the process of changing from human to vampire. There was no question in my mind that it was something I wanted, of course, but from what I had been told, I was about to embark on three days of the worst pain imaginable, followed by a year of intense unquenchable thirst, and I faced it with a healthy level of trepidation.

"You can reconsider, you know," Rosalie said softly. "You shouldn't feel obligated to give anything up."

"No, I want this. I don't want the pain, I'm not all that excited about the bloodlust, and I'm not looking forward to infiltrating Volterra. But I want forever, and I want it with you guys, and with Carlisle."

She smiled softly. "As long as you're making the choice for you and not for someone else."

I hesitated, not wanting to bring up our less-than-pleasant history, but I was curious enough to ask. "How come you were so against my relationship with Carlisle?"

She was quiet for a moment, plucking at hairs so fine I could barely feel the tug. "It was nothing personal," she finally said. "In fact, I knew if Carlisle was so taken with you, you had to be special. After all, he never wanted _me_  that way."

My jaw dropped. "Did . . . did  _you_  want  _him?_  That way?"

"Not exactly. It was just lonely, you know? After I changed, I obsessed over the men who killed me. I got my revenge on them, and then . . . I didn't know what to do with myself. Edward and Esme were always going off alone, and that left Carlisle and me. He seemed happy enough to have me with him, but he wasn't interested in being anything other than a father to me. I felt very isolated."

She brightened a little. "But then I met Emmett."

I frowned and started to ask a question, but Rosalie huffed impatiently. "Stop that, I'm trying to work with your eyebrows here."

"Oh, sorry." I relaxed my expression, smoothing my features out. "Emmett was human when you met him, wasn't he?"

"Yep."

"So you guys . . . I mean, it was like with Carlisle and me, right? You knew right away that he was your mate?"

She shook her head. "No, it wasn't the same. He was just  _very_  interesting to me. There was a pull there that I couldn't deny, but I think if he had died, I would have been okay."

"So what happened?"

She smiled to herself. "I stayed by his side while he changed, and the pull just got stronger and stronger. And when he opened his eyes. . . ." she trailed off, smiling blissfully. "They were all red, but so beautiful . . . and I lost my heart."

Esme laughed softly as she rubbed a pumice stone over the calluses on my feet. "The two of them couldn't spend five minutes apart. They were completely inseparable."

"He's good for me," Rosalie said. "He helped me let go of some of the anger I felt. It's still hard sometimes, but between Emmett and Jasper, I get along all right."

"Jasper?"

"He started discreetly working with me after he got his psychiatric degree. By the time I figured out what he was doing, I was starting to feel better about some things." She smiled self-consciously. "He's very good at what he does."

I laughed, trying not to scrunch my eyebrows. "Yes, he certainly is."

"The change should be easier on you than it was on the rest of us," Alice said, "if for no other reason than that you know it's coming."

Esme nodded. "I wasn't sure at first if I was dead. Of course, I was pleased to see Carlisle again, but none of it really felt real until I met Edward."

"Wait, again?" I asked. "You knew Carlisle?"

"He had once treated me for a broken leg," she explained. "I had liked him very much, and naturally I found him quite attractive." She leaned forward conspiritorially. "I even fantasized about him on occasion while I was with my husband."

My head snapped up, and if Rosalie had been any slower to pull back, I might have gotten jabbed in the eye with a pair of tweezers. "You did not!" I gasped, propping myself up on my elbows and staring at Esme.

She gave me an apologetic look. "That's probably a terrible thing to say to his mate, isn't it?"

I waved her concern away. "No, whatever, I want to hear about this. You were picturing Carlisle while you were with Edward?"

"No!" She laughed brightly. "My  _other_  husband. In my human life I was married to a man named Charles." She shuddered as she said his name. "It was not a happy marriage, I'm afraid, and I used fantasy as a way to escape. I used to think of the handsome, sophisticated doctor I once knew, partly because he was the only other man to ever have his hands beneath my skirt." She giggled, her eyes bright.

"So," I was still staring at her, "when you came around after the change and he was there, what did you think?"

She laughed. "Truthfully? I thought he was my destiny. After having spent so long fantasizing about him, to have him there again felt like fate."

A little twinge of jealousy pinched at me, but I ignored it as Esme went on.

"He was so caring and attentive, and I got the feeling he felt the same way toward me. But then. . . ." she trailed off, smiling much the way Rosalie had a moment ago.

"Then what?"

"Edward," she murmured. "He was away when Carlisle changed me. Carlisle had told me about his abilities so I would be prepared for him, but he hadn't said a word about his wonderful scent."

I cocked an eyebrow—safely, since Rosalie wasn't picking at them just now. She was listening to Esme's story as raptly as I was. "His scent?"

She laughed and nodded. "When he came back I heard him approaching the house, and I started worrying about the things that were in my mind. I was trying not to think of all of the fantasies I had had of Carlisle, or of my hopes for the future with him . . . which of course, meant that those were the only things I  _could_  think of. And then Edward opened the door, and I caught his scent."

Alice giggled. "Esme didn't even have to see him before she was in love with him."

"No, I didn't," she laughed. "But it was only a moment more before I  _did_  see him. He was so young and handsome, and I was immediately frustrated that he was still all the way across the room. It was much too far for my liking."

"I bet you two were just as bad as Emmett and I ever were," Rosalie teased. "You would have been inseparable too, if you hadn't had to deal with Carlisle's jealousy."

"Jealousy?" I asked, the little pinch inside growing into something much sharper.

"It's nothing to worry about, Bella," Alice assured me. "Carlisle just hoped to have a relationship with Esme because he was lonely. It was never anything like what he has with you."

"Edward has always felt guilty for taking away his chance at happiness," Esme said. "Which is partly why he worked so hard to bring the two of you together. He saw it as a sort of penance."

"Yeah, I guess I should thank him for that." I lay back down on the bed and Rosalie started going after my eyebrows again. "What about you, Alice?" I asked her. "You probably saw Jasper coming, didn't you?"

"Yes, thank god. I was all alone for years, and the vision of Jasper finding me was the only thing that got me through it." She smiled. "You know, that's why I believe in destiny."

I raised my eyebrows, but then immediately tried to smooth them again so Rosalie wouldn't get irritated. "You believe in destiny?"

Alice nodded, smiling to herself as she filed away at my nails. "You know how my visions change as decisions change?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that means visions of things a long way off are sort of undependable. But the vision of Jasper never went away. When my decisions changed, or when his did, the only things that changed in my vision were the time and place. No matter what, I always knew that we _would_  meet. Something completely inescapable was pulling us together."

"That's so sweet," I said softly.

"Yeah, but he kept putting it off!" she exclaimed in frustration. "He'd be all set on his path to come meet me, and then he'd change his mind and head somewhere else, and I'd have to wait even longer!"

I laughed. "Where did you finally run into him?"

"At a diner in Philadelphia." The same blissful smile that Rosalie and Esme had worn appeared on her face now. "I knew it was coming. He was in the city, but I didn't know where. I could see the date in my vision, on a newspaper lying on the counter. I found the diner and waited all day, praying he wouldn't change his mind again, and getting more and more impatient as the day went on. And then he was there, he just walked right in." She laughed at the memory. "I was all set to start scolding him for making me wait so long. But as soon as I started, he ducked his head all cute and apologized like a good Southern gentleman, and I just melted."

"You guys have such sweet stories," I said. "Do you think everyone is destined for one person, Alice? Or do you think maybe you and Jasper were just lucky enough to be singled out by fate?"

"I don't think it's just us. And I don't think it's just about romance either. For instance, I think Carlisle and Edward were destined to save each other."

"What do you mean?" I asked, blinking as Rosalie blew away a stray hair.

"Give me your other hand," Alice said, finishing up the first. When I complied, she continued. "Carlisle hasn't always been so content with his life. He was really sad and really lonely for a long time. He tried to find things that made him happy, but it was hard not having anyone to share them with. When he changed Edward, he saved Edward's life, but in doing so he also found a peace that he had never felt before." She stared intently at my hand as she worked. "Then Carlisle saved Esme from dying and introduced her to Edward. And Edward pulled you out of the way of Tyler's van and introduced you to Carlisle."

Rosalie snorted. "Neither one of them can do anything for themselves, so they have to do things for each other."

"Exactly," Alice said with a nod of her head. "They were destined to be together."

"They certainly don't like to be long apart," Esme said.

"Yeah, but I'm not sure co-dependence is the same thing as destiny," Rosalie teased.

Alice humphed. "Rosalie, you have no sense of wonder."

Rosalie winked at me before pulling back. "I think you're good here, Bella. We won't have to wax your eyebrows."

I shot her a grateful smile. "Thanks."

"I'm going to turn on some music," she said, moving to her bag and pulling out an mp3 player and a docking station with speakers.

"What do you have?" Alice asked curiously.

She smiled widely. "An eclectic mix of popular favorites spanning more than a century. Everything from Irving Berlin to Kanye West."

I giggled. "I love it. How long is your playlist?"

"Around forty thousand songs," she shrugged. "I had to cut it way down so it would fit."

"Forty  _thousand?_ " I gasped.

She just laughed. "Bella, we've lived through a  _lot_  of music."

"The good news is, only the very best songs made the cut," Alice smiled, and started moving to the beat of the big band music that came drifting out of the speakers while she evened up my nails.

"So, you don't remember any of your human life, right Alice?" I asked.

"Nope," she said, completely unconcerned.

"Will it be like that for me?"

"That's unlikely," Esme said. "It's the nature of human memories to fade over time, but if you think of them often enough after the change you'll transfer them from human memories to vampire memories, and they'll stick."

Rosalie moved back to the bed and sat down next to me, stroking my hair affectionately. "Can I give you some advice?"

I nodded.

"Remember the good times. There are so many bad things that have happened to you . . . but you don't have to dwell on them. Use your energy to commit the happier times to memory, and let the ugly ones slip away."

"That's good advice," Esme murmured.

"Yes," Alice agreed lightly, "so try not to think too much about what we're going to do right now."

I whimpered pathetically. "It's time?"

"It's time."

Esme grabbed the wax. "I'm going to go heat this up," she said, and disappeared out the door.

Alice pulled the sheet away while Rosalie started dusting my legs with talcum powder.

"What's that for?" I asked her.

"To keep the wax from sticking to your skin. Ideally, we take the hair and leave the skin in place."

"Ideally? You really know how to inspire confidence in a girl."

"Relax," Alice said. "It'll be over before you know it."

Rosalie dusted her way up my body, and after a few minutes Esme returned with the wax.

"Where do you want it first?" she asked, brandishing the wooden applicator.

I cringed. "Get the most painful part over with."

"Are you sure? You don't want to ease into it?"

"Will it hurt less if I do?"

She shook her head apologetically.

"Then no. Do the worst part first, or I'll totally chicken out."

"Just relax," Alice coaxed again.

I lay back and squeezed my eyes shut while cold hands pulled my knees apart, and warm wax was spread over my skin. The upper layer was a bit numb from the cream, thank goodness, and I could barely feel it when the waxing strips were pressed into place. I was just starting to think this might not be too bad when the first strip was yanked off.

" _Holy mother of god!_ " I yelled, arching my back in pain.

Rosalie splayed a hand over my stomach and pushed me back down on the bed. "Try to stay still."

"I thought that cream was supposed to make it hurt less!"

Alice snickered. "It  _does_. Usually it's worse than that."

I bit back a whimper. "Just get it off."

"All right, brace yourself," Rosalie said.

I clenched my fists and nodded.

There were several quick ripping sounds, followed by a  _lot_  of pain, and I cried out in agony.

"Well," Rosalie said, "that part's done. Turn over please."

The one thing I could say for them is that they were quick. Within about ten minutes they were finished waxing everything they were going to wax, and Alice was rubbing some kind of cooling gel on my raw skin. Rosalie grabbed her tweezers again, going after any stray hairs that the wax had missed, and then it was over, and I was allowed to put my clothes back on. I wasn't about to put up with any chafing, so I just shrugged into a satin robe.

"I'm telling Carlisle on you," I muttered to the girls.

They just laughed.

"He'll love it," Alice promised.

Rosalie pulled the sheets off of the bed and spread them out on the floor before flopping down onto the mattress. "So where do you want your scar?"

"What?" I asked, sitting down next to her.

"Vampire venom is the only thing that leaves a scar," Esme explained. "So when Carlisle bites you, you'll carry the mark forever."

"Carlisle's scar is really bad," Alice said. She had retrieved a chair and placed it in the center of the sheet, and she beckoned me over to sit in it. "It's obvious his sire was going for the kill, not the change."

"I've never noticed it," I said. "Where is it?"

Rosalie laughed. "Human eyes miss everything. You'll see it well enough after you change, though. It's on his neck."

"Edward's is fairly obvious too," Esme said, waiting for me to get settled into the chair before throwing a plastic cape around me. "Carlisle didn't really know how everything worked when he bit Edward, so it's worse than it really needed to be." She winked at me. "Edward likes it when I lick it."

I grinned, biting at my lip. I'd have to see if Carlisle liked his scar licked. "Where's yours?" I asked her.

She smiled nostalgically. "On the back of my knee."

"Seriously?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "He bit you on the back of your knee?"

She laughed and nodded. "It was a bit sentimental of him, really. He wanted to leave the scar in a less obvious place than my neck, so he bit the same leg that he had mended for me so many years ago."

"So, he could bite pretty much anywhere and it would work?"

Alice nodded. "Yes, but the stronger the artery, the faster the change goes. Getting a bite on, say, your finger, as opposed to one on the neck, means you'll be in pain for several hours longer, since the venom has to work harder to find a vein network."

"Where's yours?" I asked her.

"On my neck," she said lightly, running a finger absently along a line I couldn't see. "Most of the vampires you meet will have their scars on their necks. But mine is small and clean, so it seems like whoever changed me wasn't trying to kill me."

"What about you, Rosalie?" I asked.

She smiled. "Carlisle tried to hide mine, too." She raised one arm and traced a half-circle in the smooth hollow of the joint. "He bit me right here in the axillary artery."

I couldn't help the giggle that burst out of me. "He bit you in the armpit?"

Rosalie laughed too. "Yes, and I really appreciate it. It's nice to have it where no one can see it."

I grinned. "I'm going to have to remember to put on extra deodorant before he changes me."

Alice started spritzing my hair with a spray bottle and combing it out. "What are you going to wear?"

"What am I going to  _wear_?" I repeated. "Is this a formal event, this agonizing descent into the pains of hell for three days?"

She laughed. "No, it's not formal. But just because you're miserable, that doesn't mean you can't  _look_  good."

"All right, I'll defer to you on this one," I told her. "Oh great style guru, what  _does_  the fashion-savvy girl wear to her transformation from human to vampire?"

"Something comfortable," she declared. "But since you'll be with Carlisle, it should be, you know, pretty and stuff."

"So . . . pajamas."

She shrugged. "That's not a terrible idea. You've got those red satin ones, right?"

I hesitated. "They're a little short." I wasn't sure I wanted to flash that much skin to the whole family.

Rosalie laughed. "One of these days you're going to get over the modesty bit, Bella. We've all seen everybody's goods—that's just what happens when you live together for so long."

I raised my eyebrows. "Really? So you've seen Carlisle naked?"

"Absolutely. We were out hunting this one time, and he was taunting this bear, trying to get her good and riled up—"

"He was  _what?_ " I interrupted.

"It makes it more fun," Rosalie explained. "Anyway, the bear tackled him, and totally shredded his clothes."

I laughed. "That's what he gets for playing with his food."

"Emmett is the worst for that," Alice said, snipping at the ends of my hair. "He always likes to get them good and angry before he kills them."

"He likes the taste of the adrenaline," Rosalie added.

I grinned wickedly. If they were going to drag me into a girls' night, we were going to do this right. "All right, everybody. Let's say you had to pick one of the Cullen men  _other_  than your husband to spend a night with. Who would it be?"

Rosalie smirked. "And by 'spend a night' you mean, 'fuck like rabbits,' right?"

"Naturally."

"Carlisle," Esme said with a nod.

"That was obvious," Alice said, rolling her eyes.

Esme narrowed her eyes playfully. "I happen to like sophisticated men."

Rosalie was thinking it over. "Carlisle would definitely be fun," she said, "but there's just something about Jasper."

Alice grinned brightly. "You think so?"

"Oh yeah," Rosalie said. "All those scars . . . you'd think it'd be a turn off, but it's exactly the opposite."

"I know!" Alice giggled. "It's so hot."

"Does he have a lot of scars?" I asked.

Alice bit her lip as she brushed off the cape and took it off of me. "You'll have to ask him to show you after you change."

I shrugged. "Okay, so Rosalie, you pick Jasper? What about you, Alice?"

She dropped down on the bed next to Rosalie. "I don't know," she said thoughtfully. "Edward, maybe. I mean . . . he's beyond beautiful, but I think it would freak me out knowing that he knew what I was thinking. But Emmett would just be, like, all energy and fun. I think I'd go with Emmett."

Esme grinned. She was sweeping up the hair from the sheet with a hand brush and dustpan. "You know, there are advantages to having the man you're with know exactly what you're thinking."

I thought that over for a minute. "Sure, but . . . still. Having him all in your head is kind of creepy, isn't it?"

"I love it." She finished clearing up the hair and gathered the sheets, tossing them in the hamper. "No one will ever know me better than my Edward does."

"What about you?" Rosalie asked me.

"It's a tough choice, but since Edward  _can't_  get in my head . . . yeah, I have to go with him."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "You know, he's going to know you said that. As if his ego needed to get any bigger."

"Whatever," I laughed. "He's really fun, even if he is insufferable most of the time." I smiled, sitting down on the floor and leaning back against the bed. "Besides, he was really sweet when I first moved here—at least after that very weird first day—and he  _did_  work pretty hard at arranging things between Carlisle and me."

"I'm glad you feel that way," Esme said, settling next to me. "He's hoping you won't mind pretending to be his girlfriend in the future."

"I'm good with it." I stretched tiredly. "Well, Alice, we did the make-over and talked about boys. What's next, a pillow fight?"

She grabbed a pillow and smacked me in the side of the head with it. "Check. But now I want you to tell me exactly what it is you have against those  _gorgeous_  Valentino boots that I set out for you to wear tonight."

We spent the rest of the evening talking about similar things. I munched on leftover funeral food and soaked up advice that the girls offered me, and I was somewhat surprised to find myself having a good time. Other than the ruthless ripping out of my hair earlier, the evening had really been quite pleasant.

It was late when I finally gave up trying to hold my eyes open and called it a night. Alice stuffed the things they had brought back onto their bags, and Esme tucked me into bed and brushed a hand over my hair.

"This is the last time you'll ever go to sleep," she said. "Do you realize that?"

I frowned. That meant only one more morning waking up to the brush of velvety-soft flower petals on my cheek and Carlisle's honeyed voice in my ear. "Do you miss it?" I asked her.

She laughed and shook her head. "No, not at all. I manage to fill that time with much more interesting things."

That turned my frown into a smile in a hurry. "Yeah. I guess not sleeping has its advantages."

She gave a soft, musical laugh. "Goodnight, Bella," she said, leaning down to kiss my forehead. "I hope your final dreams are pleasant ones."

Rosalie and Alice offered their farewells as well, and the three of them turned off the light and left me to myself.

I was just starting to drift off when my bedroom door opened again, and I heard Carlisle's familiar step on the floor. I didn't open my eyes while he undressed, but I forced myself to stay awake until he settled behind me on the bed, drawing me into his arms.

"Did you and Jasper kill each other?" I mumbled sleepily.

I felt his quiet laugh. "No, sweetheart. We both made it back alive."

"Good. I love you, Carlisle."

"I love you, too," he whispered.

I smiled to myself and carried his words with me into my dreams.


	101. Longfellow Seranade

Banner by IllicitWriter

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Bella spent the day saying goodbye. She wasn't overt about it, but there were several activities to which she was giving more of her focus than she usually did, and occasionally a melancholy look crossed her face.

It started as soon as she woke up. She smiled and cuddled against me as I roused her in my usual way, but her smile fell a little as she murmured, "This is the last time I'm ever going to wake up next to you."

I frowned, wondering if she was reconsidering her decision.

"I'll miss it," she sighed. "I'll have to think about it a lot so I won't forget."

I pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I won't stop reminding you how precious you are to me. Even if you forget about this, you'll have a million other memories to take its place."

"I know," she murmured, brushing her lips against my neck. She abruptly pulled back and smiled. "I'm really excited. I mean, I'm scared. But I'm excited."

"Good. I want this to be as positive an experience for you as possible."

She stretched and sighed happily. "I'm with you. I don't think it gets much more positive than that."

Her words warmed me throughout the rest of the day.

We got dressed and headed back to my house, where Jasper was making breakfast for Bella. When he placed a warm, gooey cinnamon roll in front of her, she leapt out of her chair and threw her arms around him, peppering his cheek with kisses.

Jasper chuckled softly, though I noticed he was breathing as little as possible. "Indulge in your favorites today, Bella," he said. "This is the last time you're really going to enjoy eating."

Charlie emerged from the guest room a few minutes later to join her for breakfast, and she gave him an amused smile.

"How was the poker game last night?"

He glowered at her from under his eyebrows as he dropped into a chair at the table. "Lost three hundred dollars."

Bella giggled. "That's what you get for playing poker with an empathic vampire. How long did it take, exactly, before you figured out that he could tell when you were bluffing?"

Charlie narrowed his eyes at her. "Three hundred dollars," he said pointedly.

Bella laughed delightedly and hopped up to scoop a cinnamon roll onto a plate for him. "Here," she said, "this will make it all better."

About midmorning, Bella headed out to La Push for her last visit to First Beach, and though I was loath to let her go without me, that was not a trip on which I could accompany her. The Council of Elders had briefly lifted the ban so that Edward and Alice could help them generate more wolves, but it was firmly in place again and my family was no longer welcome on the Reservation. It was for the best, of course. As Jacob had pointed out, the Quileute boys were phasing at a disturbingly young age, and it was prudent for us to have minimal contact with them.

Still, it was difficult for me to let her go. With so many young, unstable shape-shifters roaming La Push, I worried for her safety. It helped that Jacob would be with her, but as his Alpha status only gave him authority over a fraction of the boys, there was still considerable danger.

Jacob brought her back to me after a few hours, though, carefree and content, and then she and Charlie went out to the river behind the house to spend some time together. I was insisting on an abundance of caution, waiting until Bella had fully changed before starting the process with Charlie, so it would be close to a week before the two of them would be able to have any kind of contact. And with both of them facing the same major event, it was good for them to take some time to talk it through.

Or anyway, I hoped they were talking it through. Charlie wasn't a man of many words, so I didn't know how much he would actually say, but Bella seemed to understand his wordlessness anyway. Somehow, the two of them managed to speak the same silent language.

And finally, after Bella enjoyed one last favorite meal for dinner, it was my turn to say goodbye. The warm, soft, delicate human girl before me was about to be altered drastically, and there were things about her that I wanted to enjoy one final time.

My family was good enough to leave us alone for it. Most of them were just clearing out for a few hours, but Emmett and Rosalie were heading to Seattle with Charlie to stay in a hotel for the next three days. We had decided it was a bad idea for him to stay at his own home or in La Push for fear that he might be seen by the neighbors, and Bella's house was intended as a sanctuary for her alone. I didn't want to set a bad precedent by suggesting that she allow Charlie to use it, despite the fact that it was sitting empty. And of course, if his scent was lingering here when Bella's change was complete, it would make things much harder on her.

So Rosalie had offered to get him out of the way for a while, and Charlie was somewhat relieved to have an escape. He had no desire to see his daughter in pain, and Bella felt much the same way.

Alice was the first to say goodbye. She hugged Bella tightly, her brow lined with worry. "I left some pajamas for you in Carlisle's room," she said. "They have long pants."

Bella hugged her back. "You're a lifesaver," she told her with a little laugh. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

Alice nodded and moved back, allowing Jasper to step in and say his goodbyes. He also looked somewhat melancholy as he gathered her up into his arms.

"Kid, just . . ." He hesitated. "Just remember that I won't hurt you, okay?"

Bella pulled back and gave him a puzzled look. "I know that, Jasper," she said, not understanding what he was getting at.

"Just remember," he said. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, and then grabbed Alice's hand and retreated out the back door.

Esme was the next to step in. She took Bella's hands with an affection that surprised me, since the two of them had not had a very close relationship previously. "You have such strength," she said, kissing Bella's cheek. "You'll get through this."

"Thanks," Bella smiled. "And thanks for last night."

"Of course." She squeezed Bella's hands and released them, and then came to give me a quick peck on the cheek. "Take care of her, Carlisle."

I smiled at her and nodded.

Edward took his turn then. He gave Bella a tight squeeze. "Hang in there," he murmured. He released her and moved to my side, gripping my shoulder. "I'm not going far. I'll be within hearing range . . . if you need anything."

"Thank you. I'll let you know."

"Co-dependent," Rosalie said in a singsong voice, winking at Bella.

I furrowed my brow. "What?"

"Nothing," Bella laughed, her cheeks coloring slightly.

Rosalie hugged her warmly, which also came as a surprise to me. Apparently the previous evening had been good for the girls.

"I'll see you on the other side," Rosalie said to Bella, then released her into Emmett's arms.

Emmett grabbed her up in a bear hug, lifting her off her feet. "I can't wait to wrastle with you once you're all buffed up," he grinned. "This is gonna be fun."

Bella giggled as he set her back on her feet. "It's a date. You're going down, Emmett."

"Psh," he scoffed. "You're all talk, little girl." He winked at her and grabbed Rosalie's hand. "We're in the car, Charlie," he called to him, and the two of them headed out the front door.

Charlie moved to stand in front of Bella then, looking very unsure of himself. After an awkward pause, he reached for her and embraced her tentatively. "This is it," he said, stepping back again.

"Yep. This is it."

Charlie shoved his hands in his pockets, shifting from foot to foot. "I feel like I'm losing my baby," he said gruffly, staring at the floor.

Bella laughed and closed the distance between them, stretching up on her toes to kiss his cheek. "Just for a few days. I expect you to join me soon."

"I will. I won't let you down this time."

"I'll see you in a few days then," she smiled brightly, putting on a brave face for him.

He turned to me, looking like he wanted to say something, but eventually he just nodded and turned away, heading out the door after Emmett and Rosalie.

Bella slipped her hand in mine and looked up at me, smiling nervously. I smiled back, relishing the warmth of her hand in mine, and started pulling her toward the stairs.

"You seem much more comfortable with Esme and Rosalie now," I observed.

"Well, you know. It was sort of inevitable, now that they've basically seen me naked."

I raised an eyebrow, slowing my step, but Bella just giggled and strode past me up the stairs.

"Why exactly is that?" I asked, following after her.

She just shrugged. "Things happen. After all, Rosalie has apparently seen  _you_  naked."

I furrowed my brow, trailing after her as she headed to my bedroom. "What did you girls do last night?"

"This and that," she said, smiling enigmatically. She kicked off her shoes and dropped down onto the bed, scooting onto her side and hugging a pillow to her chest.

I snatched it out of her arms and tossed it aside, crawling onto the bed and taking its place. "This is  _my_  spot, if you don't mind."

She giggled and wrapped her arms around me. "You're not nearly as soft as a pillow."

"Perhaps not," I said, nuzzling her neck, "but I make up for it in other ways."

Bella rolled on top of me, tugging at the buttons of my shirt. "How exactly do you do that?"

I grinned at her. "Unlike your inanimate pillow, I can bring you to orgasm." I winked. "Repeatedly."

She finished unbuttoning my shirt and leaned over me, kissing my chest eagerly. "That's definitely worth exploring," she said, her words muffled against my skin. "Care to give me a demonstration?"

"I would like nothing more than to give you a demonstration." I grabbed the hem of her blouse and pulled it up over her head, tossing it carelessly to the floor. I moved my hands back to her waist, running them slowly up the sides of her body to her lacy pink bra. I slid them over her soft, round breasts, feeling her nipples pebble under my palm, and she moaned softly in response.

"God, I love how that feels," she breathed.

I followed the line of her bra around her body and released the clasp at her back. I moved my hands under the straps and drew them off of her shoulders, revealing her beautiful form. I ran my fingers over her soft flesh, feeling the delicate skin, the tight, supple nipples. I would miss this softness, this delicacy. I was pleased that she would be stronger, but there was something so lovely about her vulnerability. Once she changed, she wouldn't need the same kind of gentle care from me.

The chauvinist in me was slightly disappointed. I liked sheltering her, protecting her. I liked that she needed me, to a certain extent. And in the back of my mind, there was a nagging worry that her reluctance to trust me would mean that she would leave me once she didn't need my protection anymore.

I pushed those thoughts out of my mind and flipped Bella onto her back, leaning over her. She tugged my shirt off of my shoulders and tossed it to the floor next to hers, and then her hands were fumbling with my belt, yanking it open and undoing my pants.

"I love it when you wear jeans," she said, biting her lip. "You look so hot."

I smiled, amused by the fact that she was telling me that she liked the way I looked in them even as she was pushing them down over my hips. I kicked off my shoes, followed by my pants and boxer shorts and then tugged her pants off of her as well.

I felt the difference before I saw it. I lowered myself on top of her, expecting my straining erection to be cradled in the cushion of soft curls beneath the lace of her underwear. I stilled when I felt the lack, my breath catching in my throat. I lifted myself off of her slightly, snaking a hand between us and sliding my fingers under the lace of her panties

"Dear god," I whispered when my hand contacted bare skin. I jerked back onto my knees and yanked her panties down, tearing them in my eagerness to get them off of her. I threw the scraps of material aside, my eyes fixed on her exposed body.

I couldn't speak. I swallowed back the venom that was pooling in my mouth at the sight of Bella's smooth, exposed sex, and I simply stared at her.

She bit her lip, gauging my reaction. "Do you like it?" she asked nervously.

I had to taste her, had to have my mouth on her beautiful body. I fell onto my stomach between her legs, groaning with need as my lips connected with her bared mound.

I had become practiced in my control with Bella. Over the last few months I had grown quite confident in my ability to be with her without hurting her. But now I found myself struggling to keep control of myself once again. My hands wanted to grip her too tightly, my mouth wanted to press harder, and my desire for her was once again at war with my need to keep her safe.

I moaned at the silky softness of her skin. My lips massaged her as I moved lower, letting my tongue trace the delicate folds between her legs. My ministrations were clearly affecting her, and sweet, slick moisture seeped from her core. I lapped it up eagerly, plunging my tongue inside her in search of more.

Bella was humming and writhing under me, and her hands fisted in my hair. I licked up her slit and played with her clit, relishing in the softness of the skin that surrounded her sensitive nub. I couldn't believe how much I loved the difference. I had never imagined how Bella would look without body hair, never considered asking her to remove it. But the sight and feel of her rocked me to my very center.

"Carlisle!" she gasped, grinding her hips against my mouth. "God, Carlisle, so good!"

I didn't let up, allowing my tongue to tease her body until she arched sharply against me, crying out in pleasure as shudders ripped through her body. I collected the sweet juices that dewed on her lips as she came, swallowing them down with intense pleasure, tasting for the last time the exquisite flavor that could only be produced by a human body.

I laved her sweet sex until she sagged back onto the bed, her body shying away from me as my tongue flicked her oversensitive nerves. With some reluctance I withdrew my mouth from her, dragging my eyes regretfully away from her bare apex to gaze at her face.

"You're so beautiful," I gasped. "God, Bella . . . do you have any idea what this does to me?"

She laughed weakly between gulps of breath. "So you like it, then?"

"I  _like_  it," I breathed.

She giggled. "Good. I like it too."

I moved up her body and settled on top of her, letting my head rest on her chest. I pressed my ear to her heart, listening to the quick, wet thudding beneath her rib cage. I wanted badly to take her, to satisfy myself on her sweet body, but I let her have a moment to recover as my hand occupied itself with fondling her soft breast.

Bella hummed in pleasure as I lightly pinched her nipple. "I like  _that._ "

I turned my head and sucked her other nipple into my mouth, teasing it with my tongue. She moaned in response, thrusting her hips against my stomach, and I smiled. Apparently she was ready again. I gave her pert nipple one more firm flick with my tongue, and then released her, crawling up her body and settling between her thighs.

I loved her warmth. This would be the last opportunity I would have to surround myself in the exquisite heat of her body. I kissed my way up the side of her neck to her ear, drawing in her captivating scent, memorizing it.

Bella bucked her hips against me impatiently. "I want you, Carlisle," she whimpered.

I slid one hand under her head, my fingers lacing through her silky curls. "You'll have me forever," I whispered. I positioned myself carefully, teasing her entrance with the head of my cock, and when she pushed her hips forward to meet mine, I buried myself inside of her.

Bella responded immediately, arching her hips to meet mine as needful cries escaped her throat. She begged for more against my shoulder as I drove steadily into her, her pliant body giving easily under my thrusts for the last time. After today Bella wouldn't be so soft, her body wouldn't mold so readily around mine. I would miss it, and I focused on how she felt beneath me, committing every detail to memory.

My mouth drifted down her throat, and I caressed her pulsing artery with my tongue, yet another pleasure to which I had to bid farewell. I loved listening to her racing heart when I made love to her, hearing the rush of blood in her veins and feeling the rhythmic fluttering at her throat. The continuous flow of blood through the body was so vibrantly, distinctively _human_ , and I knew that was one of the things I would miss the most. Whenever I visited my Bella, my ears picked out the steady thrum of her heart before I could see her. When she was with me, a part of my mind was always focused on that sound. The music of her heartbeat was so much a part of the essence of Bella that I almost feared I couldn't recognize her without it.

And so I said goodbye, my mouth moving over her throat as I made love to my sweet, fragile girl for the last time.

If Bella felt any of my melancholy over how her body would change, she didn't show it. She was as eager as always, panting declarations of love in my ear as her small body writhed beneath me, her fingernails scratching at my back. I didn't betray my thoughts to her, and I gave her pleasure and took it for myself as I slowly, steadily, escalated the need in her to a fever pitch. Her cheeks flushed with desire and exertion, and it felt almost criminal to take away the color that so easily rose to her lovely face. I would never see my girl blush in embarrassment again, never see her cheeks tinged pink in the throes of passion.

Somehow, knowing this was the last time I would have my girl this way, with her warmth, her softness, her blood, made me want her all the more. I was struggling to hold back, my body aching for the release that I would deny myself until Bella reached hers. My lips found her neck again, and my hand sought her breast, palming the soft mound of flesh and drawing moans of pleasure from her as I stroked and fondled her precious body. I could feel Bella getting close. Her breathing was quick and labored, her muscles tensed, and she rocked her hips against me in an ever increasing speed, chasing the release she desperately craved.

I growled at the exertion required to hold my own climax at bay, and she shivered in reaction to the sound. Her hands clutched at my back and she bucked her hips, grinding her clit against me, until finally the friction drove her to her peak. She reached her orgasm with a loud cry, arching off of the bed as her warm, wet walls clamped down tightly around my cock. I let myself go as well, thrusting hard and taking my own release, coming inside of her soft, warm,  _human_  frame one final time. I slid an arm beneath her, holding her to me tightly as my body jerked repeatedly against hers, filling her with cold venom.

When the blissful throbbing subsided I rolled off of her and settled on my side next to her. She stayed where she was, exhausted and sated, with a lazy smile on her face. "That has to be the most perfect end to a human life  _ever_ ," she murmured, stretching contentedly.

I laughed softly, and my hand made its way back to the smooth skin at the juncture of her thighs. I couldn't get enough of her; she was absolutely exquisite. Her skin was damp from sweat and her own fluids, as well as from my venom, and I pushed myself up. "I'll be right back," I murmured. I moved to the adjoining bathroom and cleaned myself up, then wetted a cloth with warm water and re-entered the bedroom. I carefully scrubbed at Bella's body, washing away any residue, before disposing of the cloth and settling next to her again.

"Thank you," she smiled sweetly.

"Of course, angel."

She took a deep breath. "So . . . where are you going to bite me?" she asked, and I heard her heart rate pick up as she started contemplating what came next. "Rosalie said you bit her under her arm?"

I laughed softly. "Yes. It was a convenient place to hide her scar. But if you have no objections, I was thinking of another, slightly more intimate place for you."

She raised her eyebrows. "Where's that?"

I slid a hand between her legs again, not to feel her silky bare skin this time, but to press against the artery that pulsed in the crease of her thigh. "Right here, if you approve."

She smiled happily, her hand joining mine to feel the fluttering beneath her skin. "I think that's the perfect place to have your mark."

I leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. "Are you ready then?"

"Almost." She took a deep breath. "First, Carlisle, I just want . . ." She faltered, looking away. "This seems really weird, but I want to say thank you . . . for giving this to me. For wanting me with you forever."

I slid my hand up her body, brushing my fingertips over her soft skin until I reached her cheek. I turned her face back to me and brushed her jawline lightly with the back of my fingers. "And thank  _you_ ," I told her. "For surrendering your human life to me and giving me forever."

She pulled me down for a deep, passionate kiss, her tongue swirling with mine as her fingers tangled in my hair. I poured every ounce of my devotion and adoration into the kiss, trying to show her the love that words would never be enough to express. When she finally broke away, breathing heavily, she met my gaze with bright eyes and smiled.

"I'm ready."

I forced a smile in return, my mind already on the pain I was about to cause her. I rolled over her, hovering above her body, and trailed kisses from her lips, over her chin, and down the soft column of her neck that pulsed with decadent life. I crawled backward, kissing down the swell of her soft, perfect breasts, past her ribs and over her flat stomach. I lingered briefly over her smooth, silky mound, then gently pressed her thigh to the side to expose her femoral artery. I nuzzled the warm crevice, filling my lungs with her sweet, delicious scent. I lowered my mouth to her, licking, sucking, tasting her soft flesh.

When I couldn't stall any longer, I sealed my lips over her and sank my teeth in, tearing through the diaphanous skin and releasing a flood of sweetest ambrosia into my mouth. I heard Bella's cry of pain and rubbed a soothing hand over her hip, even as the desire for her blood clouded my senses. I swallowed a mouthful of the warm, wet fluid, and in a moment of weakness I let the sweet gush of her blood fill my mouth again. I groaned in pleasure as I drank it down, before withdrawing my teeth and sealing the neat tears in her flesh with my tongue.

I was licking the residual blood from her body when Bella started to feel the searing burn. She screamed loudly, arching against the pillows as the venom seeped into her bloodstream.

"It hurts!" she screamed, quickly losing all sense of reason to the burning pain. "It hurts, Carlisle, make it stop!"

I pushed myself to my knees and looked at her face, torn. I  _could_  make it stop. The venom had barely entered her. I could draw it out, I could bite her again, and take pull after pull of her thick blood into my mouth as I sucked the poison from her body. I wanted to—dear god, I wanted to.

"Please, Carlisle,  _please!_ " she begged. "It's burning, make it stop!  _Please!_ "

It was unbearable seeing her in such pain. And yet, I wanted it. It was selfish, immoral, wholly demonic, but I wanted Bella to be like me. I didn't want to lose her. So I hesitated, wanting to answer her pleas but doing nothing, while her rushing blood carried the venom through her body until it was too late to stop it.

I gathered my girl into my arms, holding her naked body to mine. Her skin was already heated, her temperature rising quickly, and I wrapped myself around her in the hope that my cold skin could offer her some relief.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered, rocking her back and forth. "I'm so, so sorry. It will pass, angel, I promise you. Just bear it for a few days."

She was long past coherence now, her supplications for mercy barely intelligible through her agonized screams. And yet I continued to murmur comforting words, hoping that perhaps the sound of my voice might bring her some small comfort.

Her body temperature continued to rise, and I ached to find something that might soothe her. I stood and carried her into the bathroom, holding her against me as I turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature to a cool stream. I stepped behind the curtain with her, holding her writhing body under the spray, and thankfully she did seem to react a little. Her screams drifted into moans, her body settled, and for a short time it seemed that the pain lessened a little bit. After a while her temperature rose again, though, as did her protests, and I turned the water slightly cooler to counteract it. That seemed to help, and over the next hour I stood with her under the shower, progressively nudging the water colder and colder to keep the pain at bay.

And I spoke to her. Remembering that she had once told me she found the words of Longfellow calming, I recited them to her, one poem after another, murmuring the slow, steady cadences into her ear.

Before long, however, the water was as cold as it would go, and Bella was screaming again. I had my head buried in her neck, desperately wishing I could ease her pain, when I heard Edward approaching the house at a run. He was coming from the road in front of the house, not from the forest behind, and if I had had a thought to spare for him, I might have wondered where he had been. But I didn't. I barely noticed as he darted inside and ascended the stairs, my attention entirely wrapped up in Bella. It wasn't until he tapped at the bathroom door that I bothered to consider him at all.

_Not now, Edward._

He ignored me and pushed the door open. I pulled back the shower curtain a few inches, ready to order him to leave, and saw him drop two large bags of ice on the bathroom floor.

My words caught in my throat.

"Believe me, the irony is not lost on me," Edward said drily, striding forward and plugging the bathtub. "Let's just see if it helps." He switched the water from the shower head to the faucet and pulled the curtain outside of the bathtub.

 _Get me something for her to wear_ , I told him.  _Alice left her some clothes on the dresser._

Edward disappeared, returning a moment later with a pair of black satin pajamas for Bella and a pair of cotton lounge pants for me as well. He helped me dress her as the bathtub slowly filled, and then held her struggling body as I drew on the pants. I sat down in the water, leaning against the back of the bathtub, and Edward settled Bella in front of me, laying her back on my lap. He grabbed a bag of ice and ripped it open, dumping it into the water around us.

I swished the water over Bella's skin, and thankfully her cries lessened slightly once again. I plucked an ice cube out of the water and ran it over her shoulders where the water didn't reach. I slid it up her neck and over her flushed face, doing everything I could to ease her suffering.

Edward added the second bag of ice and turned off the tap when the tub was full. He stirred the bath with his hand, thoroughly chilling the water around my girl, before settling down onto the floor next to the bathtub.

It seemed to help. She was still out of her mind with pain, but once again it was moans and not screams that echoed hollowly in the bathroom. I took up my chant again, breathing poetry in her ear, moving on from Longfellow to Byron, Keats, Whitman, anything I could think of that had a smooth, measured pace and a regular rhyme.

It wasn't long before I heard Alice, Jasper, and Esme enter the house, followed by the unmistakable sound of bags of ice being stacked in the freezer. I'd have smiled, had the light of my life not been suffering so deeply.

 _Thank them for me,_  I told Edward.

He just nodded.

Edward always knew when I needed his silence. I couldn't count the number of times he stood stoically next to me, offering his steady presence while my mind was in turmoil. He didn't demand my attention, and seemed to understand when I didn't care to give it. For now, all of my focus was on Bella, and he simply waited beside me, quiet an unobtrusive.

For the next three days, there was little variation. When the water temperature would rise too high, Edward would leave for a moment and return with two more bags of ice. He would wordlessly drain the water that had washed away Bella's sweat and tears, then pour the ice over her as he refilled the tub again.

And for three days I kept my own vigil, holding her, caressing her, reciting poems of love and comfort with the hope that they might bring her some small measure of peace.

The others checked on her occasionally. Esme and Alice held her hands and Jasper tried to calm her, but even his remarkable gift was not enough to break through the blistering agony of the change.

But mostly my children were kind enough to leave us alone. For three days I held and soothed my whimpering girl, rubbing ice over her heated skin, while Edward kept silent watch.

On the evening of the third day, Alice tapped at the door. "Carlisle," she said, peeking into the room, "you only have about a half an hour left."

I nodded, not breaking from my poetic recitations. Edward stood and drained the bathtub without even a silent request from me. He helped me undress Bella and dry her off, her weak, tortured cries becoming louder as we removed her from the soothing cool of the water. We moved her into the bedroom and dressed her in a pale pink silk kimono that Alice had left for her, and then I carried her to the bed and laid her back on the pillows. I quickly changed into a pair of dry jeans and then sat next to her on the bed, pressing my chilled hands to her face to restore some of the comfort of the cold bath.

I could hear the others hovering outside the bedroom door, and I nodded to Edward, allowing him to bid them enter. They filed into the room and stood around Bella, all looking anxious, but hopeful.

"It won't be long now," Esme said. "Her heart is starting to race." She leaned down and kissed my cheek, rubbing my back comfortingly. "It's almost over."

"I want to be alone with her," I said softly. "I don't want her to feel crowded when she wakes."

Jasper nodded. "That's for the best. But we'll be right downstairs to help out if she gets out of hand."

I nodded, biting back irritation over his words. I knew a newborn vampire could be restive and difficult to control, but I didn't like the idea of Jasper trying to subdue my girl.

Jasper felt my reaction, of course, and stepped back, hanging his head. "I'm sorry, Carlisle," he muttered, and then turned and left the room.

Alice sighed quietly and followed him, casting one pensive glance back at Bella before leaving the room.

"This has gone on long enough, Carlisle," Edward said calmly. "Take the next few hours to care for Bella, get her out for a hunt, do whatever it is you need to do. But when you get back, you'd better be ready to start working with Jasper. He doesn't need you fighting him any more than Bella does."

I clenched my teeth, suppressing a growl.  _Get out._

Edward took Esme's hand, and the two of them moved out of the room, closing the door behind them.

I continued to stroke Bella's face and neck as her heart rate picked up. Her body temperature rose even higher, and I did my best to sooth the burn, gently caressing her blazing skin. It had slowly changed over the last few days, transforming from the soft, porous silk to which I was accustomed, to a much firmer, smoother, less malleable membrane. Under my hands, of course, her body felt pliable and elastic, but it was nothing like the fragile tissue that had so recently made up the whole of her constitution.

And that wasn't the only change. The scar on her ribs was gone, the poorly-healed bone in her hip now smooth and perfect. Her lips were slightly different, fuller, with an alluring pout to them, her nose straighter and just a touch smaller than it had been. Her eyelashes were noticeably longer and thicker, and lay in sharp contrast against her fair skin even with her eyes squeezed shut in pain.

The effect was striking, and I yearned to see a smile on her lovely new face.

I continued to try to calm her with poetry, retrieving from my memory once again the Longfellow verses she favored and murmuring them to the steady beat of the rain that came down in torrents outside, pattering against the glass wall of the bedroom.

And I waited.

Her heart rate continued to increase, her fingertips twitched, and I watched. Her exhausted cries strengthened, increased, until she was screaming unintelligible pleas, thrashing wildly in my arms. Her hands clawed at her chest, tearing into the silk of her dress.

And then her racing heart took its last stuttering beat, and Bella stilled. For a moment there was silence, as she lay unmoving in my arms. But then her eyes flew open and she shoved away from me, throwing me off of the bed as she darted out of my grasp.


	102. Butterfly

Banner by IllicitWriter

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**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I might have freaked out just a little bit when my heart stopped. I mean . . . when your heart stops, that means you're  _dead_. I was expecting it and all, but after spending what felt like an eternity unable to focus on anything but blinding pain, I wasn't necessarily thinking about what to expect. So when my heart stopped, it's possible that I panicked.

But the panic was quickly thrust out of my mind by an urgent new sensation. I was  _thirsty_. The back of my throat burned, and I found myself scenting the air, searching for a promising food source. There was nothing.

I was disappointed, but the feeling didn't last long because it was then that I realized that a pair of solid arms were wrapped around me, trapping me in place. My mind was working overtime, trying to process a million new sensations that bombarded me through my ears, my nose, my fingertips. It was data overload, and I didn't know how to handle it all, but I definitely knew that being held down like this was  _bad_. This situation left me vulnerable in numerous ways: my reclined position, my immobile arms, my exposed throat . . . I had to get out of it, and I had to do it now.

I opened my eyes, taking just a fraction of a second to assess the size of the person restraining me and the available space I had to move, before I shoved away from him with all of my strength and darted to the corner of the room next to the large window that made up one wall. I fell into a crouch, letting the walls protect my back as I readied myself for an attack from the front.

What I saw left me . . . very confused. Carlisle was slowly picking himself up from the floor, regarding me carefully with his amber-colored eyes.

Carlisle.

A million thoughts ran through my mind at the sight of him, memories viewed through a muddy filter, so much hazier than what I was seeing now.

Because now, I could see  _everything._  Dust motes floated in the air, but I immediately dismissed them as being useless. Far more interesting were the tiny grooves and fissures in the wall, especially considering I had backed myself into a corner. If I needed an escape, it would be easy to grip the coarse, uneven finish of the walls and go up and around. Or I could just break the glass at my back and jump to the ground. The curtains that often shaded the room from the sunlight were gone, and I could see pouring rain coming down outside. That could also be useful. My scent wouldn't linger long in such a heavy torrent, so if I could put some reasonable distance between myself and an attacker, I could keep from being easily tracked.

The burn in my throat begged for attention, but I refused it. My senses told met that there was a more immediate need, and I forced myself to scan the room around me, looking for details I might have missed that could give me an advantage. There was a lot to see, but not necessarily anything useful. There were weaknesses in the wood of the doors to the bathroom and the hallway, but they were behind Carlisle, and I would have to go through him to get to them. I could see small imperfections in the jeans he wore, though I could only imagine that would be useful if I wanted to tear them off of him.

That line of thinking brought on a whole new wave of memories, all involving Carlisle without his clothes, and after a few moments I realized that there were vague, hazy emotions trying to attach themselves to the memories. A lot of emotions. Fear, comfort, insecurity, hope . . . and one dominating, all-consuming emotion.

Love.

As soon as I grasped ahold of that love, I waited for it to hurt. I remembered how many times I had looked at him, feeling that love well up inside me until I thought it would crush me. It was always too big, too much, and it  _always_  hurt.

Only this time it didn't. There was a curious, detached part of me that analyzed what I was feeling. Did I love him less now?

No. That wasn't it at all. The way I felt was still just as strong, just as consuming as it had always been. It still filled me with desire and longing to be close to him . . . it just did so without the suffocating weight that it usually carried.

With a start, I suddenly realized the difference. I didn't love him any less, but now I was stronger. I was enough. The feelings I had for him were never meant for my weaker human constitution to bear. So many times I had shoved my emotions to the side, afraid of them, desperate to distract myself with something, anything, that would keep me from buckling under the weight of a passion that I simply didn't have the strength to feel.

But now I did, and so I felt it. For a long time I just stared at him, taking in every beautiful aspect of his body and  _loving_  him. The burning thirst receded into the back of my mind, because right now I was focused on something far more important.

I had definitely never seen Carlisle clearly before. He was so much more beautiful than I had ever realized. I had always loved his hair, but I had never seen how many varied colors made up the golden tones that I loved so much. And his eyes . . . god, his eyes were so beautiful. They were caring and compassionate, even as he regarded me warily. His mouth . . . I scanned every smooth rise and dip in the textured surface of his lips, and I ached to taste them. My eyes trailed over his strong, solid jaw, his perfectly smooth skin, flawless as it swept down his neck, until. . . .

I cringed back a bit. I had never seen his scar, though how I could ever have missed it, I didn't know. How many times had I buried my face in the crook of his neck, right over that ghastly mark? How many times had my lips traveled over the ragged gash that cut across the front of his throat? It was almost perfectly smooth, but paler than the rest of his skin, and it caught the light differently. It had long since healed over, of course, but the uneven slashes spoke of just how violently Carlisle's human life had ended.

I tore my eyes away from his scar and trailed them down to his chest . . . and god almighty, it was a good thing I had never been able to see him properly through my weak human eyes. If I had, I was sure I'd have fainted from the sheer power of the desire his body inspired in me. Everything about him was ideal, every ridge and plane, every band of lean muscle was perfectly proportioned. My eyes were drawn to the very thin, jagged line of a scar that wrapped around his right bicep, and then another just above his wrist. His other arm showed two crescent-shaped marks—a bite, clearly—on the underside of his forearm.

The scars made me deeply uneasy, though I couldn't exactly say why, and I edged away from him a fraction of an inch.

He took a slow step backward and lowered his chin slightly, clasping his hands in front of him. His eyes were still watching me carefully, his body still tense, but somehow I felt slightly more comfortable.

Comfortable enough to continue my examination of him. I let my eyes trail down his sculpted stomach to the waistband of his jeans . . . and the thought of taking advantage of those imperfections in the fabric greatly appealed to me. They hid him from me, and I didn't like it, though they couldn't entirely mask the shape of the muscled thighs beneath the rough denim.

I let my eye sweep downward to his feet, and for a brief moment, I wondered why he wasn't wearing shoes. But then, amused with myself, I wondered why he ever would. Practically speaking, shoes would be in the way. If I had to climb the wall next to me, my bare toes would easily grip the tiny ridges, but if I had shoes on, that would be impossible. But practicality aside, I decided that Carlisle shouldn't wear shoes because his feet were just . . . perfect.

I had never imagined that feet could really be attractive. I had spent my human life basically ignoring feet, which I suppose was why I wasn't as excited about shoes as Alice would have liked me to be. But Carlisle's feet . . . they were such a beautiful shape, so light and pale, with straight toes that gripped the fibers of the white carpet on which he stood.

I almost laughed out loud. I couldn't believe I was paying that much attention to his feet when he was standing there in front of me without a shirt on. Because yes, his feet were beautiful, but nothing in this world would ever compare to the breathtaking sight of Carlisle Cullen's strong shoulders. I could stare at those shoulders for hours. Something in the set of them screamed dependability, security, safety.

 _Safety_.

Carlisle was safe.

One minute and forty-eight seconds had passed since I had pushed him away from me. An eternity. Yet he hadn't attempted to come toward me. He just stood there, watching me, looking tense.

It worried me. Carlisle always wanted me to be close to him. This was our pattern; I pushed him away, and he followed me. I hadn't realized before just how much I depended on him to keep me close to him, but now he wasn't doing it and I didn't know what to do. Maybe he wasn't interested in me anymore. Maybe now that I wasn't a warm human, he no longer wanted me.

Maybe he couldn't love me forever after all.

I edged back another half an inch, still in a defensive crouch, but frozen now in indecision. What would happen now? Would he want me to leave his house? Leave Forks? Where would I go? And what about the Volturi? Even if he didn't want me, I couldn't stand to let him fight them alone. They needed me—at least, Jasper seemed to think they did.

Maybe I could do it myself. Maybe I could go to Volterra, maybe I could get Aro alone and kill him. Without his mind-reading, the Cullens wouldn't be in danger anymore, and if the Cullens weren't part of the attack, they wouldn't become targets of the rest of the coven. All I had to do was kill Aro.

Of course, it would mean death for me, but death was preferable to a life without Carlisle.

He hadn't missed my backward movement, and a pained look crossed his face.

"Bella," he murmured softly, and I nearly whimpered at the sound of his voice. I had always loved it, the smooth richness, the gentle authority it carried, the deep passion it revealed. But like the rest of him, I had never appreciated the sheer heart-wrenching beauty of it. Now that I had ears to hear it properly, I realized that no sound in the world had ever been more alluring. The sirens of ancient Greece could never have crooned a melody that compared to Carlisle Cullen's voice.

"I won't hurt you," he was murmuring soothingly. And slowly. Why was he talking so slowly? "No one here will hurt you. You don't have to be afraid."

He thought I was afraid of him.

He thought I was afraid of him!

Well, maybe that was fair. I had pushed him away, after all, and I was still crouching in the corner like I was waiting for him to attack. Honestly, it hadn't really occurred to me to change my position while I had been looking him over.

But I should now. Right? Nothing to be defensive about. Those scars . . . well, they were just scars. After three centuries of living, the man was bound to have scars.

I straightened, surprising myself with how quickly the thought became movement, and with how quickly the movement was executed. Vampire speed. Apparently, you didn't have to _try_  to move fast, it just happened.

Carlisle seemed almost surprised to see me drop my defenses. His eyebrows lifted, and the corners of his mouth pulled up just slightly. "Are you all right?" he asked me.

His question made me laugh, and the musical sound that bubbled out of my throat thrilled me so much that I did it again. Was I alright? I was so much  _better_  than alright!

My laugh brought a full smile to Carlisle's face, and he looked hopeful.

I had thought he was the image of beauty before, but his smile transformed him into a god. How had I never seen this before? How had I not realized that he was pure sunlight, masterfully sculpted into flesh?

He was still smiling at me, waiting for an answer, and I grinned back. "I'm alright," I said softly, my words coming much quicker than his.

"Would you mind if I came closer?" he asked, still speaking very slowly.

I cocked my head at him curiously. "Why are you talking like that?"

"Like what?" he asked, reflecting my curiosity.

"So slowly."

He laughed softly. "It's a habit, Bella. I choose to employ many human habits, and slow speech and movements are among them."

My eyes widened. "You've always talked that way?"

He nodded in amusement. "That's right."

"It sounds almost silly," I told him, and then an thought flitted across my mind and I laughed again. "I bet it annoyed the Volturi to talk like that to me."

"Not so much. Most of them have to speak with humans on occasion, so they're used to it."

My eyes widened at his words, not because I was surprised by what he had said, but because that was the first time he had ever referred to humans when I hadn't been included in the category.

"I'm not human," I murmured. I slowed my words a little bit. "I'm not human." I looked down at myself, considering my appearance for the first time. My skin was pale, and I poked my arm experimentally. It gave easily under my strength, but I could feel the new hardness of it. I laced my fingers together and heard the soft clicking of stone against stone, despite the comfortable way they molded together. I nearly laughed again in sheer delight, but my attention was drawn by my clothes. I was wearing a pink silk dress with floral stitching . . . and it was torn. Right over my heart, ragged scraps of fabric dangled down, revealing the top of my left breast . . . which I could swear was bigger than it had been before. Not a lot, maybe, but . . . nice! I turned into a vampire and got bigger boobs!

I lifted one of the dangling tatters, and gasped when the delicate silk tore farther up my shoulder. I had barely touched it! What was I wearing, wet tissue paper?

Carlisle smiled. "It will be hard to get used to your strength at first. You might want to avoid handling anything particularly valuable for a while."

I looked up at him. "Did I do this to my dress?"

His smile softened and he nodded. "Yes, sweetheart. Just before your heart stopped. It's quite painful, I'm afraid, and you were reacting to it."

"Huh." I looked down at the shredded fabric again, then smiled. "Alice is going to yell at me, isn't she?"

He laughed out loud. "I doubt it. She buys clothes faster than we can wear them. I'm sure she has racks full of replacement dresses for you in the basement.

I looked up at him curiously. "There's a basement?"

My question made him laugh again. "Yes, there's a basement, though few of us ever go there because it's basically Alice's hobby room."

The burn in my throat was nagging at me again, but I ignored it. I wanted to talk to Carlisle.

"Do you have a hobby room?" I asked him.

"That would be my study."

That made sense. "What about the others?"

"Rosalie has claimed the garage as her domain. Edward's is the music room downstairs. Jasper keeps an office with his books in an out-building, and Esme has a drafting office in another one."

"What about Emmett?"

"Emmett's hobbies tend to take him out of doors. He stores some sporting equipment in the garage, but for the most part he doesn't care to sit still for long periods of time."

"How come I never knew all that?" I was trying to match his speaking cadence, but my words were still coming faster than I intended them to.

He shrugged. "I guess it never came up. We've had other things on our minds."

He was still very far away from me. Why was he so far? He had asked to come closer . . . oh. I hadn't answered him. I had gotten distracted. I could go closer to him, of course, but I didn't really know how close he would want me to be. He was being sweet, like he always was, but . . . did he still love me? I was different now. Would that change things?

And suddenly I was insecure again, and I felt myself edging away from him. My elbow brushed the wall and I pressed against it, then jumped when the plaster crumbled under the pressure. I looked up at Carlisle, horrified by what I had done. "I'm so sorry!" I gasped.

He smiled patiently. "There's no need to be sorry, Bella. We'll fix it." He looked around the room. "Esme has been wanting to redecorate in here anyway."

"Why? I like it."

"I like it too," he agreed. "But then, I always like what she does with my room. She's a very talented decorator."

Hearing Carlisle speak of Esme in conjunction with his bedroom reminded me of what the girls had told me about his early relationship with her. I found myself laughing again, and Carlisle gave me a curious look.

"Was that funny?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. I considered teasing him about her a little, but . . . there were just so  _many_  things to think about that I got distracted again. "You used to have curtains in the window. What happened to them?"

"I only put them up when you were here sleeping. I don't care to cover the window most of the time."

His answer made me feel warm all over. That he was considerate enough to put up curtains just to make my sleep more comfortable surprised and moved me. He was tremendously thoughtful.

"Bella," he said hesitantly, "would you mind if I came a little closer?"

Oh yeah! I still hadn't answered him. But his request puzzled me a little. "Why would I mind?"

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Why would you make me uncomfortable?"

He raised his eyebrows, smiling in amusement. "Is it all right, then?"

I laughed self-consciously, realizing that once again, I hadn't answered him. There was just so much in my head! It was too easy to get distracted "It's okay with me."

He took a few steps forward, but stopped a good two feet from me. I was a little disappointed. I had hoped he would touch me. I didn't know if he didn't want to, or if he was still just trying to keep me from feeling uncomfortable. I decided to experiment, to move a little closer and see what how he reacted. I stepped forward, reducing the distance between us by exactly half, and I watched him.

A relieved smile pulled at his lips, and a tenderness crept into his eyes. I could see him tracing the features of my face with his gaze, not unlike the way I had examined him, and the idea of it made me feel giddy. He didn't look like he was disappointed with the change.

His hand came up, but then froze. "May I touch you, Bella?"

He wanted to! I couldn't help the excited smile that broke across my face. "You don't have to ask," I laughed.

He gave me a sheepish look, before raising his hand and touching it very lightly to my cheek. "I'm sorry. I know I'm being a bit overcautious, but I don't want you to be nervous."

"Why would I be nervous?" I asked, moving a little closer. I thought about pressing my hand to his stomach, but the memory of my torn dress and the broken wall stopped me. I didn't want to break Carlisle. Instead I turned my face into his hand, letting my lips trace his smooth palm. He no longer felt cold to me, I noticed, and the thought made me smile.

"Frankly, Bella," Carlisle said, answering my question, "most newborns tend to be somewhat skittish at first."

"Oh." His words sank in, and I was suddenly alarmed. "Am I doing it wrong?"

He threw his head back and laughed out loud, and his arms came around me and pulled me very gently against him. I felt a jolt of electricity as my body came in contact with his, and before I realized what I was doing, I had brought my arms up and wrapped them around him. I wasn't until I already had my hands pressed against his back that I realized he hadn't had any adverse reaction to my touch. Apparently, Carlisle was made of stronger stuff than the wall.

"Bella, my angel," he said brightly, resting his cheek on the top of my head, "only you could worry that you're not a wild enough newborn for me."

I bit my lip and—ow, hey, that kind of hurt. Not to self: teeth are sharp, don't bite so hard. I released my lip and burrowed my head against Carlisle's chest. "I have to be a good newborn," I reminded him. "Jasper is counting on it."

I felt him stiffen a little, but his voice didn't change when he spoke. "Jasper will work with you the way you are, not with the way you're supposed to be."

I breathed in his scent, and surprisingly, that was one thing that hadn't changed. I could smell so much  _more_  than what I could before, but Carlisle's scent was just what I remembered, cedar and cloves, the most wonderful thing I had ever smelled. I wonder if he tasted the same as he had before. . . .

My head was buried in his neck, right over his scar, and I flicked my tongue out, running the tip along the smooth flesh. Carlisle moaned quietly as I tested the flavor of his skin. It was completely different than I remembered it. He had always tasted slightly sweet to me, like honey, but now I thought he tasted exactly the way he smelled. The delicious flavor teased my tongue, and I took a longer lick, wanting to draw in more of his flavor.

"God, Bella," he breathed, desire evident in his voice. "That feels so good— _everything_  feels so good."

I pulled back, giving him a curious look. "Everything?"

"The way you're touching me," he murmured. "It's so much . . . better."

I rubbed my hand over his back, the way I had a million times before. "Is it different?"

"Very different," he said, his voice thick with desire.

"How?"

He tilted his head down and pressed his forehead against mine. "Your touch was always so light before. It was weaker. But now. . . ." His head fell back and he groaned in pleasure.

"It doesn't feel different to me. But it seems like  _you're_  being extra careful."

"Another habit," he said, and his arms tightened around me. "It hadn't occurred to me that I don't have to be quite as careful with you now."

I returned my lips to his body, kissing across his collarbone and up his neck until I reached his scar again. I felt his muscles quiver under my fingers as my tongue traced the slightly-raised skin, and I smiled. "Do you like that?"

"Very much," he said with groan. "It's more sensitive there."

"Is it here too?" I asked, trailing my mouth to his arm and kissing the line of the scar on his bicep.

"Yes," he whispered tightly, his eyes slipping closed. "I'll show you." He scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the dresser, sitting me on top of it and stepping between my knees. One hand slid slowly from my hip, down my leg, and slipped beneath the hem of my dress. His fingers crept up my thigh, nudging my leg to the side, and I caught my breath in anticipation. He followed the line of my thigh until he reached the crease at my hip, and the moment his fingers grazed over the spot where he had bitten me, a tremor of pleasure shot through me, settling right at my core. Every touch from Carlisle felt amazing, of course, but that particular spot was extra sensitive. I groaned my approval.

"I thought you'd like that," he whispered in my ear as he leaned over me. He continued to lightly massage my scar and I wriggled my hips forward, trying to give him better access.

My movements seemed to encourage him, and he yanked open my kimono, tearing the fastenings as he pulled it away from my body. I didn't have anything on underneath, so I was completely exposed to his gaze now. His eyes roamed over my body, and my own curiosity got the best of me. I looked down at myself, examining the changes in me. There were a few. I had already noticed the bigger breasts, and I guessed that I had gone up by about half a cup size. Not significantly larger, but I liked the change. My ribs didn't show quite as much as they had before, and my stomach was firmer. My hips were just a little more rounded, and I smiled. I actually had curves!

Carlisle ran one finger down my body, starting with my collarbone and continuing downward to the apex of my thighs. He caressed my scar again, just for a moment, before moving his finger to lightly tease my clit.

I gasped and my hips gave an involuntary jerk. The electricity that shot through me at his touch was the same as it had always been, except much  _stronger_. I had loved that feeling as a human, but now I suspected I could quickly become addicted to it.

Carlisle laughed softly at my reaction, and his lips came down to trace my neck as his finger continued to swirl around my clit. "I've missed touching you like this," he murmured. "Three days I sat with you, knowing exactly what was waiting for me under those pajamas . . ." His palm cupped my mound, and his teasing finger slipped back to play at my entrance.

I gasped in mock reproach. "Dr. Cullen, were you feeling me up while I was delirious with pain?"

He growled low in his throat. "No," he whispered, "which means we have some time to make up for." He plunged his finger into me, and I cried out in pleasure. Having a part of him inside of my extra-sensitive body was thrilling beyond belief, but it wasn't enough.

"More," I panted, rocking my hips against his hand. "Feels so good . . . I need more."

Carlisle complied with my fractured demands, pushing another finger inside of me. His other hand moved to the back of my head, fisting in my hair, and he jerked my head back. He kissed me hard, his mouth impatient and demanding on mine as his fingers thrust in and out of me. My own hands moved over his body, exploring his well-muscled chest and back with my new more sensitive hands. He moaned and jerked forward slightly as my fingertips brushed over another crescent scar on his lower back, just off-center from his spine.

There were so many new things to discover on his body.

I was writhing and moaning against Carlisle's fingers, but I needed more. I slid my hands around his waist to the front of his jeans and started to unbutton them, but I misjudged my strength and ended up ripping them down the front. Carlisle didn't even bat an eye. He moved his hand from my hair long enough to push his pants to the floor, and then he was jerking my head back again, moving his insistent lips down my neck.

I reached for him, wrapping my hand around his thick member, feeling every bump and ridge beneath my fingers. Carlisle groaned against my neck as my hand made contact, and I started pumping up and down, being very careful not to squeeze too hard. Carlisle's hips began moving, thrusting into my hand while I bucked against his palm, gripping his shoulder for balance. It was incredible, but I still wanted more.

"I need you," I whispered. "I want to feel you inside me, Carlisle."

He released my lips and pulled his fingers out of me, bringing them to his mouth to taste my essence. His whole body trembled with pleasure, and he grabbed me, his arms hooking under my knees, lifting me off of the dresser. I grabbed onto his shoulders, holding myself against him as he wrapped my legs around his waist. I gripped him with my thighs, finding it surprisingly easy to hold myself in place, and then Carlisle's hands moved to my hips and pushed me down onto his solid cock.

I cried out at the sensation, once again so familiar, and yet so much stronger than I had ever felt before. Carlisle moaned as well, his breath coming in ragged gasps and his fingers digging hard into my hips. "So good," he panted, "so  _tight!_  Oh,  _god_ , Bella!" He staggered to the window, bracing my back against it and pumping into me.

I had never seen Carlisle quite so raw. He had always had to be extra careful before in order to keep from hurting me. This was the first time he had the opportunity to lose control with me, and he was definitely letting himself go. He pounded into me, hard and frantic, driving me higher and higher as his pelvis rubbed against my throbbing clit.

His lips latched onto my breast, his teeth scraping over my nipple, and I threw my head back in pleasure. I underestimated my strength once again, however, and when my head connected with the glass behind me it shattered. The wall I had been braced against collapsed, and we suddenly found ourselves falling from the ledge among a shower of glass shards.

Carlisle's only reaction was to spin us around, placing himself beneath me so he would be the one to take the brunt of the impact. Not that it mattered—I knew it wouldn't cause any harm to either of us. We hit the ground with a wet splatter, mud splashing around us in the sodden grass. The sudden stop would have been wholly uninteresting if it hadn't forced Carlisle's cock deeper inside me. I screamed his name in pleasure, scratching at his arms and shoulders as I rode him wantonly.

I heard laughing from inside the house, but I wasn't interested in being distracted from what I was doing. Carlisle seemed to feel the same way. He growled needfully and rolled me onto my back, drilling into me with animalistic intensity. I loved that he was surrendering himself so fully to his desires, and I reciprocated, my own feral noises escaping as I dug my heals into the ground and arched against him, ripping muddy tracks in the grass. I clutched at his back, ignoring the grit of the mud and glass, and the slick rainwater that poured over him, focusing entirely on the hard body under my hands.

Carlisle was whispering in my ear as he slammed into me, the sound of his voice making my whole body quiver. "I want you to come," he growled, gripping my thigh and hitching my leg up over his hip. "I want to feel this body clenching around my cock."

I moaned, in response. The position opened me up to him, letting him go just slightly deeper, and his hard, driving thrusts pushed me right to the brink. He held me there for just a moment, wound up in my need, aching for release, and then his mouth found my nipple again and he gave it a sharp bite, nearly hard enough to break the skin.

That was all it took. The orgasm crashed over me, more powerful than anything I had ever felt. It shook my entire body, and I screamed loudly from the pleasure, his name ripping from my throat. My lips latched onto the scar at his neck, sucking hard, and then he was coming with me, his own body shuddering on top of mine as he released inside of me.

My orgasm lasted longer than I expected it to, though whether that was a perk of being a vampire or a reflection of how turned on I was by Carlisle's incomparable body, I didn't know. I didn't take it for granted, though. I enjoyed every blissful moment, and when the two of us finally collapsed panting in the mud, I reveled in the afterglow.

We lay in the rain for a couple of minutes before Carlisle propped himself up on his elbows so he could look at me properly. "Amazing," he murmured, gazing tenderly down at me.

I smiled happily. "I agree."

He chuckled softly and brushed a wet lock of hair off of my face. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I just had sex with the hottest guy in the world," I grinned.

He smiled and leaned down to press a kiss to my throat. "I meant, are you thirsty?"

At the mention of thirst, the burning in my throat demanded a place at the forefront of my mind, and I suddenly felt like I couldn't go another moment without drinking. "Yes!" I gasped. "Can we hunt?"

Carlisle laughed. "Of course, angel. I'm surprised you didn't want to hunt immediately."

I gave him a coy smile. "There were other things I wanted more."

He winked his eye and crawled off of me, standing and taking my hand to draw me to my feet. We were both soaking wet and splattered with mud, and I was sure the two of us made a comical sight for anyone inside who cared to look. Carlisle started toward the forest, but I hesitated, confused. "Aren't we going to get dressed first?"

He shrugged casually. "We can if you'd like, but on your first hunt you're as likely as not to ruin your clothes. We might as well wait to get cleaned up and dressed until afterward."

A grin spread slowly across my face as I considered his words. Hunting naked with Carlisle? This vampire thing just kept getting better and better!


	103. Something's Not Right Here

Banner by IllicitWriter

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Bella was a truly terribly huntress.

I watched in absolute puzzlement as she leapt from a tree into the center of a herd of deer, scattering them in all directions and winding up with nothing. I couldn't quite understand it when she jumped back from the swiping paw of a mountain lion, as though it might actually have hurt her. I was confused when she stalked a pack of coyotes from upwind. And when she finally managed to snag herself a large wolverine, she crushed and killed it before she drank from it.

She was new to this, of course, but it was a little unsettling just how badly she was performing. If I or any of my children had been this unskilled when we were newborn, it had somehow managed to slip my rather dependable memory. No, Bella was just surprisingly  _bad_ at hunting. She wasn't a predator; she seemed to be lacking the instinct entirely.

After she drained the wolverine, I took her hand and turned her toward me. "Bella, angel, let me show you a few things," I told her.

"Okay."

She was entirely too calm, not even mildly irritable over having been interrupted, and I wondered how she had managed to taste blood without giving in to the frenzy. I examined her closely, but there were no answers to be found in her open, trusting face.

I scented the air and located a small herd of elk not far away. I released her hand and beckoned for her to follow me. She was quiet and agile enough, I noticed. It wasn't stealth she lacked. She followed me to a nearby stream and up a tree to where we could look out over the herd. I moved my lips to her ear, whispering softly so the animals wouldn't hear me.

"Their sense of smell is nearly as acute as yours," I told her. "So when you approach, come from downwind so the breeze carries your scent away from them."

She nodded.

"Choose one animal and stick with it, don't just jump in and see what you come up with. You'll lose them all that way."

She smiled ruefully and nodded again.

"Try to anticipate their evasive maneuvers. Most prey will run in uneven patterns, so expect sudden changes of direction. If they're cornered, the less docile animals will often try to fight you, but they can't hurt you, so take advantage of their weaknesses when they lunge. And Bella?"

She raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"Try not to kill them before you get your teeth in them. It's really so much better when the blood is still flowing."

She grinned and nodded, turning her attention back to the herd.

She did better that time. She at least managed to take down a large bull, though in the process she got blood all over herself. That was all right with me, though. As soon as she tossed the carcass aside I tackled her and helped her clean up, licking the blood from her body before the rain could wash too much of it away. Of course, that meant we ended up taking a little break before continuing with the hunting lessons, but I had a feeling Bella didn't mind too much.

When she was sated in every way I could help her with, the two of us headed back toward the house at a slow run. We didn't speak, but Bella kept shooting me these sweet little smiles, and by the time we got back to the house, I was ready for her again. We jumped through the broken window of my bedroom, not caring to stroll through the house naked to get upstairs, and went straight to the shower to wash off what remains of blood and debris that the rain hadn't taken care of.

We absolutely destroyed the tile in the shower.

Fortunately, Bella was starting to get a feel for her strength, and she only ripped through two pairs of underwear and one of the dresses that Alice had stocked the closet with before she managed to get herself clothed.

"Are you ready to say hello to the others?" I asked her, holding out my hand.

She smiled and nodded as she took it. "Emmett and Rosalie are still in Port Angeles, right?"

"That's right. They should be home later, but I want you a good distance away from here before they bring Charlie back."

A smile lit up her face. "We can use my house. Is it secluded enough?"

"It should be fine," I nodded, gazing into her crimson eyes. I was wholly captivated by her, and I felt as though I should stop counting minutes and instead begin measuring time by Bella's smiles.

She stretched up on her toes to kiss me, her lips a perfect fit against my own, and then turned her attention to the sounds of my family moving downstairs. "I'm ready."

I guided her hand to the crook of my elbow and we headed out the door and down the stairs. Alice, Esme, and Edward were standing in the living room, anxious to say hello to Bella. Jasper, I was glad to see, was lurking beyond the doorway, out of sight. That was wise. It was best if Bella got comfortable with the others before being confronted with him.

Alice darted forward as soon as we reached the bottom of the stairs, throwing her arms around Bella. "You look so good!" she exclaimed, hugging her tightly.

Bella hugged her back. "Eh, I don't know," she teased. "I'm sort of disappointed."

Alice fell back, blinking in surprise. "Disappointed? Over what, your new bra size or your come-hither eyes?"

Bella stifled a giggle, still playing with her. "I thought I'd be taller. You know, I figured, stronger . . . faster . . . taller just sort of goes along with those, doesn't it?"

Alice propped her hand on her hip, fixing Bella with a withering stare. "Short is  _cute_ ," she said tersely.

Bella laughed and hugged her again. "Thanks for the new clothes," she said, pulling back. "I love them. And check it out." She held out her foot, showing off a stylish stiletto heel. "I'm not afraid of the footwear anymore."

Alice squealed and clapped her hands, but surrendered her position to Edward, who was impatient to greet Bella as well. He wrapped her up in a hug and dropped a quick kiss on her cheek. "How did you like hunting?"

Bella giggled and shot me a playful look over her shoulder. "I could get used to it."

"She could use some practice," I teased her, smiling back.

"Practice?" Edward asked. "What kind of a vampire needs practice hunting?"

"You can both shut up now," Bella said, narrowing her eyes and suppressing a grin.

Esme came forward and took Bella's hands, pressing a kiss to each of her cheeks. "It's so nice to have you back," she said sweetly. "What do you think of it all?"

"This is  _amazing_ ," Bella said, her eyes shining. "I can hear  _everything!_ " She glanced toward the doorway, her expression puzzled. "Including you, Jasper."

Edward and Esme both tensed up a little, and Alice took Bella's hand, stroking it softly. "Jasper wants to say hello," she said. "But . . . just relax, okay? It's no big deal."

"What's no big deal? Jasper, what's wrong?"

I heard Jasper's soft sigh and I braced myself for Bella's reaction, ready to chase after her or restrain her as needed. He stepped forward into the doorway, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, his black oxford shirt buttoned all the way up.

It helped, but it didn't do enough. Even the hair that fell into his eyes didn't adequately hide the dozens of pale scars that marred his face.

Bella immediately jerked her hand away from Alice's and dropped into a defensive crouch, backing away a little as she hissed in response to the sight in front of her.

Jasper pulled his hands from his pockets and clasped them in front of him, dropping his shoulders and lowering his chin just a little. I had taken the same nonthreatening stance when Bella had first woken up, trying to communicate to her that I wouldn't hurt her, and I wasn't surprised to see Jasper taking it now.

"Bella, it's okay," Alice murmured softly. "He's never hurt you before, and he won't now."

Bella stared at him for a few seconds and then stunned us all by straightening and walking slowly, cautiously toward him. I exchanged surprised looks with Edward as she moved right up to him and raised her hand, very gently running her fingertips down the side of his face.

"Jasper," she whispered softly.

He didn't answer. He stayed perfectly still as her fingers dipped beneath his jaw and traced the thick mass of scars that covered most of his neck. Her fingers moved very gently to the buttons at his throat and she looked up at him questioningly. He inclined his head just slightly, giving his consent, and she started carefully unbuttoning his shirt.

It was a slow process, each button revealing more scars, more of the violence of Jasper's past, and I stared at my girl in disbelief. She shouldn't be able to tolerate being that close to him. I had expected her to bolt, if not attack, but she was handling this like a fully-controlled vampire.

She finished unbuttoning his shirt and pushed it off of his shoulders, letting it fall to his elbows. She examined his chest, fascinated, and slowly walked around him, taking in the damaged skin that covered his back. When she got back around to face him again, she smiled up at him. "I get it now," she said. "Why Aro wanted you so bad? This," she gestured to him, her had sweeping down to take in his body, "it makes me feel . . ." She shuddered.

Jasper furrowed his brow. "If that's how you feel, why are you standing so close to me?"

Bella seemed surprised by his question. "Because I know you. You're my friend." And in a stunning display of trust, she slipped her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly, resting her head against his bare chest.

Jasper's eyes flicked briefly to me. I wasn't surprised. The shame and disappointment I was feeling were easily enough to draw his notice. He didn't focus on me, though, his attention turning back to Bella, his arms moving hesitantly around her. "Thank you," he whispered, kissing the top of her head.

His sentiments only intensified the feelings churning inside of me. I should have been able to do what Bella was doing. When my emotions had been tampered with, I should have been able to overcome them, to let my logical side guide me the way Bella was. Right now all of her instincts had to be screaming at her that Jasper was a threat, that any man who had been bitten that many times and had lived to tell the tale was lethal. But she had managed to suppress her fear, and was treating him exactly the way she always had.

I had not done that. I had allowed my immediate feelings to dictate my actions, and had let my relationship with my son become strained and tense.

I vowed to do better. If Bella could be so accepting, I could be as well. I would rebuild the good faith that Jasper and I had once shared, starting with the assault on Volterra. I would defer to his experience and, difficult as it was, trust him to see Bella through it safely.

Bella pulled away from him, and I was vaguely aware of her trading jibes with Edward, but I gave it little attention, focusing instead on Jasper as he shrugged his shirt back onto his shoulders and buttoned it again. His gaze met mine, and he held it for a few moments.

"Carlisle, are you coming?" Edward asked.

I pulled my gaze from Jasper's and looked at him. "Pardon?"

"We're taking Bella out back to the river," he said. "Are you coming along?"

I gave Bella a smile. "Go ahead. I'll catch up with you in a few minutes, I just want to get the window in the bedroom boarded up."

"I can help you do that," she offered.

I shook my head. "No, sweetheart, that's alright. Go have fun. I'll be along shortly."

She smiled back and hurried to my side, leaving me with a kiss before running up the stairs to change into swimming clothes. Alice and Esme headed up after her, but Edward lingered, looking back and forth between Jasper and me.

"If you two kill each other, I'm going to be seriously pissed off," he said sternly.

I arched an eyebrow. "Go."

"All right." He clapped me on the shoulder. "No violence." He ran up the stairs to change with the girls, and then the four of them filed back down again, heading out the back door through the trees.

We waited until they were beyond hearing distance, neither of us moving, me standing by the stairs, Jasper across the room in the doorway.

"She looks good," he finally said. "Not so thin."

I nodded. "Jasper, I owe you an apology."

He waited silently.

"I shouldn't have let what Chelsea did affect me as much as I have. You will always be my family, no matter what happens, and I'm sorry for the way I've treated you these last couple of weeks."

He nodded slowly.

"You have my full support," I continued. "Just, please . . . take care of my girl."

"You know I will."

I moved toward him, pulling him into a slightly stiff embrace. He patted my back in a gesture of friendship that I knew he didn't feel fully, but I appreciated it nonetheless.

We had a long way to go, but this was a start. I would reconnect with Jasper, if only to be a better man and a more worthy mate for my Bella.


	104. High Times, Hard Times

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**Bella Swan's Point of View**

As soon as Charlie's transformation was complete, training began. And it was  _brutal_. Jasper was merciless in his instruction and demanding with the results. And it hurt. Time and time again I found myself being thrown into solid rocks, pulverizing them beneath me, but sending a spider web of cracks scattering over my hard skin. It was a short-lived pain, but it was agonizing, which was probably the best incentive for learning to dodge an attack.

Carlisle took a leave of absence from the hospital to help Jasper train us, but the rest of the family still attended school to avoid having to answer difficult questions. That meant that, during school hours, it was just Carlisle, Jasper, Charlie, Esme, and me. Esme didn't have much combat experience, so she was learning as much as Charlie and I were.

During school hours, Jasper was relentless. When the rest of the family was home he occasionally let us break for a few hours to relax and socialize, mostly because the wolves who came to train with us eventually got tired. They had impressive stamina, but they didn't have endless energy the way vampires seemed to.

I wasn't really surprised by any of that. I knew the hard side of Jasper well enough, and I appreciated that he was trying to get us ready for something incredibly dangerous, so I expected a certain amount of ruthlessness from him. Who I didn't expect it from, however, was Carlisle.

Carlisle had always been nothing but gentle with me. The only exceptions were some of our more recent sexual exploits, and I definitely wasn't complaining about his lack of restraint in that department. But when I sparred with him to practice the techniques Jasper taught, Carlisle was downright fierce. I practiced with each of the others in turns, but Carlisle was always my most vicious opponent.

Part of that, of course, was simply that he was more experienced than most of the family. He had trained with the Volturi, making him a formidable adversary in any circumstance, but even Jasper, the most militant member of the family, occasionally let up. Carlisle, it seemed, was determined to make me struggle with all I had for a victory, and despite my superior strength, I lost more fights with Carlisle than I won.

My defeats frustrated him even more than they frustrated me. Time and again I tried not to cringe at the stormy look in his eyes as he released me from the death grip he had on me and ordered, "Again."

And it wasn't just during training. A few days after we started our regimen, Carlisle suddenly began attacking me out of nowhere while the family was on a break. The first time he did it I thought he was initiating a particularly exuberant form of foreplay. That notion was dispelled quickly, though, when he pinned me to the ground with his teeth at my throat and started lecturing me about letting my guard down.

This new exercise kept up over the next few weeks, with Carlisle appearing practically out of nowhere to wrestle me to the ground. His tactics worked. Eventually I learned to watch for him, a part of my mind always aware of where he was and what he was doing.

And that was when Edward started attacking me.

It became something of a game after that. Before long the entire family had picked it up, and then the wolves joined in, carrying the game back to the Reservation as well. We all learned to be on constant alert for a surprise attack, and we were always looking for someone who had let their guard down so we could score a good hit.

Jasper approved. This new game, more than anything else, was teaching us to adopt the tireless vigilance that was such a part of his nature. I teased him that he was giving us all post-traumatic stress disorder, but that only seemed to please him more.

Some psychiatrist.

But the worst was yet to come. About a month after we started training under Jasper, he introduced a new element into the mix. He started us sparring with each other, and then suddenly I was flooded with a feeling of despair and hopelessness that ripped at me so severely that I lost all sense of what was happening around me. When the feeling receded I found myself lying on the ground surrounded by various vampires and wolves, gasping tearless sobs into the ground as I tore at the vegetation that covered the forest floor.

There were only three people out of the gathered crowd who had managed to stay on their feet under Jasper's onslaught—Jasper himself, Alice, and Charlie. Alice stood with her eyes squeezed shut, trembling visibly, and Charlie was growling in fury. Jasper, though, was staring at me, appalled.

He was disappointed. He had expected me to take the emotional assault like Charlie had, and instead I had buckled.

Over the next several weeks he grew more and more frustrated with me. I was getting better at pushing aside the debilitating emotions that he created, at least as well as the rest of the family, but I wasn't doing as well as Charlie was. Charlie seemed more angered by Jasper's manipulation than anything, and though it definitely slowed him, he still managed to keep his focus.

After a particularly trying day, when I had failed time and again to throw off the weight of Jasper's emotional control, I collapsed in Carlisle's arms and let him carry me far away from the rest of the family, to a little clearing where he helped me ease my stress.

Carlisle may have been hard on my while we were sparring, but he more than made up for it during our down time. He shifted immediately from attacker to lover, and our time together had never been so passionate. If ever I doubted his ardor during training sessions, he reminded me of it as soon as we were free.

We took our time together, reconnecting, cherishing one another, and driving each other to one orgasm after another, until Carlisle finally called it quits and decided we should probably spend some time with the rest of the family. When we headed back inside, I picked up Jasper's scent in the woods and told Carlisle to go on ahead to the house while I followed his trail.

I found him a couple of miles out from the house, sitting in a tree with his back against the trunk, one leg dangling carelessly to the side of the branch. He was, of all things, smoking.

He didn't react to my approach, but I knew better than to imagine he wasn't aware of me. If I tried a surprise attack now, I'd end up flat on my back in less than a second. I wasn't sure how welcome I would be, though, since he was clearly not happy with my performance lately, so I just stood at the base of the tree and waited.

He blew out a long stream of smoke. "Come on up, kid."

I was relieved that there was no trace of anger in his voice. He just sounded tired. I quickly scaled the tree and leapt onto the branch with him, straddling the limb a couple of feet out so I could face him.

And then I didn't know what to say to him. I bit my lip, careful not to dig my teeth in too hard, and stared at him. "Smoking?" I asked him with a small smile, hoping to start this out on friendly ground.

One corner of his mouth pulled up. "It may not be physically addictive for a vampire," he said, "but mentally we're still creatures of habit."

"Habit? Do you smoke regularly?"

A nostalgic smile pulled at the corners of his mouth, and he shook his head. "Not anymore. I did, though, the last time I did training like this."

"When was that?"

"When Alice and I first came here. She was convinced everything was going to be just perfect, but I had my doubts. So I gave us an out. I taught Alice to fight her way through the negative emotions, and I figured if things went wrong with the Cullens I could drop them and Alice and I could kill them before they recovered from it." He took another long draw from his cigarette. "Fortunately, it never came to that, but that's how I know this can work. If Alice could learn to fight through the pain, the rest of you can, too."

I sighed. "But I'm not doing so well, am I?"

He fixed his gaze on me, staring at me as though I were some sort of puzzle he couldn't piece together. "I don't know what's wrong with you, Bella," he muttered irritably. "Charlie's getting this right. He can hunt, he won't turn his back on people, he's got the good sense to be jumpy around me, and he can keep it together under my influence." He leaned forward, his eyes boring into me. "Those are  _survival_  instincts. You used to have those—even better than most other humans. I thought you'd be a tiger when you changed." He snorted derisively and sat back against the tree again. "And instead I got a kitten."

His words wounded me, and I stared down at my hands. "I'm sorry," I said softly. "I'm messing everything up."

"Hey." His dangling foot kicking mine affectionately. "You're not messing everything up."

I traced the pattern of the bark on the branch between my legs. I probably should have left him alone. I doubted that this was really what he wanted to talk about when he was trying to take a break.

"Look at me," Jasper said gently.

I raised my eyes to his scarred face. He really was a frightening sight, so much more severe in appearance than I had seen with my human sight.

"Just tell me you're not doing it on purpose?" he said, an urgency behind his eyes. "Tell me Carlisle didn't convince you to act like you couldn't handle all this so I wouldn't take you to Volterra?"

My jaw dropped. "No! Of course not! Jasper, I'm  _trying!_ "

He sighed heavily and nodded. "All right, then. I just don't understand it, Bella. Your human traits are supposed to strengthen when you change, not disappear. What the hell happened to the tough kid who survived Phil and Charlie?"

I swallowed back the tightness in my throat that came along with thinking of my old life. "I was never that tough. If I had been, they wouldn't have been able to do the things they did."

He didn't answer for a long time, and when I chanced a peek at him to gauge his reaction, he was looking at me sadly. "Bullshit," he said softly, holding my gaze. "Bella, you got yourself out of the house every damn weekend. I know you didn't like what you had to do to get away, but you did it. You picked glass shards out of your broken hand, you bandaged wounds that should have been seen to by doctors, and you  _survived_." He shook his head, chagrined. "Where is  _that_  girl?"

I dropped my eyes again, staring at the thick branch beneath me once more. "I don't know."

He reached out his hand to me. "Come here," he said placatingly.

I threw one leg over the branch, sitting sideways on it now, and scooted closer to Jasper, leaning into his chest. He wrapped and arm around me and tugged his pack of cigarettes out of his shirt pocket.

"You want one?" he asked, offering it to me.

I shook my head. I fully intended to kiss Carlisle again in the next few minutes, and I didn't want to have that taste in my mouth when I did.

Jasper plucked another from the pack and lit it with the burning end of the one he had just finished. He crushed the butt into bits in his hand and let the breeze carry it away, and then settled back, puffing on the new cigarette. For a moment the two of us just sat in silence. Finally I pulled away a little and looked at him.

"Is it hard on you, making us all feel miserable like that?"

He shook his head. "Not nearly as hard as it is on  _you_."

"So you don't feel it along with us?"

"I do for a second. But once I push it off on the rest of you I don't anymore."

"Is it hard for you to keep it up for long periods of time?"

He shook his head again. "It doesn't take much concentration. I've practiced it enough that it's something I can do almost without thinking about it."

I took a deep breath. I couldn't believe I was asking him this. "Do you think you could do it to me? I mean, for like . . . days?"

He arched an eyebrow. "Why?"

"So I can get used to it. When you start doing that, all I can think of is when it will stop. If I know it's not going to stop for a while . . . maybe then I can start learning to work around it."

"All right," he agreed. "Starting now?"

My breathing hitched as a shot of fear raced through me. It really was the most miserable feeling I had ever felt—worse by far than anything Phil had ever made me feel, and that was definitely saying something.

"Not yet," I blurted out. "I mean . . . um . . . I guess I should tell Carlisle first, so he doesn't get worried.

He gave my arm a friendly squeeze. "Yeah, we should probably get you out for a hunt first, too. You and Charlie are due."

"Okay," I said nervously. "Okay, great. So we'll hunt, and then you'll . . . yeah."

He laughed softly. "Sounds like a plan."

I gestured toward the house, suddenly feeling awkward. "I'm just going to go see who all wants to come hunting with us."

He nodded, taking a drag from his cigarette. "I'll meet you all back here."

I hopped down out of the tree and looked back up at him as he sat casually in the tree, his leg dangling off of the branch. "Thank you, Jasper."

He snorted. "You won't be thanking me in a few days."

Carlisle, Edward, Esme, and of course Charlie, all decided to join us for the hunt, and after meeting Jasper, the six of us headed off into the trees. I had gotten better at hunting once Carlisle had pointed out a few obvious mistakes I was making, and now he and Edward were helping me fine-tune my technique.

It was while they were explaining how to sniff out a hibernating bear that it happened. I was scenting the air absently, just trying to pick up what was around us, when the hint of something warm, fragrant, and truly wonderful drifted to me on the air.

I groaned in pain and longing as burning thirst exploded in my mouth, and I spun immediately toward the scent, searching for the source of that mouth-watering aroma. I was just bracing myself to start running toward it when it occurred to me exactly why the smell was so enticing.

_Human blood. Warm, wet, exposed . . . god!_

I froze in place, for just a split second, before Carlisle tackled me.

"Get Charlie!" he was yelling, and I stared up at him, confused. It was only then that I caught the sounds of Charlie running through the trees, and then of Jasper and Edward leaping on him and wrestling him to the ground.

"Charlie, stop!" Edward yelled. "They're human, you can't! You have to stop."

"Don't breathe," Carlisle told me.

That was a good idea. I immediately stopped drawing in the provocative bouquet, and the flame in my throat died down slightly. But I still knew the humans were there, and still wanted them badly. I was glad that Carlisle was pinning me to the ground, because I wasn't sure my self-control would be enough to keep me from chasing after them.

Charlie was furious. I could hear him screaming and yelling at the others, struggling mightily as they dragged him back toward us.

Carlisle was looking at me, perplexed. "Bella . . . are you alright?"

I nodded, not wanting to speak. I didn't have much air to use, and I wasn't all that keen on drawing another breath.

He slowly backed up off of me and pulled me to my feet, though he remained tensed and ready to spring as though he were waiting for me to take off like Charlie had.

Charlie was still yelling at the others as they dragged him back to join us, and I suddenly realized that, yet again, he was having a normal reaction to a stimulus and I wasn't. Logically, I recognized it as a good thing. I didn't  _want_  to kill people, so controlling myself when I caught their scent was ideal. But I couldn't help feeling chagrined over being such a completely inadequate vampire. Why wasn't I a growling, snarling mess the way Charlie was? Why couldn't I seem to do anything right?

"Let's get them back to the house," Carlisle ordered, keeping a tight grip on my wrist as we started home.

His words enraged Charlie. "NO!" he roared, struggling even harder. "THEY'RE  _MINE!_ " He fixed Jasper with a lethal glare, and suddenly Jasper's grip on him slipped and he stumbled, falling to his knees in shock. A cry of agony ripped from his throat as a series of small cracks appeared on his skin, crawling up his throat to his face and spreading down his arms.

I didn't understand what was happening to him until my eyes found Charlie again. He was growling furiously, his whole focus on Jasper as the cracks slowly widened. I didn't know exactly what was being done to Jasper, but I had no doubt that Charlie was doing it.

"Dad, stop!" I yelled.

Carlisle's eyes widened, and after the briefest hesitation he released my wrist and lunged at Charlie. Edward was at my side in an instant, latching onto my arm as Carlisle collided with Charlie, sending him sprawling onto the ground. The moment his focus was broken, Jasper sagged back on the ground in relief, panting rapidly as the cracks in his skin quickly healed over.

But then it was Carlisle's voice crying out in pain, and it was easily the worst sound I had ever heard. He had tried to pin Charlie to the earth, but as soon as Charlie had focused his murderous glare on him, he had rolled onto the ground his back arching in pain.

Edward and Esme were trying desperately to reason with Charlie, to draw him out of his blind rage, but it wasn't working, and Carlisle was hurting. I had never felt such a strong urge to protect anything in my life, and without thinking I tore from Edward's grasp and dropped to my knees next to him, throwing my body over his to try and shield him from whatever mysterious pain was opening the cracks in his skin. I wrapped myself around him, body and mind, feeling something nearly tangible push out from me and stretch over him as though my mere desire for him could protect him from the pain my father was inflicting on him.

Charlie must have ceased his attack, because Carlisle immediately stopped screaming and writhing. Like Jasper, he collapsed onto the ground as the cracks started to heal over, leaving smooth marble skin behind.

"No!" Edward yelled. He was instantly on his knees at Carlisle's side, pushing me off of him and staring at him with panicked eyes. "Carlisle, come back!" he begged, looking him over and searching frantically for the source of the damage.

"It's all right Edward," Carlisle panted. He winced and swallowed hard. "I'm all right."

Edward was still staring at him, wild-eyed and frantic, but I couldn't focus on him. Behind us, Jasper and Esme were struggling with Charlie and quickly losing control. I whipped around to face them when Esme screamed, but Charlie didn't hurt her for long. Jasper leapt onto his back and sank his teeth into Charlie's throat, ripping his head from his body.

"Dad!" I gasped. "No!"

"Shh, Bella." Carlisle had pushed himself into a sitting position and was wrapping his arms around me. "He'll be fine. Jasper just needed to keep him from attacking us and running after the humans."

His words calmed me, reminding me that the old rules no longer applied. Decapitation wasn't necessarily deadly anymore.

Edward was staring at Carlisle in horror. "Something's wrong," he kept saying. "Carlisle, think about something, anything."

Carlisle turned to Edward, puzzled. He looked at him, raising an eyebrow and quirking one corner of his mouth up in an amused smile, but whatever silent message he was sending to Edward didn't seem to be getting through.

"What did he do?" Edward whispered. "I can't—" He shook his head. "What did he do?"

Carlisle looked perplexed. "I don't know," he said. "Something incredibly painful, I can tell you that. But I'm fine now."

His words relaxed me. The threat had passed and Carlisle was all right. I let myself sag against him, and instead of protecting him, I let myself take comfort from the arms that held me and the hands that gently stroked my back.

As soon as I dropped my guard, Edward did too. "Oh, thank god," he breathed. "Jesus, Carlisle, you  _scared_  me."

"Why?" he asked as he pulled me into his lap. "I don't understand."

"I couldn't hear you." Edward ran a hand through his hair. "I thought you were dead . . . and then I thought maybe he had damaged your brain or something."

Carlisle cocked his head curiously. "You couldn't hear me?"

Edward shook his head. He looked miserable.

"But you can now?"

"Yeah."

Carlisle looked curiously at Charlie's body where it lay headless on the forest floor, the hands clawing at the ground grotesquely, searching for the missing head that Esme now held in her arms.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

It was Jasper who had spoken, and he was looking at me in pure frustration.

"What?" I asked, hurt all over again by his words.

"Can't you  _smell_  that?" Jasper demanded.

I could. We hadn't moved very far, and the ambrosial scent still wafted to us on the light breeze. My throat was still burning, begging for attention, but I hadn't given it a moment's notice since Jasper had fallen to the ground in pain. It simply wasn't important enough to acknowledge. Even now, with my headless father crawling around the ground, it wasn't a priority to think of the humans.

"That's  _blood_ , Bella," Jasper said. "Whoever's out there has had some sort of accident, and is  _bleeding._  How is that not making you crazy?"

"Jasper, you don't need to remind her," Carlisle said sharply, pulling himself to his feet. "Come, Bella, let's get you away from here. Try not to breathe."

Jasper hoisted Charlie's body over his shoulder, and the group of us ran back to the house, not stopping until we were inside the house with the doors closed. Carlisle sniffed at the air, testing it for me before pronouncing it safe.

Alice met us at the door and flung herself into Jasper's arms, ignoring Charlie's body as it fell to the floor with a heavy thud. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help!" she gasped. "I should have gone with you, but I didn't see it until you decided to cross the river, and then you were already too far away."

"Dude!" Emmett appeared at the top of the stairs, looking down at Charlie's fractured body. "Have a little accident, did you?"

"We came across some humans," Jasper muttered, holding Alice against his chest.

Emmett's smile fell. "How many died?"

"None," Carlisle answered, "but Charlie proved difficult to restrain."

I watched in fascination as Esme affixed Charlie's head back onto his body and started licking the ragged wound. Her venom helped heal the fracture, but I could tell that it would leave a pale line like the ones on Carlisle's arm.

Charlie already had battle scars.

Jasper was staring at me again, his piercing eyes boring into me. "Bella,  _how_  did you do that? How did you just stand there when you could smell a bleeding human?"

I chewed at my lip. "Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?"

"It's what you're supposed to be  _working toward._ There's no way you should be able to do that yet—I doubt even  _Carlisle_  could have smelled fresh blood that young and withstood it."

Carlisle was shaking his head slowly. "He's right, Bella. I don't believe I could have. I had to separate myself from humans for a long time, and it was decades before I built up an adequate tolerance to exposed blood."

Edward rubbed my shoulder lightly. "You didn't look like you were having a much harder time than any of us, and we've been doing this for a long time."

Rosalie appeared next to Emmett then, and the two of them descended the stairs to join us. "Bella didn't react to blood?" she asked curiously.

"Something's going on," Jasper muttered. He released Alice and started pacing thoughtfully. "Edward, you can't hear Charlie anymore, right?"

"Right," Edward confirmed. "Since he changed, his mind has been locked up tight. I can't hear a word."

"And Bella?"

"No difference. I've never been able to hear a thing from her, that hasn't changed."

"And after Charlie did whatever it was he did, you couldn't hear Carlisle either?"

Edward shook his head. "I could hear the pain," he said, his eyes looking haunted. "Just like I heard it in your head, I heard it in his. But then he went silent, and I thought—" He broke off, swallowing hard.

"I'm sorry," Charlie said, drawing our focus back to him. He was sitting on the floor while Esme tended to the back of his neck, his arms braced on his knees, his face a mask of contrition.

Jasper shrugged. "It's no big deal, Charlie. You did what vampires do . . . only apparently, you have a little extra weaponry in your arsenal."

"I—I didn't know," he stammered. "And I couldn't think clearly. I just wanted it so bad. . . ."

Jasper just nodded. "I know," he said, almost disinterestedly. "Listen, Charlie, what you did to us? I want you to do it again."

Charlie raised his eyebrows in surprised.

"Not to me," Jasper added quickly, rubbing the back of his neck ruefully. "Because,  _damn._ You could teach Jane a thing or two."

"It's not the same," Carlisle murmured. "Jane manipulates your mind to create the illusion of pain. Charlie did actual physical damage."

"Which is why I want you to do it again," Jasper said. "To something living, though, something that won't heal over so quickly. I want to know what kind of damage is being done exactly."

"I'm so sorry," Charlie said again.

"Relax," Jasper said impatiently. "Nobody blames you for it. You're a newborn, you smelled blood, you reacted. It's what you're supposed to do." He shot me a sidelong glance, but didn't say anything to me. Instead he turned to Alice. "Baby—"

"Got it," she interrupted, and darted out the back door.

"Come on," Jasper said, gesturing for us all to follow her. We filed out into the yard and waited for a moment for her to return. When she did, she was carrying a large squirrel, holding it gingerly by the neck between her thumb and forefinger while the animal squirmed frantically.

"Go ahead, Charlie," Jasper said, nodding to the squirrel. "Do it again."

"I'm not sure I really know how," Charlie mumbled awkwardly. "It just sort of happened."

"Try to conjure up the feelings involved. Or any thoughts that might be connected."

Charlie nodded. I saw his eyes darken in anger, his lips pulling back to show his teeth, and he focused on the struggling rodent in Alice's hand. Immediately it began shrieking wildly in its tiny, shrill voice, and then bloody rips appeared in the flesh. Entrails bulged and fell to the ground as we all watched, riveted.

Carlisle and Jasper knelt in front of the bloody mass on the ground, examining it closely. "Fascinating," Carlisle murmured, and Jasper nodded in agreement.

"What?" Rosalie asked curiously.

Jasper looked up at her. "Charlie literally ripped it apart from the inside out."

Her eyes widened. "And he did that to you?"

"Me, Carlisle, Esme," he nodded, "anyone who was trying to keep him from getting to the blood."

Charlie started to apologize again, but Esme silenced him with a hand on his arm and murmured words of reassurance.

Jasper looked up at me and fixed me with a speculative stare. "I can use that," he said thoughtfully. "Charlie is going to be more helpful than I thought. But you, Bella . . ." He shook his head slowly. "I don't understand what's going on with you."

"Then we shouldn't take her to Volterra," Carlisle said.

Jasper shot him an irritated glare.

"I mean it," he said, his voice calm and placating. "You know I don't want her there, but that's not what this is about. From a military perspective, it's a bad idea to depend on an unknown entity."

"She doesn't have to be an unknown entity," Emmett spoke up casually. "Carlisle, maybe you should give Eleazar a call. He might be able to get a good read on Bella."

Carlisle looked up at him. "You think her muted instincts have something to do with a talent?"

He shrugged. "Why not? If Charlie is a shield  _and_  an offensive weapon, why can't Bella be a shield and still have super self-control like you?"

"He's got a point," Edward said. "There's got to be a reason that Bella doesn't react the way she should." He glanced up at me. "The way we expect her to, I mean," he amended hastily.

I shot him a grateful smile. That sounded nicer, like I wasn't some freak of nature.

Carlisle shook his head. "I don't want him coming here. He'll smell the wolves, and I don't want to involve him in this." He looked up at me, and then straightened slowly. "But perhaps we could drive up to Alaska for a quick visit."

Jasper nodded. "I think we'd better. I need to know what I have to work with."

"Who's Eleazar?" I asked them.

Carlisle moved to my side and drew me into his arms. "A friend of ours in Denali. He has a talent for detecting the gifts of others. He may be able to help us take the guesswork out of our situation."

"Meaning, he might be able to tell me why I'm such a crap vampire?" I asked ruefully.

Carlisle laughed and kissed my forehead. "Never apologize for having such excellent self-control, angel. I'm so very proud of you."

I warmed under Carlisle's words and pressed against him, nipping at his bottom lip. "You know, I never did manage to get anything to eat. You want to go hunting again? Just the two of us?"

"Save it," Jasper said irritably. "Time is a factor, here."

Carlisle smiled playfully, but complied with Jasper, drawing a cell phone from his pocket. "We'll hunt when we get to Alaska, love. The game there is far more interesting."

Carlisle made the call, and a few hours later found us cuddled together in the back of his Mercedes. Edward was driving, pushing the car to its limits, grumbling frequently that it topped out shy of one-hundred ninety miles per hour.

"It's faster than your Volvo," Carlisle reminded him, a hint of smugness creeping into his voice as he casually turned the pages of the magazine he was reading.

I found myself grinning, finally understanding how Carlisle was able to read and carry on a conversation at the same time. There was so much room in my head these days, and following two trains of thought at once didn't even qualify as a parlor trick.

"Stupid Volvo," Edward muttered. "I need a  _real_  car."

"I'll buy you one for your birthday," Esme promised sweetly, patting his cheek.

I glanced through the back window at the red speck behind us. Rosalie, Emmett, and Charlie were following us in her BMW, which apparently couldn't keep up with Carlisle's Mercedes. But that didn't seem to matter to Edward, who was struggling to keep pace with Jasper and Alice on Jasper's Ducati, and failing miserably.

And Jasper wasn't even pushing it.

"Maybe you should think about a motorcycle instead," I told him. "Thinking of the kind of speed that machine can achieve . . . it makes my fingers twitch."

Carlisle laughed to himself, never looking up from his article. "There was a time when you were perfectly content to go fifty-five miles an hour in your truck."

"There was a time when I couldn't walk twenty feet without falling over. Things are different now."

His eyes finally broke away from his article to meet mine, and he brought a hand up to brush my cheek. "Yes, they are," he murmured, his gaze smoldering.

Edward groaned. "Carlisle, if you don't knock it off I'm switching cars and  _you_  can drive."

"Knock what off?" I asked.

Carlisle smiled secretively and dropped his eyes back to the magazine in his hands. "Just a little fantasy."

I grinned and bit my lip. "Yeah? Wanna tell me about it?"

"Seriously," Edward begged, "keep it to yourself, would you please? We're sitting  _right_ here."

I giggled and decided to change the subject to spare him. "So how come Jasper and Alice didn't ride in the cars with us? There's plenty of room."

"Jasper doesn't like cars," Esme explained. "He doesn't like feeling so enclosed. He puts up with them when he has to, but on a long trip like this one he prefers his motorcycle."

I wriggled around and threw my legs over Carlisle's lap, settling his magazine one my knees so he could still read it. "I think I prefer cars," I said lazily.

"So do I," Carlisle murmured with a small smile, his eyes still on the magazine.

Edward huffed irritably, glancing at me in the rearview mirror. "I swear to god, Bella, you've turned him into an adolescent."

So much for changing the subject. We were right back where we started, and embarrassingly, I was starting to get a little turned on wondering about Carlisle's fantasy. That was  _not_  a scent I wanted lingering in the car, so I snatched a book off of the pile that Carlisle had brought to pass the time and flipped it open.

 _Paradise Lost_. Perfect. Fond as I was of poetry, Milton was chloroform in print. This book would bore the arousal right out of me.

Only it didn't. Instead of getting distracted by the text, I found myself getting distracted _from_  it. I couldn't help it. Carlisle was right there, so close to me, his heavenly scent surrounding me. I traced his features with my eyes as he pushed off my shoe and rubbed my foot absently. He was engrossed in the article he was reading, and I knew he had a lot of backlogged journals he wanted to keep up on, so I didn't bother him. That was okay with me. I just stared at him, watching him turn a page every few seconds, watching his fingers stray to scratch a nonexistent itch on his eyebrow, watching his expression change slightly here and there. Excepting the speed with which he was reading through the article, he looked so comfortably human.

I spent nearly ten minutes just gazing at him before one corner of his mouth quirked up, letting me know that he wasn't as oblivious to my scrutiny as I had thought he was.

"What are you doing?" he asked, his voice so low it was practically a purr.

"Remembering," I told him. "I'm replaying the memories I don't want to fade away."

He didn't look up from his page, but I could tell I had his attention. "What memories?"

"There are a lot of them. Like . . . that night on the kitchen table?"

His smile broadened a little.

I hadn't forgotten that Edward and Esme were there, and had I still been human I'd have been blushing like mad, but I was feeling bold. "And the symphony."

Carlisle's eyes lost their focus on the page as he remembered with me.

"The weekend at your cabin on the lake."

Edward slammed on the brakes and whipped the car off of the road, and I'd have tumbled to the floor if Carlisle's arms hadn't shot around me and clasped me against him.

"You could have told us to ride with them in the first place," Edward snapped irritably, slamming the car into park. He tried to make his glare convincing, but I could see the amusement behind it. He was giving us some privacy by pretending to be bothered by what Carlisle was thinking.

I winked at him, and he forced himself not to smile.

"Come on, Esme," he muttered. "We're riding with Emmett and Rosalie."

Esme laughed.

The two of them slipped out of the car, and Edward grabbed Esme's hand as they started jogging back toward the approaching BMW.

Carlisle smiled wryly. "I guess this leaves us all alone," he said casually. "Whatever will we do with all this privacy?"

I grinned at him. "Maybe you should tell me about this fantasy of yours."

Carlisle scooted out from under me and climbed out of the car, sliding back in behind the steering wheel and shifting the seat back a little bit. I didn't bother getting out of the car, just climbed between the bucket seats with a grace I never would have been able to manage when I was human. I settled next to Carlisle and smiled when his hand found my knee, rubbing gently while he watched in the rearview mirror to make sure that Edward and Esme got picked up by the others. Once they were all settled, Carlisle pulled the Mercedes back onto the road.

I was surprised to see that Carlisle let them pass us once we were driving again. As they sped by, Edward smirked at us through the car windows. "Stay a few miles back," he called over the roar of the cars' engines. "I'm not interested in hearing about it."

I raised an eyebrow at Carlisle as he let us fall a good distance behind them. "Have plans, do you?"

"That depends. Are you still interested in learning about that little fantasy of mine?"

I smiled widely. "Definitely."

Carlisle's hand moved from my knee to his belt, unbuckling it quickly and undoing his pants. "Good," he said, his voice dark and seductive. He raised his hand to the back of my head, tangling in my hair and pulling my head down into his lap.

A little thrill shot through me. I had done this a few times as a human, though Carlisle had been somewhat nervous about allowing it. He had always been afraid that he would hurt me, either with a careless movement or the venom content of his semen. Now, though, there was no need for caution, and neither one of us was interested in holding back.

I stretched across the center console and lowered my mouth down onto his already-erect member, eliciting a moan from him as I wrapped my lips around him. "Bella," he groaned, his hand fisting in my hair. "Bella, your mouth feels so good."

I stroked his shaft with my tongue and pushed him deeper into my mouth, feeling his hard bulk pushing into my throat. I whimpered at the feel of it, and the vibrations from the sound traveled down the length of his cock. His hips jerked upward in response, and I felt the car falter ever so slightly along its perfectly straight path down the freeway.

I took that as a compliment.

I started bobbing my head up and down, sucking his granite member, letting my tongue caress the veins and ridges. I could hear Carlisle's heavy breathing, could feel the movement of his torso next to me, and I relished every moan that escaped from him. I loved that I could make him feel this way.

I lost myself in Carlisle. The idea of being so consumed by a man had once horrified me. I had rejected any suggestion that two people could be merely halves of a whole, incomplete without one another. Yet in him I had found completion. Before Carlisle I had been drowning in pain and fear, but with him, I had peace. Without me, he had only loneliness and longing, but now I could feel the happiness that infused his entire frame.

Whether we were two parts of a whole or simply complementary souls, I didn't know. All I knew is that Carlisle and I were meant to be together. Without one another, we weren't right, we weren't balanced. I needed him, and he needed me.

I poured all of my need into making him feel good now, laving my passion and desire on him, swallowing around his thick length and drawing vocal responses from him. His hand gripped my hair, moving my head up and down on him as he thrust into my mouth. His cock was slick and wet, and I swirled my tongue around him, tasting the delicious mix of his venom and mine.

Carlisle drew in a sharp hiss through his teeth. "God, Bella," he whispered needfully, "do you have any idea how badly I've wanted to feel your mouth on me? How I've wanted to just let go and take you, just like this?"

I moaned in desire at his words, and I felt his muscles clench in response.

"Bella!" he gasped. "I'm going to come, angel. I want you to taste me."

His words spurred me on, and I eagerly sucked at him, driving him toward his release, until, with a loud growl, he arched into me, pumping into my mouth as thick streams of sweet liquid shot down my throat. I swallowed it hungrily, licking and sucking any remains from his skin as he slowly came down. His thrusting hips slowed and then settled back on the seat, and his grip loosened in my hair. He stroked it gently as I replaced his clothing and buckled his belt, murmuring his love to me all the while.

I pushed up from his lap, settling myself back in my seat, and smiled at him. "So did your fantasy go something like that?"

He laughed, happiness and adoration shining in his eyes. "Exactly like that." His fingers sought mine and laced through them. He brought my hand to his lips, and held it, murmuring against my skin. "I love you, Isabella Swan."

Warmth flooded through me as I gazed back at him. It awed me how he could make me feel so safe even in the midst of such uncertain circumstances. "I love you, too," I whispered, clutching his hand tightly. "So much."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, I know this chapter was a long time in coming. The good news is, it comes with a real honest-to-God outtake! I went back and forth for a long time on whether I was going to include it in the chapter. I like the color that it adds to the story, but ultimately, it took my chapter to the wrong place. It brought down the mood, and I couldn't redirect to where I needed to go. Also, it's really dark, and I wasn't sure I really wanted to take the story back to the depths we explored in chapter 73. So I pulled it, but if you'd like to see a little glimpse of Darksper from his military days, here's the link:
> 
> heartouttake.blogspot.com
> 
> Also, I stole the phrase "chloroform in print" from Mark Twain, who used it to describe The Book of Mormon. I think it's one of the funniest descriptions I've ever heard, and I use it shamelessly.


	105. Figured You Out

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Eleazar and his adopted family were waiting for us in front of their house when our caravan pulled up and parked in the driveway. We exited our vehicles, and the next few minutes were slightly chaotic as we greeted and hugged our cousins. I introduced Bella and Charlie to each of them, and they were greeted graciously, though I noticed that my cousins' body language displayed a bit of an aversion to Charlie. I doubted they realized they were even doing it, and I found myself wondering if my own family did the same thing.

And if we did, was it because we knew so much about his violent history, or could it be something else?

"How are the wedding plans coming?" Tanya asked me, clasping my hands between her own in greeting.

I hesitated. "They've been put on hold for now. We've had something come up that needs to be addressed, but I expect the date will be set somewhere near the end of June."

Tanya's eyes flicked to something behind me, then quickly back to me, and her smile became somewhat fixed. "Oh? Why the delay?"

I immediately caught her inadvertent hint. I had let my guard down while I had been driving with Bella, and foolishly, I hadn't thought to raise my defenses again once we arrived here. Someone in my family had noticed, and was taking advantage of the chaos to sneak up on me.

Within a fraction of a second, I had located each of my family members and my cousins by sight, sound, or scent . . . except for Emmett. I smiled to myself. Emmett loved this game. He was being completely silent, stalking me as I was distracted by Tanya's questions, and my senses went on high alert. I waited for the slightest sound, the tiniest disturbance in the air around me, and after another second it came from behind me, just to my right.

I spun quickly and stepped aside, throwing out my arm and clotheslining Emmett as he lunged at me and landing him flat on his back.

"Damn it!" he growled up at me.

I laughed out loud and was about to compliment him on a good attempt when I felt the air shifting behind me again. I whirled around, too late this time as Tanya barreled into me and threw me to the ground.

Emmett leapt up and knelt next to us as I struggled to break her hold, slapping the ground beside me with each word. "One . . . two . . . three! Tanya wins!"

I surrendered with a huff of indignation. "I can't believe the two of you double-teamed me." I really couldn't. Emmett liked the game, but if he was going to do a double-attack, he would have done it with Rosalie. Using Tanya was a strategic maneuver that I doubted he would have thought of on his own.

My eyes found Jasper, and my suspicions were confirmed when he smirked at me, his thumbs hooked in the pockets of his jeans.

"Well-played," I smiled, tickling Tanya's sides and pushing her off of me.

Jasper's smirk spread into a grin, and he moved toward me, reaching out a hand to help me to my feet. I took it, and for a moment we were us again, Jasper and Carlisle, without Chelsea standing between us.

Then Jasper quickly dropped my hand and stepped away, grabbing Alice's hand and drawing her in front of him.

Eleazar was watching me in amusement. "What was that?" he asked.

"Just a little game we've been playing since Charlie and Bella turned," I told him. "We're always trying to catch one another off-guard lately."

He smiled appreciatively as he beckoned everyone inside. "Very nice. Our own family could benefit from such a game."

We filed into the house and found places to sit in their cozy living room. I took an overstuffed armchair for myself, pulling Bella onto my lap as the others settled in.

"So, Eleazar," I began, "as I said on the phone, I thought it would be helpful if you could give us a little insight into Bella and Charlie. They're both shields, we know, but Charlie seems to have a second talent, if that's even possible."

Eleazar was shaking his head. "I'm not sure that's true." he turned to Charlie, who was sitting stiffly on the arm of the couch. "Do you think I could see it in action?"

"I don't know," Charlie frowned.

Jasper stood. "Hit me, Charlie."

"No." The word came out a bit sharper than I intended it to, but no matter how strained my relationship was with my son, I wouldn't sit back and watch him suffer that kind of pain if I could protect him from it. I shifted Bella off of my lap and rose. "I'll do it."

Jasper deferred to me, taking his seat again.

Charlie stared at his hands. "Are you sure you want me to do this?"

"I'm sure."

Charlie took a deep breath and focused on me. I saw the anger rise behind his eyes, watched as he bared his teeth, and then suddenly pain rocked through me. It started in my stomach, slicing through my organs, but quickly radiated outward. I could feel my hard flesh shredding, separating, accompanied by the most agonizing pain I had felt since my transformation into a vampire.

I didn't know I had fallen to the floor until I heard Bella's frightened cry and saw her leaning over me. The assault lifted and the pain instantly began to receded, leaving me weak and shaken. I gasped convulsively, feeling relief as my body repaired itself.

"God in heaven, that's painful," I choked, forcing a wry smile to ease Bella's worries.

She slid a hand under my head, pillowing it in her palm, while her other hand stroked my cheek. "Are you all right?" she asked anxiously.

My strength was returning, and I pushed myself up. "Yes, darling, I'm fine." She helped me to my feet and I drew her back into the chair with me, turning my attention on Eleazar.

"Interesting," he murmured, watching Charlie carefully.

Edward spoke up anxiously. "Does it affect his brain? I can't seem to hear him after Charlie does that to him."

"It doesn't appear to," Eleazar said. "I imagine it's probably Bella who keeps you from hearing him."

"Bella?" Edward looked at her in surprised. "How do you mean?"

"She's shielding him. You can't hear him right now, can you?"

Edward shook his head.

"That's Bella's doing."

"Wait, what?" Emmett asked, perplexed. "Bella can shield people besides herself?"

Eleazar nodded. "Yes, and it seems quite strong. I can barely sense her shield for all the blocking she's doing. She must have manifested some indication of it during her human life?"

"Charlie did as well," I said. "What can you tell me about him, Eleazar? You say he doesn't have two gifts?"

"No," he said, "but the gift he does have seems multi-functional." He turned to Charlie again. "Charlie, I have to ask, in your human life, did you often find yourself in a position where you had to hurt people in order to protect yourself?"

Charlie met his gaze with dark eyes. "Yes," he said flatly.

Eleazar smiled softly. "I'm not surprised. That's essentially what you're doing. You carry around yourself an aura of hostility that warns off other vampires on an instinctual level. Edward could read your thoughts if he worked at it, but his mind automatically shies away from the threat. Most of the time, it will protect you, but it seems you can channel it and use it as a weapon as well, as you just did with Carlisle." He smiled. "I suppose it's a bit like carrying a spiked shield. It's versatile."

"And what about Bella?" I asked. "Her shield can be used to protect others?"

"Yes," he said amiably. "She's still protecting you, Carlisle. Edward, you still can't hear his mind, can you?"

Edward shook his head.

Jasper cleared his throat. "Bella has shown a surprising lack of natural instincts for a vampire. Could that have anything to do with her shield?"

Eleazar fixed his gaze on Bella. "It's possible," he mused. "Bella, dear, would you be willing to let me inside your shield? I might be able to get a better look at you that way."

Bella was looking at him, perplexed. "How? How would I do that?"

"The same way you've done it for Carlisle."

Bella's confused gaze met mine. "I haven't done anything to Carlisle."

Eleazar smiled patiently. He was in his element now. The years he spent with the Volturi were filled with activities much like this. He frequently took newborns with unexplored potential and helped them understand their gifts. Even vampires who had been around a long time hadn't always understood the full nature of their talents, and Eleazar had been quite adept at helping them reach their full potential.

Bella seemed to be having a hard time understanding and manipulating her shield, but Eleazar was confident that she could do so. He explained to her that it hugged her like a thin film, protecting her from mental assaults, but he was certain that she could push it outward to protect quite a large group of people with a little practice. For the next couple of hours he gently guided her on a journey of discovery, having her practice reaching out to protect the people that she loved and trusted. Once she had started getting comfortable with that, he once again asked to be invited inside of her shield.

She took a deep breath, biting her lip anxiously.

"It's alright, Bella," I murmured softly. "Eleazar is a good friend, and perfectly trustworthy. He won't hurt you."

She nodded and concentrated hard, but she had no success.

"Perhaps it would help if we were touching," Eleazar said. He stood and moved in front of our chair, taking Bella by the hand and drawing her to her feet. "Try again."

I could tell it took a lot of effort, but after a while Eleazar's beaming smile told me that she had been successful. He looked at her curiously for a moment, and then laughed out loud.

Bella jerked her hand away from his and fell back a step.

"There's another one!" Eleazar exclaimed. "Beneath the first shield is a second!"

I slipped my fingers through Bella's. "A second shield? So would she, then, be able to protect two groups separated by distance?"

Eleazar shook his head. "The second one seems different." He held out his hand to Bella again. "May I take a closer look?"

She placed her hand hesitantly in his, and then once again concentrated on manipulating her shield around him.

"This one is a bit strange," he murmured. "It's much more rigid, though it seems semi-permeable. It cuts across her brain, as though she's trying to protect herself from her own mind."

I nodded slowly. My Bella had spent a fair amount of time pushing away bad memories and forcing herself to do things that no one should have to do willingly. It only made sense that she would have developed a way to close off parts of her brain.

"What's being blocked?" I asked. "Where does it cut across her brain?"

Eleazar concentrated, staring into Bella's eyes. "There's a section of her brain just at the base of her skull," he said. "That and her spinal cord are all cut off. To an extent—there  _is_ still some communication."

"The hindbrain," I murmured. "Responsible for autonomic function, reproduction, survival . . . instinctive responses. Bella, you're literally shielding yourself from your own instincts."

She turned to me, an apology in her eyes, and I rose and took her in my arms. "It's remarkable," I murmured, holding her close to me. "What a gift, to be able to block out the impulses that make the first year so very difficult."

"Yeah, but those instincts are valuable," Jasper said. "Eleazar, you said the second shield is more rigid. Would she be able to stretch that one as well, so she can access that part of her brain?"

He nodded. "It will be more difficult, I imagine, but it seems malleable enough to stretch that far with some practice."

Jasper raised his eyebrows at her. "What do you say, Bella? Are you willing to try?"

She nodded eagerly. "Yes, definitely."

Jasper smiled and winked at her. "You're a good sport, kid. So how does this work? Does it move the same way the outer shield does?"

Bella stepped out of my arms, and Eleazar and Jasper started working with her again. I watched proudly as she placed her trust in them, impressed with how far she had come from the depressed, isolated child I had met so many months ago.

Tanya moved to my side and linked her arm through mine. "Will you walk with me?" she asked softly.

"Of course." I reached out and squeezed Bella's hand by way of farewell, then headed outside with Tanya.

We strolled through the snowy terrain, arm in arm, and for several minutes we said nothing. Finally, Tanya took a deep, contented breath and let it out.

"What's it like?" she asked. "Being mated?"

I smiled. "It's the most wonderful feeling in the world. I've truly never been so happy."

"She seems like such a nice girl. But so anxious to prove herself."

"Yes, I suppose that's true. Bella has had a difficult life, and she doesn't always accept love as easily as I would like her to. I think sometimes she feels she has to earn it."

She was silent for a few more moments, and I listened to the sounds of the wildlife in the trees and the crunch of snow under our feet. When Tanya spoke again, she stunned me.

"It almost makes me believe in your God."

I blinked in surprise. Tanya had never been one for religion, and I didn't see what she could possibly find inspiring about Bella's life. "I'm sorry?"

"Don't you think it's sort of faith-affirming?" she asked.

I thought of the abuse my girl had suffered, the crippling fear she was left with. I remembered all the times she had pulled away from me because she mistook my gestures of affection for manipulation. "No. I don't."

"Come on, Carlisle," she laughed. "Of all people, surely  _you_  can see God's hand in this?"

I breathed deeply, drawing in the icy scent of the snow and the aromas that drifted on the breeze. "Perhaps you'd better explain your thinking."

"Who could ever live up to you? You, with the perfect self-control. No normal vampire could give you what you needed in a mate." She squeezed my arm and laid her head against my shoulder. "But all those things that your little Bella has suffered have worked together to give her a way to resist blood and control herself in a way that will make you proud." She looked up at me and smiled. "I have a hard time believing that it was an accident that you fell in love with that particular girl, and it doesn't seem likely it was mere chance that she developed the talent that she did. I think God molded her for you."

I pressed the hand that held the crook of my elbow, but didn't answer. In truth, I didn't know quite what to say. Tanya put me to shame. I had been so angry with God over the things he had allowed to happen to my sweet girl. My Bella who deserved so much better. I had never imagined there could be a purpose to her pain.

"Do you agree with me?" Tanya prompted.

I cleared my throat unnecessarily, stalling for a moment. "You see her abusive parents as tools of God, do you?"

"Everyone has some purpose, Carlisle."

I shook my head. "Then you believe that God intended for her step-father to hurt her the way he did?"

She shook her head, smiling sweetly. "I believe that everyone has the opportunity to choose right or wrong. But I also think any God worth his salt would know how to bring about good things, even when someone chooses poorly."

I shook my head, overwhelmed by her optimism. "Such faith," I murmured.

She gave a musical laugh, hugging my arm.

Apparently she was done with her lecture. We walked in silence again, and when she spoke a few minutes later, she changed the subject.

"Why did you postpone your wedding?"

I shook my head sadly. "It's best if we don't discuss it. I've already involved more people than I should."

"Do you need help?" she asked, concern lacing her voice.

"I don't think so. We have Jasper."

She frowned deeply. "That doesn't sound good, Carlisle. If you're relying on Jasper, it has to be something dangerous."

I turned to her and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Which is why I don't need to involve anyone else."

"If you need allies—"

"We have them," I said, cutting her off. "Please, Tanya, my conscience would never allow me to involve your family."

"You could go to the Volturi," she suggested. "Eleazar speaks often of their fondness for you. If you ask for help, they'll give it."

Guilt settled upon me, heavy and cold. In any other circumstance, Aro would probably come to my aid. Chelsea may have toyed with my emotions, but even without her, Aro and I would have been friends. "Perhaps I will," I murmured, mostly to keep her from guessing the truth.

"We're always here for you," she said. "Just say the word."

I smiled to myself. "Do me a favor and don't tell Jasper that? I'd rather he didn't go on a recruiting mission."

"Is that what it would take to get you to accept our help?"

"No, I still wouldn't accept your help," I told her, smiling down at her. "But it would cause tension between Jasper and me, and we really don't need any more of that these days."

"I noticed the two of you were a little stiff with each other. What happened?"

I shrugged off her concern. "Just a difference of opinion. It will pass."

"You're so evasive," she chided. "Remember how we used to confide in one another?"

I stopped and turned to face her, brushing her chin with my thumb and forefinger. "Come to the wedding in June. I'll tell you all about it then."

"Assuming Jasper hasn't gotten you all killed."

"Yes," I smiled. "Which we will, optimistically, assume."


	106. I'll Be There For Your

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**Bella Swan's Point of View**

The trip to Denali was short. I practiced with Eleazar for several hours and then we all went out together for a leisurely hunt, where I got to try putting my new skills to good use. As it turned out, hunting was much easier, and much more  _fun_  when I was using my instincts. It gave me a rush like I had never felt before.

And I wanted Carlisle more than I ever had before. I don't know how I managed to keep myself in check when, under the influence of my more primal instincts, I was presented with the view of Carlisle's graceful form running along a dry riverbed after a fleeing polar bear. It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen and had we not been in the company of eleven other vampires, I wouldn't have bothered to keep myself from jumping on him and tearing his clothes off.

And then we were on our way home. I used the time to practice pushing out with my shield, gauging the distances that I was capable of covering and trying to manipulate the malleable membrane so that I could include some people while excluding others.

Edward sat next to me and helped me figure out when I was successful. I was still having a hard time feeling my shield, but he could tell me when minds disappeared off of his radar, and he gave me feedback to help me get a feel for things.

Jasper hung back this time, instead of speeding ahead on his Ducati. He and Alice rode close enough to Carlisle's Mercedes that he could monitor the conversation between Edward and me, and I occasionally caught a glimpse of approval in his eyes behind the dark shield of his helmet.

It felt a lot better than the frustration I had been getting from him lately.

After the first day of the drive, Charlie started playing with me. He was doing a little practicing of his own, using his talent to target small animals off the side of the road. I found that, if he was within the cover of my shield, I could tell when he was focusing his talent to attack, and I started teasing him by blocking his strikes. After that, our time was spent with him taking quick little jabs at the others in the cars, and me scrambling to block him before he could hurt them. I failed twice, once when he was targeting Emmett and once when it was  _me_  he was focusing on. After experiencing that, I didn't miss again.

By the time we got home, Charlie and I were both getting very used to our abilities, and Jasper was on cloud nine.

Jacob was reclined on the front steps of the Cullens' house when we parked in front of it, dressed in his usual cut-offs. He grinned widely, and when I got out of the car he rose and strolled toward me, grabbing me up in a tight hug.

"Hey, girl," he said, a smug grin on his lips. "How was your trip?"

"It was great. What's got you looking like the cat who ate the canary?"

"I'm hungry," he said. "You got anything to eat?"

I laughed. "I'm sure the kitchen is stocked. Let's go see what's there."

Jacob laced his fingers through mine and we headed inside to raid the refrigerator. When he was settled with a plate full of bacon and eggs, smothered in ice cream and maple syrup, I tried again.

"So give," I ordered. "How come you're all happy?"

He shoveled a bite into his mouth. "I got laid," he said around his food.

My jaw dropped. "You're kidding! Who?"

"You know Leah's cousin Erin?"

I frowned. "She's one of the new girls in Leah's pack?"

He nodded, grinning widely as he chewed his food. "Yep."

I thought for a moment, trying to pin down what I remembered of her. "Wait . . . how old is she?"

"Nineteen," he said, and took another huge bite.

I gasped in mock horror. " _Nineteen?_ Who's dating the pedophile now, Jacob?"

He rolled his eyes. "Bella Swan, I don't even want to hear it from you. We measure our age difference in years and you measure yours in centuries, so you can just suck it."

I giggled. "So did you guys imprint?"

"Hell no!" he scoffed. "This wolf doesn't imprint, Bella."

I arched an eyebrow. "Oh, you don't? Funny, I didn't realize it was a choice."

"It is. I'm a free agent. I'm not going to be love's bitch."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, Jacob."

"I mean it," he insisted stubbornly. "They day your boyfriend impregnates you and you and pop out some freaky-ass demon spawn is the day Jacob Black imprints."

I snorted out a laugh. "All right, fine, Mr. Free Agent. How was it?"

His grin fell a little. "Honestly? Not great."

"Why not?"

He shrugged self-consciously, poking at his food. "I don't know. Her first time, my first time . . . it was kind of awkward, and it hurt her a little." He stuffed another bite of ice cream and bacon into his mouth.

"Are you going to try again?"

"Well,  _yeah_ ," he smirked. "It wasn't  _that_  bad."

"So, is this like a relationship? Or just a little secretive thing the two of you have got going on?"

He smiled wryly. "It's awfully hard for me to keep secrets these days."

"True," I laughed.

He shrugged again, dropping his gaze. "I don't know. I mean . . . she's really nice. And _damn_ , does she look good naked."

"Awww, how sweet! My little Jacob is growing up!"

"You can cut that shit out right now," Jacob growled, giving me a mock glare.

"I can, but I won't," I taunted. "Puppy love is just so cute!"

"Hey, Bella, you want to share my dinner?" Jacob asked, just before shoving a fork full of eggs and ice cream into my mouth.

I jerked away, coughing and gagging into the napkin I snatched from him as the revolting flavors coated my tongue. "Gross, Jacob! That's disgusting!"

"Mmmm, maple syrup," he grinned, and took another big bite.

I laughed and threw his napkin back at him. "So how'd you manage to get a girl to go out with  _you_ , anyway?"

His smug grin was back. "I'm a popular guy these days, Bella. I'm the chief of my tribe, the head Alpha of all of the packs. Everybody sees me as the guy who ushered in the era of the Spirit Warriors."

" _You_  get the credit? Not Edward or Alice?"

"The Quileutes wouldn't be such good friends with the bloodsuckers if not for you and me, Bells," he said casually, taking a sip of his juice. "You're why Sam was willing to hang around and talk with Edward in the beginning, and you're why I ever met any of them in the first place."

"Then  _I_  should get the credit."

"Yeah, but you're one of them now. By default, your credit falls to me."

I stepped on his foot under the table, just hard enough to draw a yelp from him.

"Damn, girl! Be nice or I'll give you a scar to match Charlie's."

"You saw that huh?" I grimaced.

He nodded. "It's cool, though. Makes him look like a bad-ass."

I giggled. "Hey, speaking of Charlie . . . how are Billy and Harry taking things with him? Since he decided to change and all?"

A dark look crossed Jacob's face. "Those two can go fuck themselves," he muttered.

His words surprised me. Jacob and Billy occasionally butted heads, but he usually wasn't so hostile.

"Wow," I said. "What's that about?"

He put down his fork and looked at me, sitting back in his chair. "They knew Charlie was hitting you a long time ago," he said, his eyes sparking with anger. "And they didn't do anything about it, because they said it wasn't their business."

My jaw fell open in shock. "They  _knew?_ How?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Charlie let something slip once, I guess. I don't know." His eyes dropped to his hands in his lap, and he looked miserable. "When Carlisle stepped in to help you out, half the reason they were pissed about it was because they were embarrassed. They knew they should have done the same thing, and they just didn't."

I snorted. "They didn't like feeling morally inferior to a leech, did they?"

He took my hand, his hot skin burning into mine as his eyes pleaded with me. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

I shrugged it off. "Forget it. It's in the past."

"Is it?" he asked, leaning close. "Because . . . the word's out on what Charlie can do . . ." He glanced over my shoulder toward the living room where Charlie was playing chess with Jasper.

He didn't have to say the words for me to know what he meant. "Everything's fine," I assured him. "I swear, no issues. We're like a cold, dead version of the Brady Bunch."

He grinned widely and grabbed his fork again. "Now there's a show I might actually watch," he said, stuffing a large bite of dripping ice cream and syrup into his mouth.

"So guess what?" I said, nudging his leg with my foot. "Turns out I'm not a defective vampire after all."

"No kidding?" he said around his food. "Says who?"

"Eleazar. He says I'm an extra  _cool_  vampire."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Yeah, extra cool. You can barely feed yourself."

I ignored his jab and told him about what Eleazar had discovered.

"So, let me get this straight," he said, gesturing with his fork. "You've developed a double-shield because you're such a cold, unfeeling bitch that nobody can get close to you, _including_  yourself?"

My jaw dropped in shock and I let out an indignant squeak just as Carlisle cleared his throat warningly from the next room. I snapped my mouth closed and grinned, gesturing toward him. "You'd better watch your mouth, Jacob Black."

He snorted. "Please. When have you and I ever watched our mouths around each other?"

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Things are different now. We're not just Jacob and Bella anymore."

He pushed back his plate and propped his elbow on the table, leaning his chin on his hand. "Oh really? And what are we?"

"I'm mated to the leader of a very powerful Vampire family that's about to make history as the coven that ended the reign of the Volturi," I said pointedly. "And  _you_  . . . you're the spokesperson for the entire Quileute Nation." I gestured between the two of us. "If we fight, we could start this whole big supernatural war. It's a very delicate situation."

Jacob snickered derisively. "Right. Well Your Majesty, future  _queen_  of the Olympic Coven, let's get one thing straight." A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "You and I are _always_  going to be just Jacob and Bella." He grabbed my hand, tracing the fingertip that no longer bore the scar from an old dirty fish hook. "We swore an oath, and we never said anything about it ending when either of us died, or even when one of us turned into a walking icicle and started smelling really bad all the time." He winked at me, grinning the way only Jacob could. "We said we'd be there for each other forever, no matter what, and I'm holding you to it. Got it, missy?"

I smiled warmly. "Got it."

He sat back, still holding my hand. "So. You're a cold, unfeeling bitch, huh?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Cool," he looked at his empty plate. "I could go for dessert. Do you guys have any pie?"


	107. At the End of the Day

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

The next weeks went by far too quickly. Jasper was thrilled with the new information about Bella and Charlie, and he rearranged his original strategy to utilize them. I approved of the new scenario, since it involved Bella holding back and shielding the rest of us while we attacked, rather than getting involved herself. She was able to expand her shield to allow her instincts in, which helped her fight off Jasper's emotional control, yet she was still more valuable as a defensive player than an offensive one. Jasper made it quite clear that he wanted her focus to be on protecting rather than fighting.

Jasper's training had us moving together like a well-oiled machine. He used stand-ins for the Volturi guard and had us do dry runs of the strike again and again, day after day. The days bled into weeks, which bled into months, and then it was June.

The date Bella and I had originally set for our wedding came and went, and I found myself questioning whether we were wise to have postponed it. I didn't want Bella worrying about the Volturi on what was supposed to be a joyous occasion, but I desperately wanted to bind her to me, to have some real claim on her in the event that things went wrong.

But I couldn't think like that. The thought of losing my girl was too painful to consider.

And so we waited, and sparred, and when Jasper allowed us breaks I carried her off away from the family and made passionate, uninhibited love to her. And I pretended that I wasn't more terrified than I had ever been before.

All too soon, we were boarding the chartered plane to Italy.

This part was complicated. I and my family were to spend a week at a rented vacation house on the outskirts of Pisa, ostensibly so that Charlie could be changed into a vampire and have a few days to get his bearings. The Volturi were under the impression that wolves wouldn't allow his change while we were in Washington. The Volturi, of course, kept tabs on traffic in the airport, and they were expecting our arrival any day.

I sent a messenger to Volterra when we landed to alert Aro and the others to what we were pretending they didn't already know—that we had come to Italy, as I had promised. They sent the messenger back with a note letting us know they were looking forward to seeing us at our earliest convenience.

They were impatient to stake their claim.

That week was not wasted. In that time, Jacob and five of the Quileute packs took commercial flights into the airport in Florence and drove to Pisa to meet us at the house. They were doing everything they could to avoid attracting attention from the Volturi. They would be entering Volterra behind us, hoping that by then the Volturi guard would be gathered inside to greet us, and would therefore not notice the unpleasant-smelling army descending on the castle.

That was what Jasper was most anxious about. He was afraid their smell would give us away. The wolves would have to keep their distance until we were inside.

Finally, the day of the planned assault, we were all gathered together in the vacation home. Several of the Quileute boys had gone out to get food, and they were packing away an impressive amount of calories between them. A message had been sent to the Volturi, informing them that we would set out to meet them at sundown, and now we were simply waiting.

I was standing in a corner of the main room of the house with Bella, instinctively protecting my back against an assault that wasn't coming. A part of my mind still waited for it, still kept tabs on everyone around me, though while we were here in Italy we would not be drawing undue attention to ourselves by playing those games.

The rest of my thoughts were consumed with Bella. I held her back against my chest and let my lips trail over the smooth column of her throat, taking in her scent and listening to the playful banter between my girl and her best friend. Jacob was sprawled out on a nearby couch, leaning against one arm while his girl, Erin, sat between his legs and reclined against him. She looked on silently while Bella and Jacob shared the uncomplicated connection that they had established as children.

I had gotten over my jealousy, I realized. For a long time I had been intimidated by the easy camaraderie between Jacob and Bella, but I was entirely unconcerned by it now. I appreciated Jacob for the unconditional friendship he offered, and only occasionally disapproved of the coarseness with which he treated my girl.

Jasper was pacing back and forth at the front of the crowded room, his eyes frequently straying to the window. The assault would begin in a few short hours, and he was impatient for action. He was frustrated that these last few days couldn't be spent running drills and honing an already-perfected strategy, and the inactivity aggravated him.

"Let's run through it one more time," he said, loud enough so that those in nearby rooms could hear.

He was answered with groans from all around.

"Will you relax?" Jacob grumbled. "We've got it, alright? We know what we're supposed to do."

Jasper fixed him with a glare. "Humor me."

Jacob rolled his eyes, but didn't argue.

"Carlisle?" Jasper said expectantly.

"As soon as we enter the throne room, I'll make a show of beginning to remove my gloves while I approach Aro," I answered, "which will draw attention to Aro and me."

"That's when I'll hit them," Jasper said. "Before you have to shake Aro's hand. I'll flood the room with emotion, and then Bella? What's your job?"

"That's when I'll push my shield out around everybody," she responded dutifully. "Particularly Charlie. I'll make sure he's protected while he kills Renata, and then I'll pull it back off of him to allow him to use his gift to attack the others."

"Good," Jasper said. "And Charlie?"

Charlie answered from the kitchen. "Once Renata is dead, I'll target anyone on your hit list that hasn't already been attacked."

"Alice?" Jasper said.

"As soon as you flood the room, Carlisle and I will start attacking the people on the list," she said. "We'll start at the back of the room and work our way toward you and the Brothers."

"Aro will be my first responsibility," Jasper said, putting in his part. "Then Caius and Marcus, and then anyone you two haven't taken care of. And Bella?"

She rolled her eyes. This was a point of contention between the two of them. "I'll be behaving myself like a good little girl, doing absolutely  _nothing_  except shielding you all from mental attacks."

Jasper gave her a wink, the only emotion he allowed himself to show. "Good. Rosalie?"

"Emmett and I will be creating a diversion," she spoke up from a nearby room. "As soon as you go into the castle, I'll start a fire at a shop down the street to draw the attention of bystanders."

"Edward?"

"I'll be waiting outside with everyone else, surrounding the castle," he said, sounding a little bit bored. "When you flood the room I'll have Jacob signal the others to move in. We'll seal the exits and not let anyone in or out."

"And Jacob?"

"Once I let the other Alphas know we can move in, Embry, Isaac, Brady, and I will follow your scent inside and head right for Bella. We'll keep her safe and make sure she behaves herself."

Bella stuck her tongue out at him, and I smiled. I was glad there would be someone there to look after her.

"Leah?" Jasper prompted.

"We bat clean-up," she answered from the kitchen table. "Once Jacob lets the rest of us know that things are under control, we go through the castle and herd anyone who's left into the throne room with you. Then we stand around looking menacing while you gloat over the fallen monarchy."

Jasper smiled tightly. "And when we leave?"

"We all go together," Lucas spoke up. "And we watch each other's backs . . . because you're bound to piss a few people off."

Jasper nodded grimly. Lucas had come a long way under Jasper's tutelage, and my son was now confident in his ability to lead his pack. "That's it, then," he said softly. "We're ready."

I wrapped my arms tightly around Bella, drawing her as close to me as I could get her. "Promise me you'll be careful," I whispered in her ear for the two hundred and fifty-second time. "No matter what else happens, promise me that you'll put your own safety first."

She gave me the same answer she had given me two hundred and fifty-one times before. "I promise I'll put my safety second," she whispered back. "Right behind yours."

It might have been enough for me, if I believed her. I had a feeling, though, that if she saw Jasper taking on too much, she would try to help him. And Jasper was bound to take on what anyone else would assume to be too much, but he could handle it. He was terrifying in battle. Of course I had warned her repeatedly that he would worry her, but I was still concerned that she would panic and rush to help him when no help was needed.

But then, if everything went according to plan, Jasper wouldn't get into any trouble. We had several long seconds with which to work, and if we wanted to, we could probably destroy everyone in the room in that time with the numbers we had. The problem was, not one of us imagined everything would go according to plan.

A sense of restless fatalism filled the house. Had we not needed to lie low for the sake of discretion, I would have taken Bella somewhere to be alone with her. The future was tenuous; the possibility of what might happen hung heavy in the air. No one wanted to waste the opportunity to express what could be their final thoughts to their loved ones, and yet no one wanted to behave as though they thought any one of us might not come back from Volterra.

So we acted like it was any other day, except we held each other tighter, gazed at each other longer, and quietly, secretly, we cherished one another.

My mind wandered over the time I had had with Bella. It was brief, a few months out of hundreds of years, but already my life was defined by her. All I had done in my years on this earth I now saw from a new perspective. My struggles with morality were worthwhile because they made me a man my girl could respect. My successes were important because they earned me her favor. My failures, because she forgave them, only mattered insofar as they molded me into the man she loved.

Not for the first time, I swore to myself that I would not leave Volterra without my mate. Jasper wanted my focus on his targets, and I understood that, but half of my mind would always be with Bella, monitoring her to make sure that no harm was coming to her. Jasper knew that. There was a reason he was sending four wolves to protect her. And if we failed, then I would do my best to secure the safety of my family before I surrendered my life as well.

These were thoughts that weighed heavily on all of us. Each among us cared deeply for our companions, and we were each silently preparing for the worst. What would we do if our loved ones paid the ultimate price?

Jasper was agitated, and I had a feeling the emotional climate had something to do with it. I considered doing something to help, but as always, it was Alice who eased his burden. She moved to his side and wrapped her arms around him, and I knew simply by the expressions on their faces that she was pouring all of her love into him, drowning out the anxiety. He held her, kissed her, whispered requests for her to be careful.

Jacob and Erin were exchanging similar cautions and promises, murmuring to each other while Jacob's hand stroked idly over Erin's stomach beneath her shirt. Her eyes were closed, and a small, private smile played over her lips as Jacob murmured in her ear.

I turned Bella toward me and gazed into her eyes. The red was starting to temper and fade into a gentler orange, though since she hadn't hunted in a week, that color was significantly darker than it usually was. With Bella, thirst wasn't a serious concern, but as we would be moving Charlie through streets crowded with humans, his needs had to be addressed. Hunting wasn't an option in our circumstances, and though I had my reservations, we had settled on supplying him with several bags of donated human blood that he would drink right before we left the house.

Unfortunately, it wouldn't be his first taste of human blood. The month before, he had stumbled across a pair of campers—men that he had known before his change, though not well. He had been hunting with Emmett, but his gift quickly neutralized Emmett's strength, and he killed the humans. He had taken it hard, and it seemed the accident had served to strengthen his self-control. The next time he caught the scent of a human, he ran in the opposite direction.

"Where are your thoughts?" Bella asked me, her eyes still on mine.

I smiled fondly at her. "Everywhere, I'm afraid. Perhaps you could help me focus them." I leaned down and captured her lips in a kiss, which she immediately deepened. She clutched lightly at the sides of my shirt, tucking her small frame against me, and I slowly stroked my hands over her back. She was much stronger now, but still so small, and the feel of her slight body beneath my hands only strengthened my urge to protect her. I turned her into the corner, placing my body between her and any nonexistent threat, my senses pricked to warn me if anyone approached us.

No one did, of course. Now was not the time for games.

About an hour before sundown, Jasper cleared his throat, and without having to be told, his strike team assembled. I took Bella's hand and, along with Charlie, followed Jasper and Alice out the back door. We ducked quickly into a car parked behind the house and drove it to a separate house a kilometer away, also rented to us for the week.

This was the tricky part—getting rid of the scent of the wolves. They had not entered this house, so this was where we left the clothes we would wear to Volterra. The five of us made our way to the showers in the house, and we spent the next hour scrubbing all traces of the Quileutes from our skin and hair. Then we dressed quickly, and as soon as the sun dipped below the horizon, we climbed into a separate rented car from the one we had driven between the houses—one not tainted with the smell of wolves. I started the engine and steered the car toward Volterra.

Bella's hand found mine and she laced our fingers together, gripping me tightly. "I love you, Carlisle," she whispered.

I looked over at her and read the fear and anxiety in her eyes, both of which were overshadowed by the love she was expressing.

"I love you too, my angel," I breathed. "I'll see you safely through this. I promise."


	108. The World Will Know

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**Bella Swan's Point of View**

Demetri was waiting in front of the castle with Felix when we pulled up, and for the first time, I felt a little twinge of guilt for what we were about to do. I had felt bad about this before because of what it meant for Carlisle and Charlie, but I hadn't felt bad over the idea of eradicating the Volturi.

But . . . Demetri had been good to me, all things considered, and now I was attacking his coven. At that moment I got a small taste of what Carlisle must have been feeling all along, and it sobered me.

_Don't let it show, Bella. Don't give anything away._

I stuffed down any ill feelings with a practiced hand and by the time Carlisle had opened my door for me, I was ready with a friendly smile. He guided me through the courtyard, followed closely by Alice and Jasper—who were making a show of gripping Charlie's arm to keep him under control—and we stopped in front of the two men.

Demetri was looking at me with awed approval, and he stepped forward to greet me, taking my gloved hand in his. "Mrs. Cullen," he murmured, bowing and bringing my fingers to his lips. He straightened again, his gaze sweeping over me. "You look lovely, as always."

For just a moment I was thrown by the speed of his speech. Over the last months I had gotten very comfortable with the way Carlisle and his family spoke, slowly and deliberately, so that any humans—or in our case, wolves—would be able to keep up. I adjusted quickly, though, and gave Demetri a playful smile. "What you mean to say is that I look a lot better than last time I was here," I teased him.

He laughed self-consciously. "Immortality agrees with you," he said with a broad smile.

"Yes it does," Felix said, looking me over appreciatively. He shouldered Demetri out of the way and kissed my hand as well, his eyes lingering on my chest.

Carlisle cleared his throat pointedly. "Felix, may I present my  _wife?_ "

Felix's gaze snapped to my face at Carlisle's tone, and he grinned ruefully.

I smiled at Carlisle's possessive claim—particularly because, despite what we were letting the Volturi believe, we hadn't actually gotten married yet.

"I'm sorry I never got a chance to say hello the last time we were here," I told Felix. "I hope we'll have some time to get to know each other this time."

It was convenient for me that it wasn't quite so easy to tell when I was lying these days.

"We'll make a point of it," Felix agreed.

Demetri took Carlisle's hand. "You're doing the right thing," he said, his eyes flicking to Charlie. "And I promise, Chelsea won't get her hooks too deep into Jasper and Alice, here. Aro has agreed to go easy on them for diplomacy's sake."

"That's good to hear," Carlisle said gravely. "I value my family above all else, Demetri."

"And we value your friendship a great deal."

I took Carlisle's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. This wasn't helping him, I knew, and I was glad when Demetri and Felix moved on to greeting the others.

"You look good too, Charlie," Demetri said approvingly. "How's the thirst?"

Charlie grunted unhappily in response.

Felix gave a low laugh. "I remember those early days. It's hell for the first couple of months. You'll want to stay away from the human staff as much as possible, or you'll snap."

"It's like waking up, though, isn't it?" Demetri said enthusiastically. "Suddenly you can  _really_ see,  _really_  smell . . . the world is an entirely different place."

Charlie smiled tightly. "It'll take some getting used to."

Demetri looked slightly disappointed at his lack of a friendly response. "Yes, well . . . shall we go in, then?"

I wanted to stall just a bit longer, to let the others move into place so they wouldn't be rushing once we were inside. I could hear their car engines as they moved through the city, and I wanted them just a bit closer.

"Will you forgive me if I hold you up?" I asked, letting my gaze sweep over the courtyard. "I'm seeing everything with new eyes, and there's just so much to take in."

"Of course," Demetri said brightly. "Take your time."

This was good. This would be an excuse for moving slowly through the halls of Volterra while the boys arranged themselves outside as well. I strolled slowly around the courtyard, examining the plants in the fading twilight, getting a close look at the way the ivy found crevices in the stone to cling to. When it sounded like the cars were in place and Edward's team was only waiting for us, I moved back to the group and tucked my hand in Carlisle's again.

"Thank you for indulging me," I said. "I'm ready."

Demetri favored me with a smile and guided us into the main castle. We stepped inside and immediately the scent of human washed over me. Carlisle gripped my arm, and I heard Jasper and Alice both close their hands over Charlie's arms as well.

But it wasn't the scent that got to me. I glanced at the woman behind the reception desk and stopped short, staring at her. This was the first time I had actually looked at a human since I had changed, and what I saw was . . . well, it wasn't that pretty. Her face was slightly off-balance, one eye a bit smaller than the other, her nose slanting a bit to one side. I might not have noticed as a human, but my perception was sharper now, and it was glaringly obvious.

And that wasn't all. Her pores were all too visible, and I could see evidence of greasy build-up in them. There were little stray hairs around her eyebrows that really needed plucking—no wonder Rosalie had been so thorough with the tweezers!—and fluid congealed at the corners of her eyes and mouth. She looked . . . sort of gross.

I gaped at her. "Is that what I looked like to you?" I demanded in a whisper, not wanting my criticism of her to reach her ears.

Carlisle laughed softly and pulled me against him in a warm embrace. "Bella, you have always been the most beautiful woman in the world to me," he murmured. Then with a wry smile he admitted, "Though, yes, your appearance has improved a bit." He winked at me.

Felix snorted. "Yeah . . . a bit."

Demetri was looking between Charlie and the receptionist, his expression wary. "Perhaps we shouldn't spend too long in this room," he suggested, gesturing toward a corridor that led away.

"Good idea," Jasper agreed.

"Giana, inform Aro that we're on our way back," Demetri told the human woman, then guided us away from her and her inviting scent.

This is where I really needed to slow things down. Now that we were inside, Emmett and Rosalie could create their diversion and the boys could exit their cars and take up their positions around the castle. I could no longer hear them, due to the heavy stone of the building and the care they were taking to stay quiet, so I just had to give them what time I could. I spotted a tapestry and slowed as we approached it, letting my eyes sweep over it.

My new eyes picked out a million things that my human ones would not have. The tapestry was aged, clearly, but had been restored. The threads were distressed, and had been stained over as the original color had faded.

"How old is this?" I asked, stopping in front of the hanging.

Demetri laughed softly, shaking his head. "These young ones are easily distracted, aren't they Carlisle?"

"That's certainly true for my Bella," he replied. "When she first woke up, I had to ask her a question three times before she could focus enough to answer it."

"I can't help it," I told them with a self-conscious smile. "There's just so  _much_  to see!"

Demetri chuckled. "This is twelfth century," he said, gesturing to the tapestry. "It was woven shortly after Sweden's cultural conversion to Christianity, and it depicts the transition from Norse polytheism to Christian monotheism.

My eyes widened. I had only meant to slow us down a little by asking about it, but now I was intrigued. "How so? I mean, I guess I don't understand what I'm seeing."

"There's dual symbolism all over it," Demetri said. "For instance, these three characters, here." He pointed out three prominent figures that dominated the left side of the hanging. "Ostensibly, they represent three prominent Scandinavian saint-kings. But there are hints that what we're really seeing is the Norse trinity. Look here." He pointed to the head of one of the characters. "You'll notice that St. Olaf only has one eye." He turned to me and smiled. "Are you well-versed in Viking mythology, Mrs. Cullen?"

"Just Bella," I told him. "And no, I'm afraid I'm not."

"The All-Father, Odin, was said to have traded one of his eyes for a drink from the Well of Wisdom. And here." He pointed to a second figure. "Do you see what King Knud is holding?"

I examined the item in the second figure's hand. "It looks like a cross."

"Indeed, but notice that the center is one color and the crossbar another, which hints that this is not in fact a depiction of a cross, which is generally all carved from the same material. This is suggestive of Thor's hammer."

I raised my eyebrows in surprised. "What about this last one?"

"More double-entendre. This would be St. Erik. You'll notice he's holding an ear of corn?"

I looked closely, frowning. "Is that what that is?"

He chuckled. "It is indeed. Erik is credited with promoting agriculture, but this could also be Frey, the god of Fertility."

I was enjoying this lesson on subversive art. "What else?"

Felix cleared his throat. "Perhaps we should be moving along? The others are waiting for us."

Demetri frowned apologetically. "He's right," he told me. "But I'll show you more later, if you'd like."

Yeah, that wasn't going to happen. I nodded anyway, smiling brightly, letting him think this wasn't the last time we would be on friendly terms.

Jasper caught my eye and gave me an approving smile as we started moving through the halls again. I had bought us plenty of extra time for the team outside to move into position, and I could see the confidence in his stance. Things were moving along at an ideal pace for him.

We followed Demetri into the spacious anteroom, and he flashed Charlie an encouraging smile. "Ready to greet your new coven?"

Charlie nodded wordlessly, and Demetri pulled the door open. He and Felix flanked our group, striding with us into the large throne room.

It was crowded with people, as it had been the last time we were here, though it seemed that the grouping was slightly more formal this time. Aro and his brothers sat in their thrones, looking cool and confident in their place as kings of the vampire world. The rest of the coven stood in a half-circle around them, arranged by the color of their robes. Those cloaked in the darkest robes stood nearer to the dais, and those on the ends were dressed in pale grey.

Demetri and Felix detached themselves from our group and moved to take their places among the coven as Aro rose.

"Carlisle," he smiled warmly, "it's so good to see you again. And, Bella, just look at you! You're lovelier than I could have imagined." He drifted forward, and Renata moved out from behind his throne, her hand reaching out to grip the back of his robes.

I heard Charlie draw in a sharp breath behind me.

Before Carlisle could signal us to start, Charlie shot forward, running toward the dais. Jasper swore and leapt after him, tackling him to the ground, and immediately the crushing weight of despair and hopelessness crashed down on me. I wasn't ready for it, and my knees buckled, sending me tumbling to the floor. Through a haze I heard Jasper roar Charlie's name furiously. I pushed out with my inner shield, drawing my instincts in and letting them dull the influence of Jasper's manufactured emotions. I staggered to my feet in time to see Charlie leap at Renata's kneeling frame.

"No!" I gasped. I hadn't been protecting him. I quickly stretched my shield around Charlie and the rest of the family, though not before Charlie collided with Renata, wrapping his arms around her and dragging her away from Aro.

His own defenses seemed to be enough, though, since he wasn't redirected. He shoved her back into the wall at the back of the dais and pinned her there. He spun around, bracing her slumped, shuddering body against the wall with his back, and fixed Jasper with a lethal glare, snarling threateningly.

My jaw dropped. Was he insane? He had turned his back to her and exposed his neck to her teeth! Sure, she wasn't able to do much now, but it wouldn't be long before she shook off Jasper's control and became lethal. And was he challenging Jasper now?

Cold fingers of anxiety danced up my spine. Already a second and a half had passed, and no progress was being made.

"Bella, get your shield off of me," Charlie ordered.

I couldn't. I had to protect him until Renata was dead. That was the entire reason I was here.

"Take it off!" he yelled.

I stared at him, locked in indecision, until he turned his glare on me. He jabbed at me with his talent, sending pain ripping through me, and I instinctively snapped my shield back to myself, blocking his attack.

As soon as I did, I heard Aro's agonized cry from the front of the room. Charlie had shifted his assault from me to Aro . . . but he still hadn't killed Renata, and my head was spinning with fear for him.

Jasper seemed to come to a decision when Aro collapsed, though. "You keep her the hell out of my way, Charlie, or I'll kill her myself." He ran to the platform and ripped off Aro's head, then pulled a lighter from his pocket and set the body ablaze at the front of the dais. Charlie's assault shifted to Caius, and Jasper moved on to Marcus.

Their actions set Carlisle and Alice in motion. Carlisle ran for the twins on one side of the room, while Alice zeroed in on Chelsea on the other side.

But we had wasted too much time. I could see people around me staggering to their feet, struggling to regain their ability to act. I hastily pushed my shield out again, protecting my family, deliberating over whether I should jump in and help them. Chelsea was fighting back more than we had hoped she would, and Alice was struggling. I had just decided to help her when Jacob and three of his pack burst through the door, running to flank me. I had started toward Alice, but they dragged me back to the doorway.

"She needs help!" I protested, but I only got a growl in response from Jacob.

I looked up just as Alice sent Chelsea's head flying through the air, landing in the flames at the front of the room. She turned her attention to Afton, but he was on his feet, fighting against Jasper's haze, and for just a moment their eyes met. Alice froze.

I remembered Carlisle's warning not to look Afton in the eye, that he could plant ideas in a person's head and turn coven-mates against one another. "No!" I yelled. "Alice!"

Carlisle had just finished dismembering Jane, tossing her fractured body into the flames. Alec was already dead. At my cry he spun toward Alice, just in time to see her running toward him. She lunged at him and he dodged to the side, but her hand shot out and caught him around the neck, dragging him to the floor. She went for his throat, but he managed to get an arm between them, and she ripped it off at the elbow. Carlisle roared in pain as she tossed the limb aside, and his cry caught Jasper's attention. He ran toward them, but so did Afton, and the two of them locked together in a wrestling match as Jasper struggled to dominate him without making eye contact.

Carlisle was still struggling against Alice, and as skilled as he was, I knew it wasn't a fight he was going to win. "Jacob, you have to help him!" I yelled desperately. "Alice—she can't see you guys, you're the only ones who have a chance against her."

Jacob hesitated for just a moment, but then he and Embry tore off after them, leaping into the fray and dragging Alice back off of Carlisle.

"Don't you fucking hurt her!" Jasper warned, dodging a feint and shouldering Afton into a wall.

Alice snapped and snarled, struggling to get away from the wolves, but they out-muscled her and pinned her to the floor. Carlisle leapt to his feet and ran to assist Jasper, and together they quickly dispatched Afton and dumped his remains on the growing fire.

Alice struggled wildly against the wolves, and with a roar she managed to break free of Jacob's hold and sink her teeth into his foreleg. Jacob howled in pain and staggered backward, his cry adding to the growing confusion in the room. Both of the wolves at my side abandoned their posts, rushing in to get Alice under control again. I followed close behind, dropping to my knees next to Jacob.

"Suck the venom out!" Carlisle yelled to me, as he quickly fitted his arm back in place again. "But don't swallow his blood!"

Jacob was writhing in pain on the floor, his whimpers sending terror ripping through me. I grabbed his leg to steady it and sealed my lips over the ragged bite, sucking at the blood. I gagged and coughed at the bitter, rancid taste, spitting it onto the ground, but I forced myself to do it again, and to pay attention to what I was tasting. I drew another mouthful of blood, recognizing the sweet flavor of venom that laced the fluid. I spat and sucked again and again, gagging and choking, until the sweetness faded and Jacob's blood ran clean.

Carlisle was at my side, then. "Help me get him onto the dais," he urged.

The two of us lifted him, and as we did I looked frantically around the room. We were out of time. The crowd was looking sluggish and disoriented, but they were glaring at us, and I expected an attack at any moment. We had barely made it a few steps when it came from behind me. I dropped Jacob and spun around just as Felix grabbed me and slammed me into the floor in the puddle of blood that I had sucked from Jacob's wound.

I grunted in pain as cracks scattered over my skin.

Before my body could mold together again, Carlisle was on Felix, wrestling him away from me. Felix's teeth sank into his shoulder, and Carlisle deftly ducked away before he could get a good hold. The large vampire left a deep gash in the skin, but Carlisle had managed to avoid losing any body parts this time.

Felix attacked again and I shoved off of the ground and ran at him. I knew I was fighting instinctively, exactly the way Jasper  _didn't_  want me to, but I needed to distract him, to keep him from hurting Carlisle.

Felix saw me coming and changed tactics. He grabbed me and spun me around, holding me back against his chest and wrapping a hand around my throat.

"End this, Carlisle," he hissed. "Get your coven out of Volterra or I'll kill your girl."

Carlisle froze and fell back a step, his eyes filled with horror.

I growled in frustration. I had ignored Jasper's training and now I was jeopardizing everything. I had to fix it, and my eyes searched the room for something that could give me an advantage over Felix. Jasper was on the dais at the front of the room, fighting off a woman who had been bold enough to try to take him on. Charlie was still holding Renata against the back wall, but he was taking jabs at anyone who was trying to approach the dais. Both of them were too distracted to help me.

I clawed at Felix's hand, my fingers slick with Jacob's blood . . . and that's when the idea hit me. Without a second thought, I reached over my shoulder and shoved my fingers into Felix's mouth.

His first instinct was to bite down, and a searing pain ripped through my fingers. But as soon as he tasted the blood on my hand he gagged and recoiled, and I was able to break his grip. I darted away from him, grabbing Carlisle's hand and running with him to the front of the room where our allies could offer us some cover.

The room was in chaos. Inky black smoke rolled from the raging fire and filled the room with a dark haze. Alice had been released and was sitting on the floor next to the fire near where Jasper now stood, her body hunched, her hands gripping her hair. Jasper had a new bite on his neck and a gash in his forearm, but he was ignoring it and struggling to intensify the already-devastating emotions he was pumping into the room.

Jacob lay on his side, whining pathetically, and the other three wolves sat around him, though only Embry was looking at him. Isaac was watching Alice, and Brady had his eyes trained on Charlie and Renata.

"We need to finish this," Jasper growled as Carlisle and I joined him on the platform. "Embry, you and your boys go secure the door. I don't want anyone trying to run."

The wolves reluctantly left Jacob's side and ran to take their places.

"Charlie, get up here," Jasper said, waving him forward.

Charlie didn't move.

"Get up here!" Jasper snapped again, irritated. "If you want the protection of this coven, you'll stand with us."

Charlie pulled Renata in front of him and wrapped his arms around her, moving her to the front of the dais, but keeping the fire between himself and Jasper. As soon as they were standing where he wanted them, Jasper pulled back the flood of misery.

I heaved a sigh of relief, as did everyone else in the room. Jasper took advantage of the relative quiet of the moment and stepped forward. "Listen up," he said, his deep voice ringing through the room. "Things are going to be a little different from now on." He gestured to the fire. "The Brotherhood is dead. Alec, Jane, Chelsea, Afton . . . dead." His hard eyes swept the room. "Anybody feel like joining them?"

There was no answer. There wasn't even the slightest movement. Every vampire in the room had gone still at the shock of his words.

Jasper singled out a stocky, dark-haired man standing toward the back of the room. "You," he said sharply. "You'd better come to terms with this in a hurry, or you're going to find yourself in the fire with your friends."

The man ground his teeth, but said nothing.

Jasper glanced at the back door. "Edward, we're good," he said calmly. "There are a few stragglers that need to be brought in, and we're missing Sulpicia and Athenodora. Kill them on sight."

I wondered briefly why he had spoken aloud, until I realized that he was asserting his dominance over the gathered crowd. By issuing an order to kill the mates of the former coven leaders, he was reminding everyone that he had already bested Aro and Caius.

We stood silently, listening to the sounds of the wolves and the rest of the family scouring the castle, searching for anyone who might be waiting in other rooms of the castle. There were some cries of protest, a couple of screams, and after a few minutes the wolves herded five more vampires in street clothes through the door. They released the vampires, who I assumed were visitors and not members of the coven, and spread out around the room, lining the walls.

The vampires in the room edged closer to the center, giving the Quileutes plenty of space.

Behind the wolves came the rest of the Cullens, all of whom were carrying body parts of destroyed vampires. I recognized the heads of Sulpicia and Athenodora, the two women who had been so insulting to myself and to Carlisle the last time we had been here. Their broken bodies were tossed on the fire and the Cullen family gathered on the dais behind Jasper.

All of us. Even Emmett and Rosalie, who had been creating a diversion elsewhere, had made their way back to stand with us.

Jasper had done it. Though the danger hadn't yet passed, the worst of it was over and he had seen us all through it alive, if not entirely unscathed. I absently rubbed the bite mark that still viciously stung my fingers, and I smiled to myself.

Once everyone was in place, Jasper spoke again. "If you're only here visiting the Volturi, it is your privilege to witness a historical moment," he said coolly. "The leadership has fallen, and this coven is disbanded. You'll all be given one hour to collect your personal effects and leave the castle." His eyes challenged the crowd. "Are there any objections?"

For a moment it looked like no one would speak up, but then Demetri drew in a deep breath and separated himself from the crowd. "I have an objection," he said quietly.

I found myself silently pleading with him to shut his mouth and get lost in the crowd again. I liked Demetri, and I didn't really want to see him burn.

"Will you hear me out?" he asked softly, and I was relieved that he was at least being cautious.

Jasper nodded curtly.

"Why disband the coven? Why not assimilate? If you're going to take a position of power, you'll need the strength and talents that we can provide."

Jasper's eyes darkened and he opened his mouth to answer, but Carlisle placed a hand on his shoulder. His eyes silently asked Jasper to let him take the lead. Jasper lowered his head deferentially, taking a step backward. Once again, I recognized the message he was sending to the crowd—and perhaps to Carlisle. He was acknowledging Carlisle as his superior.

"You misunderstand, Demetri," Carlisle said. "This was not a bid for power. Aro threatened my family, and we did what was necessary to remove the threat. We have no intention of taking over Aro's position."

Demetri frowned his disapproval. "You would let the vampire world fall into anarchy?"

"There are always those who are ready to fill the vacuum of power."

"Plenty of them," Demetri agreed. "But it tends to be a violent process. That's unnecessary when you have a capable coven who, honestly, would likely be more fair-minded than most of our other options."

Carlisle shook his head. "I don't want it, Demetri. I have never desired a political position."

"Well, you've got it," he said, crossing his arms over his chest, "whether you want it or not. You neutralized the Volturi, so until a replacement government is erected, people will look to you to settle disputes and protect our anonymity."

"So set one up," Jasper said. "You seem to have a knack for politics, Demetri. Step up and do the job."

He smiled drily. "I wouldn't last three days. My talent is not one that offers much protection from contenders. And sadly, since you've destroyed Chelsea, there's no way to bond together a coven that would be able to go unchallenged for long." He nodded toward the group on the dais. "Your coven numbers eight . . . not counting your remarkable allies." He gestured around the room at the wolves. "You're already in prime position."

Jacob pushed himself unsteadily to his feet, eyeing Demetri through the slowly-dwindling fire.

Edward cleared his throat. "Jacob wants to know why only one coven can lead," he said. "He reminds us that his tribe is governed by a council of representatives from many families."

Demetri raised his eyebrows. "A council, you say? And they don't all live together?"

"They live near each other, within the same city. But they don't struggle with the difficulty that comes with everyone trying to live under one roof, as you've all done here for so long."

"How often does this council meet?"

Edward looked to Jacob, and then spoke again. "Once a week, unless necessity calls them together more often."

Demetri looked intrigued. "Suppose we were to create a council," he murmured. "All of us living in the same city would be somewhat difficult, but if we settled within, say, five hundred kilometers. . . ." He trailed off and frowned. "But it could be difficult to travel so far every week."

"You wouldn't really need to travel most of the time," I pointed out. "There are other ways to confer with each other."

"Such as?"

Now he was just being dense. "You could send messages to each other with carrier pigeons," I said with a completely straight face.

Demetri cocked his head, giving me an odd look.

I rolled my eyes. "Cell phones?" I suggested. "Web conferencing? Seriously, you guys  _need_ to join the twenty-first century."

He gave me a rueful smile. "Well, it's the beginning of a good idea," he said. "Still, the council would carry more weight if it was led by someone who helped bring about the fall of the Brotherhood." He looked pointedly at Jasper.

"Oh,  _hell_  no," Jasper said. "I've spent enough of my life babysitting squabbling vampires. I'm retired."

"Charlie?" Demetri said hopefully.

I looked at my father. He was still hovering protectively over Renata, and my eyes widened as it suddenly occurred to me what was going on. "She's your mate!" I blurted out.

Edward snickered. "Way to keep up, there, Bella."

I ignored him, focusing on my father. "Oh my god, that's so great! Congratulations!"

Renata ducked her head bashfully.

A glance around the room reminded me that maybe this wasn't the best time to discuss it, and I got back to the matter at hand. "Dad, you know . . . maybe this could be good." I broke away from Carlisle and moved to him to take his hand. "I mean, you were thinking about coming here anyway, before all this. And I know you'd be good at it. You had to do this kind of thing all the time in Forks."

Charlie snorted. "That was a little bit different, Bella."

"Of course," Demetri said smoothly, "but you're not talking about taking on leadership all on your own. I've been advising Aro for a very long time, and I'd be happy to perform the same office for you."

"And having Renata around will give you some protection," Jasper put in. "It's not a bad idea, Charlie, if you're up for it."

He wavered in indecision, and Carlisle stepped in. "I know many people who might be interested in advising you or serving on your council. I have an old friend in Ireland who has a talent for knowing when she's being lied to, and a nomad who tends to stick to the Eastern seaboard of North America who has a strong sense of justice. And perhaps someone from Tanya's coven in Denali would be interested in serving with you for a while."

"For a while?" Demetri asked.

Carlisle smiled. "It's not such a terrible idea to explore term limits, my friend. How convenient would it have been if Aro had been expected to step down after a hundred years or so?"

Demetri considered that carefully. "His first hundred years really weren't so bad. . . ."

Carlisle nodded. "Power corrupts. The best of us would falter after a thousand years of struggling to retain the position he held."

A woman I didn't recognize spoke up. "A council and term limits? Carlisle Cullen, before long you'll be trying to get us to elect our leaders."

He shrugged. "It's problematic, since so many of us are nomadic. It makes it hard to run a campaign or notify everyone of voting dates. But . . . I wouldn't discount the notion."

"There's much to discuss," Demetri murmured. "Charlie, can we count on you to take charge of our new council?"

Charlie looked at Renata and whispered something in her ear. She smiled, and that one action transformed her from a worried, waifish girl to a sweet, adoring woman. She nodded.

Charlie squeezed my hand. "You're okay with this, Bella?"

"I expect you to come back for the wedding," I told him archly. "I'm not walking  _myself_ down the aisle."

Charlie chuckled. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

I beamed at him.

"I'll need lots of help with this," Charlie told Demetri.

He smiled. "I think it's wise to have as much help as we can get, if we're going to try and overhaul our entire system of government."

Carlisle was nodding thoughtfully. "Yes, it seems we'll have to amend our original edict," he said to Jasper. Addressing the crowd, he said, "Those of you who prefer not to be a part of this process may now retrieve your belongings and be on your way. If, however, you would like to contribute advice or suggestions, please stay. This promises to be a fascinating evening."

More than half of them left at once, and some hesitated, deliberating with their companions, trying to decide whether they felt it was safe to stay.

Behind me, Jacob phased and pulled on his shorts. "Is this going to take a long time?" he grumbled. "Because I'm  _hungry_."

I rolled my eyes. "Jacob, you ate like an hour ago. When did you get to be so whiny?"

"Oh, I don't know," he snapped, "maybe right around the time that Alice  _bit_  me." He shot her a glare, though his smile broke through and took the sting out of his words.

Alice ducked her head, twisting her toe self-consciously against the marble floor. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"Whatever," Jacob grumbled unconvincingly.

"At least you managed to keep all of your limbs," Carlisle teased him, displaying the unhealed tears at his elbow.

Edward snickered. "You know, this whole thing would have gone a lot smoother if you guys hadn't spent half your time fighting with  _each other_."

I giggled. "Yeah, but that would have made Jasper's life  _way_  too easy."

Jasper was shaking his head in frustration. "Swear to god, y'all are going to give me an aneurism."

I grinned at him and moved back to Carlisle's side, bringing his arm to my mouth and licking at his hastily-reattached flesh. He gazed adoringly down at me as I used my venom to heal the ragged rips in his skin.

Two more vampires left the room and headed down the corridors to pack up their belongings. There were twelve, however, who seemed to have decided to stay. Felix was among them, and he caught my eye, though I couldn't read his expression.

"You've all decided to help us out?" Carlisle asked the remaining vampires. When he was met with nods, he smiled. "Wonderful. Let's get started." He gestured for us all to step down off the dais, and everyone formed a large ring in the center of the throne room. Most of the wolves held back, but Jacob joined the circle, flopping down onto the hard marble floor and crossing his legs in front of him.

I liked his casual display, so I joined him, tucking my legs underneath me since the dress I was wearing didn't really allow me to sit the way he was. To my surprise, the remaining members of the Volturi guard followed our lead, looking anxious as they sat on the floor, as though they thought it was some sort of unfamiliar custom they felt they had to conform to.

Carlisle just laughed and sat beside me, and the rest of the family followed suit.

I leaned close to Jacob. "I feel like we should be passing around a peace pipe."

"Damn," he grinned. "I left my peyote in my other pants."

Carlisle smiled, but focused his attention on my father. "Now, Charlie," he began genially, "how many members do you think this council should have?"


	109. The Dance

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

Our discussion stretched on for hours, and it was well after midnight when Jacob finally surrendered to his appetite and insisted that he and the rest of the Quileutes had to eat. We had all made our way down to a lower level of the castle, where a large, surprisingly modern kitchen was hidden away.

There had been six humans on staff when we entered the castle, and obviously they had not been harmed during the coup. I had expected that they would run away, but when we reached the kitchens, all six of them were huddled around a table, silent and pale. They had come to work for the Volturi because they wanted to be vampires. They had knowingly risked their lives for that purpose, and they weren't about to be deterred now.

Their perseverance paid off. Each was now under the sponsorship of one of the old Volturi guard, and would be changed and guided through the first year once things settled a bit.

They had gone off to their quarters to sleep, and now the kitchen was crowded with vampires and Quileutes—both in human form and wolf.

There was still some tension, but it was easing, due in part to the playful nature of the wolves and the easy interaction they had with my family. Bella and Jacob in particular were a model for amicable relations between the two species, as they had always been before. Their affection for one another had not diminished in the slightest with Bella's change, and for that I was grateful. My girl was strong, but she badly needed stability, and Jacob provided that for her.

My eyes were on the two of them as Jacob stood over the stove, waiting for water to boil. He poked at Bella playfully with an uncooked spaghetti noodle, and Bella was pretending to be irritated.

"Jacob Black!" she snapped, batting his hand away. "If you don't knock that off I'm going to give you a bite on your right arm to match the one on your left."

His eyes widened. "Did you just threaten me? What happened to Queen Bella and Chief Jacob avoiding interspecies war?"

Bella looked coolly around at the wolves in the kitchen. "I think we can take you."

Seth bound up behind her and tickled her, making her laugh and wriggle out of his grasp. "Help! I'm being assassinated!"

"I thought you could take us!" Seth crowed, dragging her back to him and tickling her again.

I laughed softly at their antics, but I frowned when my eyes fell on Jacob's arm. "Jacob, how does that bite feel?" I asked him.

"Hurts like a motherfucker. And it's taking forever to heal."

I moved to his side, taking his arm in my hands, and examined the injury. The venom had been removed, but any tissue that had been exposed to it was irreparably damaged. He would always carry the scar as a reminder of what was done here.

"It is healing, though," I murmured. I had worried that it wouldn't, that sucking out the venom may not be enough, but the edges of the punctures were knitting together again and Jacob had fully regained his strength.

"You  _so_  owe me, Alice," Jacob teased her.

"Whatever," she said dismissively, waving him off. "If you had helped me when Bella told you to, it wouldn't have been a problem."

"And have Jasper riding my ass for disobeying orders? No, thank you."

I smiled and drew back again, silently enjoying their easy banter. I stood against the wall and scanned the room. Despite the casual mood, the Quileutes were being cautious by ensuring that no more than half of them took human form at any one time. Yet that didn't stop them from communing with the group. Emmett was throwing bits of jerky into the air for Jared to catch, and Leah, in human form, was feeding two wolves by hand from a large bowl.

There had been talk of some of the Quileutes leaving, optimistic conjecture that they were no longer needed, but young Lucas had taken an adamant stance against it. Jasper had trained him to take care of his boys, and he was doing just that, insisting that no honorable Protector would leave his companions behind.

The rest of them quickly agreed, and phone calls were made to worried parents and friends, letting them know that they were all right, but would be staying a while longer.

Much progress had been made tonight, but it was clear that several more days of intensive discussion would be needed to create a framework for this new experimental government, and after that there would be years of trial and error as we learned what worked for our world and what didn't. I didn't envy Charlie the difficulties he faced, but the more we discussed it, the more satisfied he seemed. Charlie was in his element now. He had always been a guardian of the people of Forks, and he was now taking it upon himself to be a guardian of all vampire-kind.

But for now, talk of government had ceased. While the boys ate we took a break, and Charlie and Renata were huddled in a corner, holding a whispered conversation, discovering one another.

Jasper caught my eye and beckoned me over to him. I smiled at him as I made my way through the crowd. With Chelsea dead, the distance between us that we had struggled so hard to bridge had disappeared. Jasper was my son again, my friend, my trusted advisor. I felt as though a heavy burden had been lifted from my shoulders as I stepped closer to him than I had in weeks, leaning in to listen to whatever it was he needed to tell me. His hand on my shoulder felt comfortable and natural once again.

"Most everybody's settling down and getting comfortable," he murmured, "but those two are worrying me a little." He nodded toward the back wall of the kitchen, where Felix and Demetri were standing together. Demetri looked entirely relaxed, but Felix definitely did not. His posture was tense, and his eyes were fixed intently on Bella and Jacob. I immediately felt myself stiffen, a growl trying to build low in my throat. I pushed it back, but my eyes stayed on Felix as I spoke.

"Why? What are you getting from them?"

"Felix is scared. Everybody's nervous, but he's  _really_  nervous, and it's not going away." He snapped his fingers in front of my face to draw my gaze back to him, and he gave me a warning look. "This is the kind of fear that makes people attack, Carlisle. He's afraid he's going to die, and he'll do whatever he has to do to survive."

I nodded soberly. "And Demetri?"

"I'm a little confused about him," he admitted. "I mean, he's seriously fucking pleased with himself for the way he's been pulling everybody's strings, but I'm okay with that. We figured someone would step up and take over, and your boy Demetri has done a pretty admirable job of it."

I nodded. "Yes, I agree. So what's the problem."

He crossed his arms over his chest, fixing Demetri with a puzzled stare. "He's got some issue with Bella. Every time she speaks to him, or even meets his eye, he gets . . . defensive. I get disappointment from him . . . and betrayal? I don't know. I don't quite understand it."

I frowned. "I admit, it does make me uneasy, however I have my doubts that he would act on any negative feelings toward Bella. Demetri is a skilled politician. His loyalties lie with whoever holds power, and right now that's us. He won't want to anger our coven or alienate Charlie."

"Maybe not, but it's worth exploring further."

I nodded. "True." I found Edward and Esme among the crowd, standing in the kitchen with three of the younger Quileutes, passing on cooking tips. I silently spoke Edward's name, and he looked up. I gestured him over, and with a kiss to Esme's temple, he broke away from the group and came to join us.

I voicelessly filled him in on what Jasper had told me, and he laughed softly.

"You're dead right about Felix," he told Jasper. "He attacked Bella and threatened to kill her. He's figuring that's not the sort of thing Carlisle will forgive easily." He glanced toward him. "Right now he's watching Jacob and Seth, trying to figure out the best way to get back into Bella's good graces."

A grin broke across Jasper's face. "So what, he's trying to work up the nerve to give her shit like the Quileute kids do?"

Edward nodded, his eyes shining with mirth. "The great thing is, it would probably work."

I nodded my agreement. "I believe it would. I've seen no indication that Bella holds a grudge against him."

"Do you hold a grudge?" Edward asked.

I shook my head, turning my gaze away from Felix and back to him. "No. As long as he shows no further signs of aggression, he'll remain my friend."

"Good. That means you can keep your focus on Demetri. He's the real threat."

My gaze slid to my old friend Demetri, our eyes locking for a moment. He hadn't missed our little meeting, and though he wasn't showing signs of anxiety, his eyes were suspicious.

"He's kept his thoughts very guarded," Edward explained. "He can hide things from me in a way he never could with Aro, and he's fully aware of it."

"No hints of what he's hiding?"

He clasped his hands behind his back, his face thoughtful. "If I had to guess, I would think it's just things you've already surmised about him. He doesn't want to be open about just how much he's manipulating the situation for his own benefit." He glanced at Demetri, who was still watching us, and then looked back at Jasper and me. "He has advanced his position and won himself some powerful allies, and I don't think he realizes that you've got his number. He wants you to think of him as a patriot."

"I do. I only hope his ambition doesn't take him down the path that Aro blazed before him."

Edward shook his head. "That seems doubtful. He wants influence, but not power and admiration. He's all too happy to keep himself just to the right of the person wearing the target."

I drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Should we be allowing Charlie to do this?"

Jasper nodded. "Yes," he said confidently. "He's the right man for the job, Carlisle. He can handle himself in a fight, and he's got Renata watching his back. Plus, Demetri likes his place. He'll be a good advisor to Charlie, because he'll want the new government to stand."

"Demetri's a fair man," Edward added. "He had the nerve to argue with Aro when he felt it was important. Imagine how much more he'll be willing to push Charlie into doing the right thing."

"And Charlie will be a more receptive audience," Jasper said, "if only because he'll want Bella's approval."

I nodded. "You're right, of course. But I would feel a lot better if I understood whatever it is that has Demetri upset with Bella."

Edward clapped a friendly hand on my shoulder. "I'll be listening," he promised.

I smiled at him.  _Thank you._

Edward moved back to Esme's side, casting one more quick glance at Demetri, who was still watching us, his face impassive.

I let my eyes sweep over the room again. It wouldn't be much longer before we reconvened to continue our political discussions, and I wanted to take a little time to myself first. I let my eyes rest on Bella, who was now wielding a spaghetti noodle and dueling with Alice. The winner, it appeared, was the one who broke her opponent's noodle while keeping her own intact.

I smiled. My girl had astonishing capacity for joy, and though it had been difficult to uncover, the freshly-tapped well now bubbled over with happiness.

"I need a few moments," I murmured to Jasper. "Look after her?"

"Of course."

I watched Bella for a moment longer, laughing to myself as her noodle snapped and she complained indignantly about the shoddy craftsmanship of Italian pasta. I turned away, sparing one last glance at Demetri, before slipping out of the kitchen and making my way back upstairs to the throne room.

The fire had burned down long ago, but remnants of smoke hung in the air and the sweet-smelling ashes still held a bit of warmth. I slowly made my way up onto the dais next to the blackened pile, and I took a moment to remember my fallen friends: Chelsea, with her sharp wit and love of music; Afton, the practical joker with a perpetual smile; Corin, who had always been so loyal to the people she loved and had helped many find peace and contentment; Alec, who with his cool head, had always been a formidable opponent at chess; Jane, who had never shied away from a challenge, whether it be physical or verbal; Sulpicia and Athenodora, gracious and endlessly supportive of their husbands.

Caius could be cold, but I had to admire a man who raised himself above the squalor that the vampires of his time dwelt in. He insisted on being more than he was expected to be, and instead of skulking in the shadows and living like a parasite, he created a life in which he could enjoy more refined hobbies. Caius had raised the standard of living for vampires everywhere.

And Marcus. If mercy could have been shown to anyone, I would have liked it to be for Marcus. He was the heart of the Brotherhood, and I suspected that things might have turned out differently if he hadn't lost his mate and pulled so completely into himself. Without his compassionate voice to temper Aro's ambition and Caius's determination, the group had grown ever harder.

And then there was Aro. One of the greatest minds ever to grace the earth. Aro, who loved new experiences and new challenges. Aro, who had tried so hard to make a vampire out of me, and had laughed in endless amusement when he failed to root out my humanity. His lust for power was a flaw, but didn't we all have them? It was heartbreaking that his ambition had sentenced him to death.

I knelt before the cinders and bowed my head, crossing myself before speaking words that were all too familiar on my lips. "Into thy hands, oh merciful Savior, I commend thy servant, Aro. Acknowledge, I humbly beseech thee, a sheep of thine own fold, a lamb of thine own flock, a sinner of thine own redeeming. Receive him into the arms of thy mercy, into the blessed rest of everlasting peace, and into the glorious company of the saints in light. Amen."

Before I had finished the prayer, I heard Demetri's step in the corridor beyond the doors. I tensed, but didn't look up as he entered the room and moved slowly toward me. He stopped at the base of the dais, and I flicked a glance at him as I finished the commendatory prayer.

He stood before me, opposite the ashes of our comrades, and clasped his hands in front of him. His shoulders were tense, but his head was bowed, and he remained respectfully silent.

I lowered my eyes again, much of my attention still on him, and once again made the sign of the cross. "Into thy hands, oh merciful Savior," I began again, "I commend thy servant, Marcus."

Edward's step wasn't far behind Demetri's. I might have guessed. Demetri was an unknown entity just now, and Edward wouldn't trust him to be alone with any of the family. I suspected that Jasper would be here too, had I not commissioned him with Bella's care.

Unlike Demetri, Edward didn't enter the room. He stayed in the doorway, his presence a mere precaution.

"Acknowledge, I humbly beseech thee, a sheep of thine own fold, a lamb of thine own flock, a sinner of thine own redeeming." I continued steadily, in spite of the new distractions, giving the souls of my old friends a proper farewell.

Demetri and Edward both kept still and silent as I prayed for each one of the deceased, and it wasn't until I pushed myself to my feet again that Demetri raised his head.

"You're an old fool, Carlisle," he murmured softly.

"Perhaps." Like most vampires, Demetri considered my Christianity something of a ridiculous superstition.

"Nevertheless," he admitted, "I appreciate the sentiments. Your devotion is touching."

I smiled sadly.

"You don't trust me," he said abruptly.

I locked gazes with him once again. "Not entirely."

He looked saddened by my response. "I've always been a friend to you, Carlisle."

I inclined my head in agreement. "You've always been a friend to most everyone. You and I have similar philosophies on the matter."

"Yet you doubt me?"

"I do."

His eyebrows pulled together. "Why?"

"Because your aspirations are not unlike Aro's."

"Aro craved power," Demetri said. "I crave order."

I nodded. His assertion was comforting, if perhaps not entirely true. "And what exactly is your problem with Bella?"

He looked startled. "With Bella?"

"If you're truly a friend to me, Demetri, you'll be honest with me."

He dropped his eyes, looking somewhat abashed. "I have no problem with Bella. It's nothing but a little pettiness. I'll get over it soon enough."

I waited for him to explain, unwilling to let him off the hook quite so easily.

Demetri heaved a sigh. "She played me," he admitted.

I raised an eyebrow.

"You know how it is, Carlisle. The younger generations have no appreciation for art or history." He crossed his arms over his chest. "When I showed Bella the Solimenas, she asked about the man, and I thought she might be actually care. When she admired the flowers in the courtyard, and then the tapestry . . ." He shrugged his shoulders, trailing off. "I thought she had an eye for beauty and culture. I thought she might be someone I could share that with."

I was a little confused. "And what makes you think she's not?"

"It was all an act. She was stalling so your shape-shifters could move into position." He raised his eyebrows challengingly. "Wasn't she?"

I smiled sadly. "I'm afraid she was, yes."

"And then she was kind enough to mock my age," he growled irritably. "Join the twenty-first century. Indeed."

Edward strode forward, moving up beside Demetri. I don't think she intended any offense. You've seen how she is with Jacob. Bella teases the people she considers friends."

Demetri shifted uncomfortably. "I suppose that would make us even. One unintended offense for another."

I raised an eyebrow. Was he implying that he had insulted Bella?

Before I could ask, Edward was clapping Demetri on the shoulder. "I wouldn't worry about it too much. Bella gives the rest of us crap about being old all the time."

The tension in his shoulders eased slightly. "At any rate, I'll get over it. I'm being a bit childish."

Edward seemed ready to move on. "Carlisle, are you done? Jasper would prefer to have us downstairs."

I smiled fondly at my son's protectiveness. "I am," I said, moving down from the dais. I gave the ashes of my departed friends one last look, and then moved between Edward and Demetri, steering them toward the door with a hand on each of their shoulders. We made our way back down to the kitchens, and I smiled at the laughter and conversation that drifted out of the room.

The picture that met me when we walked inside, however, put me immediately on the defensive. Jacob was sitting at the table in a metal chair, his back to me, his hands tied behind him and secured to the slats on the chair.

I immediately drew back, taking in the scene in front of me. Despite the circumstances, there was a noticeable lack of hostility, even from Jacob. Erin was sitting cross-legged on the table in front of him, feeding him from a plate of spaghetti and meatballs, while Bella sat next to her, one bare foot propped up on Jacob's knee. Jacob was trying to eat spaghetti from the fork Erin offered him without getting tomato sauce all over his face. He was failing, and he seemed to think it was hilarious.

The rest of the people in the room were as relaxed as could be expected, and Jasper's expression was amused, so I eased out of my defensive posture. "Jacob," I said guardedly, "have you been misbehaving?"

" _Yes_ ," Bella answered for him, giving him a pointed look. "He stole my shoe and he  _broke_  it." To emphasize her point, she held up a designer shoe in one hand and the heal that had snapped off of it in the other.

"No,  _you_  broke it," Jacob protested. "It's not  _my_  fault you have such a hard head."

I moved to Bella's side. "Jacob Black, you were hitting my girl in the head with a shoe?"

He cleared his throat, suddenly very interested in the plate of spaghetti on Erin's lap. "No," he said innocently.

I raised a stern eyebrow. "Do we have to amend the treaty to include assaults with footwear?"

"Yeah, do we?" Bella asked, smacking him in the shoulder with the shoe.

"We do  _now_ ," he grinned. "I consider that a direct threat to the safety of the tribal chief."

I laughed and leaned in to kiss Bella before moving to stand with Edward and Esme against the wall.

Edward was grinning. "Felix is almost there," he whispered softly, leaning close so only Esme and I could hear him.

Bella was still lecturing Jacob on breaking her shoe. "Now I'm going to be walking all crooked," she sulked.

Felix rose. "I can help you with that," he smiled. He moved in front of Bella and pulled off her other shoe, deftly snapping off the heel before handing it back to her. "There you go."

Bella's jaw dropped, and she let out an indignant squeak. "I can't believe you just did that!"

Felix's smile faltered just a little.

"You just ruined a perfectly useless shoe!"

He shifted uneasily, trying to read Bella's reaction.

Bella grinned playfully at him. "Don't you think you've done enough damage for one day?" she asked, wiggling her scarred fingers in his face.

He laughed, following her cues, though there was still an undercurrent of tension. "Technically, it was yesterday when I bit your fingers."

"Oh," Bella said. "Well, alright then."

That elicited an almost-natural laugh from him.

"I bet you have tons of scars, huh?" she asked, tossing her ruined shoes under the table.

Felix pulled up the sleeve of his robe, showing a scattering of bites and healed tears. "All over."

"Any good stories?"

And just like that, he was a part of her circle. I had no doubt that Bella would consider Felix a friend when we left Volterra. She had grown so much since I had met her. She was no longer the frightened child who kept everyone at arm's length, and it warmed me to see her feeling comfortable with people.

Demetri drifted over while Felix was telling his story, and when he finished, Bella looked up and gave Demetri a sunny smile. "Hey," she said brightly. "Feel like telling me more about that tapestry upstairs?"

His eyebrows raised in surprise. "Are you actually interested? I thought that was just a ruse."

Bella smiled sheepishly. "It was, but you made me curious."

"I'd be happy to discuss it with you some more," he said warmly, offering her his arm. "Shall we?"

Bella tucked her hand in his elbow and hopped off of the table, letting him guide her toward the door.

"Care to join us, Carlisle?" Demetri offered.

His invitation, I knew, was meant to appease me. He wanted me to know he wasn't trying to separate Bella from the group for malicious purposes. If I truly trusted him, I would decline his offer, and had it been anyone other than Bella on his arm, I might have.

"I'd love to," I smiled, following after them.


	110. Ode to Joy

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**Bella Swan's Point of View**

I was sprawled out on the couch with my head pillowed in Emmett's lap while Rosalie held my feet, brushing pale yellow polish onto my toenails.

I was  _happy_. Emmett definitely hovered near the top of my list of favorite people in the world, and Rosalie was quickly climbing the ranks. But it wasn't just their company that had me floating. Everything in my life was pretty much perfect. We had been home from Italy for just over a month, and though I had wondered if I would be bored with Jasper not scheduling every minute of my time, Carlisle's bookcases kept me plenty busy.

And so did Carlisle. He had put in a lot of face time at the hospital lately, trying to make up for the leave of absence he had taken as well as the two weeks he would be taking off starting tomorrow, but that didn't stop him from making time for me. We read together, chatted together, and well . . . we did other things together, too. Often, and with enthusiasm.

Emmett tickled my nose with a lock of my hair. I giggled and swiped at his hand, brushing the hair away.

"You know, I'm a little bit surprised to still be ticklish, now that I'm a vampire," I told them.

Rosalie smiled and fluttered her fingers against the bottom of my foot, making me squirm. "Why? You didn't think the whole heightened senses thing extended to your sense of touch?"

I shrugged. "It's just, you guys always felt like granite to me. It's hard to imagine granite being ticklish."

Emmett laughed. "Fair point."

I sighed contentedly. "I'm getting married tomorrow," I murmured.

Emmett tapped the tip of my nose affectionately. "Are you nervous?"

I considered his question thoughtfully, and then shook my head. "No," I said, smiling to myself. "I'm marrying Carlisle."

That said it all. The kindest, gentlest man in the world would be formally declaring his intention to stay with me forever tomorrow. It was too good to be true; my entire  _life_  was too good to be true.

But it  _was_  true, and the bliss of it filled me, seeping into my hard skin, permeating my entire being. I was loved, and I was standing on the threshold of an unfathomably long life with the most wonderful man I had ever known. I had always thought that I had gotten the short end of the stick with the life I had led, but if seventeen years of misery were the price I had to pay for an eternity with Carlisle, I wouldn't utter a word of complaint. He was patient, loving, compassionate . . . he was everything good in the world, and he was mine.

"You're glowing again," Rosalie smiled absently as she touched the brush to my pinky toe.

I laughed. She had been teasing me for weeks about being so lit up that I was distracting her. "Yeah, well, how many girls can say they managed to snag Carlisle Cullen? I think I've earned the right to glow."

Her smile widened and she winked at me.

"Well, aren't we proud of ourselves?" Emmett teased me.

"We are, indeed," I told him with a satisfied nod. "Listen, Emmett, last chance. We can still pull Claire from the wedding and have you be the flower girl instead."

He snickered. "I would be a damn pretty flower girl, and you know it. But I can't take that away from the poor kid. She's looking forward to it."

I laughed, thinking of Claire. The girl was absolutely fearless, which was good, because she'd be growing up in a perilous world. Quil had imprinted on her a couple of weeks ago, and at that moment the little girl's course had altered drastically.

But if you asked me, the change was for the better. Her life would be spent surrounded by amazing people, people I loved dearly, and I doubted very much that she would ever regret being pulled into our mystical world. Gone were the days of hiding under her blankets in fear of the things that went bump in the night. From now on she would embrace them—fully, and quite literally. At three years old, she was already utterly enamored of Quil, and more often than not she could be found sitting happily astride his shoulders, or clinging delightedly to his leg.

Love, it seemed, was ageless. At three years old, at seventeen, or at three-hundred and fifty, it was the most wonderful thing that could ever happen to a person.

I still couldn't believe it had happened to me.

I heard the crunch of tires on gravel and sat up quickly, but as soon as I recognized it as Alice's car, I sagged in disappointment.

Emmett laughed. "You look like someone just stole your lollipop."

I grinned wickedly. "Well, in a way. . . ."

He snickered. "Your boy and his lollipop will be home soon, just relax."

I huffed irritably, but I couldn't keep the smile off of my face. Alice was bringing Charlie home, after all, and I couldn't exactly be disappointed about seeing him.

I had hoped Carlisle would be home when they got here, though. He had intended to arrive before Alice so that he could properly greet our guests, but it seemed he had gotten held up, so the duty fell to me.

Not that it would be a hardship. I was looking forward to seeing Charlie, of course, as well as Demetri and Felix. And though I was a little bit nervous about it, I was anxious to see Renata as well. I hadn't spent enough time getting to know her the last time we were in Volterra, mostly because  _Charlie_  had been spending that time getting to know her. But after all, she was sort of my step-mother now, and I owed her a certain deference.

The part of me that didn't much care for step-parents was making me nervous. I would really have preferred to have Carlisle beside me for this.

I took a steadying breath and pushed myself to my feet, looking down at my sunny toenails. "Well," I said to my toes, "come on, feet." I ignored my shoes, since my polish was still drying, and padded softly to the front door, slipping out onto the porch. I breathed in the warm summer air, picking up the scent of English roses on the breeze, and I smiled to myself. Even if this greeting went badly and Renata couldn't stand me, I would be just fine. I had Carlisle, I had a family, and I had the scent of English roses.

I was safe.

I watched the black SUV Alice was driving make its way up the gravel road, listening as Alice chattered happily with the others in the car. She dominated the conversation so much that they were only a few yards away when I realized that someone was missing. Demetri and Renata sat in the back seats, listening politely to Alice's wedding talk, but Charlie and Felix weren't there.

A sharp spike of disappointment jabbed at me. I knew Charlie was busy, but . . . he had promised he would come. It hurt to think he couldn't take the time to be here for my wedding, and it unnerved me to imagine trying to talk with Renata without him there as a buffer.

Alice parked the car and she and Jasper exited, helping the others out as well. They filed up to the porch, and Demetri approached me first, holding out his hands and closing them around mine.

"Bella," he smiled fondly, leaning in to kiss my cheek. "It's so very good to see you."

I returned the kiss and pulled back to give him a smile. "You too, Demetri. I'm sorry Carlisle couldn't be here to greet you. He should be home before too long."

"No worries, Princess," he said, his eyes sparkling.

I shook my head at the tongue-in-cheek nickname he had stuck me with during the frequent phone calls he and Charlie had made to the Cullens over the last few weeks. "Where's Charlie?"

"His Majesty had a bit of business to take care of," he said, still grinning. "But he promised he would be here later tonight. He said to tell you he wouldn't miss your wedding for all the tea in China, though I can't say I consider that a terribly inspiring pledge."

I rolled my eyes and smacked his shoulder. "You need to cut out that 'His Majesty' crap. You're going to inflate his ego."

He laughed. "Bella, sweetheart, he's the leader of the world's entire population of vampires. It takes an egotist of the most extreme sort to accept that position."

"And what does it take to accept your position?"

"A masochist."

I laughed as he stepped aside and held his hand out for Renata, drawing her forward.

I felt a little bit awkward. How was I supposed to greet Renata? Did I shake her hand? Was that too formal? Should I hug her, or was that an invasion of personal space?

I opted to hold out my hand to her, and then in a nod to my hope that we would become closer I leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Thank you for coming. It means so much that you could make it."

She gave me a bashful smile. "We wouldn't miss it. Charlie's been looking forward to seeing you again ever since you left."

Jasper and Alice moved to retrieve the bags from the car, and I ushered Demetri and Renata inside. "I'll show you upstairs," I told them. "You're welcome to use our room to store your things and freshen up."

"That's very kind of you, Renata said with a smile as they followed me up.

They were taking a few minutes to get settled in when I heard Carlisle's Mercedes turn onto the drive, and I rushed back down the stairs. Rosalie grabbed my arm as I headed for the door, though, pulling me back.

"Uh-uh, Bella. You can't go running through ferns and gravel until your polish has a chance to dry all the way."

I pulled my arm away from her and glowered at her. "Fine." I moved to the porch instead, leaning back against the post while I waited for Carlisle to park his car in the garage and come to the house. He grinned at me as he strode from the garage, his briefcase in one hand and a little bunch of jasmine in the other.

His smile still took my breath away.

He winked flirtatiously as he strode up the ramp to the porch, and let out a low whistle. "Hey there, beautiful," he smiled as he tucked the jasmine behind my ear. He braced his forearm against the post above my head, leaning over me. "Say, how would you like to marry me tomorrow?"

"Hmmm . . ." I tapped my chin, pretending to think it over. "Okay. But only if you promise to keep buying me pretty things."

He grinned and leaned down for a kiss. It started out simple and chaste, but it didn't stay that way for long. I reached up to run my fingers through his hair, and he dropped his brief case and enveloped me in his arms. Without really making a conscious decision to do so, I hitched my leg over his hip and crawled up his body, wrapping my legs around his waist. He stepped forward, pushing me up against the post, and thrust his hips against me.

Edward started laughing from inside, where he was fiddling with his piano. "Seriously, Carlisle, you've got a dirtier mind than Emmett."

"He does not!" Emmett protested.

I giggled as Carlisle pulled back. "Demetri and Renata just got here," I told him needlessly. He would be able to detect their scents, of course.

He smiled and kissed my forehead, lowering me back onto my feet. "Wonderful. But where are Charlie and Felix?"

"On an errand," Demetri answered him. He was moving down the stairs, closely followed by Renata, as Carlisle and I entered the house. "He was quite sure he wouldn't be more than a couple of hours behind us."

Carlisle moved forward to embrace his old friend. "Welcome, Demetri." He released him and took Renata's hand, bringing it to his lips. "And you too, Renata. It's such a pleasure to have the two of you here."

We moved into the living room and took seats on the furniture as Demetri chuckled, shaking his head. "You really do live like humans, don't you?"

"We really do," Carlisle confirmed. "I think you'd enjoy it, Demetri. Humans live vibrant, variable lives."

"Oh, sure, I can see the appeal, but to sit on furniture for no good reason? It seems silly."

Carlisle just chuckled. "It's all part of the mentality."

Emmett and Rosalie drifted into the room, and Rosalie moved to sit on the arm of the chair Demetri had taken. "So tell us how everything is going in Volterra," she prompted.

Demetri grinned. "Well, first of all, we've moved the Council's meeting place to Rome instead of Volterra. Charlie didn't want anyone thinking we were simply next-generation Volturi."

"Why Rome?" Carlisle asked curiously.

"It's a bit more central. The Council members have spread out pretty much all over Italy." He smiled wryly. "Also, Charlie enjoys the irony. The man would have us meeting in St. Peter's Basilica if he could manage it."

I laughed along with the others, and the rest of the family drifted into the room to listen to Demetri's news.

"So the castle at Volterra is empty then?" Carlisle asked.

Demetri's smile widened. "Not exactly, no."

Carlisle cocked his head curiously.

"Charlie and Renata came up with this innovative idea," Demetri said, clearly delighted. "See, Charlie wasn't crazy about the idea that death was the only punishment for a law infraction, no matter how severe."

"I get that," I put in. "But you can't exactly put a vampire in prison, you know?"

"Actually," Demetri argued, "you  _can_ , if said vampire goes willingly."

Carlisle raised an eyebrow. "And why would he do that?"

"If you give him a choice between death and a prison sentence, he'll generally choose prison. Go figure."

My jaw dropped. "Charlie made Volterra into a vampire prison?"

Renata laughed at Demetri's smug grin. "The idea is that any vampire who steps beyond the castle walls before completing his sentence has chosen death instead. So they stay."

Carlisle frowned. "I'm not sure how effective that will be as a deterrent to crime. I've lived in Volterra, and I didn't find it unpleasant."

Demetri was still smiling widely. "Yes, well, that's where Charlie's creativity comes in. You see, he has declared that no human blood will be consumed within the walls of the castle. The prisoners will be fed animal blood."

Carlisle laughed out loud, slapping his knee in appreciation, and I couldn't help the giggles that burst out of me either.

"That's wonderful!" Carlisle declared.

"Isn't it?" Demetri said brightly. "And it's not those lynxes you love so much, Carlisle. It's herbivores—domesticated ones, even. Cattle, sheep," he shuddered, "goats."

Carlisle groaned. "Even  _I_  can't tolerate goat."

"So, wait," I cut in. "What do people think of the fact that Charlie uses his own diet as punishment?" A horrifying thought occurred to me, and my smile fell. "I mean, he's still. . . ."

Renata smiled reassuringly. "Yes, Bella, he's still following your very strange customs. He just tells anyone who asks that he has earned more punishment than any vampire he's ever met."

Carlisle slipped an arm around me and pulled my head against his chest. "I'm inclined to agree with him," he murmured softly.

Demetri and Renata both looked surprised.

"For god's sake, Carlisle," Demetri said irritably. "If you held a grudge against Charlie, why did you support him in his position? I don't know how you expect us to set up a decent government if you keep killing our leaders."

"We don't hold a grudge," I said firmly, as much to Carlisle as to Demetri and Renata.

Carlisle's eyes met mine and he gave me a small smile. "No. No grudge. Charlie is in no danger from us." He focused on Demetri again. "But that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to see him do a few centuries' worth of penance."

"Centuries?" he asked with raised eyebrows. "Was his crime that bad?"

"Yes."

It was Renata's soft voice that spoke the word, drawing everyone's attention to her. She dropped her eyes, staring at her hands. "It was that bad," she said quietly. Without looking up, she went on. "But Bella, I wish I could tell you how deeply he regrets it."

"I know," I said quickly. I didn't want to talk about this now. It was in the past, but the wounds were still raw. It would be a long time before they healed. "Seriously, it's fine. Charlie and I are good."

Carlisle squeezed my shoulders. "Unless he doesn't show up in time for the wedding. In which case, I'll have to have Emmett rip his thumbs off."

Demetri snapped his fingers. "Speaking of the wedding," he said, rising, "we brought a gift for you." He ran upstairs and returned again a moment later with a large flat box. "Here you are."

"You didn't have to do that," Carlisle said.

"Of course we did," he said jovially. "The entire vampire world is anxious to be in your good graces these days, Cullen. We're no exception."

Carlisle opened the package and I helped him pull out the contents. It was a framed painting, and as I drew back the protective cloth I recognized the  _Stregoni Benefici_ painting that Demetri had shown me on my first trip to Volterra. I pressed my hand absently to my heart, admiring the rendition of the man who so completely possessed me.

"I had it re-framed for you," Demetri said. "I think the new silver one compliments the colors on the canvas much better than the gold did, though I'll admit it does downplay the color of Carlisle's eyes a bit."

"It's wonderful, Demetri," I breathed. "Thank you." I stood and stepped close to him, giving him a warm hug. He patted my hair affectionately, and I moved to Renata, kissing her cheek as well.

"You should have it," Renata told Carlisle. "Marcus always intended to give it to you eventually, but when you left Volterra he wanted to keep it as a memento."

Carlisle was clearly touched, examining the painting fondly. "Thank you so much," he whispered.

Conversation flowed smoothly that evening. Demetri caught us up on what was happening with the new Council, and though Renata was mostly quiet, she added a few things here and there. She reminded me of Charlie, how she tended to keep things to herself, and I wondered idly if there was ever any conversation between the two of them. I could imagine them just sitting together silently, and somehow the picture seemed to work just fine.

True to his word, Charlie showed up in a rental car with Felix about an hour and a half after Demetri and Renata arrived. I ran out to meet him, and he caught me up in a bear hug, spinning me around and crushing me against his chest.

"I've missed you, baby girl," he said gruffly, setting me back on my feet.

I pulled back and looked at him. "I freakin'  _love_  the prison idea," I told him, but my voice faltered just a little on the last word as I noticed his eyes. They were a much more vibrant red than my own fading vermilion.

He didn't seem to notice. "Yeah? Think it'll work?"

I bit my lip. "You already know I think drinking animal blood is better than dying," I said cautiously.

He laughed. "I think most everyone will agree." He started toward the doorway where Carlisle was waiting to greet him, but I didn't follow. He stopped and turned back to me, his eyes questioning.

"Do  _you_  agree?"

His face fell, and he lowered his head. "Bella, it was  _one_  time. I haven't lost control since those hunters, I've done really well, but this . . ." He stopped, looking frustrated.

Renata slipped out the front door and moved to Charlie's side, taking his arm. She didn't say anything, but it was clear that her presence was meant to be supportive. Meanwhile, Felix rounded the car and moved to put a hand on my shoulder. "Cut him some slack, kid," he said gently.

"It was an accident?" I asked shakily.

He and Felix exchanged looks, but neither of them answered me.

"Daddy?"

Felix squeezed my shoulder. "Bella, maybe you just shouldn't worry about what we did in Arizona, huh?"

My eyes widened. " _Arizona?_  Dad! Where's Mom? Is she okay? Is she even alive? What did you—"

"Your mother is fine," Charlie said, cutting me off. "I didn't even see her."

So it was Phil's blood, then, that darkened Charlie's irises. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about that. I just stared at him, trying to unsnarl the tangled feelings inside of me.

"Baby," he said, his voice hard, "there are just some things that a father can't forgive."

I wondered if I would have been upset if Carlisle had killed him. Probably not. I wondered if I was upset now. . . .

Probably not.

"Okay," I said softly.

His eyebrows raised in surprise. "Okay?"

I nodded. "Okay."

He smiled and pulled me into a hug again.

For him, that was the end of it. Everyone greeted one another, and we all moved into the house to sit together and talk. But my mind kept working, and Carlisle noticed it.

"Are you all right?" he murmured softly to me as conversation buzzed around us.

I nodded.

His lips feathered over my ear. "Talk to me, angel."

"I'm thinking about Renee. She's alone now." I chewed at my lip. "She's not very good at being alone."

He looked at me in concern. "Would you like to visit her? Or send her a letter, perhaps? You don't have to completely cut her out of your life."

My first impulse was to reject his offer. I had meant what I told her at the hospital, that she and I were done if she chose to stay with Phil, but now I wondered if I had really been fair to her. After all, Charlie had done worse things to me than Renee had. All my life Renee had been letting people hurt me, but she had never actually done anything herself.

So why did I find it easier to forgive Charlie than Renee?

There was so much  _good_  between my mother and me. When she had been between boyfriends, she and I had been best friends. If she had just stopped letting them interfere, we would have had a great life. But she kept choosing to let them in again.

And that, I realized, was the difference. Choices. Carlisle had confronted each of my parents about what they had done to me. Charlie had accepted responsibility, gotten help, and worked hard to correct his behavior. He struggled with his anger, I knew, but he hadn't hurt me since he had gone to counseling.

Renee had chosen Phil. Again.

"No," I said softly. "I don't want to have anything to do with her."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. "She chose him. Every time she let him hurt me, she chose him, and even after he almost killed me she still wanted him more than me." I swallowed hard. "I don't think I should have to forgive her for that."

"You're right," he said softly. "You shouldn't have to. But if that's your decision, please be happy with it." He brushed his fingertips along my jaw. "I want so badly for you to be happy."

I smiled, feeling warmed by his words. "I'm happy. I'm marrying you tomorrow. It's impossible for me not to be the happiest girl in the world."

He gathered me up in his arms and pulled me onto his lap, holding me protectively. "I love you, angel," he breathed. "I love you so much."

I laid my head on his shoulder. "Even though I'm a total head case?" I asked, sliding one hand up to grip the back of his neck.

He just smiled and stroked my hair. "I wouldn't change a thing."


	111. Love You Till the End

Banner by IllicitWriter

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**Carlisle Cullen's Point of View**

_Isabella Cullen._

I mouthed the name to myself, trying it out on my tongue and feeling very satisfied with how very  _right_  it seemed. My Bella was always meant to be a Cullen.

I was sitting at the desk in my study, staring at the newly-rearranged paintings on the wall in front of me without really seeing them. My attention was on my fiancée, and on the girls who were hovering over her in the bedroom down the hall, getting her ready for the wedding ceremony. There wasn't much to get ready, to be honest. One benefit of waiting until after her change to be married was that vampire beauty required minimal enhancement. But the women wouldn't be denied their fun, and they were fussing over her dress and pinning rosebuds in her hair.

I heard Bella laugh and I smiled to myself. There was no more beautiful sound in the world than her bright, bubbling laugh.

All of this still didn't feel quite real. It was less than a year ago that I sat in this very spot, marveling at the way one little girl could so complicate my life. It hadn't occurred to me that it was only the beginning. My little Isabella had rearranged all of my priorities, and had then gone on to upset the entire vampire social structure . . . and she was only seventeen years old.

I glowed with pride over her. She was special, there was no doubt about that. I couldn't wait to see what she would do next.

I heard Edward's step approaching, and I smiled.  _Come in_ , I invited him silently. If anything could make this moment of exquisite anticipation better, it was the company of my dearest friend.

Edward stepped through the door and closed it behind him. "Are you ready for this, old man?" he asked, flopping down in a chair across the desk from me.

"I've been ready for this for a very long time."

"They're settled downstairs. It's about time to get started."

I could hear the restless crowd in the yard below. The guest list was a bit larger than we had originally expected it to be, due mostly to the increased size of the Quileute pack. All of the wolves had been invited today, along with any family members or imprints who were aware of our secret. The Denali coven had arrived early this morning, and of course, Charlie's delegation was in attendance.

"Tanya and Demetri made it back, then?" I asked, sifting through the voices downstairs to see if I could pick out either of them.

Edward smirked and nodded. "About a half hour ago."

Tanya and Demetri had taken a quick liking to one another. They weren't mates by any stretch of the imagination, but not long after Tanya and her family arrived, she and Demetri had disappeared into the trees, seeking privacy. Demetri's reputation for having a girl in every port was still holding strong.

Edward was looking at me expectantly. "Not getting cold feet, are you?"

I laughed at the absurdity of the notion. "Of course not, Edward. I'm just savoring these moments."

He rose and gestured toward the door. "Savor them downstairs, would you? The girls won't let Bella out of the bedroom until you're down there waiting for her."

I chuckled and stood, rounding the desk and heading out the door. Edward fell into step beside me, one hand gripping my shoulder as we moved down the steps and out into the back yard.

Alice had completely transformed the area. Brightly-colored roses bloomed everywhere, adorning every available space. Round tables had been set up throughout the yard, and for now the chairs at the tables were all turned to face on direction. Alice had left an aisle running between them, lined with more lush bunches of roses, and at the front of the aisle, Jacob waited.

As the tribe's new Chief, it was Jacob who would be performing the wedding ceremony today. Due to his age he still had to have any legal acts co-signed by his father, and Billy was already settled on the front row, ready to lend any assistance necessary.

The atmosphere was a casual, friendly one. Most of the Quileutes had chosen to run here today, and cut-offs and simple sun dresses were the standard attire—even for Jacob. A few people had dressed a bit more carefully, but even I was clad informally in a pair of khaki slacks and a white linen shirt with an open collar and sleeves rolled to my elbows. Bella had been adamant that this should be a simple, casual affair, and Alice had happily complied.

Edward walked with me to the front of the aisle, then clapped me on the back. "I'm happy for you, Carlisle," he said. Then with a crooked grin, he added, "And you're welcome."

I raised an eyebrow.  _Taking credit for this, are you?_

"You know you couldn't have done it without me." He grinned at me, then jogged back to the house and pulled open the back doors, slipping inside to take his place at the piano.

Jacob called everyone to order, and our guests took seats at the tables. Esme, Alice, Rosalie, and Renata all extracted themselves from Bella's room and joined us, and then Edward began playing the piano inside. The gentle sounds of the piece he had composed for Bella drifted out to us, and I closed my eyes, remembering with fondness the days after I had first met her, when I was so desperate for any little scrap of news that Edward could bring me.

Jacob slugged my shoulder. "Open your eyes, you're missing your own wedding."

I complied, watching as Quil led little Claire to the beginning of the aisle and gave her a little push. She beamed around at the crowd as she walked the path, scattering rose petals across the grass, and I smiled. Bella hadn't been interested in a traditional procession, but Claire had so quickly wormed her way into all of our hearts that we added this in just so she could be a part of things. She flashed me a precocious smile as she reached me, and then dropped her basket of petals and ran back down the aisle, throwing herself into Quil's arms.

"I did it, Quil!" she crowed triumphantly.

He laughed and heaved her up onto one shoulder, carrying her back to their table. "You sure did!" he whispered excitedly. "You did a great job!"

The music continued to play, and I turned my eyes back to the house. I looked through the glass wall and saw Bella appear at the top of the stairs, clutching Charlie's arm. She smiled at him as he guided her down the staircase and out the door.

She was breathtaking. She wore a simple yellow gown that bared her arms and fell to her knees in soft, gauzy folds. Her thick mahogany curls had been left loose around her shoulders, and a wreath of yellow rosebuds circled the crown of her head.

I was quite sure I had never seen anything so beautiful.

Her eyes met mine and her smile grew, her face brightening with love and joy. It overwhelmed me to think that it was me who made her light up that way.

Charlie gazed down at her, the picture of a proud father. I could still see a hint of anxiety in his eyes, but that was only to be expected. Charlie, like any loving father, would always worry about his daughter. He would always be checking up on me to make sure I was treating her well, and he would always be ready to use that exceptional talent of his to punish me if I wasn't.

The two of them stepped into the morning sunlight, and the refracted beams lit Bella's face, gleaming so brightly that everything else seemed swathed in darkness. The rest of the world fell away, and all I could see, all I could hear, all I could smell, was my beautiful girl.

Charlie escorted Bella down the aisle, accompanied by Edward's piano playing, and then they were in front of me. I reached out, and Charlie guided Bella's hand to my own, symbolically shifting to me the responsibility for her well-being. I smiled down at her, gazing into her warm eyes, barely noticing when Charlie drifted back to take a seat next to Billy.

I was in awe of her. She was the most exquisite creature ever to walk the earth, and by some miracle, she had chosen me to be the man on whom she bestowed her love. I was truly blessed.

"You're beautiful, Bella," I whispered, raising a hand to brush her cheek. "You shine so brightly that you put the very sun to shame."

She gazed shyly up at me. "I can't be half as beautiful as you."

Jacob cleared his throat pointedly, drawing our attention. "Would you two quit running your mouths? It's  _my_  turn to talk."

Bella giggled, and we dutifully turned toward Jacob, allowing him to begin the ceremony.

"Dearly beloved," he said solemnly, "and all of you that we don't really like all that much, but felt obligated to invite anyway—Ow!"

Bella had cut him off by kicking his leg, and he glowered at her.

"Bella, you're not supposed to kick the officiant," he admonished severely.

"You're not supposed to tell our friends we don't like them."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Fine. Everybody's beloved. Are you happy?"

"Yes, thank you," Bella said sweetly.

Jacob grinned. "We are gathered here today in the presence of the bastard upstairs—"

"Jacob Black," I said sharply, "if you blaspheme during my wedding ceremony, I will have your hide for a rug."

" _Touchy._ Fine. We are gathered in the presence of God and/or the Great Spirit, to join this leech," he gestured to me, "and this parasite," he indicated Bella, "in holy matrimony."

Bella giggled.

"Or anyway," Jacob added, "as holy as matrimony gets when you're marrying hell-spawn."

Bella's musical laughter sounded again, and she moved close to me, hugging my arm. I was glad she was amused. I was enjoying Jacob's playfulness, so very much like Ephraim's, but if it was ruining the moment for her, I would insist on more gravity from him.

"If any of you know of any reason why these two should not be married, speak now so Carlisle can have you murdered and we can get on with it." He scanned the crowd. "Nobody? Seriously? Felix, what about you? I know you've been checking Bella out whenever Carlisle's not looking."

Felix cleared his throat uncomfortably from one of the back tables. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Anybody else?" Jacob prompted. " _Anybody?_ "

Bella kicked him again.

"Ow! Bella, would you quit that?"

"I will if you quit trying to get people to object to my marriage," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"Fine. They're a bunch of cowards anyway. Now, you guys have vows or some shit, don't you?"

I nodded, unable to keep back a smile. I turned to Bella, pulling my arm from her grasp, but taking both of her hands in mine.

"Isabella Swan," I murmured, my adoration for her pouring out in my voice, "I come before you today in the sight of God to offer you all that is truly mine to give: my heart. I ask that you take this heart in the spirit with which it is given, freely and unconditionally, without reservation."

Bella gazed at me, her eyes full of light and love. "Carlisle Cullen," she breathed. "I accept your offer and give you my heart in return, freely and unconditionally, without reservation. I cherish your love, and dedicate myself to you."

I squeezed her fingers lovingly, gazing into her face.

"Those vows sucked."

Bella's head whipped around to glare at Jacob. "Excuse me?"

"You didn't even promise anything. There's a reason they're called  _vows_ , you know."

The corners of my mouth quirked up in amusement. "It was a declaration of love, Jacob."

He fixed me with a pointed look. "You're marrying my best friend. You'd sure as hell better be making her some decent promises."

I laughed softly, turning to Bella. "Something more traditional, then?"

She nodded, smiling radiantly.

I brought her fingers to my lips for a brief kiss. "I, Carlisle Cullen, take you, Isabella Swan, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, to love, honor and cherish—"

"And obey," Jacob broke in.

"And obey," I conceded with a smile, "for the rest of eternity. And hereto I pledge to you my faithfulness."

Bella's eyes sparkled. "I, Isabella Swan, take you, Carlisle Cullen, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, to love, honor and cherish—"

"And order around," Jacob interrupted.

Bella ignored him. "For the rest of eternity. And hereto I pledge to you my faithfulness."

I released her right hand and reached into my breast pocket, withdrawing the wedding band that completed the engagement ring I had given her. I slid it into place on her finger, giving her one more token of my love for her. "With this ring," I said softly, "I thee wed."

Bella looked to Jacob, who produced my wedding band from the pocket of his shorts, and she slipped it onto my finger. "With this ring, I thee wed," she whispered reverently.

I raised my hand and cupped her cheek, leaning forward to press my lips to hers, but Jacob stopped us, clearing his throat loudly.

"You guys have to wait until I say."

Bella kicked him.

"Ow! Damn it, Bella, if you don't quit kicking me I'm going to stop this whole thing now, and you'll be stuck being, like, half married or some shit."

Bella countered quickly. "If you don't hurry up and finish this ceremony so I can kiss Carlisle, I won't let you have any food."

His jaw dropped open in shock. "You wouldn't  _dare_  withhold food."

"Don't test me, little boy," she said, narrowing her eyes.

Jacob snapped his jaw shut. "Fine. I now pronounce you bloodsucker and mate."

I shook my head, trying to suppress a laugh. "Jacob, you have to at least do this part right. It's the pronouncement that makes the marriage legitimate."

He sighed heavily. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. Happy?"

I turned back to Bella, gazing down into her lovely face. "Blissfully," I whispered.

"All right, you two can suck face now," Jacob said grudgingly. "But keep it G-rated, huh? There are children present."

I reached out and drew Bella's small body into my arms, pressing her against me. "Isabella Cullen," I whispered softly, for her ears only.

She shivered against me and tilted her head back, her full, perfect lips parted in a clear invitation. I was more than eager to accept it and I leaned down and captured her mouth with my own, letting my tongue taste her sweet flavor. Bella moaned softly, her hands sliding up my chest, over my shoulders, and up the back of my neck to tangle in my hair. Our tongues danced together ardently, needfully, demanding and promising. I pressed my hands flat against her back, pressing her closer, feeling the gauzy fabric of her dress under my fingertips.

"All right, all right, that's at least PG," Jacob interrupted, waving his hand. "Save it for later when the rest of us don't have to watch."

I released Bella and took her hands again, holding them in my own. "I love you," I mouthed silently.

"I love you," she mouthed back.

"All you beloved people," Jacob announced to the guests, "I present to you, Dr. and Mrs. Fang."

We turned to face our friends, hands clasped together, and were met with applause and loud whistles. Bella ducked her head bashfully, but she was laughing giddily and her face shone with happiness as her skin glittered in the sunlight.

For the next couple of hours I barely took notice of anything other than Bella. Alice and Esme served brunch and we moved around the yard, mingling with our guests, but my attention was riveted on my bride. I was savoring every beautiful moment of this day, enjoying the way she chattered easily with Demetri and Felix, the way she teased playfully with the Quileutes. I watched the animated play of emotions across her beautiful face, the way she absently wound a lock of her hair around one finger, and the way her sweet lips curled into a smile as she matched Edward volley for volley in a verbal battle.

I admired the gentle sway of her hips when she walked, and the way her dress draped over her curves. She had my full attention each time she lowered herself into a chair and her skirt rode up to expose just a tiny, tantalizing glimpse of her glittering thighs. I looked on hungrily as the breeze blew back her hair, revealing the graceful line of her neck. But my undoing was the way her pert nipples pebbled subtly beneath the thin fabric of her dress.

She was in the middle of a conversation with Leah and Seth Clearwater when my patience ran out. I pulled her back against my chest, wrapping my arms around her slender waist and splaying my hands over her abdomen.

"Isabella Cullen," I whispered in her ear, pausing just a moment to let my tongue trace her earlobe, "I believe I once promised you that, when you were strong enough, I would make love to you over and over again for days on end.

A shiver ran through her body as her hands moved to cover mine. "I do recall something like that, yes."

"The sooner we leave," I told her, "the sooner we can get started on that."

I heard her swallow hard. "I think we're done here," she said, her voice trembling slightly.

I released her, taking a step to the side. To our guests I said loudly, "I would like to thank you all for coming today to celebrate with us. Please stay as long as you'd like, and if you need anything, I'm sure Edward and Esme will be more than willing to accommodate you." I smiled. "I, however, have plans for my wife for the next two weeks, and I'm quite eager to get started on them."

Low laughter rippled through the gathered crowd.

I took Bella's hand and pulled her close, then leaned down and caught her up in my arms. Several of our friends cheered, and I started around the house with my girl, heading toward the Mercedes parked out front.

Suddenly, the air was alive with an explosion of little white pellets as the Quileute boys began pelting us with rice. They threw handful after handful, hitting us both with all their strength, and Bella laughed gleefully and ducked her head against my chest to protect herself from the storm.

It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

I settled her into the car and endured a moment more of the thick storm of rice while I rounded the car and slid in beside her. I smiled at her, my heart swelling with the love and adoration I held for my wife.

My wife.

I had never loved that word like I did now. Isabella Cullen, my  _wife_.

I frowned at her over the center console, displeased by how far away she was. "This will never do," I said with a disapproving shake of my head. I shifted my seat back and reached out a hand to her.

She smiled brightly and slid across the console into my lap, leaning her back against the door and wrapping an arm around my neck. "You're right, this is much better."

I pressed a hand to her cheek and pulled her down for a kiss, flicking her tongue teasingly with my own. A cheer sounded outside, and several hands pounded on the car.

I pulled back laughing. "Angel, I think we'd better get out of here before my car ends up irreparably damaged."

Bella giggled and nuzzled my neck as I fired the engine. I started down the gravel drive, beginning the journey to Vancouver and two glorious weeks of passionate lovemaking with my girl. Sparing one final look back at the gathering of well-wishers behind us, I started us on our way, with a gold ring on my finger and my Happily Ever After wrapped securely in my arms.


End file.
